Washable Wednesday: Kathryn Dress

Ugh, you guys, my little boy had to be separated from the rest of his preschool class for fighting with another kid. Not sure if I’m looking for advice or assurance that he’s not going to grow up to be a hooligan. It’s really just this one kid who really pushes his buttons (I mean, he fights with his brother too, etc., but nothing out of the ordinary, I think). This kind of thing has been happening more and more, and it needs to stop somehow.
When we talk about it, he says that when the kid bothers him (I think it’s usually doing things like chasing him around or grabbing things away from him), he tells me he tries all the strategies we go over, like telling him to stop, or moving away from the kid, or getting the teachers to help, but it seems like he eventually resorts to being mean and physical with the other kid when he reaches a limit. I don’t want to expect too much self control from my almost 5-year-old, but violence is never the answer, and he’s got to learn to deal with this in another way. ugh.

What was the earliest you felt your baby kick when you were pregnant? I’m about 14.5 weeks along with #2 and I swear I can feel baby boy kicking – but it seems way too early! Maybe it’s just gas? :)

My daughter just turned 4, and in the past 6-9 months has just…shrank back…from socialization. I don’t want to say “regressed” per se, but something has changed. It’s like she just doesn’t like playing with other kids. Or, she’s so bad/nervous at initiating play or conversation that she prefers just to play alone vs deal with it.

She has a core group of 2-3 girls that she has preschool and ballet with. She sees these girls every single day, and has for 2 years. They’re a pack. Yet, when we go to preschool or dance class or run into one of them around town, the other girl will say HI [DAUGHTER]!!!! and run up to her. My daughter hides behind my leg and refuses to acknowledge the other kid. Even though they play together all.the.time. and my kid declares them all her best friends.

Similarly, when we went to a birthday party recently (it was one of The Girls’ birthdays, but had beer and parents and families were invited to stay) she only wanted to play with me or DH (note: didn’t care one way or the other about her younger sister) and refused to play with any of the other kids.

She’s also been in preschool for 2 years. But this year (same school, mostly the same kids), when I drop her off, it’s always the same thing: “I just don’t know what to do.” She won’t take any suggestions, like “hey look at this XYZ.” and just stands and sulks. Sometimes cries in protest, but usually just stands around all depressed. I *know* she loves the school. And when I pick her up, she never wants to leave. She loves her teachers and tells me she wishes she could sleep at school.

Is it that her bond/desire to be with a parent is just so strong it trumps kids when they’re around? Is it more introversion (DH is a huge introvert and he always comes to Daughter’s defense when I start worrying about stuff like this–but he’s not there to see it and doesn’t see how incredibly rude she is) and simple desire to play alone vs with anyone? A bad combo of the two?

We have fall conferences coming up with her teachers and this is on my list for sure. But I’m wondering how much is age-appropriate weirdness and how much is potentially something more. It seems like she needs coping strategies for transitions or meeting people, or coaching to look people in the eye. And all this is new within the last 6 months or so.

Yesterday I put together an outfit that I was so impressed with I took a photo of myself so I could remember it later. It was nothing earth-shattering– a knee-length navy skirt, deep red blouse, a camel blazer, and flats. Also, a necklace. I cannot remember the last time I looked so put together (to myself of course; probably no one else noticed). It did make me think I want to do a better job of blazer separates. I have a lot of suits but now am not in a suit-heavy job, so I don’t wear them much because they look very much like suit jackets and not like separates. Where do you buy separates? The last time I went into a Banana (which is where most of my suits are from) I found their suits pretty basic and uninspired (good for many settings, just not for mine!). Any favorite blazer separates retailers?

Any adoptive moms out there?

I just turned 40. I’ve been TTC for the last couple of years, with no luck. We’d really like to expand our family (have a 3 1/2 year old now), and at this point I see our options as IVF or adoption. I’m leaning adoption because I’m tired of my body failing me, and having my work / home / emotional life dictated by my hormones and baby-making capacity (or lack thereof.)

At this point we’re only considering domestic newborn adoption. Any moms out there able to share tips as we start on this journey?

Good morning ladies!

My son is 14 months old and he does not say any words yet. He does say “mama” while he plays but it is not addressed to me. He makes these funny noises when he “talks”, likes to hear himself shriek, laugh etc. Physically, he is very well developed for his age. But I am worried about language development.

He cannot sit still for a second. He does not have patients to listen to me read or play with toys. He is always running around, bangs, makes loud noises etc:) He is perfectly happy (except for dramatic tantrums). Should I be worried? Did any of you have this problem? If yes, what did you do? The pediatrician told me that by his 15 month appointment he needs to say 3 words. We have a month but I am already worried. Thanks so much!

Ladies, please talk to me about relocating in part to be closer to family. DH has an opportunity in the Bay Area where both of us are originally from. Our families live about an hour from each other, so not next door but certainly the same metro area.

We have two small kids and when we visit family it’s so wonderful to see how much fun they have with their extended family. I know that my mom in particular would be extremely helpful (but she can also be pushy and blunt and push my husband’s buttons) and to some extent, husband’s family would help too.

Husband and I are have good professional opportunities in the area, and I am already admitted to practice in California which is a huge bonus.

We had always imagined moving back but now that it could actually be happening, part of me is concerned too. Here is why:

My family and I are close but there is a lot of drama going on with MIL and SIL that could create tension. MIL and husband don’t get along too well, and neither do SIL and MIL. My family is also deeply religious and I would feel pressure to rejoin the church that I grew up in (which husband wants nothing to do with and does not want my kids involved either).

In addition, the Bay Area is of course absurdly expensive (but we could afford it). Traffic is crazy and I don’t love the idea of living in the burbs (we’re in a large east coast city now, and I love the urban feel). Living in SF with young kids is not realistic.

On the other hand, it would be really awesome to have my kids grow up with their cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents around all the time. We could celebrate birthdays together and smaller holidays and have barbecues and potlucks and go to the park together. Our family overall is extremely warm and kind and loving and everyone adores my kids.

I would really appreciate any thoughts on this subject. Thank you!