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There’s nothing like a flowy skirt to put a spring in your step — especially one with pleats!
I’ve been on the hunt for the perfect pleated skirt, and Nic + Zoe’s Light as a Feather Pleated Midi Skirt might be the one — the soft, lightweight material is fully lined and features an elastic waistband. I particularly love the subdued and versatile floral pattern.
You could pair it with a fine gauge sweater for work or a tee and sneakers for the weekend.
The skirt is available at Nordstrom for $178. It comes in sizes XS–XXL. It is also available in sizes 1X–3X for $198.
Sales of note for 3.28.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything plus extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off 2+ items; 40% off 1
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- Lands’ End – 10% off your order
- Loft – 50% off everything
- Nordstrom: Give $150 in gift cards, earn a $25 promo card (ends 3/31)
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item; 25% off everything else
- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off entire site
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; 50% off select swim; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
- Target – 20% off Easter styles for all; up to 30% off kitchen & dining; BOGO 50% off shoes & slippers for the family;
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Our nanny of three years told me today she is moving in about six weeks. Our three-year old daughter has never had a different caregiver and they genuinely love each other. The nanny is just an incredible person and so patient and kind with our daughter. I’m also 37 weeks pregnant and had been really planning on having her help out with this next one too. I don’t want to be dramatic but I’m entirely devastated. I’ve been crying all morning. We have so many changes coming up – baby, hopefully buying a house very soon, preschool starting, hopefully new job for me, everyone going back to the office…and now this. I feel like we are just setting off a bomb in the life of our incredibly sensitive daughter. We still are figuring out next steps, i.e. do we move first, then get a nanny, find a summer camp, get parent help, etc. But whatever we do will require more of me, and I’ll need to be more present than I would have otherwise and I’m sad about it.
Anonymous says
As someone with a beloved Nanny…I don’t think you are being dramatic, I would feel the same way. The good news perhaps is that because of the timing of her move you could easily get summer help (college students, preschool teachers on break) temporarily if you aren’t in a position to commit to a full time caregiver. See it as giving your daughter something new and fun for the summer, and, since you’ll have the newborn and be home/not working more, it won’t feel like as sudden a transition as if she left in the middle of the year.
Anon says
+1 We just lost our nanny of six years because she got pregnant (unexpectedly! she’s 45!) She wanted to take time off for it. And I’m pregnant with our fourth due in the fall.
We’re getting temporary help through summer and then hoping to hire someone else in the fall. i actually think your daughter will roll with this much more easily than you think. We’ve already had a string of fill-in people and while they love and miss their old nanny, they’re fine. Really. It’s almost more sad for me how easily small kids adjust? (Mine are 2, 4 and 6)
Anon says
i remember you posting about how to support your beloved nanny who unexpectedly got pregant. good luck to her and you!
Anon says
Aw thank you! We’re still seeing her and throwing her a little shower in June! But it’s been tough (on me! and her!)
I’m hoping she wants to come back eventually!
Anon says
i think your daughter will be ok but you have all of my sympathy bc as a pregnant mom, I’d be devastated if we were to lose our nanny of three years. Having someone you trust, who knows you well etc is definitely priceless. That being said, while it might take some time, you will find another nanny. Try not to constantly compare the new one to the old one bc different isn’t necessarily bad. Sending hugs
anonymommy says
That just stinks. I’m so glad she gave you decent notice, as you are right — it IS a big change especially if your LO is sensitive to change. We moved and changed daycares and my son was very upset. When someone genuinely loves your kiddo, it is hard to see them leave. Best wishes.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry. It sucks when a good thing comes to an end and a special person is no longer in your life. And it *really* sucks when things pile on top of each other like that, and especially on top of late pregnancy emotions.
But, I do want to assure you that your daughter will be fine. Three year olds are incredibly plastic and resilient. Sure she’ll miss her nanny, but all theses changes will be exciting and new to her, not a bomb. I hope you can have a good cry over this and then start looking forward to all the possibilities.
Pogo says
I don’t think you’re being dramatic at all. It’s a big change. Give yourself some time, but personally I feel better about these things when I get the wheels in motion – start calling around to line up care, whether it’s interviewing new nannies, daycare, etc. Your daughter will be fine eventually, but I would expect some sadness on her part as well – mostly because change is hard for kiddos generally.
Anon says
Many people describe my kid as sensitive and I’ve been surprised by how easy the daycare room transitions have been. I know it’s not the same thing but your daughter might take it better than you expect! I know it’s hard on you though. Good luck.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m sorry. I went through something similar when our beloved first daycare gave us about a month’s notice that they had to close (long story). Our oldest was about 18 months at the time and he had been there since he was 4 months old. We loved all of his teachers and the director was incredible. He eventually went to two more different daycares – he’s at the third one currently, and we also had a Covid babysitter during the summer. All to say that the transitions were hard but he got used to it, we got used to it, and it’s all fine now. You have every right and reason to be upset but just know that you will all adjust and this is just the first of many adjustments for your daughter to come.
Anonymous says
Between August and October one year we bought a house, did Reno’s, moved, RBI’s our old house and sold it, started kid 1 at preschool, bought a new car and had twins. It was chaotic but fine in the end. Decorating new bedroom the same as old bedroom helped kid 1 adjust to the move.
It will be stressful but okay.
Anonymous says
My daughter is 4.5, and in the pre-k class at daycare, despite the fact she still has another year before she starts K due to where her birthday falls. They are working on writing, and looking at a picture the teacher sent of the words the children all wrote on a whiteboard, my daughter is very visibly the worst in the class- backward letters, shaky writing, different size letters, etc. At this point I don’t think she is the youngest anymore, so I was surprised to see the other kids had such better handwriting. She has always been unenthusiastic about fine motor skill stuff like coloring, and so far I’ve kind of taken the philosophy that this time in her life is for play and we can worry about reading and writing when she hits K. I didn’t love the daycare focus on it when she was younger but she never seemed to mind so I didn’t either. My husband is more concerned though, and honestly seeing the handwriting of all the other kids, some older than her but some not, was a little concerning to me too. Thoughts? Am I way off base, or should we be doing something more with her?
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t worry too much. I think you’ll honestly be quite shocked how much this will change in the next year. Signed, a mom of a 5.5 year old.
Anon says
+1
Anon says
Can you ask the teachers if you should be doing anything at home? If they aren’t concerned, I wouldn’t be either. She has another, what, 15 months of preschool? That’s a long time. My daughter is 3 and in a 2s room so they’re not practicing letters but we’ve noticed (and her teachers have commented) that she’s the only kid who still just scribbles randomly and doesn’t draw smiley faces and things like that. I think some of it is her attitude (“you will not tell me what to draw!”) but her fine motor skills aren’t great either. But the teachers said we don’t need to do anything about it and she will figure it out on her own timeline.
Anon says
My handwriting was terrible and will always be terrible and I was a super advanced student in elementary school. I think so long as her other fine motor benchmarks are okay (can she do legos? string beads?) I wouldn’t worry about it.
Anonymous says
I think it’s fine to wait to focus on reading and writing in K if your school district is on board with that (not like the district described in yesterday’s redshirting thread where kindergarteners have to write a “personal narrative” on the first day of school) and if you are working on all the reading, writing, and school readiness skills. She needs to be able to hold and control a pencil, use scissors and a glue stick, understand how a book works (open to first page, turn pages one at a time in sequence), etc. There are plenty of fun fine motor activities that build writing readiness without actually writing letters. Play-dough, tracing books, maze books, cutting up paper and gluing it into mosaics, etc.
I am also a huge fan of Sesame Street because Elmo taught my daughter to recognize her first sight word. It’s less useful for writing than for phonics and numbers, though.
FVNC says
I agree with the others that it’s probably fine, but you may also want to mention it to her teachers for their reaction or advice.
If it helps, my 7.5 yr old has always had awful handwriting, far worse than her peers. Then this year in 2nd grade she learned cursive, loves it, and actually has beautiful script handwriting. I think she sees cursive writing as artistic, more worth caring about, whereas printing was a utilitarian means to an end. In her case, there is nothing wrong with her fine motor skills, she just couldn’t be bothered to care about handwriting until now.
Anonymous says
100% don’t give this another thought. My oldest is a fall b’day so did 3 years of PK. She had terrible handwriting the entire time and didn’t really master lower case letters until K. She wrote her E with like 12 lines until K, the Y in name floated into space and sometimes is still written backwards in 1st grade. Her “R” looked like a person and her “d” and “b” were confused until the end of K.
My second daughter turns 5 in July and will be the youngest kid in her class in K. She has had neat, clear writing and has a full mastery of uppercase and lowercase letters. We did nothing different and in fact the second kid has only really had like 15 months of PK because of the pandemic. In her PK class there are kids that have been 5 all year and kids like her that are young for her grade. The handwriting is all over the map. Kindergarten is full of penmanship.
anon says
My kid always used many lines for her “E” in “LOVE.” She told me the more lines meant the more she loved the person.
Anon says
Aww!!
Anonymous says
This is SO CUTE.
anon says
No need to worry, but you could certainly do some fine motor skills activities with her. Playdoh, lacing boards, stringing beads, floam, arts and crafts of all types, magnadoodle, water wow books, cling stickers, Crayola color wonder books, kinetic sand, playing with dried beans, Light Bright, legos, etc. All fun, no pressure.
For handwriting, around age 4, I start looking for opportunities for my kids to write their name on cards for grandparents or friend’s birthdays, sign their art, etc. Once they can easily write their name, I ask them to copy words like “Happy Birthday” or “I Love You” or “Feel Better” onto a card for grandparents, family or friends every week or two–whenever the opportunity presents itself. That’s was enough to get my kids ready for kindergarten.
Anonymous says
I would not worry about it. It is likely some kids in K will have never even been in preschool, and the teacher will have to get everyone on the same page. My son is in 3rd grade and still at the low end of the pack for writing. He just doesn’t enjoy writing and drawing very much. When he was in 1st or 2nd grade they finally had an OT work with him a little–he did a lot of reversing of letters, mixing up B and D, etc.–but for the most part his teachers have assured me he falls within the very broad range of normal. You could invest in stuff like playdough if you want, or look up fine motor activities that are not writing to build hand strength–Sneaky Snacky Squirrel game uses tweezers, for example–but I think you can let it go.
Anon says
+1 I’m sure this varies by region but in my SAHM-heavy city about a third of the kids in K had no formal preschool experience. And many of those who did just had two mornings a week church preschool. Any kid coming from full time daycare/preschool is already ahead of the game.
Anonymous says
OP here- thanks all, I so appreciate hearing everyone’s experiences and advice. She will be entering a diverse public K in our city next year so I expect, particularly after this pandemic year, there will be other children that have not worked on writing either. Really appreciate this community!
Anon says
I don’t think you NEED to do anything about this, but what about doing tracing activities with her to steady her hand a bit? We use a wipe-off tracing book with my 3.5 year old and it’s been great. There’s a section with letters, but I wouldn’t say it’s letter focused, but more like drawing lines between matching things, mazes, picture finds, etc. He thinks of it as a game, but he gets practice with holding a pencil/marker and it’s really helped with his “writing.” I’m pretty sure it’s Highlights, but there are probably a million brands out there.
CCLA says
This sounds great! Going to check out for our 4.5 yo (who also has mediocre writing – OP fwiw I don’t really care right now and my sister who teaches K thinks she is plenty enough advanced to just write her name). But she recently started really enjoying writing so we want to encourage. Thanks for the rec!
Anon says
I looked it up and it is Highlights! Called Write-on, Wipe-off Let’s Trace. It’s fun! And more importantly, he asks to do it, I don’t have to push.
anon says
I have a similar age kid who has been in OT for fine motor skills. We’ve gotten her to close to average on this and all of what you’re describing sounds in the range of average. One thing you may want to try is letterwriting without tears if you want to work on it at home. It’s hit or miss for us – frankly if I try it in the evening kid gets easily frustrated. If we do a page in the morning before daycare, then she’s more receptive.
AwayEmily says
My daughter is five and I’ve noticed her fine motor skills (writing and drawing) seem to sort of develop in bursts. Out of nowhere last week she started being able to write letters that were all approximately the same size. But before that they were wildly different. She definitely started doing representative drawings at least six months later than her friends at school, but now she’s at about the same level.
Anyway, I think this stuff happens when it happens, and the best thing you can do is give them opportunities to practice of their own volition. We don’t do any formal practice (ie letter tracing, workbooks, etc) at home, and she doesn’t at school either (they are very play-based). But we do make sure to keep lots of writing/drawing supplies on the kids’ art table, and we have a card on the table with all the letters of the alphabet in case she needs to reference it.
Anonymous says
Lined writing paper helps a lot with writing letters that are the same size. Our preschool had the kids write on blank drawing paper until Pre-K, so of course they made their letters all different sizes.
Anonymous says
Kids develop at different rates. At 4.5, mine could barely form letters and I was a little concerned since I myself apparently was writing letters at 3 (according to my mom, take with a grain of salt but I thought that was the default ?). He’s fine in kindergarten- really got interested closer to 5 and spent hours writing stuff on his own . I see a wide variety of skill levels in his kindergarten class (even where the started writing stories the first day- teacher was not expecting them to be GOOD at writing stories ).
Anon says
My parents recently got a place in my city and my daughter slept over there last night for the first time ever. She’s 3 going on 13 and practically shoved me out the door after I unloaded her stuff. I love her independence and I know it’s a huge privilege to have this bonus childcare (especially right now), but woof this parenting milestone is hitting me harder than I expected! She just seemed SO grown up last night when she confidently ushering me out the door.
Anonymous says
Awwww. You should be proud that your daughter’s attachment to you is so secure that she was eager to shove you out the door for a fun night with grandma and grandpa!
Anon says
Thanks :) I think it’s also a testament to how close she is to my parents which I know is also a blessing. I saw my grandparents once a year and never developed a close bond with them so I feel very grateful that my kid gets to spend so much time with my parents.
Anon says
I hear ya. My twins turned 3 at the end of last month and sometimes it’s just so bittersweet watching them grow. Sometimes i can’t wait for the day to end and other times I’m like where did my babies go. I can’t stop watching videos from this time last year when they still didn’t talk in complete sentences
buffybot says
I get it. My 3 year old has zero separation anxiety when it comes to handoffs to his nanny or his grandparents, including for overnights. Nary a backwards glance! Lucky if I get a “bye”. Honestly he had very little separation anxiety when it came to preschool, either (other than one weird week where they changed up the dropoff routine). Sometimes it makes me sad, like: does he miss me at all? But I draw comfort from telling myself that it is nothing but good for me and him that he has more people he feels safe and at home with, and that one of the reasons he can be that comfortable with me leaving is he is confident that I always come back.
Anon says
i’m the Anon at 9:28 and trust me, having a kid with no separation anxiety sounds much more pleasant than having 2 with. despite loving our nanny, both twins don’t like when mommy leaves
Mary Moo Cow says
I’m pretty sure I cried the first time my kids spent the night at their grandparents and ushered me out the door. When I was pregnant, I heard from my FIL how his mom loved to have DH spend the night, wink wink, and they couldn’t wait to host our kid, and I would think how presumptuous it was and I would never be ready for that. Now I sometimes think, “Can they have one sleep over a month? More?” and then feel guilty about wanting my kids out of the house more often. Sigh.
Anon Lawyer says
I feel you. Yesterday I picked my 18-month-old up at Grammy and Grandpa’s and said “Ok, we’re going home. Say night-night to your toy cow [one of those bouncey ones that she was playing iwth].” And she waved night-night to me instead! Like yeah, no, I’m happy here, mom.
Anon says
Oh and apparently she *asked* my parents to go to bed last night, and this afternoon asked them if she could have a story and take a nap. I know it’s a cliche that kids are better behaved for non-parent caregivers, but I just cannot stop laughing that this child that we have to drag kicking and screaming to bed every single night voluntarily put herself in bed at my parents’ house. Can we give her to them permanently!?
Anonymous says
First, your daughter will be okay! She really, really will. My kids have weathered changes in beloved caregivers (nannies, daycare teachers, etc) with amazing resiliency over the years.
On the other hand, as a stressed out pregnant working mom, I am so stressed out on your behalf!!! Was your plan to have the older kiddo in part time preschool + nanny for baby? Do you have mat leave?
I would start looking for a part time college sitter to come help out with Older Kiddo during your maternity leave, start interviewing for a nanny mid-summer for the fall when you go back to work/ college student goes back/ preschool starts. The good news is that the timing is pretty good AND a college kid is more than capable of playing with a 3 y/o. It would be different if you wanted highly professional care for a newborn, but you have plenty of time to shop around for that. College kids are also TONS of fun for PK kids.
Anon says
My daughter turns 4 next month. So often, she makes up her own narrative and gets soo upset if we correct her. Like I ask her to not touch the eggs on thr counter three times nicely and use a sharper tone the 4th time and she melts down and says I am sooo mean and she was trying to help (she was rolling raw eggs on her tippy toes). She was still talking about this 3 hours later like there’s just no reasoning at all and it’s hard when she keeps melting down about it. What do I say in times like that?
Anonymous says
This is why experienced caregivers use a count. As in, step away from the eggs in 1, 2, 3, (pick up child and move). I have asked you once already to step away from the eggs. This is the second time I’ve asked etc. She’s got a memory, use it to your advantage
BUT! What did you tell your kid TO do? Telling them, don’t touch the eggs when they want to help is never going to get you the result you want. Ask the child to count the eggs without touching them. Ask the child to carefully move one egg at a time into the bowl. Ask the child to get out spoons or forks for stirring with. Redirection doesn’t stop because your kid developed object permanency.
AwayEmily says
We do one chance and then intervene to stop the behavior, ideally in a very low-key way that reduces guilt/blame. So, first chance is “the eggs on the counter are too delicate for kids to play with, so instead could you help by getting me a bowl?” Then if she is still rolling them “oh, it looks like it’s tough for you to stop touching those eggs. Here, I’ll move them out of your reach. What color bowl should we use?”
anonymommy says
You’re right, there isn’t any reasoning at that point. I’d acknowledge the feeling (“you’re mad, it’s ok to be mad”) and try to move on as best you can. One thing that has helped me is biglittlefeelings reminder that you don’t have to fix every feeling and the goal is not no tantrums/upset, but just to get them moving on faster. And, I’d focus my energy on channeling that desire to “help.” My 3yo loves his small cutting board and Montessori-style “knife” (search Vegetable Chopper with Wooden Handle Crinkle-cut knife and “montessori”). It’s a mess to have him “chop” veggies, but he eats more this way and is easier than him grabbing at everything in sight! I also let him help me stir the scrambled eggs. But, this specific example aside, if he persists on dangerous/unhelpful grabbing I put his stool in “timeout.” He sometimes gets upset when I do that, but now that I’ve done it more consistently the past few weeks he seems to be getting that it’s what happens when his “listening ears are turned off.” (Don’t know where we got that from, but I was sick of yelling LISTENNNN hahah!)
OP says
Thank you all, these are really helpful suggestions. I do a lot of them, but it’s hard to remember in the moment and it’s helpful to read these as a reminder on how I could have handled it better.
Pogo says
It is SO hard. That is the age where they have all these little narratives in their head – such a good way to say it. One thing we try to do is understand WHY LO was doing something. Often he has this complex storyline he was playing (“the bulldozer was building a road and he needed that shoelace to tie on the equipment to the flatbed!” after we find him removing a shoelace from a shoe, for example) and while its infuriating, I try to understand as much as possible and only intervene on truly dangerous things and say yes as much as possible when it’s just annoying or mess-making.
Ours often says, “you’re not listening to my words!” which is I think what preschool taught them when someone is being mean and it breaks my heart. But no, kid, you cannot play with the empty can of gasoline you found in the garage. (for dangerous stuff, we don’t even count; for other things we do the 1,2,3 method as others mentioned, often putting the *object* in time out rather than kiddo).
anon says
OP, we ALL have these moments! Don’t be too hard on yourself. Just when I get fed up with one thing, they drop that and start some new thing that is frustrating. Ha! (Why, though, are some things consistent? Why must we always argue about car seat buckles? You have to be buckled, my dear 3yo?!) Solidarity!!
Anon says
We also count. 3, 2, 1, time out (on the stairs), conversation goes something like Mommy asked you not to touch, you didn’t listen, when mommy tells you do to do something, you need to listen. I rarely get to one these days. I will say in that scenario (DD who is 3 loves to help cook as well), I would have just moved the eggs out of the way after the first admonishment and handed her a bowl with a little water in it to whisk to keep her hands busy. But there was also last night where an overtired kiddo who knows that bath leads to bedtime sobbed on the couch, in my office, on the floor, as I carried her up the stairs, while on the potty, while I peeled her clothes off her and for the first 10 minutes of her bath that she didn’t want to take a bath (90 minutes of sobbing total, it was fantastic). When she gets like that, there is no reasoning or even asking her to make choices (e.g., shower or bath results in “I don’t want those”). I just let her cry it out and every ten or 15 minutes interrupt to offer a hug or some other potential solution or physically help her do what she needs to do if we have run out of waiting time (e.g., sit on potty, take off clothes, get in bath). She’s a stubborn one!
Anon says
My 5 YO has some real separation anxiety. He had it when he was younger, then it got better, and I think COVID has made it worse. School is okay but I am going out with some friends tomorrow night and he totally lost it, crying tantrum when he found out. Ideas for what to do to help him get over this?
Anon says
commiseration. i try to ok the feeling. but man is it hard not to feel bad as i walk out the door even though i know kiddo is fine
Anon says
Mine is almost 4 and a complete barnacle, which is why I’ve been easing into going back into the office before it’s required. We’ve been making plans since she seems receptive to them and often suggests them (which I find adorable). This morning it was Step 1 I go preschool, Step 2 Mommy goes office, Step 3 Daddy and me take nap (she’s normally dropped her nap but has been overtired this week and told me she was sleepy; in reality, Daddy will try to take a nap while she plays pillow fight and might eventually at least lay down and rest and watch a show), Step 4 Mommy comes home, Step 5 Make Tacos. Key for us is making sure that my leaving and returning are steps in the plan and in the middle and there is a fun thing to look forward to as the last step.
Anonymous says
On the subject of burnout, has anyone here vacationed totally solo since their kids were born? I probably won’t do it until my kids are vaccinated (since I don’t want to unknowingly pass the virus to them) but what I want more than anything is to go to a fancy destination spa alone for a week. But I feel incredibly guilty about it. I feel like travel with your girlfriends is considered normal and healthy and certainly wanting to get away alone with your spouse is completely acceptable because people recognize the importance of nourishing a marriage. But if you want to just be by yourself, then it’s selfish. This trip would have to be alone because my girlfriends don’t want to leave their kids and my husband is not the destination spa type. And truthfully, even if I had a friend or spouse who wanted to go, what I really want after Covid is to be alone for several days, read a ton of books and not talk to anyone except for saying thank you to the masseuse at the end of the massage. And (kindly) please don’t say “I travel with my girlfriends, but would totally go alone if I didn’t have them” because I feel like saying “I’d totally go if…” and actually doing it are not the same at all.
sleep says
Can we do a completely anecdotal and unscientific sleep survey? I have a friend who is a new mom asking for sleep advice for her seven month old. We did cry it out with two older kids kids when they were around 5-6 months old and they are pretty good sleepers now at 9, and 4. Our toddler still gets rocked or nursed to sleep, but we let her CIO when she wakes at night. not sure why we didn’t really sleep train her… pandemic probably.
Before sleep training, they co-slept and nursed all night. But I’m loathe to recommend CIO because a) I know that it doesn’t work for everyone – my niece for example could cry for hours on end, and b) I feel like I just luckily have kids that are good sleepers, so I’m not sure sleep training has anything to do with it Plus my niece who couldn’t be sleep trained is still a terrible sleeper – so maybe some sleep habits are innate? Anyhow, would anyone like to share their sleep experience? Like what worked, what didn’t, and, especially if you have older kids, how their sleep is now?
Anonymous says
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your sharing your CIO experience with your friend, as long as you acknowledge that it doesn’t work for all kids.
Anon says
My completely unscientific opinion is that kids’ sleep will be what it is, regardless of what you do. You can either be the person who tries everything and at least feels like you’re trying, or you can be the person who tries nothing and at least accepts where the kid is at. Neither is better or worse, it just depends on your personality.
Both of my kids were horrible sleepers the entire first year. We tried literally everything with my first (even two sleep consultants, who were ALSO unsuccessful) and it didn’t matter. She wouldn’t sleep. Then shortly after her first birthday, she started sleeping through the night. And has kept it up 8 years later. My son also was a horrible sleeper, except we tried nothing. I was too tired and burnt out from my first. He went the same as she did – shortly after his first birthday, he figured out how to sleep through the night, and still is an amazing sleeper at age 6. Both are at the very low end of recommended sleep ranges for their ages, and always have been.
It’s total anecdata but I highly suspect that all of the sleep training and worrying and things we do have very little impact on our kids sleep habits, and we all just eventually hit the part where they figure it out on their own, regardless of what interventions we try.
Sleep training says
So I was very opposed to sleep training as a first-time mom who knew everything (and honestly just had major guilt issues and probably a heavy dose of undiagnosed PPA).
I rocked and nursed my LO to sleep until it completely stopped working when he was nearly 1.5 (yes, seriously.) I was 6 months pregnant and bedtime took HOURS (literally). It was miserable. I caved, we sleep trained. It was awful at first because he was old enough stand up in his crib and scream “mommy!” Tried everything short of CIO, nothing worked.
He cried for an hour the first night, 20 minutes the second night, 2 minutes the third night. After that, he started asking to go “night night.”
YMMV of course but I wish we would have done it sooner.
Anonymous says
This is us. First kid’s sleep just got awful at 18 months and we didn’t want kids in our bed nightly. It worked very quickly. Ferbered second kid at 10 months. Awesome. And they’re both great sleepers at 4 and 21 months. I do not think they would’ve been like this without Ferber.
Anon says
Terrible sleeper here. CIO resulted in hours of crying ending in vomit (we only tried this a few times at various ages for obvious reasons). At that age I would nurse and then rock to sleep (most sleep for the most number of people). There was a period of time where I spent 4 months dozing in a chair in her room at bedtime and after every wakeup with her in her crib, then crawling out of the room, often getting caught and having to start over, then eventually was able to move to laying on the hallway floor within sight until she fell asleep (easier to sneak out, I swear my kid has mama radar) but still at least one MOTN wakeup every single night. By the time she turned a year we started co-sleeping after the MOTN wakeups. Once she climbed out of her crib at 17 months, we tried a gate on the door with a toddler bed but still resulted in MOTN sobfests. Around 20 months, she was able to open said gate and would run down the hall to our bed in the MOTN.
At nearly 4 we have a liveable truce we’ve been keeping since about 2.5 when she got moved into a queen bed. Bedtime involves either us tucking her in with her tablet which she watches until she falls asleep (some nights it is 10 minutes, some nights it is 2 hours and neither DH nor I like to be held hostage that long) or if I am not working late I will lay in her bed and read chapter books aloud to her for the earlier of 30 minutes or until she falls asleep (if it is more than 30 minutes I hand over the tablet and go to bed myself) or DH will lay in her bed with her until she falls asleep (he has much more patience for this than I do). When she wakes up in the MOTN, she comes down the hall and crawls in our bed and is supposed to not wake us up (50-50 on that, but I fall back asleep much easier if I do not get out of bed, otherwise I am up for hours).
Nearly 4 years later, I can count on one hand the number of times she has slept through the night alone since she was born (she will on occasion sleep through the night if she sleeps with us the entire night, but I do not sleep well with her in our bed so I try to at least get a few hours of sleep without her before she wanders in). It is so hard to parent a low sleep needs kid who is a terrible sleeper (which she gets from DH who even as an adult still wakes up multiple times a night) and who has my energy levels (at least before I had a kid) and is a total mama barnacle (her sleeping with DH with me in another room also resulted in hours of crying). But she won’t be going off to college still sleeping with her parents, so at some point it will get better.
GCA says
I could have written this! solidarity, and it does get better. High energy/ low sleep needs kids here – my 6yo was un-sleeptrainable as a baby and a bit like yours as a toddler. He is now, miraculously, a great sleeper who goes to sleep within 15 or 20 minutes of bedtime, gets up maybe once to pee on his own, and wakes up and does his own thing. He still only sleeps from around 8.30pm to before 6am, and he never stops moving when he is awake, but at least he makes his own pb toast for breakfast.
The 2.5yo needs an amount of sleep that appears to be in the mostly-normal range (falls asleep around 9pm, sleeps till 6.30 or 7am, takes a 1.5-2h nap). Unfortunately it is end-loaded (she prefers to sleep in rather than go to bed early) and she likes to get in bed with us around 2am…
GCA says
nb for OP: we tried CIO with kid 1 around 7-9 months – in retrospect it was just a hard time because he was changing a lot developmentally at that age: crawling, pulling up to stand, getting ready to walk. We did not CIO for kid 2 to avoid waking her brother (we lived in a 1br apartment at the time).
We co-slept and nursed all night for the first year+ with both kids, then moved them to big floor beds (where they did not stay). The a-ha moment for kid 1 was when he moved to a ‘big kid’ loft bed at 3.5 – he was super excited to sleep in that.
Anon says
your kids will all be much more productive/successful adults since they can get away with such little sleep
So Anon says
I can 100% relate. I am a few years further down the line. My youngest is, and always has been a mama barnacle (I call her my koala baby). We tried CIO at three different points, tried the sleep lady shuffle, co-sleeping, etc. She cried for HOURS every night for 6 months. It ended when she finally vaulted herself out of her crib and ended up next to the bed. At 3 or 4, I called uncle and set up a kid cot next to my side of the bed. She was allowed to come into my room and curl up in her cot if she didn’t wake me up. She is now 7. She sleeps in her own room down the hall. She will occasionally wake up and crawl into bed with me or have a bad dream. It worked itself out.
My oldest is 10 and was/is a worse sleeper than his younger sister. He is autistic and is up for one reason or another about every other night (last night it was anxiety, a few nights ago, it was a bloody nose). He desperately needs his routine and is an early riser (like 5:30). I’m slowly coming to accept that he may struggle with sleep on and off for a long time, and as a result, my sleep fluctuates as well.
Anon says
My daughter was a very good sleeper from birth so we never did traditional CIO but we did what I call “limited cry it out.” Starting when she was maybe 6 months old we’d let her cry herself to sleep when we’d done what we could (food, comfort, Tylenol for teething, etc) and she was still mad. I think the longest she ever cried was 10 minutes or so, so not extreme. We still have her cry herself to sleep sometimes now that she’s 3 if she’s just mad about going to bed for whatever reason, but she almost never cries for more than a minute or two now. Her sleep now is…decent? She wakes more in the night than she did as an infant, but it’s still pretty rare, two to three times per month maybe which I know is pretty good. I believe she is STILL teething, which feels impossible, but her night wakings seem to be correlated with grumblings about tooth pain (we’re actually going to the dentist tomorrow to confirm it’s not a cavity or some other dental problem). Also while I’ll gladly take night sleep over naps, she’s always been a cr*p napper – she didn’t get on a consistent nap schedule until she was about 6 months old and dropped naps almost completely shortly after turning 2. She will still nap on Saturdays if we physically exhaust her in the morning, but rarely naps on Sundays and never naps at school or on the third day of a holiday weekend. I guess one nap a week is what she needs right now, lol.
I don’t generally offer advice on sleep to people because I know it was just luck that we got a good sleeper. We also supplemented with formula for the first six weeks of her life, which I think helped her sleep longer stretches very early on (~4 hours versus the 1-2 that is common for breastfed babies). By 6 weeks she was pretty much off formula and sleeping 6+ hours at night.
anon says
I’ve posted before about this, but I have three kids who, as infants, had wildly different attitudes to sleep (from “I shall never sleep and all the sleep consultants in the world can’t make me” to “please let me sleep, I will sleep anywhere”).
We co-slept with all three until 12 months and nursed to baby’s preference (again ranging from “every 90 minutes” to “once”), which didn’t bother me because we were co-sleeping. We didn’t do any CIO.
By 24 months all were in their own (non-crib) beds in their own rooms 7p-7a, falling asleep on their own schedule after a brief bedtime routine and only waking in the night if they were sick or had a bad nightmare, even though we never stopped being responsive to night wakings. (My never-sleeper reads in bed until 8/8:30 and wakes up early to play in her room – she just doesn’t need that much sleep).
So from my own children, I am pretty skeptical that sleep habits as infants have anything to do with sleep habits as toddlers/preschoolers, that CIO is necessary to have a good sleeper, or that co-sleeping with an infant means they won’t sleep well when they are older. I think you can try to structure sleep in a way that is more convenient for you as a parent (see: kids in their rooms 7-7! helping them learn to fall asleep on their own!) but not much you can do about their basic attitude towards sleep/sleep needs.
Anon says
I think sleep training is temporary and once kids are older they’re either going to be good or bad sleepers regardless. So CIO helped DS sleep better from 5-12 months, but it doesn’t have any effect on how he sleeps as a 4 year old. Does that make sense? At least that’s true of my three kids – we “trained” them the same way and they all three have different sleep proclivities.
So no harm recommending they try CIO as a tool to get through the infant days – but I don’t think it necessarily gives you a good sleeper!
Pogo says
I agree with this.
Also, I’ve written about this before, but my first was not the type for whom I could put him down drowsy but awake and he’d cry for 45 min and then pass out and magically in four days he slept through the night like you read about. He would go down fine, but wake 6+ times a night and scream inconsolably. We worked hard on getting him to 2 wakeups and then he naturally STTN at 8mos.
My second never had that hellish 4mo regression, but he is 8mos and still waking once, sometimes more (tho I only go in once) and his naps have not consolidated. I feel like nothing I did really influenced either.
The older one did sleep like a dream from 8 months to about 2.5 when he regressed hard, and we had to hire a sleep consultant. I am personally not opposed at all to CIO and have done it to varying degrees with both kids but I think so much of it is innate.
Anon says
i feel terribly for all of you with terrible sleepers since i am a person who needs sleep and am truly not sure how i’d function. so i have twins who were very different sleepers from day 1. twin A slept for an 8-9 hour stretch by 9 weeks and was doing 12 hours by 12 weeks, while twin B (my reflux baby) woke in the middle of the night until 5 months. we’ve had to do CIO a number of times, like once while traveling and twin B would not sleep in the pack n play, and for a few naps here or there, but we never had to do CIO in the traditional sense in that my kids wouldn’t fall asleep and were used to being rocked to sleep. i think my PPA + having had read Bringing Up Bebe made me so anxious at the beginning that I would hold my kids too much/the reality of being a first time mom who did a lot of solo parenting with twins was that often one twin did have to wait for a minute before being attended to. i have no idea if this had any impact on their sleep or if they would have slept the same way without it, but i did try to help them develop good sleep habits from day one.
Anonymous says
Kid 1: CIO at 5 months, perfect sleep angel after and ever since
Kid 2: CIO at 4 months and 8 months and 12 months. Never really worked, still is a terrible sleeper but at 5 can mostly self soothe
Kid 3: never bothered with CIO since #2 was up all night at the same time anyway. Eventually became a great sleeper and at 3.5 has no major sleep issues.
AnonATL says
Only 1 kid, and I am admittedly a Poopcup per last week’s discussion. Ferber at 12w. Picked it up after 1 night completely (self soothed to bed, no wakings over night). At 9 months naps are still hit or miss, but most of the time we can do what I call the drop and walk where we literally put him in his crib and walk away and he goes to sleep without fussing. Now this is all at home. Anytime we go to the grandparents it hits the fan and we resort to old habits of cosleeping or holding to sleep.
Anonymous says
We didn’t want to CIO and how good success with ‘the no cry sleep solution’ by pantley.
anonamama says
My friend and I were talking about our ‘things’ as FTM’s. Hers was food. Mine was sleep. I read everything I could. I’ll give you my experience and a few suggestions you could give your friend.
From the get go, I was a Dr. Karp follower so always kept combination of super-dark room, white noise and swaddle or sleep sack. We had the SNOO and then I joined the FB group ‘Respectful Sleep Training & Learning”. When it came time to transition to crib around 6-7 mos, we did the 3 day sleep solution (this was found for free in the group’s files). It ended up being more like 5 nights. But the combination of verbally comforting them, rubbing his back but always keeping in the crib never made me feel like I was truly letting him CIO. At 18 mo, still a champion sleeper, but realizing we may have a reliance on pitch-black surroundings (but he does do 1-1.5 hr naps at daycare in a room with more light.) I still consult the Dr. Marc Weissbluth book on sleep to see what is age-appropriate, but I credit our (so far) success to a LOT OF WORK/reading/ok, obsessing.
For your friend, I would suggest she look up baby wake windows (I think the Takin Cara Babies blog has these) and understand where they are now. Sometimes it’s just a matter of napping too long and not having enough night time sleep. There’s a ton of free advice on there that can help. (And other sleep coach blogs do this too). Moms on Call has some ‘schedules’ she could consult, too. I also found the Respectful Sleep Training & Learning FB group helpful — they have a lot of different plans in their ‘files’ section that could help if she wants to try a formal approach. And good luck to her!!
Anon says
i’m normally not a facebook poster, but also found that group to be very very helpful
OP says
Posting late, but wanted to say thanks to everyone for sharing. There does seem to be an infinite variety in sleep and children and parenting, and it was great to read all the different experiences. Yay for those who’ve figure it out and internet hugs for those still working on it.
Mom of aspiring skater says
My 9 year old daughter wants a skateboard for her birthday. I have no idea what brands are good and am overwhelmed with the options on Amazon. I’d like something that will be durable and safe obviously and she could use for a few years. She is just starting to learn. Any recommendations?
Anonymous says
I avoid Amazon for this type of thing. The selection is too overwhelming and there are so many low-quality and fake items. If you don’t have a local skateboard shop, I would suggest finding a brick-and-mortar skateboard shop with a web presence, calling them, and asking the sales clerk to help you order. Or you could try what I did when I recently bought roller skates, which was to google “best beginner roller skates,” then search for reviews of the specific models that appeared on various lists. It helped a lot that I had an idea of the qualities I was looking for in a skate (stiff boot, etc.). Do you know whether your daughter just wants to cruise around the neighborhood, learn tricks, or go to the skate park? The intended use may affect what type of skateboard is best.
Make sure to order a helmet and pads too, most importantly wristguards.
Anon says
My six year old daughter skateboards and we got her a board at a skate shop – I’d recommend doing that. My younger son wanted a skateboard and I wasn’t ready to commit on price so I got him a pennyboard from Amazon and he’s just never gotten into it – and I think it’s because his gear isn’t as good!
Anonymous says
Help me think through what we’ll need to bring for our first trip by plane, happening later this summer, with my 2 year old. We’re heading to family who have a big house with yard/pool so we likely will be staying at the house 90% of the time, so I’m thinking maybe we don’t need a stroller? We have a Scenera Next carseat; should we have my son sit in the carseat on the plane or check it? Anything else major I’m forgetting?
Anon says
personally i’d want the stroller to get through the airport. ship as much as you can to family – diapers, wipes, swim diapers, etc. i’ve always gate checked my car seat bc i’m too nervous about it getting lost and not being able to get in the car upon arrival. i also follow the one diaper per hour of travel rule – and when counting hours of travel i mean from when you leave your home, to arriving at family’s home, to help me figure out how many extra diapers to bring bc these things are not sold in airports. i always bring an excessive number of wipes and multiple times have been asked for one by other moms on planes. lots and lots of snacks. haven’t flown with kiddo during covid, but i’d think extra masks
Anon says
I bring the carseat on the plane because I don’t want it to get beat up or lost in the cargo hold. I would bring a stroller for getting through the airport, unless your 2 year old is much better at walking long distances than mine was. In normal times, lots of snacks although now I would probably try to avoid eating in transit unless the flight is really long. We’ve never brought much in the way of entertainment – the plane/people are entertainment enough for a toddler, although we haven’t flown since Covid.
Anonymous says
Even if your toddler doesn’t sit in the car seat on the plane, don’t check it. They can get easily damaged in the hold. I think the easiest way to get around an airport is with a car seat attached to a stroller, but your kid might be too big for that? If so, I think you’ll be happy to have a really basic travel stroller.
Be prepared for all sorts of toilet situations/ accidents. We learned the hard way to carry on spare clothes for both kiddo *and* parents.
Have a game plan for if you’re delayed/ stuck on the tarmac/ etc. You’ll need drinks, snacks, activities, and downloaded (!) videos/ books.
If toddler is going to be watching videos with headphones, introduce the headphones in advance. Same with any other special equipment.
SC says
Last night, Kiddo and I went to the library for the first time in 14 months. He happened to find The Boxcar Children, and I told him it was one of my favorite books when I was a kid. He asked me when I read it, and I said first grade. His eyes lit up, and he said “I’m almost there!” I started reading it to him last night, and he was RIVETED! I don’t think he’s ever been so excited about a book. He’s more of a non-fiction and science lover, and it’s been hard to get him into chapter books or really any stories about people. So this was especially delightful for me :-)
Anonymous says
That’s great! FYI, our library has a TON of Boxcar children books available as audiobooks and ebooks on Libby/Overdrive. There is always one available. So if you want to outsource the reading to an audiobook, that might be a good option.
SC says
I’ll check my library’s audiobook collection. I hate to admit it, but I did not have the same reaction to the book as an adult. The prose is boring, Benny is the only kid with any personality, and the idea of kids playing house in a boxcar isn’t quite as thrilling. But obviously, it holds the same appeal for 6 year olds, and it was so cute to watch my son’s wide eyes and listen to him beg for the next chapter.
Anonymous says
Same!! I’m typing this while lying with my 5YO in his bed and listening to the boxcar children on audiobook from the library—this is our bedtime routine (husband read to him already while I set down our toddler so he gets both dad and mom only time). I’m often annoyed by the gendered roles of the children and characters—especially the earlier books. But my 5YO looooooves them. We’ve easily listened to two dozen since starting earlier this year.
I’ll admit, I do like how the children demonstrate thoughtfulness, independence, patience, and critical thinking—not to mention polite and assertive interactions with adults.
Mary Moo Cow says
My husband just starting reading these to our almost 6 year old, and they’re enjoying them. I was a baby sitters club girl and not into boxcar children so I have no frame of reference. DH is reading his old copies and it is charming that they have an activity that belongs just to them.
SC says
I was an only child and a prolific reader. I read all the Boxcar Children and a lot of Babysitter’s Club and all three Sweet Valley series. I’m not sure I ever read anything considered “good” though.
GCA says
Ironically, after our burnout conversation yesterday, I have an additional burnout moment to share: I got a promotion effective in a couple of months, but it’s not /less/ client-deliverable work, I’ll be managing more people (who are on the other side of the Atlantic) and juggling more internal tasks (proposals, contracts, training), and there are only so many hours in the day. I appreciate that my work and skills are recognized, but just thinking about it makes me tired.
(Related – Pogo, I hope your surgery goes well and you make a speedy recovery!)
Anon says
Congrats! You’re obviously doing a great job. But just a gentle reminder that you don’t have to take the promotion if the thought of all the extra work stresses you out.
Pogo says
aw, thank you! I’m honestly so burnt out I don’t have the mental space to be nervous about it, and secretly looking forward to taking two days off work and not even checking my email.
Anon says
I’m leaving my job at the end of the month. We’re still keeping DD in daycare because she’s an only child so the socialization is important and we can afford it, plus I’m not sure yet if I want to stay home for a while or try to find another job (although finding another job may take a very long time, given location constraints). But I’d like to spend more time with her than I have been. Do you think it’s appropriate for me to keep her home from school one day a week? we would still need to pay full time tuition, which is fine. I know preschool isn’t “real” school, but they do have a curriculum and it seems like almost all the kids attend all the time except when sick or the occasional family vacation. I would hate to do anything that makes life harder for our wonderful teachers. I already felt sort of guilty that we pulled her out more than average for travel and visiting grandparents. Thoughts?
SC says
I would 100% do what works for you and your daughter without feeling guilty. I also wouldn’t worry about her missing out on the curriculum, but would observe whether she does better with the routine of going to preschool 5 days a week vs staying home. Also, if you’re continuing to pay full tuition, there’s no need to make a permanent decision. You can just keep her home 3 different Fridays and see how it goes.
Five years ago, I was unemployed for 6 months and kept my son in full-time daycare while I recovered from burn-out and looked for a new job. Between sick days and school closures for holidays and teacher work days, he was home at least an average of once a week, and I had plenty of time with him.
Anonymous says
Yeh I would do one consistent day a week. And then earlier pickup (like 4pm vs 5pm). This gives you an hour to go to the playground or library (if it’s open).
AwayEmily says
Agreed, for consistency’s sake (hers and yours) I would consider daily early pickups rather than pulling her out entirely for a day. In all the daycares/preschools my kids have been in, they have a snack at 3ish and then everything else is just open-ended/free play since parents come at various times. So if you picked her up at 3:30 each day, then that would give you ~7.5 extra hours a week with her.
(FWIW our daycare closes at 4pm now for COVID reasons and although I don’t love having to make up some work in the evening, I surprisingly have loved the longer stretch between pickup and dinner. We have visited playgrounds, gone on hikes, etc).
Anon says
This varies by school (and kid personality). My daughter’s 2s class has a group time from 4:30 to 5 and my daughter gets hysterical if she misses it. They also have playground time from 3 to 4 and in Covid times you can’t pick up kids directly from the playground, so a teacher has to leave the group to bring your kid inside to you. Staying home one day a week can become a routine too if you’re consistent about it. Kids understand the concept of what we call in our house “home days” vs “school days” so you can just explain that Wednesday or Friday or whatever is a home day like Saturday and Sunday instead of a school day. Once a kid is 2 or so I don’t think it’s a difficult thing for them to grasp. Even if it’s not consistent it may not be that big a deal. My 3 yo is home with my parents on Wednesdays some weeks and at school on Wednesdays some weeks and it hasn’t been an issue at all. We just make sure to give her plenty of notice about which kind of Wednesday it is, school day or grandparent day.
Anon says
how old is she? does she still nap? could you pick her up early on some days? i would also potentially ask the school?
Anonymous says
I would just ask the teachers. I doubt they care at that age but there might be days/times that are better for them. I’m sure the other kids attend all the time because their parents need childcare.
Anon says
My kid misses preschool one day a week to hang out with her grandparents. Her teachers have never complained, and I communicate with them frequently.
Anon says
+1. My parents keep my kiddo home from school one day a week when they’re in town (which is about half the time). We give her teachers advance notice and they’ve never expressed any concern or displeasure. I would think early pickups are more disruptive to the class than a child being absent regularly. My kid also has a much harder time with early pickups than absences. She is *thrilled* to stay home and have a ‘grandma day’ once in a while, but if we try to get her early from school we often have a lot of difficulty pulling her away from whatever fun activity the class is doing. I actually have to get her early tomorrow for a dentist appointment and am already dreading it.
AnotherAnon says
I would do whatever works best for you and her. I’d also encourage you to try different options at first: You can always change it up if it’s not working. My contract job ended March 31 and I kept my 4 y/o in day care full time because he’s an extrovert and loves being around other kids. I try to pick him up early on Fridays and go do something fun like ice cream, go to the library or bike to the park. Right now we have newborn foster twins at home so it doesn’t always work out to pick him up early. But he really likes school so I don’t feel too guilty. I hope I can do more early pick ups this summer. Also, not that you asked but maybe check out The Mom Project if you’re looking for work. There is a lot of remote, project and contract work on there.
sf says
I know there was a conversation recently about kiddos loving hamilton songs…weird al has a hamilton mash up that drives my kid nuts (in the best way). highly recommend.
Anonymous says
Between the burnout over the last year and inability to leave the house, my marriage feels like it is really taking a hit. How are you staying connected to your spouse in a meaningful way?
Anonymous says
Still trying to do date nights, when we can get a sitter. Also watching TV shows together- we really enjoyed Schitt’s Creek, the Terror, and I think we are going to try Beartown next (once baseball season is over haha). Was surprised by how much of a connection discussing the shows gave us, especially the Terror because there is some interesting history involved. Also have done some local zoom beer and cheese, beer and cider tastings- they are after the kids are in bed, we don’t have to leave our house, and are surprisingly fun.
Also this took some trial and error but really trying to be at work when we are at work, even though we are in the same small house- no barging in on the other person with a random thought in the middle of the day, etc. When we do connect it is more purposeful.
Anon says
We’re not. The main ways we used to connect were trying new restaurants and traveling. My husband still doesn’t want to travel and although he’s open to outdoor dining, he has so many requirements (tables spaced really far apart, going at an off peak time when it’s not very crowded, staff in masks, etc) that trying to plan any kind of restaurant outing is so exhausting that we end up just ordering food in like we have been for the last 14 months.
I don’t know if it’s COVID or just our age/life stage (late 30s with preschool age kids) but it feels like everyone I know is getting divorced.
GCA says
We’re playing our way through a few new boardgames that work well with two players. We finished Pandemic:Legacy (it has a story that unfolds over 12-20 sessions and we got about 14 games out of it) and the next volume is waiting for next date night. And we’ve been enjoying Wingspan, which is a really lovely and scientifically accurate! game about birds. Also listening to and discussing the same podcasts.
EDAnon says
We play games (like Bananagrams), watch TV (I’m Sorry on Netflix is especially cathartic), and try to take a walk together during the work day a few times each week to talk.