I like the twist detail to this simple v-neck dress from Liz Lange (also available in “fresh melon”). It looks flattering, versatile, and basic — the kind of thing you could wear once a week (or more) with different accessories. It’s $27.99, available in sizes XS-XXL. Target Liz Lange Maternity V-Neck Dress
Psst: This week, I thought I’d try breaking up the fashion recommendations rather than posting them all at once — feel free to use all of these threads to comment on the pick or threadjack away. Happy Monday, ladies!
I have a LL dress from Target from my last pregnancy that is similar to this. I’ve pulled it out again this pregnancy. I still love it! I also love LL t-shirts and tanks that are not ruched (just extra long). They are great for pregnancy and for wearing around afterwards.
Wearing this dress in black today with a gold necklace & black pumps/ black jacket to my business casual law office (skews suits but suits not required). It feels a touch beachy. At 24 weeks, I’m not so big that I get the pregnancy dispensation. Think I gotta put it away for a few weeks at least. Too summery for October?
hoola hoopa says
I like it, but had the same thought that it’s too lightweight for cooler months. The style would be cute with tights and boots, but my experience with thin knits is that they don’t do well with tights. Then we’re talking maternity slip, which is further than I want to go.
I have this in the “fresh melon” color and I get complimented every time I wear it. I don’t consider it nice enough for work (it’s a thin knit) but in black I think it might be, depending on office.
(former) preg 3L says
I had my first [email protected] fitting at n0rdstr0m this weekend and I just want to thank all of the ladies on thissite who recommended it because I had a fantastic experience!! I knew my 36B [email protected] weren’t the right fit (now that I’m nursing) but I never expected to be a 32DDD! What a difference. Also I am having my new [email protected] converted to nursing [email protected] at no extra charge (at n0rdstr0m) so I was able to pick the most comfortable underwire ones.
By “convert” your old bras: do you mean they’re performing an alteration on them so the cups snap or something? I never thought of this as an option, but would definitely look into it if I’m understanding you correctly.
(former) preg 3L says
Yes they are adding clips to the shoulder straps — but only to the new [email protected] that I purchased. I have no idea if they would convert old ones. Also I’m happy to report back on the quality once I pick them up after the alteration.
Yes, I had that done as well. The bra shop I went to did it for free, but I moved before giving birth so I took them in to a tailor. Super simple to do.
Thank you both! This is good to know.
I have this dress in the melon color and it is great for summer casual wear. I agree, however, that the fabric is a little too casual for me for work attire.
Anyone know if Boden is discontinuing their maternity collection? Haven’t seen anything but leggings available the past couple weeks.
hoola hoopa says
On a similar note, did Zara drop it’s maternity line? I can’t find it on their website, but I could have sworn that they used to have one.
Just found out at my ultrasound that my twins are both boys. I was really hoping for girls as there is a lot of autism on my mom’s side of the family and I’m really worried about that issue – i’ve seen how hard it can be first hand.
I was hesitate to post here because I know some commenters have struggled with infertility and I know I ‘should’ feel happy that the babies are healthy (and of course I am!) – I just really don’t want two boys — not the family I envisaged at all — any suggestions on how to get myself in a better headspace about this news?
So anon for this says
I was absolutely devastated when I found out that I was expecting a boy. All of the boys I knew (nephews, friend’s kids, etc.) were out of control hellions that I dreaded being around. I know my husband was devastated too, because we only want one child, and both envisioned having a girl.
That being said, my feelings resolved around 25 weeks pregnant. I had a couple of weeks were I was slightly depressed and would fight back tears when I saw people walking around with their baby girls. When my sister told me she was pregnant with a girl, I did have a slight meltdown. However, I found that choosing a name, decorating the nursery, etc. made me more comfortable with the idea of a boy. Now, with three weeks to go…I cannot wait to meet him!
Did you read the Motherlode blog in the news round-up from last week about “Boys will be Boys”? I thought it was going to be about the dynamic you mentioned (“All the boys I knew (nephews, friend’s kids, etc.) were out of control hellions that I dreaded being around.”) which is how I feel as well, but that was… not the focus of the article. It did seem to be the focus of the comment section, however! I just cannot understand that phenomenon. My husband and I are bound and determined to have a “different” kind of boy than most of those we know.
So anon for this says
I did not, but now I will.
My husband and I are both determined to have a “different” boy as well. I feel so much better, because I thought we were the only two people in the universe who dreaded having a boy.
Loving all these posts about all kinds of boys. My husband is, to me, very manly – broad shoulders, played with firecrackers as a kid, likes to fish. He’s also a feminist and we love teaching our son about nonviolence and kindness, while also indulging in lightsaber fights and woodchip collections. When my son saw my Alumnae Quarterly from my 7 sister college, he asked where the boys were, and cried when I told him that boys can’t go to my college, because we’d told him that boys and girls can do everything the same. Now he invites the girls in his kindergarten to play soccer, and he still plays with his stuffed animals. All kinds of boys, all kinds of people.
So anon also says
Yep. Two boys for us also, devastated both times (I was, at least). It’s ok to mourn the loss of the life you envisaged for yourself – it took me a while to realize I could without betraying the baby in my womb. I still get a little teary eyed when I think of all that braiding I’ll never do.
I have two boys, and while I did not have a breakdown when I found out their gender, I was definitely disappointed. The disappointment was much briefer the second time since I already knew what to expect. The reality is that life with boys or girls is actually really similar. A lot of what you expect with gender is stereotypical. I am teaching my older son to cook, and he loves going on Target runs. The younger one is a big cuddler (still too young to have a lot of personality traits). While my boys will probably never want to dress up, they will still want to play picnic (a different name for tea party) and draw on their bodies with my makeup. I think the best advice is to not have expectations about what “boys” will be like and instead get to know your individual kids.
I have two boys and I’ll be honest, I wanted boys and was happy that’s what I had. I know if I ever get pregnant again and find out I’m having a girl, I would feel the same way you’re feeling.
That being said, little kid personalities span a very broad spectrum. My oldest boy (2.5) loves singing, playing musical instruments, dancing, basically anything to do with music, putting on my necklaces and telling me how pretty they are, and helping me with his little brother. My younger boy (i year old) is busy and more typically “boy-ish” in that he’s into everything, climbing everything, and can’t keep still. I don’t think that’s because of his gender, I think that’s just his personality. I know a lot of crazy busy and active little girls that climb, etc., as well. All that to say that you never know what to expect from your kids as individuals.
And finally, some encouragement that watching my two boys play and become friends, and watching how much they’re learning to love having each other around, is one of the best parts of parenting. I think that would be true regardless of gender.
*hugs* I was *sure* when I got pregnant that it was twins, and when we found out it was just one baby I was really disappointed (I even asked the ultrasound tech where the other baby was – she was so confused). But knowing that it was only one baby in advance gave me time to imagine the new life I would be having, and let me be really intentional about finding reasons to celebrate my singleton. And now that she’s here, I find myself relishing the quiet times alone with her and my ability to dote on her alone.
Also, have you looked at the Mommyshorts blog? She ran a bunch of photos hashtagged “likeaboy.” I was a little torn about the message (that these gender-bending pictures were so notable that they needed a promotional post), but it’s really cute. Babies are pretty genderless for a while anyway; I tend to forget that my daughter is a girl and just think of her as “the baby.”
I have a 2 year old boy who loves reading books; is the slowest kid in his soccer class (he gets distracted by everything!); and is incredibly cautious about physical activity – he would have walked long before he eventually did, but he seemed really scared to just get going, and how he’s the same way with climbing on stuff. He does love to run around and yell, but that’s all 2 year olds in my experience, not just boys. He has gravitated towards “boy” toys with little encouragement from us, and is obsessed with cars/trucks/planes/trains, but he also plays kitchen while I cook and occassionally plays with baby dolls – feeding, diapering, etc. I think a lot has to do with his preschool enviroment, which takes a very gender neutral approach to toys, but also, it’s just his personality. He’s loud and boisterous – he’s already trying to make jokes, which is so cute – but he’s not super physically nuts, if that makes sense. Even as an infant, his day care workers commented on how focused he could be on a single task (rare for any small kid). Both my parents and my husband’s parents comment that we were similar as little kids. I think genetics have more to do with personality than I ever thought before having a kid.
It might help you to take a look at the blog A Cup of Jo. She has two boys and they appear to have a really sweet dynamic going. It might just help to give you a different vision of what your family will be like.
I will admit to a total breakdown when I found out I was having a boy. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t want a boy, it was more that I really felt (felt – not hoped) as though I was having a girl. When I found out that wasn’t the case, it actually felt a little bit like the kind of loss I’d recently had with a miscarriage. Loss of that particular future, what I had also envisaged for our family, etc. As far as other dynamics at play, my older sister has two boys whom I love dearly, but that my husband and I find unpleasantly challenging lots of the time. Add on top of that my younger-sibling need to be different and unique from her and her experiences, plus a medical history of a disease that is also more prominent in males: I was a sobbing basket case. So my point in all this is – you’re not the only one who’s ever felt this way, most people just don’t talk about it or own up to the feeling.
As for how to get on board with the news, my husband was really good about insulating me from the “No! Don’t cry! What’s important is that it’s a healthy baby!” reaction from our families (and FWIW, he would have been thrilled with either gender outcome). Sometimes when other people would ask what we were having I’d answer honestly, other times I’d just say we didn’t know yet. I found lots of folks would say some version of “Oh! Little boys love their mamas!” which I found unhelpful (I love my own mother dearly and feel like this is a slight to the mother-daughter bond). Envisioning the baby as a little, physical version of my husband (those eyes, the hair, etc.) really helped.
Honestly, it just took time, but I can truly say that now, 7 months into it, I’m looking forward to meeting the little guy. I don’t know if this has helped you at all, but I would offer that it’s useful to feel how you feel, and then give your self time to move on from there.
So anon for this says
This! Everyone always tells me “Little boys love their mamas!”, but I was looking forward to sharing a mother-daughter bond. My mother and I are extremely close and I was so devastated that I would not be able to experience that.
Meg Murry says
I was a little sad when I found out my first was a boy, not girl – mostly because I just have no experience with boys, and I’d always dreamed of having a girl. My second was a surprise (he didn’t cooperate in the ultrasound, and we didn’t have a medical reason to have another ultrasound or think it was worth it to pay for a private one). I kept reminding myself that it could be a boy and trying to make myself ok with that (and want it for all the practical reasons, like we already have boys clothes). But deep down, I was hoping for a girl, especially since it was probably our last baby. So when he was born, I was happy to meet him, but I was mourning my “lost” girl as well – which probably didn’t help my borderline PPD either.
One thing that helped a little was to mentally “retire” the names I had picked out for a girl. If for some reason we have another baby and its a girl, I don’t think I could use any of those names – its like they were already taken by my phantom girl baby. Who I still mourn a little, in the abstract – the fact that I’m probably never going to have my baby girl, or even worse, an adult daughter. But I try to remind myself that a girl might not turn out much like me at all (I don’t really know how I’d handle a “girly” girl – I never was one), and that a girl might not be closer to me just by virtue of her gender.
And then I try to be nicer to my MIL who also only had boys, in the hope that karma will give me a good DIL someday, and not so much one like me that tends to unconsciously prefer her mother over MIL …
Sorry for the ramble, but yes, put me down as someone who was very sad to have a boy instead of my imagined girl (although I love him to pieces now!)
“And then I try to be nicer to my MIL who also only had boys, in the hope that karma will give me a good DIL someday, and not so much one like me that tends to unconsciously prefer her mother over MIL …”
Even if you have a great relationship with your MIL, I think this is probably inevitable. I have a fantastic relationship with my mom, and I really get along well with my MIL, but I will never be as close with her as I am with my mom (and I don’t think she’d expect me to be). You can’t erase the effects of 30+ years of a relationship.
I was really surprised when my own Mom said she wouldn’t stay in my home right after the baby comes, if it meant my in-laws had to stay in a hotel (which is inevitable – we only have one guest room). She said she felt it was rude to my MIL and she had too many other friends who, as the paternal grandmother, felt like they had a little bit less access/claim to/weren’t as involved in the new grandbaby.
I was viewing it from the standpoint of: who am I going to want helping me to the bathroom – my Mom or my MIL? I agree it’s not reasonable to look at the two relationships the same, no matter how close (or not) I feel to my MIL. My Mom is my mom – no one else is.
The first month is about taking care of the new mom – and it makes sense that you would want your own mother for that. Babies that little are hardly even aware you are there, and will be sleeping 20 hours a day. Ask your mom to come stay with you to take care of /you/, and make sure both she and MIL know that. Then invite both sets of parents for a later visit – after 5-6 weeks – where they can actually spend time with and interact with the baby.
Meg Murry says
Oh, I agree that its natural to be closer to my mom than my MIL. What I probably should have said was that I am trying to make an effort to not always favor my mom over my MIL – especially when it comes down to things like access to my kids. I’m pretty sure she understood things like me rather having my mom in the delivery room but not her, or my mom being more hands on with helping me after childbirth or b-feeding. I’m just trying to be more sensitive after realizing that someday I could be her as the MIL, and trying to put myself in her shoes – and then letting the grandkids spend the night at her house, or going shopping with her, or other things that I prefer to do with my mom, but that I know make her happy.
Meg Murry says
Nanny related threadjack –
For those of you that have nannies and pay them on the books, do you use a service to do the paperwork for you? A friend is looking into hiring a nanny but is totally overwhelmed by the tax rules and paperwork. I know one nanny that gets paid via software by NannyPay. What do the rest of you use? Software? A payroll service through the same place you hired your nanny? A private accountant?
PS – Kat this could make a good “Tales from the Wallet” post for C-Moms, in my opinion
Yes, this really could be a great topic! I don’t have a nanny yet, but I’m amazed by how many different answers I’ve gotten when asking around.
So I know that there are services that will handle all the paperwork and payroll. But when we spoke to our tax professional, they said that all we *needed* to do was complete a 1099 at the end of the year. So we’d just have to keep track of how much we pay and submit one form to IRS in Dec. You don’t need to set yourself up with a special employer tax id or figure out payroll taxes. Apparently there is a website that will do it (including sending to IRS) for $3-4, but it sounded like something I could easily handle myself. Nanny is themselves responsible for then using that 1099 on their own taxes. I’ve been on the receiving end of a 1099 for (non-nanny) contract work, and it’s easy peasy.
Since we aren’t in occupations where we’re concerned about potential ramifications such as disbarment or dirty laundry in public elections, our primary concern is just not getting hit with a fine by the IRS. So YMMV.
There are a bunch of different reasonable services. Intuit has a TurboTax but for nanny payments. It works about as well as TurboTax. It doesn’t provide advice on labor law–I found it useful to do a bit of research on my state’s rules. I would like to send encouragement to your friend–it’s a pain to figure out the rules and get set up (even with a service), but it’s worth it to do the right thing and it gets much easier after set up. Also, it’s worth calling one’s insurance agent to find out if any additional insurance is needed.
I agree, this would be a great “tales from the wallet” discussion.
We used a payroll service called NannyChex, which we really liked. I want to say it ended up being about $500 for the whole year, split between quarterly payments and an end-of-year filing fee. They handled all the paperwork and mailed us a paycheck and paystub every week. I believe they also will do direct deposit, but our nanny preferred checks.
We tried to do payroll ourselves with Quickbooks at first, but it was such a headache! Neither my husband nor I are tax pros or accountants, and it was just a LOT to wade through without much guidance. When we switched over to the service, even though we thought we’d done things correctly, a lot needed to be straightened out that first quarter. We kind of figured we could replicate it ourselves the second year after the initial legwork was done and we had a model, but that became a moot point.
Re the 1099, everything I read said nannies are not and should not be considered independent contractors. You actually have to set yourself up as an employer and pay your share of the employer taxes (and get workers comp insurance, if your state requires it). Until I sat down and did the math, I didn’t realize how much more than her salary we were going to pay for the nanny. Employer taxes + insurance + payroll service added about 25% to our cost. It was a glorious day when we got a call for a spot in daycare.
I haaaaaaate pumping.
That’s all. Carry on.
Amen, sister. Pumping at work is hell.
hoola hoopa says
Yep yep yep. Empathy coming your way!
I love the new format! I never quite got caught up on when things were posted over here, so I didn’t check too often. But I’m very excited that there will be daily posts, at least for this week! Thank you!
Anon TTC Vent says
So husband and I are ready to start TTC, but because of crazy work travel issues, have been in an extended ‘prep mode’. This is going to be a vent (feel free to ignore) because I really can’t share this with anyone but my husband, and he’s so wonderfully laid back he just tells me to relax and go with the flow.
I have spent more than a decade trying so hard to not get pregnant that I feel like it should just happen without any work. Instead, I find myself tracking CM, peeing on little paper thingies and my husband has a spreadsheet with my cycle on it. I am really trying to take my husband’s advice and relax, but my internal Type-A overachieving self is not doing great with this. I know that people love the book ‘Taking Charge of Your Fertility’, but part of me wishes that I’d not read anything or prepped at all and just let it happen. Also, for professional and health reasons, we are hoping to time the birth within a six month window, but husband’s work travel means that we have basically 2 months that would result in this.
I also keep telling myself, ‘If you think this losing control is bad, wait until you have a kid.’ This perpetuates the stress which gets the cycle going again.
Any advice? Commiseration? Way to get my brain to snap out of it.
(former) preg 3L says
I’ve been right there with you. We wanted to time the birth within a 3 month window because of the bar exam and because I didn’t want to show during my summer associateship (so we couldnt start trying earlier). FWIW, I just wish I had enjoyed the pre-pregnancy days a bit more. Since I’m nursing, my body still belongs (largely) to my daughter, so I can’t do things I used to be able to, like eat dairy products or drink. Having a baby is so wonderful but you really lose some autonomy. Of course, you can choose to use formula instead and that would give you your body back sooner than I’m choosing, but regardless, it’s at least 9 months. Try to find a way to enjoy the freedom you have now (pre-pregnancy) and take a photo of your belly pre-stretch marks. I also have stretch marks on my b00bs. Good luck!!
Maybe just ‘cut back’ for a cycle or two. Especially if you already have a rough idea of what your fertile days are, you could just wing it for a month or so.
I’m an admitted control freak. Add in my science background, age (over 35), and weird cycles, and I was sucked into tracking my cycles as soon as we decided to go for it. It was interesting for a few months — it was good to find out that I actually ovulated and had a consistent, if normal cycle. And then after about 5-6 months I needed a break, so I got much more lazy with temperature taking and peeing on things, but kept an eye on it anyway. Of course, that was the month I did get pregnant, but I really don’t think it had anything to do with being more relaxed.
I was right there with you when we first started TTC. It took several months and I was making myself miserable. Eventually, I put everything else away, and bought one of those $150 fertility monitors that tracks both your estrogen and your LH, so it gives you a 4-5 day window to try. I just did what the monitor told me to do and stopped tracking everything else, and I was finally able to truly let go of the process.
I think Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a great and useful book, but for Type A, list-making, spread-sheet tracking women like us, it can make you go crazy!
I’d love to purchase this dress, but it’s only available in XS, XL and XXL on their site right now. So good luck if you are S, M or L. The Target in Brooklyn, which is the closest one to me, NEVER has the color and size combo for clothes I desire. I really want to get some maternity items from LL but am disheartened that they can’t even keep the stock on their site so I’m not even sure it is worth the trip to an actual store. Oh Target.