This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
I was recently at a CLE at a fancy conference center that had the world’s best selection of FREE snacks and drinks I’ve ever seen. I ate myself silly munching on high-end/organic snacks the entire time and was barely hungry for dinner when the program ended. These snacks caught my eye, and if they weren’t free I don’t know if I would have tried them. Well, I did, and they totally blew my mind. They also sell a sea salt version, which is a good entry point, but the Everything flavor is pro-level snacking. I’ve since ordered them for home consumption, but I am trying to ration them because they are pricey (but oh so worth it). They are available at Amazon for $29.99 (for a 2-pack) with free shipping. (Amazon also sells other flavors: The OG, Peppermint Crunch, and Surprise Party.) Legally Addictive Everything Crack Cookies This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Cb says
What are your kid (or non-kid) plans this weekend? We’re meeting some friends for brunch and a walk in the country park on Saturday and hanging out on Sunday. Going to do some meal prep and prep for the week in hopes things will be slightly less stressful.
mascot says
Out of town tournament for kid’s sport. Early intel is that the place we are staying is a bit of a dump. At least we really like hanging out with the other families on our team.
avocado says
Another kid sport weekend here. Kiddo’s club is hosting the state championships. I am taking the day off to watch her compete today, then we are “volunteering” to help run the competition later in the weekend. I like taking kiddo to competitions without DH but rarely get to do so, so I am actually kind of looking forward to her session today.
FVNC says
We exclusively stayed in dumps for my travel sport growing up (god bless my parents!), and wine and pizza seemed to make it tolerable for the adults! Good luck to the kiddos!
avocado says
Yes to wine and pizza! Also, a dump to the adults may be a luxury resort to the kiddos. My kid is still infatuated with hotel pools and waffle makers. Although she has started to get pickier about the room itself.
Pogo says
sameee. I’m actually kinda horrified as an adult that we stayed in so many motels and my parents let us kids sleep in our own rooms.
Anonymous says
It’s supposed to rain all weekend in my neck of the woods. We’re going to pick out new glass window inserts for our front door and surround. Kiddo has asked to paint and to build things out of mini marshmallows and dry spaghetti. And I need to clean my house badly. It’ll be a low key weekend here.
Anon. says
Kiddo is staying at Grandma & Grandpa’s for the entire weekend! We have concert tickets tomorrow night but no other plans and I am SO EXCITED. Two weekend mornings with no alarm clock in my own bed. I’m going to snuggle up with a book and watch it rain. He is also super excited because G&G live on a farm with PIGS! and GOATS! Little dude basically ran out of the house without saying goodbye he was so thrilled.
Anonymous says
Potty training!! Any tips on the Oh Crap! Method appreciated!
Anonymous says
That’s what we just did last weekend! We bought some of the cheap potties from IKEA to have everywhere, which worked really well- that way we never had far to go when she started peeing (we call them her chamberpots). We gave her juice the first day and I think it was a mistake, it made her pee constantly and it was hard to get a handle on what her schedule was. And don’t despair if things are still going poorly after two days! It really clicked on teh third day and we’ve been doing great since- accidents here and there but she’s generally got the concept.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I love this :) DH is out of town on business, and my MIL is here to help for a month, so feeling luxurious with time!
Tonight a pizza/movie with MIL, tomorrow will head to the grocery store with DS in the AM to let MIL chill out a bit, and then in the afternoon/evening going to meet some friends (DS with MIL…like I said, luxury of time), Sunday going to a morning workout class and then a birthday party in the afternoon with MIL and DS.
Next week is going to be really busy for me and DH, and usually there’s a lot more prep I do in the weekends, but MIL is making a big lasagna on Monday, so very simple meal prep and planning needed for next week!
FVNC says
My in-laws will be here, and the weather is supposed to be beautiful, so the goal is to get out of the house as much as possible and enjoy it! We have plans to visit a winery Sunday for lunch, and I’m trying to convince husband to grill out Saturday for dinner but he has decided he hates the charcoal grill :( Maybe I need to put on my big girl pants and figure it out!
Em says
We are also potty training, and by “we” I mean “me” because my husband is out of town until Sunday. Other than church on Sunday, we are not leaving the house, so I plan to make cupcakes with the kiddo, do some landscaping, groom one of our dogs, and otherwise relax and play outside.
Anonymous says
Honestly, this isn’t a bad way to do it. I did it on a weekend where my husband had a golf tournament both days. So he was gone from like 9-3 both days. In a lot of ways I thought it was really nice to just have one on one time with it all.
Em says
I am excited because we have been going non-stop the last several weeks. I think my son is beyond ready to potty train (we put it off because we recently switched daycares) so I am pretty optimistic.
Anonymous says
Toddler and I were supposed to accompany DH on a weekend business trip to the big city nearby (which I was so excited about because although the city is only a 2 hour drive, we never go because hotel rooms there are $$$$ and day trips don’t work with a kid who naps). But the weather forecast is absolutely terrible and I figured if I was going to spend the weekend indoors anyway I’d rather be at home with all its conveniences and a sightly cleaner floor for her to crawl on. So now I’m solo parenting this weekend. If anyone has ideas for fun things to do (in my house) while she’s napping or in bed I’d love to hear them.
Anon2 says
Not what you asked, but I’d still go! I have been in enough situations where the forecast was terrible (including just this weekend when the Easter forecast was unremitting storms and flash floods), and then it turns out to be sunny and warm, or at least not raining nearly as much as expected. I would rather be stuck inside in the other city than at home realizing the weather was better than expected. Could you find some indoor activities in the other city – children’s museum, coffee shop, even a shopping plaza with unique stores?
Anonymous says
The weather forecast has been getting steadily worse for the last week and now snow is in the forecast, so we really won’t be able to spend any time outside. I’m not even sure I’d want to walk a few blocks to indoor attractions, and I hate driving in the city (stressful and really hard to find parking). My kid also doesn’t walk yet so taking care of her in a hotel is pretty tiring. The benefits would outweighed the stress for me if we could have had a fun day at the zoo right near our hotel, but without that, it’s honestly just more trouble than it’s worth.
rosie says
I totally hear this. If it’s going to be a struggle to get out of the house because of weather, I’d much rather be home.
anon says
Agree with this! It sounds like your toddler isn’t walking yet–is that right? At that stage, my kiddos LOVED hotel rooms. And even going to a different Starbucks/Target/whatever that isn’t your usual can be a fun adventure for the two of you.
Anonymous says
Nah, trust me I’d much rather be solo parenting at home than solo parenting inside a tiny hotel room with a non-walker who’s frustrated she’s not allowed to crawl. We’ll have a lot more fun at home and she naps way better at home too. We have plenty of nice stuff to do in our town and the weather will be a LOT better here.
Anonymous says
There is no reason not to allow your kid to crawl in a hotel room. Stay home if you want but that’s silly.
Anon says
Most hotel room floors are absolutely disgusting. Your feet turn black when you walk around on them barefoot! I don’t think I’m especially germophobic but I never allowed my kids to crawl on hotel room floors when they were babies.
Lyssa says
We’re doing “wine and cheese night,” which is a thing my husband and I started doing years back, where we go to a fancy grocery store and pick out a few kinds of cheese that we’ve never tried, with some accompaniments (fruit, meats, bread, fancy crackers), and two bottles of wine we’ve never tried, and just make dinner out of experimenting with the different combinations. The kids are excited about it, too, since they get to just graze rather than having a sit-down dinner, and we’ll make them “special drinks” (soda water with juice and a maraschino cherry). It’s always nice.
And tomorrow, I’m dead set on making a pie. Also, I’ve got to pack for an upcoming trip next weekend (it’s so hard to do stuff like that during the week) and go through some old clothes to give to my sister’s baby. Hoping for a nice weekend!
anon says
I love your wine and cheese night idea!
Anonymous says
Me too!
Spirograph says
Ooh I love this too! We do wine and cheese for picnics all the time but somehow it never occurred to me that it could also happen in our house.
Anonymous says
Library and farmer’s market Saturday morning, baseball game Saturday afternoon after nap! My two year old is obsessed and walks around chanting “hit the ball! catch the ball! HOME RUN!” and her two favorite shirts right now both feature our local team.
Sunday, out to brunch, low-key day around the house.
Anonymous says
Dinner tonight with the neighbors (super low key, toddlers play while adults chat). Tomorrow watching our town parade followed by a bbq with other friends (7 2-year-olds and their parents). Sunday probably errands.
anon says
It’s my 20th HS reunion (!). Planning to bring DD for a couple of daytime events as a buffer. Low-key dinner with neighbors on Saturday. Sunday is supposed to rain so probably a cozy day at home with some errands thrown in.
So Anon says
I’m taking the rest of today off to repair the ceiling in my living room before putting the house on the market. And then, I am retreating for the weekend to my family’s house on the lake an hour away. My mom is picking up the kids from school and will be out there when I get there. The weather is supposed to be cold and rainy, so I am bringing battleship to play with my son, candy land with my daughter and a book to finish for me. I’m looking forward to letting my mom take care of me a bit this weekend by doing some of the meals and helping with my kids. I’m looking forward to the escape to my family home and stepping away from the feeling that I should always be doing something when I’m home to take care of the kids, get the house ready to sell, get ready for the week, etc.
anon says
This anonymous internet stranger is super happy for you. This sounds like a great plan.
Anon says
Unclear. DH made plans for most of Saturday, so TBD what LO and I will do. I don’t have any burning new recipes to try, and most of my (actual) gardening got done two weeks ago, so it might just be a lot of snuggles, laundry, TV time and relaxing around the house. The next two weekends are super busy and I’m likely traveling for work in two weeks (unusual for me), so that it going to be a major adjustment to all involved.
Anonymous says
Doing our first daycare visit today! Anything in particular to look for/ask?
Patty Mayonnaise says
Policy on screens and teachers on phones, any food policies (how they deal with breast milk if that’s relevant, whether you can send in peanut butter, etc.), illness policies, how they contact parents about various issues (unexpected closures, illnesses going around, etc.)
Anonymous says
My advice is a bit different than a lot of the advice I’ve seen here. Every center we toured (we didn’t look at in home) gave us a packet with all the policies. I mainly tried to watch and observe the teacher-student and student-student interactions and to the extent I asked Qs they were about big picture things, like how they handle a picky eater.
Cb says
Me too! I wanted to see how the teachers interacted with the children and how they dealt with any sort of conflict between the children.
avocado says
+1. Also be sure to visit the older classrooms, not just the infant room. I remember visiting the toddler room when I first toured our preferred center and being amazed at how the kids washed their own hands at a tiny sink and threw away their own trash. It can be easier to get a sense of the center’s general philosophy and approach when you see the teachers interacting with kids who are mobile and verbal.
anon says
I would ask about sick time for the teachers. My daycare lumps sick and vacation into one PTO bucket and as a consequence, teachers come in sick because they want to save their time for vacations. Do teachers have to be fever free for 24 hours like the kids? Will they send teachers home if they are sick?
octagon says
Ask about potty training – will they take the lead or wait for parents to initiate? (ours took the lead and I will be forever grateful.) Also ask about transitions – are they age-based or milestone based? If your kid hits certain milestones earlier or later than age, how does that affect the room placement?
EB0220 says
In hindsight, what I wish I’d known:
– For babies the most important things for me:
* Do they hold the babies to feed and soothe them?
* What is ratio of teachers to children and how does it vary throughout the day?
* Do they know best practices for breastfed babies?
* How they help babies who don’t fall asleep easily?
* Do they provide food toddlers?
* How do they deal with 1 year olds transitioning to solids?
I wouldn’t worry too much about the older kids curriculum, etc. Ages 3-5 are a different world and the right place for a baby/young toddler might not be the same as a good preschool. That’s OK! Cross that bridge when you come to it.
This is my 2c having gone to 3 different daycares by the time my oldest turned 2 (due to moves).
anon says
These look delicious! Is anyone else rubbed the wrong way by the name though? Feels insensitive. Christina Tosi recently changed the name of her famous crack pie.
Anonymous says
There are a ton of recipes out there called “crack crackers” and “crack slaw” and “Christmas crack,” but somehow it seems more crass when it’s printed on an actual bag of snacks.
Anonymous says
+1 was thinking just that. I think people are generally turning against using that word (we stopped calling the matzoh-chocolate-caramel treats we make “matzoh crack” after realizing it’s offensive).
Anonymous says
It struck me as weird too.
lsw says
Yeah, pretty tone deaf.
octagon says
I’m equally offended by the price. $15 for a 6 oz bag is bananapants.
Anon in NYC says
No. I realize that this may not be a popular opinion, but I feel like this (broadly speaking – with Milk Bar, etc.) is a new outrage about something that may be a little tone deaf but is a non-issue. I don’t think that people really believe that delicious snacks/foods are akin to life destroying drugs, nor do I think that people are truly making light of the horrifying effects of drug addiction. Where do we draw the line after this – can we not say that a particular food is “addicting” because it’s insensitive and it’s not ~actually~ addicting?
I’m all for society changing how we talk about and perceive various issues – LGBTQ issues, issues around poverty, race/ethnicity, social and economic inequality, etc. – but this seems honestly silly to me.
Anon says
Everyone correct me if I’m wrong – but I think it’s a specific issue with crack (particularly the racial angle, etc.) as opposed to the fact that the food is named after a drug.
anon says
Correct. It’s unthinkable that a brand would market treats as “opioid cookies”. We’re only able to make light of the crack epidemic because it disproportionately affected Black communities.
anne-on says
+1 – it’s more the racial issue of how crack is prosecuted/stigmatized vs. cocaine
Anon in NYC says
I get that…. I just don’t think societal pressure to change what we call these particular food items is going to affect the deeper issues of crack, race, addiction, incarceration, etc. It seems sort of like wasted energy to me – like a shallow complaint about crack and its devastating effect on a particular community, when that energy could be used in support of organizations/groups that try to help addicts, rebuild communities, and find alternatives to incarceration.
All that said, I’m open to having my mind changed. Maybe this awareness and societal pressure will bring a greater and renewed focus on these issues that these organizations need. Which would be great.
Pogo says
my comment is awaiting moderation but yes.
anon says
I kind of agree. Is it the best phrasing? Probably not, but I don’t see it being *actively harmful.* It’s hyperbole.
Anonymous says
I mean, sure it’s not as harmful as refusing to hire someone because of their race or orientation. But it’s what’s called a microaggression and in the aggregate they can be very damaging. I’m not a POC but I have experienced plenty of sexist micro-aggressions (as have virtually all women I know) and if anything they bother me more than the big stuff, precisely because they’re so minor that they are more socially acceptable and people aren’t outraged by them the same way they’re outraged by the more egregious stuff. It’s not “wasted energy” fixing something that hurts a particular racial group, no matter how trivial it seems to you.
Mama Llama says
Who’s outraged though? No one is taking to the streets over this, they are simply saying, hey, this isn’t a great look.
Pogo says
I found it insensitive because of the historical significance of sentencing laws on crack cocaine. The majority of people who say “omg, this is so good it’s like crack” are middle class white people who did not in any way face consequences of the crack epidemic.
I think a good rule is if you’d feel embarrassed or uncomfortable explaining the meaning behind something to a child, you don’t really want it as a brand.
Anonymous says
I really like your second paragraph.
the kindness of being sensitive to word choice says
I delurked to make a similar comment, so I’m glad others here understand that it’s not the best look, and that people explaining this are trying to help the people making this branding mistake not look clueless and be unwelcoming to an identifiable part of their desired audience when their target audience is “everyone who eats snacks.” It’s the same logic as to why people stopped calling the Depression-era cake “crazy cake,” or why people who want to complain that somebody did something dumb doesn’t call them “idiots” or “morons” or “imbeciles” anymore because of the history of those specific terms being used on a clinical diagnosis scale.
I feel like this particular company doubled down on this bad word choice at precisely the wrong moment – emphasizing and hyperbolizing over their “addictiveness” in addition to calling them “crack.” The new SF Chronicle food critic whose full name I’m not going to post because it’s likely to trigger the moderation filter (sorry, Soleil H!) wrote an interesting article about these kinds of words and their use in describing food a couple of months ago. Link in new comment.
the kindness of being sensitive to word choice says
Soleil’s piece: https://www.sfchronicle.com/restaurants/article/Words-you-ll-never-see-me-use-in-restaurant-13652564.php
blueberries says
The NYT story today on crazy hours being a cause of the gender pay gap really resonated with me. Anyone else take a big step back because of the hours?
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/26/upshot/women-long-hours-greedy-professions.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage
Anon says
Yes. I’m in one of the greedy professions, finance not law. I explicitly state my hour restrictions when I get to the offer stage, and I know it’s cost me a few opportunities over the years. I frequently point out to my male colleagues how they’re benefiting from their wife’s flexibility and it’s amazing how few have given it conscious thought. Staying late for a meeting with a C-suite, going into the office on a school snow day, stopping by an impromptu happy hour, answering emails while someone else makes dinner or takes the kids to soccer, etc. All of that adds up.
Also I hate that factoid – “Working mothers today spend as much time with their children as stay-at-home mothers did in the 1970s.” That’s not necessarily by choice. Society has really changed and it’s not okay anymore to sit inside with a friend while your kids run around the neighborhood unsupervised or ride their bikes (alone!) to the pool until the sun goes down. But yet we’re still made to feel guilty for not spending MORE time with our kids.
It’s hard not to feel like women are just set up to fail, no matter what choices they make.
anon says
YES. “It’s hard not to feel like women are just set up to fail, no matter what choices they make.”
Anonymous says
Can you tell me more about how you’ve communicated your hour restrictions in the hiring phase and how you’ve enforced them once you’re on board?
Anon says
Obviously I ask about work-life balance during the interview and ask about workloads and ability to predict busy times, so I’m self-selecting out of the most off-balance roles. Once I get an offer, I negotiate on salary and benefits first. Then I am pretty blunt about it, using unfortunate stereotypes but it’s the most effective way to get my point across. “One last point – I am essentially a single mom most of the time (my husband lives in a different state for the next few years) and so I’m stuck with school care hours. That means I’ll need to work 830-5 most days. I don’t have an issue signing back in at night for the occasional firedrill or arranging childcare if I know about busy periods in advance – we are in finance after all, working more than 40 hours is part of the job – but I can’t do that on a nightly or even weekly basis, and I can’t do it with little warning. Will that be a problem?”
And then I hold them to that. I just leave at 5pm, without making a big deal out of it. If someone schedules a meeting after 5, I say or respond something like “I’ll have to take that from the train on mute, and I’ll need to hop off at 525.” If I get an email asking for an evening response, I say “I can get that to you first thing in the morning, unfortunately I have a prior commitment tonight.” So far I haven’t had to leave a job over it, knock on wood. As I mentioned above, I know it limits some opportunities and I’ll occasionally get “not as motivated” ratings as my peers because of it, but my work product speaks for itself.
I agree with the takes that say no one should have to work as hard as men/women are expected to, and it frustrates me that I am knocked off a list of promotions because I can’t answer emails while I’m cooking dinner for my kids or go to the weekly happy hours where so much networking occurs. But this is the boundary I’ve set and I’m the only one who can hold myself to it.
Anonymous says
Thank you! I’ve been realizing recently that I need to make this front-and-center for my own job priorities, and I need to set better boundaries. DH and I split things pretty evenly and keep all the balls in the air with the status quo, I just don’t want to work more than 8 hours a day. It makes me burnt out and unhappy, and it’s not necessary to do good work. I don’t know whether I need a stronger spine, a new boss/company, a different role, or a different career, but something has to change.
Anon says
So maybe decide that 2019 is the year where you’ll figure it out. Start with a baby step – update your resume and get set up on LinkedIn Jobs and Indeed (or whatever the job boards are for your industry) so recruiters are reaching out to you. Knowing your options will give you motivation and a position of power, and maybe you’ll find something worth moving to. (And you can negotiate better knowing you already have a job and don’t NEED to leave.)
Then try to make your current job work. Maybe stop checking emails past 8pm. Maybe go “dark” between 6 and 9. Maybe take a full hour for lunch. Maybe leave everyday at 6pm, even if that means you work at home later. Whatever feels doable and meaningful but a little scary. Do it for a couple weeks and see what happened. Did you get pushback? Did people notice? Did you have trouble enforcing it for yourself? Did you feel less burnt out? Then try another step and see how that one goes. If it’s not impacting your good work, you might get to an agreeable balance point for you by the end of this year and no one will be the wiser.
If it’s not going well, or you find that the pattern is just too strong to break in your current role, there’s no shame in saying you have had some vague “changes at home” and you appreciate their flexibility while you work through it. And then double up on the job search. You might even use it as a springboard for discussions at your current company about different teams or roles or part time structures – if you’re already looking externally, maybe it’s not as risky to just see what’s there at your current company?
anne-on says
Yup. I work in big consulting and the hours for those who are partner adjacent are crazy because you’re trying to work around even worse partner calendars. I truly do not understand how mothers can work in big consulting with another working spouse without ALLLLL the help. Although I guess my answer is that they kind of can’t based on how few senior women we have with children and working spouses, it’s like a unicorn sighting and seems to involve family plus paid help.
Throw in semi-frequent travel (at least 2, sometimes 3 trips a month, which is NOTHING compared to partner travel) and I would not be able to do it without working from home when not traveling. I joke that I have ‘work from home’ handcuffs, and it’s true – if I had to go into an office on TOP of the travel our life would fall apart, and that’s with a live in au pair.
Anonymous says
Yes and no. I’m in corporate law but work part time (like, billing 1,000 hours per year). I had to take a step back to that level after my second kiddo was born, but even if I didn’t have kids I wouldn’t want to be working 60 hours a week throughout my career because that’s not what I want for me, for my life. It’s problematic for both men and women when career “success” demands that many hours.
Anonymous says
I couldn’t agree more.
Blueberries says
I totally agree that it’s problematic for everyone that career success in certain fields requires crazy hours. Some people thrive on crazy hours, which is fine by me.
I really wish that folks who need reasonable hours and the ability to take real sick and vacation days (including to care for sick kids) could be better accommated by employers in the greedy professions. At least in my area of law, I don’t see many options for folks who want reasonable hours (and to infrequently be needed to work outside those hours) and the ability to take real sick and vacation days.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This “But the ultimate solution, researchers say, is not to make it possible for mothers to work crazy hours, too. It’s to reorganize work so that nobody has to.” and this “The change is unlikely to happen, researchers say, unless workers start to demand it. Companies benefit from always-on workers; they won’t change just to be humane. They have to risk losing valuable employees if they don’t — including men.”
I think that’s why Lean In got a lot of criticism – yes, women can work the crazy hours and do all the travel, there’s nothing inherently gendered about doing that. The problem is that why should anyone be expected to work that way? Anne Marie Slaughter’s book “Unfinished Business” talked a lot about how we’re missing the piece of the puzzle where caregiving and just spending time building relationships is very undervalued. But at the end of the day, what is the point of having a bunch of money and the top C-suite role if you don’t have good relationships? At least, IMHO.
BOBW did an interview recently with a woman from the Netherlands who talked about the part-time glass ceiling for women in that country so it’s interesting how prevalent this cultural narrative of men = career success/money/long hours, while women = time at home is, even in more equal countries.
I will say that it is easier to demand better hours/balance in certain industries where there is a shortage of workers, i.e. tech. My husband is in that field and is able to actually prioritize work life balance because he has his pick of jobs. Whereas in law, it’s not as easy. Economics 101, I guess.
CPA Lady says
I did.
And in my exit interview, the (old) male partner who was notorious for not liking remote work, asked me why I didn’t try to go part time before I quit. Maybe because going part time in that job would mean “only” working 60 hours a week during busy season, and then working 25 hours a week during June, July, November, and December. As if working 25 hours a week during some parts of the year would “solve” the unmanageable lifestyle the rest of the year? And I’d have to take a large pay cut, and still have to pay for additional childcare during tax season? And on top of the massive amounts of overtime, tons of networking, professional, and volunteer obligations were required in addition to work and billable hour requirements.
So I took a massively lean out job. Then I got promoted and now I’m back to working more hours, but I don’t have any of the pressure to attend tons of outside of work events. It’s a good balance at this point in my life, but ugh, that article is just so spot on.
Eek says
I’m feeling really down this week about the amount of time my 8 month old LO spends a daycare. He’s basically there 9.5 hours a day. It’s a great daycare, and I know he’s fine there, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m missing out on so much time. By the time I pick him up at night, he’s exhausted and cranky and we pretty much go straight to bedtime.
At the same time, I’m not sleeping enough, not working enough, not billing enough, and constantly overlooked for guys several years younger than me who either have stay at home wives or no kids.
I know all the reasons to stay in the workforce, I do. And I’m not sure I even want to be home full time. But when I look around at my firm, it’s relatively “family friendly” but there are still so very few successful females partners, and only one with grown children who presumably survived and made it to the other side. I’m just starting to wonder if this is all even possible.
Not sure what I’m looking for here, but I needed to vent this morning.
Anonymous says
Explore part-time options or look for a gig that’s more strictly 9-5? There are a lot of options between being a SAHM and having your kid in daycare 50 hours/week (not judging either of those choices, but it sounds like you would personally be happier being somewhere in between).
Anonymous says
My kids have been in daycare for 9.5-10 hours since they were 8 weeks old and yeah, it’s frustrating to not get much time with them during the week, but I try to really savor our weekend time together, since I don’t want to quit my job. Also, as kiddo gets older he’ll be less tired and you’ll start getting some quality evening time, which makes a big difference.
Pogo says
+1. I still struggle with this with a toddler, and have posted a lot recently about it because I still only get a couple hours a day with him, and now he’s not a little blob I can plop down and dress up and feed easily – he’s a spirited little boy who does not want to put his pants on! or sit to eat his cereal! etc and the guilt is real.
I try to remind myself that daycare is far from a black void he disappears into for 9-10 hours a day – it is a loving, boisterous, happy place with his best buddies and caregivers in the whole world, and he spends those hours learning and growing. I also want to start giving myself a night “off” from chores and spend 5-7pm 1:1 with my kiddo just playing – make that a night that we eat leftovers and everything waits til after his bedtime. I did it once this week because our cleaner was still working when we got home, and it was so lovely! I realized I could give myself permission to do it more.
AwayEmily says
We do this almost every night — dishes stay undone and house stays a mess until the kids are in bed.
On the way home from daycare (5pm) we make a “play plan” for the evening with the kids to get them excited — are we going to go outside and do bubbles? Do a family walk? Do art? Play tickle monster? We get home, eat a quick dinner together, then spend the rest of the evening executing our play plan. The house is invariably a mess but that’s ok. Bedtime at 7:30, then we (or me, on the 3 days a week my husband travels) spend an intense hour (7:30 – 8:30) cleaning/prepping for the next day and eating dinner if we didn’t eat with the kids, then a free hour and a half or so until our bedtime. I like it this way — during those pre-bedtime hours I keep my phone off, I don’t worry about getting anything done, I’m just hanging with them.
If it’s an especially nice day, my husband and I will pick the kids up together, grab a pizza, then go straight to a playground and stay there until it’s almost bedtime.
Anonymous says
Can you take a hard look at how you allocate your time? Since kiddo has been born, I work an hour or two early in the morning before she wakes up. It gives me the ability to pick her up earlier from daycare. Could you fit in some billable hours early in the morning or after bedtime?
anon says
I was going to suggest something similar. When I pick my kids up at 4:30 versus 5:30, it makes all the difference in the world–we can go to the playground in nice weather or just go home and have time for them to play with my full attention while they play before the dinner/bath/bedtime crush begins. Even doing this 1-2x/week changes my whole outlook on the week.
IHeartBacon says
Eek, I posted a question a few days ago about an incredible opportunity that came up for me at work and I got some very honest and encouraging words from other folks on here. You may want to check out some of their comments: https://corporettemoms.com/emulsion-hydra-mat/ and https://corporettemoms.com/sitz-bath/
I picked up the book that someone recommended, I Know How She Does It, and have been reading it this week. It has already made a huge impact on how I view the limited time I am spending with my LO. I have been keeping a time log this week and it has helped me immensely. The exercise of listing off the things my LO and I do in the mornings really makes me feel better. For example, I had about 2 hours yesterday morning with my LO and my entry read: reading together on couch, consoled him with hugs and kisses twice when he fell, enjoyed a cup of coffee while I watched him play with his toys, cooked him healthy breakfast of toast, eggs, and fruit. Just the exercise of writing out the details of our morning together has helped me incredibly. I also notice that I really try to pay attention to the small details as they are happening because I want to remember them to record them in my log.
You mention that by the time you and your LO get home, you start your bedtime routine. I bet if you went through the exercise of writing out the details, you would find so many small but beautiful moments in that routine.
EB0220 says
Not sure it would work for you, but when my oldest was that age I often worked a split shift. She’d be at daycare about 8:45-4:15. I would work 9-4ish and then finish the rest later after she went to bed. It bought us some quality time together and I would just save the easy tasks for end of day.
anon says
I felt the same way and I leaned out. I agree that it does get easier as they get older, but those baby/toddler years are a long time to “miss” during the weekdays not to mention the stress of getting ready and getting ready for bed right when we got home. Maybe not what you want to hear or the best option, but I work part-time now (9-3) and it’s been life changing (with the right team). I feel like I really get to spend a ton of time with the kids.
Anonymous says
I also work a split shift – I am in the office from about 9:30-4 and usually work for an hour or so after she’s in bed. Usually once a week I go in super early (before she’s awake) and I leave early to grab her at daycare right after naptime. I hope to continue this when she’s in elementary school, so she has one day per week that she doesn’t have to go to aftercare and just hang out at home with me.
Anon says
Do you have a spouse? Does your spouse feel the same way you do? Could your spouse cut back hours instead of you?
Anonymous says
Has anyone successfully convinced your doctor to give you a second dose of MMR early? I saw some AAP guidance that supports an early second dose (and says a third dose is fine if required for kindergarten entry) but my doctor is insisting on sticking to the standard schedule, which gives one dose at 12 months and the second at age 4-6. My daughter has had one dose, but I know that only gives something like 93% immunity. We travel a lot and in particular are supposed to go visit family in Brooklyn next month and I’m really nervous about it.
anon in brooklyn says
Can’t speak to the rest of your travel, but Brooklyn is a big place. Our pediatrician group is only giving the second dose early to kids that live or go to daycare in South Williamsburg. I live only a couple neighborhoods away from there and our pediatrician isn’t recommending the early dosage for kids in our neighborhood.
anon says
We’re travelling to Italy (another place with higher measles incidence) in June, and my doctor had no trouble giving my 20-month old her second dose. We’re in DC, if that matters.
Em says
I didn’t realize this – thanks for the heads up! We are going to Italy in the Fall and I am on the phone now to see if my son who will be 3 1/2 can get his booster early.
Anon says
It depends on the doctor. We travel internationally a lot (including Italy) and couldn’t get early MMR vaccines, despite the CDC recommendation for that. Some doctors (and whole medical practices, really) are very wedded to the AAP schedule.
Anonymous says
In the Portland metro area (so, big outbreak in a Washington suburb), our pediatrician and my friends’ peds have all been willing to do that second dose a little early- 3.5 for example. Worst case being they need a third dose. Most peds have been willing to do the first dose as early as 6 mo, knowing they’ll still need one at 12 mo.
Anon says
Not a doctor, but my understanding is that *most* people have immunity from measles after just one dose; it’s mumps that typically requires the boosters to confer full immunity. So your baby is probably well protected already.
Anon says
Yes, acc to CDC the first dose produces immunity in 90-95% of people (so it’s not that a person is 93% immune, it’s that about 93% of people ARE immune). If you’re super worried, there’s prob a blood test that would measure whether your daughter has the antibodies or not?
ElisaR says
I’m traveling next week for the first time since 2 sons were born a few years ago. I’d like to make a dinner in advance that my MIL can pop in the oven or heat up on the stove. I was thinking chili? Any other suggestions of things I can make this weekend?
Anonymous says
Chili or any other soup would be great! Others: lasagna, take and bake pizza, sloppy joes (reheat the meat on the stove), meatloaf muffins that she can microwave, pancakes that she can reheat in the toaster, pasta + sauce (make the pasta in advance and she can heat the sauce on the stove and reheat the pasta quick in the microwave).
AwayEmily says
Or if you don’t feel like cooking you could go with frozen pizza (my fallback).
anne-on says
Meatballs and sauce freeze beautifully (and pasta is pretty quick and easy to make). I would also think about cooking some chicken in the slow cooker (in either broth or salsa) and shredding it for tacos, or braising a pork loin for pulled pork sandwiches during the week.
anon says
What about prepping for a stir fry that she can dump into a skillet and cook? You could chop veggies and chicken (or beef, or keep it just veggies), then all she needs to do is cook them with oil on a skillet. Make rice in the rice cooker. Use a store bought sauce.
IHeartBacon says
What about just buying a rotisserie chicken from the deli and cooking a side of potatoes (however you like them), a bagged salad, and a some bread rolls?
Anon says
I am at the anon from yesterday who posted about help coping with an affair. Thank you so much to everyone who responded. All your support meant a lot to me. Took a lot of the advice and feel a bit better already (well, as good as it is possible given the circumstances). Hopefully we can heal whether we stay together or not without scarring our kids in the process.
anon says
Good luck and so many hugs. I’m thinking of you. You will make it through to the other side, whatever that ends up looking like.
lsw says
Kids are resilient, and you love your kids, and they will be fine. So will you. Hugs.
Anon says
I’m glad the solidarity was helpful. I’ve been sending you good vibes this morning. I hope you can find moments of peace this weekend.