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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Favorite toys or gifts for a 1 year old boy? DS is about to turn one and while I will likely not buy anything other than clothes, family wants toy ideas. We have a girly girl who is 3.5 so we already have a lot of girly stuff. Anything you loved?
AwayEmily says
Toy strollers/dolls/pacifiers started being a big hit at around 15 months (he loved putting his baby to bed). What about a bubble machine? Could be fun for both kids.
Cb says
Along this line, we have a little shopping cart which doubles as a stroller. I like the big Green Toys vehicles as a 1 year old gift. We have the recycling truck and the school bus.
AnotherAnon says
+1 to Green Toys trucks. My 3 y/o still plays with them daily.
Anon. says
+1 We have the firetruck, the car transporter, the cement mixer, and the rescue boat with helicopter. My three year old plays with them daily. My 6-month-old chews on them regularly as well.
SC says
+1 to Green Toys vehicles. We have the ferry, the helicopter, the dump truck and the fire truck. We received them when Kiddo was around 1-2 years old. He’s 5 now, and he plays with all of them regularly. They all look as good as new. The ferry and the helicopter float and are favorite bath toys.
Clementine says
Outdoor toys? Cones, soccer goal, big dumptruck for outside?
Anonymous says
Little People Camper
AnotherAnon says
Little Tikes Push & Ride got a TON of use at our house. Also the VTech Sit to Stand learning walker, if you don’t already have one.
Anonanonanon says
Pretend food, pretend plates/cookwear, shopping cart (which doubles as something to push baby around in)
Anonanonanon says
My son liked firetrucks/construction vehicles that could make noise at around 1
Anon says
B Toys One Two Squeeze blocks. Easy for building and they dont hurt if they fall on someone or if they’re thrown. They also have a really nifty add on architectural set.
Anon says
I get both girls and boys the B Toys pull-back cars. They’re soft and durable and get hours of play. But also seconding the shopping cart full of pretend food – Learning Resources had the best food imo. Sturdy and representing a wide range of foods.
GCA says
If you anticipate spending a lot of time outside: We got a $20 bubble machine and a 2-gallon bottle of bubble soap when my first turned 1, and it was just about the best $35 I’ve ever spent for three summers of entertainment. And not even the messiest. The machine died last year when bubble soap got into the motor and we got another!
TheElms says
Bubble machine is played with daily here. Also best $35 I have ever spent. Other ideas that are all currently hits with my 13 month old – if you don’t already have them: kiddy pool, water table, ball pit, indoor slide (we set the slide up going into the ball pit), kitchen stool with a railing, plastic animal figures, large cardboard blocks for building and knocking over.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Our 1.5 year old’s favorite gift has been a piggy bank where he can put coins in a slot and it makes little counting noises. Good for gross motor development and keeps him entertained for whole minutes.
AwayEmily says
Similarly, a toy cash register has been one of our most-used toys for both kids.
Anonymous says
Play food and cooking supplies!! Pretend cleaning supplies also a hit by 18 months.
anon op says
Thanks, everyone!
AwayEmily says
Audiobook recommendations for a 4.5yo? She’s dropping her nap and we are replacing with audiobooks + solo play. So far she’s enjoyed the Mercy Watson books, My Father’s Dragon, Frog & Toad, Ivy & Bean, and the Frozen audiobook. Magic Treehouse was a little too scary for her.
GCA says
Princess in Black series? A hit with my 5yo who got the regular books for his birthday.
Realist says
+1 on Princess in Black. Peppa Pig was a hit at that age too. Some kids may enjoy Paddington, Winnie the Pooh, Charlotte’s Web, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Also consider the Radiolab kids series episodes.
Anonymous says
Replacing nap with audiobooks/solo play is the genius parenting hack I needed when my two year old twins dropped their nap. If they’re six is not too late to restart right?
Anonanonanon says
OK but seriously six is perfect because my son LOVED getting to chill out on his bed with headphones on and listen to an audiobook at that age! I bought him cheap over the ear headphones and he thought it was such a treat. Give it a go!
Pigpen's Mama says
Children of Noisy Village, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, Pippi Longstocking have all been hits with my now almost 6 year old, starting at about that age. Ramona Quimby as well.
Anokha says
+1. The Ramona audiobooks are a huge hit with my 4.5 year old. We just started Mrs. Piggle Wiggle and she is enjoying it too.
No Face says
Threadjack to your question: How do you all play the audio books?
AwayEmily says
I have an old phone and I put the Libby app (ie public library) on it. I start the audiobook and give it to her, and that way she can pause it if necessary and carry it around with her if she’s going to play in a different part of the house.
layered bob says
Small portable bluetooth speaker in kid’s room, played from iPad outside room, so we can control max volume and no temptation for kid to fiddle with device.
Anonanonanon says
I started with an old school portable CD player (you can still buy them!) and rented CD audiobooks from the library. My kid has a kindle fire so I’ll tell him he can turn on an audiobook and play through a speaker but leave the tablet outside of his room so he’s not doing other things.
layered bob says
The Mouse and the Motorcycle (+ series),
Betsy-Tacy (+ series),
Winnie-the-Pooh,
All-of-a-Kind Family (+ series),
The Trumpet of the Swan,
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland,
Charlotte’s Web,
Homer Price,
Little House in the Big Woods (+ series, but only through By the Shores of Silver Lake, later books get more grown up and more racist, and also note that you’ll need to do some anti-racist work around the pretty serious racism in the earlier books as well).
My kids also like the Thorton W. Burgess audiobooks (“Adventures of Reddy Fox”, “Lightfoot the Deer,” etc.) although read one or two of these aloud first to make sure you/your kids are fans; they take a bit to get into.
Audio says
You might also wish to consider podcasts at that age – Little Stories for Tiny People, But Why and Brains On are some favorites of my kids
Agreed that a lot of the classic children’s books are better for reading together – particularly with Little House on the Prairie series. Needs a ton of context and anti-racism discussions
We have an old phone we keep plugged in for this purpose with no other games/apps
DLC says
Some series that my daughter enjoyed:
How to train your dragon
Ms. Rapscott’s Girls
Ramona
Cowgirl Kate and Coco
AwayEmily says
Thanks! Just got a bunch of these on Overdrive.
CPA Lady says
Anyone want to play “would you rather” with me? I live in a LCOL area.
Option 1: stay in paid off, smaller, cheap (purchase price was less than $150k) house. Homeschool kid through county’s virtual learning program that is mandatory if I want to keep her spot at a magnet school that she got into via lottery. The magnet school is zoned for a particular neighborhood but also has some spots available via the lottery. It’s a miracle that we lotteried in.
Option 2: move to larger, more expensive house in zone for lottery school, sell current house for approx $225-250 (estimate based on other houses that sold in our neighborhood recently) and buy new house for $350k, give up lottery spot since I’m now in zone, have more room for me and husband to continue working from home, and have more flexibility w kid’s educations since I don’t have to jump through hoops to keep lottery spot.
Other factors: DH has a very secure job. My job is also pretty secure. HHI ~200k
AwayEmily says
Wow, you are in a very similar position to us — LCOL area, same HHI, same job security (no school lottery tho). We JUST had the “should we move” talk and decided to stay put. Basically, the combination of the uncertain economy and just not wanting to deal with the hassle of moving made it feel like it wasn’t the right time. Instead we are investing in some nicer home office stuff, plus starting to more seriously think about buying a little cabin up north somewhere (who knows if we will actually do it but thinking about it is scratching my “we need a change” itch).
Anon says
I don’t see a downside to moving.
NYCer says
+1. I think that I would move given those circumstances.
GCA says
Option 2 sounds attractive on all accounts at least for the next few years – not only will kid get to stay in her school, but she might also be physically closer to friends there. However, I’d want to look not only at the sticker price of new house but also all the other accompanying costs: HOA fees? Property taxes? What is the maintenance/ cleaning spend required for the larger house? (Is there an Option 3: rent small house in lottery school zone, rent out your current house?)
CPA Lady says
Taxes are about $2,500 more per year. No HOA. Def more expensive for utilities and cleaning…
I would not be interested in renting or moving to a smaller house. Part of the reason I’m interested in a larger house is because DH and I are both working from home and right now we’re on top of each other in our small guest bedroom.
Anonanonanon says
These home prices make me want to cry.
I would definitely move to the new home, 100%. Sounds like less stress on your work, less stress on your marriage, less stress dealing with the school system.It sounds like you’d still be in a situation where the mortgage could be covered if one person ended up unemployed (god forbid)
Boston Legal Eagle says
Your first sentence: me too. At the moment, I’m grateful to be in MA with the U.S. as it is, but wow less than $150K will buy you a parking spot here.
More space plus having your daughter be close to her future classmates sounds good to me too.
Anon says
A few years ago in my neighborhood of Boston (Beacon Hill), one parking spot sold for just under $400K. Another was on the market for $650K. The worst.
Anonymous says
Seriously. I’m in NYC with slightly lower HHI and our apartment cost almost twice the price of the new place. And it needed work.
Anonymous says
Excluding the school issue, I moved in similar circumstances and don’t regret it.
I will say, be intentional about new purchases when you move. We spent more than we should have redecorating when we moved. I wish I’d parked some decisions for a year or so until we’d settled into the house and thought about what was really needed/wanted vs impulse buys because ‘yay new house’.
Anonymous says
Option 2.
Prior to the pandemic, I thought we had gotten a house a little too big and a little too pricey ( it would be doable on just the higher of our two salaries). Also LCOL, similar HHI. Both working from home and keeping our toddler home for the last four months has been challenging of course, but also delightful in a lot of ways thanks to the space. I have a dedicated home office, husband now has a dedicated workspace in the bonus room, and toddler has a dedicated playroom; we have one bedroom as a home gym that will get turned into a nursery for baby no. 2 later this year. I have thanked my lucky stars these last four months that we have the space we do and want to scream it from the rooftops how grateful and fortunate I feel because of this but have refrained because that would be smug and generally unhelpful to others. But seriously, get the space.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to this. We were in a different situation, and living in a small short-term rental while house hunting (we opted to do this instead of stay with my parents when we moved to the city. Little did we know a pandemic would occur…). We were ALL on top of one another (Me, DH, DS, and dog) 24/7. No dedicated workspace or play space for anyone.
I’ve always been a smaller home/space person because I grew up in a small house with like 10+ different relatives living there at different points, never had my own bedroom, etc. Our new has home ample space (isn’t huge but isn’t small) and WOW. The mental health benefits to all of us – both DH and I have dedicated workspace, and DS plays while I work, but has enough space where I can keep an eye on him.
anon says
Option 2 sounds like a no-brainer.
TheElms says
Option 2, assuming your finances are otherwise in good shape (which I think they are based on your other posts).
CPA Lady says
Yes, we’re extremely cautious with big financial decisions and try to live well below our means. Which is the reason we haven’t leapt into option 2 yet. We had a hell of a time during the last recession (we were BROKE for years– like living on my $25k a year salary with zero wiggle room) and I think it scarred us both.
AwayEmily says
Ha — again a way I think we are similar. Both my husband and I were in grad school for so long (PhDs) and living on tiny grad school stipends that we still haven’t really come to grips with the idea that we have money. We still agonize over every purchase decision (e.g., have been putting off buying a king-sized bed for way too many years).
Anon says
Time to move!
I am you, five years after this decision. Our first house was $160k. We bought our current house for about $390k. I also like living below my means, but I have not regretted it once. I love the schools that we are zoned for; I don’t have to be concerned about getting kids into school until college! I am especially thankful for the extra space and bigger yard since covid hit.
CPA Lady says
Well, we’re going to go see the house in question on Friday!!!! Aaaaaahhhhh!
avocado says
New house for sure!
I would be 100% sure that zoned kids get automatic access to the magnet program before giving up the lottery spot. Where I grew up, zoned kids went to the “regular” part of the school and had to go through the regular admissions process to participate in the magnet program.
CPA Lady says
The entire school does the magnet program, thankfully.
Anon says
Socially-distant picnic activity ideas? We are hosting one for a few friends for my kid’s 5th birthday. All kids will be 4 or 5 years old. We’re trying to do it “safely” so just cupcakes and juice, no other food, and BYO picnic blanket.
Anonanonanon says
-Freeze dance (play music and everyone dances in their designated spot and has to freeze when the music stops)
-Bingo (with pictures on the cards so it’s easy. use those dot paint markers to mark their spot)
Anonanonanon says
-Could each kid get a plain cupcake along with some different sprinkles etc. to decorate their own cupcake in their spot? Seems like that might keep them still (trying to think of activities that will keep them busy and prevent wandering into other peoples’ bubbles)
-Can you draw circles in the grass for each spot (like NYC is doing in some parks) and everyone who stays in their circle for the activities gets a prize?
ElisaR says
i just went to a “party” for a 6 yr old and they had an ice cream truck come in and paid for all the kids treats from the truck – a big hit.
Io says
We used cheap dollar store orange cones to define spaces around picnic blankets. (Put blankets 10+ feet apart and the first cone is our limit and the other is theirs). Then we used the cones to mark start/stop points for foot races (running, hopping, fewest jumps, backwards).
Anonymous says
my kid turns 4 in a few weeks. We are planning on an evening party, BYO dinner but we will also have pizza. We are doing cupcakes. We are putting up a sheet and projecting a movie starting at 7:15 and party will end at 8:30.
Anon says
i’m hoping you wise ladies can help me process this. I live in TX and my closest friend here (we are newish in town and are still meeting people) is an ER doc and her husband works in public health. They just flew from TX to FL for vacation to visit grandparents with their 1 year old. These grandparents drove from FL to TX at the end of May, so it isn’t like they haven’t seen them in forever. This seems so irresponsible to me on so many levels – both on the individual level to themselves, their child, their parents and at a societal level that is not exactly helping to stop the spread and at a professional level, given that they both work in healthcare and no longer have to quarantine after flying. They have an au pair who covers their childcare needs, but they are thinking about enrolling their child in preschool because apparently not being with other kids is affecting her development. I realize that everyone can make their own choices, and if anything, this pandemic clearly highlights how much Americans really only think about themselves, but I find her choices making me really angry and questioning her judgment as a person, as a parent and as a healthcare professional and i’m starting to think about her the way i would think about a Trump voter. I realize there is nothing for me to do about this, but i’m having trouble not letting this get in the way of our friendship.
Anonymous says
You can scale back the judgment by 109% on people who are literally working on the front lines while you stay home for starters. Like. Just. Stop. Back away. Don’t feed into it. When you start judging use self talk: nope. Not doing this today. Not judging an ER doctor for doing what they need to do. Repeat it as often as needed. You are not right but hey are not wrong. Everyone is trying.
Anonymous says
This.
Also, as the daughter of an ER doctor, anecdotal observation has me convinced their training and experience makes them think completely differently than a layman (or even other types of doctors) about decision making, risk, and actions. You’re talking about someone whose job it is to make quick decisions to save lives, and that kind of decisiveness and action-orientation can be startling to someone who doesn’t need to make those calls. Your friend and her husband are almost certainly more informed than you are on literally every aspect of this from their family situation to the science. Maybe they have it wrong this time, but it is definitely not your place to judge.
Anon says
but aren’t public health officials begging people not to travel across state lines and even if they can make a risk calculus for themselves as individuals it seems to go against doing your part in slowing the spread. just because someone is helping in the fight against covid i don’t think it absolves them of all responsibility as a private citizen. plus if you have full time childcare a one year old doesn’t need to go to preschool during a pandemic
Anon says
My two year old definitely needs to go to preschool during a pandemic even with full time in-home child care (i.e., DH). The lack of peer interaction is definitely impacting her and we will be sending her if her preschool opens.
Anonymous says
They definitely have it wrong. No one who travels to Florida right now is making a good decision.
Anonymous says
I mean, TX is almost as bad, at a state level. I wouldn’t travel from Alaska to Florida, but TX is 6 of one, half a dozen of the other.
anon says
No advice, but commiseration. I’m sort of blown away by how I see many healthcare professionals behaving. Yes, I am judging you and your selfish behavior.
Anon says
yes, just because someone is part of the front lines doesn’t mean they should go to restaurants and bars and do things that potentially increase their chance of exposure
Anon says
I think it because they never got to stay safely home. They probably think they are already exposed so their risk calculus is different. I wish they would think more of their risk of giving it to others though. But, I also get if they have to go to the grocery store and essential worker’s daycare and the pharmacy where they could be exposing people, they probably don’t think it matters much if they go get takeout or travel too.
AnotherAnon says
Your options are to stop being friends with her or to let it go.
Anonanonanon says
OK but, counterpoint, healthcare and public health professionals are much more experienced at wearing masks, performing hand hygiene properly, etc. than the general population. Plenty of ER docs work directly caring for COVID positive patients without catching COVID, so they can probably handle taking a flight without catching it, as well. Obviously I don’t know the details of the precautions they took, but something to think about. Their risk calculus is going to be different than other peoples’. Also, while I personally wouldn’t fly, I haven’t actually heard that many cases of people catching COVID-19 on an airplane. I can’t think of a single instance of it off of the top of my head, but don’t want to speak in absolutes.
mascot says
+1. Hospitals are taking a ton of precautions to seperate patients and most ER folks I know already have an established routine for changing clothes, showering, etc when they get home to minimize risk to their families. And it’s not irresponsible to send your child to school over doing an au pair or home school or whatever.
Anon says
it sounds like these people are doing an au pair + school, which seems unnecessary in covid times
Anonymous says
Sounds like you enjoy judging people.
Anonymous says
I imagine an ER doctor and public health worker need more hours of care per week than au pairs are allowed to provide. So it may be necessary.
Anonanonanon says
Au Pairs are limited to what, 45 hours a week? So a two-responder household definitely needs more childcare than that.
anne-on says
We also (normally) do an au pair + school. Au pairs are limited to 45 hours per week, and 10 hours per day. So, you max out at 9 hours per day x 5 days/week. Which is basically 8-5/9-6, etc. I don’t know about you, but for most people in big jobs that isn’t enough hours to cover your working hours PLUS commute, or have any ‘extra’ hours to cover errands/etc. By splitting blocks of hours my husband and I can both get in about 7 hours of work during work from home times but that involves trading off evening bedtime shifts/cooking/cleaning time/etc.
And au pairs aren’t nannies – they can take care of the kids but NOT do any chores/errands for the household beyond what a normal roommate might do (ie – pick up a gallon of milk, sure, do the shopping or cook for the whole family, no).
Anonymous says
My husband and I both have pretty big jobs, and while we are beyond grateful to our au pair and recognize we’re in a great situation compared to so many people, we got the au pair because we needed the extra childcare, and having coverage only from 9-5 for the past 4 months and for the foreseeable future is grinding me down.
I do think a FL trip on the plane for a vacation is super reckless and I’d be annoyed if my friend did this, ER doctor or not. They clearly understand the risk and implications so I’d just say they are acting selfishly in this area of their lives and decide where you want to take it from there. Not much good is going to come from talking to them about it.
Spirograph says
It’s understandable that you feel this way, but gently, let this go. If you’re concerned about potential exposure, don’t hang out with them. But policing and judging how they interact with their own family… assuming you’re stretched at least half as thin as I am at this point, this just doesn’t sound like a constructive way to spend your energy.
I have major side eye for people who refuse to wear masks and I’m frustrated at the order things are reopening, but if people want to prioritize their risk-taking to visit family that’s a decision I have sympathy for even if I haven’t made the same one. There are enough things to be angry at in this situation, your friends don’t need to be one of them
Anon says
Stop judging. Holier than thou is not a good look.
AwayEmily says
My recommendation would be to find a friend or relative who has similar views to you, and complain to that friend. Basically, they can be your “COVID judging friend” where you get out all your feelings about others’ behavior. This may sound tongue-in-cheek but it’s really not. I think sometimes these feelings just need to be let out — it’s okay to be mad and frustrated, and you can’t just switch that off — and so finding somewhere to vent about it (probably not on the internet) is perfectly healthy. So vent away, and then let it go.
Anonymous says
I’m amazed that the doctors are allowed to go back to the hospital without the mandatory 14 day quarantine. Many Canadian provinces still require that even though here cases are pretty low. And places like PEI that were allowing healthcare workers back into the hospitals/nursing homes if they tested negative may end that option because they just had a healthcare worker who tested negative on return and at their three day retest, tested positive.
It’s really amazing to me how differently the US is approaching the situation. I don’t personally know and haven’t heard of anyone who has left their province for vacation.
Anonanonanon says
ER Doctors go back to the hospital every day after being potentially exposed to COVID in the ER, what is the point of quarantining? If doctors quarantined after every time they were potentially exposed to COVID we would have no doctors.
I agree for certain healthcare professionals. If you work in a COVID-free Nursing Home, for example, I think it’s a different calculus.
Anonymous says
The difference between vacation exposure vs exposure at work is that they are wearing full PPE when treating covid patients was happening and significant PPE (N95 masks plus gowns) when treating non-covid patients whereas on vacation you might be exposed to someone with covid at the hotel or on the plane when you are not wearing protection. We only have one case in our province currently so all the nursing homes and hospitals are covid free but this was the same policy even when we had covid.
SC says
But why assume that they won’t wear protection on a plane or in the hotel? Why assume they’re staying in a hotel and not with the parents? I have 3 physicians in my family, and they all wear N95s everywhere they go, including in my house. (We socialize outside, but they may step inside to wash hands or use the restroom.)
Anonymous says
N95s are not generally available for social purposes here. I guess someone could try to buy them from a medical supply company but not sure if they would sell to a private individual. To ensure adequate supply they are limited to medical professionals when working. That might differ if there was community spread.
In general, vacationing doesn’t seem to a thing here so I’m surprised it’s happening so much in the US when the situation is way worse there. I assumed they stayed at a hotel because they wouldn’t be allowed to stay with parents until done quarantine. But I’m guessing most states are not having 14 day quarantine for out of state people?
SC says
If they are ER physicians, they have access to N95s. At the very least, the adults can reuse their own masks.
Laughably, Florida has a quarantine order requiring people traveling from NY, CT, and NJ to quarantine for 14 days. It does not apply to people traveling from TX. It’s political, not based on science.
Boston Legal Eagle says
It varies by state as we don’t have much national leadership on this. Here in MA, we’re still subject to the 14 day quarantine unless it’s on an approved state list (I think just the northeast).
Anon says
While I am fully ‘stop judging; assume good intentions’ and the sibling of four front line medical professionals, my cousin is a newly minted PA. She flew to Florida this past weekend for a full on bachelorette party – the whole bit, bars, clubs, etc, and then flew home. They’re still holding their 250/person wedding in ATL in September. As my mid-career surgeon BFF reminded me: not all medical-smart people are are street-smart people (and can also be very selfish people).
Anon says
wow. just wow. and this is why the pandemic is still alive and well in the US. (thank you to your sibglings)
Anonymous says
Agree. I can’t believe weddings over 30-50 ppl are allowed by authorities.
Anon says
and that people are eager and willing to attend
anon says
+1. Yep, this. DH’s cousin is a labor and delivery nurse. She lives with her sister, who tested positive for COVID. Still went on a weekend trip to Atlanta, of all places. She’s been helping deliver babies the whole time. It makes me absolutely FURIOUS. Yet she paints herself as this loving, caring person because she’s a nurse. Bullsh!t. Your actions outside the hospital speak volumes.
Anonymous says
I think in this scenario I’m more mad at the hospital. How are they letting her come to work? Is she lying on her screening form everyday? Don’t they regularly test their employees?
People will always think themselves an exemption – systems need to be in place to address that reality.
Anonymous says
This is unconscionable.
Spirograph says
yikes! my comment above notwithstanding, I’d judge the heck out of this. A bar-hopping bachelorette weekend and trip with your toddler to visit your parents/in-laws are apples and oranges to me. I would assume a grandparent visit is basically social distancing in a new location.
Anyway, this is why we need (imho) clear guidance and requirements from all levels of government. So many GOP leaders are trying to say that they prefer personal responsibility to government mandates, but the last 4 months have proven that model is not effective. It MIGHT have been effective if there had been leadership and consistent messaging about what people need to do to keep themselves and their communities safe, but that ship has sailed.
Anon says
I am 35 weeks pregnant and just done with work. I think WFH has really caught up to me on top of starting to feel tired, excited/anxious for baby to come, my workload is ramping up exponentially (which should be good – this is because I am selling more business), and starting to feel anxious about how my leave will be handled (there is still not set plan on who will take over for me, and being a workaholic/conscientious employee I am worried about the state of my clients when I return).
Just venting! Thanks for listening :)
Clementine says
Go sit down with your boss or have a call.
“Boss. I’m so excited about how much business I’ve been bringing in, especially clients X and Y. I wanted to talk to you about onboarding whoever will be taking over on the day to day while I’m out. I know I’m planning on being here for another few weeks, but I was talking to a friend who had her baby at 32 weeks (me. The friend is me.) and she said that she was literally in the hospital trying to hand off projects. It’s important to me that my clients have a smooth experience. Can we meet tomorrow to talk more about a transition plan?”
Clementine says
GAH. I’m sorry. If you were just venting, ignore me. That’s the conversation I wish I had had… because legit, I had just been told I was on hospital bed rest until I delivered a preterm baby… and I was on the phone walking somebody through a forecasting model and handing off projects.
Anon says
OP here – this is helpful, thank you! My boss is on vacation until next week, but we’re planning on having this chat then :) In the meantime, I’m doing my best to have everything documented so in case I need to go out unexpectedly early, I will not be in the hospital sending emails…
TheElms says
Once you document everything send the document to boss and say something like “in preparation for our discussion next week.” That way its sent if you do go into labor early.
AnonATL says
Same. I’m 37w today, and I have hit my wall. There’s a million things to wrap up before baby comes, and I’m working 10+ hour days trying to get that done, but man it’s hard. That’s coupled with some recent turnover that leaves us short staffed has made it a stressful transition.
I go to bed tired. I wake up tired. My back hurts. I just want this kid here so I can focus on that for a while.
Pogo says
I was like this with my first. This time I’m really working on the handoff plan proactively (I’m 33w) and also I set a hard end date. No “I’m going to work til I go to the hospital!”. Of course I could still have my baby next week (god forbid), but having a hard end date (I’m knocking off at the end of 38w) really helps me mentally vs last time when I was having a breakdown every day trying to finish stuff up til the last minute.
It also helps me to think about “what do I need to accomplish this week – top 3” and focus like that, rather than all the minutiae I normally would try to get done, day to day (but that probably no one would actively notice if I didnt’ do asap). That way it feels like, even if you had your baby tomorrow, you got those 3 big things done and wrapped up.
Big hugs. This is hard. Even more so in the current times…
anon says
I left a SUPER DETAILED handoff plan. Like, so detailed, someone could have used it to take my job while I was gone, when I was in your shoes. I’d sketch something up (rough as possible – I googled a lot) to take to a conversation with your boss (a la Clementine’s suggestions) and see how it goes. It’s remarkably energizing to map out instructions on how people can effectively LEAVE YOU ALONE while you are gone. Good luck!
AnonATL says
I feel this so much lately. I’m 37 w and I have just hit a wall. I’m tired all the time, and there is so much to do before I go on leave even with solid 10 hour days everyday.
I have an email all typed up with my notes on where things stand that I try to update weekly. I can hit send basically as soon as I go into labor and just let it go.
But it is so hard to tackle the to-do list until then. Ready for the kid to be here!
I’m in like perma-mod for some reason so sorry if this comes up in a duplicate post
Anonymous says
IDK what I’m looking for… advice? commiseration? sympathy? FIL has been in poor health for several years and lives with MIL and BIL across the country from us. His health has been declining recently and he probably has a few months left. Despite the pandemic, MIL/BIL think we should visit to spend time with him before he declines further. BIL is in the medical field and we are all aware of the risks.
They live in a hotspot. Where we live isn’t great, but nowhere near the levels where they are. We would need to fly and have a 2yo. Should we all go? Just DH? None of us?
Seeing the post above, I realize we’ll be judged no matter what we do, but wondering if anyone has perspectives we might be missing.
Boston Legal Eagle says
If it were us, with the caveat that I’m not super close with my FIL, I would send just my husband to visit him. Wear a mask on the plane and take all precautions, but I think it’s worth it to fly and travel to visit his dying/very sick father. If you’re close to him too, perhaps you can go as well, but it’s just such a logistical nightmare to fly with a toddler during all of this.
Anonymous says
Screw whether or not you will be judged. Are you more likely to regret going or not going? I would let your husband make this decision and then do what you can to support him and mitigate risk, e.g., quarantine before and after travel, do not eat out when you are there, etc. It sounds this may be his last chance to see his father, so I think that is a priority. My FIL died in June and my husband was not able to get to him in time; we live in NYC and he was in in nursing home in the deep south, so we hadn’t seen him since Feb. It’s been very hard.
Anon says
My family of origin is is across the country and I’ve been thinking about when I’d fly if something like this came up. For me, at minimum, beyond masks and other precautions, 1) it’d be just me, not spouse or kids, 2) I’d isolate for two weeks when I returned, and 3) I’d chat with my doc before going to better understand the risks given my medical history.
My family is in a hotspot and my local case counts aren’t great, so I’d probably end up not going, as tough as that would be. It’s just not worth risking getting my family of origin sick or facing long-term health consequences for myself.
Clarisonic Closing says
PSA: Clarisonic is shutting down September 30. Buy replacement brush heads now if you can still find them. Any reviews on the Luna 2 mini compared to the clarisonic? I’ve had a clarisonic for close to 15 years so this is going to be a shock to the system.
anon says
Really?! I was vaguely concerned about this happening, but that’s a bummer. I have a Mia 2 that is still going strong.
ElisaR says
oh no!
avocado says
I just realized that I attended Zoom meetings two days in a row with the same group of external partners while wearing sweaty workout clothes and a baseball cap. I guess this means I have officially given up.
FVNC says
Heh. If it makes you feel any better, I had a meeting with an (internal, but definitely higher up than me) executive in my pajamas (in my defense, it was a 6 am mtg!). I thought I’d covered them up with my trusty chair blanket/cape, but I realized I hadn’t when he asked: “Are you in pajamas?” And started laughing. Yes, yes I am.
Anonanonanon says
This is fascinating to me because we haven’t done ANY “cameras on” meetings this whole pandemic. We will sometimes use virtual meeting platforms to share documents and have a group discussion, but no one turns their camera on. Why the cameras?
Anonymous says
I have one internal meeting with other senior associates across the US/South America/Europe. I just keep saying I haven’t figure our how to get the camera to work. I’m sure I could, I just don’t see the benefit of it, as it would require turning off/un-docking my laptop then powering back on to log in (I actual don’t know if the laptop has a camera) and then powering down/docking/etc. to get back to normal work. Meanwhile, all of our phones at work have cameras and I don’t mind that at all. I’m just not
(1) futzing with my work setup fro a 60 minute meeting and (2) using my personal laptop for work. I don’t care that much.
Anonanonanon says
Yea I may be in the minority but I don’t get what the cameras are adding.
avocado says
Lawyers don’t believe people are working unless they can see them. That is my theory, anyway.
FVNC says
Pre-pandemic, we had a significant minority of full time remote employees, so cameras have been a part of our company culture for a few years now. It’s also a know-your-audience; some people prefer the camera and others don’t care. There is no expectation to be “camera ready” (clearly).
GCA says
+1. If you had a pre-covid full-time remote culture, it’s not all that different in these times. I’m full-time remote, as are a few of my colleagues, and the bulk of my team is in London. We like seeing each other, but there’s no expectation to be completely ‘camera-ready’ (at least internally…the starchy Londoners have gotten progressively more casual through summer, although I haven’t seen anyone in their pajamas yet!). For client calls I start with camera on but honestly don’t care whether they have theirs on or not, as long as the communication is clear.
Haven't Worked Out in Weeks says
I’m sorry, what! YOU WORKED OUT TODAY. That’s like the opposite of giving up, that’s like… bragging.
Anonymous says
I know this is preaching to the choir, but there is an article on NPR today about a new report in school reopening. The upshot is that in person instruction for K-5 should be prioritized. This quote stood out to me as so frustratingly true:
“We failed children ethically and in three important ways. First and foremost, that we have done such a terrible job containing this pandemic. Secondly, that we closed schools … abruptly without any good plan about how to transition to distance learning and without adequate infrastructure for so many kids. And third, that the moment we closed schools, we didn’t immediately start planning about how to reopen them.”
I read the “we” here as we as a US society, not educators and administrators, many of whom have been working on reopening plans since March.
SC says
+1. My employer required us to return to work. We can 100% work from home, and I was less stressed and more productive and doing better quality work when I was working from home. When we came back to work, I honestly felt OK about it–numbers in our area were low, we rotated teams in the office, and the building wasn’t crowded.
Now, numbers in our area are back to where they were in April, when we were considered a hotspot. (We aren’t now because Florida and Texas are worse, I guess.) Meanwhile, my employer has transitioned everyone into the office full-time, not in rotating teams. Nobody is wearing masks within the office. The kitchen is officially closed, but people sit around unmasked eating lunch. The halls and copy room are crowded. The 20-somethings are bragging about how much they drank at bars over the weekend. (Bars in our state closed on Monday, at least.) The building and elevators are crowded with people from other offices again.
It’s all so unnecessary. I’d 100% prefer to be WFH, have this virus contained, and feel that my kid and his teachers will be safe at school. It’s just emblematic of society’s failure.
anon says
Nobody is willing to own the concept of shared sacrifice.
I realize that I sound about 85 years old when I say that, but we could learn something from them. :(
SC says
I agree. And I’m not sacrificing my job for the sake of not infecting others. DH is a SAHD, and we need the money I earn. I am trying to stay in my office to the extent possible, and I am returning home for lunch or eating in my own office everyday.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
It starts at the top. No national leadership, no strategy, deference to the states. Won’t even scratch the surface of what broader systematic failures (e.g. not prioritizing things like healthcare, childcare, paid leave, education, etc. nationally) also contribute greatly to this.
Most states (not all) broke on partisan lines on how they approached the pandemic (health/science vs. economy…which how that became two separate frames is bonkers to me). We’ve seen which way was wiser, as if there was any doubt. I live in TX in a big,blue city and our local officials are in tears trying to get the Governor to allow us to shut down for two weeks as our medical center overflows. Once again, I think of Realist’s sad truth that “Nobody is coming to save us”. However, I am American so I do have some deep optimism – maybe it’s delirium, or a coping mechanism – something’s gotta give. SOMETHING.
Realist says
Yes, Yes, Yes. I have all the rage over this. And it does not look to get better anytime soon. The next chance for competent leadership is January. There are a lot of unknowns going into that, of course, and it is still so far away.