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My younger son, H, got a subscription to Kiwi Co. for Christmas — it sends age-appropriate STEAM projects every month, and it seems really cool. We haven’t done it yet, but it would make a great gift, and you can choose different subscription lengths for $16.95 to $19.95/month. Have you guys done any subscription services for toys or projects or crafts? I’d love to hear about them. Kiwi Co.
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Everlong says
I thoroughly enjoyed reading the comments on the main page yesterday regarding the kids decision. The one comment that I can’t seem to get past was something about the isolation on this page. I feel the opposite! I feel like I have a great, supportive community as a mother and you are all a part of it. I love it here. Let’s have a positive Friday conversation.
What is one thing that has surprised you about motherhood in a positive way? Also, were you in the yes, no, or ambivalent camp about having kids? And how old are they?
I think one of the biggest surprises for me is that my children have enhanced my life, not destroyed it. Things have changed but things are better. I am a better person because I am a mother, I have learned lessons I would not have otherwise. Less free time has not harmed me. Rather, I am more intentional with my time and thankful for the time I spend anywhere – with my husband, with my children, or just me. I was firmly ambivalent and my small people are 2 years old and an infant.
Cb says
I’ve got a 5.5 month old and regularly tell people how much fun it is. I kind of assumed my kid would be a potato until 6 months, when I’d go back to work and miss all the fun. But he’s so interactive, he loves to sit in a cafe and people watch, we go for walks, we chat, and he learns and changes so much every week and it’s such a joy to be a part of it. Yesterday he pet the cat for 10 minutes and kept looking at me as if this was the best thing ever.
I think we do get quite a negative message about parenting. My yoga teacher is due next month and I said how much fun I’m having and she seemed so surprised, everyone had been telling her that she’ll never sleep / be broke etc. I always wanted one kid and am definitely one and done, a mix of personal preference and practicalities.
Anon says
Funny, I hated the first year or so, and thought we got so many positive messages about cute babies and how the sleep deprivation is worth the snuggles. But as soon as they started communicating, around 18 months, I suddenly realized why everyone seems to like kids. They’re FUN! Watching them experience and process the world is fascinating.
I was ambivalent on kids, thinking I would likely just be a fabulous auntie and volunteer. And now I have two, 5 and 2, and they’re the best. I don’t even mind the Terrible Twos or the Threenager stage, because it’s SO MUCH BETTER than a crying baby who can’t tell me why they’re sad.
The best change for me is learning how to let go. I was a strong Type A who planned everything. I’m getting better at spontaneity and flexibility, and even enjoying it when it happens. My pre-kid self would have never ever envisioned myself happily switching plans halfway through a different plan. And yet here I am, daily.
Cb says
I thought I’d hate the baby stage too! But with the exception of the nap-refusing and bottle-striking, I’ve had an exceptionally easy baby..
When I think about having an older kid, I remember sitting next to this mom and kid on the bus. He was sitting on the top deck and this was clearly the highlight of his day. Imagine seeing the world through new eyes. How incredible everything must seem.
CPA Lady says
I cried the first time I saw my kid see an elephant. (yes I’m the weepy mom)… but omg, it’s so cool to see them see new things!
Moms Solo says
My favorite day of moming is still seeing my now 11-month-old’s face when I turned on a lamp. I think he was about 6 weeks and was cooing and smiling up a storm. It really is a privilege to watch the world through a little person’s eyes.
Anonanonanon says
I’m with you, Anon. I thought I’d love having a cute little infant and i HATED the baby stage. But, starting at 9 months or so I was like “oh, I get it now!” and every year is even better than the last. That surprised me.
avocado says
Me too!
lsw says
I too love this community and credit it, along with my awesome husband, for helping me get through an incredibly difficult pregnancy. And I also love being able to float parenting questions to people who are at least similar to me and my situation in many ways.
A big surprise is that I sort of want another (!!). To answer your question reflecting its true intention, though, I am surprised that I have been able to approach parenthood with flexibility (not my strong suit!) and understanding. I have been able to be more patient with my son than I expected. He also brought so much joy earlier than I expected – they get pretty fun, pretty fast!
My son is 18 months and my stepdaughter is 11. I was pretty ambivalent. When I met my husband, he was very firm about not wanting more kids. That was fine at the time because I wasn’t sure I wanted any, either. Then one morning he turned to me and said something like, “I think I want to have a baby with you.” Then I grunted and rolled over (not a morning person). About an hour later I woke up and was, like, what? Then I thought about it and got pretty on board and here we are! We were both fairly certain we were one (plus SD) and done, but now we are talking seriously about having another. I’ll be 38 soon, and daycare cost is prohibitive, so we need to decide if the age-related risks and the money are surmountable for us.
Anonanonanon says
I agree, having this community of women with similar (but somehow still diverse?) circumstances makes all the difference.
Cb says
It is saner than the more traditional baby boards. And I’ve got my childbirth group but I’m more career oriented than the other moms so sometimes I feel a bit funny (suspect they are secretly judging me for not taking my year-long mat leave entitlement)
Anonanonanon says
I was in the “yes someday” camp and then got accidentally pregnant much younger than intended. Now, about 8 years later, I’m pregnant with my second but to be honest I was kind of in the ambivalent camp about a second (but my husband, who’s been amazing with my first child, really wanted a second. It was important to him to get to do it from the beginning and I understand that and think he deserves that chance, plus I already know he’s a great dad).
My positive “surprises” with my first were just how strong I was and how much I’m capable of. I went from “omg mom I can’t call the power company to arrange to have power turned on in my apartment today I have a test in three days and I’m so stressed ok?!” to a competent adult pretty quickly. I don’t think I’d be in the career I’m in today, in which I’ve advanced quickly and literally have my dream job, if I hadn’t have become a mother when I did. It gave me a lot of confidence to know that I can handle anything thrown my way and figure out solutions.
It’s also made me a much more compassionate member of society. I’m able to empathize with people in different circumstances, because I realize that could have easily been me if I didn’t have the fortune of a good degree, a good upbringing, and a lot of luck. I’m a lot more understanding of the fact that “life happens” to people.
I’m interested to see what surprises will come when #2 arrives in a few weeks. I think/hope most of the pleasant surprises will be around what it is like to experience parenting a baby with a partner. I know having him around deepened my appreciation of my first (those silly moments are a bit more special when there’s someone else there to share them with) and I’m sure it will make the infant/toddler experience different as well.
avocado says
I was surprised by how portable kids really are. At the end of my pregnancy I thought I would never leave the house again after the baby was born and was terribly stressed out about having enough diapers, groceries, and supplies on hand to deal with any possible contingency for the next year or so. A couple days after the kid was born I started wanting to take her out, and after a little more than a week I convinced my husband we should go out to dinner and Target. It does depend a lot on how many kids you have and their temperaments, but our kid has fit surprisingly well into the life we want to live as a family. Of course there are the inevitable illnesses and the tyranny of the school and sports schedules with which to contend, but we have gotten to do quite a bit of fun stuff.
Cb says
Right? We went to lunch and IKEA at 8 days. The baby goes in the sling and we go to museums, cafes, the park to watch the people go by.
CPA Lady says
Yeah, I thought that was odd too. A friend of mine was asking about the word “community” and whether or not it was an inclusionary or exclusionary word. I think it’s both. Maybe that’s what that person was picking up on when she said this group seemed isolated. Because motherhood and the community surrounding it is not really something you can grasp until you experience it. We all understand the “good parts”, the soaring joy, the feeling of deep happiness and excitement we get from doing something that will make our children happy, seeing our kid experience something for the first time, etc. and don’t need to talk about them as much, because it’s part of our basic understanding of our relationships with our children. If you don’t have that background and you come over here, all you see is a bunch of stressed out women talking about how their kid woke up at 2:45 am or griping about potty training or their kid refusing to vegetables unless they’re dipped in sauces. You wouldn’t understand that 45 minutes after the latest showdown over screen time, that the same child might hold your face in her tiny soft hands and say “I love you mama”. But we understand that, because we live it. Anyone can be annoyed by a whining child, but only mothers know what it’s like to experience the love you have for your children. Only hearing this bad parts without being able to understand the good parts is a very one sided understanding of what motherhood is.
I think everyone is capable of a meaningful life whether or not they have kids, and I was deeply ambivalent about it until a few months before we decided to start trying. I think that people can understand that when you’re doing something “big” in your life– like going for a big promotion, you’ll break your back for it. You’ll experience setbacks. And then you’ll achieve your goal and be so happy and proud of all your hard work. There’s a pay off. It’s defined. I saw a lot on the other s it e about having a kid not having any kind of “pay off” for all the hard work. I don’t think that’s how you should look at motherhood. It’s not a “job”with “results”, it’s a relationship. I don’t know if the pay off for bringing another person into this world can be measured. Is there any pay off for loving someone unconditionally? Is there a pay off for having a deep, meaningful relationship? Is there a pay off for becoming intensely vulnerable in a way you never knew you could before? Is there a pay off to having to face all your inner demons and try to become a better person and a better role model? Yes, but it looks nothing like the kind of “pay off” you get in corporate America. It’s a completely different kind of complicated, human, emotional pay off.
Anonanonanon says
dam* CPA Lady, beautifully written!
mascot says
That was really eloquent. I agree about parenthood feeling like you joined a not so secret club. We are all on Team Parent with all of those highs and lows. It’s why you automatically step in front of a running toddler making a bee-line for a door until you can see if an adult is with them. It’s why your heart breaks at news accounts of refugees or sick kids and parents having to make heart-breaking choices. It’s why we all work so darn hard to make sure our kids grow up to be good people. Once you are intiated into that group, you are in for life.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I agree with so much of this, especially the last part about no “payoffs” in the traditional sense of how (let’s be honest, old white men) Americans have defined success or achieving goals. Having a child has opened me in so many ways that I couldn’t ever imagine before and it’s made me question a lot of what I was told to value. It’s made me so much more open to being vulnerable – even just the thought of something awful happening to my son tears me up, but I think I need to feel this way to have the full range of human emotions as someone said on that other thread.
I have an almost 21 month old and I’ve found that the parenting experience just keeps changing, which keeps me on my toes and forces me to let go of my need for control. The toddler years are physically exhausting for sure, but it’s incredible to hear him learn new words and really start to “get” what we’re saying and how the world works. I didn’t particularly enjoy maternity leave, some of which had to do with personal circumstances outside of caring for a newborn, and I know I would not enjoy staying home full time. But I love spending time together as a family on nights and weekends and I’m looking forward to seeing him grow up and see how our dynamic changes.
Before getting pregnant, I always thought I would have kids but I didn’t have that burning desire to be at home with a child and do arts and crafts or whatever in the way parents, especially moms, are told they should feel about motherhood. Parenting is so much more than just caretaking or playing. It pains me to hear SAHPs say they couldn’t imagine someone else raise their kids, so that’s why they stay home. My husband and I are raising our kids too, and that includes having him go to daycare and have my parents watch him sometimes, etc. I knew that when I was 80, I would want to look back on my life and know that I did this huge adventure known as parenting and I didn’t want to miss out on that. I like to take the long view of parenting, and I try to remind myself that yeah, it’s really really tough now, and will be in the future for different reasons, but it’s worth it to me to get that experience.
I also want a second and we’re going to start trying soon. My husband originally wanted one (he’s one of 3 – so much for sibling bonds, haha) and I had this idea of having 3 because I’m an only child. Taking the long view again, I thing I would regret not having a second, so we’re going to go for it, even though being pregnant, taking leave and caring for two will most likely derail my career progression, at least in my current job. That’s something that I’ve been grappling with lately, and I can totally understand why having just one makes the most sense for career-driven people (like my parents). I’m still ambitious, but I have this other competing desire now. It’s very very difficult to let go of the idea that I will not succeed at work while also being the kind of parent I want to be. I think a lot of this has to do with problems in our society and I’d like to change that, but it might not change in time for me.
Anyway, I could write a novel on this. I have to say that I love this community so much. You are all my village.
Anon in NYC says
I wish I could insert the praise hands emoji.
I too was deeply ambivalent about motherhood before starting to try. Like someone posted on the thread yesterday, I sort of wished that I would just get pregnant accidentally so our hand would have been forced. Making the decision to try was very hard. And, TBH, I was still ambivalent during pregnancy. I didn’t feel any real sort of attachment (other than obligation) to my child until she was about 6 weeks old.
I 100% agree that the pay off is completely different from the typical rewards that you chase in every other area of your life. But I think I have a daily undercurrent of joy from watching her grow. Sometimes that joy is overwhelming, and other times it pales in comparison to exhaustion from tantrums over screen time, but I feel like my daily base level of satisfaction with my life is greater than it was without her.
Anonymous says
Awww, I love this. I also was disturbed by the “no payoff” comment. I mean, what in the world?
legal canuck says
I love seeing them accomplish things. For my 3 year old, when she zipped her jacket for the first time I cried. MY 6 year old’s compassion for others is very refreshing.
kids are funny (at least every day they say something totally innocent but hilarious!)
We wanted 3 kids however after my first I was told I would never be able to carry another one to term. Then we had our miracle baby (a complete shock and surprise).
Legally Brunette says
+ 1
My son’s compassion gets me every time. Has anyone read a Mother for Choco, about the orphaned bird? The first time I read that to my son when he was barely 2, he started crying and said he was sad that the bird didn’t have a mama! And then of course I started tearing up too.
Pigpen's Mama says
I was out of town very briefly (which is unusual for me) and came home after bedtime. I gave my 3 yr old a hug and a kiss when she was sleeping — she briefly woke up, gave me a big smile and a hug and then promptly fell back to sleep (and hit my face with her head- OUCH!).
When she woke up this morning, she came running in to see me, cuddled with me and told me she missed me a lot. Then demanded breakfast and gave me a few more kisses.
It’s amazing to me that I can have conversations with this short little PERSON who was just this cute, mostly bald, blob a few years ago. She has opinions! And thoughts! and sometimes both are reasonable and well thought out.
We’re one and done and while we may not have regular date nights, and having a in-house playmate would be nice, it hasn’t been a huge lifestyle hit.
As much as being a working mom in a stressful job in a busy city can be a logistical juggle — she helps me take work less seriously and work helps me take parenting less seriously.
I was on the fence for a long time, and sometimes I miss the old me, but I’m so glad I’m able to get to know my daughter.
anon says
I came here to post the same thing today. I was surprised by the responses on that post because I find this group so empowering and compassionate. I don’t see it as a dark, sad place at all. Thank you all for being here.
For a long time I was ambivalent about kids, but then a switch flipped and I very much wanted them. One thing that’s surprised me is my openness to the mess, if that makes sense. Our daughter is a year old and has complicated medical needs. Sure, it gets to me from time to time and we struggle to make it work with two full time jobs right now, but we’ve handled it better than we thought we would. I agree with the commenter above that motherhood has made me more compassionate and has really clarified my values.
lsw says
I didn’t realize this came out of a post that suggested this place is dark and sad – definitely not my experience either. In fact, I come for the parenting help/advice, but stay for the hilarious stories. I still think of that kid whose lovie was a rake.
Anon in NYC says
I agree. I really enjoy this community.
Anon says
I have one, almost 15 months, and am pregnant with our second. I was never a kid person growing up (actually, I’m still not, despite loving my kid more than anything- I just have no interest in other peoples). I thought I would be fine not having kids, but when we started trying and it didn’t happen right away I very quickly realized how important to me it actually was.
Ha lots was surprising to me! I’ve actually found most people to be very supportive, not judgmental like you hear about (we’ll see how that changes as my cute baby turns into a temperamental toddler…). The amount my life changed and how much it didn’t bother me, like not being able to do stuff spur of the minute, not traveling as much as we used to. Probably mostly surprising was just how all consuming my love is and how sensitive and empathetic it has made me to hearing bad things happen to other children- tough reading the news these days for a lot of reasons.
GCA says
It’s funny – I was so bored during the baby stage that I spent most of maternity leave making up daft song parodies: (‘Look at this kid/ isn’t he neat/ wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete’)…and seriously now one of the toddler’s favourite pastimes is making up his own silly songs. Something must’ve rubbed off, or it’s hereditary. It cracks me up.
More seriously, one of my favourite things about parenting is, essentially, watching the wheels turn in my son’s head. He’ll say something or other that tells me he’s connecting abstract ideas – the other day we were reading, and he remarked ‘The fish is sad because all of the other fish ran away from him’, something that was only implied in the text of the book. And this is a little person who’s two and a half.
Anonymous says
I missed the discussion on the main page…but it sounds like I didn’t miss much! I love having other working moms to talk to and get advice from on this page. I agree that a lot of articles/people put the focus on the negative side of parenthood, but honestly my in-person interactions have only been full of mostly positives. The only people who “warned” me about the lack of sleep/life upheaval/etc actually didn’t have kids themselves (of course). Every parent I talked to was like “Congratulations, it’s the best thing you’ll ever do”.
I was in the yes definitely kids camp. DD is 10 months old and what pleasantly surprised me was feeling proud of her conquering new skills and learning new things. Like when she suddenly stood up one day. Or realized she could bang two blocks together and kept laughing about it. Being a parent has reinforced that just because something is hard (pregnancy, childbirth, being a parent) doesn’t mean its not worth doing. I love seeing my husband grow into the role of a father and see him enjoy his daughter. I also love how he loves me in a whole new way for being a mother to our daughter. And I hate hate hate how you can’t explain the joy (and hardships!) of motherhood unless you experience it because it sounds so exclusionary, but it’s true.
Pogo says
That was a little odd that people said this was such a negative space when I agree, it feels the opposite. But I think if you find any thought of struggle with parenting awful and “not worth the payoff”, you definitely don’t want to have kids. Which is fine! Not everyone has to want kids!
I echo the idea that wanting kids came from taking the long view. For me, “family” is important, and family to me meant having kids. I love spending time with our extended family – grandparents, cousins, etc – it’s a big part of my time outside work, even before I had a baby. I also can’t wait to see my little grow up and discover the world and become his own little person!
I also objectively really like spending time with kids. I think they’re fun. I realize I’m in the minority on this one.
Anonymous says
Eh… if you only came her on a day about sleep training I could see someone never, ever wanting to come back.
But I’m just super relieved to have found a place where things like combination feeding, working, pumping (or not!) and vaccinations are just a given.
H says
The best thing that came out of having a child (aside from the child) is watching my husband with him. DH had never been interested in interacting with kids (whereas I was a camp counselor and always asked to hold other people’s babies) and he is much better at entertaining a toddler than I am.
Anon. says
This. Everyone asks what my favorite thing about becoming a mother. My response is always watching my husband become a father. DH was very ambivalent about having kids and really of the “I guess we should eventually, but our life is great right now, why mess with it” opinion. Six months in and he is an amazing father. It isn’t necessarily a surprise but it is so much fun to see. Watching the two of them interact and the absolute joy on my husband’s face makes me crumble. I actually feel like our marriage is stronger now than pre-kid contrary to so many of the horror stories you hear about kids ruining your relationship.
And yes, this community is so fantastic. Sane and informative and supportive. Thank you all so much.
TK says
I love C-moms! I avoid all other mom-blogs like the plague, but I’ve found this group of women to be tough, compassionate, and able to give respectful and constructive feedback even on controversial issues like sleep training, b-feeding, etc. Most mom blogs are aimed at SAHMs – I have so little in common with that community. Professional working moms are a subset of the population with unique views and concerns and I’m so glad to have found you all here.
emlou says
I also want to add how much I love this site and everyone who posts — I do not post often (in fact, rarely), but I read almost every day. I think you all are a wonderful group of people and you provide the most excellent advice (as well as place to vent, at times).
CCLA says
Echoing everyone else above on how much I love this community. I’ve been reading this board on and off since I was pregnant, and nearly daily since coming back to work after mat leave a year ago. It’s such a different community given the professional working mom framework, and generally seems more pragmatic and less dramatic than any other online mom forum. I’m super duper grateful for it.
To the posed questions, DD is now 16 mos. Definitely wanted kids, initially thought two, and we’re considering timing for potential #2, but if for some reason we just have the one, I’ll be satisfied. I was surprised by how much more fun my daughter became when she started running around everywhere. I received plenty of warnings about how it’s easier if they don’t get mobile quickly because then it’s a pain to chase them, and sympathy once she started moving early. Sure I have to be a little more vigilant, but it’s such a joy to go walking with her around the neighborhood or on a park trail, see the joy she gets from exploring, and share the outdoors with her in a more active way.
Anon says
Thanks for the early post!
lsw says
+1!
Em says
+2
Anonymous says
We had a Blumm box for our baby which was sort of like a baby Birchbox. Not all useful but nice to get something in the mail every month that coordinated with baby’s age.
Question – has anyone had a low platelet issue in their pregnancy? I’m approaching the end and my platelet count is dropping. Ive never heard of this, but apparently this happens sometimes at the end of pregnancy. Doctor isn’t worried, but the one potential complication is – if the count goes too low- they may not give you an epidural. My doctor suggested inducing me at 39.5 weeks if the count keeps going down to avoid that scenario, but it’s up to me. Im not sure what my question is, but wondering if anyone’s been through this and if I’m missing any downsides to induction here? Normally, I would want to wait for baby to come out naturally but it does feel like borrowing trouble a bit in this situation.
Cb says
Yes! I did. The doctors were watching it (I was on blood thinners) but my platelets stabilised at the very end, despite going 11 days over. I asked for an epidural after 28 hours of labour and the dumb thing didn’t work, so that was fun.
I asked about it in June / July last year so you might find it with a search, I got some really good advise.
OP says
Thanks, I’ll check. I figured I would ask here rather than google because I’d rather avoid panicking that I have some rare disease right now.
Anonanonanon says
Are they concerned with bleeding during birth/going to take any action to try to raise your counts? That would concern me more than the epidural. I had to get a blood transfusion after my first and while it wasn’t as scary as it sounds, I certainly felt AWFUL physically and would have liked to avoid that. Also I find the 39.5 wk mark interesting, does a couple of days make that huge of a difference in terms of platelet count? I genuinely don’t know. I’d definitely want to leave the epidural option on the table. Plus, what are the risks if you don’t induce and something happens and you need a C-section while you have low platelet counts?
A bit of a different situation, but I currently have very low hemoglobin due to some internal bleeding from my GI condition combined with normal pregnancy anemia, and no one has mentioned anything about an epidural to me. However, since I’ve made it clear to my doctor I’d like to avoid a blood transfusion after birth this time, if my Hgb hasn’t started rising when we check at my next appointment (appx 36 weeks) we’re going to do either a packed red blood cell transfusion or ProCrit.
OP says
As of last count, it was within normal ‘low’ range, so no one was too concerned about bleeding and nothing about a blood transfusion mentioned. Apparently, however, when they get very, very low you may need additional tests and steroids. Literally, all I was told was that you typically can’t get an epidural if they fall below 100 so if this trend continues, that may be an issue. Last week I was at 120 & I was 38 weeks, prior to that I was 134 at about 36 weeks. Will get new test next to see where we’re at. Doctor initially said to not worry about it and wait for 40 weeks but then said, actually, maybe you want to consider inducing a bit early if your next result is lower so you don’t have to deal with it going below 100. I think the assumption was that if it drops within 1 week, it will likely still be above 100 so we’d sort of be avoiding that whole issue with should I have an epidural.
I hope you get good results on your next test. The one thing I found comforting about all this is that stuff like anemia and low platelets don’t actually affect the baby so at least there’s that.
AwayEmily says
Now I’m paranoid that I’m 40 weeks and nobody has ever done a platelet count on me. I switched OBs (because of a move) between pregnancies, and it’s been surprising how much they differ in what they test for and what’s standard. For example, my last practice didn’t have me do a non-stress test til 41 weeks and this one does them weekly at 39 weeks. Lots of other small differences, too (Vitamin D testing, type of glucose test, etc).
OP says
Don’t be paranoid! They took your blood and it was always fine. This is all done as part of a routine screen – they had my baseline measure from my diabetes test. It’s not a special thing until you start dropping and then they monitor more closely.
AwayEmily says
It was so nice of you to write back — thank you! I feel much better now.
Anonymous says
Do you happen to know what it was around the time of your glucose screening? I’m freaked out now because mine was 250 at the start of pregnancy and 170 at my glucose screening at 26 weeks. Normal for now but clearly dropping and now I’m freaked that it will drop to the point that I can’t have the epidural by 40-41 weeks. My OB also doesn’t do much standard testing and I don’t think they plan to do any more bloodwork before delivery.
Pogo says
I think if theres any doubt as to whether you can get one, I would prepare to not have one (or not have it work). I had a lot of drama about my blood tests during labor and it was by far the worst part – thinking I could get an epidural and then being told they needed to re-run my bloodwork, multiple times, so I had to get blood drawn while I was in transition. That was fun.
I wish I had prepared for the possibility I couldn’t get it, and been more OK with asking for narcotics. There are non-epidural options for pain management, but I hadn’t considered them.
Cornellian says
Agreed. I didn’t want an epidural, and didn’t get one, but look in to whether where you’re delivering has gas (or other options I’m unaware of), and/or whether you can switch delivery to a place that has sub-epidural level pain relief.
rosie says
Could also considering hiring a doula to help with pain relief (both strategies to use and helping you think through medical options).
anon says
I am trying to plan a multi-generation family vacation for either spring break or this summer. We’re thinking of something low-key, all-inclusive, near some water. Initially we thought Mexico would be perfect for this, but it is slightly more expensive than I had hoped. Are there all-inclusive family-friendly resorts state-side? I have to admit, I have not heard of something like this. Two families are in California and two are on the east coast, so we’re open to going anywhere.
AIMS says
I don’t know of any US all inclusives, but one thing we were considering was renting a beach house in Hilton Head or something like that.
Anonymous says
I’m pretty sure there is at least one in Florida, on the Gulf coast I think? Don’t go there in the summer if it is on the Gulf; too hot. If you are willing to forgo all-inclusive, the Outer Banks in NC are very popular for multi-generation family trips. Most people rent giant houses, but there are a few hotels. I would look at the Sanderling; I’ve only been to their restaurants but it is very elegant and is time-tested. The Hampton Inn in Corolla is also nice. I would not go to the Outer Banks before late June since the water can be chilly.
Anon says
Google top ten all inclusive family resorts US and read through a couple lists. There are several in the Arizona area, in the NC area, in the NE, and elsewhere. A friend of mine did a family reunion at one in the Vermont area, maybe called Taylor Place, and was very happy. Another friend swears by Door County in Wisconsin as a meeting place for her east/west coast families.
anne-on says
Ha – that would be Tyler Place in VT – I just suggested it below, awesome set up for kids AND adults.
anne-on says
For summer I would 100% go Tyler Place in VT if they still have openings for you. The Mohonk mountain house is also all inclusive and multi generational.
Also LOL at the water being cold in the Outer Banks in June, if your family is used to Northeast beaches (Boston, NJ, LY) you will not have ANY issues with water temp. We surfed in the Outer Banks once in July and the instructor offered us wetsuits b/c the water temp was *only* high 70s/low 80s.
Anonymous says
I mostly meant don’t go for spring break.
In House Lobbyist says
We rent beach house on the Gulf Coast and bring the whole family. Kids love it and there are grandparents to help babysit. We eat out a few meals but mostly do low key meals like burgers and seafood on the grill. We play on the beach and just hang out. Beach houses are my favorite way to vacation!
Anon says
Kat, how old is your youngest? Do the crafts seem age appropriate, or are you doing most of the work?
My kids got Little Loving Hands last year (when they were 4 and 1) and it was a little too advanced for them. The crafts are sent to a charity when you’re done, so it’s crafting with a purpose, but it added a little extra pressure to ensure it wasn’t a total mess. I think maybe by the time they’re 6 and 3 we can try again with Little Loving Hands, Wondering if Kiwi is worthwhile in the meantime, but I don’t want to have to do most of the craft myself.
avocado says
My kid got a single Kiwi Crate when she was around 7 and was just barely able to do the project without assistance even though she’s very crafty and good at following instructions.
I would not subscribe to anything like this unless the kid got to choose the specific kits. Kids are finicky about what kits they actually want to do, and the rejected kits can easily turn into a huge pile of guilt in the corner of the playroom.
Anonanonanon says
I like the idea of a subscription craft or STEAM box in theory, but in practice I can see it turning into something I dread receiving. Like “yay! another obligation has arrived in the mail!”. Either A. my kid will love it and will want to do it the day it arrives, whether I have the time/energy or not or B. Kid won’t care and it’s a waste.
avocado says
Agree. We have had the most fun with projects when we decide “let’s do a project today!,” gather or shop for the materials right then, and do the project immediately. When my kid is lounging around complaining she is boooooored, she never wants to do any of the craft kits she has sitting around waiting for her.
Cb says
It’s like the Marie Kondo thing, you should read books as soon as you buy them and the enthusiasm is still there.
Redux says
Would you ever have your coworker babysit your kids? I have a young coworker (a few years out of college, ten years younger than me) who has offered to babysit. I do not supervise her– we report to the same boss and are at basically the same level but in different roles. Would you do it?
mascot says
I get why it seems like an attractive option, but I probably wouldn’t pursue it.
Anonanonanon says
100% agree with mascot. I see where it seems like a good idea at first, but I’d never want to mix work/personal in a way that involves money/payment.
Anon says
Are you friends outside of work, as in, have you been to her place or she been to yours? Have you hung out together NOT connected to a work happy hour?
If no, then I wouldn’t do it, hard stop. If you ask her to do something crazy, or if she does something specifically against your rules, I can’t imagine that wouldn’t bleed into your work. “Can you believe she won’t let her kids touch PIZZA?” or “I got home at 11pm and my 2 year old was still up watching cartoons and eating ice cream! Can you imagine???” Neither of those belong at work.
If yes, then I’d think about it, maybe, in the same sense that I’d consider other personal friends. But I’d still weigh the likelihood of the above spilling into my work against what I know of our personalities and values.
Anonymous says
I would probably not under any circumstances – not worth the potential to cause work problems – but especially not with someone much younger, and especially not if this would be a paid gig. That just sets up a weird power imbalance with someone who is supposed to be your peer. Now she’d be your employee at home? I could maybe imagine an older coworker with grown child babysitting much like an older relative might, with the same dynamics of not really being able to tell the babysitter what to do.
anon says
I probably wouldn’t. We use a coworker’s daughter as a sitter (coworker is subordinate but not someone I manage), and even though she is a wonderful, perfect sitter there’s some discomfort there with the mother.
Anonymous says
When I was just out of college and was an assistant I babysat for a lawyer in our super tiny firm. I really loved her kids (her son was geeky, while she and her husband are both really cool, so we geeked out over Star Wars and dinosaurs and stuff). It worked really well.
BUT. She was super used to having household help (live in housekeeper for a while, dog walkers, cleaning lady, night nurse, after school sitter) and she was great at setting super firm boundaries. And we both left the law office soon after I started babysitting.
But that $80-120 three weeks out of four was all my work clothes for my first real job out of school.
Anonanonanon says
Question ladies!
My husband’s work is throwing him (us?) a baby shower. Am I supposed to attend? I’ve seen it done both ways. We work in the same field in different local governments, so a lot of his coworkers are my regional colleagues, which leaves me torn. On the one hand, I “know”/have professional interactions with them and it’s sweet they’re doing this for him/us, on the other hand we try to keep our marriage separate from work and I like to be known as “anonanonanon, competent colleague from (next county over)” than “That woman married to our boss”, and attending the baby shower seems to blur that line? I certainly don’t want to be rude and not attend, though. I have attended one or two events outside of work in the past (their unit Christmas party where spouses were welcome, for example) but this seems more personal
Anonymous says
Have your husband ask the organizer or someone else in his office how they’ve done this previously. In my law firm experience, both parents attended.
Anonymous says
I would probably attend but definitely wear business clothing. I was more towards the business casual side with my maternity wardrobe but for kind of event, I would make an extra effort for business attire without being overdressed. Helps keep you in the ‘colleague’ frame of mind. Arrive just as it starts and perhaps have a meeting (or purported meeting) scheduled right after?
Pogo says
I attended my husband’s work shower. They actually surprised him – one of his direct reports messaged me on LinkedIn to arrange it! But I’d met a bunch of them before, and we don’t work in close enough fields (although his company is a customer of my company, they buy from a different division) that I find it weird.
It was at lunch so I was wearing whatever I wore to work that day – a nice maternity dress, blazer, heels, etc.
I work at a large company with several married couples, and I never think of either half as “so and so’s spouse”. To me it’s pretty much irrelevant unless we’re making small talk about family in general.
Anonanonanon says
Thanks all, I think I’m definitely over-thinking it.
I’m in a male-dominated niche of a female-dominated field, so I spend a lot of time trying not to get pigeon-holed as someone who isn’t available for things because she’s a woman with children. However, a lot of women from my husband’s agency planned/will be at the shower and they’d probably appreciate it if I’m there to appreciate their efforts, since he doesn’t like things like this and isn’t always the best in these situations.
SC says
A friend of mine organized a shower for her male coworker, and she told me they sent an Uber to his wife’s office (also downtown, probably less than 10 minutes away) to pick her up. But I don’t think the wife was in the same industry. I can see how that would complicate things!
legal canuck says
My oldest got the Little Passports box! The activities are done as a family (a little hard for her to do by herself) but she loves it!
Anonymous says
Since its Friday, I want to share a craft project success. Last weekend my 5 year old son and I made this puffy paint and used it on paper plates since that was the most cardstock-like thing we had around.
https://artfulparent.com/2014/12/microwave-puffy-paint-art-winter-christmas.html
You use the microwave to make it puff, which also dries the paint immediately (!!!). Honestly I think my son’s favorite part was getting to use the microwave, but it was seriously easy and high reward. We stored the paint in the fridge and have used it over and over all week.
Note that I did happen to have squeeze bottles on hand [leftover from ill-fated adventures in yarn dyeing pre-parenthood] but I think you could use a ziplock with a whole cut in it to apply the paint. And I did use our mini chopper to blend the mixture as she recommends so it was really lump-free.
Mama Llama says
Thanks for sharing this! I like that all the ingredients are household staples.
lsw says
Any baby/child-related companies that have blown you away with good customer service? I have recently had post-on-their-social-media-worthy experiences with:
Water Wipes
NoseFrida
I love to support companies with great customer service, so I’d be glad to hear about other ones.
Anonymous says
Hanna Andersson was wonderful to work with when I ordered the wrong size in a gift and needed to exchange/re-ship it in the mid-December crunch. I did have to sit on hold for a while, but once I got to the customer service rep, she was great.
Anonanonanon says
Guava Family for the Lotus Crib… I was a total idiot trying to put it together and they very politely and calmly talked me through it on the phone (I had it sideways… not proud).
Blueberries says
+1 on great experiences with Guava Family
Anon. says
No customer service experience, but the discovery of Water Wipes has saved a LOT of tears/screaming at our house.
lsw says
I am like a full-time Water Wipes proselytizer.
anne-on says
UppaBaby, Hanna Andersson, and Boden all get high marks from me for quality of their products and GREAT customer service.
AIMS says
Uppababy was super wonderful. So was a baby store called pish posh baby (I ordered from them online).
BigLaw Anon says
Ladies, I’m not a mom yet but we’re getting ready to take that step. Of the women in my friend group who have had babies, one has decided to stay home, one has cut back to 20 hours/week, and one went back full time only with the help of two nannies. I’m looking for stories of BigLaw associates or women with other jobs that require lots of hours that successfully went back to work and did well in the year after their baby was born. Is it possible without hiring round-the-clock care or having a stay-at-home husband?
mid-law anon says
I’m an NYC mid-law mid-level associate. Have a toddler, pregnant with my second. In the space between babies 1 and 2 I will have had two trials, one of which I first-chaired and one of which consumed about 4 months of my life.
It’s totally doable and possible. The thing is, you HAVE TO survive the first 6 months back. They are excruciating. They feel impossible. Quitting, going in-house, working part-time, etc. all feels like the only way to survive. You can’t appreciate how much the sleep deprivation and hormones are affecting you until they aren’t any longer.
You will be in the minority, but it is SO WORTH it in my opinion. I feel like I’m really accomplishing thing professionaly, and I’m excited for my kiddos to be proud of me one day.
For me, it was/is huge that my husband does the daycare drop-off/pickup. That means he’s the one with a hard stop. As a litigator, I can pretty much anticipate when I will have days/weeks that require late nights or weekend time, but otherwise it’s very easy for me (easy both personally and in my current firm) to leave at a set time every non-exceptional day. I think if my husband didn’t have the daycare clock governing his start/leave times, he’d be more apt to stay at work longer just because he wanted to get something done, not necessarily because a court-ordered or client-mandated deadline was fast approaching. But since it’s his job, I have more flex on staying late when needed, and our typical day-to-day includes both parents home for dinner/bath/bedtime.
mid-law anon says
i also didn’t appreciate at the time that the first year of babyhood is just…hard. especially if you’re breastfeeding. i didn’t go to a lot of networking events, etc. in my first few months back post-baby because i was exhausted and wanted to get him to nurse the baby, not pump for the umpteenth time that day. once that obstacle was out of the way though (and it may be a non-issue for you by the time you go back to work), it was much easier for my work life to return to normal.
also, having a reason to leave the office realllly makes it clear just how much stuff can wait until the next day. It’s kind of amazing in that regard. things you might consider to be emergency must-do’s today will probably start to look like things you can deal with tomorrow morning.
Pogo says
Not BigLaw, so feel free to ignore. But I think the key is that one parent has to have flexibility. I think it would be very, very hard to do without a full time nanny if both parents had 50+ hours in the office every week. I’m in the office almost exactly 40 hours, and so is husband, and we both have flexibility.
Husband does the drop off because he likes to do email triage and calls with Europe/Asia from home in the morning. Kiddo is young enough to happily bounce in his jumper thing, I’m sure this will change when he’s older, but now – it works because I literally just walk out the door.
I do pickup because his commute is longer. I leave a little before 5, which is not common in my office but it’s also not unheard of. We both log back on after kiddo is in bed if we need to.
I’m only in the first few months so can’t speak to older kids, but infants are all about the logistics. If one person, but ideally both of you, can limit hours in office to around 40 it makes things not terrible imo.
MidLaw Mom says
I second this. I wrote a longer response below, but DH and I routinely worked 60 to 70 hour weeks, each, before the baby. To keep that up we would have needed two nannies to cover all the hours to keep us both at work in our 60+ hour roles I took on the 40 hour a week role in our family after the baby, and just stepped back again to be self employed.
BigLaw Part time says
+1
Someone needs to have a flexible job. My H works 50-60 hours a week, can’t work from home due to security clearance issues, has more set meetings, and a slightly longer commute. So pickup is on me.
Having to leave right before 5pm really kills your productivity. Especially in a billable hour setting. Sure, a lot of things can wait until the next day, but the fact of the matter is, you’ve got to bill 7.5-9 hours a day to meet your billable hour requirements assuming you don’t take many days off. Assuming an amazing efficiency and minimal non-billable work, that’s 8.5-11 hours of work a day. If you have to leave at 5pm for daycare pick-up, that’s starting work by 6-7am and/or logging back in for a few hours at night. Someone please tell me if my math is off!
If wanted to stay on full time, I would have to be working 2-3 hours every night after bedtime and at least half a weekend day. Throw in sick days and uncontrollable client demands between 4:30-8pm, and I’d also have to have reliable backup, which I’d have to pay for since we don’t have family around. I didn’t (and don’t) want to do those things, so I went part time.
BigLaw Part time says
ETA — if you do want to do those things (work in the evenings, pay for backup care or rely on family) so that you can stay full time — more power to you.
I don’t know what I would have done if I couldn’t have gone part time, or what I’ll do if I can’t continue part time at some point, but I’ll cross that bridge when I have to. Your priorities may change and your priorities will be different than other women in similar situations. Don’t judge either yourself or them…
Katala says
To echo this, I work 2-3 hours after bedtime most nights and generally a few hours on the weekend. Sometimes we get a sitter on a weekend day so we can both get work done. If DH couldn’t do daycare pickup and dropoff and watch kids till I get home right before bedtime, we’d need extra help.
MidLaw Mom says
Hi there. I am a former midlaw person, but I left to start my own business because I wanted 20 hours a week and. Though I was actually “given” this at my old firm, no one controls clients and there was always something that came up that caused a childcare crisis. So I left.
You came here looking for advice, so I will just give you my two cents. It is hard. Working and being a mother in the first year or two are just hard, no matter what career you have. Nordic countries don’t just give one year of maternity leave (or more!) for funsies–bringing a child into the world and recovering from childbirth are major events that change your life drastically. The reason so many do it with stay-at-home parents or round the clock care is that those are just two of the easiest paths.
If you don’t have a stay at home spouse or round the clock care, then you must have a pretty good coalition of the following:
*a committed partner that will step up; this can be harder than it seems, nothing else slams gender roles into your life like motherhood
*multiple backup care options for all the sick days, holidays, and whatnot that come up for the baby (for example, when my daughter started daycare at age 2, she was sick an average of once or twice a week for MONTHS, we spent so much on backup care and scrambling for last minute childcare that this pushed my decision to change my role because I got so sick of the neverending childcare crises)
*the willingness to slog through when things just get really tough, because they will
*friends or family or paid help that can step up quickly when the “last straw” arrives for the third time that week
All that said, echoing some of the thoughts at the beginning of this thread, don’t be afraid of the changes that will come to you as a mother. My former self would have been horrified to hear that I left my position for a part-time self-employed role. But I’m happy and my family is a source of joy that I could have never foreseen.
I spent my first year of motherhood spending almost every dime of my take home pay, after retirement and taxes, on a very expensive but very wonderful nanny that was worth every dime. If I had wanted to keep on the same career track that I had been on prior to birth, we would have needed two nannies. I know women who have gone that path and it has been worth it to them. If you can afford round the clock care and it is what makes sense for your family, then don’t let others judge you for it–you worked hard to earn that flexibility and you can use it if you want to. Same for looking at part time roles, same for flexible hours, same for changing positions, etc. Priorities often change after motherhood and that is OK.
Good luck to you!
Anonymous says
This. Childcare arrangements need to account for a nanny that gets sick on occasion and may max out at 45 hours if you use an au-pair and if daycare, a child that will be sick at least once a month for at least the first year.
MidLaw Mom says
Yes! My child’s first nanny left unexpectedly due to a medical issue, so we scrambled at the last minute to find a temp nanny for 6 weeks while we searched for a permanent replacement, who then left 9 months later to pursue a non-nanny career, which then dropped us into daycare around age 2.5. We were lucky that all nannies were responsible and reliable and didn’t abuse sick time, but we still needed to find backup care for their vacations and holidays and rare sick days, or we paid overtime for the holidays. To keep working 60 hour weeks for two parents, we would have needed 2 nannies, probably working 35 to 40 hours each, although maybe we could have swung a full time and part time nanny if schedules aligned. After we put child in daycare, we still hired a part-time nanny for many holidays that we worked, sick days for child, and early pickup and random daycare closure days. To get enough hours to make the position worth it, the nanny also did daily pick up and started child’s dinner. We do not have any family to rely on in our area. That can change the childcare equation quite a bit even if they are only picking up a sick day here and there.
One thing that surprised me about all of our childcare issues is that we had good money to throw at the problem, but that wasn’t enough. The logistics can still be a nightmare.
Blueberries says
+1 to Midlaw Mom’s advice. FT biglaw + 1 kid (missing a lot with kid, but more availabile for work) was more doable than PT biglaw + 2 kids. PT didn’t really work for the nature of my practice/client demands given billing rates. The logistics of childcare and the problem of securing excellent care was so much harder than expected, even though we were spending a ton of money.
Pogo says
Yup, should have added – have local family as backup care, and who could conceivably do dropoff/pickup if I was out of town and husband had to work late or vice versa. This is huge for us, or would probably need to employ someone as a part time sitter/nanny.
Katala says
I’m a BigLaw associate. My husband WFH as a contractor part time (flexible, 10-30 hrs/week depending on client needs). I moved firms/cities after #1 and found out I was pregnant with #2 the day I moved (surprise!). The first 9 months at New Job were really tough, honestly. I couldn’t prove myself with my best work. If I’m honest, it was not so easy to get back into the swing of things at work. I think it would have been a lot better if I had had time to prove myself/not moved jobs before a pregnancy. That said, when #2 was about 9 months old, I was put on an awesome project with brutal hours and I KILLED it. It felt great. I gained the trust of a partner, which has resulted in a lot more responsibility and better projects. I also met my hours for the year, which I was not at all expecting to do given mat leave.
I’m not sure how this would have worked out if I didn’t have a supportive husband with flexible work. He
does the bulk of house stuff and childcare, but he shouldered it all for about 6 weeks there. It’s really hard on him, but we’re making it work. And things get easier after the first year. For reference, my kids are 2.5 and 1, in FT daycare plus we rely on a babysitting service and backup care benefits through my firm. No family within driving distance, so it’s all on us. I won’t say it’s not hard, but it’s definitely possible to make it happen!
anon says
I agree that having a spouse with flexibility is key. For us, that spouse was me – I was a second year in BigLaw when I had my first, and had my third when I was sixth year. I am a specialist, so that means I mostly do office work with calls sprinkled throughout the day (no printers, no 3 hour long conference calls, etc.), but I’m “on-call” all the time. My husband is an R&D manager and sits in meetings all day long/travels, but his schedule is more predictable. What worked for us is that I dropped off while he got into work early, and then he picked up so I didn’t feel the pressure of wrapping up my day by a certain time. But I almost always had the flexibility of working from home when kids were sick, etc. My kids were in daycare.
Now that the kids are older and we make more money, we have a part-time nanny for our school-aged kids, which is a huge help. Now that I’m a partner, I really love the flexibility of Biglaw, because I can help out at the kids school, show up to events, take them to doctors’ appointments, and no one is checking up on me. It’s true that there are times when the s** hits the fan and I have to drop everything, but for the most part, I can schedule things in and as long as I get my work done, no one cares (or knows).
BigLaw Part time says
Did you go part time? did you make partner while part time?
And +1 on BigLaw flexibility — I’m also a specialist, so I mostly work on my own with calls here or there, so I can usually make my own schedule to some extent, but I’m also ‘on-call’ almost all the time. I don’t know if a more rigid schedule would be easier (boundries!) or harder (no flexibility for making kid things during the day).
mid-law anon says
the kind of flexibility that comes with law firms is definitely easier, in my opinion. will come in handy for the pediatrician visits, showing up to the random daycare meetings/functions, sick days, etc.
Katala says
Good point – I am also a specialist and I think it helps make my practice manageable with lots of paid childcare and spouse with a flexible job. I very rarely have commitments longer than 1 hour, though I am “on-call” all the time and have a lot of work. It’s helpful that as long as I meet deadlines, I can mostly work when/where I need to.
Cornellian says
I am going to respond to this later, wanted to flag for you. I’m a mid/senior associate in BigLaw.
biglawanon says
The only way it would work for us is 1.5 nannies that come to our home, and I don’t see how else to do it if neither parent has a flexible schedule. I am biglaw, my husband is in banking. It was also important for us to keep our exercise patterns relatively intact. I also had twins.
CCLA says
I’ve only skimmed prior comments, so this may be repetitive. Doable; it will be hard, but IMO totally worth it. Current senior counsel (ie partner stepping stone) at a boutique firm, but type of work and hours are similar to my biglaw days. Echoing the flexible schedule importance, and unfortunately that has had to be me since DH is a doctor and he (a) goes into work at dawn and (b) can’t be like “hey guys, kiddo has a fever, so someone come take over mid-operation.” That part is HARD, though when he’s home he is totally off, no one emailing him or calling, so he steps up and handles a lot, including all meals. The only way it works is I built up a giant bank of credibility here before getting pregnant. I have gotten good at getting people to expect that I’m usually out of pocket between 4:30-7 – there were some biglaw male partners I worked with that did that, and as long as I’m replying in the evening (I’m often working at least some in the evening), people don’t seem bothered by it. I do think this would be a lot harder if you’re lower on the hierarchy, just because you tend to have less visibility at that stage into when things will get crazy and not a lot of say in managing client expectations.
We do daycare, specifically one with long 7-6:30 hours. We usually have DD there from 7-5ish, but once in awhile we have picked her up after 6. I do think if we had 60-hour nanny coverage it would be easier on us in many respects, but I preferred the idea of a childcare center for a variety of reasons and it’s worked well. We use a lot of backup care through a nanny agency for daycare holiday weeks, sick days, etc. Even if you go the nanny route, get a backup network with multiple layers.
It’s totally worth it if you like your career. If I didn’t like what I do and see myself doing it long term, I don’t think I’d push through. I know that DD knows we love her fiercely, that we get high quality time together even if the quantity isn’t massive, I keep my career that I like intact, and I’m setting an example for her.
AnonInBigLaw says
7th year in BigLaw. Had LO1 as a 4th year and just returned from maternity leave with LO2 a month ago. It is doable without a nanny, but difficult. My husband works FT as an engineer. We only use daycare (that has hours 7am-6pm). We split drop off/pick ups. Most associates I know have a nanny or a SAH spouse, but those of us who have gone the daycare route do drop off and our spouse’s with more predictable schedules do pick up. My husband and I just switched that, and I can usually leave by 5pm to do pick up. Our kids are usually at daycare about 8:30-5:30. For us, it was super important to be home for breakfast and dinner as a family whenever possible, so even when I was doing drop off I left the office between 6 and 6:30 pm. To make this doable, we bought a house as close to my office as we could to shorten the commute. (Commute is now 20 minutes when I go directly to/from the office vs. 1 hour pre-kids.) Agree with other posters that your area of practice (and how predictable it is) + predictability of spouse’s schedule determine what care options you pursue.
Anonamom says
Ever since I got married and had my first child, I’ve had the thought that 90% of success as a wife and mother is managing my own emotions appropriately. (This is certainly influenced by growing up in a family where people did not do that. YMMV.) So what do I do now that I’m pregnant again and feeling incapable of managing my emotions at times? I’m not just getting weepy and sad, there have been a couple of instances lately where I’ve all of a sudden gotten extremely angry, like racing heart, shaking hands angry, at someone I care about very much and I’ve snapped or yelled at them. In all of these instances, I was able to see just a few minutes later that these were massive over-reactions. Thankfully, my child has not been the target of this, but she did witness one when I briefly yelled and then left the house, and it really scared her. I feel/felt awful. I apologized. But is there anything I can do to keep this from happening again? In the moment I feel like I’m outside of my body, so I don’t know that stopping and counting to 10 or anything would help. Has anyone experienced this? What did you do?
H says
Ug, I remember during the last month of pregnancy all of my hard work on keeping my emotions and tact in place went out the window. The best thing to do is walk away from the situation that is making you angry. Easier said than done, but just walk away. Even if it is abrupt, it is less bad than yelling at someone.
NewMomAnon says
I have had bursts of almost uncontrollable rage a few times since kiddo was born, but always managed to stop it. I know that for me, lack of sleep is a huge trigger; when I have a bad day, I know I need to get to bed much earlier that night. Also, I have done a lot of mindfulness work since kiddo was born, and I think it has helped me tolerate those rage feelings better? Like, I can see my feelings and consciously think, I am mad and want to destroy something. And just recognizing that helps me control it.
But also – have you talked with your OB? This sounds like a symptom of antepartum depression/anxiety, and both of those are very likely to turn into postpartum issues. Having been through both, I can say it’s much easier to get treatment (therapy, meds, etc) started while pregnant than it is once you have a tiny infant tyrant living with you.
Anonmom says
Thanks, I will bring it up at my next appointment. I am definitely concerned about how this might continue when I’m living on no sleep with a tiny infant tyrant as well as a larger preschool tyrant!
Em says
I second the recommendation about talking to your OB about anxiety. I went to therapy about 18 months post-partum due to uncontrollable rage that was on occasion directed at my toddler, which stemmed from anxiety. Mindfulness and leaving the room was only a partial fix for me, so I eventually went on Lexapro, which completely fixed the issue. I realize that may not be something you are comfortable considering with being pregnant, though. One of the things my therapist got me to realize is that losing your sh*t as a parent once a day doesn’t make you a bad mom and isn’t going to ruin your kid (assuming you are just yelling “no” or something similar and not super hurtful/damaging things). Your daily freak out will be overshadowed by the other thousands of good and normal moments. It obviously isn’t ideal in the long-term, but this is a temporary stage.
Ugh says
I woke up with a cold, forgot my wedding ring at home (and was terrified I lost it), and somehow managed to trip up the stairs at work spilling my blended coffee and breaking the cup. I chugged the remaining coffee so it wouldn’t leak out and got an ice cream headache and cleaned up the stairs. Then, my phone wasn’t working properly when I tried to call my husband to see if he could locate my ring. He texted me later that he laughed super hard at my message, that I didn’t know I was leaving. It was basically muffled moving, followed by me muttering f***ing stupid piece of s*** phone.
BUT, it is Friday. We get a weekend!
Anne says
Hi – Any recommendations for a milk sippy cup? My very picky 16 month old happily drinks water out of the nuSpin KiZoomi Straw Sippy Cup, but it’s too drippy and straw’s fairly narrow for milk. She is very loathsome to give up her bottles, and could not figure out the munckin 360, she’s warily drunk from the Dr. Brown’s Baby’s First Straw Cup, but the lid hits her in the face. Any other things to try that don’t involve biting down, which I just don’t think she’ll get right now?
CPA Lady says
Nuk cups have a silicone spout that is very similar to a bottle n*pple. They were the first cups that my kid drank milk out of.
Anon says
Munchkin ClickLock Straw Cup. Only leaks if the straw comes apart, which happens after about 4 months of regular use in my house (which includes taking apart and throwing in the dishwasher to clean).
AwayEmily says
If your kid is in daycare, try talking to them about it — ours was really helpful in making suggestions and also doing a lot of the “training” so we didn’t have to (we really wanted her to drink out of the 360 cups because they are easier to clean and harder to spill, and they managed to get her comfortable with them within a month or so).
Agreed with Anon on the Munchkin ClickLock — those were the first ones my daughter really took to, but they do stop working (and start leaking) after awhile.
GCA says
Speaking of Kiwis, and in case it’s any encouragement to anyone, New Zealand’s recently elected prime minister managed to hide her morning sickness for several months while, you know, establishing a government. (And here I am, barely surviving on Sour Patch Kids and iced tea; fortunately my default behaviour is ‘constantly hungry’ so no one bats an eye when I start in on my lunch at 11am.) https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2018/01/19/new-zealands-prime-minister-is-pregnant-i-am-not-the-first-woman-to-multitask-she-says/?utm_term=.30c8a26018aa
Anonymous says
I love her so much! She’s so impressive.
Moms Solo says
WWYD — Lil bud is moving to the next room at daycare, and I can either provide two snacks a day (I already must provide lunch and breakfast) or let him eat what they serve. Menu for this week includes but is not limited to nutrigrain bars and fruity pebbles cereal. I know objectively he will survive and likely thrive even if he eats two sugary snacks a day. I ate almost exclusively cocoa puffs until I was in college. Also not sure about his willingness to eat something that his classmates aren’t at this age (1-2). So extra packing or just let go and let live?
Anonymous says
Just let go. He has a fun treat with his friends and you have less stress. Healthy eating is about having a balanced approach.
GCA says
Is there any chance you could have a word with the centre director about low-cost but healthier snacks for everyone? Even plain Chex or Cheerios with milk once a day might be a viable, less sugary alternative.
H says
If I were you, I’d try sending my own snacks. He’s young enough he might not notice what the others are eating, especially if you give him stuff he you know he likes. I’d also do what GCA suggests and speak to the director.
anon says
If it were my oldest, I would have sent separate snacks. Now, I would not send my own snacks, because I don’t really have the time, patience or energy, and after three I’ve ceased caring. My kids eat fruity pebbles all the time (although we mix it with rice krispies or chex).
Em says
We had this problem at our last daycare, except they required us to use their food which on the first day was fruit loops for breakfast and a bologna sandwich for lunch. My son had some food allergies, so we pushed back on their breakfast so we could minimize the number of new foods he was exposed to a day, but we let him eat lunch and snacks there. FWIW, he never noticed at that age that he was eating something different than the other kids.
AwayEmily says
We had the same issue at our last daycare and to some extent with our current one (a LOT of animal crackers). I was irritated at first but now am ok with it. I figure it’s a good excuse to make sure her other meals are super nutritious (we alternate between yogurt & fruit or smoothie & eggs for breakfast, and her lunches are very heavy on the veggie/fruits and light on carbs). Then for dinner we do Satter-style family meals/eat what we eat (which to be honest often means she doesn’t eat much, which I also had to come to terms with).
That was probably an unnecessarily long-winded answer but I’d say give it a few weeks to see how you feel, then if you’re still annoyed by it then talk to them about changing it up and/or bringing your own.
CCLA says
We try to send our own food but we don’t stress if we forget. I’ve found it easy to toss a yogurt and some fruit in for her, which is low effort but healthier than daycare’s food (goldfish, cheerios, graham crackers, though they do offer some fruit). Since we’re already packing lunch, the additional effort is minimal. Some days we forget to prep lunch, the yogurt and fruit become lunch, and she gets the school snacks. If you’re offering her healthy options at her main meals, I don’t think it’s a big deal.
FP says
I’d do a happy medium and find some pre-packaged snacks that are slightly healthier and still easy to pack. Fruity pebbles seems really sugary for a kiddo every day. Maybe some of those pre-packed sliced apples, whole grain Goldfish packs, string cheese? There are definitely things you can get that are not hard to toss in the bag since you’re already packing breakfast and lunch.
FP says
Sorry! That was meant for Moms Solo above.
Ready for a Vacay says
We have a week in March for a family vacation. We have done disney cruises the past few years and would like something different. Preferably it needs to be all inclusive (so my husband is less stressed about watching money all week long, which is a problem we have had in the past). So, what fun, but also relaxing, vacation should we do with our two girls – 5 and 7? Beach is fine, but preferably not all beach. I was thinking Costa Rica, but am really open to any suggestions. We are in the Southeast US and have an airport an hour away that has direct flights to basically anywhere. Thank you!
This has the makings of an LSAT problem says
Room transition question. I have 2 girls, and one on the way this summer. When baby arrives, big siblings will be 23.5 months and 4.5. Right now, 4.5 y/o is in Room A, toddler is in Room B, and room C/D is a suite of two joined rooms with C being the office and D being the guest room (you have to walk through C to get to D).
Eventually, the plan is to move the two older girls into C/D, with D as the sleeping room and C as the playroom. The baby will be in A and the guest room/office will be in B.
My question is, right now, my toddler wakes up at 6am (or earlier), but my 4 y/o sleeps until 8. I was hoping to get the older girls settled in their new suite well before baby comes, but am really worried that my 4 y/o will lose 2 hours of sleep every morning (toddler is also a screamer/shrieker). Do I:
(1) keep everything like it is, put the baby whereever makes sense (our room or C/D) until toddler sleeps better
(2) move everyone, but put toddler in the C part of the suite and let preschooler sleep in D (I think the door between the rooms will be enough to keep preschooler asleep)
(3) move everyone into their final destinations and let preschooler and toddler work it out
For now, toddler is still in a crib. we have a bed ready for her when she needs it, but she isnt’ getting booted out for baby. She *is* getting booted out of her current bedroom, but it’s because it’s tiny and loud and cold and will be a much better guest room/office. Baby is getting preschooler’s room.
EB0220 says
I think I would do option 2. Once their sleep schedules are more aligned, you can implement the bedroom/playroom plan. That being said, we originally had the C/D setup with my kids and older kiddo asked to be moved because younger kid was waking her up. This was when #2 was a baby, though.
Anonymous says
I would put toddler in C, and older child in D. I’d make the move either well before or well after baby comes. I would be inclined to leave toddler in crib and buy a second crib for baby but I’m team #cribaslongaspossible and my 3 year old twins are still in cribs.
Anonymous says
Also recommending this because around age 5-5.5 my oldest started really needing a separate space that belong to her so I wouldn’t inclined to make them share. Have you thought of using D for your oldest and keeping C as an office/guest room (maybe a wall bed).
This has the makings of an LSAT problem says
We already have 2 cribs; toddler is going to be in baby jail for as long as I can keep her there.
Older daughter has actually been the driving force in the move- she’s been begging to share a room. We have the space to move and switch them around as needed- if she starts kindergarten and needs her own space, the younger two can share the double room.
H says
I would do (2) and give them both white noise machines. That way you won’t have to move everyone (just the toddler, when the time is right) when you also have a newborn to take care of.
AwayEmily says
On the white noise machine front, the LectroFan is by far the best we’ve found at masking super loud noises (in particular, toddler screaming). The Dohm is nice but not quite as effective. Both are way better than apps, etc.
This has the makings of an LSAT problem says
We are good to go on the noise machine front. Their current rooms share a wall and preschooler never wakes up. I think (hope) sharing a wall with a door in it won’t be that much worse.
Pogo says
No advice but “toddler is also a screamer/shrieker” made me laugh because really, what toddler isn’t?
BabyBoom says
I think one of our favorite babysitters just asked for a raise in a weird way. She agreed to work Sat night, but then a few minutes later texted a statement that her fee for the night would basically be 1.5 times the rate we usually pay her. I told her we would stay in rather than pay that amount. It made me wonder if I am underpaying my babysitters? My wife was offended and doesn’t want to ask her to babysit again (wife has also had some minor issues with this babysitter in the past). I’m inclined to ask again, but be upfront about what we are willing to pay. For context this is a woman that is 40 plus, not a teenager. It was a bit odd, but I’m also mindful that asking for a raise is not something most women feel comfortable doing/ know how to do. I admit there is a little bit of me that admires her boldness.
mid-law anon says
where do you live, how much was she asking for, and what do you typically pay? as a point of comparison, the going rate in NYC is $15-20 an hour, probably close to $20 than $15. even when they’re literally arriving after bedtime and just sitting on the couch watching netflix.
BabyBoom says
We are in a MCOL city in the SEUS. We are paying $12 a hour. Based on 2 things 1) this was the rate our other babysitters requested, and 2) a local baby sitter service site recommends that for this area you offer between $10-15 an hour. She actually requested $75 for a 4 hour night, which works out to $18.75 an hour.
SC says
I’m in a MCOL city in the SEUS, and I pay $15 an hour for 1 kid. Our babysitters are all adults ranging from 28 to 65 years old. I’d expect to pay $17 and hour for 2 kids and up to $20 an hour for 3 or more kids.
HSAL says
She gets to request a new rate, but it was shady to do it after already agreeing to babysit. If she had said “yes, but…” that would be a different story. I wouldn’t ask her to babysit again unless you’re willing to pay that rate – she’ll figure it out when you don’t call.
But since you raised it, what were you paying? We’re in a MCOL Midwestern city. My toddler’s daycare teacher charges $15, and we also use a preteen who gets $10.
Anonymous says
It’s hard to ask for a new rate if you’re a sitter. It’s not like you give her formal evaluations and yearly check-ins.
That said, is Saturday night her normal sitting time? When I was in college I would ask for more if I was staying past 12, because then I’d have to pay for a cab rather than take the subway (~$30 vs. $2.25). If it’s not her normal time or you were asking her to stay very late it may just be her Saturday night fee or her late fee.
CLS says
For the slightly older group, we got and loved the Magic School Bus monthly package. It’s science experiments to do with household items. They’d send you an email before the package came (padded envelope, so not very big, which we loved, as a few of them inevitably piled up when we were extra busy) so if you needed something that they couldn’t send (vinegar, or seltzer, or whatever) you could pick it up before you knew you needed it. Nothing worse than a child getting something wanting to use it and not having all the items. It was science based, but really easy and fun for kids. http://www.theyoungscientistsclub.com/ I recommend ages around 6 or older, unless they’re super into science already. Happy Friday y’all!
ANon says
Chiming in super late on the thread about the good things about motherhood. First, CPA Lady’s comments about “pay offs” were beautiful and brought a tear to my eye. Second, my son is 10 months and my favorite thing about motherhood so far is that quiet moment as I’m putting him in his PJs after a bath and I’m singing Twinkle Twinkle to him so softly that it’s not more than a whisper, and he is staring into my eyes, and I can actually see his little soul.