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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 105 Comments · by

Maternity Monday: ‘Simone’ Empire Waist Jersey Dress

Maternity· Recent Recs

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A woman wearing a Plus Size Women\'s Velour Swing Drape Dress by Roaman\'sThis empire waist dress from Leota is lovely — I like the ruching details at the neckline, and I always think empire waists look good when you’re pregnant. (I tend to like empire waist dresses in general.) It’s machine wash cold, and it’s breathable, so if you’re worried about overheating, this could be a good option for you. There’s a surprisingly pretty plum floral (although it has a very fall feel), as well as hunter, sapphire, and wine (pictured). The dress is $158 at Nordstrom in sizes XS-XL and I think it just looks great. Leota ‘Simone’ Empire Waist Jersey Maternity Dress (L-all) Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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Comments

  1. dc anon says

    Help! My sweet little toddler has morphed into a twonager! She kicks things, throws things, and sometimes hits me when she is upset. I try to remain calm and let her know that it is not acceptable behavior. I have explained that we do not hit because it hurts and let her know that it is ok to feel angry. About half the time she understands and apologizes but the other half of the time her behavior escalates. What am I doing wrong? How can I improve?

    • CHJ says

      OMG you are not doing anything wrong. Toddlers are brutal. A few ideas that have helped us:

      – Figure out her triggers. Is it being over-tired? Hungry? My son is awful when he gets home from daycare. It’s a combo of a long day of being self-controlled (ha!) and being hungry. I try to get snacks out as soon as we get in the door and also let him run free like a Tasmanian devil for a few minutes.

      – Pick your battles. I’ve let so many of my parenting standards go. We have some bright-line rules (no climbing on the counter/table) and have let the minor rules go (eating with a fork).

      – Walk away. If my son hits me, I say “I don’t let people hit me” and I walk out of the room. Or if I’m carrying him and he hits me, I say “I’m not going to carry you if you hit me” and put him down. It usually causes a HUGE meltdown in the moment, but it is very effective over time.

      Good luck. Toddlers are monsters.

      • Kelly says

        Comments like this make me sad. I know it’s tongue in cheek and we all love our children, but it’s so lacking in empathy for the developmental tornado a toddler that age is going through. And at least some of this attitude must be reflected on the child who soaks it in like a sponge when developing her attachments and self esteem. I’m all for discipline but these comments are not about that, they’re just misdirected criticism.

        • October says

          Thanks for this. I heard a phrase recently that a baby was entering the “teaching twos” (rather than the terrible twos) and it really helped reframe things for me. This is a time of learning and growth, and with that comes frustration, so I’m trying to be really patient and not think of my kid as being “the worst” but rather as needing extra love and guidance.

          • layered bob says

            yes, the phrase that helps me reframe is “she’s not *giving me* a hard time, she’s *having* a hard time.”

        • Anon says

          “And at least some of this attitude must be reflected on the child who soaks it in like a sponge when developing her attachments and self esteem.”

          Wow, that’s quite the conclusion to jump to. We’re all trying to do our best, and I’m sure that includes CHJ. It’s normal to be frustrated by even developmentally appropriate behavior from a toddler. Just because you’re honest about that doesn’t mean you lack empathy or are damaging your child.

          • Kelly says

            I was responding to the monster comment. I appreciate the frustration, I have 2yo too. But remarks like monster are gratuitous and negative. They’re not about how to deal with difficulties and they place blame on the kids instead of on finding solutions. You cannot blame a toddler for acting out anymore than a baby for crying.

          • October says

            True, but we talk so much about the power of word choice and language on this s*te and the main one, and we sometimes forget to extend that grace to our babies and children (labeling them “three-nagers” or terrors, etc.). I do it myself and am trying really hard to be more aware of it.

          • Other says

            Man. This is a site about commiseration and expressing frustration, and I agree that the comment that the attitude is being reflected on the child is just unnecessary shaming. Dang, there needs to be a space to say: “parenting is hard. two year olds are really fun, but also really hard.”

            I’m a GREAT mom. My kids and I are ruthless adventurers. They hike, they museum, they dine at interesting restaurants. We laugh, we discover, we explore. I am largely unflappable in the face of toddler meltdowns, and my husband and I are raising our kids with radical empathy and radical acceptance (but also boundaries).

            However. Last night, my (overtime, overextended) 2 year old slapped me in the face when it was time to leave. I was also overtired and overextended, and felt my own sense of shame b/c of someone who saw the behavior, and I YELLED at him when we got home. I saw his face start defiant, then crumple into tears. I walked away. I came back and looked him in the eyes, apologized with words, and asked if I could give him a hug to make him feel better. He also said sorry for hitting. We both needed and received forgiveness.

            I’m happy to say that he behaved like a monster and so did I, and that we both acknowledged that and came back from it. I’m not a bad mom for thinking he was a monster in that moment, and I’m not a bad mom because I did not respond well in the moment either.

            Oh, and, I actually call both of my kids “monsters” as a term of endearment — it came about initially because they love to run around and make monster noises, but also because I cannot say “Mother F____ker” in front of them, and “Monsters” became a very suitable alternative.

          • Anon in NOVA says

            I agree with you Anon. Just because CHJ came to this site to state that frustration doesn’t mean she calls her child a monster to their face. I think it’s a huge leap.

          • Anon says

            FWIW, I actually don’t think we parse word choice here too often, for which I’m extremely grateful. We might talk about our own word choices, but that’s pretty different from criticizing someone else’s, calling it sad, and then insinuating that they are a bad mother.

          • Anonymous says

            ha, I’m super late to this party, but just want to holla at Other: I use “mosters” as a term of endearment for my kids, too! They both have sweatshirts/jackets with cute little monster characteristics (spikes, teeth, multiple eyes, etc)… I think that may be where it started. But also because they’re little Sandra Boynton monsters and wreak havoc wherever they go.

            Sometimes I get nervous giggles or raised eyebrows when I call them that in public. I am careful to only call them monsters when I am able to say it in a cheerful voice; I don’t think they have a negative association with the word *as it pertains to them* at all.

        • CHJ says

          Oh gosh, I was totally kidding and trying to be supportive/compassionate with OP with the “monster” comment! I didn’t mean it in a “toddlers are devils” way, but rather “toddlers are loud and crazy and wild” way, which they are. Like Sandra Boynton monsters, not horror film monsters.

          Normally I wouldn’t jump back in to defend myself, but one of the things that I love about this forum is that we can be free to vent/commiserate without being called bad parents (or accusing each other of giving our children attachment issues! Good grief!) It’s very rare in internet communities and it’s something I value about this space. I feel like we all do a good job of giving each other the benefit of the doubt — these are all just quick comments we type up in between projects while trying to help out other moms.

          • PEN says

            Yes, CHJ! This space and community has been an amazing support for me—-and a place I don’t have to be judged—my kids are “monsters” too—monsters who I love.

          • Pogo says

            I nannyed for a mom of two year old twins. I was relaying their antics one day (I forget what they did exactly, but it felt intentionally cruel) and the mom said to me,”I’m sorry they treated you like that! They made me cry yesterday!”

            She seemed really, really relieved to know it wasn’t their personal hatred of her that made them so mean – they’re toddlers and that’s how they are, they’re testing boundaries and learning. Just because it’s developmentally appropriate doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when they act out in a way that (seems) intended to be cruel.

            That was how I interpreted the “monsters” comment – an acknowledgement of this.

          • Lyssa says

            I was saying something the other day about something with “monsters” and concerns about it being scary to my 4-year-old, when I suddenly realized that he probably has no concept of that word as negative in any way. The only things with “monsters” he’s ever encountered are Sesame Street and some Monster’s Inc. branded stuff (though not really enough of the movie to get the part where the monsters are portrayed as scary to kids). So, I’m pretty sure that the concept of “monster” is pretty much just wacky colorful character, to him.

            So, we’ve reclaimed the word “monster,” I think. Use it at will.

        • Anononymous says

          Kelly — comments like yours are why I NEVER joined an IRL mom group. I like it here because I get good ideas for hacks and tricks, commiseration that it’s pretty much all normal and hard, and nobody is an anti-vaxxer or trying to sell me MLM stuff. People here take a realistic approach to the fact that parenting is hard (the way people used to, when parenting and having a family was fun instead of some pinterest project.)

          And unless your two year old is reading this message board it’s hardly gratuitous.

          • Kelly says

            I believe words matter, full stop. I believe Donald Trump is a monster. I don’t believe any child is one. If you’re comfortable with this lighthearted use of language like that, that is fine for you. Like others I value the open exchange of ideas here.
            And my idea is to reframe the thinking from blaming the child to helping the child learn and to find productive ways of managing our inevitable frustrations. And everyone slips up and yells or whatever, myself included. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have goals of not doing that. It’s hard but it is not the toddler’s fault it’s hard. I also fail to see what taking your kid to the museum has to with whether you consider them to be blame worthy when they freak out.

          • Other says

            Kelly – I think your “museum” comment is directed at me. And it’s relevant to frame the context of how I parent, which is very well but not perfectly. I think all the parents here also parent very well, but not perfectly. We all have moments where we think our bosses, our spouses, our children, our parents, are behaving poorly.

            Sometimes we need a sounding board to express that frustration. Sometimes we are inarticulate. There is a world of difference between blowing off steam in a safe, controlled environment wherein the object of your frustration is not exposed to your comments (see, e.g., in person therapy, parenting message boards, etc.) and screaming (or Tweeting….) YOU ARE A MONSTER! at a two year old.

            A child who has been subjected to those kind of words as a child has been abused, and that is a case where the parent’s “attitude must be reflected on the child who soaks it in like a sponge when developing her attachments and self esteem.” I could see how THAT would make you sad – that breaks my heart, and I know it happens all the time. That is legitimately terrible and should be stopped, but that is not what is happening here.

            And I’m all about reframing!! Really!! Especially when working directly with the kid!! But, in the context of CHJ’s aside comment said to evoke camaraderie or support for the parent, it just makes the parent feel shame that they cannot suppress frustration or anger at their child.

        • JTX says

          This is way over the top. CHJ was obviously commiserating with the OP and her comment probably made the OP feel better. Your comment, however, was totally unhelpful. Are we all supposed to pretend on this anonymous internet forum that parenting is easy, and toddlers are angels, and every meltdown is a learning opportunity for which we should be grateful? Are we never, ever supposed to be even mildly critical of our children’s behavior? “Toddlers are monsters” sounds almost affectionate to me. They ARE monsters sometimes! Take your mom-shaming somewhere else.

          • Kelly says

            What is so bad about saying my kid is behaving like a monster rather than *is* a monster? That’s the only shaming language I see here. And congrats to you if you were lucky enough to grow up without exposure to verbal abuse. Some people can’t be quiet so sanguine about it. I said above I get the frustration. I experience it all the time, and there is nothing shameful about it. I just happen to think commiserate on can be expressed more productively. I’m sorry that I offended the group with my comment, perhaps I should into regarding my own language, too.

          • JTX says

            I think that, on the internet, you should assume best intentions. When I read the comment “Toddlers are monsters!” I interpret that to mean toddlers sometimes behave poorly. People often exaggerate for comedic effect or to make a point. In the context of that post, she was clearly commiserating with the OP. It could be very different in the context of a different post. I just think you are reacting to the use of the word monster rather than considering the post in context.

          • JTX says

            Also, I did grow up with verbal and emotional abuse. Equating that post with abuse is … mind-boggling to me. I think you are projecting.

    • EBMom says

      We’re running into the same stage. I seem to notice that my daughter’s behavior gets so much worse when my own reserves are running low (stress from work, too little sleep, etc.). On the hunch that my own attention to her might be part of it, I implemented 15 to 20 minutes of mommy and toddler time each day, usually after dinner. I put down my phone, I set a timer, and for 15 or 20 minutes I focus totally on her. We read books, play dress up, play hide and seek, whatever she wants. I try really hard not to get distracted. Even if she doesn’t want to play with me, I just sit and watch what she is doing and interject an occasional question or comment. It has not been a cure-all but it really did seem to head off some of the worst of her behavior. And sorry for not directly responding to the question. I don’t have any easy answers, but I just noticed that we had a lot fewer tough moments when I put aside this time for her (especially if I have had a rough day myself).

    • PinkKeyboard says

      For the hitting, if she hits me I immediately leave the room or plop her on the opposite side of the room while saying “no hitting”. It works because she immediately dissolves into a huge tantrum BUT much less hitting has been happening.

    • AEK says

      Ive been reading up on this lately and have been intrigued by the theory that the best thing to do when a toddler lashes out is to give them MORE attention in the moment— like a firm embrace or “timeout” together, rather than walking away / leaving them alone (i.e. solo timeout). The thinking is that when a toddler gets to this state of mind, they need more attention rather than less, and you’re modeling that you will love & support them even when they are “bad” rather than that you will withdraw love and teach them they are “bad” and not worthy of your love /attention unless they are “good.” Apparently that could affect parent-child attachment in the long term? I find it interesting. I’ve started taking a more middle ground approach like picking him up, hugging him tightly, and reminding him that hitting hurts and I’ll have to walk away if he can’t behave. Then I propose an alternative — let’s go build a tower, etc. Mixed results!

      I am forever getting moderated for posting links, but if you search engine something like timeouts don’t work or reasons not to use timeouts, you’ll probably see some of this — some from actual psychologists, some more anecdotal.

      • Anonymous says

        Really interesting. When my kids get really upset, we usually have them sit on the bottom step. We call it the “calm down” step – and I’ll sit there with them. The other kid will usually join us b/c my two are like puppies and they usually are attached to each other. It’s not punitive, it’s more of a break to calm down.

        On the other hand, if my 4 year old gets really upset — especially at the dinner table (and the tantrums are much fewer, but much louder), I tell him it’s fine to be upset and mad, but if he needs to scream and yell, he needs to go to the playroom or his room while we are eating.

        Sometimes I feel like the stakes are so high and the pressure is overwhelming for parents. I love/hate the access to this type of information. I really appreciate the science behind the best ways to connect with and listen to my children, but if I ask my child to leave the dinner table if he’s screaming at me, am I really risking the longterm bond that we have? Sometimes I find myself frantically searching my brain when my kids act out trying to remember what type of discipline works, what I can say that will emphasize with them but enforce limits, what doesn’t estrange, and it’s hard!! parenting is hard, man.

        • Betty says

          Oh man! Yes, I do the same thing with searching my brain for the right thing to do in the moment, almost like an index of parenting cliches: Be present. Be respectful of the child, but set reasonably boundaries. Does that mean hug with a “I know this is hard” or “you can be mad but you don’t get to scream at me while I eat.”? Ugh.

          Another random thought: I once read a book on respectful parenting. Well, I read the first half about listening to and understanding the child. Then I had our second child, and I went with the principles I learned for a long while. It took me two years to pick the book back up and finish reading it, and the second half was about respecting your own needs.

          • Anonymous says

            haha! Thanks – your story about the book made me smile. Glad to hear others have the index!

    • PhilanthropyGirl says

      I told my husband just this weekend we have a twonager! It’s been awful – and surprising out of my mild mannered kiddo. I think this is also all completely normal and developmentally appropriate.

      I think what’s hard is they can’t reason like an older child – so I have to keep it really simple. “You may not hit mommy. Hitting hurts.” I try (ha!) to stay calm and not engage. I also use “I cannot understand you when you scream. Please use a talking voice so I know what you need.” “You may not XYZ. It is unkind.” We talk a lot about kindness, and I try to focus on the kind things he does, and acknowledge those things.

      Things that are thrown are taken away immediately. “There is no throwing in the house. The XYZ is going in time out. Please find something else to do.”

      I find that consistency makes a huge difference. Twos are testing boundaries, and they feel safe knowing where the boundaries are.

      I say all this mostly preaching to myself. I struggle to remain calm and not lash out – but all that does is escalate matters.

    • JTX says

      We found improvement with some of the strategies in Happiest Toddler on the Block and 123 Magic. I would highly recommend both books.

    • ChiLaw says

      I am in the same boat and I don’t have a ton of parenting advice, but one thing that works for my own mental health is to make sure I’m really aware of the good moments. When we do sing alongs in the car, or paint together, or play silly wild games, or snuggle up and read, I try to be very aware, like “there are times when we get along just great!” Because it can be so easy to focus on the struggles and the battles and the tantrums — I find myself saying “she’s NEVER happy!” — but it’s energizing to remember there’s a lot of good stuff too.

  2. JMDS says

    Any tried and true teething remedies? We are struggling with my 16 month old who is already cutting molars and having a really hard time sleeping.

      • CPA Lady says

        Third. I’ve never hesitated to give it to CPA toddler from the point she was old enough to take it, both for fevers and for teething. At this point, we only keep tylenol on hand to stack with ibuprofen if she’s really really sick.

      • layered bob says

        Fourth. AND, the ibuprofen dose is smaller = easier to get them to swallow.

        • CPA Lady says

          Oh, also, infant ibuprofen is twice as strong as children’s ibuprofen, so we still use infants, because it’s an even smaller dose.

  3. Anon for this says

    A lot of you replied on Friday to the scary story in my town of the 2 year old that climbed out of her crib and snuck out her back door in the middle of winter. She was found 6+ hours later so everyone was fearing the worst. If what the press has reported is true, she basically lived a Goldilocks tale. I figured I’d follow up with the rest of the story, as reported by the news (so not always accurate).

    She was staying with her grandparents for the night. After she escaped the house, she walked about six houses down the street and found another unlocked door. She snuck into someone else’s home. She found an empty bed and crawled in it and went to sleep. Two roommates live there, a man and a woman. The woman was home and sleeping through this. The man got home around 9 in the morning and saw the girl sleeping in his bed. He asked his roommate who she was babysitting and she said nobody. The woman knew of the missing girl but had never thought to look in her roommates room. The door was closed when he left for work and still closed when she got up. The little girl was just in there sleeping!

  4. PPD says

    Thoughts on virtual therapy for PPD? Would it be effective and how would I find someone? I’d rather see someone in person, but with contributing factors being a baby that won’t sleep, a demanding job and a less than supportive husband, I think this may be the best way to get it done. After a rough weekend I really need to talk to someone.

    • NewMomAnon says

      Does your employer have an Employee Assistance Program? That was my first step, and they helped me identify resources. Your OB’s office may have suggestions too, or your pediatrician.

      I’m also going to put this out there – when I first started therapy, I always freaked out when I had to leave the office to attend a session. Turns out that was part of my anxiety; in 4 years of therapy, nothing has ever blown up because I was out of pocket for 50 minutes once (or twice) a week. And realizing that has been immensely helpful in my overall mental health. I would really encourage you to make that time; find a therapist close to your office who would be available over the phone in a pinch, and just make it happen.

      • PPD says

        Thank you. I think you are probably right about it being the anxiety that makes me feel like I can’t leave, but I guess I’m just not at the point where I can make that leap.

        • NewMomAnon says

          Hugs. It can get better. You’re doing the right thing by seeking out help in any form.

    • PEN says

      hugs–your insurance company or your EAP, should be able help you find a virtual therapy. Though I found medication through my PCP helped my PPD almost immediately, when my sense of being overwhelmed and inability to control the anxiety enough to find a therapist and arrange an appointment was at its worst. Good luck.

      I wish I had advice on the non-supportive husband part, but I only have commiseration. My normally supportive husband, who will usually remember if I have some minor injury and check in with me the next day if I slept wrong on my neck, must have a list of how NOT to treat your wife with PPD. And then he does all the things on the list. And has never once asked how I am feeling/dealing with it.

      But I am feeling so much better now, and only wish I had asked for help sooner.

    • ChiLaw says

      Hugs! Finding a therapist while I was sleep deprived, anxious, and depressed was so, so hard. My EAP did *not* help me find someone, goodness knows why, but I suspect that’s not the norm.

      Finding a good person, who took my insurance, and who had evening/weekend hours (because depressed moms can also be working moms!) was maybe the hardest part of PPD. I really wish I had taken my friends up on their offers to search for me. If you have a close friend who you can give your insurance info to, let them take on the work of doing some basic screening: “are you taking new patients?” “do you take this insurance?” etc. They can’t guarantee a great fit, but they can certainly cross some “no”s off the list. (Or, if this is a skill your husband has, it might be a good, concrete way to ask for support from him. Or it might be a disaster — it would’ve been with mine.)

    • NewMomAnon says

      Oooh, wait – I just remembered. I didn’t use my EAP for my individual therapist recommendation; I used a site called goodtherapy.org – it’s a search engine. You put in your location and type of therapy sought (ie, PTSD, PPD, Family Counseling, Grief, etc), and it provides you a list of potential providers. I think the summary for each provider also includes what types of insurance they take, if any….

      I realized I would never go if I had get in my car and drive to an appointment; I would go only if I could walk there (it made sense at the time…not so much now?). Narrowing down by zip code let me fill that requirement easily and narrowed down the pool to less than 10, which was not as overwhelming.

  5. dc mom anon says

    I’m in DC and starting to look at the pre – 3 options for our daughter (see twonager above). We have a privilege of free preschool here, yay! We are diligently going to open houses and talking to parents and it seems like the decision is coming down to whether or not we want a bilingual (Spanish) program or not. How much did you consider bilingual education? Most of the programs I have seen are 50 Eng/50 Span, so not full immersion. Would you prioritize bilingual education over general school performance?

    • mascot says

      Bilingual would be a tipping point in the case of two equally strong choices, but it wouldn’t be enough to make up for a school with otherwise less appealing curriculum, community feel, and convenience factors.

    • In House Lobbyist says

      My son is in a one day a week after school Spanish class. I find it really hard to keep up once he got past general sayings; colors; and counting. I now have to resort to youtube videos or his high school babysitter to help him with his words. Just a thought if you aren’t a current Spanish speaker yourself.

    • Knope says

      I wouldn’t prioritize a school just because it’s bilingual without looking at the larger picture of school performance. Honestly though if you’re playing the lottery with charter schools or in-demand DCPS schools, there’s not THAT much of a difference between the scores of higher-performing bilingual and non-bilingual charters, so there’s no downside to putting the bilingual schools first if other factors are the same (e.g., commute time). Also, if you really want to ensure that you get into a PK3 program period, you should include some less-in-demand schools (which tend to be non-bilingual) and/or your in-bounds school on your list, as there are far more PK3 applicants than spots available at the popular schools around the city.

  6. Leaky says

    Has anyone here had urethral sling surgery to correct stress incontinence? I’m looking for more information about what to expect in terms of recovery.

  7. Pogo says

    I know Kat did a registry series, but did she ever do a round-up of *where* it was best to register?

    Does anyone have strong recommendations on Target vs Buy Buy Baby vs Amazon etc?

    • Anon in NOVA says

      I’ve started seeing more registries on something called “BabyList”. I haven’t used it myself (it’s been about 7 years since I needed one) but it looks really neat. You can register from multiple stores/websites in one place. There’s also the option to add things like “bring dinner over one night” or something.

      • Pogo says

        Hm, interesting… I was thinking more about comparing the various “welcome kits”, completion discounts and kick-back offers (your guests spend X on you, you get Y). Though I suppose you could “register” at multiple places for those benefits and then link to BabyList?

      • Anonymous says

        I tried this when I was pregnant last summer and it didn’t work as well as I wanted it to. It would list a product from only one site and it wasn’t always the cheapest place to buy it. I got the sense that the site had partnerships with certain stores and gave them preference over others. I finally gave up and just registered multiple places.

    • Anonymous says

      There’s a lot of online comparisons of registries out there, so you can find one with the Goog. So…we did Babies R Us and Amazon. Amazon because we have prime and you get 15% completion discount (I think its 10% without). I found things to be a bit cheaper on Amazon than baby stores – like maybe a $50 item was $45 on amazon. I did Babies R Us just to placate my extended family members who are confounded by internet ordering. Didn’t do Buy Buy Baby because there’s less locations and it tends to run more expensive…although I like their gear a bit better.

      • October says

        We did the same and I highly recommend registering at a brick and mortar store (in addition to Amazon, etc. if you choose to go online). It makes it so much easier to return/exchange items that you get duplicates of or change your mind on. Plus, I preferred walking around and scanning things to having to electronically add them sight-unseen to my Amazon registry. We mainly used that one for things that weren’t available a BRU.

        • Anonymous says

          Agreed! While you can technically return things to Amazon, it’s much more of a process than bringing into your local store. I registered for things at Amazon that I wasn’t likely to return (things that only came in one size or color, for example) and Target for things that I might want to exchange or return.

    • Rabumba says

      We did BabyList and I can’t recommend it enough. It was great to be able to pull from multiple places, including Etsy (for the hipster baby) and brick and mortar stores.

    • Katarina says

      I did not find any of them to have good welcome packages or discounts. Remaining things I bought either on Amazon with convenience, or from Buy Buy Baby using the 20% discount coupons (they also accept the ones from Bed Bath and Beyond). I registered in Babies R Us because I wanted a brick and mortar option with locations near most guests, and I only wanted to register at one place for my convenience.

  8. Anon this time says

    Hi all, I need a bit of helping getting some perspective or maybe just a slap to the face of “snap out of it”!

    There is a special needs boy at my church who is around the same age as my son (2). This little boy has a severe case of cerebral palsy with intellectual disabilities amongst other issues. I have followed him on facebook since he was born at 24 weeks, truly a miracle child. He was born to two wonderful, loving parents whom I can tell love him so much and offer him wonderful care. And yet, when I see him, I just get so emotional. Obviously, it has something to do with my son being close to the same age, but I get mad at myself because I am sure the parents don’t want pity and is that what I am feeling? Or guilt that my family does not face the same challenges? I don’t know them personally, but part of me wants to help or wants to understand that they are happy. I would also like a way of not tearing up when I see them because I really don’t think I should be feeling this way. Any perspective out there?

    • Anonymous says

      It’s probably a reminder of how easily your life could have turned out very differently. Everyone and every family has their own journey in life. I would suggest you take their page out of your newsfeed and give yourself a set day/time to check in for news.

    • AEK says

      True story: I knew I had a problem when I tried watching the first episode of “Shameless” and started bawling because of the baby in the crib crying while his siblings were trying to run the house without a parent. I also lost it every time I heard a baby or toddler crying in public. And I has similar reactions when I encountered special-needs children— not pity at all, just an overall feeling that I had good fortune that I didn’t deserve and empathy for the family that had greater challenges to face than I.

      I talked about it with a therapist. There is a level of extreme sensitivity and empathy that might be indicative of some anxiety / depression or difficulty processing emotions (feeling guilty instead of grateful, and why you might believe inside that you’re not deserving of luck / happiness).

      • Anon this time says

        I actually did discuss this with a therapist last year and it didn’t really seem to help, maybe I need to try again with a different one. It’s funny, I have a good handle of most of my emotions except circumstances involving children.

      • Anon this time says

        Thank you for this. I also found her blog as well and her words area so beautiful about her daughter. Of course, I am crying at my desk, but still…..

    • AnonAnon says

      A colleague lost his young special needs child last year, and it broke me up for weeks. One thing I found helpful was to stop focusing so much on how I was feeling, and pay attention to how he was reacting and interacting with the world. He was obviously very sad, but also reacting in ways I didn’t understand. I finally realized that he had experienced something so different from what I was imagining, and had come out of it with an incredible perspective about the world and life. Getting to know him again in a more personal way helped me get past my fears and sadness. Maybe just reach out and try to befriend the parents? You might make some good friends out of it.

    • Anon for this says

      As a sibling to a child with a rare, deadly genetic disorder (like the one described in the HuffPo article), I want to say that hardly anyone ever expressed the sentiments in this thread to me or my family until after my brother’s death. You might feel weird about it, but reaching out to the mom in your church would probably mean a lot to her.

      I always thought people were “weirded out” by my brother, and that’s why they never talked about him – it was like he didn’t exist. This can be incredibly sad in a way that just acknowledging a child’s illness is not.

      Two people that I recall were incredibly open and curious when I mentioned my brother’s illness. One became my husband. Another was a girlfriend of a friend who I met only once – but she was so kind and honest that her reaction stuck with me. Like the mom in the HuffPo article, most people would say “I’m sorry” when I explained my brother’s illness but both my (now) husband and this woman responded by saying, “I’ve never heard of that – can you tell me more about that? What’s your brother like?”

      I know I’m rambling, but just know that families of kids like this may feel isolated, and just knowing that you care could mean so much.

  9. In House Lobbyist says

    Nighttime bedwetting – anyone have an experience with this? My son is 6 and if we don’t wake him up or don’t put him in pullups he wets the bed 5 out of 7 nights a week. My ped has always said to not even think about it until he was 6 or 7 and he would probably grow out of it. He sleeps so hard so I am sure that is the problem. It is so hard to wake him up in the middle of the night. The latest issue is his 3 year old sister has started sleeping in panties this week so I don’t want him to feel bad about it. I have always just told him that his brain just sleeps so hard it doesn’t wake him up. Any advice or experience other than just continue to wake him up? My MIL says she wet the bed until she was 10 years old but my husband didn’t have any issues when he was little.

    • shortperson says

      my niece wore pull ups until she was about 8 or 9, before that she was not ready. both of her parents are doctors and didnt think it was a big deal at all so neither did she. she wore pull ups to sleepovers and was not embarrassed about it. eventually she grew out of it. i would just keep him in pull ups and relax.

    • anon says

      I don’t have experience with this personally, but I’ve read a couple of things that suggest that certain types of constipation can cause bed-wetting in kids. I’d ask the doctor about ruling that out as a cause.

    • Anonymous says

      Good thought re: constipation, but otherwise, this is normal. Try to limit liquids after 6pm, to help him stay dry all night. But yeah, still normal (I read it can be normal until 10-11 years old).

    • anon says

      This is second hand advice, not based on experience (a**vice), but since it seems relatively easy and completely innocuous: my coworker’s daughter, who is maybe 11 or 12, has problems with bedwetting, and has seen specialists. Apparently they think the problem now is that she doesn’t go enough during the day, so her body is storing up urine and needs to go at night. So maybe see if he should/could go more often during the day? It can’t hurt.

    • Kindergarten boy says

      Yep I can count on 1, maybe 2 hands, the nights my 7.5 year old has stayed dry. His younger brother has been in underwear (or not, he likes to go commando a lot!) since he was 2. I think my son is a little embarrassed but we don’t talk about it much and when we do we are just matter of fact. We have tried no drinks after 5pm, waking him up, etc, nothing works. He just sleeps way too deeply. Pediatrician is not worried unless he starts to show anxiety or it affects jos social life (i.e. Sleepovers which we haven’t had to deal with).

    • Anon for this says

      My grandson will be 8 in April. He rarely was dry in the morning until recently. Pediatrician said there was nothing wrong. We ran out of pull ups one day so my daughter figured ok, let’s do this. He has had only one bedwetting incident since. So there is hope. Kids do eventually mature.

  10. PrettyPrimadonna says

    Someone, give me your best advice on sleep training. My seven month old did really well for about a week–I traveled the first two days, and she slept marvelously with daddy. When I came back, she STTT for the next four days. Now, we are back to her waking 2-3 (last night, FOUR!) times a night to nurse. I think it is habit and not hunger. Pleeeeeeeease help me get her back to sleeping through the night!

    • EBMom says

      The key is to have her go from fully awake to sleep under conditions that will not change overnight. So, if she should be sleeping alone in her crib, then she needs to go to sleep while she is alone, in her crib. There is a huge range of how you can approach this, from slowly changing the routine until she is going to sleep alone, to cry it out with no checks.

      The precious little sleep blog is a great place to start for tips. She does a podcast too. She has tips on nightweaning, which I suggest you try first. And keep in mind that not all sleep-trained babies are ready to be nightweaned. We used the “extreme” cry it out method with my baby at 7 months (Weissbluth method from the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child). But she wasn’t ready to fully nightwean after sleeptraining (some babies are, some still need 1 to 2 feedings). My baby needed to be fed between 3am and 5am until she was 10 months old. The sleeptraining just stopped her from waking up every 35 to 40 minutes all night long, but after sleep training she still woke up to let us know she was hungry for the 1 feeding.

      • EBMom says

        I’m also just going to add–are you sure she slept great for husband while you were away? My baby would have to scream and cry for a few minutes before he would wake up at night. So if she was just grumbling for a few minutes for a few times, your husband may not have woken up and heard her. Maybe try to not get her if she awakens at night and doesn’t seem terribly upset? Even if you don’t believe in CIO, there is no harm in sitting up and listening for 1 to 5 minutes to see if she is truly awake or just crying out or grumbling in her sleep and then settling herself back down. You are a mom, so you will know immediately if she is crying for your immediate attention. But if she isn’t giving a full-out cry, just get her 1 to 5 minutes to see what she does if you don’t go to her side immediately.

        • Walnut says

          My 16 month old has always been a great sleeper, but has always woken up once or twice a night, cried briefly, and been back asleep within a few minutes. If he’s still crying after a few minutes, I will get him up for a quick snack.

          We have always put him to sleep awake and he nearly always cries for the first couple minutes after we close the door, but quickly falls asleep after.

    • AnonMN says

      With my kids, if they have been STTN for more than a few days, a regression typically signals something that doesn’t require sleep training. Teething? Growth Spurt? Ear Infection? On coming cold? I would suspect these more than “bad habits” since she was successfully sleeping through the night before. For example, my 11 month old slept through the night for one glorious week. Then he started frequent wakings. We were like, what did we do? A few days, and a doctor visit later it turns out he had an ear infection. After two days at home we also discovered he had popped TWO molars. Whew. After two weeks of frequent wakings he has now STTN for two nights. We have done nothing different. The first two years are just such a cluster.

    • AwayEmily says

      No advice, just commiseration — for us at least, sleep stuff always seems to be “two steps forward, one step back,” and despite knowing this intellectually, every single time I find myself so surprised and confused by the one step back.

  11. Anonymous says

    Piggybacking on the preschool question – we are enrolling our son in a Jr. K program offered by our daycare, and have the option to enroll him in an afternoon Spanish program. Enrolling him means an extra $250/month, which will stretch us a bit. The Spanish program will basically be lieu of nap, and he’ll get an extra 30ish minutes outside (i.e., after lunch, he’ll go to Spanish, then go outside around 3 and the rest of his Jr. K will join him around 3:30 on the playground). This year, he naps once or twice a week, and he’ll turn 5 in mid-October — so I’m assuming the nap will be done by then. I never learned a second language and regret it, but can’t decide if this is a good entry to a lifelong skill at the right age or unnecessary overkill.

    • In House Lobbyist says

      I commented earlier – my son is 6 and we do an hour once a week during the school year. It is offered by his public school for $100 a semester. There are lots of videos on Youtube and Spanish movies/books you can get from the library if you want to introduce him to the concept. I agree that $250 a month seems expensive and you won’t be a bad parent if you don’t spend the money.

    • NewMomAnon says

      I grew up speaking French with a grandparent who passed away before I turned 7. I retained only his awful accent (apparently I spoke French like a drunken hillbilly) and a few of his favorite swear words, which horrified my middle school French teacher. Which is just to say, if you aren’t going to continue the foreign language consistently throughout your kiddo’s childhood, it may not stick anyway.

      • Anon says

        This. I grew up speaking Spanish with one side of the family that we stopped contact with when I was 5. I lost all of my Spanish. Although I did seem to have a little easier time when I took it again in high school, it honestly wasn’t THAT much easier of a time. I understood it when I heard it, but had a much harder time learning the grammar and speaking it correctly.

        Unless it’s a language that they’re going to use consistently for the rest of their lives, (for family or environment reasons) I’m not sure language classes are very helpful for very young kids in America.

  12. Anonymous says

    This is a random question: does anyone here know how to anchor a dresser to a wall when there is no stud in that particular location? Any suggestions are welcome. The dresser leans against molding, so it isn’t fully flush with the wall. I ordered special anchoring straps from Amazon, but the instructions indicate that they should be attached to a stud and there doesn’t seem to be a stud where the dresser is located. Any tips???

    • anon says

      Are you measuring correctly? Studs are usually 16″ or 24″ apart. Also, can you see the nail holes on the molding-those should line up with the studs? Is there an electrical outlet/light switch- it might be mounted to a stud on one side. Or borrow/buy a stud finder.

    • NewMomAnon says

      I have walls with a double layer of drywall that is impervious to studfinders. I’ve anchored everything with drywall anchors (they open up once they are inside the wall). The molding thing is more difficult.

    • Pogo says

      How wide is the dresser? Unless your house is incredibly old and/or not built to code, studs should be 16″ apart (I think).

      We did live in a very old house once where this was not the case (studs were random) and anchoring would have not been possible – the wall was plaster and lath construction. If you tried to hang a picture with a small nail, chunks of the wall would literally fall out.

      • anne-on says

        Ah yes, my home is from the 1800’s, plaster and lath is SUCH A PAIN. Studs are totally random and we literally have resorted to hiring our contractor for an hour or so to hand a bunch of things all at once to avoid the inevitable screaming/meltdowns when my husband or I try to do it.

        • anon says

          Our old apartment (circa 1920s) had plaster and lath. We used 2″ or 2.5″ coarse thread drywall screws to hang and anchor almost everything. They are long enough that eventually the friction usually kept them in place, or they would catch something. My engineer husband would say that distributing the load over multiple places makes things more secure, especially if you do it in a vertical line. Most of our bookcases he anchored with L-shaped brackets with at least 2 screw holes on each arm (giving you 2 points of contact on the wall in a vertical line) and long screws. This is more visible than a strap on something lower than eye level though.

          If you have normal drywall that is hollow behind then drywall anchors should work. Or molly bolts, but those are a PITA. My favorite drywall anchors are the screw-in kind – google Plastic E-Z Ancor – very easy to use.

    • EBMom says

      We couldn’t find a good place to anchor my daughter’s dresser, so we just moved it out of her room. I know this isn’t the solution you are looking for, but just wanted to share what we did.

    • ChiLaw says

      We use straps, which should help with the molding question (link to follow). So I would attach the strap to the dresser with a screw, and then to the wall with a drywall anchor.

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