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Looking around online it seems like there are a million things that I would not have wanted to wear while pregnant. Midi skirts that require heels to look good (and the big buzzer goes UNNNNHHHHH)! Skin-tight dresses requiring super Spanx (UNNHHH)! Jogger track pants (UNNNNHHH) — at least when I was pregnant I didn’t need any help feeling schlubby! My favorite: a zillion plaid flannels, which might be cute for a chill option on the weekend, but many stores have like 8-10 styles to fully outfit the pregnant lumberjack. (Unnnnnnh.) This simple top looks nice — it’s cut loosely but not tunic-and-leggings loose; you can wear it with jeans or trousers, and you can layer the heck out of it in the winter, so if you’ll be pregnant into the possibly warm spring you have some options. There’s also a reddish version; both are $20-$22 at Old Navy, sizes XS-XXL. Maternity Printed Dolphin-Hem Top
Psst: Old Navy also has the print in regular and plus-size tunics.
(L-4)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Two Cents says
I’m looking for book recommendations for my 3 year old that for lack of a better phrase, are “wholesome” and encourage kind behavior. I checked out a number of books from the library yesterday and was dismayed at how many of them depict bratty kids — kids “hating’ their little sister, kids talking back to their parents, kids throwing food on the floor, etc. For reference, we love the books by Kieko Kasza (Ready for Anything, Lucky Day) and Julia Donaldson (Gruffalo’s Child and Superworm). Any suggestions?
HRHNYC says
My daughter loves Olivia and the Babies, and it is the sweetest book about being a big sister I’ve ever seen. Olivia gets so excited about all the compliments her mom gets about her baby brother that she wants to be a mommy, so she dresses up her pets as babies, and then helps her mom watch her baby brother. Totally sweet and encourages nice, non-bratty behavior about siblings. Not high quality literature, but I loved the message after so many books about children being jealous of little siblings.
Ro says
Is your kid in a daycare that can sign up for Scholastic? We built up a great library through there. You could also just search for books about brave kids, I’ve found some good recommendations through random library pages.
We got four books in the Hello Genius set (Little Lion Shares, Little Tiger Picks Up, Little Elephant Listens, Little Monkey Calms Down) and my 2.5 year old loves them.
We love the Andrea Beaty books, Rosie Revere Engineer and Iggy Peck Architect.
We just started chapter books. So we’re doing a few chapters each night of The Princess in Black books, and those seem to be a hit. If that goes well, we’re going to try some Roald Dahl books like The BFG.
Ro says
Sorry that wasn’t clear. The point of joining Scholastic was that each month, their “early childhood” flyer has a whole section on manners and social skills. We’ve ordered several of those and liked each one.
This month’s flyer has:
That’s What Friends are For by Julia Hubery
Monkey Manners Please/Thank You flip book by Lisa Kerr
When I’m Feeling… 4 Pack by Trace Moroney
Suppose You Meet A Dinosaur by Judy Sierra
anne-on says
What about the Dr. Seuss books – Horton, Yertle the Turtle, and Sneetches are all very community oriented. We also read a lot of Richard Scarry, and the Dinosaurs series (How Dinosaurs share, How Dinosaurs go to school, etc.) which are all about nice behaviors.
stc says
My kid also likes the dinosaur books but I feel like he fixates on the naughty things the dinosaurs do.
anon says
I love William Steig for that age – you could try Brave Irene.
Anon says
Henry in Love by Peter McCarty
Best Friends for Frances by Russell Hoban and Lillian Hoban (or any of the Frances books)
Frog and Toad books by Arnold Lobel
Officer Buckle and Gloria by Peggy Rathmann
I do love the How Do Dinosaurs series (my 18-mo old is obsessed right now) by Janet Yolen
I also really treasure the Kevin Henkes books (Owen, Chrysanthemum, Wemberly Worried, Julius the Baby of the World, Sheila Rae the Brave, Chester’s Way)
These are not my favorite, because they feel too didactic, but through Scholastic we’ve gotten a few Henry B. Wigglebottom books that deal with kids things (listening, being yourself, bullies)
Babyweight says
Frog and Toad! These are wonderful stories about how to be a good friend.
Bear Snores On is also a sweet book.
Picture book – The Good Dog, Carl series – dog acts as kid’s nanny and keeps kid out of trouble. No words, so lots of room to have discussion about what’s going on in the pictures.
Also, if your child watches TV, I suggest streaming PBS Kid’s Daniel Tiger. No bratty behavior. In fact, we almost exclusively watch PBS Kids b/c of the lack of name calling (“stupid”) and other bratty behavior.
We get a ton of recommendations from the children’s librarian at our library. Don’t overlook that resource.
In House Lobbyist says
I think the Bernstein Bears are a classic for good behaviors. I loved them when I was little and my kids seem to really like them now too.
anon says
We like the llama llama books. Same experience as stc with the dinosaur books.
Anon says
We love The Fire Cat, little blue truck, good night good knight, Richard scarry and more – what books did you have problems with out of curiosity?
Bassinet? says
I’m trying to figure out what baby is going to sleep in when it comes home. Options are 1) crib from the get-go, with us sleeping in the baby’s room (guest bed already in there) until we’re ready to move back to our own room; 2) bassinet in our room; 3) pack-and-play in our room. Real crib has already been purchased as it was a gift, so it’s not like we’ll be holding off on that purchase.
Everyone keeps telling me just to go the pack-and-play in our room route, but for some reason it just seems so big and bulky and iterative of the space that an actual crib takes up that I’m really resisting it. I know bassinets are somewhat silly as they can only be used for a few months, but it does look like they take up less space and some are on wheels, which might be nice for our one-story apartment (zoom zoom!).
Any advice? I want to minimize the amount of temporary stuff we have in the house, but also don’t want to make things more difficult then they need to be at what sounds like a crazy time.
Sfg says
Mine didn’t want the crib or pack n play initially – probably bc there was too much open space around her. We used a rock n play – cheap, she felt secure, it was relatively small and easy to move around as needed.
KJ says
You need a rock n play. They are inexpensive, don’t take up much room, and little babies love them because they are cozy, angled, and they rock. My daughter slept in the RNP in our room until she was about 2 months old.
POSITA says
We ended up using a Rock and Play in our room. It’s smaller than a PnP or bassinet and folds up during the day to slide out of the way. We used a crib for daytime naps to get her used to sleeping on a flat surface. It’s the opposite of what many do, but worked for us. It’s not like there is really a difference between nighttime and daytime sleep when they’re that little anyways.
anon says
We used a borrowed co-sleeper bassinet in our room for a week or two, and then moved the baby into his own room (still in the bassinet because we hadn’t put the crib together yet and didn’t get around to it until he was almost 4 months old). We also had a rock-n-play that we used for daytime if we had to put the baby down for a minute, and if I were going to do it again, I’d just use the rock-n-play for the first couple weeks. I might be nervous about using it longer term than that because it is slanted, so adjusting to a crib might become challenging, but take that with a grain of salt because I know a billion babies who have slept solely in a rock-n-play for months.
Amelia Bedelia says
Second (third, fourth?) the RNP. My child had severe reflux (which we later learned was caused by food allergies, but that is another story), and the RNP was the only thing she could even last for 45 minutes in for naps. It transported easily up and down our steps — so between living room for naps and bedroom for night). She stayed in it until about 2-3 months. We actually then transitioned to a co-sleeper. We received one hand-me-down from another mother (YAY!) and it was lovely. I nursed through the night and her bedroom is the size of a small closet, so the co-sleeper made it so much more manageable for night feedings. We didn’t transition her to a crib until 6 months. I think that is generally a bit late, but it worked for us and I was happy to have both items of “temporary” furniture for those first six months, even though our house is about 1250!
mascot says
Our guy slept in a cradle in our room for the first week and then we packed him off to the crib in his nursery. Newborns are really noisy sleepers (at least our was) and we were constantly waking each other up. We had a video monitor so we could see what he was up to. A rocking recliner in his room worked fine for sleepy feedings.
Anonymous says
Seconded. Our baby was in a pack and play, but we moved her to her crib in her own room because she was so loud she kept me up all night. The video monitor let me watch her breathe.
Also – everyone told us about the RNP and how babies don’t like to sleep on flat surfaces, but we decided to wait and see. Good thing we did because our baby will ONLY sleep on a flat surface – not the swing, bouncer, or car seat. Every baby is different. So try to get something used, as a hand me down, or keep it in returnable condition until you have a better idea that it’ll work for your particular baby.
Anon in NYC says
Does your stroller have a bassinet option? That’s what we did for the first 2 months until my daughter was too long to sleep in it. We would wheel the stroller into our bedroom. As a bonus, we could use it while walking around the neighborhood rather than dealing with the car seat/adapter, etc.
Babyweight says
+1 This was our solution, too.
Meg Murry says
I agree with either Rock & Play (which you could also take with you on car trips to visit family as easily/even easier than a P&P) or one of the smaller P&Ps – we were gifted the “Travel Lite” P&P, and liked that it was much smaller than the average P&P. That also meant it had a shorter overall useful life, but that was fine with us, since we were mainly using it for the first year. We then borrowed a larger hand-me-down for use when we visited family 1x-2x a year when kiddo was older.
And then the small P&P lived in our room as a laundry repository for a while, and then became the place where we stuck the 30,000 stuffed animals the kids were gifted.
The only reason I would say to go with a bassinet is if someone gives you their gently used one – the useful time for them is so short, so it’s pretty easy to get a hand-me-down.
Our small P&P was like this one, but in a different fabric. It does have 2 wheels, so you technically can roll it from room to room, but you have to tip it up to roll it – so you can’t roll it with baby in it. http://www.amazon.com/Graco-Travel-Lite-Stages-Manor/dp/B00HAZUJLI/
grey falcon says
You can also get a PnP with a bassinet attachment, which we have used and loved. It cuts down on the number of actual items. (If you do this, also get one with a changing table attached, so you don’t have to go anywhere else and it’s all in one place for the first few weeks/months.) Once the kiddo moves to his/her own crib, you remove the attachment and the PnP can function as a travel crib/baby jail/toy repository.
Pigpen's Mama says
That’s what we used for the first two months and she slept like a champ in it. It was snugly like the Rock N’ Play (which she napped in on our main level), but flat. She didn’t have reflux issues, so that was okay.
And now I miss those snugly newborn days…sigh.
Pigpen's Mama says
Oh, and the PnP is still in our room and where I put her if I’m showering when it’s just the two of us and she’s not asleep.
Lyssa says
We managed to warp the bassinet by storing too much stuff in it between kids, and it didn’t seem comfortable for #2, so she mainly slept in a travel bassinet for the first 8 weeks. (this one: http://www.amazon.com/BRICA-Fold-Go-Travel-Bassinet/dp/B004L2JJ6E/ref=sr_1_1?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1445872015&sr=1-1&keywords=travel+bassinet). So, that’s good option that is cheap and takes up very little room (and is handy if you happen to travel while LO is still teeny-tiny, too).
Thanks all! says
These responses are fantastic and really helpful. The Rock & Play sounds perfect for our needs and space, unless someone happens to gift us a bassinet, small P&P, or bassinet attachment for the stroller (winter baby, so we’re not sure we’re springing for a stroller before the snow melts). All the input is really appreciated!
Anon in NYC says
If you get the rock n’ play, make sure you get one with vibration. It was the only way my daughter would nap for months (she was strange and would sleep in the bassinet or her crib at night, but during the day would only nap in the RnP and only if the vibration was on).
MDMom says
Make sure you get the RNP sleeper. It the RNP bassinet…I made that mistake. The bassinet is a nice folding bassinet but it’s not inclined like the sleeper.
TK says
Speaking from experience – if you end up with a C-section, reaching down into the P&P might be problematic, as well as the long ‘lifting’ required to get upright (or even just to waist level) again. I agree with everyone else that rock and play is a great route – I loved that he could fall asleep in it in the living room, then we could just pick it up – baby and all – and bring him into the bedroom with us whenever we went to bed.
PregLawyer says
It’s interesting that so many people are pro RnP for overnight. I think it’s technically not approved for overnight sleep. But, sometimes it’s the only thing that works, I suppose.
If you haven’t gotten a stroller yet, look into the UppaBaby Vista. It comes with a bassinet that is rated for overnight sleep. You can get a frame that the bassinet sits in (instead of using the stroller) and the frame will transition into a two-bag laundry hamper. We used the bassinet for the first month and baby loved it. Slept like a pro. Then it was a really easy transition to the crib.
Bassinet? says
Does the Cruz have the bassinet option also? That’s the stroller we’re considering. You got me at the frame transitioning into a laundry hamper…
Anon in NYC says
I believe you can buy the bassinet for use with the Cruz. The Vista comes with it, but it’s an add-on for the Cruz.
Hi, my name is ______ says
Yes, I used the UppaBaby Vista bassinet attached to the stroller for the first couple of months and it was really great because you can just roll it out of the way. I am pregnant with my second and intend to use it like this again.
Babyweight says
I didn’t buy the stand. I just put the brakes on and would sometimes set the bassinet on the floor. It was a great set up.
Tunnel says
If you get a Pack N’ Play, I recommend getting one with a bassinet insert that is the full length of the PNP. It basically raises the floor of the PNP up to waist level (for as long as they cannot sit up). I was super sad the day we had to remove the bassinet level and I had to bend down all the way to put little one it. (FYI – We only use the PNP for naps. We used a bassinet for 3 months, and then transitioned LO into a crib in his own room.)
ChiLaw says
I was hesitant on the RNP for two reasons — the nurse facilitating my new moms class thought they were dangerous (based on no evidence that I could ascertain, just a gut thing), and I had friends who had *hell* transitioning out of them into a crib.
We ended up with a delightful thing by First Years called “The Close and Secure” sleeper because baby wouldn’t sleep unless she was close, and ah it was so cozy for the first few months. It lays on the bed between your pillows, but has hard edges to prevent you from rolling onto the baby. We called it her “sled” because it was that shape. Then when she outgrew it she transitioned to a Baby Home “Dream Cot” which was lovely and lasted her well for the first six months. I liked that it had a small footprint in our bedroom, and that it was easy to pack for travel. And now she’s in a crib. In her own room (yay!) (… but sometimes I lie in bed and miss having her in her sled between our pillows).
Anonymous says
The AAP is anti RNP which might explain the nurse facilitator’s stance.
More info here: http://kckidsdoc.com/dear-fisher-price.html
PinkKeyboard says
Maybe my RNP is old and less snazzy but it has a firm back and no enveloping stuff. It’s just a little inclined laying space with mesh sides. My baby turned her head both ways frequently in it. It actually made me feel better because she first rolled at 2 months but in the RNP she couldn’t flip herself over.
SC says
We used the Rock N Play for the first 2 months or so. Then we transitioned to a bassinet/co-sleeper in our room. Around 4 months we moved him to his crib in his room. We could have skipped the bassinet/co-sleeper stage, but it folds up, and we still use it for trips to friends’ or grandparents’ houses when we’ll be out past his bedtime (7:30).
Anonymous says
Today I’m giving notice at my litigator job to move into a quasi-legal position at a university. I have been in practice for nearly ten years but I don’t love my job enough to want to devote the time required (and I don’t make big law money) and I’d rather not work nights and weekends anymore. Even though I am pretty sure this is the right choice for me right now, I still feel like a failure and a cliché in that I had a kid and now am leaving a challenging job. :(
anon says
You know what is a failure? Not doing what is the right choice for you and your family, not making your life what you want it to be. You sound like you’re doing the right thing!!! And if you have any advice on how you found that job, I am all ears :)
JJ says
I felt the same way when I went in-house. I haven’t looked back since making the switch. You can make your new job as challenging as you want, and you’ll be creating and working on an entirely new set of skills. Good luck!
LSC says
I just did the exact same (law firm to higher ed) and am loving it! No idea where it will lead to next, but trying to just enjoy the moment and lack of billables for a while!
Anon says
The first two weeks from litigation to in-house government advisor were tough .. it seemed SO SLOW … but now that I’ve adjusted to a 40-hour workweek and leaving every day before 5 I would never go back. Big law hours are a crazy way to live (for all people, not just parents) which I’ve now come to fully recognize and appreciate.
As JJ noted, it’s nice to actually have some time to develop new skills and not just deal with crises or deadlines – I am up on all of the legal research / trends in my area, I have time to attend CLE’s, etc.
Clementine says
I know there are a number of women in here who have gone through premature labor or faced the possibility of maybe going through premature labor. I thought about going anon for this, but I feel like I (annoyingly) post enough that y’all have gotten to internet know me.
After a very healthy, normal pregnancy so far- and being a very healthy human being- I was pretty shocked to end up in the hospital this weekend being monitored for what they thought was early labor but ended up being a set of fairly benign symptoms that all looked pretty bad together. That being said, it was really an ‘OMG’ moment for me.
I would prefer not to share this with my work, but I am planning on telling my immediate supervisor who I have a close relationship with. I have already spent this morning organizing ‘transition’ meetings and when asked, I gave the generic excuse of, ‘A friend was talking to me this weekend about how one day she was fine in the morning, went to the Doctor at lunchtime and was immediately pulled from work that day, not to return for six months, and I didn’t want to leave anyone in a lurch just in case.’
What else can I do? Also, any tips on how I can cope emotionally with this? My spouse travels for work, and although he’s very much ‘on call’ for any emergencies, an urgent delivery in the next 4 weeks would mean a good likelihood he’s not there. What else can I do to prep or plan?
TBK says
I’m sorry you had such a scary weekend (did you have to stay overnight and did they make you stay in L&D? If so, you doubly have my sympathy — L&D beds, rooms, etc. are not built for sleeping, especially if you’re already restless and uncomfortably pregnant!). I spent 13 weeks in the hospital plus more on bed rest at home, worried my twins would come early. On the work front, it’s not a bad idea to have things ready to hand off easily but also remember that emergencies happen — including non-baby things like car accidents — and a competent workplace can roll with it. Still, writing up memos that would ease transition is not a bad idea and is something you’d need to do eventually anyway.
As for coping emotionally, what was probably the most helpful for me was simply not preparing, as crazy as that sounds. Since I was in crisis mode from about 21 weeks on, I luckily never got a chance to invest heavily in a birth plan, attend birthing classes, or daydream about what my birth experience was going to be. I think it helped me just go with whatever happened. L&D nurses are amazing and will be able to walk you through any part of the process no matter how unprepared you might be. Do you have any friend nearby who could come sit with you? I don’t know how far along you are and if you’re past 32 weeks or so, if you go into labor they might just let you go. But if it’s earlier they might try drugs to see if they can hold it off and some of those can be very nasty. It could be helpful to have someone to sit with you. But really the nurses are amazing and if they know you’re alone, they will go out of their way to help you feel comfortable (although if they get a crazy number of women in labor all at once, they can be stretched pretty thin). If it’s early enough that you’re worried about your baby, I will tell you I have been there and it can be terrifying. But what they do in the NICUs nowadays is seriously magic. My friend’s twins were born at 30 weeks and they are perfectly healthy little guys even though they had to spend 6 weeks in the NICU. Even babies born earlier than that can have terrific outcomes. (I hope I didn’t create fears by raising the issue of what a premature delivery means. But I had problems starting at 21 weeks, so we were looking at possible delivery as early as 23 or 24 weeks and that is some scary s—t I tell you.)
Hopefully things will all go well and you’ll deliver right on time! I know how frustrating this is. There’s just so little research around the causes of premature delivery.
Clementine says
Thank you! You were one of the people I was thinking of- I’m so glad your little dudes came out healthy and (if I remember) pretty fully cooked.
I’m 31 weeks and although they initially told me I was staying overnight, I got to go home around 7PM or so. I’m also lucky to live 10 minutes from a hospital with a Level IV NICU and 14 minutes from a Level III NICU.
I keep reading positive statistics and realizing just how awesome my providers are, but the biggest thing for me is just the sheer shock at how quickly things can change. While I always acknowledged this logically, for me it just hit me when they were talking to me about getting the steriod shots as a precaution.
TBK says
Yep, ironically I wound up being induced. I was at 37.5 weeks (which is considered full term for twins — they often don’t let you go past 38 weeks).
Chi Squared says
I had my daughter about a month early very unexpectedly. I went in for my 36 week appointment after not feeling great for at least a week. My OB sent me to L&D for monitoring, and then I ended up needing an emergency c-section that night. My daughter spent 17 days in the NICU. I’m facing the possibility of another preemie with this pregnancy due to my history, and I 2nd TBK’s opinion of not having any firm birth plans or visions. Also, is it too late to hire a doula? I had one for my daughter, and it was nice having someone on call, experienced, and there for moral support for both me and my husband. Especially if your husband travels a lot. Definitely get your work transition plan in place and let your assistant and immediate supervisor know that you might have to leave early and unexpectedly, and not return for several weeks/months. Although, you’ll probably be back on email not too long after birth… I was.
Clementine says
I do have a doula hired! Had it been actual labor, I would have given them a call.
While I do have an (already made) birth plan, the main thesis statement is: End up with two healthy humans (Momma and Baby).
I gave my supervisor a heads up and as someone whose wife went through a high risk pregnancy, he ‘gets’ it. The good news that I realized this morning is that I always have organized my work in a way that anyone looking for a document or a file or last year’s version of what was done can find it quickly and easily because I am that crazy stickler for file naming conventions. Thank you for your advice!
JEB says
Anecdotal, so take it for what it’s worth. But this happened to me three times during pregnancy, once at 19 weeks, and two more times in the last 8 weeks of pregnancy. Each time, I was admitted for brief observation with unexplainable, fairly severe cramping and once with the cramps plus a random blood pressure spike. Each time it was nothing, and I went home with a clean bill of health. I ended up being induced the day before my due date (low fluid), and my pregnancy was otherwise very healthy. So I’m hoping for you that this is a random, one-off occurrence that won’t have any bearing on your actual labor/birth.
That being said, those instances worried me as well. I ended up writing an early transition memo at work, which I saved on the shared drive and updated at the end of each week. I told two people where it was saved, so they could find and distribute it if necessary. I also hounded my bosses to make case assignments for each of my matters (they kept putting it off), and I did my best to meet with those people a little earlier than planned. It ended up being unnecessary to plan ahead so much, but it decreased my anxiety and made me feel more in control. It sounds like you’re already beginning to do something similar.
Best of luck to you. I know these things can be very scary, especially when they are so unexpected.
Clementine says
Thank you- the anecdotal stories really help.
The crazy thing is and has been that I feel totally 100% fine myself and baby has exhibited no stress at all- which are the awesome things I’m focused on:
SC says
I was placed on bed rest at 31 weeks for preterm labor. In the week or so leading up to being placed on bed rest, I did not tell work because I didn’t know yet exactly what was going on or what it would mean, and I didn’t want to seem overly dramatic. I think I was also in denial about bed rest being a possibility. But looking back on it, I regret not being more upfront with my supervisors. My work product was terrible in the weeks before being put on bed rest. (I was in and out of the hospital for observation and spent a lot of time at my OB’s office for follow-up exams.) This is a know-your-work thing, but I think I would have been less stressed if my supervisors had known I was dealing with something (even if I didn’t know exactly what yet).
FWIW, after 4.5 weeks on bed rest and consistent contractions, my water broke at 35.5 weeks. Ironically, for once, I wasn’t having contractions, and I had to be induced.
I agree with TBK. It stressed me out to prepare too much for baby. I couldn’t go to classes. I didn’t feel invested in a birth plan and just figured the nurses would walk me through whatever happened. (I was planning on an epidural though.) I think the only thing I did to prep was pack my hospital bag (which I did very poorly, but it didn’t matter) and make sure we had the big things we would need immediately – car seat, rock n play, etc. But mainly I was in crisis mode, the medication I had to take made me feel terrible and prevented me from doing anything productive, and I was probably a little depressed. So I read novels, and I’m happy with that, because right now I feel like I will never complete another book again.
If you’re feeling good and want to plan and prepare, I’d suggest cooking and freezing meals for later. Or at least shopping for and storing the ingredients you would need for a few quick meals.
Clementine says
You know, I think I also want to ‘Not be overly dramatic,’ – especially at work.
I luckily do feel great right now; however, they really do want me to take it easy. I feel like some online grocery ordering is in my future…
After my ‘adventure’ this weekend where I literally threw 4 pair of underwear, a paperback book, my insurance card and my phone charger into a bag – figure out THAT logic- I have a bag all packed to go that includes copies of paperwork, clothes, duplicate toiletries, etc. If it does turn out to be nothing (which all signs are THANKFULLY pointing more and more towards), I am glad that I was so motivated to get all that done.
SC says
We had three trips to the hospital for observation, one with a terbutaline shot. The upside was that we had three practice runs. On the day I delivered, we got to the hospital, my mom, MIL, and husband were all in the room (only at first, before I actually went into labor), and DH pulled out a surge protector for everyone to charge their phones. We all thought it was hysterical, but by the time we checked out 2 days later, it had been well-used :-)
Clementine says
Lol- I’m TOTALLY adding that to the list!!!
And/or an extension cord….
Msj says
This is rather random, but I know there are other podcast fans here. Anyone else follow StartUp? In the most recent episode, the founders wife Nazanin decides to quit her job to join her husband’s firm. There was a really poignant moment where she expresses her fear of becoming the default parent even though she is looking forward to getting more time with the kids. It just felt like a really honest moment that most women don’t express publicly.
LSC says
Yes! I thought she phrased it pretty well so that she could mitigate any feelings of defensiveness on Alex’s part. Interesting…Hoping they follow up on that at some point.
Non Mom says
I love StartUp and didn’t realize the new season had started. I really like the honesty between Alex and Nazanin (at least what comes across on the podcast) and now I am looking forward to listening to this episode.
Non Mom says
That was obviously a reply to Msj…
Anon says
This is my future life in a way. I am nearly 5 months pregnant, my husband is starting a company, and I have a very demanding but in some ways quite flexible job (I am a lawyer but work in a field where I have a ton of autonomy and no clients – so lots of work, but no one cares if I leave at 5 every day and work from home at night). I feel as though I am totally going to become the default parent. In fairness, I am kind of the default person for all personal life things in our marriage (cooking, paying bills, making social plans). At first this bothered me, but I have come to accept it and now feel sort of neutral, “that’s life.” about it.
Anyone else in the same boat? i.e. having a pretty intense job while also being default parent?
anne-on says
Yup, this is me, and honestly why I think we’re 1 and done. I have a pretty high profile (albeit flexible) job with regular travel, but I work from home when not on the road. Hence, I’m the pickup/drop off parent and the ‘sick day/snow day’ parent. It gets hairy when I’m gone for more than 3 days or so, luckily that happens pretty infrequently.
LSC says
I think I make MYSELF the default parent, bill payer, household runner…I can’t help from taking over, even though my husband is perfectly capable of handling just about anything. Something I hope to work on…
been there says
I am the “default parent” and I’m also an attorney – I do have one client – but for the most part I’m geographically distanced from anyone who cares what I do/when I do it. I was okay when we just had one kid (although at the time I though it was hard) but once we had two kids I started to feel overwhelmed and like I was sucking at everything. Husband recognizes how hard it is to be in my position and we’re trying to figure out what our plan is…
Navy Lawyer says
I am somewhat the default parent…and my husband is a teacher!!! Not that he has an easier worklife, but he gets snow days and the summer off. He is pretty involved in kids and chores, but I am still the CFO, gift buyer, cook, and scheduler. I try to schedule and send – I schedule the doctor’s appointment and he attends, write out the grocery list and he shops, find the stuff on Craigslist and he picks it up. I definitely do this to myself.
Sarabeth says
Yes! This resonated so much for me. For many het couples (and I include my own partnership here) it does seem to take some fixed constraint to prevent social pressures and biological reality from pushing the woman into the default parent role.
TBK says
I was so excited that my boys have been consistently sleeping until 7:00 or even 7:30 every day the last 2-3 weeks. Then I realized daylight savings is this weekend. Nooooo!!
JJ says
I realized the same thing this weekend. Remember when changing the clocks back was a wonderful opportunity to sleep in? Ugh.
Anon in NYC says
This is my first time dealing with daylight savings. How bad is it? Any tips for how to get through it? My daughter is a great sleeper, but I can’t do a 6am wakeup.
TBK says
It totally depends. We’ve never had a really bad time of it that I recall. I have typically started moving their bedtime by 15 min per day in the days leading up to changing the clock to try to ease them into it but I have no idea if it helps. (But honestly if you have a reliable 6:00am wake up and your kid is under a year, many people would consider you lucky. Mine were doing 5:45am for awhile there, and there were a few lovely days when they were about 7 months old when one of them decided 4:45am was PLAYTIME for a week.)
Lkl says
Is there a time when my baby will stop waking up to talk LOUDLY but cheerfully 30-45 minutes before he actually needs anything from us? Any chance that time can correspond with the time change? Sigh. I just can’t even think through how this time change will affect our nearly 8 month old who is just in the middle of dropping that 3rd catnap.
Lkl says
i.e., wakes up at 6ish but actually gets up at 6:45… meaning we parents also wake up at 6. Or 5:30.
mascot says
Blackout shades/ roller shades have worked for us this summer in keeping the bedroom dark during sleeping hours. Keeping the bedtime routine on track for the new time helps. Mine adjusts within a few days so we don’t mess with trying to move him gradually ahead of time or anything.
And the night before is Halloween…Awesome. Can’t wait for that sugar hangover.
Grumpy Cat says
Regular poster, anon for this.
This may be more of an AAM type question, but I figure you wise ladies can help me/talk me down/make me feel better. I’m supposed to go to a continuing education “mandatory” training two states away next month. My husband works nights and has already used up most of his vacation for the year taking care of our kiddo when I was working overtime. He wants to use his few remaining vacation days for Christmas. We don’t have any family in town.
If I go to the training, I’m going to have to get a night nanny for several nights to pick our 1 year old up from daycare, take her home, feed her dinner, put her to bed, stay overnight, get her up and ready to go in the morning, and take her to daycare. I don’t want to do this. Not only do I not want some stranger staying alone in my house with my daughter, but also my daughter is going through a “stranger danger” phase and gets really upset when she meets new people.
I explained my situation to my boss to see if there was any way I could get out of it or watch the training remotely. She checked with the people doing the training, and they are saying no.
What do I do?
Anonymous says
Can your husband take unpaid leave?
Lorelai Gilmore says
This is really tough and I feel your pain here. Is it possible to take the baby with you? I’m imagining a world where you take her with you and find a babysitter who watches her during the day, based at the hotel. (this obviously depends on where the hotel is and what else is there.).
Alternatively, does your regular childcare provider have a suggestion? Sometimes daycare workers appreciate the extra money from working extra babysitting hours.
And finally, just keep in mind that no matter what you do it will work out. Your baby will be fine. And maybe a two day training could be restorative for you, or a good business opportunity? I wish you luck.
anne-on says
I would be really grumpy about this to, but I’d suck it up and get a nanny and/or ask family to come visit to help out. A month is a lot of time to make arrangements, and I work in a firm that requires a lot of continuing ed, so missing something like that would be a serious mark against you.
Lorelai Gilmore says
One more thought: maybe this is a good opportunity to develop a relationship with a babysitter. I remember that something like this happened to us – a childcare conundrum that we just had to work around – and while it was terrible at the time, it forced us to find people, call references, do interviews and test runs. Eventually, though, we ended up with a roster of babysitters that have gotten us through not only the other inevitable crises, but date nights, etc. It’s important to have a solid backup network. Maybe this is an opportunity to build yours (or make it even bigger).
Anon in NYC says
Can you pay for your mom or MIL to come out for the time you need to be at this training? (Not to default to the woman, but figured you’d only want to pay for 1 ticket and your mom/MIL seems like the more obvious choice).
Anonymous says
Alternative: Bring baby and grandma/friend/nanny or get a daytime nanny locally. (Do you have a network there to help with recommendations?)
I’ve brought baby + childcare on a work trip. It had it’s pros and cons, but it worked and relieved by concern about being away. (FWIW, the childcare – my husband – declared that next time I’d be going solo and the baby would stay home, and I probably wouldn’t have argued).
meme says
My 9 year-old suddenly started blinking excessively about 1.5 weeks ago. I thought he was extra tired because his cousins were visiting and he’d been up late, but they’ve been gone for a week and he’s still doing it. He says his eyes feel fine and he’s not tired. I’ve googled and I’m taking him to a pediatric ophthalmologist, but also wondering in the meantime if anyone else here has experienced anything similar?
Anon in NYC says
It could just be a tic, or a sign of Tourettes (not to get all WebMD on you). I had a few tics when I was younger, and my brother has Tourettes. One of the tics he had/has is excessive blinking. He was also constantly clearing his throat and a few other things. He felt a compulsion to do those things – like it just felt really good to do them.
Lyssa says
My husband is a constant blinker (in fact, his childhood nickname was “Blinky”) because of allergies. He said that he started doing it to clear his sinuses or get rid of itching or something. So it might be that.
anon for this - playdates says
We just started a new school and my son says his best friends are two little girls, so I’ve dutifully invited them over for playdates. We have a house full of trucks, cars, and other little boy things. Should I make a big batch of playdoh or something so they both have something to play with together? (Ummmm — hate to ask but is there an etiquette to playdates? Like should I have a special snack or something for them?)
meme says
I live he the western U.S., and play dates around here are no big deal. I don’t plan anything special, I just let the kids play. If they’re hungry, I feed them a snack, but don’t plan anything special. Also, I have all boys and have had many, many play dates with girls, and in my experience there’s no need for any particular girl toys. The kids just happily play with whatever we have. Girls like trucks and cars too (and dinosaurs and art supplies, etc.).
mascot says
Agree, kids are happy to play with whatever toys we have. And, the toys are extra fun because it is someone else’s house. These kids have found common ground already if they are playing at school. I’d ask if there are any allergies (parents would probably tell you if it is serious), but otherwise I just serve the same snacks and meals that we serve my son.
TBK says
Are you worried the little girls won’t want to play with “boy” toys? I wouldn’t worry about that. I had a good friend who was a boy when I was little and, even though (because?) I was very girly and had piles of dolls and traditionally “girl” toys, I LOVED playing with my friend’s toys because they were new and different.
Maddie Ross says
This. Friend toys are new and different, it doesn’t matter if they are more traditionally geared at the other gender. That said, a huge batch of playdoh could be fun, too. And no, no special snack necessary. Though probably you should ask the kid’s mom if there are certain things to avoid (though anything that earth shattering – peanuts for instance – will likely be mentioned).
That mom. says
Does he have a play kitchen (all the boys my daughter has had play dates with do)? Boys love playing house just as much as girls–so if he doesn’t have one he totally should. And, I’ve never met a girl, especially not one who is “best friends” with a boy who would say trucks and cars are only “boy toys.” Similarly, I’d be shocked if you don’t have legos or duplos (as is age appropriate).
Extra Baby Teeth? says
Did anyone’s child have extra teeth? My infant had a tooth come in directly behind another. Long story short, I had a dentist who I know socially confirm that it’s an extra and suggest that we see a dentist, but I wasn’t able to find out what that would look like exactly.
Did you bring the baby into the dentist? What can a dentist even do with a 9-month old?
(This is not my first child, but previous kiddos haven’t gone to the dentist until older and have been very routine).