With summer vacations in the rearview mirror, I have to give thanks to my packing cubes for keeping me organized and sane.
Packing cubes like these guarantee you can quickly find what you need, even in your bottomless Mary Poppins suitcase. This set comes with four cubes (two small, one medium, and one large) and a water-resistant pouch for wet/dry storage (perfect for wet swimsuits from that one last dip in the pool). The cubes have a breathable mesh that lets you see what’s inside and an exterior ID label so you know which cube belongs to who.
This 5-piece packing cube set is $68 at Nordstrom.
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – 2,100+ new markdowns!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 30% off orders $100+
- Eloquii – $39 select styles; 50% off select styles
- J.Crew – 25-50% off wear-now styles; extra 50% off select sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 50% off women’s dresses; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 60% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale: Extra 50% off markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – 25-40% off kids’ styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all kids’ & baby clothing; PJs on sale from $25; up to 75% off clearance
- Carter’s – Rule the School Sale: Up to 50% off; up to 40% off baby essentials
- Old Navy – 50% off back-to-school styles; 30% off your order, even clearance
- Target – Backpacks from $7.99; toddler & kids’ uniforms on sale from $5
- Pottery Barn Baby – Summer sale: up to 50% off
- Nordstrom – Limited time sales on brands like Maxi-Cosi and Bugaboo.
- Strolleria – Free infant seat car adapter with any Thule stroller; 30% off all Peg-Perego gear in our exclusive Incanto Collection
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Also a big fan of packing cubes. We have a set in a different color per family member.
Anonymous says
This is our system. I love it so much. Kids love being able to unpack themselves and settle in quickly when we get to vacation house.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Good to know that may happen for me someday!
Anonymous says
My 8 year old packs herself for all trips for over a year now. I help her brainstorm a list of what she needs and come up with a plan, and after she’s done with double check that she got the important stuff. But she does it all herself and we’ve never had anything important forgotten.
Anonymous says
My four year old loves his set of packing cubes. He has at least monthly overnights /weekends with grandparents; and we used these to pack his clothes, stuff animals, pjs, etc. He now packs most of it himself!!!
My Husband Has Coverted Me to Cube Packing says
I recommend the ones with mesh that you can see through vs. the totally opaque ones. (Otherwise I end up opening all of them looking for things.)
Anonymous says
Same. The description of these mentions mesh but they look opaque in the photo.
Anonymous says
Can’t find last year’s thread on school labels for clothes – what are your favorites?
Anon says
We used Mabel’s labels which are stamps. I thought they were meh. The ink didn’t set well unless the fabric was perfectly set out and there was a lot of excess ink. Can’t speak to the stickers.
Anonymous says
We have used the Mabel’s Labels stickers for years and they are great on clothes and lunch containers. They stay on in the wash and remove cleanly when it’s time to donate.
Cb says
I’m in the UK so no brand rec but I deeply prefer a sticker to a stamp/iron-in.
AwayEmily says
We really like Oliver’s Labels.
Lydia says
we use namelabels.com and no complaints — they have survived many trips through the dishwasher and/or washing machine on hot. also, they’re usually running some promo or other!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I love paper goods and am always tempted to order a set from name labels!
Currently, we have a bunch of write-on Av*ry labels for clothes that seem to work well on every surface and the package has yet to run out (bought it before DS #1, now in Kinder, started daycare at 4 months old). In case you wanted something quick, and can handle that they aren’t nearly as cute.
Painter’s tape is also a great quick label for containers, water bottles, etc. and can go through several dishwasher cycles in tact – something I picked up from working in restaurants. Again, nearly not as cute as other options!
Anon says
I use Mabel’s and like them fine, but I think all the label companies print onto the same 3m sticker paper. I would be surprised if they all weren’t basically the same.
GCA says
my second batch of name bubbles just arrived, so those :) the first pack lasted us through kid 2’s daycare years, but I’m not good about labeling stuff
HSAL says
We ordered both namebubbles and a couple of sets from an Etsy seller. The Etsy ones were a bit cheaper, but they had shown slightly more wear than the namebubbles ones, which are still largely pristine with comparable use.
anon says
Stick on or iron on?
Do you put last name only? I have two girls and do pass down items a lot. As a younger sibling my self, I would prefer if we did last name only, esp if iron on. Ours is distinctive, so not worried about that. We’re wew to this elementary school thing as it’s our first year in K and we never had to worry about lost coats and whatnot at our relatively small daycare and preschool (thankfully).
anon says
I also ordered namebubbles and did last name only. Also two girls, so we do pass items down, but it’s helpful even aside from that for things like lunch boxes, water bottles, etc., where either girl can use whichever one depending on what happens to be in the dishwasher, lost, or whatever at any given time.
Anonymous says
+1. Last name only.
Anon says
We ordered Name Bubbles when my kid started daycare, but we stopped using them pretty quickly. There’s nothing that goes to daycare/school that we can’t live without. For more expensive things like winter coats, we write the name in sharpie.
Anonymous says
Ordered from Acorn Printing on Amazon. $20 for 120+ labels of varying size. I went with last name only. They’ve held up great in the dishwasher and the washing machine.
where to live! says
Figuring out where to live. My whole fam/friends are from City A and partner’s parents/friends are from City B (4 hours apart). As the outgoing one, I thought I would be able to “make it work” and we picked City B. Ten years later, I still don’t have any close friends here (and we spend a lot of time traveling to City A to visit my friends/family, which is getting harder with kids). When our two kids were under 3 we renovated and moved into a house in a very nice town in a suburb of City B (with good schools, but terrible support services). As my 5 y.o. is high needs, we have a private school that we could send kids to that we love, but it would be a bit tough financially and kind of defeats the purpose of moving to this fancy town. We both have jobs that can be remote or work from City A’s office. I want to move back to City A for my fam/friends support so my kids can go to a public school with good services (starting K next year). My kids have cousins the same age in City A and I am very close with my siblings, while my partner is not close with their sibling that is here. I feeling like one of us compromising everything for the other and we can’t get past that. Any suggestions of what else to consider?
Mary Moo Cow says
How does your partner feel about it? You said that you want to move, you are close to siblings, you feel like one of you is compromising, but I don’t see anything about how your partner feels about a move. Based on what you’ve said, if partner is willing to try City A, then City A is the clear choice for me.
OP says
Partner does not want to move (they basically renovated this house themselves), hence being stuck.
.
Anonymous says
Well then you’re stuck for now. And I think you need to invest in blooming where you are planted.
Anonymous says
If their main issue is the house, can you agree to keep the house and rent it? Maybe you can take on finding a great house in new location and present them with options? If they put a lot of work into renovating the idea of having to do that all over again seems daunting. If you can overcome that, they may be more willing.
Anon says
Is the renovation the only reason partner wants to stay in city B? It seems to me that is the sort of thing that might mask deeper feelings about the move. What is your partners relationship with your friends/family? If you move back to City A, will you spend all your time with the old friends/family as well?
A few things – if you are always going back to City A to visit your old friends, it’s going to be hard to make new friends in City B. As your kids get older especially you will naturally spend more time in City B (sports, birthday parties, etc).
The one thing that gives me pause is the school situation. That seems like a variable that’s changed since the choice to renovate, that you’ve realized the public school in City B will not be a good fit for your kid. If partner is concerned about the financial impact of moving (“we just put all this money and effort into this reno!) perhaps a comparison of the financial effects of indefinite private school would help. Also, make sure you are getting apples to apples on the supports available in each school system. I’m getting a bit of “grass is greener” vibe and have definitely had friends get burned by making assumptions – in our city, for example, the “bad” city public schools have way better services for children with disabilities compared with the “good” suburban schools. It seems like you have good intel but just wanted to flag it.
Anonymous says
Is your 5-year-old already enrolled in public school? It could be worth trying out public school for a year. If services are really lacking, your partner will quickly realize that the house isn’t worth it.
anon says
Find the wording of your answer odd ….”THEY renovated for THEMSELVES” – not a we/ourselves? Is there more here you’re not telling us? How were these decisions arrived at in the first place? Have you made 100% of the compromises to date and that’s part of the feelings you’re feeling (which are valid!)?
Anon says
I think op wrote “they renovated it themselves” meaning the partner did the work, not hired it out. I could certainly understand emotionally not wanting to move after that. There’s no “for” in there which I agree would change the meaning drastically.
anon says
Ah, reading comp fail. TY
Anonymous says
Obviously A but you don’t need to convince us you need to talk to your spouse
govtattymom says
Ugh- this is a tough situation. We are in a similar situation- we lived in my husband’s city for 7 years then moved to “my” city and have been here 3 years. My husband is still not super happy here (although it has gotten slightly better). Similarly, I wasn’t 100% happy in his city. I don’t have a ton of advice other than to try to make it work and look for the positives in whatever city you decide to call home. On a more specific note, I wouldn’t put too much stock in the reputation of a public school as once you start you may find that the school isn’t a good fit for your particular child.
Anonymous says
My advice is that this boils down to personality and maybe stubbornness. My best friend and her husband were in this situation but she was your husband; her husband was you. They ultimately relocated to City A for the benefit of her husband. He just never got on board with city B – he, like you, presented lots of practical reasons for why he wanted to move to City A. But ultimately he just didn’t like city B – he had a hard time meeting people, didn’t really put himself out there, went back to City A all the time which prevented him from building a life in city B. My friend recognized that he was never going to commit to City B, was always going to be miserable there, and she wanted to get settled before having kids so they moved to A. He is 1,000x happier and she really committed to the city and
put a ton of work into meeting people and building a new life for herself.
I think you need to evaluate what will maximize overall happiness for your family. That depends in part on you and your husband – at some point, you need to work through who is going to be my friend in your relationship – the one that accepts their second choice but really makes the best of it.
Anonymous says
Your first sentence is everything. DH and I both dislike our city. But I have put a year and a half of really trying to make the best of it: making friends, using amenities, volunteering, and it has made a difference. It’s not like I love it, but this is fine and I don’t have a strong sense of what we should do next. We will ultimately move, because DH isn’t happy. And that’s ok too.
Anonymous says
I think you and your partner need to have a real conversation about what’s best for your FAMILY, not what either of you personally would prefer. We moved back to my home city, but I wouldn’t say we did for me, exactly. I’m close with my siblings and I love being in the same place as my family, but I didn’t have any friends from growing up who were still local when we made the move. For me the change was all about our kids and our lifestyle and knowing that we would eventually make new friends. The kids now see aunties and grandparents all the time, as well as extended family at holidays, birthdays, etc. We have people who can help out with childcare in a pinch, which has allowed us to avoid the cost/ hassle of a nanny or au pair. And we’ve gone from HCOL to MCOL, which WOW–I am no longer stressed about money and get to live in a really nice house. When we were looking at schools, we prioritized in a place where DH would be able to find his people, as a way to balance the situation. And he did! The hard part of the process was DH perceiving the move as MY decision for ME. I totally get that he felt that way. But I just knew that it was the best choice for our family, and worked really hard to try to show him that.
Anon says
+1 – Very similar. We moved to my home city – also from HCOL to MCOL. I had been wanting to move back for years to be closer to family and long-term friends-who-are-like-family that were planning to put down roots here. I know it hasn’t been easy for DH on a few fronts, and at the same time he also loves a lot about the city and people here. The reality is the deeper roots with friends/family comes from my side and for all of the reasons you enumerate above, it’s better for the unit. He knows this too, and even though going back to the HCOL city would be better for his career, it wouldn’t have the other benefits of where we live now.
DH sometimes floats the fantasy of moving to his hometown or a nearby-to-his-hometown college town, which would currently not be possible with his job {BigLaw). I have never lived anywhere but big/major cities, am a WOC, and also despite having DH’s side of the family there – the roots/connections just aren’t as deep as they are on my side. He doesn’t have an old, established network of friends there. Yes, the former can be built, but it only gets I listen with curiosity, because who knows what life will bring, but I know right now it would not be optimal for the unit.
Anon says
Grrr- meant to write “It only gets harder [to build a network].”
Anon says
would you say something…i dont like being THAT mom, and we are new to public school and live in an area that is not as Jewish as the one where I grew up where it would have been on people’s radar not to schedule events on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur and I do not expect anyone to change anything for this year, but just learned last night that there is a one thing on Friday night and one thing on Saturday (Rosh Hashanah is on the weekend this year) and can’t decide if I should say something or not. I feel like even if it only impacts a few people, that the major religious holidays of major religions should be considered when scheduling, but perhaps I am off base? thoughts?
Anonymous says
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a polite note to the principal to raise awareness for future scheduling?
I had a similar reaction when some parents decided to organize a soccer team for DS’s kindergarten class and picked 10am Sunday morning as the practice time. That’s church hour, so there’s no way we can sign up. But there’s always going to be someone left out. Our family has its priorities, and other people have theirs.
Anon says
Ha, I need to trade cities with you. We live in the southern Midwest and NOTHING happens here on Sunday mornings. Even though the majority of people we know well don’t actually go to church there are so many who do that it’s just universally assumed no activities, parties, events etc. can happen on Sunday mornings. We’re cultural Jews and are always so bored on Sunday mornings!
Anon says
scheduling on Rosh, Yom Kippur and Passover are the equivalent of scheduling on Christmas or Easter, which is different then saying don’t ever schedule something on Shabbat (which happens every week and most Jews in America don’t observe)
anon says
What kind of events? We live in an area where the public schools are full of Santa for all of December…but there is a list of dates (Rosh Hashanah, Diwali, Eid, etc) where “important meetings or activities” are not allowed to be scheduled by district policy.
Anon says
Yes! You should say something. Our school recently scheduled a fun school wide event on Friday night and then rescheduled with an apology bc of Rosh Hashanah. We do not live in an area with many Jewish families, though there are definitely some, and I am sure they said something. I think it’s totally reasonable and to consider religious holidays when scheduling school wide events.
Anon says
I don’t think it’s to out of line to say something, but I wouldn’t expect anything to change, especially if it’s not a BIG (like once a year) event. In areas with tiny Jewish populations they aren’t going to avoid scheduling minor things on Jewish holidays, that’s just a fact. Also there are plenty of not super religious Jews who are fine doing stuff on holidays. We’ll be at kiddo’s book fair on Friday night, doing some community activities during the day on Saturday and having family Rosh Hashanah dinner on Saturday.
Anon says
I’m in m0d, not sure why. I think it’s fine to say something, but wouldn’t expect anything to change. It also depends on the magnitude of the event. I’d expect a graduation or similar to avoid major holidays from many religions, but something like a school book fair I wouldn’t expect to be scheduled around holidays that aren’t holidays on the public school calendar.
anon says
I think a kind and polite note makes sense for future scheduling if these are special events you’d want to attend. I wouldn’t bother if it was something routine like a monthly board game night.
I’ve somewhat given up on school events because my kids’ school schedules them such that they’ll delay bedtime and my kids need and want their sleep. The scheduling makes sense for other families and logistics, but just isn’t for my family.
Anon says
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the note.
As someone from a “minor” religion in the U.S., I’m also used to this. I hope you’d be as graceful if someone raised it for Eid or Diwali – both of which have huge contingencies in my area, and don’t have recognized holidays (yet).
OP says
so our public school is closed for Eid, though it is not called that, it is referred to as a day off for ‘spring holiday’ that coincides with Eid every year. i am honestly not as familiar with how one observes Diwali, but for Rosh Hshanah and Yom Kippur the traditional way to observe is by not going to work and going to synagogue. i wouldn’t care if an event was scheduled for Hanukah (which is not a major religious holiday that doesn’t include not working as part of observance), but from the responses here i guess my expectations are off base. it also happens that this year Rosh is on the weekend, so it does not need a place on a school calendar
Anon says
On the other hand, as a not very observant Jew, I’d find a school event during Hanukkah way more inconvenient because it’s much more of a kids’ holiday.
I think the bottom line is most school events aren’t that convenient for a lot of families and unless it’s something really important they’re not going to be able to accommodate everyone. TBH, I’m not even sure our public schools avoid scheduling stuff on Easter (well, Good Friday anyway, since there aren’t normally school events on weekends). Christmas and Thanksgiving are the big holidays with no events, but that’s because they fall on school breaks.
Anon says
Jewish schools are open/have events like book fairs during Hanukkah, but not Rosh, Yom Kippur or Passover (even Reform ones like my kids attend) so this might be your personal observance of the holiday but is not reflective of of any official Jewish stance. I find this conversation fascinating as in society these days there is a huge push to accommodate and make sure things are accessible for all different types of diversity (racial, physical, intellectual etc), which I am a huge proponent of, but I guess religion doesn’t make the cut
Anon says
Yes I’m aware that Hanukkah is nowhere near as important religiously and maybe this is regional but I can tell you that at least in my part of the Midwest with a small Jewish population, people who are ethnically Jewish or in interfaith families are way way more likely to celebrate Hanukkah than RH/YK, especially if they have kids. It’s a pretty common thing here for any family with Jewish heritage from either parent to do candles at Hanukkah, but a very small minority of the ethnically Jewish people go to temple even on the big holidays. So I wouldn’t ascribe bad intentions to a public school that puts more effort into scheduling things around Hanukkah than other Jewish holidays. At the end of the day, scheduling is about trying to accommodate the largest number of people and prioritizing Christmas over Hanukkah and Hanukkah over other Jewish holidays reflects that. If you want to be mad about religious discrimination, feel free. But IMO it’s easier to accept that we’re in the minority and sometimes the world is designed to work around the majority and it’s annoying but not the end of the world.
Anonymous says
This is pretty normal for public schools in the US, unfortunately. I do get where you’re coming from (I’m also Jewish) but there are so many religions and many have them have a lot of holidays, that I don’t see how they could schedule around everyone’s holidays. They would never find a time to have the events, of which there are many.
Anon says
Does your school district ask for input on school schedules? Our school district does put out a parent/guardian survey every year when they are putting together the school calendar.
I do think it’s worth saying something and assuming good intentions.
I think people *want* to know. It’s the kind of thing where if you don’t know to look for these holidays it is not going to be on your radar. How much weight they end up giving it will vary.
Waffles says
TW: supplementing academic schoolwork during elementary school.
My kid is currently at a public school in America that is understaffed, and where she says that she does not learn anything during the school day other than new games. So, after school, I have her do a page of math in a workbook before she is allowed to watch TV.
For parents in similar situations who can relate — how are you supporting your children’s access to learning opportunities? Thank you.
Cb says
I’m not in the US but Scottish state schools are notoriously “chill” compared to their English counterparts. And I am apparently not chill… so I have a pile of early readers to chose from when a reading book doesn’t get sent home. We really need to do some maths after parents’ evening where the teacher said they were working on counting to 100… but I haven’t figured out how to do this yet.
They get more TV time than I’d like during the school day, so we don’t do TV during the week unless we’re solo/one of us is stretched.
Anonymous says
I don’t think a page of math is useful at all especially if she’s then watching TV all afternoon. Can she be doing enriching activities? What’s the plan to get her in a better school? Have you spoken to her teacher to say she isn’t being challenged?
Waffles says
She is not watching TV all afternoon, and we are in the process of moving and switching schools.
Her teacher is very nice, but there are multiple children with disabilities in her class, and I do not want to burden the teacher further.
Anonymous says
If you’re moving and switching schools I wouldn’t worry about supplementing right now.
Anonymous says
If you’re moving and changing schools o would make sure she has lots of books to read and not do anything else. But I also wouldn’t hesitate to speak to a teacher about your daughter’s needs just because other children also have needs.
DLC says
How old is your child? I think that is an important part of the equation. In 3rd grade our school started offering accelerated math classes.
You could also look into after school tutoring or Saturday school. I’m not in the same situation as you because I think out school is well staffed, but I did think my child could use more help with school work- she ended up receiving free after school tutoring starting in 3rd grade through her school. It wasn’t that she was behind necessarily, just that she needed more practice to work more quickly.
Bean74 says
With my six year old, we’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of board games in terms of math skills. Monopoly Jr. is constant counting with the money. He has to recognize numbers and count for Trouble, Simple Math Bingo is all math but fun. I use small, holiday-themed objects (hearts, stars, shamrocks, pumpkins, etc.) with that one to help him really understand the concepts of addition and subtraction. He’s done very few math worksheets at home over the years and I’ve been pleasantly surprised to see how well he’s doing in first grade math now.
Anonymous says
I would have her reading and discussing fiction and nonfiction books she’s interested in on a variety of topics. I would probably also work on math outside of school on the assumption that when they do get around to teaching math, they won’t do it well. I do not find workbooks useful for teaching math except as a source of problems for demonstration and practice. I find it much more effective to teach math interactively with manipulatives such as fraction towers and base-10 blocks. Also get her to memorize all her arithmetic facts if she hasn’t already.
What grade is she in? In upper elementary, you could start a book club with some of her friends where they all read and discuss the same book. It helps if you choose books off a list that they all need to read anyway like the class independent reading list or the book list for the reading quiz bowl. Otherwise they won’t be motivated to read the assigned book. At this age you can also find summer enrichment camps that teach essay writing, creative writing, Lego robotics, chess, etc. A science fair project is also good.
Waffles says
This is wonderful, thank you so much. My kid is in second grade, and we are not sure what her next school is going to be like, so ideas for upper elementary are also appreciated.
Anon says
Vaguely along this same idea – DH and I are in respectful disagreement about school options for our 9 year old. He’ll be moving next year to middle school. We’re in the wealthiest enclave of a mixed income district. The local public elementary school is well regarded; middle school and high school are more diverse (in every way), and have all of the opportunities and challenges that come with being a large, public school.
DH wants us to move our kid to a private school for middle school and beyond. I don’t. DH grew up attending private school K through college, and I’m a public school kid. We met at a top-20 law school and each went on separate lawyer paths but make relatively the same amount. He wants our kid to “have every opportunity” which to him meets smaller class sizes and a specifically college-prep curriculum, while I want kid to continue to understand how to live in a world where not everyone he interacts with has the same advantages we do. I know there’s no right or wrong answer here, but we’re stuck on the same arguments and a decision will need to be made soon.
For what it’s worth, kiddo has friends, is involved in lots of extra-curriculars through the school, is in the gifted program, and scores very high on all the standard test measures … public school has clearly served him well to date. DH is of the opinion that this school doesn’t push him enough, and he’s worried our (small for age, nerdy) kid will get bullied in a large public school.
We could afford private school.
What to do?
AwayEmily says
I think there are also serious disadvantages to putting a kid in a higher-pressure environment like a private school given the enormous mental health crisis happening for teens right now. If he’s bullied or bored or anything else, then cross that bridge when you come to it — but if it’s not broken, don’t fix it.
I wrote and erased a long discussion of my own family’s choices, but that’s not relevant to yours — suffice to say I think your kid is fine where they are.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – I’m far away from OP’s kid’s life stage, but I land similar to where she did and what AwayEmily wrote. We also have a very similar situation as OP – really solid elementary schools, and then lots of talk – from families whose kids DO NOT ATTEND THESE SCHOOLS – that the middle and high schools aren’t great, unless you lottery in to one of the pressure-cooker magnets.
Oddly enough, when I’ve had a chat here and there with families with kids in these “not-so-great” middle and high schools, they have mostly pretty great things to say.
Also, OP, my DH was a scholarship kid for HS at a private school (otherwise would have gone to an academically un-challenging-for-him rural HS) which gave him exposure and opportunities that he would have never gotten otherwise, so he often says the same thing as your DH. I’m open to exploring private school(s) when the time comes, but only if I see an issue of physical or emotional safety in the public schools, knowing that no school is a panacea.
Anon2 says
+1000 The rumor-mill culture around “bad” schools makes me rage. (And let’s be honest…most are diverse/minority white schools.)
Lily says
Where are your son’s friends going for middle school (also, how does middle school start at 10 years old??). What does your son think?
What about having him start at the public school and seeing how it goes? If he isn’t being challenged or is being bullied, you could move him to the private school. Is bullying something you really need to worry about for 10 year olds?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Our MS starts at 5th grade (likely due to space issues at the ESes). The 5th graders are generally separate from the bigger grades.
Anon says
Yes, I think your son should definitely get a say. FWIW I am on your side, and am sending my kids (currently 3rd and PreK) to public for the same reasons you identify. If my kids come to me and say “I want to go to x private school” we will have that discussion. We live in an area where there is a lot of high school choice/movement (selective enrollment, private, magnet, etc) so it’s not uncommon for kids to have preferences and for social groups to be divided and re-formed.
It’s also not uncommon for private schools to actually be less rigorous than public – a lot of grade inflation. Sure, kids do well on tests and get into “good” colleges but that’s a reflection of the parental resources, not the quality of education. And there are just as many drugs at the private schools, in addition to a lot of wealth that affects socializing (do you ski in Aspen over Christmas? Fly private? Go to Paris to shop? Etc).
Anonymous says
I think this has been discussed on here, but way more hard drugs at private school than public ime.
Anon says
i went to private school my whole life and did not ski in Aspen over Christmas, Fly private or go to Paris to shop and neither did most people in my grade. i can think of literally one family in the school who maybe flew private but they did not go to paris to shop bc they wanted their kids to have a value system. i can think of a few families who were avid skiiers and prioritized skiing out west. you cannot make generalizations about all private schools versus all public schools, just like what is best for one kid might not be best for another.
Anon says
Obviously not all private kids have that kind of wealth. But it was mind blowing to me when I learned that such wealth existed in these schools, as I (a public school grad and current public school parent) had never met anyone with that level of wealth. And that level of wealth (or even prioritizing skiing out west level of wealth) can definitely have an affect on your kids’ social lives, based on my friends’ experience. I’m not saying it’s bad -in fact it can be very useful professionally, which is another reason people choose private schools – just that it’s a variable.
Anonymous says
My kid is in a private school (religious in our minority religion) and while there is absolutely not THAT level of wealth, I’m definitely already having to explain that just because you see your classmates take multiple flying vacations per year does not mean that’s normal or most families can afford that . I mean maybe on THIS board, but hey, my upper middle class family can’t afford that even.
Anon says
I’m surprised you never met anyone who skis out west even in public school!? We are not rich compared to many on this board (HHI ~$200k), our kids are in public school, but we spend a large chunk of our disposable income on travel and typically take several international trips every year. We don’t ski because it’s not our thing, but if we had any interest we could certainly do an annual ski trip in Colorado or something. You don’t need private jet money for skiing!
Anon says
I went to private school my whole life, DH went to public. He grew up skiing out west (from NY area), my parents said skiing out west was too expensive and so we skiied at the places within driving distance.
Anon says
Sorry, to clarify – I do know people now who ski out west and send their kids to our urban public (I, in fact, have done so myself, so I know how expensive it is and can be). But that’s a once every three years trip for us – unfortunately because it was really fun. And as far as I know, there is not private jet money at our public. If there is, I would hope our fundraising events would have higher collections :)
Part of my point here is that I am now in and have been exposed to an entirely different social class than what I grew up with, where I was on the upper end of the SES scale as the child of white collar parents and many kids did not go to college, let alone out of state. No one went to an Ivy. And now I’m in a world where my child could go to school with kids whose last names are on wings of hospitals. And I’m not sure I want that, in part because I now value that SES diversity I had exposure to (and yes there are a small number of lower income kids at the private schools in my city, but not a critical mass) and in part because I don’t want to feel the pressure to keep up with designer clothes, expensive social activities, etc and have my kid feel left out. There are definitely middle ground options, too – in our area, Catholic schools are more diverse, affordable, and down to earth. But that’s not an option for us theologically. So the point is I think I’d rather be on the comfortably higher SES end of a public school that otherwise meets my kids’ needs than the lower end of a private school.
Anon says
Just to comment on the last sentence – yes, bullying is something you have to worry about for 10 year olds, and even younger.
Anonymous says
I think it depends on your kid’s personality. Is he the kind of kid that’s going to be self motivated and focused academically in any environment, or does he need to be surrounded by peers who are academically minded as well? Some kids do great anywhere, and some kids, while smart, need the positive peer pressure to succeed.
I’m very much pro public school, but am starting to worry about this with my kid as we hit late elementary — she’s much more interested in socializing, and is smart enough that the academics are easy for her, so I wonder if she would do better in an academically focused private school. That’s not an option for us financially, so it’s only a theoretical worry.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Well husband and I are both public school graduates all the way through, other than law school for me, so we might be biased, but I would pick public school. Public schools tend to be bigger so there are more opportunities to find different friend groups (if bullying is a concern). And it seems like the public school has enough academic opportunities.
Anonymous says
I was a public school kid; DH did private K-12.
I would look at your son specifically. Does he need what private school offers (more hand holding, smaller classes)? I didn’t and thrived in big public school with a good honors program that was a bit of a pressure cooker. My sister don’t answer went to private school. DH needed a small environment as well.
Anon says
What do you mean by “need?” Because anyone, I assume, would do better in an environment where they get lots of personalized attention. My best assessment is that he’d be an B+/A- student at a large school without handholding and likely an A student with the extra help. Is that enough of a difference to go to private? I don’t think he’d flounder in any environment … he has involved parents, and he’s a bright kid. It’s a matter of degree. And long term – perhaps the difference between honors section of our good local public university vs. competitive small private liberal arts school.
Anon says
handholding does not necessarily mean extra help/turning someone into an A student. some kids strongly benefit from more emphasis and hand holding in terms of executive functioning, individualized attention, smaller class sizes, etc. and just get lost in a larger setting. DH was a top performer in his public elementary school, he thrived in public school, but also said in high school the high achieving kids got much more attention from the administration whereas his younger brother was more of a run of the mill student, and really benefited from private school because at the public school the resources were being used on the highest and lowest ends of the spectrum. DH’s brother didnt get better grades at the private school, but benefited from additional individualized attention
Anon says
so we are in a similar situation with good elementary and more challenging middle/high school and i am the private school kid while DH went to public schools all the way and he is actually also leaning towards private school for middle school. i don’t necessarily think of it as wanting to send them to private school for advantages, but more concern about kid being a small fish in a big pond and the safety element (there are fights that break out in the middle school frequently, kids have to bring clear backpacks bc of concern of what might be in them, kids at the high school have been involved in shootings). so if i can afford it, id rather not spend as much time worrying about my. kid’s safety at school
Anonymous says
If your child is truly academically gifted, he needs to be in a school that caters to his needs. That might be a private school or a public magnet school or a really solid honors program in a local public school, but it will not be regular classes or one “gifted” enrichment course in a mainstream public school. If your kid is bright and motivated, being taught at a slow pace with a bunch of kids who don’t want to be there will not teach him to get along with people who are different from himself–quite the opposite. You will be better off exposing him to diversity through selective academic enrichment programs that actively recruit students of a variety of socioeconomic backgrounds.
Private school isn’t necessarily the answer. We were actually advised to accelerate our daughter in public school instead of sending her to private school because the private schools’ curricula were more limited and rigid.
Anon says
On the other hand, if he’s been doing fine in this school system so far, I don’t see why you need to mess with what’s working. And anyway middle school is typically when the more serious differentiation starts, especially in math. I was highly gifted and in normal public schools (pull-out enrichment in K-6 and acceleration/honors classes beginning in 7th) and it was fine.
Anon2 says
Give the public school a try. You can always change after a year. Right now your husband is operating out of assumptions and fear, which is the worst way to make a decision. And ask your son what he thinks, too.
I am also a public school kid and my husband was private school, but we met at the same college and I was the one accepted into the honors program :) Parental involvement and support is the main factor in how “well” a kid will do as long as both options are safe and decent. Wanting to give your kid “every opportunity” is also code for…a lot…that isn’t necessarily good for kids.
Anonymous says
In terms of college admissions, the high school matters a lot. Without a ton of parental support and a private college counselor, kids at many public high schools will not even hear about any options beyond state schools. At a top private school or an elite public magnet school, the guidance counselors literally negotiate individual students’ admission to colleges all over the country.
Anon2 says
I take your point, but I did say that parental support is the main factor! And any kid with involved parents would certainly know about a variety of college options beyond state school (and maybe their parents could afford them after saving all that money on public school).
But also, I’m not going to structure my kid/our family’s life around elite college. I want us all to enjoy childhood and become well-rounded people. (Plus, many tradespeople make a lot more money than many college-educated people, so you never know what the future holds.)
Anon says
Yeah, I’m with Anon2 that parental support is the main factor. I went to a very mediocre Midwestern public high school and counselors didn’t have anything useful to say (I don’t even recall meeting with them, ever??) but still knew all about good colleges through my parents. Diversity is a factor in college admissions too (not just in the racial/ethnic sense), and coming from the “non-feeder” schools can be an advantage.
But also +1 million to not building my life around getting into elite colleges. I went to one and it was fun, but didn’t change the course of my life. I would have been just fine going to a state school honors program. I also think in many careers it’s better to not go to the best of the best for college and be a big fish in a smaller pond, so you can aim really high for grad school. So yeah, building your life around your high schooler getting into HYP does not make any sense to me, even as someone who went to one of those schools.
Anonymous says
Check your elitism. State schools are great options with lots of programs, and they are cheaper.
Anonymous says
It’s not elitism. I have four degrees from top public universities. Some kids do not belong at a large school and need to go to a SLAC.
AwayEmily says
Is she actually not learning anything during the day, or is she just saying that? It’s a very tough thing to self-report (one of many reasons some universities have stopped asking this question on course evals). Does she seem on track compared to her peers? Is she happy? Is her teacher satisfied with her progress? I would look for more specific evidence of “not learning.”
GCA says
Came here to ask this as well! My 5yo reports that she plays a lot of games in her K class. A quick check with the teacher confirmed that they are, of course, math games – which is good for practice and retention. On the other hand, if kid is reporting that ‘we spent half of class in the hallway on Monday, Tuesday and Friday because the teacher was singlehandedly dealing with X who was throwing chairs at her’ then you have a real issue.
Anonymous says
I spent 2/3 of eight grade language arts/social studies playing card games with my friends. I was bored out of my mind and learned nothing in middle school apart from math. I was depressed, and would never subject my kids to three years of that even if homeschool was the only other option. There were advantages, really- one year I had no friends, even after I had friends it wasn’t worth the boredom, and I learned nothing about getting along in broader society or anything like that.
Anon says
But you weren’t happy. OP says her kid is happy.
Waffles says
Hi, thank you for asking! She is happy and on track.
However, she can melt down when she encounters something is not immediately effortless for her. I do not want her to continue on this path of least resistance — would like to ease challenges into her life regularly rather than risk her having an actual breakdown when school becomes difficult.
Anonymous says
This was a huge concern with my kid. Our answer was to put her in non-academic extracurriculars that she wanted to do but were challenging.
Anon says
Agreed, non-academic extracurriculars are the answer to this, not at-home worksheets. I have a very similar kid, though a bit younger.
GCA says
Hmm, if she is happy and on track, I would look at other non-academic opportunities for her to practice this life skill (being challenged, not having something come easy to you). I was not academically challenged till middle school and can still cope when life and work become challenging, but it does take conscious practice of some sort.
Anon says
+1 happy and on track are the important metrics. I would not make a kid do extra academic work in this scenario.
My kindergartner tells me she hasn’t learned anything all year and I’ve seen no evidence of any academic learning (we start school early, so we’re more than 6 weeks into the semester here) and honestly I’m delighted. The switch to K is hard enough without having a ton of academic work. Second grade is different than K of course, but still, I think as AwayEmily says they are likely learning without realizing they’re learning. The switch away from worksheets and to more interactive, play-based games, is a GOOD thing. Lots of research shows kids learn better via interactive stuff.
Anonymous says
I have a second grader and a 4th grader, both at an excellent public school.
Things to do for the second grader: help them work on their writing/storytelling. It can be as easy as keeping a diary or more complex. Talk about how to make a strong paragraph (intro, 3 supporting sentences, conclusion). Typing skills. Brain puzzles (in 2nd things like Tangy Tuesday for math, Zuplez, and math Perplexors). For math, I think they do double digit addition and subtraction in 2nd. My kids love “who was….” And “I survived…..” at that age which can be a jumping off point for learning history/science.
Above all, read. If nothing else, just read read read. The new school will fix everything next year.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Based on some of the questions here recently, I’m taking a philosophical turn and asking, to the group, what is the purpose of school and an education to you? Is it to have the most rigorous curriculum available/best test takers? That seems to be what schools, especially by the high school level, are ranked on. We certainly need the foundations of strong math and science skills to enter into today’s most in demand jobs. Is it to meet as many people as possible and develop the social skills to navigate in the world? Is it instead to be in a small class and really be prepared to question the very nature of the state of the world, in order to be ready to tackle society’s biggest problems? When a lot of us here get into so called “successful” jobs, a lot of us feel the need to have more of a balance, so I just wonder.
I don’t have any answers BTW, but I think I would like my kids to just be in an environment where they have a good group of friends and where they feel valued, because at this stage in my life, my connections are what I value most and wish I had valued more earlier. But I am coming at this from the now privileged position of having had a job for a decade plus that’s given me enough money to be comfortable.
Anon says
I’m the one with the question about my 9 year old above, and to me the goal of school is about learning how to be a good citizen; gaining the skills to have a career that permits you to buy a home, and support a family with everything they need (not everything they might want); and being a thoughtful and empathetic person.
Put a different way – no matter where my kids go, they were born on third base (or at least somewhere between 2nd and 3rd. We’re not ‘ski in Aspen’ people but we are ‘vacation in Hawaii’ folks). They have privilege by virtue of their birth that is going to follow them wherever they go … how much more of an advantage do they need? A bigger concern for me is not to have the best private school / getting into an Ivy, but rather to keep my kids from being sheltered a*holes whose only interactions with less advantaged folks is in some kind of white savior capacity.
Anon says
Personally, I think characterizing private school kids as “sheltered a-holes” is really far off the mark. Most private schools near me have robust financial aid programs, diverse student populations, and really bright, interesting, motivated, and awesome kids. They’re not the private schools of yesteryear.
Anon says
i totally agree. also, depends on where you go to public school. public school in scarsdale is not the same as public school in the city of philadelphia. i hate the whole public vs. private debate because i find it to be much more geographically nuanced. it is not an apples to apples comparison.
Anon says
Right – I’d like to see what the private school opponents think of the public v. private debate in Oakland, CA, where the percentage of students reading at grade level is just 36% across the whole system and much, MUCH lower at the worst schools – 10% in some cases.
Anonymous says
Eh. My husband went to an elite private school. He’s was a sheltered a-hole as were his classmates. He is a strong advocate of public school.
“I felt like the poor kid because we didn’t spend breaks in Europe or ski in Park City. That’s absurd because we were rich, just not *that* rich.”
Anon says
My private school DH constantly complains that he grew up poor and that we’re poor. Our household income last year was 450K and we live in flyover country – WE’RE NOT POOR. But his scale is obviously off, which I credit entirely to the frame of reference he grew up with.
Anon says
Agreed, my husband also went to an elite private high school and yes, a lot of rich, sheltered a-holes. It was a great school academically and I do think my husband was much better prepared for college than I was coming from a public school (even with a large number of AP and university classes) but it’s not a social environment I would want my kids in.
Anon says
ok, but not all private schools are “elite” ones
Anon says
Honestly, I would expect the less academically elite ones to have even more rich, sheltered a-holes. At least at the elite schools, most families (rich or not) are probably there because they really care about education and you’ll have some middle class folks who are there only because they made it a big priority in their family’s budget (that was my husband’s family). At the non-elite schools, it’s just rich people who don’t want to interact with the poors.
Anon says
But surely you wouldn’t find it respectful if private school parents referred to public school kids as “dumb yokels” or “illiterate dropouts?” These are kids we’re talking about.
Cb says
Yep! I teach university and I don’t see massive differences in state versus private school kids, except in their confidence. And I think that’s often a product of class/upbringing (did you chat around the table? Did your parents expose you to things? Did you read for fun?)
Anon says
I mainly what my kids to be kind and happy but also want them to successfully “launch” and get a job that will provide for the kind of lifestyle they’re likely to want, which will likely involve attending college. We’re lucky to live in a state that has very good state schools that aren’t ridiculous selective, so state schools should set them up fine for success in life without causing undue stress, and I don’t intend to put any pressure on them to aim higher than that.
My perspective from my own childhood: I was identified as gifted at a young age, very accelerated in middle and high school (mostly self-driven, not parent pressure), went to an elite college and then….kind of flamed out. I didn’t get terrible grades but didn’t do well enough to stand out in the competitive environment, and am now in a job working with mostly state school, so the whole elite education seemed totally unnecessary. My parents did not put pressure on me, but were overly involved and provided a lot of tutoring at home, and although I ended up mastering the material I didn’t learn how to study or figure things out on my own. It was a huge disservice to me, and I plan to be way more hands off with my kids, although they’re young enough that I haven’t really put this into practice yet.
Anon says
Honestly, I want kids to learn to read, write, speak, and do math. I want them to learn to think critically and to obtain the skills they need to pursue the futures they choose. I think the burden of social work and mental health care has been shifted too heavily onto schools and individual teachers and that we need systemic change so schools can focus on education. Far too many kids are graduating functionally illiterate and I have real problems with that.
Anon says
One thing to add – my company is also constantly trying to hire and we CANNOT find anyone who can write. I don’t know what we’re doing wrong, but we’ve literally had graduates of top schools who can barely form a coherent sentence. We also had one with a master’s degree from a top public school (UCLA) who was not only a horrific writer, but who committed massive, egregious plagiarism. I don’t know if she was pathological or if it was a failure of education or both.
Anonymous says
Yeah, we hire a lot of PhDs and lawyers who can’t write.
avocado says
Parent of a high school senior here and I agree with most of this. I would like to see all kids graduate from high school able to read and critically analyze fiction and nonfiction, truly comprehend algebra and statistics, write a coherent essay, and understand history, economics, and the basics of philosophy and ethics. This is the minimum foundation required to be an informed voter and consumer of news and other media. If all citizens had a solid education and critical thinking skills, a lot of the events of the last several years would have unfolded differently.
Students in our school district are not learning much, if any, of this unless they are in the most advanced academic programs. Except at the AP and IB levels, English teachers are prohibited from having the entire class read and discuss the same book. Tenth-grade honors English consists entirely of self-directed reading of YA or popular adult novels; the only essay is the state assessment. Even AP and IB courses have “fill-in-the-blank” notes. Teachers spend all their time trying to manage disruptive behavior with no support from the administration. Kids with “special needs” are permitted to throw chairs, touch other kids, wander the building, etc. because “they can’t help it.” My friend who teaches middle school sent a kid to the principal’s office for attacking another kid and he was rewarded with a new fidget toy instead of being disciplined. I actually think schools need to do a better job of providing services to both special education and gifted kids and of separating students with behavioral problems from the general population, as well as providing flexible subject-based tracking for all kids. This would benefit the kids who need services as well as the rest of the kids whose needs are being ignored when disruptive kids are allowed to take over classrooms and everything is taught to the lowest common denominator.
Anon says
Even in my generation, people didn’t have all those skills you listed at high school graduation. I doubt they did even in my parents’ generation. This is not some brand new problem.
I actually think moving away from the whole class reading the same books in English is great. I read so many horribly boring books in high school English (almost all written by white men, fwiw). There are SO MANY books by diverse authors that have great literary value and grapple with meaningful issues but are still fun to read, and I’ve never understood why schools still insist on teaching the same miserable, unrelatable books. I absolutely adored reading and writing when I was young, but high school honors and AP English classes turned me off of reading because the books we had to read were soooo horrible, and I didn’t get back to it for the better part of a decade.
avocado says
The problem isn’t that the kids aren’t reading the white male canon. It’s that the kids are just reading on their own and are not discussing and interpreting the books.
avocado says
And no it’s not a brand-new problem, but it’s a problem nonetheless and it’s getting worse.
Anon says
Not writing any essays doesn’t sound great, but I stand by the statement that it’s better for kids to have at least some say in what they read and everyone doesn’t have to read the same book.
Anon says
I think it’s good to diversify the canon, but some of the new YA books that are being subbed in are hot garbage. No one will be reading them in 500 years.
Anonymous says
OMG yes. All the “princess tryout” novels?
Anonymous says
Perhaps one option would be a choice of two or three books (ideally not forgettable modern stuff, but more diverse than the old “classics). That way theres still some choice, but enough students will hopefully be reading each book to have some discussion. And have each book group present the book to the ones who read something else, because thats also a useful skill.
Anon says
this i would say is a problem with public school and teaching to tests. my private school had no AP classes (plenty of kids went on to top colleges) and we read literature by diverse authors. we also spent ZERO time having to take state tests. so that time could be used for other things. my school really valued teaching us to think critically and have intellectual debates in class. i can only imagine what kids are now learning in public school in places like Florida.
Anon says
i have never ever once looked at a school ranking until i went to law school. don’t think about it for elementary, middle, high school or college (i did go to an ivy but had no clue what its ranking was and didnt end up applying there bc of its ranking, nor did i understand what ‘ivy league’ meant at the time and still think it is silly – its a sports league!). i saw something recently which said that Gen Z is the last generation with a white majority. we are white and i grew up in a very white environment attending private school. for this reason our kids just started kindergarten at a very diverse public elementary school. i dont know if we will stay public for middle and high school because the schools where we live are quite large (~700 students in the middle school and ~3400 in the high school) and i have safety concerns. i think it is to develop the social skills to navigate the world, while also to be able to think critically and have a strong math/science foundation not just be taught to a test. one thing i liked about private school is that we spent zero time taking state mandated tests. teachers had a lot of flexibility about what they focused on and critical thinking and intellectual debates were welcomed and encouraged. i also think just like not all public schools are created equally, neither are all private schools. some private schools are more pressure cooker than others. some public schools are more pressure cooker than private schools. any pressure i felt in high school came 100% from me. i suppose i was in an environment where academic success was viewed positively, but my parents never told me that you must get certain grades.
Anonymous says
This reads as a humblebrag. “I went to an ivy and didn’t know what that meant.”
Waffles says
Hi! Maybe your answer is your last paragraph, which is similar to my guess.
Assuming survival and general well-being, which are priorities over education, schools and jobs can be opportunities to explore ourselves and find our people — to connect, truly. Education should help improve us in some way. I have not always been lucky with schools and jobs, and I do not think it’s enough to rely on them for education. Further, it is too easy to lose sight of the big picture in fishbowl environments. For me the big picture is my community’s happy lives. Schools and jobs can help us achieve that sustainably.
Anonymous says
I want for my kids what I had. An excellent public school with high quality teachers, challenging classes, high expectations, outstanding arts programs, and a student body that was full of kids whose parents shared those values.
Anonymous says
I asked a very similar question on the main board a few months ago and got like 110+ responses. Very interesting discussion. Thread here: https://corporette.com/pull-on-ponte-pencil-skirt/ (search “good schools”)
AwayEmily says
honestly I have nothing to add to what Boston Legal Eagle said; I think she put it very well. I want my kids to feel safe, valued, and seen, and to get the education basics. Everything else is gravy.
On the public/private conversation: I have now taught college students for a decade at a selective R1 university. Because I teach about political socialization, I chat with my students often about their high school experiences. I have seen no correlation between those who attended private vs public and their academic performance in my class (I can’t assess their mental health or any of the other outcomes we might be interested in). The only correlation I’ve noticed is that I am disproportionately likely to get grade complaints/requests for special extra credit assignments/etc from private school attendees. Take that as you will.
Anon says
My husband also teaches at an R1 and has made the same observation. Although in his case, most private school students are also international students, which is an additional factor.
Cb says
I’ve taught at a Russell Group uni with a huge private school intake, another RG with mostly state school pupils, and just started at a much more local/lower ranked uni. The fancier uni was the worst for grade complaints and general entitlement. The students were much more confident in how they presented their ideas, but heavy on the bluster.
GCA says
“I want my kids to feel safe, valued and seen, and to get the education basics. Everything else is gravy.” This. This is what I want for my kids from the public school system they currently attend. (I love the original question and dislike the term ‘good schools’ because it can be kind of…dog-whistle-y, not to mention subjective.)
I do want my kids to contribute to a future that is just and climate-resilient and where we’ve maybe even reversed the current climate trends. It’s likely they’ll need strong math and science skills for that, but it’s just as likely they’ll need to understand how to relate to other people. I want them to be independent, to be humble, to be adventurous, to be open-minded. (That is maybe not a school issue!) I don’t want my kids have access to the kind of social capital I benefited from/ never had, I want them to help build a world in which social capital is accessible to everyone.
Anonymous says
I’ve spent a lot of time on this! My parents were academics, I was naturally good at school/“gifted,” and my parents had a very specific idea of what intellectual success was- learning as much as possible academically, going to the “best” possible college, pursuing academic learning past college etc. never a monetary/earning focus, but an achievement focus. I went to an Ivy for college, Ivy for law school (and it was a big deal to my parents I didn’t get a phd). My own children are extremely intellectual but I have different goals for them – I don’t think I actually learned more at my Ivy college for example. My state school friends who also entered as learning-focused people learned way more. I also felt really lost at my huge public middle and high schools- ultimately switched to a small college prep private school that had a better community but was… intense. Like 5 hours of homework a night intense. We have our kids at a small religious school that is extremely community focused and honestly that’s what is the most important for me- I want their schools to help them develop their sense of self and community, how they contribute, and provide them as much opportunity to learn as possible. The school motto is about how you can use your own ideas to help build a better world. I’m very wary of them being academically bored, and for high school will need to find a way to combat that without as much pressure as my high school, because I also value sleep, exercise, and social and family life. Where I’m torn is the fancy ivies can open up opportunities- yes in my current job plenty of people went to state school, but I got to pick this job from almost any job. But I think overall I’m interested in schools at every level that help develop your whole self and your place in the community.
Anonymous says
We just started speech and occupational therapy in the mornings, twice a week, for our 4 year old. Therapy is from 8-9:30 and then we drop off at daycare. Yesterday, the daycare teacher asked us not to be late because it throws off the class routine and our son is more disruptive. We said it’s for therapy, and I don’t think there’s a way to avoid it. Is there something I’m not thinking of? Our current therapists will not come to the school, though I could call around and see if I can find one who will.
Anon says
so my daughter does speech and OT. in preschool she did speech at school bc there were private pay therapists who came to the school. OT she always did after school and now in elementary she does both after school. i would try to work with your daycare to see what they suggest/if they have any ideas? you cannot be hte first or last to encounter this issue
Anon says
They’re being absurd. I know some people here disagree, but daycare isn’t school and IMO parents should be able to drop off whenever they want as long as it isn’t in the middle of nap time or another activity that shouldn’t be interrupted. We regularly took our 3-4 year old into daycare between 9:30-10 am, just because that was the time that worked for our family, and I would have been pretty annoyed if they’d complained. But for therapy, it’s absolutely 100% justified. Even in public school you could do that. I would just repeat that this therapy is necessary for your child, this is when you could schedule it and ignore their complaints.
Anonymous says
+1 this is unreasonable on day care’s part. I would just talk to them. I took my kindergartener out of public school once a week for therapy and they never gave me a hard time about it. Maybe ask day care when a less disruptive time would be to make the appointment and see if you can make that work? I’d also say this is medically necessary so you don’t have a lot of options.
Anon says
I wouldn’t even try to move the appointment, because speech and OT appointments are so impossible to schedule and the current time is relatively good for an adult with a full-time job. I had to take my kid at 2 pm, which was more disruptive for daycare (I had to pick up during nap time) and way more disruptive for my work schedule, but it was the only time we could get. The only person I know who had an appointment time after 3:30 had been on the waitlist for years to get that timeslot.
Anonymous says
I think if would have been courteous to have explained that upfront
anonM says
It’s a service you think your child needs. I’d work on how to make the transition easiest. “Hi, I understand there has been some disruption caused by the late drop offs. This is for services Johnny needs, and which I think will help him in school both at XYZ Center and beyond. Can we set up a quick call to discuss the best way to handle his late arrivals on [Monday and Tuesdays]? And, maybe we can go ahead and schedule a meeting for a few weeks out to touch base on what we’ve learned in speech/OT and how we can all best support Kiddo.”
You wouldn’t not take your kid to the Dr you prefer because of this. FWIW, we did OT that did not come to school, and I’m not sure how daycare would have even felt about it. And, there are pros and cons to doing it first thing in the am vs later in the day – my DS was tired/had more behavior issues after OT, but we had 4pm appts. First thing in the am kiddo might gain more from OT, as kiddo will have more energy/attention span, but might make it harder for daycare (not that I’d reschedule only for that reason). Good luck!
anon says
Another OT and ST mom. Daycare is off base here. What does the director say?
Our school does work with a private pay ST company that comes to school and pulls kids out but if you use another agency that’s fine. I could see disruption during nap and ours does have a policy of arrival before or after nap (1-3) but not during. 9:30 is not late…
Anon says
I think you’re fine, they probably didn’t realize it was for a reason. I’d just let them know that you’ll be in late those two days a week and everyone should be good.
Anon says
all of my comments keep ending up in mod so trying again – we are new to public school this year and there is something scheduled by the PTO that is on Friday night/Saturday which also happens to be Rosh Hashanah. We are Jewish and are definitely the minority, (though not the only jews at the school) and I don’t expect things to be planned around me and don’t want to be THAT mom, but I also kind of feel like events shouldn’t be scheduled during the most important holidays for the major religions. i of course don’t expect anything to change for this year, but more to put on radar for future years. do i say something?
Anon says
I think it’s the H*sh part of the holiday name, fwiw
Anonymous says
You should! We have a couple of very ivluved PTO parents that are Jewish and they flag stuff for us all the time. Not the more obvious things like Rosh but more subtle things like when we had a science fair the second night of Passover which is often a family meal.
OP says
glad Rosh is already on your radar :-) my post finally made it through above and I’m honestly a bit surprised by all of the comments telling me it is to be expected, but perhaps i spent too much of my life in the NY area. scheduling on Rosh or Yom Kippur is like scheduling on Easter or Christmas. people tend to assume that Hanukah is this major Jewish holiday (though it is not)
Anon says
What is the event? I don’t think a graduation, annual concert or a mandatory thing like state testing should be scheduled for a major religious holiday, but for things like book fair and game nights that happen more frequently, it’s kind of unavoidable that it will be scheduled on someone’s holiday. There just aren’t enough days in the year to have all these events on non-holidays. It’s reality that the default holidays in the US are the major Christian holidays and outside of NY and maybe Boston, it’s not likely that Jewish holidays will be elevated to the level of importance of Christian holidays (and tbh, even when they are, there are still a whole lot of people being left out…there are a lot of non-Judeo-Christian religions).
anon says
I was surprised too, if only because I grew up in Atlanta in the 1980s/1990s, and even then my private school had RH and YK on the school calendar and didn’t schedule special events on those days (in fact, my school did not treat Maundy Thursday or Good Friday similarly, so I often missed stuff due to being taken out of school to attend church, which is often during the day on GF, or to attend evening services on MT). You could also get an excused absence for RH/YK that didn’t count toward your “regular” limit of EAs. So I’m used to private schools, at least, accommodating RH and YK – and I suspect they now make similar accommodations for other holidays of minority religious given the growth in (for example) the Muslim, Hindu, and Sikh population here.
That being said, I don’t know if the local public schools even now do anything to avoid those days, or any non-weekend holiday other than Christmas/Thanksgiving.
Anon says
It’s counter-intuitive but my sense is that taking Jewish holidays off the school calendars was actually an attempt to be more inclusive and the thinking was that if they weren’t going to be having Eid, Diwali, etc. on the calendars they should move away from recognizing religious holidays in general. Our public schools no longer have any official recognition of Good Friday or Easter either. The only religious holiday on the official school calendar is Christmas, and I think everyone kind of thinks of that differently because of winter break.
Anonymous says
In my city (small but larger than 30 years ago Jewish population) the Jewish Federation reaches out to the public school districts every year with information, and also has handouts you can use on your own. Do you have a Federation or similar in your area?
Anon says
Thoughts on St. Louis for a long weekend with an almost 6 year old? Our kindergartner has a Friday off school soon and it’s a pretty easy drive (~4 hours) for us.
octagon says
St. Louis has a ton of fun stuff for kids! We have extended family there and go often, there’s never a shortage of things to do. Consider including the Magic House in Kirkwood, and the City Museum downtown. The Science Center and the zoo are great, too.
An.On. says
Sure, for a short weekend and a kindergartener, I’d recommend the City Museum and Forest Park (you can do the zoo and the Science Center from the park). Plus there’s the riverfront with the Arch, and art museums, theaters, history museums, etc and home to Ted Drewes, gooey butter cookies and toasted ravioli. It’s a great place.
Just don’t try any of the local pizza.
Stl says
Hey I live here! Yes, come visit!
Echoing Forest Park recs and adding that there’s a great Nature Playscape in the park.
I would recommend against staying in the main downtown. While I live in and like the city, the main downtown area has been a bit scary at night and there’s not that much to do there. Instead, I’d look into an Airbnb in one of the city neighborhoods or maybe the Chase or Cheshire Hotel.
And, the weather has finally cooled down.
Anonymous says
We just stayed at the Chase in August for 2 nights, and did last August as well, and liked it. outdoor pool, nice restaurants a short walk away, and across from Forest Park. They also have free guest laundry, which I would not have expected but was fabulous because we had just finished a camping trip. We were too tired to actually enjoy the city much but the hotel is nice.
Anonymous says
WWYD: elementary orchestra.
My kid is in 4th grade. We got a flier for orchestra, which is offered to 4th and 5th graders. At our elem, orchestra is a “pull out” meaning kids are pulled from regular class to attend lessons. Unlike my elem, they do not do band/orchestra in lieu of regular music class. I checked with the classroom teacher and for my kid’s class, she’d be missing math.
Facts:
– Kiddo could go either direction on orchestra. She’s interested, but also fine with not doing it since her BFF isn’t.
– Kiddo is an excellent student and is particularly strong at math.
– Kiddo is fairly bored in school; she is always done first and given extra/”challenge” work.
– Kiddo has heard from older friends that when you don’t do orchestra, you have coloring time/busy work instead.
Our open house is tonight and I plan to talk to the classroom teacher. On one hand, I don’t want my kid missing math for orchestra. On the other hand, if 5 kids are pulled out of math for orchestra, the other 13 aren’t going to move on without them, so what do they do instead? It kinda sounds like a waste of time *not* to do orchestra if you aren’t in need of extra math practice, which my kid isn’t. I value music education a lot and I’m super disappointed that orchestra (and next year, band) are pull-outs. I had just assumed that “music class” became a choice of music class vs orchestra or something in the upper elem but I was wrong.
Anonymous says
Elementary school math is so repetitive that she won’t miss anything. Have her do orchestra if she has any interest at all.
anon says
Math and reading music are so intertwined. I think that if (a) your kid is solid in math already, and (b) the school is a-ok with kids making this choice (clearly they are), then go for the music. I find most people I’ve come across wish they’d learned to read music at even a basic level. So even if kid isn’t destined for musical greatness, it’s a wonderful life skill.
However, I think it’s a great question to ask how they keep kid current on math and keep the entire class on pace with one another – those that miss and those that don’t. Presumably this just one math class out of a handful per week so it’s otherwise just review and ok to skip? If so, your kiddo might be bored in this math class anyway.
Anonymous says
OP here, I think I’m going to nudge her to do it, but I just feel icky about the whole idea of pulling a kid out of math for music. Mine is strong at math but other kids aren’t!
And it’s also not equal across the 4th grade. Her class has kids pulled out of math; the other 3 4th grades have kids pulled out at different times during the day (ie not math but maybe something else equally important).
Anonymous says
Nothing being taught in elementary school is as important and beneficial as a good music class where they are learning to read music. Elementary school is so basic and slow that there is just nothing to miss. If kids are behind in math they need special attention, not more of the standard math class, because clearly it’s not working for them anyway. In fact, I’d argue that good music instruction might actually help them in math.
Anonymous says
Assuming this is a string orchestra, sign her up to play the viola. If she becomes a halfway decent violist, she will have more performance opportunities than she would on violin. If she wants to play a wind instrument, double reeds are where it’s at for the same reason, although those probably aren’t available in elementary orchestra. Avoid flute because more kids play the flute than any other instrument and there are at most three or four spots in an orchestra.
Source: bachelor’s degree in flute performance
Anonymous says
You’re overthinking this is an obvious yes
Anon2 says
My third grader came home from school asking to join orchestra, which was a surprise to me because this kid is a perfectionist who is allergic to trying new things he might not be good at. Also, we have no musical talent in our family. So, I’m letting him try it! (He wanted to play bass, but after much discussion he consented to cello with a backup choice of viola, which I was pushing for lol.)
His is pull-out, also, and they are expected to make up any missed work for homework. But for ours they vary the times so they don’t always miss the same subject, which is nice. Though, I assume yours isn’t every day? Missing one day of math a week shouldn’t be a problem in grade school.
I honestly think it’s not a big deal at this age, especially for smart kids, to miss coursework for other valuable opportunities, but I also wouldn’t force your daughter if she has no innate desire to try. Basically, figure out what you and your daughter really want, and you can’t go wrong here.
Anon says
We do this, and it’s fine. Most of the kids are pulled out over the week (they do pull outs at different time for each instrument), and they just work around them.
Anon says
My kid’s school does this. I told my 4th grader that if she ever felt she was going to miss important academic content that she could choose to go to math instead of instrument that week.
Last year she decided to stay in math twice–once on a week she’s missed other classes because of illness and another time because she wanted to be at the pre-test review session. I was fully supportive of her choices and it wasn’t a big deal to miss those two instrument lessons. She went to instrument all of the other times and just made up the math work.
Anon says
i think many schools do this (ours does). Clearly the results have not been bad or they would have come up with a different system. FWIW- if your child really wants to do band, they will make it work. My child started falling behind on her math so we told her either improve the math scores or quit band. She quit band. I kind of feel like that was indicative of her feelings about band.
Spirograph says
I did pull-out band and orchestra in elementary, in addition to a full day pull-out for gifted class. if she’s otherwise a good student, she’ll be fine academically. If she’s at all interested, I’d hev her try it. She can always quit, but it’s harder to start later than the other kids who first tried in 4th grade (because of confidence and peer pressure reasons, not objectively).
Anonymous says
How much learning should I be expecting from preschool for a 2/3 year old class? I don’t mean like sit down lessons but how much time per day is your kid doing some kind of enrichment, learning, whatever as opposed to playing with toys or outside time? I guess I want my kid to be learning more about the world through hands on things than they are but maybe my expectations are high. We’re paying $2300+ for a NoVa coop so I feel like we’re paying a premium for what we’re getting. Right now they do 15 minute circle time and one 15 minute project/lesson/whatever a day I think? I just think my kid is bored.
Anonymous says
Playing is learning for that age group. Full stop.
Anonymous says
Zero academic learning. They should be learning to take turns, stand in line, be kind to others, and otherwise function in a group setting. They should also be playing outside a lot and doing all the fun and enriching but messy and annoying art and science projects that you don’t have energy for at home.
Anon says
Zero!! As the person above said, playing is learning at that age. The price is irrelevant, quality childcare is expensive regardless of whether or not it’s academic.
And fwiw, a really smart kid is more likely to be bored with a formal curriculum they’ve already mastered than with a day that’s all unstructured play. The best early childhood environments for really smart/gifted kids are non-academic ones.
OP says
Just to clarify I mean I’m not seeing any science or art projects, that’s what I meant by learning. In prior classes at this school they did things like rolling pumpkins down the hill, little games to learn colors, mini cooking projects, that kind of thing. My kid loves that kind of stuff and it’s what I consider “learning.” In this new class I’m not seeing much of this at all. Also the co-op does not require in class volunteering, it’s a full time daycare/preschool.
kids need to play says
It sounds like you want more educator-centered activities. I think this kind of thing can be part of a good program, but skilled early childhood educators will only offer them when and to the extent they make sense for a group. I’ve seen really skilled educators vary how often they have this kind of thing pretty dramatically from year to year depending on the children in their class.
I think it’s reasonable to ask the educators about their philosophy on these kinds of activities to get a better understanding. Just don’t call it “learning,” because the children are learning all day while they play. Call it “educator-centered activities” or something to that effect.
Anon says
This a very good point. And these sorts of activities can vary in quality — many of those “cute” crafts that go home with handprints or pompoms glued on in a special pattern are for the parents. They do nothing for the kids. Crafts, etc. that are too rigid in how the directions should be followed and what the final product should be inhibit creativity and foster perfectionism.
Much better for kids to have access to crayons or finger paints and make messy scribbles of their own desire that get trashed at the end of the day, rather than beautiful painted rainbows that “teach colors”.
Anon says
That stuff is fun but really not necessary at this age. But also we’re not very far into the new school year – is it possible the teachers are just trying to get their bearings and the activities will pick up as the class and teachers settle in? I know my kid’s pre-k daycare class only did water days in June and July and not in August (even though that’s typically the hottest month in our area) because the new kids started August 1 and they needed time for them to settle in. It was disappointing for my kid, especially her second year in the room when she knew about water days and that the weather was perfect for them, but such is life.
Anon says
what makes you think your kid is bored? also kids learn through play. read above where one persons kindergartner said they just play games all day….parent checked with teacher and they play math games, letter games, etc. idk what you’d expect a 2/3 year old to learn about ‘the world’ at that age
Anon says
Maybe this program isn’t a good fit for you. Personally I’d want zero academic focus for a 2yo, but I think I get what you’re saying in that you want experiences or more purposeful playtime? For example, something like Montessori wouldn’t “teach math” per se, but every toy/material in the school is designed to develop a skill. It’s all playing, but it’s purposefully designed.
Or maybe you want a forest school, where every day is a tactile adventure and your kid will build strength, self-awareness, and problem-solving ability by virtue of playing with other kids in the woods.
I wouldn’t want to pay money for my kids to sit in a sea of frenetic battery-operated toys with no overarching rhythm to the day…but I do want my toddlers engaged in focused, purposeful play most of the days (blocks, dress up, toy kitchen, puzzles, LOTS OF BOOKS and story time, etc.)
kids need to play says
+1 on zero academic instruction. Children learn through play, participating in routines, and being with their peers while supervised by skilled early childhood educators. Have you had a chance to observe the educators in action?
There exist academic programs for young children if your heart is set on that, but talk to your pediatrician about child development before you make such a drastic switch.
Anon says
Usually “academic” content at that age is having circle time where you discuss the weather, the month and day of the week, any birthdays, and maybe the season. Then the leader may read a story or teach a song. I do think it’s good to start having the kids sit on a rug for a few minutes to listen to an adult. It should be brief, fun and low pressure.
I’d expect the preschool to have at least one revolving station with something different each class to keep things interesting. Maybe playdoh or rock scooping or shaving cream. Maybe a seasonal craft. Something that the kids could choose to try (or not) depending on their interest.
Anonymous says
That’s completely developmentally appropriate for that age. PLAY IS LEARNING. All they need to learn at this age is social skills. And they learn that through play, If you want them to learn more about nature or art or music they need to be in a nature preschool, or you take them to those experiences yourself. You’re co-opting? Like in the class? That’s wildly expensive unless it’s like a Waldorf school. My co-op in Rockville was $200/month! Even Bethesda co-ops aren’t more than $500/month. So yeh it sounds like you’re being ripped off.
Anon says
How do you find or rebuild your sense of self when it feels like it’s missing? I’ve had a hard few months – nothing terrible but various stressors – and am feeling like I am not much more than my work and my family. Feeling very disconnected from friends and outreach’s have been ignored or people are too busy. I just don’t feel like I know myself anymore.
(This sounds more dramatic written out than I feel, so don’t worry).
Anonymous says
I started working out, baking after my kids to go bed and…making friendship bracelets. Laugh if you want! I just needed some things that were alone time and only for me. As for connection: My bff and I scheduled a phone call catch up and had to reschedule literally four days in a row because…life. Keep trying. Or find new friends. I don’t mean to be glib but I realized last year I was going to have to put in some effort if I’m going to go deep with anyone who’s new to my circle.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“So make the friendship bracelets…” ala Swift. Love this. OP, how old are your kids? I found that it was just recently (my kids are 7 and almost 5) that I’ve had time to think about life beyond kids and work. And I probably lost some friendships over it because I didn’t respond or we drifted. But it’s never too late, and often you do have to keep putting yourself out there. You only need one or two true confidantes, I’ve found.
But also, we’re here, and this group has been an awesome support even in the thick of little kid years.
Anon says
Yeah I had plans to visit an old friend and we rescheduled three or four times because our kids kept getting sick. At some stages of life, that’s just the territory.
For me, I try to return activities I love and that feel like me: walks in nature, yoga, church, knitting, reading for pleasure.
Mary Moo Cow says
I just keep trying with friends. One thing that saved my long distance BFF and my friendship was the voxer app instead of text messages. I’m still doing the heavy lifting, but it’s worth it to me to keep trying. I’m also the one who organizes long distance secret santa for my grad school group and sends the most group texts.
I have also explored classes for long forgotten interests, like adult ballet. DH and I did a 6 week painting class (his thing, not mine, because we needed to reconnect.) I took a one off digital photography class. I’ve joined a neighborhood book club. I’ve also made more of an effort to make new friends, particularly in my neighborhood and with kids’ friends’ parents. Any of those things sound appealing, or do you have a museum or arts center nearby that offers classes?
Like someone else, I also go on baking sprees. Occasionally I tell DH that he needs to get the kids out of the house for a few hours and a get an indulgent coffee and read in silence, or watch a movie that only I want to watch.
Anon says
I love volunteering in my daughter’s elementary school and with extracurricular activities. I feel good about myself because I’m giving back and helping teachers/coaches, I get to connect with other moms who have similar age kids who either live near us or are in the same activities, and my daughter loves getting to see me in the middle of the school day. I don’t have a lot of close friends locally, but this has helped me build a village and a lot of friendly acquaintances. The opportunity to volunteer on a regular basis is (so far) my favorite thing about elementary school vs daycare.
Halloween says
Low stakes question – how early do you put up Halloween decorations?
We’ve only ever done a bunch of pumpkins on the steps, but my toddler loves LOVES skeletons and ghosts and so we’re going more all-out this year.
Mary Moo Cow says
The closest weekend day to October 1 (sometimes falls before, sometimes after.) I decorated before kids (my mom loves Halloween and always had fun with it when I was a kid) but I’ve noticed that my decorations get more elaborate as my kids get older and more into it.
Anonymous says
I buy pumpkins for the front steps when the weather cools off enough that they won’t rot instantly, generally at some point in October. We put up Halloween decorations the weekend before Halloween.