Family & Weekend Friday: Kesey Winter Boot

I wonder how the grip is? I slipped and slid all over the city last year in my duck boots and Merrell smart boots.

I solo parent a 3 year old and a 1 year old more evenings than not. It’s been A Week and I feel like I need something extra fun to do with them tonight that I can look forward to all day. Ideas? Or maybe I just look forward to bedtime and then a book for myself.

I think whatever sounds most fun and easy for you would work here. Pajama dance party? Make a blanket fort in the living room and have dinner there? A rainbow party? (Wear clothes in the colors of the rainbow, eat rainbow colored food. Fruit for dinner!) At my house it is usually pizza Friday, sometimes we eat while watching a movie (gasp!) or reading books. When the big guy was small at least once we ate it on the landing and acted like the landing was a pirate ship lookout (Ahoy, the neighbors! There may also have been costumes involved.) I hope you have a restorative weekend.

What are the ethics of letting a nanny go for reasons that are in no way her fault? We had a nanny start last month. She’s terrific. But I’m growing increasingly dissatisfied with my job (which pays me less after taxes than her salary + taxes). I don’t want to get too specific, but there have been lots of changes lately that are affecting my quality of life, including lack of raises for the forseeable future (through no fault of my own) and working with some difficult people who treat me poorly. My employer also made huge changes to my health benefits, so it’s cheaper for me and DD to be on DH’s plan even if I work. My direct boss is terrific and supportive, but a lot of what’s going on is beyond her control. Plus as my daughter gets older (she’s 10 months now) I enjoy her so much more and find it harder and harder to leave the house in the mornings. My husband is absolutely supportive of whatever I want to do, but he personally views the nanny as a household expense that doesn’t come out of just my salary, so there’s no pressure in that regard. I get it, but it also sucks feeling like I’m paying to work at a job I hate. I don’t think I want to be a SAHM for life, but staying home for a year or two while she’s really little is very appealing. But at the same time, I know our nanny is depending on us for employment and I don’t want to treat her unfairly. (fwiw, I’m fairly sure I could legally fire her with two weeks notice – her employment is at will, which is standard in our area.)

Huh, I was reluctant to post but this is tangentially related to the nanny issue above so I’ll go for it.

I need some help with pep-talk/perspective re-framing. I’m just not able to buck myself up right now, and I just have . . . the blahs. And don’t know when the things I am trying to fix will be fixed. And it’s hard. I know people have talked about this before but . . . help welcome!

I have three great kids who are doing wonderfully in school socially and academically, and who are often praised by other adults for their manners, etc. Everyone needs to have a safe space to not hold their sh*t together, but my otherwise awesome kids are terrible at home. I am responsible for pickup and after-school time through until dinnertime every day. Picking them up is a battle. Getting them to stop fighting in the car is a battle. At home, they may play nicely for 20 minutes, and then scream at each other for 20 minutes. They are 8, 6, and 3. It’s really emotionally exhausting for me. I’m trying some new things, I have a new routine that I think will better serve them, it’s not awful all the time, but it’s awful enough that there is a decent chunk of time that I spend with my kids that I honestly don’t really enjoy. Is anyone out there having the same issues? I’m past the whole “not sleeping” and “not eating” and “potty training” phases and so now it’s just this constant battle to raise my kids with emotional, not physical, challenges. They are all different, but all super-demanding, high-energy, big personalities. Neither my husband nor I grew up in families with 3 kids so this is new to us.

Also, I work a job in local government that I left my last toxic law firm job for, it’s full-time with crummy pay but great benefits. It saved me when I was pregnant with my 3rd and my husband was still in biglaw. But I’ve been here a few years, there’s nowhere for me to go position-wise and I’m really tired of my paycheck . . . especially since my husband moved in-house and essentially now has much the same flexibility as I do, in slightly different ways, for over twice the pay. We’re both lawyers. I want to be paid what I’m worth. I want to be there for my kids, but there has got to be a job out there for me. I’ve been doing rounds of applications and working on my network and just . . . don’t know when I’m going to be able to get out. And my patience is running out. And we’re not really stressed financially, I just wish we were saving like we used to. Plus, I manage a team of great people who make really crummy pay and when I leave, I can promote most of them to get them better pay, which would feel awesome. I mean, my current salary would be life-changing for any of them, and yet here I am complaining.

TL;DR: my kids and my job are emotionally draining and I’m frustrated and doing what I can to fix these things but not getting results and it’s hard to not be in control.

I’m the one who asked about a picky infant rejecting veggie purees – well it turns out she loves whole peas! I think they’re soothing on sore gums and in general she just finds them way more interesting than purees because she can roll them around her tray and feed herself. I love that she’s finally eating veggies and is getting practice picking up relatively small things. Suggestions for other healthy-ish pea-sized things we could give? I have some puffs, but they’re super sugary so I would prefer to try to introduce other finger foods first. I’m really paranoid about choking and I feel more comfortable with peas because she can swallow them whole and they won’t hurt her (she seems to be chewing them pretty well though).