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anon says
Can we do a gratitudes thread?
Me:
-That I was home yesterday to see the baby crawl for the first time.
-That my immune-concerning (apparently the thing that is less scary than immunocompromised) kiddo was able to get through his first flu season just fine and finally got his shot
-That Skinceuticals exists
-That I feel entirely safe in my home and with everyone in it. Someone I know is not so lucky.
-For the people who continue to deliver our diapers, catfood, groceries, etc., and that we can comfortably triple their tips. At least it makes me feel better about paying someone to take risks I’m not willing to take myself.
Anonymous says
That we have money. Seriously. I went grocery shopping yesterday (stores in my area are too overwhelmed to keep up with online ordering), and spent twice as much as I normally do because stuff was back in stock that was out last week. And I genuinely was out of stuff I’d normally buy at target (cascade, trash bags, etc…). I’m also stuck buying the more expensive stuff because all the cheap brands are gone. But guess what? We’re ok! I can’t imagine going through this situation if you’re already low income.
That my daughter is getting over the viral yuck she had last week. Not COVID (she was seen), but a really bad bug that left her miserable and crying for a week.
For cherry blossoms and magnolia trees. I’m stuck walking around my neighborhood but at least it’s pretty out.
My 7 (almost 8!) month old is almost through his reflux/spitting up and is a complete joy whereas his first 5 months were a slog and almost broke me.
Anonanonanon says
Almost exactly identical to the above, that we’re going to be financially OK through this. It’s a pinch, but we’ll be OK. If this had happened when I was a single mom making half the salary I make now, still in a job that would have forced me to show up in person, I don’t know what I would have done. I guess I would have had to send my son out of state to stay with my parents, but I don’t know if my ex would have allowed that? Glad I don’t have to figure that all out, now.
My son also got very ill recently (random pneumonia, wasn’t tested for COVID but he responded quickly to antibiotics so I don’t think it was a virus) and I’m happy it happened before cases of COVID rose dramatically in our area. I’m immunocompromised and going to the ER right now would be terrifying.
It also feels good to be able to help others out. Patronizing vendors from our local farmers market who are contacting former clients to arrange parking lot meet ups (everyone stands six feet apart, they put the goods down, you walk up and get them and put your card down, they take it and pay and put it back down. Other than touching the same card, no contact) has been nice. Safer for me than stores, and helping out a small vendor.
My organization has a big role in what is going on right now, and I cannot tell you how impressed I have been with the healthcare workers and facility administrators who are coping with all of this, particularly the PPE shortages. I can’t imagine how stressed they are and, for the most part, they have remained pleasant even when I have to deliver disappointing news.
Thankful that our in-home daycare provider is still open. We both have essential response roles and, while a lot of mine has transitioned to being virtual, it could not be done with a 2-year-old around. I think we’ll have to pull her when there is sustained community transmission, but I’m thankful my friend’s daughter has already agreed to help (and I know they are both not leaving the house right now.) My friend runs a small business and is losing income, so I’ll be happy to be pumping money into their household.
anon says
I have been in a complete tizzy since yesterday, so I probably need this exercise.
– That our deep freeze is full of food and we’ll be fine for a good, long while.
– That we’re both still bringing in income and have a healthy savings account.
– We have a comfortable home.
All the big rocks are in place.
Cb says
That we are financially comfortable and can afford everything we need and a lot of what we want. Sometimes reading here I feel poor but we are comfortable and our jobs are secure for the foreseeable.
That we live further out of town – I normally hate our neighbourhood but am feeling grateful to be a bit further out. We went on a long walk in the woods this am and only saw a handful of people.
That my husband has finally figured out WFH. He’s essential, but his building will likely close tomorrow anyways, thank goodness.
That my son is such a bright little thing – today we speculated about the noises different types of birds make, talked about what was going on in the world, and read books for an hour. He’s so much fun and while I’d prefer he was at nursery, it’s nice to have a bit more insight into how his mind works.
That our nursery teachers are going above and beyond – daily Zoom calls to keep the kids connected.
GCA says
Thinking of you! My London-based Scottish colleagues have gone home to Aberdeenshire and are enjoying the wide open wild spaces. :) And 1.5-3 is such a fun age. I love watching the gears turn in their little brains.
Cb says
Yes, I couldn’t imagine being in a city centre right now, especially in London. It’s so crucial for all our mental health to get out and about. It’s funny, I really love each age/stage more than the next. My son is super chatty and interesting.
Anon says
similar to the above, but adding that DH is not traveling right now and is home for bedtime, which actually makes my life much easier bc i am doing a lot less solo parenting than i usually do. being able to wear gym clothes for work, which saves time and dry cleaning. i actually think returning to normal will be hard in certain ways
Anon says
i am so grateful for my big backyard and that it is cherry blossom season where I love. I am also feeling much love and gratitude for my kid’s daycare – they started daily Zoom circle time yesterday and this morning she kept asking about it and was so looking forward to it.
anon says
I have never been more grateful for a backyard. I can’t imagine doing this in an apartment in the city.
Anonymous says
1. Backyard and neighborhood in general. Spring is gorgeous here!
2. We have plenty of money to see us through this whole year, if needed, but neither of our jobs are in danger
3. DH’s job is very slow right now (with full pay) and he is able to pick up a lot of the childcare
4. Our health
Clementine says
Exact same… with the exception that we got several inches of snow yesterday!
Anonymous says
That my partner is doing more than his fair share during this time of dual WFH with no childcare. I have a big push through Wednesday at work, and then we can switch and I can pay it back.
avocado says
– That we live in the suburbs.
– That we were finally able to adopt our wonderful dog last fall. She makes being stuck at home so much more bearable and inspires us to take walks.
– For the enormous cherry tree in our front yard.
– That my husband and I both know how to cook so we can keep enjoying delicious, healthy meals as long as we can keep getting groceries.
– That we had a nice family visit right before things got crazy.
– That at least for now, both my husband and I have jobs that we can do from home.
– For everything we can do on the internet that wasn’t possible a little more than a decade ago: video chats with family and friends, Yoga With Adriene, downloading books, enjoying movies and music, streaming Stephen Colbert, perusing recipe blogs.
– For our choir director’s weekly video virtual rehearsals.
– For health insurance.
– That we live less than a mile from two grocery stores that are relatively lightly trafficked.
– For leggings and fuzzy socks.
Pogo says
That we can both wfh and still have jobs, and the income to help us get through this (ditto others about needing to spend more on the fanciest organic eggs or whatever, because that’s all that’s left, and we can). For technology to keep us connected – virtual library story time & music classes, group chat with the other daycare moms, skype sessions with coworkers. And for telemedicine, thanks to which I’m getting my antibiotics, yay!
And of course let us not forget our lord and savior, St Daniel of the Tiger.
Cb says
My son’s gone off DT and I’m so sad and confused. He’s been all about Cory Carson lately though, which I think is very cute, except it’s giving him a posh English accent which we’re going to have to correct before it gets him bullied :)
Pogo says
He was off it for a bit b/c we visited with some friends w/ older kids who watched PJ Masks and stuff like that, so he was demanding it even tho I’m pretty sure it’s over his head. But I basically just went back to being like, Tiger is all that we have on the TV. And he accepted it. Since I’m expecting, I’m hoping to get through the episodes between now and when Baby Margaret is born, and then he can learn from Mom Tiger how to be a good big brother. I’ve found the other key is not let him see the other options on Prime or whatever – just put it on to what I want him to watch and then he accepts it and doesn’t whine for some specific show. I know that method has a shelf life, when he’s older he will understand how the apps work, but for now, I’m going with it. The life lessons and little ditties they sing on DT are so worth it to me, I reference them CONSTANTLY.
Cb says
That’s key. We offer one of three – Cory Carson, Stinky and Dirty, and DT or Gecko’s Garage on Youtube.
Katarina says
I am actually having a rough morning. I have a cold that has been lingering (but definitely not covid 19), and had a frustrating e-mail from my boss.
1. I am in a good place financially, my husband is actually excited to put more money into the market while it is so low.
2. My husband is a SAHD so I can continue to work a normal amount. He has been great at keeping the kids from bugging me, and from bugging me himself, even though his job is much harder without school, activities, and outings other than riding bikes.
3. My baby started pulling up yesterday. He is a bit behind (11 months today), so this is very exciting.
4. I am a homebody and introvert
5. My job is pretty secure, and I am in an in demand field.
6. I have a husband and three children to keep me busy/entertained. It would be rough to have to stay home all by myself.
7. I have a big house. My kids can run around and get some wiggles out, and we are not too much on top of each other.
8. No more pumping
Anonymous says
My generator! And my amazing neighbors who showed me how to hook it up a few months ago. We had a spring snowstorm last night that knocked out power to our area. I was able to hook up the generator and save the food in my fridge and freezer. I cannot imagine having stocked up on food only to loose it in a power outage. I am grateful for my financial security and living in a wonderful community.
Pogo says
oh man, I was SO worried about that yesterday. Luckily we did not lose power.
Anon says
– Our big backyard with a swingset. Toddler (and me) would lose her mind without it.
– We are all healthy for the first time in months (preschool crud)
-Kiddo is only in preschool and a 2.5YO class at that, so losing a semester will not set her back and I have zero guilt about not homeschooling
– My job is easy to do from home and while I am slow, my work is not zero and I am a valued employee (also picking up plenty of visible nonbillable projects)
-We will be able to do kiddo’s speech therapy through the county via videoconference, and they aren’t charging us for it! (yay for $600 per month back)
– My immunocompromised mother is back at home with her regular team of doctors and getting her treatments (she had been at our family vacation home before this all went south), and my father and aunt are on their way back as well with the dog.
-All of the grandparents are doing well with videochatting.
– We have a full fridge, freezer and back-up freezer, so even though my grocery deliveries are 2 weeks apart and basically a third to a half out of stock, we will be fine. Also for grocery delivery, which we started 3 years ago, so we are well versed in all the tips and tricks and are members of two different services (insta and peapod). I had to leave the house to drop off a UPS shipment I couldn’t get picked up and it was so weird to be in (not close) contact with live people who are not my family.
– I am an introvert, so hanging out at home feels like a vacation on weekends (vs. DH who is an extrovert and is chomping at the bit for this to be over, which I keep telling him is not any time soon).
-Financially we will be fine. This is the year we were supposed to be rebuilding our savings after two years of significant expenses, but we have plenty to weather this storm (will likely just be saving less than I had intended).
My grocery bill has doubled, but our restaurant bill has dropped to zero, so I think we’re probably still coming out ahead.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m grateful for the following, in no particular order:
This morning’s shift was the smoothest one yet, with minimal crying and bugging each other by the kids (almost 4 and 17 months, so that’s saying a lot). Dare I say, we might all be getting used to this?!
Husband and I can both work from home, and husband is doing part time hours to take on more of the childcare.
That both of our bosses are being pretty understanding of the schedule constraints right now.
So so grateful that we bought a house last September, giving us more space and a yard! We were in a 2 bedroom apartment before this, which would have been a much bigger challenge, especially with the lack of playground access.
My anxiety medication, which keeps me more or less level in the face of massive chaos.
That I like my coworkers enough to miss seeing them and look forward to catching up and commiserating with them when this is all over.
For our daycare, which I will appreciate even more when it opens again.
For this site, to connect virtually with people who truly get it.
SC says
– Our health.
– It’s not hurricane season. This would be a nightmare if I was worried about stocking the freezer and refrigerator or the power going out. New Orleans has one of the highest rates in the country (highest outside NYC and surrounding areas), and I can’t even imagine what a mandatory evacuation would be like.
– My boss is finally letting us work from home, after the governor issued a stay at home order.
– At home yoga videos.
– My job is secure. This crisis has, so far, made us busier at work. DH is a SAHD, and there’s inherent risk in only having one income, so I’m grateful I don’t have to worry about that.
– DH is a SAHD. He’s handling the vast majority of childcare. Our son is engaged and relatively happy, while I have the space to work. They’re both introverts and perfectly happy to never leave the house. (I’m the one who drags us out on the weekends.)
– Our house. We spent years in a 2-bedroom apartment and moved almost 1.5 years ago to a 4-bedroom house in the suburbs. I’m so happy to have space for a home office, to have a beautiful sun room for my morning yoga, for Kiddo to have a play room. Also happy to have a backyard.
– The weather. It’s spring, and it’s beautiful. I like getting outside, except during the 5 months of the year when it’s unbearably hot. If this drags on through the summer, it’s going to be rough.
Anon says
Of course the big things like financial security, the ability to WFH, health insurance, a supportive partner, etc. But on the more minor things, I’m really glad my kid is not quite 2 and doesn’t understand what is going on. I know it would be easier on us to have an older, more independent child, but it’s easier on her to be completely oblivious to what’s happening, and I’m grateful for that. This morning when she woke up she looked at me with a worried look at said “[name] no go school today!” and I said no you’re not going to school, you’re playing at home with mommy and daddy again and she said “YAAAAAY!!!!” and started clapping. And she normally loves school! So it brings me a lot of comfort to know this isn’t traumatic for her in any way (and she won’t remember it when she’s older).
Anon says
I’m in house counsel. Yesterday I learned that due to market losses, my company won’t be investing in the area that’s my primary (read: sole) focus for the foreseeable future (although foreseeable future might be two weeks right now – who knows?) This read as a potentially temporary thing. I’m also home with three young kids with a DH who’s WFH. So getting very little work done anyways (which hasn’t mattered bc we’re slow).
DH advised me to go ahead and call my supervisor right now to say I’m happy to work on other lines of business. I think that kind of goes without saying, but I trust him on this sort of thing – and men are so much less passive. Thoughts? I’d also be happy moving to part-time. I probably have 2 days worth of work covering existing projects, but definitely don’t know that I have a point to the organization if we stop investing in this area. I’ve always been nervous about the fact that my position is project-based. This isn’t the type of org that lays people off (they have enough to pay me and not worry about it) but this is a weird time.
Any advice?
It all makes me super nervous. Also my job is a unicorn. So job searching isn’t sounding so appealing right now.
Anonymous says
Any job can and will lay you off. Your husband is right. Be proactive.
Anon says
Seriously!
Pogo says
I would agree with this, though private businesses have more leeway because they’re not trying to protect earnings, you just never know. I think a man would be more proactive, actually.
Anon says
+1
Anon says
I’m in house and I’d reach out to your boss for more work. This isn’t a great time to be unemployed and my business is already talking about tightening up.
My my company, there are also lots of opportunities right now for folks in legal to make an impression on leadership by helping with the COVID response. It could be a real career boost.
Anon says
I would definitely call and be proactive. Particularly if there are other areas that you know are overwhelmed.
Anne says
Do not offer to go part time yet. Try to skate by and presume good intentions — that they’re letting you get by best you can on your salary.
Anon says
+1 on not offering to go part time. I’m not sure if this will come across right, but I feel like that would be highlighting that you think you are not necessary?
IHeartBacon says
As a member of leadership at my firm, I am ACUTELY aware of the employees (staff, attorneys, fellow partners) who have reached out to the partners with an email or a call, saying “I am ready to roll up my sleeves and help maintain the viability of our business in any way I can.” You should absolutely reach out to your supervisor.
Anonymous says
I am in an industry that almost never lays anyone off and we are talking about layoffs in the summer, if this goes on into May. I would definitely ask for work. Hold the part-time card until later.
Knope says
I’m only 12 weeks pregnant, but the news yesterday that a number of NYC hospitals are banning support people (ALL support people, including spouses and doulas) from L&D and recovery has shaken me to my core. I am not an anxious person by nature and think I’ve been coping pretty well with the uncertainty of this entire situation, but I am on the verge of having panic attacks at the thought of not having my husband with me when I give birth and afterward. My hospital is “baby-friendly” (ugh) so there is no nursery, and with my first I felt like I was unsafely exhausted taking care of my newborn even WITH my husband there. And I really needed his support during labor too. I’m not in NYC and I really really hope that by the time I’m due in the fall, things will have improved, but I am seriously considering looking into homebirth now (definitely not my preferred option otherwise) because of the anxiety this is causing me. Is anyone else in a similar boat?
Pogo says
I am slightly further along (17w) and I am choosing not to worry about this with the hope that this tapers off to a manageable level by late summer/fall so that restrictions can be relaxed. I know they are for everyone’s safety so I understand but agree, could not do it without both my husband and doula if last time was any indication. I am more than 100% ok with no kids and grandparents or extraneous relatives in L&D (I’m not keen on that to begin tbh) but no support person….yes, it is scary.
The other thing – even if the load on our healthcare system is still high by this fall due to so many people still getting the virus, we WILL have more tests available and I have hope we’ll move to a more informed screening procedure (right now basically hospitals just do symptom, travel questionnaire and temp, which is why they have to be so picky about who comes in to L&D). But if we could screen people, I think the restrictions could be loosened a bit.
Anon says
Yeah. I’m not pregnant so I know it’s easy for me to say, but I really don’t think we’re still going to be in a full-on lockdown by the fall. There should be much more widespread (and faster and less invasive) testing by then, so even if the virus is still circulating everywhere (which hopefully it won’t be), it may be as simple as having any L&D guest tested. All my doctor friends say the next 6-8 weeks should be the worst as far as the burden on the healthcare system goes.
Anonymous says
I’m not – but I feel for you and agree on all fronts. I needed DH during labor and afterwards / I think hospitals doing this is dangerous. There are not enough L&D nurses to stay with patients during labor. For example – right before DS (child 2) arrived I had a massive hemhorrage and DH has to scream down the hall as they weren’t coming fast enough. DH also had to lift baby/do diaper changes for the first 12hrs after labor as it was a struggle for me to get up. I had uncomplicated, unmedicated births. Imagine if I had complications!?
What about a birth center? A little more equipped than a home birth but I believe they are still allowing partners. Otherwise, if you had an uncomplicated delivery the first time I’d look into a home birth as well if I were you. This entire thing is insane
Butter says
I’ve heard that some birth centers are closing because they need the midwives in the hospitals as obgyns are being repurposed to other parts of the hospital, and midwives can’t be as easily repurposed. Not trying to freak anyone out, but I know that this is at least the case for one birthing center in MA.
cbackson says
Yeah, and we *know*, statistically, the WOC often have a harder time being believed when they report pain and other symptoms of illness. So excluding support people is likely to negatively effect WOC even more than white women, magnifying existing disparities in maternal healthcare.
I can’t help but feel like this is deeply shortsighted given what we know about the positive effects of having an advocate for the laboring woman present during the delivery and after. It was only a couple of years ago that there was a ton of media coverage of the life-threatening complications many women experience shortly after birth, and all of that talked about how critical it was to have an advocate present since most healthcare after birth is focused on the baby’s well-being and not the mother’s.
Butter says
Yes.. I really, really hope that they take back the policy, which is in contradiction to New York State Health guidelines, WHO guidelines, and CDC recommendations. Part of their rationale (at least NYP’s) is that birthing mothers who weren’t known to be positive for Covid-19 accidentally infected L&D staff. This is of course a huge risk, but I’m not sure how taking support partners out of the equation fixes that. Until we have rapid testing available, this is something the hospitals are going to have to figure out. I think it’s the wrong call to make, and the backlash should be swift and fierce. Hang tight until they do, and know that you’re not alone. I’m optimistic that the hospitals will get their ish together in the next few weeks and months.
Coach Laura says
Taking support partners out of the equation DOES help not transmit COVID-19 to the nurses and doctors and midwives and other staff. Support partners can also carry the virus without symptoms. It’s one less person to possibly infect the staff. And it is, technically, an extraneous person as the laboring mother is the only required person. The shortage of RNs, MDs, Physician Assistants and Nurse Practitioners is already a problem and may get worse.
Having said that, I would be freaking out. I’m also freaking out about getting COVID and being alone and possibly dying alone in the ICU because they aren’t letting anyone in, even if you’re dying. And I’m over 60 and I have lymphoma and I had active treatment (immunotherapy) last month which reduces my poor immune system even more, so yes, I’m very high risk. This is not an outlandish worry on my part. I hope and pray that all of you who are pregnant are allowed support people and that they change the rules for support partners (even only if a paid doula) for labor soon.
AnonATL says
I’m 22w and feeling this stress too. I’m not in NY but am terrified of my husband not being allowed in because this is our first. Currently, our hospital is not banning support people, but who knows in a few months. Especially because our hospital has several cases (and the first death in our state occurred there).
Someone posted an interesting article on here or maybe my what to expect app that Emily Oster wrote about this whole situation. You would probably have enough time to plan for a home birth or birthing center with less strict rules, but someone like me and those further along is pretty much stuck with a hospital birth at this point. If I were you, and you are seriously considering a home birth, I’d get those pieces in place fast but also plan for a hospital birth to happen.
Here’s the Oster link which will hopefully come through: https://emilyoster.substack.com/p/birth-in-the-time-of-covid-19
Eek says
I’m 22 weeks and had not heard this yet but it terrifies me. I’ve been fairly calm so far despite my doctor warning that they’ll likely cancel many of my remaining prenatal appointments, etc. But the prospect of being alone in the hospital, not to mention in labor and with a new baby, is terrifying. I’d accepted that my son and parents, etc. won’t be able to meet his new sibling right away, and that’s fine – not ideal but certainly understandable given the circumstances – but the idea of the baby’s father not being allowed in is too much. What if something goes wrong? I’m honestly horrified right now.
Pregnantanon says
Have they announced what the plan is to get consent on something if the mom is unable to do so (unconscious)? Like the dad is supposed to just be chilling by the phone at home waiting to have to decide his spouse and baby’s fate based on a doctor’s advice over the phone??? I know the decision isn’t that much easier being in the hospital, but at least you don’t have to worry about sketchy cell coverage or something.
Anonymous says
Home birth is not the answer
Knope says
Do you have better ideas? My city doesn’t have birth centers, unfortunately.
Anonymous says
Yes birthing in a hospital with doctors and nurses! Even without your husband it’s better than dying in child birth in your house.
Also as you say, this isn’t a real problem for you. Stop trying to solve it. None of us have any idea what policies will be in place in your hospital 6 months from now. If you are having panic attacks about this now you need and deserve more mental health support.
Eek says
Being in the hospital alone, for any reason, is dangerous. It’s only going to be more so at a time when hospitals are overburdened, understaffed, and overwhelmed. I am not a home birth person AT ALL and I am completely opposed to doing it under normal circumstances. But these are not normal circumstances and I think it makes total sense for OP to weigh all of her options now in the event that she has to make the tough choice between giving birth, alone, in a hospital or at home with her partner present.
LadyNFS says
This is a very real problem for me, as I am 35 weeks and I live in NYC. Like many of you have expressed here, I am very nervous about delivering without someone to advocate for me or even “cater” to me (hand holding, encouragement, etc.) This is my second child, and during the birth of my first (which was uncomplicated and smooth), I had both my husband and a doula present. The nurses and doctor were wonderful, but as others have pointed out, they have other patients and responsibilities, and their job is not to coach me or encourage me, or frankly, even keep too close an eye on my health, but to focus on the baby. I am also nervous about little things that I recall from my first experience. For example, my husband was the one who accompanied baby to the scale and for the APGAR test while I delivered placenta and recovered. He was the one who got me food to make sure I was strong enough to go to recovery after L&D (there was something with the kitchen as I recall and nurses managed to rustle up an old turkey sandwich that wasn’t that appetizing to me at the time). They are saying that partners can be present via FaceTime but I don’t understand that, either. Who is holding up the phone? Me, as I struggle to push? A doctor or nurse, who has other responsibilities? I cannot fathom my husband meeting his child for the first time in a hospital parking lot when he comes to pick me up. My OB has also told me that for uncomplicated vaginal births, they are discharging within 24 hours. I appreciate that it may be safer at home, but the idea of delivering alone, potentially caring for my infant alone and exhausted, and then being booted out the door to go home and try to rest and recover with a toddler and an infant at home are daunting. I know that a lot can change quickly and I recognize that these precautions were not considered lightly, but I am terrified and I appreciate everyone’s input and feelings on this – and having a place to voice them myself- because I fear that the consequences for many could be dire.
Anon says
As someone who had an unplanned c-section, I personally would absolutely not plan on a home birth. I had a textbook pregnancy. Labor and Delivery? Not so much, but I’m glad I was already at the hospital.
Hugs to the OP. My heart goes out to all of you pregnant ladies. This is a scary time.
Anon says
I think a hospital birth is statistically far safer for you and baby, and you should prioritize your health and the baby’s health even if it’s sad and scary not to have your husband there.
Although personally I feel like my husband didn’t really do anything, anyway. He’s an amazing dad who does well over 50% of the childcare, but when I was in labor (with an epidural, to be fair, so not in agony) he took a nap and woke up when I screamed at him “IT’S TIME TO PUSH WAKE THE F-CK UP” and the only thing I can remember about the pushing phase is telling him to shut up so I could hear the nurse’s directions better. So. I’m not sure I would have missed him. I have heard people say they needed their husbands to advocate for them with doctors, etc., but I’m Type A and my husband is Type B so I did all the advocating for myself.
AnonATL says
lol this is my husband, but I still want his type-b butt there!
Anon says
Oh yeah I would have been devastated if I’d been told in advance he couldn’t be there, so I wasn’t trying to minimize the sadness, just saying that if you have to do it without him it may be fine :) And he was very helpful with the baby care. I didn’t change a single diaper in the hospital, which he still makes fun of me for. He had to show me how to do it when our kiddo was about 4 or 5 days old.
Knope says
I actually think I’d be ok in L&D by myself. I wouldn’t be happy about it, but I’d be ok. I do not think I, or the baby, would be OK in our “baby-friendly” hospital postpartum. Last time around, by the time I was put in a recovery room with a baby I had been awake for about 30 hours and had a second degree tear. It hurt to move, and I was exhausted. I felt unsafe even in THAT situation, WITH my husband, because we were so exhausted I think we were at risk of dropping the baby. I don’t know how it would work at all if I was by myself. My hospital does not have a nursery.
Alanna of Trebond says
I think all the handwringing about this change is overdramatic. I am 32 weeks pregnant and this applies to my hospital. I will be fine. They are planning to discharge patients quicker. Also, I thought Emily Oster’s page was helpful in showing why a home birth is not a good option.
Eek says
I’m glad you aren’t worried, but I am afraid of the possibility of being in labor alone and I don’t think that’s unreasonable or over dramatic. I have a high-risk pregnancy and blood pressure problems. I am genuinely very afraid something could happen to me or the baby and there would be no one there to help or make decisions on my behalf. I don’t think this is hand wringing, I think it’s a reasonable fear based on my personal history and the information that I have.
There is a reason it’s often not recommended to leave someone alone in a hospital, even though the nurses are still there. There is also a reason that the prevailing guidance does NOT support making women labor alone even in these crazy times.
Is it the biggest problem anyone out there has right now? No. But it’s scary and I don’t think I’m being over-dramatic to be concerned.
Anonymous says
You do understand people are dying alone right? Literally no one is saying this is good. They’re saying it’s the best they can do to minimize death.
Eek says
Of course I understand that. It’s an absolutely terrible situation. Obviously dying alone would be worse than giving birth alone and I don’t think I said anything to suggest otherwise.
I’m facing some abnormal risks with this pregnancy already, and I’m legitimately concerned about what this new guidance could mean if something goes wrong. I’m not trying to be selfish or pretend that there aren’t others who are worse off than I am – there are undeniably are. I’m just scared.
Eek says
I meant new rules, not guidance.
Anon Lawyer says
I wonder if they’re right though and if there aren’t less brute force ways to address it. Like, if a woman and her partner live together they’ve probably been equally exposed. How about allowing birth partners who live with the woman but restricting their movements around the hospital?
anonn says
I can’t imagine the fear and anxiety of being pregnant right now, its just not fair. And I’d honestly consider a home birth too, because my first birth was quick and pretty uncomplicated, our doula is amazing, and we live with in 10 minutes of the hospital. Ironically, I’ve always said no way to a home birth, for for these same reasons, (and the clean up). I’d suggest studying up on natural birth for the relaxation techniques, and to just generally know more about what all can happen, to help you advocate better for yourself if you do have to labor/birth alone. Doulas will labor with you at home, so maybe that’s a good option, someone to monitor you and be with you until the last possible minute, I’m sure an Ipad or something could be figured out once you are there. My doula was with us for 5 hours at home, then maybe 4 at the hospital. I know I labored longer at home because of her, she told me when it was time to go.
I took a very extensive class called birth bootcamp, that I know is offered online, I went from being terrified of birth and motherhood, to confident and prepared.
Anon Lawyer says
I mean, good for you, but lots of women aren’t fine. There’s a reason that activists have focused on getting more women access to support like doulas. It’s because poor women and women of color in particular are often marginalized in the birth process. Having another person there to help advocate can be a real difference.
Also, L&D units are staffed with the assumption that women will have birthing partners who can do things like alert the nurse immediately if something goes unexpectedly wrong.
Anon Lawyer says
Also telling a woman she’s scared about doing a dangerous and often traumatic thing alone unexpectedly is a pretty jerky thing to do.
Anon Lawyer says
That should have read telling a woman she’s overreacting for being scared.
Anonymous says
Is there any way to switch to a baby unfriendly (haha) hospital? The lack of nursery would worry me more than the lack of husband, personally, and the combination seems especially troubling. I agree with you that I could not have safely cared for a newborn in the first couple days after giving birth. I’d been awake for 48 hours and was on the verge of having serious mental health issues (wanting to harm baby and/or myself) from not sleeping. Once I slept I was completely fine, and had no PPD or anything like that. There’s a reason sleep deprivation is a common form of torture – it makes us quite literally go crazy.
Anonymouse says
I’m also very worried about this – currently expecting our second, so even if they relax the restrictions, my husband still won’t be able to come unless it’s safe for family to travel. And I’m looking at a mandatory c-section, so 4 days, also in a “baby friendly” hospital with no nursery. I’m betting the lactation support may also be more limited than usual, and had a really hard time with that the first time, so, yeah, freaked. But what can I do?
Knope says
Yes, this is what I’m most worried about. I suppose I could switch hospitals, but the closest non-baby-friendly hospital is much further from my house (30 mins vs 10 mins) and only OBs deliver there, no midwives. It also has a more “woman-unfriendly” rep, so I sort of feel like it might be one of the first hospitals to disallow support people, if that actually happens. But I will think about it.
anon says
I’m looking for something to send my 4 year old nephew and 6 year old niece while they are shutdown (in KS). They are active bouncy balls and will be cooped up with dad all day (mom works at a hospital AND is in remission, which seems like a fantastic combination). My kids are not active bouncy balls, so the things I would usually think of (legos, arts and crafts) won’t really occupy them. Any ideas? All I’ve thought of is a marble run…
anon says
If they have a backyard, you might send a stomp rocket.
Anonymous says
Bouncy castle
Anon says
Do they have a backyard? soccer goals, kick balls, soccer balls, teeball set, maybe a small swing or single-person trampoline. Indoors: indoor bowling, nerf toys, mini basketball hoop, inflatable boxing gloves, kid-sized baking tools or sets for dad to do with them if they’re into that sort of thing. Not sure if one of those cardboard playhouses would be too young for them.
OP says
These are great ideas! This is a long shot, but anything indoors that doesn’t require a ton of supervision? Dad will be with them all day but is supposed to be WFHing.
Anon says
the kids are old enough so hopefully they wouldn’t kill each other doing this, but last week someone posted a link to a bouncy house that they are using inside. also – do kids still play Wii or dance dance revolution or some other video game type of thing that is active?
DLC says
We got a fort kit for our kids for Christmas and they love it and it occupies them endlessly. The one we got is called Krazy Forts. The actual building activity might need supervision, but once it’s built, they can hang out in it and play.
We also have a rocker board that is getting good use. It is pricy, but I love having it around the house.
https://www.bellalunatoys.com/products/waldorf-balance-rocker-boards
In House Lobbyist says
I bought yoga ball chairs for kids online a few years ago for Christmas. We homeschool and I thought it would be great for doing their school work. They immediately turned them upside down and used the feet as handles and began to bounce all over the house. This has continued for 3 years now. They are their most beloved toys and great at getting energy out…if you can stand all that bouncing.
anonn says
If they are in Wichita, Love of Character is a great local business that has tons of toys they will deliver to the doorstep, and also they are doing “balloon bombs” with a bag full of random fun balloons.
Anon says
Kansas City, unfortunately. Thanks for all the ideas! I went with a stomp rocket and a crazy fort set.
SC says
My 4 year old likes his foam pogo jumper. The 6 year old might even like a real pogo stick. We let our son use his inside the house on rainy days.