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strollerstrike says
If you are moving to a new city, how do you go about learning about “best” schools, “best”neighborhoods, etc? We are locating to the US (Colorado Springs) from abroad with no connection to the town except that my husbands job is located there. What is the best way to gather intel?
FVNC says
We’ve relocated frequently for my husband’s work, and have used niche. com as a starting point for school resarch. It’s imperfect, but a decent starting point in our experience. If you’re on FB, you can often find parents’ groups for particular schools or schools districts, with parents who are often happy to answer questions. Our process has been to select a school first, and then back into the neighborhood. Several years ago, we actually thought we’d be moving to Colorado Springs. The move didn’t happen and I didn’t save my research, but I do remember looking at neighborhoods near the Broadmoor. Could your husband’s colleagues be a resource? Best of luck with the move, sounds exciting but I’m sure it’s stressful!
Anonymous says
This is all good advice. We’ve used GreatSchools in the past, and when thinking about where we might move next. It’s imperfect but gives you at least a guideline. We moved from the city to the suburbs and just weren’t sure which school we wanted, so we rented for a year. That may not be an option for you but it was helpful for us.
anon says
There may be local message boards that have lots of information. The trick is to find the right one(s). I could point you to ones in the DMV, but have no idea about Colorado. Hopefully someone else knows.
Anonymous says
Any there any in the DMV besides Urban Moms? I’m thinking about a move to the Maryland suburbs
Anonymous says
Do a search of groups on Facebook! There’s tons of ones for MoCo moms or silver spring moms etc…
anon says
There’s some good groups for northwestern PG, depending on where in MD you’re looking.
Anonie says
Niche.com is pretty good
Anon says
In the event that you’re military (since you’re going to Colorado Springs) I would ask around! You likely have friends / coworkers who have been stationed there and if not, friends of friends have probably been there and have suggestions.
I can’t speak for CS directly, but Reddit may be a good place to look too. There are usually lots of posts asking questions about moving and if not you could write your own.
Momofthree says
Working with a local realtor can also be helpful. I don’t know anyone in Colorado Springs, but others might.
Anonymous says
I hired a realtor who mentioned having small children in her bio so that we could get the local intel on schools.
Anon says
When we moved to our current area for my husband’s job, we got a realtor recommendation from his employer, and the realtor gave us lots of info. They’re limited by law in what they can tell you about schools, but she pointed us to a lot of online info and even connected us to some people who could speak more candidly. Today I see many people asking questions in the local parenting Facebook group, although we didn’t do that.
Anonymous says
Ask your husband’s coworkers – that’s what most people at my company do.
Runner says
I live in Co Springs! There are a ton of charter/magnet schools here and lots of movement between them, I’ve hear Cheyenne Mountain school district eventually becomes difficult to get into if you are not in district but that might be the only one. Here id say school choice gets conditioned on how far you want to drive more than on availability. Huge politics around school board these days, you can google that. Old North End is an area to check out if you are crunchy/liberal, Cheyenne Mountain is just more classic upper middle class. Trail access was a big consideration for us when picking a place, I’d say you need to factor in fire likelihood and insurance more and more. Housing market is terrible right now, you might rent first to get a feel, Gold Hill Mesa usually has good rentals but we were cautioned against buying there. Co Springs is growing n me, you can find your tribe here and it’s affordable and on the front range. Good luck!
aftercare says
My 1st grader has started to complain about aftercare, mainly because most of his friends have SAHM and don’t do it and he is starting to realize that his friends are going home after school but he is going to aftercare. I feel guilty but don’t see any solution other than getting a nanny or leaning out or feeling guilty. Help?
anon says
Au pairs can also be a good option for after school, summer, and school holiday care.
Anonymous says
Reframing: the SAHMs’ kids are complaining that they don’t get to go to aftercare. You can’t win.
anon says
This.
Don’t do anything rash, unless you really want a change for other reasons.
Anonymous says
Can confirm. My kids come home and the younger ones (K, 2nd) ask to go to aftercare. There’s a waitlist a mile long and DH and I both WFH and I’m part time so we don’t use it.
Consider a babysitter or playdate once a week to break things up.
CCLA says
Ha, yeah we pulled our K kid from aftercare middle of last year when we switched to a nanny. She was complaining about it being boring but then said she missed it as soon as we pulled her. Can’t win. Kids are going to complain.
Anon says
I had a SAHM and vividly remember how desperately I wanted to go to aftercare. The grass is always greener.
Anon says
Does he just want to see his friends? Would any of the SAHMs be up for providing aftercare? (Maybe that is not a thing these days, but my SAHM absolutely looked after our friends after school a few days a week when I was growing up!)
Anonymous says
Kids are going to complain no matter what. My oldest went to aftercare and didn’t really enjoy it; then I got laid off and now he pines for aftercare rather than homework with mom. I would acknowledge the feelings and say “this is what works for our family.” Maybe you can try to befriend another after care mom?
Anon says
Oh yes we went thru this last year! My daughter had a frenemy type classmate who would always make comparisons (this girl would also go out of her way to exclude other children, one week it was my kid the next week someone else). This queen bee girl did not go to after school. One day my kid had a dr appt so I picked her up directly from school and on the way home saw frenemy at the playground. That started all of it.
This year is better perhaps she’s more mature but we still get it sometimes. It also helps that more kids are doing aftercare including her bestest friend. My kid is 6, and I do the following –
Empathy and quickly move on and deflect. Oh yeah that’s hard I hear you. Hey how about we get ice cream after pick up? What is Susie’s favorite color again?
If she’s still stuck on it and it is feasible I say we will pick her up “early”. Meaning about 20 min early.
In my situation it’s wealthy people with Nannies or people with flex jobs. I have a but in seat job and can’t afford a nanny. It is what it is, I am not going to be guilty.
Anonie says
Kids are good at getting attention and pushing buttons, so if he’s somehow picked up that you’re extra sensitive to complaints about after care, that may be driving him to complain more – something to consider.
Besides that, is there anything that can be done to make after-care more positive for him? What do they do there? Can you send him with special art supplies or a book he loves that he can use there? Could you set up a playdate with one of the kids in his grade who DOES go to after care so that he feels like he has a close friend there – maybe even someone who isn’t in his regular class so he only sees this friend at after-care and it becomes like a playdate itself? (Way to do this is to send a note to school with your kid along the lines of, Hi I’m Jane, I’m Joe’s mom, would love to set up a playdate with Felix, my number is XXX if you want to send me a text to coordinate” then instruct your kid to give it to Felix to give to his mom. Even my kindergartener pulled this off!)
govtattymom says
In my area, there is a bit of a social divide between the kids with working parents and kids with SAHMs. I think it’s because the kids who have working parents do aftercare and the kids with SAHMs do playdates and early after school activities. Most of my daughter’s friends have working parents as it really is tough to socialize with the other kids. Could you cultivate friendships with some of the families that have working parents through inviting them for dinner, playdates, etc.?
AwayEmily says
First, agree that it is what it is/grass is always greener.
That being said — earlier this year I started taking my kids (K and 2nd) out of aftercare on Wednesdays only. It means I get about two hours less of work a week — so not IDEAL but on some days my husband or mom tags in. Both kids seem to like the mid-week break — I sometimes set up a playdate for the 2nd-grader, or do a more involved craft with them both. Partially I did this to get them some “big kid” time away from their toddler sister but it’s had the side benefit of eliminating complains about aftercare.
Anonymous says
I do think that if you can swing something like this it makes a big difference. We skip aftercare on Fridays so that we can let the kids decompress and play before family movie night. Or sometimes DS goes down the block to play with his best friend, who doesn’t do aftercare.
Anonymous says
Kids have a magical way of complaining about everything. My kid complains about aftercare too, but she’s such an extravert that she would be bored out of her mind coming home after school every day. I barely got my kid to leave a party yesterday, she almost cried that he had to go, and afterwards told me she hated it because a girl was mean to her. Just because they are complaining doesn’t mean they are actually unhappy.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think complaining or using his complaining voice is my now 7 year old’s favorite way to talk. Just validating because it’s extremely annoying when they have so much to be grateful for in their lives, but kids are kids. Don’t make major decisions about your job or your childcare because of a 1st grader’s words, and try your best not to take it personally.
Anon says
Agree with trying to set up play dates with aftercare friends. You can send in a note as suggested or ask for parents’ contact info when you see them at pickup.
Fwiw, we do a mix (aftercare three days a week and home with me two days a week) but we haven’t had much luck scheduling playdates on the home days. Most kids we know do aftercare or ride the bus home and don’t get home until closer to dinner time, and the few we know who are picked up by their parents at school are very overscheduled and have activities pretty much every weeknight, so no time for play dates. Other than one bestie in her class (who was also in her daycare) my kindergartner has a much more solid friend group at aftercare, and all the birthday party invites she’s received so far this year have been aftercare friends. I think it would hurt her socially to not be in aftercare, because in K-12 free play time isn’t really built into the school day the same way it is in daycare. We don’t really need aftercare, but will be continuing it next year for social reasons.
Anon says
Hi, I’m the anon who was asking about pelvic floor therapy. Thanks for the gentle encouragement – I had my first appointment last week and it went well. She noticed I was a bit uncomfortable and offered to postpone the internal exam to the next appointment. She gave me simple exercises to do in the meantime and I’m feeling better about the whole thing already.
Anon says
Cross post. Can anyone recommend a waterproof mattress protector that doesn’t run hot? We just got one from Aller-ease, but it runs so hot that we’re sweating on a cold winter night. Willing to pay for something higher-quality. TIA!
Cerulean says
I ended up layering a cotton mattress pad over mine and it works well. I feel like all waterproof pads run hot since they’re inherently not breathable.
Cerulean says
And you’ll want to make sure that both the cover and the filling are natural fibers! I don’t have a rec since I bought it awhile ago, unfortunately.
Anonymous says
Garnet Hill. Pricey but feels virtually the same as a regular mattress pad.
Anon says
I have the Caspar one and don’t think it runs hot.
Anonymous says
We have this one and i didn’t notice it made any difference, but we have always had a waterproof bedbug proof encasement under it as well https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003PWNH4Q/
Anonymous says
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003PWNH4Q/
Anonymous says
Sorry, double posted
TheElms says
We have a SafeRest waterproof one on each bed and our guest bed and I’ve never thought they run hot and guests have never said anything.
Anonymous says
We bought ours from Avocado and I don’t think it runs hot
Anon says
I also haven’t noticed this with our Avocado protector.
Anonymous says
We have the Target brand one and it doesn’t run hot
Anon says
i have a kiddo (age 5.5) who has become a picky eater and basically doesn’t eat full meals unless it is one of her favorite foods, but then is a hangry mess in between. for example, on Sundays DH makes protein waffles for breakfast, she ate some, but was mad we didn’t have chocolate chips for them. then we went to Sunday School for the Chanukkah celebration. She doesn’t like Latkes and was a mess there until she ate cookies. Upon arriving home it was time for lunch, and she basically ate some clementine, as a snack had cheerios (we are trying to get away from the goldfish, cheezeits, etc. at least temporarily as we try to get her to eat meals) and then for dinner we had pizza + fruit + vegetable. finally after dinner she was pleasant to be around, but the rest of the day was miserable. the foods she likes are pizza, burgers, yogurt, cottage cheese, salmon and chicken nuggets, but i can’t always whip up a burger for lunch. she used to eat grilled cheese or toast with peanut butter, or even plain toast, but won’t. she also used to eat a bagel with scallion cream cheese, but basically just licks the cream cheese off. she also used to eat scrambled eggs. part of the complication is that we are kosher (so won’t serve milk and meat together) and my other child is practically a vegetarian, so I cannot serve meat at every meal, because then that child won’t eat. any ideas?
Anon says
I’ve gone through this in stages with my kids. The general advice is not to give snacks in between meals, but that’s sometimes tricky to implement with a starving, hangry kid (my kids have terrible behavior when they are hungry). Usually, I get my kids back on track with a tip I got from Big Little Feelings (I think?) where you serve one item they will eat at every actual meal, and really do limit snacks to set times. If they come to a meal and they don’t like anything available, they shut down, even if they are hungry. Weirdly, my kids are the pickiest when they are they hangriest.
So, when I feel like I’m in a bad cycle of not eating real food/hangry kids who get pick, I reset with several days with no snacks outside of set snack times (and low value snacks for them), plus a few meals in a row they love (or with at least one dish they are excited to eat), and after a few days, they are back on a cycle of actually wanting to eat real food and not just snack. For my kids, this is usually adding pasta to each dinner and chicken nuggets for lunch – and after a few days, it’s like they remember they like to eat real food and I can go back to serving more different foods.
Anonymous says
My kid is also pickiest when hangry, and if she doesn’t eat much for a couple of days her appetite signals get all messed up so she doesn’t feel hungry, feels full too soon, and won’t eat at all. It’s a vicious cycle. The best way I’ve found to deal with it is to push lots of appealing snacks and meals for a few days to get her eating again, then be strategic about snack timing (halfway between meals so she doesn’t get hangry but is starting to get hungry at mealtime). I also serve a lot of protein-heavy after-school snacks like chicken nuggets, which might be a way to get around the dairy/meat issue (chicken nuggets for a heavy snack, then she doesn’t need to eat as much at veggie dinner).
Anon says
+1 to the protein heavy snacks after school (I’m the anon @ 10:45). I’ve noticed that my kids will eat more adventurously at a 6:30 dinner if they eat chicken nuggets or beef jerky or cheese and crackers right when they get home from school.
Anon says
I think 5.5 is old enough that you can have conversations about how having a full meal results in a more enjoyable/pleasant time and work with her to have some options that are available. We have “anytime foods”, meaning that if you don’t like dinner, your options are whole wheat bread with topping, yogurt and granola or a quesadilla that you make yourself, but you have to eat. Being kosher puts a bit of a wrinkle on that, but I wonder if you can do something like have a non-dairy yogurt around (not sure if that works). Granola bars?
Anonymous says
With a true picky eater, there is no rationalizing. They understand that they need to eat and will even strategize with you when not hangry about what to eat and when, but when it actually comes time to eat the aversions and blood sugar issues take over and they refuse to eat the food they had previously asked for.
Anon says
Feeding Littles and Kids Eat in Color have a lot of good ideas for picky eaters. I don’t do either of their courses, but I do regularly look at their Instagram posts. I also don’t follow everything that they recommend but pick and chose what to try for my kid. I, personally, don’t want to follow the “limit snacks in between meals” philosophy because I want my kid to be comfortable responding to her own hunger cues rather than a set meal schedule. However, I do limit what snacks are available. I decide what to serve, but she still gets to decide what to eat. I try to have at least one thing that she will eat available as a snack and at meals (that’s encouraged by Kids Eat in Color). Even if it is only a side. In your breakfast example, could you have also served yogurt or cottage cheese as an option? Protein pancakes would still be available, but a preferred food would be available to fill her up as well. As long as she got her fill of one of those things, I wouldn’t be concerned if she didn’t eat anything else.
anonM says
Once my DS (also 5.5) is hangry, it is too far for rationalizing. One thing that does seem to work is the idea of gateway foods (or that’s what I call it lol). To get him to join for dinner when he’s already dis-regulated is to get him to the table with what he likes, then he will usually end up eating more. So in your example, putting the clementine on the dinner plate with dinner. Also, keep offering things like BP&J – same DS refused to eat cheese BUT shredded cheese for awhile, but slowly came back around. Maybe in the breakfast you mentioned she was already too hungry – you might need a quick snack (yogurt/cottage cheese?) right when she gets up so she isn’t a mess by the time waffles are done. What about hummus? My kids reliably will eat that and it’s pretty filling, so it’s my go-to before gatherings where I know all he’ll want to eat are the sweets and I want to avoid the Hangry fights. Another idea- I think at this age sometimes it is about independence. What if you put some always-accessible yogurt cups, washed/prepped fruits/veggies in the fridge where she can reach? Fridge Snack Drawer helped us a lot with DS. (This annoyed me at first but now that it’s the routine, it has helped us all and I use Snack Drawer myself on WFH days. For things they love, I only put in the allotted weekly amount and I don’t refill if they eat it all on Monday. They are kind of learning to pace it at least? IDK, YMMV on that part).
ANon says
she won’t eat hummus (used to as a toddler), she won’t even eat most ‘healthyish’ baked goods. if you try to make banana bread or something with chocolate chips in it, she’ll just pick out the chocolate chips or not eat it. she loves yogurt and cottage cheese, but too much dairy is not good for her digestive system and we’ve had trouble with constipation and she is already on miralax, but we need to be mindful of that. i always serve a food i know she will eat at every meal, and keep trying other foods. she won’t eat pasta or most other carby foods that other kids like to eat, so while it is wonderful that my 5 year old likes to eat grilled chicken, with her level of activity, eating a small portion of chicken isnt enough to fill her up. appreciate all the commiseration and suggestions. the other tricky thing is that on weekdays they have breakfast around 6:45am and lunch at school at 10:15, so on the weekends they are all out of whack with eating
Anon says
Not sure if this is helpful, but for an example like the banana bread we have a rule that if you choose to eat something, you have to eat all parts of it (so no picking chocolate chips out of banana bread, no picking pepperoni off of pizza). You can of course not finish your portion, but you need to eat it as it is because otherwise it wastes food. So, the options are to eat the bread with the chocolate chips or no banana bread.
Anonymous says
I would spread it out over more eating opportunities – like breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, bedtime snack. Our go to bedtime snack is just a piece of toast and a glass of milk. It’s not an opportunity to request a major meal if you didn’t like dinner. That might help with the not eating meat and dairy together. As the mom of a dairy allergic kid – a few easy dairy free snacks are avocado on toast, bananas muffins made with a dairy free yoghurt, apple slices with peanut butter or hummus with cucumber and carrots. Nuts are also an easy nutritious snack. You can also try changing up your condiments – one of my kids is obsessed with trying different jams on waffles – he has a whole ranking system going and never wants syrup. Other two are maple syrup only on waffles.
If she likes yoghurt you can also make yoghurt fun colors with a bit of food dye and then cut waffles into strips for dipping.
Anonymous says
I can’t give specific food advice, but I have a kid that’s a pain in the butt about food as well. First, it gets exponentially better with time. She was impossible at 2, very difficult at 5 and is coming around to just generically difficult at 8.
Part of it is maturity, part of it is better parenting on my end, and part of it was getting her involved in the food process. We have 3 kids and I tell all our kids they have to eat a protein, a vegetable or fruit, and a carb at every meal. We serve a meal that checks the boxes and if they don’t like it, they can forage. I do try to do things they like and if it’s something I know one kid won’t like I talk to them in advance about their options. Yeah, sometimes my 8 year old has cereal for dinner with a sidecar of ham roll-ups and a bedtime snack of cucumbers, but it checks my boxes. recently one of my kid had a protein bar, a banana, and a bowl of mac & cheese for dinner. Gross? Yes. But I can’t argue with it.
With my picky kid, she helped meal plan, helps cook, and I am totally open and fine with her doing something atypical, like eating leftover tacos for breakfast. Does it have a protein, a carb and a vegetable? Cool by me. She’s big into Cheerios and Raisin Bran now because she’s read the box and shows me all the protein/fiber/etc in each one, it’s super cute and probably could be a commercial. “I have a really healthy heart mom because I eat cheerios, drink milk, eat fruit and run around a lot.”
AwayEmily says
Lots of very very good advice here.
Also wanted to offer permission to just give up if that’s what you need to do for your/your kids’ mental health. We used to do All The Things and follow All The Instagrams to try and get our medium-picky eaters to eat their rainbow or whatever. Then almost 2 years ago my husband was unexpectedly diagnosed with T1 diabetes (on top of his existing autoimmune issues), and his diet needed to drastically change. Together, we decided that we only had enough mental bandwidth to intensively manage one person’s diet, and it was going to be the person who medically needed it.
Anyway, now we take an extremely laissez-faire approach to the kids’ food. We mostly just do whatever we need to keep everyone fed and happy, even if that means making the same 2 vegetables for the kids over and over, and even if some days all they eat is cheese sticks and toast. Kids have slowly started to get less picky (I think most kids do over time regardless of what we do) and I just have SO much more mental energy to devote to other aspects of my life. Obviously this approach would change if their health seemed to be affected, but they seem to be growing, sleeping, and have plenty of energy. Just crossing my fingers that watching their parents model a varied diet will rub off on them.
I don’t think my way is BETTER — I think being more active and intentional in how you feed your kids is preferable, and maybe someday we’ll get back to that. But, sometimes something has to give to keep everyone sane.
Anon says
+1 I don’t have the excuse of a medical issue, but we have never put much energy into managing the diet of our extremely picky eater (now 6). We just serve her what she likes, and figure she’ll grow out of extreme pickiness in college, if not before. Both my husband and I were picky kids who are now normal adults. She’s always been at the top of the growth charts, which I know makes this easier because we weren’t worried about her not growing sufficiently.
The things she eats are similar to the things your kid eats. We don’t have the complication of being kosher, but we just make sure there is something she can eat at every meal that doesn’t take too much time to prepare. Frozen nuggets, cheerios, bagels with cream cheese, fruit and yogurt are staples (fwiw I’ve found yogurt is much better than milk and cheese as far as constipation goes – I assume because of the probiotics?). She basically doesn’t eat vegetables except lettuce and occasionally spinach in something. We have a chill ped who is fine with this.
Anon says
AwayEmily, I’ve been meaning to say this forever, but you have amazing wise, practical, and sane advice. I always really respect your perspective and opinion, and feel like you’d be a great mom friend to have. Your kids and family sounds awesome.
AwayEmily says
This made me actually cry. Thank you. I think this board has made me a much nicer mom friend, to be honest — I have become substantially less of a judgmental jerk after 8 years of being on here and seeing all the different approaches to parenting taken by people I really respect.
Anon says
I completely agree! I love AwayEmily’s takes. Her advice is so rational and always delivered with kindness.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Thirding all of this and the note on food. Our kids eat mostly pb&J, nuggets, pasta and tortillas with shredded cheese for dinner. Both kids are right in line/above growth charts and seem to be active enough, and in any case have very different personalities so I think what they eat has very little to do with it. I too would love it if they asked for brussels sprouts and a salad with every meal instead of candy, but it is what it is and they’ll get there.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – Totally agree with this about AwayEmily. AND per AwayEmily, I also think being on this board has made me a less judgy person and parent in general.
And I know plenty of people who do kid meals and adult meals. In most cases, it usually self-corrects at some point and no one is subsiding on solely a diet of chicken nuggets and string cheese at 30.
OP says
thanks all. she is growing fine and no health concerns. its more about her hangriness and that i i truly dont care if she wants to live off of chicken nuggets, other than the fact that her sister would like to live off of mac and cheese and we dont serve both at the same time in our house. i also dont like how she’ll eat like a bird at a meal and then want to eat cheezeits ten minutes later. i wish she would eat pasta or quesadillas!
Anonymous says
Are you permitted to serve different foods to different people, as long as the same person doesn’t have both dairy and meat? What about staggering mealtimes?
Anon says
Not OP, but there’s no one answer to that question – there are about a million different interpretations of the rules. Some people just won’t eat a cheeseburger, others have two separate sets of dishes and even separate sinks so the plates that have meat on them never come into contact with the dairy. I know a lot of people who are more lax with young children (letting them have both meat and dairy on the table at the same time, or shortening the traditional 6 hour wait time after eating meat) but that sounds like it isn’t the case for OP.
Anon says
if anyone is still looking for holiday gift ideas, my 5.5 year old twins received the Lakeshore Learning Trace and Draw Projector for Chanukkah and it has been a huge hit so far, particularly with my kiddo who is always asking us to look up how to draw things on our phones and draw them for her. i know there is some other kind of drawing projector toy i keep seeing on social media that looks super cool, but I didn’t want to spend that amount at this age.
AwayEmily says
My kids have the “Crayola Light Up Tracing Pad” — a bit more lo-tech than the projector ones but works really well. It comes with some drawings of dragons they can trace but lately I’ve been printing out drawings of Pokemons for them to create scenes with.
Anon says
do you have to use tracing paper for the crayola one?
AwayEmily says
Nope. Just regular printer paper — you basically just put the image you want to trace underneath, and the printer paper directly over it, and the light shining through both makes it easier to trace. It’s like when we were kids and would tape a picture we wanted to trace to the window (or was that just me??).
Anon says
Target’s 8 Days of Crafting thing is cute and surprisingly decent quality, considering it costs only slightly more than $1 per craft, if anyone wants to stock up for next year. My 6 year old has really enjoyed doing one each night.
OP says
yes, my girls got that too (i bought it last year on clearance) and while they have not exactly been keeping to one a night, it’s been fun
Boston Legal Eagle says
Paging Puppy Teeth and my other fellow puppy owners support group.
How’s your puppy doing? Ours is a handful right now, especially in the mornings, when things are already chaotic. She’s able to jump up and reach our dining table now, and so does that constantly, and even grabs the kids’ breakfast. Of course there’s a lot of constantly yelling “no” and the kids screaming when they get bit. She’s also been waking up at 4:30 to go to the bathroom (previously used to be 5:30), and sometimes just stays up and keeps barking even after we put her back in her crate. That was a fun night. No such thing as sleep training a dog, is there?
If this is the toddler phase of puppies, then my stance on hating the toddler years still stands. Hope she gets through it soon!
Emma says
On the stealing food thing – for a while we leashed our dog inside and tied him to the stairway railing so he wouldn’t steal food. We gave him a bone or bully stick so he would settle, but it was the only way to kill the food snatching habit. It wasn’t forever, he is leash free and doesn’t snatch food anymore (unless my FIL is here because my dog senses that FIL has a soft soft for him and will give him food…). It’s a phase, but it’s definitely tough!
Anonymous says
Every once in a while our dog, now 10, will get in the habit of demanding to go out and chase wildlife at 2:00 a.m. every morning. We have successfully “ferberized” her each time by making sure she goes out to potty at 10:00 p.m. and then ignoring nighttime barking. It usually takes about 3 nights for her to decide it’s not worth barking.
Betsy says
I would suggest crating the puppy during breakfast, if that’s the one meal that is a major problem. It sounds like she’s learning some really bad habits and it’s too chaotic to be consistently correcting her behavior. Nipping at your kids over food is a scary behavior to have happening! If dinners are a little calmer and you can be more consistent at correcting her behavior, use that as the mealtime that she’s present for and learning to be a good companion at instead.
Chl says
Help me with a fun shopping request? I have two boys who just barely care if their clothes don’t have holes in them. My 3 year old niece wants sparkly, fancy, beautiful boots or shoes for Christmas and I am here for it! Any recommendations for over the top glitter boots?
anonamommy says
Target has a great Ugg knockoff that’s covered in sparkly glitter, Cat and Jack brand. They last exactly one winter, which is all you need.
Anon says
yes its the Toddler Girls’ Pip Shearling Style Boots. I’ve also seen cute sparkly from Gap and H&M if they are out of the size you need.
TheElms says
I saw these and thought they would be fun and also practical enough to wear everyday/not be a tripping hazard: https://www.vans.com/en-us/shoes-c00081/toddler-old-skool-v-glitter-shoe-pvn0a38jnllc?cm_mmc=GPF-_-google-_-merchantcenter-_-VN0A38JNLLC&utm_id=go_cmp-19615470172_adg-_ad-__dev-c_ext-_prd-VN0A38JNLLC_VN%3A0A38JN%3ALLC%3A085%3AM%3A1%3A_mca-8181713_sig-CjwKCAiAg9urBhB_EiwAgw88mVv7XpE0jJHcaSm0SlKKOiDpKXdpPMDK9TRimeougyYeibo1llC9yRoCo3kQAvD_BwE&utm_source=google&radscid=19615470172&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAg9urBhB_EiwAgw88mVv7XpE0jJHcaSm0SlKKOiDpKXdpPMDK9TRimeougyYeibo1llC9yRoCo3kQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
Chl says
You all are the best! I kind of want these shoes for myself.
anon says
When does the brain fog get better? LO has been sleeping through the night for most of a year now, so I usually get 7-8 hours plus sometimes a nap. My medical labs, including thyroid, all came back normal. But I’m forgetting things constantly at home and at work. Where are the papers I need? At my other office. Where’s the Christmas tree stand? I draw a total blank. I haven’t felt like this since school when I literally got diagnosed with mental fatigue.
Anonymous says
It could potentially be subclinical hypothyroid even if the basic tests come back normal — ask to test your TSH in addition to T4 to see. Also, could it be depression? Sometimes that can show up as exhaustion and brain fog. Definitely something to bring up with your PCP.
Anona says
Are you nursing? For me, it didn’t fully go away until I weaned.
Anon says
Same.
Anon says
Same here with my first. This go around I learned your protein requirements go WAY up (like over 1 g/lb of weight per day). I haven’t come close to hitting those goals but increasing it as much as I can has helped.
Anonymous says
Yup, both kids I felt like I “woke up” 3 weeks after I weaned them. Not a reason to wean if you don’t want/need to (I nursed for a total of 34 months of my life). But it does literally change your brain.
Anon says
For those of you that celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah, how do you do gifts? DS will be 3 in March, so this is the first year he has gotten excited about opening presents, etc. For Christmas, I had already decided to do just a few gifts (Something you want, something you need, etc.) because we get so much from family. So like a big gift, a small toy, and a few practical things I know he will be excited about. DH has been very excited about getting DS into Hanukkah (which is great!), but he very much subscribes to the idea that DS needs a gift to be opened each night… even though neither of us want 8 days of toys in the house in addition to Christmas. DS also is really bad a planning out the nights himself and has been dipping into my very limited Christmas gifts to make this happen, and I frankly do not want to take over Hanukkah and be coordinating both Hanukkah and Christmas. Any thoughts or advice?
Anonymous says
If you want to control what the Hanukkah gifts are (no toys, not co-opted Christmas gifts), you will need to take responsibility for purchasing those gifts.
Anon says
We only do Hanukkah, but my kid usually has two or three things to open every night. It sounds like a lot, but friends and relatives send about half of it, and most of the stuff we buy is very practical (books, clothes, even the toys tend toward the more practical side of things, like replacing art supplies that ran out). Particularly with a 2 year old, the opening is going to give as much or more joy than the actual present, so you can absolutely wrap up things he needs that you’d buy anyway.
Anonymous says
Hi! Celebrator of both over here with a 4.5 year old and a family that gives him waaaaay too many Christmas gifts. For Hanukkah, we do small, small gifts. Target dollar spot stuff and consumable gifts, because I also do not want that many new toys coming into my house. Last night, he got two hot chocolate stir stick things. He also has gotten this year: binoculars ($3 from target dollar), a Hanukkah coloring book, and a giant candy cane from Trader Joe’s (he loves candy canes, I know this is not a very Hanukkah thing, please don’t come after me), and he will get a yoyo (last year he got a slinky), two build your own dinosaur things (again, target dollar spot) and one other thing that is escaping me. Next year I am going to try to plan ahead and get gold dollar coins.
Anon says
OP: I like the Target dollar section ideas for gap filling! And no judgment– we have our Hanukkah gifts under the Christmas tree with a menorah next to it.
Anonymous says
Anon at 12:30 here… I also reuse the same solid blue gift bag with white tissue paper for each night. I enjoy wrapping gifts, but not enough to try and wrap a single candy cane or a yo yo! And agree with the poster below, unless you just want to do Thai yourself, then you need to put it all on husband for next year. And seconding the idea of stickers or crayons.
Anonymous says
The amount of anxiety on this board about TOYS and PRESENTS. Chill the f out, people. Just buy a bunch of sticker books for travel/ restaurants if you need to fill in the gaps, and please stop freaking out about the fact that your house will have FUN THINGS.
Anon says
I’m not OP but for me my concerns about my kid getting dozens of toys are less about my house and more about the kid getting spoiled. And I think particularly when you are celebrating both major holidays (no judgment – that’s how I grew up) it’s especially understandable to be concerned about not spoiling a kid, because most kids only get one holiday or the other.
Anonymous says
I think there’s a lot more danger in spoiling kids by giving in to their everyday demands–not just for stuff but for privileges, avoiding chores, etc–than by giving them holiday gifts.
Anon says
I definitely agree there’s much more to spoiled kids than how much physical stuff you give them, but I do think it’s reasonable to not want to shower your kids with gifts for *both* Christmas and Hanukkah. I got a lot as a kid for both holidays. It would have been generous if my family had only celebrated one holiday, but having both holidays took it from generous to excessive, to the point that I was actually almost embarrassed about how many presents I got because it was so much more than everyone else I knew, who only had one holiday. I married a Jewish guy and we don’t do Christmas, but if we did both holidays this would absolutely be on my radar.
Anonymous says
I think this is a rich people thing. They want to carefully curate every object in their homes to optimize creativity and learning and telegraphed virtue, so they don’t want gifts that their family members pick out, but they are too afraid to return or donate gifts they don’t like. It’s also fashionable to fret over every tiny decision, like should I give my kid a bike every night of Hanukkah or is a sticker book enough. Goes along with the mom anxiety article discussion the other day–rich people have the time and money to overthink everything.
We are solidly middle-class and just return or donate the junk our parents and siblings give our kids that the kids don’t like or that we don’t want in the house, teach our kids to thank the giver whether or not they like the gift, don’t worry about kids having “too few” or “too many” gifts from us/Santa and just buy what we think is right for that year, and ruthlessly purge stuff that is outgrown or doesn’t get used because our house is too small to keep all that around.
Anonymous says
Thank you! Yes it’s all about the *right* gifts, and parental control. Honestly if you have to helicopter parent *toys* then I worry for your future.
AwayEmily says
my unsupported theory of all this: parenting involves a legitimately terrifying lack of control (this person you love SO MUCH is just out there in the world), and to compensate for this lack of control, many of us choose (largely unconsciously) random aspects of parenting to hyper-focus on/control. For me it was sleep — I was such a basketcase about my kids’ sleep, I remember actually sobbing one day when my 14-month-old didn’t nap at daycare. For other people it is curating their toys, or ensuring they eat a perfect diet, or have only the most enriching school experience. I’m sure there are some people who escape this trap and are just chill parents on every dimension, but when I see people being overly controlling about some aspect of parenting I think is kind of silly, I try to interpret it in this light and it’s easier to be empathetic.
Anon says
OP: Hey! So for me, this is very much.. not a rich people thing, and I think I really need to explain this. Growing up, my parents tended to get carried away with Christmas and were very much into “quantity” over “quality.” They felt like they needed to give more gifts each year, even when they couldn’t afford to do so. They ran a mortgage company, so during the 2008 crash, they still felt the need to get us a ridiculous amount of stuff for Christmas to match other years even though they really couldn’t afford to do so. I remember getting tons of stuff that year that was just junk that I ended up just throwing away. (I had a younger sibling so we were still doing big Christmas even though I was older.) It is important to me to create sustainable holiday traditions for our family. (My parents can buy us whatever, but we travel for Christmas so that somewhat limits how much they can buy.)
anon says
Hey, just wanted to say that I think you’re being very thoughtful about this, and in no way did your original post indicate that you were trying to be controlling!
Anonymous says
Not the OP, but I didn’t read this as wanting to control the type of gifts – it’s wanting to limit the sheer volume of gifts that a child would get if each parent bought the # of gifts they received as a child for their respective holiday. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to avoid having the equivalent of 2 x Christmas or 2 x Hanukkah. Plus, if OP’s spouse isn’t buying/planning enough gifts to do what he wants for Hanukkah, and OP hasn’t agreed to do all the gift planning and purchasing, than that’s a division of labor issue they need to sort out.
Anonymous says
We do Hanukkah but we only open presents on one night, usually the first or second or whenever we have a party. Maybe when our kid gets older (he’s 4 now) we might switch to one night of big stuff and then some little gifts sprinkled throughout the 8 days like socks, stuffed animals, books, etc. to keep the fun going.
Anonymous says
“Dude, please take care of this yourself. I handle Christmas gifts. If you want 8 nights of Hanukkah gifts buy them and wrap them. Figure it out.”
Anonymous says
Could you give him the family gifts for Hanukkah instead of Christmas?
Anon says
i have twins who at age 2 were happy to unwrap a piece of gelt, literally. i think this is a conversation you and your DH need to have about division of responsibility. in our house, i do all the gift purchasing and consult DH on occasion. we also have extended family that send a bunch of stuff. so it sounds before next year you should discuss either a budget or a list of items, which should be for Hanukkah, which for Christmas and go from there. If you are concerned about quantity of stuff, then it might mean that DS gets less stuff for Christmas each year than he might otherwise if you only celebrated one of the holidays. Next year they happen to overlap. Or maybe you decide that if he gets so much from family for Christmas, you and DH give him nothing, or one big gift and give smaller and more practical things for Hanukkah. I actually think it is much easier for one person to coordinate all the gifts so you don’t end up buying duplicates or stuff that is too similar, but that might just be me.
Anony says
I also have a 3-year old. We only celebrate Hanukkah and we do one present each night, but they are definitely not all toys. Actually, I just looked at my list, and it’s three. Two nights are books, two are fun clothing items, and one is a water bottle with a fun pattern. So far, the biggest hit was one of the clothing items, so, you know, I don’t think you have to go super big to wow a 3-year old!
Anonymous says
I know this is controversial, but I’m pretty shameless about putting anything that takes time to do (e.g., Lego kit, craft box) away and bringing them out on a snow day or for a play date as a special activity. My kids have winter birthdays, they’re young enough that we still do big class parties that generate 20+ gifts and our friends and family are very generous with holiday and birthday gifting, so they receive a huge number of presents in a very short amount of time. It brings them more enjoyment to spread stuff out throughout the year and not get it over with all at once.
anon says
This is the way! Our kids get a lot of presents from extended family. More than I’m comfortable with, to be honest. I just didn’t grow up in a heavy gift-giving culture and the excessiveness (in my mind) makes me very uncomfortable, lest you think that I’m trying to perfectly curate my house. At least when they were younger, I could get away with putting them away for a bit and strategically bring them out when we needed something new and novel.
Anonymous says
We do both and have a 3-year-old. DH’s family was pretty low-key about Hanukkah, so we do a big gift from both of us on the first night, and then kiddo gets presents from DH’s family on whichever night we get together to celebrate (usually the Saturday night of Hanukkah). She’s going to get some (limited) input on the charities we donate to for the 5th night. We’re getting holiday cards every day in the mail, so she gets to be the one to open them to scratch the present-opening itch. We might spread things out a bit more as she gets older, but she got overwhelmed with more than one night of presents last year (some family members mailed gifts), and none of this year’s gifts really lend themselves to being opened a little at a time. For now, opening cards and putting the candles in the menorah (and remembering not to blow them out like birthday candles!) are pretty exciting for her.
We do Christmas Eve with my family, so she gets Christmas gifts then. Then she gets 1-2 big presents from us on Christmas Day, plus a stocking from Santa that will have new underwear, a small flashlight, some clothes for her favorite doll, new crayons or markers, and probably some fun snacks and/or gelt. (She just learned what gelt is, and had we known that would be all she wanted, things would’ve been a lot easier, LOL.)
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I’m just amazed that your 2.5+ year old is aware! I don’t think my DS #2 (3 very soon) is aware about gifts, and for DS #1 (6), I think this is the first year he was all-in on gifts, making a list for Santa, etc. He was definitely getting there last year. At almost 3, he did not really care/know.
Also, I don’t want a lot of crap in my house, and I’ll take the flames for it. Not because I’m wealthy and trying to project anything or curate – we have plenty of colorful, non-IG-worthy, plastic toys – but just because I don’t want clutter and too much stuff. So while I don’t fully love DH’s family’s way of gifting (“send me a list of Christmas hints!”, which really means tell me exactly what you want, colors, sizes, and they will add to cart), I now can appreciate that it allows me to plan for what’s coming, donate things we don’t use, etc. in advance. If I don’t provide these details, it’ll be a lot of donating/returning, and given the importance of gift giving in DH’s family (it’s their love language, and I say this with kindness), I’d rather not that be the end result.
OOO says
Looking for an app to teach the alphabet to DS who is 3. Bonus if it involves cars, trucks, or trains, Paw Patrol, Blaze or Disney Pixar Cars.
anonamommy says
Endless Alphabet was great when DS was that age. It’s not branded but it does have fun monster animation.
Anonymous says
Just a Christmas gift PSA – if you have a minute, set a reminder/make a calendar appointment for yourself (or whoever is in charge of gift giving in your house) and check on any gifts you already have in your house/office/car that require assembly or may require assembly. Check to see if you have all the parts and also how long you think it will actually take to assemble it.
I did this last night and realized that the bike were giving our four year old didn’t come with the special colored handlebar covers we ordered. Luckily, the company made a replacement order right away and the replacement should arrive this week.
Anon says
Ah, you’re on top of it! My husband is currently assembling tonight’s Hanukkah gift.
Anon says
and don’t forget to buy any needed batteries!
Anonymous says
Does anyone’s use Asana or something similar to “project manage” life with your spouse?
Right now I’m very good about calendaring everything, including things like “schedule HVAC service” or “Replace HVAC filter” but the calendar reminder is sometimes seen and promptly forgotten. There’s no tracking for follow through for either of us with this method.
So our HVAC filter was just replaced after 2.5 years when it needs to be replaced annually.
I was thinking something like Asana can create recurring tasks, due dates, assign by person and also sync to a calendar. I do still want most of these things on the calendar but with the backup of confirming completion.
And this is not to just micromanage my husband (but I guess that is a side effect) but also myself. I had a reminder to schedule the annual vet appointment and then just never did.
So idk what my question is other than to confirm this isn’t overkill?
anon says
todoist might be good for this.
Anon says
I actually use Asana, lol. My husband is my “employee” which I think is hilarious (in practice, I’m the only one who uses it, because it’s how we divide labor and he does way more of the physical labor, but he has access to it).
Anonymous says
Ok I’m glad that others are in my same boat!
Anon says
You could also just have a set day that you go back through all the to-dos from the prior week (or month) and catch up – that seems easier than having multiple systems to manage
Anonymous says
Do any of you have kids that do girl scouts? If so, what are troop dues and what- if any- are the expectations for cookie sales? Other non cookie non-dues based fund raising? What types of activities/supplies (uniforms, badges) are covered by the troop vs paid for by families when they come up?
Not looking for heated debate, just collecting experiences from different troops. I help out a lot with two different troops and I’m curious what things look for other troops/families. Both troops I’m involved with are great but operate very differently.
anon mom says
Girl Scouts is much more chill about letting the troop leaders determine what will work best. Our troop dues are high ($50/girl, not counting the council membership registration) but the troop covers everything for the year out of dues and cookie sales. (Parents buy uniforms but the troop buys all the badges and pays for any activities or supplies.) There aren’t any minimum expectations for sales other than everyone participates, but if the parents buy a single box that’s fine. There are a couple of girls who sell 250+ boxes and so far it hasn’t been an issue. Our girls are just in 3rd grade and they aren’t particularly competitive about it.
Anonymous says
Our dues are $35/year and we pay separately for field trips and council registration. Families provide uniforms with basic insignia and the troop provides badges and pins that are awarded. No expectations for cookie sales. Parents are supposed to help out with 2 meetings per year.
AwayEmily says
Dues are $25. No other fundraising, no expectations about cookie sales. Parents are expected to buy the sash/vest and troop number, and the troop provides any earned badges. We don’t pay for any other supplies. No expectation to help out at meetings. Field trips haven’t come up because pretty much they just bop around and do crafts/talk. It is very lowkey.
Anon says
I’m a new Daisy leader (K and 1st grade girls) this year. We decided not to collect dues separate from council registration, because by the time we got organized enough to do it about half the troop had already bought uniforms and there isn’t much else we’d need funds for at this age. We did one inexpensive outing ($7 per girl) in the fall semester to a council event. I expect next semester to be similar. We’re hopeful that cookie sales will bring in enough money that next year we can cover badges & outings, maybe even uniforms for our new Brownies. We haven’t done cookies yet, but I think it will be pretty much sell-what-you-want and I’m sure some families will be way more involved than others.
Anon says
I have a troop of 1st graders. We did $25 dues last year in K, because otherwise we’d have had no money until after cookies, but did not ask for dues this year. Families pay registration to GSUSA ($25) and bought uniforms last year, but we use troop money for meeting supplies, badges, field trips, food for camping, etc. Cookie participation varies a lot between families, but every scout participated in at least an hour of a booth, even if they didn’t sell individually.
Anon says
My 3-year old uses a high-pitched babbly sounds when playing pretend and “talking” to inanimate objects. It’s mostly quirky/cute, and then they will respond “normally” to us. Did anyone else’s kids do this? I think my older kid did this, but they were just…quieter.