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Anytime there’s a cold snap, I immediately want to add a heated mattress pad to my cart. My mom swears by hers and I’m ready to take her advice.
This one from Sunbeam looks like an excellent choice. It has 10 heat settings, dual controllers, and auto shut-off. In addition to the joy I’ll get from jumping into a warm bed on a freezing night, perhaps it will soothe my stiff shoulders and back.
This heated mattress pad starts at $89.99 for a twin on Amazon.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Parental leave responsibilities for dad says
Soon-to-be mom looking for advice: when I give birth my husband I will have several weeks of overlapping leave before he goes back to work. I think we’re both going to be shell-shocked by all the work that goes into having a baby and this may be obvious in the moment – but as tactically as possible: what are the tasks we should think about him fully owning in this time? We had originally been thinking that I would start pumping pretty quickly so we could quickly start splitting up nighttime feedings, but just learned that pumping + bottles is supposed to wait a few weeks. I’m already feeling overwhelmed by how much feels like it is specifically on me and would love any guidance!
Cb says
Congratulations! I think Naples confusion might be a myth, so you might be fine? Someone recommended that dads should always be in charge of baths, it’s something practical, provides bonding, is direct care versus something like laundry. The first few weeks, bathtime will be a team effort but they should own the process. 4 years on, my son’s not convinced I know how to give baths like Daddy does.
But honestly, those first few weeks are just for figuring out how to feed the baby (and both bottles and nursing are great), coping with the sleep deprivation. We watched a lot of crap television on the couch and we should have chosen a show and watched that, versus Homes under the Hammer marathons.
Anonymous says
It is a myth for babies but a very real thing for autocorrect.
Anonymous says
Yep, it’s a myth. Use this time to figure out whatever feeding system works for your family. Are you giving birth at a Baby-Friendly hospital? If so, be prepared for them to push the “Naples” confusion myth.
anon says
LOL, this is a magnificent autocorrect.
OP, if you’re breastfeeding and/or pumping, have him help with bottle and equipment cleanup. Agree with the above poster that bath time is a nice bonding opportunity. But also, just have your DH hang out with the baby while you take a shower or take some time for yourself. Let him get in there and parent (and try to let him do it his way).
anon says
Yeah, I would plan for stuff like putting the baby to bed after feedings, hanging out with baby so you have time to yourself, etc. It’s hard to know how feeding will go – we had planned for me to pump and have him do some feedings, but my production with pumping was awful and I ended up not doing it.
Anonymous says
+1, keep an open mind about feeding. So much of it is baby-dependent.
Cb says
I just worried the actual word would put me in mod :)
AwayEmily says
I would say definitely get the baby started on bottles earlier rather than later. I don’t see why it has to wait. We introduced pumped milk right away with my first. With the second we got lazy, didn’t bother, and then he really struggled with taking a bottle later on, which was a huge pain.
anon says
Ugh, it’s such a chose-your-poison in my mind. I hated pumping (but also had to pump while still in the hospital, and do the horrible trio of BF, pump, bottle feed so I think that’s what made me really hate it), so in my mind it was easier to just BF at night than pump.
ElisaR says
agree the naples confusion is a myth. also, when pumping: remember to attach the bottle to the pump. i forgot more than once.
Aunt Jamesina says
I’m imagining someone intending to go to Italy and ending up in Florida.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hahaha. That would be tragic (no offense to those in Florida – I know very little about their Naples).
Anonymous says
We didn’t really bathe our babies at first — just a bit of spot-cleaning. Delicate skin / belly button stump / etc. The laundry, OMG, the laundry. That yellow baby poop has a velocity and just can fly if you are unlucky when the diaper is off.
Anon says
If he’s allowed to split his leave, I’d have him stay home for a few days while you’re recovering physically, but use most of his leave after you go back to work. I think it does a ton for a Dad’s confidence to solo parent for a period of time. It can shift expectations sor it really feels like he is a true co-parent with equal responsibility for the baby. If you’re home then you will end up the default.
Anonymous says
+1 – this is so baby-dependent, but when I really NEEDED help was when I went back to work and the baby entered his 4 month sleep regression. It didn’t help that my husband started a new, very high stakes job at the same time. When he was newborn he slept a lot and my parents were in town. But if he had been a super needy newborn or if I had had a more complicated recovery I probably would have felt differently.
Realist says
+1
EDAnon says
+1
Spirograph says
+1 I’m so glad my husband had solo childcare duties for a couple months, I really think it helped us talk *to* rather than *past* each other on everything from actual childcare to the frustration of feeling isolated from “adult life” while caregiving, etc.
Also, I didn’t really need help after the first couple days, and was happier to get into my own rhythm without feeling like I had an audience.
Anon says
ok well if you are going to try bfeeding, he can still change and burp the baby and get the baby back to sleep. He can also be in charge of laundry, meal prep. i had to pump at the beginning to get my supply up so if you do too, he can wash and sterilize the pump parts.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Love it, CB, I’m going to refer to this as Naples confusion to avoid mod! And yes, I think it is mostly a myth. It’s good that you’re thinking of this now. I would advise you to both take on night time fun – either by you b-feeding and then him changing and rocking baby to sleep, or him bottle feeding and then you rocking baby to sleep. Once you’re back at work, it also shouldn’t be all on you to deal with nighttime, so even if you split to 6hour chunks (one person on call 8pm-2am, other 2am-8am), you’ll both be familiar with dealing with the nighttime routine. Good idea on bath, and also he can be responsible for cooking and cleaning. When you’re both back at work, one of you will likely deal with dinner while the other does bottles and cleanup.
If at all possible, have your husband take several more weeks of leave when you return to work. Having that time for him to solo parent and just figure it out will do so much to set you up for an equitable parenting arrangement.
AwayEmily says
YES to the shifts thing. I had a ton of trouble sleeping with the baby in the room (the little baby grunts and snuffles activated all my anxiety and I just couldn’t fall asleep), so my husband would take him in another room for the first part of the night (like 8pm on) so I could get some solid sleep in.
Pogo says
Echoing all others – pumping and bottles right away is totally fine. If you are worried about baby preferring the bottle, you can use a preemie n*pple which is super slow flow and makes baby work for it just like at the b00b. So yes, having him in charge of pump parts and bottles is great.
I also had him in charge of any night time diaper changes or outfit changes (I had kids who peed all over the place as newborns for some reason) and then in the morning he brought me breakfast in bed. He was in charge of all the housework, laundry, taking out trash, etc. That was all super helpful. And just having another set of hands when you’re all set up to nurse and then forget something. Have him hold or wear baby so you can get use of both hands.
GCA says
CB, that was the best autocorrect ever! It is indeed a myth. Humans are tremendously flexible. We drink from cups, we drink with straws, we eat with our hands or forks and spoons or chopsticks — many babies have quite flexibly switched between breast and bottle. (And really, in case anyone tries to tell you otherwise, what are breast milk and formula but different foods?)
Anyway – have husband wash all the things. Baby laundry, cloth diapers if you use them, bottles, pumping parts. +1 on baths, an extension of the cleaning theme; to this day, DH is point on cleaning the kids (bathtime is apparently a lot more fun with him than with me – there may be a squirt gun involved). And he can change and swaddle and burp the baby.
Lise says
Honestly, I think we had some best-laid plans for this, but we ended up doing almost everything together because we were both overwhelmed and nervous and it was just easier and less stressful for us to do things together right at the beginning. My husband became the bath expert within the first 6 weeks, but we definitely both participated during the newborn “I hate baths” phase because we needed to morally support each other while the baby yelled at us haha.
We did put in place shifts at night pretty quickly. That was straightforward for us because my breastmilk supply was very low and my baby was mostly formula feeding, and also important because he would only sleep while being held for the first 5 weeks, so we were able to each get some rest by taking turns staying up with him. (FWIW, do not panic if you get this baby. He ended up becoming a great sleeper! The newborn time is just wild.) During the day, my husband would feed the baby formula while I pumped, which I hated because in my postpartum state I really wanted to feed him too, and my pump production was crappy anyway so it felt pointless, but this was an individual problem and obviously not universal.
You’re smart to recognize that being shell-shocked is totally normal, and you’re going to do great! I remember the morning after bringing our baby home, walking over to the Nespresso machine, asking my husband (who was holding the baby) how many shots to make and him just saying in a dazed voice, “um, maybe six?” You get better at figuring out your specific baby, and your baby gets better at being in the world.
AnonATL says
This was very similar to our experience too. We pretty much did everything together the first month or so because we needed the support. We had an early-pandemic baby so it was just the 3 of us figuring it out on our own.
My husband had 8 weeks of leave. He took 4 right when baby was born and then spread out the rest of it over the rest of the year
Fwiw I combo fed from the start with no issues.
Congrats and good luck to you OP!
Anonymous says
+1, pandemic baby over here, too. DH had two weeks’ leave, we had a very difficult newborn who wouldn’t eat or sleep, and we were in the trenches together.
Piper Dreamer says
Love the typo! Amazing!
On pumping, just personal experience, it ends up creating more work for me for both kiddos. If I just breastfeed, I can latch the baby and then close my eyes to get some rest. If I pump, I will need to get up, get hooked up to the machine, make sure I don’t spill the milk, and take 15-20 min to pump. My husband would be holding a screaming baby during that 15-20 min so no one is getting any rest…
My husband helps changing diapers in the night if there is poop. He cooks, cleans and does all of the other chores while I sit on the couch and feed the baby.
Anon says
+1 on pumping being more work. My husband never woke up in the middle of the night with the baby because I decided early on that I had no intention of waking up to pump while he gave the baby a bottle – I’d rather just nurse. However, it is important to note that I had a good supply AND we had a great sleeper who would fall asleep nursing or shortly thereafter and who never woke up in the middle of the night for any reason other than for hunger. I literally never had to try and soothe a crying baby back to sleep in the middle of the night. She’s probably a unicorn and who knows what we’ll get the second time around, but we took the W where we could get it :)
Boston Legal Eagle says
I have such vivid memories of rocking my first back to sleep in the middle of the night in a rock n play (now recalled) or in our arms, and then ever so carefully moving him like a bomb to his pack n play.
GCA says
Ha! Same with the glider-to-PnP transfer… After a few (weeks? months? I have zero recollection, that’s what sleep deprivation does to your brain) we just coslept, my first was a light sleeper who basically woke up if you looked at him funny.
Piper Dreamer says
Same! I am able to nurse both of mine back to sleep without fuss – now night weaning on the other hand…
Anonymous says
This. I hated pumping and it was a gigantic waste of time in the first 4 weeks. Pumping at work was NBD but early on, pumping was the worst.
DH used to bring me the baby, I nursed in bed, he changed diapers/got me water if needed, resettled baby. I rarely left the bed between 12am – 7am. He slept 8pm – 12am while I clusterfed and binge watched trash tv.
Walnut says
The best thing my husband and I did was split up sleeping shifts. He was on from 7PM to 1AM, I had 1AM to 7AM. This way we both had undisturbed blocks of sleep that allowed us to be effective when we were awake. It was 100% worth it for me to use a combo of breastfeeding, pumped milk and formula to secure some sleep time. I think it also set us up on a path to equal parenting early on.
We used BabyConnect to record feedings and diapers, which ensured the other parent had insight into how the other parent’s time went without having to wake them up for info. When my husband went back to work, he’d also check it so he knew where I was in the sleep/eat/diaper cycle and was able to hit the ground running when he walked in the door. It freed me from being the “keeper of the info” and from my husband having no clue if the day had been going well or not.
Anonymous says
+1 to this and other suggestions for sleeping in shifts. My baby liked to cluster-feed until 1:00 a.m. so I stayed up with her. Husband did the wee-hours bottlefeed. Your husband should be taking a night feeding shift even if he is working and you are not. Both parents need a solid block of at least 6 hours in order to survive.
Ashley says
I love the idea about the app so much. Definitely downloading before my baby #2 is born, and interested to hear if others have used similar apps.
anonM says
I used Hatch. Easy, you could track BF on each side, etc.
MNF says
We used Glow Baby for a long time – even paid for it so that we could add all caregivers (grandmas babysitting, nanny, etc.)
SC says
+1 to sleep shifts. I was pumping because baby had latching problems, and we were still able to give me one block of sleep. When I woke up, I just nursed and then pumped.
Anonanonanon says
Echoing the shifts thing.
My advice to women is always that, if you’re home longer than your husband, DO NOT TAKE ON HIS CHORES! I know this sounds petty, but if, for example, doing dishes is his chore, don’t do dishes just because you’re home and he’s at work. Don’t set the expectation or standard that being home with the baby isn’t a full-time job. I find that then women take on extra while they’re home with their baby, they end up (1) overwhelmed by being home with the baby (2) stuck with those chores in the long run.
Realist says
If you are b-feeding, he should do everything else. Everything. And you will still be doing the lion’s share of the work.
Anon says
I…don’t agree with this. I think it depends on the baby, the mom, the marriage, etc. We had an easy baby, a good latch, I loved b-feeding, and it felt like a blessing not a chore. I didn’t need someone else to handle everything else and would have been somewhat annoyed if my husband (or anyone else) had tried to imply that I didn’t have the bandwidth to do anything else.
HSAL says
Also disagree – I nursed twins and my husband did plenty, but I still handled some household stuff. Do what works for you both.
OP says
Thank you everyone for the thoughts and support here! Already making me feel better – and will definitely be taking your good ideas to practice! So grateful for this community.
Anonymous says
This is more long term, but you might also think about having him take on some of the less constant responsibilities that still take up brain space and end up being gendered for no good reason -e.g., buying diapers/baby clothes/creams etc., dealing with the pediatrician (this is constant in the beginning), organizing childcare, buying/making babyfood, buying baby gear, etc. Most of this involves some research and decision making and it gets exhausting. And as your child gets older, they bleed into the next version of it – like breastfeeding bleeds into you being the keeper of the baby food, and then the maker of school lunches, etc. Daycare turns into preschool, then school and summer camp. Get some of it off your plate and set the precedent now.
TheElms says
I think so much of the advice depends on what your baby is like, how you end up feeding the baby, and what you and your husband are like as people. My first baby was a really good sleeper, and my husband is useless in the middle of the night. (He’s a deep, deep sleeper and never heard the baby cry and isn’t very functional when woken in the middle of the night. He’s also a night owl and definitely not a morning person.) I nursed but also pumped during the day and supplemented with formula when needed. Like other posters I found pumping in the middle of the night significantly worse than just breastfeeding and I had poor supply so I couldn’t just sleep through. These are some things we did / ways of splitting tasks that worked for us in light of our personalities.
– The first week or so we both got up for everything in the night and did most of the day together (partly because neither of us knew what we were doing and I had a c-section and needed a bit of extra help). This left us both really exhausted and miserable (which is normal, but definitely try not to take anything either of you say to each other personally during this time. Like maybe write it down on a card and tape it to the fridge as a reminder. The first week to two weeks are just REALLY REALLY hard in my view).
– Husband went back to work (but from home pre-Covid) after 2 weeks. He transitioned back to the office at 4 weeks. In the 2 weeks he worked from home and thereafter, during the week, I did all the baby feeding, washing bottles, pump parts, sterilizing during the day. And I fed myself breakfast and lunch.
– Husband was responsible for figuring out dinner every night and making it appear and doing all the dishes from dinner/ lunch /breakfast.
– Husband did all the grocery shopping and other meal/food planning.
– Husband was responsible for all dog walks and dog feeding.
– We started a bedtime routine around 2 weeks and husband was responsible for that. It included bath (not every night), feeding the baby a bottle, diaper, book and a song and then getting the baby down. To this day husband does all the baths and bedtimes unless he is travelling or has a really important meeting that can’t be moved (has happened a handful of times in almost 3 years).
– I did all the night feeds and changes. Husband slept unless I struggled to get the baby back down to sleep, in which case I would wake husband up and he’d try to get baby back to sleep or if that failed walk with the baby until the next feed so I could get some sleep before the next feed.
– On the weekends husband would take an afternoon feed and I’d skip a pump session (supply seemed lowest then anyways) and I’d take an afternoon nap.
– Husband did all the washing of bottles and pump parts and sterilizing on the weekends.
– Husband does all the laundry (but when I was on maternity leave I generally had time to fold it and put it away; now whoever has time does it or we try and get our daughter to help with it!).
anon says
A lot of good advice already, so I’ll just add that some of this really does depend on how labor/delivery go for you and how you feel postpartum. I literally could not lift my first newborn up for several days, so DH did every swaddle and diaper change. Number 2 was much better and I felt better, so DH did a little less with the newborn (and more with toddler). So, you can’t plan out every task and I’d just have some convos on flexibility, both having an attitude of doing what you can and not keeping score, etc. There’s such a range of experiences that are health/baby/delivery dependent, but if you are lucky and things go smoothly and baby is healthy, there is some real magic (sleep deprived, hard, overwhelming, etc., but still some magic) to the first few weeks.
Anonymous says
Have some formula and a couple different types of bottles on hand in case you need or want to supplement.
Anonymous says
This! There’s a ton of good advice upthread. After my first I thought there was a “correct” way to coparent, but now I think it’s mostly about communication. Start talking to him now about night schedules, splitting duties, the fact that diapers and wipes and dinner do not magically arrive at your doorstep every night for the baby’s whole life, etc. Everything can change once baby arrives, but having those conversations beforehand is really helpful for managing expectations and minimizing resentment. Congratulations!
Aunt Jamesina says
Congrats! I’m all five weeks in, and my husband had the first three weeks off. I also wanted to pump so we could split night duties, but then realized that I’d still have to wake up just as often overnight to maintain supply. I was advised by the lactation specialist at the hospital not to pump until nursing was established (around three or four weeks), although I did use a Haakkaa and was able to get some milk passively. I agree that nipple confusion is not a thing! My husband now gives her a small bottle when he gets home from work as a bonding activity/break for me/way to get her used to bottles before she goes to daycare. It’s great, but we didn’t get there until 3.5 weeks in.
Baby Jamesina sleeps in a bassinet next to our bed, and I deal with her night feedings. My husband has done nearly all of the overnight diaper changes. While I’m obviously pulling more of the weight for now, I appreciate not having to actually get up and change her diaper, and I can now nurse her in bed without putting much energy into it. Since I can sleep in a bit and nap during the day while I’m on leave and my husband can’t, it works for now. I think it’ll settle into a more equitable division in a few more months. Husband did literally 100% of cooking, cleaning, gophering, and feeding me while he was on leave, and knows that when he gets home from work now that I need a break at the end of the day, too.
My biggest advice is to just let things happen, communicate your needs to your partner, and not worry about establishing any sort of routine or thinking anything is set in stone the first few weeks. Roll with it, and adjust as you go. One of my girlfriends with four kids said her mantra in the first weeks is to “be the b00b” and just go with it and know that the intensity of the early days WILL pass. Our baby is already a bit easier than she was initially. After reading ALL the books on nursing, sleep, and child development and going crosseyed after seeing all the conflicting information, I find it freeing to let go of any expectations and just read baby’s cues.
IHeartBacon says
Both of you should read How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids.
Sleep sacks says
LO is 18 mos and growing out of her baby Woolino sleep sack, and I’m on the fence about what to do next. She’s not a fan of blankets – gets tangled and can’t figure out how to undo it on her own, yet. How long did you keep your kiddos in sleep sacks?
Anonymous says
We got rid of the sleep sacks when she started climbing out of the crib and we switched to a toddler bed, so around 21 months. Climbing in a sleep sack seemed even less safe than climbing with legs free.
ANon says
my 3.5 year olds are still in sleep sacks. i heard the woolino ones are very big? we tried blankets but they prefer their sleep sack, so sticking with that for now
OP says
They’re very wide, but my kid is getting too long.
Anon says
i have twins – one is 90% for height and still manages to fit into her sleep sack.
Anonymous says
Good for her! For whatever reason, what seems to be working for your kid is not working for mine.
Anon says
They have toddler sizes that are very long – you will need a new one. My 2 year old wears a 4t and could still fit in the Woolino toddler sleep sack, though he refuses to these days.
Anonymous says
My 2.5 year old is just starting to be too tall for the Kyte sleep sack in the largest size.
Anon says
Can you do the footed sleep sacks? I am looking into those currently since we are in the same situation.
OP says
I was looking at those, too. Might be worth a try!
Pogo says
Halo makes some very large sizes and also an “early walker” version that has foot holes. Mine didn’t have an issue with sleep sacks until we took him out of crib at 2.5.
Pogo says
https://www.halosleep.com/halo-sleepsack-big-kids-micro-fleece-elephant-bk-mf-elph
Anonymous says
Thanks!
Anonymous says
This. My 99th percentile 3 year old is still in her Halo sleepsack with the foot holes. She loves it. I ask her if she just wants a blanket, but she says her sleepsack keeps her comfy cozy :)
Anonymous says
Right. We used sleepsacks really late. Basically until kiddo went into a real bed at almost 4.
TheElms says
Woolino makes a baby sleep sack for up to 2 years and a toddler sleep sack for 2-4 years. Have you looked at the toddler size? Otherwise the Halo XL sacks fit my 99% height toddler past age 2, so that would likely get you at least another 6 months.
An.On. says
We took ours out when she outgrew one size and wasn’t quite big enough for the next size, around 6-7 months. We just bit the bullet and put her in fleecy footed pjs for warmth, and there wasn’t any issue over the transition.
anon says
We transitioned out around 14-15 months, because my son is huge. We put in him pajamas, socks, and a small blanket (it’s like24 inches square). He gets tangled in larger blankets, but he’s okay with that size. He’s only just now (19 months) figuring out how to use it, but he’s warm enough in jammies + socks so he’s sleeping just fine.
jz says
get the halo with feet holes! my son is 2.5 and is still in sleep sack and i will keep buying them for as long as i can. They’re great. I worried aobut his feet being cold but in reality they’re so big you never have to take the feet out until he is out after sleeping and wants to walk.
Nanny vacation - WWYD says
Our (amazing) nanny is planning a trip to her country of origin in July. She hasn’t been home in 7 years, and I’m thrilled for her.
She gets 10 days of paid vacation each year (in addition to federal holidays, and any days we take as vacation days she gets off as well). She let me know that she’s planning on taking 3 weeks off total (the week of the 4th of july and the two subsequent), for travel, a day of quarantine upon arrival, a few days to reorient when she gets home, etc). She said we can not pay her for the “extra” days (above and beyond her 10 days).
Would you still pay her? I don’t want to set a precedent that she can always just take off as much time as she wants as long as it is unpaid, but she’s super responsible and fantastic and this is not going to be a yearly event by any means. I’m kind of just leaning towards paying her…
Pogo says
With great caregivers, I also lean towards being generous. We do have a precedent of (preCOVID) our caregiver going to her home country for several weeks, but only being paid for her agreed upon paid vacation. She doesn’t abuse it and I really value that she doesn’t take any days off otherwise (like she doesn’t just take random unpaid extra days – only when she goes home). It’s a long trip and she wants to spend time with her family, so it seems worth it to me. So either paid or unpaid, I would say if shes otherwise responsible I wouldn’t worry about her making a habit of taking extra days off.
Anonymous says
Why not be generous, if you are able? Once every 7 years to see family is a Big Deal.
Anonymous says
I would not promise to pay her or pay her in advance. It’s important to me that we have clear boundaries and one of mine is “I need you to work”. But, I’d probably wind up including the days in her check anyway.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I don’t have a nanny, but yeah, I’d pay her. It seems like a very one off situation and I’m sure she would appreciate it a lot more than any financial burden to you, and would set you up for a good relationship going forward.
Cb says
Yeah, I’d pay her or give her a bonus ahead of her trip as “spending money” as she might have expenses, be asked to help out relatives, etc once she’s there?
Anonymous says
Yeah, if you want to avoid setting a precedent you could call it a bonus. But it sounds like you are confident it won’t be a yearly event anyway, so I would just pay her.
EDAnon says
+1
Anon says
Agreed that if you can afford the extra 4 days, I’d go ahead and pay her.
anon says
Yup, without second thought.
Anonanonanon says
If I could afford that third week I would, or would give her half a week’s pay ahead of the trip in cash as a “bonus” so she has some cash to travel with.
Anon says
We have a nanny who we lovingly refer to as the “third leg of our parenting stool.” She is beyond amazing, and goes above and beyond each day. She feels like part of our family, and treats our kids like part of hers.
When she did a similar trip this past summer, we paid her for the whole trip, and also bought her son a ticket so he could go. I think you know whether it’s likely to become a regular occurrence based on her performance as a nanny, but also, just in general, when I think about the hardships she has experienced in her life, it felt like the right thing to do for her. YMMV, of course.
Anon says
Yes and I’d give her the money as a bonus a few weeks before the trip so she can know she has it and plan accordingly.
Anon says
You could give her an extra large holiday bonus?
anon says
I would not, but my relationship with my nanny has very firm boundaries and is very much a professional, not personal one. Also because I would need to pay for backup care for that period, so would already be bearing a financial cost associated with her extra week of leave.
Piper Dreamer says
Did anyone see that Dr. Fauci said Pfizer under 5 vax could be authorized next month? What does that mean given Pfizer said they would not even submit their data until end of March? Off-label? I know I am just grasping at straws here but I am really hoping this is it…
Anon says
i did not, but i know that there is a moderna trial going on as well. i wonder what is going on with that
Anon says
Moderna was supposed to have data mid-January but they were asked to explain. They now say their data is coming in April-ish so authorization potentially in May, but I’m skeptical because Moderna isn’t approved for older age groups and the FDA basically never goes out of order.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I hope so!! He said they would need 3 shots, so maybe if they have enough safety data on that next month, it’ll be approved?
Anonymous says
So did Pfizer just tack a third dose onto the existing low-dose trial to speed things up?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, I think it was faster to add a third dose v. starting the trial over with a higher dose for 2-4 year olds (which is likely what they should have done originally…)
Anonymous says
Yes it’s very easy to know how to safely administer a vaccine in hindsight on the internet isn’t it
Anon says
Yes, I believe the FDA even recommended they add a 3rd dose. But they could have gone ahead with 2 concurrent trials – adding a 3rd dose and also a new trial with a higher dose. If the 3rd dose regimen doesn’t pan out, they’ll have pushed the timeline back even further.
Anonymous says
Yes, faster to add a third dose than to start over with approvals, recruitment, etc.
Anonymous says
What I want to know is whether they tried different dosages and, if not, why not. Didn’t the 5-12 trials use a range of dosages?
Anon says
The trials worked the same way for all age groups. There are two phases of trials. Phase 1 uses a very small number of kids to evaluate the safety of several different doses. Then they pick one dose and advance to much larger Phase 2/3 trials to study efficacy and safety across a bigger, more diverse population. Choosing what dose to advance is kind of a guessing game of trying to balance side effects with expected efficacy, and they seem to have guessed too low for the 2-4 age group.
Anon says
I love Fauci, but I think he is just trying to say something optimistic. He said something like, he hopes it will be in the next month or so and at least not much later than that. Pfizer says they expect results late March/early April, which falls within Fauci’s “not much later” language. Moderna seems to be a bit further along their testing, although I don’t know how their results are looking.
anon says
Am I the only parent who does NOT want my young child given this vaccine asap? I would under no circumstances allow my baby to get this “off label” without thorough testing. I have absolutely no problem waiting.
Anonymous says
You must have a nanny. Any parent with kids in day care wants a safe, effective* vaccine administered to all kids in the center to end the vicious cycle of classroom closures.
*yes they have thoroughly tested it and it’s safe, just not effective enough with two low doses; the EUA process for the vaccines has played out mostly like the actual approval process
Anonymous says
You must want your young child to get COVID.
anon says
Anon at 10:38, are you that reductive in real life or just behind a screen?
Anonymous says
I dunno, I think “I don’t want my kid getting any new vaccine” is pretty reductive.
Anon for this says
You are not the only one. I agree.
Anon for this says
I will add, we have a nanny and our too young to be vaccinated currently kid already has already had Covid, so yes, I recognize that someone in different circumstances likely would feel differently.
Anonymous says
I hope you don’t go to our day care.
AIMS says
I think around here there are a lot of folks who would get all the vaccines as soon as possible and yesterday if it was somehow possible . Not judging, we all deal with this stuff (and our attendant anxiety) in different ways.
I am with you – okay to wait for a full trial.
The one thing that I heard about this that made sense was from Scott Gottlieb who said that Pfizer could be authorized sooner if there were significant kid hospitalizations, so, if kids were getting sick more from this or another variant, they may authorize the first doses to start while they wait for the third dose results to come in. But I sincerely hope that won’t be necessary!
Pogo says
I don’t know anyone IRL who is waiting, but I do live in an extremely liberal bubble and my friends skew tech (particularly biotech) due to my education/job/location. Like I have a close friend who works at Moderna. With all the millions of doses that have been given over the last year+, I am confident in the safety profile. Especially as many 5 year olds will have had their doses for 6mos+ by the time we get ours for the under 5’s.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Same – living in this area certainly persuades me of this. My 5 year old got his shots as soon as they were approved and I plan to do the same for my 3 year old.
EDAnon says
+1
My sister lives in a much more conservative community and she waited (is still waiting?) to get her 8yo vaccinated. Where I live is very liberal, very highly educated, and very health sciences heavy. I think that’s a huge part of why my 5yo got vaxxed right away.
Anonanonanon says
In the beginning of all of this, I felt the same way. My kid was 2 at the time though and is about to be 4 and this thing is going getting worse and spreading faster. I thought this would last 18 months and it’s worse than ever so my thinking has definitely changed.
Anonymous says
Have fun not vaccinating your child but I hope you’re excluded from day care then.
Anonymous says
It’s not off label. That term means something completely different. Pfizer and Moderna are using decades’ old technology. It’s being tested very thoroughly. As a comparison, early smallpox vaccination involved injecting cow pus into a person’s arm. I’d take an mRNA vaccine over that any day.
Anon says
Giving a vaccine to under 5s before it’s authorized for under 5 is off-label. It is using a product not according to the prescribed uses on the label. (Per the OP question of how could it be given if the application was not even submitted for approval yet)
Anonymous says
I took OP’s comment to mean that she doesn’t want to have her child vaccinated after the EUA comes through because she isn’t satisfied that it will have been thoroughly tested. She wants to wait for full FDA approval. Vaccination under an EUA is not off-label.
Anon says
“Could be authorized” implies authorization? Nobody is suggesting giving unauthorized vaccines here.
Anonymous says
What Anon at 12:47 said. Giving a 5-year-old dose to a 2-year-old right now, before an EUA for kids <5, would be off-label. Anon at 10:30 implied she didn't want to give her child the vaccine AFTER the EUA for kids <5. If there's an EUA, then giving a child an authorized vaccine for that age group is not not off-label because you're using it for precisely what it was authorized for.
Anon says
I used to feel this way, and said as much in a comment here once. But new variants, and the fact that herd immunity is not happening, have changed my mind. I had hoped we could achieve herd immunity through adult and teen vaccination without needing to vaccinate very young children and it seemed like we might get there in May/June of last year. But it’s clearly no longer possible and there’s no doubt the risks of catching Covid unvaccinated are significant, even to young children. Even if you look at myocarditis ONLY, the virus is 6 times more likely to cause it than the vaccine. And that’s the only vaccine adverse effect, but there are many other complications caused by the virus, including ~1,000 pediatric deaths, almost all, if not exclusively, in unvaccinated children. Since getting Covid is unfortunately now inevitable and it’s abundantly clear the risks of getting Covid while unvaccinated far outweigh the risks of the vaccine, the choice to vaccinate young children is very easy to me now.
Anon says
I live in one of the least vaccinated states in the US, but we work at a university and attend campus daycare, so pretty much everyone who know locally is a college professor or married to one and our friends from college and grad school are basically all STEM people who are super pro-vaccine. I don’t know anyone IRL who hasn’t vaccinated all their eligible kids. I do know one person who wanted to wait a couple weeks just to make sure there weren’t going to be rare side effects that the clinical trials were too small to pick up (which I think is reasonable, although not the choice I’d make myself), but most people got their kids the first available appointment and I already know a couple 5 year olds who got vaccines as birthday presents.
Anonymous says
Fauci has been talking ahead of the science for months now. I’m not getting my hopes up until I can actually schedule a vax appointment for my kid.
ElisaR says
i didn’t hear that but we had our 4 yr check up yesterday and my doc said she thought a vaccine for 6 months-2yrs would be approved before the 2-4 yr old one. that was news to me and felt like a gut punch. i got my 5 yr old vaccinated immediately and would like my youngest to have the same protection the rest of our family has….. for him to be in a tiny sliver of the population that isn’t eligible is just so frustrating.
Anon says
What your ped said is a common misconception, but not correct. Pfizer’s trial of 0-5 was safe for all age groups but only effective for children under 2. So some hope/think they will submit the younger cohort first, out of order. But Pfizer executives and the FDA have said repeatedly they not submitting out of order. They arentrialing a third dose booster in all children under 5, and will not submit any results to the FDA until they have the analysis of the booster shot. Authorization for 0-5 will be all at once.
Anonymous says
Not an insider, but this makes sense given the study design.
Anon says
I’ve been following this very closely and have contacts with some insider info. Unfortunately, Fauci is misinformed. This isn’t the first time he’s said something way off base about the timing of kids trials. He specifically said young children will need 3 doses, so he is not referring to off label expansion of the older age group’s 2 dose regimen, which is the only plausible scenario under which a vaccine could be authorized so soon.
Pfizer’s under 5 trial failed in the age 2-4 age group in December. It worked for kids under 2, but is not being submitted to the FDA yet because they want to submit 0-5 as one group, probably for logistical/administrative reasons. In hindsight, 2-4 year olds should have had a higher dose, probably the 5-11 dose, but the decision was made to try a third dose booster instead because starting a higher dose trial would require starting from scratch with new trial subjects. The kids enrolled in the Pfizer trial (I know several) are scheduled for third doses in February and early March. There is probably at least a month and maybe two follow-up needed for safety and to get a reading of antibody levels. The earliest Pfizer could submit to the FDA would be April, which would mean approval in May, and that’s a very best case scenario.
Moderna had a large trial enrolled last fall that was supposed to get a data readout in January. The FDA recently asked them to expand (the second expansion! they already expanded last fall on the FDA’s request). Now they say they will have data in ~April, so likely a similar timeframe to Pfizer. Conspiracy theorists might say the FDA is deliberately stalling Moderna so Pfizer wins the race, and honestly that wouldn’t shock me. Moderna is also tricky because it hasn’t yet been approved for 12-17 and 6-11 year olds, and I really don’t see the FDA saying “Hey, parents – vaccinate your babies with a vaccine that we haven’t deemed safe for teens!” They’re so obsessed with avoiding anything that might lead to vaccine hesitancy, and it’s hard to see how that would give the public trust in vaccines.
My best guess (assuming the Pfizer booster trial works) is we will have a three dose Pfizer regimen approved sometime between June and September, and that will be the first vaccine authorization for kids under 5 in the US. If the Pfizer third dose trial fails efficacy, we’re probably looking at 2023.
Anon says
what happened to Moderna for ages 5-17?
Anon says
The US has not authorized Moderna 12-17 because they’re worried about rates of myocarditis, which appear to be somewhat higher with Moderna than Pfizer. Teens and young adults are the age groups with the highest rates of myocarditis; it seems to be significantly less of an issue with pre-pubescent children. But Moderna hasn’t even submitted 6-11 data to the FDA yet, even though it came out a while ago (I want to say October?). It’s unclear to me if it was Moderna’s choice to submit them sequentially, or if the FDA basically ordered them not to submit until the 12-17 review is done.
In Canada, Moderna is already approved for 12+ and they’re analyzing 6-11 now with a decision expected quite soon I think (they’ve been analyzing it for over two months, but they do tend to take a bit longer than the US FDA). Since Moderna submitted 6-11 data to Health Canada before the US, it’s possible they could do the same thing with younger kids, so Moderna may be available for young children in Canada before any vaccine is authorized for that age group in the US. Although in that situation I would imagine there would be a lot of public pressure on the FDA to authorize it, because Americans generally trust Canadian authorities and would demand access to the vaccine. It’s also possible that Americans with the means could travel to Canada to get their kids vaccinated; I don’t know what Canada’s rules are about that.
Anonymous says
My 3 y/o won’t be getting it. The rest of my family (5,9, adults) are fully vaccinated. 3 year old has already had COVID. If long term it shows that a vaccine would be good for her, we’d get it. But right now, she had a runny nose for 2 days and that was it. COVID over (for her) (for now).
Anonymous says
My concern with a wait-and-see approach would be that if a new variant emerged, you wouldn’t be able to complete the series quickly enough to protect your child fully. That would have been the case with Omicron and a three-dose series. And there will be a new variant.
Anon says
Also plenty of people get reinfected, and a second infection is not necessarily less severe, so previous infection is not a reason to not vaccinate. I know someone who had a mild first infection and was hospitalized on their second infection. (These were confirmed infections, a year apart not a “I had a sore throat in March 2020, it was probably Covid” situation).
Fail says
Really just thriving over here. Forgot to pack boots and snowpants last week, so 3.5 yo DD had to play inside at preschool. Today, we missed pajama day. Really looking forward to an inevitable third miss in the near term. At least school is open two weeks in a row…??
Cb says
Gosh, they don’t have some extra pants hanging around? We’ve forgotten a coat twice in the last week? Once at swim lessons and once at nursery dropoff. But preschools shouldn’t be torturing parents with dress up days, save that nonsense for school.
Anonymous says
We had far more of that nonsense in preschool than in elementary. My favorite was the time they demanded that every child in the 1-year-old room bring a stuffed bear for “bear camping day,” the night before. My kid had a dog and a giraffe at home, but not a bear. Bears were not acceptable. Second-favorite was the demand for birthday cupcakes for my 1-year-old. She didn’t even know what a birthday was and it was the middle of the week and I was in grad school. This was also a university day care where most parents believed frosting was the devil, so I would have had to come up with some crazy homemade all-natural sugar-free recipe. When I suggested that they just do their other usual birthday stuff like sing the song and forget the cupcakes, the teachers were offended.
Our elementary school doesn’t even let the kids dress up for Halloween. They have a PJ day, a crazy hair day, and a “dress up as your favorite book character but not a movie character and don’t wear a Halloween costume and you better not have any fake weapons” day every so often.
Anonymous says
*dogs were not acceptable
Boston Legal Eagle says
“dogs were not acceptable” – As if the 1 year olds would care!! That sounds so annoying. Our elementary school has so far not had any dress up days or themed days beyond Halloween. I don’t know if that’s Covid related or if they do those in spring, but I am perfectly fine with not having to coordinate that! Our daycare does pj days sometimes (which we are 50-50 on, if we remember) but they stopped spirit weeks, as I think the poor teachers and directors have too much else going on now.
Cb says
NOOOOOOO! That’s awful. Our nursery does the baking there, so the birthday kid gets to choose a pal to do baking with, and then the “cake” is shared with all the children. We basically do nothing except drop him off in clothes.
Anon says
We had a bear camping day too, but they supplied the bears! (They were really cheap ones, I’m assuming a teacher got them at the dollar store.)
Anonymous says
We had a career day. I dressed my kiddo up as a WFH lawyer – t-shirt and leggings, just like mom!
Anonymous says
Love this!
Pogo says
Every day I forget something, whether it’s the kid’s boots or milk for the baby or my own ID badge (last one was today). Every day we’re all alive and employed is a true victory, if I were ever able to remember everything, I might not know what to do with myself.
S says
If it makes you feel better we forgot my daughter’s special show and tell day at daycare and so she had to improvise and “show” the random toy onion and egg in her backpack. Whoops!
Walnut says
If it makes you feel better, we skip a solid 90% of daycare’s rando dress up days.
EDAnon says
My kids are 0% interested in dressing up so we skip all of them (except Halloween).
Anon says
LOL, dress up days for preschool? We knowingly skip those. You’re doing fine, mom!
So Anon says
Um, same. I deleted my entire work email inbox on Tuesday morning on accident. IT was able to restore it but then I had to spend way to much time redeleting the things that I had taken care of. So that’s how my week is going…
anon says
OMG
EDAnon says
Aww I am sorry
Mary Moo Cow says
Speaking of making life easier, I just bought a home photo printer. I’ve had to order photo prints to pick up for a school project 4 times this school year and none of the drugstores or big box stores in my area that offer print pick up from Shutterfly are on my school or commute route, so it is really inconvenient. Watch, now I won’t need a photo for a school project until 2023.
Anonymous says
For school photo projects, I just print on our normal color printer on photo paper. Not great but good enough.
Anonymous says
The printer will run out of ink when you need it. You cannot win.
Anonymous says
I know the answer to this is therapy but I just need to vent for a second. DH has retroactively decided he wants one kid instead of three. He’s told me we just have to “white knuckle through the next 18 years.” I want to tell him if we do that I will be gone in year 19. I’m not your live in nanny; I’m your wife. I’m so angry and feel very gaslighted.
Anonymous says
Ooof. FWIW, we have one very wanted child and still often tell each other we will have to white-knuckle it through the next however many years. Parenthood is hard.
Anon says
I understand your frustration/disappointment, but I don’t think this is gaslighting. The reality of having a child vs. theoretically planning for a child is not always the same. Three kids might have sounded appealing to your husband in theory, but now that he has one, it sounds as if his thoughts have changed. I think that is fairly common tbh.
OP says
Sorry: I wasn’t clear. We already have three children. That’s what I meant by retroactive.
Anon says
Ahh, gotcha!! Hmm yeah that is problematic, and I have no real advice in that scenario. If all three of your kids are still young (or at least one of them is still young), things may improve as time passes.
Anon says
Did you ask him which two he intends to give up? I’m only partially kidding. Let’s hope it was an emotional outburst to the thankless job that is raising multiple children and that he doesn’t actually mean it. I’m sorry though. The words I have to describe that won’t make it through the filter.
OP says
This made me laugh: thanks. it was definitely said in a moment of exasperation. I’m just the wrong audience for that ATM :) This is a weird thing to say but I know he will be better with them when they’re two. He just has a hard time with babies. I do too but like…they’re babies. They’re not crying to annoy you; they’re helpless.
Anonymous says
By “retroactively” do you mean that you have three and he wishes you’d stopped at one? Or that the original plan was three and he now he wants to be one and done? If the latter, you can’t really know how many children you are capable of parenting until you actually have at least one. We planned have two or three. After the first, we realized that we had a pretty good thing going and didn’t want to mess it up, so we didn’t have another. A few years later the $hit hit the fan and we were very happy we didn’t have two, because we wouldn’t have had the capacity to deal with two.
Regardless, if your husband is talking about white-knuckling it through the next 18 years then you must have an infant right now. Everyone has that same thought at least once in those miserable, sleep-deprived early days or months.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Can you explain more OP about what he said? You have three kids but he now only wants to take care of one? And expects you to take care of the others solo? I mean yeah, that is a huge issue that you should probably expand on in couples therapy.
Anonymous says
Do you by any chance have one older child plus infant twins?
OP says
Yes
Anonymous says
I have this. It’s hard AF when they are small but our marriage is actually great now. Hire all the help you can afford – have people change your sheets and use food delivery. Get a nanny instead of sending out to daycare if possible so you don’t have to dress them in the morning.
At the end of the day, there are seasons in life. Starting regular date nights, even if it was just drinking wine and watching a new show together for an hour every Saturday night really helped us reconnect.
OP says
Thanks. It truly is hard AF even though I love all four of them. I’ll ask if he wants to drink beer and watch a movie tonight. That’s a good suggestion.
anon says
You have to give each other mulligans for stupid ish you say during the infant twin time. It is just so trying, but it will pass and life will recalibrate. I am a twin and have twins and once broke down in tears when my guys were babies apologizing to my mom profusely for not appreciating all that she went through for us. Now mine are in elementary school and I don’t break down in tears over parenting, even though some days are a challenge.
anon says
I’m having a hard time telling what he meant by that comment, tbh. Is he referring to white-knuckling parenthood? Your marriage? Does he wish you had fewer kids and isn’t loving being a parent?
Anonymous says
Aw man, hugs to you both. I have 3 and I feel like we white knuckled through until the youngest was two. I did often regret having 3 (but never regretted #3).
Twins are hard. You both need a break and a nap. It gets better.
Anon says
are you the one who recently posted about your twins not sleeping? anything and everything is worse when no one sleeps. i agree with hire all the help/outsource as much as you can. you are still in survival mode! pb&j and frozen food for dinner. i know you have an older one, but take turns being with the older one on weekends and napping when the twins nap.
as an aside – right before i found out i was pregnant with twins, DH and I were having a conversation and I made a joke, like I hope we don’t have triplets. without missing a beat he said “oh we’ll just give one away.” we had always planned on 1-2 kids, never 3. we had a huge huge huge fight. fortunately, i only had two babies inside of me, but i also wanted to know how he would decide which one to give away and how we would explain it to the other two when they were older…
parenting is hard. parenting multiples is harder. parenting during a pandemic makes everything even harder. sending hugs
Budgeting Childcare says
After finally having a baby, I’m ready to leave my biglaw job for the government. But now I’m trying to budget for childcare. We currently have a nanny and if I go into government I’ll have to take a huge pay cut. Assuming a HHI of $300K and what we currently pay our nanny, is it crazy to spend 20% of that on childcare or do we need to start considering other options or should I wait to take a pay cut once the baby is a bit older and can go to pre-K? I also live in the DC area where costs are generally high and people seem to send their kids to private school even for pre-K (I did public school and always thought I’d send kid to public school too but with covid now, who knows). I’m pretty miserable at my job so was hoping to get out soon but running the numbers now seems daunting. Just wondering how much childcare is a portion of HHI for others.
Realist says
If you can afford everything you need and some wants and keep some emergency savings, I don’t think it is crazy to spend 20% or even more on childcare if that is what works for your family and optimizes everyone’s career and sanity.
Anonymous says
I don’t think it’s useful to think in terms of percentage of income. 20% of income at HHI of $300K is more in dollar terms but less in impact than 20% of HHI at $60K or $80K or even $200K. I make affordability decisions in terms of extra income. Start with your baseline budget, including tax-advantaged retirement savings (we consider these mandatory and non-negotiable). What’s left is available for general savings, college savings, child care, or additional spending like vacations, a new car, or home improvements. What tradeoffs are you willing to make in that discretionary bucket? That’s how you decide whether to switch from a nanny to day care or whether to postpone a pay cut.
Anne-on says
Infant daycare is more expensive than as they get bigger and they can lower the child/caregiver ration but 20% is not crazy to me – our HCOL area has a high % of SAHM and not that many daycares so what is available is very costly. It was easily 25% of our takehome pay for a year or two. We didn’t really take ‘vacations’ for at least 2 years after baby so diverted those funds into childcare which helped.
Anonanonanon says
In the same metro area. Our combined income is around $250K. We spend 2K a month for our preschooler to have full-day care at a childcare center, and appx 800 a month for evening help three nights a week because my husband can have unpredictable hours and I’m in school five nights a week. The 800 is a “nice to have” not a “have to have.”
I caution parents in this area looking forward to elementary school that when my older one was a young elementary schooler, I still spent about $15K a year on childcare. Between having reliable before/after school care that also covered teacher workdays, school breaks, snow days, etc., and having summer care that actually covered an entire workday, it came out to that cost. It’s cheaper if you can rely on the extended day care provided by your school system, but that didn’t provide the level of coverage we needed.
SC says
In general, I encourage people to spend as much as they can afford on a childcare arrangement that’s best for their family until their child goes to school. It’s only a few years, especially if you only have 1-2 children, and it will be worth it in terms of future income potential, your family/marriage, or just plain sanity. If daycare cost 10-15% of your income, what would you do with the difference? What is the real impact of that money for your family? I do think the discussion about private school is different because it’s a much longer outlook.
I’ve had a nanny, sent my son to daycare, and now have him in private school. Our nanny was about 20% of our HHI–we went that route because there were literally no infant daycare spots available in our area. Later, we sent Kiddo to daycare, and, after job changes for both me and DH, daycare was about 15% of a much smaller HHI (so we actually had less available). Now, Kiddo is in a private school for children with exceptionalities, and tuition is about 10% of HHI.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Not crazy. Daycare for two kids last year was more than our monthly housing expense (mortgage+property taxes+insurance) and we’re in a HCOL area. I think both of those together was somewhere around 60% of our take-home, so childcare was ~30%. Don’t stay at a job you hate.
govtattymom says
Congratulations! I am an attorney in the federal government and lived in the DC area when my oldest was a baby and preschooler so I know the salary options and childcare costs pretty well. I don’t think it’s totally crazy to spend 20% of your HHI on childcare unless your housing costs are extremely high. That being said, I think you could find a cheaper option through a less-expensive nanny or high quality childcare center. Government attorneys find ways to make it work and why torture yourself if you are miserable?
Anonymous says
If you want to take a big pay cut you can’t expect to live like your rich friends. Public school. Obviously
Anon Lawyer says
I am pro public school but it’s just silly to say you can’t afford private school with a $300k HHI. Tons of families make it work on less than that.
Anon says
+1
FVNC says
I don’t know, actually. I asked a question a few weeks ago about NoVA public schools, after sticker shock from my cursory review of private school tuition in the area. We are relocating there this summer, and will have two kids in school. When you factor in summer care and after school care in addition to paying two private school tuitions, we’d easily be looking at $80-85k/year…our pretax HHI is about $350k (maybe around $250k gross? I actually have no idea) and so that’s a huge percentage. Yes, we have two kids rather than one, but I don’t know if OP is looking to have more kids. Anyway, yes, we could technically afford that after mortgage and groceries but that would mean very few other “wants” (date night childcare, vacations, restaurants/takeout — basically all the things we enjoy in life), and certainly couldn’t continue saving for retirement or 529s at our current rate.
FVNC says
*net, of course, not gross
Anon Lawyer says
Have mean, the fact that you could handle tuition that is higher than the median household income in the country is pretty revealing, no? Even if it would be a stretch? Anyway, more importantly, not everyone has two kids and not all private schools are $40k a year. They range from that down to Catholic schools that charge $5k for the year. Again, I’m pro public schools but $300k is rich even if it’s not the tippy top of rich and families earning that have a lot of options.
FVNC says
Right, I never said we’re not financially very comfortable. All I’m saying is that paying private school tuition would change our lifestyle, in ways that I would not like. Which is why our kids will attend public school. “Can’t afford”, when said in reference to HHI of $300k, is usually shorthand for “can’t afford and maintain current other priorities”. I assume OP is going through similar thought processes, which is why I commented.
Anonymous says
I agree, FVNC. I’m the one below with 3 kids in private school at the moment. Even with our financial aid* it would be $85k+ for the year with the full aftercare option (which we would strongly prefer, but is not available because of pandemic restrictions), once you factor in summer. When researching, I came across a range of private schools from $10k on the low end – typically the Catholic schools – to more than $40k annual tuition somewhere like Sidwell, so it depends on what you’re looking for, but none of it is cheap.
We made the decision that private school was worth it *temporarily* to have the kids at school in person for the last couple of years, but it doesn’t fit my $$ priorities long-term at this income level, given that our public schools are perfectly adequate.
*lol@ being eligible for financial aid with $400k+ gross HHI. This area is nuts. Also, always apply!
Budgeting Childcare says
Thanks everyone! I loved hearing everyone’s responses and it definitely sounds like this can be doable (and thank you for giving me the encouragement to leave a job I don’t love). I also miscalculated HHI. It’ll probably be more like $250K to $275K so childcare will be an even higher %. I think our housing expense is average for the area. Our childcare cost is probably slightly more than our housing cost. We’re not huge spenders but we do like organic food, take out, tipping well and one int’l trip a year (pre-Covid). The other expense I have is helping my parents who have limited means so this can be a few to several thousand a year. I guess I just want to make sure we’re just not having to scrape by or dipping into our savings to pay expenses (I grew up poor so I don’t like that feeling of scraping by and not being able to save or help my family but then again, my parents raised me on so much less and I turned out ok :) ). And thank you for flagging that we could be having to spend a decent amount on childcare even during the school years. I wasn’t really thinking about that either.
SC says
How far would giving up your international trip go toward closing the gap between daycare and the cost of a nanny? Also, if you left Biglaw, and you had more time, what can you start doing yourself that you currently outsource–think less takeout, cutting housekeepers to twice a month, mowing your own lawn, etc.
Anonymous says
I’m in the DC area. Agree that life’s too short to hate your job. You can certainly afford childcare for one child on $300k HHI around here; ours was less than that when we had only one child, and not significantly more when we had two or three in daycare. On a government work schedule vs biglaw, you probably don’t “need” a nanny. I realize some people feel nannies are a gain in quality of life that might be worth the extra cost anyway. I am not one of those people and after having a nanny for the first year (because there was no childcare center availability), I was much happier with a childcare center.
Even so, childcare was a huge chunk of our budget for a while; about 2x our mortgage for 3 kids until the oldest started K. It is what it is; we forewent 529 contributions for a couple years and didn’t travel much for a while. Infant daycare is often $2k+ per month, but iirc it drops at age 2 and then even more at 3-4. Our pre-K 4 was around $1200/month which is a lot cheaper than a nanny for one child. I certainly hope covid won’t still be a huge factor by the time your baby is in pre-K or elementary!
We did end up in private elementary school for pandemic, but are planning to go to back to public next year. You don’t have to send your kids to private school just because lots of people do. As others have mentioned, though, remember you’ll still need before/after and summer care in elementary…
Anonymous says
I’m in MoCo and recently made the switch from Biglaw to government with a toddler in daycare. We now have 2 government salaries and pay $2000/mo for daycare. It’s expensive, but only for a couple more years (and it gets lower each year). As an aside, I’ve loved the switch to government attorney!
octagon says
Also in DC area and I don’t think it’s crazy, but it also may be worth thinking about whether your needs will change. In my federal agency what you lose in pay you more than make up for in flexibility — if you had the nanny because you had unpredictable hours, you might keep her until you have a better sense of what your need actually is, it might be different than your current situation.
Echoing the comment about older kids too… though for us a mid-tier independent school worked out to be roughly the same as daycare/preschool, which I think made the private school tuition easier to swallow.
Anon says
In some ways it was counter intuitive, but I white knuckled through big law until my kid was out of the ‘infant’ rate for daycare before jumping to government. It was ~900 more a month; the pay cut was more manageable when daycare cost less.
Anon says
If you can afford it, I think spending 20% of your HHI on childcare is fine, especially with more than one kid. We have a HHI around $150k, and currently spend a little less than 10% of that (about $14k) on full time daycare for one 4 year old. Infant care was a bit more, around $18k, and this is as cheap as it will get until she goes to K in 2023, when our childcare expenses will likely go way down (aftercare is only $50 a week and we may not even need it because we have grandparents interested in providing aftercare). Daycare costs do not scale, so if we had a second kid we’d be spending around 20% of our income on childcare.
Baby Snacks? says
I have a 10 month old in daycare and they suggested I start sending snacks since she seems hungry (girl has been 25th percentile for weight her whole life but eats like a baby linebacker). What do you send for an infant (no teeth)?
Anon says
Cheerios, puffs, baby oatmeal, cut up fruit, a variety of purees, yogurt, mini muffins.
Anon says
The happy teethers crackers, applesauce pouches. Puffworks/bambas if they are not nut free. Lundberg thin rice crackers once they have teeth and figured out how to eat them.
My LO is also 20-something percentile but eats like he’s 150th percentile. Where does it all go?
Anonymous says
My kid was like that, and shot up to over 60th percentile between 9 mos and 12 mos and just keeps growing. She spent FOREVER in newborn sizes, and is now growing out of clothes within a little over a month.
GCA says
in my kid’s case, I know — he eats like this but never stops moving! he’s always been 20th percentile weight, 60th percentile height, which alarms every new pediatrician till they realize he’s been on the same trajectory all his life and meets all other milestones. currently he is a 6.5yo who occasionally eats like he’s 15. (I live in slight terror of how much he’ll eat when he is 15.)
Snack ideas: avocado, sweet potato chunks, beans, banana, berries, puffs and yogurt melts, yogurt, scrambled eggs?
Anon says
Black beans, avocado chunks, fruit cup, shredded cheese (or shredded meat/chicken). Babies don’t really need teeth to eat…you chew with your molars and those don’t come in until after a year old. Their gums are plenty strong enough.
Anon says
We have also have a 10 month old. Today, I sent peanut butter noodles, kiwi, chickpeas, and steamed zucchini to daycare. I started out trying to do “breakfast” and “lunch,” but that was too much effort. Now, I generally do a fruit, vegetable, starch, and something with protein. The protein item varies between a slice of cheese, peanut butter noodles, omelet, hardboiled egg, and leftovers. (Sometimes I do two of these and no starch.) For veggies, I keep a big batch of steamed veggies in the fridge. Fruit I just cut up the night before.
I have friends that send less table food and more puffs/pouches. When DS needs a bit more food than this, we will probably add on a yogurt pouch, but right now, he isn’t showing an interest in pouches.
Anonymous says
I know it gets easier, but please reassure me!
My two year old daughter started daycare this week. My mom has been kind enough to watch her at our house while I WFH for the past year and a half, but for a variety of reasons that isn’t really feasible anymore. DD is doing fine at daycare, but cried this morning saying she didn’t want to go, and it broke my heart a little. She’ll adjust over time, right?
anon says
Yes, she’ll be fine. Of course she doesn’t want to go! It’s only been three days. But extra cuddles this weekend would probably help :)
EDAnon says
She’ll be fine. My you get was always our happy to go kiddo. Then he switched to hating it. I am sure he will come around again. He always has a good time while there. It’s just about the transition in.
anon says
My son started daycare at 22 months, after being cared for by my husband at home since birth. He cried hysterically at drop off the first week. Second week, no crying, walking into the room without having to be carried. Third week, running up the stairs to the entrance and talking about his “school” friends at home all the time. He loves it now. Give it time. (I know, easier said than done.)
jz says
My son was the same – cared for by dad at home until 2. Started daycare and cried everyday and dreads it everyday for days…we were in part time only which we thought would be easier (3 days a week) and there were a bunch of disruptions in between (illnesses and covid closures) and i think that was a huge factor. He’s now been home for a month due to Omicron because we didn’t want to be quarantined in case of exposure so we’re bracing ourselves to restart this again…all that to say, i think consistency is key for this. Toddlers are big creatures of habit
EDAnon says
Good morning. If anyone is still playing, my child care for three weeks:
Week 1 ?????
Week 2 ?????
Week 3 ?????
Got called this morning due to a positive case after last week’s closure.
Anon says
I’m sorry that sucks. I really don’t know how people are doing but hang in there!
Anonymous says
I totally thought this was Wordle related at first.
I’m so sorry. My best friend kept her baby home the first week after the holidays thinking everyone would be bringing in COVID (using up vacation time to do it). Someone in the class did test positive, so it was closed the following week. Somehow, despite not going anywhere but the park, the baby still came down with COVID during that second week. It sucks so much.
Anon says
Today is our first green square in 14 days. Fully expect it to be closed again in less than a week. I’m drowning at work. There are things I was assigned in September that I haven’t touched because I had a busy October and November and then I’ve basically had no childcare since Thanksgiving. I don’t really think I’m going to get fired because I have a job it’s hard to get fired from, but everyone is so frustrated and annoyed with me and I get it, but also I’m just…drowning.
Anon says
We have 2 kids in public school, and yet here is our January (and tomorrow is only kind of green, because it’s 3-hour early dismissal):
?????
?????
?????
Anonymous says
OMG, I thought our public school was bad. Here is January, including plans for next week:
?????
?????
?????
?????
?= half-day
Anonymous says
I got a call from the school last night that my child was a “close contact”–last Thursday. The five-day quarantine period ended yesterday, so no need to keep her home. My child confirmed that the kid who sits next to her has been on Zoom with COVID since Friday. One might get the impression that the school is dragging its feet on contact tracing to avoid quarantine.
EDAnon says
It seems that way!
Anonymous says
I’m not sure what things are like where you are, but I’m in NYC and the number of cases has completely overwhelmed the DOE “situation room” and they are waaaay behind in notification and contact tracing. Principals are just trying to keep up.
Anon says
Interesting…why can’t the teacher call the students’ parents when a result comes in? We are just outside of NYC and I’ve been called by the school nurse, the teachers, the social workers, etc in the past. As soon as a result comes in someone calls me to come get my kid. The official state contact tracers are way behind/seem to be giving up, though
Anonymous says
Because teachers have a thousand other things to do?
At our school we get a mass mail from the assistant principal.
Anonymous says
I don’t know that the teacher automatically knows – it depends on who notifies who, e.g. are parents reporting these cases to the teacher or principal or someone else, or is the school getting official notification from a contact tracer or the health dept? Maybe the parents were waiting days for a confirmed positive test? There also may be privacy rules governing notification. Also, in NYC at least, students within a class are no longer automatically close contacts – it now depends on seating distance (and maybe vaccination status, phase of the moon, ???). So in theory, there is some level of additional analysis that needs to happen. In practice, at least at my son’s school, they have spaced out the seating enough that no one should automatically be a close contact. But we’re also now in a test to stay protocol and I can’t remember if close contacts matter anymore. It’s all so confusing but my sense is that everyone is completely overwhelmed. Keep in mind principals are trying to keep classes covered as more staff get sick or need to stay home with sick kids, etc.
OP says
In our district, only kids sitting within 3 feet in the classroom or within 6 feet at lunch are considered to be close contacts. No contact tracing on the bus. The assistant principals do the contact tracing. It is literally a matter of looking at the seating charts and there are never more than 5 close contacts per student, often zero.
Our school board is having a special meeting next week to eliminate the mask mandate. There is a strong incentive to minimize the number of kids in quarantine and to understate infections in order to justify removing the mask mandate in the middle of a surge. It wouldn’t look good to rescind the mandate when even with masks you had thousands of kids in quarantine.
Anonymous says
In my MA school district they’ve stopped contact tracing. We are now just notified when a child in your kids class tests positive.
My kids are vaxxed so it wouldn’t mean anything anyway in terms of protocol.
Anon says
It’s also possible the test result just came back and the kid was kept home with symptoms/assumed Covid since Thursday
Anon says
This. My kid had Covid right before Christmas break. She had a positive home test and I emailed the principal with all the information I had about her contacts (bus, etc.) and the principal said we needed to send the PCR results. PCR came back negative, but I’m pretty sure it was administration error (went to one of the test vans in NYC and they didn’t seem to swab well). No one was contacted as a close contact.
anon says
I doubt they’re dragging their feet on purpose. One of my BFFs is a school nurse and she can’t keep up with the contact tracing, no matter how hard she tries. It’s kinda awful right now.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I heard a radio story the other day about the school nurse shortage and how even at schools where there is a full time nurse, they’re performing about 3 more full time jobs on top of the one they already had pre-pandemic. Teachers also don’t have any bandwidth to pick this up when they’re switching from in person to remote or making sub plans all the time. I feel for the educators… so many people are just drowning in work right now (even before you count childcare unreliability)
Boston Legal Eagle says
Help me with my evenings or at least commiserate. Lately, we’ve been having a stretch with our kids (3 and 5.5) from around 5:45, when dinner ends (or at least when they’re done…) until 6ish when the bedtime routine for our older one starts where the kids just go crazy. I know they’re tired from long days at school, but they are literally running around chasing each other, yelling, teasing, jumping off couches, etc. Even the younger, generally calmer, kid gets into it and really riles up the older more sensitive one. Husband and I are trying to clean up and are also tired then too, and it doesn’t exactly lead to a pleasant wind own routine. We stopped TV during the week for some older kid behavior issues, but maybe we bring that back for 10 min per night? What do other people do? Or do others have children who are just calmly chilling after dinner?
EDAnon says
Kids the same age and we have the same problem. We usually do TV before dinner (while we cook). I have been trying to get my husband to start bedtime earlier but he thinks that’s crazy (it’s our ongoing night owl/early bird issue).
We try to contain them by making them go upstairs to play (fewer toys and less space). What’s been working well when it isn’t freezing is making them take the dog outside.
Anon says
This is my life expect add in that the older one is also likely to have an emotional outburst/cry/scream at me about 50% of the nights.
I don’t really have any solutions for you. I do find that if it’s just me at home I can usually get them to do a quieter activity with me (legos or art or something) and things go more smoothly sometimes. My husband tends to rile them up more when he gets home bc he roughhouses with them etc. But honestly at least I’ve told myself this is just life with little kids? Maybe I’m too permissive.
TheElms says
We only have 1 kid, who is not yet 3, but she is at her absolute worst in the 15-30 minutes between the end of dinner and the start of bedtime. The only way we manage is to divide and conquer. The more tired/irritable parent finishes eating (in relative peace) and then cleans up dinner (because that is the better task) and then the other person kid wrangles until bedtime starts. We tend to lean into the crazies and play chase in the house, ride scooters in the house, or build a fort in the basement. At the moment she likes to pretend she is a frog and catch flies that we “hide” around the living room or be a penguin and find fish that we hide. The living room gets destroyed in the process but at least she is not throwing a tantrum. If its really bad (and not too much below freezing or raining) I throw her coat and boots on and grab a lantern or flashlight and go explore in the back yard or take the dog for a very short walk. I think trying TV for 10 minutes would be fine though.
ElisaR says
by far the worst time of day, worst part of parenting for me. i lean into the tv. we hold off until after dinner and that’s when they get their tv for the day.
Anon says
yes usually i’m trying to get dinner on the table for our 3.5 year old twins and someone is screaming/crying (DH is still at work bc they eat at 5). they also start telling me they want to eat dinner at like 4:15. last night as i was getting them into their pjs or trying to, and both kids were hysterically crying, i had to stop for a second to take a video just bc it was almost a comical scene. one kid got herself so so worked up that it took her a long time to fall asleep. usually she goes to bed between 6:30-7 and didnt fall asleep til just after 8. then this morning the other one woke up in a MOOD. daily i ask DH if we can make our kids be 2 again. i hate this age. nothing is fun bc i never know what mood my kids will be in. sometimes in the evening they fight over who gets to sit on me and when i try to have each of them on one leg, they complain that their sibling is touching them. or lately they will not clean up their toys.
Lilibet says
Someone on here suggested building in 10 min of “fun time” when the whole family get to be wild and crazy AFTER the kids are completely ready for bed. We tried this the past month for a 5 and 2 year old and it’s been great. dance party, jumping off couches, running around like maniacs, horsey rides etc. They are compliant because they want to get to fun time. After the timer goes off, they get three books and time to go to bed. I figure they are going to wild anyway, adults might as well control the timing.
AwayEmily says
That was me and I’m so glad it’s working for you guys! Fun Time has been a total game-changer for our evenings.
Anonymous says
We’re in the exact same boat: took a break from tv but seeing no improvement so might just give in after dinner. Kiddo (almost 5) moped through jiu jitsu yesterday only to come home and refuse to eat dinner, then have the zoomies: literally bouncing off the couch and shouting over my crying twins. DH yelled a lot and I can’t say I blame him. I hate winter.
octagon says
We allow television while dinner is being made for our 6yo. Dinner between 6:30-7 and is over by 7:30. After dinner, we feed the dog and we all take the dog for a walk. We go in any weather except absolute downpours or icy – we take flashlights this time of year. When we get back we have a little dessert (kiddo is okay with just 6 M&Ms right now!) and play a family game for 30 minutes or so. Then we start bedtime. The outside works well as a transition from dinner into “evening” for us.
Anon says
I too have this issue with a kid with sensory issues. My belief is that he comes home from school exhausted, chills for a bit, then after dinner, has the energy spike of food + too much downtime at school. Unfortunately in our house, this kiddo riles up our twin toddlers, so it becomes mayhem, and we all get frustrated.
Some things that help –
– Make kids do dishes – the activity and sensory input of water seems to help focus and calm them down (or if I don’t have enough bandwidth to oversee the dish patrol),
– Put the sensory seeking kid in a bathtub as soon as dinner ends. Again, he calms down and confines his energy when he’s in water.
– bounce a basketball or get a WII sports to burn energy.
As a light at the end of the tunnel, this behavior goes bonkers in the winter when they can’t go burn energy after school because it is so dark. It is always better in the spring when they can direct this energy outside.
Anonymous says
Move dinner and bedtime later and give them time to get their crazies out before dinner. I would not want to try to put a kid to bed after they were acting out.
No Face says
I lean into it, actually. After dinner, I play fun kids music and they run around, sing karaoke, and dance for 20+ minutes while DH does the dishes and I read. Then we initiate the bedtime sequence.
Anon says
I let my kids run around and burn off energy. It’s annoying but chasing each other around isn’t really hurting anything.
Anon says
I think this is A Thing with kids – that final burst of energy/overtiredness kicking in and burning out. I’ve seen advice to really lean into it and have a parent roughhouse with the kids after dinner. But I hear you on being DONE. In our house, one parent starts the bath, both shepherd the unruly kids upstairs, then one returns to do the tidying while the other does bedtime. Basically, keep parental attention and engagement on children and don’t try to clean or multitask during that 15 minutes.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Thanks all! I’m so glad I’m not alone. I think we’ll try some combination of these, but mostly forget about trying to have one parent do dishes while the other is cleaning up/starting bath/etc. They need our attention at that time. And also just accepting that it will be loud and chaotic at that time of day and relish the quiet at 7:30/8!
Anonymous says
That’s what we do between dinner and bedtime. If there’s a bath, then splashing is encouraged. Otherwise, one parent supervises the kid running around, while the other does a quick cleanup (enough to make it clear that dinner is over and yes, it’s past the time to ask for thirds/fourths/etc. and any cleanup that is too loud for after bedtime) before joining the fun.
DLC says
Can you and husband divide it up? Like one parent takes the kids to do something and one cleans? Or have the 5.5 year old help clean up dinner and the three year old can chill with parent?
Or one parents gets to go have some alone time while 5.5 year old helps clean and 3 year old chills on their own?
At our house, we do the latter- I and oldest kid clean up MWSa and Husband and oldest kid does TTh. (F is pizza and movie so minimal clean up) At least that way, no matter what a sh*t show the evening goes, I know I’ll get the next night off from the chaos. Granted oldest is 9 but she’s been wiping down the table since she was 6, so maybe your 5.5 year old will too?
Anonymous says
Oh my god my kids have the after dinner crazies EVERY night. So we have a nugget and I set it up on our couch so it’s a slide. They jump off of it, or we roll them down it. They also chase each other. We also play hide & seek if DH and I aren’t feeling exhausted. It is what it is. As long as mine aren’t injuring each other (which is like every 3rd night) I don’t care what they do to get that energy out. In the summer we put them in our (fenced) backyard so DH and I could finish eating in peace. We just started bathing ours seperately because they’re even worse in the bath. And my kids get PLENTY of outdoor time even on days below freezing.
Anonymous says
My kids are like these too–literally running circles around the house. I think it has a lot to do with their probable-ADHD and have to use up all their executive functioning and coping at school during the day. Our current strategy is to separate them after dinner. One kid gets sent upstairs to change into pjs while the other runs laps, then they switch. Not sure it’s perfect, but at least then they’re not being crazy together, which can lead to tears.
Anonymous says
We do a walk around the block and clean up when they are in bed.
AwayEmily says
We usually finish dinner at 6ish and then head upstairs to start the routine at 6:30. We trade off so that whoever made dinner is on Kid Duty after dinner, and the other person cleans the kitchen. The Kid Duty person is entirely in charge of keeping them under control, whatever that entails (coming up with a game, letting them use the couch as a trampoline, taking them for a walk, etc). Having one person 100% dedicated to the kids seems to work better than when we both tried to half clean and half watch.
Anonymous says
Dance party.
Put on two high energy songs, then bring it down. Then depending on your bedtime routine use something like Laurie Berkner’s teeth brushing song to transition to the bedtime routine.
Anonymous says
We lean into it because it is unavoidable. Running races in the hall, jumping on the old crib mattress on the floor, just let them go wild.
ElisaR says
amusing 5 minute rabbit hole I just went down: google “west elm caleb”. Apparently it’s all over tik tok which i’m not on but my friend told me about him.
i’m not sure why i was so amused by him but he is cute…. i see how the girls are falling for him!