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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous for this says
Has anyone’s child skipped kindergarten or first grade? What were the circumstances before and after?
We live in a country where school has been all-virtual since the beginning of the pandemic. My child is working several grades ahead, and the school is trying to determine (over Zoom) whether she is socially ready to skip her grade.
anon says
My kindergartener was pretty far ahead so I started her in immersion kindergarten in a new language. She is pretty darn busy learning a new language, even though the work they are doing is stuff she already knows.
For my older student, I keep her busy with growth activities outside of school. She’s studying piano, does extra math, sports, and creative problem solving activities (Odyssey of the Mind). In school I speak with teachers to make sure she’s reading books and doing extensions of activities to keep her busy in school.
Many kids seem to level out academically around third grade. I’d be really hesitant to skip a kid ahead based on being ahead in K-1.
Anon says
+1 on all this, especially things leveling out later.
anon says
The only think that might sway me is if the child was already very old for her current grade, e.g., born 2-3 weeks after the cutoff for the older grade.
OP says
I looked up why leveling out academically can happen around third grade — it appears that this is the point where children transition from “learning to read” to “reading to learn”. Is this what you are referring to, or is there more/something else?
anon says
I think the theory is that advanced kids in early grades are often the result of some kids being taught the material and others having not been taught those topics yet. In older grades, advancement is more a result of maturity and innate intelligence.
Anon says
Yep, working above grade level in k-1st has much more to do with your preparation and home life than with your IQ. It may be true that no amount of preparation can make a really average kid look like a genius, but a 90th percentile kid with a super education-focused family is likely to test better in K than a 99th percentile kid with no support at home.
Our preschool director likes to tell everyone that over half the school’s graduates are identified as gifted by their elementary schools. Obviously half our school is not gifted, given that gifted normally means top 1-3%. But it’s a community of highly educated parents who have smarter than average kids, and the school prepares kids very well for K so many of them get screened as gifted in K.
Anonymous says
This is a weird thing to brag about and demonstrates that your preschool director doesn’t understand giftedness. A child is either gifted or not gifted. Nothing the school does will change that.
Anon says
Yeah, this is why my school district doesn’t screen for the TAG program until the end of 1st grade. And then screens everyone again in 5th grade in case someone was missed.
Anon says
FWIW, I screened as above average, nothing special, until about age 10. Hit third grade and screened into gifted and talented; hit high school and was skipping subjects.
Anon says
I’m guessing most schools’ gifted and talented programs don’t accept only those literally diagnosed as *gifted*, but rather smart kids and hard workers who do well on tests (and typically those with ultra involved parents). The kids graduating from the preschool might fit those parameters
Anon says
Anonymous at 11:40, I agree giftedness is innate, but research shows that (especially in early elementary) gifted identification is highly correlated to home environment and the quality of the child’s education up to the present day. So she’s right that her school is playing a role if kids are getting identified in kindergarten before they’ve had any formal education, even though it shouldn’t be that way. That is why labeling kids as gifted so young is pretty meaningless.
Anonymous says
@12:17, it depends on the program. My elementary gifted program was pull-out for one day a week, and my class had 10-15 kids drawn from several elementary schools around the district.
In contrast, my mom is a gifted specialist and teaches a full time “gifted” class that is just one of the 4 classes for that grade level in her school. It is filled out with other smart, hardworking kids, because obviously they don’t have enough gifted kids for a full time teacher. She complains all the time that there’s a gigantic difference between a 95-99 percentile kid and a 85-90 percentile one, and putting them in the same class and calling it gifted services is false advertising.
Anon says
I was in a gifted program just like yours (a weekly pullout program with10-15 kids drawn from several elementary schools) and half of the kids were very average students by third or fourth grade. When I took AP calculus in high school many of the kids who were seriously advanced (9th/10th graders) hadn’t been identified as gifted until middle school or later. My husband, who has a PhD in theoretical physics and was doing college level math around sixth grade, was never identified as gifted due to the fact that reading didn’t come as easily to him as it does to many bright kids (we suspect he has dyslexia or something similar, but it was never formally diagnosed). There are definitely a lot of problems with gifted identification in elementary and in my experience it seems to favor kids with strong reading skills over kids with strong math skills, even though the kids with math brains may have just as high or higher IQs.
Anonymous says
What you’re describing is failure to identify people who meet the definition of gifted. What I was addressing was the issue of conflating smart and hard-working with gifted (very common) or filling out a gifted program with kids who don’t actually meet the definition of gifted. The fact that some kids fall through the cracks and are not identified when they should be doesn’t mean all kids who are identified are not actually gifted. I think we agree that the tests are imperfect; schools often use standardized testing that favors kids with strong reading comprehension. A one on one evaluation by a psychiatrist compensates for dyslexia (for example) and would identify giftedness in math & spatial reasoning, but many parents can’t/don’t pay out-of-pocket for that. That’s absolutely a problem with the system, if you’re working from the premise that identification of giftedness and receiving gifted services is A Good Thing.
Anonymous says
oh and I guess I should add that my school’s program started halfway through 3rd grade, but it sounds like yours was earlier? My understanding is that there’s very little support from actual gifted specialists for testing kindergarteners, that’s just a feather in parents’ caps. (Like everyone is saying here)
NYCer says
Is she on the older side for her grade? I think that would be the only reason I would consider moving ahead a kindergartner or first grader (e.g., her bday is in October and the cutoff is September 1).
OP says
No, she is not on the older side.
Anonymous says
I would look at the substance of the upper elementary and middle school curricula, as well as the opportunities for differentiation. If she has access to magnet schools or tracked courses, advancement may not be necessary or in her best interest. If, as in our school district, multiplication and division aren’t taught until fourth grade, middle school is a warehouse where no teaching happens, there is no differentiation, and gifted education consists of a one-hour weekly push-in session, advancement may be your only option to keep her engaged.
Anonymous says
How on earth would she be socially ready to skip a grade when she’s basically never been to school. Unless she’s oddly old I wouldn’t even consider this.
Anonymous says
Counterpoint: If this school has been fully remote for the past year and a half, none of the kids in grades K – 2 will be properly socialized so social readiness should be less of a concern than usual.
Anonymous says
I misread “country” as “county.” If you are not in the US, answers from US parents will not be terribly relevant. Is grade skipping relatively common where you live? If so, social readiness should be less of a concern because there will be other kids her age in her class.
OP says
No, grade-skipping does not appear to be common here.
Anonymous says
Are you in a country with high-stakes exams that determine a student’s high school and college options? In that situation, I’d be hesitant to have my child up against kids a year or more older.
Anonymous says
It sounds like maybe your child has never been in a formal school setting in person? For that reason, I’d be a little more hesitant about jumping into the deep end, although even later grades will probably do a significant amount of reminding kids what a classroom is and how to behave in it once schools reopen…
Anyway, my kids haven’t, but I skipped first grade. I have a winter birthday, so I was smack in the middle, age-wise. Anecdata as I remember it: I was a really strong reader after kindergarten, writing my own stories, etc, and that was back when 1st grade was the learn-to-read-and-write grade. I’d also been working on an accelerated math curriculum, doing science experiments for the class, and basically just doing my own thing most of the day. My teachers and parents agreed that I wasn’t going to get much out of 1st grade, academically speaking.
I was a pretty normal kid, socially. I would chat the ear off of any adult who made the mistake of engaging me, confident, and probably a little on the obnoxious know-it-all side. I was popular and a leader (bossy) in K, and when I started 2nd grade I clammed up again for a hot second before I got my bearings. I always do that in new situations/with new people, though so I’m not sure skipping a grade significantly exacerbated it. I don’t remember struggling socially at all, and I’m tall and reasonably athletic so I didn’t physically stand out as being younger or get picked last in gym. I did go from being the best at everything academically to needing to catch up a little bit on recall speed for math facts, but only to get up to my own standard, not because I was actually behind the class. There was some angst around that… I’m sure you know it’s really important for “smart” little kids to know that being smart isn’t everything, but it’s especially important when a kid gets external validation of being smart and then immediately hits the first speed bump.
Overall, no regrets. I stayed in the same school, I made new friends and assimilated into my new peer group. When I moved a few years later, I didn’t tell anyone at my new school and it never came up again until I was the last one to get my drivers license.
OP says
Thank you for sharing your personal experience! It’s very helpful.
We recently moved to this country, so she has about three years of in-person school experience.
Ep-er says
A consideration, based on personal experience. It doesn’t matter in elementary school, but fast forward to high school. How do you feel about your 13 year old being in classes with 18 year olds? The school say that they segregate the freshman from the seniors, but in electives they don’t care. And it can lead to… peer pressure. I agree with the others who suggest enrichment outside of school.
Anonymous says
It’s not just in electives–it’s academic courses too. AP Calculus AB, for example, will usually consist of students in grades 10 – 12.
Anon says
If her kid is actually gifted, being in some classes with way older kids by high school is probably inevitable. I never skipped a grade but took calculus with 18 year seniors as a 14 year old freshman, and was in college math and science classes with 21-22 year olds by the time I was 16. It was socially far, far better for me than skipping a grade in elementary would have been. What happens in high school if they skip a grade now would be the least of my concerns.
OP says
Thank you for speaking about your experience studying with older students when you were a teenager.
For what it’s worth, I’m open to letting her homeschool later on if she wants to focus on a special interest, so that she will have the opportunity to re-enter school later on with students of her biological age. She did test gifted.
Pogo says
This was somewhat common at my school – being a 14 year old in with 18 year olds. It really wasn’t an issue. We also had a kid who was bussed into our classes from middle school and we all felt very protective of him (meaning the 14 year olds were protective of our 12-13yo buddy from middle school in with the seniors). Also it was really only pre-calculus that we were in with much older kids, than they put us in AP Calc the next year, which was advanced juniors, so only 2 years older than us.
Anonymous says
Counterpoint, this was really uncommon in my high school. It was a large (2k kids) school with a lot of AP and honors classes, but there were kind of de facto tracks. Because of required freshman classes and scheduling tetris, all the freshmen in honors Geometry would end up in the same class period, for example. I don’t think I was ever in class with people more than 1 grade level above or below me, except in total electives like Creative Writing. I suspect it really depends on the school.
Anonymous says
I think this is a good point to consider. I skipped a grade and was already on the young side, so headed to college at 16. Overall I had a good experience and I was on a sports team where the older girls looked out for me, but looking back I was put into some social situations that could have turned dangerous very easily. Being a 16 year old girl at a frat party surrounded by 22 year old seniors is a thing that can happen when you skip a grade or two. Academically it was the right thing for me, but socially I think it would have been better for me to stay in my grade. With remote options now, you could possibly work out a part time schedule in high school where some academic work was completed at the college level in virtual college classes. Looking at the social side is important, especially since there are so many virtual options if your child needs more academic challenge than they get at school.
anon says
Another US experience, if that’s at all helpful. I have a 4.5 yo (in preK) who is at a 2nd grade level for math, a 1st/2nd grade level for reading and has an insane vocabulary and science knowledge for a 4yo, but she’s solidly average in handwriting and social skills and on the lower side of average for gross motor skills. Because of this, we don’t want her to skip grades, but are working to figure out a way to keep her interested in school for the next couple years until the rest of her classmates catch up. At the moment, what’s working is a mixed-age public Montessori classroom, where she can work “ahead” in some topics and then do the typical 4yo things in others. For K next year, we’ll either keep her in Montessori or try to lottery into a public immersion school, because the challenge of learning a new language will keep her occupied (similar to the comment above). We definitely don’t want to move her into our local public elem school for K, because she will be so bored, but would consider it for 1st or beyond, once her peers have had a chance to catch up some.
As a counter point, a friends’ kid has a Sept birthday (turned 6 a couple weeks after starting kindergarten), is very socially advanced, and is reading at a 4th grade level, so her school is planning to skip her into 1st grade and I think that is 100% the right idea.
anon says
My brother skipped kindergarten and it was not great for him socially, FWIW. It was fine in the elementary school years but in high school became an issue (for reasons ranging from going through puberty later so he was small to not being able to drive until he was a senior). He ended up acting out a lot in high school and I think that a lot of it was motivated by trying to stand out as the class clown instead of standing out as the small skinny kid.
There was discussion about having me skip ninth grade, and my parents opted against it based on his experience.
anon says
As another point, consider your child’s maturity in handling seat work. I have a kid who is very young for her grade. She’s advanced academically for her grade, but struggles with seat time expectations. Younger grades take more breaks, have shorter periods of independent work, move around more, and have more time for play/silliness. They have shorter instructions with fewer steps. They expect less self direction. She’s totally capable of doing advanced work, but she’s much happier doing it for shorter time periods and with more opportunities to move around.
In short, my 6 yo is happy to do 4th grade math for a 30 minute math class, but couldn’t do an hour long 4th grade math class daily because it’s just too long for her to sit and focus.
Anonymous says
It’s easy to add extra work even in the classroom setting. Kid is two levels ahead in English? Great – teacher has her do silent reading in 2nd or 3rd language in the book you sent from home while everyone else is doing their silent reading in grade level English etc.
Factors you should look at re deciding to skip:
– when do the kids in that school system learn to read? Most European systems don’t start until age 7 but kids progress quite quickly thereafter. Whether or not kids her same age are currently reading isn’t a great metric in this case.
– how close to the cut off is the child? More than 3 months younger than grade cut off? I would be very reluctant to switch.
– how well integrated are you in the community? Will be easier for child to meet people/make connections if the same kids in their school class are in their swim lesson or on their soccer team
– how easy is it to add challenge within the existing system? As with example above, if teacher can work with you to add challenge in the school day, I would stick to grade level.
FWIW – My kids are learning to read and write simultaneously in three languages. They are late year kids so almost the youngest in their classes. I would absolutely never skip them. As near to the youngest in their classes, the socialization aspect is most important.
octagon says
I don’t know if it’s an option where you are, but our solution for now is private school with really small classes and teachers who prioritize differentiated learning and “meeting kids where they are.” My kid is way ahead academically but very much at age level in social skills, and I didn’t want the social side to suffer — school is really important for developing those skills! We’ll revisit again for high school — we live in an area where advanced kids can take courses at the local college, so that might be an option. But for sports, friendships, and other non-academic aspects I wanted kiddo to remain in the same grade.
Anon says
This is basically what my parents did and it worked out well. By junior year I took all my math and science at the local state U, but I was still in my grade at high school for English, French and history, so I had some semblance of a normal high school experience and social life. As an added bonus, at least when I was applying to college, top colleges like MIT and Harvard seemed to be more impressed by college courses than AP courses (I don’t think that assessment is necessarily correct, fwiw).
Skipping a grade would have been a disaster for me. I was very young for my grade to begin with (June birthday with an August 1 cutoff) and although I was good at staying in my seat and following directions from a teacher, I had below average social skills and emotional resilience for my age. My mom, who is academically brilliant and much smarter than me, skipped fourth grade and had a terrible experience mental health-wise to the point that she ended up going back even though she was bored out of her mind in the lower grade. I think I would have had an even worse experience than my mom did.
EDAnon says
In terms of college, I was not looking at Harvard but I did find that my college credits transferred more seamlessly than AP courses, where colleges had different standards about what counted for AP. It’s harder to argue on transcribed credit from another accredited college.
Leatty says
My oldest starts elementary school next year, and the school’s hours are 7:40-1:50, except Mondays when school lets out at noon. This seems insane to me, but maybe this is normal? We can cobble together after school care and (hopefully) a summer nanny, but I don’t know how people with lesser means do it. If this is normal, then it is no wonder women leave the workforce after having kids. What are your kids’ school hours?
Anonymous says
These hours are actually fantastic, with the exception of the noon dismissal on Mondays. You won’t need before-school care, only after-school care. After-school care options will be set up to accommodate the school hours.
Our elementary school hours are 8:00 – 2:30, with drop-off permitted no earlier than 7:45 and the bus coming at 7:35. That makes it very hard to get to work on time. In the town where I work, elementary school doesn’t start until after 9:00, so parents have to find both before-school and after-school care.
AwayEmily says
I agree that 7:50-1:50 is pretty decent. Our elementary hours are 9-3, we can’t drop off before 8:50 (no before-care), and we live too close to qualify for the bus. So between dropoff and commute, the best possible outcome for me is getting to work at 9:30. I trade dropoffs with my partner but we are basically now missing seven hours from our workweek (daycare started at 8). The afternoons are much easier to handle (we have a sitter, and post-vaccine plan on using aftercare). Our jobs are flexible enough that we can handle it but I don’t know how parents manage who have jobs where they really do have to be there exactly at 9 (or earlier!). Morning babysitters are tough to find.
Mathy says
This is weird to me. My son is in first grade this year and hours are 8:00-3:15 with lunch from 11:30-12:15. Last year was a smidge different due to COVID but hours were still about the same, 8:45-3:45.
So Anon says
My kids’ elementary school hours are 8:45-3:20. They can be dropped off at 8:30. If they take the bus, then you can stretch it from 8:15-3:45. The kids are in school for about 6.5 hours, which is just a bit longer than your elementary school (6 hrs, 10 min). And many schools in our area do the half-day once a week thing too. Our school doesn’t but does random additional days off for professional development.
There is no way to work a full time schedule based solely on school hours. I have always had to do after-care at my kids’ school or hire an after school nanny.
GCA says
Yes, this. My kid’s elementary school hours are 7:45-2pm, with a half day that ends before noon once a week. You will need site-based aftercare or an afterschool sitter. When I was a kid, my own elementary school day ran from 7.30 to 1.30pm – the only way my parents made it work was having my dad’s parents on hand at our home.
Anon says
is that like a half day kindergarten? where we live elementary school is something like 7:30-2:50, so an hour longer than your school
Leatty says
Nope, it’s considered full day.
Anonymous says
That is a long elementary school day! Our elementary school day is 6h30m and middle and high school are 7h. But they only get something like 20 min for lunch.
Anon says
lol wut!? Half day K is like 2.5-3 hours. 6 hours is obviously full day.
Anonymous says
How are they meeting federal requirements for minimum instructional hours?
Anon says
Our elementary is 8:45-2:45 so same number of hours…(actually 10 minutes less).
I thought 6 hours was a standard school day and didn’t realize there was a federal minimum. If there is it must be <= 6 hours.
HSAL says
I was curious about this so I did a (very quick) search and it looks like there’s no actual federal minimum. https://nces.ed.gov/programs/statereform/tab5_14.asp
NYCer says
6 hours is fairly standard for young elementary school.
Pogo says
My expectation is you do after care or get a part time nanny. School around here is also 8-2.
Anonymous says
Of course all working parents without a SAH spouse have to find after-school care. People with lesser means use the Y or the Boys and Girls Club or grandma babysits. It stinks, but that’s how the world works. And just a heads-up, it’s much harder than day care.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – I thought aftercare or a nanny was a given on this board for school-age children.
We are going to try to play the public pre-K lottery next year (2022-23 school year) for DS #1, and aftercare in our MCOL city is roughly $300/month and goes until 6 PM.
No Face says
I think this is an accurate overview of the options. Aftercare through the school itself, an afterschool program (YMCA, Boys and Girls Club, a local version), or family/friends.
I feel lucky that I was able to get a spot in aftercare at my kid’s elementary school! I treated sign ups like buying tickets for Hamilton in the old days.
anon says
This is what my local elementary school is, minus the Monday early release part; 7:45-1:55 every day. A lot of parents actually seem to like it because you can walk your kid to school before work and not have to deal with before care and then there are tons of local programs that pick up the kids at 2 and run aftercare programs until 6pm. 7:30-6:00 works out to pretty similar to many daycare hours, so it’s not that big an adjustment.
My kids go to a magnet school that runs 9:15-3:30, which is actually more complicated for families with 2 working parents.
Anon says
The early start would be the most concerning thing to me. There are lots of studies that pushing the school day back even 30-60 minutes makes a big difference in how well kids learn and 7:40 is sooo early.
Anonymous says
If elementary is starting at 7:40, it’s likely that middle and high school are starting later. The research shows that it’s more important for older kids to start later.
Anon says
yes, this. though the problem then is that you can’t hire a high schooler to pick up your elementary schooler since the high schooler is still in school when the elementary school gets out
Anonymous says
What kind of high schooler has time to babysit on weekdays anyway? They should be at sports practice or play rehearsal or doing homework.
You hire a college student or a SAHM to do that.
Anon says
Oh interesting. Where i am, middle school and high school start before elementary, so many people do use high school students for aftercare. But you have to find one who isn’t into extracurriculars which might be tough.
Anonymous says
Plenty of high schoolers need/want part time jobs.
Anonymous says
Bwhahahaha if you think high school students have time for a part-time job on weeknights these days. All of my friends with kids that age had to have the kids quit their jobs at the end of the summer and they are still drowning. Some kids do have to work to support their families, but there is no way they are getting their homework done and they probably don’t have cars for after-school babysitting anyway.
Anonymous says
Anon at 11:20, that’s literally 50% of the posts on my Nextdoor, so that’s why I think that high schoolers are doing a lot of aftercare for elementary school kids. (Other posts of course being about dog poop, gunshot or firework, and racist posts about a suspicious person.)
ElisaR says
bwahahahaha your witch laugh made me laugh. spooky.
i had a high schooler as an after school care giver. so there.
EDAnon says
I love this board but the assumptions about most people are not on point. Lots of kids do not have tons of activities. Lots of kids care for their younger siblings after school. Lots of kids work. Not everyone is rich. I don’t mind that the advice skews toward the well-off (it makes sense!) but I would like it if we acknowledged that our realities are not everyone’s.
Anonymous says
+1 to EDAnon. This board is a tiny slice of an extremely privileged, fast-paced world and many of the comments here don’t jibe with what I see in my slower-paced, middle class Midwest suburb. It’s very normal for high school kids to be mothers helpers around here. We almost hired one when my daughter was an infant but ended up getting into our top choice daycare earlier than expected, so we didn’t need her.
Anon says
7:40 is too early for plenty of elementary kids, particularly kids at the older end of the age range, i.e., 10-12 year olds.
Anon says
if you are 12, you should not still be in elementary school in most places. and if there are a lot of 12 year olds in the 5th grade, there is too much red shirting going on
Anonymous says
10:51, that is the truth. Where we live redshirting is rampant. A lot of kids are 15 when they enter high school and 19 when they graduate. It is nuts. Why would you want to imprison a 19-year-old semi-adult person in a high school? Where I come from, a third of kids were 13 when they started ninth grade.
anon says
Agree with Anon at 10:51. As I said above, our school starts at 7:45 and is preK-5, so the oldest in the school would be 11.5 and that’s only if you have a fall birthday and turned 11 right at the start of 5th grade so hit 11.5 by June.
Anon says
What!? It’s normal to turn 12 in sixth grade. Our district has an August 1st cutoff so many non-redshirted kids turn 12 a few weeks or months into the school year. A “young” sixth grader turns 12 at the end of the school year of immediately thereafter.
Anonymous says
Sixth grade is not part of elementary school in most places anymore, though. 10:51 is talking about redshirted kids who turn 12 in fifth grade.
Anon says
Huh, K-6 is normal for elementary school in my area. I actually had no idea some elementary schools ended with fifth. Either way, the discussion got derailed from my original point which was that elementary school includes 10 and 11 year olds who have very different needs than 5 year olds.
Anonymous says
There is now way my first grader could start at 7:40 and get enough sleep. We are already starting to get ready for bed before 7 pm and we are waking him up from asleep at 7:20.
Anon says
Same. My preschooler sleeps until 8 many days, and that’s with a 7-7:30 bedtime that would be basically impossible to move up. Early days are not just a problem for teenagers.
Anonymous says
Preschoolers and first graders have vastly different sleep needs.
Anon says
The difference between a preschooler and an elementary schooler is…3 months. You go straight from one to the other. And a genetic predisposition to need a lot of sleep and to sleep in late doesn’t suddenly vanish when you start kindergarten. My kid is 4 and will be in K next year and I would be shocked if she magically shortens her sleep needs by less than hour between now and then. Bedtime also normally moves a bit later as kids get older, so they have time for homework, etc.
HSAL says
I’m interested in all these responses, because I thought we were pretty standard – the elementary hours are 8:30-3:30, the middle school is 9:30-4:30 (that one is crazy to me), and high school is 7:30-2:30. Growing up I think we were like 8-3 in elementary and the high school offered an early elective slot, which started at 7:20. Both areas in the Midwest. Getting out before 2 is just wacky to me.
But yes, after care and summer camps.
Anonymous says
Private elementary school, 8:15- 3:30 (can drop off at 8). It’s religious so there is a double curriculum secular/religious/religious language, which I think is why it’s longer. There is before and after care available but I don’t think before care starts earlier than 7:30. Our neighborhood public school is 8:30-2:20 with before and after care.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Our elementary school is 8:30-3:00. middle school is 7:50-2:30ish and high school is 7:30-2:00. This is pretty consistent with how I grew up and most people do aftercare and before care for elementary school if needed. We luckily got into the aftercare program at the school, which is convenient, and don’t do before care as one of us can WFH everyday. Our aftercare is a fraction of the cost of daycare (like, literally less than 1/4th of what we’re paying for our preschooler) so I don’t think it’s a financial burden for most people. I hear summer camps is where the real money gets spent.
Anon says
Just adding to the chorus – we’re 7:50-2:10 except Fridays where they get out before 1. Our elementary district is big enough that schools are staggered in start times to reuse buses, and we’re lucky enough to be zoned to an early school. I love it for the lack of morning care, and we got into the on-site after care.
I almost guarantee your school has an aftercare program but you may need to get on the waitlist now. Make sure to research it. Then look up options if you don’t get off the waitlist – in my area, your other paid choices are the Y, private religious programs, some of the daycares in a school-age program, or a local skating rink.
Be warned that it stinks, for a lot of reasons. Schools have a million days off and care programs are often closed or require early registration and extra pay. Enrichment activities (piano, sports, etc) seem to all start early afternoon since schools are out earlier, so we can’t do a lot of things since baseball practice starts at say, 4:30.
BUT it’s about 1/4 the cost of daycare during the school year, which is huge. And there are more summer options now that kids are school-age, but you’ll also have to get on those registrations very early. In my area, all of the pool-related summer camps fill up within 5 minutes of registration opening in February.
Anon says
The local moms group where I live had a discussion this week on this exact topic…elementary hours are the same here. We will be doing aftercare through the school when our daughter starts K next year. And hoping it’s a good fit for her. Never thought I’d miss daycare and it’s tuition but I already am and have 9 more months!
Anonymous says
Our elem is 7:55-2:25. Bus comes at 7:10 and drops off at 2:45.
Anonymous says
Our elementary school is 7:40-2:45, I had no idea that it was so much longer a day than typical. You can drop off as early as 7. I thought the early start time seemed very friendly of working families because it only requires aftercare, which is available through the school.
Anon says
i know there are some other twin parents on here, but even other parents with kids close in age might be able to weigh in. i have same sex 3 year old fraternal twins who love each other tremendously, but have very different strengths. Twin A has incredible fine and gross motor skills (this is not coming from me, but from doctor), and is extremely social. Twin B is extremely verbal and loves pretend play but often prefers to play independently and struggles with some of those fine/gross motor skills and is currently in OT. Any time they do anything, it appears to them that Twin A is “better” at it – whether it is getting dressed independently, doing a somersault, climbing a structure at the playground, etc. – all of the things that seem to ‘matter’ in the eyes of a preschooler. We talk A LOT about how different people learn to do different things at different times. currently they don’t do any activities outside of school, (this is their first year in preschool), but have expressed interest in trying ballet, gymnastics and soccer, all activities that depend on fine/gross motor skills. how do i navigate this both now and as they get older? i want to find an activity where twin B can excel. i also don’t want to hold twin A back due to concern about B’s confidence. They also most certainly do not have to always do the same activities (in fact i hope that they find their own interests), but will probably at least start out doing the same activities so that they can each figure out what they like.
Anonymous says
Don’t put them in the same activities at the same time. Their relative aptitudes will interfere with their true preferences.
OP says
how do i make this work logistically? their preschool offers activities right after school, so one does ballet there and i take the other one somewhere else to do ballet? or if i take them to a gymnastics place, and one kid does class while the other one watches? and then i have them switch on a different day? how do i explain this to them?
AnotherTwinMom says
I was about to respond that keeping them separate is impractical and a logistical headache at best and many cases not possible (In my area if they want to play soccer, there is one program so I’d have to tell one kid he couldn’t play at all if I was keeping them separate.)
anon says
Yeah, as another twin parent with a working spouse I’d have a really hard time trying to get 3yos to different activities.
Anon says
Is there a Y that offers a bunch of classes at the same time?
OP says
not for the same age group at the same time
AnotherTwinMom says
I don’t know but am also a mom of same-sex 3 year olds so am following. My kids aren’t in activities besides preschool yet either, but I think we will have a tough time convincing them to separate and try the activity that most interests them, rather than their brother. My current thinking is that, at a young age, it’s good to try different things, so I’ll probably pick one activity for each kid and expect that they’ll both want to participate in both activities. Hopefully, my input at picking the activities will mean that they’ll each have one at which they excel.
Anon says
so here is my issue, I can’t really think of an activity that Twin B will excel at in comparison to Twin A bc so many activities are based on fine/gross motor skills?
Anonymous says
I would try a high-quality early childhood music class that teaches solfege (do re mi etc.). Hugely beneficial in so many ways.
RR says
My twins are now 13–boy/girl fraternal. It’s a reality of twins that there will always be those comparisons that don’t exist with different-aged siblings. “Who walked first? Who talked first? Who is smarter? Who is better in school?” On all the measured milestones (walking, talking, etc.), my son was first. But my daughter was way ahead in the things that no one cares about–emotional intelligence, resilience, etc. They did the same activities, although they were often on different teams/classes because of gender. My daughter used to get sad that her twin was objectively smarter than her, but she grew into understanding that everyone has gifts and challenges. He might be technically “smarter,” but he also has ADHD and other challenges that frankly make school much easier for her. The older they get, the more their own personalities and strengths come through, and that groundwork you lay now will start to show. It’s frankly just important to understand that things like resilience and kindness are much more important than physical gifts anyway. We celebrate those things for all our kids, instead of genetic gifts that they didn’t do anything for (e.g., we celebrate my son’s hard work and willingness to take chances, not his IQ).
My advice is to just reinforce that a lot–what each is good at, everyone at different levels. Focus on things like being a great sister, great friend, great sharer, great person, etc. I would not try some type of separate activities. Let them choose what they want. If it bothers them, they will tell you. If you separate them, they may think it bothers you.
OP says
i like this approach. thank you!
AnotherTwinMom says
Love this!
anon says
At 3 yo, I’d focus on activities where there isn’t a clear way of sorting who is “better.”
For instance our preschool gymnastics programs use centers so the kids rotate around the room. All the kids are busy and not watching each other. I don’t think any kid knows who is best.
Preschool soccer is similar. I don’t think any kid has any idea who is better. They’re all busy running after the ball.
Praise them both for effort and don’t emphasize performance. Some of this may even out by the time they’re old enough to sort out performance.
OP says
yes, lots of focus on effort, trying hard, etc. in our house. it just breaks my heart sometimes when twin B says “twin A can do it, but i can’t do it” and then we talk about how people learn to do things at different times, how Twin B doesn’t remember, but there are some things that Twin B learned to do first, how you can do it in your own way (referencing to Daniel Tiger), etc. again, this is why Twin B is in OT which Twin B absolutely loves (thank goodness). the other issue is that Twin A is much more social. it is hard for me to tell if Twin B wants to play with the other kids and doesn’t know how to, or if Twin B just doesn’t care. I had a parent who unintentionally often made me feel badly that i didn’t have a lot of friends and i want to make sure i don’t do the same
No Face says
I avoid weekday activities so my kids can rest and recoup from their days. Can you sign them up for different activities on Saturday mornings, assuming you are raising them with a partner? A does ballet with you, B does soccer with your partner, then you all meet at home for lunch?
My next door neighbors have older fraternal twin boys who are completely different in strengths and personality. They do different activities. A excels at hockey, while B really enjoys swim blub.
I do not have twins, so take or leave this advice!
Anon says
i think that is a great idea, except that i think they will want to try the same things, but we definitely have been trying to incorporate more individual time to do different things. it is hard since i do A LOT of solo parenting during the week, so we also want some family time all together, or some time for me to get a bit of a break. i’m sure it will evolve to this as they get older. also, from a covid perspective i like the idea of them doing the activities through their school so there is no additional germ pool.
anon says
I am a fraternal twin and I have fraternal twins, so I have lots of opinions! Essentially what I try to do is focus on interests instead of abilities, understanding that the rest of the world will reinforce the comparison of relative abilities, and there’s nothing I can do about that. “If you like gymnastics, that’s all that matters. If you want to be better at it, then you need to give it time and practice.” If one of them wants to do something, I will help them–and if they’re sensitive about it and there is a way to help them get comfortable (like practicing soccer in the backyard before a class), we will try to do that. My very loving but misguided parents tried to make sure my sister and I each felt like we were “good at” something and I felt like it did damage in pigeonholing us too young and feeling like we were not being viewed by our parents as whole people, e.g., one was good at sports, the other was good at music. My parents did that in an obvious effort to make sure one didn’t feel badly about not being as good at sports, but it got a bit out of control. Please don’t do that!
OP says
i really really appreciate this perspective and thank you! i often wish i could find focus group of fraternal twins to ask for parenting advice, because there aren’t a lot of great books for twin parents. i really don’t want to pigeonhole them. especially not at age 3 and because everyone else is already pigeonholing them.
Anonymous says
Late reply. I am a fraternal g/g twin. My sister and I only did the same activities growing up. (logistics and interests). What I remember: In the early years my sister’s gross motor was better than mine but then I was a little bit better at school. Utlimately we did a high performance sport together – she started out a bit stronger but I “ended” a bit stronger. Our differences I think were much less than your twins in terms of what I remember. However, later in life my parents have told me that I was described by a doctor as having “the best fine motor and worst gross motor of a kid he had seen*, so I can only imagine that I was pretty bad at 3 year old ballet class which I have no memory of but I do know happened.
I think team sports work well because it is not like one twin will actually be beating the other, so I think that is a good place to start vs. say gymnastics or other activities where one twin wins trophies by herself. On the drive home you can focus on the team win and hey Twin A did this and Twin B did that. I think my parents were pretty focused on not making us competitive
*I assume these means ex. kids with diagnosed issues, but for example I walked way later than my sister although within the range of normal.
Anon says
i have a friend who was a triplet and her parent was so concerned about this that they weren’t allowed to do any of the same activities. aside from the fact that it sounds like a huge logistical headache, what if two both wanted to try soccer
Anonymous says
First, look for activities that Twin B will excel and have your kids try those activities out. That may help with the dynamic.
I have a twin brother, the comparison will happen. I am still compared with my brother and we are in our 40s. Lean into the idea that everyone has different interests and abilities. When you hear coaches, teachers, family members, etc comparing your kids… stop them. As a twin, I think the expectations are the hardest as people focus on a person’s strengths. I did not have the time to work to improve in the areas where my twin excelled and continue to focus on the areas where I excelled.
AwayEmily says
This is to some extent just kicking the problem down the road, but they are three! They don’t need to be doing any activities in a formal setting. They can explore kicking a ball, somersaulting, and dancing anytime, anywhere. My oldest is 5 and she has never done a single formal class or activity, but she definitely has a great sense of what she likes (e.g. climbing, art) and what she isn’t as much of a fan of (kicking balls around, races). I think formal activities invite comparison/evaluation in a way that informal exploration does not. FWIW my kids are close in age (3.5 and 5) and when we do activities with them both we try to talk about which parts they are enjoying rather than which parts they are doing “well.” This moves them away from the comparison question (“what am I good at”) and pushes them look inward (“what do I love to do”).
Anon says
This.
Anonymous says
All of this “praise for effort” and “look inward” stuff sounds nice, but kids aren’t dumb and they notice what does and does not come easily.
Anon says
Yeah but I think the point about formal activities not being necessary or helpful at this age is a good one, and it will reduce a lot of the comparison between kids.
AwayEmily says
Of course they notice, so my point is — why put them in situations that explicitly invite comparison and reinforce who’s “good” and who’s “bad” at something when they are only 3? It’s impossible to remove comparison from kids’ lives altogether. But you can certainly make it a less central part of how they experience the world, both in the activities you choose to do with your kids and how you choose to talk about those activities with them.
Twins! says
I have 7 yr old b/g twins. My son was born with low muscle tone and received services that his sister never needed. We’ve just had to have the “meet you where you are”, everyone is different talks and it hasn’t been a big deal. Most things are easier for my daughter, but my son can be outgoing, creative and thoughtful.
I had intended them to find more independent extra curricular activities and hobbies as they entered kindergarten but COVID had other plans. At this point, they have a strong preference to be together and the dynamic remains healthy, but I keep an eye out on it. I think it’s okay to offer opportunities for them to develop separate interests as things arise but also don’t force it. Nor tie yourself in knots around the logistics. At the end of the day, my kids are very different but are one another’s best friends which served us all well through the pandemic.
OP says
appreciate this perspective. i do think the b/g dynamic probably helps in your situation. glad to hear your twins are still bff
Dinner says
Favorite weeknight make ahead meals? We’ve been living chili, lasagna, and easy soups this fall and curious for new recipes in that vein.
anon says
recent meals – lentil soup with a good bread, white chicken chili (roughly followed Iowa Girl eats recipe, used pre-shredded ckn, so easy), beef and green bean stew, sloppy joes, tacos (usually eat on the weekend and make extra for the week)
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Soups for sure! Just made a big batch last night. PinchofYum is doing a soup series (some of which are involved, but some are medium-low effort) right now if you want some new ideas.
Other stuff: Chicken Curry, Daals, and there’s a Vietnamese-inspired ground turkey with fish sauce and brown sugar that has been a family fave. Rice is a staple in our house so there’s always rice in the fridge or being made.
When it’s a busy week: Salsa Chicken in the IP, Rice, Beans with lots of veggies (peppers, spinach).
anon says
Curries or mole is good if you find a recipe where you can make the simmer sauce ahead of time, then you just dump sauce and protein in a pot when you get home. Often the sauce makes enough for two dinners so I will freeze half for later.d I like the famous Instant Pot Butter Chicken Recipe, and Dinner Illustrated has a great chicken Mole recipe.
We also do grain bowls where i make the grain ahead of time and then dump in chopped veggies, a can of beans, and a dressing when I get home.
Anon says
Turkey meatloaf (skinny taste recipe) + roasted sweet potatoes – reheats very well
If working from home, I find a roast chicken + potatoes easy to pop in the oven and take out 2 hours later
Taco night w/ precooked meat
If anyone has a good lentil soup recipe to recommend, I’m all ears
Anon says
Ina Garten Lentil Sausage Soup (although I generally make it with ham instead of sausage, but good either way). I omit the onions and leeks b/c I don’t like them.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Whenever this question comes up on the site, I make a plug for daal. Great for IP/Pressure cooking. Serve with rice, naan, pita, tortillas, crusty bread, whatever!
Here’s a good, simple one: https://myheartbeets.com/instant-pot-everyday-dal/
Anon says
I make batches of Melissa Clark’s black bean skillet dinner and serve the beans with microwaveable brown rice and pre-marinated cilantro lime chicken from Wegmans. Can also stick them in a taco or quesadilla.
DLC says
This sausage kale soup is sooo good! I have to fight my kids for the leftovers:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thekitchn.com/recipe-zuppa-toscana-234423%3famp=1
Anonymous says
Put 2 lbs of boneless skinless chicken thighs in the crockpot with some sort of seasoned liquid–BBQ sauce, teriyaki sauce, buffalo sauce, salsa–and cook for 6 hours on low. Shred. Serve in sliders, tacos, rice bowls, quesadillas, etc.
Anon4This says
Public Health PSA – Get your flu shot!
I got my flu shot and Pfizer booster on the same day last week and it wasn’t too bad the next day (thank you coffee and ibuprofen). The bruise/arm pain was greater from the flu shot than the booster, though…
AwayEmily says
I got my Pfizer booster last week and was very pleasantly surprised to have pretty much no side effects. The second dose was BRUTAL for me so I was expecting the worst and it was totally fine.
Anon says
I got a Moderna booster and it wasn’t fun but it wasn’t as bad as #2.
Anonymous says
The CDC website says Moderna boosters are not yet authorized. Was it a third shot in the primary series?
Anon says
It was a booster on the advice of my MD. I’m high risk but not immunocompromised. You’re correct they’re not yet authorized for the general public.
Anon says
A lot of folks that are in the medical community or have partners/family in the medical community have done this (3rd shot in primary) to optimize protection during delta before the (long delayed) information about boosters was out in the U.S. I honestly cannot blame them, as all of us have been left to our own devices/risk-calculus to be “safe” for a long time. Since most here are COVID-cautious I hope there is understanding vs. pearl clutching/finger pointing.
Anonymous says
I don’t understand how people are getting shots that are not authorized. Where I live, the public clinics will not administer unauthorized shots, and pharmacies won’t either (at least partly because insurance will not approve it). Same with people getting shots for 11-year-olds. It’s literally impossible.
Anon says
Off label use of vaccines and medicines is a thing. I have heard of peds giving it to high risk younger kids but that seems to be much rarer than off label boosters for elderly/high risk adults. I think physicians are more comfortable giving a booster off label when the vaccine itself has already been authorized for the age group.
It’s also possible my doctor checked a box saying I was immunocommpromised even though she says I’m not and both she and the pharmacist referred to it as a booster dose. Regardless, I don’t care. I didn’t do anything wrong since my doctor told me to get a booster now and the CDC card does not distinguish between third dose and booster.
Anon says
I thought only seniors were getting boosters. Huh hard to keep up
anon says
Not sure if you’re trying to subtly complain people are cheating the system, but yes, in addition to seniors, immunocompromised adults (which includes pregnancy) or adults who work in high-exposure situations are eligible. This board has a decent number of pregnant people, as well as school or college faculty, all of which are eligible under the current guidelines.
Anon says
Not just immunocompromised adults. Any adult with an underlying medical condition. (Which is a much broader category).
AwayEmily says
Yup, exactly. I’m a pregnant college faculty member (teaching classes in-person) so I’m double-qualified for the booster.
Anon says
In addition to seniors, you’re eligible if you have underlying health conditions (it’s a long list of conditions including many common things obesity, asthma, etc) or if you have a high exposure occupation like healthcare or teaching or food service.
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/booster-shot.html
OP says
This! I work at a hospital in a non-clinical role and interface with frontline emergency room staff regularly.
Anonymous says
But only for if your original series was Pfizer!
Anon says
Yes… I was responding to someone who said only seniors are getting boosters, which is not accurate. Many people are eligible based on health conditions or occupation.
Orbitzzz says
Can you tell me what would be better consistency in a kids schedule? Would it be better to have the same schedule MWF or MTW? We want to start some preschool and other days have local family watch our 3 year old. Or would M-F half day school/ home care after be better/easier? So many permutations!
Anon says
For consistency for the kid, the every morning in school, every afternoon with family is easier. That being said, I don’t think there’s much difference between MWF or MTW for full-day school. At 3 they can probably follow along on a calendar to see “school days” vs “home days”.
Anon says
at 3 they probably can, but some of the preschools near us do the 3 days in a row bc they think it is much easier for the kids to adjust and figure out. my 3 year old twins just started preschool, and the school we chose dropped their part time MWF as an option for only 5 days a week, but now i’m actually kind of glad bc i think it would have been hard on them to adjust. i know my friend’s 2 year old is struggling a bit with adjusting with the every other day, but of course there is a huge difference between a 2 year old and a 3 year old. i would also ask the school what they think?
Anon says
Even if they can’t follow a calendar, they can understand “school days” vs “home days”. I think many 2 year olds can even get that. My daughter has stayed home with my parents on random weekdays since the age of 2 and we explained it that way (with those exact terms, even) and it’s never been an issue.
OP, I wouldn’t sweat it too much. My kid really thrives on routine in many ways (god help you if you break the “order” in which our family members wash hands for dinner) but has never struggled with disruptions to her school schedule as long as we gave her a heads up about them.
NYCer says
+1. My 2 year old goes to preschool MWF mornings, and it is totally fine. She sometimes asks in the morning if she has school or not, and we say yes or no and go on our merry way.
Anon says
When my kid went part time, I chose TWTh so that we could have a long weekend for travel if we wanted. Back when we used to travel.
I always felt that the easiest thing was to see what would work best for the parents. That is to say… if one doesn’t work on Fridays and would rather have Fridays as a personal day for life admin, then by all means put the kid in school on Friday.
anon says
I’d try for three consecutive days of daycare/preschool. Our schools strongly preferred it, and I found it easier for prep purposes. We did Mon/Tuesday with family, and then Wed-Friday at daycare. Now, it is just Tuesdays with grandma, and I don’t think school loves it but that is when grandma can do it so that’s what we do.
A few considerations for you. Depending on who the family members are, if this is your first time relying on them for childcare, you’ll need to feel out if they can do this consistently (on time, every single week) or if they want to be able to drop by — in which case you’ll need to just pay for FT, M-F care, and then pick up early/skip days when family watches them. I also would love to have gma babysit on Fridays because its usually a slower work day, I wouldn’t mind interruptions as much, etc. BUT then everytime grandma wants to have Friday plans/long weekend/ vacation etc I’d be scrambling and annoyed. So, she keeps Tuesdays and that has worked pretty well. Also keep in mind that the more family helping for consistent childcare, the more others’ schedules impact yours — ie now its 6 vacation weeks instead of 3 where you have to find fill-in care. And, for me, its much easier to find fill in care or just take the day off on Fridays vs Mondays, for example. In some ways, my MIL stopping babysitting on Mondays took some mental load off. Also keep in mind most places have strict sick policies now with COVID, so having local family for backupcare for the 300th runny nose will be so helpful!
Anon says
Mostly a vent, but also seeking tips to make my life easier: DH is in the National Guard and was just notified about an opening for a training he has to attend starting Oct 15. It’s 3 weeks long and falls right when we were supposed to go on our first real vacation in 2 years. I was really looking forward to it and had planned everything out so I’m pretty bummed. Luckily airbnb has good cancellation for military, and it was a driving trip so we shouldn’t lose any money.
I’m mostly worried about solo parenting for 3 straight weeks. We have a 16mo. I’m planning to up his daycare hours to give myself a little more time and try to simplify dinners as much as possible. He’s a good sleeper unless he starts sprouting more teeth. I have semi-local family (about an hour), but they all work fulltime. Any survival tips?
anon says
Sorry for your vacation! :(
I think you’re on to the main things- simply simplify. PB&J dinners are ok. With two LOs, I keep solo weeks very simple. I have found I don’t even like inviting friends over because the kids get too pumped and it’s more of a stressor for me. But, DH is usually home on weekends. I think you’ll probably want some simple activities planned for the weekend to look forward to, even if it’s a zoom with friends after LO bedtime. library trip, or visit to a park you normally don’t go to. My mom is a big help, she will often stay one night in the middle of the week to break it up. Then, I have someone to help with baths, kitchen cleanup etc and I can get to bed earlier. Maybe ask (helpful and low maintenance) family to stay one of the weekends? But really, less is more for me. It can be boring, but I prefer that to plan too much and being stressed to the max.
Anon says
so so sorry for your vacation. thank you to you and your husband for your family’s service. would you want to go stay with your family for a weekend or have them come stay with you? i already solo parent a lot monday – friday, but the weekends for me solo are killer. i like having adults to talk to, so schedule a meet up with a friend, etc.
Anonymous says
+1 to visiting family and also inviting over your friends to join you for apps/dinner/drinks.
Do you have a sitter who you can lean on for a couple nights each week? Do you have any interest in visiting your semi-local family for a weekend just you and the baby? I’d go all out relaxing, stock up on some wine and frozen pizza. Put kiddo to bed at 7 PM and have three hours to yourself (movies, books, puzzle, etc).
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Simplify meals, Automate/get delivered whatever you want/need in that time, see if family can help/relieve on the weekends (or even take a few days off and make a long weekend of it), and plan some low impact fun stuff for you (TV shows to watch solo, coffeeshop to go to, etc.)
Sometimes solo parenting can be a slog, but over the years I’ve found a lot of joy in it, too.
FP says
My husband just had a 2.5 week out of the country for a family emergency, and it was the first time I had solo parented for more than a couple of days.
Have you thought about hiring a babysitter for one weekend morning for each of the weekends? You could go to a yoga class, or just have a break for a little bit, plus do errands out of the house that are tough with a toddler. Try not to view it as three weeks, but smaller chunks of days at a time. I tried to have something preplanned for each weekend day to give myself some structure and focus to the day. Lean on friends to occupy you and your baby (plan some park playdates, etc.). Simplify meals and be okay with takeout for yourself. I was also often tempted to have a glass or two of wine by myself after the kids went down to sleep but honestly don’t sleep well with booze, so just kept that away until my husband got back, in order to not be exhausted.
GCA says
Aww, sorry about your vacation! I have done up to 4-week-long solo parenting stints, thankfully before we had our second kid, and leaning on local family and friends is key for the weekends. Simplify dinners (make ahead so you can just walk in the door and reheat) – and simplify the morning routine as well. Absolutely plan activities and time with family/ friends on the weekend, even if it’s just a friend who will sit around and drink coffee and have some adult conversation while the toddler naps. Consider getting a sitter for part of a weekend day so you can do something for yourself, like going on a hike or run, getting a haircut, etc.
anon says
Definitely lean on friends. Lots of people will help out, come over and bring wine etc. if you ask. My husband went out of town for 2 weeks (not as long!) when my youngest was 20 months, and we basically invited ourselves over to friends’ houses on the weekends. I can’t remember how I fed them during the week but I’m sure it involved takeout.
Anon says
Sorry for your vacation. Can you take a half day or day off each week while your kid is in daycare to give yourself a break?
Anon says
My son has graded assessments (for accuracy, from what I can tell) in first grade. Things like math facts, religion tests (with true/false or multiple choice questions, it’s a Catholic school btw), reading quizzes. He also has graded math packets each week. Is this common? It seems like this is a little much for 6-7 year olds, but maybe I’ve become wishy-washy in my old age (har har)?
Anonymous says
It’s common in catholic schools. It’s super outdated just like many of them.
Mary Moo Cow says
My 1st grader in Catholic school has 2 math worksheets a week, one sight word spelling test a week, and did a reading assessment a few weeks into school (it was specifically called an assessment so teachers could gauge the reading level and start giving them appropriate books for silent reading and the library.) She also gets grades or smiley faces on in-class work, probably around 1 piece of work a day. So in our small sample pool, yours is a bit more but not off the charts. FWIW, if your child isn’t complaining, I would take a wait and see approach until you get the first report card or the first parent teacher conference. You’ll see if grades are emphasized or the grading scale is exceeds/meets/falls below grade level standard.”
Anon says
Our excellent public schools have graded homework beginning in first grade. It’s the major thing I wish was different about our district.
Anon says
ETA: They don’t get letter grades until fourth grade. But they get grades on the worksheet like 10/10 starting from first.
RR says
Our public school doesn’t even have grades through 5th grade and certainly no graded assessments. There’s an evaluation scale of “developing, achieving, etc.” that I have to review every time. It is so refreshing!
Anonymous says
Not sure about catholic school, but my 2nd grader won’t receive letter grades until 6th grade.
Anonymous says
What would you do? My girls’ weekend just got canceled because the hostess’ husband has to work. DH said I should still take the weekend off but I’m not sure what to do with myself. So far my only ideas are: drive to a friend’s house 3 hours away or stay by myself in a hotel in our city. Any other ideas? I just want to be alone for 24 hours but I also know that one hour in I’ll be lonely.
Anon says
So sorry about the girls’ weekend cancellation!
Stay by yourself in a hotel that’s far enough away to make it feel like you’re going somewhere. I’ve used points to stay at the fanciest hotel downtown. I’d go somewhere with a spa and/or a good restaurant. I’d stay in my room, read a book or scroll on my phone or watch the movies I wanted to watch, eat good food and sleep a lot. I’ve done this before and thought it would be pointless, but honestly it was a really refreshing weekend.
Anonymous says
Could you meet up with a friend? Stay in a local hotel but make plans with a friend during the day?
No Face says
A hotel night is wonderful, but I would also take the opportunity to drive to the friend 3 hours away. I have a friendship time deficit!
NYCer says
Between those two options, I would drive to the friend’s house that is 3h away. To each their own, and I know a lot of people on this board like the idea, but I would not have fun at a hotel in my city by myself.
Do you have another local(ish) friend who could meet you in your city at the hotel? Fun dinner and hanging out?
ElisaR says
agree
Anon says
Is the friend childless or also a Mom? I’d vote for a child free weekend so you can truly relax. I’d love a hotel staycation, but I’m also a huge introvert. Are there any juicy books you’ve been wanting to read or shows you’ve wanted to binge? If I had a solo weekend I’d buy a book I could tear through and treat myself to that, walks, take out or outdoor dining and glorious, glorious silence.
AnonATL says
I vote hotel.
Had 1 night at a hotel as a birthday present to myself and it was wonderful. Sat by the pool for a few hours and read. Went to a restaurant I like and had dinner where I wasn’t constantly trying to feed a child and half-eat my food. Then came back and tucked in early with a room service cocktail.
Im an introvert so it was glorious.
DLC says
What about inviting your family to stay in the fancy hotel but sending them home for bedtime?
The time with a friend sounds great too. Seeing friends always perks me up, and i love having long drives to listen to audiobooks and catching up on podcasts.
If i had a weekend free, I would go on a very long hike, then binge watch something and read a good book.
Anonamama says
My maternity leave ends today and I’m back at work tomorrow! I’m mostly okay with this and excited to go back to work. Please send any luck or last minute advice you have!! (I’m pumping, family is watching the baby until her daycare spot opens up in a couple of weeks, she’s 12 weeks old)
anon says
Good luck! Re pumping: You don’t have to wash pump parts between every session, just bag and put in the fridge. And pump as early in the day as possible because you get the most then. Generally, go easy on yourself.
Tea/Coffee says
Congrats!
It’s totally okay to miss baby. It’s also totally okay to not really miss baby. All good.
Block out your pumping times on your calendar. I used to indicate them as out of office and not just another meeting.
Depending on your pump setup – i kept a spare manual pump and two bottles in my desk drawer. My real pump never stopped working, but there were multiple times that i forgot pieces and the backup was a lifesaver. I have pumped into empty (clean, unused) soda cups from the cafeteria and taken them home verrrrry carefully! Do not recommend…
If you are freezing milk at all, freeze in very small quantities. I hated wasting freezer bags but hated wasting milk more. Have a snack while you ate pumping.
Eat and stay hydrated! You got this:-)
Anon says
Are you going back to work in an office, or WFH?
OP says
Office!
An.On. says
We had family & daycare too. I did okay with the days with the grandparents, but I made my husband pick her up early from her first day at daycare because I was so anxious (there was a different teacher there than we expected, the video link wasn’t working, etc). Also, she got sick her first week there. When daycare starts, I would try to keep your schedule open and flexible in case you need/want to go get her early or have to work from home. Or have alternate caregivers lined up for when she gets her first cold, usually in the first few weeks.
Second the pumping calendar blackout. I brought bottles to pump into but stashed bags at work in case I forgot a part. Pack everything the night before, unless someone else has the baby in the mornings.
Mary Moo Cow says
Good luck tomorrow! A few things that helped me with pumping: having a pump and spare parts that lived at the office and one pump and spare parts set that lived at home; thinking of it as a chance to get away from my desk instead of a chore; playing the music I listened to while in the hospital with baby; looking at pictures of baby; reading a book or magazine while pumping — not working! You’ll figure out if you like hearing from family throughout the day or if it makes you too sad. Finally, plan to eat dinner out tomorrow!
IHeartBacon says
Take a spare outfit with you to leave at your office in case you spill while pumping.
the other anonamama says
+1 to the above – great pumping tips. Would also add a spare hand towel to your pumping bag to have nearby, in case you forget to clip bottles in or spill. You’ll be great. good luck!!!
CF Gene Test Q says
I am looking to get genetic testing done to find out if I’m a carrier for CF, for family planning purposes. Is that typically handled with a reference from your gyno or do you just seek it out on your own? I don’t want a DNA test that puts me a searchable database for privacy reasons.
Also, I literally just bought that carrot two hours ago (before seeing this), and I am SO EXCITED for it to come.
Anon says
My obgyn offered this test to every pregnant patient, and it cost $1,000 out of pocket FYI. I didn’t realize until the bill came…
Anon says
It’s a standard test offered by OBs – it’s a great place to start. My insurance covered it.
Anon says
there is an organization called JScreen that is geared towards Jewish people but I think anyone can use it. It has been a couple of years but I believe cost $100 with insurance. It tested for many different diseases. If there is a particular reason you suspect you might be a CF carrier I would also consult with your obgyn
Anon says
+1 did Jscreen testing in college (over a decade before I conceived) through my sorority. Since nothing came up we never did any screening for my husband.
Anon says
i’m the anon at 1:59 and i’d like to add to anyone reading this that you should do it again closer to when you want to start conceiving because they are always screening for additional diseases. the J Screen is a saliva based test. there are a few diseases (Tay Sachs) that can be identified with more certainty with a blood based test. I believe JScreen explains this on their website much better than I ever could
Anon says
Good point. I did ask my OB about it once we were ready to TTC but she was pretty dismissive about it and said we didn’t need any screening unless we had a family history of genetic disease, so I was glad I’d at least had the screening in college.
Pogo says
I had to use an RE to get get pregnant and it was offered as part of the workup. I do recall a significant bill (probably because it used an outside lab not covered under our HMO); it screened both husband and I for being SMA and CF carriers.
I’ve got an oncogenic mutation (not BRCA, but a similar, less well known one) but didn’t find out until after we conceived. I looked into screening our embryos if we ever have more children and it is still considered elective and out of pocket. I don’t actually know at one point it is covered by insurance or if it ever is, but if you have the means it certainly makes sense to get tested and if you are both carriers to screen embryos!
anon says
My toddler (going on 16 months old) has been in a sleep sack (the Burt’s Bees one) up to this point, but is starting to get too big for the largest size. I’m thinking about transitioning him to a blanket, but how do I do it? Do I just…put it in there? Try to tuck it around him? He rolls around a LOT at night.
Anon says
I would buy a bigger sleep sack if he’s happy in the sleep sack. We used Woolino until my very tall child was almost 3 (and we stopped because she decided she was done with a sleepsack, not because she outgrew it).
Anonymous says
We loved the Woolino sleepsack!
Sleep sax says
We kept our kid in a sleep sack for a long time until he requested a blanket (like 2 or 2.5)? There are larger ones. If that doesn’t work, I wonder if a sleeping bag would work?
Anonymous says
Mine were just in footie pajamas with nothing else for probably another year. No need for an extra blanket
Anon says
+1 we had a gap between sleepsack and blanket too and it was fine. Just make sure PJs are warm.
Anonymous says
We just used warm PJs, sometimes 2 pair at once (fleece over cotton). That plus overheated NYC apartment worked for us.
Anon says
I got mine a woolino toddler sack – those things are huge! It didn’t last long though, turns out he wanted to sleep with a blanket like at daycare. I just lay the blanket over him. Some nights he’s very adamant about it being up over his shoulders but he rarely keeps it on for long.