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Right now, my makeup is scattered among several different boxes and bins. This organizer may help tame the chaos.
This spacious organizer has several compartments that are the perfect shape and size for brushes, lipsticks, and palettes. It looks nice enough to display on your countertop and doesn’t take up too much valuable real estate.
I’d use it for the makeup MVPs that I reach for everyday.
STORi’s makeup organizer is $14.99 on Amazon.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
EDAnon says
My vaccinated 5yo was exposed last week (Thursday) and got a fever last night. He was pcr tested on Tuesday and we are awaiting results (and for younger sib). No question. Just sharing our experience (I find it helpful when you all do so).
Anon says
Fingers crossed for you. It’s helpful to remember that there are still the run-of-the-mill bugs going around too!
Anon says
Sorry to hear that, I hope if it is Covid he recovers quickly and no one else in the house gets it.
Anon says
7 days would be a long incubation period, especially for Omicron. Hopefully something else!
EDAnon says
True but i don’t know what else it could be. He hasn’t been anywhere but home since Thursday. Positives keep coming back from his class. We will see. Still awaiting PCR results.
I did go out on Saturday and interacted with a kid with a cold (masked) through a volunteer activity. Maybe he got that?! I will let you know!
Anonymous says
I was exposed on a Wed, PCR negative on Sunday, PCR positive on Wed. Both kids (unvaxxed) tested positive as well. Very limited symptoms – minor sniffles that wouldn’t have been noteworthy normally. Annoying to deal with, but thankful no one very sick at all.
Anon says
Ugh this is making me regret the fact that we saw someone today who was exposed late last week and had a negative PCR on Monday. We were outside and masked so hopefully we’ll be ok but gah this constant risk analysis is exhausting.
Anonymous says
Right??? Preschool kid was exposed Tuesday with 10 day quarantine and we were thinking my parents could help with childcare next week if he tests negative this weekend. But in our area we can’t get a pcr test if asymptomatic anyway so fml.
Anonymous says
My kids tested negative on day 10 post-symptoms of my infection, positive on day 14.
Anon says
Late, but sharing that my kids were in school (but no known exposure) last week through Friday. Regular weekly PCR tests at school on Thurs were negative. One had a fever on Sunday, negative rapid. By Sunday night they felt back to normal. Monday a rapid and a PCR from the ped said negative, so they could go back to school. Wed rapid said negative. Today they got another regular PCR at school. We haven’t heard results yet, but anecdotally they usually call if positive before school ends so I’m assuming also negative but we’re keeping an eye on it.
In the before times, I do remember 24 hour sickness where the kids would be sick and better within a day, so I guess it’s possible. Just sharing another experience, that sometimes it could be just a fever.
Anonanonanon says
More Sleep Would Be Nice posted a fascinating article which resulted in a looooong, late thread yesterday and I’d love to keep it going today. I don’t even know what I’m looking for, I guess just a continued conversation about parenting and partnership and outside supports. And smart, amazing women sharing their struggles.
I’m always torn because I have the bigger job, but I also have the bigger desire to be the primary parent. I think I went into my marriage more aware than some of what our partnership would look like- we married in our 30s and he already had nieces and nephews so had opinions about what kind of dad he wanted/wants to be.
https://hbr.org/2022/01/stop-telling-working-women-they-just-need-an-equal-partnership-at-home
Boston Legal Eagle says
I will absolutely admit that I got lucky in meeting my husband (I think he would say the same ;) ) at a young age and we grew together and ended up in what I consider an equal partnership. I think one thing that was apparent even early on is that he didn’t define himself by his academics or career ambitions – really, I’m the more traditional Type A person who valued education and a big successful career and placed a lot of self worth in this. Not to say that he doesn’t work hard, but his goal was never to work all the time or make the most money. Which I think is different than a lot of men who are taught to place their value in their earning ability and to devalue caregiving. Hence the greedy jobs that GCA was mentioning yesterday. And I’m sure he feels less pressure to do that knowing that I also work and bring in the same or more money. It’s a lot of pressure to be the sole breadwinner!
So while it’s important to teach little girls to be leaders and rise up in careers, etc., it’s also important to teach little boys that there is value in things like caregiving and household management. I can see the societal biases against this though, starting from giving dolls only to girls, hiring only girls to be babysitters, etc. I hope this changes with the next generation.
Cb says
These social expectations are so crucial. My husband occasionally says “Maybe I should go work in the private sector and earn more…” and I’ve had to help fight against that. We have a great life with a HHI of £85k, we can buy everything we need and much of what we want, have a nice little house, can take fun trips AND we have lots of family time.
Anonymous says
Wow I’m so impressed you managed to buy a house on that. How did you save up the down payment?
Cb says
It is a very wee house :) It’s about 1200 square feet which felt enormous in comparison to our 700 square flat, which felt decently spacious at the time. My husband had a flat in the city (in a rough and tumble neighbourhood) which we sold – he owned it for 8 years and it had increased in value by £45k. We used that to put 20% down on our house, it was £295k. We moved to a lovely but not fancy village, the same house in a fancy village would be at least £400k.
Anon says
85k in pounds is almost $120k in USD which is…not poor. I know this board skews high-income, but surely you know lots of homeowners don’t make $120k?
Cb says
Yeah, I did one of the calculators and we are in 10% of income. We don’t pay (directly) healthcare costs so it does make us feel richer.
EDAnon says
I agree that a huge asset in our marriage is that my husband similarly wasn’t conditioned to value his career and professional success over caregiving. In fact, he feels hugely guilty if he feels like he isn’t pulling his weight in caregiving. We have two boys and we hope to instill that same commitment to family in them.
This is not to say we are perfectly divided all the time. I definitely do more emotional labor and planning. And it ebbs and flows. Right now, I do more because I am very settled in my job and he has been in his job for less than a year. It was reversed before where he did everything (all doctors visits, all sick day, most drops and pickups) when he had a more flexible job and I had taken on a new role and was out of leave to due to maternity leave.
Anonymous says
+1 to all this. My husband’s father was a stay at home dad, and I think that really made a difference in how he relates to family and work because he knows fathers can derive just as much meaning and value from taking care of the family and house as from their jobs (and that women aren’t the default cooks/cleaners/childcare experts).
Cb says
My dad stayed home with me until I was 1 and then worked for himself while my mom worked long hours. This definitely set my expectations. And he ended up taking up this role again, moving to our country to take care of my son before he was old enough to start nursery. In contrast, my husband was basically raised in a really unconventional way with very conventional gender roles – dad, dad’s ex wife + new family, and mom all lived together. The moms were PT teachers job sharing and responsible for all things kids. So we had to have lots of talks about nursery and how it wasn’t a Romanian orphanage.
anne-on says
Omg I remember storming out of rooms in tears when my son was an infant because both my mom and my MIL kept saying how ‘sad’ it was we were using a daycare and how terrible it was that I couldn’t stay home (I like my job! I had a 6mo paid leave! lay off!). They both chilled out after they visited the daycare (and after we threatened them with cutting off visits if they couldn’t drop it).
I think I’ve said this before but nobody in either side of our entire extended family worked with young kids, and then every single women was either a teacher, nurse, or held some sort of part time ‘service’ (shop clerk, secretary, etc.) job for ‘pin money’ (yes, they literally called it pin money) and just don’t ‘get’ the demands of a ‘big’ job for women.
Cb says
Oh my goodness, my MILs were the same. Look, ladies, my kid’s nursery is a baby paradise. I would do a spa retreat there if I could. Also I didn’t spend 5 years doing a PhD to go to rhyme time.
Anonymous says
Cb, I once posted that our day care was like Disney World for babies. I still think my kid was better served by attending day care than she would have been by staying home with me.
EDAnon says
My parents were the same. Once they saw the daycare, they totally change their tune.
Anon says
My mom was the same about daycare (she worked but had a unicorn situation where she had a lot of time off when I was born so I never went to daycare) but also changed her tune when she saw how much my kid loved it, even as a young toddler.
Pogo says
It’s a really good point about meeting early – I was in college when I met my husband and he was very early career, so we really grew up together. Because he’s 5 years old, he started a little ahead of me, but now that we’re further out from school we’re almost at the same spot in terms of level in career and also income.
Anon says
+1 it’s interesting because i hadn’t thought about it, but DH and I met at 22 and 23 and really grew into professional adulthood together. I’m really happy with our balance.
He also grew up with two working parents and a dad who did the cooking and such, which I don’t think hurts. He makes way more than I do, but he totally respects my career and my decision to work (we have three kids).
If I leave the workforce it will be because of society or because I choose, nothing to do with him!
GCA says
For some reason it blows people’s minds when I ask them, why do we tell little girls they can be anything they want and simultaneously limit little boys by devaluing caregiving?
(Popping in here briefly because, hello from our third preschool quarantine in five weeks. We split quarantine labor 50/50 but I am spent.)
anon says
Amen. And tell them that but imply they stop trying in their careers once they become moms?? Ugh. Also, you see a similar trend with girl toys/gifts/clothes – pink dinosaur girl clothes etc. But people are always surprised my son has a kitchen set, tea set, and dolls.
Anon says
The gender bias in gifting drives me crazy, especially at the young ages. I get that 8 year old girls and boys do have different interests on average. But toddlers are toddlers! THEY ALL LIKE THE SAME THINGS.
An.On. says
Yes, the article and conversation yesterday reminded me of an incident when I had raised the question of another child, and my husband basically said that if I’d been a SAHM, he would have already been on board. I make almost 2x his salary, and my job is incredibly flexible. I don’t really want or need him to be a SAHD, but the idea never even occurred to him, and when I mentioned it, he had a fairly negative reaction. And he’s a good parent! And a good husband! But he’s very definitely conditioned in his thinking. Whereas I grew up with a mom who had kids while she was in school, but she pretty much always worked at least part time, and then my parents divorced, so it was even more important to me to keep financially secure and non-dependent.
Part of solving this, I think, is making parental leave more available for everyone (and longer!). When I was on maternity leave and he had to go back to work, a lot of patterns/habits got set up in those early days which still continue now (to my general sense of unfairness). The more fathers who can be there from day one, the better for everyone.
Cb says
I caught the discussion late yesterday and found it really interesting. I can see it both ways – I have friends who are smart and ambitious and fantastic and they just kind of married duds? Like I hope they have some redeeming quality that I can’t see? And I have friends who are equally smart and ambitious who married great guys, who seem from the outside like fantastic partners BUT it’s still a struggle. Because of societal expectations that the mom be responsible for things, because of self-imposed limitations, because of the fact that our societies don’t care about families…
That’s how I feel in my marriage. Situations change as well – when I was pregnant, my husband had an “easy” job he wasn’t super attached to. So it was easy to agree that we’d just move to wherever I could get a TT post. Midway through my pregnancy, he started a much more high level (although similarly paid) job which would be much harder to leave. 4 years later, with my travel schedule, my husband is the primary (and solo) parent a big chunk of the time and gets to the hero for it, but I’m still the one who will do the research, does a lot of the emotional labour.
I realise though that it’s 50% society’s fault and 50% mine – appreciate this isn’t the case for every kid, especially those who need someone to fight in their corner for services and additional supports, but my kid is not going to be harmed if I buy the waterbottle at TKMaxx, sign him up for the swim lesson at the most convenient time, let him eat school lunches, let him wear rainboots most of the time…so it’s on me to let go of those expectations that I optimise every bit of my kids’ life.
Anonymous says
You allude to a really important point–kids with special needs really throw a monkey wrench into a marriage. On a practical level, one person really needs to take charge and become the child’s advocate, understand the ins and outs of insurance coverage and the educational system, and coordinate all of the appointments, reports, and communication among the various providers and the school. This responsibility is a huge logistical burden on whichever parent takes it on. I average an hour per day on this stuff and my kid’s needs are not even that complicated in the grand scheme of things. Then you have the challenge of dealing with the child on a day-to-day basis. Neurotypical kids might come home tired and push boundaries. Special-needs kids come home and require a whole other level of parenting. They might melt down from sensory overload every afternoon after school, throw tantrums throughout homework time, and refuse to eat dinner and take a bath. Rinse and repeat ad infinitum. Home becomes a prison of negativity instead of a safe and comfortable refuge. On top of all that, there may be conflict between the parents about how far to pursue a diagnosis and services, what expectations to have for the child’s future, how to parent on a daily basis, etc. It destroys marriages. I sometimes wonder how many of the people who claim to have perfect egalitarian marriages have special-needs children.
Cb says
I felt like it was really important to acknowledge that privilege as a parent of a kid who, at the moment, doesn’t have any special needs. Added to living in a country where the social supports are much much better than in the US.
anon says
We have a child with ADHD, and I want to reiterate that it’s difficult and has strained our marriage at times. I still have some resentment that I recognized and accepted the problem long before DH did. (He now feels guilty about that.) I tend to bear the brunt of the emotional labor, managing the therapy appointments, and reminding everyone that it’s time to update the 504 plan. DH, though, is fully in charge of medication management. And that’s just the logistical stuff. Love my son to the moon and back, but his hyperactivity and emotional reactivity can be an incredibly disruptive presence in our household. It’s such a careful balancing act that we don’t have with our neurotypical child. Oh, and it’s not easy to get a break when there are plenty of sitters (and even day camps and child care programs) who don’t have a clue how to get through to a kid with ADHD.
Anonymous says
I also resent that I identified the problem years before my husband did, resulting in a long delay in diagnosis and treatment and costing our child and family years of unnecessary suffering. Part of it was that our child is 2/e (exceptionally gifted on top of the other issues) and he knows nothing about giftedness and in a way resents it, almost as if gifted kids don’t deserve support for their issues.
Anon says
I am beginning to have suspicions my 4 yr old may have inattentive ADHD, and my husband doesn’t want to hear it. (Plus, my older son is also “spirited”, and showing signs of anxiety). He got SO mad at me during a conversation with my parents where I mentioned my thoughts, and yelled at me for only the second time in our 16 year relationship/9 year marriage. He thinks I’m always looking to “put people in boxes” when really I’m struggling with my kid and just want to figure out how to help him.
All that said, DH is a wonderful partner. I am a SAHM and yet he makes dinner and cleans up most nights (I do bedtime) and gets up with all three kids in the morning so I can sleep in after being up with the baby. He is so great on the home front…but parenting spirited kids is definitely revealing some painful communication/emotional gaps
Anonymous says
I don’t know if it’s a “men raised by boomers” hangup or if it’s entirely individual, but a lot of dads do seem reluctant to “label” their kids whereas the moms tend to look at a diagnosis as a gateway to information and support. Another “men raised by boomers” thing is the idea that you just throw kids into the deep end to sink or swim on their own initiative. If the kid drowns, it’s because he didn’t try hard enough to stay afloat and deserves to fail. If the kid has extra challenges like ADHD, it’s on the kid to figure out how to overcome those because hey, our generation didn’t get any of that coddling or leveling of the playing field. It’s infuriating.
Anonymous says
Can I hear more about 2e? One of my kids has always had outside emotional reactions, an iron will, a lot of anxiety, and stops attending when bored (but doesn’t miss a beat and can answer any question when called on). She’s 6.
Her teachers aren’t concerned because she isn’t disruptive and does well in school but her behavior at home is very much not normal/typical (I have 2 other kids).
Anonymous says
Twice exceptional means that the child is gifted but also has one or more disabilities such as dyslexia, ADHD, a sensory processing disorder, and/or anxiety. One of the big challenges with 2/e kids is that the giftedness can mask the underlying issues. A gifted kid can often BS their way through school with straight As without understanding or retaining any of the material. Schools generally don’t want to refer any child for evaluation who is doing well academically and is not disruptive, and teachers won’t notice or bring up any problems, so parents are on their own to identify the issue, get a private evaluation, and then advocate for a 504 or IEP if needed. Inadequate gifted services in the classroom can exacerbate the underlying problems, so the kid who has trouble focusing because of ADHD and/or anxiety is further disengaged because the material is not challenging enough and/or is not presented appropriately. Anxiety or ADHD can also cause the child to underperform on the screening tests that schools use to qualify kids for gifted programs, cutting them off from the gifted services they desperately need. In general there is a ton of bias against gifted kids in the public schools, and parents of 2/e kids get even more pushback than the parents of gifted kids without special needs. The assumption is that if a kid is gifted they shouldn’t be struggling, and if the kid is struggling it’s because they just aren’t really as smart as the parent thinks they are. You can pre-empt or fight back against some of this if you come in with your own independent evaluation and make it easy for the school to adopt your expert’s finding and recommendations.
Sarabeth says
Oh my lord, yes, this. My husband and I have always had an egalitarian marriage, even after our kids were born. But when one of our kids got an ASD diagnosis a month into the pandemic, there was just no way for both of us to stay fully committed to our jobs. I’ve leaned so far out this past year, I have to squint to see my ambition. I’m lucky to have a job that I like that will let me do this for awhile (though not forever). But it’s going to be a long-term issue. My hope is that once the pandemic is over and our childcare is more stable, we will get into a new rhythm that will feel somewhat doable. But it’s been a struggle for the least year, and that’s even with me doing the bare minimum at my job.
anon says
This. My kiddo has low-support needs ADHD and a concurrent sensory processing disorder (2e parents ftw!). The amount of time, money, and energy it takes to find specialists, do the testing, do the therapy, fight for services at school, educate yourself on how to parent, etc, etc. is SO HARD and SO draining. I am not at all surpsied that anyone whose child needs more support quits to stay at home and manage it all
FYI – the terminology is moving away from ‘high functioning ASD/ADHD’ to ‘low support needs vs. high support needs’ – I find this a much better language choice and encourage other parents to use and spread it.
anon says
I commented above, but also on the 2e bandwagon. A gifted child with both ADHD and a diagnosed anxiety disorder. I really struggle to find emotional support for myself in all of this, because my friends don’t fully get it. They just see the happy, smart, outgoing kid. They don’t see the outsized emotional reactions, his absolute iron will, and how that manic energy affects the rest of us who live with him. He does stuff that’s really not developmentally appropriate for his age; this is not changing as he gets older, despite lots of therapy. Again, I always feel like I have to add the caveat that I love my kid and his unique brain, but it is NOT a typical parenting experience.
Anonymous says
Being a 2/e mom is so isolating. I am reluctant to share anything with my friends, partly because their kids are all friends with my kid but also because it’s not really my story to share. The very select group that I will share with, whose kids have similar issues, are coming from a totally different place because their kids are not gifted. They are confused as to why my kid is four years ahead of theirs in math if she’s struggling and think I am pressuring her, when in fact all the experts have told us it’s essential to keep her in the highest-level courses possible to keep her engaged.
Lilibet says
Could we have a mini corporettemoms support group? We are just beginning this journey of low support ADHD, sensory processing issues, possible anxiety. He’s 5 so I really benefit from the stories from moms with older kids. We are struggling as a family as we are just so tired and DH and I do not agree on what supports we should pursue at this age.
SC says
+1 that special needs is a game changer. My son has sensory issues and ADHD and, we just found out, growth hormone deficiency. (I am also finding out that the GHD may explain some of the emotional and behavioral issues that sensory issues and ADHD ). DH is a SAHD with a side gig doing property management, and I don’t have a “big” job. It’s still hard.
DH handles all the regular doctors’ appointments and therapies, picks up medication (its own nightmare every month), and mostly manages the insurance coverage and logistical issues. We both attend “big” doctors’ appointments and tests because they’re so hard. DH also picks Kiddo up at 3 pm everyday because Kiddo needs the downtime after school. And DH makes 3 meals a day because the doctors and OTs say Kiddo needs the routine of sitting at the table, even though he mostly refuses to eat. Fortunately, we’re pretty much on the same page about the diagnosis, treatment, how to parent on a daily basis, etc., but we definitely have doubts about whether we’re doing the right things and anxieties about the future.
I don’t know whether our marriage is “egalitarian”–it’s more traditional, except the genders are reversed. On a routine basis, I usually load the dishwasher after dinner, though I may not finish all the dishes. I drive Kiddo to school, I am always home for dinner (one of our hardest times), I read to Kiddo before bed every night, I try to give DH have one weekend morning “off,” and I help with chores and childcare off and on throughout the weekend. I also handle more of the logistics of “special projects”–filing taxes, planning family outings or vacations, handling Christmas gifts, etc.
We don’t get a lot of hands-on help. We have 3 sets of grandparents, but my parents live in another state, and DH’s parents all work so don’t have the capacity for regular care, nor do they really have the temperament for regular care of our child. But–and this is key–we do get financial help from our parents with school and out-of-pocket medical expenses. (Insurance premiums, OOP expenses, and Kiddo’s private school for children with exceptionalities will be about $30K this year.) The financial support allows DH to continue to stay at home and allows me to stay in my not-big job.
Anonymous says
I have the bigger job in terms of travel, difficulty, public exposure, and impact, but my husband earns more. I also have more desire to be the primary parent and the household manager, and am better equipped to do so. My husband wants to feel involved without bearing any of the truly onerous responsibilities. The result is resentment on both sides. I resent that he meddles in things that should be entirely up to me, just enough to cause disruption and chaos. I resent that he refuses to take any time off of work for kid-related reasons even though he has more PTO, and that when he does take PTO he uses it to relax while I burn all my PTO handling doctor’s appointments and chores. I resent having to write up minutely detailed daily schedules and leave behind prepared meals every time I go out of town. I resent that he thinks business travel is some sort of glamourous vacation. In some ways I resent that he isn’t more of a 1950s dad–just get out of my way, focus on bringing home the bacon, and let me run the show on the home front. For his part, he resents that I used to get to travel all over the country, that, unlike his dad, he has to wash the dishes and do the laundry and mow the lawn, that I really wish I were a SAHM (he sees SAHMs as parasites, partly because of issues with his own mom), and that I am not using my law degree to make four or five times what I’m earning now. On that last point, he still doesn’t understand that in order to earn that kind of money I would have had to get a biglaw job and work 60 – 80 hours a week while our kids were little, which wouldn’t have been sustainable for our family. On the other hand, he is the one who encouraged me to pursue my dream of quitting my job and going back to school when we were first married, served as primary breadwinner and did well over 50% of the housework for several years while I was in school, and proudly brags about my accomplishments to anyone who will listen.
Modern marriage is just more complicated because now you have three full-time jobs (two partners’ full-time jobs plus the full-time job of running the household and taking care of the kids) to juggle with blurred boundary lines instead of two neatly delineated roles (breadwinner and homemaker), and very few couples saw this modeled successfully while they were growing up. We’re all just winging it.
Cb says
Oof, no useful advice but I’m sorry, that sounds really, really hard.
Anonymous says
It’s hard but my point is that I assume most dual-career couples are in a similar boat?
Anon says
I find these so difficult to read. I am in my mid-50s so I attribute the similar issues in my marriage to generational stuff. Both our fathers left all the kid stuff to the moms. (They played with us and we had good relationships, but the bulk of childrearing was definitely delegated to their wives). When I see younger people with the same issues, I get so demoralized.
Anon says
DH and I met in law school and married in our early 30’s. We don’t split evenly, but it’s a split that works for us since each of us is in total charge of something that we don’t mind doing and can manage independently without input from the other: I do all laundry, most cooking / dishes, most grocery shopping, and most of the administrivia of running a household (paying bills, coordinating child care, planning vacations … back when those were a thing). He does all things for house and outdoor maintenance – lawn and yard, fixing or arranging for professionals to fix household things, car repair and maintenance – he’s also more hands-on with homework / distance learning with our 7-year-old and with playtime for the 18 month old. We don’t criticize what each of us does within our own domains – he’ll eat whatever I fix, I don’t tell him when he needs to mow. It isn’t perfect, but it works for us, rather than a model where we split each duty 50-50. We tried that at first when our oldest was born, and everyone was miserable.
anon says
This sounds a lot like my marriage. We married young (ages 23 and 25) and were DINKS for a long time before becoming parents, so we both just got used to having our own domains. Trying to split things perfectly even, 50-50, turns me into an awful scorekeeper. Like, I accept that this is a personality flaw. The downside to this approach is that we’re not very well “cross-trained,” if you will. He is really handy and good at fixing things. I am not. I am really good at seeing what needs to be done (dirty toilet, crumby counters), and he is not. He is a financial wizard; I can set a budget just fine but absolutely hate tracking the big-picture stuff that’s really important. As much as I complain at times, I know that our split generally works for us.
Anon says
Like BLE, I was lucky to meet a man who is a very equal partner in my early 20s. He was waited on hand and foot by his single working mother (he never had chores as a child!), but miraculously has always done more than his share of parenting and chores. I honestly don’t feel either of us is the “primary parent” – we divide parenting very equally and also spend a lot of time as a family of 3. I probably do more logistical and emotional labor and he does more physical labor but this is a reflection of our skill sets. He needs less sleep than I do, so whenever our child goes through phases of waking up really early, he’s the one who gets up with her and I sleep in, which is huge for my mental and emotional health. On the other hand, he has never read a parenting book and doesn’t put nearly as much thought into our child’s development as I do. But the overall split feels pretty equal to both of us.
We now have local family support (we didn’t for the first three years as parents), but I don’t feel like it makes much difference, especially with a preschool age child. My parents do things like keep kid home from daycare once a week to play – which is great for kid and them, but doesn’t really help us. I commented this late yesterday, but giving up our biweekly cleaning service would be far more stressful to me than giving up our family support. Perhaps my feelings will change when our kid starts elementary school though.
anne-on says
I think one of the things that was interesting to me was the discussion of how women are very supported by outside networks if not always the immediate family. I’ve found that very true – there were two points in my career where I was at a turning point and I would not have kept working without working mom bosses who talked me off the ledge, encouraged me to lean out to a degree, and shared cold hard logistics of how they made their households work (you need a part time sitter or nanny, here is how I use mine, let your husband struggle when you go out of town, he’ll figure it out, discussing how they go to therapy to deal with the demands of both careers, etc.). I try now to keep that in mind and pay it forward to younger women on my team – let’s have a 60-minute call about interviewing au pairs, set aside non-negotiable chunks of time on your calendar, etc.
I also SO relate to the poster who talked about her husband being annoyed that he had to negotiate travel – my husband’s entire team have SAH wives and they simply don’t understand why I work or why he steps up when I travel. Add that to no local family and I truly count every single year I stay in the workforce as a parent as a major win…
Anon says
some women are. others are not. even if it works for one family to hire more childcare, etc. every person is different, has different emotional needs, different sleep needs, etc. i honestly think if you are a high sleep needs person there are certain jobs you just can’t do. also, some women are like, well I can do it, why can’t you. you do not know a colleague’s full financial picture – maybe they have a lot of student loans, or their spouse does or they support other family members and do not necessarily have as much money to throw at the problem, even though it seems like they should.
Anon says
I’m an Oldest Daughter so I expect and want to be in charge of most things in the household. My husband, a youngest kid, is fine with me being the decision maker, and with the distribution of labor that is mostly set by me. I would not thrive in a scenario where all decisions, no matter how small, were made by consensus. I’ve learned over time how to solicit his feedback into major decision-making (he’d say ‘I’m fine with whatever you choose’ but in reality resented not being included). I’ve also learned over time that my desire to plan out the minute details of every event and every possible permutation of things that could go wrong are not really necessary or helpful in a household … it makes my family feel like they’re my employees. For example, my more-chill husband has finally convinced me that world won’t fall apart if I don’t have a detailed list of everything we need to pack for a vacation planned 6 months in advance. And I’ve convinced him that 45 minutes before we leave for the airport is not the right time to begin doing laundry for the clothes you want to bring on the trip.
In short – our distribution tries to play to each others’ strengths, rather than a 50/50 split.
Anonymous says
Ha, are you me? For me it’s not so much being the Oldest Daughter, which I am, as that I grew up seeing my mother and grandmothers 100% in charge. My husband’s sisters and SILs are also very much in charge of their households, so it kind of annoys me that he does not share my assumption that the wife is the captain of the ship.
anon says
I commented on that thread about having a marriage that’s unequal in that respect, but being okay with it because I knew going in it would be that way. And my situation was definitely uncommon, because we married much later and therefore our careers were already established and it was pretty clear what the arrangement would be.
One thing I was thinking about afterward, though: we really should be doing more work, as a society, to prepare young people for marriage. (Yes, I know not everyone wants to get married, but most people both want to and do.) My wonderful and long-married parents gave me a ton of advice and active coaching from an early age on how to think about my school and career plans, but nobody – not my parents, my school, or my church – encouraged me to think in the same way about what a successful long-term partnership would look like for me or to be intentional in finding a long-term partner that was compatible with my personality and my goals and values. Nobody encouraged me to think about how many children (if any!) I wanted to have, and when. And I think that’s common – I got really intentional about all this stuff only after my first marriage had failed and I was dating again in my 30s. I think we do men and women both a disservice by assuming that school and career require intensive planning, but that relationships and family will just happen (and work!) instinctively.
Anon says
With respect, I also think that a very unequal arrangement when you have gobs of money to throw at outsourcing help is very different from an equally unequal arrangement where you don’t have that luxury. If no one is arguing about who is cleaning the bathroom or stocking the fridge or prepping meals or doing yardwork, and you have money for any support your kids may need, whatever school you want to send them to, etc., then who-does-what becomes slightly less challenging. I’m not saying there are no issues. I’m just saying biglaw equity partner money plus in-house high role money = a lot of money to throw at the small problems that drive most other people a bit crazy at times.
anon says
My kids will be getting the message, early and often, that love does not conquer all. I consider myself fortunate to have a good marriage with DH, but I see so many relationships around me that are struggling. A lot of us married in our 20s, and yeah … loving each other does not always translate to liking each other or being good partners once careers and kids are in the mix.
AIMS says
I think this is true in more ways than one. Just think of how any talk of work is always “following your passion” and not “what is a practical life path for you to take.” Not saying that dreams and passions don’t have a place in the conversation but to borrow from Mad Men all little girls cannot grow up to be ballerinas.
AIMS says
Should add, to your point, that while I agree that it’s very important to go into marriage with eyes open about its realities, I think it isn’t possible to always be realistic about one’s self or know what is in store. In my situation, I would say that we try for a reasonably egalitarian split but I unquestionably do more. In part, this is because I care about certain things more (e.g., I could outsource present-buying or clothes buying but i wont because I wouldn’t like the result). I don’t really know how to address the fact that we just have different standards for some of these things. I can lower mine only so much. And it’s impossible to always know how it will work ahead of time because some of the things I care about are things that he ostensibly cares about, too, (and would tell you that) but ultimately they aren’t things he will deal with like making sure they eat healthy balanced meals. That one leads to a lot of resentment for us, honestly, because I have even left food for lunch/dinner only to come home to “we ordered pizza!”
The biggest issue for everyone I know seems to be that our partners mostly all do so much more than their dads ever did and so they consider it a huge accomplishment and think they’re all amazing, whereas the women I know either feel like we aren’t doing as much as their mothers did or have just imposed insane expectations on themselves such that we always feel like we aren’t meeting our own expectations.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think your last paragraph is a good point – the baseline of comparison is important. If you’re a working mom and your comparison point is a SAHM who did everything, then you can easily feel like you’re “falling short” (in the idealized 1950s version of what’s best). My mom didn’t do most of what society tells us moms should do, nor did she express any guilt, so I didn’t see that in my home. I am definitely influenced by what I read about now, but a lot of this conflicts with how I actually grew up (and turned out reasonably ok?)
Anonymous says
The last paragraph plus they have no idea about all the things we just make happen invisibly. After I sent my husband out shopping a couple of times over the holidays he has a newfound appreciation for the fact that food and household necessities magically appear in the pantry. Whereas he announces to all his friends and family the minute details of every household chore he does so they will know what a stand-up guy he is.
Anon says
Agree with the poster about the “invisibility”. Even when my husband wants to step up more it still ends up putting more work on me to lay out exactly what he needs to do and following through the full process, not just executing it. Getting him to read Fair Play to see how if that helps.
Anon says
It’s a balance. My kids are still pretty young, but my intended message will be something like, you can choose to follow your passions if you want, but we’re not intending to subsidize your lifestyle into your 20’s and 30’s. This seems very counter to a lot of the parenting-of-young-adults I see around me, where parents are paying for apartments and child care and student loans for their “kids” who have been adults for a decade or more. On an emergency basis after an unexpected job loss? Sure. On a monthly basis because your Influencer gig isn’t paying off? Nope.
Anon says
I had only bad marriage models growing up. My parents divorced, their parents’ had divorced, all of my aunts married too young and divorced at least once or twice – I knew enough to know that I didn’t want to repeat those mistakes (don’t marry when you’re 19; don’t marry an alcoholic; don’t quit your job without a great back-up plan because you’re screwed when the husband leaves the family to marry the secretary, etc.) I didn’t have any examples of happy marriages where both parents worked. So in my marriage, we’re trying to be very intentional in our modeling of a good marriage for our kids – we will disagree with each other, respectfully, in front of our kids … we have frank discussions about money, and about job changes, again in an age-appropriate way so the kids can see healthy discussions.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I’ve been thinking about the thread as well, and I’m glad it resonated!
While my parents didn’t give me coaching on partnership, they definitely set an example. They both worked FT running a business, and there were very hard times for our family and their marriage – it wasn’t love that conquered all for sure, but duty and the sense of working towards something bigger than themselves. DH and I have agreed that we wished we did some type of pre-marital counseling. I will say, having a partner who is very ambitious and wants to clear various career milestones for themselves is something I find very attractive! But not everyone has to feel this way!
I also keep going back to what many of us have said in different ways – 2 (3 when you factor in running/managing a household) career couples are essentially set up for stress in the U.S. as there are very minimal services and supports, so the ability to outsource/hire and/or lean on family support, is critical (and not easy, either because it costs money/time and is something else to manage).
This is likely my own background speaking…but to me, we in the USA are one of the only societies that operates the way we do – other countries either have a much better social structure/supports (and better OECD outcomes) OR it is very commonplace for other family to take a large role in children’s upbringing. The whole “You can have it all – just lean in and do it yourself, that’s what I did and my kids/life were fine!!!!” is American born boomer capitalist crap.
Anon says
maybe in the future social expectations will be different. I feel like for my friends and I who grew up in the 90s, even if we have big careers, its hard to totally evacuate the social expectation that we’ll marry someone who will out earn us and we will be the primary parent from our brains; we were fed the “you can have it all!” “lean in!” mind set, which, wih experience and education I now quesiton as capatlist propaganda. Maybe it’s good for the “system” for all parents to work, thereby driving economic growth, etc. overcoming for productivity declines and driving ever more consumerism, but is it good for the individual (parents and kids alike)? I wonder sometimes. Maybe with all the challenging of gender status quo (let alone realignment of capitalism) going on now our kids will just have a totally different paradigm.
anon says
Please read Elizabeth Warren’s Two Income Trap. You’ll love it. It’s not just about whether it’s better emotionally, but the issue now is that there’s no “backup” income!
Anonanonanon says
When I married my now-husband, I had a 4-year-old from a previous marriage, and was clear that I would not be having more children. That ended up changing, but we had a lot of discussions where it was made clear that I would not be the one taking any career hits or even being the primary parent for our second child. I’m the lead on some things, but the default is him getting up in the middle of the night, for example. I handle sick appointments, medical decisions, meals, and most childcare decisions because I prefer to. He handles more day-to-day things like bedtime, playing with her, etc. which means if she’s going to call for someone it’s usually him first. I miss bedtime 5 nights a week 8 months of the year because I’m in law school at night. (Which was 100% a selfish endeavor that my husband supports). I’m honestly OK with it, as many men are, but societal expectations mean it’s not something I usually openly discuss or share with people because I’m sure I’ll be judged.
Of course, the pandemic upended a lot of it, because we both have jobs involved in the response but my workplace had more technology in place to not have everyone have to be in-person at the command center than he did so he has had to be in-person this entire time 5 days a week. Thus, despite having equally important/stressful jobs, I was the one dealing with the brunt of childcare/school concerns for the past 2 years. Day to day it was horrible and frustrating and I was bitter about it but big-picture-wise I am closer with my daughter than I would have been without that time.
Anonymous says
OP, are you a different Anonanonanon? This Anonanonanon has been posting under the name for a while.
OP says
I am! Sorry Anonanonanon, I didn’t mean to steal your name!!!
Anonanonanon says
I didn’t even notice, shows how closely I pay attention!
So Anon says
Before we had kids, I thought I was one of the lucky ones. My ex was seemingly so supportive of me, and I thought we were on the same page in life. My law review note, that he read, edited and supported was on the topic of paid leave and the need for fathers to take paid leave in order to help level the playing field (this was in the early 2000s). While I worked so hard in school and in biglaw, he made dinners, cleaned and managed the homefront while working in education. Then, we had children and the walls came crashing down. Looking back, there were yellow and red flags before kids, but that was never a topic of discussion. My mom, a single parent herself, told me how lucky I was. I thought I was.
Fast forward, my kids are now 8 and 10. One of whom is autistic with low support needs and also has Crohn’s and Celiac’s. My other kiddo has a speech delay and an IEP for speech and reading. Their dad is minimally involved in their lives. I am so much better without him in my day-to-day life. I have support in the form of a housecleaner, nearby friends and amazing neighbors, a supportive boss, and my sister (lives 1000 miles away) who pumps me up and lets me vent. That is my support network. Also – I am kicking b&tt at work; a supportive marriage is not a prerequisite to being a successful parent.
A few thoughts at the end of this: you truly never know what a marriage is like unless you are one of the active participants. My marriage looked so great. We were a young family with two great jobs, beautiful kids and a gorgeous farm outside of town. Behind the scenes, it was horrible. He was mean, controlling and abusive. Two, don’t tell women to “just” leave bad marriages. It is never that simple and to point one, you have no idea what is happening behind the scenes. Finally, educate your kids on what a healthy relationship actually looks and feels like. Looking back, I can see the early signs of abuse, but I was encouraged by my family to stay.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I always love your insights. I have thought a lot about what you have shared in the lowest points of my own marriage. Thank you for being here.
anon says
I’ve spent a lot of time feeling bad/shameful about being divorced, but this thread actually makes me really thankful for my situation. My former spouse and I co-parent really well (50/50 custody on paper, but I probably have my kiddo 60% of the time), and my current spouse is an amazing step-parent. The effect is my son has three adults to do all the parenting. It’s kind of great. I get that this is a unicorn situation in a lot of respects (three reliable adults who all respect and care about each other, no animosity, three decent but not extravagant salaries, etc.), but maybe it just takes three people to raise a kid these days.
Anonymous says
Wow, kudos to you and your co-parents for making this work!
strollerstrike says
If you successfully use a ok-to-wake alarm/light, how did you teach your toddler?
We got a hatch light for Christmas, it turn blue at 6 am. Two year old usually wakes up at 05:30. He is in a crib with the front removed but he never gets out of bed on his own, just cries until we get him.
Is the idea that I just let him cry until the light turns blue,i.e. ok to wake? He „gets“ the concept or at least tells me „wait light blue“ but still cries every morning.
anon says
We had this for a while. I’d start with a smaller gap than 30 min, but move it to your goal time slowly. It’s not magic, but when the 5/5:30 thing was going strong, we’d at least try to make the kids stay in their room until the green light went on. Eventually they get the idea that it’s not full play time until the green light is on.
anon in brooklyn says
If he’s consistently waking up at 5:30, set the light to come on at 5:35 or 5:40. Then let him cry, but it will only be a few minutes and then you come in. Eventually, when he knows you will come soon, he’ll probably stop crying. Once that happens, you just start gradually shifting the time back by ~ 5 minutes every few days or week. It worked for us, but it’s a bit of a process to get there.
anon says
This.
AwayEmily says
Yup, this exactly. This process is a big part of why the I like the Hatch is so much better than the OK to Wake clock — resetting the ok to wake clock manually each night during the learning period was necessary but such a pain.
Sleep says
My 1.5 year old seems to get it and now. He will kind of whine until the “okay to wake” time but seems not to expect us to come get him until then (which is when he will ramp up his noise levels so we know he wants to get out of the crib). I did what someone on this board suggested – before a nap, I turned it to the “sleep” color, put him in his crib, laid on the floor next to the crib, said “it’s not time to get up until I hear [sound you’ve chosen on the Hatch]”, and used my phone to toggle to the wake-up color and noise after a minute or two. I repeated this a couple of times. Good luck! We started using it when he was around a year old, and the Hatch (we have the Rest+, I think) has been an MVP of baby gear.
AIMS says
My kids were a bit older when we got this but we just said it’s okay to wake up when you wake up but we don’t get out of bed until the clock is green. So wait for the clock to turn green and then call us. It worked. We try not to be unreasonable (not setting it for 830) but we shifted their natural wake up by 1-1.5 hours or so and it was fine. Eventually they just started sleeping longer.
MNF says
We switched from the ok to wake to the Hatch when our kiddo was like 2 y 3m (otw broke). We have the hatch turn green at the wake up time and the noise changes to the birdies. I wonder if adding different sounds may help signal a difference to him?
Anonymous says
It feels like every other day I am losing my sh*t and end up yelling at my kids in frustration that they won’t do what they are told / are misbehaving.Not constantly but at least once every couple days. I then feel horrible. So sanity check.. how often do others here lose their sh*t with the kids? Any advice on how to not lose it?
Boston Legal Eagle says
I get like this usually at night, right around bath time when my oldest doesn’t listen and acts wild. I know it’s because I’m exhausted from a long day of work, he’s exhausted from a long day of school and I just don’t have the patience to use the techniques I know are the “right” thing. I also feel this on the weekends when I’ve spent all day with the kids and they act out around dinner time – husband and I just want to eat in peace and they’re running around like crazy (see: tired). I think just lowering my expectations around the times I know will be triggers? It’s hard.
Cb says
For the weekends, could you do family movie time where everyone eats on the living room floor, picnic style?
Boston Legal Eagle says
We should definitely try this! I tend to get too inside the box in my thinking of how dinner should be (all at the table, eating and sitting quietly), but I think one day a week, likely Sunday, of something different will help all of us.
AwayEmily says
Totally agree with “lowering expectations around times I know will be triggers.” For me it’s also around dinner-making time. The two strategies that I use: first, TV. On the days I feel myself starting to melt down (esp on nights when I’m parenting alone), I turn on the TV for twenty minutes while I make dinner. I have zero guilt about this, chilling in front of the TV for a bit is MUCH better for them than being berated by a cranky mom trying to get dinner ready, and it gives me some time to reset. The other strategy is that my husband and I make a game-time decision about who will be on “making dinner” duty each night based mostly on which one of us more needs a break from the kids. The dinner-maker gets to be alone in the kitchen cooking, and the kid-watcher is entirely in charge of the kids (including keeping them out of the kitchen). Then we switch after dinner (whoever didn’t make dinner cleans and the other watches the kids).
Finally, I really do believe that the goal is not “never yell at your kids,” it’s “when you do yell, talk about it after.” I yell (or as my son says, “use an unkind voice”) reasonably often, but then I try to talk through it later when we’re more chill. Why I did it, how they felt when I used that voice, what I could do next time when I feel like that, etc.
EDAnon says
I do tell more than I want. I know some older moms at work (they have teenagers) and I told them that there is a parenting movement that says yelling at your kids makes you a terrible parent. They were both like “I guess I am the worst then.”
As a note, my mom yelled a decent amount and I never ever felt anything less than totally loved by her. She was under a huge amount of stress and sometimes we were brats. She never yells now and, in fact, is super chill.
I try really hard to make sure my yelling isn’t unfair. Like I don’t yell at kiddo #1 because I am ticked at kiddo #2. My husband was often yelled at when his dad was mad at his sister and that really impacted him negatively.
Anonymous says
I do yell but I try very hard to make it about the desired behavior and not a direct attack on the kid. “You need to get in the bath right now!” vs. “Why don’t you ever do what you are supposed to?”
Anon says
I have one kid, she is something else (spirited is an understatement, but I love her dearly). I probably end up yelling at least once every few days, but I don’t feel guilty about it. It is usually when she is being absurd and she is old enough to be capable of rational decisions most of the time (unlike when she was a toddler). I am actually least likely to yell when she is being absurd because she is irrationally tired or in the middle of the meltdown; it is usually in response to willful defiance for the umpteeth time that day. Actions have consequences. I’m not mean about it. I grew up in a family of (non-mean) yellers and we all love each other dearly, never felt unloved or unsupported, etc. DH grew up in a household where no one ever expressed any negative emotion whatsoever (and as a result struggles with “normal” conflict as an adult because he is likely to hold it all in). I’d like to say we strike a happy balance. I just don’t think that loud exasperated voices hurt personal development; I would be far more concerned if it were mean yelling (name-calling, unfairly assigning blame, etc.).
Pogo says
It’s definitely worse when I am stressed. It’s usually me yelling at the older one when he hits his brother or grabs a toy out of his hand. Last night my husband had to step in and be like, “if you can’t keep your body safe, we’re going to sit over by the door”. Meanwhile I just yelled STOPPP ITTTT. However I was on zoom for 9 hours so I plead temporary insanity.
Pogo says
lol this sounds like husband put me in time out. that might have been helpful too, but he took the 4yo.
Anon says
DH puts me in time out sometimes. DD and I sometimes get into a cycle where we just butt heads (as DH says, like two stubborn bulls) and so sometimes he will tell me to go do something else and he’ll step in and takeover whatever the battle du jour is about. And often the change of parent is enough to jolt DD into a semblance of compliance (last night it was about whether one must take a bath after swimming in a heavily chlorinated pool).
EDAnon says
We also trade when one of us is getting too upset. Our oldest can be so stubborn. Sometimes, you just melt down (as an adult). So we tap out and the other one takes over.
Mary Moo Cow says
I’m not being flip, but a break every now and then. Like, several hours in the house to yourself or several hours out of the house, by yourself, once a week or every other week. This is a pipe dream for me, but when I can get it, I am in a much better mood and less prone to yelling when I am home.
Other than that, what helps me is clamping my lips together, counting to 5, and remembering something I love about them all at the same time. Works about 50% of the time.
DLC says
A couple years ago I read a book called “How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Children.”
The author basically boiled it down to: get more sleep, stay off your phone, exercise/ breaks, and know your buttons.
I found it all true, but somewhat unhelpful and not what I was looking for. Because what I really wanted was a book entitled “How to stop your kids from being little sh*ts.”
But as my husband reminds me… that’s kind of their job.
So no real advice. Maybe radical acceptance and asking myself “Would I rather yell at my kids or let this go?”
EDAnon says
Haha
Anonymous says
It is hard. If my kid would listen before I lose my s*** that would help. We have talks about it a lot after everyone is calm to go over where things went off the rails and try to show the responsibility on both sides. The conversation is usually like “I know you don’t like it when mommy tells and mommy doesn’t like it either. What I hate about the yelling is that sometimes it is the only effective thing for mommy to do. Mommy asked you 3 times to get ready for bath. Mommy then tried to make a silly joke to make it fun to get ready for bath. Mommy then tried asking nicely again and you were rude/ignored mommy. So mommy yelled. And then what happened? You finally got ready for bath. Would mommy have yelled if you got ready one of the first 5 times? No. So you have some control here over whether or not you create conditions on whether mommy might yell at you. Mommy has some control over these conditions too. One reason Mommy yelled was because she was tired. Mommy is going to try yo go to bed earlier tonight. Let’s discuss some ways that we can make sure you get ready for bath without one of us rescuing a breaking point.”
For me, triggers are things that neither of us want to do but that kid is making 1,000% more difficult. Like, oh you don’t want to stop playing and take a bath and get ready for bed? Look kid, I don’t want to do this either. I would rather finish up some work, watch some TV, drink some tea, talk to DH, etc. No one likes this!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think our solution should be to stop bathing these kids… seriously.
Bean74 says
This is the same thing that has been happening with me and my son. It really drives me bonkers. A couple things have helped:
1. Me finally getting that yelling will make my son shut down and then melt down. Yelling literally gets me no where. Then he looks at me and says, “You yelled!” and the guilt spirals.
2. Telling him when we’re both in a calm state that I expect a response when I speak with him. and explaining that often when I yell, it’s because I’ve already said something three times (at least!), and I’m frustrated at having to repeat myself.
3. When I do have to repeat things, to calmly state, “I’m not yelling.” For some reason, this is usually enough to get him to pay attention and focus on what I’m saying. (For this week anyway. It will probably change by next week again.)
4. Check in with myself about why I’m yelling. I found that I’m likely to yell out of fear or anxiety if I sense something dangerous about to happen – like he’s pulling a chair over on himself because he refused to sit down or is about to knock over the Christmas tree after being repeatedly told to not touch it. I’ve explained to him that sometimes when I’m scared it sounds like I’m angry but I’m not – I just don’t want him to get hurt. Other times I yell because I have no more patience due to being tired or hungry or trying to rush around. I’ve been trying to do better about the last three.
5. Apologize. I don’t want him growing up thinking it’s okay to be yelled at or that it’s okay to yell at others.
It’s been a process.
So Anon says
I think there is a difference between yelling after the 450th time that you’ve told your 8 year old to put on her jacket and she stays engrossed in the tv versus completely and utterly loosing one’s schmit. The former happens in my house once a week or so where I raise my voice. Is it effective? Probably not. But I don’t think my kid is going to be forever scarred because I raised my voice after I told her many, many times to pick the toy up off the floor and I step on it. The latter happens rarely but still happens sometimes. Both are more likely when I am under a lot of stress for any number of reasons. It is also more likely in a situation that I objectively know is ok but where I would have gotten in serious trouble as a kid (like not immediately falling in line with a request from my mom). I think – and have talked to my own therapist about this a ton – that the important thing is that you make a repair attempt. If you loose it for whatever reason, then go back to your kid and genuinely apologize. When I do utterly loose it, I spend a few minutes calming myself down. After I am calm, I can go to my kid and say, “Wow. I really didn’t handle that well. I’m sorry for my behavior.” I don’t always manage this, by any stretch. I’ve also been known to send everyone – myself included – to their own rooms for 15 minutes.
Anonymous says
What makes me utterly lose my ish is catastrophizing. Lying about not turning in one homework assignment leads to failing out of college leads to getting fired from McDonald’s, and then I snap.
Baby naming says
Baby name question – we are having a very hard time coming up with a name for baby 2. My spouse is very set on a name that objectively I like but, too me, is just way too similar to the first kids name — think Ezra and Zarah. Would that bother you? Or should I try to be more open?
Anon says
It would bother me. Our neighbors had a daughter, Leah, and then named their second daughter Ella. Too same-same for me.
anon says
Same, but at the same time you get used to it and it isn’t a huge deal if it’s the name you love. We know two siblings with names that have similar endings and both sound fairly biblical, and I was surprised. But I’m used to it now. I also am team go with it if you both LOVE the name, but take that with a grain of salt because one of my kids has the same name as my MIL’s cat!
Anon says
I have 2 boys with names that are similar – it wasn’t planned. It’s more like the second kid’s nickname has basically the same letters as the first kid, but in a different order. My mother mixes the names up sometimes, which bothers me. I think that’s much less likely to be a problem with kids of different genders.
EDAnon says
Why does it bother you? Is it worry about getting confused? Does it seem too unoriginal? I think if you can focus in on why it bothers you, it will help you either get past it or figure out an alternative that meets your interests.
Boston Legal Eagle says
When we were thinking of names for our second, I vetoed names that started with the same letter as my first’s name – it just seemed a little matchy matchy and cutesy for me. Just personal preference.
Anonymous says
I know a family with four grown kids whose names all start with the same letter as their last name. It’s, as the youth say, “cringey.”
Cb says
My mom is one of 10, all K first and last name…luckily not for middle names.
And apologies to those of you who just started listing of K names on their fingers.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Wow. I’m not even mad, I’m just impressed!
Anonymous says
Now I am imagining your mom is related to the Kardashians :)
anon says
Ha, I grew up with a family with 8 kids. All names began with the letter J. Impressive, really.
Anon says
The Duggars? :P
J is a good letter for this, lots of nice options
Anon says
it would bother me. i know a family with a Mac and a Matt. Seems very very confusing. I have twins and this is obviously just my opinion but I hate all the matchy matchy rhyming twin names
Anonymous says
I also have twins and the rhyming/matchy names drive me nuts. It just seems impractical, in addition to being cutesy poo. My twins’ names are something like Art and Simon and I STILL say the wrong name sometimes. If I had an Aiden and Kaiden I’d never say the right name!
Anon says
My best friend gave all her kids names that share the same (unique) first syllable. They’re closer-sounding than Ezra and Zara to me. I think it’s incredibly weird and the kids will likely hate it when they get older, but of course I keep my mouth shut to her.
anon says
Yes, that would bug me. A similar style? Sure. Actually sounding a lot alike? Nope.
Pogo says
I think any feelings are valid here. I like a lot of S first names, but we have an S last name and I just didn’t like the way it sounded. I’m with you on this.
Cb says
We have a double-barrelled colour animal (think Black Fox) surname and I vetoed a name because it sounded like a Beatrix Potter character.
GCA says
Now I’m thinking “the quick brown fox jumped over…” :D
Cb says
It is a truly absurd name, but my husband wanted the same name and I wasn’t going to give up mine. My FIL will still send things to Mr and Mrs A Fox because he disapproves. Tempted to write “not known at that address and that’s actually Dr…”
Anonymous says
The proper form of address is Dr. Cb Black Fox and Mr. A Black Fox.
Anonymous says
Cb – I’m with you. I want to do this with everything my SIL mails. I didn’t change my name when I got married, and she just refuses accept that.
Anon says
My in-laws send things to John Doe and Suzie Smith. MY parents sent things (past tense; we no longer have a relationship) to Suzie Doe. Not “The Doe Family,” not “John and Suzie Doe,” in which there might be a plausible reason for not shoving that much onto one address line. Suzie Doe.
The first few times, I let it go. After six months, I legit returned to sender with the name circled and “No one by that name resides at this address” on the envelope.
Samantha says
My sister and my names are sort of like “Samantha and Sara”. No one has ever confused them and I don’t think its been cringe-y, but we also have a decent age difference.
anon says
When my younger two were on their way I practiced yelling the names to decide.“Billy, Bob and Jo, get down here”
Anonymous says
I have two friends that did this – think the daughters are named Ariela and Marianna – people mix up their names constantly. Ariela gets called Arianna. Marianna gets called Maricela/Mariela. People also call them Ari and Mari which my friend hates. She didn’t think of this in advance but it definitely bothers her. So if it bothers you now it’s going to keep bothering you and I say don’t do it.
Anonymous says
I have an Ezra and I think Zarah for a girl would be lovely!
Party Animal says
Is it rude to have a sprinkle registry for a second baby? My mom insists it is, but I’ve had some coworkers and relatives ask if I’m registered. Thoughts? Baby is opposite gender, if that matters.
TheElms says
I don’t think so, and especially not if people are asking. I’m currently 32 weeks and we have a registry for the discount. I haven’t shared it with anyone because no one has asked, but I probably would if they did ask.
AwayEmily says
Same, as usual — I put up a Target registry and made it private, but the only person who’s asked is my mom. Once I get the 15% discount (it doesn’t kick in until after the registry’s been up for awhile) I’m just going to order everything myself.
Anon says
I think it is absolutely fine to have a sprinkle registry and point people to it if they ask – they clearly want to get you something if they asked!
Anon says
I don’t think it’s rude to have a registry and share it with people who ask, but I also would probably raise an eyebrow if I was invited to a sprinkle event unless there’s a huge gap.
Samantha says
What is a sprinkle registry?
Anonymous says
A second baby shower is often called a “sprinkle” (i.e., a small shower).
Pogo says
I registered at least so I could keep track of stuff, and get the completion discount. I did not publish or advertise the registry but gave it to people who asked. Did not have a sprinkle or any kind of party (COVID).
ElisaR says
people do it…. honestly my reaction when i’ve been invited has been “ok…..fiiiiiine.” I don’t waste energy thinking it’s rude but i might spend time giving it a quick eyeroll.
for what it’s worth, i did not have one.
Party Animal says
OP here- Definitely not having an actual party, just considering putting together the registry and only giving it to people who ask. I didn’t realize I could make it private, so good to know. Thanks for your help!
TheElms says
Does anyone have a eufy indoor security camera? Thinking of using it as a baby monitor camera (we need a monitors in a couple different places and apparently that isn’t a thing with an audio only monitor). I know it transmits over wifi and that is less secure and you have to have your phone on/app open to listen to it. Any other downsides I’m not thinking of?
Lily says
You want the baby monitor to be on at all times for safety, so any app-based camera will not work. We have a nest camera in each kids room but that’s a backup to the monitors and also so we can check in from outside the house ( if we have a babysitter).
AwayEmily says
We have a eufy baby monitor and have been super happy with it. But we don’t use an app for it…we have the little monitor thing. And apparently you can buy add-on cameras for a single monitor, though they’re not super cheap ($99 each). We’re currently deciding whether to buy an additional one for the new baby, or just take the one out of the 3yo and 5yo’s room.
Anonanonanon says
Babysitters. When you have a babysitter (which I always tended to hire to come once I’d put my kid to bed) you want them to be able to watch the monitor. You could have them watch the app on a tablet I suppose, but do you want to have to worry about making sure everything else is logged out, that it’s not synched to your phone, that they can re-open it if it locks out, and that they can’t see the film history of you going in there half-dressed the night before to calm the baby?
Will the app work if your screen times out, or is your cell phone screen going to need to be on all night? I ask because I don’t sleep well with a screen shining. What if you want to watch/listen to the baby on the monitor and talk to a friend on the phone or scroll on your phone? Or play a podcast while you clean? I’m sure an iPad is a solution but I don’t have one so I don’t know how much trouble it would be to keep it charged/connected/tote it around with you compared to a small baby monitor with a screen.
We went with a fairly cheap camera/monitor that just worked over normal radio signals or whatever, and used nest as a backup. Regretted getting rid of the regular monitor for babysitters, having them watch the nest app was a pain for the reasons I described above.
Anonanonanon says
I have a fairly lengthy answer of pros and cons of using an app-based monitor from my own experience that is in mod for some reason.
Scilady says
Completely different but we have Wyze cameras for our two children (2 years apart) and then also use the vtech audio monitors. You can link multiple under the same account so could actually use to monitor other areas of the house. I like that I can monitor the sound without my phone, but can pull up the camera image (which also has sound as well as alerts for sounds/ motion) when I need a more thorough check.
TheElms says
Do you have more than one vtech audio monitor in the same house? What we have currently is a vtech audio monitor in the 2 year olds room and a nest camera. What I wanted to do was add a second vtech baby monitor for the baby’s room but that doesn’t seem possible. Yet it sounds like that’s what you did. How!?!
Scilady says
Not the most efficient thing, but we actually got a vtech audio monitor for each child – one for A and one for B. We end up having 4 parent units, but it works out well since we keep one set in the living room and one set in the master bedroom. I used colored tape to color code the units so we know what set belongs with what.
TheElms says
Awesome — thanks so much!
Anon says
My husband and I are happily one and done. My 4 year old has started asking all the time for a baby brother or sister, even bursting into tears a few times about her lack of sibling. I think it has a lot to do with her daycare bestie, who was also an only child, getting a baby brother soon. Rationally, I know she doesn’t understand what she’s asking for, and a new sibling would rock her world in ways she can’t begin to anticipate, but it’s hard to see her like this. Did anyone have an only who asked for a sibling around this age and grew out of it? Her daycare friend’s mom volunteered to me that she and her husband only wanted one child themselves, but felt like they had to have a second when their kid started begging for a sibling, which of course made me feel super guilty. Please reassure me my kid won’t resent her selfish mom when she’s older? I’m an only child also, but my parents swear I never asked for a sibling. I know grandparents sometimes have selective memory though.
Cb says
I’m like you, a very happy only who is parent to an only. My son hasn’t asked loads but I think it’s because he thinks babies are noisy and messy. But definitely try not to feel guilty – knowing your capacity is a great thing.
anne-on says
I think it can very much be something that kids grow out of (also the parent of an only, mine begged for a brother about that age too). He didn’t realize that you didn’t get to pick the gender (no interest in a sister, only a brother) and the level of sharing involved. The bloom came off the rose for mine when he met his new boy cousin and saw how loud/no fun babies are, and how much his cousin now had to share (a room, toys, parental attention, etc.).
I was also firmly team one and done (plus there was secondary infertility at play) and had no real guilt over it so just calmly presented it as something that wasn’t going to happen for us/work for our family. We discussed it in the same way that we discuss why mom works, why we don’t move to the vacation town forever, why we don’t have ice cream for dinner – etc. etc. – this is what works for our family, other families make different choices. If this is bringing up strong feelings for you it might be helpful to explore those in therapy/journal about them/etc.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m all over this thread today but I distinctly remember writing a letter to my parents asking for a baby sibling when I was around 6. I don’t think I ever gave it to them though, but I remember putting in some reasoning behind it. It makes me laugh to think about that and I’m a happy only child now. You definitely should not have a second child because your very young child asks for one! I think it’s good to acknowledge the feelings but remind her that families look differently.
Anon says
Yeah I was kind of shocked when her friend’s parents said that they didn’t want a second and only had one because he asked for one. Maybe they didn’t give me the full explanation (we aren’t particularly close) but I can’t imagine actually letting your 4 year old dictate family planning.
Anon says
actually you are not a selfish mom at all- you are making the decision that is best for your family! your daughter is 4? well if her bestie was having minnie mouse move into her house, she’d probably want that too. funny anecdote – my younger sister for whatever reason was one of the only ones in her preschool class with an older sibling (me), so lots of kids would come to school and announce they were going to be a big brother/sister and then showed up a few months later with their sibling to show off. i guess she thought that if you announced it, that made it come true, because she told her whole preschool class my mom was pregnant and people starting congratulating my mom left and right and she said thank you having no clue what they were talking about, but when it became even more people she eventually asked one why they were congratulating her and they said “for expecting” and my mom’s response was “expecting what”—- when my sister went to a friend’s house and saw how much the baby cried she decided she was glad she didn’t have one too
Anon says
Oh yea my kid has also told people (including my parents) that she’s going to be a big sister, lol. She’s a big believer in “saying something makes it true” apparently.
Anonymous says
Oh God, what are her bestie’s parents going to do when their kid starts demanding they send the new baby back?? 4 year olds are not known for emotional consistency.
In all seriousness, my son is an only and has expressed a wish for a sibling briefly at different points when he was younger. Not as strongly as your child, but it has come up. At 9 he says he’s very happy to be an only. There are pros and cons, and most of us can only imagine childhood one way (how we experienced it).
Your child is almost certainly going to resent you for something when she is an adult. If this is that thing, I think you’re actually doing great.
Anonymous says
PS – we have explained our reasoning to our son at different times, talking about cost, limited time, our ages, and not wanting to shortchange him.
Also, I’m a middle child with a brother 6 years younger. I liked having a younger sibling–the older and i are close in age and bickered a lot–but when he was born my friends would come over and just want to play with him, not me, which I resented. So watch out for that dynamic with your daughter and her bestie.
Anon says
I know, right!? From talking the parents they seem to think it will be total bliss and the older kid will never complain or feel jealous because he requested the sibling, but that seems…naive? I’m not an expert in sibling relationships, obviously, but as you said 4 year olds are not exactly known for emotional consistency.
Sleep says
Just want to say I am happy to see this thread because I am also leaning toward one and done but questioning if it’s the right decision (it definitely is for our family, but sometimes I have FOMO).
Anon says
Most of the time I really love being a family of 3 (and I loved and still love being an only child myself). I think the hardest parts so far have been this current phase of my kid begging for a sibling, and the fact that one and done families are so rare. We found a few and I guess I had kind of gotten my hopes up that now that our kids were 4 most families with onlies were one and done for good but over Christmas break, we found out about two families with 4+ year olds adding a second child. I’m obviously happy for them, but it’s kind of hard to have even fewer families we know that look like ours.
Cb says
How interesting! I know so many onlies, so it feels less “weird”.
Anon says
BRB moving to Scotland :)
avocado says
My only asked for a sibling for a while when all her day care friends were getting younger siblings. Since about age 10 she has consistently asserted that she is very happy to be an only, especially after she comes home from visiting friends with younger brothers.
Pogo says
I think the times in life when being an only are hard are concentrated and not lifelong – and the same is true of siblings. I asked for a sibling when I was in elementary school because I wanted someone to play with, but when I was a teen being an only was great. As an adult, it sucks having to take care of my parents by myself/deal with all their medical issues etc solo – but it is what it is, and even if I had siblings they might be uninvolved. tldr dont let your four year old be in charge of your family planning.
Anon says
Interesting! I think I actually like it more as an adult because I don’t have to split my parents with anyone and they could relocate to be near us. The people I know with siblings had to move near where they grew up if they wanted any family help. But my parents are still fairly healthy and active and haven’t needed serious eldercare yet.
Cb says
Yep, definitely. My parents retired from California to Portugal to be “closer”, which they wouldn’t have done if I had a sibling.
anon says
Pogo, I’ll add to your silver lining here. You’ll have to deal with the medical issues solo, but you also know that straight up right now and can plan accordingly. No resenting what you think a sibling should/could do to help more, or annoyed that they moved far away, etc etc so many variables.
DLC says
This might be pithy, but if your child grows up to resent you as selfish for not reversing a life decision your and her father are happy with, which is the right decision for your family, then perhaps it’s a issue for your daughter and her therapist, and not your responsibility.
Anon says
Ha, fair point. Thanks.
Anonymous says
My 6 year old one and done daugher has asked a bunch. She’s started to grow out of it/realize it isn’t likely and has now moved onto telling me that when she is a mommy, she is going to have lots of kids. I sincerely hope she does if that is her wish and that I live a long and healthy enough life to live close and help out a bunch.
Anon says
Yea she’s also informed me that she’s going to have two babies in her belly because two is the “right” number of kids. I told her that’s great and she can definitely have two if she wants and I can’t wait to dote on my grandkids.
Anonymous says
I love it when they tell you all the ways in which they are going to be a better parent than you are.
Anonymous says
I totally did this as an adult, but not to my mom’s face since I have a filter. She passed last month, and now I want to be exactly like her. Perspective.
Anon says
I really doubt a 6 year old is trying to be mean about it.
anon says
Daniel Tiger has some good episodes/books – “My Family is Special” really helped my 3yo get that every family is different.
If it makes you feel any better, this isn’t just an onlies thing. We have two, and the oldest keeps asking when I’m going to have more babies.
DLC says
Yes this! My ten year old, oldest of three still asks for another sibling.
Anonymous says
I have three and they all want “a big brother.” Youngest wants a baby.
I told them the store is closed and maybe we’ll get a dog.
Anonymous says
I wanted to trade my little sister in for a big sister.
Curious says
I wanted a big brother! Got a little brother by getting married and that’s plenty.
Anon says
Thank you, good to know it’s not just an only child thing!
GCA says
I’m the older of two, and for a while when I was in kindergarten, we kept asking my parents when we would get a little brother. (Spoiler: we did not.) My mom had HG both pregnancies. In retrospect, I’m amazed that I have a younger sibling at all.
Anonanonanon says
My son grew out of it when the sibling actually came.
Anonymous says
Snort.
Anon says
Oy, this hits me on a a lot of levels. Your daughter is learning from her daycare friend that adults can be cajoled into doing what they want. Please don’t let your daughter learn that lesson. That is the massive negative of this that you aren’t considering.
Remember that children have valid feelings in the sense that they feel those things very strongly; however, that doesn’t make them rational or something that should factor into your decision-making. You’re the adult, not her. (This gets murky when she’s a teen; it’s not murky when she’s 4.)
Anonymous says
I cannot believe for one minute that these parents actually decided to have another child to satisfy their 4-year-old. What person in their right mind would do that? They probably think it’s cute or are using it as cover because they have some weird shame about having a second child, like it doesn’t make them good environmentalists or something.
Anon says
Yeah it’s weird! We’re in an area where the average family size is 3-4 kids, so I definitely don’t think they feel any environmental shame, they’ll still be a smaller family than average. They offered up this explanation of their own volition, I didn’t press them on their reasons or anything like that. It’s possible there’s more going on but the mom was almost complaining about it, like “we really don’t want to do this, but our kid was just so sad so we had to.” She also started pressuring me into a second when I mentioned my kid is also asking, which I did not appreciate.
Anon says
I live in an area like that and the pressure to have another kid is unhinged. (We’re one and done.) Chances are, they are completely happy with one, would have been happy in an area in which there are plenty of only children, and the daughter crying and begging for another kid was the last straw in a four-year-long pressure campaign.
Anonymous says
Maybe it was an oops baby?
Anon says
That’s what my mom said, that it must be an accident and then they made up this “cute” story to cover it.
Anon says
Seriously, I can’t believe anybody here is actually taking that seriously.
Anon says
Thanks! To be clear we’re not considering letting her dictate our family planning and frankly I find it kind of crazy that her daycare friend’s parents apparently had a child they didn’t want because their 4 year old asked for it. Like what’s going to happen when the kid asks for a pony or a spaceship? It was just making me sad, and I was looking for reassurance and validation, which I got :)
Momofthree says
Any recommendations for slippers to wear around the house? Our first floor is freezing but I don’t want everyone wearing outside shoes around the house. Also we have wood floors so non-skid would be great
Realist says
I’ve tried many slippers and just realized I’m not a slipper person. My best solution was to get comfy shoes and only wear inside. Just putting that out there.
Anon says
LLBean wicked good or Ugg moccasin slippers.
DLC says
Gelrups, if you like wool. Great for all seasons. I found my feet overheated with the Wicked good slippers.
AwayEmily says
Agreed, Glerups are amazing. I wear them year-round.
Anon says
LL Bean Wicked Good are my go to slippers; my pair is likely close to 10 years old. But only on 20 degree or colder days because they are so warm!
I have the opposite problem in that my feet are usually (to me, not to others) overly warm. If the weather is above freezing, I usually wear my foam and water friendly birkenstocks as my “house shoes”; easy to rinse off if I spill something in the kitchen while cooking (unlike the cork ones), supportive enough (with my arthritis I can no longer comfortably be barefoot all the time), able to wear them for a quick jaunt to the mailbox and they are sandals so no feet sweat!
EDAnon says
I bought cheap ones from Old Navy that i like..
Anonymous says
I got the Bombas ones for Xmas and I like them. I find furry slippers too hot, so they’re a good alternative. Kind of like extra warm socks with anti-skid bottoms.
anonamama says
Light at the end of the tunnel with returning back to normal. *Just* after we did a PCR test for DS to return to daycare, they changed their requirements to a doctor’s note (!!!) to be consistent with state guidance. Luckily PCR was negative 10 days out – for anyone wondering this (2 y/o sick for 5 days). See ya covid jail; fingers crossed we are back to business on Tuesday! (Until the next center closure.)
Anonymous says
WWYD? I want to give my nanny a raise. She’s been with us for six weeks, but I would be a puddle without her. I’m paying her the average rate for our area, but I want to raise it a couple dollars per hour. Is this a terrible idea?
Salty baked snack recipes? says
Crossposting from the main site:
I’m looking to bake salty snacks with my kid who is not into sweets at all.
Any recipes out there you like? Bonus points if cute cookie cutters are involved…
Anonymous says
We do the pretzel, rolo, pecan thing at the holidays. It is sweet + salty and super easy. That’s the best I can do. Major sweet tooth here :)
Anon says
I’ve made cheese straws before. I think you could probably use cookie cutters on them, they’re rolled out like cookies before you slice them.
Anon says
Eatliverun has cheese and bacon muffins that are decadent. You could also consider a savory, cheesy scone.
Anonymous says
The sourdough crackers from How Sweet Eats would probably work with cookie cutters if you didn’t roll them out terribly thin.
Anonymous says
If you care more about baking than eating and have a dog, D@mn Delicious has some fun recipes for dog biscuits and pupcakes.
Anonymous says
Smitten kitchen has a homemade goldfish cracker recipe. They are basically like cheese straws but cut with cookie cutters.
anon says
I was going to say this.
Anon says
This. She has a few crackers that can probably be cut with cutters.
https://smittenkitchen.com/2011/03/whole-wheat-goldfish-crackers/
https://smittenkitchen.com/2009/12/parmesan-cream-crackers/
https://smittenkitchen.com/2012/09/homemade-wheat-thins/
AIMS says
Mixed nuts with whatever seasoning you want.
Mini hot dogs in pillsbury crescent rolls.
Cb says
What about pita breads? You could cut them in shapes. Kiddo and I made them recently, we used the Ottolenghi recipe but only b/c we’re cooking through Test Kitchen, not because the recipe was anything unique.
Anonymous says
Chex Mix
Anon says
doesn’t involve cookie cutters, but Yummy Toddler Food has some savory muffins on her site, like pizza muffins and corn muffins, and cheesey vegetable muffins
Anonymous says
Have you all seen Kayla Sullivan’s parenting reports? I nearly spit my coffee onto my computer keyboard. Link in reply.
Anonymous says
https://www.today.com/parents/cute/mom-uses-tv-journalist-voice-tiktok-report-sons-tantrum-rcna11400
Also of course accessible on the Tikkety Tok for those who know how to use that.
Anon says
She used to be the local TV journalist in my small town! So crazy to see her get nationally famous.
anon says
This is FANTASTIC. Lolololol.