A LBD is a wardrobe must-have — here’s one for moms-to-be that goes from the office to (non-alcoholic) cocktail hour.
This sleek dress from Ripe Maternity is made from a soft, stretchy, cotton-blend fabric that stretches with your growing belly. It has a layered bodice with a nursing flap so you can wear it after baby arrives. Add a jacket for work and some sparkly jewelry for after.
Ripe Maternity’s Layered Nursing/Maternity Dress is $112 at Nordstrom. It comes in XS-XL. In addition to black, it also comes in ink (navy) and silver (a cool light gray).
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – 2,100+ new markdowns!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 30% off orders $100+
- Eloquii – $39 select styles; 50% off select styles
- J.Crew – 25-50% off wear-now styles; extra 50% off select sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 50% off women’s dresses; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 60% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale: Extra 50% off markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – 25-40% off kids’ styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all kids’ & baby clothing; PJs on sale from $25; up to 75% off clearance
- Carter’s – Rule the School Sale: Up to 50% off; up to 40% off baby essentials
- Old Navy – 50% off back-to-school styles; 30% off your order, even clearance
- Target – Backpacks from $7.99; toddler & kids’ uniforms on sale from $5
- Pottery Barn Baby – Summer sale: up to 50% off
- Nordstrom – Limited time sales on brands like Maxi-Cosi and Bugaboo.
- Strolleria – Free infant seat car adapter with any Thule stroller; 30% off all Peg-Perego gear in our exclusive Incanto Collection
Tonsils/Adenoids says
Paging the Anon from the Weekend Thread about tubes and adenoid removal for an older child. My daughter had her second set of tubes and an adenoidectomy at 4.5 this spring. There really wasn’t a recovery from the tubes because it’s such a simple, quick procedure. We were told to keep her from putting her head under the water in the bath tub and in lakes/rivers for a few weeks. Pools and washing hair was fine. The adenoidectomy took a solid 3 weeks. She didn’t really have much pain and what she did have was managed by Motrin and Tylenol. We had a few days where she complained of her throat hurting when she ate. She was acting normal the first day or two after, but then, she had about a week where she was lethargic and didn’t have much energy. By the end of week 2, beginning of week 3, she had bounced back some. The worst part, though, was her breath. Her breath literally smelled like death for the full 3 weeks. Once the scabs came off, her breath was 100% better, and her energy level was back to 100%.
Anon says
That was me, thanks for the info!
Waffles says
How, and how often, do you socialize with friends?
I would say that I tend to grab coffee with a female friend once or twice a week, and go to parties maybe once or twice a month.
Anonymous says
I think we are outliers, but we don’t really have any local friends. I see my close friends probably 3 times a year because they all live more than 250 miles away. I meet up with a twin mom group at least once a month. I haven’t set up any individual dates from that but I want to. DH meets some casual buddies probably twice a month, and travels to see his friends twice a year.
An.On. says
Here for the no local friends boat! I see my very good cross-country friends in person probably once every two years but we text weekly, I see my best local friend probably once every 3-4 months (she’s an hour or so away) but we otherwise rarely talk/text. Husband has 2x year long weekend type buddy trips with his friends who are mostly about an hour away. Husband and I hang with family a lot more than with friends and I would say we see our friends much less often than we’d like.
Anon says
Same, no local friends and I see my close friends less often than you because they live farther away.
We do socialize with a few of my husband’s colleagues and their families occasionally.
anon says
I only have one close local friend, and we live across a high-traffic metro area from each other. So we only get together in person every couple of months, although we text a ton (as I do with my non-local close friends). Beyond that, I’m close with my sister-in-law and we see them for kid activities about every three weeks. A lot of my socializing is also via church – we’re there the entire morning every Sunday, and that typically involves (in addition to worship), coffee hour (ie lots of social chat time), and Sunday School (which scratches my itch for thoughtful adult conversation about ideas, culture, etc.). I don’t tend to spend time with my “church friends” outside of church, but I’m spending probably an hour to 90 minutes of kid-free time (bc the kids are in children’s chapel/their own Sunday School for all of this) every Sunday with them.
Cb says
I try to socialise with friends or colleagues 1-2x a week, I am pretty extroverted and would happily have lunch with a pal every workday if I was in the office more often. I’m not a creature meant for lots of wfh but I always work far from where I live.
Anonymous says
I rarely socialize with friends outside of structured events and activities. People are just too busy. Every couple of months we will go to the brewery with friends or host backyard s’mores, but most of my socializing is quick conversations before non-work meetings or at kid events etc.
Anony says
Not regularly because I don’t really have local friends after a move in the past few years. I’m trying to change this and meet people, but it’s slow going. I’m usually able to see a friend if one of us travels (sometimes as a bonus on work trips, sometimes planned visits) every few months.
Anon says
Only around structured events, like if we have kids in school together, at a sports event or similar. We have four kids, and I work full time so any free time is usually with my kids and DH. I’m realizing I’m maybe an outlier here and feeling sort of bad about this now though. We already have to get sitters for evening sports games and things like that, so we don’t love getting sitters for social stuff. Also DH is an introvert, so it’s kind of all on me to do stuff as a couple. None of my friends work downtown/near me so I wouldn’t be able to get a coffee during the workday with them.
NYCer says
My two closest friends in NYC don’t have kids, so our paths never cross at kid centric events. I try to get coffee with one of them 1x per week as she also lives uptown, but realistically it probably ends up being every other week due to one of our schedules. She is sadly moving out of state in September, so that socializing will be disappearing soon. My other good friend lives downtown, and we get dinner on average 1x per month. Sometimes a weeknight and sometimes a weekend night. Beyond those two, I have a few other not as close friends who I see more sporadically. A coffee or dinner here or there, but with no normal regularity.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
1) My own friends, just us – best case 1-2x/month, girls trips 1-2x/year, very active whatsapp/text threads which are meaningful!
2) My own various circles of friends + partners + our kids so they can be friends – 1x/every other month or so for some structured activities (e.g. day at the beach, pool party, some holiday-adjacent thing, etc.)
3) Cousins/Extended Family (always with kids) – 1x/month
4) Neighborhood/community people I’m trying to be friends/closer with (usually other Moms, or DH’s colleague-friends that live in our neighborhood) – quick hangs like coffee, or the occasional dinner out, usually kid-free and ends up being 2x/month max
I’m actually an introvert; I think there’s high value in cultivating the last bullet, so I’ve been working on it when possible.
Caveat that we moved to my home city where a lot of my close friends from college ended up settling down, so that’s why bullets 1 and 2 exist. If we had stayed where we lived before it would likely just be the last bullet + a lot of time with another family that we remain super close to/consider an extension of our own families. If we moved somewhere new, it’d just be #4 plus the girls’ trips + text threads.
Anonymous says
Without kids? Not often, but I meet up with friends with our kids 1-2x/week, and we go to church on Sundays and hang out with families with kids afterwards to catch up. I also do bible study (kids included)
GCA says
Local friends: I operate best 1:1, so I go for walks with friends or get coffee with them.
With my own friends near and far – constant text threads, very occasional meetups (a couple of times a year depending on how local they are to us).
We have some family friends (no kids) who are basically like family at this point – they’ll come over for dinner nearly every week and are like surrogate aunt and uncle to my kids.
As an introvert I’m pretty happy with this setup!
Pump parts and work travel says
I have my first pumping-while-traveling work trip tomorrow (second baby, but nursed the first entirely during the Covid travel restrictions so it was a non-issue).
How many sets of pump parts do people bring? I’ll be using the Medela wipes during the day. Can I get away with a single set or should I bring two?
Also, any tips for pumping on the plane? I’ll be doing it in my seat, Spectra pump with flanges, but covering up with a nursing cover.
Anonymous says
I always just brought 1 set. Pump wipes during the day, wash w/ dish soap in evening, sanitize in the microwave bag after.
I also only brought 3 bottles (which was the max I needed for a pumping session) and then would empty each session into bags which I would label and freeze at end of the day as well. People rave about the Ceres chill, but it wasn’t around when I was pumping.
Also, depending on how old baby is, give yourself the option to pump and dump. It is SO emotionally difficult to pour the milk down the drain, but it makes the logistics 1000x times easier.
On the plane – I would still try to pump as close as possible to departure. Remember that w/ turbulence it may not be possible to pump when you want to, so don’t leave too close a margin of error. Bring a manual for backup (I also found manual at seat to be SO much easier; again, not sure how old baby is, but I used this method when LO was closer to a year or year+ and only nursing morning/night for comfort). When baby was little and I needed to get a really solid pump in, my best advice is to get a high quality battery back. DO NOT use the plugs on the plane as they are not full amperage and your pump will not work well, potentially leading to clogs.
good luck!! I have travelled extensively internationally and domestic and pumped everywhere, including in the bathroom of a fancy work dinner in Europe lol. you got this!
Pump parts and work travel says
Thank you! I’m leaning towards one set, and my hotel room has a full kitchen so I can boil to sterilize at night.
I will absolutely be pumping and dumping on day 1 (the day I fly up there) because I’m meeting a friend for dinner and no logistics of trying to keep the milk cold appealed. But will keep the milk on days 2 and 3 to bring home. I have an external battery for my Spectra 2 so I can pump w/o an outlet.
Cornellian says
Not what you asked, but consider asking your hotel if you can freeze milk before you leave. Then you have an easier time at TSA (and it’s probably safer from a food safety perspective).
If you’re in an area where you can get same day delivery, I wouldn’t worry about a second set. If not, I would bring a second set (or a matching hand pump).
Pump parts and work travel says
Thank you! Unfortunately, I’ll be checking out of hotel at 7ish am and then at the local office (fridge no freezer) until I head to the airport around 230pm, so I think I’ll just do fridge. I also need to scald my milk before I freeze (high lipase) and so I was just planning on doing that when I get home.
I’ll be in a major city in Canada but not sure if they have the same pumps as I have in the US.
Anon Anon says
I just got a positive pregnancy test and I can’t tell anyone IRL, so I am posting here! I have PCOS and we have been trying for nearly 18 months, so I am very excited to finally see a positive test. It’s early days so who knows if it will stick but I am very pleased to have made it to this stage.
Anonymous says
Congratulations that’s wonderful news!
Anon says
Yay, congratulations!!!!
Anonymous says
ahhh congratulations!!! I also have PCOS and we tried for 19 months before getting pregnant and I’m currently 23 weeks along. I know how hard that journey is emotionally, physically and mentally so that is just huge to even have a positive result!!
Anon says
Congratulations!!!
Anon says
mattress recs for kids? finally getting my 5 year old twins real beds (they are still in their converted cribs).
AwayEmily says
We got a two-pack from Costco: Juniper Kids. They are quite comfortable.
Anon says
We got the naturepedic 2 in 1 (has a waterproof side). It’s a little noisy but firm, which is what I wanted.
snacks says
I’ve noticed that my kids – 6 and 9 – always ask me or husband before they reach for a snack. Its not a norm that we set intentionally, but we would always prepare food and snacks for them when they were younger. On one hand, I think its nice that they aren’t rifling through the pantry, but I don’t love the authority i’m being given to approve/disapprove eating. I always say yes and let them know that its always ok to eat when they are hungry and that they dont need my permission to have an apple or whatever. We were on vacation recently with another family and they have a tradition of having a snack drawer filled with treats and sweets. The tradition is that anyone could have a treat at any time because its vacation. My kids asked everytime, which is polite, but made me wonder if we our too involved or too regulating. Talk me through this, please. When I was a kid the pantry was always stocked with healthy snacks and treats (hello ’90s kids!) and I just went over a helped myself anytime i wanted. That of course wasnt great either…so how does this work?
Anonymous says
I think there’s zero problem here.
Anon says
No, zero problem. This feels like a brag honestly! (Not criticizing, just saying!)
We tell my kids to always ask us. They don’t have a sense of when dinner will be served or how long until food is ready for a meal, so I’m a better judge of whether it’s a good time for a snack than they are, at least for these ages.
Anon says
Yeah this feels kind of like a humblebrag.
Anon says
90’s kid here and our pantry was stocked with Doritos and pop tarts…
HSAL says
My kids (5 and 7) ask. The answer won’t always be yes. If they ask me for a snack 20 minutes before dinner? No, you wait for dinner. If you’re still hungry after dinner we’ll revisit. We have fairly scheduled snacks though, so they don’t ask very often.
CCLA says
Same. At least at these ages, nothing here strikes me as problematic. We do have the rule that generally fruit veg are always allowed (with a limit of one banana a day), though that doesn’t mean I’ll drop whatever I’m doing to make them a fruit salad, but if they want to grab an apple or rinse some berries they can have at it. We offer regular snacks with more heft to them but if they want to snack between normal times they get fruit (or veg, in theory, but they have yet to take us up on that one).
Anon says
Did you make it clear to your kids that they didn’t need to ask every time if they wanted a treat during vacation? Perhaps they weren’t clear on that. Some kids are just more cautious with things. I was one of those kids where I would always ask permission (for many different things, not just food). I think it’s a personality thing. I wouldn’t worry about it, but I’d also make sure they are clear on when they do or do not need to ask for permission. If they still ask, I’d take it as they are in the habit of doing it or they are viewing it as polite manners. For what it’s worth, we have a snack area that has designated snacks in it that my kid can have at any time, even if it is right before a meal or after a meal that they didn’t eat. Parents decide what is in that snack area, kid decides what/when to eat it.
Anonymous says
I accidentally trained my kids to ask but I keep enforcing it because my oldest will refuse an after school snack and then ask for one as I’m plating dinner. I think of it more like training them to listen to their bodies than being polite.
Anonymous says
Huh? Of course you want kids asking you before they snack. My older kids still ask “should I have a snack now or is dinner soon?” And I WISH my husband would ask me if I have plans for food before he eats an entire bunch of grapes or bag of pita chips that were designated for school lunches or salad topping.
Anonymous says
Is kid led snacking a thing?
I thought in general the goal was parents set meal times and kids eat however much they want at meal times.
I intentionally hold meal and snack times pretty strictly because otherwise my kids will try to snack all day and not eat meals served.
But my kids are 4 and 6 so maybe the calculus is different.
SC says
My son is 8, and I also became uncomfortable with overregulating his food intake and him having to ask permission to eat. At one point, he was gleefully but not very sneakily “sneaking” snacks that we would have said yes to him having. We set up a snack drawer in our house. We include some healthier choices (raisins, cocoa dusted almonds, whole grain fig bars) but also stuff like goldfish and fruit snacks. Cookies, candy, etc. are stored on a high shelf in the pantry. The only rule for our son is that if he has a snack and is still hungry, he has to choose something else for his next snack.
Honestly, the novelty wore off quickly, and Kiddo started ignoring the snack drawer after a couple of weeks. If he’s hungry at dinner time, he usually asks for an “appetizer” (lol), and we offer a cheese stick and/or fruit. I like that the snack drawer gives him a little more autonomy, but it’s really been a non-issue.
Hardy sneakers? says
Recommendations for sneakers for kids who are hard on their shoes? My 2nd grader loved the New Balance Arishi fresh foams I got him, but in four months they are starting to fall apart. (Toe cap peeling; Velcro strap coming apart.) Anything that holds up longer to kids who beat up their shoes? Looking for Velcro or no-tie, too. Tying laces is still too much for rushed mornings.
Cb says
We have to have black shoes for school uniforms and a pair of cheapish black leather adidas sneakers held up all year, which surprised me.
Anonymous says
Keens or Merrells usually outlast my tough on shoes boys. They also have velcro shoe closure options in larger sizes.
AwayEmily says
We’ve had good luck with Tsukihoshi kids. They are also machine-washable. Not cheap but so far they’ve held up even through summer camp.
Anonymous says
Also big fans of this brand!
Anon says
I don’t love supporting the brand, but the Adidas shoes we bought my preschooler held up like steel – over a year of daily wear and they showed virtually no signs of damage.
Skechers was the worst in my experience, they were totally worn out in three months.
We’ve decided to just buy Target shoes going forward; they’re cheap and seem to hold better than most of the more expensive brands except Adidas.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
My rising K-er is in his FEELS about all the changes. Guess the whole not-making-a-big-deal-of-it isn’t going to apply with my guy. He’s been in some type of daycare/preschool since he was 4 months old, including doing kindergarten this last year at preschool but…change is change.
We had a tearful conversation this AM about how he’s scared of having a new teacher, making new friends, having a new routine, etc. I told him me and DH would hold his hand through everything, that it was going to be new for everyone (even the teacher – new class for them!), there would be some kids who had never been in a school before, etc. I told him that he could even hold my hand the whole time at meet the teacher on Friday, that change is hard sometimes and it comes anyway – all we can do is prepare the best we can. (I also told him look kid, if we don’t send you to school, me and DH get in trouble because it’s the law, which seemed to make him stop whining and actually asking questions).
Then, I suddenly remembered how nervous I had been to start a new school in 1st grade – I recall telling my Mom the same version of things DS was telling me, including that I thought my soon-to-be teacher’s name made her sound like a monster (spoiler alert: she was great). I remember feeling supported and then loving 1st grade. I hope he looks back and feels the same, or at the very least, feels neutral.
Guess he’s inherited his Mom’s anxiety…
Anon says
My K-er was fairly anxious about it before we started, and then it was totally fine once school started. So I think there’s still hope it will be smooth.
Anonymous says
Take him to the school playground before the first day and let him run around. It won’t solve the anxiety, but it might help give him some confidence/ comfort to have explored it with you first.
Anon says
YMMV but I have a deeply feeling kid and she does best when we don’t dwell on the feelings. We do a lot of “it’s normal to be sad and miss your old friends but you’re going to have so much fun and make new friends and your teacher will be so great. Did you know your teacher loves penguins too? What do you think your desk will look like?” etc.
I know some will probably judge us for being dismissive about her feelings, and it goes against a lot of the advice from the trendy influencers like Big Little Feelings but if we lean into her sad and anxious feelings, she spirals and never gets out of it. I feel like when we acknowledge the feelings but try to move on quickly and talk about positive things or distract her with random facts about the situation, she does a lot better.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Thank you! I’ll try this approach next time. Sometimes the distraction is hard for me to stick to because DS #1 will just start spouting nonsense – e.g. “I NEVER LIKED ANY SCHOOLS!”, and I want to address that, even though I know it’s probably (?) an outburst given that he is….5.5, not a 40 year old that has been through years of therapy and medication to learn to better regulate their emotions (me).
Anon says
I really like and agree with this approach.
Anonymous says
As an anxious person who’s still learning to manage it at 37, I wish my parents had known to implement this.
Anonymous says
+1. “Yes, and” is my mantra.
Anonymous says
Mine was also so nervous last year. He REALLY missed his pre-K buddies for the first couple months and we did some playdates to help with that. When he started talking about any new friends, we leaned into that and encouraged those friendships. Other than his bestie who did aftercare and was also in his class, I think he’s still closer with his pre-K buddies. But, they were together for years since “[friend] used to poop in his pants all the time!” as kiddo reminded me the other day.
I was also unprepared for the level of rigor in K now – worksheets, journals, book reports, etc. We were basically in survival mode for the evenings all year and enforced an insanely early bedtime to get us through, because kiddo was so tapped out from the day. Our aftercare was very free range and I liked that for him – he and his bestie would literally play in the dirt, which I think is very important after a super structured day.
Anonymous says
This is very dependent on where you live, I think. I was actually shocked how un-academic K was. I’m glad it wasn’t too intense, but I think my (very average) child could have used more challenge. But first grade is supposed to be a lot more academic in our area.
Anon says
my twins start K next week and I think i’m as nervous at they are, though trying not to let it show. i just learned one of the K teachers is male, and I think mine would be really upset to have a male teacher (for some reason in everything they’ve done, swim lessons, soccer, etc. they are more comfortable with female) and that one teacher’s class is not located in the same hallway as the others.
Anon says
How much, and how, do you push a kid to do the work for something the kid wanted to do? My 10 year old has always been really stubborn about actually *doing* well, anything. Right now, he’s been talking about wanting to be in the school play for months. They gave him a script excerpt and a song for the audition-I keep suggesting we practice it, and it’s total shutdown – resistant to doing it “right now” (anytime), barely participating when we do, big struggle, then my husband and I wind up getting frustrated at him and trying to point out that he wants to do this and this is what it will take.
I want him to have fun with it, not force him into something. A big part of me just wants to let him make the choice and accept the consequences, but I hate to see him just miss out. And honestly, I want to see him do *something*, but everything seems to wind up being a similar issue, even if he says he wants to do it.
Anonymous says
I would not push this at all. It’s a clear natural consequence that if you don’t practice you might not get a role.
Why would you push it? So he gets what he wants? If he wants it, he can practice.
Anon says
Is it anxiety? If so, natural consequences may not be enough.
I have a kid who gets super worried about things she hasn’t done before. I try really hard to support her and calm fears, and sometimes do push just a bit so she doesn’t give up too easily. She’s almost always happy she did it after the fact. If it isn’t her thing, I make sure she knows she doesn’t have to do it again.
For instance, this week she is doing sewing camp with her sister. She is afraid that she doesn’t know how to sew, but I keep telling her that it’s okay and 7 yos aren’t supposed to know how to sew already. If she doesn’t like it, I won’t sign her up again. I’m sure she’d be the same with an audition–she wouldn’t want to try because she’d be afraid. I’d need to give her a nudge, but wouldn’t do so unless I thought she really wanted it and could handle it.
Anon says
Very little. The more I push, the more resistant they become. It’s very, very hard, and I’m definitely still working on it, but I try to limit myself to one comment. Hey, your audition is coming up – you should work on your monologue and your audition piece. Hey, advancement is due soon, how are you on rank advancement? Hey, gear check is tomorrow, are you packed? That’s it, then it’s up to them.
Anon says
Yup.
GCA says
Heh, found another Scout parent :) the MBTI is workplace astrology but my approach to parenting is classic INFJ (link below) – develop independence and self-sufficiency by scaffolding opportunities to practice it. Also, I was that way at age 10 – the more my parents pushed, the more resistant I was, but when I actually wanted to do something I went and found a way to do it.
GCA says
oh yeah, here’s the link. https://www.16personalities.com/infj-parents
DLC says
I found with my wanna be theatre kid in a similar situation, disappointment at missing out was the best motivator for the next time.
But also, it might be worth asking if there is anything they are feeling insecure about. My kid didn’t think she had enough theatre experience so we’ve put her in theatre camp and classes to get her confidence up.
Anon says
This sounds like anxiety to me – he’s nervous about the audition and his anxiety around it is making him not want to practice. If you think that’s possible, it might be worse kind of pushing him through it with some incentives (nothing major, like a sticker chart where if he practices 10 time he goes for ice cream or something). If you don’t think it’s anxiety though I agree wiht the other posters that perhaps you should just let him try and fail.
Anon says
As a super gentle way to nudge, have you asked to see if he’d want to practice and audition with a friend? My 10 yo would be more likely to put herself out there with a buddy.
Anonymous says
For an audition, I wouldn’t do anything other than explain that not practicing may have consequences and generally try to make it fun.
But my kid signs up for things and then doesn’t want to practice and I have told her that we can’t do that because if we say we are going to do something, we have to practice at least x minutes a day (this is usually a very low number).
So Anon says
Anyone else have a kid with a chronic illness that flares from time-to-time? If so, how do you take care of yourself during those bouts of intensity? My oldest has Crohn’s and we have been so fortunate that he has been in remission for the last six years. It seems very likely that he is having a flare. I feel so guilty for not seeing it sooner – his signs are pretty subtle but they all clicked in my head at the end of last week. We are looking at a full GI workup and then treatment for the flare. I’m trying to stay positive and upbeat for my kids, but I feel like I just want to crawl into bed versus all the coordination and planning that needs to happen: calling a 504 meeting, coordinating with his doc for the documentation for the 504, the tests, prep for the tests, coordinating with his teachers for time out of school, treatment, changing his diet. I’m all ears for any practical tips.
Anon says
FMLA time off work
So Anon says
Just started a new job in June, and as the sole breadwinner, unpaid time off isn’t really a great idea for us.
Anon says
It might be paid, depending on your employer. Sick leave often applies.
You know your own situation best, but personally I think using FMLA time early into a job is not great but is better than being distracted and underperforming at the job. In hindsight, I think I made a huge career mistake by not taking leave in spring of 2020 and trying to power through.
Anonymous says
You’re not even FMLA eligible for a year
govtattymom says
Not exactly the same, but I have a chronic disease that requires lots of management. I take sick leave for the appointments and flares (does your job allow you to do that for your son’s appointments)? I have to work a little harder when I am at work to compensate for those missed hours. Although it feels a bit overwhelming at first, it is manageable (for my job at least) to take a decent number of hours off. I definitely recommend continuing to work out/take care of yourself (even though it is tempting to skip those things to get work done) as it is key to maintaining sanity. I hope your son feels better soon!
anon says
Our 13-year-old has Crohn’s. She’s actually never been in remission, so we’ve been going nonstop for the 3 years since her diagnosis. It’s so, so hard and enormously time consuming. Please do NOT blame yourself – you know how diffuse and nonspecific these symptoms can be.
Here’s what helps us:
– Keeping a physical binder with printouts of key documents, requests, documentation, etc. With the massive amount of stuff we manage, having critical documents in paper in a single place has been easier for us than any digital repository.
– Our daughter’s illness has meant that we need to minimize the complexity in every other part of life. My husband and I have a shared digital calendar where we track all family events and critical work events that impact family life; we meal plan and meal prep to reduce the burden associated with weeknight meals; we hired extra help to drive our other kids (we have 4) to activities, etc.
– We’re both upfront with our jobs about the fact that we have a sick kid. It helps when asking for time off, and it helps when you’re just not at your best because you’re worrying.
I hope you guys are able to find something that can help your kiddo and get him back into remission ASAP!
Ifiknew says
how often do your kids play with neighbors? I have a 4 and 6 year old and they get home from school around 330 and I’d rather they use this time to be with each other and we go somewhere during the week/ activities etc and save neighbor playdates for weekends but I feel like I’m being unreasonable. it’s also that sometimes the 6 year old finds a friend and the 4 year old has a total meltdown or the 4 year old does and the 6 year old is upset that they’re not including her and I can’t just cook dinner etc in peace because I feel like I need to watch the kids more when other kids are over. thoughts?? I always thought it wad the dream ti have so many kids to play with and now I find it difficult on weekdays
Anon says
On weekday afternoons, basically never. My daughter has one friend on our block but that kid is very scheduled and has after school activities every day. Her other neighbor friend is on the other side of the neighborhood, and I think people would judge us if I let her bike over there alone (she’s 5) so we don’t.
However I think it’s very location dependent. The kid on the other side of our neighborhood has a posse of 10-15 kids on his street and they all play together every afternoon from when they get home from school until it gets dark. I’m jealous – that was my childhood and what I wanted for my kids but it didn’t work out that way. She does have regular weekend play dates (some with neighbors, some with other kids) but I feel like those interfere with family life more than weekday afternoon stuff.
Cb says
We only have an 8 and 11 year old nearby (our neighbourhood is all retirees and us, so these are visiting grandchildren) and I try and let T play out whenever he wants to as playing with the neighbour kids is such a cherished childhood memory for me. Plus, it’s often in tv time at the weekend and I like that my son is choosing play over his designated hour of telly.
For awhile, we would need to be outside because the 8 year old is pretty rough, but things have gotten better on that front. I don’t love when they are indoors though so will shove them outside.
Anon says
In my area (where basically no one has nannies or au pairs) this kind of thing is only for SAHMs. The children of working parents all go to aftercare and kids that age aren’t usually out after dinner because they have to go to bed.
Anon says
Our elementary school is all walkers and after school many, many kids stay and play on the playground. There will be a bunch of parents with open laptops working if the weather is reasonable, treating the playground and friends as pseudo childcare.
Anonymous says
Oh I love that. Our elementary school playgrounds are closed after school because they’re reserved for the aftercare program (which doesn’t even seem to use them).
Ski trip 101 says
First ski trip next March for our kids who will be almost 5 and 7. We’re going for six nights, how many days of ski school would you do? I was thinking 2 or 3? Should ski school be consecutive days or break it up? There are other family activities well do like Tubing, ice skating, family snow cat etc.. the times seem to be 9 to 3, no half day options?
The kids can be together or I can put my 6 year old in the 7 to 12 age range and its a little cheaper than the 4 to 6 age group. what would you do?
Also, it seems insane that there isn’t insurance or the ability to get credit to use at the ski school if my kids pick up the flu since ski school lessons are fully paid for and very $$$. Does anyone know if this type of insurance exists?
Anon says
I think some kinds of travel insurance would cover this, but I’m not an expert. You probably need “cancel for any reason” insurance which is not cheap (but may be a worthy investment, I know ski school is $$$$).
I think the age grouping thing is very personality dependent. My kid would want to be with the younger kid, she’s a perfectionist who thrives on doing things well and being one of the biggest kids with the best skills. But I know there are kids who rise to the challenge being around bigger kids who can do more.
yay skiing!! says
If they’ve never skiied before, I’d suggest 3 or 4 days of ski school so they can build up skills enough to be feeling more proficient/having fun and able to come back to it next year. If they only do 2 days, they’ll likely not have retained much and have to start all over on the next ski trip.
I’d also recommend not aging up the 6 year old. With the younger kids, they’ll likely get a bit more help/support with things like checking their gear and even getting boosted onto the chair lifts. In a group of older kids, if they have a wrinkly sock under their boot that causes pain or more anxiety/discomfort around the lifts, that could easily lead to them having a bad experience and writing off skiing overall.
NYCer says
+1 to all of this.
EP-er says
I would do 2 non-consecutive days. My kids are older, but I enrolled all of us in ski school the first day of skiing. It helped to get a feel for the lifts and runs, even though we’re good skiers. We sent the kids back again on Thursday, mostly because they asked. They were able to practice their new skills for a few days before getting more (different) instruction. Depending on where you are coming from, you probably need a day or two to acclimate. I was shocked how out of breath I was for the first few days. And how dry I was, coming from 500′ elevation to 12k’.
I was also apprehensive about the crappy cancellation policy. We actually signed up early (discounted) just for the first lesson, then signed up for the second while we were there. I figured that this was just going to be a more expensive trip than usual!
EP-er says
Reconsidering after other comments and their ages… I was assuming that they already know how to ski. But if they are that little, I would totally do a few days in a row at the beginning and not age up the 6 year old. They already group them based on ability, so the two kids might not be in the same small group any way. Also, where we went, they had GPS monitoring on the kids — it was fun to review their runs afterward with them!
Anon says
I’d do four days – two days, day off, two days. If you actually want them to learn. Put them in whatever age groups they naturally get put into. My kids are never in the same ski school classes and I think that works out better as one will likely pick it up faster!
You can probably cancel and use the credits in a future year at that resort if nothing else. at least Aspen would let you do that if you cancel more than 24 hours in advance.
Runner says
I’d love advice: DS is 4.5, the boy in a set of boy/girl twins. The comparisons between him and his sister, him and anyone else are just…off the chain these days. “I didn’t get as many as you” is a refrain — I didn’t get to pick up as many toys as you, I didn’t get to go first as often, do I get to have this thing first or does my sister? He will do it with other kids too; we had a weekend away with family friends whose daughter is 7, and there were a few tantrums about fairness. He also will say: “that is fair to me,” when I present him with the question of is it fair for him to collect all the toys, have all the snacks, go first all the time, and how would his sister or his friend feel about that. The emotions are incredibly intense. He is falling in love with all the sports right now, loves practicing anything — baseball, soccer, basketball — and hates losing.
I try to respect and recognize the feelings, especially around losing — who likes to lose? But the “fairness” stuff is a mind-bender for me, especially since I don’t think he’s fully grasped the concept. ;-) Are there books on being a good loser? Books on sharing? Any tips or tricks?
Anon says
This all sounds very normal to me for a 4.5 year old and is something kids outgrow naturally.
NYCer says
+1. It definitely sounds like my 4.5 year old (girl)!
AwayEmily says
Yup. Normal, but annoying. It will pass.
Anonymous says
Totally normal but stop asking him if things are fair lol
anonM says
Hey Little Aunt is a good book on looking at things from someone else’s view — there, literally the view of the ant. But could translate that empathy lesson?
Anon says
i have 5 year old twin girls. yesterday i got “it’s not fair, you were more gentle when brushing Twin B’s hair” and “it’s not fair that friend at the pool was wearing a bathing suit that showed her tummy” . i also played tic tac toe with twin A at a restaurant on Saturday and she was so mad to lose. so first of all, with losing, i try to focus more on having fun – we just watched the Disney movie Cars yesterday, and i’m sure there is a book version as well, but it focuses on how there is more than winning. it sounds like his version of fair means his preferences, which obviously is not what fair means, but we talk a lot about how we can’t always get what we want and how someone will always have more, someone will always have less and we should focus more on what we do have than what we dont have. it is very much a work in progress, but also very very age appropriate. a lot of my local friends have a 5 year old and then a younger one, so they will play board games with their older one before bed and that is just something we cannot do late in the day bc at least right now, the kiddos are too tired to handle losing, not getting the color piece they want, not going first etc.
Anonymous says
In defense of your son, “fairness” is actually hard for adults to agree on much of the time! You don’t have to belabor the point every time this comes up, but I think that acknowledging the complexity of fairness and encouraging him to think about it is worth doing at some point. Maybe he’s gravitating toward equality as fairness–what about equity? Etc etc.
Runner says
These are all fantastic responses. I love the idea of thinning through what’s fair and not having it be obvious…adults haven’t cracked this quite yet. And, recognizing our limits around tiredness and playing. And working on empathy. And then, just waiting it out!
Anonymous says
Incredibly annoying and also very typical. My almost-8 year old still melts down if he thinks his younger sister got more screen time (we’re talking, “she didn’t pause it immediately when I got up to go to the bathroom”, not “she got to watch a movie and I didn’t”), a slightly bigger dessert… drives me absolutely bonkers.
anonnyc says
Does anyone have recommendations for books or resources to teach a toddler (2.5 year old) patience? I know impatience and big feelings are normal for this age, but my daughter consistently melts down if something is not given to her the second before she asks for it, will respond by throwing things, occasionally hits or bites, will shout when asked to ask nicely (I don’t want to ASK! accompanied by dramatic throwing of whatever she’s holding). We are okay with the concepts of time outs in her crib (calmly remove her to her crib explaining she’s getting a time out because she didn’t listen, without being punitive) and that works some of the time but I don’t think she gets that time out is a negative consequence. We’d love to educate ourselves on some concrete techniques we could try. I’m not authoritarian but also not a fan of Janet Lansbury type stuff so somewhere in the middle I guess? E.g., I don’t think it’s heartless to let her cry by herself for a few minutes to blow off the steam.
PJ says
Google “authoritative” parenting.
Have you tried timers that she can see counting down or closing a circle?
Anon says
I think Janet Lansbury is authoritative parenting, or purports to be.
OP, I had a kid who needed to be by herself to come down. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. It’s totally different than ignoring a child who is crying out for you.
Anon says
though i’d suggest not her crib where she sleeps bc for some kids that leads to sleeping issues
anonM says
I have found that some of this isn’t so much about what you say, but that you actually just make them practice. I’m not saying make them wait on purpose, but just reminding yourself it is ok if LO waits a moment and don’t break your back jumping up for every little thing. We often acknowledge that “waiting is hard!” But, we still try to encourage manners and often give the kids a chance to try that again politely. Now, 2.5 might be a little young for that but you can still set the expectation, model slightly-exaggerated manners between you and anyone else in the house (“THANK YOU, DH for getting me water too!”) To me, a connected consequence to not asking nicely is you just don’t get it for her, rather than time-outs. What else might work is using some humor occasionally with this. I pretend to be “manners robot” who can’t hear rude requests — just every once in awhile when manners backslide. I also notice the waiting/manners are really hard once a kid is super hungry or thirsty. My son in particular will not ask for water, but will go around causing chaos until I realize he’s actually just super thirsty. So, some prevention may help because even adults get hangry!
AwayEmily says
I think as long as you are consistent with whatever method you choose, it will eventually work. Different strategies work for different kids. “Natural consequences” were always best for my kids — they were not cognitively able to connect a time out (or other punishment) to behaviors, especially at that age. For example, if they throw a fit when you put on their sunhat, then they don’t get to play outside. If they throw their stuffed animal, it gets taken away. If they bite when you’re reading them a book, you stop reading them the book. I know natural consequences aren’t always possible but they worked way, way better than anything else we tried. But again, your kid might respond to time-outs or 1-2-3 magic or something else.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – My 2.5 year old isn’t verbal enough to say “I don’t want to ask” – I don’t even think my very verbal older son got there until 3+!
But also, OP, I see you, too. Right now with my 2.5 year old, I’m trying to avoid power struggles (thanks to this board for that).
– If something is thrown, I’ll give him another chance to do it NICELY (this word words for him, no idea why), and if it’s thrown again, I take it away. If he is mad because he has to stop play to have his diaper changed – I hold him and say “I need to change your diaper FIRST and THEN we can play with X” until he somewhat calms down.
Same with food at the table. Cup is being spun around? Okay put it nicely and then if you don’t bye-bye, milk! (This is a huge improvement, before it’d be thrown for fun). You don’t want apples, okay put them nicely next to your plate or give them to me (look, I’ll take the half chewed apple on the side of my plate over it being thrown).
Generally what is working is a very, very FIRM (not yelling…mostly) no where we look into his eyes, and then a “good job” and hug/kiss if/when he corrects shortly thereafter.
He’s so cute. And so proud of himself. And It. is. exhausting.
Anon says
get the book “waiting is not easy” to read to your toddler to help her learn to be more patient. also – this is very age appropriate, she is 2 and i can get behind the timeouts for hitting or biting or something dangerous, but a time out for every time she doesn’t listen seems like a lot
Anonymous says
OP – just got that book!! I love the elephant and piggie books.
Anon says
I agree with the poster above about being consistent with whatever you do. But, also, 2.5 is really, really young. At 4.5, we are just starting to work our way out of these tantrums and have our kid understand the consequences of this behavior. We use the time out in her room to blow off steam and get it out of her system rules. We sit with her in there and just let her get it all out. We also saw significant improvement in these behaviors when we implemented choices into her routine. They have very little control over everything and giving them choices can decrease the tantrums.
Anonymous says
I think you’ve gotten a lot of good advice already but something I’ve noticed with my 2.5 year old twins is just acknowledging the feelings seems to dissipate the meltdown a bit. “I see that you want more water. I am stirring spaghetti right now and when I am done I will get you some water. It’s hard to wait.” It sounds so pedantic but it really does help. And then the second they calm down say “you’re doing such a good job being patient!” I promise I’m not a sappy parent; I yell at my kids way more than I want to, but I also try to “catch” them being good, even when it’s small. I’ve also noticed that when one twin is asking me for a bunch of things, what he actually wants is undistracted time with me. Even 2 minutes sitting together on the couch helps improve his mood.
Anonymous says
It’s annoying but no, there’s no way to hack yourself out of a 2.5 year old acting like a 2.5 year old. Calmly repeat (we can’t throw/hit) for the next 3-6 months until they grow out of it. They will stop doing it one day, I promise.
Anon says
+1
OP says
OP here – thanks all for the great suggestions. I know she’s only 2.5 and there’s only so much I can control, but I’m a homework person and like to have some strategies :) Also, to clarify, we don’t do time outs for every time she doesn’t listen! Only if it’s something where she’s melting down uncontrollably or she bit one of us or something like that.
Part of my struggle is probably that I’ve heard the meltdowns come from kids not being able to express what they need. Not a problem for my DD! I get everything from “No I don’t want to watch Winnie, I want to watch Mickey FIRST” and then as soon as Mickey is on it’s “I watched this ALREADY, I want finding dory”, or “I want blueberries RIGHT NOW” or “no I don’t want to go into my cribby, I want to play with my camper van” or whatever. I suppose I should be happy she’s so verbal but it is a tough period for sure!
Anon says
Even older kids who are verbal meltdown so it’s not only from not being able to express what they need. I also had a very verbal 2.5 year old who is now 5 and still has meltdowns but if shes melting down bc i say we can’t have candy before dinner it’s usually that she is already starving or super tired etc, but doesn’t have the self awareness to say “mom I’m super hungry already, can i please have some carrots before dinner”