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Anon says
Anyone here following Design Mom’s family saga with DCF? It’s absolutely terrifying and heartbreaking. The system is so broken. https://mobile.twitter.com/designmom/status/1551651991511769090
Anonanonanon says
That is so heartbreaking. There was an NBC podcast about cases like this called “Do No Harm” but I had to stop listening because it was upsetting and scary.
This definitely happens. My mom was a pediatric nursing supervisor at a hospital and a similar situation happened to one of her coworkers. A simple accident and her kid was taken away for almost a year while she fought it. It’s just horrific.
anon for this says
My parents were always terrified about this since my brother was special needs and often injured himself or was easily injured. I feel so lucky reading this that he was never taken from them. I once pushed him off the swingset myself and he got a concussion, and I cannot imagine now as a parent the fear and terror my mother must have felt trying to convince the hospital that her son’s toddler sister had given him the concussion.
Such a terrifying story. The trauma on that entire family will be life long – of course every separation creates lifelong trauma, but when it is actually justified on the basis of abuse and neglect, you can argue that the trauma is the lesser of two evils. In this case clearly it is not.
Anonymous says
It is also going to be terribly expensive for the family, and if the mom just got her Ph.D. they likely don’t have a lot of money lying around to pay lawyers.
anon says
As a disabled parent, this is the thing I am most afraid of. I am more afraid of this than of gun violence, car accidents, etc. A disabled mom friend had her baby taken from her at the hospital a day after birth, and it took them four months to get him back. All because a nurse called DCF after looking at mom’s chart, without even seeing her in person, and the caseworker decided a disabled parent could be treated definitionally as neglectful. I know two other disabled moms who had home births (which one of them might have done otherwise, but one of them definitely wouldn’t have) out of fear of this.
Anon says
It’s a horrible story. I find DesignMom deeply tiresome in general, but I keep checking her account because I’m hoping something has changed for the better.
Anon says
This is terrible. Also- why would anyone who works with children think that 1am is an appropriate time to come and take them. If there was an imminent threat presumably they could’ve figured that out earlier in the evening
Anonymous says
It’s not about protecting children. It is about exerting power over others.
Anon says
No it’s not – stop demonizing. Thousands of children will die of abuse in America each year. Child abuse are not easy cases to investigate and there are plenty of limitations and regulations what workers can/cannot do/obligated do to etc.
Anon says
No demonizing is necessary if you read the story. This was cruel and unnecessary to protect the kids. And it happens more than you think.
Anonanonanon says
I think it’s largely about state jobs in public health and social services paying horribly, so you can only get recent grads or people who can’t get other work and these critical jobs that affect peoples’ lives become nothing more than a paid internship/training ground and horrible mistakes get made. It looks like a social worker can expect salary to start in the mid 50s in Massachusetts.
Anonymous says
It depends on the immediacy on the threat. In our area, you basically have to walk in on active abuse to remove instantly. Judges are on call for removals warrants 24/7 but actually getting the forms done and driving to the judge’s house for signature takes time.
Anonymous says
Yeh this is terrifying. We have close friends who are loving parents, successful professionals, etc…One of their kids is unknowingly susceptible to a specific type of injury. He had an accident as a toddler (witnessed by 4 adults), was taken by ambulance to the hospital, and everyone insinuated he must’ve been harmed by an adult. They had a lengthy CPS investigation with threats of removing their children. Thankfully, it was cleared. I almost threw up when she told me the full story. All this when children are actually abused, or CPS is sent to homes repeatedly and do nothing. It has made me scared for my children to even cry within earshot of neighbors for fear of someone calling CPS on us.
Anon says
This happened to a friend of a friend. They took the kid to a hospital and doctors saw an old, mostly healed injury the parents couldn’t explain, and immediately involved CPS. They lost custody that night, and kid was in foster care for months with very limited supervised visitation. Eventually they regained custody and the conclusion was the injury probably happened during birth. (Apparently bones can take up to ~5 months to heal so injuries in newborns are often from birth). It’s probably not a popular thing to say but this is a big reason why I could never be a foster parent. I wouldn’t want to be complicit in the separation of a child from their parents, because it seems like the determination of whether a separation is necessary is often flawed. And yes, lasting trauma for parents, separated child(ren) and any siblings, even if they remain in the home.
Sos says
Omg you guys… I have coxsackie. I feel like I’m walking on glass and I haven’t been able to consume anything but iced coffee and iced water in 48 hours. What do I do? How do I keep my kids from catching it from me (including a breastfeeding 3 month old)? My doctor was very casual and said I probably caught it from my kids even if they were asymptomatic, as they’re at camp all day and it’s rampant in the camp settings. Do I keep my kids home even with no symptoms? Covid totally messed up my sense of what to isolate for and what to power through.
AIMS says
That sucks! Personally, I don’t think you need to keep your kids home if they aren’t sick. Follow all the cleaning protocols, distance when you can, get a Rx from your pediatrician for the kids to have on hand just in case if you want to get ahead of this, and just stay calm. You’re not necessarily going to spread it to anyone. My ex BF had it and we shared everything and slept in the same bed the whole time and he was miserable but I never got it. Also, even for airborne stuff like Covid, nothing is guaranteed – when I finally had it recently my kids didn’t catch it despite me being in air conditioning with them the whole time. I have two friends with it now and each of their two kids hasn’t caught yet (daily tests to verify).
Drink milkshakes. Try to relax. Rest when you can. Whatever will be will be and you will get thru it.
Anonymous says
Is that the same thing as HFM? (Either way, my sympathies! Sending virtual fudge pops!)
anon says
To the 35 week pregnant mom from yesterday, just wanted to send hugs. You got some decent advice about the husband situation, but also wanted to acknowledge it’s a tough time in pregnancy for you. Where are you located? Glad to meet up if you are in the DMV area for a walk.
Anon says
Sending good thoughts your way from me too! I had a relatively “easy” pregnancy (ha!) but the last ~4 weeks or so were truly miserable. It felt like every 3-5 days I got actively more pain and less mobile, developed a new symptom, or generally just was ready to be done. It was incredibly undignifying and I cried basically every day including to my OBGYN and nurses in those last few visits.
Anon says
I was also thinking of you and i think it sounds like your husband is just nervous about becoming a dad. My husband was too, but once they babies came he really stepped up. Wishing you an easy delivery!
Boston Legal Eagle says
From how OP described the situation, unfortunately, I think it’s just going to get much worse when baby is here. Husband has to be told repeatedly to clear a dishwasher? I would agree with everyone to have a serious sit down with him and lay out all of the house and childcare tasks and split them as best you can, with each person fully owning the task.
Anon says
That might be true, but is also not necessarily helpful commentary to OP who is not feeling well and probably has her own anxieties
Anonanonanon says
Yes! Even with horrific morning sickness, the last month was always the worst for me. No sleep, pain… I just felt like a bloated corpse
Anonymous says
For an IEP for a kid who is ASD-1 and ADHD and is in regular school, is the IEP only for academic things? Kiddo is very socially behind after the pandemic. Lots of toe walking and stinking behaviors. Voice modulation and volume are often inappropriate or monotonous. Basically, kid is very autistic acting but is not struggling academically. Kiddo would benefit to better mesh with normal kids with speech pragmatic language work and physical and occupational therapy. The school is refusing anything but placement near the teacher in each classroom. Is this right? I’d do it outside of school but as a working parent that is hard to pull off and arrange, especially with a younger sibling who is at a different school.
Anonymous says
An IEP typically includes services, but the school will try to provide as little as possible. They will argue that the services you are requesting are not necessary to enable your child to learn. Have you considered bringing in an advocate or lawyer?
Anonymous says
+1 to finding an advocate. My experience doing advocacy for kids with disabilities to Medicaid and private health insurance is that the schools will say it’s a medical issue, not their problem. The insurance will say it’s an educational issue, not their problem. And so on.
So Anon says
From my experience, the IEP will only touch behaviors that impact academic performance. I found OT to be beneficial for my autistic son in terms of helping with emotional regulation and motor planning. We had to pursue OT outside of school. Yes, it was a logistical pain for the 3ish years that we did it, which included me driving both kids to OT 45 minutes each way and bringing activities for the younger sibling to be entertained. It was the primary driver of why I began working from home a few days per week (way before the pandemic).
I also want to suggest that you pursue and read the voices of autistic adults. Being autistic is a different way of being, but it is not wrong nor does it inherently need to be corrected. If there are behaviors that are problematic, then pursue therapies for those behaviors. However, there is nothing inherently wrong with a kid who is “very autistic,” and that type of comment comes across as demeaning to those who are autistic. Maybe instead of being focused on your child meshing with “normal” kids, help your kid find people with whom they do mesh. If they are being bullied, then you can help your kid manage, but again, bullying is not the fault of victim.
Anonymous says
No doubt this is true but how do you deal with a school that disregards how a lot of autistic kids’ behaviors drive away peers and seem to annoy their teachers (hi! I heard you she. We had a year of zoom school)? Their long-term ability to function in a neurotypical world is what they need to do to be successful in Upper-level school and eventually a job. And yet school thinks they need do nothing more if a kid is nominally on grade level academically (but spends every recess alone because he runs around flapping his arms and eats alone each meal time because other kids say how gross it is that he chews with his mouth open). I can’t demand DEI training that covers students and staff and yet dealing with a kid like this is a big problem for us. I guess just not for them.
Anne-on says
I’d echo So Anon and separate out ‘health and safety’ and common courtesy types of things (chewing with mouth open, interrupting) vs. not hurting anyone autistic behaviors (flapping, rocking, other types of stimming). We correct/work on the former and fight hard to get school to accomodate the latter (and strategize on how to redirect into more socially acceptable stims when needed).
I say this with a kid who has ASD-1 – a lot of what is difficult is accepting that I often have to parent in a way that mirrors how I did when I had a toddler despite having an older child. We do LOTS of reminders/reinforcement of good behaior/neutral correction of bad behavior (please chew with your mouth closed, napkins go on laps, don’t slurp your drink, sit up and order directly from the waiter in a loud enough voice at restaurants vs. flopping over like a limp fish). That is hard when you ALSO have to parent the social/emotional stuff too I fully get feeling fed up/frustrated.
Also I agree that unfortunately the school isn’t likely to do social/OT skills – that is what specialized therapy is for. If you haven’t already, OutSchool has some good online social skills options!
So Anon says
I would work on reframing this for yourself. Maybe your child eats alone because they need that time to regulate after a morning of intense stimulation. Is your child bothered by being alone? If so, then help but otherwise, that’s not concerning. Flapping is also a way that an autistic child regulates, and there is nothing wrong with it. Are the teachers expressing that they cannot manage your child? Or is your child is succeeding academically and may have some behaviors that annoy teachers? It sounds like these things bother you. It sounds like you are asking that your child become less autistic, which is not possible. Your child may learn to mask those autistic behaviors but that is to their detriment. In terms of long term ability to function – I’d ask what assumptions you have going on here. What does success mean for your child (not your picture for your child, but for your actual child)? Maybe the corporate world isn’t where your child would be happy but your child could absolutely thrive in other settings.
Anonymous says
It’s ok to not want you kid to not be friendless and alone. Stop being so judgy of a mom doing her best.
Anon says
Anon @ 11:41. Of course you don’t want your kid to be “friendless and alone” but you also don’t want to force them into adopting strategies that will ultimately backfire and end up with a kid who is anxious, depressed, burned out and doesn’t know how to cope with life. And that’s often what happens when the focus is on teaching autistic kids to mask “seeming autistic.” This is not about judging moms. It’s about choosing interventions that will help rather than hurt.
SC says
It’s a tough balance to decide between accommodating and integrating.
My son has been going to day camp with neurotypical kids. At the beginning of camp, he was getting really upset sitting at a picnic-type table several times per day. The other kids would move their bodies and kick the table and bang and do normal kid stuff, and the vibrations would drive my kid absolutely crazy. Then he’d be so amped up that he’d yell about everything else that happened during the day. On Day 4, we had a Zoom conference with the director and his teachers. Among other things, we suggested that they give him the choice of sitting at a different lunch table. They were concerned he’d feel ostracized, and I said that I thought he’d feel taken care of.
The separate table worked. He calmed way down. He stopped screaming that he hated camp. He started joining kids in other activities. Over the next few weeks, he made some friends. And now sometimes, but not all the time, he wants to be with those friends and chooses to sit at the picnic table.
Anon says
Help! We are visiting my in-laws who have a pool and my daughter’s dirty blonde hair is turning green. I have brown hair so this was never a problem for me
Anonymous says
Ultra Swim chlorine removal shampoo.
Anon says
+1. I also used to use some baking soda mixed in with my regular shampoo to make a sort of shampoo paste which helped get the chlorine out when I didn’t want to “go nuclear” with the chlorine shampoo which is very drying (so I would only use the chlorine shampoo say once every few days). Things that also will help are getting your daughter’s hair wet with clean water before going in the pool (wet hair soaks up less chlorine) and washing the hair as soon as possible after swimming (i.e., don’t skip washing and don’t let it sit overnight). You can also use a swim cap if she will tolerate it, depending on her age.
Anonanonanon says
This happened to me when I was a kid. My mom had me use john freida blonde shampoo and it helped. Definitely have to wash her hair every night!
Vicky Austin says
We used Paul Mitchell blonde shampoo for this when I was a kid.
Anne-on says
A tip I picked up in a women’s magazine that might help – wetting your hair/saturating it with conditioner BEFORE going in the water means it won’t pick up as much cholorinated water. Your hair follicles are like a sponge and if the sponge is already fully saturated it won’t pick up ‘new’ water.
Anonymous says
This is what I did in high school when I had swimming for gym class.
Anonymous says
Just venting. Kiddo is almost 2, and has just started refusing to sit in her booster seat at the table. She’s nowhere near tall enough to sit in a regular chair (and won’t sit there, anyway). She also refuses to sit in a higher kid chair, so it’s not the buckles on the booster chair that she’s objecting to. She’s clearly hungry, because she’ll run to the table, see her plate, say that she’s hungry and try to grab it, but then scream if we lift her into any of the seating options. Last night she ran around yelling “MAC AND CHEEEEEEEEEESE” (that’s what dinner was) and “I HUNGRY” but would not sit at the table with us until she was so tired she was practically falling asleep in her plate. No clue where she’d prefer to sit.
Anon says
We’re not sticklers for family dinner (and DH and I often eat dinner from the couch), so YMMV, but things that helped us in that phase included letting her eat at a kids size table (Ikea Latt) and keeping her plate at the dining room table but allowing her to take a bite then wander, come back for a bite, then wander.
Anonymous says
If we had room for a kids size table, we’d do that. We don’t allow her to take a bite and then wander, because most of the time, that would mean she’d be running at full speed with food in her mouth. If she was calmly walking around, I’d definitely reconsider.
NYCer says
+1 to the kid sized table. And wandering. We don’t try to enforce family dinners when our kids are that little, as they often eat earlier than us anyways..
Anon says
We repurposed our coffee table as a toddler dinner table and have had marginally more success at getting our twins to sit/stay. But marginal. I think the real answer to this question is the same one I got when I asked a very experienced mom how to help a baby sleep through the night. The answer was “wait about 2 years.”
NYCer says
LOL so true!!
Anon says
I’m still waiting at 5 years….
Anon says
Break out her high chair again?
Our 21 month old still eats in her high chair (Stokke Tripp Trapp) and, like with her crib, I have no intention of moving her out of it for as long as I can :)
Anonymous says
Forgot to mention that we tried the high chair, too. That got a response of, “NO BABY.”
Anon says
Welcome to 2!
Here are things that we have tried, with mixed success:
– Eat on the floor on a blanket (less successful if you also have a dog).
– Sit on an adult’s lap
– Take the food away until she sits down
– Pretend to eat her food myself
– Let her sit in “mommy’s chair” alone (somehow more attractive than her own, identical chair”
– Adult size spoon – sometimes the novelty works
Anonymous says
No dog, but we have other pets that would make eating on the floor inside a problem. If the ground dries today, we can try a picnic outside.
That’s a good idea, though – maybe we’ll try swapping places tonight. Maybe a new spot at the table would help. The food stays on the table where she can’t reach it unless she’s seated.
She whacked herself hard in the face with an adult spoon while on vacation last week, so she’s convinced spoons are bad. Forks only right now, facepalm.
AnonATL says
+1
We have lots of living room floor picnics with our son. Sometimes with the tv on if he’s in an extra bad mood.
Or he sits in my lap at the table (less preferable for me because he’s a tiny space heater)
Kid just turned 2 and has been this way for a few months now. When my parents are over he will actually sit at the table, but not when it’s just the 3 of us. Same at restaurants where he will sit fairly still for 30 minutes or so.
Anonymous says
My reply got eaten, but an indoor picnic won’t work because of pets. If the ground dries enough, we may try some backyard picnics, which is honestly something we should’ve thought of given how dirty she is when she comes home from daycare. There’s been a tiny sandbox under her chair after dinner every night, lol!
That’s a good idea about switching chairs!
She whacked herself in the face pretty hard with an adult spoon while on vacation last week, so she’s adamantly opposed to all spoons right now. Forks only, facepalm. I’ll keep that one in my back pocket for when she’s forgotten about it in a month or so.
AwayEmily says
My husband is pretty draconian about dining etiquette/rules (he claims it’s because he is Swiss) so we made eating conditional on sitting in their seat at the table, and if they get up then that means dinner is over (tho we would offer a snack before bed so they didn’t go to bed totally hungry). It definitely worked (we started at 18 months), though requires consistence and commitment. Would I have done this on my own? Probably not, since it’s not the hill I want to die on, but I can testify that it is very effective and starting at about age two we had lovely long meals together. Unfortunately neither of us cares that much about enforcing WHAT they eat so said meals are like 90% hot dog but whatever.
Anonymous says
That’s basically what we’ve been doing – dinner is to be eaten seated at the table for safety reasons (kid’s safety and pets’ safety), and if you leave or say you’re done, then we believe you and assume you’re done. If you’re hungry later, you can have plain yogurt. (Although meals are like 95% cheese and 5% goldfish crackers or cheerios instead of hot dog.)
Seemed like we’d made progress in the last couple weeks, and we’ve been having some pretty good meals, so I was NOT expecting last night.
AwayEmily says
I think it’s normal for them to periodically test rules, especially if you give them any wiggle room at all. Our kids (4 and 6) went through a rule-testing phase when their baby sister was born — they kept getting up to “see the baby” and we were too tolerant of it, and it spiraled. So we had to crack down again (which meant ending their dinner early a few times).
Anonymous says
It just occurred to me that it’s probably because we went on vacation last week, and not every restaurant had highchairs or chairs that worked with our travel booster.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This is our philosophy too. I head once somewhere that you can pick which “family dining value” (but likely not all), so we’ve chosen to have all of us sit down and eat together at the same time. Kids have different dinner than us most of the time, but that’s less important to me now than having us all sit down. We have to keep reminding the kids of this, even the 6 year old who had a few months of getting up. We said, it looks like you’re done with dinner, as soon as he got up, and that was it. Note, I’m not sure if 2 is old enough for this! Maybe give it a few months.
Anon says
Yes, this. My brother and his wife made this a rule in their house. They have a very, very active, busy toddler, and he is a champ at sitting at the table b/c they have been sticklers with “once you get up, you are done eating.” Then snack before dinner. I spent a week with them when they had an 18 month old, then a 22 month old, and now a 3.5 year old, and he is great at sitting and eating with the family (though does need reminders).
We have not been consistent with the rule in our house, and have NEVER had good toddler sitters/eaters. Every time I am with them, I’m very impressed with their kiddos’ table manners, but it was just not the hill I picked. I solo parent at dinner a lot, and I just had to let it go.
Anon says
This is what we do too, although we usually give a couple of warnings. My kid is 4 but has a very hard time sitting still for meals.
Anonymous says
I can still hear my mom enforcing this to my sister: “you’re down, you’re out!”
AwayEmily says
Love it.
startup lawyer says
I think if you care about her sitting at the table with you then you just tell her i see you’re hungry, would you like to sit? this is where we eat. If she says no, don’t force the issue and just keep eating. She’ll probably try to get food but reject the chair a bunch more times but just be persistent. We went through this phase and it passed.
Anonymous says
We had one of our kids on a lap for dinner from ages 2.5-6.
Anon says
+1 this works for us on days our kid is crazy restless.
Anonymous says
At almost 2, just strap her into a high chair.
anonM says
Solidarity! When they get delirious like that, I try to get them to eat a few bites of anything. Gateway food. I’ll spoon-feed a bite or two of whatever I know they’ll like, and then when they calm down they usually will go in their chair.
Anonymous says
Put on floor like puppy.
anon says
To those of you who have hired sleep consultants for toddlers, was it worth it? We are considering it for me 2.5 yo. We have trouble getting him to sleep and he’s been waking up at 5am-ish for over 2 months now. Sometimes he also wakes up during the night and its difficult to get him back to sleep. We are at the end of our rope and SO tired. Sleep consultants seem pricey though and not covered by my insurance.
Pogo says
yes. I think we paid $300 and it did help. They have product suggestions, and then specific suggestions for schedules/times. Like, nap 1:00-2:00, start bedtime routine at 6, lights out by 6:45, etc. and then they adjust for a day where they dont nap, etc. So you have a good playbook when it’s over (ours was a 10-day contract I think).
Anon says
Hope I’m not too late to post this. My husband and I are considering pre-conception genetic testing due to family history and our own health history. I think we need some physical testing done and also to talk with a counselor of some kind. I have no idea how this works – can anyone point me to a good resource for understanding options? Do you typically start with your regular OB? I would likely need to get referred to a high-risk OB during pregnancy due to my medical history, but of course I don’t have one right now and I imagine that they don’t participate in the genetic screening stage much. Thanks in advance for any help – we live in the Bay Area (East Bay) if anyone has specific practices/groups to recommend.
Anon says
Even if you aren’t Jewish, you can use JScreen – you send in a sample and they test for many diseases. It’s not that expensive and super easy. I would also find an obgyn because even if you aren’t trying yet, you should still be having annual gyn appointments. And that doc could probably connect you with a genetic counselor or they might even have one affiliated with the practice
Anon says
Thank you! I do have a regular OB for gynecology appointments – I meant I don’t have a high-risk one. I’m actually not that impressed with the regular OB and might use this time to do a whole change there. Going to check out JScreen…
Anonymous says
I would start with your regular OB or maybe even your PCP, as they might have recommendations. If your OB is part of a large university health system like mine, they may only refer you to that health system’s maternal fetal medicine clinic. I know my PCP had a lot more recommendations for providers outside of the university health system.
anon says
If what you need is relatively standard, your ob can probably just administer one of the standard, very wide-ranging, genetic screeners to you. They cover hundreds to thousands of conditions. If it’s a bit more complicated (mine was), then they send you to a genetic counselor, who has access to more specialized testing. Either way, you either give a bit of blood (surprisingly little) or spit in a tube, and that’s it. Don’t be shocked if it’s all out-of-pocket, though, or you have to argue with insurance a fair amount about it. I’m not sure why you would need a physical exam unless you are trying to diagnose something.
Anon says
When I said “physical testing,” I just meant the blood testing – I really don’t know the terminology or even where to start…thanks for the advice! I think I am likely to need to speak a genetic counselor – our situation is definitely complicated.
NYCer says
Yeah, this is what my OB did too. I was not a carrier for anything, so my husband didn’t even do the test.
Anonymous says
My regular OB sent all patients to their genetic counselor for screening. My DH and I both did screening and tests for CF carrier gene.
CCLA says
My regular OB did this too – I booked an appointment to discuss planning and she referred us to a genetic counselor, who did a brief interview and set up blood tests (this was several years ago but I think the company was counsyl). OB also ordered some blood tests to check titers for some vaccines. Sure, people get pregnant all the time unplanned, but if you have the luxury of planning here I’d use this opportunity to book a “thinking about trying for pregnancy, want to discuss” visit, either with current OB or like you said take the opp to find a new one. Good luck!
Anon says
I was able to have this done as part of my normal pre-natal care. You can also have it done before you’re pregnant. The genetic testing company that my OB office coordinated with is called Natera. I believe the genetic testing option is called Horizon. They also do NIPT testing, once you’re pregnant. I was satisfied with the comprehensiveness of the testing/results. My OB office facilitated the blood testing and shipped the vials to Natera. Fair warning, Natera is a sketchy company and they will bill you like $10,000 for the testing, but the real cost is more like $350 per test. Make sure your insurance company fights for your (easier if you’re over 35), or ask them to pay the cash (non-insurance) price.
H13 says
Has anyone done the Better Bites Picky Eaters online class or other picky eating classes? Feeling someone desperate for help.
FVNC says
I hope someone responds to this! I’ve joined the waitlist a few times but have never actually signed up. My kids’ eating drives me bonkers.
Anon says
No online courses but we worked on it in OT. I don’t think there’s a magic bullet but one thing the ot recommended that seemed to help a bit was putting a bite of everything in her plate even if she said she didn’t want to eat it. My kid is very very stubborn so coaxing her to take even one bite was backfiring, but when we just put the food there and said nothing, she surprised us by trying it sometimes. (Not a lot. Maybe like 10-20% of the time. But it was better than 0.) And when she tried things voluntarily she was way more likely to say she liked them.
How old is your kid? Things improved for us a few months after starting OT but mainly I think it was just growing out of it. Peak pickiness was 3.5-4. My kid is still a picky eater but not what’s considered an extreme one (she eats more than 20 foods and we can reliably find food to order for her in most non-ethnic restaurants, which was not the case six months ago.
H13 says
Kid is five and has gotten progressively pickier. He currently refuses to have anything on his plate other than his preferred foods but I think he’s old enough to push it a bit.
If I do the course I will report back!
Anon says
Not OP, but my kid is about to start K and is almost 5. I’m going to ask about OT at her check up next week because I myself am a picky eater (although she makes me look like an adventurer) and I don’t want that for her, and I am less concerned about the not eating lots of different foods (she probably eats under 20 foods if “carbs” counts as 1 and “sweets” as 1, but over 20 if for example, waffles, pancakes and bread all count as different foods as do different kinds of cookies) than I am about the extreme resistance to trying new things or, as you suggest, even having them on her plate. She will have a 3 hour meltdown over anything on her plate, or even if I put it in a separate container and set it at her place setting, that she either doesn’t like or is new. The resistance to trying new things concerns me more than her not liking them when she does try them, if that makes sense. But I also wonder if we just wait one more year because she is still on the “normal” end of peak pickiness and it just needs more time. Repeating over and over that food is not a battle and trying to meet her where she is at may very well do me in.
anon says
My understanding is that carbs count separately, so if she eats waffles and pancakes and toast and sandwiches and crackers and pretzels and pasta (and within that group, mac + cheese and buttered pasta and maybe another kind), she’s not picky enough to trigger automatic OT.
Anon says
1:34 Anon. I’m laughing because sandwiches, crackers, pretzels and every kind of pasta other than mac & cheese are hard no’s. And plain pasta and cheese by themselves are both hard no’s. But, waffles, pancakes, banana bread, toast and biscuits are all OK even though I would consider them more or less the same food. Sigh. One day, she will eat. Maybe even a vegetable, for which we are currently at 0! The only fruit she eats are apples (grapes and bananas were tolerable last year but have fallen off the acceptable list and she hasn’t touched them in at least 9 months).
Anon at 12:54 says
Even in our current “less picky” stage, my kid does not eat vegetables except lettuce with lots of dressing and corn. And we have lost a lot of fruits too. We’re basically down to strawberries, applesauce and occasionally bananas although she eats strawberries by the pound. She is definitely still a very picky eater! We just consider it a win that we can rotate through slightly more foods than before and that we can order her Caesar salad or plain pasta or a plain hamburger in a restaurant and she will eat it with >90% probability. A few months ago she would reject even her preferred foods if they weren’t prepared exactly the way she was expecting, and that made eating out very difficult.
Anon says
Our OT said each food like pancakes, waffles, etc counts separately. I would count dessert as one item though.
Anon says
I say this with love but if there’s a question in your mind that “carbs” might count as one food I am wondering if some diet culture conditioning you’ve been subjected to is making this more fraught for you.
Anon at 12:54 says
Eh, I get it. Pancakes, waffles and banana bread are all basically “bread.” “Carbs”probably wasn’t the right choice of words but I understand someone thinking pancakes and waffles are not separate foods the way pancakes and mac n cheese are separate.
Anon says
Carbs is a shorthand for me for things that have similar nutritional profiles. Pancakes and waffles are the same ingredient list, just cooked slightly differently (and TBH, I don’t like pancakes because I find the texture gummy, but waffles are OK because they are crispy, so yes, I have my own picky eating issues). Biscuits have even less diversity of nutrients in that they lose the egg protein (although there is a smidge from milk). I’m trying to think of it more around types of nutrients (like we spend a lot of time focused on making sure we eat things with protein (like chicken nuggets or peanut butter or bacon being the only food protein sources she eats)) so that our muscles can grow strong. And she has to pick from a “fruit menu” (of which apples are the only thing she will eat despite repeated offering of things like grapes, oranges, bananas, strawberries, etc.) because they have nutrients that help us grow. I don’t think carbs are bad, I just think a balanced diet should involve things that are not carbs too. So I worry I’m doing long term damage to her health if the child never touches a vegetable before she turns 25 (I at least ate corn, potatoes, broccoli and iceberg lettuce at her age).
AwayEmily says
Definitely discard this advice if it is a medical issue because I know that’s a whole different ball game. But after years of stressing about my kids’ pickiness I decided about 18 months ago to stop worrying about it. I’m not always successful, but I generally try to believe what most parents of older kids have told me: that eventually, most kids grow out of it. So, I give them foods they are willing to eat, every once in awhile put some new stuff on their plate, and call it a day. We almost never TALK about the food we eat at the table, either positively or negatively. This approach has freed up a lot of mental space for me. This essay helped me rethink things a bit: https://virginiasolesmith.substack.com/p/dor-diet-culture-instagram.
Anon says
I haven’t done better bites, but I’ve done an online picky eater program from another nutritionist influencer and felt like there was very little in the class that wasn’t already covered in her insta posts. I suspect most of them are like that, since I follow several and they share mostly the same concepts around picky eating. I also bought the Real Easy Weekdays meal plan and I thought I was a waste of money (not picky eater friendly IMO). I’m always looking for a magic bullet, but there isn’t one!
H13 says
When you find it, let me know! Magic is really the preferred approach :)
Anon says
I have tomorrow off work, by myself, no kids. Curious what folks would do with a rare day off. My goal is to do something relaxing but not productive. We are in a heat wave so outdoor activities are not particularly appealing and I’m not feeling a spa treatment.
My current thought is leisurely brunch, wandering around some boutiques and art galleries, then maybe an afternoon glass of wine, some charcuterie, and a book . . . .
Anon says
That sounds pretty close to my ideal!
Anonymous says
I also have a unicorn day off tomorrow! We have houseguests coming in the late evening so I have to get the guest room in order, but other than that, I was planning to take a leisurely stroll around the new Wegmans by us, and maybe read a book on the porch if it’s not too hot out.
Anon says
For me, this type of day would also call for going to a coffee shop with a good book for an hour or so in the morning :)
GCA says
That sounds amazing! I’d probably throw in a workout class or activity I otherwise wouldn’t be able to do (swim, that BodyPump class at the gym that’s right after summer camp drop-off but you need to rush to work) and some coffee shop + book time.
AwayEmily says
I would text one of my friends with flexible jobs and/or SAHPs to see if they could meet up for lunch! One of my best friends is a SAHP and we often do lunch on weekdays when my schedule is less hectic…sometimes just the two of us if her kids are in school/camp but sometimes with them (and honestly it’s kind of nice to connect with her kids without my own kids around).
Boston Legal Eagle says
Workout, coffee shop or bookstore with a good book, nice lunch out, followed by pedicure or a massage.
DLC says
I like to do one productive project- like clean out one drawer, then lunch or walk with a friend, or if no one is around a hike, go to the library to sit and read magazines and books, then get home early enough to cook something fun for dinner.
Emma says
I would take myself to brunch, then a museum, then buy a book and read it in a park or my living room if park is too hot. And although I’m trying to spend less, truthfully I would probably browse some pretty boutiques and maybe shop a little. Buy a nice little cake from a nice bakery and have it with tea or lemonade. If you have any friends with flexible schedules, a midday coffee date (or wine!) is also a nice treat.