CorporetteMoms

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 90 Comments · by

Postpartum Tuesday: Nylon Biker Diaper Bag

Gear· Recent Recs

This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Marc Jacobs Bags Marc Jacobs Nylon Biker Baby Bag / Diaper BagMarc Jacobs has a whole line of biker bags, and they get a lot of good reviews from customers. I kind of like the edginess on this diaper bag, and it also looks enormous, so if you’re someone who needs to carry a lot of stuff, this is for you. I also like that it’s not too fussy — I don’t think a husband or other male caregiver would complain much about having to carry this kind of bag. This is $295 at Nordstrom and has a foldable changing pad and detachable shoulder strap. Bloomingdale’s has the colorblocked version. Marc Jacobs Nylon Biker Diaper Bag Here’s a more affordable option. (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:

Click here to see our top posts!

And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. avocado says

    This morning my local news (not NoVa) reported that neo-Nazi fliers had been distributed in a Northern Virginia neighborhood and discovered by a mom on the way to the school bus stop. It made me think of whoever posted here about the KKK fliers at the bus stop within the last week or two. Ugh.

    • Anon in NOVA says

      I live in NOVA and haven’t heard about this yet! Very unsettling if that happened. Though I suppose with the alt-right opening headquarters in Alexandria it was only a matter of time.

    • Spirograph says

      Ugh indeed. These things are actually on an uptick, right? It’s hard because I know they’re being reported a lot more with the current political climate, but I don’t know how much of the increase in activity is real and how much is perceived. Not that I like it either way, of course. Immediately after the election a smattering of churches nearby, including one in my neighborhood, had signs defaced in various hateful ways.

      Also, I totally sobbed when H.W. rode out in his wheelchair to do the Superbowl coin toss (yay, bf-ing hormones?). He was president when I was the age my son is now. What a different man. What a different time.

      • Anon says

        It is crazy. I was reading Slate the other day and there was an article going on and on about how great W (not HW, just plain ole W) was compared to Trump. It was like I had entered the twilight zone. Did I ever think I’d be reading an article in Slate fawning over a president that pretty much all liberals thought was a complete doofus during his time in office? Nope. But these are some crazy times.

        When I was in high school I remember reading about the civil rights era and womens lib and all that in history class and thinking it would be so cool to live in a time with a lot of things happening. Now that I’m living in a time like that, I’ve gotta say, I am not a fan.

        • Cb says

          Right, it’s so weird. Who thought 10 years later, we’d be nostalgic for W?

        • Anon in NOVA says

          Because being a “doofus” is completely different than actively targeting segments of our population in detrimental ways, while engaging in blatantly unethical practices.
          I can abide a doofus whose ideas and beliefs don’t necessarily line up with mine, I can’t abide racism and hatred.

    • Betty says

      That would be me. The fliers were distributed in the early morning hours in my neighborhood. On the one hand, the community response was comforting (quick, vocal and large), but it was also disquieting to realize that these sentiments are in my neighborhood. It shook me of any remaining disillusion that the extreme sentiments of the KKK are in the past or not my problem. We decided not to explicitly talk about the KKK with our son (5), but to continue our talk about mean people and that we love and value everyone regardless of skin, dress, where/whether they worship.

      • NewMomAnon says

        If it makes you feel even a teensy bit better, the fact that fliers were distributed in your neighborhood may mean that the Klan is looking for a foothold, because they don’t currently have representation in your area. They did that in my city several years ago. According to Southern Poverty Law Center, they were not successful in infiltrating my city. I’ll post the SPLC link in a reply.

          • Betty says

            Thank you for the link. The Southern Poverty Law Center indicates that they are active state-wide, but there are vast differences in different areas of the state where I live. The information is informative and terrifying.

          • NewMomAnon says

            I know, right? On the other hand, I now realize that I’ve been seeing one of the “news” publications mentioned in the Hate Map regularly in my neighborhood, so I’m gonna be a bit more proactive about my paper mache and recycling efforts going forward….

  2. Anon in NOVA says

    Speaking of bags, I got the lo & sons seville for my birthday about six months ago and have been in love with it. However, the leather straps have horribly frayed! I’m not normally one to email customer service, but for the cost of this bag and the fact it’s only been 6 months I thought I’d give it a shot. They were VERY polite and are going to replace the bag with no hassle to me. I was very impressed with their customer service, and this has me hopeful that this was a defect or from a bad batch, and not their usual quality.

    • Anon in NYC says

      I also had a good experience with their customer service. One of the zippers on my bag broke and they sent me a new bag.

  3. SBJ says

    Any suggestions for jeans that hold up to chasing a 14 month old around? All of mine have ripped at the knees and stretched out from wear and tear so it’s time for a replacement. Looking for a relatively substantial denim (i.e., not jeggings) at a price that makes me feel ok about getting them dirty and eventually ripped from playing. I’ve got a pretty straight/slim build and tend towards skinnier styles.

    • Anon in NOVA says

      This isn’t really a store I shop in anymore (i feel too “old” for it now) but I bought some express jeans back when my son was a baby and I’m still wearing them. He’s almost 7. I’ve worn them camping, out in the field when I had a “field” job (that involved being in forests, creeks, etc.), and they’re a dark wash so I’ve worn them to the office with a blazer, button up, and a statement necklace. Express is a decent price point when they’re on sale. I tried getting some H&M jeans recently, and while they’re a great place to get jeans for my son, the quality did NOT hold up for long for myself.

    • Anonymous says

      I recently re-discovered Levis, which are very good quality for the money. They have all kinds, including a number of real jeans with no spandex.

    • Anonymous says

      I bought some Ann Taylor jeans (super long length for tall ladies!) and I’ve been very pleased. I think I got them on sale for about $32.

    • Anon says

      The Madewell 9″ high rise work really well for me – wait until they have a denim sale and they’ll be 25 or 30% off.

    • Lillers says

      I really like jeans from Uniqlo. Lots of different colors and styles, plus they are around $40!

  4. PEN says

    My nearly 3 year old had an awful day yesterday. Tantrum after tantrum from the time I picked him up until after midnight. In general, normal two/three y.o. stuff. But around 9 pm he had a total meltdown the likes of which I have never seen. Running around, throwing himself into walls, jumping on beds, slamming doors, hitting me. Screeching, screaming, crying. And I still have no idea what it was that set him off. I felt so bad for him.

    Then, once he calmed down and went back to bed, he woke up crying that his leg hurt. He said it hurt up and down and all over. We did kisses, bandaid on the leg (no cuts or bruises), lotion on his leg. Each of those things would get him back to bed for half an hour or so. Finally I gave him some Tylenol and let him sleep in our bed from and he was still and slept from about 1:30 am to 5:30 am.

    thoughts? i think he was legitimately in pain. Maybe growing pains? Is there anything to do to help with that?

    iamsotired

    • Anon says

      Growing pains or dry skin or muscle ache from the “exercise” of a fit, or a combo of all of them.

      Talk about big feelings and ways to express yourself when you’re feeling big feelings. (There are a million Daniel Tiger episodes on this, which are on Amazon Prime.) It won’t be a magic fix, but it’ll give both of you common language, and over time it will help.

    • Anonymous says

      Oof. This may be something you already do, but when my kids get crazy like this from time to time and are beyond reasoning, my solution is to do something surprising so that they forget about the tantrum and re-set. Like, get out of bed and go for a quick walk outside to see the lights in the neighbors’ houses at 9 pm. Also, I obviously can’t say whether the leg actually hurt or not, but it also happens to us from time to time that a kid wakes up howling for one reason or another and by morning is totally fine. Not saying he’s making it up, but my kids are pretty good at convincing me that they have some serious problem, just to be fine by the morning. I think they wake up wanting me and feel like they need to come up with a reason.

      • mascot says

        That’s a great point about giving them a reset activity. I fall into the trap of thinking that I am reinforcing/rewarding the behavior when I do something like that and that it will just result in future manipulations. But, thinking about it, even as an adult with a fully functioning mature limbic system, I get into funks that are only remedied by my doing something active/different. My child doesn’t have that awareness or autonomy yet, so it is my job to facilitate that release.
        OP, we give a little motrin for growing pains or sports soreness. I don’t hear about muscle soreness often, but I see how active and fast growing my kid is and know that sometimes he has to have legitimate aches.

    • RDC says

      Maybe muscle cramps if he got dehydrated from all the running and crying? Push fluids for a day and maybe a banana?

      But really, I have no idea – my 2yo has started reporting “my back hurts,” “my tummy hurts” etc etc. No visible marks, we can’t pinpoint the location (if we touch different parts of his back and ask here? He says yes all over). We think maybe he’s just parroting something he picked up at daycare but don’t want to overlook something real, either. Not sure if a trip to the ped is warranted. Sigh.

      • Betty says

        My daughter is on a kick of everything hurting. She will scroll through a list of body parts until she gets bored or gets attention. At her three year well-child visit, I asked our pediatrician how to handle after my daughter received a clean bill of health. On her advice, I basically ignore any off hand comment from my daughter that something hurts. If she is howling or it is out of character, then I will pay attention, but in general, I ignore the comments.

        On the other hand, both of my kids have had growing pains. I had them as a kid too, and I remember them being painful. Stretching is the most helpful by pointing the toe up and down. A little motrin can help as well.

    • AEK says

      Yes, and didn’t Kat just recently recommend against new moms buying fancy diaper bags (or any)?

  6. SC says

    My cousin had a baby boy last night. I’d like to send a small gift. Budget is only $40-50. It’s their second boy, so I doubt they need a lot of baby stuff–maybe some new burp cloths, or a gift certificate they can use to buy diapers etc. They live in a pretty rural area, so I doubt there are many local options for takeout/food delivery, but I could buy some food basket/arrangement to be shipped. What would you do?

      • Anon in NYC says

        We got our friends who had a second baby an Amazon gift card. I felt a little strange giving it to them because essentially we were just giving them cash, but I think they really appreciated it because it gave them flexibility to get what they needed.

    • Anonymous says

      I got a “little brother” and “big brother” set of t-shirts once for a friend that were a big hit. Or maybe a board book for the little one when he gets older, and a toy for the big brother?

    • anon says

      Something keepsake-y, like an engraved frame or Christmas ornament? Or gift certificate for a custom silhouette (look on Etsy) if you think they would like something like that?

      • Anonymous says

        A family member has sent a “lovie” embroidered with baby’s name for each of my kids. Another has gotten a Lenox “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament for each of them. The kids love having something that is defined as “theirs” when we share practically everything else.

      • PhilanthropyGirl says

        I like Bronner’s for personalized Christmas ornaments – they have some lovely traditional glass ornaments that would easily fit in the budget along with something more practical.

    • CHJ says

      In their position, I would appreciate some new baby stuff – fresh swaddles, towels/washcloths, bibs and burp cloths, etc. By the time a second child comes around, a lot of that early baby gear is pretty worn out. Another idea would be to get a personalized bath towel or blanket from Pottery Barn or Land’s End with the new baby’s name.

      • October says

        +1 yes, all this! Although, I think I received enough swaddles with the first kid to last me for the next five :) But towels/washcloths/bibs all need replacing. I also realized I don’t have any warmer “toddler” type towels, so maybe send a towel for each kid? I also really like anything Aden & Anais (like their burp cloths) — it’s just pricey enough that I wouldn’t necessarily buy the brand for myself, but I love the quality.

      • Anonymous says

        Hmm, as a counterpoint, I got so many darn (lovely!) blankets with my first kid that I really didn’t know what to do with the additional (lovely!) blankets I got when I had my second kid. I would need to have like 5 more babies before they would get worn out… But personalized towels for each kid would be sweet.

      • NOVA Anon says

        +1 for the towels. My 2YO son has several hooded towels from PBKids that are fantastic but we wash every time he uses them so they’re wearing out fast. All of his infant hooded towels are also quite ratty.

      • PhilanthropyGirl says

        Towels, washcloths, plain white onesies/undershirts, bibs – they all get so dirty and wear out so quickly. These are great things to replace for a second baby.

      • anne-on says

        The restoration hardware hooded towels are amazing, and wear like iron. We got the toddler sizes because my nearly 5yr old refuses to use normal towels…

    • Anonymous says

      We have these amazing Lands End fleece throws for our kids. We now send a fleece throw with the baby’s name embroidered on it as our go-to baby gift, especially for second-of-the-same-sex babies, who are likely to have all hand me downs otherwise.

    • avocado says

      I loved the PB Kids chamois baby blanket for my winter baby. It is nice and heavy, makes a great car seat or stroller blanket, washes well, and will fit your budget even with monagramming.

    • Anonymous says

      I’ve been buying 2nd babies personalized burp cloths. As some of the other posters noted, things like burp cloths and bibs that get laundered frequently get kind of worn out so a fresh set are always welcome. And the personalization is just a fun touch, especially since 2nd (and 3rd, and 4th, etc.) children get so many hand-me-downs. Look on Etsy – there are a few sites (the one I buy from is something like “maddie colin and riles” I think?). Everyone I’ve bought these for has LOVED them!

    • Kindergarten boy says

      Personally I would not have made use of burp cloths (not needed for my kids) or more blankets. 3 very thoughtful gifts in your budget we got for our 2nd boy:
      – smallest monogrammed boat and tote bags from LL Bean…one blue, one green. As toddlers they loved having their own little bag to toss stuff in and out of, now it’s their piano/library/snack bag
      – personalized name puzzle stool, link to follow
      – books!

  7. Anonymous says

    My husband and I are going through a rough patch (we seem to be on the path to things being better than ever, but it’s been a process) and after an emotional conversation Saturday morning, I went to get my not quite 3 yo son up for the day. He held my face in his hands and said “mama sad.” Oof. I hadn’t even been crying. Kids are perceptive.

    • Anonymous says

      Are you me? DH and I have been going through a rough batch but on the upswing after a few good conversations over the weekend. There’s been a few times the kids have caught one of us frustrated, grumpy or sad. I usually just say that grown ups can feel those things too and ask what they do to feel better when they are frustrated/grumpy/sad. Takes the focus off why mommy isn’t happy and puts it on how to make ourselves feel better.

    • Anon says

      I love kids – what a kind heart. That’s really all. Those tender moments make my heart swell, and those are the moments that I know I’ll miss terribly when they are grown.

  8. Daycare Switch says

    Since our current daycare can’t/won’t make room for our younger kid, we are switching to a new daycare. How do we explain the change to our toddler (age 2.5)? We definitely don’t want to say that it is because of the baby (Big Sister is already not a huge fan), and much as we are angry at the daycare (they have dropped the ball over and over on this), we don’t want to trash-talk it in front of our toddler, especially while she is still attending. We also don’t want to tell her that the new daycare is better, since she probably won’t feel that way in the early weeks when she is adjusting. Thanks for any tips!

    • Anon says

      At 2.5, you probably don’t have to give a “why,” just state it as a fact – a very, very happy fact! I just did this with my kid who had just turned 4, and he didn’t need a “why.” About two weeks before the change, we told him he was going to a new school, and we were so excited about it! We drove by the new school several times (like every day) during that two week period to wave at the new kids and check out the playground. He was able to do a playdate in the new school. Sometimes, when we drove by the school, we talked about how he might miss his old teachers/friends, and it was okay to feel sad about it (my 2.5 yr old probably wouldn’t process the friends part, but would get the teacher part). Other times, we just talked about how awesome the new slide looked, and how much he loved the magnifying glasses in the classrooms.

      Then, on a Monday he started. It was great – mentioned missing his old friends, and we tried not to talk him out of it with a “but what about all your NEW friends!” and just said, “yeah, it’s okay to feel sad and miss them. Should we set up a play date with X?” Then asked about whether he went down the slide at the new school or whatever. It was a really seamless transition, and I was really, really worried about it (he was really attached to his old school).

      • Anon says

        Actually, sort of scratch that, as I think more about this — we introduced the new school before we talked about him transferring there (again, he is a little older, so YMMV). I think we drove by a few times and just talked generally about how awesome the playground looked, then we did a playdate, THEN we told him he was going to start going to school there about two weeks before he started. We did drive by and wave at the kids, etc. during that two week period. The playdate was potentially overkill, but I was struggling with the decision – so it was more for me than for him. For a 2.5 year old, where they aren’t as attached to their friends, I think I’d focus more on the schedule of his new school, so your kid knows what to expect (we drop you off, you get to play, then have lunch, then nap, then more play – then daddy picks you up!).

    • AnonMN says

      We had a terrible transition at that age, but my now 3 year old is completely happy at his “new school”. Thing I think we could have done differently to help the transition go better: Remind him about the day and how it will be structured: Dad will drop you off, you will play, eat lunch, take a nap, then play some more and mom will pick you up” With the “mom will pick you up” being the very important part that we missed when we made the transition. He was having a terrible time with it and one day asked “are you coming back for me?” when it finally dawned on us that the new place was so unknown to him that he thought we were leaving forever (break my heart). Once we started reminding him every morning that we would pick him up, it solved a lot of the drop off issues.

      • Pogo says

        My mom used to sing me a song about always coming back to get me! It was from some 80s VHS we had. I definitely found it reassuring.

      • NewMomAnon says

        Llama Llama Misses Mama helps my kiddo when she is feeling uncertain about daycare. In the book, Mama Llama drops off baby llama, and he is sad until he starts having fun…and then mama comes back! And baby llama shouts, “Mama Llama, you came back!” So whenever I pick my kiddo up from school, she shouts, “Mama Llama, you came back!”

        It makes me laugh every time.

  9. Patty Mayonnaise says

    Well it finally happened. Some idiot at work just literally said “my god you’re huge – are you having twins?” And when I told him I was just 8 months preg and suggested not telling people they’re huge he said “well it mean it must be a REALLY big baby!” Who knew I worked with a bump expert? Ugh my friends told me this would happen at some point, but it still sucks!! :(

    • Anon in NYC says

      UGH. You have my sympathy. My mom kept telling me that I was having a big baby. Even after I told her that I didn’t appreciate the remarks. Then at my baby shower her good friend said the exact same thing, so I know my mom was going around telling her friend that I was huge. Thanks, mom.

    • Anonymous says

      That’s the worst! I used to say “Please don’t comment on my body.” Somehow that seemed to make it ‘click’ more for them that ‘the bump’ was part of my body and they just called my body huge. I hate how a pregnancy bump is seen as public property and an invitation to say things that would otherwise be inappropriate.

        • Anonymous says

          I only thought of it after a few times where I wished I knew what to say in the moment. It was my default response if anything not nice was said, that way I didn’t have to try to think of the ‘right thing’ for each moment (unfortunately there were multiple incidences – the joys of public transit).

      • AEK says

        I really like this response. And, depending on the comment, I might even strengthen it to “Commenting on my body in the workplace is not any more appropriate when I am pregnant than when I am not.”

    • Anonymous says

      ugh! I got “are you sure you have the due date right?”. And I really am not “huge” or feeling huge. I just wanted to be like “do you know what a full-term pregnant person even looks like?”

      • Patty Mayonnaise says

        Exactly! Baby is 58th percentile, but I’m obv not going to dignify comments by arguing or sharing more personal info!!!

      • Betty says

        In a late pregnancy induced rage, I went off on a male colleague that no, I was not huge. It simply was that most people are unaccustomed to women in late pregnancy, and that I was perfectly healthy. I had a different male colleague tell me that I looked like I could knock him down in the hallway, and I responded that I would knock him down in the hallway whether I was pregnant or not if he got in my way.

    • RDC says

      Also UGH to self-appointed bump experts. I also felt like my body was seen as public property while pregnant and it drove me crazy.

    • Pogo says

      Even though I knew to be prepared for it, the comments on what I look like, eat or do by coworkers catch me off guard. So far they are all positive (“wow you’re eating so healthy! what a great mom!” or “Good for you going to the gym still!”) but like… the implication is that if I were doing the opposite (eating cake at my desk? which I do sometimes) I’d be a “bad mom”.

      I know that’s not what people mean, and I try not to take it the wrong way, but no one would ever comment on size/exercise/diet of a non-pregnant person! It’s so weird.

      • Spirograph says

        Right. It’s not what people mean, they’re just trying awkwardly to make conversation. But I found it SO uncomfortable. “Oh, you’re drinking coffee?” “Oh, you’re still working out?” “I bet you can’t wait to get some cake at the retirement party later.” “I can tell you’re having a boy based on how you’re carrying” (that one was the worst, honestly).

        what the actual f, people. I can’t imagine people take note of the details of my life and body when I’m not pregnant, so why do you feel like you have to scrutinize everything – let alone comment on it! – when I am? The only good thing is that it’s temporary.

    • TK says

      I found success with parroting the comments / tummy patting in kind.

      Jerk: “You’re huge!” (uninvited rub of my belly)
      Me: “So are you!” (grab for his midsection.)

      Got the point across.

  10. Betty says

    Working Mom Struggles: To my knowledge, I am the only working mom with little kids at the AVP level in my company. It is isolating in the best of times. There are working parents with SAH spouses or working moms of older kids (high school). There is one other working mom in my department, who works part-time (20 hrs) so she can take the kids to school everyday and pick them up. Her kids span middle to early High. We had a bit of solidarity on the working mom front, but a comment yesterday made me feel attacked/shamed as a wife and mother. After talking about dry cleaning, it came up that my husband and I do our own laundry and our au pair does the kids. She quipped that she does all of her family’s laundry because she “wants them to feel taken care of and loved.” I think I stood there with my mouth awkwardly open for a moment.

    This was followed later in the day by a conversation with my coworker (female, older, unpartnered with no kids) about working from home. We were talking about making sure our department always has someone around, and I said that I fully understand the department policy (someone in office during business hours, including 5pm on Friday when we are the last ones around). She commented that a lot of people like to work from home. I said that it can be nice and incredibly convenient but that I also enjoy my time at work and break from my kids. I immediately said that I love my kids but that I also like talking to adults and being engaged in the office. I guess I feel like I need to downplay my role as a mom frequently in my company.

    I’m not really sure what I am looking for here. Just feeling a bit unsteady in my working mom role today.

    • RDC says

      You sound like you’re doing awesome! And I’m pretty sure your kids couldn’t care less who does their laundry.

      • H says

        +1 Not sure how laundry makes a family feel loved. Not having to do laundry means you can spend more time with them!

        • anon says

          This! And that woman’s kids are in high school? They should be doing her laundry and making her feel loved at this point. I mean, my mother was a SAHM and I still did my own in high school.

      • Jax says

        + 10,000

        Part-timer was probably reciting a line she tells herself/her family to justify her part-time level. No one outside of Danny Tanner on Full House thinks a pile of fresh laundry = love.

        I don’t know her exact situation, but as a part-timer she is probably missing out on: paid holidays, paid vacation, 401K matches. Unless she’s a superstar, she probably isn’t getting great raises or being considered for promotions. At a lot of companies, the part-timers are looked at as extra help, not equals to the rest of the team.

        (By the way–I HATE that stigma exists, because I think society would work better if more people/parents had legitimate part-time options. Work shouldn’t be such an all or nothing.)

        In light of all of that, she has to feel like her choice to work less and be with the kids more is justified. It’s got to be something much more noble than, “Since I’m the one who’s home more, I do the laundry.”

    • anne-on says

      Hugs. I am one of only 2 working moms in my kiddos class, and my husband’s entire team all have SAH wives. So, I get it. That being said – this is totally a place to take a ‘good for you, not for me!’ approach. You get personal satisfaction out of laundry? great! I make it a point to cook dinner at home for my family almost every night, which is one of the other SAHM’s in my kid’s class idea of hell. We’re all different, and we all pick and choose our battles. You’re doing great.
      And just think about what a great example you’re setting for other young women in your company (and your own kids!).

    • mascot says

      Hugs. If it makes you feel better, my husband does his own laundry because he’s a capable adult and I will teach my son to handle his own as soon as he is tall enough. I think everyone has their own way that they make their family feel loved and taken care of; mine doesn’t happen to involve dirty socks. I like to cook so I use that as an act of affection. I’m sure you have your own methods.
      Working home from home is great and I try to do it when I can. But, it wouldn’t be the right choice for me even if I didn’t have kids. I do better with interaction and office engagement. My husband works from home full-time and he sometimes complains that it’s isolating. Keep kicking butt in your working mom role.

    • Anon says

      I HATE those “I do X, and I do it because [insert blanket reason that implies you are a terrible person if you choose literally anything else.]” statements. My SIL said to me when I had a 4 month old and about to head back to work: “I stay home with my kids because I want to be the one that raises them.”

      It’s awful, and it’s really hard not to internalize them. I try to remember that the statement is usually covering some other form of insecurity (who knows what sparked your coworker’s comment – maybe money is tight for them right now, and she’s feeling a little defensive that she can’t afford more help for them?). Over the years, as my SIL’s children have gotten older, I’ve realized that she struggled terribly with PPD when she was home alone with little kids (around the time she made the comment to me). I am a little defensive about our savings and my career growth since I took a part-time job, and I know a few of my friends have been a little defensive about their schedules since I took this job.

      Good for you, not for me. repeat, repeat, repeat. I also step back and remember that we all have happy well-fed kids who are (usually) in clean(ish) clothing.

    • Sarabeth says

      Genuine sympathy, but also, your coworker’s statement literally made me LOL. She thinks that kids care who does their laundry? I mean, good that she is able to frame this task in a pleasant way for herself, but I 100% guarantee that your kids do not give a sh*t who does their laundry. Nor, probably, do hers.

      • NewMomAnon says

        I was about to say this, and then I realized that I have spent the last 20+ years mourning that my clean clothes don’t smell the way they did when my mom used to do my laundry….probably should tell her that.

    • TBK says

      The 5 Love Languages applies to how people show love for their families, too. My MIL is a laundry person but is happy to throw something in the microwave and call it dinner. I will let laundry go for weeks but am great about cooking from scratch. I’m pretty sure there are things you do for your kids that you do because they’re important to you. Your kids know that. Do you have a bedtime ritual? Silly nicknames for your kids that are a private joke between you? Are you careful to always have oranges in the house because they love them? Do you buy everything Elmo even though you think stuff with characters is tacky because your kid goes bonkers for Elmo? Are you careful to cut toast into strips, not wedges because your kid likes strips? You do some of these kinds of things I’m sure of it and that’s what your kids will remember.

    • Betty says

      Thank you all so much for the perspective, support and pep talk! I really needed it today.

  11. October says

    Surely there are other things you do for your family to express your love and care for them, right? I do my family’s laundry, and yes, there’s a small part of me that enjoys the feeling of taking care of them in that way, but I also really don’t mind doing laundry! I’ll gladly do it, and outsource other things. Everyone has a different love language, and every family is organized differently. Don’t let it get you down.

    • Pogo says

      Ha, I immediately thought of Love Languages because “acts of service” is one of my husband’s and I couldn’t care less about it.

      I bring that book up all the time to my girlfriends. I think it’s such a game changer in how you view your partner.

    • TBK says

      Wrote my comment before seeing yours but seems we’re on the same page. Pogo, I’m “acts of service” and my husband is NOT. It’s taken years but I think he finally gets that him emptying the dish washer isn’t about dishes for me.

  12. CPA Lady says

    I have to toot my own horn here for a minute. I did something and it happened so fast that I didn’t have time to be self-conscious about it in the moment. But I aggressively befriended another mom and got her phone number so we can go on playdates with our kids. We’re in jr. league together and she knows a couple people I know so it’s not like she’s a total stranger, but she just moved to town last year and I don’t know her that well. Both our husbands work on Sundays so I was like “we should hang out on Sunday! What is your phone number!” Yay. Hopefully she didn’t think it was weird.

    • avocado says

      Go you! I would be terrified to do this myself but would be so happy to be on the receiving end. I bet the other mom didn’t think it was weird and wished she’d had the courage to do it herself.

    • Anon in NOVA says

      Go you! Very jealous, I’m never brave enough to do it. I’ve been on the receiving end of it and I’ve never been weirded out, I’m always relieved the other person made the offer! Congrats!

ABOUT

WORK WITH US

SERIOUS STUFF