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Anonymous says
We’re going to a beach house with two other families this weekend (for a total of six adults, four kids ages 2-4), one family we know and one we don’t. We’re bringing the food for Saturday breakfast. What should we bring? I was thinking of Costco croissants, fruit, cracker cuts of cheese and a couple of packs of chicken sausage. Any other thoughts?
anon says
That sounds lovely. I always like jam with croissants. Don’t forget beverages. With kids, I’d definitely have milk and many adults will want coffee or tea and maybe a plant-based milk to go with the coffee.
Anon says
+1 coffee is the thing that stood out to me. I’d bring regular coffee, either decaf coffee or tea, and milk. Hot chocolate packets are also easy to bring and would be a hit with kids and maybe some adults (we served it at a birthday party and at least half the adults opted for it over coffee). I don’t think you need plant based milk unless you know someone in your group wants it.
Anonymous says
Why chicken sausage? Nasty and also makes no sense with croissants. I’d do croissants, Nutella, jam, yogurt, fruit, granola.
Anonymous says
Because I wanted a protein but don’t want to fuss with cooking eggs, and one of the families doesn’t eat pork. But fair enough, some people might not like it.
Anon says
If it’s a religious thing, check the labels carefully. Unless it’s sold as Kosher or Halal, chicken sausage often has pork casings. (But it was a good idea, and I agree eggs are too much trouble.)
Anon says
+1 “Natural casings” means pork
Anon says
I’m not a sausage person, but I think having some meat makes sense. Of all the things on the list, my kid would likely only eat croissants and the sausage and I’d prefer she not just eat bread so sausage would be a welcome addition for me. I do like the idea of adding yogurt as well so people who don’t want to eat the sausage can get some protein.
NYCer says
I mostly agree with this. If you really want sausage, I would probably at least do some sort of baked egg dish to go along with it. Otherwise, I would skip the sausage.
Tbh I would probably pick up a box of Cheerios too as a back-up especially since there are little kids. And coffee and orange juice.
Anon says
Chicken sausage was the odd man out for me. I’d either go with an entirely hot breakfast or an entirely cold breakfast. If you are looking for a protein source, I’d go with cold slices of meat like a European breakfast spread. As others have said, don’t forget the coffee, tea, milk, juice, etc.
Anonymous says
Agreed. It just doesn’t make any sense
anonM says
Sounds good to me. Maybe add some Greek yogurt? Also, we just got back from a similar vacation. I’d recommend grabbing a kitchen sponge, extra dish soap (and dishwasher pods if there is a dishwasher), and a roll of paper towel. The last few airbnbs/cabin rentals we have done have provided very limited or poor quality supplies, which is really annoying if you’re cooking for a large group. Save yourself a trip to the store.
Anon says
I would bring a more traditional breakfast food, although I know everyone eats differently. Yogurt, bagels, eggs, oatmeal, waffles, cereal, whatever else strikes your fancy. Croissants are good but I like to eat something more substantial than pastries as a meal. Cheese I don’t see fitting in personally – cheese and crackers to me are more like an afternoon snack.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – This sounds like what we do on our similar trips. One AM is bagels + cream cheese + fruit, one AM is toaster waffles + fruit, and so forth. Milk for a drink for kids.
Eggs are great but the goal is to get to the beach ASAP so this gets us out the door quick and there are snacks galore beachside so no one is hungry.
And loads of coffee for the adults :) Unless there are allergies, everyone is happy to share whatever creamer/milk is on hand.
Anon says
So much hate on the chicken sausage! I like chicken sausage. However, I hate cooking at airbnbs so like the Greek yogurt idea. If you’re bringing fruit already, it works with the yogurt.
HSAL says
Yeah it’s pretty vehement! And funny timing because I literally tried chicken sausage for the first time Sunday. I’m all about an easy protein option.
AwayEmily says
I was also really surprised by the chicken sausage dislikers! I don’t actually eat chicken so I personally would not have any but it seemed like a very reasonable menu to me. Though I think I having three children has completely cured me of the belief that meal components need to “go” together in any coherent way — last night we had turkey coldcuts, broccoli, and toast with jam for dinner. Nectarine on the side. I call that a HUGE dinner win — we hit every food group!
Anon says
It’s because chicken sausage doesn’t go with croissants. OP, I would do Greek yogurt for protein instead.
Anon says
Lol I would eat the chicken sausage along with the croissants! You can’t please everyone. Have fun!
Anonymous says
Same. I’ve never really cared about whether foods go together though.
AnAnon says
I would skip crackers and cheese and sausage, and add in some more traditional breakfast foods, such as yogurt, bagels and cream cheese and a box of kid-friendly cereal (such as Cheerios).
Anon says
yea no chicken sausage. i’d either add in yogurt and granola, hard boiled eggs, or lox for more protein
Anon says
Something like the Applegate frozen breakfast sausage seems fine to me! We frequently keep them in our freezer for a quick A.M. protein option. They have links and patties in a few different variations.
Anon says
I’m team chicken sausage. It’s nice to have an option for people who don’t like sweet breakfasts. And you can always make a croissant sandwich with them.
Anonymous says
Coffee and half-and-half. Orange juice.
Sausage is weird without eggs, pancakes, waffles, etc. I’d bring yogurt or hard-boiled eggs for protein. Cheese is also not a usual choice for breakfast.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Venting. I went to pick up DS #2 from preschool yesterday. They switched classes recently for the new school year, so I’m always eager to hear how he did that day. The teachers were like “Oh well he got mad, and threw some toys and his body on the floor a two times today” and went on to say they’re working on it with him, and I let him know we are also working on it at home.
Apparently no other kids in the class (everyone is 2.5, all birthdays within a few months of one another) do this…and when they do get upset, they all know to go to the specific corner of the classroom where there are pillows, etc. set up. All of this is great, but to me I’m like umm…they’re 2.5, this is going to happen?
Anonymous says
Did they tell you no one else does this? When we got a stern talking-to and a behavior report from daycare, it felt like our kid was the only one acting out. But I texted a mom friend from the class and she said she’d gotten a bunch of those reports too and that all the kids were having a hard time with the transition. So you might not be alone! Just keep working on it and know that these things take time and practice.
Anon says
Yes, same. We got shamed at pickup so many times for our kid’s behavior, and I felt awful and then I talked to another mom about it and it turns out her kid was acting out to the point of getting removed from the class! So clearly my kid was not the class troublemaker as I’d thought. I’ve concluded that daycare teachers and tired and burned out at the end of the day (not unreasonably so) and take it out on parents by venting. Unless you’re getting a request for a special conference or the director is getting involved, I think you’re good.
Anonymous says
But like they didn’t shame her?
Anon says
Us, not her. They told us we weren’t doing a good enough job correcting her behavior at home for her to be acting like this in school. They questioned what could be “going on in the home” and asked us if she got enough love and attention from us and if we had marital problems. They told us my husband traveled too much for work and his travel was the source of behavioral problems.
I feel like that’s all pretty shamey… if you wouldn’t feel shamed by those comments, good for you, but I don’t think it’s crazy to describe that as shaming. It’s a subjective thing, and I’m telling you I felt shamed.
OP says
Thanks – yes, the teacher said “all the other kids know to use the safe place” (where all the pillows, etc. are), which honestly sounds like a crock of crap to me in a room of toddlers. Again, not saying throwing toys and one’s body is acceptable, but it doesn’t sound like unreasonable for a 2.5 year old. They did say that they were concerned he’d hurt himself, which is fair.
The one other time something similar happened in DS #2’s old class, a few months ago, (re: teacher venting), I asked one of the admin folks in the front office and she just side-eyed and politely said “He’s…2. He’s a small child. We expect this.” and gave me a snack for DS #2.
It’s funny, I just had coffee with an old friend – her kid and DS #2 were previously in the same class – and she sort of lamented that she felt that the teachers sometimes hyperfocused on random things with her kid (e.g. “He’s so shy! He never talks!” – when there was no speech issue, he’s just…really shy). Probably a part of the inevitable burnout they feel by end of day.
Anonymous says
What’s the problem? They aren’t threatening to kick him out, they aren’t calling him Satan, they’re answering your question and teaching your child.
Anonymous says
Yeah it sounds like they just answered your question and gave you some insight into how they deal with big feelings in this classroom (the safe place). FWIW my son did not throw himself or toys around when he was 2.5–he had other annoying behaviors but he’s just not a tantrum thrower–so it doesn’t seem odd to me that they noted this. Also, some teachers are a lot better with kids than they are with parents; “managing up” is a skill that it doesn’t occur to all of them to develop if they are really focused on the kids.
OP says
My oldest didn’t do the tantrums/throwing regularly, either – so I’m also trying to figure out broadly how to work on this behavior with my toddler (apart from knowing time will also help).
Anon says
My son didn’t throw tantrums but he did bite a lot of other kids when he was very young. It was hard hearing about it, and we would reinforce “no biting” at home to no affect. I think a lot of parenting comes down to patience and faith that if you keep working on it in a thoughtful balanced way and let your child develop, this too shall pass. Change is rarely immediate.
Kid Activity Question says
How do you know when to encourage or make your kids do an activity versus letting them skip it?
We had our 3 yr old signed up for what we thought would be a fun week of half day camp. He went the first day and it wasn’t great – my mom and I watched for a bit at the beginning and end, and it seems like the kids just play for 3 hours on an outdoor playground while the teachers sit on benches nearby (ensuring safety, but not facilitating play or friendships). He was sad not to have friends there, sad the teachers weren’t interacting with the kids, was clearly bored and is asking not to go back. The thing is, he doesn’t need to go back – we have childcare for the week and thankfully the money isn’t an issue. I decided to let him skip, but I really wrestled with that decision and whether I was somehow sending the wrong message (it’s OK to skip things that are hard; it’s not OK to be bored). How do you make these types of decisions, particularly as kids get older?
Anonymous says
At three this doesn’t matter. In kindergarten I started saying we paid for it so we are continuing to try it for the session.
Anon says
I think I’m overall less pushy than most. I’m more likely to push when I think my kid wants to do something but is being held by anxiety or an external factor. And I think a kid who is 5+ and asks to do an activity can be made to finish the session of that activity unless something really bad is going on, but I wouldn’t make them sign up for it again.
In this scenario, I wouldn’t make him keep going. Your kid has good reasons for not loving it, you don’t need the childcare and 3 is very young for “camp,” even a good one.
NYCer says
+1 to all of this. Three is super young, just let him stay home.
Anon says
Um at 3 for sure I’d pull him and not wrestle with it at all. Kinder or first, I’d start making them complete what they’re signed up for. We dropped both gymnastics and swimming for one kid in pre-k. This was annoying and expensive. Same kid is now in third grade and the queen of liking activities, to the extent it’s a problem and we’re having to force her to prioritize.
Anonymous says
If the activity isn’t high-quality I let them drop it at any age unless I absolutely need the child care and have no other options. This camp sounds lame and you don’t need the care, so I would drop it without another thought. If an activity is well-run I usually make them complete the session, even at age 3. With tiny kids it can take a while for them to warm up to new situations.
Anon says
My 14 y.o. niece is a perfectionist. We all praise her for being a straight-A student, athletic, beautiful, popular, etc. I am worried that she is going to develop some unhealthy behaviors like an eating disorder. She is already trying some restrictive diets. She has great parents who are both teachers and I know they are addressing it. As an aunt, what can I do to be a good role model for her? Especially since I am a recovering perfectionist myself. I also want to be a good aunt to her younger brother who is depressed and insecure in part about being compared to his sister.
Anon says
I think the “already trying restrictive diets” is the only piece of this that’s concerning. Being a straight A perfectionist is not uncommon, and often doesn’t end badly (I was one). I think the best thing you can do is not talk negatively about bodies and not act like any food is “bad” or off limits. I’m one of the few adult women I know who doesn’t have body image issues or a complicated relationship with food, and I give my mom essentially all the credit for that. She *never* said a bad word about her body or mine, and made delicious food, including desserts, that we all enjoyed without regard to calories or what was “bad.”
OP says
+1 – I definitely indulged in disordered eating in my 20’s (I blame the patriarchy/society/me), but thanks to the model my Mom provided I think I’ve been able to have a very healthy relationship with food generally. I don’t think I’ve once heard her call herself “fat” or covet her pre-kid slimness – even when we look at old pictures where she may have been heavier, thinner, etc.
Anon says
Sorry – Meant to post Anon – Not OP!
Anon says
That’s what I’m aiming for as well.
Anon says
The number one thing would be don’t talk about diet or people’s body size in front of her. In my formative years, I spent a lot of time with an aunt who I now realize was full-on obsessed with commenting on people’s body sized and it definitely made a subconscious negative impression on me. I saw her again recently and even in my 30s, some of her comments still grate.
Anon says
And to be clear, some of the comments probably wouldn’t even register to most people – things like “my friend Susan, who is still quite large, is on weight watchers now.” It was never expletives or direct insults, but constant, subtle reminders that appearance is key.
Anonymous says
That would absolutely register to me!
Anonymous says
You can stop praising her for that and spend time engaging with her as a person. Ask to take her out for a day. Go to a museum. Talk about how kind she is. Tell her you see how hard she works.
RR says
As others have said, never ever ever comment on her body or others’ bodies.
I have two daughters (15 and 10) and a son. It’s disturbing how much people praise my daughters’ looks–it’s like looks are the only thing that people can think to praise for girls. My daughters are smart, funny, kind, resilient, strong, determined young women. They are so much more than looks. And yet they have relatives who never compliment them on anything but their looks. Complimenting a teenager on being beautiful and popular just seems weird IMHO. It gives “living vicariously through a teenage girl because one is self conscious about one’s own looks and/or wasn’t popular in high school” vibes. Meanwhile, my son gets asked about and complimented about all aspects of his life.
And who is comparing the younger brother to the sister? I have twins–I get the tendency of people to compare. From birth, it’s “who walked first?” “who talked first?” “who is smarter?” Parents need to nix that. We don’t let people do that to our kids. And we have spent their entire lives talking about how everyone is a whole person, with their own strengths and weaknesses. Neither of them is better than or worse than the other. They are different people with their own passions and strengths. They need to understand that both of their gifts are valued by the family. If he’s an amazing artist, but he’s always hearing messaging prioritizing athletic prowess, then yeah, he’s going to be bummed and insecure.
RR says
This is probably more for her parents than you, but I also talk to my kids a lot about the benefits of failure. We celebrate when they try and fail because it means that they tried. I think that’s helped a lot with my son’s perfectionist tendencies. He spent years reluctant to do anything he didn’t already know he was good at. When he joined the middle school track team and stuck with it despite being the slowest runner every single time, we praised him for putting himself out there. We told him how incredibly proud we were that he was doing it. It’s easy to do things you are good at already, but it’s not a path to much growth as a person. The lessons he learned from losing every race for two years have stuck with him into high school and made him a better, more well rounded person who is more able to handle failure and therefore more willing to try things that he might fail at.
Anonymous says
The aunt can have some conversations about perseverance and failure with the niece. The teenager is more likely to listen to the message from a trusted non-parent than from a parent. But please please please do not do what my SIL does with my teen and actively undermine the parents.
Anonymous says
My kid is much younger (elementary) but has perfectionist tendencies so I worry about this. I focus on pointing out to her when something is hard for me and how I handle that, or when I try something new and am not great at it at first but that it’s ok. Or when I make mistakes but it’s NBD because everyone makes mistakes (like forget to bring something). Basically lead by example.
FVNC says
Try shifting to praising effort, not outcome — the hard work that went into the straight-A report card or athletic victory. Avoid praising beauty and popularity, which IMO is odd (why is being popular praise-worthy?). Focus on being a good friend, for example, instead.
Vicky Austin says
+1000
Anon says
just a PSA, the target branded veggie straws are absolutely disgusting. do not buy
Anonymous says
Are there any veggie straws that are not absolutely disgusting?
Anon says
Yeah, that’s my opinion.
MNF says
ISO a bottle warmer. Second baby, used bowls of hot water for the first in an effort not to buy unnecessary stuff. Have decided to treat myself this time and am sick of splashing hot bowls of water with a toddler in my kitchen. TY!
Anonymous says
The cheapest one you can find will be fine. I think ours was $10?
Anonymous says
+1. We ordered on off Amazon and it was between $8-13. I ordered a replacement when that one died. We had twins so we used it 12x per day in the beginning.
Anonymous says
We gave our baby cold formula. Made in batches a couple times a day and kept in the fridge. It’s an option, if your baby doesn’t mind.
Anon says
Just a quick rant: I’m pregnant with my first and my best friend is pregnant with her second. While that’s fun in many ways, I’m not enjoying the casual brush-offs for real, known risks. I get that it’s different with a second kid, but I’m not enjoying things like “teehee I used to be worried about listeria too in my first pregnancy but now I’m like YOLO!” whenever I mention that I’m avoiding soft cheeses or whatever. It’s like she’s implying that I’m just a paranoid first-time mom who will wise up in the future just like her, even though the only precautions I have even mentioned are for well-established risks that every OB/GYN talks about. It’s just annoying today, especially when I’m feeling sick!
Vicky Austin says
Oh man, that’s so irritating!
I have a friend like this – we’re both on kid #1, but she is a crunchy Montessori preschool teacher and, with all respect and love, thinks she knows everything. It took a couple rounds of my saying, “No, we’re not going to do that because it doesn’t work for me/DS/our family” (and not giving her specific reasons to push back on and send me studies about – this is key!) for her to get the message. And I try to ask for her advice knowing it comes with some opinions, and not get angry when she inevitably airs them!
I sure hope you feel better soon!
Anon says
Yeah, that’s it – it’s a bit of a know-it-all vibe paired with a smugness over not being as paranoid as I am. I know her very well and that this is coming from a place of insecurity (she admitted once, before I was pregnant, that she was worried she was being too lackadaisical with this pregnancy), but still! I like your approach of being prepared for advice with a side of opinions.
AwayEmily says
That is so annoying and I say that as someone who has previously been (rightly!) rebuked for behaving like your friend. In my defense, when I did it it was partly because I was trying to give my friend some concrete information to stop their anxiety spiraling (e.g. my friend was convinced that if her baby contracted RSV he would immediately be hospitalized, so I sent her some stats to reassure her about the actual likelihood, and that was NOT what she wanted at all — she just wanted sympathy. Which I now get!). So, maybe the nicest read is that your friend is like me and just super awkward about trying to help? But either way it is obnoxious and your irritation is very warranted.
Anon says
Also pregnant with my first and I hear you! It can come across as super belittling which is frustrating and unhelpful. Thankfully most of my friends who are moms have been pretty good, but my SIL definitely drops comments like this now that she has 3 kids. Commiseration, and I hope you’re feeling better soon!
Anon says
I’ll also add that while her comments are annoying, if you’re in the U.S. you don’t need to worry about soft cheeses – pretty much all cheese here is pasteurized! If you’re in Europe or elsewhere it might be a different story. I’m definitely still mindful of listeria risks though – it’s scary.
Anon says
+1 listeria is a big deal and the risk shouldn’t be brushed off, but soft cheese in the US is pasteurized and safe to eat
Anon says
There is conflicting information about this online. Plenty of reputable sources say to avoid even pasteurized soft cheeses, especially mold-ripened ones (Brie) or blue cheeses. The NHS (England) is one of those sources.
Anon says
England is not the US! The previous comments about cheese being pasteurized only apply to the US.
Anon says
But cheese is pasteurized in both places – the advice from national bodies is inconsistent on this question.
Anon says
You might be a paranoid first-time mom. Sorry. The first time is different. Recognizing this doesn’t make you wrong or your judgment calls unnecessary. It just makes you a real person who is affected by being in a specific situation and level of life experience. I’m not saying you aren’t justified in being annoyed.
Anonymous says
I just want to validate that this behavior would really annoy me too. I’ve relaxed my stance on a lot of issues, but listeria is not one of them.
Big Kid PJs? says
Hope I’m not too late in the day. Where do you all buy pajamas for older kids that do not like logos or trucks or dinosaurs on their pajamas? My kid is also too big / stocky for Primary to be cozy, which used to be our go to for years. Thanks.
Vicky Austin says
When I was a kid we got good solid color options from Land’s End or LL Bean year after year – maybe one of those?
Anonymous says
Cotton flannel PJ pants sold as “lounge pants” (to get around the flammability requirements) + a regular t-shirt. Boxercraft is one brand for pants.
Vicky Austin says
Oh, and Burt’s Bees Baby, despite the name, does have older kid sizes.
Anonymous says
Depends how large your kid is – in my experience they run slightly larger than Primary. But they’ve been great for my size 10 third grade boy who still wants cute animals on his pjs.
EP-er says
How old are we talking? Hanna has stripes, which might work and come adult sizes. But at a certain point (maybe around 10?) “PJs” turned into undershirts & flannel lounge pants, with a robe. Maybe start looking at separates like this?
anon says
My 8yo doesn’t wear PJs anymore (and probably hasn’t for a year). Boxers and an undershirt are his go to now and he just gets dressed right away.
Anonymous says
+1 – my son started sleeping in a t shirt and underwear
Anonymous says
+2. My six year old runs around shirtless in athletic shorts (“I’m trying to be like dad”) until bedtime, then puts on a soft tee with it. I like to offer camp shirts because he doesn’t wear those to school.
AwayEmily says
Carters usually has a few plainer options (e.g. stripes). I do think their pajamas are super soft and they hold up well.
Anonymous says
This. I have been pleased with the quality of Carters pyjamas in a world of declining quality.
TheElms says
Vaenait Baby on Amazon has PJs through size 12 and the ribbed looking ones are a soft, very stretchy material but its clingy so I don’t know if that would be ok. Lots of solid color options. Old Navy has flannel PJ pant and poplin pant options that you could wear with any t-shirt and also other prints like stars, animals, etc for more traditional PJ sets.
Anon says
Gap has plain colored pajamas. Run less narrow than Primary, too.
Anon says
i understand that the purpose of giving all kids at a public school free breakfast and lunch is to ensure all kids have enough to eat and it is an equalizer amongst students, but isn’t it also a waste of money/food for teh kids who don’t need it? we just learned this year at our kids’ school you can get breakfast and lunch and you dont have to sign up in advance or anything and i’m all for all kids having enough to eat, but it just seems so wasteful to me
AwayEmily says
Our school has free lunch for all (the school is 70% low-income so it’s really important) but the kids swipe a card to “sign in” when they get lunch, and so after the first few weeks they have a sense of how many people are getting lunch vs bringing and they can calibrate. There is very little waste (I’m on the PTO and your worry has come up from other parents before, so I can speak with certainty). I’m sure even if they didn’t have a swipe system, they figure out pretty quickly how many kids are getting lunch vs bringing it. And honestly lunch is a pretty tiny line item in the overall budget (plus, heavily grant-subsidized).
Anonymous says
The schools are pretty good at predicting demand. My daughter’s school always seems to err on the side of preparing too little food, never too much.
Anon says
I’d rather waste food/money to ensure every child has the opportunity to have atleast one or two meals a day in school than not. this can benefit every child and family – just because you don’t need a service doesnt mean it doesnt or cant benefit you indirectly. families that receive reduced or free lunches are probably alot higher than you expect and is meeting a need in your schools community where the benefits outweigh the costs.
Anon says
Agreed.
Anon says
+1000
Anonymous says
Schools have to accurately predict demand regardless of whether the meals are free or not, so how is this more wasteful than charging for food?
We’re in NYC, and our schools have been like this for several years. They also offer free lunch and breakfast for pickup all summer and during COVID closures because it is an important safety net. With the exception of pizza day and rare breakfasts on days I had to drop him off early for work reasons, he’s never partaken, but it doesn’t seem remotely wasteful to me.
Anonymous says
In our district it is needs based, but just want to echo the others that the waste is pretty minimal. I’m an adoptive mom of kids from the foster system and I’m a vocal supporter of WIC and school breakfast/lunch programs. They’re not perfect but they serve a very real need in this country. We’re failing our most vulnerable populations in so many ways: I’m glad we’re at least trying on the nutrition front.
anon says
I’m in a district with free lunch and there was a recent news article about how the city aftercare programs are now serving Lunchables because the kids (middle and high school) are refusing to eat the free school lunches. So much waste, no nutrition.
Anonymous says
Requirements to ‘sign up’ mean the kids that really need it won’t get it because their parents are too drunk/high/not home to do it.
Anon says
i hear what you are saying. i’d rather them spend more money on food for the kids who need it! but perhaps the administrative burden to do that is too high
Anon says
I don’t think it’s a waste of food – regardless of who’s paying for the meal they should be able to predict demand and not make too much food.
As for a waste of money, maybe. But you never know who needs a hot, decently balanced meal. Even affluent kids may have parents who don’t care about nutrition or don’t feed them enough. I’d rather err on the side of letting all kids eat for free at school.
Sort of related, we have a new kindergartner eating school lunch and it led to a family debate last night about whether making kids take a fruit or vegetable at lunch is wasteful. My dad was saying it is, but my husband, mom and I all feel like it might lead to kids trying new things (my picky eater had a few foods she only ate at daycare) and that would be worth it. I feel like the same kind of logic applies here.
Anonymous says
What’s your policy on play dates at homes with guns? DS was just invited to a play date without me for the first time. The parents are pretty good friends of ours, and we’ve been as a family to their home multiple times before. I also know from my husband’s conversations with the dad that he owns a handgun that he keeps in a biometric safe. I would like our family policy to be no play dates in homes with guns, period. My husband thinks the safe make it ok. Where do you all stand on this?
Anon says
I live in a major city, in a red state where people love guns. I haven’t been in your situation yet but expect it to happen soon. (Also 1/3rd of Americans say they own guns, so even if you’re in a blue bubble, you’re not immune).
I would move the playdate to my house and just say that’s a hard line for you. Blame this internet stranger. My nephew committed suicide from a gun that was locked up.
Anon says
so i’m sure we’ll be in this situation sometime soon too, as i now live in TX but am originally from very blue areas. we dont have a gun and i’d love for our stance to be no homes with guns period, but if my kids are invited to a drop off birthday party at someone’s home at age 10, i feel like we could be declining a lot of invitations if that was our policy. you say that you as a family have been to their house many times before – have you always been in the same room as your son? bc if not, in theory he could get to the gun then too. you being there doesn’t necessarily make it any safer. do you know what room the safe is in? i hate living in a world where this is a thing
Anon says
Hi – Also in TX, I’m the Anon at 1:33. You’re not alone in your stance! There are a lot of us here this way, so my hope is that you will have some options where this isn’t a thing to navigate. I was born and raised here and have been this way since I was younger.
RR says
Hard line no on houses with guns. And on drop off birthday parties to families where I don’t know if they have guns/don’t know them well enough to trust even if I had that conversation. There are plenty of places the kids can get together outside of the home with guns.
For me, even the safe isn’t enough. Kids learn combinations. People leave guns out of safes. Etc. I don’t think they are bad people for having a gun in a safe, but I choose to not expose my kid to that additional risk.
FWIW, I’m very cautious about the homes I will allow my kids in without me, period.
Anon says
We live in a red state so if we didn’t allow play dates in homes with guns my kid would have no social life. We do ask about gun precautions. A responsible gun owner will be happy to discuss how they keep guns away from kids. But I think teaching your kids about gun safety is also important.
FVNC says
I agree with all this. Even though I personally do not like guns and would be okay with very strict limitations on their acquisition and ownership, responsible gun ownership exists. As a military family, having a policy of no playdates in houses with firearms would really limit our social activities. But that doesn’t mean we don’t still have conversations about storage policies and safe practices.
It’s really important to have a conversation about gun safety with kids. At some point they’re going to be in situations not controlled by you. Our kids have learned from an early age that if they see anything resembling a firearm — even a water gun — they are not to touch it and go find an adult. We have regular conversations about gun safety so it’s not a big thing — just, part of everyday safety in the same way you look both ways before crossing a street.
anon says
+1 to teaching kids about gun safety. Regardless of anyone’s stance on playdates in homes with guns, there are plenty of other circumstances where this can be an issue.
Also, pushing back and playing devil’s advocate a bit – my DH is law enforcement, so we have guns in the house, in a safe of course. For those who have a hardline rule about no playdates in houses with guns, what’s the messaging around not going to homes of LEOs?
Anon says
honestly i don’t know. this hadn’t even crossed my mind bc growing up none of my friends parents were in law enforcement and neither were any of my parents’ friends so it was a non issue. i dont really understand why anyone (other than law enforcement) needs to have a gun in their home at all.
Law Enforcement says
I just saw your comment. Hi! I’m Law Enforcement below! I had a similar thought that it would literally be like saying we can’t be friends because of my husband’s profession. Just another joy of LE life!
Anonymous says
Kids are currently 8 and 5. Only allow to play in a house with a gun if locked in a safe, key separate, ammunition separate and I’m confident there will be a high level of adult supervision (because the kids WILL know where the key is kept). So, outdoor pool get together where both parents are there , ok. Sleepover, no.
Law Enforcement says
My husband is in law enforcement so we are a house with guns. It would make me sad if my kids were unable to have play dates with their closest friends because of a hardline stance against a tool he has to use for work, but I do understand it. That being said, my kids simply don’t have drop off play dates unless I know the family very well. So, while I don’t personally take a hard line against responsible gun ownership, i am still not super trusting of people more generally.
Anonymous says
We have guns in the home. Kids are 6 and 4. All are responsibly stored with ammo/firearm separate, combo lock or key lock. Whenever we have play dates I also lock our bedroom door from the inside and keep the key with me (the kids cannot open this door without the key). So in this situation, I don’t possibly see how a kid could access a gun. I have zero problem discussing our precautions with people, but we have drop off play dates with others who responsibly store guns.
Anon says
Caveat that we started drop off play dates at what I gather is a pretty young age (4) but… in terms of gun safety, I guess I don’t see much difference between a drop off play date and a family gathering where the adults are socializing in a different room from the kids. If you are setting a hardline that you will not allow your child to set foot in homes with guns, that’s one thing (though possibly impractical, depending on where you live). But if you are socializing with these people as a family regularly, I don’t see a drop off play date as adding much additional risk.
Anonymous says
We are in MA and the town we are in requires extensive background checks, an interview with the police chief and who knows what else to own a gun. DH had to get a conceal and carry because it was the only type available.
We have his gun and his ammo locked separately, both in a gun safe.
If people aren’t comfortable with that set up, I get it, but that’s as good as you are going to find. My in-laws have a C&C in another state and FIL has his gun in his glove box, loaded.
Vicky Austin says
We’ve been camping out in our new house for a week+ while waiting on our furniture to get here. It finally did yesterday, which meant DS could sleep in his crib again instead of the pack n play, but also that he slept in a separate room from us for the first time in his life after two weeks of being right next to me all night long – and he did great. I was so relieved.
What are your wins lately?
avocado says
I am sick and isolating so my 16-year-old washed and folded the entire family’s laundry and did the grocery shopping. She was very proud of her “adulting.”
Anonymous says
I’m so glad he did well! My win is that I’ve been able to spend a bit of one on one time with each of my twins this week. They’re 2.5 and just so verbal. They’re also so different from one another. Toddlerhood can be so, so challenging but I’m really enjoying seeing their little personalities blossom.
Anon says
Anyone here with a girl in Cub Scouts? We signed my K-er up for Girl Scouts kindergarten buddies in the spring, but haven’t heard anything and I’m not sure there are age appropriate troops at her school. The school just sent home announcement about a Cub Scout meeting this week and my daughter really wants to go. I’m inclined to say yes, although I admit I had found the girls-only aspect of Girl Scouts appealing. That’s probably my personality more than hers though, she seems to get along better with boys in general.
Anon says
not me, but i think this can vary a lot by troop, but there are some troops near us with very active groups of cub scouts that are pretty split down the middle in terms of girls and boys. my issue with girl scouts is i hate the cookie selling
Anon says
I actually find the cookie selling appealing, at least in theory. I did Camp Fire as a kid and we had to sell candy. We set up a booth at the grocery store and the mall. I was a shy kid and it was a good experience for me. But I know it’s pretty different today with parents doing most of the selling at work or online and I don’t love that at all.
Anon says
Popcorn selling is way worse, sorry about that. But not all troops/packs do it.
Anon says
Just posting to say I’m signing up my rising K-er for Cub Scouts and only looked at dens with boys and girls :) Fortunately, the two nearest to us fit the bill.
I’d also wait until school starts to see if you get more information. As a former Girl Scout, I learned things in Girl Scouts I would have enjoyed as much with boys my age.
Anon says
*not have enjoyed as much – sorry!
Anon says
We’re in our third week of school here already! That’s why I sort of feel like maybe the Girl Scouts thing is not happening, and maybe we should go to the Cub Scouts sign-up night.
GCA says
As a den leader and Cub Scout parent, if she wants to go to the meeting, please do it! You don’t have to commit right from the first meeting, especially for the kindergarten kids – at that age many kids are still trying out a whole bunch of activities to figure out what resonates with them. Some packs are very gender-balanced, and I love encouraging girls especially to spend time in the outdoors.
Anon says
Thanks! This is the encouragement I needed to go to the meeting.
Anonymous says
In our area, BSA troops tend to be boys-only or girls-only. I would look for a girls’ troop.