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Is it too early to be thinking about Valentine’s Day?
I got onto the matching holiday pajamas train after my second was born. (It does make for some cute photos.)Then I started asking, why limit myself to the holidays? These matching pajama tops and bottoms from Primary are perfect for Valentine’s Day or just because. They’re made from comfy organic cotton and come in sizes for everyone, including tops and bottoms (XS–XXXL) for grown-ups and footie pajamas for babies.
The kids’ top and bottom are $19.50 each and available in sizes 2–3 to 14. If you’re looking for more heart-related clothing, check out Primary’s Heart Shop to outfit the whole family! (And for every order from the Heart Shop, Primary will donate $5 to The Conscious Kid.)
Sales of note for 3.28.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything plus extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off 2+ items; 40% off 1
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- Lands’ End – 10% off your order
- Loft – 50% off everything
- Nordstrom: Give $150 in gift cards, earn a $25 promo card (ends 3/31)
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item; 25% off everything else
- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off entire site
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; 50% off select swim; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
- Target – 20% off Easter styles for all; up to 30% off kitchen & dining; BOGO 50% off shoes & slippers for the family;
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Welp, here goes. 4yo tested positive yesterday. Rest of us (including the toddler) are negative… for now. For anyone who successfully avoided a full-household outbreak what did you do?
Our plan is 1:1 defense, with 1 parent + toddler (unmasked) upstairs and 1 parent (masked) + 4yo (trying to get him to mask unsuccessfully rn) downstairs.
Like others on this board we have been very careful and in the past 12 days LO has only been to school, my parents’ house (they are negative), church (everyone fully masked and distanced and no close contact notification), and a playdate which was unmasked. The playdate kids are all symptom-free. Of course DH is kicking himself about the playdate, but it was with a 5yo who is vaxxed and a toddler home with a nanny (and DH’s friend, the dad is of course vaxxed and fully wfh). So who knows. Obviously someone in there was asymptomatic positive and we’ll never know.
Anon says
Sounds like you have a good plan in place. Anecdotally, I know several people who have avoided additional household cases when one child had C, but the kids were teens and able to confine to their room.
The parent who is masked with the C+ kid should probably attempt to wear an N95 is possible… Good luck!!
Hopefully your 4 year old will have a mild case and improve quickly. My 2 year old had C last year (caught it from me before vaccines were available sadly) and she just had a fever and felt sluggish for a couple days. Hoping for a similarly easy recovery for your little one!
anonanon says
Friends were in this exact boat and had the 4yo in her room most of the time and masked when she was briefly around her toddler sister (to open Christmas presents, etc). Both parents were 3x vax’d and parents and toddler both escaped catching it from the 4yo, so there is hope!
Anon says
So sorry you’re dealing with this. Your plan sounds fine — try to keep the air flowing in your house, too. Remember that getting covid is not a moral failing and you have no idea who was responsible for infecting your child. Everything will be okay. Deep breaths and make it through the next ten-or-so days!
Spirograph says
+a million to all of this, especially “getting covid is not a moral failing and you have no idea who was responsible for infecting your child.” I certainly hope that no one is still assuming families with a covid case made poor choices or were being reckless. I only know 2 families with kids at this point who haven’t had a positive case, despite near 100% vax rate, masking and due care.
Good luck, OP. One of my three kids had it, the other two haven’t (yet). We didn’t police sibling playing too much other than encouraging masks, but we did kick the positive kid out of the shared bedroom for a week.
Anonymous says
For post-holiday infections you pretty much have to assume it came from school or day care. Those places are cesspools of germs. No judgment there.
People who caught it over the school break, especially (ahem, my beloved family) people who visited without masks WHILE SOMEONE WAS SICK, are another story.
OP says
Thanks all – I appreciate it. We are wearing KN95’s. Leaning in to the screentime for the 4yo for now. We’ll see when he’s feeling a bit better if I work up the motivation to put together some activities for him…
Good reminder about airflow! it’s 5F outside but I can turn on the fans at least to circulate a bit.
Anon says
To give you hope, we did nothing different when we found out that me and my toddler were positive (she gave it to me from daycare) and my husband and oldest (4) continually tested negative, so your added precautions may definitely work.
Ashley says
+1, 4yo was positive. We only have the one kid and parents are vaxxed, so we decided it would not work for our family to to isolate an energetic 4yo in his room. We did nothing different at all except stay home for 10 days (no masks for any of us while home together). Somehow neither parent got it as far as we know (several negative tests including PCRs later).
Anon says
It’s almost like the vaccines still kind of actually work. ;)
Anonymous says
I would not mask a sick 4-yo.
Turn up air purifiers if you have them, adults mask w/N95s.
Anonymous says
It is prudent and not cruel to mask a sick 4-year-old. Pre-covid, my then-4-year-old was hospitalized with pneumonia. Even back then, the hospital required kids with respiratory illnesses to wear a tiny surgical mask whenever they left their rooms. It was not an issue.
1:34 anon says
Just saying what I would do (and have in fact done, although I fully realize COVID OG is different from omicron, however we were also pre-vaccine….spouse and I wore N95s and we turned up air purifiers, neither of us nor our younger child tested positive for which I will be forever grateful).
I do think from a practical perspective, you want to keep kiddo comfortable and hydrated with COVID, and at least for my 4-yo, it can be harder to encourage her to drink when she’s masking. I would much rather take on more risk of getting COVID as a vaccinated/boosted adult from my kid than have my kid wind up in the ER with severe dehydration.
Anon says
We had two kids test positive last weekend – ages 3 months and 2.5. Havent worn masks or isolated because with those two would be too hard. My older two kids and myself and DH continue to test negative. We’re all vaxxed but also it just feels like luck at this point.
Basically giving you permission not to isolate the four yo if it doesn’t work for your family!
Anon says
Our 7 year old daughter tested positive over the break; DH got it from her but I didn’t. What we both did: wear kn95/kf94 masks all day; improve air flow with partially opened windows; run air purifier in rooms where DD was sitting; maintain distance from DD to extent possible and move to an adjacent room when DD was eating/drinking. What I did differently from DH (may or may not have helped me not get it): continue to mask after DD went to bed (I assumed covid was airborne for at least two hours after DD had been in any room); only removed my mask in rooms that DD did not enter and could be closed off. My extra precautions were inconvenient but helped me feel more in control/less stressed.
anon says
Has anyone hired a parenting coach? Is this a thing? I need help. I follow the IG accounts, I read the books but what I really want is someone to tell me what to do in specific situations with my specific kid. Surely this exists, right? If we have sleep consultants, there’s got to be general parenting consultants?
Mary Moo Cow says
I did and it was meh. I was looking for specific help with my stubborn 4 year old, namely around getting dressed and getting out the door in the morning. The advice she gave me worked, but it was also something I had tried with limited successes and I don’t know why it suddenly took. I walked away feeling like it was expensive and not that valuable, and I didn’t really click with her enough to go back, but her solution did work. I found her in an internet search, but I would recommend asking friends or your ped or a counselor for recommendations. I have asked Megan Lehay of the WaPo questions (and she’s answered!) and I have thought about hiring her.
anon says
Good idea. I should ask some specifics of people I follow in IG and I will try Megan Lehay. I feel like it would be a real roll of the dice to hire someone but I’ve found with lots of parenting things that we do best with a written plan that my husband and I can both agree to and follow through on.
EDAnon says
I have not but the experience here (trying something that suddenly stuck) has been my experience with my stubborn kid. He is 5.5 and he gets to stuff in his own time.
We talked to a psychologist after he’d had a totally abnormal, wild meltdown who basically told us to wait and watch for improvement, which did come. One other thing he told me that really stuck was that tantrums/acting out during times of major change are super common and not a cause for worry. Unfortunately, our last month has been almost exclusively that! But his behavior is still way better now at 5.5 than if this had all gone down when he was 4.5!
anon says
That is actually really reassuring to hear. My nearly 4.75yo has had nothing but change the last many months (changing rooms at daycare, rotating closures, then new teacher, then another new teacher, then holidays, then quarantine). I really feel for him but we also just feel so, so defeated. By the time we get to the end of the day, we’re just spent from the challenges–hitting his older brother, so much stubbornness, not listening.
Anonymous says
This. I have 3 kids and one is just so clearly different. But she just is her own self. She has grown out of a lot of the behavioral struggles. It’s hard. So, so hard.
DLC says
My brother and SIL worked with one. The person they worked with also had their daughter (who was 5 or 6 at the time) come in so that they could all come up with solutions together. My sister in law found it helpful because it helped put tools in her toolbox for interacting with her child as well as for regulating her own emotions when her child was being difficult. My brother was pretty skeptical, but he said it was somewhat helpful.
I also love Meg Leahey and have submitted many questions to her (more than I care to admit… it’s like she’s my anonymous therapist sometimes)
Anokha says
I took a parenting class with Dr. Julie King (“How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen”), and I thought it was honestly life changing. I’m pretty sure that she offers 1-1 sessions too.
Anonymous says
This is called a family therapist!
Anon says
Agree with this. I talked to a child psychologist without my child before. It helped me understand why my child may have been acting the way she was and that helped me tremendously.
anon says
If you’re in the Bay Area, I highly recommend Parents’ Place. They have great folks who are skilled at helping parents through difficult stages.
Anon says
Has anyone had the experience of testing positive on a binax (faint line, but there’s one) and negative on PCR? my daughter keeps testing positive on binax but had a negative PCR post an exposure, I am so confused. Not sending her anywhere but want to know if she has COVID.
Anonymous says
When were the PCR and rapid tests taken? Several of my vaccinated relatives with symptomatic breakthrough Omicron infections tested negative on PCR within the first few days of symptoms and later tested positive.
Anonymous says
Anecdotally, a friends’ kid tested positive on 3 rapid tests and negative on 2 PCRs. Tt was something like pos rapids on days 1 and 2, neg PCR on day 2, pos rapid on day 4, and neg PCR on day 5, so the end conclusion was that he was covid-free (since false negative PCRs are really uncommon), and just something in his nose was causing a false positive with the chemicals on the rapid.
Anonymous says
Someone here had this exact story recently about their child… i wonder if it’s the same kid. :)
Anonymous says
Haha, maybe! I haven’t been reading much in the past few weeks so missed that story here.
strollerstrike says
That was me! We ended up doing two PCR tests the first time he got several positive rapid tests in one day from different badges. Both PCR came back negative. The next few days rapid tests were negative too, but then suddenly one positive one again. Cue another PCR – negative!
Our Ped thinks that maybe he had some type of Corona-Virus (apparently more commen in kids) but not the Covid 19 one. Rapid tests might have picked that up… but who knows.
Also, is your friend overseas? We are!
Anon says
Yeah tap water will apparently read as positive on BinaxNow so I totally believe a foreign substance in the nose could get you a faint positive on BinaxNow.
OP I’d look at getting a Walgreens Rapid ID Now test. It is a molecular NAAT test similar to PCR but very fast (results guaranteed in <24 hours but I have always gotten it back in less than two hours). If that’s negative you can probably rest easy that your kid doesn’t have Covid.
govtattymom says
Yes! I tested positive with rapid tests and negative with PCR. I asked my friend (who is an ER doctor treating covid patients) and her response was, “Yeah, we are seeing a decent amount of that and we’re not sure what it means!” However, other doctors told me to go by the PCR test. No one else in the family tested positive on rapid or PCR so I believe my rapid tests were probably false positives. Caveat that this was all prior to omicron. Sorry you are having to deal with this! It is so confusing.
AcademicDoc says
ID doc here, gonna weigh in real quick that false positives are a thing on all antigen tests. I would repeat the PCR test on day 5-7 post exposure if you daughter remains symptom-free and use that test as the tie breaker. Obviously, any symptoms should trigger repeat testing.
Anonymous says
Anecdotally, a friend’s child had what was assumed to be a false positive. She was subsequently was negative on an additional antigen and a PCR. If the PCR is *after* the antigen, I would trust the PCR, especially if you get a negative PCR more than once.
Anonymous says
I’m the poster above whose 4yo is positive – it was on a rapid (binax) and the pedi nurse didn’t actually recommend further PCR since he has symptoms. I felt pretty confident in our case because he has symptoms, and because the rest of us tested negative on the rapids we took.
Anonymous says
My vaxxed 5yo had a positive home test and then a negative PCR. The home test was on day one of symptoms (and three days post any possible exposure — there’d been no school, but we went out to lunch on a Saturday and on Tuesday she had a fever). Her symptoms matched Omicron (headache day 1, then fever, vomiting on day 2). Symptom day 2 we went to get a PCR.
Honestly the PCR took five days for turn around and my kid didn’t complain about how far up her nose the swab went. My and my husband’s tests done at the same time came back in three days. I think it was a false negative / user error. I wish we’d been able to get a spit test, because they seem more accurate for omicron.
So Anon says
My grandmother passed away in October of 2020. Because we are a military family, her remains will be interred at Arlington National Cemetery in DC. Due to the pandemic and other unique situations related to Arlington, her funeral was just scheduled for this April. Her husband (my grandfather) and my dad predeceased her, and all of our family is buried at Arlington. Her daughter (my Aunt) and my sister and I are the next closest relatives.
The funeral will be at 9am on a weekday, and I am unsure whether to go. If I go, I will bring my two children with me, and we would need to fly, stay in a hotel, etc. (There is no one here to watch them.) I was close to my grandmother, but I grieved her passing nearly 18 months ago. My mom will be there, and, for multiple reasons, I am trying to add some distance to my relationship with her. My mom would pressure me (and my children) to behave in the exact way that she approves, agree with all of her decisions, etc. On the other hand, I want to remember my grandmother and show my children that death is a natural part of life and that they don’t need to be scared of this (which is 100% what I grew up with).
If we don’t go to the funeral, I will plan a trip to DC down the line (someday, when Covid is hopefully more of a known quantity). I graduated from high school in DC and want them to see that DC is a great city, and not only the resting place of my family or a place where people are sad. Any thoughts? What would you do?
anon says
Are you kids old enough to be vaccinated? I suspect DC in April will have pretty low covid rates and I wouldn’t stress too much about bringing vaccinated kids here via airplane.
The family politics is another issue, though.
So Anon says
Yes, my kids are 8 and 11, and both are fully vaxxed. I believe all attending the funeral would be fully vaxxed, but some are much much less cautious and there will be indoor dining events to attend.
Anonymous says
You can skip the indoor dining.
Anon says
I would go and skip any indoor dining events or similarly risky things.
Lily says
I’d go to support your aunt and sister, assuming they are going. Can you afford the trip? How old are your kids?
GCA says
+1. are your aunt and sister going? Would you be able to focus on honoring your grandmother and family history? I remember your challenges in your relationship with your mom. Could you go but stay somewhere different from her to minimize contact?
Would it be scheduled for spring break at a time you don’t have to pull kids out of school? (Though I’m guessing school would be ok with a family funeral as a reason for absence.)
From a health standpoint, if your kids are old enough to be vaccinated and don’t have other health issues that would make them vulnerable, I would go; a lot can improve between now and April. Arlington is a big deal, DC is an historic city and you have family history there, and I think there would be value in showing your kids many of these things. (IIRC your kids are just about old enough to understand the gravity and ceremony of the experience; I would have a much different view if they were toddlers!)
anon says
Non-military here, but as such I always saw Arlington as a BIG DEAL. Depending on your feelings about being a military family, there may be some real value to showing your children Arlington, too.
Sorry for your loss!
Anonymous says
A military funeral is a uniquely beautiful and meaningful way to honor the deceased. I am not big on funerals and usually say “no” to all logistical hassles and family nonsense, but I’d be willing to put up with a whole lot to create that memory for yourself and your children.
So Anon says
It is not the first, nor will it be the last, military funeral for my family. There will be future military funeral(s) that my children attend, including someday for my own mom.
Anonymous says
Sounds like you already know your answer, then. If your gut tells you no, then don’t do it.
Spirograph says
First, sorry for your loss.
I would go, and I would make that into the bigger trip to DC, too. Since you’ve lived in the area, you know: April is one of the best times of year in DC! Like, if the service is on a Thursday, stay through the weekend and spend time in the city, too. I have blessedly little experience with toxic family members, but could you just go to the funeral and lunch afterward with your mom and any other family, then peel off? Make it clear that the rest of the trip is for you and the kids, or just not even tell your mom that you’ll be in town longer. (iirc she lives near you, so maybe this wouldn’t work)
Walnut says
I would go and not give it a second thought. If there’s anytime to roll with your Mom’s high strung expectations, it’s probably a funeral. I would plan to attend the specific funeral activities and not add on extra time or events. Coach your kids in advance on how its all going to go (including any anticipated ridiculousness from your Mom.)
Anonymous says
Yup this. You don’t deal with your mommy issues by skipping a funeral for someone you loved. Having the ability to attend a funeral is a privilege. You don’t have to behave how your mom wants or stay where she wants or eat indoors.
rakma says
I would likely not go, unless supporting your sister and/or aunt outweigh the complications of being there with your mother. You have already grieved your grandmother. You can honor her and other family members who are buried there at another time.
I personally don’t see many benefits to what would likely be short trip focused mainly on a funeral. For me, the negatives of the disruption and family stressors outweigh the possible benefits of the experience, but I am someone who does not find much closure or support in the ceremonies around death.
Anonymous says
I would go no question. I would see if you can do it as a day trip with an early am flight and hire a sitter to do the morning routine with kids, and if you can’t I’d go and bring them.
anonamama says
Could you bring along a close friend or relative, or maybe a HS friend in the area, that would be open to attending and help entertain (thinking slyly passing purse toys) your kiddos? . I know someone like your mom and she does better knowing someone is on ‘kid duty’ so she doesn’t feel like she has to nag as much. I’m sorry for your loss and having to re-process it.
Anon says
I bought these heart PJs for my whole family, including my parents (at their request). They’re cute!
Anonymous says
I love this. My kids are very into matching jammies, to the point that my daughter has decreed Tuesday is “matching pants night” and gets really angry in the morning if anyone forgot to comply. Luckily, my sister sews and is very happy to oblige making silly matching outfits for all of us. The latest is that we all have swanky PJs with satin trim in various ridiculous fabric patterns including dinosaur tacos, hog dogs (with actual dogs in buns), donuts, dancing breakfast foods, etc
Anonymous says
This is awesome! I would love to know where your sister gets her fabric. My family could use some dinosaur taco PJs in our life right now.
Anonymous says
Jo Ann! This is the dino tacos: https://www.joann.com/novelty-cotton-fabric-taco-dinos/16634891.html
Life is better with dino taco PJs, for sure. :)
Anonymous says
So fun! Thanks! Some 4-year-olds in my life may soon be getting dino taco jammies.
AwayEmily says
THIS IS AMAZING. Your sister is awesome.
Anon says
Has anyone had a preschool age child do pelvic floor therapy? (it’s entirely external with kids this age, FYI, so won’t be traumatic or anything). I believe it’s mostly used for incontinence issues, but we’re hoping it can help our 4 year old who has enormous difficulty releasing urine. There’s pretty clearly a psychological component as well (it is easier in situations in which she’s more comfortable, i.e., home) but I think she really doesn’t have a normal understanding of how to consciously relax the proper muscles, because she often tries to bear down and push. So I’m hoping physical therapy might help her get a better understanding of how to control her pelvic floor muscles and make using the bathroom less stressful.
GCA says
In further confirmation that a leave of absence was the right idea, i just picked up my preschooler – we’re in preschool quarantine number…four.
Last week ??⬛⬛⬛
This week ⬛⬛?⬛⬛
Next week ⬛⬛???
Boston Legal Eagle says
Oh no, GCA… apparently MA may be implementing a test and stay type program for daycares beginning next week. Ours emailed us with the “good news,” but was vague on details. I think either they or we will be testing our kid before drop off after an exposure.
Pogo says
Just got this news as well! I’m hopeful.
Anon says
Oh noo, so sorry!
AwayEmily says
My preschooler got sent home yesterday at noon for a quarantine. Added level of complication: I’m 38 weeks pregnant! So, the kindergartener and I decided to go stay with my mom for a bit just out of an abundance of caution (I think she and I are both safe, as we fled less than 36 hours after the preschooler’s exposure). I figured that it would also be nice for both kids to get some concentrated one-on-one time with us before the baby comes, too. Sigh. This is all so never-ending.
TheElms says
I’m so sorry AwayEmily! I hope preschooler’s illness is mild or asymptomatic and that you and the rest of the family stay negative. Thinking lots of good thoughts for you!
GCA says
Ugh, I’m sorry! Hope everyone stays healthy. And lol at ‘concentrated one-on-one time’, which is a very polite way of putting it.
Clementine says
UGHHH.
I’m sorry. My quarantined toddler has discovered that if she runs full-tilt at my office door, she can bust in. So she’s been popping in ‘Kool-Aid Man Style’ when I’ve been working from home.
Her greatest ambition is to steal my (wireless) mouse and hide it in the house… which she did successfully this morning while I was sharing my screen.
Anonymous says
Yep, mine discovered the same thing last week, followed by HI MAMA HI. She uses the learning farm as a battering ram (with music going full blast, of course). Fortunately (or not?) this only happened while I was on the phone and not on a Zoom.
Pogo says
lol’d at the learning farm battering ram visual.
I would love to know the developmental reason why toddlers are determined to hide random things they find. Going through my toddler’s cache is the highlight of my day (we have this ride on train toy with a compartment that seems to exist solely for this squirreling of objects). There was an entire head of garlic in there recently.
Cb says
We used to find everything in my son’s toy kitchen. Last winter, I couldn’t figure out why I kept finding the metal wrappers from chocolate coins until one day, I noticed he had chocolate on his face after quiet time. Turns out, he had stashed the bag in there and was having 1 or 2 each day. I couldn’t even be mad….well done him for some intrinsic moderation.
GCA says
+1 I think my kid’s Patronus is a raccoon. This weekend I emptied her daycare backpack and found: a Playdoh mold, a slap bracelet, a trinket made of Perler beads (courtesy big kid’s afterschool crafts), five scraps of crumpled paper that she refused to let me recycle, and a wooden pear from her play food set.
Anonymous says
I think it’s a power/claiming ownership thing? Mine has been VERY interested in the tub of garlic on the counter. Might be time to move that…
Anonymous says
? ? ? ? ?
I don’t like this game.
GCA says
Who needs Wordle when you can have Pandemic Parenting Commiseration?
I’m sorry. Solidarity.
EDAnon says
My next week is looking like
????? (assuming negative Covid tests).
I did use this as a reminder to do Wordle though and got it in three tries!
CPA Lady says
Exciting news to share: I am going back to working at a bigger public accounting firm after this tax season. I am so excited!
The problem: I was ready to leave my current job in the fall. And I didn’t take the opportunity because I deluded myself into thinking the reasons I wanted to leave might improve. And they haven’t. Now I have to get through the next three months here because quitting right before tax season is a massive bridge-burning Thing We Don’t Do in my profession. I have been struggling with the most horrible sense of rage and bad attitude lately on top of the toll the pandemic has taken, and I’m sick of feeling angry all the time.
How do I get through the next three months with a reasonable amount of humor and grace? How do I adjust my attitude? How do I just let things roll off my back? I thought that having this exciting new thing on the horizon would help, and it did for a while, but now I’m back to an exploding inbox, a toxic work situation where I’m treated like a peon and made to beg for resources, and a very clear understanding just how grossly I’m currently being underpaid (new job =35k raise).
Unsolicited advice: if you’re ready to leave your job, start interviewing and get out now. Don’t wait for it to get worse.
Anonymous says
Quit. You’re wrong. You can quit. You’re never going back. “Due to my family’s needs my last day will be in 2 weeks.”
Anon says
Yeah I think normal rules about when you can quit sort of go out the window in these times. SO many women are quitting because they can’t find reliable childcare.
Realist says
Yup. Quit. Then write a heartfelt thank you letter to the (probably very few) people that you would like to keep a good relationship. None of society has followed the rules of Things We Do Not Do for the past 2 years, so eff that noise. The social contract is broken, and based on your comments of underpay and resource-begging, they broke their social contract with you first.
Spirograph says
Easier said than done, but your best weapon is sleep. When I’m well-rested, it’s much easier for me to find the humor in a sh1tty situation, or to take some deep breaths and swallow the snarky comments before they spill out of my mouth. Also all the other self care, but especially yoga/meditation, indulgent hot beverages, and fresh flowers or live plants in my sight line from my workspace.
Congratulations on the new position, though! I’m glad you have greener pastures on the horizon… sending you all the good vibes and patience to get through the next few months.
Anon says
Congratulations!!
Disengage as much as possibly. When I went through a similar wait my motto was “not my circus, not my monkeys” and I’d repeat it to myself over and over again.
Byron Katie’s The Work is too woo for me but the idea of my business vs their business vs God’s business was immensely helpful during this time period. Since you’re leaving your business has shrunken immensely.
In terms of optics and burning bridges before you leave: I feel like your attitude is going to leave more of a lasting impression than your actual work (within reason). Don’t let any huge balls drop but letting smaller ones go with a smile on your face to the higher ups will matter more in the end.
NYCer says
Do the bare bare minimum. Don’t take anything personally. Keep repeating to yourself that you’re out of there in 3 months.
Congrats on the new job!
Anon says
This job doesn’t really have much power over you anymore unless you think it does. Slow walk projects if people are pissing you off. Cut corners. Do the minimum. Spend way more time on things you care about and that make YOU happy. Use up all your PTO. Plan time off now. Working out can be a good way to blow off I-hate-my-job steam, bonus points if you do it with a friend while venting about your lives in a black humor isn’t this ridiculous way.
Anon says
I’ve been in that situation. In healthcare, it’s common to require 3-month notice before leaving, and those 3 months can be excruciating. At my last job, I held on for 8 months after I knew I’d leave, hoping that a toxic coworker who’d been on probation would be fired (spoiler alert: she wasn’t) and that a promised merger/acquisition would come through before the end of the year (it didn’t). It was horrible. My strategies:
– weekly therapy to help me cope with the toxicity and anger
– mapped out my projects and their transition plans, focused on wrapping those up
– firmly telling people that I could not meet their deadline and suggested a transition plan
– started saying no to many things, declining meetings, setting up final calls to transition projects, etc.
– I scheduled a lot of long-delayed appointments (optometrist, yearly skin check, dentist, mammogram) and took those during the workday, without apology
– I took personal days every other week (assuming you have the PTO)
– Do not touch work on the weekends or after hours
Good luck! You can do this!
Cb says
What’s everyone up to this weekend? We’ve got swim lessons on Saturday and a trip to the tile shop, then a park meetup with my son’s nursery pal on Sunday, and we need to up wallpaper stripping for the plasters who come on Monday (I implore you, do not paint over wallpaper!) and my university teaching term begins on Monday.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We’re doing a trial night with a potential new sitter! We’re primarily looking for someone to cover our vacation week in February, but can’t hurt to have more available sitters in the area. Spots fill up quickly around here for vacation weeks and camps but we got our kindergartener into a great camp for the summer, with 8-5 hours!!
Cb says
Yay, that sounds great!
Anon says
We are hopefully going ice skating! I have been trying to take my kid skating since last year, but between Covid quarantines, travel and visitors, and climate change making our Midwest weather freakishly warm and melting the ice, we have not found the right time to go yet. But this weekend looks good – high around 35, no visitors, no Covid exposure (fingers crossed).
avocado says
That sounds busy! Good luck with the new term.
My family is currently suffering from too much togetherness and some solo pursuits are in order. It is cold and dreary and I would love nothing better than to curl up with the perfect novel. One that is fun and interesting but not too fluffy, makes you care about its characters, does not get wrecked by a preposterous plot twist, and is generally uplifting. Something like Becky Chambers’s Wayfarers series or Taylor Jenkins Reid. Suggestions, anyone?
I may also rewatch Vigil while working on the pandemic knitting project I started nearly two years ago and never finished. Because what could be better than submarines + not just one, but two, lady detectives?
Oh, and I need to clean the house. For real this time.
Anon says
Have you read any Curtis Sittenfeld? I think she has a similar style to TJR. Her book Rodham is about a fictionalized Hillary and is pretty light and happy. Eligible and American Wife would be my other recs if you feel like you have to much PTSD from 2016 to read about a fictional Hillary.
EP-er says
My daughter is starting a book club with her friends and I am so excited! We are hosting the first meeting this weekend with a small group of girls. She picked the first book and we have been coming up with the discussion questions together. There will be punch and cookies. And next month, another girl will pick the book and host.
Anon says
That’s delightful! How old is she? (This is great at any age, obviously, but I’m just curious!)
EP-er says
She is in 4th grade. I think that much younger would have to have a lot more parental involvement. (but I’ll let you know after our first session!) Even at this age, I thought I needed to read the book to be able to help her come up with the questions…but the book she picked didn’t have many ready-to-go book club questions on line. (And I like to sometimes read what she is reading. I am slightly horrified at what I was reading in late elementary/middle school…all the VC Andrews/Danielle Steele) She loves to read and I want to encourage that as much as possible! They have been doing “book clubs” in elementary school for a few years, but the teacher picks the groups and books.
And it is an excuse to get out my punch bowl and bake with her this weekend. :)
EP-er says
Also, in our current home the prior owners didn’t just paint over the wallpaper — they painted, then plastered (with a “technique!”) and then painted again. We had to have that wall ripped out and new drywall installed because there was no saving it! It was like an archeological expedition getting to the studs. :) Good luck with the home projects, Cb!
Anon says
Is there a tactful way to tell other parents they can drop their kids off at our house for play dates if they’re comfortable? Kids are 4-5 years old and in daycare together. We’ve never been able to schedule a second play date for our kid and I think it has a lot to do with other parents not wanting to waste a weekend afternoon hanging out with me and my husband. I get it – we’re both quite socially awkward and terrible at small talk. But my kid and the other kids always have a great time, and I think we’d have more luck if we could communicate that the other parents don’t have to stay.
Also when do drop off play dates become the norm? Someone told me not until 8 or 9, and that made me almost cry. I hate feeling like my lack of social skills and introversion are holding back my social, extroverted kid, because I’m not the mom other moms want to hang out with.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I don’t think this is strictly about you. I find it awkward to talk to my kid’s friends parents for an hour +, even if they’re perfectly pleasant. I do think 4-5 is a bit young for drop offs – I think closer to 1st or 2nd grade is more common, at least around here (so, starting at 6, but likely closer to 7).
Anonymous says
I think we may have started drop off play dates around 4-5, but individual comfort levels vary quite a bit. Some parents were cool with it, and some weren’t.
This is just part of the invitation: “Lizzy would love to have Susie come over to play this weekend if she’s free. You’re welcome to drop her off after lunch and pick her up around 4; they had so much fun playing with toys together in her room last time!”
Anonymous says
If your crowd isn’t doing drop-offs yet, an hour or two may be a good length of time vs a longer visit. Gives the parents a break but it probably won’t be too long for kids not used to it.
ElisaR says
8 or 9??? oh no. I drop my kindergartner off all the time. he’s 5 years old. you can say “feel free to drop him/her off and get some errands done if you’d like!”
Anonymous says
This is not a thing for us right now due to covid and our community’s general comfort level, but 4-5 is not too young and I really miss being able to do that. We started around 3 with close friends, maybe 4.5 with less close friends. That kind of community support is something I really miss. And as a kid my brother and I were dropped off for the day with friends alllllll the time or had friends at our house for the day. (I do ask about guns in the home, though, which my parents never did.)
Anonymous says
When you invite the kid, say “How about you drop her off at 3:00 and pick her up around 5:00?”
We started doing drop-off playdates in kindergarten. The end of pre-K is probably fine depending on how well-behaved the kid is and how clingy the parents are. It can be easier if the kid has had at least some previous interaction with you.
Anon says
I started offering drop offs around this age. I’d say something like “We are happy to keep an eye on the kids if you guys are comfortable with that, or of course we’re always delighted if you’d like to hang out, too. Or we can play it by ear, whatever works best for you.” If they do drop off, I try to seem like the most responsible parent in the world, ask about allergies, let them know we are a gun-free home, tell them I’ll check in by text in 30 minutes with an update, etc.
Cb says
We started drop-off playdates at 4 but think it depends on the kid and family. We started with a good nursery pal and now we babysit, carpool, and generally ask each other for help, which is amazing. I think you have to be explicit that it is a dropoff playdate, some friends came at the weekend and we didn’t expect to be socializing but they played all afternoon.
Anonymous says
In preschool we avoided play dates because the kids already played together all day every day, and weekends were hectic enough. Could that be what’s going on with the other parents?
OP says
Perhaps, but the fact that we’ve had no problem arranging first play dates but have never been able to set up a second makes me think it’s not that. We also only have contact info for about half the class, those who volunteered their contact info for the purposes of setting up play dates, so it’s a group of people that have pro-actively expressed an interest in getting kids together outside of school. Our daycare community is generally pretty Covid cautious (playdates are usually masked and/or outdoors) and from talking to other parents it seems like many kids are not in normal weekend activities because there are no activities for kids here that require masks to be worn. If my kid had weekend extracurriculars, I think we’d have a lot less need for play dates, but…Covid.
Anonymous says
In that case, could COVID be the explanation? We have temporarily paused all non-school gatherings and activities to minimize risk, even play dates with kids from the class.
OP says
I don’t think so. This issue pre-dates the Omicron surge. We haven’t reached out to anyone about a play date in the last month or so, both because of the surge/school quarantines and also because the weather has made it harder to do anything outdoors (we’re comfortable with indoors in masks, since the kids are all in school together, but some people prefer outdoor, which I get).
DLC says
We did drop off playdates around 3 but at that age it was with really good friends, and we thought of it more as “babysitting swap”. I feel like we hosted our first drop off birthday party when our oldest turned 4, and even then about half the parents stayed. Anecdotally, it was the parents with more than one kid that dropped off and left.
I don’t think you need to blame yourself at all about this. Kids have plenty of time to make friends and the ones that they make on their own will be the ones that stick.
Also my ten year old still asks for me to schedule playdates and I’m feeling like I need to stop calling them playdates…?
anon says
Anon, you aren’t holding your kiddo back, please cut yourself some slack! You kid is in daycare, that’s a lot of socializing already! If you really want to make playdates happen, offer the drop-off option ahead of time, or meet somewhere easy/mutual. If I didn’t click with the other parents, I’d still be happy to meet at a park, nature center, pool, etc. because I can kind of limit the time and just enjoy the kids (less forced convo). These other parents could have other kids/dealing with those kids’ issues, could have covid concerns, could be just burned out with work/parenting and want to be home all weekend (this is me a lot lol) — try not to take it personally if possible.
Anonymous says
This daycare is the play date. Weekends are family time.
Anonymous says
My kids started drop off play dates in preschool. For some kids, it might not be appropriate until older but for kids where I knew and was comfortable with the parents we would pick a friend up at PK and take them home for a bit after.
COVID has changed some things so ymmv but I would say a parent attending a playdate with a 1st grader is NOT the norm, even now!
Maisel says
Does anyone have a good system for keeping track of adorable things their kids do that they want to remember? DD is almost 1.5 and starting to do so many cute things! I’ve been writing them down in my planner, but I’m wondering if anyone has come up with a better way of organizing it.
avocado says
I had a dedicated notebook where I wrote down all the funny things she said and did. And remember to get it on video! At not quite age 2 my daughter had the most adorable party trick that came from listening to too much NPR with me. Failing to capture it on video is one of my many parenting regrets.
Anonymous says
Following. I just have a note in my phone.
Anonymous says
I am not fancy enough for this, but I’ve heard that people will make an email address for this. So you’ll send a quick email from your normal address to the new address with the story. And then they’ll be there down the road, and you can give your kiddo access if you wish when they’re older.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Google docs shared with my husband – we have one per kid per year and try to write down the date of each cute thing.
I agree on video but I’ve found that my kids, at around age 2 on, see me try to take a video and stop what they’re doing and just want to look at my phone. So do it stealthily.
Anon says
I made an email address for my daughter before she was born, and I used to email that email address about cute things she would do or say. I would also write her a letter on her birthday (and on some of the monthly milestones for the first year). Unfortunately I couldn’t keep it up much past age 2, which was also when the pandemic began. I suspect the pandemic was a factor in my inability to keep it up, but it also got harder to write candidly to her without saying anything negative, which I was trying to avoid doing. Now I’m not even sure I will eventually show the account to her, because I don’t want her to think I just lost interest in her after age 2. I guess I can explain the pandemic. Hopefully it will be something I have to actually explain and not something she’s currently living. Sigh.
sg says
Qeepsake app – it’s a text service where you can text in anything they say/photos etc and they text you a daily prompt. I LOVE it. You can also get a book made of all of your texts, haven’t done this yet.
Anon says
A One Line A Day journal.
Anonymous says
We have an ongoing email thread for this purpose!
EJF says
We do too! My husband and I have a separate email thread for each child. We’ll send emails with funny things kid said or just random updates about their interests. I know I could never keep up with anything formal (like a once a day thing), so this works great.
Anonymous says
Recommendations for a swimsuit that can be used for pregnancy (26 weeks +) and post-partum (hopefully breastfeeding)? Would prefer something with significant coverage as lots of pool/lake time will be around grandparents with Br*** of greatly varying size.
Anon says
Post partum I preferred a bikini top with bra sizing and a loose rash guard for bfing. My top changed sizes significantly during and post pregnancy, so nothing would have reasonably fit for both.
I didn’t wear a suit while visably pregnant given the season.
Anon says
This is a favorite rash guard for bfing and chasing a toddler. I wear it with boyshort bottoms and a bikini top.
BesserBay Women’s UV Sun Protection 1/4 Zip Short Sleeve Rash Guard Swimsuit Top https://www.amazon.com/dp/B084YPNS36/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_PDVF2BN13HMD107ZPW98?psc=1
Maisel says
Check out Senita Athletics!
DLC says
I loved wearing Lands End swim shorts when I was pregnant. The waist band was wide enough that it could go comfortably under my bump. I paired it with a regular tankini top, which was fine for nursing, but not really designed for it.
Marshmallow says
Just bought this bathing suit (rash guard, top, and high-rise bottoms) and like it a lot. I think it would work for BFing. https://www.freepeople.com/shop/palomar-crop-top-rashguard/?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=401&searchparams=q%3Drash%2520guard&type=REGULAR&quantity=1
Anon says
Has anyone done adventure travel with their elementary aged kids? Pre-pandemic we were still in little kid travel mode, by the kids are bigger and more adaptable now. I’m considering booking Egypt or Vietnam for next winter break. We did lots of very off the beaten path travel pre-kids so this would be the first in a while. I’m focusing on fairly well established destinations/routes as an intro trip.
(Cancelation policies are pretty good in case C-19 is an issue and am willing to take the risk of booking now that we’re all vaccinated.)
Ifiknew says
Following with interest. Mine are still little but want to do this once youngest is six or so.
Anon says
When you say “adventure travel” do you mean travel to developing countries? Or long flights? Countries where English isn’t spoken widely? I feel like there are a lot of different ways to define it, and to my mind it has more to do with the activity and less to do with the destination. You can have a very low-key, luxury hotel-based trip to Vietnam, or a very adventurous trip within the US (sailing with toddlers in Alaska, anyone!? ;))
We have only done Europe and North America with our 4 year old and will likely stick with those continents for the next year or two, mostly because of the pandemic situation and because we haven’t really traveled in two years and have lots of places in Europe we want to go. But honestly I don’t think going halfway around the world would be terribly challenging at this age (my kid watched 12 hours of Bluey non-stop on a recent road trip, and adjusts quickly to new time zones). We’re more just waiting on more far-flung destinations because they’re often expensive and I think it makes sense to wait until she’s older and more jaded and more able to remember things. She’ll be 7 when I turn 40 and I would love to go on safari in Africa that year, but we’ll just have to see. It will depend on her personality and interests and (sadly) probably also on the pandemic situation. My parents took me to Australia and New Zealand when I was 8 and I remember it well. It was a great trip, although I did get really sick with asthma complications, and we ended up having to go to an Australian ER (where they took amazing care of me and didn’t let my parents pay a dime). If my kid has a health issue like asthma, I think that would seriously limit where I would feel comfortable going, especially with the pandemic still ongoing.
Anon says
The exact version of “adventure” would likely depend on the location, but generally anywhere less developed and with a significant risk of gastrointestinal illness. Our general view is to make sure our trips use local transit rather than tour buses and we often use local homestays. When possible we try to get into nature in a kid-accesible way by hiking or kayaking.
(We took our 4 and 6 yos on a multi-day domestic kayaking trip so they’re reasonably experienced. The 8 yo can kayak solo for a full day as long as the current or wind isn’t too much for her. We also hike and camp regularly and did a 6+ mile hike with a 5 yo to a smaller summit where she hiked the whole way. They’ll be 6 and 9 yo by next winter. They also have been on ropes courses, rapelling, ziplining and white water rafting on several occasions, so those are also options.)
Anon says
I don’t know that there’s a huge risk of GI illness in southeast Asia if you follow the basic rules about what to eat and drink, which I imagine elementary age kids could do pretty easily, especially with reminders from parents. I went there a few years ago with a large group and no one got sick except my husband, and he has only himself to blame because he drank some water that didn’t come from a bottle.
anon says
My kids are a little young yet, but I have mental notes on two things: a Maine “family” summer camp, and a bike trip. When DH and I were in college, we did a road bike trip and met a family with older kids (maybe late elementary, jr high?) who rented an RV. One parent rode bike with the kids, the other drove the RV to the next campsite. Seemed like a great way to bond, learn some resiliency, etc. But- with the comfort of a parent being able to pick everyone up in bikes if anyone was ill/hurt/bikehurt/etc etc.
Anon says
Ooh what’s the Maine family camp?
Anonymous says
Not the OP but Appalachian Mountain Club has a family camp in Maine, and their lodges throughout New England often have family programs and accommodations. We did a fun canoe camping program at one of their Maine lodges pre-pandemic. I also want to try hut to hut hiking in their NH White Mountain network of cabins – it is like backpacking but without having to carry EVERYTHING and you get to sleep in a cabin at night. And the huts provide food (I think). Their Maine system offers similar cross country ski trips in the winter, but with a gear shuttle.
Anonymous says
I have not yet, but hope to soon!
I went to Vietnam a while ago and met family from the US traveling with elementary age kids on a 3 night cruise we did in Ha Long Bay (which I highly recommend, by the way). They were at the end of a multi-week swing through Southeast Asia, and I chatted up his parents because I had very young kids at the time and needed to know How You Do This.
Their main advice was to use a travel agent, and lean into family friendly tours / journey-as-destination (eg boat and train trips) / all-inclusives so you’re not the one trying to figure out how to adjust if there’s a wrinkle out of your control. Also, don’t schedule anything you’re really looking forward to for the first day or two if you do a massive time zone change.
(I’m sure you know, but check recommendations for vaccines, malaria prophylactics, etc well ahead of your intended travel date, and test out malaria pills at home if you think you’ll want to take them on your trip!)
Anon says
Our 7 year old daughter tested positive over the break; DH got it from her but I didn’t. What we both did: wear kn95/kf94 masks all day; improve air flow with partially opened windows; run air purifier in rooms where DD was sitting; maintain distance from DD to extent possible and move to an adjacent room when DD was eating/drinking. What I did differently from DH (may or may not have helped me not get it): continue to mask after DD went to bed (I assumed covid was airborne for at least two hours after DD had been in any room); only removed my mask in rooms that DD did not enter and could be closed off. My extra precautions were inconvenient but helped me feel more in control/less stressed.
Anon says
Halle-freaking-lujah our county health dept updated their guidelines so daycare/pre-K kids who can wear masks will only have to quarantine for 5 days after exposure (down from the current FOURTEEN, regardless of masking). This made my weekend so much better.