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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Pediatrician - CP&A, Capitol Hill, DC says
Reposting from the main s*te:
Quick question — do any of you DC ladies have experience with Children’s Pediatricians and Associates at Capitol Hill in Washington, DC? I’d be grateful for any recommendations for a specific pediatrician in the group, or any positive/negative experiences generally. Thanks!
Anon says
Curious whether people ate while they were in labor? And if so, if it was with your OB/midwife’s blessing?
mascot says
Ate a protein bar on the way to the hospital. Water broke a few hours later. Between the pain, the epidural, and it being the middle of the night, I wasn’t really hungry. From water breaking to birth was about 7 hours so not long. I got a room service menu right after in recovery and arrived at my room right when my food did (Starving by then, best hamburger ever)
mascot says
And , my hospital discouraged laboring moms from eating because my nurse was joking about sneaking in food for me. This may have changed with recent recommendations
anon says
Wasn’t allowed but I didn’t want to, anyway, between labor pain, crazy shivering, fever, weird epidural numbness, pushing, etc. The hospital had unlimited Italian ices, and those were GREAT for a while, along with juice, but eventually everything just made me nauseated. Definitely the hungriest and thirstiest I have ever been for the 48 hours after the birth.
same anon says
(Timing-wise, water broke at home, so I ate a snack before we left for the hospital. From hospital arrival to birth was about 21 hours.)
KJ says
I had breakfast in the morning before my induction got going and gatorade while I was in labor, midwife approved. I regretted it when I was puking blue during my unbearable contractions later in the day.
JJ says
No eating, only ice water once I arrived at the hospital. Timing-wise, I arrived at night for induction, went into labor the next morning, ended up with a c-section that night (after 12 hours of active labor). Couldn’t eat again the following morning (12 hours after surgery), so I was famished by the time I was allowed to eat.
JJ says
Oh, and I will add that during active labor, I wasn’t hungry at all. Only once the epidural/spinal block effects wore off did I feel it.
rakma says
It was suggested by my midwives that I eat before getting to the hospital. Once I had the epidural, I wasn’t allowed food, but didn’t really want it either. The nurses made sure I had food stashed in the communal fridge so I could eat as soon as possible, even if the cafeteria was closed.
Anonymous says
Still pregnant, but my midwives encourage eating if you’re up for it. My doula said I probably wouldn’t be, especially because my practice discourages you from getting to the hospital until you’re very far into active labor
Recommended snacks were broth, Gu, honey sticks, Coke, and other “easy calories.”
RDC says
Was induced in the evening and allowed to eat breakfast before we started with the drugs to cause contractions. Not allowed to eat from then on (had a midwife in a hospital setting; no epidural if it’s relevant). I was starving and snuck some crackers / small snacks in addition to the allowed clear liquids. Had a big meal right after delivery.
EB0220 says
I had an Epic bar on the way to the hospital and it was a terrible mistake! I tasted weird beef jerky flavor the whole time. At the hospital, I ate Honey Stinger Chews and drank Heed, and it was perfect. I had a 3 hr labor, though, with no epidural, so didn’t matter at all what I’d eaten.
With my first, I didn’t feel like eating. I think I might have had a brownie or two within the first hour, but nothing after.
EB0220 says
I will add that I was super surprised to have almost no food options when I delivered #2. My first was born at 7 am so I got breakfast right away in L&D. My second was born at 7 pm and the hospital cafeteria was closed. Thank goodness my in-laws live about 5 min from the hospital and were able to bring me a sandwich.
Meg Murry says
Was induced for both kids, and told not to eat from midnight on the night before the induction.
By the time my older son was born, it was more than 24 hours since I had had anything other than ice chips, and I was so out of it and weak the doctor used the vacuum and pretty much just yanked him out. I pretty much passed out with exhaustion after that, so it was probably 36 hours before I got to eat anything.
Second kid induction was last minute, so I had just eaten right before, and they let me have gatorade, ginger ale and other clear fluids in the hospital. Maybe popsicles as well? I did throw it up, either right before or right after the epidural, and I didn’t want to eat after that beyond a little water.
Tunnel says
I ate on my way to the hospital, as was recommended in my birthing class. The hospital did not allow eating after you were admitted (I think in case surgery was required). There was food (a box with a sandwich, chips, and a drink) waiting for me once I got down to my room post-labor. I would have had access to the whole menu had the kitchen been open (I delivered in the wee hours).
Anonymous says
(NOT A DOCTOR)
Generally, eating during labor is discouraged/prohibited at the hospital in case you have to have a C-section, because you should avoid eating for 12-24 hours before abdominal surgery. Otherwise, there is no reason to avoid food during labor, other than your own preferences. Typically doulas will encourage you to eat while you labor at home, because there’s no telling how long you might be at the hospital and how long you may have to go without food. Easy calories, as mentioned above, are encouraged. Also, your lips will get very chapped while in labor so bring chapstick.
DC Anon says
Midwives did not encourage it. But, after a really long labor I broke down and ate a handful of nuts. Hours later I ended up being prepped for a C-section. During the prep I vomited and choked. A doctor noticed and stuck a suction tube down my throat. It was just seconds but felt like forever.
Quail says
I had a big sandwich while in early labor (and didn’t know I was in labor) and then a piece of toast in active labor at home. Did not want the toast but wanted to keep my energy up because once I went to the hospital I would not be allowed to eat. I ended up not laboring at the hospital at all and so never used the gels/gus/gatorade I had purchased but it was good to know I had them (I get very hangry).
Second the advice to have something ready to eat in case the hospital cafeteria is closed for after you deliver. I was so hungry!
sfg says
My water broke just after midnight. Went to the hospital to be checked and was allowed to go home and rest for a bit. Ate some breakfast later that morning. After I checked in for good, OB on call allowed me to have a bland lunch before hooking me up to Pitocin. From then on it was jello, italian ices (these were super amazing at the time), broth (ditto), and even a few sips of coffee the following morning (about 30 hours in at that point).
MDMom says
I started early labor around midnight. I ate a protein bar. Went to hospital around 9 am. Nurse encouraged me to drink and eat snacks- I don’t know specifically what she offered because the thought of food disgusted me. Towards the afternoon she was pushing hard for me to have something with calories and I accepted diluted cranberry juice. Otherwise I just wanted ice chips. My midwives advised to eat before the hospital and pack some snacks. Baby was born at 6pm. No epidural. I was starving after but my stomach was so screwed up from going that long without food or sleep that I could only eat cold foods for the first week (this reaction may be unique to me). Next time, I plan to eat more at home and maybe pack some ensure or similar.
Anon in NYC says
My water broke at 4am but I didn’t have contractions. When I spoke to the on-call doctor at 6am she told me to eat a good breakfast at home because once I was admitted I wouldn’t be allowed to eat. From water breaking to birth was about 24 hours. While at the hospital I had all clear liquids: jello, coconut water, Italian ices, and chicken broth at the hospital, plus a few jolly ranchers (the nurses weren’t sure about it, but the doctor asked for some after my daughter was born!). There was an hour or two where I was sort of hungry but couldn’t really fathom eating; that’s when the chicken broth was fabulous.
Scandia says
First birth, water broke at 4 in the morning, baby was born next morning at 2, bad birth, I labored for hours. Could not eat, had to spit it out when a contraction came, was exhausted and tired in the end.
Second birth, ate a big dinner at 7 in the evening, great birth, baby born at 1 in the morning.
Third birth. Ate breakfast twice, at 6 and at 8, baby born at 1 in the afternoon. Great birth.
Best advice –drink apple juice, lots of calories, easy to drink.
I was allowed to eat anytime. It is strange to me, that you should be kept from eating and keeping your strength, if you are not in special risk of having a c-section.
NewMomAnon says
I tend to pass out from low blood sugar, so my OB and I discussed beforehand that I would be eating during labor. I think I ate almost a whole bag of clementines during the 36 hours I was in labor. Almost had an emergency C-section, which is why they discourage eating…but there was no way I could have made it 36 hours without eating.
And yes, bring food for after baby is born. My kiddo was born at 8 pm with (minor) complications, so we didn’t get to the recovery room until almost 11. Nothing was open. I had brought a box of cereal and string cheese, and that’s how I made it through to morning.
anonymama says
Burmese food in the hospital waiting room just before they admitted me, then a luna bar, and later a popsicle. I had long labors. Also puked somewhere in between epidural and pushing, but it was enough time later that I had no regrets about eating. I normally eat every 3 or 4 hours, so not eating for 20 hours would have been ridiculous.
OP says
This was my thought on it. I am used to eating frequently and I get majorly hangry, so I feel like it would be in everyone’s best interest if I eat something.
Katarina says
I normally need to eat frequently, especially while pregnant, but I did not get at all hungry during my 12 hour labor. I did eat a few popsicles. I probably should have eaten before heading to the hospital, more for energy than hunger. I did get a little nauseous during labor, but did not through up. I was extremely hungry afterwards, though, but did not have to wait too long to eat. I had crackers and juice right away, and a full meal a few hours later in recovery.
JEB says
I had a surprise induction – I was sent straight from my doctor’s office to the hospital, due to low fluid. Since I was only expecting to go to my appointment and come home, I’d only had a bowl of cereal. By the time I was checked into the hospital (after a high-res ultrasound to confirm), it was around 4pm. The doctor told me I couldn’t eat once they started the induction. She took pity on me and let me order dinner from the room service menu. I had a chicken caesar wrap, figuring it was fairly light but would give me some protein. After that, it was only water, ice, and popsicles. I finally gave birth 29 hours later, and I was starving/shaking. I scarfed down graham crackers until we got to recovery a few hours later, where they had a boxed lunch waiting for me (around midnight). Best chicken salad sandwich I’ve ever had!
Doula Snacks says
I was induced, ended up getting an epidural and, twenty-one crappy hours later, a c-section. But my doula brought me a smoothie some point after my water had broken but before pushing, because I was an exhausted mess. It was one of those Naked Juice smoothies. I barfed it all up while pushing, then had a C Section. I survived, but prob would’ve been fine without it. Would NOT have been fine without my precious water bottle. We brought almonds and coconut water and such to the hospital, which made great postpartum / daddy snacks.
In House Lobbyist says
I had waffles and japleneo poppers around 8 pm and water broke around 11pm and I delivered at 4 am. The jalpeneo poppers were a mistake as I was throwing them up after delivery. But I am extremely sensitive to pain meds and wa opting for natural birth until they figured out my baby was breach at the last minute and jacked me full with an epidural. So maybe eat something lighter than what I did even if your are not in active labor.
RDC says
Ladies, I need a vacation. An actual vacation, including time to relax and (ideally) do fun touristy activities. But DS is almost 1, which doesn’t lend itself to either relaxing or activities that take place during nap time or after 7pm. How do you handle childcare on vacations? We don’t have family to leave him with – I don’t think any of his grandparents have the stamina to watch him for a whole week. We have considered bringing the grandparents along and they could do shorter stints of babysitting during the trip, but the idea of coordinating the whole trip with grandparents seems overwhelming. (Making sure everyone is onboard with location, dates, costs, etc…) Do you use sitters provided by the hotel? Other ways of finding local sitters? Would love your advice!
EB0220 says
Not sure if you like snow sports, but many ski resorts have on-site childcare.
RDC says
Thinking more warm-weather destination, ideally. I think some beach resorts have similar?
mascot says
Your child may be too young for kids camps, but the resort may have some people they work with. I know that there are a few sitter services in beach towns that cater to vacationers. I think it is easier to stay in a villa/house/condo over a hotel when traveling with a little one. The extra space and kitchen options make naps and meals much more bearable. You might be able get takeout from the nice places for dinner and eat-in after the little one goes to bed.
Pigpen's Mama says
The Frankyn D. Resort has vacation nannies. We haven’t been, but the reviews I’ve read say a family is assigned their own nanny for the duration of their stay.
http://havebabywilltravel.com/2010/09/28/franklyn-d-resort-spa-the-one-with-the-vacation-nannies/
We’ve had good luck on 3-4 day trips with our LO when we stay in a suite and keep our expectations to a minimum. She enjoys pools, so that’s an activity, as is just walking around in a stroller or carrier.
We have yet to attempt the beach – I’ve heard that is hard when they are still at the put everything in their mouth stage…
Anonymous says
we live in an ocean town and spend all summer at the beach with the kid when she were 8-12 months old (prime put-it-in-your-mouth stage). Keep an eye on them. you may have to pick a rock our of the mouth but by and large, it was fine. We’d fill a bucket with water and she would live dipping and rinsing her sandy messy hands in.
anne-on says
Tyler Place Resort in VT. Day care/nannies are included with the cost of your stay, so about 8 hours of day time childcare while you’re there. It.is.magical.
Anon says
A cautionary tale: I just got back from a vacation (beach resort) with my 2-year-old niece and my husband and I were in agreement that, unless we have the easiest kids in the world, there is no way we will travel with our kids until they are 4-5 year olds. Everyone spent the entire time catering to the kid, making sure she didn’t break anything/drown/fall down the stairs/disrupt other people, and we spent an inordinate amount of time in the hotel suite dealing with meltdowns from hunger/tiredness/overexcitement etc. It may be easier with a kid who isn’t mobile, but we (as well as my niece’s parents) found the whole experience very stressful and it didn’t remotely feel like a vacation. My parents are normally all about watching my niece (and the plan was to split childcare so everyone got a break), but once we got there they were much more interested in doing other things, so if you bring grandparents be prepared for them to not want to babysit when they get there.
Clementine says
Counterpoint: I’ve successfully vacationed with friends with little kids and found that there are a few things that the parents did that made it work really well. We’re planning on doing the same with our little one when they come (which will be sometime in the next month- eek!!)
-We have rented whole houses/condos. This way, it was super nice and relaxing to just hang out after the kid had gone to bed. We also had minimal meltdowns related to food/sleep/etc. We’ve actually splurged a bit to get a nicer place that had a good patio where it was nice to sit and relax with wine all night or a pool where it was easy to have the kid napping in a pack and play 15 feet away in the house with a baby monitor by the pool.
-The people we’ve gone with have been really chill and have been cool about letting the parents get out on a date night. My girlfriend does ski vacations and brings her MIL (a non-skier) who watches kiddo while they ski. What MIL loves is going out to nice dinners, so they make sure she gets to go to dinner and my friends get to ski.
Onlyworkingmomintulsa says
Yep, totally this. We stayed in a condo in Colorado for a week this summer with my then 2.5 year old and 5 month old. It was a “family trip” definitely NOT a vacation and we won’t be doing that again until there are no naps and everyone can wipe their own butts.
Anonymous says
Counterpoint: I have a 2 year old and she is often less work than my husband on trips. For us, it’s about adjusting expectations. No, DH and I can’t zone out and close our eyes on the beach…but one of us can, whiel the other builds sand castles and catches minnows. Then we switch. No, you both can’t stay out at the fancy margarita bar. We watched movies. We did plan around naptime (to avoid meltdowns), and that meant sometimes cutting a fun activity short and heading back to the condo. One parent (or both) lounged in the pool while kiddo napped.
We had a blast, but it was a family trip and not a carribean honeymoon vacation :)
Pigpen's Mama says
HAH! +1 to my LO being less work than my husband on trips! At least with her I can strap her to me and we can make it to the gate with enough time to breathe!
CHJ says
I’ve gone on several vacations with my 2 year old, including one when he was around your child’s age. What we do is spend a bit more money on our hotel room so that we can have a balcony or terrace, or a suite with a separate sleeping area. We’ll buy some treats while we’re out and about that day (ingredients for Dark & Stormies in the Caribbean; wine and cheese in France, etc.), and then after DS goes to bed we’ll hang out on the balcony/terrace and have cocktails or whatever. It’s definitely a slower pace than our pre-kids vacations, but still a lot of fun.
Frustrated Academic says
Our son is 20 months–since he has arrived, we have been to Maine, Mexico, Hawaii, Northern Michigan and, most recently, Scotland–these “vacations” fall into two categories. The first “visits”–to see grandparents, friends, etc. These trips are just like being at home with our son, but somewhere else with the bonus that Nana or other relative watches him while mom and dad sleep in, nap etc. The second are actual vacations where we do touristy things accompanied by our toddler. Mexico was lots of sitting by the pool, laying by the pool (much less drinking than pre-baby, but more naps). We were just in Scotland last month and took him with us as we visited castles, museums, wandered around. We had a stroller and both a back pack and a soft carrier–if he got grumpy, I would wear him and nurse him to sleep, or we would stop the car and find a spot for him to run around. We had dinner out every night, and while we were “in” earlier than before baby, we still had a great time. I think that the only way you get away from your kids on vacation is to go without them.
Meg Murry says
The other option is to do a getaway with someone other than your husband, and have him do the same another time. For instance, take a long weekend with a sister or a friend from college and go to a beach or spa, and then your husband does a guys weekend another time.
Otherwise, I agree with the previous posters that your “vacation” turns into “keeping your kid from killing herself in an unfamiliar setting, while being completely off routine”. Maybe other people are better at traveling with their kids, but my kids just don’t do travel well, and I wind up needed a vacation from my vacation.
Other things I know friends have done:
-paid for the grandparents or other relative’s trip in exchange for babysitting, so the only detail that needs to be worked out is dates
-taken along a trusted teenage or college age babysitter
-rented another vacation house with a family with a similar age kid, and traded days/nights off
RDC says
These are great ideas, thanks! So far we’ve traveled a lot for “visits” so I feel like we’ve got the logistics down, but I’m hoping to achieve something closer to an actual “vacation.” Good idea on renting a house with a patio or pool for the evenings. We’ve considered paying for the grandparents to come but that pushes the budget a little out of reach. Maybe if we did a house instead of 2 hotel rooms, that would be feasible.
MSJ says
I think with small kids you have to consider it travel but not a vacation. I took my twins to London and France when they were almost one and my husband and I had a great time, but it was definitely not a vacation – just a different sort of adventure travel. I really enjoy it because it forces us to slow down our pace and we can see everything with a different sort of perspective. But not the sort of caipirinhas on the beach pre-kids vacation. For that I agree that you are probably going to have to leave the kids at home. I love beaches but am waiting to the kids are out of diapers before attempting any sort of sandy getaway.
If you have any interest in Europe, I would check out Smith & Family, it’s a travel booking engine specialized in child-friendly boutique hotels. Many mention that they offer baby sitting.
RDC says
Thanks! Good point on sand and diapers. Will look into the site you mentioned!
In House Lobbyist says
We do a beach house since we have had kids and it is pretty easy. Maybe a few casual dinners or afternoons of shopping/sightseeing. This summer we had 4 under 4 and it was actually pretty easy to work around naps an bedtimes that way.
DC Anon says
What is your kid’s daycare like? My DD is one year old and I feel like her daycare is all about putting our fires. They make sure diapers are clean, kids are fed, and take them out for walks/outdoor time throughout the day. But, the rest of the time is mostly free play where they roam around the rooms playing with toys, chewing on books, etc. A couple of times a week they have some sort of art project.There are 16 total kids in the room. Do kids that age need or benefit from more structure? Should they be ‘learning’?
mascot says
Sounds about right for this age. Kids learn through playing so they are learning a lot. As she gets older, you can help her learn colors and such by just describing what you are seeing. Look at the blue bird. Feel how soft the dog’s fur is, etc. We didn’t see formal “lessons” until preschool (3 year old class) and even those were short bursts.
NewMomAnon says
I asked my pediatrician the same thing when my kiddo was about a year old – she said the freedom to play and explore was most important at that age. Once they get to the toddler classroom, it’s important that they have “structure” in the sense of a schedule of activities and consistent expectations about discipline, but “lessons” are really discouraged until age 3-4. After seeing how much my kiddo learns just from teachers reading books, playing, and signing about things, I am a believer.
Anonymous says
16 sounds high, but we are in Massachusetts and our ratios are pretty low (and our daycares are $$$). When my daughter was one, she was in the ~9-`15 month class. ratio was 7:2 and she had 6-7 kids in the class depending on the day. They played outside a lot (most walked), did a lot of sensory table stuff, read a LOT of books.
She’s 2 now, and in the 2-2.9 class (last class before preschool). She’s in a different daycare now, but her ratio is 9:2 (state ratio for this age). In the class and in this daycare, it’s a lot more roam-and-play with other kids, vs being instructed by teachers. I think they spend about 2 hours outside on nice days, do cooking activities (mainly, mixing in bowls!), an art project a few times a week, in bad weather they have a “jumping room” which is just a bunch of mats and bean bags on which they can jump and bounce. No music class , which I do miss.
TBK says
I think I’d actually be annoyed if anyone were trying to actively teach my kids anything at that age. Mine are at home with an au pair and that sounds basically like most of their day (19 mo old twins). She takes them out in the stroller for a walk if the weather is good, but otherwise they hang out in the living/dining area or the kitchen, play with toys, read books, climb on floor cushions, sing songs, and generally explore. It’s only recently that they’ve seemed ready for more structured activities like drawing, playing with (edible) play dough, etc.
Anon says
Oh god, no your kid should NOT be learning. “Pre-literacy” and “pre-arithmancy” are total jokes. They don’t teach kids to read until 8 in Finland (which ranks #1 on all those internationals tests). Your kid should be interacting with other kids, learning how to self-soothe and deal with boredom. Maybe have story time or sing some songs. Mostly learning to be physical, getting the opportunity to run and jump and start to climb.
All the 8 year olds I know have 1.5 hours of homework a day. Let your kid have something that resembles a childhood, even if it’s only before she can talk properly.
Amelia Bedelia says
I hope it isn’t too late in the day to ask this, but where in DC (or surrounding suburbs) do you go to have your kid professionally fitted for shoes? I’ve tried to buy shoes online and it just isn’t working. My kiddo has really puffy feet and even See Kai Run shoes seem too tight, but too long.
thanks!
mascot says
My son wore stride rite wides for a while. In my experience, New Balance Velcro shoes stretch like crazy so those might be an option.
TBK says
We went to Stride Rite in Tysons. It’s okay. The saleswoman seemed very young and the store was chaotic (my two toddlers didn’t help) but she was knowledgeable about the products and was able to measure their feet. My son’s physical therapist was very happy with the shoes we bought.
Shoe Train says
I haven’t been there, but neighbors always rave re Shoe Train in the Cabin John Mall in Potomac. For closer in, there’s Bradshaws Shoes & Clothes in the Lee Heights shopping center in Arlington.
Anonymous says
I second Bradshaw’s! My sixty something year old parents went there as children, and so did I! No foot problems among us :) Definitely the place for experienced measuring.
Toddler discipline says
I need some advice on how to handle my 2.5 year old hitting/acting rough with my 9 month old. I know my older one loves his little brother and usually acts quite gentle with him. However, lately, he has begun hitting/biting the baby, almost always ending up with the baby sobbing and me getting very angry and feeling protective of the baby. I’m stressed out in the morning trying to get everyone out the door to daycare and it’s especially stressful to have this behavior going on during that time.
1. How to encourage my older so to play nice?
2. How to avoid getting really angry?
MSJ says
No bad kids is a great book. Don’t have time to write more now, but here is a link specific to sibling strugges: http://www.janetlansbury.com/2014/09/surviving-sibling-struggles/
hoola hoopa says
“Small hugs for small people” is the motto in our house.
For the immediate, since 2.5 year olds are what they are:
– Keep baby in safe place, like a pack and play.
– Split morning routine with your parenting partner, if possible, so that siblings are separate. For example, older gets dressed with Dad while baby eats breakfast with you, then switch.
– Try to recognize when big brother is going to bite/hit and intervene before it reaches that point. Distract, separate, etc.
To help prevent the biting/hitting:
– Praise good behavior like crazy.
– Make sure big brother gets one-on-one time with an undistracted adult. Try for a little every day, but definitely a bigger slot (1-2 hours) each week.
hoola hoopa says
When I say “one-on-one time with an undistracted adult,” I mean YOU.
Spirograph says
My son did this too at about the same age/ age difference. He outgrew it, more thanks to time than my fantastic parenting, I think. But one thing I did was institute a no-play zone within a 5 foot radius of the baby for several days after each time my son was “intentionally” too rough (like pushed her down, not just got too crazy with a hug). I made sure to remind him constantly that he was not allowed to play next to the baby for a few days because he had not been gentle. By about day 3 he was sad, apologetic, and wanted to play nicely with his sister. He still gets feisty if she wrecks his block towers, but he is much more careful around her now.
anon for this says
If you are an attorney with a part time schedule, please tell me how you’ve made it work! Considering going in that direction.
OP Below says
Ha! I also posted as “anon for this” below, with the same question. But I’m a different “anon for this.” I guess a number of us are grappling with this!
anon for this says
too funny!
Anonymous says
I practiced part time before transitioning to an in house role in academia. I think it’s most likely to be successful if you take actual DAYS off during the week. Had I just planned to work from 9-3 every day, I would have constantly been stuck at the office. So I chose Fridays, set clear expectations that I would NOT be available outside of true emergencies, and it worked out very well. I was at a small firm with no billable requirements (!) and a large portion of my salary was bonuses. My base salary stayed the same and bonuses were adjusted based on the time I billed. I LOVED this arrangement, and it worked well because the partners were wonderful. I started the conversation via email while on maternity leave. I highly recommend seeing if part time will make sense for you.
anon for this says
Thank you! This is exactly the kind of advice I was hoping for. Mostly concerned about having to work on “days off” and not getting paid for it.
part-time says
I’ve been working part-time since my first child was born four years ago as an associate. The thing to accept is that you will likely have to log on at night and sometimes stay late or work on your “off” day unless you practice something that is very discrete and can be handed off easily (for example, contract review). Otherwise, if you’re staffed on a project, you would either have to hand things off and disrupt the continuity in the deal/case (causing problems for the team and the deal/case) or turn things down or away and risk not getting work anymore. It’s a constant balancing effort at least in my practice (transactional). If I have a hard line rule that I never work Fridays, then my work is going to be handed off on Fridays and possibly thereafter for that matter and/or client, which is not good for your work flow, obviously. And now that I have my own clients, I especially don’t want to hand things off just because they need attention on my “off” day. That said, I try to communicate expectations and gauge what is truly necessary and when, to preserve as much of my schedule as I can. And the reduced billable hours requirement still makes a difference. Since I work more than “scheduled” when necessary, I am fine leaving early when I am not busy. I just made partner. It can work, the key is for me was 1) having supportive partners and a stable work flow even though I am not full time, and 2) being flexible on my end and not feeling resentful when I have to work “off” hours, because I know that overall it is still better to have a lower hours target and the firm is accommodating of that.
anon for this says
Thanks. I’m in a non-billable-hour workplace (think public interest) but it’s still litigation, so things do come up that have to be dealt with. We don’t have a lot of repeat clients, so there isn’t the worry about maintaining a relationship with a client.
Also part-time says
+1 to this.
At a firm I think it’s harder to have set days out of the office, but depending on work flow, I can take one or two half-days off a week. Or work from home, keeping an eye on emails etc, while catching up on house stuff. I think it really depends on your bosses and the type of work you do. I know other moms at my firm wouldn’t be able to do a reduced work schedule.
I started back after leave at 80% — that didn’t work at all, so I’m at 60% now. I don’t know how it’ll work long term for me, since it’s been about a year so far.
NewMomAnon says
Yes, if you are planning to work part-time, you may need to have daycare full-time so it is available when you (inevitably) need to work on your “day off.” I found that it made more sense to plan to be at the office M-F and just feel comfortable bugging out early if there isn’t work or coming in late if I need to get an errand or housework done (or just need an extra half hour with my kiddo). I usually work from home 1-2 nights a week after kiddo is asleep. I try to draw a hard line on weekend work; I can respond to a quick e-mail and I’m happy to spend half an hour online after kiddo is in bed if I don’t have other plans, but I don’t come into the office on weekends, period.
Sometimes it feels unfair that I have to be at the office M-F, and that I’m still “on call” as much as I was before going part time, but mostly it is really nice to have the flexibility.
anon for this says
Has anyone taken a big paycut to take a part-time job? I’m a lawyer, and right now, I work reasonable full time hours (8-5:30), plus a 50-60 minute commute. I have an opportunity to join a small firm near my house, where I would work three days per week and have a 10 minute commute. The pay cut would be substantial — I’d be making about 40% of what I make now. The work and my seniority would be similar.
I have a toddler, and right now life during the week is a frantic rush with very little downtime with my son. We could afford the pay cut, but it would definitely mean a slower pace to saving for retirement. Has anyone done something similar? Any battle stories, good or bad?
Similar says
I took a very similar job, and it was amazing. The commute alone would be enough for me to make the change you’ve described.
Personally, though, I left biglaw for clearly defined part-time hours, with a commensurate reduction in pay (nice, official sounding title though). The biggest thing for me was realizing that I was really chronically anxious, and that bled into everything – childcare, time with husband, etc. I now recognize when I’m feeling anxious and am able to control it – rather than being on high alert ALL THE TIME. I enjoy each area of my life, and interestingly, stopped feeling guilty about not being able to do anything (working, mothering, spousing) well. I personally think a lot of that guilt is actually mislabled anxiety.
Anyway, just make sure the hours and expectations are clearly defined. What are the off-hour requirements/expectations?
sfg says
My 7.5 month old’s latch has devolved over the past week – she will only suck on the n!pple, which is starting to kill me. I always break the latch and try to get her back on correctly, with mixed results. Is it too late to try to correct this?
RDC says
I think you can definitely fix it. Does she have teeth coming in? My son’s latch always changed for a week or so around getting a new tooth (also involved some biting) but then went back to normal on his own, just about when I thought I couldn’t take it any more. Could you use a shield for a few days to give your n*pples a break?
sfg says
She may have something coming in, but hard to say as I’ve been thinking that for a couple of months but nothing has come through yet. I have been using a shield but she’s been ripping it off. But, good to know that this might just be a phase!
Anonymous says
We have our second baby on the way and are starting to think about care options. Kiddo #2 (will be 3 when baby arrives and my mat leave is over) was in daycare from 4 months on. HOwever, now that we have 2 kids, the cost of daycare almost the same as a nanny or au pair. Our current daycare is NOT where Kid #1 went as an infant, and while we like the toddler program, I am really not wild on the infant program.
We are considering a nanny or au pair (we do have room for one). It would be nanny/au pair in conjunction with probably part time preschool for Kid #1, so overall more expensive but we can afford it.
For those of you that have done one care model for one kid, and changed the model up with #2 or #3 arrived, how did that go? I loved daycare with #1, and can’t really imagine schlepping with 2 kids. On the other hand, I hate #2 not having the same social experience as #1 had. On the other other hand, with 2 kids, I guess they auto-socialize? And that’s what you pay the nanny for?
NewMomAnon says
I was a daycare kid from 6 weeks on. My younger brother could not handle daycare, so my parents got a nanny for both of us (I was about 5 at the time). One thing my parents found was that I was very used to having people around and constant activity, and struggled a little with the quiet and less-scheduled days with a nanny. My nanny was awesome and created a schedule for me and my parents kept me in a part-time preschool and then summer camp program so I could have the social interactions. My nanny also hosted playdates and paired up with nannies of similar aged kids so we could do things in a bigger group.
I will also say – I remember my parents calming down significantly after the nanny started, and the next few years were a happier time than the year we had spent with two kids in daycare. I don’t know if that had to do with hiring a nanny or just the season of life, but it was a great benefit. Anything that frees up your time to be a happy, calm parent instead of a frantic, harried logistics-manager is going to be good for your kids.
TBK says
Have never done a transition but I’m a big supporter of Team Au Pair. I think if you google this s!te plus TBK and au pair you’ll find a few of my novels on how amazing our au pair is. I realize that’s just one family’s experience (and I know there are some not so good stories out there) but we’ve been nothing but happy with our decision. She went home for a week recently to visit her family and I had to schlep the kids to MIL’s every day. Ugh! The no-schlepping is such a perk.
Lorelai Gilmore says
We switched the model several times once we had two kids – we had a wonderful nanny share with #1, then switched to a solo nanny with #2, then fired her (note: bad nanny is the WORST possible child care choice!) then had #1 in preschool and #2 in a tiny home daycare, now have #1 in school and #2 at preschool. I think that the most important thing is to make things work for your whole family. Any model can work if you have the right people in place. If you have a great nanny, go for it – #2 will get plenty of socialization. If you love preschool for #1 (we did, and felt it was better for her than part-time preschool with a nanny), then daycare will work just fine for #2. There are lots of great ways to make it work.
hoola hoopa says
We’ve changed care several times (3 kids, 6 and under), although never specifically due to the birth of a sibling. A nanny has never been in the mix, but home care with a SAH parent or grandparent has been common. I agree with Lorelai that there are a lot of good options and the best is whatever works for the whole family.
For an infant under ~18 months old, I wouldn’t be concerned about socialization at all.
The idea of getting one more kid out the door is always scary, but it will become routine in no time, so while it is a pro/con, I wouldn’t really base your decision on that.
Having two drop-offs and pick-ups (if you wanted to use a separate daycare for infant) is something to think over. We do it because we have school-aged and non-school-aged and make it work – as do many, many families – but it is a hassle.
Byrd says
Hi all, I now have a 4 week old and I need nursing top recommendations!! Hoping for $25 or so, does not have to be work appropriate. Just not loving the nursing tank / flannel shirt look, and am wearing my one and only nursing tee o death. (Can’t find more of same)
MDMom says
What about your current combo isnt working for you? I ended up favoring big t shirts and a nursing bra. I also had the “laclef crossover faux wrap 3/4 sleeve pullover” top. It was $20 on amazon. It is comfy but I personally didn’t find it worth buying more specialized tops.
oil in houston says
I love the Norsdtrom bun tanks, they’re comfy, don’t look like nursing tanks (the ‘hooks’ are in fact buttons at the shoulder ), and come in many colours
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/bun-maternity-nursing-tank/3723497?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=Grey&resultback=436
hoola hoopa says
Can you describe the one that you like?
Nursing tank + bobeau is my favorite.
Anonymous says
The one I like is a black t shirt with a cross front design. The cross over part has two layers so your boob comes out in between. I like having my stomach and other boob covered while I nurse, which is why the regular t shirt is not a great answer for me. Tank tops are a little better but then I feel like I am spilling over the top. I didn’t think I’d want specialized tops either, but turns out I feel a little more comfortable in them.
hoola hoopa says
Layer nursing tank and a loose, thin t-shirt.
I don’t like having my belly exposed either, so I nearly always wear a nursing tank under a top when I’m with baby. And if you’re spilling out of your nursing tanks, get one from Bravado.
Anon says
Sounds like some of the shirts I’ve seen on H&M.
ChiLaw says
My method is any shirt (except one that’s really strange to get out of, I guess?) on top, with a stretchy cami underneath. When baby is hungry, outer shirt gets lifted up, cami gets pulled down, bra gets unclipped, and really the boob is the only thing that’s exposed. Yeah, I’m ruining my camis, but they’re from Old Navy anyway.
Anonymous says
I think we’d probably go the au pair route vs nanny. We could make it work and keep within the hourly limitations on au pairs, we have the space, and it’s common in our area.
I’m more thinking about how to take a kid who has been in daycare from basically birth and move her to part-time preschool and then home with baby + caregiver.
anon says
I have to say, this is why we didn’t do the switch when we had two, and then three, in daycare. With two, I felt like DS1 needed to be in preschool full-time socially, and when we had the third, I couldn’t bear to pull him out with only one year to go before kindergarten.
MDMom says
Can anyone recommend their convertible carseat? Baby is still in infant seat (80th percentile height so maybe not for much longer) but we are looking to get a convertible for the second car. Biggest priorities are safety (of course) and ease of installation/use. Easy to clean is a bonus. I’m willing to spend a lot for a good seat. It will be going in a honda accord.
hoola hoopa says
Britax. I can’t remember which one it is (Boulevard?), but every seat I’ve had from Britax has been fantastic.
mascot says
+1 for the Boulevard. We’ve since moved to a Pioneer booster and like it too.
TBK says
Not a huge fan of the Boulevard. We have them for our twins. Besides the fact that the strap can slip when it’s being opened and closed for installation, there was also the recall due to straps getting stuck in the — not sure how to describe it — freely sliding “open” position post-adjustment. Now one of the seats’ straps often get stuck where it seems like you can’t tighten anymore even though it’s still slack. You have to kind of wriggle it around until it releases so you can finish tightening it. My husband has trouble getting his finger down into the hole to release the straps (my thinner fingers are fine, but my husband’s hands aren’t that big for a man). But then the button release to unbuckle the kids (the red square) is so stiff that it’s not only difficult for my MIL and my mom (who both have some arthritis) but also for my au pair (I am okay with it but it is stiff). Also, if you drive an Accord, it could be a tight fit while it’s still rear-facing. It’s a beast of a seat. That said, installation is easy and adjusting it to make it taller is easy as well. The kids seem very comfy in them and I get the impression they’ll last well. We bought them in part because of several Amazon reviews that talked about how well the seat had performed in actual accidents (one that stuck with me was a review by a woman who reported her daughter was smiling and laughing and perfectly safe in her car seat after a crash). But I’m not sure I’d buy them again.
Katarina says
I really like my Chicco Nextfit.
In House Lobbyist says
We have bought 8 car seats in the past 5 years between us and grandparents and love the Britax advocate and boulevard and the Recarao.
MDMom says
Thanks for the responses. I’ve been looking at the boulevard, nextfit, and the clek fllo, so this has been helpful.
Anonymous says
My friend loves her clek fllo and it fits well in her small sedan in the rear facing position. We have maxi cosi prias and it fits well in my husband’s Silverado crew cab (so full second door but still an extremely small back seat) in the rear facing position. It’s easy to take in and out and has a handy adjustable thing to get the angle right (no messing with pool noodles or towels). It’s very squishy and comfy and she definitely likes it better than her infant seat (which she still uses in my car).
RR says
We’ve had Britax Boulevards and Britax Advocates. We had 4 Boulevards and two Advocates (we replaced two of the Boulevards after a minor accident–even though, under Britax guidelines, we didn’t need to). I’ve loved both, although I would purchase the Advocate if I were going to purchase another one.
We did not have the issues with the Boulevards that TBK describes. I defer to her because it’s been awhile since we bought our Boulevards, but I think those issues were with the Clicktight functionality. Our Boulevards (and our Advocates) didn’t have that. We never experienced any of those issues.
RR says
Just a further note–I think you can still buy them without the Clicktight.
Maternity clothes sizing says
This is my first time buying maternity clothes and I am ordering a few things online. If I am ordering Loft Maternity, would I order the same size as I would order in regular Loft clothes? TIA!