CorporetteMoms

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 120 Comments · by

Accessory Tuesday: Lacey Ankle Strap Wedge Pump

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Cole Haan Shoes Cole Haan Lacey Suede Wedge HeelI’m always a fan of a wedge as well as a strappy heel — and this one from Cole Haan looks like that rare bird of a wedge with a strappy heel that’s actually kind of sleek and cool as well as affordable, and it’s from a comfort brand. I really like it, and I think it would be great with tights or by itself. It comes in sizes 5–11 in black, tan, navy, and the pictured “stormcloud suede.” It’s part of The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale; it’s $119 and will go up to $180 after the sale. Lacey Ankle Strap Wedge Pump Psst: See all of our picks from the 2017 Nordstrom Anniversary Sale! This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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Comments

  1. CPA Lady says

    For a while, Cole Haan was my holy grail work shoe. I had a couple of workhorse pairs that were amazing. One pair I’ve had resoled 2 times and is still going strong. Then they broke up with Nike and I haven’t bought any since then. All the ones I’ve tried on have been kind of uncomfortable. Should I give them another try? Anyone bought any recently?

    • Anon in NYC says

      I bought a pair of wedges from them in March 2016 (just checked my Amazon order!) that have the Grand/OS Sole technology and they are some of my most comfortable work shoes (so much so that I bought another pair a few months later). I can’t compare it to the Nike technology because I had never bought Cole Haan prior to about that time, but they are super comfortable to me. My previous favorite was the Kate Spade Katalina (which I do still love), but the Cole Haan wedges are more cushioned.

    • RR says

      Yes, the Grand/OS technology isn’t bad. It’s not my old Air Talias, but it’s definitely better than most other shoes I’ve tried. For reference, I have a pair of flats with Grand/OS and a pair of kitten heels.

    • CCLA says

      Echoing RR – in pumps and boots, the new air tech isn’t quite as good as Nike, but still better than anything else I’ve tried and I can wear even the new CH booties at work including a couple of hours at a standing desk without my feet killing me. I’ve mostly given up heels at work now though in favor of the Cole Haan ZEROGRAND Oxfords, which I wear almost every day. Most comfortable shoe ever other than full on tennis shoes, comes in fun colors, and is still work appropriate for my office (which is basically business casual Friday – think blouse and jeans – every day).

    • In House Lobbyist says

      It is not the same as the Nike. I have only bought sandals from them since the switch. I am literally hoarding the Nike Airs and buying them on Ebay and Poshmark. I have emailed Cole Haan several times to complain but they don’t care. I can’t wear their heels at all now and even putting them on they feel super uncomfortable to me. But I will have to look for the Grand technology – I don’t think I have seen those.

  2. avocado says

    I have several pairs of Cole Haans because they are just about the only brand that comes in narrow sizes and offers styles other than old lady shoes. They are more comfortable than other brands but not as comfortable as they were in the days of the Nike collaboration. They are somewhat less durable than they used to be, but the quality is still pretty decent. I only buy them when there is a huge sale.

  3. AwayEmily says

    Is it worth switching to a crib-size “toddler mattress” that’s a bit softer than the rock-hard crib mattress? My 16-month DD will likely be in her crib for awhile yet, but I need to buy a second crib for her forthcoming brother and thought I might hand her mattress down to him and upgrade DD to a nicer (ie, softer) mattress. Any recommendations?

    • Redux says

      This is not your question, but my 2nd slept in a cosleeper for his first 6 months. If you’re planning on transitioning to a big girl bed around age 2, you might not need two cribs.

      • D says

        It may be worth checking your existing mattress. I happened to purchase a mattress that was double sided (softer on one side)

      • AwayEmily says

        That’s a really good point…we originally planned to keep DD in our room for a couple of months but she ended up being such a loud sleeper that we moved her to the nursery after three weeks for our own sanity. But maybe her brother will be quieter!

    • Rainbow Hair says

      Our “toddler bed” (a hand-me-down) has a crib-sized mattress, so if you do buy another, she might be sleeping on it for a while. (My 2.5 year old is still in her crib and I am not mad about that at all.)

    • Sabba says

      I think the science on this is a bit shaky, but there was one study that suggested re-using a crib mattress can lead to a (very small, I believe) increase in SIDS. I tend to get great anxiety, so we won’t re-use our mattress if we have a second. That said, around the age your daughter is, I got a really soft mattress pad from the company store. It did seem to make her more comfortable. I actually ended up getting two because it was not waterproof and putting it under a waterproof pad seemed to make it lose softness. Links to follow.

  4. Toddler Curly Hair Advice says

    I have stick straight hair and don’t know what to do. My 20 month old has lots of moderately curly hair (it dries in soft ringlets), but it is very fine and becomes a small cloud of fluff while she sleeps. If I comb it out it becomes straight-ish. I use detangler post bath and spray it on the comb if she has really bad tangles.

    Is there anything I can do to help her have curls, short of washing it each morning? Are hair products okay for toddlers? Do I just wait for her hair to be long enough to braid at night before bed?

    • Anon in NYC says

      Get a spray bottle and fill it with water and give her curls a light spritz in the morning. No need to drench her hair, but just smooth it out to de-frizz.

      • anne-on says

        +1 – wetting the hair will help reactivate the curl. Detangler (or just her conditioner mixed with water to thin it out) will also help define and get out any morning tangles.
        And please, please, as she gets older and her hair changes texture take her to a proper salon with someone who understands curly hair to cut it/give her advice. My mom and SIL both have stick straight hair, my wavy/curly hair was a total wreck as a teen thanks to my mom trying to cut it herself and/or brush it when wet. I took my niece to my hairdresser (with her mom’s blessing) at 14 to have a chat with my stylist about how to treat curly hair (and how to blow it straight with minimum damage) and gifted her with some styling products – she was hugely thankful.

    • CPA Lady says

      And after you wet it, use a comb, not a brush. Brushes are THE DEVIL!

      signed,
      Traumatized overly brushed curly haired person

    • Knope says

      Never ever brush curly hair, and only use a comb when wet. Dry her curls by taking a t-shirt or microfiber towel and “scrunching” them. Like others said, in the morning use a spray bottle with water (and re-scrunch if necessary) to re-activate the curls.

    • Spirograph says

      This is me, too! Daughter’s curls are adorable, but my own hair is straight and I was baffled at first. I comb her hair when it’s wet and spritz it and comb it again in the morning. Luckily for me, her hair only curls at the bottom and is flat across her head, so I often just comb the top half enough to put it in a ponytail or pigtails and leave the curls doing whatever. She lets me braid it sometimes, which definitely keeps it corralled better for swimming.

      Beyond what to do with curly hair, my advice for getting a small child sit still while you deal with her curls is to give her a cup of water to hold and her own wide-tooth comb to dip in it. This keeps mine still and occupied better than a book (although that’s another tactic I use).

    • EB0220 says

      Not sure how long her hair is but I can do a dutch braid on shorter hair pretty successfully. You can you tube it. It’s not perfect but even imperfect braiding at night is a major improvement for the curly and fine hair of my older daughter. Otherwise, I used the Johnson and Johnson detangling spray, which worked pretty well.

  5. Anonymous says

    I have three year old twin boys (fraternal). One has been sort of doing his own thing for at least two years now. Very slow to talk. Literally never follows directions (will stop if someone tells him “no”, but that’s it). We’ve been off and on very worried about him, and have seen a specialist in pediatric development — her assessment was autistic tendencies but not autistic give his good eye contact and cooperative play. Now we’re doing the official assessment in November (wait times for appointments are insane around here; it took us a year A YEAR to see the first specialist). We’re also working with the county school system to have him go through their assessment process. He also gets speech therapy and occupational therapy. It’s likely he’ll go to the county’s preschool program for special needs kids this fall while his brother goes back to the preschool they both went to this past year. While we were happy to get the “autistic tendencies but not autistic” assessment last year, I don’t know if that’s really accurate. We’re prepared for a diagnosis of autism.

    I’m really struggling with this. At first, we thought well that means he’ll need some support but that’s okay. There’s so much out there for autistic kids now. He seems to be very bright, and everyone says they see no signs of cognitive impairment. He does speak and respond to his name, and he and his brother love playing tag and giggling together, and lately like to pretend to be butterflies (a la the Very Hungry Caterpillar). The social worker from the school system says she would expect him to be in the general ed program by kindergarten.

    This is all very encouraging, but then I see statistics about how something like 20% of autistic adults live independently. I came across (okay, searched for) a forum yesterday for autistic adults. They were talking about how difficult it is to get hired. A CPA was complaining that he just works with numbers and there’s even a freaking movie about an autistic accountant, and yet he has been rejected by several employers for “personality issues.” Others talked about how lonely they are and how much they want to get married but they just can’t figure out how to talk to people.

    I realize that people who seek out an online forum may not be representative of the whole group (selection bias etc), or that what triggers someone to go to a forum might not be representative of how that person feels on a day to day basis. I also realize that someone who’s 40 grew up with almost none of the support that’s available now, and that my son is receiving a huge amount of support very early.

    I should also say that he’s not “typical” of an autistic child. Almost no meltdowns, even fewer than you’d expect for a kid his age. No routines. Very easy going with transitions and schedule disruptions. No food issues. No more picky than a typical 3 yo (and less picky than his brother). No sleep issues. We can easily take him to stores, restaurants, crowded spaces, parties, etc. He’s happy to motor around the room on his own, or sit with a book and recite it to himself while looking at the pictures. And as I said, he loves playing with his brother and with us. He’s also very snuggly and affectionate. Loves to be held. Loves to give hugs (but is never inappropriately aggressive with them). No outbursts or violence.

    Not sure what I’m looking for. I guess I’m curious if anyone else has an autistic child, or has any experience with especially older autistic children. Are we crazy to hope that he’ll live on his own, and have relationships and happiness? I live in DC and we joke that we’re in autism central (maybe that’s Silicon Valley — but we’re definitely in the Land of the Socially Awkward here). I have a colleague who is almost certainly on the spectrum but who has a master’s degree, a good job, his own apartment, a girlfriend, and seems to have a good social life. I just don’t know if he’s a total unicorn or if that’s a reasonable outcome for someone higher functioning. (Assuming my son is higher functioning, although we think he is.)

    Sorry, lots of rambling. Just not sure how to sort through all of this. Spent yesterday morning Googling myself into tears. Feeling better after getting home last night and seeing my boys playing some game known only to themselves and both in hysterics over it. (I don’t always get 3 yo twin humor.) There’s just so much unknown. My husband and I are both lawyers and lawyers hate the unknown.

    • Anon says

      FWIW, I come from an extended family with lots of people with varying levels of autistic tendencies, but only a couple diagnosed with actual autism. Nearly everyone is married and in careers that suit their tendencies very well. Professional jobs, entrepreneurs, blue collar, etc. Keep fighting for your kid and do whatever it takes to secure the resources that will help your child be most successful.

    • anon for this says

      Anecdata to encourage you: I have a niece who was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum as a young child, received early intervention services, and has attended regular school since kindergarten. She is now entering the fifth grade, is taking advanced classes and participating in the gifted program, and has been invited to the school’s advanced orchestra and a robotics team. She has a little difficulty making friends at school but does better socially in clubs and camps that focus on her particular interests. She will most certainly attend college and live independently.

      In the course of my work, I’ve met a number of people who appear to have autistic tendencies (along the lines of what was previously called Asperger’s syndrome) and lead stable lives with careers and families. There is reason it’s called the “autism spectrum.” There is a whole range of possibilities and each person is a unique individual with a unique path in life. It sounds as if you are doing everything in your power to get your son the appropriate interventions at an early age, which should lead to the best possible outcome.

    • CHJ says

      One of my friends has a child with autistic tendencies, and he has been getting therapy since he was about 2. The good news is that the therapies and early interventions that are available now are amazing. Heads and tails above what existed 30 years ago. And there are a lot of studies showing that kids who get early intervention have fantastic results. Their brains are still developing rapidly and the right therapies can help them develop skills that might not come naturally otherwise.

      And as for my friend’s son, he’s doing really well. He still has therapy once a week, but he fits right in at birthday parties, etc., and you would never pick him out as a “different” kid. When you spend time with him, it’s clear that he’s very smart and a little obsessive (he can name hundreds of dinosaurs, for example), but nothing that would hinder his life in any way.

    • OP says

      Thanks for all the encouraging stories. My husband, who’s usually the worrier, tells me what I see online has nothing to do with our son. Support for and understanding of autism even 10 years ago was nothing like it is now. He’s right, but it’s still so hard just to not know. But these stories are very encouraging — thank you!

      • AIMS says

        I think you should also keep in mind that beyond stories online being somewhat self-selecting, many people who have tendencies were simply never diagnosed so a statistic like only 20% live alone isn’t taking into account all the folks on the spectrum. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things and your son has a bright future ahead of him. I’m sure it’s scary but it really does sound like he will be all right.

        • OP says

          Thanks. My husband points out that fact, too. That 40 years ago (or even 20), we might have just written my son off as a bit odd, but never sought any help for him. So people like him are totally excluded from the statistic.

        • GCA says

          Not to mention all the girls who still remain undiagnosed and written off as ‘just a bit spacey’!

    • Cb says

      Anecdata but my husband has Aspergers. He wasn’t diagnosed until his 30s so received no support / intervention and school was pretty rough. He went to uni, has a great job, is an amazing partner and is so thrilled to become a dad. I can absolutely see where your anxiety is coming from but it sounds like you’re doing everything you can.

    • Anon says

      I’m sorry, this must be so hard to go through, especially all of the waiting!

      For the 20% living independently statistic, is that for people who are currently adults? Because I would imagine there are a number of 30-somethings and older who are on the high functioning end of the spectrum that went undiagnosed. So many more children are identified as on the spectrum now that I expect to see far more than 20% of today’s kids with an autism diagnosis to live independently, especially with better and earlier intervention. I really think there are a lot of people like your colleague out there who are undiagnosed and not counted in that 20%.

      The fact that he’s engaging with appropriate play with peers bodes well! FWIW, I used to work teaching life skills to young adults with special needs (18-21), many of whom were on the spectrum. These were mostly students who at 20 years old were not able to engage appropriately with their peers without a LOT of direction. The fact that your son can do this at 3 is very encouraging. Your son is adaptive, communicates, and is affectionate! Those are all huge life skills required for being independent. I think all of the early intervention is a great thing, but it does lead to a lot of scares for parents.

      • OP says

        Thank you. Yes, that statistic is for people who are currently adults, which is why my husband encourages me to disregard it entirely. Everyone who has evaluated my son, or interacted with him in a therapeutic environment, has commented on how he has “a lot of really good, deep skills.” Including a fair amount of social skills. It’s funny, it seems that other little kids (around age 2-4) seem to prefer him to his brother. His twin, J, is very energetic and kind of bossy. While R is just this relaxed, go with the flow kind of kid. I think J tries to direct other kids too much and they prefer R’s flexibility. (Yeah, I realize how weird it is to describe a kid who may be autistic as “go with the flow” or “flexible.” But that’s him. What’s autistic about him is that he’s often lost in his own world, his echolalia, his sensory seeking, his total disinterest in self-care, and his lack of communication skills.)

        • Anon says

          Now that I think of it, this reminds me a bit of my brother, who is two years younger than me. I’m a bit *ahem* bossy and my brother is more passive. He had delayed speech and some speech impediments and avoided eye contact until he was probably 5 or 6. I remember now that he went to speech therapy and had some other interventions in the early grades, which I think were due to lobbying my mother since she’s an educator– I’m not sure it would’ve been noticed then, otherwise. He completely grew out of it and is now a well-adjusted 30 year old. I’d honestly forgotten that had even happened, although I know it was stressful at the time for my parents.

    • Sarabeth says

      This is not exactly what you are asking about, but my dad is on the spectrum. He has some struggles related to it, and I can’t remember him ever having a close friend outside of his family. But he is close with his siblings, and has been happily married to my mom for more than 50 years. And he’s a really great father and grandfather, and gets a lot of joy out of those roles. He was a computer programmer, which was a great fit for his personality, though he spent the last 25 years of his career repeatedly turning down promotions because he had no interest in managing other people. He had a successful career and was much beloved in his workplace. He’s honestly the best person I’ve ever met.

      My one year-old is showing some developmental delays that are consistent with autism (but also with many other things, including just being a late bloomer). We are in the early intervention screening process right now too. It’s scary, but living with my dad has really helped me stay positive through it. Seriously, if my son is half as good a person as my father, I will be thrilled. Also lucky – my father spent years taking care of his ailing mother without complaint!

  6. Anon says

    Where do you buy nap mats? My oldest is starting a “real” preschool and he’ll need a nap mat for the next two years. Is it unreasonable to think I could also pass it down to my DD, who would then use it for the NEXT two years? Or do they not last that long?

    Up to now, they’ve been in a chain daycare that uses cots, so the idea of a nap mat for a 3 year old is foreign to me. Do I need to get one that includes a pillow?

    • mascot says

      We bought an Urban Infant Toddler Nap mat off Amazon with the removable pillow. It lasted a couple of years- daily use and weekly washing meant it only lasted for a few years. By pre-k, he asked for a fleece character blanket like his friends had and didn’t seem bothered by the lack of pillow.

    • SC says

      We bought a Mint nap mat online. The one we have has a nylon exterior, fleece interior, and a removable pillow. It’s held up very well over the past year, but admittedly we don’t wash it once a week–once a month would probably be a generous estimate. I remember it seeming ridiculously expensive, but I have no complaints about the product. I’m expecting my son to be able to use his until he outgrows his naps, so probably 2.5 years total. I would be skeptical about the nap mat holding up for 4 years, but anything is possible.

    • Redux says

      We bought a Wildkin brand nap mat on Amazon and it has been a work horse for 2 years of daily napping and weekly washing. Bed Bath and Beyond has nap mats for relatively inexpensive, too.

      • Redux says

        Now I see your kiddo is 3– you might want to get him a kid size sleeping bag instead. My kiddo is average to petite and is growing out of her nap mat at age 3.5 and we’re upgrading to a sleeping bag.

  7. Strategy mom says

    Advice needed! Our 2 year old son has started taking off his PJs and diaper at night. We’ve put him in hannah anderson zip up PJs backwards and he somehow manages to “hulk” out of them – ripping apart the zipper and sticking his hands down his poopy diaper. Any thoughts on what we should do? I’m out of ideas! Wondering if we should potty train – I know he’ll still need a diaper at night, but maybe it’ll change his perspective on things? He’s still in a crib.

    • Anon says

      My DD did that a few times and woke us up at 3am. We strip everything, silently put her to bed naked with a diaper, with nothing but a waterproof liner on the mattress. (By 2.5, she was sleeping with a few stuffed animals and a blanket, both of which were removed.) The following night would also be diaper plus nothing, plus a 2am wakeup to check her diaper. It took our “reaction” out of the equation, plus no fun in the crib, and that stopped it. That might not be your issue but it worked for us.

      • Strategy mom says

        Love this – the threat of not being able to sleep with his animal friends might be enough to change things!

    • Momata says

      We had this problem, too (although our little poop artist was thwarted by the backwards PJs). We duct taped the diaper shut (to itself). Can you buy cheap zip up onesie pajamas and put strips of duct tape over the zipper? I realize this will leave gunky duct tape residue on the pajamas – but maybe after a few weeks he’ll be trained out of it and you won’t have to do it anymore.

      • Strategy mom says

        Love this too – he might give up before he could pull off the tape!

    • AEK says

      This is one of the things that prompted us to potty train our 2.5 year old. . The mess was not something I was interested in dealing with, and not being OK with the sensation of a full diaper is something the books list as a sign of readiness. He naps and sleeps in a diaper/ pullup still, but has gotten better about calling for help in the morning instead of using self-help, thankfully. So for us the answer to your last sentence was (mostly) yes.

  8. Jen says

    @ Anonymous (commenting isn’t nesting on my phone)- I’m 99% sure my husband is on the spectrum (undiagnosed). He was born in 1979 and went to private vs public schools because he needed some extra help/attention in school, mainly around the mechanics of school (doing homework even though you know all the answers, doing subjects other than your favorite). He was the student that got A+s in any class that interested him, Cs in the rest because he aced the tests and never did the homework. Had extremely elaborate projects, often to the extent it caused issues with his parents (eg. staying up all hours to fiddle with a perfectly complete project).

    He isn’t great at making friends- and never was- and was fairly socially awkward when we met @ 25. We only started dating/met because he worked with my roommate and we were all at happy hour and had enough beer to get talking.

    All that aside, he’s a great guy and a great dad. He’s really…focused and sometimes it makes me batty, but I’ve learned how to communicate effectively. He had a high paying executive job (business school really helped him- he’s not a natural networker or frankly, a natural talker!). He still knows 100s of dinosaurs and has taught our kids :-)

    What is interesting is that our nephew (his side) was just told he’s on the spectrum- and he’s 13. Totally shocked me, as he’s friendly (to adults and kids), makes eye contact, empathetic, etc. but apparently has emotional outbursts and isn’t doing well in school (see: 13) and the school psychologists recommend a specialist who diagnosed him. There is no way this kid will be unable to live alone!

    Put down the google and play with your boys :-).

    • OP says

      Thanks. My husband insists that he himself is likely on the spectrum (I think it’s more the GAD that results in social awkwardness, but who knows). Honestly your husband’s school issues sound a lot like me. I killed it in all “my” subjects and basically coasted (or less) in the ones I didn’t like. I still have trouble focusing when I’m not interested. I probably should take your advice and put away Dr. Google.

  9. AIMS says

    Stroller question. I’m due with my second this winter, my first will be just over 2 y.o. at that point. We have an UB Cruz, which doesn’t convert (because we weren’t planning more kids, haha). Do we need a new stroller? Is it silly to think that we can just baby wear until kid no. 1 can walk on her own and kid no. 2 can go into the old stroller?

    • Spirograph says

      My kids have similar age gaps, and I never used a double-stroller and only wished a couple times that I had one. If you don’t have a cheap umbrella stroller, it might be good to get one — if you’re on outings with two adults, you’ll have the option to put both kids in their own stroller. Otherwise, baby-wearing or making the bigger kid walk worked fine for me!

      • AIMS says

        We’re in the city so use the stroller a lot, basically whenever we go out but as my daughter gets older she wants to walk more. And I wasn’t a huge fan of baby wearing but I am also willing to deal with it.

        • AIMS says

          I should add that we can get one of those little ride along boards so that as baby transitions into the stroller, toddler can ride if she doesn’t want to walk.

          • Anon in NYC says

            I don’t think it’s crazy to babywear for a while. You might like it more the second time around, especially in the winter when you can keep the newborn warmer with your body heat.

            I also think getting a ride along board is a great idea. One of those ride along boards would be my first choice before buying a new stroller.

          • anon says

            AIMS, if you are in the city you can probably get a used double stroller for cheap pretty easily, so you could always wait and do that if you find you want one. I think baby wearing is most likely to be annoying when the baby is heavier/older, or in the summer (in my very limited experience). So I don’t think you need to figure this out in advance. The scooter board thing sounds like a good plan. We stopped using our stroller around age 4 – we have a daily public transit commute to preschool – but still we rely heavily on my son’s mini kick scooter to ensure we arrive on time. If he was walking, I would shoot myself. But he walks slower than most of his peers.

    • SC says

      I don’t think it’s crazy. It depends on what you use the stroller for and how often. We live in an area where we cross long distances by car, and DS (27 months) uses a stroller extremely rarely–just at the zoo and when we travel. I’d say you can at least wait until Baby is born and see how it goes and what your stroller needs are then.

    • AwayEmily says

      I’m in the same position (DD will be 20 months when her brother is born this winter) and we are not planning on buying a double stroller. We did pick up a used Maclaren at a garage sale the other weekend, so we now at least have two strollers (the baby’s carseat can connect to our current Britax). Honestly, because our oldest is in daycare (and the baby will be after 4 months), there are very few times when just *one* parent will be taking out both kids, which seems like the time when a double stroller would really come in handy. So we are hoping that the babywearing/stroller combo or the two-stroller combo will sufficient until DD can consistently walk. Seems like the double-stroller is mostly necessary if you, a nanny, or your partner will be spending a lot of time alone with both kids.

    • Blueberry says

      Maybe buy a stroller board (what are they called?) and see how it goes. That was my approach. I did buy a double jogging stroller because I knew I wanted to take both kids jogging, and that has sufficed. For full disclosure, I also moved to the suburbs at about the same time, but I don’t think I would have ended up buying a double “city” stroller even if I hadn’t.

    • LaLa says

      I think a double stroller is one of those “nice to haves”. I’m a big babywearer, but found with 2 (similar age gap to yours) that it was nice to be able to strap them both in if needed. Could I have managed without it? Absolutely. But My SIL has the same age gap and no double stroller and always said she wished she had one too.

      Now that they are 3.5 and 1.5 we tend to go with the single option plus glider board (we have a City Select, so can do a number of different configurations), but do still have times (long zoo or mall trips) where it is nice to have a seat for both.

      • Anon says

        I think it’s a nice-to-have unless one of you is solo-parenting on a regular basis. Then yes you will want a place to strap both of them in. We got the Joovy Caboose that converts from two seats to a seat-plus-board and still use it when we’re in One Parent Two Kids mode.

    • Anonymous says

      AIMS, we’re in a similar boat (23 month difference, due this fall). I’m considering the piggyback add-on to our Cruz because the Vista is just so expensive. I’m hoping baby wearing + Cruz will be enough to get us to the spring, when we could buy a double umbrella at a much lower price than double “real” stroller. My concern is we have a nanny, who would be taking both kids out quite a bit. I will ask her what she thinks– she didn’t mind wearing my son when he was an infant, but I’d imagine it’s harder to baby wear while chasing a toddler around.

    • Clementine says

      This is what we plan to do for foster care placements (uncertain age, etc.) Wear one and get a roller board for our existing stroller. Even tandem double strollers are difficult to maneuver in tight spaces. The current kiddo in our house is 1 1/2, so we’re going to use a sling/ergo for bitty babies carried forwards, a toddler tula if the age is right, and the stroller for whoever needs a nap.

    • anon says

      I think it also depends on how big your kids are. My kids were in the 90th percentile plus, and it wasn’t practical for me to baby wear all the time. Also, I had to invest in a really good double, because two combined were quite heavy (also, I couldn’t get a double umbrella, because the oldest always exceeded the weight limit). (We also solo parent quite a bit, and I am small compared to my beastly children, which doesn’t help.)

    • Legally Brunette says

      We purchased an Uppa Baby Vista double stroller, and I can probably count on one hand the number of times we had both kids sitting in both seats. BUT, we also have the ride along board and that feature has been really indispensable. We use it every day when walking to school and my kids fight over who gets to stand on it. It’s really fun and the kids get a big kick out of standing on it. My kids are now 2.5 and 4.5 and we use the board every day.

      I personally never got into babywearing and my boys didn’t seem to enjoy it either. If you didn’t like it much the first time around I think it’s unlikely you would like it the second time. I would sometimes do it around the house but I never liked babywearing outside. That’s why I really liked the flexibility of having the double stroller (also, I get super hot easily and found that babywearing just exacerbated the heat factor).

    • EB0220 says

      I didn’t read the other answers, but we never bought a double stroller when our 2nd was born. My kids are 2.5 years apart. I usually wore baby (easier to nurse) and pushed big sister. Occasionally, I’d wear big sister and push baby. I usually brought both carriers and it was nice to switch things around. I actually still do this today. Now they can use the same carrier, which makes it easier, but I still often carry one and push the other at events, festivals, in the city, etc. They’re now 3 and 5.

    • Sarabeth says

      I found we absolutely needed one, and my kids have a three-year gap. The lifestyle factors for us that made it necessary include:
      -walking commute to daycare, then to my office. Yes, I can babywear the little one for it, but it’s a lot easier to be able to strap them both in. Commute is just far enough that my big kid needs a stroller if we are going to make it in anything approaching a reasonable time. Also minimizes drool on my work clothes.
      -walking to parks, etc on the weekends, while the baby naps. Again, babywearing is kind of fine (and I do it a lot), but sometimes my older kid needs attention and it’s a lot easier to give it to her if I don’t have to worry about disturbing the sleeping infant. Some parks are close enough to walk to, but some are farther, and there is a 100% guarantee that if the baby is sleeping in the stroller, that is the moment that the big kid will insist she is too tired to walk.

      • AIMS says

        Thanks for all the feedback, ladies! I think I will play this one by ear. We do solo parent at least one day a week each and walk everywhere so maybe we’ll have to bite the bullet and get a different stroller but I like the idea of at least waiting a few months and then getting a double umbrella stroller, which I feel like we’ll graduate to anyway if just one stroller isn’t going to work out. Maybe I will keep an eye out for a bargain (used or new) meantime.

  10. Nothingincommon says

    Spin-off from a post from yesterday, my daughter is about to start Pre-K next year at a private school on the smaller side in terms of class sizes. There is another mom with kids the exact same ages as mine (I have a son in daycare) starting at the same school and I just cannot stand this woman. She moved to town last year and is involved in the same volunteer organization group as me and every encounter I’ve had with her has been negative. She’s really boastful, only talks about herself, shows off her wealth every chance she gets, has made disparaging comments about working moms, etc, etc, you know the type.
    There’s a 50/50 chance our daughters will be in the same class and then our sons when the time comes. In total honestly, I’m worried she will try to make all of the moms be in a group with her while excluding me and my daughter. It’s like high school all over again! I’m usually a strong, secure, proud working mom, but this gal pushes my buttons. Looking for advice on how to get along or at least, just not let her bother me?

    • Anonanonanon says

      There’s no way you’ll be the only one to feel this way. Even if she does start a “clique”, someone else will have the same impression of her, and it will probably be someone you would get along with! So maybe it will drive you towards your next best mom friend! Also, she probably doesn’t even notice that you’re not a fan, she sounds like the type to assume EVERYONE’S her fan, and wouldn’t exclude someone from her pool of possible admirers!

      Fingers crossed you don’t end up in the same class, navigating a social scene on behalf of our children is so stressful!

    • anon says

      Some of the other parents in my son’s coop preschool drive me nuts, and honestly what has helped is getting to know them better (by necessity due to coop work, not by choice) – I start to understand why they are they way they are more and for those I feel jealous of, see more about their lives that I don’t envy. I feel similarly now about people I didn’t like in high school now – in hindsight, they aren’t horrible people, just different. If she’s actively mean, that is a bit different–and it sounds like she might be, or maybe just insecure herself?–but is she is just annoying you have more to work with. If she does form a group, I don’t think you should assume all the other moms will drink her kool-aid, even if they participate. There is no reason you and your daughter can’t form one on one relationships with other families you like in her school.

    • Anonymous BigLaw Associate says

      I’d get along by not interacting with her. But I never really have gotten involved in mom’s groups at my kids’ schools. I have made a few close friends that way, but the group thing was never for me.

      On the nothing in common point, I feel you. My husband and I were both refugees, I am brown, and we have a multi-racial family in a predominantly white, upper-middle class neighborhood. I really think other parents are generally nice enough, but I find it hard to make close friends with lots of them because of the nothing in common point. But a few close friends does it for me. And as I think about it, I don’t have tons in common with them on the surface either, but we have similar interests or personalities.

  11. avocado says

    Bento box suggestions? I am looking for one that is leakproof, not huge, and has 3-4 compartments all on the same level (not stacked) to accommodate homemade “lunchables” or snacky meals (e.g., crackers, cheese, apple slices, baby carrots). The closest thing I could find was a snap-lock container from Sistema about the size of a sandwich container with two compartments. This is perfect for cheese and crackers, but I’d like an extra compartment or two for fruits and veggies. Most of the bento boxes I can find seem designed to hold sandwiches, which makes them so big they won’t fit in any lunch bag. PB Teen has a stainless steel one that’s about the right size, but it is expensive and looks like it will tarnish and/or leak.

    I have finally figured out that a big reason my kid only eats part of her lunch is that she only gets around to opening one container from her lunch bag. I am hoping that putting all of the food in a single container will entice her to eat more.

    • Anonanonanon says

      There’s a blog called “Wendolonia” witha mom who does a lot of bento lunches, if I remember correctly she frequently covers the different lunch boxes/lunch containers out there. She has a gallery of how she packs them, too.

    • anon says

      Bentgo and Planet Box ($$) are two that keep showing up in my online searches. Reviews tend to have suggestions about bags that will fit them.

    • Anon in NYC says

      Have you looked at Planet Box? They have different size lunchboxes, and they also have little silicone inserts and metal cups with lids (for things like dips) so you can subdivide the compartments further. They are expensive, but they seem really sturdy. I use the Shuttle for my toddler (2 compartments) and regularly fill it with, like, half a sandwich, a vegetable (in a silicone insert), fruit + a treat (in another insert).

    • avocado says

      Thanks for the ideas! After looking at the Wendolonia blog and the Planet Box accessories, I think I will start by subdividing some of our existing containers with silicone muffin cups. This should be good for adult lunches, too–I have been trying out the cute “meal prep” lunches from D@mn Delicious, and sometimes the components get mixed together in transit.

    • shortperson says

      we loooooooooove our planetboxes. they are perfect for toddler/preschool meals like you describe. and since they are metal they can go in the dishwasher. we use the rover. 2 yo loves to help pack. they definitely encourage me to give her fruit and veggies every day. expensive but very durable. we bought some plastic ones but i never felt like handwashing them so we never use those.

      • Anonymous says

        We also love our planetbox rover! Highly recommend, and makes packing lunches really easy (you just fill the compartments).

    • anon says

      we use easy lunchboxes containers, sometimes with an additional small container (they sell tiny ones) nested inside the biggest divided part. They are inexpensive, light, and my son can open them himself.

  12. Secrets says

    I’m 33 years old, have been married for 10 years, have 2 kids, and just recently learned how to “garden” in a manner that is pleasing to me. A part of me is really baffled by this, but looking back I think that hormonal birth control really effected me negatively. I have an IUD now and I don’t know if that makes a difference or not, but the change is real!

  13. Pogo says

    Can false labor really go on for weeks?

    I still have two weeks til my due date and the BH the last two mornings were pretty intense. I definitely had “more than four in an hour” but since they petered out by mid-morning I decided to avoid a pointless trip to the doctor to sit on the monitor and be told I’m not in labor.

    I’m going to talk to my midwife tomorrow, but I’m guessing the answer is either 1) deal with it, this is your life now or 2) try going on some modified bed rest?

    On the one hand I’d love to be working from home full time now… but on the other hand, I have stuff to do! Meetings! My type A personality is not ready for bed rest!

    • October says

      I had contractions for the week before I went into labor, which dilated me to 3+ cm before “real” labor even started. They felt like bad menstrual cramps and would come and go throughout the day/night. BH don’t hurt — so if you are feeling pain or intense pressure, I would say you are having real contractions. And yes they can last for many days before go time.

      Also, my contractions never became regular (or even super close together) until I was 6+ cm, so take that guideline with a grain of salt.

      • October says

        Also, I don’t see the need for any type of bed rest…. you want to keep moving to kick things into gear.

    • Anonanonanon says

      Yes. hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. That was the advice they gave me and I thought it was BS, but once I did it (with a “I’ll do this only to prove to them it doesn’t work” attitude) it stopped. Hydrate like.. WAAAAAY more than you think you would.

      • LaLa says

        yes, this. I drank ALL THE WATER one day just to prove them wrong, and it worked, ha. I forget my target daily amount after I determined it worked, but it was something crazy like 120 ounces per day, and that was winter baby.

      • Rainbow Hair says

        Ha, I did the same thing. “I’ll show you this won’t work! “…oh.”

      • Anonanonanon says

        Me too. I remember them being so intense that you could see them- my stomach would go from round to pointy!

    • NewMomAnon says

      Agree on no bed rest; why would you want to stop contractions two weeks before your due date? At this point, contractions are a good thing! Baby is nearly full term. Definitely don’t go on bed rest unless your doctor advises it!

    • Blueberry says

      Or… you could be having a baby this week. Two weeks to your due date isn’t that early! With my first, I had what I thought were BH one day, and I was in labor the next morning. So be prepared! And good luck!

  14. CPA Lady says

    I have a dear friend, former coworker, and professional mentor who found out on Friday that she would not be getting a much deserved and very expected (people were already congratulating her in advance) promotion to partner. She’s be busting her @$$ for years but still manages to balance a family and other interests. I admire her so much.

    I just… want to do something for her. Would flowers and a note be weird or upsetting or too much or too little? What do I say? She is one of those people who is always fighting the good fight, and the woman who is making partner is very old-school (i.e. believes in face time above everything, thinks work is more important than anything else in life, etc) which makes it even harder. Of course the other woman deserves to make partner, but I’m just so sad for my friend. They told her “definitely next year” and gave her some bullsh&t excuse about a retiring partner not transitioning enough of his book to her, but ugh. What should I do?

    • Anonanonanon says

      I’d vote a card. It’s a bit less public than flowers and she can open it and react to it/process it on her own time, if that makes sense. I think if you write something heartfelt but upbeat it will mean a lot to her.

    • CPA Lady says

      If I send or give her an actual item (flowers, wine, etc) I would send it to her house– definitely don’t want to draw attention to this at work.

    • NewMomAnon says

      I was very publicly and unexpectedly passed over for partner (in a whole firm meeting, on a Monday, when partner nominations were not listed on the agenda!). The most comforting thing anyone did was pop into my office and say some variation of “That stinks, you deserved better than that. What were [management types] thinking?”

      The most supportive thing someone did for me afterward was to commit to providing me with a certain amount of work per month and volunteering to write a review for me stating that. If you’re in a position to provide this woman with work or help building a book, or even just putting in a good word for her – offer to do that. It’s best in person, but a card is OK too.

    • mascot says

      A nice note and a bottle of sympathy (my preference would be small batch bourbon, but you know her). New Mom’s advice about sending her work or good recommendations is good too.

    • Anon says

      For me, when something like this happens, I want to vent and then move on. I think words of support are your best bet here. I would appreciate the sentiment behind a card or a note, but might feel like it would dredge up my feelings of failure. Maybe I’m a wimp, but I kind like people outside my immediate circle to act like it never happened and move on…

  15. Paying Family For Childcare? says

    I’m due this winter with our first and will going back to work when LO is 4-5 months old. My mom has generously offered to watch our daughter three days/week. Knowing her, she’ll also do some light cooking and straightening up around our house too (the woman can’t sit still!).

    I would like to pay her for childcare, but I’m not quite sure how much or how to structure it (for example, paying her hourly makes her feel more like an “employee”, which I don’t love; I’d prefer to just settle on a flat weekly or monthly rate). This is our first kid, so I also don’t really know how much childcare costs. I’ve heard from friends that nannies can be $15-$25/hour, but I have no idea about what part-time daycare would cost in a HCOL area (the places I’ve called want me to commit to a tour before providing pricing). I know my mom will take some money, but she probably won’t accept the “market rate” for her services anyway.

    Any advice?

    • anon says

      If it is helpful, in my NYC neighborhood the cheapest daycare rates–for 40+ hours a week; hourly rates for part time are higher–are around $7/hr. I think nanny rates are comparable to what you are finding, so maybe this is a useful baseline. This is for in-home, pretty basic daycare.

    • Anonanonanon says

      My first advice would be to try to have an honest and frank discussion with her about this. If she’s going to be providing you a substantial amount of childcare, this is a good test-run for the many uncomfortable/honest conversations to come (when you ask her to do something differently, etc.)

      Otherwise, what is her financial situation like? Would she more willing to accept things like gift cards for gas (if she’s driving a lot to your house), groceries, takeout, etc? I live in a HCOL area and full time in center daycare is about $1600-$1700 a month for an infant, in-home daycares are more like $900-$1300. That is full time, though.

    • shortperson says

      i would take the tours and get on waiting lists just in case. then you’ll know pricing too.

    • Anonymous says

      My parents paid my grandmother to watch us. They paid her monthly. Most of it probably ended up being spent on us kids, FWIW. She and my grandfather owned their own house, but made very little.

    • H says

      The won’t give you pricing info until you commit to a tour???? That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard all day.

  16. EB0220 says

    Maybe too late in the day but…. my 5 year old’s last day at daycare is Friday. She’s only been at this one for 2.5 years, so not her entire daycare career, but it’s been a substantial amount of time. Should I do something? I was thinking maybe buy some books for the classrooms and a nice note for the teachers, or should I do a gift card for her main teachers? Must be primeable.

    • Anon in NYC says

      We did gift cards for her main teachers (with a nice note) and donuts for all of the toddler teachers.

    • Anonymous says

      I do gift cards, note and framed photos (I don’t expect the teachers to display framed photos of my kids in their home, but I figure they can use the frame and they get a quick “aw” out of the photo) when my kids “graduate” into the next age group at daycare. I still have a year before the the first one goes off to kindergarten, but I will probably do the same.

      If you want to do something for the classroom, I’m sure you could ask the teachers if there’s anything in particular they would like or need. Books, like you said, or a new set of food for the play kitchen, or some more of a favorite type of blocks. I like the donuts for toddler teachers idea. My younger child started as an infant in our current daycare, so she’ll have been with most of the teachers in the (smallish) center by the time she leaves, and it would be nice to recognize that they all played a big role in this phase of her life.

  17. NewMomAnon says

    Vent: my father came up with a bunch of cool things he wanted to do with kiddo this week. They all involved shuffling childcare and parenting time arrangements, which wasn’t super hard but it’s never easy. So I shuffled the arrangements only to find out that he hadn’t thought through his schedule, and couldn’t take kiddo on the day he’d offered to pick her up from daycare at noon and keep her through the evening. The other event he’d planned included dinner, and he scheduled said dinner about 20 miles away from kiddo’s daycare at rush hour and wanted me to bring her there. I would then drive myself back to work for a meeting. I had to say no.

    So now I’m left with a week of disrupted childcare, a miffed father, and a kiddo who thought she was going to hang out with her grandpa and now isn’t.

    • EB0220 says

      Oh man, that’s tough. I don’t think people “on the outside” realize how one little deviation can send the whole delicate balance crashing down.

      • NewMomAnon says

        Even things as small as, I didn’t pick up anything at my weekly grocery trip for the dinners he was supposed to cover. So now I have to scramble. And I have to soothe a disappointed 3.5 year old, which will be sad.

    • LaLa says

      ugh, commisseration. My mom did this once and on a day when DH and I both had important meetings, so we’ve never allowed daycare interrupting events again. She gets mad and I feel mean sometimes, but I let her know our evening and weekend availability and that she is welcome to pick-up the kids then.

      It’s so hard!

    • Rainbow Hair says

      Honestly I don’t think I would even consider disrupting kiddo’s day care schedule for an event with a grandparent (unless the event was: “grandma is coming to town, dad is keeping you home all day to play with her”). I think LaLa’s rule makes a ton of sense.

      That sounds frustrating and disappointing. Sorry you have to deal with it!

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