Maternity Monday: MAMA Viscose Dress

There are a few things I really like about this maternity dress from H&M. My favorite is the sheer sleeves, which work in both a cold office and in transition to fall. Although fall seems a long ways away, there is something autumnal about the colors, and I can picture it with nice brown boots. I like that it has a v-neck and an elastic “waist.” Also in keeping with the sheerness of the sleeves, there’s a sheer overlay with lining underneath. For me, I always appreciate that type of style — hides all the lumps and bumps and distracts with a pattern. It also comes in black, which I can see using as a base for some fun accessories, though in this case, I do favor the patterned version. The dress is $34.99 and comes in sizes XS–XXL. MAMA Viscose Dress

Pink Blush Maternity has a plus-size option.

Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.

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Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    I’m just catching up this morning but I thought that Racked article in the weekend round up about Gymboree’s relaunch missed the point. They’re not trying to make it into mini adult clothing; they’re just copying more high end kid’s brands like Tea Collection. Which is probably not going to succeed b/c they have a v. different scale/business model, but generally I like it. My one complaint about Gymboree stuff in the past was that the prints were overkill kitschy and not in a way that I found sweet (like Baby Gap, ON, or even Carter’s). It was –for lack of a better term — a very Florida/Midwestern aesthetic. Now they seem like they’re trying to cater more to a Brooklyn/CA vibe but I think it may feel a bit inauthentic? Anyway, was funny to see my local store “redesign” – it looks like a Disney version of a “city boutique.” Meanwhile they still have no bathroom or fitting room inside, which is what keeps me from going there with my children too often.

    • I disagree. I guess it’s more Brooklyn/ CA in the 20s millenial/ hipster sense, but the point isn’t a geographical change, it’s an age change. The point is that there’s too much emphasis on making your kid look “cool” rather than just letting them be a kid. What young kid needs a black moto jacket? I mean sure, it looks cool on an artsy instagram post, but it’s not practical for everyday kid life.

      I’m very much against the cutesy sayings on kids clothes like “Happy Sunshine Smile” but it just doesn’t make sense to dress a 2 year old in 3 layers of gray with fringe booties. My 5 year old shouldn’t be dressing like her 16 year old cousin, she should be in brighter clothes that let her play.

      • Anonymous says:

        Op here. I’m not talking about the moto jacket. I went to the webs&te and looked at the clothes. The clothes are mostly more comfy. Like the one area where I can see real complaints is the dress up clothes are largely missing; all the dresses are sweatshirt or tee shirt type dresses in muted colors whereas before it was a lot of “church clothes” in pastel and jewel tones. I can see being upset that a source for this type of clothing is gone. I just disagree with the analysis. If you go to the s&te, you actually can’t even find the moto jacket. It’s a raincoat with rainbows and a raincoat with stars and a bunch of “bomber” style jackets that are either shiny or sparkly. I guess there is one camo utility jacket which is arguably “too grown up” but don’t buy it. I just don’t see it as an age thing.

      • KateMiddletown says:

        People want their kids to look adorable, and the new brand is a reflection of what today’s parents of young children (who are Millennials, by and large) think is adorable. I don’t know any adults who wear fringed moccasins like the babies of instagram, but I think they’re adorable on babies. Parents of yesteryear seemed to think white hightops and sandals were adorable, as were smocked needlepoint dresses or organza holiday outfits and sailor costumes. Those outfits aren’t meant to let kids “play”, but to look like cute little grownups.

        (FWIW, my kids wear mostly things that are washable and soft, and clean at the time; colors and patterns are secondary.)

    • Spirograph says:

      That article confused me. I wasn’t a Gymboree shopper before, so I guess I don’t have strong enough feelings about this to understand why people care? The reboot certainly seems to be appealing to a different audience, but it’s not like Gymboree is the only place to get kids’ clothes, so shop where you like and change it up if you don’t like the collection this year. It’s not worth taking to Twitter about; the clothes are made, they’re not going to pull the whole line because people complained, and they’re not going to change anything at all until they look at the sales numbers.

      As long as I don’t dress my (3.5 yo) daughter in 15 layers of tulle, she plays the same whether she’s wearing bright clothes or hipster chic. She prefers things that are pink or have a superman picture, but once it’s on her body, she doesn’t really pay attention to her clothes unless she’s wearing a skirt that twirls, or one of those shirts with the sequins that change color when you flip them.

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      My kid has a moto jacket that she loves. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ She calls it a “mommy jacket” because that’s kinda my jam. Then again, I’m an old millennial. And she usually wears it over something like a hand-me-down teeshirt with a deer on it and patterned leggings, so she definitely looks like a kid. But I’m a huge proponent of silly cute clothes for kids, and letting her experiment and giving her control over what she wears.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Hey! As an urban Midwesterner, most of my kid’s friends run around in Tea Collection and Mini Boden. I dunno why Gymboree gets associated with Midwestern! My sense is that Gymboree’s old neon color/kitschy sayings shirts were more late 2000s/early 2010’s and just haven’t caught up with the more understated vibe of the late 2010’s.

      • Anonymous says:

        Thanks for this. I’m also an urban Midwesterner, and totally agree.

        Most stereotypes of the Midwest being behind fashion-wise went out the window when the Internet came around. Although, I will say I think I can get by with wearing something trendy a season longer on the downhill than maybe in some other areas. But I think that has to do with my city being slightly smaller than being in the Midwest.

      • Yup, Midwestern old Millennial here and my kids run around in Tea Collection, Mini Boden, and small shops (Childhoods Clothing FTW). My youngest son has also had some fringed Minnetonka Mocs in the fall every year since he was an infant. So . . . I guess I am the parent that Gymboree is trying to now cater to. The problem is that I don’t trust their quality, so will not pay their prices. We will see when the reviews roll out if I change my mind . . .

        However, all of the 90s/2000s Church moms dressed their kids in coordinating Gymboree in my area. So maybe Gymboree was a Midwest thing??

    • I don’t feel like my kid gets a say in what she wears until she’s maybe 10. Until then, it’s going to be whatever we get through our buy nothing network. So a redesign meant to appeal to children (and not their parents) is confusing but also I don’t care!

  2. PregAnon says:

    Not sure if I have a question other than how to cope…6 months pregnant and having some pretty terrible anxiety. I have generalized anxiety disorder (and off meds due to pregnancy), which I’ve been managing really well, but my 8-year old dog is very sick and I’m a wreck. Dog is at the vet now with my husband (possible bowel obstruction) after a rough weekend, and I’m literally shaking with nerves. I have therapy tomorrow but am so worried about losing my poor pup. How could I possibly cope with that? And then I worry about how my anxiety could be harming my baby. I’m able to work from home today and trying to take deep breaths, do some meditation, etc. But I feel like I’m about to explode. I will get through this, right?

    • YES YOU WILL. Sending you (and the pup) good vibes. Instead of thinking just about your anxiety affecting the baby (which may just make you more anxious), think about what you can do to make YOURSELF chill out or even be happy. Maybe that means you snuggle up with your laptop on the couch and have a mini-marathon of The Office in the background, or take a walk and get an overpriced coffee beverage, buy a stupidly fattening lunch, etc. You got this!

    • I’m so sorry about your dog. I hope you get some good news from the vet.

      One thing that I find helpful is to plan/think about all the things I’ve done to prepare and then try to “let go” of what I cannot control. It seems obvious but it helps to make a mental list and not leave out any small thing. You’ve taken your dog to the vet; you married a good man who loves you and l0ves your dog and will be there for both of you; you chose a good vet… It goes on. You’ve given your dog a good life and you will continue to care for her as long as you can and she needs. You will get through all of this because you have to and you’ve done it before (insert other stressful times here). When studies talk about stress being bad for baby, they’re referring to war zones and other really awful situations, not general anxiety. Etc. Etc. I think there are workbooks that help you do this sort of stuff but I’ve always just improvised and it helps.

    • You WILL get through this. My dog was elderly when I was in pregnant and the fear of her dying was writ especially large during that whole time. You will definitely get through this.

      Also, I don’t speak from personal experience, but I understand there are some meds that are ok during pregnancy. Would you feel comfortable asking your doctor about some potential alternatives for you during pregnancy? I had a rough pregnancy for other reasons and my only regret about that time was not asking more questions about what medical interventions I could have used (I know now there were several, and I wish I would have pushed it harder rather than feeling like I needed to tough it out med-free).

    • Spirograph says:

      Another vote for you’ll get through this! Best wishes to you and your dog. Please trust your husband and the vet to take good care of your dog, and focus on some self-care while you work from home. Not a long term solution, but a change of scenery always helps me when things seem overwhelming. If the weather is nice, maybe go for a walk or even find a cool, peaceful spot outside to work if you’re able.

  3. I feel like this dress would leave me in constant fear of flashing someone from the front (or the back). It looks so dang short! I basically stuck with midi or maxi while pregnant.

    • Seriously! Why are so many maternity dresses so short? Or maybe it’s the bump: I have a couple of combination maternity/ nursing dresses that I loved till 2 months ago, and now I have to wear leggings with them, which utterly defeats the point of summer dresses. The best I’ve found are midi-length from Storq (not cheap) and Liz Lange-for-Target (affordable but starting to pill). And I’m 5’4, which isn’t short by any means.

      • KateMiddletown says:

        Amen. I’m 7.5 mos and even most of my maternity tops are getting too short. Thankful that fall is looming so I can wear leggings under these “dresses” for the next two months.

  4. Turtle says:

    Wise hive: DD is 15.5 weeks and I’ve been EBF. I went back to work last week, and I’m realizing that something’s gotta give, and that something is probably the EBF/pumping regimen. My initial thought was that we’d do 12 months of BFing but that was based on no reason other than I sort of assumed that was expected of me (by who, I don’t know). Type A me is realizing that I can’t do it all, which is a big admission fwiw, and the biggest drag at work and at home right now is that damn pump and anxiety around maintaining a sufficient freezer stash. I’m still aiming for 6 months of EBF (+solids when appropriate per pedi) – I figure by the end of August I’m already at 4 months so I can fight through for two more. Still, I need to start considering my exit plan.

    Can you point me to resources/blogs/threads about doing the EBF/formula transition and how folks have handled that from a working mom scheduling perspective? Formula at daycare and BF only at night and weekends? Bite the bullet and go 100% formula? Anecdata from the crowd? Trying to arm myself with data as I think about this a little more.

    • Turtle says:

      And, I know this is probably a beat-to-death topic around here. I just can’t find any threads specific to this when I try to search function.

      TIA for helping to keep this new and already over-extended mom afloat.

      • BF Mama says:

        Sis, this is something that is always a great convo. I wish they would talk more about combo feeding and weaning vs. BREAST IS BEST.

        Try this link, and I’m sure others will have suggestions: https://corporettemoms.com/combination-feeding-tips/

        Also. Sending you all the love and warmth. Don’t focus on the freezer stash, just on pumping what you want and/or what baby needs — remember typically whatever you pump is what you send to daycare/nanny. They need 1-1.5 ounces every hour they are away from you, and if you don’t have enough, you can always ask them to supplement with frozen BM or ready-to-feed formula until you make the switch officially. Child care is notorious for telling nursing moms that they aren’t sending “enough” milk because they typically do not pace feed (unless instructed), and BF babies usually take in less amounts of milk more frequently vs. formula fed kiddos.

        • Amen. I feel like all the EBF convo from the hospitals who are profiting by shilling this to us is sending women back to middle ages. Great if you can but please stop treating this like a requirement for parenthood.

      • Sis, this is something that is always a great convo. I wish they would talk more about combo feeding and weaning vs. BREAST IS BEST.

        Try this link, and I’m sure others will have suggestions: https://corporettemoms.com/combination-feeding-tips/

        Also. Sending you all the love and warmth. Don’t focus on the freezer stash, just on pumping what you want and/or what baby needs — remember typically whatever you pump is what you send to daycare/nanny. They need 1-1.5 ounces every hour they are away from you, and if you don’t have enough, you can always ask them to supplement with frozen BM or ready-to-feed formula until you make the switch officially. Child care is notorious for telling nursing moms that they aren’t sending “enough” milk because they typically do not pace feed (unless instructed), and BF babies usually take in less amounts of milk more frequently vs. formula fed kiddos.

    • First, you are doing great! Just wanted to say that.
      Second, there have been lots of discussions about combo feeding and transitioning here, but I just wanted to say – do you need to maintain a large freezer stash? I rarely have more than two work days in mine, sometimes just one, and I just don’t really worry about it. Formula is always a block away and I pump what I need for the next day and don’t bother bringing my pump home from work. I’m not sure what part of pumping isn’t working for you – I definitely don’t think it’s for everyone – but the bit about Type A and Freezer Stash jumped out at me and I just wanted to say that maybe you can still pump (IF that’s what you want to do) and just not worry about it as much.

    • Everlong says:

      Nothing helpful from a “how-to” perspective, just some encouragement. I felt the same as you. I introduced formula at 4 months and weaned by 6 months. It was a huge, huge relief. I skipped out of the pedi’s office at the 4 month appointment having been given the permission I needed to relax on something. You have to do what you need and your baby will be wonderful either way.

    • Mrs. Jones says:

      I have no data for you but solidarity. It was all I could do to BF/pump till 7 months. If I had to do it again, I wouldn’t.

    • KateMiddletown says:

      EBF is a great goal, so congrats to you for setting it for yourself, and also for realizing you might need contingency plans. Baby is already using a bottle for pumped milk, right? When you’re ready to supplement w/ formula my two tips are 1) don’t wait until your freezer supply has run out to start trying formula 2) do a 4 oz bottle of whatever sample your ped/OBGYN gives out 3) YOU shouldn’t be the first person to give the formula bottle to your kid – make sure it’s your partner or childcare provider.

      Hugs, because I know it feels like a failure to not hit your goals. My 1st started getting formula at 4mos while I was at work (pumping didn’t work for me at all) but we continued to BF until 14mos at night and weekends. The first few weeks of transition were very leaky but it worked eventually.

      • Anonymous says:

        Pretty sure that I gave kiddo the first formula bottle. Did I mess something up???

        • KateMiddletown says:

          No, but I personally found it easier to unload the task on someone who didn’t feel guilty for not breastfeeding the kid. YMMV!

        • Anon in NYC says:

          No, it’s just that often the theory is that baby won’t accept formula from mom because s/he wants to nurse. So it’s easier to accept it from dad/other caregiver.

    • Anonymous says:

      You may find that it gets easier once you’re used to your new routine. I did.

      • Me too! The pumping routine was so hard the first two weeks back at work. It got easier. Things that helped me were: (1) buy extra pump parts and bottles, (2) refrigerate the pump parts between pump sessions. Do not wash them. (3) Leave pump at work + extra parts + wipes, etc. (4) buy a soft cooler bag that is large enough for all the bottles and pump parts you need to bring home every day. (5) First thing when you go home, transfer milk into bags, wash pump parts or put in dishwasher.

        Of course, if you want to stop pumping, that is totally cool too! Just thought I’d leave some tips in case you want to power through.

    • Anonymous says:

      If it helps decrease the pressure, just remember that it’s just the presence of BM that is supposed to be beneficial, not the absence of formula. I exclusively pumped for my twins for about 8 months, freezer stash took it to maybe 9, but they were getting formula the whole time. Figure out a BF/pumping schedule that makes you not-crazy and do it. Even if it’s all formula, all the time. My babies got only bottles, even when they had BM in them, and we still bonded and nobody got ear infections and everyone was fine.

      Transition-wise, I would do what is the most comfortable for you in terms of not feeling too full at work. We also got the recommendation from the NICU nurses never to give them the fancy pre-mixed formula that is already liquid and shelf-stable, because apparently it tastes like nectar from the gods and they will never drink powdered formula afterwards. I don’t know if that’s actually right, but we just stuck with Kirkland’s powder formula from birth through the first year and no one had a problem with the taste. You can also mix BM and formula together if needed.

    • Penelope says:

      CPA Lady did write up last year on how she figured out combo feeding. I found it very helpful.

      https://corporettemoms.com/combination-feeding-tips/

    • combo feeding says:

      Hopefully this doesn’t hijack your question, but I have a related question – how does combo feeding work? I’m pregnant with #2 and EBF baby #1 while pumping 3x per day at work. I’m thinking of combo feeding this one, but will I still have to pump at work? Is it possible to feed baby before work and then in the evenings and at night and send formula for daycare? Will my body be able to make it through the day or will I be miserable? Or is a better solution to pump once or so during the day and then also have DH give baby a formula bottle around 11pm-ish to hopefully allow me a longer stretch of sleep at night? I’m not sure I understand the logistics of combo feeding.

      • Anonymous says:

        I don’t know if it’ll come up in search but I asked a similar question a couple weeks ago, more about how to combo feeding from the beginning. The take away for me was to just have certain feeds be bottles from at/near the beginning. I’m 39 weeks and having a TON of stress about what feels like the inescapability of bfeeding (from past experience, you can’t just stop, or just drop a feed, without problems) so I thought combo might help me relax about it a bit.

      • CPA Lady says:
      • Anonymous says:

        I think there was a feature on combo feeding on here a while back. Probably at least 6-12 months ago. A reader wrote in her story. You might try searching for it.

    • Jeffiner says:

      I hated pumping and struggled to keep up with my DD, and sometime around 5 months my supply couldn’t keep up with her demand, even while BF. We started by giving her a bottle of formula in the evenings if she still acted hungry after nursing. I would send her to daycare with whatever I had pumped and then formula to make up the difference. She never cared what was in her bottle, as long as she was being fed. Gradually she had more formula than milk until it was 100% formula when my supply dried up completely at 7 months. The transition was a lot more difficult for me than for her.

      • Turtle says:

        Keeping up is part of my concern. Her gaining trajectory was flattening at the 2 mo appointment – not enough that the pedi was too concerned but just “something to watch.” So in addition to all the above, I also am dedicating already limited mental energy to the constant concern that my supply isn’t keeping up and that I’m hurting her/not feeding enough. I pump 4 oz pretty consistently, and her bottles are 4oz. Pedi thought she’d be taking 5-6 oz from a bottle by now, but with 4 oz bottles she frequently leaves 0.5-1 ounce left over. Not just a daycare transition issue, either. She’s been taking a breastmilk bottle since 6 weeks and leaving leftover milk has been consistent for the last 3-4. To make matters worse, I just weighed her this weekend – me on scale, then added her – and according to that she gained less than a pound this month. Sigh. At least with a bottle I know exactly what she’s getting.

        Side note/question:I should call the pedi because my gut says she’s not gaining enough… right? I called last week about some funky poop, which they didn’t seem bothered by since it was a 1x thing, but now I’m calling yet again. I feel like a complete psycho case, and like I don’t know me anymore because I was actually pretty even keeled in pre-child life.

        • Call them up and ask to come in and do a weight check. It’s not uncommon.

          Also, going through a ‘snacking’ phase isn’t uncommon.

        • Definitely call for a weight check – adult scales won’t be accurate. I tried to do that with my twins a couple times this summer, and my weight would change with the second kid, even if it had been less than a minute. Ounces are important to know.

          My first struggled with weight gain too. It was so stressful (we ended up adding powdered formula to her bmilk bottles to get more calories in her and I nursed until 7 months) that I decided that if it didn’t work with my twins, I was going to formula earlier. And with my first, she’s teeny now at almost 3 so I think her body was just trying to get where it wanted to be.

          I do find it strange that the doctor thinks she should be taking 5-6 ounce bottles of bmilk. Mine never did more than 4oz in her bmilk bottles, and even when we switched to strictly formula she did four ounces until at least 8-9 months.

          • Turtle says:

            Thanks. Weight check scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. At least I’ll know for sure and can (hopefully) stop worrying about BFing/pumping in that context.

          • +1 to the 4 ounces. I sent 4 bottles with 3-4 ounces (whatever I pumped the day before) through 6 months or so and asked daycare to supplement with frozen milk as needed. BF babies typically don’t take in anymore than 3-5 ounces of milk in a feeding. Anecdotally, a colleague who has EBF all 4 kids said she’s only used the Dr. Brown 4 oz bottles.

            FWIW, my son is fine on height and not even on the curve for weight. He was always consistently gaining, but never a chunker. Doctor only cared that he was gaining. Then solids came, and now he has the double chin and thick thighs. I EBF until 7 months and now throw in an occasional bottle of formula on the weekends if we’re going somewhere I don’t want to nurse or use pumped milk.

    • Hi – I did EBF for six months and then dropped one feed and subbed it with formula both at daycare and on the weekend (I think it was an early afternoon feed but don’t actually recall). It worked really well. I did that until 11 months and dropped a second feed, still subbing with formula. My supply did take a hit at that point, but it was fine to just make it to a year, which was my goal. At 12 1/2 months I dropped another feed while also transitioning D to whole milk, and then just dropped feeds one by one until some time in 13 months. I did use Holle formula until about 8 months, which I don’t think is at all necessary, but reassured me for some illogical reason.

    • My situation is slightly different – I suffered from a low supply so my daughter was always supplemented with formula, but looking back it definitely made life a little easier. I pumped the first 4 months I was back to work, before my supply really took a dive and it wasn’t worth it anymore, and then we went 100% formula. Pros: My daughter always took bottles, Daddy was able to do feedings at night or when I wasn’t around, less stress on me to adhere to my pumping schedule constantly, etc. My daughter went between breast milk bottles & formula bottles interchangeably (maybe because she’d always had them).

      There was a great post about combo feeding in the archives, here’s the link – https://corporettemoms.com/combination-feeding-tips/

    • With my first, I started supplementing with formula when baby was around 7 months and then transitioned fully to formula by 10 months. I had some health issues and my supply just wasn’t sufficient. What I did was pump 2x during the day at work. Typically I would make enough for two bottles and she needed three. At first, I tried sending 2 bottles of breastmilk and 1 of formula, but she wouldn’t take formula straight at first. So I started slowly mixing formula in with the breastmilk – 25% formula, then 50%, etc. That really lifted the pressure I felt to keep up, so I didn’t have to worry about pumping at home, missing a session at work, etc. I still nursed her at home during the week. When she was taking 100% formula bottles, I dropped one pumping session and then the other. I started giving her a bottle of formula instead of bfing in the evening and eventually switched her completely to formula at home and daycare. It was slow but that was how she – and I – tended to like things.

    • There is a post on here somewhere all about combo-feeding. If the search function is working try to find that. I EBF for the first 8ish months and then we combo fed. This is what our routine looked like:

      4 mo-old – Mom went back to work. Pumping three times a day. Approx. 100 oz in the freezer built up from maternity leave.
      6 mo-old – Pumping 3x is awful. Dropped mid-day pump.
      8 mo-old – Not convinced I’m keeping up and based on some upcoming travel decided we needed to introduce formula. Tried straight formula – baby hated it. Started mixing formula with breast milk and sending bottles to daycare. Initially 4 oz bm, 2 oz formula. Slowly ramped up to where he would take full formula bottles over the course of a couple weeks. Still nursing once in the morning and twice in the evening at home during the week and all day on the weekends.
      10 mo-old – Pumping 2x is still awful. Dropped to one pump. Using more formula and freezer stash.
      11 mo-old – I’m so done pumping. Formula all day at daycare. Start giving formula during the day on weekends too. Eventually dropped the night nursing sessions.
      12 mo-old – Introduced whole milk, eliminated formula. Two weeks later weaned completely.

      I think because I did everything gradually, I was never particularly uncomfortable except maybe for a day or two after we weaned completely.

    • lalala says:

      Couple thoughts (mainly reiterations of the above comments):
      1. Don’t feel pressured to keep going. Do what works best for you and your family. Sure, there are benefits to BF, but there are also benefits to having a mother who’s more relaxed and present.
      2. When we switched for my first, we had to do a lot of trial and error with different types of formula, approaches to adding it in, etc. So the switch itself might not be easy (although it is for some kids!). Take your time, have low expectations, and be flexible.

  5. I’ve introduced a bottle of formula here and there to my previously EBF 8 month old. It’s been, well…freeing to say the least! Using Plum organics, which my son sucks down like candy (and again, really makes me question the hell I put myself through to EBF…but that’s another post for another time).

    Any suggestions on other good, “crunchy” formula brands? Would go the HiPP or Holle route, but want something that I can easily re-purchase (e.g. Amazon, Whole Foods, Target, etc.)

    • I used the Earth’s Best, which was available on Amazon and at Whole Foods. My baby liked it, but if you and your 8 month old are happy with Plum Organics, I wouldn’t mess with what’s working.

    • I wouldn’t mess with success, but we liked Baby’s Only Organic from amazon.

  6. KateMiddletown says:

    Fun I said two tips and provided three. Yay monday.

    • Lol, Mondays! I will say it’s encouraging to hear that you were able to drop pumping, combo feed, and still keep nursing even with a younger baby. I pumped till kiddo was a year old, subbed in various milks and kept nursing till 20 months, but I would’ve combo fed sooner if I’d figured out that it was possible and that supply would adjust.

      • KateMiddletown says:

        I had a very hard time pumping so it was really a matter of necessity to keep her fed. We’ll see how it goes this time around. (Hoping it’s easier so I don’t have to spend $$$ on formula, but who knows.)

        • I also had a bad time with pumping – schlepping the pump around and hunting for an available room, scheduling around meetings/ at conferences, never getting quite enough for the next day, anxiety around baby weight gain issues, etc. – and felt tremendously liberated when I finally got down to pumping once a day rather than thrice or twice. I think I would’ve liked ‘permission’ (and really, more information) to combo feed earlier to save myself the various kinds of stress. Also hoping it’s easier for both of us this time around.

      • Anonymous says:

        I think it varies a lot by person. I was able to combo feed when I moved from 3 to 2 pumping sessions per day, though my production during the day gradually got lower and the amount of formula gradually higher. I think I got greedy when I tried to move to 1 and then 0 pumping sessions. It tanked my supply to the point that I needed to supplement after nursing on nights and weekends, at which point (around 8 months or so) I decided just to go full formula. I know people who managed to quit pumping at work while still nursing at home for an extended period, but it didn’t seem to work for my body. No regrets though!

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I forgot my computer password at work! Which I set in early July…and have been using daily since then…

    • Also from the Monday department: I’m due this week with kid #2 and will be very grumpy if I go past due date as #1 was a couple of days early. Hoping it’s a sign of personality: #1 wanted to pop out and see the world, #2 so far seems very comfortable in the womb.

      In happier news, kid #1 is now the proud owner of a green tutu that he thinks is the bomb and has worn to preschool two Mondays in a row. (Tutu was $10 at Target & also comes in orange in case anyone else wants one – alas, they don’t come in adult sizes, or it would be a great way to brighten up your Monday.)

  7. Has anyone here bought a bra from ThirdLove? I am very intrigued, mostly on account of one of the illustrations of “types” being so spot on for me. Did the sizing work out? Was it so much better than your other bras? Has it held up? Are there coupon codes or other good deals to take advantage of?

    • Anonymous says:

      I’d love to buy from them, but their nursing bras don’t come in large enough sizes. Would love to hear others’ experience.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I haven’t done ThirdLove, but I have done True & Co. which is a similar model. I like it; it’s nice to be able to try on the bras at home rather than in a weird dressing room. My advice is to order a variety, and some in multiple sizes, and return what you don’t like. They make it easy to return. My first order was 6 or 7 br*s and 2 were great. I would consider that a good haul at a department store fitting session.

      • NewMomAnon says:

        Oh! And as far as quality – True & Co. has been better quality than the ones I usually buy in the store, at the same price. They’ve held up well. And I’ve found that the suggestions get better the more feedback I give.

        One disappointment I’ve had is that a lot of the inventory is unpadded, unlined, no wires. Or if it does have padding and wires, it’s either SO MUCH padding that it’s hot or it’s super s*xy. That’s not what I like to wear to work. But I’ve been able to find a good selection by picking through what they do offer. Similar to a department store, actually…

    • Butter says:

      Yes, I ordered one and loved it. Granted, I’m a somewhat standard size, but still thought it was excellent quality and will definitely be ordering more.

    • KateMiddletown says:

      Just a bra shopping gripe – I went to Nordstroms this weekend to get fitted for nursing bras and they have TWO styles in store and NO nursing tanks, and none in my actual size (the lady didn’t try to make me buy the wrong size, and we figured out which size would work best based on trial and error, at least). I then proceeded to spend $700 online ordering a few of every flavor available on Nordies dot com. And I’m pretty sure only the $70, full price one is going to fit, so I’ll be sending back $630 worth of bras. Put me on your naughty returns watchlist, I dare you, Nordstrom.

      • Anonymous says:

        But… I thought one magical thing about Nordstrom was that they will turn ANY bra into a nursing bra?! Did they stop doing this? I believe I had this done for like $6/bra a few years ago.

  8. Confession: My son is at an age where when he gets excited/happy/wound up, his voice is very high pitched. I find his high-pitched voice incredibly grating. I try to remind myself that it’s my issue, he is just excited and not to tell him to keep his voice quiet, but I know that I snap at him more about it than I should. I’m grateful for my very quiet office space today.

    • Anonymous says:

      I have 3 girls. You have my empathy.
      One of these days glass will shatter from all the shrieking in my house.

  9. Clementine says:

    What else would you add?

    A dear friend of mine just shared that she’s expecting and it’s kind of in the midst of a lot of huge life changes for her – the biggest of which is that she is in the process of moving cross country to a state where her only connections are her finace who moved out there about a month ago.

    She’s also getting married this fall and I really want to make sure that she is feeling absolutely loved and supported by the awesome group of friends she has formed who will now be living several thousand miles away.

    So: item one on the list is to start her off with a ‘care’ package (shipped directly to new house) that contains all the stuff we would normally have dropped off when she told us she was expecting- So far we’re putting in some hand me down maternity clothes, a onesie for the niche hobby that we all share/bonded through, a tub of cocoa butter, some pregnancy-safe sheet masks… what else?

    • Anonymous says:

      Maybe some edible treats that can travel well?

      • Clementine says:

        I’m trying to think if we have any good regional foods that will travel well – we’re in the northeast so maybe Maple Syrup or maple candies?

        There are a few of us putting together this package but I’m kind of being asked for inspiration because I’m the only mom in the group.

    • Anonymous says:

      gift certificate for a post-partum doula?

      • Clementine says:

        …the ultimate baby gift. I’m going to keep that in mind, if my friend is into it we would definitely do either that or a gift certificate for house cleaning in addition to the normal baby gift stuff.

    • I enjoyed receiving books and magazines. My mom gave me a book of non-alcoholic beverage recipes. My SIL, who was also pregnant at the time, gave me a copy of Joan Rivers’ Having a Baby Can Be a Scream that she found at her mom’s house–the retro factor was fun, but I’m sure there’s something more modern. You could also just give her some fun books and magazines that aren’t pregnancy related–I remember appreciating recognition that I was still a person with interests other than having a baby.

      • Clementine says:

        Thank you!

        Remembering back, I was given a pretty scarf and the baby was given two books by someone who will also be contributing to the box. I texted her and told her just how sweet that was and that I still think of her when I wear that scarf and I think she might send something similar to this momma.

  10. Ear piercing says:

    My little one (3) has started expressing a ton of interest in my earrings and her friends’ earrings and getting her ears pierced. My husband comes from a culture where it’s normal to pierce girls’ ears when they are babies or young toddlers, so he’s ready whenever I am. My mom made me wait until 3rd grade, which made it a very exciting decision but I also hated having to wait for so long (anyone remember stick-on earrings? joy of my childhood fashion dreams?) and never totally understood why. Except:

    1) it hurts (though kiddo is old enough to understand)
    2) it’s permanent. Once you’re pierced you are gonna have those tiny holes forever. Should my three year old’s wishes determine her lifelong earlobe status? OTOH, I respect her agency and wishes, and I don’t really think her decisionmaking around this issue is likely to mature dramatically in the next ten years. Either you want your ears pierced or you don’t– none of my childhood friends ever changed their minds during the agonizing wait to whatever age we were allowed to.

    Also, I wonder if I am being unconsciously racist. My views on the subject are filtered through my upper middle class WASP upbringing. My daughter doesn’t get nearly as much exposure to my husband’s heritage as we would like, and this seems like a good way to honor it. OTOH, this isn’t particularly important to him– if it were we’d likely have already done it. He just doesn’t really see why we wouldn’t do it whenever, and maybe a little wistful that we haven’t? He tends to defer decisions re “girl stuff” like ear piercing to me, which I don’t mind.

    There is my saga, pros and cons. Thoughts? Please let’s be nice to each other.

    • I also had to wait until I was 8, but my mom’s reasoning she gave was that she wanted me to be old enough that I could be responsible for the cleaning after they were pierced, because she didn’t want to have to remind me to clean them or do it for me. I don’t think there is anything wrong with getting them pierced at 3 if you are and your husband are willing to be responsible for making sure they get cleaned. Even if she later decides she doesn’t want them pierced, the holes are hardly noticeable. I had my belly button pierced, as well as 3 holes in each ear, a cartilage piercing in one ear, and my tragus in one ear. By my mid 20’s I was only wearing one set of earrings and the tragus. The extra holes aren’t noticeable and have never bothered me.

    • I don’t have any advice, just my story.

      I got my ears pierced as a toddler. My daughter has been asking since around age 3 as well, and I had her wait until 5 (Kindergarten). I didn’t have a fully formed rationale for this, just that she had to “be responsible” enough to leave them alone and take care of them.

      We took her to a reputable place. We had a talk with her beforehand that even if she got to the store and decided against it, we wouldn’t be mad. She was thrilled and went through it with just a little bit of teary eyes. She’s super proud of her pierced ears now, and we haven’t had any issues. We set a rule that she had to wear the original earrings for at least a year before she can start to pick out other kinds. She’s actually really happy with her original pair and hasn’t asked yet to get any new ones, so we’re letting it go until she asks.

    • Pierced Ears says:

      My father comes from a culture where girls get their ears pierced at birth/close to birth (India) and my mom was raised with fairly stuffy WASP parents and only got her ears pierced in her 20s after my father gave her a pair of earrings for her birthday.

      I had mine pierced at 6 at the pediatricians office. It wasn’t really painful, but it did surprise me. It was very late as compared to all my Indian friends and very early as compared to my white friends. While I was thrilled to have them pierced, it wasn’t a good age for me. I was too young to really care for them myself, but I was also a little too old to just let my mom do it.

      My situation was more complicated because I could only wear gold that was 18K or higher in order to avoid any infections — even several years after I had them pierced. And finding 18k gold earrings was nearly impossible back then, especially ones that would me small enough for a 6 year old. I think that wouldn’t be as much of an issue now — the best solution were Indian earrings that screwed on, they were just hard to find in the states back then.

      I debated piercing my daughters ears when she was born, but decided against it (mostly because of laziness). She’s a preschooler now and hasn’t asked about it, but I think I’m going to go with 8 or 10 for when she can do it, maybe earlier if she seems to be more responsible than I was as a kid!

    • avocado says:

      We made our daughter wait until we were absolutely sure she was making an informed decision based on her own preferences (rather than what she saw other kids doing or a passing whim), and until she was doing well enough with other grooming tasks that we had confidence she could care for the piercings herself. That ended up being just before age 9. We had it done at the pediatrician’s office. It ended up being a special big-kid moment for her, sort of a rite of passage.

      I would not pierce a 3-year-old’s ears because I would worry that she’d tug on the earrings and injure her ears. I would also worry about a young kid leaving earrings (or other jewelry, for that matter) within reach of any younger siblings apt to put such things in their mouths.

    • Tfor22 says:

      I think your daughter is likely to continue to want pierced ears since she seems them on you and on your husband’s family. If I take that as a given it seems like you could do it now or wait. If you think it is no big deal to take care of her newly-pierced ears at this age (I can’t remember if three is easier than other ages, sorry) or want to do it now, then now is great. Waiting until 5 or 8 or 10 works too.

    • Legally Brunette says:

      I guess I just don’t see what the big deal is? If she hates them for some reason later on she can simply remove the earrings and the hole will close up. It’s not like it’s surgery or something.

      I would do it especially because your daughter asked and it’s the cultural norm of your husband and I would want to respect that. I’m also Indian where piercing ears around the 1 year mark is the norm. If I had daughters I would have done it around a year, I just think it looks beautiful.

      • Anonymous says:

        Maybe I’m an anomaly, but I disagree that pierced ears will just close up. I got mine pierced in early elementary school and after a few years rarely wore earrings. I rarely wear them now as an adult because they drive me nuts, and I almost exclusively wear my long, big hair down such that my ears aren’t visible. I have gone multiple spans of years without wearing earrings, and they never closed up. That’s fine with me. I don’t care. I just don’t think the idea that the holes will close up is accurate.

      • Lyssa says:

        I’ve never understood why this is a big deal, either. They may or may not close up (I went without wearing earrings in my third hole for over 5 years, and one of them closed but not the other), but even if they don’t, it’s just a teeny hole that’s barely visible. I just can’t imagine anyone being upset that they have a (normal sized) piercing that they don’t really have any interest in filling up anymore.

        We’re in the same boat with my 3 year old (she’s interested, but without the cultural issues), and I that we’ll get hers done soon. FWIW, I have heard that it’s easier to do the maintenance with little kids, since you’re already hands-on with them so much, then it is for kids who are mostly doing it on their own (but can’t be trusted to be completely responsible for it).

      • Hoop Earrings says:

        +1 – Maybe it’s because I’m Indian and got mine pierced literally months in as soon as the ped okayed it. If we had a daughter, or have one in the future, she’ll definitely follow suit. I know it’s similar culturally for most of my other friends who are WOCs. Just don’t see the big deal. My Indian GFs and I always joke about how things like this (e.g. ear piercing, makeup) weren’t big deals in our families, but were bigger deals for our White friends growing up. Conversely, dating/boyfriends was a more fraught topic in our homes, but our White friends’ families were a lot more laid back about it from a young age. Not saying either is right or wrong, just saying…cultural norms can be funny :)

    • Spirograph says:

      My 3 year old hasn’t expressed any interest in earrings, but she’s definitely waiting until elementary school at least. She’s a scab-picker, and I think this is probably the absolute worst age for her to get her ears pierced, since she’s old enough to mess with them but not old enough to be responsible with an open wound.

      I got my ears pierced on my birthday sometime in mid elementary school. I remember being jealous of my friends who’d had their ears pierced as babies and annoyed that my mom was making me wait until some arbitrary age. I don’t remember what the arbitrary age was, but I was definitely old enough to care for the piercings myself, which I think was the point. Well played, mom.

      • Rainbow Hair says:

        Same. My kid (3.5) gives me a really hard time for not “putting those little holes on my ears” but like, girl, you hate washing your hair, I am not going to give you optional wounds that you will also hate to wash. When she gets reliable about cleaning herself, and if she still wants it, that’s when I’ll take her.

  11. Sleep training in shared room says:

    How do you sleep train when kids share a room? My 2 and 3 year olds share a room and the 2 year old has been waking up at night recently and loudly crying/yelling he wants to sleep with us (he’s in a crib). We grab him to stop the loud crying so he doesn’t wake up his sister. Anyone have experience here? This has been a tough phase!

    • I am trying to respond to this and it keeps saying I am posting comments too quickly ARGHHHHHHHHHHH

    • Trying again.

      I would just give it a try one night and see how it goes. You would be shocked what kids will sleep through. We sleep trained my youngest around 14 months when he was in the same room as his 3 year old brother, and the older one never woke up. One time our house alarm went off in the middle of the night and neither kid woke up! Maybe my kids are just deep sleepers, but I agonized over the “how to” of sleep training in a shared room, including reading a ton of blog and forum posts on the topic, and it didn’t end up being all that different than sleep training a kid in a room alone.

      We did ask our pediatrician this question before we started, and his advice was to let the older one sleep elsewhere for a few nights if the crying woke him up.

      My youngest is now 3 and spends the first 15-45 minutes after being put in his crib shouting that he’s cold, has to go potty, wants to cuddle, is hungry, is thirsty, heard a bear, etc. every single night. His older brother manages to fall asleep despite the yelling. We do use loud white noise, which I think helps.

    • Anonymous says:

      My kids share by choice, so on the worst of BFFs we relocate the older one (guest room, sleeping bag on our floor etc) and just let the 2 y/o yell. My older is also a great sleeper so once she’s asleep she’ll will sleep through a lot of the arguing.

      • what is a bff? And thanks guys, all helpful! Maybe I’m overthinking this… he is just such a stubborn and loud little dude!

    • Spirograph says:

      Will it really wake up your daughter if you just let the 2 year old yell? My kids have shared a room since those ages, and there have been some pretty epic tantrums, but it’s rare the other kid ever wakes up. We have had issues with one kid keeping the other from falling asleep, but once they’re asleep they are out.

  12. I had two kids, two years apart. Since the birth of baby #2, I have been eating a whole foods, plant based diet and am averaging around 30 miles per week of running. I incorporated weight lifting for the first time ever and I am loving it and the fact that I am able to quickly see changes in my arms. All this is to say that I feel like I’m doing a lot and my motivation is because I truly enjoy health and fitness.

    I am carrying a lot of excess something in my midsection. I’m not sure if it’s more fat, excess skin, or a combination. My youngest is not quite a year old so I understand that some things take time, but I am wondering if there’s something more that I can do to target this area. It feels fruitless to try to tone when there’s so much… excess. Thoughts? Solidarity?

    • mascot says:

      Spot reducing doesn’t work sadly. I tend to lean out from the tips- like my calves and shoulders show definition first with my midsection being where I lose last. Doing core work may help tighten up muscles to make to look a little leaner. Also, abs are made in the kitchen so look at your diet and see what can be cut down- sugar, processed carbs and booze are the biggest culprits for me. Dairy can cause a bloated look in some people. But, I also think that pregnancy/hormones/age do a number on our midsections. Some of it is permanent- like my ribcage permanently expanded when I had a kid and certainly it took a while for the stretched out skin to rebound.

      • Anonymous says:

        This. To the extent you have some mild diastis recti or separation, you need to be careful, but core work (like planks) will help pull things together. And even to the extent you don’t (I luckily never did), core work can help things firm up, but otherwise, it’s impossible to spot reduce (otherwise, I wouldn’t have so much junk in my trunk but a barely A cup – haha!).

    • Thanks to both of you! I do have DR but it’s not just that… it’s just a lot. I appreciate the reassurance that spot reduction won’t work. :)

    • The easiest way to see if it’s extra fat or skin is to lean over at 90 degrees, pull in tummy and feel the composition of the hanging tissue. Skin will feel “empty” and silky and fat will feel gummy. If it’s really mostly skin, a tummy tuck is a good option and working out won’t do as much. If not, you have to keep working out!

  13. Mama girlfriend blues says:

    I just need to put this somewhere.

    My dearest girlfriend just had to cancel a weekend visit that I’ve been LIVING for. I am devastated to the point of crying a few times, because I am a working mom of a toddler and I have no female friends who I can be fully myself with.

    The wonderful (though few) friends, old and new, that I have in this town (I’m lucky to have wonderful long-distance besties) see and are friends with parts of me but are uncomfortable with the rest. I have childhood friends with whom I share a past and candid fashion advice and work commiseration. They do not understand my mom world, do not have kids, find mine cute but kind of a drag, and enjoy activities like golfing, escape rooms, and overpriced brunch. We love each other but do not enjoy the same kinds of leisure pursuits. I’ve made some mom friends through painful internet dating style connections, and they are awesome, but being moms of kids the same age is pretty much the only thing we have in common. There are certainly cool women in this town, even moms, who share my interests in art and making music and alternative spirituality etc, but most of them are crunchy granola past a point that I am able to connect with. I read my horoscope and drink a lot of herbal tea and have tons of creative interests, but my world runs on the schedule of work and a toddler right now and will for the foreseeable future. I’m not cool enough for them, in other words, and I don’t have the energy, time, or childcare to go to art openings and poetry readings and bars trying to meet lady friends. I’m too old and I have too little free time and I like my own company and myself too much to chase around potential new friends. But I’m lonely.

    I just want one female friend to escape to the woods with for a day, to do things like read aloud from Erica Jong or Cynthia Heimel and picnic and read each other’s tarot cards, and do all of this unselfconsciously, without having to wonder if I’m being too weird for that person. Just one day. My bestie will reschedule her visit, and life will go on, but I’m SO sad and feeling incredibly depressed about ever finding my people.

    • I’m sorry you are feeling that way. I know how important it is to have those real bonds and time with people who get you. But maybe you are overthinking things a bit? Concluding “I’m not cool enough for them” and “I’m too old and have too little time” just sounds like it’s coming from a depressed place where there’s little room for actual solutions or hope.

      Most people struggle to find people who are truly on the same page with them in so many different ways. I’m not saying it isn’t hard and painful to feel lonely, but just that this is part of the human condition and you aren’t the odd one out.

      • Rainbow Hair says:

        I agree, this jumped out at me. Like, oof have I been there. I’ve definitely cried over a cancelled friend visit, telling myself the same things. Hugs. It’s such a crap feeling to have the thing you’re looking forward to get cancelled.

        But! But! You’re making up all these arguments against yourself that you don’t need to make. You sound cool and fun and interesting! People will want to be your friend even if you’re not exactly the same as them!

        … Hm I’m gonna talk about me because it feels weird to talk about you, but… I am in a women’s group about a particular interest — it’s kind of a loosey goosey meetup group — they meet every Thursday night, and between bedtime and work travel and appointments and not wanting to schlep across town sometimes, I make it to maybe every third meeting… so I’m not in the inner circle. But I’ve been going for over a year and when I get there the women say “yay, Rainbow! hi!” …Sometimes I run into a member around town and it feels so cool to know people who live here. They don’t come to my kid’s dance recital, but they know her name and sometimes come to BBQ in our back yard — pals more than besties, right now. But the point is that I could tell you a thousand reasons I would never fit in: rigid toddler schedule; different career fields; they’re so good at makeup and I’m not!; I’m a boring married person and one of the oldest in the group; I never go to concerts and they always do; I’m only moderately passionate about [thing group is based around]; I’m on the far edge, geographically, of the group; etc. But I show up when I can, I’m kind, I’m fun, and people like me in spite of all those things!

        People will like you too! Your list of things is your jerkbrain twisting things to justify a sad feeling! You’re great and people will think so too!

    • Butter says:

      “I just want one female friend to escape to the woods with for a day, to do things like read aloud from Erica Jong or Cynthia Heimel and picnic and read each other’s tarot cards, and do all of this unselfconsciously, without having to wonder if I’m being too weird for that person. ”

      There is seriously such a market for fulfilling this. Or at least I think there is, because I would totally do this. AND also for a Kripalu/Miraval type of place to open in the midwest.

    • Anonymous says:

      Hugs. If you’re in the NYC/tri-state area, I’m completely down for this.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      Hugs!

  14. Pigpen's Mama says:

    Thanks to everyone who posted in response to my question about the “mean kid” behavior that my daughter had been complaining about. I really appreciate all the thoughtful comments and commiseration. The Mighty Girl post was very helpful — I was able to find one of the kid’s books that was suggested in a link at the library.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      I think I will have to go back to that thread sooner rather than later. At the playground this weekend some kids who looked ~3.5/4 were mean to my daughter (trying to prevent her from going down the slide, telling her that she wasn’t invited to their parents birthday party, etc.), and she just didn’t know how to handle it (and to be fair, neither did I, but I’m an adult so they listened when I told them to let her slide down the slide!).

  15. NewMomAnon says:

    Piggybacking off the mean girls discussion – I realized that kiddo keeps telling me about kids being “mean” to her at school, and I am probably not taking her feelings as seriously as I should. She tends to tell me these things when she’s already too tired, and then imputes terrible motivations to things that sound like accidents. I often ask her if it was an accident, and she always denies it…but then I don’t have anything further to say. Are there good strategies for helping her sort through these things? FWIW, it’s often her “best friends” committing the injustices, and she jumps in happily to play with them in the morning.

    • mascot says:

      Does she bring it up at other times? My kid tends to tell me things in the car and at bed time. I agree that bedtime usually is the worst version, but he seems to feel better just cuddling and unloading his feelings so I listen and don’t try to troubleshoot. As she gets older, you can ask her if she wants advice or just wants to cry/vent- which is something we all want sometimes.
      I also think that sometimes little kids don’t have all their words yet to express what is happening. Mean may be run of the mill kid cruelty or it may also be some negative feeling that she can’t quite name because let’s face it, emotions are complicated (jealous, nervous, sad, etc). Generally talking about your feelings, or how book characters may be feeling can help them figure out what’s going on.

  16. Anonymous says:

    From the depths of the sh%t you can’t make up files. I was the poster last week who was on a trip to visit family and kiddo got strep. I took care of her plus worked 1/2 time at my parents for half the week and then met hubby at his parents’ house for the second half of the week (where I still worked 1/2 time while caring for kiddo). Hubby was in a golf tournament that I let him continue to play in. I expected (and didn’t really receive) him to do most of the childcare for still sick kiddo after he arrived when he wasn’t at the golf course.

    MIL (who normally isn’t so bad and is good with kiddo) had the nerve to make a comment about letting hubby get enough rest on his “vacation”.

    I have no words.

    • Mrs. Jones says:

      NO. Ugh.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      lol, no, absolutely not.

      Husband went to a no-kids family wedding this weekend, and I stayed home with kiddo because it didn’t make sense for us to get a babysitter for a lot of reasons, notably because we’re in temporary housing right now and we couldn’t forecast how kiddo would react. His mom kept harping on the fact that I *could* have gone to the wedding and we could have gotten a sitter, until H finally had to tell her – “wife just texted that the ceiling of the temporary apartment was leaking and she’s put a pot on the floor, and kid refused to fall asleep until 10pm, so no, it wouldn’t have been easy to just get a sitter.”

      • What does she even care? Shouldn’t she just be worried about Husband being there?

        • Anon in NYC says:

          haha, I have no idea why she cared. I figured it would have made her happy to have her son all to herself!

      • “And wedding people *could* have invited kids if it was important for parents of kids to show up. But they get to make their own choice based on what works for them, and so do we.”

        • Anon in NYC says:

          Yep, agreed. I honestly didn’t care about the no-kids (we had a no-kids wedding). But I was especially glad I didn’t go when I found out the entrees were served at 10pm. That’s like 30 minutes before my bedtime these days.

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      GRRRR why do MILs have to live up to the stereotype so often!?

  17. Help! says:

    I’m in a very rural part of the country with no pump and a very stubborn clogged duct. My usual methods of hot compresses, massage and frequent nursing are not helping and it’s going on 48 hours so I’m getting freaked about mastitis. I can’t dangle nurse because my daughter just gets freaked out and won’t suck. I’ve dangle pumped before but don’t have a pump and don’t think there’s anywhere around here to rent one. Any ideas?

    • Anonymous says:

      Hot shower in the early morning? Is there healthcare nearby? You could always see if a hospital or ER would let you use their hospital grade equipment. Is there a Walmart where you can buy a hand pump?

    • Anon2 says:

      Take some ibuprofen to keep inflammation down and Amazon Prime a $30 manual pump right now (I like Lansinoh) – at the very least you’ll have it for next time. I had a very stubborn clog for nearly a week recently; I kept doing what you mentioned (plus the manual pump) and eventually it cleared.

    • KateMiddletown says:

      Ugh, I’m so sorry. Do you have any mom friends from whom you can borrow a pump, or can you get a handheld one at an old-school pharmacy? I know there are plenty of self-expressing videos on youtube (I won’t be researching while I’m at work computer). Is there a LaLeche or IBLC that you can contact?

    • Clementine says:

      Do you have an electronic toothbrush? Ideally, a sonicare?? Use that over the clogged duct after taking a hot shower… magic.

      Try nursing in other positions- laying in a bed always helped me with this – try some side lying nursing with baby’s feet towards your head.

      Alternately, is your husband/partner around and can help with this…

      • Yes to all of these. Something that vibrates, a variety of nursing positions, or using a partner. Or all three.

        If all of that fails, and you’re truly remote, find a local church or meeting hall. Ask to speak to the “wisest woman” in the area, and then ask her. There are a ton of “old folk” remedies that either she will know, or her friend will. My great aunt still tells about how she got really sick with mastitis on the farm and my uncle said “I don’t know about humans, but I know about cows” and then used heat compresses and garlic to clear it up for her.

    • This is probably a long shot, but is there anywhere that might sell a lecithin supplement? I suppose not if there’s nowhere to buy a hand pump, but it’s worth a shot.

  18. I constantly get blocked ducts and none of the usual massaging or heat gets them out. My Lactation consultant told me to stop messing with them, take ibuprofen, put a cabbage leaf on after every feeding, and rest. It has worked like a charm. Hope this helps.

    • Anonymous says:

      CABBAGE! Yes, I put soooo much cabbage on my over-producing postpartum self, that will help.

      • Anonymous says:

        Ok, to be helpful: You want cold, raw, white or green cabbage. Red cabbage will stain your clothes. Put one layer of cabbage leaves around your over-producing b00bs – I had to use multiple leaves, but you can just use one if that’s large enough. Note that baby may dislike the smell, so you may have to wash off before nursing.

  19. With you. They may or may not close up but it’s fine regardless. Husband has a pierced ear and I would have never known if he hadn’t pointed it out (he hasn’t worn anything in it since I met him). OTOH I really wished I had my ears pierced as a young child and in the winter because taping up for soccer and irritation from the pool made the experience a nightmare when I had it done at maybe 10. I wanted to pierce daughter’s ears at birth but didn’t because I couldn’t find someone who would do it.

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