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Polka dots and grown ups: yea or nay? I tend to kind of go back and forth on the issue, but I do really like the shape of this maternity dress (its muted colors of gray and black) enough to submit it for your consideration. I particularly like the high neckline, the elbow-length sleeves, and the belly-friendly ruching — and it’s only $88. Nice. It’s available in small, medium and large sizes, at Nordstrom. Kimi and Kai ‘Farrah’ Maternity Body-Con Dress
(L-all)
Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Toddler Shoes says
I’ve always bought my toddler stride rites, but not much is striking my fancy this fall and she’s about to outgrow all her shoes. Does anyone know if pediped is pretty equivalent to stride rite in quality and fit? She has wide feet and a very high arch.
MSJ says
Pediped is fantastic! And super for wide fat feet. I’ve been very happy with the three pairs we have had and am on to the fourth with my toddlers (two of which were hand me down s and two of which were new).
Also check out diapers dot com. They had a 20% off sale on Pediped and see kai run last week that I think is still going on
Anon says
Awesome thanks, just ordered some Size 5s in both for my kid too. Code “savetember16” gets you 25% off plus if you are a new member, another 10% with “extraspecial”.
EB0220 says
I like Pediped, but I love See Kai Run. Used both. My toddler has super wide feet.
Toddler Shoes says
Just want to make sure I’m getting this right– See Kai Run doesnt have wide sizes right? So if my kid normally wears a 6W, I just get a 6 regular See Kai Run and they will be wide enough just because that’s how they are made, right? What about pediped? Do you get the W width in those, or are the normal width wide enough?
MSJ says
Neither brand comes in W they are just cut to accommodate wider feet (although my daughter with ‘normal’ feet also wears them without issue).
I bought both brands for my son to try and he preferred Pediped. It could have been that the see kai run ones had a slight high top and he couldn’t figure out how to walk comfortably in them. They also left marks which leads me to believe they don’t suit his foot shape as well. But my daughter likes her see kai run shoes.
Toddler Shoes says
Ok thanks! And thanks for the coupon codes. I ordered a pair of each kind.
Anonymous says
We just planned a trip to hawaii leaving our 4 1/2 month old and 22 month old with grandparents for five days. We havent done a trip just us since before number one but I am so nervous! The baby will be so small! Hawaii is so far! Tell me Im not crazy?
MomAnon4This says
The grandparents will complain. The hard part is that a newborn doesn’t do much, but you have no idea when s/he will do it! If they’re ok with possible night wakeups at that age (I’ve had 1 sleep through the night at that age, 1… not so much) then it will be fine. All 3 will love it and it’s good to get your baby used to other caretakers who do things differently. You’re not crazy (because of this, hahahahahah)
Momata says
I think it’s great you’re carving out time for you and your partner. That’s really difficult to do. I also don’t know what your relationship is with the grandparents . . . personally, I saved calling in the favor of a multi-day overnight stay until I knew that everyone was sleeping through the night. At that age, I would maybe do a staycation within an hour’s drive for two full days, one night, and save the big trip for next year. BUT. If you have a better relationship with the grandparents than I do with my kids’ – I’m happy for you, and have fun.
Anonymous says
We are hiring them a night nurse if his sleep isnt there yet – maybe excessive but preserving that relationship! (OP here)
Ann says
Honestly, I have a 7 month old and a 21 month old. You are braver than me. I think it will be few years before I am able to really enjoy a vacation like that without worrying about my babies.
No way!! says
Being completely honest here. I would never, ever leave my 4 month old. No way no how. Kids are so fragile and little at that age. And there is SIDS, etc. And grandparents are great but they are older. Sorry, I know that I’m only making things worse but you did ask for our opinion….
Anon says
me either, but I think this is so fact/person specific. Like how is your relationship with the grandparents? If they are like second parents to your kids, no problem. My kid’s grandparents are not, and are exausted after watching the kids for 4 hours, so we wait until the kids are older. Are you nursing? We waited until post weaning at 1 yr+ to take our kid free trip (we call it the “post weaning” trip and bascially sleep and drink mai tais, ha) because no way am I worrying about pumping while on a vacation I shelled out money for. First? Second? Third? I don’t think I could have ever left my first overnight at this age, my second, no problem, haha. Are you buying? If someone won a trip/has a work trip that has to be taken then, I might suck up the above and pay for the night nurse that OP mentioned and go. But I wouldn’t shell out my own money for a pumping filled vacation.
So, crazy is in the eyes of the beholder ;)
Two Cents says
As a counter, my mom is an amazing grandma (she watched LO full time for several months, before he got into daycare) and I still wouldn’t leave her with a 4 month old. Not that she wouldn’t take good care of him, but babies are just so darn small and needy at that age. I think it may be more about me — I would be too worried about the baby to enjoy my amazing Hawaii vacation. And I would feel uncomfortable putting that kind of responsibility on my mom, when the baby is that young.
Onlyworkingmomintulsa says
Not crazy at all, bring the grandparents back some Kona coffee and chocolate covered macadamia nuts. You are so lucky!
Spirograph says
+1. I’m surprised so many people wouldn’t do this! My mom did just fine with 3 kids under 5 the first time around; I’d absolutely go to Hawaii if she offered to tackle that again. I wouldn’t ask, but if she offered to watch the kids for a week, I’d take her up on it in a hot second. Distance is kind of immaterial after an hour or two travel time, imho. There is nothing I can do that she can’t do in an emergency, and in a non-emergency, it’s nbd. Enjoy your vacation!
Spirograph says
Eta…i left my husband alone with a 22 month old and a 4 month old for a week. At least you’re leaving your kids with two adults. :)
Legally Brunette says
How do folks handle making dinner during the work week when your kids eat quite early? My kids eat at 6 pm and I don’t even get home until 5:45 pm, in general. When I’m organized enough I will cook in the morning but that’s not always possible. Make things over the weekend and freeze?
My younger one is STARVING by 6 pm (even with a hefty snack) so I can’t push the dinner time any later. My husband and I usually eat later, after the kids.
CHJ says
This is always so stressful for us too. I use a combination of strategies – (1) make something big on the weekend and eat leftovers (enchiladas, lasagna, slow cooker of stew/chili, etc.), (2) be more lax on the idea of dinner (quesadillas, PB&J, “hummus plate” with vegetables/crackers/deli meat), and (3) something quick but more dinner-like, such as pasta or grilled chicken, and feed my starving toddler snacks while I cook.
Option (3) is the most stressful so it usually only comes up when I feel guilty about Family Dinners and how I’m ruining my child by not having them every night.
CPA Lady says
Option 2 ^ is pretty much what I do when my husband is traveling and I have to do daycare pick up and dinner prep. But just because I’m making a quesadilla doesn’t mean it has to be cheese in a tortilla, the end. I throw some canned black beans in there and have fresh guacamole on the side. That is a complete and delicious meal, IMO. Granted, I’m not exactly a gourmet chef, but I’m also not a SAHM, and I don’t have any illusions that I’m going to have dinner on the table as if I were. Even things like Blue Apron are just too much for this point in my life and I think I’d have a breakdown if I were trying to cook one of those meals with a hangry toddler clinging to my leg.
I’ve gotten good at making things quickly with some hacks– for instance, to make the aforementioned guacamole, I scoop an avocado into my mini food processor, dump in a spoonful of salsa (rather than chopping up onion and tomato), salt and pepper lightly, blend and there you have it. Takes maybe 30 seconds. I also make this pasta thing with that fresh pasta from the refrigerator section of the grocery store, some pre-made pesto, feta, and frozen peas. Takes 10 minutes tops and seems fancy. If I get all ambitious, I add some crumbled microwave bacon.
I also pay for convenience. I get some things pre-made from the grocery store deli, sometimes buy pre-chopped vegetables, get the more expensive pasta that doesn’t take as long to cook, buy the mini packs of guacamole if it’s not avocado season, etc. And if all else fails, my kid eats a bunch of granola bars and calls it a night.
Its hard at the end of a long day, but I also try to tell myself that crying is just a noise and that my kid is not actually starving when she has to wait five more minutes for the food to be ready.
CHJ says
Another good hack for quesadillas is black bean dip. Trader Joe’s makes a good one. Sometimes I’ll also fill it with ham, apples, and cheese, as if we’re having crepes!
CPA Lady says
Ooooo that sounds delicious. I’ll have to try that.
Momata says
I also smear refried beans on the quesedilla. Love the crepe idea!
Legally Brunette says
Oh goodness, forget Blue Apron! That takes an hour from start to finish. We couldn’t even keep up with it when we were pre-kids. :) Too much work, although the food is delicious.
hoola hoopa says
Add (4) slow cooker and that’s exactly what we do, too.
FWIW, one of my kids’ favorite meals is ‘snack dinner’: deli meats and cheeses, baby carrots, snap peas, cherry tomatoes, tiny pickles, crackers. (I’d add hummus, but the weirdos hate hummus).
Anonymous says
We manage this with:
1. slow cooker (stew/chili)
2. breakfast for supper (eggs/frozen waffles/fruit salad that I make the night before)
3. pasta with jar of tomato sauce (as sauce is heating I toss in finely chopped fresh basil or spinach)
4. gnocci with jar of pesto + fruit for dessert
5. tacos – chopped all veggies/grate cheese the night before so just have to brown the meat (take out meat to defrost in morning
Meg Murry says
I have friends that make the next days dinner at night, once the kids are in bed (or prep for dinner if they are going to do a crock pot meal). Do the kids generally eat the same kinds of things as you and your husband? Could you make more portions when you make dinner for the 2 of you, and then refrigerate it and just have to warm it up the next day?
Are kids at daycare or home with a nanny? If nanny, could you ask them to start dinner that you have already prepped (put chicken that is in the pan in the fridge in the oven at X:00 at Y temperature)? Even just having her pre-heat the oven for you could save you some time
When I’m organized I make things over the weekend that I can freeze in individual portions or that serve as the complication portions of meals for backup. For instance, I’ll make chicken in the crock pot with salsa or enchilada sauce, then shred it and freeze in small portions that can be used as filling for burritos, burrito bowls, etc.
When I’m not organized and we’ve eaten our way through the backup food in the freezer, I tend to give them a bag of baby carrots or a yogurt or string cheese, etc while I quickly scramble eggs or make PB&J or bagel pizzas or zap chicken nuggets or something similar.
Anonymous says
– Making meals over the weekend.
– Chopping and other prep the night before so that all you need to do is throw stuff in the saute pan or whatever.
– Slow cooker, although to be honest, I still haven’t fallen in love with mine — everything turns out a uniform mush, and I find most recipes are best for less than the entire workday — will try again in the winter, perhaps.
Is there really no way to do earlier than 6? That would be impossible for me. I can make 6:15 at the earliest. Maybe an even bigger snack?
Anon in NYC says
When do your kids last eat before 6pm? My daughter is in daycare from about 9:30-6ish every day. We don’t usually get home before 6:30. Daycare feeds her a larger meal at 5pm, and then we feed her dinner when we get home at 6:30-6:45. Occasionally we have to give her pouches on the way home to prevent a meltdown.
For her dinner, we do a lot of stuff that we’ve made on weekends, defrosted in the freezer, or leftovers from our meal the night before. Because she’s eating a balanced meal at 5pm (veggies + entree), and at times 1-2 pouches before dinner, we usually don’t worry too much about making sure that dinner is perfect and just try to get some food in her so she sleeps through the night. So dinner might be: fruit plus a meatball/chicken/black beans, or fruit plus hummus and red pepper strips. So I guess that puts us squarely in Option 2 above!
Momata says
I so feel you on this. My kids have to eat by 5:30. We are Options 1 and 2. If I ran that particular zoo, there would be more option 3, but my husband feeds the kids dinner so I don’t impose more on him than he wants to take on. They get a vegetable (microwave frozen corn/peas, baby carrots, pre-sliced cucumber/peppers, avocado which is easy to slice and served cold), a fruit, and a protein. The protein is more often hot dogs / chicken nuggets / easy mac / meatballs than I care to admit. It is also often lunch meat or Pb&j, or leftovers from our dinner the night before.
GCA says
Loads of good advice already. I routinely do daycare pickup and dinner when husband is travelling for work, and am all about options 1 and 2. Kid gets a snack – a bit of milk, some crackers, a fruit pouch – around 5.30pm when I pick him up, then dinner around 6.30. Someone once mentioned keeping pre-sliced toddler crudites in fridge at all times – peppers, cucumbers, carrots, etc. I’ve made large batches of baked meatballs and frozen them. And there’s no shame in the easy mac hack – make the pasta as normal but embellish with veggies and protein.
Anon in NYC says
Has anyone made a childcare switch from a good situation to a potentially equal/slightly less good option, for cost reasons and had it work out well?
My daughter is currently in a large center that we generally love. Sure there are things that could be better, but we love her teachers, and we think she’s learning tons, and they have so many activities. An upside is that it has a preschool so if we don’t want to deal with figuring out preschool + nanny, we’re all set. The huge drawback, however, is the cost.
We potentially have the option to move her to a group home daycare. It costs about 1k less per month, they provide meals, it’s a small setting, and it’s marginally more convenient to our house. But she’ll be with kids 0-2 (she’s 15 months), and I worry that she’ll be bored. Once she moves to the 2-4 location, it’s actually less convenient to both our house/work. I also worry about how she’ll deal with the change. Plus it’s not a preschool and we will have to figure out preschool plus a nanny.
Writing this all out, it seems like the obvious choice is to stay with our existing center, but giving up the potential savings stinks. I would appreciate any tales of experience, good or bad!
Legally Brunette says
For me, convenience trumps pretty much everything including cost. For that reason alone, I would stay at the current place. Remember that you won’t be saving any money (and perhaps paying even more) at the second place with the cost of a nanny. I wouldn’t do it.
Betty says
I would stick with your current set-up as it sounds like switching will be a far less attractive option in 9 months. Multiple transitions like that can be tough on kids and parents.
In addition, the preschool plus nanny option is REALLY tough to figure out. It can be tough to find a part-time, reliable nanny who is not actually looking for full-time work, and thus, likely to leave when s/he finds a full-time gig. Or find someone who is willing to work two full days and three part-time days (if your kiddo is in a program that is three mornings per week). And the nanny option is adding in an additional variable (interviewing a nanny who may need to drive, developing back-up plan for nanny who gets sick).
Anon says
I feel like nanny only really works if you have one kid under 2 PLUS a generous sick leave at your or DH’s work. Once you start to add other variables to the nanny issue, the benefits really start to diminish.
$1000 per month is hard to pass up, I know, but think of it as 1) paying for stability for kiddo so you’re not doing a change now, a change at age 2, and then a change for preschool/nanny and 2) paying for stability for you – much less sick time for you over the next several years (daycare centers don’t have unexpected sick days like homes or nannies) plus less worry about arranging playdates and transportation and meals and activities.
Anonymous says
I’d stick with your current set up. We were in a home daycare at first (4 kids total). I went back to work at 1 year old. By 2/2.5 she was ready for more but we couldn’t get her a spot at a place we liked until age 3. I’d stay put because for me the cost savings wouldn’t be worth the mental health hit of the stress around moving her and her possibly not liking the new place + having to move her again in a year or two.
Anonymous says
I would stay with the convenient, high-quality center if you can possibly afford it. We used an in-home center for backup care for a while, and it was a nightmare. There will probably be more kids per adult and fewer developmental opportunities in an in-home center than in a high-quality licensed facility. A licensed facility will also be more reliable.
anon says
In my area (NYC), the vast majority of daycares are “in-home,” meaning that is the kind of license they have, not that people actually live there. So my definition may be different. Convenience is huge, but I think the real thing you should be thinking about now is what is your preschool plan? I would figure that out and then work backwards; if moving to the in-home center for a year now doesn’t mess up your preschool plan (or facilitates it), then I might try it. Daycare that is segregated by age to preschool age-children may be functionally equivalent to preschool, but you should visit and see what you think. In my experience, it is amazing how many preschools there are that aren’t friendly to working parents. We were happy with our “group family daycare” center but by 3 my son definitely preferred actual preschool. We still send him to daycare sometimes in a pinch when preschool is closed — our daycare is extremely flexible and almost never closed, which we love – but he goes more grudgingly. But it is a small place with kids ages 3 months to 5ish years old sharing the same space and schedule.
Anon in NYC says
Thanks. I’m in NYC as well. I think the new daycare would be group family daycare (per their licensing). I think the point about the preschool plan is a good one (and perhaps one that we have been putting off because it seems so overwhelming in the city). I think we’ll have to really get the ball rolling on figuring that out.
anon says
Don’t get caught up in the hysteria. Unless you are planning to send your kid to private elementary school, getting into a specific preschool is not important to anything beyond their actual preschool experience. (If you are planning to go private, I’ve read that attending an affiliated preschool gives you a leg up in admissions. But I haven’t looked into this at all – look at the NYC School Help blog for more info). If you consider location and afterschool coverage and cost, there may not actually be that many viable options, which sounds terrible but makes the decision more manageable.
Meg Murry says
I think another huge part of this is how much it hurts your family’s budget to pay that extra $1k, and how much extra you would wind up spending to try to make up for that. It’s very different to be paying an extra $1k that you wish you could be saving vs. paying an extra $1k that would mean you have no emergency fund or are otherwise having to scrimp in other basic household expenses.
Is there an option C, like a less expensive center that has a preschool so you don’t have to go the nanny+preschool route? Could you move to the in-home for this year, and get on the waiting list for Option C center for when she turns 2, since you’d have to make a change at that point anyway?
We went to a save money but less ideal option when my oldest was 2 – my husband’s work had taken a huge hit because of the recession, so we dropped my son down to only 2 days a week at his daycare, and my husband took him 2 days and my mother took him one day. It was ok, and it really was necessary for us to cover for out lost income from my husband’s lack of work, but it definitely had it’s downsides – H was trying to squeeze paperwork and phone calls in when my son was playing or napping; my son was confused or took advantage of the fact that the rules and routines were all different between Daddy, daycare and Grandma’s; Grandma wanted to be “fun Grandma” and often allowed skipped naps or too many treats, leaving us with an overtired mess on our hands; when my husband got sick or had a huge job come up we all had to scramble to find backup plans, etc. When he turned 3, we had been able to turn things around enough to put him back into the daycare/preschool full time, and although spending the extra money hurt, it was so much better for our sanity then. On the other hand, only paying for 2 days a week was much better for our money stresses, because we were really holding on by the skin of our teeth and even minor money emergencies like a higher than normal gas bill or appliance that was acting up required careful juggling.
There’s nothing wrong with looking for ways to cut back on the (extremely) high cost of daycare – but there’s also nothing wrong with paying more money for a center you are happy with to avoid more headaches and stress down the road, especially since it’s not like it’s causing you to not be able to afford to keep the lights on or food on the table. Does your current center get any cheaper once kids reach age 2 or 3, or is it pretty much the same price?
Do the pricser
Anon in NYC says
The extra money per month would make a meaningful difference in our budget, but I agree with your (and everyone else’s) point about willingly paying the extra money to avoid headaches. The center does get less expensive when kids reach age 3, I believe. So we’d have about 1.5 more years of the higher costs. But as Jen mentioned below, with 2 kids I think we’d be much more willing to go the nanny route since I think it would be more cost effective.
Jen says
are you considering a second kid any time soon that would factor in? For example, having both kids in the center would be convenient but $$$, and if you have two by the time the older one is in preschool, then maybe preschool + nanny isn’t as bad an option?
Anon in NYC says
That’s definitely a consideration for me. Going the nanny route wouldn’t be so overwhelming / cost prohibitive if there are 2 kids. I think we would likely have a second sometime in the 2017-18 time frame, when my daughter would probably already be in preschool.
Momata says
Ideas for a birthday gift for my stepmother, in the $50 range? She likes walking, Body Pump classes at the Y. Not a big drinker or eater. Lives in FL half the year.
Anon says
Sounds like she’s health-conscious. Does she have a smart phone? Maybe a FitBit or other tracker? (I believe there’s a clipon FitBit in the 50-60 range.) BodyPump is weight lifting, right? Maybe some weight lifting gloves?
PhilanthropyGirl says
There is a Garmin fitness tracker in the $50 range on Amazon with very good reviews. I’m looking at it for myself!
MomAnon4This says
The new trendy water bottle and/or a monogrammed workout towel or something like that?
Momata says
This is a great idea. She and my dad already compete on their FitBits. Thanks!
Anonymous says
I love my S’well water bottle! I would stick with the 16-oz version. The larger one is enormous and heavy.
Pogo says
IVF rant…
I’m super bummed, I think I might need to adjust/delay my transfer due to a cyst. I’m doing kind of a weird protocol because I had OHSS and I also have a rare blood condition. Anyway, it was just barely going to work out with my work schedule (two very important meetings coming up at the end of the month, one requiring me to fly out for the day, plus a week in Europe next month).
I was already getting paranoid about having to skip one of my meetings if the transfer ending up being that day, especially bad if it was the day I have the flights. Now I don’t know what to say about Europe next month. I’ve pretty much given up asking this clinic for any “estimates” because the nurse always chirps “Every cycle is different! You need to be here the whole time!”
So, I’ve stopped telling them about my travel because by those rules I’d never get pregnant. But I realize if I’m delayed by a month, I can’t very well try a transfer cycle in a month when I’m supposed to go to Europe.
Plus, it’s now two years (this month) we’ve been trying. So bummed.
JP says
The lack of control is the hardest thing. I am so sorry that this continues to be such a process.
Do you want support/commiseration or troubleshooting/trying to figure out how to make this work? If it’s the latter (ignore if it’s the former), and if it’s any consolation, I found that the transfer cycle was actually much more flexible than the stim cycle. For example (at least on my protocol), once I went off birth control, I took tons of estrogen until my lining got thick enough, but I had to continue taking it for a few days beyond that before starting progesterone because they don’t do FETs on weekends, and then my husband was going to be away so they gave me the option to delay a few days longer (we declined, and I did the transfer alone–awful in the moment, a tiny blip in retrospect). So, at least in my experience, there are a few points where you can kind of press “pause” without consequences for the success of the cycle. Your nurse, at the very least, should be able to tell you what those points are in your protocol.
Please email me at josiepyeavonlea at g mail dot com if you want to talk. I went through this recently (including the uncertainty around the transfer, endless delays, difficulties/disappointments of work travel, “anniversaries” like it being a year of being treated at the RE with no viable pregnancies) and my 26-week fetus just offered you and your frozen embryo a fist bump into my ribs in solidarity.
Pogo says
aw, thanks!! That is actually super helpful info about the flexibility. I didn’t realize it was like that – with everything else they’re so rigid. I guess because FET is very different than the other types of cycles.
I may take you up on the email offer, depending on the verdict from the RE (I know my results but not her official recommendation yet….)
Katala says
Hugs, this sounds so frustrating. Here’s hoping the scheduling goes smoothly!
buffybot says
Hi Pogo!
I don’t really have anything useful to add about your particular scheduling challenge but just wanted to say that I had been thinking and wondering about how the rest of your cycle was going….We seem to be running along the same time frame — and this 2 year anniversary is a complete bummer, I agree.
I am, somewhat unexpectedly, starting my first IVF cycle today (thought I had another week of waiting, but HA! Nope. “Regular” my behind.) My greatest terror right now is going through this whole terrible process and ending up with nothing to transfer. I should stop reading infertility forums because wow are they depressing. I don’t think of myself as a sad or anxious person but this whole experience has certainly challenged that little piece of self-perception. You have ceded so much control already and have waited for so long already that even the slightest delay or hiccup seems momentous and terrible.
And there are so many trivial things that are like, oh, probably it doesn’t matter and there would be no issue, but **don’t you want to know that you did everything you could to make this work??** So we are supposed to somehow embrace the fact that many of these speedbumps are beyond our control while simultaneously being given a list of do’s and don’ts a mile long that seem designed to make you think that failure is your fault.
ANYWAY. That is a long and rant-y way of saying, good luck. My personal pet peeve right now is when someone says “oh but I am sure it will work out/be worth it in the end” so I won’t say that, but I hope that it still ends up to be true.
Pogo says
“oh but I am sure it will work out/be worth it in the end” omg, I hate that. I agree, I hope it will all work out, but people have been saying that to me for over a year now so it’s getting a bit old.
Goosebumpy says
Birthday present recommendations for a four-year-old and a five-year-old? Preferably stuff I can Prime? You all have been so great with present ideas before, so I’m outsourcing….My kid can’t give me specifics/preferences about either one except that the five-year-old likes it when she spins him around on the tire swing at school.
mascot says
5 was when we really got into games- Monopoly Junior, Uno (get the card holders for little hands), Trouble, checkers.
In House Lobbyist says
Chutes and Ladder and CandyLand is a big hit with my 3 and 5 year olds. Nerf guns are always a hit in my house.
mascot says
LOL, I may or may not slip cards out of the deck in Candyland so that someone doesn’t get sent all the way back down the board 2 minutes before bedtime. I’ve got an only child so I am happy to finally graduate to games with more skill.
Ally McBeal says
Other great games for kids in the 4-5 range: Sleeping Queens, Scrambled States, Apples to Apples Big Image (minimal reading required, mostly pictures.)
EP-er says
This is my go-to gift for classmates: https://www.amazon.com/LEGO-Classic-Creative-Bricks-10692/dp/B00NHQFA5E/ref=sr_1_2?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1473707055&sr=1-2&keywords=lego+classic
Lego Classic bricks. Works for boys and girls for ages 5-12. I stock up on these when they are cheap and just keep them in the closet for the birthdays. I also like Play-Doh, but I know not all parents are into it.
Mrs. Jones says
Lego Junior sets. Fly Guy books. High Five magazine.
anon says
Ladybug magazine, games (Zingo, Spot It Junior), Stomp Rocket Junior
hoola hoopa says
In addition to the great suggestions already:
Picture dominos
Literally any book by Mo Willems (Elephant and Piggie, Pigeon, etc)
Melissa and Doug mess-free glitter sets (or basic craft supplies, really)
Sticker dress-up ‘doll’ books (a huge hit with my daughters… not sure if there are boy versions)=
TBK says
Just got back from a week-long family “vacation” (i.e., trip — see amazing HuffPo article re the difference – Google Huffington Post trip vacation) and ugh the whining! My 2.5 yo twins are now talking, but they haven’t gotten to the point of understanding that just because they can ask for something they can have it. For example, driving to the airport yesterday, B dropped his sippy cup. “Drop milk” he says. I tell him we can’t pick it up because we’re driving. Cue “DROP MIIIIIIILK! WANT MILK WANT MILK” screamfest. My other one isn’t quite as verbal, so he just makes horribly annoying whiny/fussy noises (very loudly) at me when he wants something, and flails at me. They’re also at the age where they want impossible things, like for me to “close” the banana I’ve peeled, and an “open” banana is actually visually painful for them (or so it seems from the screaming). Any tips for keeping sane? I’m so grateful to be at work today. I think the kids are grateful, too. I was not my best self by bath time last night, I’m sorry to admit.
NewMomAnon says
I am there with you. I took a week long vacation with kiddo, including two 8+ hour car trips which I drove solo. So much whining!
And a big thank you to the community here, because so many of your suggestions were helpful – wrapping trinkets and metering them out over the course of the trip, leaving during nap time so the beginning of the ride includes a nap, stopping at playgrounds mid-drive. I even recorded myself reading a bunch of kiddo’s favorite books after several people asked about audio books for kids (btw, it was great and we spent about an hour each direction listening to those).
And yet, even though it was exhausting, it’s still so hard to be back at the office. I cried in my car this morning after daycare drop off.
Anonymous says
Sometimes you just have to laugh and be glad you get to go to work on Monday. I don’t know what it is about kids freaking out about things like your banana incident but your description made me laugh. When my oldest was that age, he screamed inconsolably for about half an hour after I cut up his quesadilla when he wanted to eat it whole, and I couldn’t put it back together. Now my 20-month-old similarly freaks out when I cut things up for him, so I generally just don’t. So, no tips, just commiseration and a reminder that you will look back and laugh at *some* of this.
TBK says
Time to revisit the site “reasons why my son is crying” I guess. And, yes, I’ve learned that A must have ALL his food cut up, a lot, and B must have a pile of cut up food (but cut in larger pieces than A’s food) and then a whole piece of whatever (e.g. whole cracker) to “hold.” A must also be allowed to put his food in a line next to (but not ON) his plate. For B, anything he does not want to eat must be removed from his sight THIS INSTANT. In some cases, I may be allowed to eat it as long as that keeps it from his sight. In other cases I MUST eat it because it was FOR MAMA and throwing it out (or feeding it to the dog) is not okay. B is lucky he’s such an adorable little bouncy mouse when he’s happy, and A is lucky he’s a sweet snuggly little bug. Because they are NOT adorable when they’re screaming these days.
CPA Lady says
I dont know if you get the Dolly Parton Imagination Library books where you live or not, but we just got one recently called “My No No No Day” that is about a little girl that loses her mind over everything that happens to her all day long. Everything results in a tantrum. She doesn’t like the egg her mom makes for breakfast, she doesn’t like going to the grocery store, her ballet outfit is itchy, the toothpaste is too minty, the bathwater too wet, her baby brother licks her toy. Her shoes are uncomfortable so she lies down on the sidewalk and starts yelling about it and takes off her shoes. Meanwhile, the mom just has this really “are you kidding me?” look on her face the whole way through the book.
The first (second, third, and fourth) time I read that book, I was laughing hysterically until I was crying, and then was actually crying because oh my god, its so hard to parent calmly through the whining and tantrums of a young toddler. It’s not that great of a book for kids, but its amazing for me.
TBK says
I’m going to have to find that book. The au pair and I made exactly that face to each other over my kids’ heads all week. (My MIL is too patient and grandmotherly to make that face, and my husband was too frustrated. Yes, four adults, two children, and we were still exhausted by the week’s end.)
Anonymous says
This is my day sometimes, and my kid is nine. I think I need to read this book the next time she complains that there are OATS on the crust of her bread and refuses to put on her jeans because they make her legs cold.
EP-er says
I love this book!
Grass isn't greener says
I have an *extremely* verbal 2.5 y/o. She says things like “I don’t appreciate your mad face.” And “no momma, did you hear my words? I said I am too busy playing to list to you, so I won’t.”
And she has a lengthy vocabulary but still makes up nonsense words and shouts them at the top of her lungs.
I hear it gets better when they turn 30? :/
TBK says
I love this! I mean, I’m sure it’s incredibly frustrating. But also so completely awesome.
pockets says
I have one of these too (maybe not as precocious as yours). I get a lot of “That is NOT a good idea” and “No. I said no. Stop it. Don’t do that, I said no.”
Anonymous says
This is a hard stage but I found that acknowledging that I understood what they wanted sometimes helped.
“Mommy knows you want to get out of your car seats but we are driving so that’s not safe.”
“Ben is mad. Ben is mad because he wants ice cream for dinner. First we have to eat our healthy food, then Ben can have ice cream.”
Best thing I ever heard about vacations as a parent – “Parenting: when vacations are work and a trip to the grocery store by yourself feels like a vacation.” I try to grocery shop after the kids go to bed now. And to be honest, it’s kinda true.
Betty says
So true. Also, this is why my “real” vacation is the first week of October when both kids are in school/pre-school, husband is working and au pair is booked for 45 hours.
TBK says
“Vacation” = post bedtime trip to Target. Without my husband.
pockets says
+1. I asked my husband to come home early one night and he must have thought it was because I wanted to spend time with him, but it was actually because I wanted to leave ASAP and go to Target.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Gah – this was my weekend with an abnormally cranky two-year-old who was supposed to be celebrating his birthday at his grandparents. He’s not quite as verbal either and all I heard all weekend was MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA! And lots of screaming.
I required early bedtimes (for myself), hot showers and granddad taking the child outside.
No advice – but I feel your pain.
Anonymous says
Ugh. Starting my planning for a two-week vacation with DH and our will-be-18-month old, and this is a good reminder to set (very) low expectations. It’s hard not to get carried away, because we’ve never taken a trip this long and it’s DH’s first time in Europe, but I need to remember that it will largely center around kiddo (and his jet lag). Sorry you had a rough time n
Anonymous says
definitely post if you’re looking for ideas. We do Europe every year with the kids to visit family but I go stir-crazy at the in laws so we try to do a few side trips.
PEN says
just commiseration: closing bananas, untoasting toast, uncutting an avacado—all things my 2.5 year old would love for me to be able to do
CHJ says
I’ve been meaning to post a “my toddler is a huge whiner – please help” question lately so I’m so glad to read all these responses and see that I’m not alone! Especially wanting things while I’m driving. Ughhhh!
Lurker says
You can get a plastic banana holder that looks just like a real banana that you can put the banana in. They sell them at hiking stores. I think I bought mine at an online mountain bike retailer. Not sure if that would help. They are big enough to hold a banana that is unpeeled.
SoCalAtty says
Not there yet, but something about that HuffPo article REALLY rubbed me the wrong way. My “vacations” pre-baby were all about the packed car, roadtrip, with bikes and gear stuffed in the back and leaving before dawn.
My vacations post-baby have been the same and they are absolutely vacations. Vacations with a new little person. Super fun. So far we’ve done Vegas, Idaho, Northern California, and Hawaii. SURE travelling with a little one has new challenges, but so what? Maybe I’m hormonal.
TBK says
When I traveled pre-kid, I threw some stuff in a (tiny) suitcase at the last minute and jumped in a cab or on Metro, got onto the plane and read something fun. Then I spent my vacation sleeping late, eating dinner out, and never dealing with anyone else’s dirty dishes. Now I start making packing lists a week in advance (multiple lists, for me, kids, en route, diapers, toys, snacks). The 24 hrs before departure involve a tape running in my head with all the details we have to nail before we walk out the door. Getting to the airport is a logistical feat all its own. Flights must be scheduled around naps. Copious entertainment for the travel time must be planned. And I spend the vacation waking up at 6:00 (or earlier depending on the light), hauling little people around, preparing food, cleaning dishes and sippy cups, and wrangling over-tired, cranky people. Oh, and dinner is take-out in a hotel room, because baby bed time is 7:30. Plus the 2+ hrs we have to spend at the hotel for nap time. Even car travel pre-kid was slinging a single duffle bag into the trunk and heading out. Now it involves loading two pack n plays, a double stroller, portable high chairs, and two crabby little people who were woken up and shoved in the car with no breakfast on the hope that some milk will put them back to sleep for another 30 min at least. If your trips haven’t changed, I think you’re in the minority.
SoCalAtty says
Maybe? It seems similar in my friend group. Maybe because “vacation” means different things to different people? But we have never been last minute vacation-takers. All of our trips are booked and thought out well in advance, and I’ve always been a checklist person, so that’s definitely no different. On our recent trip to Yosemite, the only difference from pre-baby was the addition of a small duffel bag with his clothes, the bike trailer (which doubles as stroller) and clip on high chair (which lives in my car anyway), and a sippy cup.
You know what I really think my issue was now that I think about it? It totally tried to tell me my vacations aren’t good enough. That they aren’t “real” vacations unless I leave baby at home. I just put my finger on it!! And I love travelling with baby, even now that he is 1 and wants to run around the plane. It was like another brick in the parent shaming war – telling us our “vacations” aren’t really and we’re doing it wrong.
This line: “But the real dream is to someday be brave enough to leave your kids behind, hop on a flight, and get to a place where the waiters bring you piña coladas while you lounge on the beach.”
“What?!” Screamed my brain. I’ve done all that. And lounging on a beach is bo-RING (for me)! I’d rather hike to the top of a waterfall with baby SoCalAtty in his cool backpack and enjoy lunch up top.
I guess having someone say that’s not a “real” vacation kind of stung. Of course, that could be the PPD talking.
Anonymous says
I think a huge difference here is the twin factor. I had one baby first. With one baby, on at least a couple times over the course of a vacation, one of the parents can get up early with baby and let the other parent sleep late, or take a hike just themselves and baby while the other parent plays golf or goes to the spa.
Post- twins – – vacation with two babies and two parents (which we did when we left my oldest with my parents for a long weekend) – totally different ballgame. Much harder for either parent to get even a short break from being 100% ‘on’ all the time. There’s no ability to have one parent walk the baby around on the plane while the other reads or closes their eyes for 5 minutes because the second parent has a baby too.
NewMomAnon says
Car seat question: does anyone have clever ideas or products they use to keep books/toys/snacks close to a kid when they are sitting in a convertible car seat? My car seat is great, but it has cup holders and wings, so kiddo can’t reach out of it to grab things sitting next to her (which I found out 3 hours into an 8 hour car trip after I placed a big box of toys next to kiddo and found myself handing her items from my center console).
Alternatively, does anyone have a favorite lap desk or car seat tray? Kiddo loves to color, but we couldn’t keep the crayons and markers within reach for long enough.
Meg Murry says
We’ve had luck putting the markers in a cup that is just barely shorter than them, and putting that cup in the cupholder. Same kind of thing with snacks – buy the cheez-its, oreos, etc that come in the size that is meant for a cupholder (with a plastic lid) then peel off the label and keep re-using and refilling.
hoola hoopa says
Yep! We put *everything* in Take & Toss cups in the cup holders.
I’ll be following because we do a lot of loooong car trips, but I do think that passing things back is just the reality.
In House Lobbyist says
I use a cookie sheet for long car rides. They can color on it, play with toys, eat and its magnetic. Plus I buy them for a $ 1 each at the Dollar Tree. For our last trip, I velcroed the retractable crayons to the inside of a binder and put their coloring sheets inside the binders. Our last beach trip resulted in melted crayons so I wanted a way to quickly know how many were missing.
Help! says
HELP! Recently started TTC and am wondering how people handled work happy hours. I didn’t think we drank a lot of my firm until I stopped drinking. At big events I’ve been able to get away with sneakily asking for a mocktail or fizzy water with a lime, but now I have a small welcome happy hour with my group. How did you guys handle the not drinking thing? I’d rather not have people start asking questions and its a tell-tale sign that someone is knocked up (or trying) when they just stop drinking.
anon says
I don’t think you need to stop drinking while you are TTC. At the very least there will be parts of your cycle where you know you are not pregnant (the two weeks before you ovulate). And even during the days after ovulation, a drink or two is fine. The placenta doesn’t form right away, so you are not sharing a blood supply with the embryo for several weeks. I would recommend checking out Emily Oster’s book. It will make your experience of TTC and pregnancy 100% more pleasant and less anxiety inducing!
Anonymous says
+1 I would have a drink while TTC. I also was surprised at the extent to which people really don’t notice these things. Especially if it’s not odd for you to be drinking a mixed drink, fizzy water with lime is pretty hard to tell from a vodka soda. Or just nurse a bottle of beer – nobody can tell how much you’ve had.