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Make Up For Ever’s setting powder was one of my first fancy makeup purchases. It’s still my favorite setting powder if you want a lightweight, matte finish. Your makeup from 7:00 a.m. still looks fresh at 7:00 p.m. — it’s smudge-proof, sweat-proof, and waterproof.
This setting powder also blurs imperfections and comes in six shades. Just a little goes a long way.
It’s available at Sephora for $37.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
JoOrMegOrAmyOrBeth says
Can anyone provide guidance on how to find a marriage counselor that “fits”? Specifically my husband and I have different approaches to parenting our kids as they are hitting teenage years and I think having a neutral party may help. Thanks!
DLC says
Perhaps look for a family therapist or a parenting therapist? The idea being that you want someone to help you guys do what’s best for your child(ren) rather than a marriage referee.
Though I will say, having had two different therapists with my husband, the one that didn’t take sides was the one who was the most helpful.
Anon says
I needed a new weekend outfit and – unexpectedly – found some great options at Loft. We’re still doing most kid stuff outdoors and I grabbed a pair of high waisted cords, a sweater, and a simple long sleeved t-shirt.
I haven’t been clothes shopping since March 2020 with the exception of a couple replacement pieces and just was feeling kinda shabby. Anybody else pick up something that they’re digging lately?
Cb says
For spring / summer, I had olive drawstring trousers and they were nice enough but also I could play, crouch, cycle in them and throw them in the washing machine. I haven’t found a winter equivalent yet, as evidenced by my husband’s query about whether I had intentionally dressed up as a cat burglar on Saturday (black athletic leggings, black long sleeved tshirt).
Anon says
No recent purchases, but I also love Loft for this reason. I have a number of sweaters and dresses from a few years ago from there that have held up much better than other mall brands.
TheElms says
I really like these INC (Macy’s brand) pants for weekend wear (or even a casual office day). They are thick ponte so more pant-like than leggings but still all the stretch of leggings. They come in curvy fits as well as different leg shapes (skinny, straight, flare).
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/inc-international-concepts-ponte-knit-pull-on-straight-leg-pants?ID=12556405&CategoryID=157
anonamama says
Oh! I have two bottoms I have been wearing in heavy rotation for weekends/after work, that I am loving. Athleta Stellar Tight – a little splurgey, but they look nice and the zip pockets are great for peace of mind when playing – also wash and wear well. And, the Wit & Wisdom Ab-solution jeans. I got a pair at a thrift store (was 1 size down from my normal size) and they are so comfortable and flattering on. I’m just spying a few pairs on sale as I type this… interested to hear others’ recs as my tops are now looking lackluster by comparison!
Anon says
I bought new boots from a Cole Hann outlet with leopard print near the ankles, and I feel like they instantly upgraded my casual wardrobe.
CHL says
I am wearing a pair of J.Crew 365 pull on pants today that I got on Poshmark and I LOVE them. LOVE.
Anon says
I just received some waffle shirts from Gap that seem really good quality and would work with leggings and jeans. For elevated, washable, weekend clothes, I have really like Marine Layer recently.
Anonymous says
We put our 2 year old to bed around 8, but he’s recently started talking to himself in his bed until around 9:30. Since he doesn’t seem upset, we don’t usually go in, and it’s cute to hear him talk to his stuffed animals and repeat things he learned in the day. But should we be doing something to help him get to sleep faster?
Anonymous says
Depends how late he sleeps in the morning
TheElms says
When does nap end and how long is it? My 2.5 year old really needs to be done with nap by 3:30pm and it can last no more than 2 hours ( we used to be able to go until 4 or 4:15pm and up to 2 1/2 hours) for her 8pm bedtime (unless it was an unusually exhausting day).
Spirograph says
Kid sleep is a “you can lead a horse to water” kind of thing. If he’s in his bed in the dark, happy, just falling asleep quickly, I would leave that alone. I assume he still naps. If you *want* him to fall asleep earlier, you might need to truncate naptime, but why mess with something that’s working?
NYCer says
+1. Just let it ride as long as he is happy and does not seem exhausted during the day. Agree that you could try to cut the nap if you want him to fall asleep earlier, but if it were me, I would probably just leave well enough alone for now.
Spirograph says
just *not* falling asleep quickly, obviously
No Face says
I say this ain’t broke, so don’t fix it! This is his peaceful quiet alone time with his stuffie buddies.
Anon says
My daughter has done this since she was an infant. I think it’s pretty normal. If you’re concerned about how much sleep he’s getting you could try putting him to bed earlier so he falls asleep earlier.
Anonymous says
My 3yo does this pretty frequently and we only intervene if he’s also making requests in a procrastinatory way (for water, potty, etc). If he’s just talking to his stuffed animals then it seems to be time he needs to process the day through play/ stories and I let it go.
Anonymous says
Does anyone have a housekeeper as a household employee vs. an independent contractor? We’ve had a nanny before who was paid on the books, so I have a general idea of what this would encompass. We’d like someone to come in around 6 hours per week,and I really think I’d like the flexiblity of the person being able to run errands, help with some organization, etc. Is this stupid? Thanks!
Anonymous says
Do you work for a job where you need to do this? It’s going to be way more expensive and off putting for many people.
Anonymous says
This is the legal way to pay a household employee.
Anon says
I don’t have this but I don’t see why it would be stupid. I’d ask your insurance company what additional policies you should purchase. You probably want workers comp in case they injure themself on the job.
Pogo says
I would expect it is exactly the same as a nanny. Our nanny does some housekeeping stuff. I reimburse mileage, which you would have to do as an employer. She deals with deliveries, including groceries, dishwasher loading/unload, preps kids’ dinners, etc. I find it VERY helpful. We average around 6h/week.
I use poppins payroll, which you can use for any household employee.
Anonymous says
Thanks! We used Homepay in the past, but I’ll check out poppins payroll. Thanks!
Anon says
Not stupid, I want this!!! It would be glorious.
Anonymous says
Why does she have to be a household employee? Can’t an independent contractor also be paid on the books? Does it have to do with the level of supervision you want to be able to provide?
anon says
Without significant mitigation, the misclassification risk of what the OP described would be high if she decided to label the position as independent contractor because it looks like an employment situation. Also, papering it as an independent contractor robs a low income worker of employment benefits like unemployment insurance and workers’ comp.
Anon says
I thought about this and decided not to because for 10 hours a week (what I wanted to include folding, cleaning and some light cooking) it wasn’t worth the hassle to me of figuring out payroll and paying for the additional insurance (and DH and I are both lawyers, so definitely by the books). If you’ve already been down that road, it sounds like it is less daunting for you. Instead, I found a new cleaning service that was willing to include the folding and resigned myself to all sorts of takeout for this season of life after trying a couple of prepared meal delivery solutions that just weren’t working for us.
OP says
My problem is that I live in a pretty rural area where these services are non-existent. But, on the flip side, when you find the right person, it is much cheaper than in a big city.
Anonymous says
We currently live in downtown DC and have our son in a private corporate-type daycare downtown. We’re moving to the MD suburbs and are trying to figure out childcare — we can keep him at the downtown daycare, but it’s not terribly close to our jobs (which are also still remote right now). We’d be happy to switch to a preschool by our new neighborhood, but I haven’t found any that provide full-day care (we’d need 9-5 at least). Do we need to switch to a nanny? What do other folks do?
anon says
We switched to a part day preschool + au pair.
Anonymous says
Are people getting au pairs again? I really want to do this but haven’t had time to look into it. I guess I assumed they were all still on hold.
anon says
Yes, not every country is available based on embassy/visa status and country restrictions, but there are out of country au pairs coming in again.
Anonymous says
Depending on the age of your kid and your interest in a formal preschool program, there are a ton of licensed home daycares in the md suburbs. When we lived there, we used a fabulous one in Rockville for our infant (from 6 to 16 months) that had kids up to 5 and was run like a preschool for the bigger kids.
Anonymous says
+1 you need an in home daycare that uses a preschool program for 3-5 year olds. This does exist (I’m in MoCo). Definitely don’t do childcare that’s far from your work and home
Anonymous says
Is it near any colleges? You may be able to find a college student to nanny him in the afternoon, after preschool. Call the department of childhood education and ask if they have a list of students looking for nanny gigs.
Allie says
Which suburb? Have you joined the local moms fb group and asked? I think you should be able to find a place with longer hours now, though it may have a long waitlist.
Spirograph says
Which suburb? Wait lists are a wildcard, but I can think of at least 5 full-day daycares within 1.5 miles of my house and that’s not even counting anything in-home.
Anon says
Look for daycares rather than preschools – they will typically do preschool curriculum during the day. Preschools here are for people who don’t need daycare, sahms and people with money to hire a nanny.
Anon says
How old is your child? I live in Montgomery County and there are a lot of full day programs with openings for 3 year old and up right now. Our daycare is 7am- 6pm, and those hours are pretty typical of larger centers that we looked into.
OP says
He’s almost 2.5, and we’ll be in Woodside.
TheElms says
Temple Shalom is pretty close and they do full day care for 2.5 year olds. And there is the Goddard School which I think does full day care, but for both I think it will be tricky to find a spot mid year. A lot of these places have application cycles on the school year calendar so you might just need to stick out your current arrangement until next fall. On the plus side there are a lot more options for a 3.5 year old. There are a lot of larger centers (Childtime, Wonders, Children in the Shoe) in Bethesda if you are willing to drive over there.
And then lots of the preschools are only part time or school day care so people combine that with a nanny / nanny share/ au pair / or stay home / or part time working parent.
Spirograph says
Woodside as in the neighborhood near downtown Silver Spring? Check out Easter Seals, SSPCCC on University Blvd, Silver Spring Day School, YMCA. I think there’s a Goddard School in downtown Silver Spring, too? Bright Horizons at NOAA. There’s a Lutheran Church on Colesville Rd that used to have a preschool, I’m not sure if it’s re-opened post pandemic.
DLC says
Karasik, MCCA, the YMCA, RDCA, and Silver Spring Child Care Association all are centers in that area, and most of them do rolling admission as long as there is space.
Also Monday Morning Moms can help you find an in home daycare.
Anonymous says
Thanks everyone! This is a great list. I don’t know why I was only finding preschools that end at like 1:30.
Anon says
We just did something similar but moved to Forest Glen and are loving MCCA Kensington/Forest Glen.
Booster says
Has anyone gotten the booster shot for Pfizer/Moderna? I’m very confused about whether I qualify – not a frontline healthcare worker but I am required to work in the office with unmasked people, masks are no longer required on the elevators in our building, etc.
Anon says
just get it
Anonymous says
+1
Anonymous says
I’m also puzzled by this. The CDC does not recommend it for me (I’m a low-risk office worker) but people around me seem to be getting boosters left and right.
Anonymous says
It’s not the complicated. If your BMI is over 25 you qualify. Plus a lot of other conditions. No one is checking, there is no shortage, if you want it go get it.
Anon says
But not everyone is overweight? Are you suggesting that people pretend to be?
Anon says
70% of people are overweight by the BMI definition and many of the remaining 30% have another health condition. All kinds of extremely common stuff is on there, including asthma, current or former smoking, pregnancy and being recently postpartum, depression, high blood pressure, etc. My BMI is under 25 but I have several other things on the list, even though I generally think of myself as healthy and low risk. It also has a catch-all that if you don’t have something on this list, it may still be recommended by a doctor for another reason. I suspect less than 10% of people are in absolutely perfect health and don’t have *any* underlying condition.
She also doesn’t need to lie regardless of whether or not she has a health condition. High risk of occupational exposure is another way to qualify. If she works in an office with people who don’t wear masks, it’s absolutely not a lie to check that box.
Anonymous says
No, but a lot of people you don’t think of as overweight are by the strict BMI definition. I tipped into overweight when I was a size 8 and running half marathons but no longer starving myself thin. So while you might side eye a healthy looking person getting a booster, they could 100% be getting it by the definition.
Anon Lawyer says
Yep, plus asthma (could be mild), autoimmune conditions (covers a huge range of things – you may not know whether someone you know qualifies), mood disorders. And then add “occupational exposure” on top of that which basically means anyone working in person. Honestly I’d be surprised if 10% of American adults don’t qualify.
Anonymous says
Overweight people are not the only ones eligible for a booster.
Anon says
It seems like she wouldn’t be asking this question if she was overweight or had health issues. I’m not eligible for a booster either. It’s not strange to be in good health, especially for people in their 20’s and 30’s. I think she should get one anyway since there’s no shortage, but nine months ago people here would be jumping down her throat for wanting one.
Anon Lawyer says
Anon @ 3:39pm, obviously the fact that there’s no shortage is what makes the difference, come on. Also, it’s not strange to be in good health but millions of people who are in basically good health take antidepressants or have a BMI of 25 or a million other things. That doesn’t preclude you from being “in good health” – the criteria were drawn almost certainly deliberately so that most people would qualify.
Anon says
It actually is statistically very rare to not have *anything* on this list – probably 80-90% of people do, since 70% qualify on BMI alone. If you don’t have any health conditions on the list, congrats, but it’s definitely kind of rude to imply those who do aren’t “in good health.”
Boston Legal Eagle says
There was a discussion about this last Friday. Lots of people qualify now – mental illness and overweight/obese (per BMI I think) are preexisting conditions that capture a lot of people. If you’re going into the office with no masks, that seems high risk. I don’t think there is a shortage of vaccines now so I think the more adults that get it, the better.
Anon says
Yes, 70% of the US is overweight by BMI. A BMI of 25 is really not that high, many people who don’t think of themselves as “fat” qualify.
OP says
Thanks! I usually read everyday but missed on Friday in the Halloween prep craziness – so of course it was there. I will look back.
Anon says
Yes, I got a Moderna booster in September on my doctor’s recommendation before it was officially available to the public. My husband is a college professor so he got it a couple weeks ago when the CDC expanded eligibility to everyone in education. Everyone we know has gotten a booster, but we work in higher ed so everyone is officially eligible. That said if you work in an office with unmasked people, I would get it. There is no question you’re at higher risk due to occupational status, even if you’re not in one of the enumerated categories like education. As much as you might like to believe that foregoing the booster will help someone in a developing country get vaccinated, that’s not how it works and our excess vaccine doses are going in the trash, not to Africa. So you’re not harming anyone by getting it.
Jeffiner says
Yes, I got my booster yesterday, and there were dozens of appointments available all over my city. There is no shortage of booster doses, so go ahead and get it rather than waste it.
Thanks to that booster, I now feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. Ugh.
Ashley says
I got it! I am pregnant and also “overweight” by BMI, so that’s how I qualify. FWIW, I got mine at Walgreens and they ask no questions–just had you sign saying you “attest” that you fall within one of the qualified categories. Not that I’m advocating being untruthful, but because no one is asking follow up questions it seems like if you judge your work situation to be “high risk” then it is.
Anon says
+1 If you work in an office with unmasked people it’s perfectly legit to assess your work situation as higher risk, and that’s all you have to do to get the booster. If you work from home 100% of the time and have no health conditions at all, I can see why you’d feel icky about getting a booster. But saying you are at a higher risk due to occupational exposure is not a lie. You are!
Anon says
I got it, but I am immunocompromised now (wasn’t for my first two doses) and also quite overweight. DH is also overweight. I am happy to report that our side effects were non-existent compared to our second dose (we got Pfizer and Pfizer boosters).
Anonymous says
Anyone who works within 6 ft of other people is eligible, which sounds like you count as.
Anon says
one of my 3 year old twins when she is upset/tantrumming likes to have a grownup be nearby and then likes a hug/cuddle when she is done letting it out. i’m glad that i know exactly what she needs. the problem is figuring out how to attend to this need when i have two kids but only one of me (when DH isn’t home) and the other one needs something else. this saturday DH was at work, both kids were in a mood, wanting to both sit on all of me, climbing on each other, hair pulling, refusing to get dressed, etc. twin A really needed to sit and be cuddled and maybe read stories, while twin B needed someone to play pretend play with her. twin B got so upset and said she wished she could return twin A to the sister store and that we could have two mommies. i did my best to acknowledge her feelings, that it is really hard two have two kids and one mommy and to have to share mommy, etc., while also acknowledging the hurt feelings of twin A, and I started crying bc i just felt so badly (and honestly, i often felt like this with my own sibling growing up and we dont have the best relationship and i wanted different for my kids). i was impressed twin B could articulate her feelings, but i felt like i was failing both kids. yesterday DH was home and he took twin A to do something and I took twin B, but being a mom is hard!
Anonymous says
Hugs, this sounds challenging. Can you wear the one who needs to be cuddled while you do things with the other one?
OP says
i know they make toddler carriers, but they are 3.5 and both above average weight/height and i already have not the best back. i tried to sit and read to both of them (twin B likes books too), but they kept poking each other, one would try to take away the book, etc. they can be delightful at times, but recently this has been a common occurrence, particularly since they’ve dropped their nap and started pre school. quiet time did not work for us, and I do use screen time, which seems to help them both relax/veg out, but don’t love the fact that i’ve resulted to showing them 90 minutes of cocomelon some days. (laughing now at myself who when they were babies would not let anyone have the tv on around them, and when they first started watching tv shortly before age 2 when covid first hit, i’d only show them half a daniel tiger episode)
anon says
So hard! Not twins, but close in age. One day I got fed up with them both wanting to be on my lap, both pushing the other off, etc. that I set a timer and they each got 1 minute of undivided lap-sitting cuddle time. It worked that day — I’m sure it wouldn’t always, but something to add to your tool box.
Boston Legal Eagle says
You’re doing the best you can and you are certainly not failing them. This age is hard. Solo parenting is hard. Siblings are hard. Twins are hard. Acknowledging their feelings and stopping the behavior of hair pulling and hitting is the best you can do now. That doesn’t mean that you’ve failed when they do it again 20 min later, that’s toddlers. I’m also not sure how much control we have over our kids’ relationship with each other. I’m not saying your kids won’t be close when they grow, they may be, but they may not be, but it’s not because you did anything wrong.
AwayEmily says
Sympathies. I really, really dislike being manhandled by both kids at once, especially when they are also getting physical with each other at the same time. Like, it’s one of my triggers. I actually lean into that a bit, and think of it as showing them an example of setting physical boundaries. So, if they both start getting up in my business (e.g. both climbing onto my lap), instead of trying to arbitrate between them I make it about me — I’ll stand up and say “whoa, okay, I can’t handle two kids climbing on me right now. Let’s figure out something else we can all do.” Then throw out a few suggestions (often relocating is helpful — so, “go play upstairs” or “go to the kitchen and get a snack”). Don’t know if this is helpful but just confirming that it’s normal to need to take a step away sometimes. And of course my kids (I’m sure like yours) get lots of snuggles and attention, but I draw the line at being (literally) fought over.
Anon says
Can you schedule some one on one time once a week with each? It might help everyone to be able to say in the moment “I can’t do X right now, but I can’t wait for Mommy-Twin B ice cream date on Sunday!”
So Anon says
Just to echo the others – you’re not failing your kids or yourself. You aren’t doing anything wrong, nor is there necessarily a better way/system/whatever that will make this easy. You are doing great by acknowledging the feelings and keeping them from hurting one another. Solo parenting two little ones is hard, especially when they both need your attention. I can say that this will get easier as they get a bit older and can hear and understand to wait their turn for your snuggles. My go-to in this situation was to have one of the kids (or both) take a long warm bath. It seems to mellow everyone for a while or entertain one so you can snuggle the other.
Ifiknew says
Housewarming gift ideas in the $200-$300 range? For a family Member who’s done a lot for us that we are going to visit soon. Much appreciated.
Anonymous says
I’d do a Crate + Barrel gift card with a smaller tangible gift (like a mug set and nice tea, or a nice wine bottle opener, or cute kitchen towels and cookies or something like that).
Clementine says
A bucket with a bunch of things you really need for the house – stuff like a nice extension cord, zip ties, maybe some tea towels or gardening gloves, and a gift card to Home Depot. Put in a good quality bucket because you really always do need a good bucket.
Anonymous says
I can’t think of a reason why I would need a bucket.
Anonymous says
Off the top of my head: To use when someone needs to vomit, handwashing/soaking clothes, dealing with a leak, mopping a floor.
SC says
We have 3 buckets and use them all the time! Mopping, carrying supplies and tools around, dumping debris (like when gardening or cleaning gutters), catching a leak.
Anonymous says
I would not spend $200-300 on a gift based on the advice of internet strangers. Is this an apt or single family home? First home purchase or seasoned homeowners?
Or you could ask the recipient what they’d like? You can give them a category, see if they’re interested, and then do they want to pick it or be surprised. If you don’t want to ask them, then I agree w/above on putting most of it on a gift card to a store you know they shop at.
Anonymous says
Not fancy, but fire extinguishers! A smaller one for each level of the house and a larger one for the garage. We used ours recently and were very glad to have them. After that incident we gave a set to some younger relatives who had recently bought a house, hadn’t thought of fire extinguishers, and were happy to have them.
Anonymous says
Williams Sonoma gift card plus a small tangible gift from there. At that price point, furniture stores seem wrong, because all you’re going to get is a couple of pillows. But for that amount at Williams Sonoma someone can buy nice new pans, knives, coffee machine, plates, etc.
FP says
WS gift card plus a hand soap / hand lotion set in a nice scent would be a cute gift.
Anonymous says
And the WS dishwashing gloves are the beeeeeeeeeesssssssttttt.
Anonymous says
William Sonoma has a nonstick cleaning brush that I am obsessed with. I detest dishes, but yet… I still rave about a tool for washing dishes.
anon says
I got a call from my sons preschool that hes being more aggressive in the last week. Pushing a chair or pushing friends. He will be 2.5 at the end of this month. He’s in a Montessori program and he’s one of the older ones in his class and the aggression is targeted at younger kids. I feel awful and I’m not sure what to do. He’s kind of a rough-housing type kid at home too and it’s a big issue with our 4.5 year old too, but Previously, the aggression was only at home with sister and I thought it was normal sibling stuff. Is there any kind of therapy or anything I need to look into? Is this normal? My daughter was not aggressive in any way ever.
Anonymous says
Just reinforce gentle play, no hitting, etc. it’s normal stuff
Anonymous says
I understand how this was a difficult call to get, but … I’m 90% sure there is nothing wrong with your kid. My kids are in a Montessori program since pandemic, and I feel like they just have really high expectations for kids to be calm, reserved and quiet. At least our school seems to attract very non-physical kids/families. My kids are way bigger and more athletic than all of their classmates – to the point that other parents consistently comment on it. We’re not elite athletes by any stretch, and there isn’t nearly as noticeable a difference compared to neighborhood friends.
Not that pushing is ok, it’s not! But testing boundaries, including pushing some friends, is a really normal developmental phase for a 2.5 year old. You shouldn’t let it go, but I doubt you need to worry about therapy or any other extraordinary measures. All you need to say is, “thank you for letting me know, we’ll keep emphasizing respect for people’s personal space and keeping our bodies to ourselves at home. Is there any particular language you use at school that we can adopt to be consistent?”
Anon says
Yes! I know two kids who were both expelled from preschool and they were both in Montessori. I don’t have a lot of firsthand experience with Montessori programs but they seem to have really unrealistic expectations of 2-3 year old behavior.
Anonymous says
This is why we decided against Montessori even for our very compliant child. The expectations were insane regarding self-regulation and self-direction. In the classroom we visited they proudly announced that they just left a bowl of crackers out on the table for the preschoolers to serve themselves snack. They weren’t even enforcing handwashing, let alone offering guidance as to the appropriate serving size. My kid would have eaten the whole bowl of crackers with filthy hands and then skipped lunch every single day.
anon says
Ok, fellow montesorri school parents — maybe this is a “thing”! Do your preschool kids get homework too? Our school is pretty strict and I’m getting frustrated with it.
Anonymous says
anon at 12:27 again here… Interesting! Our Montessori school does not have homework in the “primary” (pre-k and kindergarten equivalent) class. The YMCA daycare my kids went to pre-pandemic did have preK homework, but it was totally optional. Kids got a little prize for ever 5 homework sheets they turned in, but they were welcome to do none of it. My daughter is the type who comes home and sits right down with her homework every day, son could not have cared less and did a bunch of worksheets in fits and starts when he was in the mood. I would occasionally ask him “do you want to do some of your homework sheets?” but never pushed it if he said no.
NYCer says
So interesting. I went to Montessori school through fifth grade (during the 1980s), and NEVER had homework. I can’t believe preschoolers have homework now.
Anon says
I have two Primary kids, one has 5 minutes of homework most nights and one doesn’t. The homework is all about trying to catch up from things they missed last year, since the kids are way “behind” on handwriting.
Anon says
This is super helpful, thank you so much!! My husband tells me I’m overreacting because it’s only been a week but this is super helpful, thank you for taking the time to respond
Anon says
Very, very very normal (says this mom of three boys, although I know it’s not confined to boys!). That’s not to say it should be accepted, but it’s a normal way for toddlers to test boundaries, vent frustration, or even just explore curiosity “what happens if I do this?”
IMO it’s mostly on the school to deal with it in the moment…but if you want to work on it at home I’d pay attention to see if you can identify any triggers (overtired? Frustrated by something in particular?), work on anticipating and preventing the behavior rather than just correcting after, and calmly redirecting after the fact (“We can’t push sister. Maybe you can roll this ball or push a car/if you are frustrated you can say “don’t do that sister” instead, or whatever seems appropriate)
Op says
Thank you, so so good to know. He just started at school this last August and is basically been with only sister for most of his life so hopefully it will continue improving. I’ll definitely see what’s triggering it.
Anon says
so (a) totally normal. does your school have any suggestions of what to do? approach it as you are partners and want to figure out a solution together. also, if you do screen time, daniel tiger has some good episodes about this, and there are also books you could read to your son, (b) does he have any opportunities for getting out all of his energy school? like does he spend a lot of time at the playground or do some kind of tumbling class? i know a lot of the country has been getting rain, has he been inside more than usual lately/at school? (c) i realize this might not work for this school year, but growing up there was a family with 3 boys near me who all went to a montessori school and one of the boys kept getting trouble in school, etc. finally they switched him to a school with much more structure (this was more at the elementary school age) and almost all of the problems disappeared. the previous environment just wasn’t the right fit for him.
Anon says
Ask in the Takoma Mamas and Families Facebook group (lots of Silver spring and adjacent families are in that). Goddard, YMCA, Silver Spring Day school, and temple shalom all come to mind.
Anonymous says
Totally normal. Have there been any big life changes recently? My 3yo has a friend in his Montessori class who has been pushing other kids a lot recently and getting in trouble because of it (assuming I’m getting an accurate debrief from said 3yo). The friend in question recently became a big brother and is now the middle child. DS and I had a talk about how to show compassion toward his friend and understand that he’s going through a major life change, but that shoving is never okay. Just in case that’s helpful as a parent view from the other side.
Anonymous says
You’d think a Montessori school would recognize a child entering the phase of what Maria Montessori called “the age of maximum effort.” Sign him up for a tumbling class. Get some big heavy things for him to move safely. Ask them what THEIR plan is at school so you can follow at home.
govtattymom says
How is everyone coping with childcare issues burnout? We haven’t had completely normal childcare since the pandemic started (for example, our older daughter is in kindergarten at a private school but we are not doing before and after care due to the covid risk). In the pre-pandemic days we addressed childcare problems with outsourcing, but that has been difficult now with covid and my immunocompromised status. Has anyone quit due to these issues? Taken some time off? Or have you found coping strategies to just keep taking each day one at a time? Curious to see how others are hanging in there! Thanks in advance!
Anonymous says
I would like to quit but am just white-knuckling it through.
govtattymom says
That is the perfect way to describe it!!!! Ugh, sorry you are going through this.
Anon says
I’m so sorry, that sounds really hard. Childcare has been roughly normal for us since August 2020 but I still haven’t recovered from the burnout and reputational damage I experienced trying to work full time with a 2 year old for those 5 months when daycare was closed. In hindsight I should have insisted on taking leave in that time. It was offered by my company but I was basically told by my boss I shouldn’t take it and he wouldn’t hold any decreased productivity against me…yeaaaaaaa that turned out to be a complete lie, and I should have ignored him and fought for the leave. If you have leave you can take now and you feel burned out, I would absolutely take it.
Anon says
Adding that I would also really like to quit, but my husband is very against it, and quitting my job and then blowing up my marriage would make my situation worse. So I have no choice but to keep working. But yes if it were entirely my choice, I would quit in a heartbeat.
Anonymous says
Same here.
Anon4This says
+1 million to this. My childcare situation is nowhere as challenging as OP’s, we’ve had “normal” childcare since September 2020, but I am still so burned out. We had also just moved and I started a new job in Jan 2020, so I feel like whatever “goodwill” was given early pandemic quickly disappeared.
Add a surprise pregnancy, marriage troubles, and the death of a parent and I still feel gutted from 2020. Oh, and then there was my MIL coming to “help” in early 2021 but really making everything about herself and telling DH that “we were too busy for her”, returning to work post-maternity leave with no team (folkx out on their own leaves, promoted, or leaving for new jobs) and my boss telling me I wasn’t performing well enough when doing the job of 3 people and recruiting.
The silver linings? My sweet baby and spending more time with my other immediate family members post-vaxx. Also if you can swing it, any type of getaway (with whatever risk precautions you are comfortable with). I also started taking a day off a month back in July to get a long weekend. That was a bandaid but did help.
Buuuuuuuuuuurned Out says
I have cut back and cut back and cut back my hours to the barest minimum possible (I work for myself). I haven’t exactly quit but I am barely keeping my business alive to do work for long-term existing clients. I don’t accept new clients, which is on my voicemail and website but people still get my contact info somehow and leave messages, which at this point I don’t even return messages unless I can do so by a canned email. I don’t have time and I am burnt out. I am a shell of my former self. I have an at risk kid and had basically no childcare at all from March 2020 through August 2021. My coping strategy was to move over 1,000 miles to be near vaccinated grandparents who are willing to take rapid tests before each visit with us and kid. The move itself has been incredibly stressful and is still ongoing since we are moving into a new build that has been delayed, delayed, delayed since May. But now I get a few hours to myself each month. It feels like the world will open up so much when my kid can get fully vaccinated in the next 6 weeks or so.
Anon says
oh my goodness. all. the. hugs. this sounds so incredibly challenging and hard for you, your kiddo, your entire family, etc. given that you now live near these vaccinated grandparents, can you try to take a day for yourself? i know how hard it is, somehow my “me” time turns into doing returns at target, going to the grocery store, etc. i cannot imagine how scary and anxiety provoking it has been to have an immunocompromised kid during this pandemic. and at this point, seeing so many people declaring that the pandemic is ‘over,’ when for so many families it really isn’t at all
Buuuuuuuuuuurned Out says
Thank you so much. I am taking some me time but we’re in an area of high community spread, so I still don’t go to the grocery store. It has helped a lot to have grandparents nearby and DH has actually done a lot to help give me some breaks, it is just hard because he has a lot less flexibility than either of us would like. At least there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us. I know some families in a similar situation but with kids under age 5 and my heart just aches for them because seemingly everyone is willing to leave them behind.
Anonymous says
I would definitely look into part time options, particularly if you won’t be resuming aftercare soon after your child is vaccinated. I unofficially put myself on part time work. I need far less than 8 hours a day to do enough to not get fired. Before the pandemic I worked hard because I wanted to be a “good employee” but my employer has lost all their goodwill with me and now all I want to do is not get fired and collect my paycheck. I work half days on average and use the rest of the time on household chores, self care and getting my kid early from daycare. I’m not a superstar but my evaluations are fine and my employer doesn’t reward superstars (financially or otherwise) anyway, so this is the smarter choice unless I feel like donating my time to my employer.
Anon says
OMG are you me? Soul sister. Ha.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I love this: ” I’m not a superstar but my evaluations are fine and my employer doesn’t reward superstars (financially or otherwise) anyway, so this is the smarter choice unless I feel like donating my time to my employer.”
So Anon says
I agree with the white-knuckling it through because I have no other options (single parent to two kids). My kids are elementary aged and have been back in school 5 days per week since late August. I have an after school babysitter who is leaving in a few weeks, and I am looking for her replacement. I am also trying to hire a housekeeper who can come when my kids are at school, and I’m trying to figure out the logistics of drop and fold laundry.
I am completely exhausted, and not in the way that a day or two off or a long nap can fix, though either of those would be lovely. This feels like a bone-weary exhaustion. Maybe others are feeling it too, but I am hearing about this alot from other working moms to elementary and younger aged kids. I don’t think there is a valid comparison that I have experienced in my life to the prolonged stress that this pandemic has brought to my life on a daily basis. I don’t have solutions, just solidarity and constantly feeling like I am on the edge of complete burnout.
Pogo says
As mentioned before, we added a PT nanny. I would LOVE for daycare to go back to full hours, but I think they are maybe just going to cut coverage forever now. We haven’t had an update in over six months.
Anonymous says
I think that as long as all types of business can get away with providing less service for the same price, blaming it on COVID or labor shortages or whatever, they will do so.
EDAnon says
There are legitimate child care staffing shortages. You may be frustrated with it, but your tone implies that you think it’s a fake problem. It is not. There are severe limits to how much care centers can provide right now and it’s devastating to (mostly) working women and the economy.
I know of multiple centers that cannot get any qualified staff for infant rooms even with higher pay/signing bonuses/etc. People aren’t going to be able to return to work after their children are born and it is a problem.
Anonanonanon says
Burned out beyond belief. I’m immunocompromised, too, but got my third dose and will get my booster 6 months after that. I’ve come to accept that I have to learn to live with this virus or quit my job/school. I still don’t eat in restaurants, go to movie theatres, and try to avoid necessary trips inside of stores, but my kids have to go to school and I have to go to work and some risks are just going to have to be taken to make all of that happen.
My son rides the bus home and we have a sitter that meets him at the bus. She helps through the evening since I’m in school 5 nights a week, but it also gives my husband time to catch up on work things if needed. Yes, bus is exposure, but other option was a shuttle (still in a vehicle with a new cohort) to an after school program (which has kids from multiple schools). So, it is what it is.
My younger one is in preschool, so having that evening sitter helps with that as well.
In terms of frequent childcare disruptions (I have two kids home today, in fact), knowing someone is coming at 4:30 PM makes it easier to get through the day. I’ll get to spend an hour catching up on some work when she gets here and finish the day strong. I also started a bit early this morning before my husband left, so it looks like I started and ended strong. I had one on camera meeting and my kids watched tv and I promised them if they didn’t bother me we’d make brownies (from box mix, of course.) It worked. Bribery is where we are these days. There is a 1.5 hour “quiet time” for the kids in their respective rooms on afternoons they’re home, including weekends. Again, if it’s a work day, bribery for staying in. Between a solid hour at the beginning, the 1.5 hour in the middle, an hour when the sitter gets here, and cobbling it together in between, I can make something that resembles a full workday of outputs happen.
Long story short, I’m white-knuckling through. And so, so tired.
Anon says
How do you handle Halloween candy? This is the first year my kid was old enough to get a substantial haul.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
It was our older son’s first year getting a haul, too! We did did not give him any (yet). He hasn’t asked. For him it was more about the chase. So, it’s ours. BAHAHAHAHHAHA.
If he does ask, maybe 1-2 pieces max as a treat, the rest I’ll make up an excuse about.
AwayEmily says
We let them eat as much as they wanted on Halloween night and now they get one piece in the morning and one piece after school. Kids are 3 and 5 and when they are older I plan to let them do with it whatever they want (honestly I would let the 5yo do whatever she wanted now, but the 3yo needs a bit of structure still and if I instituted different rules for different kids there would be a revolt).
EDAnon says
We have a similar rule. I also eat some of it during the day while they are at school in order to support their health ;)
GCA says
We check each kid’s haul when we get home, edit or trade anything obviously not appropriate (gobstoppers for a 3yo, for example), let them eat a few pieces on Halloween night, and then let them pick one item a day till it runs out. My 6yo kept saying ‘I’ll have enough candy for the rest of the year!’ (He definitely might. Possibly through to Valentine’s Day.)
Anonymous says
Similar except that in our house they get one piece a day until Thanksgiving, when the rest gets tossed or donated to make way for holiday treats.
Anon says
idk what is considered a ‘substantial haul’ but last night i let them (3.5 year old twins) eat whatever they wanted, which included opening and not finishing many pieces of candy, so now there actually isn’t that much left. i asked them if they wanted a piece in their lunch today or wanted to have it as a snack and they chose in their lunch and i’ll probably keep doing the same until we run out. i saw that some organizations near me are collecting candy for the troops so if it is truly an insane amount (which i used to get as a kid bc i trick or treated in apartment buildings where you can cover many homes in not that much time), try to talk about donating some, that’s what my parents used to do with me. one of my friends growing up used to be allowed to keep her halloween candy in her room and she usually still had some almost a year later (it was gross – don’t do that)
EDAnon says
I should add that my kids do not eat everything they open, either, so all they want to eat isn’t actually that much candy.
Anon says
My daughter is 3.5 and it was her first year trick or treating also. We asked her last night how many pieces she wanted to have and she said “two” and we agreed that was reasonable (this is not a humblebrag about my kid – she does not usually show any restraint in these situations, so I think this was honestly just the first number that popped into her head.) We ended up giving her a third piece as a reward for something she didn’t want to do. Going forward we plan to do one piece per day until it runs out or she forgets about it, and we may also use some of it as rewards for things.
Anonymous says
Feeding Littles has a strategy I’m trying. Kiddo is four. I let him eat as much as he wanted last night: he ended up eating about six pieces. Bedtime was a dream, which surprised me: I think kiddo was all doe eyed that I let him have candy. I put a piece in his lunch today (I’ll probably get a text from school to please not do that again) and I’ll let him have another piece tonight with dinner. I’ll keep doing that until he loses interest or it’s gone.
Anon says
In a parent of the year move, I let my 4YO gorge last night and then she said “mommy my tummy hurts” and promptly barfed all over the (thankfully bathroom) floor. Combined with a (rare) bedwetting this morning (likely sleeping too soundly after trick or treating over 3 miles last night), it’s just been a lovely day. We’ll probably let her have a few pieces a day until it runs out, and cut back on other sugary items in the meantime (I am generally not too fussed about sugar, the kid gets chocolate milk or M&Ms most days so we’ll let her choose that or Halloween candy). I don’t think she’ll be gorging on it any time soon again, so maybe my poor decision-making actually turns out to be a win.
Anon says
My daughter threw up from eating a ton of ice cream a couple months ago. It was a “small” size but the place has generous scoops and it has to have been at least a half a pint and my kid ate it all. It happens to many kids, don’t beat yourself up. And sorry about the yucky day.
Anonymous says
*I* threw up last night! I’m not sure if it was the candy or something else, but psychologically candy is gross to me right now.
For kids, though, I let them have as much as they wanted last night. They’ll get a couple pieces as after school snack and dessert for the next few weeks. They’ll probably also “sneak” a bunch of it and leave sticky wrappers all over the house. DH and I will take a bunch to the office to get it out of the house. Eventually, all that will be left is Almost Joys, and I’ll pitch them.
Anonymous says
Almond, but that is a pretty apt autocorrect
Boston Legal Eagle says
5 pieces each last night (which included like a bag of skittles for “1” piece but whatever), and then they’ll get one piece for dessert at night from now until…end of the month? Not sure.
SC says
We let Kiddo eat 6 pieces last night–one in the car on the way home and 5 after dinner. Going forward, we’ll include a piece in his lunch box some days instead of his typical fruit snacks, and candy will be an option with snack (which is otherwise healthy) or for dessert.
SC says
Oh, and we throw all candy and individually wrapped treats into a large bin in our pantry. There’s no set date to throw it out, but I usually weed it out before the next major influx of candy (so, before Halloween, Christmas, and Easter). By then, anything that hasn’t been selected probably won’t be.
Anonymous says
My kids haven’t had a playdate in a while. Our latest one was where the mom dropped off about an hour later than planned and then came about 1.5 hours later than planned. Mom and kiddo were texting throughout so kid knew mom would be late, but she neve reached out to me even though she had my #.
It has been a while since our kids have done visiting, but did this become OK during the pandemic? I get running 15 minutes late, but an hour? On both ends?
Anonymous says
My kid has a friend whose parents are always dropping her off as much as an hour early and arriving as much as an hour late to pick her up. They are in general bossy entitled people who use others to further their own ends, and they were doing this long before the pandemic.
anon says
I hate hate hate when this happens. With one family, I know it’s a Thing because while they’re lovely people, they also are terribly disorganized. I had to get really clear about my boundaries and what I was willing to do. It’s not OK; it’s hugely disrespectful of your time.
Anonymous says
The parents of one of my daughter’s friends are so disorganized that they once tried to drop her off for a birthday party a week early.
Anonymous says
I don’t think this is a pandemic thing because I remember my friends having parents like this. It’s just disorganized and rude. Personally if I REALLY didn’t have anything else going on that day I wouldn’t care. But if I had something to do I’d totally call the mom and say “we need to go do X, you need to come get your kid”.
Anonymous says
one of my kids has a friend like this. I always offer to drop the kid home at X time. Easy way to ensure playdate ends on time.
anon says
I don’t know this mom, or ages involved, etc., but if they have toddlers or have newly added to the family you may have to extend some grace at least once. We’re usually on time to 15 min late, but once I was like 30-40 min late and it was this cluster of winter + couldn’t find hats + LO wouldn’t wear hat + first winter outing with both a baby and toddler + couldn’t figure out where to park etc etc. My friend is lovely but was clearly PO’d, and looking back I get it, but it also made me feel so bad and stressed that I avoided play dates after that. I think we’re pretty organized and get to what I consider mandatory on-time events on time. But for a “fun” and optional playdate, if me being 10-15 min late isn’t acceptable, I’ll just avoid it TBH. You could also plan a window if it’s an always-late person, like “hey, drop of little Joey 10-11am, pick up 2-3 pm– does that work? We have another evening commitment, so just a heads up!” It’s a polite way to be like we have a narrow window. One of my friends is very on the dot – any gathering or playdate is 1.5-2 hrs, and I just know that now with her and plan to get there a bit early and start packing up at 1.5 hrs. You can politely be that friend!
Anon says
My employer just announced – day one benefit for all employees – 4 weeks of PAID leave for the birthing parent. I know it’s just a trickle for what is needed but this means things are changing…right?! Right? All we’ve had to date is the FMLA/STD/PTO mix. I’m done having kids but if this makes ANYONE able to take even one day longer of ML I’m here for it!!!!!!!!
anon says
Awesome. It’s easy to be jaded about all of this, but I agree a win is a win.