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Leather and fall always go together for me. This unique wrap leather bracelet would be the perfect accessory to top off my fall wardrobe.
It’s perfect for those who want to add something more subdued to their jewelry box — the bracelet wraps around your wrist and is secured with gold hardware. It comes in two very fall colors. (“smoked garnet,” a rich, dark red, is my choice.)
I’d pair it with a short-sleeve or bracelet-sleeve sweater in a complementary color like gold for an early fall business casual look.
The bracelet is $39.50 at Ann Taylor (but be on the lookout for frequent sales).
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Fallen says
My 3 year old has been incredibly painful since starting preschool a month ago. He whines in the car, tantrums all evening and weekend long. Every transition and task is an absolute nightmare. It’s wearing both me and my husband out. I also solo parent a lot in the evenings (husband doesn’t get home til 7:30 or so), and it is just incredibly exhausting. I am usually really good at remaining calm at him and older daughter, but a month into this and it’s getting harder to keep it together, which makes it way worse and I feel guilty. I feel like I am crying over his behavior every few days. My husband is at his wits end too.
Is anyone else whose kid started preschool still going through this? Any advice on how to remain calm with him when hearing hours of tantrums during the day? Or to keep him happier? For background, he was a great kid before starting preschool and I was even telling my husband in the summer that we were finally starting the easier times with the younger being 3. For what it’s worth, he loves his preschool and is incredibly happy and well behaved there, but he is there up to 8 hours a day (he naps for 2 of those) which I know is a long day since he has always had a nanny before.
Anon says
We had a kid who was a complete mess with full day daycare/preschool. After 2 years, she hadn’t adjusted. She just couldn’t do it. We switched to an au pair and half day preschool at age 4 and she became a much much happier kid.
She’s mid-elementary now and still needs some quiet time at home in self directed play to be at her best. I think it is just who she is.
Cb says
Oh gosh, that is so hard. My son started a new nursery last month part-time (goes to his old nursery the rest of the week) and is THOROUGHLY UNIMPRESSED, but the angst doesn’t spill over into other times, he just cries at dropoff and outlines his grievance when we’re en route home.
How is he sleeping? Is it time to drop the nap? Could he have an ear infection or tummy troubles that coincided with the preschool start? It feels like something more is going on than preschool transition.
anaoana says
I could have written this, except for the well behaved at school part. we were/are going THROUGH IT. Some changes seem like they are starting to help. We dropped the after school and are juggling picking him up and having a nanny watch him for a few hours. I have also very consciously been doing one on one time (20 minutes) with him alone every single day (without our baby, who I leave with partner or nanny for extra half hour). Does this mean we are ordering food a ton since I don’t have time to make dinner? Yes, but I can’t be bothered. I am taking all the short cuts right now because transitions are HARD. I hope I am not still doing this in December, but I can’t worry about future me right now. I have also started limiting the nap to 1.5 hours and making sure it doesn’t end too close to bed time (so not past 3).
Anon says
i could have written this post to a T, especially the part where “I was even telling my husband in the summer that we were finally starting the easier times with the younger being 3.” I have 3 year old twins. I solo parent A LOT. i wish i knew you so I could text you ever night after bedtime commiserating. my twins started preschool for the first time a month ago as well. they also dropped their nap at the same time. and there are very well behaved. if one isn’t tantrumming, the other one is, and sometimes they play together delightfully, but sometimes then a switch flips and they start pulling hair and biting each other, so it’s like i can’t leave them alone for too long to even go to the bathroom. very much competing for mommy’s attention. i just try to repeat to myself in my head ad nauseam “they are not giving me a hard time, they are having a hard time.” i end up getting impatient more than i would like. we still have a nanny and have the same problem, so don’t feel like keeping a nanny would’ve solved the problem. so much commiseration.
Anonymous says
He’s exhausted from a much more stimulating environment. Like the rest of us, kids struggle with emotions and executive functioning when exhausted. This is very similar to the transition that happens to Kindergarten. Try an easy snack immediately on pick up – like an apple sauce squeezie pack in the car. Keep suppers simple and early – at that age they are often hungry because they didn’t eat enough during the day because they are talking to their friends or whatever but they are also too exhausted to use good hand/eye coordination at supper. Think like oven baked french fries to eat with fingers, quesadilla, or pasta that can be eaten with a spoon vs twirling with a fork. And early bedtime.
threenagers says
This! My kid needs to eat immediately when she gets home from school (we have a short walk literally 2 blocks, so no snack time). Its hard on the days I go into the office (hybrid remote) but I have stuff in the fridge ready to go or quick (cooked carrots in fridge + make a quesadilla). She is just too busy playing to eat much and gets super cranky by the end of the day. She also doesn’t love a lot of what school serves (hates mushy food like oatmeal, applesauce, etc. which seem to be kid staples at schools). One day she literally appeared to have eaten only broccoli at lunch and refused everything else. I also load her up with a good breakfast – fruit + eggs + toast.
Also, I have a theory that kids just go through a pain in the butt phase usually between 2-4 that lasts about 6 months. Closing in on 4 now and things are easier. Our bad phase was about 3 to 3.5. Just a lot of whining, fighting, pushing boundaries. For me particularly, I had to really fight the tendency to just give in to stop the screaming/whining etc. But you have to hold the boundaries or your life gets ruled by a little irrational dictator (ask me how I know) I found the big little feelings techniques helpful.
Anon says
3.5 year old here and the entire last year has been a bad phase. In different ways though. 2.5-3 we had more issues with hitting and being totally defiant. But 3-3.5+ is more whiny, slamming doors and dissolving into tears over everything, like a hormonal teenager. I envy people who feel parenting gets better all the time, because for me the baby and young toddler years were so much more fun than 2.5+ and I (secretly) wish I could go back.
Anon says
i agree, ages 6 months – 3 had some very tricky phases, and were very exhausting for me physically, but so far 3.25 is brutal
Anon says
Can you move up bedtime? My 3.5 year old needs a 6:30 bedtime on school nights because she doesn’t nap at school. If he’s napping for 2 hours, I’m sure it doesn’t have to be that early, but he probably isn’t getting as good quality sleep as before and an earlier bedtime will help.
Pogo says
Went through this at 3.5. Getting much, much better at 4. He still naps most days.
Agree with daily solo time w/ a parent for child-led, unstructured play, even if this means outsourcing basically everything. Even in the morning, if he asks to play, I say, “let’s play for 5 min. I will set a timer.”
I also read Raising Your Spirited Child and stole her version of 1,2,3 Magic – you give the child a choice, say you’re going to count to 3, and then tell them what will happen. “You can pick your t-shirt, or mommy will choose for you. If you don’t put your shirt on when I count to 3, I will pick for you.” I do this for things like turning off the lights at bedtime, going up the stairs for bath, getting in the car – literally every transition lol. It’s not always a battle, he usually picks one of the choices right away or starts to comply as I count, but we still have to enforce it sometimes.
I also offer a choice even for the dumbest stuff, like which sink to wash hands in. For whatever reason, it helps.
His teacher also reminded me that it is VERY normal for kids to hold it together all day and then act out. We are their safe space, they are doing a ton of social/emotional work all day at school with sharing and waiting and learning empathy.
Anonymous says
I think that this is the definition of restraint collapse.
my 4 year old is on the struggle bus this year, even though he was at the all day preschool last year. Hours are longer now (yay childcare). Yesterday’s full on meltdown was because the grey marker I used to outline the cheetah, while also prepping dinner, was not dark enough.
Practically we can’t seem to get bedtime earlier. Basically just commiseration.
To keep myself calm I mostly focus on the facts that (i) this is not me, (ii) i just really need to stay focused on getting something in the table and (iii) this probably means he did a great job all day.
Anony says
Here’s another risk analysis scenario, although I know I need to ultimately decide for myself. Would you travel to Florida for a girls trip in a few weeks? Plan is to stay in a condo and not go out to dinner or anything like that. Unvaccinated kids would stay at home, but the biggest risk I’m weighing is getting them sick/causing them to be quarantined and home from daycare.
Allie says
Are all the people you are staying with vaccinated? Will you really avoid indoor dining? Then yes I would.
Anon says
Same here.
anon says
This. My husband went to Tennessee a couple of weekends ago, and we wore masks at home/socially distanced because he had dinner with someone who was unvaccinated.
Anon says
No. We’re not doing any unnecessary travel while we have unvaccinated kids at home. Necessary travel (ex: work trip that can’t be virtual meetings) means the travelers stays masked at all times unless alone in hotel room or actively eating/drinking, and gets a negative Covid test before coming back into the house.
Also, Florida is run by a clown and doesn’t get my money. And I say this as someone whose husband’s family all still lives there (he agrees with this take, btw).
Anon says
If you’re staying in a VRBO or Airbnb condo and not going to restaurants or bars, how much is Florida really getting your money? We rent a house in Florida last year and the owner doesn’t even live in the state. Also seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face to avoid a place you’d otherwise want to travel to. I hate DeSantis too but it would punish me much more than him if I decided never to travel to Florida again.
Anon says
Yes, I would go, no hesitation.
Anonymous says
We canceled a similar trip to FL Labor Day week. We were more concerned about hospitals being overwhelmed than about COVID exposure because we were also planning to stay at a condo and avoid restaurants. Even if hospitals are doing a little better than they were at that time, I still wouldn’t want to risk getting sick or injured in FL right now.
Anon says
Things are much better in Florida now than they were over Labor Day. Florida is now in the bottom half of the US in terms of cases per capita.
Anon says
Our family is very Covid cautious (we do nothing indoors except daycare, and have even pulled back on things like outdoor dining with the Delta surge) and I would go. Flights aren’t that risky, especially if you wear a good mask, and it sounds like you’ll be very cautious when you’re there.
Fwiw my husband has a work trip to Canada next week and I’m going with him. Exposing our unvaxxed kid is our biggest concern but we think we can do it safely if we wear N95s on the flight and are very careful once we’re there.
Anon says
ETA: This is assuming everyone you’re sharing a house with is vaccinated, and I also like the idea of everyone testing before (and after) the trip.
Anonymous says
I’d go.
Anon says
it depends. where is everyone coming from? does everyone else have kid? are there kids in in-person school with or without masks? how out and about are the other friends? like are they eating indoors, gathering with large groups? are they wfh? in-person unmasked work? so i am on the very cautious side (and my own girls trip was recently canceled because one friend decided she wasn’t comfortable with it, even though her daily risk exposure is much greater than mine), and i would go if everyone attending was vaccinated with vaccinated spouses, has kids who are masked at school, is masked at work or WFH and commits to no extraneous socializing the 10 days prior (everyone should still go to school/work, but no dinner parties or anything) and everyone gets a test in advance.
anon says
I’d pick somewhere else.
Death rates are still super high, so that makes me think the hospitals are very busy. There is a lot of bad driving in Florida, so I’d be worried about the quality of care if I was in a car accident or otherwise needed emergency help.
Anonymous says
I would go. Maybe have everyone you are staying with get tested first. I think your kids are at much greater risk from exposure at daycare.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I’d go. FWIW, I’m going on a similar trip, but to a different state. Both kids are in school/daycare. We’re staying in a hotel, avoiding indoor dining (outdoor, room service will be key), and generally staying away from crowds. One of the friends is 7 months pregnant, the other is married to a frontline ER doctor. We’re all vaxxed, and 2 of 3 of us will have the third booster by then.
Anon says
I’d go. We’re Covid-cautious but DH is a pilot so can’t avoid travel. Kids are in-person school and unvaxxed, and keeping them there is our second priority (after keeping ourselves employed).
At this point, he wears a (cloth or disposable) mask in all airports and hotels until he’s safe in his room. He can’t avoid eating in restaurants for most meals, unfortunately. If he has long enough in other cities, he sticks to outdoor walks or bike rides to get fresh air. Knock on wood, so far he hasn’t brought anything home.
If you truly trust your friends to be fully vaccinated and stay away from large crowds and restaurants, then likely the mental health boost for you will be worth the risk as we head into winter.
Anon says
I am on meetings from 9-4 today with only 30 minutes free from 11:30-noon. I have to actively participate in all of them too, but only 1 is video. Today is going to be so painful
Cb says
Oh no! Can you sit on your bed or couch for the non-video ones? Do some seated yoga poses?
Anon says
On days like that I like to grab my bluetooth headphones and walk around while participating for the non-video (assuming I am not actively looking at documents). If there are moderate periods while on mute, I may use the time to do autopilot tasks like folding laundry or unloading or loading the dishwasher to break it up and selectively mute and unmute as needed.
EDAnon says
Folding laundry has been an amazing addition to days full of calls.
Pogo says
Welcome to my life!!! At least not all video. That drains me soooo much. You have my sympathies.
Spirograph says
Same. I only have a partial day today because of an afternoon appointment, but it is ALL meetings. And my company’s culture is all video all the time. It’s exhausting. (I’m turning my camera off to eat lunch in the next one, and I guarantee I’ll hear about it from my manager)
anne-on says
Same. Then I have in-person meetings next week…I just don’t know if I have the muscle for all day meetings again. I’m sure I’ll adjust but I am planning for lots of simple dinners that I don’t have to think much about, outdoor calm exercise (walks, easy hikes), and calm restorative activities in the evenings (reading vs. social media, call with friend vs. tv show). And I am still sure I will be SO tired at the end of it, these days are hard for me as an introvert so I try to be gentle with myself.
Cb says
I’m back in a (new) office on Friday, in a new city, and back in the classroom on Monday. I’ve got my kindle stocked with novels and will give myself grace if I decide to eat takeaway meals instead of cooking.
Ep-er says
Solidarity — 7 – 3 for me, with a break from 10:30-11. Video is requested to be on & these aren’t passive meetings. I don’t care if they see me eating lunch… so out of control!
Cb says
Eeks, it’s almost October. What are your kids thinking for Halloween? I think we’ll all be in work city that weekend, so hopefully we can find something fun to do. Kiddo wants to be a wolf, mostly because he likes to howl? I ordered a hat off Etsy with a long-lead time, and if he changes his mind, it can just be his winter hat.
Lyssa says
My kids at least for now want to be Harry Potter and Hermione. I’m hoping they stick to it, because I’m just irrationally delighted by having them dress up on the same theme. I need to order costumes soon.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My older one wants to be a doctor and my younger one wants to be a pumpkin (again… he wore his other pumpkin costume the last two years in a row). We’ll probably do the “covid trick or treating” again around the neighborhood, with all candy left on tables out front.
Anon says
My 3 year said she wants to be a cat, which is random but ok. We’ll skip trick or treating since our state has moved on with life and everything is normal again (not a great loss – she’s never been, thanks to the croup in 2019 and then the pandemic). Her school does “costume day” and a school wide parade that day, so she’ll celebrate there.
Anon says
related – for those of you in hotter climates, how do you handle warm costumes? my kids both want to be elephants and i found an adorable costume but it is like a one piece zip up. if it is warm they are going to melt. last year they were also an animal, but the costume while fuzzy, was a top and you wear your own pants/shirt underneath so i was able to put them in shorts, but i can’t find animal costumes that they like that are like that
Anon says
In a warm climate for an elephant I would just do gray leggings and t-shirt (can be short sleeved if necessary, but long sleeved would look better) and an elephant headpiece.
In the Midwest we have the opposite problem. Some years it literally snows on Halloween and you have to figure out how to incorporate a winter coat and hat and gloves into the costume.
Anon says
DD wants to be a fairy (the first time she has voiced an interest in a costume) but TBD how that goes. My mom ordered her some wings and a wand and a tulle skirt and we will try pairing that was some pastel leggings and shirt, since kiddo historically does not like dress-up clothes.
Last week I ordered stuff to “boo” our neighbors (unlike last year where we got hit for the first time and then I had to figure the thing out and by the time I got boo bags together I was booing people without kids, so not sure if they liked it). Put up the outdoor decorations this weekend when the weather was nice. Ordered little treat bags like last year because I think we will probably do a treat table again. It worked pretty well (obviously more work to assemble bags than just put out a bowl) but it really helped keep the kids distanced when they came up.
Anon says
I have no idea! I browsed Target and Potter Barn Kids’ selection of costumes in toddler sizes and was pretty unimpressed. Where are all the good costumes at? My 2 year old knows what Halloween is but so far he has refuses to acknowledge the possibility of wearing a costume. I may end up making him a homemade animal costume like the ones on the the Primary website so at least he can wear something comfortable.
Jeffiner says
My daughter wants to be Spirit, the horse. Purchased a horse costume from Amazon. I volunteered to help with her school party, so I’m going to dress up as Lucky, Spirit’s owner.
So Anon says
My daughter wants to be a cat-vampire, which I totally love. She is a cat/something every year. For the past few years it was a witch-cat. My son loves the inflatable costumes, and those costumes are hilarious. He was the dinosaur last year. In terms of trick-or-treating, my town generally does a big thing downtown that attracts people from many nearby towns. The event completely packs the town, with packed shoulder-to-shoulder sidewalks. They didn’t do it last year. Even if the town were to decide to hold the town event, we would skip it in favor of trick-or-treating on our street.
anon says
My 7-year-old wants to be a witch, and I snagged the costume at Target while still in stock. My older kid is more prone to deciding at the last minute, then getting PO’ed when things are out of stock. I’ve told him to decide because Mama doesn’t DIY costumes. Ever.
AwayEmily says
The 5yo is going to be a dinosaur unicorn — she still has a Target dinosaur costume from last year that fits and I ordered a unicorn headband. Voila.
The 3yo wants to be “just regular” — he is not a fan of dressing up. Fine by me.
I think we’re going to do the same thing we did last year — have a low-key Halloween party in our backyard with some people in the neighborhood. We hid candy and gave the kids flashlight to look for it, and the adults sat around in Adirondack chairs and drank hot cider with whiskey. It was a lovely time.
TheElms says
Asking a 2 year old what they want to wear as a Halloween costume results in many answers. So far we have had dragon, dinosaur, cowgirl and ghost. Because 2-year old I’ll probably have two options and they can be the start of a dress up collection post Halloween.
Pogo says
4yo wants to be a dino, with costume he already has, but also wants his little brother to be a dino. So I guess I’ll have to get him a dino costume. I do love the pictures their caregiver takes of the little ones all dressed up together – I have every year of my older son since he was a baby. I love when they are so young they don’t get it, and their little faces are like “wha..wha is happen…why I am pumpkin??”
GCA says
Big kid wants to be a dragon, so I got him a shimmery jumpsuit thing and a dragon hat/ wings. Little kid wants to be a jet. No, not a pilot, mom, a jet. So I’m crafting her one out of cardboard boxes and spray paint. Three-year-olds…
Anon says
I got a plane costume from homegoods for $20 a few years ago. It has straps and goes on over the kids’ clothes. Maybe you can find one if the box version seems too daunting!
Anonymous says
Captain Hook, Hedwig from Harry Potter, and a rainbow in our house.
Lucky says
My 3-year-old daughter wants to be a “ballerina mermaid, no princess” (the “no princess” part is very important to her, because some of her mermaid dolls are “ballerina princess mermaids”). She asked that the 1-year-old match her theme, so 1-year-old is going as a ridiculously adorable blue octopus.
Anonymous says
I am trying to reconcile the ballerina and the mermaid. Where do the pointe shoes go?
Lucky says
You raise an excellent point, and I just had to ask her. She says they don’t wear shoes because they don’t have legs. But she was firm that they wear tutus. Toddler logic, I guess.
Anonymous says
My almost-four year old daughter wanted to be a primatologist (really into Jane Goodall and apes right now) which I was THRILLED about. Since then, kindergartener brother has decided he wants everyone to be the Incredibles, and daughter has bought in. So, that’s the plan. It will be fun because there are five of us (including a baby who will be Jack Jack), although my oldest wants to be Mr. Incredible and has relegated my husband to being Dash. Gap Factory has Incredibles pajamas for kids, so this is a very doable plan.
Anon says
After wanting to be transformers all year, my kids decided last week to be a skeleton and a ghost. I’ll pop the baby in a pumpkin shirt and we’ll have a classic Halloween trio.
EDAnon says
My 3yo wants to be a doughnut. My 5yo has only ever dressed as a construction worker, so I assume that will be it.
Anon says
Mealtime, especially dinnertime, with my 3.5 year old is terrible. She won’t stay in her seat/at the table, she plays with her food, she uses the wrong end of utensils (when she definitely knows better) and makes a mess, etc. I feel like I’m correcting her table behavior every ten seconds during our meals, which both of us hate. Yesterday she even told me she hates eating with me because I’m “always yelling” at her (note: definitely not actually yelling but I do feel like I’m constantly nagging her and hate it). Any advice? I dread family dinner like other people dread root canals and I feel very guilty about it…
Anonymous says
When mine were like this I went easy- nuggets, tater tots, broccoli, carrots, English muffin pizza, dumplings, fish sticks. No utensils, wander around if you want, ketchup stays at the table, dinner is 30 minutes if you don’t eat during that time you can have toast or milk later.
Pogo says
+1 This is exactly where we’ve landed. Though if he gets up to leave, we do ask “are you done?” and if he says yes we clean up the plate. If no, then we direct him back.
anaonaoa says
We caved and allow books at the table. But to get to the books, she has to first eat on her own, including trying a bite of everything on her plate (I know people disagree with this idea, but I worked hard on cooking dammit). Then, while reading, she has to take a bite between each page turn. I also lowered my standards quite a bit on what I’ll tolerate at the table (re: getting up and down to get xyz is ok but throwing food is not). I also find that snacks after 4pm really makes her not want to eat dinner.
We have also said absolutely no snacks after dinnertime (can just have milk and fruit before bed and she actually stopped asking). I had the same exact situation, and it has gotten *slightly* better.
ifiknew says
How does this work if you have multiple kids? Great idea, just have a 4 and 2 year old, so trying to understand.
Anon says
see above, re the delightfulness of 3 year olds. i posted above about my twins and was actually going to post on here today to see if anyone had any suggestions about how to make meal times better. mine are eating with their hands, spinning utensils on the table, getting up, etc. monday through friday i am solo with them during mealtimes and it is hard. at this stage, i’ve decided to let certain things go. want to eat with your hands – fine (honestly one of mine is in OT and struggles a bit with the fine motor stuff), but you do have to sit down to eat. last night we had rice with dinner and there was like a train of rice from the table to the bathroom (don’t get me started on all the times they have to go potty in the middle of the meal and then both kids insist they need mommy’s help at the same time) i would pick and choose your battles. like maybe choose 1 or 2 things that are most important to you at mealtimes and let the others slide for now. like, does it really matter if she uses the wrong side of the utensils? does she use a placemat? we currently don’t but i just ordered some and I am thinking of letting them play/make a mess with their placemat as the boundary.
Anonymous says
Unsure if helpful, however: with our 3.5 year old (and older child), if they get down from the table during dinner, they’re done dinner. We usually give one warning and after that, we put their food away in the fridge (they may have access to it an hour later, just before bedtime). If our kiddo makes messes, he has to get a rag to clean it up or sweep up under the table after dinner, but we don’t scold. It’s very upbeat — “you know what to do when you spill! Get a rag!”
Not sure how to help on “wrong end of utensils” or “playing” – we don’t have a lot of pushback when we tell our kids that food is for eating / forks are for holding / etc. Lots of commiseration!
AwayEmily says
Yeah, we do something similar — we have two meal-ending infractions (technically, one warning and then the meal is over if you do it again). They are: getting down from the table and throwing food (or deliberately dropping it on the ground). If they do it once we say “if you do that again, you’re telling me that dinner is over.” We had to actually follow through a few times but it did stop both behaviors almost entirely. We also make them clean up spills, but don’t get mad about them.
In terms of the other stuff…eh, we let a lot of it slide honestly, or at least just correct it in a friendly way but not make a big deal out of it. If the 3.5yo is using the wrong end of the utensil (yup, mine does it too), I’ll say “would you mind using the spoon end for your yogurt? It’s more likely to drip on your shirt if you use it that way,” but if he keeps doing it I ignore it. I think he does it more to get a reaction than anything else, so if I’m chill about it it tends to abate.
Anon says
+1. When they leave the table, they are done. If I really think they are hungry, they will have a chance to eat something boring at bedtime, like a banana.
Also, I bought my two kids Ikea Junior Chairs and that’s helped a lot with sitting and not wiggling around. They have a bar for the kids to rest their feet so they feel more secure and comfortable.
Fallen says
I posted about my 3 year old above and I just let go of family dinner time when said 3 y old was born (we used to do it with my older). It was just too stressful and not enjoyable with two kids and the youngest being a toddler. We do family brunch, ice cream etc on weekends. So I guess maybe allow yourself permission to not do it just yet and come back to it when older? It always felt like too much for me after a full day of work and kids and parents who are tired/hangry/cranky. I do realize all the research says family meals have a lot of benefit though.
Anon says
Thanks all. I forgot the worst part – putting her feet on the table! It sounds like maybe for now I should focus on the feet on the table and the walking away from the table and worry about playing with food and using utensils later.
anaoanao says
Question on meal-kit thingies. What ones have you tried, and have any been successful with kiddos? Also, as we approach year end, my work gets very busy, so the least amount of cooking the better (although, let me know if there are good ones that do require more cooking as that could be for next year!) Looking for mostly vegetarian (or ones where I can sub in beans/lentils easily for meat and let the rest of the fam eat the meat.
Cb says
I’m in the UK so the options are different but I found Hello Fresh really boring for vegetarians. So many kidney beans… I wonder if a rota of omelette, soups, etc might be a better bet. I like the meal kits to reduce decision fatigue but can definitely get a meal on the table faster.
Anonymous says
Agree. There are a lot of homemade or home-assembled meals that are quicker and easier than a meal kit. I’m not a fan of sheet pan meals because I think the meat comes out too boring, but roasting prewashed and precut bagged vegetables (baby carrots, broccoli, brussels sprouts, cubed butternut squash, etc.) is so easy and takes almost zero hands-on time.
As far as entrees go, I like the one-pot pasta meals. Many of them start with a chopped onion. When I am really in a hurry I use frozen prechopped onions. Bonus–they sort of melt into nothingness so kids can’t detect them in the finished dish and try to pick them out.
Anonymous says
Not a meal kit, but Trader Joe’s frozen entrees are perfect for this. No cooking at all, just heating.
Anon says
i think Snap Kitchen (based in TX) just started shipping. I am not sure where to exactly, but they have already prepped meals (no cooking) that are pretty good
Anon says
We use Hello Fresh – it takes DH over an hour to do the meals. I actually know what I am doing in the kitchen and I find the stated times on the recipes to be accurate. We like some of the recipes so much I buy the ingredients myself and make them without the kit. Blue apron in my experience is more complicated. DD does not eat any adult (or even most kid) food, so we generally do one of the few things she eats for her and we eat the meal, but friends with kids who are OK eaters say they do really well with Hello Fresh.
What you are really looking for is pre-prepped food ideally. We tried Freshly and did not find the meals very good at all. In the DC area we have been using Mighty Meals, and that has been a much better experience, although some items are still hit or miss (we’re new and figuring it out). In those stages of life though, mediocre food that takes 2 minutes in the microwave and is still healthy is well worth it.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – I would look into meal delivery, whether it’s a service or you just have a few good takeout options on rotation.
Something like this would give you plenty of flexitarian options: https://www.instagram.com/thespicebox.us/?hl=en
Pogo says
We use CookUnity – I think they are east coast only, though. I like the options a lot for vegetarian/pescatarian.
So Anon says
I use purple carrot, which is vegetarian, if not entirely vegan. I pick the meals with an eye towards being kid-friendly. If your kids are very picky, it may not work. However, even my picky eater likes many of the meals. They love the tofu so much that every Monday must be “Tofu Monday” to ease the pain of Mondays. They say the meals take 30 minutes, but I find that they take closer to 45 (probably because I am also helping with homework while cooking).
AwayEmily says
Piggybacking, does anyone has a recommendation for a lowish-carb meal kit? My husband has T1 diabetes and so tries to avoid pasta/bread/etc. I was thinking a meal kit might be a nice addition now that school started and we’re all crazy busy but not sure what the low-carb options are like.
Anon says
DH is pre-diabetic and I will say a lot of the Hello Fresh that I like is pretty high carb (e.g., there are a lot of bowl recipes that use rice as a base, a lot of flatbreads, etc.). There are a couple of options each week that are meat or fish and vegetables though, so we try those but a lot of time I feel like that is something I can do on my own without a kit. For others, I give him less rice or try to plate things on greens for him (e.g., meatballs on a bed of arugula instead of rice, taco bowl on a bed of romaine or swap for low carb tortillas).
Realist says
Green Chef is really good for low carb (either keto or paleo plan). But depending on calorie needs, your husband may need to add some extra veggies or fat to feel full. It is usually easy to be liberal with the cooking oil to add more fat. You can add rice or potatoes to add carbs for family members that aren’t low carb.
Anon says
We do Freshly for the adults in my house and Little Spoon for the kids. Both are just heat and serve which is perfect for me (a terrible cook who frequently solo parents in the evenings and just cannot deal with making multiple meals to accommodate food allergies and picky toddlers).
Chl says
We did Sunbasket and I liked it but my kids would never eat it. We now have a personal chef who drops off food once a week (sometimes full meals, sometimes prepped veggies and proteins to mix and match). It works much better for us and is essentially the same price.
EDAnon says
I don’t know how big your city is but we have a handful of local options. We found one we like that doesn’t require cooking. It’s either heat and eat or minor combining of things and eating. They have a veg option.
We canceled Hello Fresh because I never made it. The local one works a lot better for us (and is cheaper).
Anon4This says
DH told me his childhood best friend’s wife asked for a divorce on Sunday. It’s 100% not about me, but I’m floored. They got married in their early 20’s, have 2 awesome kids, and both live in a college town with very 9-5 jobs. I always envied how “easy” it seemed for them. The husband is like all-star INVOLVED Dad that does all the sports coaching, etc. The wife told him “there’s no spark anymore” and didn’t want to talk anymore about it, or consider any other options.
I’ve posted before but DH and I went THROUGH IT last year and only since April or so feeling good and more like a team, with romance popping up every now and then…I figured this other couple would never have to go through anything rough like that.
Just a lesson that things aren’t always what they seem…
Anonymous says
My husband is an all-star involved dad and there’s no spark in our marriage. Those things are not mutually exclusive at all.
OP says
I think “spark” is something that comes and goes in relationships as time goes. I’m just shocked because they seemed so…effortless. Key word “seemed”.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think for some people, the easy, simple, boring married life with kids is not enough/not what they want. So they look for a way out, even if objectively a relationship with “spark” may be more destructive/unpredictable. See also midlife crises at work. And infidelity as noted below too.
Anonymous says
This. Also, married life with kids is often not easy and simple even if it appears that way from the outside. Raising kids can be an awful slog, and some people just aren’t tough enough to handle it.
OP says
I get it! It’s a grind. I think DH is the same – which is why we make sure he gets what he needs in terms of alone time, ability to zone out, etc. (and I get what I need, too).
anon says
Yes. And unfortunately, when they figure it out too late, it hurts many other people in the process. I can feel empathy for those feeling bored and tied down, but man, once you light the match, things go up in flames quickly for everyone around you.
Agree with the post below that raising kids is not simple and straightforward. I love my kids to the end of the earth, but there are times when I wonder whether I was ever cut out for this.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Wondering out loud – would life be any easier/more exciting if NOT “tied down”? I see my single friends, and while they definitely have less obligations, and things like travel, finances, etc. are simpler…they don’t have it easy and exciting all the time, or even most of the time. I should note my single friends are not single by choice at this point.
My childless by choice friends also have their own things they are dealing with too…again, some things are simpler but it’s not sparks all the time, or even most of the time.
So Anon says
Yup. The ex decided that parenting and professional life was not for him, in addition to having his own mental health issues. His decision was super hard on the kids and for me, in certain ways. However, I will say that it was much harder trying to do life with someone who wasn’t into this version of life than it is on my own. Also – no one knew what was going on (other than my sister) until it all blew up, and I don’t share the truth of what happened with other than my sister and therapist.
[email protected] says
This. I know of a few women who just use infidelity as an escape/excitement/hobby. Sad.
anon says
Our best friends are divorcing right now, and I’ve been surprised how painful it’s been, both to witness and to grieve. We’ve vacationed together and been tight. And now it’s done. Infidelity was involved, which has been an even bigger mind trip. I truly did not think our friend was capable of apparently being a serial cheater. Did not see that coming. We will remain close with the wife, but our friendship with him is done. He’s ghosted everyone who was friends with them, anyway. DH and I keep wondering what signs we missed, and why he’d throw away what seemed to be a great life for some strange a**.
All this to say, it’s OK to be feeling shocked, surprised, and to grieve for another couple’s pain and for changed friendships. It’s a really hard thing to talk about. I guess we’re from a circle where divorce is still a big deal.
also anon says
We had close couple friends separate and begin the divorce process recently. It is VERY weird to navigate. I don’t want to feel like I’m picking sides, and there is a third set of couple friends involved that makes it all very complicated. It just sucks. I do grieve.
anonamama says
Is his friend’s name Ted Lasso? Sorry, couldn’t resist. We say ‘things aren’t what they seem’ but when something like that happens, BOOM. I know the feeling. I hope you and DH can find the right wavelength of support for this couple; seems many have experience with this.
An.On. says
I think there’s definitely a greater focus on outward appearances in the age of social media posts. Things like this can make me worry, “If they can’t make it work, can we?” but no one else’s marriage is a referendum on yours.
Anon says
When I divorced my first husband, I remember some friends being really shaken. “You guys were such a great couple! If you can’t make it, who can!?” And it seemed so odd to me because of course I had always known my own feelings about my husband – he and I were better friends than lovers, and I remember having tiny doubts that maybe this wasn’t the deep forever love that marriages are made of but more a deep affection, and we eventually decided to amicably part ways. Our outward friendly appearance made us seem to be a good fit for each other. Now we’re married to other people and a million times happier than we ever were with each other. Our marriages – then to each other and now to other people – probably look equally happy to outsiders.
OP says
Curious – were there kids involved with your first marriage? Asking because I do think that plays a factor in the decision making.
Anonymous says
This just seems like you want to judge her for getting a divorce with kids
OP says
Nope, no judgement. Kids, no kids, it’s all hard. I just am curious if people are more likely to stay in a marriage where kids are present that is more affection vs. deep forever love. Thinking about our friends in this case.
Anon says
Nope. No kids. That was ultimately why we got divorced – deep friendship isn’t quite enough to have kids on.
Anonymous says
You may not be getting the full story. When I divorced my ex, I told very very few close friends the real deal, and most people got the “it just didn’t work out” response in part because I didn’t want to shit-talk my child’s father to our mutual network and near strangers and in part because I’m just very private.
OP says
Thanks for this reality check. Seriously.
anon says
Also, if you’ve only heard this from one member of the couple, I would be pretty skeptical of the “there’s just no spark” thing. I suspect she would likely have a very different explanation of why this is happening and of what she told him about it.
Anonymous says
Agree with this. 0% of my friends know we are on our third marriage counselor. We’re okay at the moment but I wouldn’t be shocked if we are divorced in 5 years. Our friends likely would be. No drugs/infidelity, we just argue about everything. It’s a classic ‘too bad to leave, too good to stay’. But from the outside, he’s great and it’s all good.
Anon says
Wow so much judgement here for the woman! You guys know nothing about what their relationship was like!
Anonymous says
Continuing with the theme of “things aren’t always what they seem,” I’d be very skeptical of the dude’s story. I am a perfect dad and husband and my wife just dropped this on me out of the blue with no explanation! Yeah, sure.
Anon says
It happens. I’ve seen it happen. Women get bored in midlife (more so than men, in my experience) and think there’s someone out there that will make their heart flutter more than their boring but completely decent and devoted husband. I agree OP doesn’t have the whole story here and it could not be right in this case, but what she’s describing definitely happens.
Anon says
Huh. I remember seeing some article that women are more likely than men to initiate a divorce, so on the one hand I can see what your saying. But on the other hand, we’ve seen time and time again how women put in more emotional and physical labor than their husbands do. So are these women really getting a divorce because their bored? Or because they’ve been putting up with a lot of crap for years (even from a decent and devoted guy) and at some point they also lose romantic interest in their husbands and decide it’s not worth it anymore?
So Anon says
I am truly struggling with my relationship with my mom. We live close by, and I am her only local family. She is getting older but remains physically active and active in her community and volunteering (though less so throughout the pandemic). We were closer in the past than we are now. A few years ago, I left an abusive marriage, and I have done a ton of work to move past that part of my life and be the best parent I can to my two kids. Through all of this work, I have come to understand that the dynamics in my family growing up weren’t great – lots of guilt, manipulation and fear. My mom remains close with my ex.
I am now a single parent to two kids, one of whom has underlying health issues that require regular specialist appointments and very careful attention to diet. That same kiddo is also autistic and needs predictability and lots of executive function assistance. I work full time, take care of our home, and do all the things. (Their dad is not reliable, is not into being a parent and sees the kids every other Saturday and Sunday.) I used to ask my mom for more childcare help, but I’ve backed way off after she tantrumed that she does anything I ask and never asks anything of me (I declined to have my kids and I around her this spring when she was sick).
About two weeks ago, my mom texted my sister and I on a Monday afternoon to ask about our fall plans. We hadn’t responded by Tuesday and my mom let loose a diatribe on how disrespectful we are, we don’t love her, her time is not as important as ours. (My sister works 14-16 hour days and had received an ASD diagnosis for her son that day.) My mom then gave my sister and I the silent treatment/cold shoulder, including while my mom went on a pre-planned visit to my sister for a few days. Upon her return, I talked with my mom. She said that she feels she is not a priority for my sister or me. She is upset that I don’t make time for her. (I spent a Saturday afternoon with her right before the text, but she said that didn’t count because I had my kids with me.) I don’t ask her out to coffee or over for dinner. She wants to be there for me, but I don’t talk to her. (This is a woman who does not “do” feelings.) She was also a single parent while I was growing up.
Those of you who live near your parents, what is your cadence of interactions like? How often do you see each other? Do they “get” what it’s like to be a working parent during Covid?
Anon says
I’m sorry, this sounds very difficult. I’m not sure how helpful this will be since my situation is quite different, but to answer the questions you asked, my parents have a place in my city and spend about a third of their time here. When they’re here, my family sees a lot of them – they’re typically at our house for dinner most nights, and our preschooler generally sleeps over at their place for 1-2 nights on both weekends. They’re more like a third and fourth parent to her than grandparents at this point (we can tell because she’s recently gotten comfortable throwing epic tantrums when she’s at their place, lol). But then they go back to their city for a couple weeks and we all have a chance to miss each other. I think the dynamic would probably be different if they were here full time and we certainly wouldn’t have them over for dinner every night. They definitely get (as best people who aren’t parents to little kids can) how challenging it is to be a working parent during covid and want to do anything they can to support us. I basically never spend time with them without my child, and they seem unbothered by that. I think I am more bothered by it than they are! I convinced my mom to take a mother-daughter trip with me next year because I miss having quality adult time with her. I think the last time we visited one on one was almost 4 years ago when I was 8 months pregnant and she stayed with me while DH was out of town in case I went into labor.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My parents have a lot of “quirks” to put it nicely, but they are extremely reliable and respect our boundaries. They live within 30 minutes of us and most of our interactions now are them taking the kids for a few hours every weekend to give us some time off. So I personally don’t spend that much time myself with my parents, beyond some holidays and birthdays, but in this season of life (with two small kids), this is the best gift they can give us.
It sounds like you need to keep setting boundaries with your mom, and don’t take her texts personally. It doesn’t matter the reality of how much time you spend with her, it will probably never be enough in her mind. But that’s about her and not you. In this stage of your life, she really needs to meet you where you are if she wants to see her family. But obviously this is all easier said than done because our relationships with our parents are so complicated and bring back sometimes painful memories of our childhoods. Not too mention the idealized image of grandparents and grandkids that’s always shown.
Anonymous says
You can’t change someone like this. The only thing you can do is to set and enforce boundaries on what you will give and put up with.
Anonymous says
+1
Anon4This says
I have a local parent – other parent passed away last year. My mom is VERY involved with the day-to-day. However, I agree with the above posters – more than figuring out what’s reasonable, you know your Mum is NOT being reasonable. Boundaries for yourself are key.
DH had to do this (boundaries) recently with his own mom, who was a single parent as well. Similar to you, time and therapy led DH to recognize a lot of hard truths about his own childhood and his mom’s narrative. For example, my MIL was here early this year to “help”, and she definitely did a few things with the toddler (e.g. dropoff in the AM, bathtime), which waned with time. She also barely helped me with the newborn, did not change a diaper, made sure she went on her daily ~2 hour walks, made a lot of judgements about our lifestyle (including suggesting I go part-time), and then complained to DH that between his work schedule and me going back/forth to my parents place with the baby, that we “didn’t have enough time for her.” She then lamented how when she’d visit us before we’d do more things, take her out and about, etc. While I’m sad that she felt that way, the enormity of her selfishness – we were two people who had a very rough 2020 for our marriage, a new baby, a toddler, and I was grieving the death of a beloved parent – is just mind boggling. DH speaks to her regularly but keeps it high-level, about the kids, superficial house things, etc. She’s not local, but these boundaries seem to work well for all of us.
anon says
Just wanted to send a virtual hug. Dealing with in laws who don’t understand the loss of a parent is SO HARD. While one set of inlaws (DH’s parents divorced) is very understanding overall, the other is not. Complete with “4 generation” of boys/men pictures while I cried in the bedroom alone mourning my father and wanting to grab back my newborn baby, a first father’s day (right around the 1 year anniversary) with no recognition whatsover, the first Christmas without him where an adult sibling threw a tantrum about gifts, etc. I’m really sorry you didn’t get support from her, and it’s ok to be upset by that. The pain subsides but just reading your comment brought back that feeling of raw grief. Hugs.
Anon says
yes, my mom was still alive for my first mother’s day but passed away before my second and i just couldn’t handle wishing my MIL a happy mother’s day that year and i think she was annoyed i didn’t reach out, but sorry, it was a really hard day for me
anon says
Anon at 1:38 , from anon at 1:27, my close friend lost her mom a few years ago, and mother’s day is still very hard for her. Mothering without a mother can be very complex and makes dealing with in laws especially challenging. One resource that helped for me was the Dinner Party grief group, if you’re in your 20s/30s. Honestly, having some boundaries on those tough days is important. I’m now to a place where I can handle some inlaw activity on Father’s Day, but I also get part of the weekend to do something with my sister. Without that time/acknowledgment, seeing the inlaws just makes me bitter.
Anon4This says
Wow, thank you so so much. I can’t believe you read between the lines so well. She commented to DH that I was “Always upstairs with the baby and crying or at my parents house”, thus not allowing her to help or keeping her company. Like really? Add to that the fact that my father was like a Dad to DH as well and it just underscores how tone deaf she is. The loss still hurts so much and I can’t believe we’re coming up on one year. That raw grief is real, I would have also lost it at the “4 generation” pics. Hug.
We’ve learned that my MIL has very limited ability because she never received empathy in her own life, so if it hasn’t happened to her, she doesn’t get it, and if it has, well she went through it so you should toughen up.
Anonymous says
Similar situation re mom complains she never sees me even though she sees me multiple times a week. What she means is that she wants attention without the kids around. My solution has been to gift her things for her birthday. Christmas and mother’s day that are experiences that are also relaxing for me – like a chocolate making workshop, painting class or a pedicure. I tend to pick stuff that has other people around as that ensures best behavior from her. Not as relaxing as getting a pedicure by myself but seems to help. You could do it on whatever day your exH has the kids. That way if he flakes on it, she feels the impact too which means she may be more empathetic on how difficult he is.
Anon says
My inlaws live 20 minutes across town. We see them about every 6 weeks or so. DH has a challenging relationship with his mother, and unfortunately he is unable to see his father (with whom his relationship has improved over the years) without interacting with his mother, so that limits their interaction as well. He is (finally) setting some boundaries which have not been well received so it has been closer to 2 months since we have seen them, although he is now taking calls once a day from his mother (on Saturday morning alone she left no fewer than 4 voicemails before noon). DD was on a not talking to them kick too (whims of 4YOs I’m sure) but recently has resumed video chatting every other week or so. I’m still not speaking to MIL after the latest dustups, but I will talk to FIL on the phone every other week or so.
My parents live a 2-3 hour drive away. We try to see them once a month (either we go down there or they come up here), but sometimes that stretches a bit. I talk to my mother probably 2-3 times a week by phone, and DD video chats with her probably 4-5 times a week.
None of them understand what it is like to be a working parent, but at least my mother recognized the toll Covid was taking with us being locked down for 11 months and arranged to take DD a couple of times this summer for a break, and with her health issues she understands the need to take precautions if someone is sick (but frequently forgets that DD is not vaccinated so assumes we can and should be doing all the things that, if it were just DH and I, we might be comfortable doing). My MIL thinks that cold air causes the flu (nevermind germs), and she is very much into hygiene theatre and not so much things that might matter (like ventilation).
Anon says
I’m sorry. That sounds very painful!
JoJo says
I just found out I’m ~ 5 weeks pregnant with #2. I am so excited but DH “doesn’t know” if he’s excited, even though he was on board with #2, getting my IUD removed, gardening on a specific date, etc. At first I panicked and cried and asked him if he would leave us and looked at me like I was crazy. He said he’s surprised it happened so soon and needs time to process. In my heart of hearts, I think he will come around. I am trying to give him space and just not talk about it, but also I AM SO EXCITED! I want to talk about it! I think he probably doesn’t want to tell anyone until after our dating ultrasound around 8 weeks, like we did with DD, but I want to talk to someone! So I’m thinking of telling him I would like to tell my sister ONLY. No real question, just wanted to share with people who have maybe been there and would also be excited for me.
Anonymous says
I’m excited for you!! And I think you know that asking if he’s going to leave you because he was surprised it was quick and needs a bit more time is emotionally manipulative. Tell us!! But waiting until 8 weeks is a pretty reasonable ask.
Anon says
Ouch, I’m not sure it’s fair to call that emotionally manipulative. I can totally understand how OP could have been genuinely concerned given his lack of expected reaction. If that’s what OP was worried about it’s much healthier to discuss the fear so that her husband can explain and reassure.
Anon says
ps- congratulations OP!!!!!!! That’s so exciting!
An.On. says
Congratulations! At the outset of my pregnancy, my husband assumed we might lose ours, so there was NO real celebration or happy planning for the first few months, but he got much more excited when we got to the back half. I sympathize, but at least you have a fun secret to carry you through the next few weeks!
Anonymous says
FWIW I was your DH when I found out we were pregnant with #3. Expected, wanted, but happened IMMEDIATELY after our first two took 7 and 9 months to conceive respectively. I honestly thought i had 6 more months of trying!
Anon says
I can’t offer much but commiseration. I’m pregnant with my first after dealing with infertility. The same week we found out I was pregnant, my husband unexpectedly lost one of his best friends. I have been so excited for our pregnancy but also feeling fairly alone in that excitement. Meanwhile he has been devastated by the loss. It’s been tough. I know he’s not in the wrong, but I will always mourn the fact that we didn’t get to have the unlimited early pregnancy joy together when it finally happened (and for the first time). I wish I had a solve for you – but hopefully just knowing others don’t always get the emotional experience they want too may help.
Anon says
hugs. and congrats! sooo exciting!
Curious says
It’s so hard to be on a different emotional wavelength than your partner. Our baby is 2 weeks old and I am so thrilled and having the time of my life, and my partner is just … not. I have to mourn this vision I had of us having immediate and shared joy in our daughter and remember he did cry when she was born. But it’s hard.
EDAnon says
It took me awhile to find the joy with my first, and now, five years later, it seems like it’s just something that happened. NBD. I love my kid like crazy and emotions are different for everyone. It is hard, like you said, but i wanted to assure you that it doesn’t need to haunt you forever (I thought I would always look back with sadness that I wasn’t more joyful, but I really don’t).
EDAnon says
Congrats to you! Tell him how you feel and I bet you’ll be comfortable telling your sister. We had a rule that we didn’t tell anyone before X week that we wouldn’t want to tell about a miscarriage, but we told our parents pretty quickly because they’d be part of our support if something went wrong.
Sick kids says
Following up on some comments yesterday, I would never send my kiddo to a play date sick, unless the other parents were ok with it. But what about just going to the playground on your own? My kids both have a very runny nose from the usual preschool cold and I took them to our local playground. It was pretty late in the day, but we weren’t the only ones there so I made them wear masks the whole time. Was I a jerk?
Anonymous says
Not the jerk. They were outside and wearing masks.
Anonymous says
I disagree just because they were probably touching the playground equipment with their germy hands. Stay home when sick.
Anonymous says
+1 million. Even if you’re sure it was the usual cold (and did you verify this with a Covid test?), you’re spreading germs that *are* spread by surfaces with other kids. Inappropriate before COVID and much worse now. If my kids picked up your kids’ cold from sharing playground equipment, they’re home from school for at least 24 hours (and likely longer). PLEASE just stay home when you are sick!!!!
Anon says
+1. Other stuff is much more likely to be spread by surface contact, and although I am sure germs degrade faster outside than inside, it is not immediate. We do not do any local playgrounds when sick, even if regular preschool crud. If kiddo is feeling well enough we might go for a walk or bike ride, but not where she will be touching things other people are likely to touch (unless they too have a fascination with random rocks, sticks and leaves).
Spirograph says
+1
Playgrounds are germy. Birds poop on them. Shoes are all over them after walking through who-knows-what. Your kids aren’t materially contributing to the gross-ness.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to this. I think you responsibly went to the playground, especially because there was no one there and they were masked.
Anon says
I’m the OP of the play date thread and I don’t think just going to the playground is as big a deal, especially if your kids wear masks and keep their distance. The kid who actually infected us wasn’t masked (although we were), and because he’s my daughter’s friend we had much closer contact with him then we would with strangers. I don’t think casual contact outdoors with masks is unlikely to make anyone sick.
To the surfaces point, we always sanitize our hands immediately upon leaving the playground because my kid is still a thumb sucker and I assume playground surfaces have germs. I think that’s much more effective anyway, since some kids are asymptomatic and still contagious.
Anon says
Oops too many “nots” I don’t think casual contact outdoors with masks is likely to make anyone sick.
Anon says
Please don’t go to the playground with a kid who is likely contagious. If the runny nose is old and lingering that’s one thing, but active green snot is a no go.
AwayEmily says
Short answer: I think the fact that you are taking the time to ask here (and opening yourself up to criticism, which is tough) suggests that you are a thoughtful, considerate person and definitely not a jerk. Long answer: eh, it depends. Had they already tested negative, were they in the waning stages, are they good at keeping their distance from other kids, etc etc. But again: the fact that you’re asking here suggests you probably have decent judgment about this stuff. It is really hard to be constantly making all these risk calculations — nobody is going to get it perfect every time.
anon says
agree with this. also, if they were masked and put hand sanitizer on before using the playground, it seems unlikely that they are spreading germs at the playground to other kids? and are they still in school? presumably if they were too sick to be at school, they should not go to the playground, but if they also went to school, then i think playground is ok. one of my kids sneezed a handful of times this morning and i texted my group of college friends (one of whom is a pediatrician, one is an internist, and one is a nurse – i’m the only non medical one in the bunch) asking if they thought i should keep my kid home from school (we are new at this whole school thing this year) and they all said kiddo should still go. kiddo also wears a mask at school all day. pediatrician friend also said that runny nose tends to be more of a covid symptom than sneezing. it’s exhausting doing all of this risk calculus.
EDAnon says
It’s really hard. My kids are home sick and I am trying to figure out what to do with them that’s not near anyone. Outside and masked is pretty safe. They’re likely not touching their mouth and nose (because they have masks).
I wouldn’t be mad at another parent for doing it. I would probably recommend my kids leave space (but we tell them to do that anyway – covid is contagious before you have symptoms).
Anonymous says
This wouldn’t bother me.
EDAnon says
Due to an online ordering misunderstanding, we have a gallon of vanilla ice cream (with about two scoops eaten) and a gallon of chocolate ice cream. There are four of us. We don’t each much ice cream and two of us are under 6. Any ideas for how I can get rid of this ice cream?!
anon says
Do you have a local Buy Nothing group on FB? Someone might take the unopened one off your hands. Or maybe a neighbor would want it? Otherwise, make lots of milkshakes and have apple crisp/apple pie a la mode?
Anon says
Milkshakes! Or ice cream on top of waffles for dinner. Or invite some friends over for an ice cream party.
Anon says
this is definitely not a problem we’d have in our house. i mean i shouldn’t eat much ice cream, but would i – sure! also, you don’t have to eat it all in one day. you could make an ice cream oreo “pie”, milkshakes, make your own ice cream sandwiches, invite a friend over for an outdoor ice cream gathering. obviously this is a know your kids situation but when we lost power in february (we are in TX) and we had some ice cream in the freezer, we let the kids eat it one day at 10am and they thought it was the best thing ever. (made sure to first feed them some eggs so they had some non sugary protein in them)
Anonymous says
Melted ice cream cake (you use the ice cream as the liquid in the cake mix).
Invite neighborhood families over outside for a DIY sundae bar?
Anon says
on that note, i saw some people making ‘ice cream bread’ with their kids. not sure how good it tasted, but it was a fun activity
TheElms says
This would never be a problem in my house, but what about milkshakes? Also it should keep for at least 3 months so if you don’t need the freezer space I’d just eat it slowly.
Realist says
Throw it out without guilt if you really don’t want it and can’t give away the unopened one. I don’t support food waste, but ice cream isn’t healthy and if you don’t like it, you shouldn’t feel like you have to use it up and it isn’t like you could go feed it to wildlife or whatever.
EDAnon says
Haha it made me laugh to imagine feeding it to wildlife.
Anon says
Geez, just eat it!
Anonymous says
Bake chocolate chip cookies and make ice cream sandwiches. share with neighbors
Anon says
Send it to my house, my 3 year old will eat it in about a week.
Anon says
If there is a college near you, I’m sure you could give it to a student club or sports team. I really really doubt undergrads would care if the container is opened, even during a pandemic. I suspect I could even give away an opened container of ice cream on my neighborhood facebook group. I’m certain I could give away an unopened container. I definitely wouldn’t throw it out – that seems very wasteful to me when there are people who would willingly eat it.
Sf says
A few weeks ago someone on the board recommended SonicareKids toothbrush and app. Thank you! My 4.5 yo is now asking to brush his teeth for the first time in his life. So just in case anyone else is struggling, this has been a help.
Anon says
That was me! Glad it helped! I don’t know what kind of dark magic they wove into that app, but my 4YO is super motivated by it.