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Updated: Jul 25, 2022 111 Comments · by

Washable Workwear Wednesday: Islet Vest

Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Recent Recs

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A woman with shoulder-length black hair wearing a yellow vest with matching tailored pants and a white-and-beige geometric-print scarf

Here’s an airy, easy-care vest for summer in-office days when sleeves are just too much.

This pretty pastel vest has a tailored, structured shape but is made from a breezy cotton/linen blend. It’s also fully lined, and has a button front and real pockets. Wear it as a statement layer for the office or alone for after-hours.

The Islet Vest from Banana Republic is on sale for $80 (marked down from $120). It comes in soft yellow and light blue and is available in sizes 0–20 as well as tall and petite.

Eloquii has a plus-size vest in a very similar yellow. It’s on sale for $42.99 — and you can take an extra 40% off with code SHOPJULY — and available in sizes 14–28.

Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

About Ann

Ann is a working mom, a longtime reader of Corporette and CorporetteMoms, and has been writing our morning fashion advice for working moms since November 2020! She has a daughter (born winter 2014) and a son (born fall 2019) and is a public interest lawyer in Washington, D.C.

Comments

  1. strollerstrike says

    Question for the hive: Our neighbors’s daughter was diagnosed with Spinal muscular atrophy. She is about to turn one and I would like to get her a gift but I am so unsure about what. She cannot sit independently or grab things so I feel like typical toys would be out? Maybe I am way overthinking it though. Any advice would be appreciated.

    • anon says

      Can she kick? They have light up toy pianos that hang on the side of the crib that can be kicked.

      Another options would be sensory books, you know, the ones with sandpaper and soft fabric, etc. A parent could help her feel the different textures. Really, any book would probably work.

    • NYCer says

      I peripherally know someone whose daughter has SMA. She was diagnosed at a couple months and received some of the new SMA treatments. Now at 2.5, she uses a tiny wheelchair and is sitting unassisted and seems to be doing pretty well. Hopefully your friend will have the same experience!

      I looked back at her mom’s Instagram, and around one there are lots of pics and videos of her sitting propped up with pillows looking at soft books and sensory books. Also lots of playing on a playmat (play gym) and “standing” in one of those baby activity center things. I suspect they likely have both of those items already though.

      Maybe a book (sensory or not) plus a stuffed animal?

      • Anonymous says

        My kids were big fans of those Jellycat sensory books like “whose tail is this” etc. at around 1. I think that and one of their stuffies would be very sweet.

    • anonM says

      What about a nice hooded towel for either bath or beach? (Can get the name on it; PB had a lot on sale when I checked last). Or a cute outfit?

      • An.On. says

        Just an FYI – we got one of these for my kid’s first birthday, and it’s terrifying – it plays music, but will also record you and repeat it in high pitch, and for adults, it’s nightmarish. And yes it does play non-child friendly songs, but you have to keep scrolling through the music selection manually to get there. My kid loves it though, ha!

  2. No more overnight diapers? says

    Soon to be three year old son has been daytime potty trained for about a month now. This past week he has been waking up with a dry diaper and then goes to use the bathroom soon after waking up. Would you start going without diaper overnight? He doesn’t mind the diaper, so I feel like keeping the diaper is less stressful for everyone involved? Or should we take advantage of this development and leave the diaper off over night?

    • Anon says

      Yeah I feel like generally you ditch the night diaper when they’re waking up dry.

    • Clementine says

      We usually say once the diaper is dry for a week straight.

      FWIW, I also limit liquids after dinner when they hit this point. It sets them up for success.

    • Anon says

      You can also get those waterproof hospital underpads to put on the bed for a few weeks if you want a backup. We used those for a few months which was good because it wasn’t a diaper on the kids, but it also helped with the inevitable accidents.

      • anon says

        This. I’d try just underwear overnight, but put a waterproof pad on the mattress just in case.

      • anon says

        You can also use the doggy pee pads. Might be cheaper. We use them as disposable diaper changing pads in a pinch too.

    • octagon says

      The ability to stay dry overnight is a different skill than during the day, because the brain has to recognize the signals and either wake up or suppress the urge. Just mentioning in case you have challenges, but if he’s waking up dry that’s a great sign. You could also try adding in a dream pee, where you take him to the bathroom at 10 or 11 before you go to bed and then put him back to sleep.

    • anonM says

      We’ve kept our daytime potty-trained LO in overnight pull-ups still. That way, she can get used to getting herself up to go potty at night, but she still is used to wearing the pull-up sometimes. This has been helpful for longer car rides so we don’t have to worry as much about car seat accidents (aka the least fun accidents to clean up).

  3. Leatty says

    This morning my five year old told me she wasn’t going to be part of my family and wouldn’t speak to me ever again when she is a grown up. All because I wouldn’t pull over the car so she could grab the toy she dropped on the floor of the car. Something tells me her teenage years are going to be rough.

    • Cb says

      I got a “c’mon, you’ve got to be kidding me, what kind of parent….” the other day. And a “No other parent makes their child use the potty before bed!”
      Your child pointing out sarcasm with a “that was sarcasm!” makes you realise how sarcastic you actually are.

    • Anono says

      Ouch. I’m sorry. A friend of mine said “Being a mom is a lot harder than it looks” and that really summed up how I feel much of the time.

    • Anon says

      My 6-year-old ‘ran away’ last week. Made it about half a block before getting hungry for a snack.

    • FVNC says

      Last week I got a full on temper tantrum (red face, tears, snot) with such gems as “You aren’t my favorite boy!” (I refer to him as my favorite boy; I didn’t point out his error) and “I won’t marry you, mommy!” for having the gall to arrive 15 minutes before camp pickup… after he asked me to come 15 minutes early so he could show off what he’d been learning that week.

    • Anon says

      I get this from my 4 year old a lot. I worry about the teenage years too but part of me hopes she’s getting it all now and things won’t be so bad then? Probably just wishful thinking haha.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      My 6 year old says I’m the stupidest/worst mom ever when he’s upset. Honestly I prefer it to him being physical when angry, so I consider it progress! I’m going to have to constantly remind myself to not take things personally when he’s a teenager (it means we’re his safe space, right?). From what my coworkers have told me, teenagers can say very mean things, and they know a lot more colorful language.

      • Pogo says

        Right now mine will walk over and try to kick me, or launch an insult like ‘your name is stinky diaperface’. If I dare to suggest he has to wash his hands before dinner or something similar.

    • anon says

      Me: “No, you cannot eat the slimy M&M you found on the grocery store floor.”
      Kid: “You’re the worst mom on the history of the earth!”
      Me: “Perhaps, but not because I won’t let you eat that M&M.”

      • Anon says

        I ask them if that’s what they meant. For my 5yo, he usually thinks about it and adjusts.

    • Anonymous says

      Or it can be a chance to show compassion that we all have big feelings and say things we don’t mean sometimes. Teenagers are a different breed but they aren’t horrible.

  4. Fingers Crossed says

    All the crossing in the world didn’t work. Positive (i.e., pregnant) yesterday, miscarrying today at what would be 5w 1day. So now I guess we’re at 2 miscarriages since we crossed that magic 5w barrier that I was told defines a “chemical pregnancy” (as though that makes it hurt less? Is it less soul crushing than 9 weeks and post-heartbeat yes, but still soul crushing) and 2 chemical pregnancies, making me 1 in 4 times 4. Secondary infertility is the pits. And while I would rather wallow at home and spend the day hiding my tears while snuggling my beautiful kindergarten, I instead have a day packed full of meetings I can’t miss.

    • Cb says

      Oh I’m so sorry, Fingers. That must be so hard. Anything you can cancel?

    • Anon says

      I’m so sorry. I’ve also experienced a chemical miscarriage and it is heartbreaking. Sending my sympathies and hugs.

    • Seafinch says

      It is soul crushing. I am so sorry. I am at #7, five of which went past 10 weeks. It’s a heavy burden. You’re not alone.

    • Anon says

      I had my second “chemical pregnancy” 3 weeks ago. I’m right there with you, down to being irritated by that terminology. It’s awful.

    • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

      I’m so sorry for your losses and this hard time – for both you and Seafinch.

    • Anon says

      I had two post five week chemical pregnancies (secondary infertility). The third one stuck! Hoping the same proves true for you, but in the meantime I’m so sorry.

  5. Boston Legal Eagle says

    My 3 year old had his second Moderna shot yesterday and so far no side effects today, and we are officially so close to all being fully vaccinated!! I’m sure the variants will get us, but it’s a relief to know we have as much protection from serious illness as possible.

    • GCA says

      Hooray! Did he have any side effects from the first shot? My 4yo gets her second Pfizer tomorrow afternoon and I’m a little nervous because she sprung a fever and threw up after the first one. (The rest of us including my 7yo had zero reaction to Moderna and Pfizer – so either it was a fluke, she’s unlucky, and/ or she had the strongest immune reaction of any of us to the smallest dose.)

      • Boston Legal Eagle says

        He may have been a little more tired early, but nothing noticeable and no fever. Husband and I got hit with the side effects from Pfizer #2 the day after the shot, so I’m hoping he’s set!

    • Anon says

      Hooray! My 21 month old had her second shot on Monday (Moderna) and no side effects. She didn’t have any from the first shot, either (or any other immunizations). We’ll still be fairly cautious b/c I’m pregnant, but I’m so relieved.

      • NLD in NYC says

        Same, no side effects with 2nd Moderna shot except additional crankiness (then again DS is 2…). Got

        • Anonymous says

          We also had additional crankiness about 24 hours after Moderna #2, but again, kiddo is 23 mos, so hard to say what’s from the vaccine.

      • Anon says

        No side effects from either Moderna for my 4 year old. But we somehow haven’t had Covid. I’d expect more side effects if you’ve had the virus.

    • anon says

      Our second Pfizer for my 4 YO is Saturday – so excited! She had no side effects the first time so here’s hoping #2 is just as easy.

    • Anon says

      My 4YO got her second shot of Moderna last week, and she was a little tired, cranky and didn’t sleep well, but she otherwise had no side effects. No fever at all or any complaints about sore arms.

  6. More Sleep Would Be Nice says

    I posted last week that my 19 month old – who was making great progress walking on his own and with PT – hurt his foot last week and wasn’t able to put weight on it. While it’s gotten better, and he’s back to pulling up and cruising like he was before, he’s hesitating on one leg more and it’s definitely set his progress back.

    Just a bummer – reminding myself that progress is never a straight line.

  7. H13 says

    Any resources for teaching a combined type ADHD kid situational awareness? I have a wonderfully sweet 9yo who will talk over people, doesn’t pay attention to where he walking, etc. He does PT in school during the academic year for his movement overflow and we try to do some work when we are out and about but I feel like I need some scripts or other resources for how to do this. Thanks!

    • Anon says

      I have a sensory seeker, and I can’t walk into a room without mentally categorizing all the things he will crash into or jump on (even if he isn’t with me!). We used an OT who specialized in sensory issues who did an awesome job of helping him find activities that were not only satisfying to his sensory seeking, but also helped calm him down. I’ve noticed a big hole in therapy for sensory seekers – there are lots of resources on how to let him play in a way that fills his sensory cup, but we had to look hard to find the right resources to help him calm his body down. We found for him specifically ear phones with a very specific music track (it sounds like muszac to me! but he LOVES it) while he sketches or looks at very busy books (think Where’s Waldo or How Things Work).

      He can also now (at 8) do a body scan, and figure out if he’s tired or hungry – two huge triggers for his sensory seeking. Also, he has really bad anxiety (and is probably headed toward an OCD diagnosis), and his sensory seeking increases when his brain is “stuck” (his words) or fixated on something he can’t shake off. We have some tricks to talk through these, and as he gets the thought “unstuck,” his sensory seeking/body movements slow.

      TL/DR – look for OTs who specialize in Proprioceptive Seekers or sensory seeking. When I read the descriptions, I almost wept b/c it was like they were describing my child.

    • Anon says

      Ugh, I haven’t been able to comment for weeks, but find an OT who specializes in Proprioceptive Seekers. When you are with the OT, request she help your child develop techniques to calm the sensory seeking (not just satisfy the sensory seeker).

    • Anne-on says

      So the talking over people and the doesn’t pay attention when walking are two separate issues. We’ve got an AUDHD kid (ASD plus ADHD) and we do social skills therapy for the conversational cues/reading faces/etc. and then OT for the sensory seeking and fine/gross motor skills stuff. It’s rare (around here anyway) to find one therapist that does both BUT many centers (ours included) have multiple therapists working out of the same center to make appointments easier. Good luck – and just something to keep in mind – we found ‘ninja’ classes (parkour ish) to be cheaper, more fun, and more effective than OT past a certain point. I’ve heard similar stories from friends who felt their kid learned more balance/perioception from ballet or gymnastics.

  8. AwayEmily says

    Has anyone signed up for the Dr. Becky membership thing? I’ve vaguely considered it…though there is a fair amount of her stuff that’s not my style (e.g. pretending to struggle with something so my kid sees me cope; making everything into a game). But on the other hand I paid for her sibling workshop a year ago when the kids were having a tough time and found it super useful. But on the third hand (so many hands!) I don’t really like learning through videos. Meh, maybe I will just wait for the book.

    • Cb says

      I’d wait for the book but mostly because I find her facial expressions really jarring.

  9. Anon says

    Tips/product recs for keeping toddler’s fingers clear of the stove? Moving to a place where the stove is gas (we used to have electric) AND the knobs are in the front, rather than the top. I’ve seen some contraptions to “lock” the knobs (there are a lot! Any recs on which is best?). Is there anything similar to keep fingers out of the flame? Kiddo is probably just tall enough to stick his fingers over the ledge of the stove into the gas flame.

    • Anonymous says

      We have knob protectors but I can’t remember the brand. We mostly try to keep toddlers away from the stove (in our old kitchen, we had to gate it). I still have a strong memory of touching a red hot electric burner and burning myself around age 2-3.

    • NLD in NYC says

      How old is your child? We got knob locks from our landlord so unsure which brand. However, we’ve repeated since DS could walk “stove hot” so now whenever we cook he repeats “Stove hot, be careful.” lol. We also have a gate blocking the kitchen.

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      We had the Safety 1st clear knob protectors. We also have gas and we made it without incident until my youngest was just about 4 and she wanted to help make her mac and cheese. Before I could stop her, she reached below the pot to grab an errant noodle and burned her finger on the pot. That scarred her (literally and figuratively) and now she won’t come near the stove. I had not thought about it until your post, but the gas cooktop is more open than the electric ones and I can see that being a temptation.

    • Anon says

      Our babyproofer installed the clear stove knob covers, which we like.

      If I’m cooking and husband isn’t home to watch our toddler, then she goes into her gated play area in the dining room (open to the kitchen). She’s very tall so she could definitely hurt herself if she reached over.

    • Anon says

      We used knob locks for a bit, but truthfully our kids never had any interest in the stove. Not one iota.

      • Anonymous says

        We never used any safety stuff for our stove, but agree that our kiddo never had any interest. I also think it is unlikely that a kiddo would get the turn slightly/pause/turn more sequence just right to light and turn on a gas stove. In addition, the idea of fire=bad is taught to kiddos a lot. I tend to think a gas stove is safer, becuase fire means stay away. And because you have to turn the knob just right to even turn it on.

        • Anonymous says

          Editing…unlikely isn’t the right term. Less likely as compared to other types of stoves it what I mean. I’m sure it still happens.

        • Spirograph says

          We have a gas stove with front knobs and while I agree that it’s unlikely a toddler can turn the knob just right to get the flame to light, they can absolutely turn the gas on without a flame, which could be arguably more dangerous if you don’t notice quickly. I accidentally turn the gas on regularly just by bumping the knobs the wrong way when I’m reaching for the upper cupboards.

          We didn’t use knob covers on our stove for very long because we found them really annoying and ultimately unnecessary. Our galley kitchen has a narrow doorway and it was easier just to gate it (bonus, it blocked the path to the stairs, too!). My kids also never showed any interest in the stove.

    • CCLA says

      We had the safety first ones like someone else above, and liked them. First kiddo was about 2/2.5 in the kitchen with me (not cooking) when I turned around for a second and turned back to see she had fiddled with a knob and turned on a burner. Freaked me out, and her too when I shrieked and turned it off. She had shown zero interest before. The knobs worked great and really didn’t impede our use of the stove. As far as blocking reaching the actual stove, I think you just have to keep them out of the kitchen. We had a single-entry point kitchen when we were in an apartment and they were younger and that was great so we just gated the one entry and kept them out of the kitchen if we were cooking.

    • Anon says

      Get some knob protectors and always cook on the back burners. If you must use a front burner, have a very strict rule about keeping your kiddo out of that part of the kitchen (with gates if necessary). I think it also helps if this is a rule from the start, even if it turns out your kid can’t reach the stove when you move in. My kids are much better at keeping hands away from the stove at my parents, because at my parents they are never allowed to touch the stove, while at my house, I often leave baked goods out to cool on the (cool) stove and my kids are used to reaching up and grabbing things that are cool, so its harder for them to remember they shouldn’t touch it. Hence, I never use my front burners.

      • Anon says

        Thanks all for the replies!

        I really like the tip about never using front burners. I will have to implement this. We are big cooks and unfortunately kiddo has SERIOUS interest in what I’m cooking but zero sense of safety at this age.

    • Clementine says

      We take our knobs off and always make sure handles are turned away from the room.

    • Anon says

      Nothing ever fit on my range so I just warned and yelled on one occasion. It hasn’t really been an issue.

    • Anon says

      This may be lax parenting, but ours is that way and none of my three kids has stuck their hand in a flame. The hot side of a pot is still closer usually? We didn’t lock the knobs either. We just sort of told the kids not to touch them and didn’t make a big deal out of it. You might just wait to see if kid has interest.

  10. NLD in NYC says

    Wise hive, any potty training advice? DS will use the potty at daycare but home is a battle. Started well with Oh Crap method, but feel like we’ve stalled after using pull ups for daycare. Thinking about trying a chart. Did anyone have success with it? How long did you do it for? TIA.

    • Anonymous says

      No advice but we’re in this struggle too. I’m close to breaking down and offering bribes for using the potty at home.

      • NLD in NYC says

        Good luck! Tried to bribe with dollar store cars. It helped, but with such limited time pre and post daycare on the weekdays, it didn’t see to help much.

    • Anon says

      Can you send him without the pullups or is it a daycare policy? We had a week with many accidents and then he got it. I did send in some cheerios to pee on for school, which he seems to think was fun.

  11. Anon says

    I just need to vent. First-time mom, 35 weeks pregnant and can barely move- third trimester has been rough for me due to catching Covid and exacerbation of an underlying chronic illness. DH seems to unconsciously match my energy and effort for house stuff, which really sucks because I need him to pick up the slack for a while. I recently had to nag him multiple times a day for 5 days straight to unload the dishwasher. And then when he finally does it, he leaves like 25% of the dishes next to where they go, but not fully away. The nursery is very small and needed to be painted, which he did 5 weeks ago. For 5 weeks he’s been planning to “do touch-ups and finish up”, but hasn’t gotten around to it. We can’t put any baby stuff in the nursery until it’s done because he doesn’t want to move the tarp, re-tape, etc. These are just 2 specific examples of 1000 similar instances. He’s too tired and too busy to do these basic tasks, and yet has time to spend 3 hours at Carmax on a Saturday to get an offer on our car that we are 100% not selling, “just to see”. I’m so frustrated. 3/4 of the time I get sick of nagging and do it myself, to great physical discomfort and overexertion. Every time he complains about being tired I want to scream. I’ve taken to acting like I’m his mom, and saying “you can’t do X Fun Thing until you do Y Basic Chore” and I absolutely hate it.

    • Anon says

      Your DH sounds like a tool but I think the easiest solution is probably outsourcing whatever you can. Painting the nursery especially is easy to outsource. But I’d also recommend counseling because this dynamic will only get worse with a baby in the mix.

      • Anne-on says

        +1 to counseling and I would specifically recommend a fair play counselor – the idea of an minimal viable level of ‘done’ to be agreed on before a card is handed off was great at reducing the ‘I won’t do it at all because you want it done differently’ strawman. The idea of each person needing to own the entire ‘Concept/Planning/Execution’ of a task really clarified my main gripe with my husband just wanting to do the execution but expecting me to do the mental labor of C/P. I also laughed at a video one counselor posted in the vein of ‘things a divorced dad wants you to know’ – if you tell your wife you’ll go grocery shopping if she just makes the list you’re telling her you’re only good at doing things she can outsource. And guess what, if she can outsource all of your contributions, she’s going to quickly realize you’re not bringing anything worthwhile to this ‘partnership’.

        • OP says

          “if you tell your wife you’ll go grocery shopping if she just makes the list you’re telling her you’re only good at doing things she can outsource. And guess what, if she can outsource all of your contributions, she’s going to quickly realize you’re not bringing anything worthwhile to this ‘partnership’.”

          This is an amazing line

      • Anonymous says

        100%. I’ve seen this happen to my friends. Counseling, fair play, come to Jesus talks, something, but the idea of leaving dishes on the counter (why??? does he not know where they go??) for your pregnant wife to put away is bonkers. It will only get worse, and harder, when your kid is here, because you will be in a fog and he will really need to step up to keep your life running smoothly.

    • Anon says

      Tbh I would just go ahead and pull down the tarps and set up the nursery. If husband asks, he had his chance. Paint touch ups are way less important than a setup nursery this late in the game.
      Our kid didn’t sleep in the nursery for months, but we used it for changes and naps and tummy time.
      My husband occasionally gets like this and I nag him for days and then I do it myself and he feels like garbage and finally picks up the pace.

      • Anon at 12:18 says

        Also OP, does your husband have depression/anxiety or ADD/ADHD? I notice this behavior very cyclically with my husband when his depression is flaring up.
        It’s not an “excuse” but your husband could be struggling with the imminent arrival of your baby and it’s coming out through procrastinating and avoidance.

        • Anonymous says

          That was my first thought. He’s stressed out and dealing with it through avoidance.

        • Anonymous says

          Thats where my husband is. I’m at 34 weeks and his anxiety and depression is the worst it’s been in years. I just made him an appointment to see a new therapist. For my husband, it’s exacerbated by the fact that he’s also leaving his job this month and will be a house spouse/primary parent for a while. So extra change/transition coming for him.
          I think sometimes the mental strain on new dads gets lost in the need to support the mom. Having a kid is a huge life transition and even good life transitions are very stressful. Dads don’t have the hormones playing tricks like moms, but are also vulnerable to depression during and after the pregnancy.

          • Anonymous says

            This is a good point. I think my husband probably had something like PPD/PPA in the first year after our son was born. He blamed it on lack of sleep, which was definitely a factor. It got a ton better at around 10 months when our kid slept through the night.

          • Anonymous says

            I will say though, although he is struggling, and some areas definitely trigger avoidance for him, my husband has still stepped up and does a lot of the chores I previously took care of. It is a reason why he may be acting this way, but it is not an excuse.

    • anonamommy says

      That sucks and I am sorry you are having to deal with a man-child while preparing for your actual child.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m really sorry, and I’m going to warn you that this is not going to get any better once you have kid(s). I know a lot of women married to men like this and they end up miserably working FT, doing 90% childcare, 100% of the mental load, and 100% of the housework/laundry. I’d re-evaluate whether you want to live with this for forever. Not all husbands are like this AT ALL.

      • Anonymous says

        I agree. It’s a somewhat unpopular thing to say here, but great men who pull their weight exist and I would not want to stay married to a manbaby like this.

    • Anon says

      That sounds miserable and isn’t okay. I’d suggest couples counseling stat because this dynamic will get worse, not better. As for the nursery, I’d say to him it needs to get done for your mental peace so if his pet isn’t done by X date you’re hiring someone to finish.

      • Anonymous says

        Yeh I think those of us who have kids can’t stress enough how this gets WORSE after a baby. These men don’t magically “step up” and start doing all the work, even though their wife just went through this insane physically grueling event and may also be feeding a baby with her body (which she also did for the past 40 weeks!). My husband is a really really great contributor at home even with a Big job. Those guys are out there.

    • Anon says

      Sorry, I struggle with my husband too, and it definitely got worse after kids. I’d try to find some constructive ways to deal. Start practicing coping skills now, whatever that means for you. I give no advice because I fail at this myself. It’s hard.

    • anon says

      It’s possible that he is indeed matching your effort level at home. Perhaps you can unstick the nursery project by asking to work in it together? “Let’s plan to knock out the nursery on Saturday morning so it’s ready for baby. I’ll wash and sort baby clothes for the closet while you finish the paint touch ups and set up the crib.” Then turn on some music and do it together. It’s not perfect–he should be able to do it himself–but it’s better than you doing it alone.

      I often use this same technique when I need my husband to do house stuff he’s avoiding. I’ll make a proposal that at X time, I’m going to do X while you do Y. When we’re both done we’ll go get lunch/dinner together. Sound good? It makes it feel more like we’re a team than me being his mom or naggy.

      • Anonymous says

        But she is pregnant and miserable! He should be stepping up and putting in way more effort around the house, because she’s using up all her energy gestating the baby. I had hyperemesis for nine moths and my husband did just about everything during that time, and cleaned up vomit to boot.

        • anon2 says

          Yup. I’m pregnant and I don’t even have it “that bad” (first trimester nausea but no vomiting) and my husband did dinner and bedtime routine solo for 2 months solid (with a very demanding job where he had to leave early every day to get home in time for the handoff from the nanny). As he put it, I was creating life and he doesn’t have that power, so it was the least he could do :)

      • Anon says

        Of course he should be doing more, but we live in reality. He isn’t doing it on his own and nagging isn’t working. Counseling isn’t an instant fix. For my husband I get a lot of mileage out of proposing we do projects together. When I was pregnant that often meant I’d take on a smaller task and spend a big portion of my time in the nursery rocker offering moral support while he worked on the bigger task. We both were there doing as much as we were able.

        OP is free to the ignore the suggestion, but it could be better than doing it herself or leaving it undone.

    • Anonymous says

      This is insane. Was he actually at car max? Counselling asap and send him the article about the guy who got divorced and wishes he had just done the dishes.

      I have no patience for men who are too lazy to adult.

      • Anonymous says

        The CarMax thing is the craziest part. Who goes to get an estimate on a car they don’t even intend to sell? How is he planning to buy a new car if he does convince OP to sell the old one? And who does all of this with a baby on the way in a few weeks unless they urgently need a bigger car to fit all the car seats?

      • Anonymous says

        The carmax part is what makes me fairly sure there is more going on than just being a bad partner. Because it’s so silly and pointless, it feels more like avoidance. He’s stressed and scared at the idea of being a dad, so he’s hiding from it and everything related by doing irrational “chores” like getting the estimate. It’s not okay, but its understandable. He would likely benefit from individual therapy, as well as the couples counseling other people have recommended, which I agree is a good idea.

  12. Nashville w 2yo says

    Visiting Nashville at the end of September for work. Planning to take husband and our 2yo. Any recs for what they can do during the day while I’m in meetings?

    • Anon says

      I haven’t been to Nashville with kids, but when traveling with kids that age we mostly just went to playgrounds, public libraries and swimming pools/splash pads. Maybe a zoo or children’s museum if you’re feeling ambitious. But travel is so disruptive to their routine that I found that the thing that worked best was no schedule and very kid-friendly plans. Once they’re 3 or 4 you can start shoe-horning in more adult-focused stuff, with a promise to get ice cream if they cooperate with the “boring” stuff. But that doesn’t really work with 2 year olds.

        • Anon says

          That got difficult for us a little before age 2. It was definitely our main vacation activity from 0-18 months though!

    • SC says

      We have family in Nashville and have visited several times. Centennial Park is great for kids–I think we’ve made it there every visit. The Adventure Science Center is awesome too!

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