Fall is finally here, so it’s time for cute photos of the kids with cuddly farm animals, colorful pumpkins, and gooey caramel apples.
Here’s a darling romper that’s perfect for those photo ops. This smocked bubble romper is made from 100% cotton and comes in several seasonal plaids and rich floral prints. Add some wooly tights or leggings and make some fall magic!
This romper from Ruffle Butts is $38.00.
P.S. Happy Rosh Hashanah to those who celebrate!
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Anon says
i found yesterday’s discussion about schools and what we expect from schools to be really interesting to hear everyone’s perspective. But (and I’m someone who just dropped my kids off at public school) can we please not refer to people who attend private school as “elitist aholes.” there are people who attend private schools for a myriad of reasons. One factor that i thought people assumed/took as a given in yesterday’s discussion was safety. We are in elementary school right now but i know our public middle school has daily physical fights and there have been shootings involving the high school students and metal detectors at school. The other factor that also wasn’t discussed as much was size- there is a difference between a high school with 1500 students and one with 3200 since unfortunately resources tend not yo correlate exactly with size.
And Shanah Tovah to all who celebrate!
AwayEmily says
Gently, that’s not quite what happened, and I think it’s a mischaracterization of that conversation and I worry that repeating it has the potential to make everyone feel way more defensive and polarized. Someone said their goal was to”keep my kids from being sheltered a*holes,” and that was interpreted as meaning “all private school kids are elitist a*holes,” which is not what that poster said (public school kids can grow up to be those, too) and someone responded “Personally, I think characterizing private school kids as “sheltered a-holes” is really far off the mark.” That response is a pretty big extrapolation from the original comment. I think it would be great if we all gave each other a little grace and assumed good intentions. I send my kids to a low-resourced public school where only 25% of kids are proficient in reading and 70% are low-income. My kids are fine there. Other parents in the neighborhood who I respect send their kids to private because it wasn’t a good fit for their kids. I don’t judge them or think their kids are terrible, nor do they think I’m an uncaring parent. Different kids need different things and I truly think 99% of people on this board would agree with that. The fact that someone else made a different choice than you does not mean they are judging you for yours.
Anonymous says
Agreed! And many private schools in this country exist solely to defeat integration. I won’t pretend it isn’t true.
anonM says
+1.
Anon says
I don’t believe the poster who made the original insulting comment not limited it to any particular school or group of kids, though. That’s what it’s offensive. I don’t think it would’ve gotten the same reaction yesterday or today if she had said that she was looking at a particular school that was known for being a terrible place and was worried it would make her kids jerks.
AwayEmily says
I would really recommend going back to yesterday’s post and looking at the original comment again. She said “A bigger concern for me is not to have the best private school / getting into an Ivy, but rather to keep my kids from being sheltered a*holes.” Nowhere in this comment does she insult any group of kids — she’s expressing a concern about her own kids’ future. I don’t mean to be pedantic about this but misreading comments as “insulting” can be really detrimental to having constructive conversations, which I think is what we all want.
Anon says
I disagree. I think interpreting that comment in such a generous light is really reaching. Implying that your kids will become sheltered a holes if you go private is a rude (and inaccurate) thing to say and it’s OK to acknowledge that (no one has been extremely attacking or vicious in response).
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, frankly, I also don’t want my rich, white, male identifying (as of now) kids to grow up being told that they are the best (beyond in my eyes!). Granted, their privileges will still be there, but they will still be “public school kids.”
Boston Legal Eagle says
I know that school topics are very very sensitive (I mean, most parenting decisions are, aren’t they!) – we are trying to make a decision for the future of our kids, but also based on their individual needs and being mindful of our own upbringing and what’s best for society. In an extremely diverse country, both demographical, economically and ideologically. I think safety concerns are very different than choosing private because public isn’t providing enough advanced academic courses. I don’t want a school that’s focused just on academics and getting my kids into an elite college. I want a school that has people who have mansions next to people from apartments who just came to this country for opportunities (like my childhood), and where everyone is welcome. My kids don’t need to be friends with everyone and I like that public schools tend to be bigger – more opportunity to find your people! I also see the benefits of tiny classes in private for the opportunity to actually have your voice heard, but I do worry those become more insular environments. Elite prep schools are a whole other ballgame, and, in my experience, people who went there do tend to rise up in companies but tend to lack empathy and humility.
anon says
Well said. And so much of this is very tied to geography. The types of private schools often discussed on this board literally do not exist where I live. Nearly every private school is religiously based, and even those that aren’t … really are, it’s just hidden better. So it’s a whole other type of considerations to make. We have one public school district that serves the entire city, and I believe, on the whole, it provides a high quality education for all. That said, each school has its own distinct personality based on demographics and neighborhoods, and open enrollment is allowed for high school. There are schools I wouldn’t want my kids to go to, NOT because of the education but because the overall culture is not in line with our family’s values. I have friends, who I deeply respect as parents, who send their kids to the HS that is known as the pressure cooker school because they really care about their kids getting the “best” academic experience. And from what I can see, the kids are doing well. I don’t want my anxiety-prone kid to go there, as he already puts so much pressure on himself and I think that culture would be very unhealthy for him. There is also a level of wealth at that school that makes me personally uncomfortable, which is due to my own background.
These examples are so personal and localized that it’s hard to have these discussions without somebody taking offense.
Anon says
Same, in a mid-size Midwest city and there are no non-religious private schools within 50+ miles. We would almost certainly use public schools anyway, but it’s definitely not a choice for everyone.
Anon says
Ah that’s so interesting. I’m in the Philly suburbs and we have MULTIPLE sports leagues for private and religious schools. Multiple.
My entire circle in this area went to private or Catholic school. My circle is 50/50 middle class and upper middle class, with a few wealthy people thrown in there. Here private school is quite ubiquitous so it’s really not reserved for the wealthy. There are so many scholarship and financial aid options. For example, I went to private school K-12 and my dad is a blue collar worker and my mom is a teacher. Another friend is the child of two paralegals at local firms (so not big law). I have lots of friends who had one or two teacher parents and went to private school (occasionally the non-teacher parent was in a lucrative field but often they were in a good but not omg field – like being an engineer or working for the government).
anon says
Interesting! I’m the 9:59 am poster, and I will say that the Catholic schools here do an excellent job of making sure any kid who wants to attend, can. There are lots of scholarships and such. My understanding is that they provide an excellent education but it’s pretty rare for non-Catholics to opt in to that system. It’s just a much different mentality toward private education than in other parts of the country. And frankly, it’s a whole lot simpler! I feel for parents who need to navigate much more complex educational systems in their communities.
Anon says
I was the one who posted yesterday complaining about that phrasing and I completely agree. It strikes me not only as needlessly cruel, but completely inaccurate. I never went to private school myself (I would have loved to for the opportunities), but the people I know who did have been just as wonderful and warm and fantastic as the public school kids. There are jerks everywhere in any group, but why use those to paint the whole group with a bad brush? Especially when it’s kids?
Anon says
I also made a comment yesterday about the Oakland public schools. The problems are really widespread and I believe that our society has an obligation to address them for the benefit of all kids, but the fact is that any parent who has a choice sends their kid to private. The test scores are so low (all) and the schools are so unsafe (a lot) that it’s not a meaningful choice. Knowing what I know about that particular area and what all the progressive parents actually do, I highly doubt that anyone on this board who says they would never do private school would stick to that if they lived in Oakland. Now extrapolate that to all the other school districts around the country that have similar struggles…
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’d be curious to hear from those in other (large) countries with more social spending on how their various schools line up across the country. Are there still differences in large urban areas v. more suburban areas (although suburbs are probably less common than here). CB, maybe the UK system? Or anyone from Germany? It feels like the U.S. is moving toward more privatization and charter schools and it’s going to get worse here in the big cities.
Cerulean says
I’m only familiar with France’s system, but I think the US is pretty unique in having a lot of local control and definitely has a wider variance in funding and quality. The US also spends way more per capita on schools than most (all?) countries, both because we seem to spend more on new tech and shiny things and because our public schools are (inefficiently IMO) trying to make up for the lack of social safety nets outside of the school system.
Emma says
I’m from France, so I can weigh in from that perspective. Schools are financed at the national level (vs local taxes), so in theory it’s more equal, and in fact less wealthy areas often get additional funding. The suburbs vs city discussion is somewhat flipped (typically wealthy people live in the city, poorer people live in the suburbs). But there is huge inequality nonetheless, and definitely “good schools” and “bad schools” even within the public system. There are some elite public schools, but they get to filter out bad students (for high school, elementary school is purely based on place of residence typically). There are also private schools and people send their kids for various reasons (religion, smaller classes, elitism, feeling like the public school isn’t good enough, safety and drug concerns). University is free (pretty much) and does have some excellent elite programs (law, medecine) but other regular programs are very devalued, and upper class people are pushed to attend specific elite schools and not the public universities. So while the US does have specific challenges, more public funding, at least in France, hasn’t magically solved social inequality. I do know low income people who have done very well and benefitted from the meritocracy, but that’s also true in the US.
Personally, I went to public elementary school and it was fine. We did live in a pretty UMC area and it was a small local school. When I transferred over to middle school, I was academically gifted and there wasn’t much being offered in terms of more demanding classes. I was also getting bullied as the nerdy kid. To me, transferring to a more challenging private school where I was surrounded by other smart kids was a breath of fresh air and kept me engaged and interested in school. It was also a very different world in terms of social class, so I’m glad I wasn’t there since kindergarten and knew that in the real world, not everyone wears Chanel and drives a limo to school. So I think it’s very kid and situation specific. I plan on enrolling my daughter in public school, but would not hesitate to transfer to private if it’s not meeting her needs.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Thanks both for the insights on France. I do recall that switched city/outer suburb split from when I studied abroad, so that’s interesting to hear. No easy answer.
Cb says
Oh I live in a weird place. In Edinburgh, something like 30-40% of secondary school students are privately educated. So there’s a dropoff in state-educated students between P7 (age 11) and S1 (first year of secondary school. We don’t know tons of these families, but my instinct is that it’s lots of family legacies, grandparents who pay tuition, etc. I find it really weird that people live in some of the best school catchments in the country will pay £20,000 a year for private school but it’s perpetuating certain class dynamics?
We live outside the city, and the private schools have buses from our town into the city for school.
I’m pretty vehemently opposed to private school (we don’t have the same safety concerns as in the US) but appreciate I’m not from here. And the part of California I grew up in – the only families who went to private school were evangelicals, and Catholics/ football players (De La Salle, whatever the girls one is…)
AwayEmily says
I would send my kid to public school if I lived in Oakland. I currently send my kids to a public elementary school that has lower test scores than every single elementary school in the Oakland district, according to GreatSchools/Niche. Which makes sense, since we’re in a city with one of the highest child poverty rates in the country. If my kid was being bullied or couldn’t get what they needed from the school I would consider other options, of course — I’m not a martyr. But right now we are extraordinarily happy to be part of this community.
Anon says
There is also such a huge difference between elementary school and high school. As kids get older the safety issues are more serious, so i do think there are some who might be comfortable with it at an elementary level, but maybe not middle or high school.
Anon says
Right, I agree that can work. I went to a poorly performing but safe school myself and I think I turned out okay. But that’s the issue in Oakland – the bad test scores AND safety concerns are both really big factors (to be fair, sometimes the safety concerns are more neighborhood-based and not school-specific). That combination is what drives parents (of all races and classes) away whenever they can find an out. It’s a huge, known problem in the area because everyone wants engaged kids and parents from all over town to stay in the schools to improve the quality, but it’s honestly too much to ask.
Anon says
I think there’s a big difference between bad test scores and an unsafe environment. I’m not personally familiar with Oakland but I thought people were saying the schools are unsafe, not just badly rated on Niche.
Anonymous says
I went to Title 1 public magnet elementary and junior high schools in Los Angeles and a zoned public high school in a wealthy suburb of a different city. The elementary magnet program was fine in terms of safety and discipline, but the junior high school had near-daily lunchtime fights, frequent trash can fires in the bathroom, and a lot of racial bullying against Asian and white students. The fancy high school had its own much smaller problems with a big divide between the working-class kids and the wealthier kids, but there were zero discipline problems in classrooms and I never saw or heard of a single fight. The academics were actually stronger at the big-city magnet schools, but I would never choose academics over safety.
Anon says
also what if you live in Florida? I don’t think I’d be ok with sending my kids to public school in Florida right now where it sounds like kids will be discouraged from thinking critically or learning about real issues. i went to a Jewish private school (not in FL or TX) and my parents sent me there for the Jewish education aspect. I will 100% agree that i was not exposed to the same level of diversity as i would’ve been at our excellent local public schools (though my cousins attended and all of their close friends were white), but i most certainly learned to think critically and question things and for that i am grateful. I remember a 5th grade assignment for which we had to find articles about the same piece of news from 3 different newspapers and also watch tv news. The purpose of this assignment was to learn how hard it is for a reporter to not inject their own bias into a story and how facts can easily be portrayed in different ways. I also loved that my teachers didn’t have to teach to a test, nor as a student did i have to spend time taking lots of tests. Now as a parent we just started our kids in a very diverse public school (in TX) and last night was back to school night and I was so impressed by the quality of the teachers and the specialists and their passions for their jobs. Our school is also an IB school and at least for now (our state government might get in the way) our kids are being taught to ask questions and be curious. However, if the state creates a hostile environment for teachers and decides to restrict certain topics, I will be making a phone call to my kids’ former preschool (which also has an elementary school) and fully recognize my privilege in having the option to do so. There is also a good chance we do private school for middle and/or high school due to safety concerns
Anon says
I’m in the same boat in TX – we are public for elementary, and will re-evaluate every single year/semester, with the hope public works out long term. DS #1’s elementary school is academically strong and highly diverse in all the ways that are important to us (ethnicity, socio-economics, family make-up, etc.)
One thing I realized about FL is that a few of the largest school districts in the US are in FL, and have been the ones targeted. I’m not on the ground in FL, but I’d find it hard to imagine that all of these massive school districts are following these terrible state policies rank-and-file. Maybe it’s because I live in a red state and need to keep faith on for my sanity, but I just have to believe that parents and schools are finding ways to comply without sacrificing everything.
I’m worried about physical safety in middle and HS – but I also agree with the poster yesterday that said their focus was asking actual people who send their kids to the middle and HS what their experience is vs. people who don’t have kids there saying “I’ve heard [insert negative thing]”, which is usually a dog whistle for the fact that it’s mostly non-Asian, non-White, Black and brown kids.
Anon says
there are so many banned books in FL. I read To Kill a Mockingbird in middle school and highly doubt they are reading books like that there these days
Anonymous says
This is a real concern. We aren’t in FL, but our school board is dominated by ultra-right-wing activists who just banned a lot of books and have gutted the curriculum so that critical reading and writing are no longer taught. My kid is insulated from a lot of this in an IB program, but now that program is under attack. We may need to move to a different district or look into private school.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
The Oakland piece also sheds light on the fact that state politics, while having a huge bearing on public schools, don’t guarantee equity/success, or alternatively, mean terrible quality, of public schools everywhere, especially in highly populated states like CA, FL, TX, etc.
Anon says
Yes! We’re in a top rated (liberal-leaning) district in a very red state, and so far are beyond thrilled with our public schools. I know we’re lucky in that our state isn’t yet doing statewide things that affect school districts like TX and FL, and that could change in the future with new political leadership. But I think a lot of coastal people tend to look down at red states by default, and IMO that’s a mistake. My friends in CA are nowhere near as happy with their public education options as we are.
Cerulean says
One thing I was surprised to not see yesterday was a sense of the purpose of education for wider society. To me, the purpose of education is to ensure a functioning, democratic society with an informed electorate. Everything else is gravy!
I think the private school comment was more about the poster’s personal thoughts for her kids, but wasn’t phrased very thoughtfully.
Anonymous says
I agree. I caught up on that thread late yesterday evening and found it really interesting. To me, school should achieve a baseline level of academic instruction, but the more important aspect is teaching kids to be good citizens. Our neighborhood elementary school doesn’t have great test scores, largely because of the significant ESL population, but it’s a great community and my kids are doing really well there.
I went to public schools K-12 in a large (~1,700 in my high school) midwest suburban school district with robust AP offerings, and all the arts, sports, and vocational programs anyone could want. There were no secular private schools I’m aware of, unless you went to the nearby cities. My husband had a mix of private Catholic elementary school and LA USD. We now live in the DMV suburbs, which are known for good public schools, but there’s a lot of variation at the local level. When everything went remote during the pandemic, we sent our kids to a private Montessori school that continued in person, which I felt a little guilty about, but we were fortunate to have the opportunity and really wanted the kids out of the house. The private school had a lovely humanist-type vibe, was culturally diverse, and even kids have all commented on the fact that they learned more there, but it was just so, so small (and expensive!).
If there were significant safety issues at public school, I’d consider private again. Same if my kid were offered a scholarship to play his sport, since public school does not have a team. But I’d think hard about that, and I’m not sure where we’d land… I’m pretty committed to public school and feel it’s the best social preparation for “the real world.”
Anonymous says
I posted a comment about the purpose of education in society but the only response was “our educational system has never done that so it’s not a new problem.” I think an educated electorate would have made the past several years play out very, very differently.
Anon says
You mean politically and in terms of the pandemic? I don’t agree with that. People were saying that each generation receives a less robust K-12 education than the previous ones, but Boomers went for Trump by MUCH larger margins than younger voters, and to the extent they were more serious about the pandemic (higher vaccine uptake, etc.) it seems pretty clear it was out of concern for themselves and the fact that they were at much higher risk from the virus, not because of their educational pedigree or having more concern for other people.
Anon says
Obviously, there are rich jerks and poor jerks – very nice people who have grown up very sheltered, and very nice people who have gotten the short stick on everything. But as someone who is really bothered by income inequality and a widening wealth gap, it feels really hypocritical of me to send my kid to a school where they’d get the most attention, the best resources, and the best connections while the poorer kids she goes to school with now who are just as smart, and who have just as much potential, won’t get any of that.
There’s a teacher shortage in my state, which I assume is the case in many places. The best funded private school in my area boasts a student teacher ratio of 8:1, where my local elementary has 32 kids in a kindergarten class. I have no doubt my kid would get a ‘better’ education in a place with limitless resources, but how does it help society overall if we resourced parents insist that our kids only ever get the best of everything and hoard a limited commodity just for ourselves?
Moreover, every kid’s perception of “normal” is shaped by the environment they are in. I’m the poster from yesterday with the husband who thinks we’re poor, with a household income of $450K. He’s a lovely and compassionate person in many respects, but his worldview is completely warped by the private school environment he was in from K – college. He assumes every poor kid could do as well as he has if they just worked as hard as he did, when the fact of the matter is (a) it was relatively easy for him to concentrate just on school since he never had to work, help out his family, move to a new house, live in a single parent household, etc. and (b) poor kids can work just as hard or significantly harder but they’ll never have that high school guidance counselor to negotiate getting them into college.
I dunno. At the end of the day, the worst case scenario for my kid is that no matter where she goes, she’s going to have loving and involved parents with high expectations who push her to do her best and get a well-rounded education. A lot of kids don’t have even that. How many other advantages does she really need?
Anonymous says
I have a similar issue with my husband, who thinks we are poor simply because his parents were rich and we are merely upper middle-class. The “I earned what I have and the poors should just work harder” attitude is an issue we both have with his parents, who do not understand that they were so successful largely because they were reasonably attractive and friendly white people who just happened to be born at the right time in history.
Anon says
I learned for the first time at 30 that kids could take paid SAT prep courses. DH mentioned it casually in conversation, and something like that was so far from my experience or that of anyone I grew up with that I thought he was making it up. I would have considered that cheating. So I really feel this whole “normal is subjective” thing, and that some people who grow up in privilege really don’t understand the vast difference in haves and have-nots … or that “working hard” when you have insider knowledge is qualitatively different than “working hard” without any of that insight.
Anon says
My DH didn’t know prep classes for SAT, LSAT, etc. were a thing, either until…I think after law school? We drove by a Kumon a few months ago, and he was like “Wait, is that a sushi place? I was…shocked that he had no idea what Kumon was because it was such a mainstay by the time my brother (~6 years younger to me) was in elementary, and so many classmates/friends my age ended up teaching/tutoring there.
I didn’t grow up wealthy, but was the child of immigrants in a culture that pushes academic performance hard (maybe too hard, in many cases – because I had to study for classes, and then later on I wasn’t naturally getting 1600 on the PSAT or breezing through APs with A+s and a 5 on the tests, I assumed I just wasn’t very smart for a long time), so I knew about SAT classes in middle school. DH works in BigLaw and is surrounded by people who have gone/sent their kids to the most elite institutions; neither he nor I did.
Anon says
I’m who you’re responding to and I was today years’ old when I years of Kumon. So, thank you. Also a lawyer but I have literally never head of this program.
anonM says
“how does it help society overall if we resourced parents insist that our kids only ever get the best of everything and hoard a limited commodity just for ourselves?” — I think THIS is why the reaction about private schools are so defensive. And, it is not just schools, but if you use the private version (school, pool, park/club, beach) at every step/turn, your kid’s experience will be very different than someone using public everything, and you will look at the use of public funds/spaces very differently.
Anon says
i guess for me it’s a balance. I’d love to be able to rely on all public funded everything, but I’m also not willing to martyr my child. we are in public school now but if i felt like my kid wasn’t safe at school or something like that and i did what i felt i could to try to remedy the situation, I’d turn to private school (and yes i realize this is privileged) and then try to do other things to be a good citizen and help at a societal level
Anon says
But most people who have their kids in private school didn’t choose that out of safety concerns so that’s kind of a strawman. I’m not saying everyone who chose private school is “ew poors get away from me” but most people who choose it did so just because they want their kids to have better teachers, better connections, better this, better that, and I think that attitude is kind of off-putting to many people, myself included.
anon says
+1 million to your last paragraph.
Anon says
Those perceptions can also stem from anxiety and insecurity. My husband grew up poor abroad (much of his nutrition in childhood came from Red Cross packages) and he may never feel “rich” in the U.S. as a result. He doesn’t walk around saying that we’re poor (upper middle class income now), but I know it affects his feelings of security for retirement and the perceived ability to provide for our child.
Anon says
Yes my dad has such issues spending money and often made me think we didn’t have enough growing up (though i grew up upper middle class), because his parents were Holocaust survivors and he grew up in a community surrounded by a scarcity mentality/save your money in case you need it for something catastrophic
Momofthree says
Thank you for writing this!
This is definitely a nuanced conversation but I feel similar to your thoughts. I went to private school prek-12 and then an elite college (which I probably wouldn’t have gotten into if I hadn’t gone to the private school). My family lived in a suburb with good public schools, had two parents that were both very successful from a career perspective, and clearly middle-to-low in the pack b/c both parents had to work & we didn’t have generational wealth. My perspective was 100% skewed by where I went to school.
I clearly admit that not all private schools are like the elite private school that I went to, but I don’t know why parents who send their kids to private schools are so unwilling to acknowledge the wealth and privilege associated with these schools. No one is saying that you have to keep your kids in public school at the risk of safety, but at least acknowledge that you are putting your kid in an environment where most, if not all, of the kids’ families have to pay to put them there. The school environment is one in which families either need to be able to pay thousands if not tens of thousands a year to attend or to be saavy enough to win a selective scholarship to school (which by the way is subsidized either by rich alum or by current students full tuition). Of course it makes sense that you’re taking your kid out of an unsafe school, but there’s also privilege in having the money and the resources to do it, and as a result, the group that your kids are surrounded with is a subset that can afford to do that.
Also to be clear, one of my kids is going through neuropsychological testing right now, and if it turns out that his current school can’t support his needs, we would 100% move him private if we needed to. I also recognize the privilege I have in being able to afford a school like that or to pay for an educational consultant, etc. I did, however, actively chose to not pursue private school for my kids and to be very involved in my school’s PTA b/c I do want my kids surroundings to be more representative of the larger society and I want to help foster a community where diverse students can learn from each other.
Cb says
Chiming in with an interesting international perspective on this. It’s getting harder for private school and middle class kids to get into Scotland’s “best” unis (free tuition for residents) because of a commitment to expanding access. I’ve got colleagues with older kids who are very upset about this, but I kind of assume the kids of uni profs will be fine, even if they have to go to a modern versus ancient uni?
Momofthree says
That is interesting & definitely something that’s coming up in my city right now- basically, there’s a public high school blocks away from the 50k per year elite private school & they’re getting into ivies at somewhat comparable numbers. There’s definitely grumbling around whether private makes sense from an outcome perspective for those living near that high school.
There was also a large % of kids from my school that still ended up going to the flagship state school which are great schools, but I definitely graduated thinking that elite colleges were the goal if not the expectation because that was the culture. Fast forward 20 years- most of those who went to state schools are doing just fine.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“Fast forward 20 years- most of those who went to state schools are doing just fine.” – that’s the thing – I don’t really see the value of the tippity top colleges, particularly for in-demand degrees like engineering or accounting. Yes, maybe for networking purposes, business and law, but other than that? Save yourself some money and get a decent degree.
Anon says
Yeah, I went to MIT and I adored my undergrad experience and am so grateful my parents gave it to me, but career-wise it really hasn’t been transformative, and I could have ended up where I am with good grades from a state school honors college. And there are a lot of professions like academia, law and medicine where the prestige of grad/professional school matters a lot more than where you went to undergrad, so I think there’s something to be said for not aiming for the tippy top in undergrad.
I definitely don’t think parents should raid their own retirement savings to pay for a fancy college – if you can afford it easily, fine. But if you can’t, your kids will be more than fine at lower ranked schools.
Spirograph says
I agree with all of this and your last paragraph is perfect.
There’s a lot to unpack in how people feel about private school for private school’s sake (eg, not for safety).
Over the last couple years, my husband has started talking about how he feels let down by how uninvolved his parents were in his childhood. They were immigrants and small business owners, and solidly middle class by all accounts; he wasn’t disadvantaged, his parents just left him with his grandparents a lot while they worked and didn’t facilitate a bunch of extras for him. He’s now kind of the pendulum swinging the other direction and is really focused on giving our kids a leg up wherever we can. They’re in public school now, but he talks about how he wants them to go to private high school so they can “make the right connections” to “get further in life.”
Meanwhile, I was an middle-class public school kid who did have very involved parents. For a hot second I went to a private college that attracted a bunch of entitled rich kids from private high schools, and I did NOT fit in there. #notallprivateschoolstudents, but I would be sad if my kids were like many of the people I encountered in college. I don’t subscribe to this “getting further” by rubbing shoulders with the right people = life success idea, I just want my kids to have happy, fulfilling lives as kind people and productive members of society (whatever that means). It’s probably our biggest difference in worldview, and a continuing conversation.
anon says
#notallprivateschoolstudents
Anon says
hahaha yes
Anon says
There’s always that one person who responds like this while others engage in thoughtful conversation…
Fallen says
Cross posted in main forum. My daughter is on a swim team, swimming 3+ days a week. She is having dry feet/skin breaking due to the chlorine. We have been working with a dermatologist, but also hoping for any other advice if anyone else has swimmers with this issue. We are wondering if she should keep swimming at this point.
TheElms says
Ugh, that’s miserable. I swam all through high school so usually 5-7 times a week in the water. Her fellow swimmers likely won’t be doing this but some things that helped me (because I had issues all over my body) were making sure to shower with a non-drying soap after swim practice and while my skin was still wet putting on baby oil. Wait a couple minutes (I used to brush my hair while I was waiting and pack up my bag with everything but the towel I was using and clothes I was about to put on), finish towel drying off, thick moisturizer all over me, then clothes.
If its just her feet a combination of baby oil covered in Aquaphor then socks over the top (after washing her feet well) will probably solve it in a few weeks. Also she should sleep with Aquaphor and socks every night.
TheElms says
I also remember a time my skin got really bad and I was given a steroid cream to use for a week or so to help get things under control, so that might be an option to ask your derm about as well.
Spirograph says
I haven’t been swimming as much as I like recently, but my skin does weird things when I’m getting to the pool 3+ times per week if I don’t make a bit of extra effort. +1 to showering right after practice and then putting on baby oil. There is a baby oil GEL that is protective/hydrating without the splash factor of actual oil that I really like.
Anonymous says
This happens to my kid in summer. Make sure she is wearing socks and shoes as much as possible- not sandals. Some of my friends when I swam wore ugg boots on deck. If she does that with socks that might help. Really the key is keeping her feet dry.
anonM says
DH and his siblings all swam and complained about this, as they all (and my kids) have sensitive skin/eczema etc. too. You probably have already done this, but we’ve cut out scents or gone with more “natural” scents as much as possible as it exacerbate things. Laundry detergent, dryer sheets, soaps, etc. My BIL uses CeraVe Hydrating Cleanser Bar, we use soap and shampoo bars from various places (Peach 2-in-1 shampoo and body bar for the kids). Eucerin Intensive Repair Body Lotion also is great to put on dry spots at night. And +1 to Aquaphor I hope this isn’t redundant advice, but giving you some recs in case they help your daughter stick with the sport she’s enjoying!
anon says
Feeling like a crummy mom today because I forgot to take one of my kids to an activity last night. I was solo parenting, both kids had activities, plus my work schedule was a bit wonky yesterday, so I was out of rhythm and off my game. I could’ve made it work, although it would’ve been hard due to timing and location. It was on the family calendar and I just spaced. Kid didn’t remember said activity until it was over and was mildly disappointed. It’s a dumb thing for me to be upset about, but it is a reminder of how I often feel like I’m trying to do too many things at work and at home. Also, I am very dependent on the “divide and conquer” approach that DH and I have, which works great until it doesn’t.
Anon says
How old is the kid? If they didn’t remember the activity until after it was over, I’m likely to think it’s not that big of a deal (unless they’re really young).
anon says
She’s 8. And it’s not a big deal, except it was supposed to be a special reward activity (going mini golfing instead of holding the usual Scouts meeting).
Mary Moo Cow says
Oh, that’s tough. My 8 year old would be bummed, too, and I couldn’t make it up to her. Mini golfing with Mom is not the same to her.
I don’t think it is a dumb thing to be upset about, but it would be way harsh on yourself to carry it through the weekend. It happened, it is a bummer, but onward.
Anonymous says
That’s easier to forget than a regularly scheduled activity!
Anon says
It was one time! You are being way too hard on yourself. It’s great your kids do evening activities at all with two working parents. You are doing great.
Anonymous says
Cut yourself some slack. It happens. Just this week I was double-booked with evening stuff and forgot to tell anyone I was going to have to miss a meeting for my volunteer gig.
Anonymous says
We were way overbooked yesterday and I did 3 things poorly instead of skipping one so…it happens!
Cb says
I sent my kid to school with mouldy muffins yesterday. I called when I realised/before snack time but the DO NOT EAT THE MUFFINS message didn’t get through from the school office in time apparently. He’s still alive.
Anon says
Hahaha! This story made me laugh out loud. I’m sure he’ll be fine :) I’ve eaten moldy things before.
Anonymous says
My mother always said a little penicillin never hurt anybody.
anon says
For those of you who went through fertility treatments or did egg freezing, I am curious about how you feel after the fact about the conversations you had with your doctors about side effects and likely success.
I did an IUI and two rounds of IVF, both unsuccessful. While I would not suggest that my doctors failed to meet the legal standard for informed consent (I’m sure that all of this information was somewhere in the lengthy packet of papers I signed), I definitely don’t feel like I had a meaningful understanding of the likely success rate in my specific circumstances. My doctor told us that there was a 75% chance of success with a single transfer of a euploid embryo, which was a very reassuring stat, but we never really talked about the odds of a successful retrieval process. I know we did not have a straightforward conversation about the fact that a person with my combination of factors (age – I was 40/41 – and diminished ovarian reserve) had quite low odds of success with IVF, and that the failure was likely to be at the stimulation/retrieval stage, not the transfer stage. (And then I turned out to be a poor responder to stimulation on top of all of that.)
After my second cycle failed again failed at the retrieval stage (poor response to stim, only 5 eggs matured, only 3 retrievable, only 1 made it to Day 5 and it was aneuploid), I talked to a different doctor who was covering my primary doctor’s vacation – he was straightforward that my odds of success the first time had been quite low and that after a poor response to stim in the first cycle, he wouldn’t have encouraged a second cycle. He told me expressly that there was no reason to think that a third cycle would be different given my situation (age, DOR, poor stim response), and that there wasn’t a research-backed alternative stim protocol that would make a difference. Even though that was hard news, I was also grateful because it felt like the first time someone was actually explaining how the science applied to my situation.
I feel like the stories of women for whom IVF doesn’t work are rarely seen in the media – I know that I (foolishly) went into it with the assumption that IVF sucked but that if you were willing to deal with the unpleasantness and spend the money, it was usually successful. I didn’t realize how much that varied across different demographic groups and how much the basis of infertility mattered.
I’m not bitter or angry about this, and again, I am sure that my clinic met their legal obligations from an informed consent perspective. But it has made me think about that process of translating the legal standard into real-life conversations with doctors and patients – I think that many of us rely a lot more on the discussion with the doctor than the disclosures in the packet. I wonder how much training (any?) doctors get on how to have plain-English discussions with non-specialists about complex issues like this – how to talk about odds of success, likely impacts, etc. and make that intelligible to patients who have to make decisions about their care. (This feels especially significant in the context of something like IVF where there is a *ton* of media coverage about it, especially in the context of celebrities, but almost all of that is focused on success stories.) And I’m curious about how others who went through this feel about how much they understood about the likelihood of success, and side effects, etc. going into it.
(Ultimately, after a bunch of losses, we naturally conceived a child – I’m now 6 months pregnant, which still feels unreal – but I know for many women whose IVFs fail, that does not happen.)
Anonymous says
My doctors were candid but positive. They absolutely told me that for a woman with my number of frozen eggs frozen at the age I did, 76% get a take home baby. Unfortunately I fell into the 24% who don’t. They told me that the likelihood of success of IUI at my age was less than 10%. And they’ve told me they are hopeful that if I respond well to stimulation in my next egg retrieval cycle, I’ll likely get a baby, even if I have to do three cycles to get there.
But the stats are often not good. I think part of it is optimism part is us hearing what we want to hear. No one hears 76% get a baby and thinks they’ll be the 24% who don’t.
Anon says
Yep ivf didn’t work for me and I started at age 37. At 41 I had my daughter with donor eggs. I did 2 rounds with own eggs at one place and didn’t respond to meds. They told me to go to donor eggs. Went to another clinic and did another round with own eggs that also failed (I never even make it to retrieval).
My donor cycle stuck on the first try.
I was ignorant about how fertility diminishes. I knew the faces but I willfully refused to believe them. We only started trying when I was 35 and I had endo and two surgeries as a result of that which I do believe affected my ovarian function. I kept saying I have time and I didn’t. My situation is complicated by the endo thing but I wished we had started earlier and I’d been more willing to accept facts. Ivf does not work for many many people. Jennifer Anniston is one who has gone public about that.
Anon says
I was 39 when we did our egg retrievals and 40/42 when our two children were born. We are contemplating a third (we have enough frozen euploid embryos for this to be realistic).
Our doctor (large Boston research hospital) was great, explained things well and very realistic regarding likelihood of success. What stood out to me about your post was the numbers looked very inflated. We did IVF due to issues on my husband’s side – I had the ovarian reserve of a mid-20s person at 39. Even with this advantage, best case was 25-33% chance of a retrieved egg resulting in a euploid embryo, best case is 50% chance of a euploid embryo transfer resulting in a live birth. Also the law of small numbers is real and against you – we had a cycle where we had 6 embryos tested and all 6 were aneuploid, and another cycle where 12 were tested and 8 were euploid.
Anon says
We’ve done 1 retrieval and 3 transfers with 3 different doctors, and I’d say the information we were given verbally about success rates has been very different between the 3 doctors. Two of the transfers were (failed) FET of day 6 or 7 embryos. The first doctor made no mention of the age of the embryo being important, and just gave us stats based on age, etc. The second doctor told us going into it that day 6/7 embryos are much less likely to successfully implant than day 5 embryos–this is information we would have appreciated having much earlier and probably would have changed our minds about doing two two cycles.
On the flip side, we have mono-di twins from a single embryo transfer and no one ever mentioned in that process that the changes of twins was higher for ICSI embryos than normal embryos. This wouldn’t have made a difference in our choices, but we would have been much more alert to the possibility and asked for the extra screenings, etc.
Anon says
I had a longer post that I can’t seem to get to show up, but in general, I think:
– Clinics, and doctors, vary when it comes to how hard-hitting they are with the reality of the numbers based on individual circumstances
– 75% chance of a euploid embryo transfer resulting in a live birth is very inflated. My doctor said 50/50 for my age and circumstances (39 at retrievals but no factors suggesting I’d have difficulty carrying to term)
– I’m also surprised your first doctor did a second cycle given those numbers. But honestly the fact that you didn’t have a straightforward conversation about the fact that DOR at 40/41 will mean 10% or less probability of success with IVF is shocking.
I felt like I understood the entire process very well (and have helped several friends navigate since then), but I also did a ton of research and asked a ton of questions.
anon says
Yeah…op’s first doctor does not, in fact, sound like a good clinician. They sound like an IVF salesman. I was not quoted a 75% success rate when I was 30 and had absolute piles of eggs (a dangerous number, actually). I was quoted 50%, which specifically included the chances of retrieval failure for myriad reasons like being a poor responder or, relevant in my case, hyperstimulation.
anon says
OP here – this is so interesting, because yes…it did feel a little bit sales-y, looking back on it? And I almost felt badly having that reaction, because this was a highly regarded clinic at a teaching hospital, so I brushed that feeling aside. We definitely never discussed that 10% or less odds of success thing – I only saw those numbers when I was reading stuff on the internet after the fact and trying to figure out what to do next. (I had tried to not drive myself crazy reading tons of stuff on the internet prior, but it would have helped in this case.)
It was the second doctor – the coverage doctor – who was the one who said, “there are people for whom IVF doesn’t work very well, and I think you’re one of them.” It was hard to hear but I wish I’d heard it after the first cycle (my first cycle I only had three follicles at the right size and they cancelled my retrieval and converted to IUI) because the second one was much harder on me (higher drug doses, and more of them) and more expensive (because I’d exhausted most of my coverage for drugs).
Cerulean says
I’m so sorry you went through all of that. Patients deserve to be informed.
Cerulean says
I am so sorry you went through that! I agree that the perception is definitely that IVF is hard, but is usually successful if you “just” persist. Your first doctor’s statement about a 75% success rate seems irresponsible given you hadn’t even had a retrieval yet. From my understanding, getting euploid embryos is the big first hurdle to clear, and I feel like from what I’ve seen online, a lot of clinics are willing to let patients be under informed about just how difficult that might be in certain circumstances.
I was very grateful that my doctor was willing to give it to me straight and that she emphasized that success rates were for people with a similar profiles and not to be taken as any sort of guarantee. She was reassuring but realistic.
Anonymous says
Doesn’t the fertility industry benefit from false hope, though? If your odds are low but they get you to believe there is a chance, they may be able to get you to spend a whole lot of money on multiple rounds of IVF.
Anonymous says
This. Let’s not pretend the fertility industry solely exists for altruistic reasons. It’s a money making machine. Combine this with a society that encourages women to use hormonal birth control starting in their teens, marry late, and then start trying for babies in their late 30s…It’s not an accident.
Anon says
I’m so sorry that was your experience. We did IVF for our second (I was 41 when we started the process) and we interviewed at two clinics. The first was very rah-rah and sales-pitchy, and predicted a 80% success rate. The second was very numbers and fact-driven, and was much more candid about the things in my favor (relatively high ovarian reserve, previous natural, uneventful pregnancy) and those that weren’t (age, obviously). They predicted a lower chance of success, but we chose them because I trusted them more to be straight with me.
It all ended up as well as it could have, but just barely – of the 35 (!) eggs retrieved, only one ended up viable at the end of all the testing, and it worked. She’s three now. But knowing ahead of time all of the challenges we’d likely find along the way made it easier to accept the bad news along with the good as we went through the process.
busybee says
I learned early on in my fertility process that I had to do the research myself. Check the SART database and ask your clinic specific questions based on those numbers. I read dozens of articles from medical journals and asked my doctors specific questions about them, because they pertained to my specific issues. Same with researching diet, supplements, etc.
I spent probably hundreds of hours doing my own research. Is that the way it should be? No, ideally doctors would tell us all this. But in reality, patients in this field have to be very, very informed and self-advocate. I have a daughter and will soon have twins all from IVF. I had just turned 30 the week of my ER.
Anonymous says
I definitely felt like they did not spend enough time walking through all the nitty gritty, I relied for sure on the giant packet they made us sign. Even then, I experienced a side effect (OHSS) no one ever suggested to me until it was happening. The main thing I remember was the discussion of multiples and how that was to be mitigated.
In medicine in general it seems to be up to the patient to ask all the questions and get to the bottom of things. With my son recently my ped swore up and down there was no fast-acting formulation of a med (my son couldn’t swallow the extended release), and not only does it exist, it was in stock at our pharmacy. But I had to convince him (actually it was a nurse who believed me and called the pharmacy, which convinced him), if I had just accepted his word, my kid would be on an alternate med with terrible side effects for no reason.
Anonymous says
Friday vent (said from an extremely privileged position and meant to be largely tongue in cheek) – I selfishly wish the following services existed: (1) returns service where they would take all of my Amazon, target and other in store returns (with the code or receipt so you don’t have to pack them up for shipping) and return them for me; (2) a “snack store” in my building at work/nearby that had snack options like a small portion of crackers and cheese or veggies and hummus (and when you haven’t restocked the snacks in your desk). The ones near me only have chips and candy, and I’ve had a few days over the past weeks where my packed lunch has not been enough food for some reason and I am ravenous around 3:00; (3) a service that could take all of my Amex points, my husbands Amex points, and our collective airline miles and design a vacation from them without us having to pick a destination and just giving them dates. (The ones I’ve found will only do this if you provide a destination for them and we just don’t know! We’re terrible at travel planning)
What services do you wish existed?
AwayEmily says
SNACK STORE! that is now also my dream.
Mary Moo Cow says
Oh, the returns service! That is the dream. Especially if you don’t have to log on and work through the return process maze and then print and then tape the label, or go through the maze and bring up the qr code on your phone and it goes dark before the clerk can scan it…lol. (I know the answer is, just don’t buy so much stuff online but here we are.)
anon says
It’s such a pain that it’s actually kept me from making lots of online purchases of clothes, shoes, etc. Most of my online purchases are things for which fit doesn’t matter and/or I’ve bought before.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I posted down thread but I actually have a dress in my closet that I had packed up to return but it just…never happened, so I was like welp, I guess I own this dress now.
My goal is to get it altered so it fits better. I have a whole pile of clothes (mostly old stuff) that I plan to get altered so they fit better. When this will happen, I don’t know, but it will!
And yes, the answer is less online shopping but I disdain going to stores (love fashion and style, detest the act of shopping), and it’s not somewhere I’d want to spend my limited spare time.
Anon says
I bet the Amex travel concierge could do #3
For #1, don’t you just take Amazon stuff back to the UPS store without packaging? There’s still driving involved but I don’t remember the last time I had to pack things up for shipping.
Anonymous says
Op here – Amex concierge won’t also handle the airline miles and booking that. And yes, that is what you do with Amazon returns, but I want someone to take them from my house to UPS for me, and at the same time take the in store returns to Target, J crew, Williams Sonoma, etc. Stores keep changing the way product are made, so, for example, the same socks I need for my kid that we like keep being different than what I ordered last time, hence the return. Or a product from W-S that’s not sold in stores (so couldn’t inspect it before) and is meant to-be a gift shows up with a search on it and I need to return it. I’d prefer to just hand it all off to someone else!
Anon says
The fact that WF will take unpackaged Amazon returns is getting close to #1…
We also actually kind of have #3! There’s a refrigerated vending machine at work that dispenses cheese sticks, hard boiled eggs, fruit cups, etc. Not as perfect as fresh from home, but a nice protein-filled option to balance out the chips and candy.
Anonymous says
same! we have a snack store downstairs. It’s very overpriced, but it’s like an entire pantry/fridge at your office.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I’ve literally thought about hiring a household manager MOSTLY for my package returns, and yes I know this is ridiculous. I’m into the snack store but I’m also a chip monster (like, I can’t keep them in the house) so I’ll use any excuse to house a bag of cool ranch.
For #3 – I feel like here or the main site would give great ideas on destination!
Anonymous says
#3 is literally my dream job. There are so many cool options with points tickets that don’t exist with purchased tickets
Anonymous says
OP here – It would be amazing to have someone to do this!!! I sometimes honestly feel like everyone else I know attended some kind of seminar called “this is how you plan travel” and I didn’t. (It’s very, very, very first world problem) but I just get overwhelmed at travel planning decisions and how each decision either creates more questions you have to answer or discloses you from doing other things, and I get overwhelmed and just don’t do anything and keep accumulating points and miles. The services I have found only book flights and not hotels with points.
Anon says
Do you have any friends who take fun trips? I’m the travel planning nerd in my family/friend group, and we’ve had a bunch of people copy our trips down to hotel and restaurant reservations, which I find very flattering. If you don’t like planning I’d ask people if you can just copy their itinerary. Travel agents still exist too and don’t normally charge fees except for maybe booking flights.
Personally I don’t play the airline miles game. I know there’s a ton of stuff online about it, but I’ve found it really difficult unless you have a lot of flexibility about when you travel and are willing to book fairly last minute. We plan way in advance and have inflexible schedules during peak travel seasons (school breaks) so it’s never really worked out.
Anonymous says
Ugh, this reminds me that I have a pile of returns to ship out today. I wish it were possible just to try things on in stores, but now stores have turned into return depots that don’t stock anything in my size.
Cerulean says
For 2, I have nuts, crackers, tea, and PB in my desk and often have a tub of hummus and big bag of cut up veggies that I bring in on Mondays. I don’t share the fridge with many people, though.
Anonymous says
I wish there were a service that would talk my husband into agreeing to hire a house cleaning service.
Anon says
Ditto…this is my obsession right now. I’m 34 weeks pregnant and have zero interest in cleaning bathrooms while feeling like I’m x2 my normal size.
Anon says
Not the same, but related. We have a cleaning service that comes ~3 weeks. It’s the same family that has helped out/cleaned my parents house so we’ve basically known them for like 15 years at this point.
DH is VERY particular and neat freak. After months of him mumbling about how they may have missed a spot or whatever, or how they didn’t put things back how they were on a shelf (which is annoying, but not annoying enough, for me, to hire someone new or want to clean anything myself), I finally said – okay, if you want a change, please ask people at your [fancy white-shoe law] firm who they recommend. It took about 2 different encounters where I said this and he finally shut up about it (at least to me).
Anonymous says
Had a very bad daycare drop-off this morning. Please share your stories of how it gets better.
OOO says
DS had a very bad dropoff on Tuesday – spent half the morning sitting by himself and crying. On Wednesday I was going to spend a little more time with him in the classroom, like color with him or something. He kissed me, turned me around and literally pushed me out the door. He’s been fine all week after that.
FVNC says
My daughter is almost 10 now, so this story is ~8-9 years old…at daycare drop off one morning (at a great center, which she loved), my daughter absolutely lost her mind. I’m hazy on the exact details but there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth, caused a huge scene in the parking lot. I was close to tears but when I came back out to my car, another mom — no idea who this woman was — gave me a hug and said, you’re doing great and it gets so much better. And she was right. There always will be good days and bad days but (assuming you and kiddo otherwise like and trust the daycare provider!) the good days will far outnumber the bad days. And if all else fails, at least it’s Friday?!
Anonymous says
First, daycare dropoff totally does get better. But second, no matter what your kids will complain. My kids had a dream summer and complained. My PK kid has been begging to get on the bus with the older siblings since she could talk and this year she’s in K and complains EVERY SINGLE DAY. I know it’s not the same thing as a screaming daycare dropoff but…do know that if you weren’t doing daycare dropoff your kiddo would find something else to scream about today :)
An.On. says
I posted here a few months ago about how my kid was screaming and crying when we did daycare instead of my in-laws, and somehow or another, we’ve come through all that and now they have occasionally been known to chirp “A daycare day!” with a smile on their face. So everything has it’s season. Instead of daycare dropoff, now we’re doing bedtime fights instead, lol.
Anonymous says
I’ve shared this before – my son transitioned from a small in home to a preschool. He had to be pried off me sobbing multiple times. And we’d go weeks where it was fine, and then a really bad morning here and there because I wouldn’t let him buckle his own car seat when we were running late (or some other toddler nonsense). One day you’ll realize, huh. The screaming parking lot scenario hasn’t happened in awhile. And it’ll be over.
GCA says
DD has always been a bit intense. Before daycare drop-off there was always much crying and gnashing of teeth and “I don’t want to go to school”. And when I would come and get her at the end of the day, she’d be having so much fun that she didn’t even want to leave. She is in K now and we go through the exact same thing to get on the bus but she comes home and tells us all what a blast she had at school each day.
Anon says
I was dropping off my 2 year old one morning while another dad was dropping off his 1.5 year old son. Son was screaming bloody murder, but the moment the door clicked close behind Dad (and I mean literally the moment) he stopped screaming, turned and gave my daughter a huge smile and said hi. It was truly amazing to witness. I know this doesn’t happen all the time (there have been times my daughter hasn’t calmed down for a few minutes) but there really are times the kids are fine immediately after the goodbyes.
anonM says
How old? It does get better. Some kids are more sensitive to it. Kid #1 had a hard time, and now loves K but cries at aftercare. Kid #2 basically waives bye and is on her way every day, and didn’t even get upset as a baby about it. Extra weekend snuggles seems to help. The Kissing Hand is also helpful if they’re old enough for the concept. Hope you can recharge this weekend.
Anon says
My daughter went through months of really bad daycare drop-offs when she was about 4.5 that involved sobbing and clinging to our legs to the point that she had to be physically peeled by off us by a teacher. It was weird, because she loved the school and had zero issues at drop-off for years, and there weren’t any big changes at home or school. We’re still not sure what happened (the daycare teachers kept talking about how an extended business trip my husband took caused it, which…not helpful! and also it started before that and continued way after). We tried a bunch of stuff, nothing really helped, but time passed and she grew out of it. This experience made me very nervous for kindergarten but she had zero issues with that switch.
Anon says
Six weeks ago my daughter was an absolute disaster every morning. Like I had to crawl under the dining room table, drag her out and physically manhandle her into the car seat and then pry her off my leg and hand her wailing to the preschool teacher. This morning (every day this week) she has been an absolute peach – theatrically shoving me out the door and waving to me from the classroom window. She’s three and I’ve learned that everything is a phase. Hopefully the current one lasts.
Anonymous says
Attention Kat/Kate: I am getting giant pop-up ads for Verizon Wireless in Spanish that cover the whole page and can’t be closed.
Anon says
Guys, I’m afraid that my daycare is at risk of closing.
This is a highly regarded daycare who serves a bunch of professionals in a high demand downtown area. It’s been around for 30+ years. They’ve had staffing issues in the past and ups and downs, but… the director left, the interim director just resigned, and now there’s just some weirdness.
Selfishly, I have one kid with one year left and I just need this place to stay open until we can get to Pre-K…
anon says
If it’s a nonprofit whose board members are fellow parents, can you ping them to ask if there’s any way you can offer support? Sounds like there’s a lot going on and some extra hands may help change the balance between throwing in the towel and carrying on.
Anonymous says
This was a great idea and I actually did and was able to get some intel that makes me feel much better about the (admittedly crummy) situation.
anon at 2:05pm says
So glad you were able to get helpful information!
Anonymous says
Thought for a moment you were a parent at my daycare! We lost a director and a good assistant director. Not impressed by either of their replacements (and they’ve been here at least a year now). Student enrollment is dropping like crazy and good teachers are leaving. We need a couple more years of care and kind of want to leave but don’t want to be the final straw that closes the center if we do!
Anon says
Our daycare went through five directors in four years. Now it’s better than ever but it was quite a ride.