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Some of the most worn items in my closet during pregnancy were my solid color maternity t-shirts. I found that I could still wear my pre-pregnancy blazers, so instead of trying to buy a million maternity tops to go under them, it was easier just to wear a black opaque tee and call it a day. I also liked to wear pre-pregnancy open-front cardigans and “waterfall” cardigans, and the best things to wear under them were t-shirts. This one from A Pea in the Pod looks comfortable, stretchy, and basic. The regular price is a bit steep at $38, but on sale it goes as low as $14.97, depending on color — and for a basic to go on sale, I’d snag a bunch! Right now, you can also get an extra 25% off sale styles at A Pea in the Pod. This t-shirt is available in sizes XS–L. Lightweight Maternity T-Shirt
For a plus-size option, try this maternity top from Belle & Sky, which is on sale for $9.74 (!).
Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.
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Sales of note for 5.5.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
- Banana Republic Factory – Spend your StyleCash with 40-60% off everything, or take an extra 20% off purchase (ends 5/6)
- Eloquii – $19 & up 300+ styles and up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Shirts & tees starting at $24.50; extra 30% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles & extra 15% off; extra 55% off sale styles
- Nordstrom: Nordy Club members earn 3X the points on beauty; 30% off selected shoes
- Talbots – 40% off one item & and 30% off everything else; $50 off $200 (all end 5/5)
- Zappos – 27,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything & extra 20% off select styles with code
- Hanna Andersson – Friends & Family Sale: 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Crewcuts – tk; extra 30% off sale styles; kids’ styles starting at $14.50
- Old Navy – Up to 75% off clearance
- Target – 20% off women’s clothing & shoes; up to 50% off kitchen & dining; 20% off jewelry & hair accessories; up to $100 off select Apple products; up to 40% off home & patio; BOGO 50% off adult & YA books
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Leatty says
Favorite places to buy maternity clothes for work? During my last pregnancy, I mostly wore Motherhood Maternity and Leota dresses. The Leota dresses are still fine, but almost all of my MM clothes are too threadbare (and ugly) to wear to work. I’m only 5 weeks pregnant, so I still have some time before I start showing, but I’d like to start looking for maternity clothes I can wear to work so I can find pieces I love instead of just buying whatever is available. My dress code at work is smart casual.
ALC says
I bought pretty much all my work clothes from LOFT. More casual stuff from Gap and Old Navy.
Anne says
Loft, Old Navy and Asos.
anne-on says
Gap and Ann Taylor had some great workhorse pieces for the cost. I also really liked Seraphine, Ingrid and Isabel, and Rosie Pope for some ‘nicer’ options. I also recall being pleasantly surprised at the Old Navy and Target maternity stuff, but I did want to try that on in person as the sizing/quality was hard to tell online. I also splurged on one pair of ‘designer’ maternity jeans and they were worth their weight in gold – the others just didn’t stay up or fit very well.
Anonanonanon says
I splurged on 2 or 3 (I can only immediately recall 2) nice dresses for meetings and presentations and that helped me feel really put together during the pregnancy. One was Seraphine maternity and the other was maybe Isabella Oliver? I’ll have to look.
Outside of that I got some good ankle-length work skinny pants from Gap, and usually wore white maternity t shirts with cardigans.
Anon says
Macy’s has Seraphine dresses for a reasonable price ($50-$100). I have one Seraphine dress in particular (https://i.pinimg.com/originals/d2/2f/ae/d22fae75e64dcb4359921393ecababc7.jpg) that I just adored and am so bummed I can never wear again because it was CUTE cute not just maternity cute.
Cb says
I had a few things from Gap and H&M but also bought a quite oversized dress from Uniqlo which ended up working throughout my pregnancy.
Knope says
Agree with others for Loft and Old Navy for everyday clothes, but I had two Isabella Oliver dresses that I bought for more formal occasions, like client meetings. Love them!
EB says
Target has some nice dresses, I bought a couple of what were essentially fitted t-shirt dresses in black and one in a light violet. They were easily dressed up with a jacket and big necklace. My favorite maternity dress though was from isabella oliver at pea in the pod. It was a black ponte. Pea in the pod has lots of good work options.
Lyssa says
Seven years ago now (!), but my best move wound up being to just go to Target’s webpage and buy just about everything that even remotely appealed to me, then try it on and take back 1/2 to 3/4 of it. I really want to see things in person, and there’s just about nothing available in brick & mortar in my area, but you could still return to the store at Target. They had a few really nice things, but you have to sort out a lot.
I mostly found Amazon purchases disappointing, but you could certainly do something similar now that they have free returns.
Congrats and best wishes!
anon says
Some of my best purchases were 2 non-maternity blazers in black and gray. They were cut fuller and longer than my usual style and really just don’t work for me in my non-pregnant state. Worn open with Gap maternity pants, they were a really good dupe for a suit–like tons of women asked me where I found a maternity suit that didn’t look ridiculous. And for regular days at the office, I wore them over knit dresses or anything else to make the outfit look more work appropriate.
ElisaR says
I loved Seraphine but I also really liked doing LeTote for maternity clothes. It’s basically a rental deal for maternity clothes. I liked being able to wear an item once or twice and then send it back.
Meg says
This early in pregnancy, I might also suggest some elastic waist pants to get you through first trimester and postpartum body adjustments. I found the postpartum period hard on my self esteem last time, so it was nice to have a few fun culottes and slim pull-ons that still made me look polished. Those got a lot of wear during my first trimester this round. I mostly sourced from Ayr (on sale) and J. Crew but also found a few good ones on Need Supply.
Anon says
My entire (okay, really small) maternity work wardrobe is Isabella Oliver and Loft, with one random Nordstrom dress thrown in (Tart?) that I’m not much a fan of.
I have 3 Isabella Oliver dresses, 1 Loft dress, 1 Nordstrom dress, 1 pair of slacks from Loft that I get a lot of compliments on, and 2 sweaters from Loft. The pieces are all more expensive than most people spend, but they are all holding up really well and I feel professional and “like me” when wearing them.
If you’re at all athletic, I cannot recommend the Ingrid & Isabel running jacket enough. I love mine (got it on 30% off sale on Black Friday) and it can be worn postpartum.
LadyNFS says
Nothing new and novel to report, but last pregnancy and this one I find myself in a lot of Asos, Seraphine and Isabella Oliver with some Old Navy thrown in for weekends. Asos is inexpensive and gives me the items to fill in the blanks (black stretch dresses with sleeves that I can throw a blazer over and still look polished, the occasional blouse, a trendy sweater if I want something “different”) whereas Seraphine and Isabella Oliver give me the wardrobe workhorse dresses that are polished and put together for every day and that I can rotate with or without blazers or cardigans and also accessorize for variety. See, Seraphine turtleneck black sweater dress that Kate Middleton wore, misc. other dresses. I have spent a small fortune (naturally I was at my largest in different seasons last time), but I find that you can catch a decent sale if you sign up for email lists. I also echo what one of the other posters said about elastic pants and will add to find clothes with some give and size up. Like a non-fitted sheath dress or a sweater dress with some elastic in it -I wore these throughout 1st trimester and into my second, and I know that when I’m PP and back to work I will wear again without feeling like I’m wearing my “maternity clothes.” Congratulations!
Cb says
Any kid related New Year’s resolutions? I want to get the bikes serviced, bike seat and car rack installed so we can ride our bikes with my son, do a European city break, and get him potty-trained. I also have been working on his letters as he seems interested. He knows T for his name and M for mama so far.
Anonymous says
Working on my ongoing struggle to be more present when the kids are awake rather than trying to get household tasks done or (the thing I feel really bad about) mindlessly scrolling my phone.
Cb says
I feel you on that one. We were at my parents’ over Christmas and I felt so much more engaged with my son because I wasn’t worrying about household tasks and logistics. Do think a 4:1 adult:child ratio is ideal.
anon says
totally agree with you on this! we have twins and generally had a 4:2 ratio which was amazing. i could enjoy them so much more when i did not have to worry about making sure dinner was ready on time, cleaning up after, getting them into their pjs on time to avoid meltdowns – i’m often solo during the week nights, but with all of these extra hands i did not have to budget as much time for everything
SC says
I love the 4:1 ratio when my parents are around! We rotate specific tasks, but one person can entertain the kid, one person can take care of basic household things, and two people can work on a project that requires 2 adults.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Totally agree on the 4:1 ratio. We’re usually 2:2, which, when you think about it, is like having a household of 4 roommates where only 2 do all the upkeep work and the other 2 actively seek to make more messes and destroy what you’ve just arranged. Thank goodness for available, loving grandparents!
anon says
This is depressingly true.
anon says
As always, working on my patience and being less reactive when I’m feeling stressed. I have an uncanny ability to foresee potential issues before they begin, which is not always a great quality and often leads to me being more overbearing than I’d like to be as a parent. I think I’ve figured out what’s driving this, but it’s on me to change my behavior.
CCLA says
I have that same ability (works great for practicing law and advising clients on potential issues, can be a burden in other areas of life). I hadn’t put my finger on it before but like how you put it re: its effect on parenting. I’m working on stepping back a bit to let the kids, especially the older one, make their own mistakes and learn from them.
Anon says
Be more present (USE MY PHONE LESS!) around my family, like the poster above, and also cook more meals as a family. I like cooking and eating together is something my family did for every meal, so it really helps my “togetherness”. So far I’ve done a couple meals and feel really great about them because we otherwise don’t usually sit and eat with the kids.
For spending time with my 5-year old, he recently got some kid appropriate board games – the best of which are Connect 4, “Outfoxed”, and “Shadows in the Forest”. We are also teaching him to play a co-op game “Flash Point Fire Rescue”.
Pogo says
Here’s a fun one for Monday – Paris with a toddler?
We’re planning a 4 day trip to Paris in April (husband has a work thing we can piggyback off of). I will be just out of my first tri so hopefully not puking, but not ginormous yet – yay! We have done all the touristy things so looking for recommendations on fun kid stuff to do (besides the giant playground and sailboats in Jardin du Luxembourg).
Also, when you’ve done international travel w/ a toddler do you tend to do AirBnB or a suite hotel room? In the US I’ve done AirBnB (so we have a patio to hang out in while he’s napping, a kitchen for storing his snacks, etc) but I’ve also never traveled somewhere where it would be a huge burden if I had an AirBnB issue/something fell through. I would feel better having Novotel on the hook, say, than AirBnb if I land after a redeye with a cranky toddler and something is amiss.
Cb says
Ooh fun. Look at the Guardian’s travel with kid series, we used it for a guide to Berlin and it was excellent. I do AirBnB’s with a toddler but a hotel suite would be equally fine. I just hate sitting in the hotel room with a sleeping kid, not being able to talk or watch something.
Anon says
Congrats!!! I was thinking about you over the holidays!
We did Paris with a 14 month old last spring, although my kid was not walking then so it would be quite different with a walking toddler. We stayed right near Jardin du Luxembourg and that was great, because it’s such a fun place to take stroller walks and play. We also had tons of fun just walking all over the city with the stroller. Musee Rodin gardens are lovely (and free, I think) and stroller-friendly. Tour de Montparnesse is a fun, stroller-friendly way to get a panoramic view of the city (I think the Eiffel Tower and the Arc de Triomphe don’t allow strollers). There are playgrounds everywhere in Paris, so it’s a very fun city for little kids. Weather in April should be lovely. The subways are allegedly not stroller-friendly, but we didn’t end up needing to use them, because we stayed somewhere relatively central and enjoyed walking everywhere.
The hardest part of our trip was that restaurants mostly don’t open until 7-8 pm, which was incompatible with toddler bedtime. I’ve heard of people keeping their kids on east coast time so they sleep more like midnight-noon but I didn’t like the idea of losing those lovely mornings (and our free hotel breakfast) so we did a lot of takeout/indoor picnic for dinner, and also ate at a few touristy places with very average food. If you stay near Jardin du Luxembourg, there’s a food hall/gourmet grocery nearby called La Grande Epicerie that had some great picnic options (and the best macarons!)
We did a hotel suite – it was spendy, but I really prefer hotels to AirBNBs. If you don’t want to spend on a suite and your kid still sleeps in a PNP, you can put your kid in the bathroom (although you might want to ask the hotel if a PNP will fit in the bathroom, since hotel rooms can be tiny in Europe). That’s what we normally do in the US when traveling and we never have any issues. The grandparents think it’s practically child abuse though, lol.
TheElms says
I’m curious how the PNP in the bathroom works. My kiddo goes to bed late but its still 830pm and doesn’t generally wake up until 7am sometimes 7:30am. Do you just not use the bathroom all that time?
Anon says
We have to go down to the hotel’s public restroom (I’ve never stayed in a hotel that didn’t have one). I don’t wake up overnight to pee, so usually just have to go out once, right before I go to bed. It’s a bigger deal for my husband who sometimes wakes up overnight to pee, but he copes with it. Our child literally will not sleep if we’re in the room, and we can’t afford to get a suite every time we travel, so it’s the best option. She’s also unusually sensitive to light and won’t sleep if the room isn’t dark enough, and a bathroom is good for that too since it usually has no windows (although if you’re crossing time zones you have to be careful about this and wake them up after the normal amount of sleep – otherwise they will remain super jet-lagged because they’re not getting woken by the sunlight in the morning).
Anonymous says
I have a long email I wrote about my trip to Paris with a toddler. Happy to forward if you want to post a burner email.
lala says
1) Congrats!!
2) I like hotel over an Airbnb for our European travel. I just think a hotel with suite is more kid friendly. No breakables, nothing for you to clean up, breakfast on site. If it has a closed door for the bedroom then you can still watch TV, relax, etc. while kid is sleeping.
However, if you decide on an Airbnb look into Kid and Coe. I’ve heard great things about them!
Pogo says
Thank you!!! Still only like 5 weeks right now, but exciting :)
Thanks for the Kid and Coe rec! I will look at that.
Anonymous says
How old is he? We also did Paris with a (non-walking) 14-month-old and will likely be back this spring with a 3-year-old.
Pogo says
He’ll be 2 and a half. Very mobile and active and curious! Still in a pack n play when we travel usually, but one AirBnB I found has a Murphy Bed in an office that’s a twin, which I think we could easily just put the mattress on the floor and he’d sleep on that (finding AirBnB’s w. pack n plays in Paris is surprisingly tough). Like the poster above, he will NOT sleep in the room with us and we don’t sleep well either so it’s either suite or AirBnB.
Anonymous says
If you’re staying in one place the whole time you can rent a pnp. That’s what we did for our twins when staying with family in Paris, because we didn’t want to lug two of them from the US.
Pogo says
True, though I also try to use the “crib” filter on AirBnB as a proxy for “they are OK with a toddler in their place”.
Em says
We did AirBnBs on our trip to Italy (3 total). I was a little nervous about them, but I only booked ones that were superhosts with 100’s of positive reviews and they were all great.
Anonymous says
This was our strategy for Portugal with 2 toddlers and it worked out great.
NYCer says
Someone already mentioned this, but I second the recommendation for the garden at Musee Rodin.
We tend to do suites when we travel because I appreciate all of the amenities at a hotel. That being said, we have friends who swear by Kid and Coe and some of their properties do look pretty amazing!
Finally, in contrast to what someone earlier said, for such a short trip, I would definitely keep my kid close to east coast time (assuming you’re coming from east coast). For 3 nights, it does not seem worth it to try to adjust to the time zone… So enjoy early (for Paris standards) dinners out at 7 or 730, then go back to the hotel and get ready for bed time.
Pogo says
thank you! That would definitely be the plan. It would be 4 nights total (fly out the last morning) but yeah, not long enough to really adjust. Unfortunately Kid and Coe, while amazing, does not have a ton of inventory for when we want to go. But that site is a great rec!
I’ve actually never been to the Musee Rodin (though have been to the one in Philly, ha!) so that’s a great rec too.
Anon says
We did Paris last year with my 3-year and when I was in second trimester. We did all the touristy things and stayed at a hotel in central location. We wanted to eat out anyway for most meals, so didn’t feel like we needed airbnb. It was a great trip – enjoy!
anon says
Does anyone on this board have four kids? We have three currently and I’m seriously questioning whether we might want another… which seems crazy? I think we could afford it. I also think I’d end up having to be a SAHM, at least for a time, just to handle logistics. Tell me I’m crazy (or go for it?)
I like the idea of not having one kid be the odd man out. Our oldest two are super close and I’d love to even things out. Also, we like parenting! But I also really like my job and getting to have that break five days a week… and I know very few people who are successful working moms of four!
Buble says
You might find it helpful to check out the work of Laura Vanderkam, if you haven’t already. She just had her fifth kid and she and her husband work full time (though she with lots of flexibility). Her main tip for how to manage kids and career is to outsource a LOT (which of course requires being able to afford to do so) — they have two nannies I believe, obviously a housekeeper, etc.
Anonymous says
I only have 3 (and we are done), but I have lots of friends with 4. A couple are SAHMs, but many of them work (or took time off but went back after the kids were a bit older). In almost every scenario, either one parent has a SUPER flexible and/or part time job OR they have a buttload of help. A friend of mine is a nurse and her husband works in a butt-in-seat corporate job. They have a full time nanny (and TBH, my nurse friend is home a lot since she works intense days with periods of time off).
Another friend is a mom of 4 (3 boys and a girl ages 2-9) and her husband has a big finance job but it’s fairly flexible. he works from home a lot. She is in sales but went part time. They have an au pair. They also have 2 suburbans.
My town, which is a wealthy Boston suburb with 1-2 acre zoning, 4-5 BR houses, and excellent schools, attracts people that want larger families. The babysitter I have over right now is the oldest of four. Her mom is a lawyer and her dad is a corporate exec. My next door neighbors have 4 girls spaced 2/2/3 years apart. Mom is a pharmaceutical corporate trainer and dad is in pharma sales. Mom has always worked, but in a 50% capacity since her second was born. We moved in when their kids were all in elementary school, but they had a nanny in the early years then switched to daycare as the kids got older.
I would not have another kid to “even things out.” I’d have another kid because you want another kid :).
OP says
I love hearing these anecdotes. Thanks! I live in a big southern city where I have no friends with full time corporate jobs and kids at all, believe it or not. But we live in a well off area with a lot of moms who volunteer and exercise and honestly fill their time in perfectly good ways, just not with the same level of accountability I face (I’m full time, five days a week).
And yes, good point, we’d have another kid because we want another! We really like our three and we like the idea of a big family.
My other big concern is getting babysitters- I’ve found hiring childcare with three to be more difficult than two, and I can only imagine it would be exponentially worse with four! But maybe a babysitter who’s one of four is the answer!
Lots to weigh, clearly.
NYCer says
FWIW, the one family I know who has four kids has two babysitters/nannies. I agree that finding a nanny to watch four kids might be tough!
Anonymous says
What would the age gap on your kids be? My kids are 1.5/3.5/6 and finding a decent babysitter is hard but not impossible. A nanny for 4 kids wouldn’ t generally have all 4 at once- I assume some would be in elem and some in preschool by the time you had a baby. If you can afford college for for, you can afford a nanny ;).
Seafinch says
See my comments below but yes, babysitters are HARD for four. I just gave up and got another Au Pair even though I have been on mat leave for almost a year.
Middle Kid says
I’m the middle of three girls, and sisters are two years older/younger than me – so we’re all pretty close in age. Closeness between the three of us has shifted over the years, forging new alliances as one third of us does/decides to do/doesn’t do something that bonds the other two. I don’t have a lot of insight as to the bigger question, but I wouldn’t make a decision based on today’s perception of 1+2 being close and 3 needing a friend.
And, as a middle, I’d be 100% ok having a middle. I always cried “middle child, woe is me!” but that’s because adults put in my head that it was some deficiency/shortcoming in the birth order. The reality is (a) I loved the attention and being singled out as the middle and (b) whatever skills and traits I developed by “being a middle” – fighting for attention, arguing (I’d argue ‘asserting’) or anything else for that matter, has translated very well in my professional life. Now at 35, I wouldn’t trade my middle-dom for the world. I only have one child myself, and we’re about to go for #2. I don’t think I can handle #3 because of my career and other non-kid-count related issues, but a piece of me really wants a third.
Anonymous says
I believe there’s at least one mom of 4 who has posted here before (I think she may have even done a Week in the Life?), and I hope she’ll chime in. I know a few moms of 4 and they are all SAHM. I have three and wanted a fourth, but my husband was (and still is) a pretty hard no on that. He left the door open for adoption in a few years, but as my kids get older, I am starting to be ok with/glad that we stopped at three. My daughter (5) would love a sister and often complains that she doesn’t like the same things as her brothers and has no one to play with, but is lucky to have a good girl friend who lives next door to us. That helps a LOT. I don’t know what we’ll do if we or the other family ever moves!
How old are your kids? What kind of childhood / family life do you want to have? If you’re ok with either a lot of outsourcing, or everyone keeping transportation-requiring activities pretty minimal, I don’t think 4 kids is significantly more difficult than 3. It gets a lot harder to do 1:1 time with each, but you make it work and the kids adjust their expectations.
Coach Laura says
Yes, search for the two moms of four that did week in the life series. One was a doctor, one an attorney. Their kids were older and they had supportive spouses but both had au pairs with the kids in school/pre-school. If you’re going to be a SAHM, figure out if/how you would return to work and keep the options open (self-employed, return to employer, new career). The book “Your Turn: Careers, Kids and Comebacks is a good read, even if you don’t have a fourth or become a SAHM.
Anon says
i don’t have 4, but i don’t think you are crazy and i also don’t think you necessarily have to be a sahm. i think even if you are a sahm, most people with 4 kids would still need paid and/or family help (or at least i would, but i seem to struggle with this motherhood thing more than others). my father is a doctor and there is a woman in his practice who has 4 boys and she just ran a marathon! she only works 3 or 4 days a week, but has a fairly lengthy commute and a husband who is a surgeon and works crazy hours. she has a lot of family help, but no paid help. honestly i don’t know how she does it, but she does! i know that personally i could not do that, but everyone is different.
lala says
We don’t currently have, but are planning on 4. #3 is 4 months old and we still 100% want to go for #4. Like people mentioned above, we both have very flexible jobs that pay a lot (DH WFH full time and makes his own schedule -he’s a programmer, I work in corporate America for a job that is okay but no one cares when I come and go.). We’re hiring a nanny for when my DH’s paternity leave is up (rather than daycare that we used with the other two) so that we can outsource school drop off and pick up now that we have 1 in school. We also have a cleaning service and get most of our groceries delivered.
Our life is also very “chill” – our kids don’t do a ton of sports or activities (actually none but swimming up to this point, but my 6yo is going to try soccer in the summer), we are both introverts so we stay home on weekends and are happy to just hang out. Like you, we love parenting. And we love babies too.
So I think all of those things lend to us feeling comfortable having more.
Pogo says
I work with a mom of 4 who is actually very high up in the company and super well respected! I was chatting with her once about general career stuff, and didn’t even know she had kids. It came up and I asked how many, and when she answered I had to pick my jaw off the floor (and felt bad, because who reacts that way to a guy saying he has 4?). I honestly don’t know how she did it, they’re all tweens and older now. It’s rare, but not unheard of.
Anonymous says
Don’t do it. You can’t pop out a guaranteed playmate and you’re signing up to be a stay at home mom forever
Anonymous says
DH was a hard no on a 4th because we had twins so high risk of twins again. But, when I was trying to convince him, planning for a 4th would have involve me taking a step back at work but staying employed and using an au-pair for help in addition to school, me working less and part-time daycare or preschool.
FWIW – apparently moms of 3 are the most stressed in surveys. I suspect it’s because we are trying to parent like we have two kids with each kid in multiple activities and getting one on one attention whereas once you get to four kids it’s like each kid gets one activity and probably not one on one time with each parent every week.
Anonymous says
I believe that! I let a lot of things slide, but I still feel like I ought to be able to do XYZ with three kids in a way that I don’t think I would if I added one more. I think society reinforces this — most of my friends have two kids, and they act like four kids is just impossible, but three is only one more than they have, so how much harder can it be?
Anonymous says
Agree. Like I always expect to fit everything for our camping trip in the minivan but our friends with 4 kids just know they have to take two vehicles because they have a big tent and 6 bikes to bring.
Anonymous says
I’m a mom of 3 and we were a no to four because 1. I hate being pregnant and I never want to be pregnant again. We have 3 happy healthy kids. 2. The noise OMG the noise. Everyone talks over one another (they inherited this quality. We are working on it.) there is constant noise and need. I have friends with 4 and that noise/chatter just amplifies.
Seafinch says
Commented below but yes, the noise is the single thing that drives me crazy about a full household. And we have loud kids on constant send, too.
Anonymous says
+a million to the noise. Oh the noise, noise, noise, noise. (A la Grinch)
I don’t mind a lot of the time, but my ears are still ringing from a long, cold, rainy winter break.
Seafinch says
I have four. The youngest is ten months, the oldest is nine and I just miscarried at three months pregnant. I am 42, Canadian JAG (possibly outing myself!). I am in the, uniquely Canadian, Fed Gov position of having 94% of my salary for a year long mat leave so the $ is a different calculation. I can actually take a full 18 months off if I want to prorate the 12 months salary over that 18 months. But I love my job and love to work and we have a full time Au-Pair when I work, which has worked well. We both work a standard 40 ish hour work week and I occasionally travel and he occasionally works longer hours because he works directly for Generals. He has been deployed since August and that sucked but mostly because I didn’t have an Au Pair in place, once I got one it was much more manageable. The transition to three was easy for us and same thing when we went to four. We love babies, we love parenting. We have an 8 seater Sienna, we drive to our summer place on the East Coast for summer vacations (or ski nearish to us in winter), my kids do minimal activities and only what they can walk to from our house (piano, girl guides, martial arts) and they walk themselves to and from school. The logistics is not more challenging and we already have all the kit. We have the three kids in a room with two built in bunk beds and there is room for the fourth. Our four bedroom house was more expensive than other options but we both bike to work for a lot of the year and it’s location makes everything else easy. Obviously, my attitude is unusual give that I would have another but we love it and find it pretty smooth.
back from maternity leave says
help! i need a pair of ponte black pants. i’m about 5 lbs away from where i’d like to be but it could be awhile. any ideas? old navy is out of pixies in basically every size. thanks!
AwayEmily says
Following…it seems impossible to find ones are fitted but not leggings-ish. I love the look of a front seam, especially (I think it makes them look more tailored) but haven’t found any like that.
ElisaR says
I really like my Eileen Fisher ones. They are full length which is nice, I feel like most pants are ankle length which is cute but not always what I want to wear in the winter.
Pogo says
I like the ones from Vince. Nordies usually has them in stock.
rosie says
Not Your Daughter’s Jeans — I got a pair of nice black jersey work pants several years ago from Nordstrom from this brand.
TheElms says
The Macy’s Inc pull on pant is good I think. It comes in Curvy and regular fit, straight leg and skinny.
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/inc-curvy-pull-on-straight-leg-pants-created-for-macys?ID=2236949&pla_country=US&CAGPSPN=pla&cm_mmc=Google_Womens_PLA-_-RTW_Womens_INC_International_Concepts_-_GS_Pants-_-222684689010-_-pg1051709536_c_kclickid_46e7024a-d05a-4916-8b97-213874c8e956_KID_EMPTY_933437689_47734472158_222684689010_aud-830756395336:pla-679028454216_636206925993USA__c_KID_&trackingid=424×1051709536&m_sc=sem&m_sb=Google&m_tp=PLA&m_ac=Google_Womens_PLA&m_ag=Pants&m_cn=RTW_Womens_INC_International_Concepts_-_GS&m_pi=go_cmp-933437689_adg-47734472158_ad-222684689010_aud-830756395336:pla-679028454216_dev-c_ext-_prd-636206925993USA&gclid=CjwKCAiA0svwBRBhEiwAHqKjFsIrvBpFt_VNreU1_upT-HbrJkae1RC–rzw5yMS47z8oCEw6U-DFhoCKV4QAvD_BwE
ALC says
Missed y’all! We’re in the beginnings of teething, and our 6-month old baby has been waking up every 2-3 hours and making noise/rolling around. He isn’t crying exactly, but it’s waking us up. How can we soothe him and get him to go back to sleep? He’s not congested (at the moment), and he can generally go 6-7 hours without eating at night.
Separately, my husband really does not do well with night wake ups. He struggles to fall back asleep and he’s grumpy and tired all day. Is this just a phase he needs to white knuckle through, or is there something he can do (besides get uninterrupted sleep, see baby above) to feel better?
AwayEmily says
If he’s putting himself back to sleep I wouldn’t interfere. Is he in his own room? If not, might be time to move him there.
Re: husband…during tough sleep periods we sometimes would trade off nights in order to maximize sleep…one parent would sleep in the room with the noise machine on high (we have a parent noise machine) so they could get a full night’s sleep while the other would sleep on the couch and be on baby duty.
Anonanonanon says
If he’s not crying, I would just let him roll around and make noise until he puts himself back to sleep or until he’s crying. That will help him learn to self-soothe.
I’m like your husband, if a kid is waking up frequently my brain almost won’t let me fall asleep because it knows I’m just going to wake up again. I have no advice but to white knuckle through it. In times of desperation, my husband and I alternated “on” nights, and I took a Benadryl on the nights he was “on” so I could sleep. I still woke up but was drowsy enough to fall back asleep once he handled it.
Anon says
Move him to his own room and ignore him if he’s not screaming.
Anon says
Sounds harsh but yes, this could be good for everyone. Your child will learn to self soothe and you’ll all sleep better.
Anon says
I don’t really think it’s harsh to ignore a child who is “making noises/rolling around” but not crying. Maybe it’s somewhat kid dependent, but mine is a noisy sleeper and always has been. If we barged into her room every time she made a noise, she’d be PISSED at us. She wants her sleep, she just wants to make noises in the middle of the night sometimes.
Pogo says
thought this was advice about the husband. applicable either way.
ALC says
LOL thanks all!
Pogo says
Seriously, as mentioned above, we can’t sleep in same room as kiddo even at 2 yo. He grunts, he snuffles like a pig, he rolls around, he talks in his sleep… so we shut the door and don’t look at the monitor unless there is actual crying. I think with cosleeping and all the monitor technology we have we are hyperaware of our kids’ sleep patterns in a way people weren’t even 10 years ago. They put baby in the crib, kissed them goodnight, and shut the door. Unless there was audible crying, you assumed they were asleep. Now we can livestream every time our kid sits up and looks around and its like, Omg should we go in? Is he ok? Think about sleeping as an adult – you often wake up to change position, or cough, or whatever, and it’s no problem. If baby needs you, he knows how to cry (and I am the kind of person who will cosleep for true illness or separation anxiety, but 99% of the time we shut the door and don’t go in until morning).
GovAtty says
Would anyone else appreciate petite options on Maternity Monday posts? I know I would, but maybe I’m the only one?
Diane says
I would love tall options.
Anon says
Any NYCers have suggestions for things that are really fun for the 2 to 3 year old age group? We visit family there pretty much every year, so we’re saving the major museums and stuff like that until they’re older. But I want to make sure we don’t miss anything awesome that they’ll age out of soon.
buffybot says
Some thoughts, although my son is only just turning 2 now:
– there’s a bunch of indoor playgrounds and children’s museums that I feel like tend to be better for slightly younger kids. We just went to a play called Mini Play Land in Long Island City that was pretty amazing – and a Michelin star Mexican restaurant right next door that does brunch (Casa Enrique), with an additional (city) playground right there if kid gets rowdy in mealtime. Plus Manhattan and Brooklyn children’s museums.
– Excellent playgrounds all over, like Hippo Playground or Safari Playground on the UWS, or Brooklyn Bridge Park (slides are maybe better for older kids but my toddler is a daredevil).
– Bronx zoo has a great children’s zoo section. Everything else there seems too big/too spread out for younger kids, but that section was very large and a huge hit. I also think the Central Park and Prospect Park zoos are so small that they’re better for little kids.
NYCer says
I think that the Children’s Museum of Manhattan (Upper Westside) and the Children’s Museum of the Arts (Tribeca) are both pretty fun for the toddler crowd. The Color Factory and the Museum of Ice Cream are also really popular with kids, but you could probably enjoy both of those when the kids are older too.
I am not sure when you are coming, but if the weather is nice, the Central Park zoo is also pretty fun for smaller kids (and less fun for older kids because it is TINY and probably not “cool” enough for most elementary school aged kids). It is open year round, but the zoo in horrible weather is not fun for anyone!
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
My kids LOVED the Central Park zoo at ages 3 and 5. Also the Alice in Wonderland sculpture in Central Park. And, honestly, the commuter train.
avocado says
When my daughter was that age, she loved the Transit Museum.
Anonymous says
+1!
Anonymous says
+1 to the Transit museum. Of course the Children’s museums are good – I’ve been to the ones in Brooklyn and Staten Island (and Garden City). Brooklyn is the worst of these 3. Heard good things about the one in Manhattan. The small zoos are great – Prospect Park and Central Park especially (Queens zoo is not my favorite). The botanical gardens can be good, but the train show at the one on the Bronx is insanely crowded and maybe not worth it for that age, despite train passion. A free alternative is the tiny seasonal train display at the Transit Museum “Annex” (really just a store) in grand central. The carousel in Battery Park is fun. Check out MommyPoppins for more ideas – I think it is pretty reliable. Oh and young children are surprisingly into the old school Natural History Museum dioramas.
Anon says
Thanks for the ideas everyone! We actually have free access to the Transit Museum (it’s in the same network as our local children’s museum) so we had that on our list already, but I appreciate all the other suggestions.
anon says
What’s your favorite parenting luxury? I.e. the thing you didn’t need, but that was worth every dollar?
For us right now it’s buying a second identical Beco Gemini just so we don’t have to spend 30 seconds readjusting the straps when changing from me to partner.
In the bigger scale, I suppose you could also say our child, considering how much money we spent to conceive him.
Anon says
The biggest thing is an amazing daycare. We could easily spend about half what we do, but the money is so worth it to feel great about our child’s experience at school.
As far as material things, a really awesome play kitchen. Our toddler could definitely have made do with a simple one, by she likes the fancy features and I love that it’s not hideous.
Nan says
Ohhh what kind of kitchen? I’m looking for a good one.
And +100 on the good daycare. Best money we spend every month.
Anon says
This one: https://www.amazon.com/Farm-Table-Kitchen-Kraft-Assembly/dp/B07DQSM9HC. My toddler loves that the sink and burners light up and make noise and that the ice maker really works. She also loves those included velcro fruit and veggies that you can cut up and serve, but you can buy similar ones without the kitchen.
Pogo says
Similar to yours we have 2 Chicco NextFit Zips so that each car permanently has the Herman Miller Aeron of carseats. We do equal kid-ferrying, so unlike many friends who have a nice carseat in one and a Cosco Scenera in the other, we sprang for two.
Also our Thule Urban glide. I made the mistake of trying the Thule Sleek in a store the other day and I seriously will have to stop myself from buying it when we have two (it is actually more than the Thule double jogger, but as the name implies… very sleek). Definitely more money than anyone should spend on a stroller, but so nice.
Anonymous says
Strollers and baby carriers. I loved baby wearing and had like 5 different carriers at one point. Also strollers for travel, everyday, jogging single and double plus the skiing attachments etc. I didn’t mind being spends on carriers and strollers because both helped us get outside and do stuff with the kids.
Anon says
Number 1 is regularly scheduled unattended early morning grocery delivery combined with an on-demand delivery service (IC) for last minute unexpected fill-ins. It saves me so much time, and then we can just unpack the cooler on the front porch when we wake up. Double super nice car seats – one in each car. Given car-sickness, the ease of the Chicco zip off cover was worth every penny and then some. In the earlier days, having a changing table on each level and a pump at home and a pump at work. Echos in every key living area, which can control the thermostat, security system and TV all hands free and serve as an intercom system (and play baby shark on constant repeat – not sure if that’s a luxury or pit of misery). Learning tower – kiddo is up in it every day. A very nice (living room level) power rocker recliner in our nursery – my 2.5YO still doesn’t sleep through the night so I have spent weeks (maybe months if you add it all up?) of my life in that chair. The Joovy ultra-light jogger which I bought when DD turned 2 – we are not runners, but it has come in super handy for visits to wineries, holiday light displays, the beach, long walks to the park with Grammy, etc. even though kiddo mostly walks everywhere else these days.
SC says
My house. We lived in a 2-bedroom/1-bathroom apartment when Kiddo was born and stayed there until he was 3.5. I know LOTS of people raise their children in similarly sized and even smaller spaces. I’m sure we could have continued to make it work and been happy. But we moved to a suburban, 4-bedroom/3-bathroom house a year ago. Potty training finally clicked because Kiddo always had access to a bathroom (he hated the little potty). There is room for guests or grandparents to stay. There is room for a table we can all eat at, and even host large groups of family and friends. There is a play room separate from the main living areas, and there is a peaceful sun room where I can have coffee and read. We have a fenced-in backyard where Kiddo can play, and maybe one day we’ll get a dog (though I’m in no rush). Actually, I’m not sure we could have continued to make the smaller apartment work.
Anon says
We haven’t paid for it yet but I’m currently researching night nurses for when #2 arrives in the spring. My husband travels a ton for work and NO THANK YOU to doing solo night wakeups with a newborn and then dealing with a toddler as well the next day. It feels necessary but also very luxurious at the same time.
rosie says
Yes! FWIW my understanding is that night nurse is not actually a certification (obviously if the person is an RN, that’s a thing, but “night nurse” may not mean RN). You might also want to look at post-partum doulas and newborn care specialists as other keywords.
NYCer says
You will not regret the night nurse!
CCLA says
I will sing night nurse praises forever. If you can swing it financially, it is so worth it.
shortperson says
babysitter every sunday afternoon
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve missed this board. Sorry to start the new year on a down note but this news story has been on my mind the last few days. Those of you in Boston may have heard about the parking garage story with the kids (if you haven’t… just know before you google that it’s incredibly sad and disturbing). This is pure speculation on my part as to the motives but I think it’s stuck with me because I’m in a similar position with a busy job and kids the same age, high achiever, etc. I guess I’m just putting this out as a PSA that if you’re feeling overwhelmed, please please reach out. The end result here is incredibly rare, but even mild cases of PPD/PPA (if this is what it was) should be treated and supported.
I hope everyone on this board knows just how awesome of moms you all are, and how we’re all just doing the best we can and that is 100% enough.
Anonymous says
We were in NH for Christmas and that story was all over the front page news and is so, so sad. My first thought was also PPD.
Pogo says
I could barely read that story. So upsetting.
Anonymous says
This was national news (I’m in the DC area), and it’s just heartbreaking. Mental health is literally vital.
Bdaymom says
Please talk to me about kid’s birthday parties! My baby is turning 2 later this month and husband and I can’t decide whether we should throw a birthday party for him, and if yes, who should we invite? Do I invite his friends from day care? I don’t really know any of the parents there. He switched to this place just a week ago. We could invite our friends who we haven’t seen or invited to our place in a while, but that could be done at any time, doesn’t have to be kid’s birthday. Besides all our friend’s kids are older like 8+…. Real dilemma for us, so help!
AwayEmily says
If you want to use it as a reason to meet some daycare parents, then go for it! But definitely don’t do it for his sake.
rosie says
I would use it as an excuse to have the party that you want to have (assuming you want to have a party at all). If you want to have your friends over, do that. If you want to socialize more with daycare parents, do that.
Anonymous says
I would just do your own family and friends now and do a daycare one at age 3
Emily S. says
I was on the fence about a party when our youngest turned 2 and ultimately decided against it. What we did instead was decorate the house, have grandparents over for dinner, have a fancy cake, and have our family photographer (and former nanny) come over and take pictures of opening presents and having cake. It still felt celebratory but was much less stressful than a full blown party for daycare families who we didn’t know very well. Love having pictures that I didn’t take — and actually am in! Got to decorate but not toddler proof the house! It was a win. Happy early birthday to your boy!
Anon says
We skipped the 2YO party. Kiddo isn’t old enough to know the difference, and family wasn’t pushing for it the same way they did for the 1YO party. We just did a little cake at home one night (definitely not her actual birthday which was midweek).
lala says
We skipped the 2yr party for our second (and will again for our 3rd). At that age the party ends up being overwhelming and tantrum triggering. We just decorated a little and had grandma over for cake and presents. At the end of the day he declared it was the “best day”. I think he felt very doted on.
SC says
I agree that you should have the party you want to have. It’s OK to do nothing. It might be a good way to catch up with friends, or to meet new daycare parents.
We held a brunch party at our house. We invited family and our closest friends, but with the size of our family, that was 20-25 people. I decorated with dollar-store decorations in Kiddo’s favorite color. We set out a few breakfast dishes and had donuts instead of cake. My then-2-year-old ate about 5 donuts before an uncle brought him to me and told me he’d probably had enough :-) It was all over before nap time.
Anon says
I’m having this debate for my February 2018 baby and leaning towards no. We’ve never received an invite to anyone else’s party (although she’s the oldest in her class and I believe no one else has turned 2 while she’s been there) and I don’t want to be that person. I’m kind of sad about it though. I know my kid doesn’t care at all about the actual party and will be just as happy with a cake and a family trip to the zoo (heck, she’d probably be just as happy with a cookie and a trip to the park) but I do feel some responsibility to create community for her, since we don’t know our neighbors and don’t have close local friends with kids. I’ve heard that by ages 4/5 kids are choosy and only invite close friends to their parties and I just hate the idea that she might never get that big party with her class.
Anonymous says
I don’t think that’s true re 4-5 year olds. In my experience it’s more like 8-9 before that kicks in. 3-7 ages are the invite the whole class and get to know the other parents parties in my area.
Anon says
That’s good to hear. The people who told me this were SAHMs, so I think they have more budget constraints than daycare parents. I know that by school age it isn’t common in our area (public schools are 75%+ kids of SAHMs). But hopefully we will get to do the big class parties for ages 3-5.
Katarina says
We invited the whole class for my 6 year old’s birthday party, but only his close friends and kids who we know the parents of actually attended. My 6 year old was trying to invite random kids at the playground. FWIW we waited until my son asked for a big party, which was for his sixth birthday.
Ashley says
We just did family for both the 1st and 2nd birthdays (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc). I ordered a birthday party decoration kit on Etsy both times (just a few streamers and balloons in whatever theme felt right), got a cake, and that was it. Toddler has absolutely loved it both times because he was the center of attention, got a few presents, and got to eat cake. We have gotten a few invitations for 2nd birthday parties from daycare friends, but it doesn’t seem to be a universal thing.
Anonymous says
Fist- didn’t have a 2nd bday. 2nd kid- invited daycare kids and neighborhood kids and friends of my oldest who had 2 y/o sibs to a splash park for donuts and playground time. Brought iced coffee and juice boxes and water. Plan to do the same for my 3rd.
Vacay says
I just booked a family vacation to Cancun. Do you have any recommendations for a nice resort/ hotel in Cancun or Tulum? We are a family of 3 with a 2 year old. Thank you!
Anon Lawyer says
What are the best nursing tops if you have large breasts? I’m on leave until April so looking for casual stuff but that will allow me not to flash everyone in public. I was thinking the kind with a slit in the middle might be best?
Also is there anywhere you can go to try on nursing tops in person or is it strictly an online thing?
Anonymous says
I used a bravado nursing tank with a cardigan and sometimes an infinity scarf depending on the location. Most maternity stores carry them so you can try on. They have bra sizing with band and cup sizes and fit so well I’m still wearing them even though I’m done nursing.
Anon says
Kohls makes one that have an empire waist seam that works great. Will try to post links in the comments.
Anon says
https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-3063180/maternity-aglow-empire-popover-nursing-top.jsp?color=Black&prdPV=8
Anon says
https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-3859545/maternity-aglow-tulip-front-nursing-cowl.jsp?color=Wetlands&prdPV=4
Another Sleep Help Post! says
My 10 month old has never been the best sleeper, but the past week has been extra bad. She recently learned how to crawl and now whenever she’s awake in her crib, she immediately rolls over, sits up, and cries for us. We have resorted back to putting her down asleep because that’s the only way to get her down, but it’s not an actual solution, as now she wakes up every 1-2 hours all night long. I am uncomfortable doing cry it out, because as she gets upset that we aren’t coming for her, she tries to pull up to stand but is too short and bonks her head on the crib slats. I don’t want her hitting her head a bunch while she cries it out. Anyone have any advice?
Anonymous says
Have you tried Advil or Tylenol for teething?
Sleep OP says
She already has 4 teeth on top and 4 on bottom… could she be working on molars already? I thought molars came later, but she is on the early side when it comes to teeth.
Anonymous says
If she only has 8 teeth she has a lot more teeth to go so it could definitely be teeth.
Anon says
10 months is reallllllly early for molars. My kid was an early teether and after the first 8 we didn’t notice teething symptoms again until 13 months and didn’t actually see the molars until 14 months.
Crawling, learning to stand and learning to walk all created huge sleep disruptions for us. We didn’t leave her to cry for hours alone, but we also made it clear that middle of the night isn’t play time. So we’d go in, pat her back, say night night and leave. Eventually she learned that she wasn’t going to do anything fun in the middle of the night and started putting herself back to sleep. It was a rough few weeks (repeated several times at each of those developmental stages) but we made it through.
Anonymous says
Common age for first upper molar is 13-19 months so agree that it likely isn’t molars but some kids are more bothered by teething even regular teeth than others. One of my three had an awful time whenever he was getting a tooth. And with only 8 teeth in, there’s 4 more regular teeth besides molars.
Anon says
The canines come in after the first molars, so if he has 8 teeth, the next teeth up are molars.
Ashley says
We have had these periods on and off for my toddler’s whole life. We finally sleep trained using the TakingCaraBabies plan at around 20 months, and I wish we’d done it sooner. It’s not one of those plans that says to shut the door and not go back in until morning. That said, any chance it could be an ear infection? Sleep disruptions at that age for us were often caused by teething or new skills (both already mentioned above), or ear infections.
anon for this says
I know it’s late in the day but just need to put out there/somewhere/anywhere that my spouse was supposed to have a diagnostic procedure tomorrow to hopefully get some answers after over a year of pain & lifestyle modifications, and it just was rescheduled to the end of the month because of a pipe burst at the dr office. I was so hoping for some progress on this obviously for his sake and also from a distribution of labor & childcare standpoint, plus hoping that we might be pursuing some course of treatment before baby (now I’ll be 36w when he has the procedure). Yes, he’s on a waiting list (& this is a second opinion dr who is doing the procedure, he’s been in care for awhile now). But I am just so bummed.
Pogo says
Big hugs. That kind of thing is so deflating. Be kind to yourself tonight! Even if the diagnosis is not what you hope, it is always better to have a name and a plan of attack. Good luck!
anon for this says
Thanks. We know what the diagnosis is likely to be, but he cannot start treatment until after the procedure because hopefully treatment will improve things (and thus impact the ability of the procedure to properly diagnose the underlying disease).
anon for this says
Not sure where my prior reply went, but yes, I totally agree. That’s why it’s so disheartening that it’s delayed (and he cannot start treatments that will reduce symptoms because that would throw off the diagnostics).
Anonymous says
Ugh, I’m sorry. I can understand why even one more day of delay feels like too much. Sending hugs.