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Sleepy anon says
Please help. My son is waking every night at 2 am and does not want to nurse. He just wants to wiggle and be awake. I’ve tried taking him to my bed (I am so tired), but that does not settle him either. He is 13 months old. He is up at 2 am, and doesn’t settle until 4:30 or 5 and then wakes for good at 545/6. I am so sleepy, please tell me how to end this. He naps from about 9-11 and 2-3 and goes to bed at 630.
Anon says
It could be teething – have you tried giving Tylenol?
anon says
+1. It always turned out to be teething in retrospect. Mystery wakings always ended with a tooth popping out.
Anon says
It could totally be a phase. It could also be a sign that you need to drop a nap or push bedtime back to 7. Many kids drop to one nap around a year old (or, one full nap and then a 15 min car cat nap to get over the hump to bedtime). Maybe try pushing his morning nap back to 10 and see if you can start to make the switch.
Emma says
+1. My baby has a tough phase around 13-14 months. Maybe it was developmental? She was figuring out walking and also teething and a little sick. DH and I had to alternate sleeping on the floor in her room because if we brought her into our bed all she wanted to do was play. We didn’t sleep train or anything and now at 15 months she is mostly back to sleeping through the night.
Emma says
I also suggest dropping to one nap – we had to switch at 12 months because of daycare, but I think it would have happened more organically a month or two later. I would try to shorten the morning nap and move up the afternoon nap, or gradually move back the morning nap until it’s right after lunch.
HSAL says
Also check for an ear infection.
Anon says
+1
Anony says
At 13 months, disrupted night sleep was our sign to switch to one nap, and it worked immediately.
Anonymous says
This. 4 hours of napping is a lot. Switch to a 2 hr nap at like 12-2 and then maybe a short 20 min catnap in the late afternoon.
Anon says
Agree with reducing nap time. It’s popular to move to one nap at this age. Also when my kids used to nap longer during the day, we’d push back bedtime. If you’re hesitant to consolidate to one nap, it might help to push bedtime back an hour or even more.
Anonymous says
Just echoing others: once you’ve ruled out ear infection and teething (tricky!), try transitioning to one nap.
Anonymous says
13 months is a classic time for sleep regression. My 15 month went through it and we dropped a nap which worked well (but is back to wakeups again now with a tooth moving I think). She was completely ready for it, took her two days to adjust to the schedule and then she wasn’t even sleepy until 11:30 anymore.
Anonymous says
My 7 yr old failed the annual hearing test in one ear at the birthday check-up. The ped wasn’t as concerned as I felt like he should be- he said a lot of times it’s a cooperation issue, or getting over an ear infection, or it’ll just clear up, and audiologists were expensive so he hesistated to refer us right away. She’s had several ear infections, one really bad outer ear infection in that ear, but that was in Sept and he said he could see the ear drum so it’s not like the ear was clogged. I was annoyed that he said maybe it was a cooperation issue, as she clearly understood what she was being asked. We have a follow-up with the ENT who treated the previous infection, but I’m wondering if anyone else has had hearing issues with their kids and any other possibilities. Google wasn’t much help- she’s not complaining of pain so I don’t think it’s a current ear infection, and I just don’t understand what else it could be, and it’s hard not to panic a bit.
Anon says
“Cooperation issue” doesn’t mean she didn’t understand. It just means she didn’t do a perfect job (relative to an adult) at cooperating with the instructions, which is totally normal because she’s 7! My kid is a bit younger and has had to have a half dozen hearing tests due to chronic ear fluid, and the results forms all say “patient was non-compliant” on them. I’m not personally offended by it. I know she did a good job for her age – it’s just medical lingo and in my experience they write that if the kid shows any sign of being over the test including being wiggly or making an occasional comment about how boring the test is.
Don’t panic – it’s probably just lingering fluid from an ear infection that will resolve on its own, but even chronic fluid can easily be resolved with meds. The hearing tests pick up the difference between ear fluid and more serious structural problems, and ear fluid is not a serious medical issue. It’s good you caught this now so if there is an issue it can be treated and her hearing will improve.
Anon says
*should say “easily resolved with meds or ear tubes surgery” — meds worked for my kid but some kids need surgery. But the surgery is very simple and not a big deal.
Anonymous says
I would definitely see an audiologist! Can you not just self refer?
Molly says
My DD is 18 months (LOL at what her hearing evals must say about compliance) and she got tubes that changed her life! Also, my understanding is that seeing the ear drum doesn’t answer whether there is fluid behind the eardrum that could be causing hearing issues, even if there is not an active infection (which was our case). Another kid I know has what the audiologist described as ear boogers that are causing hearing issues and cannot be resolved with antibiotics. I think the ENT will be really helpful here! Hang in there.
anon says
I’d follow up with an audiologist. I had chronic hearing issues from ear infections as a kid and my mom waited to see if I’d grow out of it so it took a long time before the issue was addressed, ultimately being resolved with tubes. It ended up affecting how I learn and I still have a hard time taking in audible information. Maybe I would be that way anyways, but there are key skills that kids learn at those ages (e.g., sounding out words) that I cannot do.
Anon says
It’s worth getting it checked out again, just for peace of mind. It’s very likely that it’s nothing, but anecdotally one of my nieces was diagnosed with genetic hearing loss when she started school. She now wears hearing aids.
Anonymous says
Our insurance covered audiologist no issue. Allergies can also cause some fluid in the ear. Our daughter went first time during like…April and had some low tone hearing loss, we did allergy meds for 6 weeks and the results were better after that. She still has some minor hearing loss but not enough for hearing aids.
Anon says
I’m confused about the comment about the audiologist being expensive. We have a high-deductible health plan and never meet our ridiculously high deductible, so we pay for everything out of pocket, and a hearing test with an audiologist costs much less than a visit with the ENT or ped (ENT was ~$300, ped is ~$150 and the hearing test was only like $40). Which makes sense to me. It’s quick and the audiologist has fewer years of training than an MD.
Anon says
This is late but hopefully you’ll see it. I have a deaf kid with a cochlear implant and a hearing aid. Your kid was probably just being wiggly – school and pediatrician tests are far from perfect. But still, go see an audiologist, and in the meantime ask your kids teacher for preferential seating (up front, better hearing ear towards the teacher). Hearing loss is very common and can impact many parts of life and learning.
Anon says
How was your nutrition in your last pregnancy? Did you feel informed and educated? Were you able to eat as you wanted or planned? I’m in research but asking more as a curious citizen expecting my first – I’m already noticing a huge gulf in optimal nutrition (as identified in research), professional recommendations that lag behind, and reality on the ground. What was it like for you?
Anon says
Morning sickness throws a huge wrench in the works. For the first trimester, I eat whatever I can stomach, and that means tons more sugar and salt than ideal. (In my non-pregnant life I only drink water; in the first trimester, I can’t stand the taste of water and drink a lot of juice and Gatorade, for example.) I do try to eat a lot of fruit, and have a balanced dinner, and choose healthier versions of things, but I don’t stress because you do what you have to do to survive.
After the first trimester I get back to a more normal/balanced style of eating, but I still give in to cravings and have extra “treats” when I want them. There is so much deprivation in pregnancy, I am not going to guilt myself over food. And I definitely don’t hit all those “prescribed” food groups, like fish multiple times a week.
FWIW, I’ve quickly lost the weight and got back to my regular eating habits after pregnancy, and my babies have all seemed perfectly healthy.
AIMS says
I feel like a lot of the recommendations for pregnant women are all over the place so I just didn’t focus on them too much. For example, the U.S. recommendation for eating lox was don’t do it and the U.K. recommendation was actually it’s good for you, enjoy. So if I was really craving a bagel with lox, I would have it but I would make sure it was a really good quality lox and I didn’t do it too often because lox is generally high in salt and that’s not good too often regardless of whether you are pregnant. I just tried to be balanced – lots of fruit, berries, veggies; whole grains, fish that isn’t high in mercury, food that isn’t super processed. Full fat yogurt. If I ate meat, I made sure it was good quality meat. I actually found it much easier to eat this way knowing I was also feeding my baby, but I didn’t make any effort to follow any special diet of anything. To the extent you’re not supposed to eat stuff, a lot of it, I really didn’t eat to begin with (like cold cuts) so that made it easier. For sushi, I mostly stayed away because I didn’t want to take the chance. I also washed things more carefully. But I feel like if you just try to eat “real food,” you’re in good shape.
AIMS says
I’ll add that I was very lucky to have had no morning sickness when I was pregnant. Agree that it throws a wrench in it if all you can hold down are saltines, etc.
Anon says
My doctor said “eat what sounds good and doesn’t make you nauseated” and that’s what I did, even though I had only low key nausea and never actually threw up. I pretty much lived on Eggo waffles in the first trimester. I ate normally from about 14 to ~32 weeks and then at the end I didn’t eat much because the baby presses on your stomach and makes you feel full immediately. I figured I was taking a daily multi-vitamin so I didn’t need to worry too much about my diet, which is also my basic approach when not pregnant. The baby is now a healthy 6 year old.
anon says
I feel like I got decent guidance from my OB, but ultimately what I could eat was heavily driven by how I felt. In both of my pregnancies that went to term, I had severe food aversions or crippling morning sickness (or both…) in the first trimester, which limited me to eating very bland food (toast, rice, oatmeal, plain pasta). I really could not stomach meat at all.
In both of those pregnancies, second trimester was better – my food aversions decreased, morning sickness ended, and I had plenty of energy to prepare meals. So suddenly I was a model patient (greek yogurt with berries! lean proteins! green leafy vegetables!).
In this pregnancy (I’m 34 weeks), I have had severe and near-total loss of appetite once I hit third trimester. It’s often actively hard for me to eat even if I’m hungry, and it’s not very predictable what will seem appealing (for example, I had not been able to eat meat for several weeks, but the other night my husband made steak and that sounded great and I was able to eat it; yesterday I pretty much could only stomach oranges and a chocolate milkshake).
In both pregnancies, my weight gain was/has been so far on the lower end of the normal range; my first son was healthy and I have no complications with my current pregnancies other than a ton of Braxton-Hicks contractions starting very early (22 weeks).
busybee says
I ate super super healthy for both my pregnancies. I got most of my knowledge from online resources though; my providers just gave general “take a prenatal vitamin” advice. I never had any nausea or food aversions so that made it easy. My biggest challenge was eating enough calories for twins, especially during the first trimester. Lots of nuts and avocados, but those got pretty boring.
Anon says
I didn’t have morning sickness other than the first week I was pregnant. I ate just like I did before I was pregnant. I generally avoided sushi but I am indifferent about it so it wasn’t difficult. My typical diet is pretty normal meat/fish, starch, veggie style and I don’t eat much red meat.
My son was a late summer baby and I admittedly ate a ton of cookies and cream ice cream in the final weeks of my pregnancy.
I gained weight at the normal rate and had an 8lb baby.
Emma says
I had the best intentions but I was extremely nauseous from 8-16 weeks and literally all I could eat was plain carbs. Things got better after that, but I found the amount of information out there overwhelming and contradictory. I stuck with the big rules my doctor set out – no alcohol, nothing raw, no cold cuts – and tried to eat reasonably healthy. I had an aversion to red meat, and I did have coffee because I really love coffee, and only reluctantly switched to decaf towards the end because my blood pressure started going up.
An.On. says
As another non-nauseous pregnant person, I ate whatever I felt like for the most part, and just tried to stay away from the obvious ones: raw fish/meat, alcohol, caffeine.
I didn’t heavily plan my meals/diet either before or while pregnant, and I don’t have any supplemental health concerns that made it important for me. I also never had cravings, although I did have a very bad night where I didn’t get to eat for like eight hours in a row and I had a meltdown (once I got home) because the deli at the grocery store was closed when I went there looking for quick meal.
Anonymous says
I had hyperemesis and could only eat a very narrow range of foods without vomiting, mainly nuts and dairy with a few vegetables and low-sugar fruits. I was more concerned with avoiding starvation than with optimizing nutrition.
As you begin your journey towards parenthood, be wary of trying to do everything perfectly in accordance with “the evidence.” If you are a researcher you are well aware that the evidence changes over time , that treatment effects can interact with other explanatory variables, and that practitioners are slow to adopt new “evidence-based practices.” It’s good to be informed, but you need to be flexible enough to recognize what works and doesn’t work for your family and child. And you need to know that there is nothing you can do in terms of nutrition or parenting that will ensure your kid won’t end up with ADHD or autism or just a difficult personality.
Anon says
Right, of course, but it doesn’t mean we should be wary of adopting really easy evidence-based practices – like choosing a prenatal vitamin that contains choline instead of one that doesn’t. I’m a big fan of substitutions that make sense at no real impact to the user experience.
Anonymous says
Of course make the easy swaps, but don’t delude yourself into thinking that every recommendation can be implemented by every person or that you can insulated yourself against problems by doing everything right.
Anonymous says
The thing is that in 5 years there may be new recommendations against choline. A couple of decades ago parents were advised never to let babies or young children consume peanuts because early exposure could supposedly trigger allergies. Now early exposure is recommended to protect against the development of allergies. The science, as well as the folklore that is medicine, is constantly evolving.
Anon says
I don’t think that’s very likely for an essential nutrient. There are some very high-quality studies (double-blind RCTs) that show consistent and long-term benefits from higher choline intake. It’s not even mentioned by most doctors and most prenatals don’t contain it.
Anon says
Recommendations are sure to change, but I think there aren’t going to be recommendations against dietary choline that we all we need to begin with (I’m guessing dietary choline is going to be increasingly emphasized going forward because more and more people are getting non-alcoholic fatty liver disease). But there are already concerns about the safety of some choline supplements (like alpha-GPC), so I wonder if dietary intake will be encouraged more.
I predict the B9 guidelines will be updated eventually because right now CDC has special recommendations for people with recurring loss to take more (but the CDC doesn’t know how I measure the risks of “taking too much B9” vs. the risks of not getting enough!).
In general there are already prenatals that are much easier on my stomach than others (my stomach is really weak when it comes to what seem to be the most commonly used forms of zinc and iron), so I’m okay with being a special snowflake too.
Anonymous says
Welcome to womanhood.
Betsy says
I’m currently 20 weeks pregnant. I hesitate to recommend this particular book because that author has some Covid beliefs that are diametrically opposed to my own and I think she also gets a bit tinfoil hat about things like fluoride and “toxins”, but with that gigantic grain of salt I found the nutrition advice in Real Food for Pregnancy by Lily Nichols to be helpful in terms of setting goals of what to eat during pregnancy. It absolutely fell out the window in the first trimester when my food aversions were basically any and all food, although I did try to pay attention to her advice to always add protein to carbs and therefore ate a ton of apples with peanut butter because that’s the best I could do. Once my food aversions started to fade I found hyper-palatable foods to be a good bridge back to normal eating, so for a few weeks I was eating a lot of boxed macaroni and cheese with chicken and broccoli mixed in. It’s been all about doing the best I can with a really weird appetite. Now that I’m usually able to eat a little bit better I’m focusing on getting a good amount of high quality protein in each meal, fish when I can stomach it, and vegetables in ways that I can tolerate. It’s not quite how I had hoped to eat during pregnancy, but it’s a significant improvement.
In terms of feeling well informed, I think I had to do a lot of the research and decision making on my own. The dietary advice in the book my hospital-based midwife provided was very carb heavy in a way that I know from pre-pregnancy does not work for my body. As far as avoiding risky foods, I make risk/benefit analyses that make sense for me. For example, I could handle sushi during all but the worst weeks of my first trimester so I’ve eaten sushi from good quality, busy restaurants that I’ve gone to for years without any problems. I don’t really eat cold cuts during normal life, so I’ve intentionally avoided them during pregnancy. I wash produce more carefully than I did before. I haven’t gone over my decisions with my midwife in great detail because I feel comfortable with the decisions I’m making.
Anon says
Ugh, please don’t tell me she’s an anti-vaxxer…
Betsy says
Afraid so. I’m not seeing it on her social media now, so it looks like she’s done some cleanup or I’m just missing it, but when I first looked into her books she had a lot of vaccine freedom stuff up. An RD is certainly not who you want to take your public health advice from!
anon says
I had read the book “Real Food for Pregnancy” by Lily Nichols, which I highly recommend, before I got pregnant. I had all these ideas of how I was going to eat all this nutritious food (and do yoga and exercise:-P) during my pregnancy. And then I had hyperemesis…up until 22 weeks it was about trying not to starve, and after 22 weeks it was about eating whatever I could tolerate. So, yeah, a huge gap between optimal and reality. That said, my twins were born healthy. And, I’m extremely glad for the months before the pregnancy when I had really focused on eating well, and building up the nutrient stores in my body. I did also try to chose the more nutrient options out of the things that seemed possible to eat. So that was my experience. Oh, and the above mentioned book has one of the best sections on how to eat when you are nauseous that I found….I still couldn’t eat much, but she had some very helpful ideas.
Anon says
I felt like my OBs were pretty lax about nutrition counseling beyond recommending certain vitamins. I did read some books about nutrition in pregnancy, including the Lily Nichols book, but if you start looking too much at the research she cites, she’s drawing some conclusions that really aren’t able to be backed up by the cited studies. Obviously research on nutrition is extremely difficult for many reasons, so maybe questionable results are better than no results. It’s really hard to know what is the “right” thing to do.
Anon says
Can you give an example? I’m OP and reading her book now, actually! I’ve thus far been impressed with the frequency and quality of citations, but I haven’t finished it yet and maybe there are weak spots.
Anon says
ha – i was so nauseous that i was just glad when I could keep down my prenatal vitamin. i ate a lot of cheerios at first, saltines and then went through a phase craving burgers and fries (apparently i was anemic). i was more worried about all the stuff i wasn’t supposed to eat ( unpasteurized cheese, raw fish, deli meat etc.) than what i was actually eating. my mom threw up multiple times a day for 9 months when she was pregnant with me and i think i turned out ok, so i wasn’t too worried. i have a HUGE sweet tooth, but wanted zero sweets during my pregnancy, which i was kind of disappointed about, bc i had visions of eating pints of ice cream
Anonymous says
Sugar made me vomit and I was irrationally disappointed about not being able to eat pints of ice cream. I cried once when I saw a cute happy pregnant woman smiling and eating an ice cream cone while I was sitting down on a bench mid-walk to avoid fainting.
Anon says
I was so sick while pregnant that I haven’t been pregnant in 6 years, and I feel queasy just reading this thread and remembering how sick I was! I was never the cute, happy, pregnant lady – I was the sweaty, vomit-y, gross lady.
Anonymous says
I had weird aversions and got nauseous quickly from too much of anything. I did drink a ton of milk and also got some meal replacement drinks – the kind aimed at diabetics, so theyre sugar balanced rather than trying to be low calorie. Those were great for waking up starving at 2am. I’d drink half and be able to go back to sleep. Mostly I focused on a multi vitamin and trying to get enough calories. I ended up losing weight through pregnancy if you subtract the baby and associated weight.
Anonymous says
Same—the least I have ever weighed in my adult life was two weeks after delivery. I count any nutrition you can keep down as a victory.
Anonymous says
My main advice is to learn to adapt FAST. I could stomach carbs and only carbs for a very long time during my 1st pregnancy. I’d try to eat a vegetable or a protein, and I’d puke immediately. Because I didn’t do a good job of figuring out how to make the carb situation work, I ended up gaining a lot of weight from pasta pasta pasta in a short amount of time (i.e., between two OB appointments). I eventually changed course and found ways to snack on smaller portions after that crazy month of weight gain, but that period of time really set me back.
Whatever your situation, it’s a good idea to constantly reassess and adapt. And btw, it will be the same once the baby arrives. What works for sleep at 4 weeks will not work for sleep at 8 weeks, etc etc. Adaptation is basically your primary responsibility as a parent.
Anonymous says
This is what I was trying to say above but you have put it much better. Adapt, adapt, adapt.
Anonymous says
Omg my reaction to this is a massive step all the way off. I am not a cow. I am not being optimized for the market. I’m an adult I will and did continue to do my best.
Anon says
This is a silly knee-jerk reaction. When you take a breath, you’ll see that it actually does make immense sense for national recommendations to draw on evidence to promote good outcomes for moms and babies. It is very reasonable and sensible for women to want good information to guide their choices.
Anonymous says
You sound fun.
Anonymous says
Yeah, OP is on the express train to POOPCUP city if she is this intense about optimizing her pregnancy. Good luck with that.
Anon says
Where does she say she’s optimizing her pregnancy?
Anonymous says
She wants “optimal nutrition,” which we are all telling her is not realistic unless she is exceptionally lucky.
Anon says
I don’t see that anywhere. She pointed out that there is a gap between research and reality on the ground. She didn’t say she’s optimizing or striving to optimize anything. In fact, “reality on the ground” suggests she’s not.
Anonymous says
All of my nutritional visions, aspirations, and ideas went out the window when I felt queasy for 36 weeks straight. I ate what seemed appealing, which was often Doritos. And a lot of cold pasta. Being hungry made the nausea worse, and I often couldn’t tell whether I was hungry or just nauseous. So I ate a lot. I gained over 50 pounds but all but about 7 came off in the first 6 weeks post partum.
Anonymous says
My kid is probably 95% cheese because it was the only food I could reliably stomach for the first part of my pregnancy, and I was diagnosed with GD around the time some of my food aversions went away. Cheese was the only food I didn’t have an aversion to, and it didn’t spike my blood sugar. With the caveat that I’m not sure anyone got good prenatal care during the pre-vax pandemic era, the nutritionist I had to meet with for GD nutrition info was quite possibly the least helpful person on the planet. She could not understand that I couldn’t eat meat without vomiting, and in fact I had to excuse myself during the telehealth appt to vomit because every slide with meal suggestions had a big ol’ hunk of meat on it. She couldn’t come up with any vegetarian meal options.
Anonymous says
I am also the proud parent of a child made entirely of cheese! All meat, poultry, and seafood made me vomit. I still have an aversion to red meat and won’t cook it. I could happily be a vegetarian forever if my family didn’t demand to be fed chicken regularly.
Anonymous says
my baby is milk, cheese, and brown rice
Anon says
My pregnancy made me HATE my favorite fast casual chain, and I have never recovered from all the vomiting of that specific fast casual chain/still hate the place. It is now her, absolute and unmitigated, favorite food at age 14, and the smell of the place still makes me want to vomit. *Shakes fist at universe*
Anon says
I commented above about eating lots of Eggo waffles while pregnant. We joked that the baby was going to come out shaped like an Eggo. She did not, although she does really love to eat them.
AIMS says
I also have a sleep question but for older kids. My kids usually go to bed between 8-830. The younger one falls asleep right away but my 8 year old often tosses and turns until 9/930, sometimes later. The problem is that she then has a very hard time waking up for school in the morning (needs to wake between 7 and 730). Is this morning grouchiness just unavoidable? Is the solution to get in bed earlier and hope the tossing is done sooner? I have never been a morning person myself, even as a small child, but for my kids this is a new phenomenon – up until a few months ago, they used to wake up at 7 am sharp and happily watch tv while I made breakfast and packed school lunch.
Anon says
For my 8yo and me, if we get in bed too early it’s nearly impossible to sleep. I find that if we delay bedtime a little, we often fall asleep sooner. So, if I turn out the lights for my kid before 9 (even like 8:55!), he will toss and turn til 10:30. If I wait until 9:15, he’s usually asleep by 9:30. Part of it might be mental — we don’t instantly fall asleep, so we get all in our heads about not being able to sleep. Part of it may be body clock. Maybe try putting her to bed at 8:45 and see if it helps?
NYCer says
I was going to suggest this too.
Anonymous says
This.
Anon says
Yeah I would try a later bedtime. Going to sleep too early can lead to a lot of tossing and turning and actually falling asleep later than you would have if you’d pushed bedtime back by, say, 30 minutes.
Also perhaps try melatonin if you’re comfortable with it. We don’t have problems this time of year, but my daughter really struggles with going to sleep when it’s light out and it doesn’t get fully dark here until nearly 10 pm in the late spring and early summer, so we occasionally use melatonin (with our ped’s approval).
anon says
Are they getting enough physical activity? It can be harder this time of year, but my kids sleep better if they’ve been active.
Anonymous says
IF you solve it let me know. My 10 year old needs to get up by 6:30 for school, but can’t, because she won’t go to bed until after 9:30. She’s a high sleep needs kid and *really* should be getting 10 hours, if not more.
Reading helps, so does running them to the ground tired.
AIMS says
Thanks all. Ive been reluctant to try a later bedtime because my kids share a room and the younger one (almost 6) definitely needs to be sleep by 830 most nights, but will not go to bed if sister is in the other room. Maybe we will try to let her read till 9 but she doesn’t usually want to when I offer. Perhaps I can just let her play quietly.
AwayEmily says
late to this but we have basically the same situation. An almost-8-yo and an almost-6-yo who share a room, and the 8yo often doesn’t fall asleep til later. We lean heavily on “in-bed activities” — ideally reading (I try to keep her supplied with graphic novels that are at or below her reading level so she doesn’t stop because it’s “too hard,” because reading reliably gets her to fall asleep fast), but also coloring or whatever else. She has an amber clip-on light that she can use in the top bunk (maybe it’s junk science but I heard amber lights are better at night).
I also have been trying REALLY hard to not stress her out about it — if she comes down at 9:15 and says “I can’t go to sleep” then I say “oh, must mean your body doesn’t need as much sleep tonight! Come give me a hug and let’s chat for a few.” Then I send her back to bed and remind her not to worry about falling asleep — her body knows what to do.
Oh and finally — I’m sure this varies by kids but my kids consistently struggle to fall asleep if they watch any TV in the two hours before bed. We found this out because my husband started a ritual of watching Blue Planet with them while I put the baby to bed — and then we were befuddled by why they suddenly seemed to be struggling so much. Cut out the TV and it ended.
Anon says
I know camp stuff is hyper local and I’m asking local people too, but I thought I’d also see if anyone here has any thoughts. It’s our first summer doing camp and our options for full day camp are limited. The two that seem to have the best rep locally are the city parks & rec camp and a local nature center camp. I’m leaning towards the nature center because my kid is pretty unathletic like her mom (hates ball sports, moderately enjoys running around but gets frustrated easily at not being able to keep up with the group) but I’m a little concerned the nature center will be too much like school and she won’t get enough physical activity. We notice sleeping problems when she doesn’t get enough exercise, although hopefully some of this can be mitigated by spending time outside in the late afternoons and evenings as a family. We plan to pick one camp and do it for the whole summer, because that seems to be what most people here do, and tr@nsitions can be hard for her. Any thoughts or anecdata about what your similar kid enjoyed?
(And before someone jumps on me, I definitely don’t label my kid as unathletic to her face, just using labels here because it’s the best way to convey the question.)
Anonymous says
Pokemon parents, help me out here. I’m trying to nudge my son away from the Christmas gift he really wants (a Switch), and his next idea is “Legendary Pokemon cards.” He doesn’t know a ton about Pokemon, but does know that some cards are cooler than others, and he loves the show and a big book he has. How do I go about getting him the “coolest” (most powerful? highest damage? rarest?) cards?
Anonymous says
This is possibly more expensive than the switch. You can buy tons of the blind packs and hope he’s lucky or buy the special cards individually, but those cards really add up (many are $5-10 each). I would not buy them unless he’s asking for specific ones — mine has a few special cards that she picked out at a specialty store herself.
Anon says
Yah, this is complicated! You can look online for “V” and “VMax” cards, which are some sort of extra powerful. My older son likes trading for those (and honestly he doesn’t care if they are fake knockoffs — as long as they look cool and have a high number). Meanwhile, my younger son likes collecting the “cute” Pokémon cards, no matter how lame they are power-wise. You may want to get him a bunch on packs, and then focus on a couple specific characters he’s mentioned or VMax cards to buy individually?
Also, there is a huge Pokémon trading culture at my kids’ school/bus and my kids are always giving up their cards and coming home with new ones, so you don’t have to be too hung up on getting the best.
Sf says
I have an almost 7 year old, also really into Pokémon with minimal knowledge. He was very happy with a few random packs and a binder to put them in. He has spent hours sorting them.
Biracial doll family? says
DS is getting the Hape All Seasons dollhouse for Xmas. I am looking for a doll family that reflects our family at least somewhat. We are biracial (South Asian and Caucasian). Would like to include dolls for grandparents as well. Hape makes doll families that are Caucasian, African-American and Asian. Should I get all three families? It would be 18 dolls total which seems like a lot. There is an Etsy shop that makes custom dolls for biracial families but it is $$$. Are their other toy companies that make dolls in other races and sell them individually (a la carte, so to speak?) If not then I will just buy one of the Hape families.
Mary Moo Cow says
Maybe try Kidizen, eBay, Etsy, for gently used families and mix and match? Or buy one of the Hape and a few of the custom dolls to create a custom set without buying 18 dolls? I don’t know of any companies that sell individual dolls, but that sounds like an opportunity. We had that dollhouse and it held up well; I hope it’s a hit in your house!
Anonymous says
Why not get a set of dolls that doesn’t look anything like your actual family?
Anonymous says
To clarify—like a Black nuclear family and then two other races of grandparents. As close as you can get to randomizing the races of the dolls without buying a zillion extra.
anonM says
Haba has a Little Friends Doll Bundle – not sure how they fit/scale to Hape, and doesn’t seem exactly what you’re looking for. Toy diversity is certainly improved, but this is something I am surprised doesn’t exist yet. Hope someone here has a better idea!
Scilady says
I looked and looked and debated making custom dolls myself and then just said whatever and bought Melissa & Doug Wooden Flexible Figures that kind matched our family. I think there is a untapped market for custom doll-house dolls with so many mixed families.
You could go the busy toddler suggested route and just get a bin of people (Learning Resources All About Me Family Counters)
anon says
It probably wouldn’t be very hard to adjust a few dolls with some craft paint and markers to better match your particular family.
Anonymous says
You could get two or three families and mix up the dolls to create one family that mirrors yours plus one or two families of friends for the dolls to hang out with.
OP says
Thanks everyone for the help! It’s late so if anyone still cares I decided I will get the three doll families and create one multiracial family and hide the rest of the dolls for a little while. If I don’t hide the rest then I wonder if DS will group the families by race on his own.
Anonymous says
What would be wrong with letting him do that?
Anonymous says
This is late, but I so hope you see it! Try Pottery Barn Kids “Rainbow Friends.”
https://www.potterybarnkids.com/products/dollhouse-friends-set/?pkey=cdollhouses
anonamama says
Maternity tights rec! I pulled a pair on and found holes in them, so had to resort to an emergency pair of L’eggs via Instacart last night. They’re giving me middle school dance energy. So ISO opague maternity tights I could order ASAP!
thanks as always!
NYCer says
I wore my normal, non-maternity Commando black tights (opaque matte) in a size or two up while I was pregnant.
anon says
You can also cut darts in the waistband of normal tights if they start to dig in
Cerulean says
I wore thigh highs. Bonus is that you can wear them pre and post, too. I seriously hate the waistband on any tights I’ve ever worn and this has worked well for me.
Anon says
I’m pretty sure that there were some spanx/asset brand maternity tights sold at Target that I may have worn. They were fine. I did size up, I find that brand runs small even in normal sizes.
OOO says
I wore black leggings from Motherhood Maternity a lot. I could not wear regular tights beyond 6 weeks of pregnancy – needed way more room in the belly.
Anon says
Therafirm Preggers were my go to until about 30ish weeks, but they aren’t for everyone because they have different levels of compression. Berkshire Maternity was also great without the compression.
Anon says
i know people often post on here worried about their kid’s quirks and what it will mean for later in life…well apparently my DH was petrified of the letter “V” as a child. Like hysterical at preschool, had to be picked up from school the day they learned that letter, wouldn’t sing it in the alphabet, covered his ears when other people did, skipped it in all alphabet puzzles, etc. this went on for over a year. to this day no one knows why…he now has two ivy league degrees and a fairly successful career so far, and is no longer scared of the letter
OOO says
That’s hilarious!
Anonymous says
This is hysterical, glad he got over it before he went to an… iVy
Haha says
Haha that’s amazing! Thanks for sharing this. I immediately thought of Voldemort, but I’m guessing he wasn’t into Harry Potter as a preschooler,
Anonymous says
This is amazing. I wonder whether the letter was featured in a frightening segment on Sesame Street? As a small child I found the Count and some other stuff on that show terrifying.
Anon says
I was terrified of jello in preschool! I still think it’s gross how jiggly it is, but I no longer run screaming from the room when I see it ;)
Anon says
frustrated/stressed. my 5.5 year old has been in OT for 2 years, recently had a PT evaluation and is like a year behind where she should be for her age group. we’ve always known she was kind of weaker with both gross and fine motor skills, hence the OT. well the PT at the place where we go for OT only works 9-3. I understand it is a female heavy field with women who want to work part-time, but I also dont really understand how suggesting that I pull my kid from school once a week is a viable option. it would’ve been one thing when she was 3, but the logistics aside, from a social-emotional perspective this would be really really hard for my kid and seems unfair to her teacher. she is also already in speech and OT. she keeps asking to try some other activities and I feel terribly that she has to do all of these other things.
Anon says
This is so frustrating! I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I have some experience with EI (not good and highly disappointing – I think we just have a too big/high needs of a county with not enough staff and funding) and private PT + ST (good) – all for DS #2 who is almost 3.
I’m not an expert, but could you ask if putting her in something else focused on gross motor that isn’t PT would help – like gymnastics or ninja? If she’s a year behind, I feel like that’s not terrible at 5.5 because there’s so much variation by that age. Alternatively, can PT come to her school?
Anon says
We’re OT dropouts so that’s where I’m coming from, but I think at some point being “behind” becomes pretty meaningless. When you’re talking about 1 year olds, yes being way behind peers is concerning because they’re all supposed to meet milestones at roughly the same age. But by age 5 there’s a huge amount of variability in terms of how much endurance, coordination, and strength kids have and a lot of it is just genetics. Some people are just not athletic. I’m not, and my kid doesn’t seem to be. I think at this point it is what it is and not something she needs therapy for, and I would definitely not have her miss school for therapy. Somebody has to be below average, even well below average…that’s how averages work. I liked our OT a lot as person, but any therapist doing an evaluation has a financial interest in you needing their services, so they’re definitely not unbiased.
Anon says
+1. I’m the Anon at 1:58.
DS #1 – walked exactly at 12 months. Was kicking balls! Running! All the things – I swore he was going to be into athletics early in life. Well, he’s 6 now and….nope. He’s too much like his Mom. He loves running around, climbing, etc., but not in the way some of the other more “athletic” kids his age need/want to focus their energy.
DS #2 – Walked late, 19 months. We had to get all the evals. I ended up engaging a private PT before the evals and the guy was great and was like “well I don’t see any underlying reason he’s not walking…” and we did a bunch of sessions, and wrapped up after a few months. I think DS #2 is just…a work-smarter-not-harder kind of kid. Even with his speech delay, it’s arguable if he *needs* speech (thanks to those on the board that have shared their stories) – he has words, pulls them together, and has not great articulation but he’s also…like shy of 3. I think private ST (the SLP comes to his school 1x/week – lifechanging to me after the bungle EI was for us) is giving him a good push and structure, but he may have gotten there on his own.
anon says
That is frustrating. We have OT and Speech thru different agencies and our OT comes to the house – not sure if that’s something to look into but wanted to suggest. They have therapists who come on evenings and weekends.
FWIW we pull out elementary kiddo out ~30 mins early on Fridays for a therapy.
OP says
i’d be fine with that, this would involve pulling her almost 1.5 hours early.
Anonymous says
Is she able to receive any services at school or is it for things that are not affecting her function in school?
CCLA says
Is there another OT place you could try? I know how hard it is to invest time into the relationship between kiddo and the therapist, but sounds like this isn’t working for your family. Maybe another center will be a good option to get a second opinion too on whether this is really still needed.
OP says
thanks all. this is not impacting her functioning at school significantly enough so we don’t qualify at this point. her teacher does say she struggles some with fine motor stuff. this year on the playground there is this big spider web structure the kindergarteners aren’t allowed to play on, which is a blessing for right now because she wouldn’t be able to keep up. we are happy to pay privately. i suppose someone always has to be below average, but this was like well below average. do I have her evaluated somewhere else to see if this is just a money grab? this is also slightly more complex for us bc she has a fraternal twin sister who as at the opposite end of the spectrum with these things. i am totally totally ok with them each having their own strengths/weaknesses and can help my daughter learn to manage her feelings around then. on the flip side, if she could actually be helped via PT and actually needs PT, I’d feel terribly if we don’t do what we can to help her access the services. she does dance and soccer, both of which the PT said are probably helpful.
Anon says
I think core strength is often at the root of this issue. Our OT recommended activities like ninja, biking and swimming to build core strength. Fwiw though, my kid learned to ride a bike pretty easily and has been doing ninja for a year and enjoys it a lot, but is still pretty much the only kid at school who can’t do the monkey bars, so it’s not necessarily an easy fix. But it certainly can’t hurt if your kid enjoys it and it’s not a strain on your budget.
Anon says
Maybe this was 80’s and 90’s parenting, but here we go:
1. I could never do the monkey bars. Ever.
2. I could never do the spider-type activities.
3. I played 0 sports growing up. I was in scouts, and loved hiking/camping. I hated P.E. in elementary school because everyone knew I ran slow.
4. I didn’t learn how to ride a bike without training wheels until I was in middle school – my parents did not know how, and I wasn’t motivated enough to self-teach
I definitely had self-esteem issues from all of this, which was hard. No one EVER suggested PT – maybe they should have, maybe not. But end of the day, at 40, I enjoy being active and can do some things others my age can’t (and others can do things I can’t). :)
My point is – your daughter will ultimately be okay! Just be there for her like you are.
Anon says
Same, except I learned to ride a bike at a normal age (with help from my parents). I was a huge nerd and brought a book to recess beginning around age 6 I think. I did have asthma which impacted my ability to run, but even after it was controlled I was still the slowest kid at the annual mile run and never did it in less than 12 minutes, I don’t think. I like to think I turned out fine! I’m a happy and reasonably active adult although I still hate running :)
I’m the 2:05 poster and my 5 year old daughter seems similar to me, although more interested in playing on the playground with friends and less interested in academics. She seems to be finding her niche in artsy stuff and sports that are more accessible to less traditionally athletic kids, like dance. There are unicorn kids who are good at everything they try, but most people are going to be bad at some stuff and better at other stuff and part of growing up is figuring out where your interests and talents lie.
Anon says
I have twins who are the same age and have been in OT for about a year for the same issues and like a poster below I found the EI process terrible. My one regret is going through EI rather than privately. In any event, we went to OT last year at the place that had space for us. We had 2 different OTs on different days. While I didn’t get to see much, one seemed better than the other, although I didn’t see much improvement. In the spring, I accidentally (or maybe subconsciously?) signed my kids up for a gymnastics class that conflicted with the OT that I didn’t like (she told me she was teaching my kid to share – something he is great at – by purposely not sharing toys with him when he asked) and we switched to gymnastics bc it works on a lot of the things my kids needed to work on and we didn’t want their life ruled by OT. Idk for sure if it was the right move. I suspect it made no difference either way.
This year my kids are in K and doing OT in school. As another poster mentioned, I think they’ll never be the strongest kids, but one has improved much more than the other, and they’ve had the same services all along. All this is to say, kids have their strengths and weaknesses. You know your kids weakness and are working on it, and that’s great! But, at least from my perspective, if it isn’t a severe/debilitating weakness, I try for some balance. As someone mentioned below, you may want to look into home OT. That’s something I’ve thought about, but haven’t gotten that far. Also, my kids loved their OT and recently asked if they can go back, so maybe look into other facilities if your kiddo isn’t liking it. Good luck!
OP says
thanks! we never did the EI route, and have always done private. she LOVES OT so that is not the problem. the issue is finding a PT that will work with our schedule. Guess I will see what I can do.
Anon says
I’m the one that had EI issues – after literally 6 weeks of private ST, I’m so mad at myself that I even engaged with EI for as long as I did. AND we were paying MORE than private! It’s actually turned me off so much to any related county/state funded services where we live.
I work for a county entity myself and have tremendous respect for the agency that administers EI…but they just don’t have what they need to provide high-quality services. Or maybe the EI model wasn’t for us? I am processing.
At this point, if DS #2 still needs ST in elementary, I’m sticking with private, even if he is in public school. Granted that is like 3 years out, but still this is how strongly I feel.
Anon says
Posted earlier but I seem to be caught in m0d. It’s my first time doing the summer camp thing, and I’m trying to decide between city parks & rec camp and nature center camp for a 6 year old who isn’t very into sports (doesn’t like ball sports, enjoys running around but gets tired easily and that leads to frustration that she can’t keep up with friends). These two camps are generally seen as the best of limited full day camp options in our city. I’m leaning towards nature camp because I think the parks & rec camp might be too much like PE, which she hates (she takes after me in that regard). But I’m a little concerned the nature camp will be too much sitting at a desk like school. I’m asking local people for more info but thought I’d see if anyone here has thoughts or reassurance that nature camp doesn’t have to be too much like school. I think we would pick one for the entire summer rather than trying both, because most people seem to enroll their kids in one camp all summer and I think switching camps might be hard on her.
Anonymous says
I think you need feedback from local people about what the camps are like. It is hard for me to imagine nature camp involving a lot of sitting at desk – isn’t it about being in nature most of the time? I worked at a sleepaway nature camp, which I imagine is pretty different, but FWIW there were no desks.
Anonymous says
Interesting that most people enroll their kids in the same camps all summer! My kids would get so bored with that. Usually we do 2 weeks city camp, 2 weeks nature camp at botanical gardens, 2 weeks science/space/swim camp depending on their individual interests and broken up by two weeks vacation in there somewhere.
OP says
I think because there are only a couple options here that are full time (and actually even the nature center camp is only 9-4, which works for us but doesn’t work for all working parents). Unfortunately all the fun theme camps like science museum, art museum and the zoo are only half day camps. So unless you have a grandparent or a summer nanny, working parents can’t really do a week of this camp, a week of that camp and so on. Pretty much everyone I know does one of these two camps and most people just seem to pick one and do it all summer minus a vacation week or two.
Anon says
i’m the above poster stressed about figuring out PT for my daughter and I want her to be friends with your daughter because she also often gets frustrated when she can’t keep up with peers. agree that you need to find out more about nature camp. i think it would be strange to be sitting at desks all day