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I really like this maternity top for its simplicity and flattering design. I like the combination between the fitted silhouette and the high boat neck with three-quarter sleeves. The length seems nice and long to cover everything up. The color-block gray along the neck and sleeves gives it a bit of interest but keeps it from being overly trendy or recognizable if you want to wear it again and again. The top is $48 and available at Bloomingdale’s in sizes XS–L. Right now you can get it for $38.40 with code SAVEMORE. Isabel Color-Block Maternity Top Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
avocado says
This is such a sleek, classy top. I would like to have it as a non-maternity sheath dress.
Anonymous says
Content warning: pregnancy loss.
My sister lost her pregnancy at 20 weeks and has expressed an interest in finding a special way to memorialize the baby/the loss. Does anyone have any suggestions? We are all so heartbroken. This would have been their first child.
Anonymous says
My sister had a stillbirth at term and they planted trees in her honor through various organizations. They picked a couple of locations/organizations meaningful to them.
My sister also has a necklace with the birthstone from the month of the birth. In your sister’s case, she might prefer the month of the due date or the month of the loss.
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry. I have no personal experience with this, but friends who had a similar loss a couple years ago had a small memorial service, and the mom had some custom jewelry made with the baby’s initials. The mom also knits baby blankets and booties to donate to the hospital. My understanding is that the hospital gave her some and she found them incredibly comforting, so this is her way to remember her loss and pay it forward.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry, that’s so hard. One of my friends who lost her baby at the same number of weeks got a small piece of jewelry, I think it was a necklace, with the date the baby was born. She also greatly benefited from therapy and a grief group, especially when she got pregnant again.
Anonymous says
A lot of hospitals have fetal loss hospice care for families and a group called “Now I lay me down to sleep” will take pictures of the parents and their baby so that they have at least that. I work with a group that knits blankets for NICU babies and also dresses should they be needed for a funeral (sadly, but they want to care for all mom and all babies, even those who don’t make it).
FWIW, in my state and in many states, a 20 week baby gets a death certificate and a funeral, so there is often more to remember them by than a baby who dies < 20 weeks. So you can have a funeral and a tombstone or put a plaque in a memorial garden. Their losses are memorialized the way any other persons are (at least in my state; it's not always chosen, but for many parents, they are wounded again b/c the loss is somehow not real b/c it's not documented the same way as say a 30 year old).
Hugs to all.
Anonymous says
The author of the Pinch of Yum recipe blog has written about her own pregnancy loss and ways to support parents who have experienced one–highly recommend.
Anon says
I think she considers it infant loss not pregnancy loss. Her son was born alive and passed away the next day. But yes, she has good advice about pregnancy and infant loss.
Anon says
Yes, her son died shortly after birth. She has very helpful advice, but hers was not a miscarriage or pregnancy loss situation.
OP says
Thank you, these are all really great suggestions. She was technically 19 w 6 days so I’m not sure she will get a death certificate and they opted not to do a funeral. But these are all helpful, thank you.
Anonanonanon says
Children really can just sense when you need to work can’t they? I’m off today and the kids are happily playing in the basement. They’ve been delightful all morning. I bet you $100 if I touched my computer they would come racing upstairs, fangs out like productivity vampires who smell blood
Anonymous says
? accurate
Pogo says
ha YES
asdf says
I was in a video meeting with my boss’ boss a few weeks ago to discuss accommodations for parents. My 3yo was incredibly clingy but it was so, so right for that meeting.
Cb says
So true! My son doesn’t mind me sitting watching him or even reading, but the moment I reach for my phone or laptop, it’s over.
GCA says
Ha, yes. I took Friday off, and the kids (5 and 2) decided to play quietly separately/ together for hours.
katy says
Bahahaha. 100%!
Anonymous says
My kids also don’t like it when my husband and I talk to each other.
Anon says
Another month, another failed pregnancy test (#6 in this go round, plus 9 before my miscarriage). And I was so, so sure this time – that hit like a truck feeling, constipation for days, queasiness. Either a chemical pregnancy or serious mind games from parenting a toddler (who, by the way, took 1 month to conceive) in a pandemic. Or maybe visiting my sister bumped my cycle enough that I tested too early, but that seems very, very unlikely. More likely I’ll just get my period a bit late today or tomorrow. This blows.
AnotherAnon says
I’m so sorry. I’m right there with you: I’m on month 9 of trying post endo surgery. 5 years of failure before that: Including three rounds of IUI. It absolutely does blow.
Anon says
I’m on IUI #3 this year, and also have a 2 YO at home – I’m right there with you. I have all the paperwork and disclosures for IVF in my email inbox as that’s probably the next step, insurance approval notwithstanding, and I just can’t bring myself to complete them. Sigh.
Lots of hugs. This is the shittiest thing ever.
Anon says
at what age is it appropriate to expect a child to say please before asking for something? and at what age is it appropriate for a child to say it with prompting? do you withhold the item if the child doesn’t say ‘please’?
Anonymous says
As soon as they can talk I start teaching it. I found that it took years to be fully established but I promoted every time and waited until they repeated please to give them something and made sure my husband and I said please when we asked them or each other for things.
Spirograph says
2? I don’t remember when I started this with my kids, but I have a distinct memory of one of them eating an entire carton of blueberries one “mo’ peees!” at a time on an airplane while still young enough to be a lap baby.
They often forget to include it originally, I always prompt, and I always withhold until they ask politely.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My oldest is 4 and we still often have to prompt. Sometimes he remembers, but if he asks for something without saying please, we say “can you ask nicely” and he usually remembers then. Started enforcing this around age 3, when he could speak in full sentences pretty well. Unprompted always? Maybe 25? Ha.
Clementine says
I start as soon as they can sign.
At almost 2, I will accept either the word or the sign. So, kid will often say ‘More milk’ while signing please.
(Bonus: It’s adorable)
Pogo says
Mine is almost 3 and we have to prompt most of the time but he’ll say it.
Anon says
Same.
SC says
My son’s daycare started teaching him to sign “please” and a few other words in the 1-2 year old classroom. He was signing “more please” before he say it. If he was really enthusiastic or insistent, he would basically hit his chest repeatedly :-)
Cb says
My son is 3 and we prompt about 50% of the time, but he’s about 80% there with thank you. I don’t make a big deal if he asks nicely but misses out the please, it’s more about tone and phrasing. ‘May I have some blueberries’ is fine, ‘I want blueberries!’ is not okay.
He’s also organically picked up praising dinner from my husband, so will end his meal with ‘That was delicious Mama!’ which is adorable.
CCLA says
yes to this, we work on saying please but i don’t generally prompt if my almost 4yo misses it, so long as it was asked nicely and not something like “get me blueberries”. i care more about the tone than the word.
OP says
i probably should have added more info. the reason i’m asking is that it is turning into a total power struggle with one of my 2 year old twins, who is otherwise, fairly easy going, and very verbal (literally always talking) and not a huge crier. she gets HYSTERICAL (like cannot stop crying) when our nanny asks her to say please and won’t give her something without it. i try to prompt her, and ask her to say please, or what is the magic word and she often complies, but instead of taking a hard line of not giving in, i remind her to ask nicely next time or something else along those lines. maybe i should be taking a harder line?
Clementine says
I make it very factual. No please, I often say, ‘Try again.’ with older kids. I just automatically make them say please. Yeah, sometimes they get emotional, but I make it factual not emotional and try and take away that element.
In general with discipline, I try and make it very straightforward and calm. Trying to remove the emotion – particularly anger or frustration – has been a huge change from how I was raised. We also talk a lot about kindness as a positive value in our house, so the other way I prompt for ‘please’ is ‘Say it with kindness, please.’
Note that this does not stop my kid from loudly begging ‘PLEEEASE may I watch my dinosaur show. I’m being kind.’ while I was on the phone with my boss this morning…
AwayEmily says
I agree with your approach. Like others said, I care less about “please” and more about tone. If my kid asks in a pleasant voice “can I have a snack when you have a chance?” I’m not going to push him to say please.
So, if they demand something (I NEED WATER!) then I say “can you ask me in a nicer way?” and then leave it up to them how they want to ask. If they just repeat I NEED WATER then I will usually get it for them but also say “next time, please use a nicer voice” or something similar. I don’t think getting into power struggles is worth it, and I don’t make a big deal out if it.
I think this approach has worked — my 4.5yo makes polite requests without prompting 90% of the time, and my 2.5yo probably makes it about 70% of the time.
Anon says
Modeling is much more effective (and respectful of your child) than prompting or coercing. Does your nanny say please every time she asks the kids for something or to do something? They are so little, this is for sure a power struggle that the adults need to let go of.
Anon says
Mine has been signing using please since she started daycare at 16 months (sign first, then the word), and used it pretty consistently for a while. Now at 2.5 she only says it when prompted. One of many things I’m hoping daycare will fix when we go back next month…
Anonymous says
We started it right away and they sign it before they can talk.
anon says
Help me think through our school options for the fall. DH and I are really wavering between sending the kids back to school, and making another attempt at distance learning using the school’s curriculum. Literally the only pro to distance learning is their health and safety. Which is super important, of course, and why we’re even considering it, but I don’t know if I have the fortitude to give distance learning another try. Juggling that with our two full-time jobs was very hard on our marriage, and I still have a lot of resentment about how the spring played out. DH deals with work interruptions much better than I do (so much for women being better multitaskers), yet I am the one who dealt with … more interruptions, more housework from having everyone at home, more stress. I tried my best to convey how hard I found it and I couldn’t make him understand it, on any level. Prior to that, our household balance had been good and fair.
We have a fifth grader and a kindergartener. The 5th grader actually did OK with the academic part of distance learning, but I worry a lot about his social development because he has ADHD and already struggles in that area. With middle school coming up next year, this feels like an important year for him to continue building some skills that he simply cannot practice in the same way at home. Having our youngest at home all the time was a freaking disaster, and I really don’t believe that distance learning is useful for kids that young. For her, Zoom and Facetime feel like playtime … we pretty much stopped doing her preschool Zoom meetings because they were a huge interruption to my schedule — DH didn’t do them — and she didn’t get much out of them.
So clearly I don’t WANT to do distance learning, but I feel so so so guilty about potentially sending the kids back in person. One person on the main ‘rette board compared it to “sending my kids to the slaughterhouse.” Ouch. Going to in-person school will mean more social distancing from the grandparents, which was hard on us all. And what if they get sick? The stress and guilt are consuming me. Our family has been so cautious all summer. Not everyone in our neighborhood has, which gives me pause. I also know that our principal is very cautious and runs a tight ship even in non-pandemic times.
Anonymous says
Send them back to school. School will in all likelihood be shut down anyway at some point may as well get some learning in. Or tell your husband the other option is hiring a full time nanny to homeschool because you have a job and he doesn’t help.
Anon says
I don’t have advice, but this is the exact text of multiple text strings from any of my parent friends with elementary aged kids. I have to send them in-person and while I feel guilt about it every second, I also know I’d feel guilty if I kept them home and tried to half-a$$ their schooling while working and ignoring them. No option is a good option and we’re basically choosing between our kids’ mental health and physical health. It’s an impossible choice and I’m angry we’re even here, but all we can do is pick an option and try to make peace with it.
avocado says
Our options are full-time on-line and full-time in-person. We are opting for on-line partly because we don’t think in-person instruction is safe, but also because the district has not made its contingency plans for the in-person program clear. At the very least, it’s inevitable that individual students in the in-person program will have to self-quarantine due to exposure. The district has explicitly stated that it will not waive its draconian attendance policy, which means that if you keep your kid home to self-quarantine for two weeks due to one exposure she will automatically fail all her classes (excused absences count against the 10-class absence limit). It’s also highly likely (I will not say inevitable because I have been flamed for making that statement) that entire classes will be quarantined or schools will be shut down, and the contingency plans for that are vague and sound pretty much like the chaos that happened this spring. The on-line option will be designed for full-time on-line course delivery, something the district has demonstrated it can do a semi-adequate job of with its existing on-line courses.
Anonymous says
You’ve been “flamed” for repeatedly insisting no schools will be able to stay open more than a week or two. Idk why you insist on playing victim about this. No one has issues with you talking about what is likely to happen in your own school
avocado says
If you really believe any school will actually be able to stay open, you are quite an optimist.
Anon says
Lots of daycares have stayed open this whole time. You’re making the assumption that the school will shut any time any student or staff tests positive. That’s not the plan, at least in my area. The whole point of masks and other precautions is that you don’t have to shut the school over one positive test.
Anon says
that attendance policy makes zero sense in normal times, and also makes zero sense during a pandemic
Anon says
My kid is younger, but I struggled a bit with the decision to go back to daycare. My two closest friends (who have live-in grandparents providing childcare, btw) were pretty judgy about it – “you’re risking your child’s life!” – but the way I see it is mental health is health too, and it was so much better for my daughter’s mental health (and mine and my husband’s) for her to go back. Plus all the social and emotional development that can’t be done over zoom at that age.
I think it’s also helpful to take the long view. This isn’t likely to be completely over in fall 2021, so are you ok with your kids missing 2 or more years of school? One thing that friends brought up to me is that we don’t know the long term effects of the virus and even a mild/asymptomatic case may be serious down the line if the virus stays in your body and reactivates like some other viruses do (chicken pox –> shingles, etc.) And that’s true, but a vaccine is only one possible way of out of this. Equally likely, or possibly even more likely, is that effective treatments will be developed that reduce the disease severity, and we will eventually all get it and just get cold/flu like symptoms. I don’t see avoiding infection forever (except in retired grandparents) to be a realistic goal. However, a lot of my friends want to avoid infection at all costs. It just depends on your risk tolerance I think.
Personally, I don’t see a lot of difference between elementary school and daycare, although a lot of people seem to. Junior high and high school feels different to me, because older kids spread it as easily as adults and the schools tend to be much bigger and you don’t have the same mix of kids in every class. But I’m not sure an elementary school class of 25 is substantively any different from a daycare class of 20, especially when you factor in that older kids can better keep masks on.
The not seeing grandparents thing will definitely be hard. If school is still open in December (I’m not optimistic) we’ll pull her out for a month so we can quarantine for 2 weeks and then visit them for 2 weeks. But they’ve been here on and off all summer and it will be weird to go months without seeing them. But again, I feel like the benefits of school outweigh the downsides of not being able to see them.
Anonymous says
FWIW, in my ‘hood, a lot of parents are hiring tutors. Our schools are going online only, which was *weak* this spring. Laughably so, while managing to be very disruptive to working parents. So online + tutor may be the way to go. People are putting together spreadsheets in the hopes that you could co-tutor a couple of third graders working on the same thing (but I have a feeling that it will be one tutor going to a house and tutoring both the first grader and also the third grader).
I have a minivan and am planning on offering mom-field-trips (largely: trail walking, weather permitting; perhaps a zoo on a weekday that has timed-entry tickets) a couple of times a month so my kids can socialize outdoors (our street has no other middle-schoolers even though there are a lot of children).
anon says
I have heard many people online talking about the tutor option, but I have no clue how I’d even find someone around here. The local colleges are planning to have in-person classes this fall, so that takes out a big chunk of people who would maybe be available for that sort of thing.
Anon says
Speaking as someone who works at one of those colleges, no one thinks it’s going to last more than a couple weeks. The college students will be available for tutoring by mid-September, I promise you. That said, I’m not sure a college student babysitter is actually safer than attending elementary school, with all the socializing college kids do.
Anonymous says
+1. Faculty I’ve been talking with at various colleges think the fall openings are a ploy to get students to pay full tuition, and that in-person instruction won’t last long.
anon says
I don’t think it’s any safer, either.
Spirograph says
My first choice will be an actual tutoring agency. It became very clear to me last school year that the ability to read does not confer the skill of TEACHING reading. Same for any other subject. I’ll consider college students who are education majors and have actual in-classroom experience, but what I will be looking for is more of a teacher than a babysitter. I’m kind of hoping I can snatch up a teacher unwilling to go back to a school environment due to pandemic, and offer my backyard gazebo as an outdoor classroom to reduce risk from germy kids.
Anonymous says
We use a sitter who is a teacher in the summer and she comes over some late afternoon / evening. She has tons of teacher friends. Everyone needs to find this person in their city.
Anonymous says
There’s no zero risk scenario, and I think it’s a mistake to focus only on physical health and safety when you make this choice. I also think the slaughterhouse analogy is fear-mongering hyperbole.
Here’s how I approached it: It is clear to me that the mental health risk of my 7 year old being isolated from peers is significant. We had a terrible spring, and although it’s improved since school stopped, he’s still struggling. Remote learning was academically useless, caused a ton of bad blood between my husband (who was facilitating) and my son, and stressed me out because I had to listen to the fallout. I consider the risk to our immediate family’s physical health from covid to be low, and we’ll continue to avoid other group social situations to minimize the chance we might unwittingly spread it. So, I am willing to accept the risk of in-person school to the maximum extent offered. If the kids have to be home, we’ll throw money at this and possibly home school + hire someone to teach the curriculum, because 2nd grade via zoom for an ADHD kid is insanity. Kindergarten via zoom is stupid no matter what. I want my kids to have real world interaction, not stare at a computer for several hours per day. And DH and I are not educators, and I strongly believe that it’s important that my kids have a village of different adults in their lives so that we can focus on being their parents.
Anon says
i have twin 2 year olds who we were hoping to start in preschool this year, but have decided not to due to the pandemic bc we live in an area that has become a hot spot, and if they have to switch to zoom i don’t think they will get anything out of it and we already have a nanny who we love. however, unless things get much much much worse, i think we will almost definitely send them to school next year when they are 3, even though there will likely still be a pandemic going on. as someone else mentioned hopefully there will be additional treatments, and more information about the virus. will i likely feel anxious doing it – definitely yes. given your kids ages, and assuming your school district has put some measures in place, i would probably send my kids. it would likely also make me feel anxious a lot of the time, but i would probably do it and then do whatever i could to minimize our exposure in other areas of life – no manicures, dining in restaurants, playdates outside of school, etc. the fact that you have local grandparents does make it challenging, though to be honest, ours live a 20+ hour drive away and it has been equally hard for us not to even be able to see them, while you could at least see yours from a distance. or if you have local grandparents, is there a reason they didn’t help with childcare this past spring?
Anonymous says
Respectfully no. Two year olds don’t need school. Neither do three year olds. Your struggle with day care has nothing to do with hers about actual school.
AnotherAnon says
+1. I’m the mom of a 3 year old, so I get the child care challenge but I’m pretty tired of toddler moms trying to weigh in on school. These are both problems but they are not the same problem.
rosie says
Agree. I am worried about my 3yo not getting any interaction with other kids (even if she was home with a nanny of family caregiver, in non-COVID times she’d at least see other kids on the playground and at the library) plus the logistics of childcare. But I also am so so grateful that I’m not in the position of having the academic issues on the table as well and trying to figure out that piece.
Anon says
My three year old definitely needs the socialization school provides – it’s not all academic. Also she gets therapy services through the county public school system, so that definitely makes me have an opinion on WTF the schools are doing (which as far as I can tell for special ed is a cluster).
anon says
Grandparents are not an option for child care. They are in their 70s and in poor health, with lots of mobility issues. Also, they seem very uninterested in that. We barely use them for date-night babysitting, let alone anything more long-term. It really sucks, but the situation is what it is.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“sending my kids to the slaughterhouse” – is not how I think of this at all. I take a risk-based approach like a lot of others here and to me, the risk of all of our mental health deteriorating and our jobs suffering is higher than the risk of sending my kids to daycare. Granted, my situation is daycare with strict class ratios in a former hot spot that is now doing better, so my risk analysis may be different than yours. I don’t know the long term ramifications of Covid but everything I’ve read so far has said that kids get a mild version and are unlikely to pass it on. Other risks to consider: Lack of socialization; risks of crashing your car on the way to school/daycare (which I almost did this morning, i.e. maybe that’s a higher risk); risks that you’ll lose your job; risks that your kids won’t learn anything via zoom (zoom for kindergarten is a joke to me – isn’t the point of kindergarten to be around other kids?)
Anon says
agree that you should not think of this as “Sending kids to the slaughterhouse,” but at least to me it is a very different risk analysis than should you drive in a car. there are certain risks we all take every day in life – from driving, to eating (maybe we didn’t cook our meat long enough, etc.) – that on some level are necessary to live in this world. other risks that we may choose to take, are not quite as ‘necessary’ – like you could choose to drive a motorcycle (i personally don’t) , etc. i do think that given the ages of OP’s kids and assuming the school is taking good precautions, that the benefits probably outweigh the risks.
Anon says
I think school is pretty necessary. To me at least, it’s as necessary or more necessary than driving (you could bike, walk or take public transit). Both for the education and socialization for kids, and for childcare for working parents, it’s a very fundamental need.
Anonymous says
My child will be in kindergarten. Our option was fully online or two days a week in person to reduce class sizes. We chose the in-person option for several reasons. The angry child we had while daycare was closed went away upon his return to daycare. We really want to provide every opportunity for him to learn how to read, as that is something we have been unable to teach. I have no confidence that he will learn it online. With two days a week in school, there is a chance. We do not live in a hotspot and we will be working from home for the foreseeable future. Therefore, the risk is mostly at school. As he is already at daycare, it did not seem like we were increasing the risk exponentially. Grandparents do not live nearby, so that was part of our consideration.
Anon says
The angry child is REAL! I wish all the people who said I’m sending my kid to the slaughterhouse could come to my house and see my child and how much her demeanor improved when she got to go back to daycare. Either way you slice it, there are risks. It’s just mental health risks vs physical health risks.
anon says
OP here, and this all makes sense to me. I agree that the idea of a kindergartener learning to read via Zoom seems like a pipe dream at best. We sent our daughter back to daycare at the end of June, and it’s been going fine. Caveat being, of course, that her daycare class is much smaller than her kindergarten class will be.
anne-on says
Yes! We’re going into 3rd grade but most of the building blocks are in place (he can read, he’s done printing, we’re able to work on cursive at home, etc.). If I had to teach reading and math skills myself at home to a brand new pre-k or K kid I would have had MUCH worse anxiety than I already did.
avocado says
Another consideration: Transportation. Will bus service be provided? (Our district is limiting bus service to a handful of students with the greatest need.) If not, how long will drop-off and pickup take? (For us, it was a minimum of an hour to get in and out of the parking lot for pickup even when most kids were riding the bus.)
anon says
No, we do not use the bus system. We are fortunate to be within walking distance of school. The other X factor is whether the before/aftercare program will be available (guessing not at this point), but we will be working from home for the forseeable future, so that’s less of an issue.
Anon says
For most young kids, the risk of COVID is similar to influenza. Your children could experience worse but it’s not guaranteed either way. Someone close to me had their marriage fell apart during the pandemic and they are now separating, which is so tragic to me. People place COVID as a top concern, but how destructive can all these precautions be to the rest of your life if you get no relief or support to balance it out? I think you should consider your whole life – work, marriage, mental health, etc – when evaluating risks. If you do not want to send your child to school, hire full-time help or have you or your partner drop to part-time. Something has to give.
Spirograph says
+1. I was accidentally anon above, but full agree that you have to weigh everything. The level of marital stress I’ve felt since March is similar to the first year of a new baby, which makes sense – our lives have been similarly upended and we have to shake out everyone’s role, how to divide all these new responsibilities, and adjust to having brain space taken up by new worries and logistics. DH and I are doing a really good job being on the same team and working through this, but it is *work*. Sending the kids back to school solves for a lot of things that are longer term threats to our health and happiness than a bout of covid is likely to be. The stories about healthy 30-somethings dying are horrifying but rare, and my exhaustion, angry kids, and crappy work performance are here now.
NYCer says
Our older daughter (1st grade) goes to private school that so far plans to be open full time for elementary school. (Obviously pending whatever Cuomo ends up saying.) If school is open, we plan to send her, and then make do if/when things change.
Tea/Coffee says
We have an incoming 4th grader and Ker and are having the same struggle.
Our county screwed up DL in the spring – I couldn’t really blame them, though – but it was to the point where it was obvious to the kids that this was not exactly rigorous learning. I would love to believe that they will do a better job this fall, bc they’ve had more time to prepare, but I am not super confident.
The entire county is starting with DL, then they are phasing back by grade, by address, by last name, and apparently now by school cluster, “when it’s safe to do so.” Kids would only be back in the building 2 days/week in reduced-size classes, and I’m pretty sure it will only last a few weeks. My K’er would be in one of the first groups to return 2 days/week, my 4th grader would be in one of the last groups. I’m pretty sure she’s DL til the spring.
No real advice here, but here’s our current plan:
DH and I are both WFH, and our employers are super understanding and flexible. However, we would both like to remain employed :-)
We’ve admitted that the bulk of DL is going to fall to me. Knowing this, I dubbed DH the summer camp director. He’s taken it fairly seriously and I’ve been having a pretty productive summer. When we get closer, FT DL for 2 kids + a FT job myself means that my home duties will be strictly limited to DL, my job, cooking (my choice) and putting away my own laundry. I am going to insist that EVERYTHING else needs to be DH. Including cleaning the bathrooms which he’s managed to ignore for 5 years (grrr).
I am going to make both kids stick with FT DL for two weeks. Then we are going to re-evaluate based on 1, COVID trends and the likelihood that we’ll get some in-person learning, 2 their ability to deal with DL and 3, my sanity. At any point after 2 weeks in, I am saying it’s on the table to pull the plug and officially homeschool for the year.
the 4th grader will get a voice, but not a vote. The Ker will have to deal with whatever we decide. I have no problem leaving the 4th grader in DL, if it’s going okay, and only pulling the Ker.
Real homeschool will probably mean some subjects in the evening and some on weekends. There are a few that I think we could reasonably combine. I have a sense of curriculum resources that I can order online (physical books and workbooks and such) for the 4th grader. If we did homeschool, I would be minimizing the digital/online requirements, bc if not, then I should have just left them in DL.
We did establish a social cohort / pod back in March, and it’s still going strong, so the kids get a minimum of socialization there (1x/week or so). But Kindergarten without other kids (and without an actual teacher) sounds pretty awful and I am NOT excited for the county’s plan to put my 5 YO in front of a screen for 5-6 hours a day.
So basically I am planning for worst case (real homeschool) and giving the county/state time to get their act together. I’m a planner, and planning ahead for that makes me less twitchy! However, hoping that it does not come to that…
Anonymous says
I have a rising 3rd grader; my husband is a HS teacher. We’re in NYC and are planning on taking the partial in-person option as long as it is available. Given the ages of your kids, school is not going to put them at much risk – there is just no evidence to back up the idea that it is sending them to a slaughterhouse. It might put you and your husband at risk, and having school open in general (especially middle school and high school) puts teachers and the larger community at greater risk. But I personally just can’t think that altruistically right now. I really wish districts would treat elementary school differently, especially now that there is good research showing that kids under 10 are less likely to be transmit the virus, and older kids are just as likely as adults to spread it.
FWIW my husband hated remote teaching and wants to go back, although he is also worried about his health and has little faith in the DOE to protect him. (Keep in mind that the virus is well-contained in NYC right now; we might feel differently if we lived elsewhere, or may by September). I’m worried because I am guessing he will be in school 5 days a week, and our son more like 2, so this fall will actually probably be harder for me to manage than the spring was, when both of us were home full-time.
anon says
My local school district just released plans to send preK through 5th grade students to school 5 days per week, and to send middle and high schoolers to school 2 days a week, with virtual class 3 days per week. As in other school districts, all families have the option to go completely online.
So, there is some differentiation for elementary students vs older students. It makes sense to me because the health data seems to support it, and, based on anecdotes I’ve heard, virtual learning seems much less effective for younger kids.
Anonymous says
This is what I was hoping our district would do. Our school board shot down developing one member’s proposal to treat K-5 differently in favor of putting all their eggs in the basket of up to 2 days a week for all students K-12. There are real differences in how Elementary vs Middle School vs High School learn, and there are real differences according to recent studies in how readily different ages spread Covid, so the one size fits all approach is frustrating to say the least.
Anon says
I wish we had done this. That is all.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Which state are you in? To me, this approach makes the most sense and balances the high need for the younger grades to be learning in person, typically in a smaller school, vs. the potential risks to older kids/many more teachers. And also the older kids can stay at home with minimal supervision from parents, so that’s a win for working parents as well. I hope my district takes this approach, although my kid won’t be in K until next year.
anon says
I’m in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana, which is outside of New Orleans.
Anon says
Yeah I don’t understand why more districts aren’t distinguishing the ages. Elementary schools have kids that aren’t as likely to spread the virus and have smaller class sizes and less mixing of kids, plus younger kids don’t do as well with distance learning, need way more parent supervision and don’t socialize with friends over technology as well. Distance learning makes a lot of sense to me for 7-12 students, it makes no sense for K-6 students, especially K-3.
Leatty says
How bad is a C-section recovery when you have a toddler at home? I’ve been advised that I may need to have one due to the size of my baby (who was an estimated 6 lbs at 32 weeks…oof). I know growth scans are notoriously inaccurate, but my OB has advised that if baby is still measuring very large at 37 weeks, their recommendation would be a C-section. I had a v-birth last time, and I was hoping for the same this time, but I don’t want life long pelvic floor issues. Thoughts?
Anon says
Anyone keeping their 3 year old home this year? If so, what are your plans for schedules, curriculum, goals etc? TIA
TheElms says
This seems like outdated medical advice. I don’t think C section for baby size is considered standard of care anymore. I would specifically ask your OB what guidance ACOG has issued on the topic. I think the ultrasound needs to show your baby being more than 10lbs before a C-section is recommended because of the well known measurement inaccuracies. Could you try an induction at 37 weeks instead? In any event, a planned C section recovery is generally pretty easy but I’d still want help for the first 1-2 weeks because of lifting restrictions. I didn’t have a toddler at home, but I felt completely fine after day 5 of my not planned but also not an emergency C-section.
Anon says
I had the option because kiddo was over 90% for multiple scans in a row at the end (including head size, and that was true, her head is massive). Given some other health concerns we were balancing that would have required an induction, I took the C. It was great. At 38 weeks she was over 8 pounds, so I’m sure she would have been huge at 40. No opinion on the toddler aspect, but if I had help it probably would have been fine (note you can’t lift anything heavier than the baby for a number of weeks) – I would just enforce no climbing and jumping on you in advance to the extent you haven’t already.
Ashley says
+1 to this. My OB told me that a suspected big baby is not medical grounds for early induction or elective c-section. Though I went to 41 weeks, was induced, and ultimately needed a c-section with 9 lb 11 oz baby after no progress pushing. So in hindsight I kind of wish she’d offered the c-section in the first place.
Anon says
Fat is squishy, I think head circumference matters way more for how rough the birth is. It seems like a really weird thing for an OB to say, especially if you have a previous successful V birth. I was almost 9 lbs at birth, my husband almost 10 lbs, and my baby was measuring really big so I asked for a C because I was scared of pushing out a giant and she just laughed in my face and was like yeah, in the US you don’t schedule a C section just because your baby looks big, you have to try labor first. I would get a second opinion at the least.
Anonymous says
Leatty my doctor mentioned this when I was pregnant too. In fact I felt like he kind of threatened me. “Your baby is measuring big and could be 10 pounds at birth, we may need to do a c-section.”
I did wind up with a C but my baby was 7 lbs. (c section was because my water broke and then I hung out for 36 hours in the hospital and finally I agreed to a c section). So I tend to totally write off those measurements. But I had 2 c-sections and my second was with a 20 month old at home. How old is your toddler? You aren’t really supposed to lift toddler that much so getting my son into his crib had to be done by my husband for the 8 weeks or so after baby arrived. But the reality was that I had to lift more than I was supposed to often. But it was ok. I survived.
Good luck!
Anonymous says
SAME!!! My water broke 10 days before my due date & I wasn’t in labor, and my doctor strongly steered me towards a c section because she was convinced baby would be over 10 lbs and he was 6 lbs 15 oz! Terrible advice in hindsight. To the OP – they are making a very imprecise guess at best as to the size of your baby.
ANon says
so i know people who’ve had a v-birth with 9lbs+ babies. but if you do have to have a c-section (i had one!) ask in advance to see if your hospital uses the TAP block. it is a newish pain management technique for c-sections that apparently makes recover much much easier. i was promised this the morning of my scheduled c-section, but they messed up my epidural and had to do that twice, so i couldn’t get it. Not all hospitals do it and my friend advocated to have the hospital order it for her and she said it was better than her first c-section (granted her first one happened after laboring for a while). one of my best friends recently had an unplanned c-section because she went into labor and her baby was breach. She had a 3 year old at home and she struggled the first 2-3 weeks, but then said each day it got better and better.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I had a 9lb9oz baby, then a 10lb2oz baby (head circumference >95%), both v deliveries. So you’re not required to have a C Section just due to size. If you were able to deliver v before, your body might just be equipped for large babies. No one pushed C Sections on me so I would get a second opinion.
nyc anon says
Yep, you don’t know til you try. I was pushed to have a c, but wanted to try to labor. I had a 9lb 6oz baby without any issues.
Anon says
My BFF had a C-section after 24 hours of labor from a failed induction and even with a 3yo at home, she said recovery was vastly easier than from her first vaginal birth. This was this past summer, so they had none of their planned grandparent help, but her husband was able to lift the toddler as needed (and 3yos are much more self-sufficient in that regard than if you have an 18mo).
Batgirl says
I had my second c-section when my oldest had just turned 2. It was hard, and we leaned on my husband to do most of the heavy lifting (figuratively and literally) with the toddler. I’m sure it’s harder than a v-delivery but probably only for the first two weeks or so. Maybe less. Mine was worse the second time (somehow) but I was much better by day 7-10.
Anon says
A planned c-section is very different than an emergency c-section. If you end up with one, you will be fine! My kids are almost exactly 2 years apart and I was very worried about the same thing. Of course, take as much help as you can get and do your best not to be lifting the toddler, but you will all adapt and rise to the occasion. You may already be used to not lifting the toddler due to being pregnant! My first was an unplanned c-section after laboring for 24+ hours and pushing for 3+ hours. That was miserable. After the planned c-section, I think the first few days were hard but recovery was much faster.
Anonymous says
I’d ask for another ultrasound with a different ultrasound tech just to see what they say. My baby measured 10lbs 3oz at 40+4, they had no idea he was large even with growth scan at 30 weeks and fundal height measurement. He was born at 9lbs 7oz, zero issues with V delivery since he was my second. So 1) ultrasounds can be off and 2) people have big babies all the time.
Pogo says
Genuinely curious – why did you have a growth scan at 32w? I’ve only had one u/s at 20w and baby measured right on at that time, so now they just do the tape measure on my belly thing. Did you measure large at 20w and they recommended follow-up?
Anonymous says
Not the OP but I think it just depends on the OB! I had one with second kid, but not my first. Just standard for the practice
Leatty says
I’m not sure why they recommended it. I measured a few days ahead at 20 weeks, but definitely not the 3 weeks ahead they say I am measuring now. I had one with my last pregnancy, too (which also measured slightly large, even though my daughter was long and lean when she was born).
Anon says
My second baby was measuring large (2 weeks ahead with a 90%+ head at 37 weeks) and I still had a vaginal birth, since that’s what I had with my first. That being said, we had some complications due to his size (shoulder dystocia), which was fairly traumatic for me. Fortunately, we both ended up being okay, but there were a few minutes of his birth that were truly terrifying. It put me off ever having a third baby. If I had the option of an elective c-section due to baby’s size (even with a margin for error), I might take it, just to be on the safe side.
Anon says
I also had a big second baby with shoulder dystocia. It was pretty scary. Lots of yelling, including the doctor shouting at me “Push! Push like your baby’s life depends on it” while nurses folded me in half and rammed into my stomach. When they finally got her out, she was limp and blue with an APGAR of 1 at 1 min, and 4 at 5 min. She was rushed to the NICU and I saw her again when she was a few hours old. Really traumatic, though she is now fine. I was only in labor about an hour total, so it was all super super fast.
Anon. says
No advice on the why – my planned C was because I didn’t even want to try to VBAC. Baby #2 came via planned C in January when big brother was 2.5. Best advice is just to make sure you have help available. My mom was here for a week and a half and my husband was pretty active. We told toddler that mommy had an ouchie on her tummy from where baby came out and that meant he had to be gentle. Hardest part for him was that I usually get down on the floor to play with him and I wasn’t comfortable doing that for about two weeks because getting up was too hard. Lifting restrictions will be in place which meant I couldn’t put him to bed or get him in the car alone. Otherwise, note that planned C recovery generally way easier than emergency. I only spent two nights in the hospital.
Katarina says
My second baby was measuring really big at that gestation. He was measuring slightly less big as I became full term. I was induced at 39 weeks due to size, and he was 8 lb 7 ounces, which is good sized, but not as big as predicted. My delivery was pretty easy, much easier than my first who was half a pound smaller, and my recovery was very easy.
FWIW my third was also measuring big, although not quite as big, and was a perfectly average 7 lb 6 oz at 39 weeks. My first was 7 lb 15 oz, which was inline to slightly bigger than the prediction.
Anon says
My first (and only) was a C-section, and it wasn’t that bad. I was easily walking up and down stairs four days after giving birth, walking a mile with the stroller a week after giving birth, all that.
Caveat: I was in great physical shape throughout my pregnancy – as in, ran a 5k shortly before giving birth.
Anonymous says
More anecdata about size to consider. I’ve had two big babies: 9lb 10 oz and 9lb 15oz, both off the charts long). My labors were both uncomplicated and smooth, no dystocia and minor tearing each time. Second labor was actually much easier than first, even though she was bigger.
Your body may handle it just fine.
Cb says
You guys, we think only toddlers join conference calls but we thought wrong. My boss’s 11 year old daughter just jumped up behind her in full vampire make-up. She knew it was me and that I’d laugh, and persuaded her mom to describe the scratchy, howling noises in the house before she popped up. This is apparently how the tweens are managing lockdown.
anon says
Awesome.
ElisaR says
Leatty my doctor mentioned this when I was pregnant too. In fact I felt like he kind of threatened me. “Your baby is measuring big and could be 10 pounds at birth, we may need to do a c-section.”
I did wind up with a C but my baby was 7 lbs. (c section was because my water broke and then I hung out for 36 hours in the hospital and finally I agreed to a c section). So I tend to totally write off those measurements. But I had 2 c-sections and my second was with a 20 month old at home. How old is your toddler? You aren’t really supposed to lift toddler that much so getting my son into his crib had to be done by my husband for the 8 weeks or so after baby arrived. But the reality was that I had to lift more than I was supposed to often. But it was ok. I survived.
Good luck!
ElisaR says
oops I posted this twice once without my name attached. wish I could delete this!
anone says
Sorry nesting fail above. Anyone keeping their 3 year old home this year? If so, what are your plans for curriculum, goals, etc (other than survival).
Anon says
3 year olds don’t need a curriculum. But you do need some kind of childcare if you want to work. Nanny? Grandparents?
OP says
i work very part time and have some occasional family help, but want to make sure three year old is on track for her kids her age. She knows numbers 1-20, all her upper and lower case letters and working on the phoentic sounds, we read nightly, we take walks weather permitting and play in the backyard. What should I be working on with her?
I am not good at crafting nor do I like the mess, so we honestly don’t do much of the pintrest junk.
Anon says
Not the responder, but I put together a crafting bin for my almost 3 year old. Washable glue sticks, self-adhesive googly eyes, pipe cleaners, puff balls, stickers, construction paper, paper plates, toddler “fake” scissors that she can’t cause real damage with and sometimes cut paper if the angle is right. We let her go to town with minimal supervision, and the mess isn’t bad. You can also try watercolors – the mess isn’t terrible and minimal supervision required. DH has never done crafts at all and he’s able to supervise and provide suggestions without too much effort.
I would find something to work on fine motor – coloring, water colors, stringing beads, playdoh (we use a cookie sheet as the play area for that, helps contain the mess), etc.
Anonymous says
You’re already way over the top for what a 3 year old “needs” to learn! Go outside. Read books. Give her some crayons and paper.
CCLA says
I think you’re doing plenty, but from someone who also hates crafting, crayons and paper are a low-effort way to get some of that fine motor art area covered. At 3 I think they can understand that those things stay in a designated area (ours are only on a specified table, and go back in the plastic tub when done), so minimal mess and parental involvement.
Anonymous says
So I’m currently a FT SAHM. There are many online preschool homeschool curriculums out there if you just need a nudge of activities to do. We are doing Blossoms and Roots if DDs preschool is closed come September. We are very outdoorsy so I wanted something nature-y. DS will also agree to build a mud-kitchen for the backyard. In terms of academic stuff (letters/numbers) you are ahead of the curve. I do not do any Pinterest crafts, but I do buy Alex Jr craft kits and always have paper/coloring books/markers/crayons/glue stick available. DD uses these every day and they keep her quietly occupied a lot if I’m cooking. We also have a baby so it’s something she can do that he can’t reach. The fine motor skills of coloring really are important. Crafts can also help with learning how to follow directions, do things in order, etc..We also bake all the time. A few more age appropriate things they need to learn – getting dressed independently, painting on a vertical surface helps with the arm muscles that will be needed for writing eventually, and like lacing beads/making necklaces for those find motor skills. Gross motor – hopping on one foot by 4.
Op says
This is so helpful, thank you
How do you do the home school activities with a baby
We have a 1 year old so that’s a real challenge as well
Which Alex Jr craft kids are best?
Anonymous says
Baby naps independently in the crib. So homeschool for 45min-1hr during afternoon nap. Kids under 5 need one hour of school MAX. Every other activity (nature walks, poetry teatime) can be done with baby
anon says
*raises hand* I don’t think 3yos need to worry about a cirriculum, per se, but we try to have a couple planned activities per morning, just because my kids do better with some structure. We also aim for outdoors time every day (not currently because DC weather is awful at the moment).
OP says
Thank you! What are some of your planned activities? I let my kid run through sprinklers in the am, pick wildflowers and hide them to see if they’ll be there tomorrow, we eat our snacks or breakfast outside, we color with sidewalk chalk.
Anon says
Practical life skills – cleaning up after self, “folding” laundry, setting table, preparing food. Look for Montessori guidance. Through all of this work on incorporating math (counting and doing fractions when you bake) and science (discussing weather and how the garden grows).
IHeartBacon says
This. In addition to teaching him practical life skills, our “curriculum”for our 3 year old is to explain things about our daily life. When we give the dog food and water, I explain that bodies needs fuel, etc. When we are watering flowers, I explain how flowers need water and sun to grow and how all plants need some light and they will not grow in darkness. When we are cooking or baking, I teach him fractions. Etc. We have a framed map in our house and whenever another city of country is mentioned in our house, I point it out on the map to him. So far, he remembers Africa and Australia and knows where to point on the map to indicate where we live. Then the next time we do the same task, I quiz him on it by asking, “What do all plants need in order to grow?” Etc. I’m not over the top about these learning opportunities, but I sneak them in whenever I can (and have the energy to) as we go about our daily lives. I can’t see myself ever sitting him down for a dedicated amount of time to teach these things out of a book. I think it would make us both miserable.
Induction for AMA? says
Has anyone been told they should induce at 39 weeks due to being over 35? Normally I’d probably do it, but I’m struggling with the decision as COVID makes everything harder. I really don’t want to be in the hospital an extra night (or longer) and I’d rather labor at home as long as possible, particularly since I will have to wear a mask the entire time at my hospital. But I don’t want to put my baby at risk either.
My doctor strongly recommends it for AMA births but has said it’s up to me and I’m just, ugh, torn.
Anonymous says
Exactly why does he recommend induction at 39w for AMA births? I know there was one recent study that suggested that induction at 39w might be safer than waiting to go into labor naturally, but it was just one study against a whole body of existing evidence that induction leads to further interventions.
Induction for AMA? says
Because of the increased risk of stillbirth. It is a female doctor and I generally trust her judgment.
Anonymous says
Sorry, misread your OP and thought it said “he has said it’s up to me.”
Induction for AMA? says
Oh no worries at all – people say “he” all the time when referring to my doctor, and I always correct them to try to challenge the assumption (especially because anymore more OBGyns seem to be female anyway!) But I see how my weird grammar made it confusing in this case.
Anonymous says
FWIW, I usually use “she” as the default pronoun for doctors, lawyers, judges, etc.
rosie says
I delivered with a practice that gets a bad rap for being interventionist. My OB did not suggest an induction at 39w (I was 35 at time of delivery) but did suggest getting an induction scheduled for somewhere around the due date in case I wanted to go that route, since the schedule fills up. I scheduled one for a few days after my due date and was not sure about it at the time, but was more than ready by the time my due date passed. I get the hesitation about COVID, though…is this your first birth? If not, the induction might not take more than a day — mine was about 7hrs pitocin to baby, but it was second delivery and I was already dilated & having some irregular contractions.
Anon says
Even if it’s a first birth it might not take that long. My induction was under 12 hours Cytotec placement to baby and a couple hours of that was just waiting for the doctor on call to be available so I could push. It was super smooth and easy, despite the fact that my cervix was high and not dilated at all, and I would definitely induce again if I had a second child.
Anonymous says
My induction for my second was also under 12 hours from Cytotec to baby, but the way the hospital staff reacted, I’m pretty sure I was an outlier.
Induction for AMA? says
Not my first. I was induced the first time but well past my due date. And it still took days! So that’s part of my hesitation here, although she did say she’d expect it to go faster this time.
Anonymous says
My care group has a really really low rate of interventions and consistently award winning care and did recommend induction at 39 weeks.
Blueberry says
My practice did the same with my second and I was induced late in the 39th week.
Induction Timing says
FWIW, I was induced at 40+6 for my first/only. I was zero everything – no signs of natural labor whatsoever. They said to prepare for up to 24 hours for each phase of labor, and baby was here in 20 hours from start to finish. I have friends who have had three-day-long inductions. It varies WIDELY.
Anon says
If you are torn, maybe you need to have another conversation with your doctor and bring up your concerns. You may get additional information that could help you feel more sure either way, especially if you trust her judgment.
Induction for AMA? says
I just talked to her about it and she explained the reasoning and understands my concerns as well. So it’s not a lack of information, I’m just torn and was wondering if anyone else had made this type of choice.
Kerry says
My obgyn has indicated that they will induce me at 40 weeks. I’m 40 and did IVF, so combo AMA and high-risk (both my obgyn and my RE consider all IVF pregnancies to be high-risk, even if no other risk factors are present). I’ve had a normal pregnancy thus-far.
Meg says
I dealt with doctors discussing early induction due to an underlying medical condition but got them to agree to 40 weeks instead. The medical studies they are relying on show no adverse effects of induction at 39 weeks, which is why some doctors push for 39 weeks. The risks to baby increase after 41-42 weeks. But on average women go into spontaneous labor around 40 weeks +4 days (because due dates are imprecise). My personal feeling was that if the baby was safe and I was safe, then I did not want to induce early. My condition also makes c-section much riskier for me than v*ginal delivery, which made me less enthused about induction. Discussing the risks and the ARRIVE study with my docs, I had a spontaneous labor with kid 1 at 40+1 and COVID era induction at 40 weeks with kid 2. Hope that helps!
Anon says
I had an induction at 39 weeks because of AMA (age 38) and was very happy I did. The science is actually very clear on this point: 39 weeks is the nadir for infant mortality and induction is less risky than expectation management.
Induction got a bad rap back in the ’90s and aughts when women would be induced around 36 or 37 weeks for non-medical reasons; enough of the babies had underdeveloped lungs that it caused more problems than it solved. A lot of people will lump in inductions at 36 weeks with those at 39 weeks and triumphantly declare that there’s all sorts of problems with induction. That is terrible logic and worse science.
Ultimately, this is the kind of choice that is mostly about your own risk tolerance and the types of mistakes that you are comfortable making. I was comfortable making the ‘mistake’ to spend extra time in the hospital to have a safer delivery; given that I had partial placental abruption (occurred between weeks 37 and 39), the induction may have literally saved my child’s life.
Anon says
Look up the ARRIVE study, that is where the recommendation comes from. I was AMA (35 when I delivered) and no one recommended it to me, but maybe because I was only 35. I did hear a lot of talk about it on Reddit so it seems like a thing.
I obviously was not induced and gave birth about an hour before the due date. With hindsight I can say that I’m glad I didn’t get induced, I labored until 8cm at home and it was better than being in the hospital. I’m not sure I would do it if I had no other risk factors.
Anon says
I had made an earlier comment citing the arrive study, but I think I had the wrong one in mind. Here’s a good overview of the hard evidence: https://evidencebasedbirth.com/advanced-maternal-age/
Anon says
I’ve asked a similar question here before but I hope you’ll take pity on me and help me again figure out what I’m doing wrong . . . if I am doing anything wrong. My 7 month old will not nap for more than 20-30 minutes at a time. We sleep trained him for nights, he’s down at 7pm-6am, sometimes cries before going to sleep but otherwise sleeps through. But the kid will not stay asleep for naps! We have blackout curtains, white noise, cool temp, full tummy. We put him down when he has sleepy cues, usually no more than 2.5-3 hours after waking. We do still rock/pat to sleep at nap time (but not at bedtime) because that’s the only way we can get him to sleep. We tried cry it out once for naps and it was horrible. We left him for an hour each time and he cried the whole hour with no sign of settling. We just don’t know what to do anymore. Try CIO again? Stop worrying and hope it gets better on it’s own? He’s generally a happy baby but does get very cranky and is obviously tired. I feel so defeated.
Anonymous says
Not all babies are good nappers. Will he nap while being worn or in a stroller? Until age 1, my baby would only nap while in motion or while being held.
Anon says
+1.
katy says
+1. I am sorry
Anon says
I don’t think there is a magic bullet with naps. Babies are hard. I couldn’t do CIO for naps either, but now my toddler goes down for a daily 2 hour nap with no protests and sleeps through the night. These things can regulate over time. Don’t feel defeated. I’m sure you are doing all you can.
Ashley says
+1
Eek says
Fwiw, my son only took decent naps at daycare until he was … I’m not even sure. Close to 1? It was really hard on the weekends. We tried doing exactly what they did at daycare, at exactly the same time, but to no avail. At some point he just started taking long naps at home, although at 2 he still occasionally will skip his nap altogether.
I know that doesn’t help your situation, but wanted to make sure you know you aren’t alone!
Kelly says
Sleepy cues become unreliable around then. He’s down to 2 naps? Push to 3 hour wake times regardless of sleep cues and see if that helps at all. And when he does wake after 20 minutes try to leave him in the crib the full hour ( so an extra 40 minutes) to give him a chance to fall back asleep, unless he’s really freaking out.
ElisaR says
my best friend is now dealing w/ the same problem. she’s tried everything. i’m not sure what the answer is. both my boys seemed to solidify naps more once they were moving around more (not even walking, just maneuvering themselves more)….. you’re getting close to that!
lsw says
My son has really been having trouble adjusting back to preschool/daycare post quarantine. His teacher left (apparently that was in the works before, but they didn’t get to say goodbye because it happened in June), so he is in a new class. Obviously there are other changes as well – teachers wearing masks, kids encouraged to wear masks, smaller class sizes, less moving from room to room, etc. I can’t tell if part of it is that he just didn’t realize it was possible to be home with Mom and Dad all day before this (he’s always been in full time care)? We have never had prolonged issues before. He is upset in the morning because he doesn’t want to go. My husband said drop off this morning was dreadful. And he’s being less cooperative at school also – not listening to his teachers, not respecting his friends’ requests to stop touching them etc (although that was an issue before quarantine as well that we were working on). He just turned 4. Any advice??
Anonymous says
My daughter didn’t know that it was possible to stay home all day until she started K with kids who had SAHMs, so I would definitely place at least part of the blame on his new awareness of this possibility!
Anon says
How long has he been back? I think it’s very normal to take several weeks to adjust. Could you temporarily shorten the hours he goes until he’s more adjusted?
GCA says
This is a hard age – they understand just enough of what’s going on around them to develop anxieties around it, but also are not developmentally equipped to handle their big emotions and actions. At that age we would get back from international trips to see my family (we’d be gone for 2-3 weeks) and my son would have meltdowns and act out. As with any behavior issue, I’d ask the teachers how they are handling this and if there’s anything you should be doing at home to reinforce their work.
lsw says
Anon at 12:44 that’s interesting! It was a total stab in the dark on my end but I really think that is part of what’s going on.
He’s been back since May 27. I do think it’s better, e.g. he’s not kicking up a huge fuss EVERY day, but I just feel at a loss of how to talk about it with him. Especially the behavioral stuff.
Hospital packing tips? says
Anyone have tips for packing a hospital bag for L&D? The lists on google seem like waaay too much stuff to bring but I’m having trouble sorting out what I’ll really want/need.
Anon says
I was a planned C, so that may impact this. Chapstick, baby nail file (my kiddo had talons, hospital didn’t provide), extra long chargers for your devices, and some mid-maternity clothes to go home in (for me that was capri maternity yoga pants and a maternity tee), you’ll be sized as though you were 6 months pregnant. Tolietries, a nursing bra and if you care, clothes – I wore the hospital gown with some yoga pants underneath so my bum wasn’t flapping everywhere. I also wanted flip flops for walking around in. I also brought a nice outfit for kiddo because we did newborn photos with the hospital photographer. She wore a onesie home. Change of clothes and tolietries for your spouse too.
Also not in your bag, but make sure the infant car seat is installed – you don’t want to be doing that in front of the hospital.
Anon says
I’m expecting my first child so I can’t help with the list, but make sure you’re keeping up to date with your hospital policies re: visitors. Our delivery hospital’s current policy is that once husband is in the L&D room with me, he can’t leave – either during labor or once baby is born. So he’s going to “pack as though he’s going camping for 5 days” just in case.
AnonATL says
The 3 day camping trip is our approach too. I’m not packing anything that can’t be easily washed or thrown out due to germs and the post-birth bodily fluids.
Our bags are already packed, but each includes about 3 days of clothes (all black maternity clothes for me + nursing bras and oversized cotton briefs). I’m also bringing a tablet, a couple long charging cables, and a towel from home that I wouldn’t mind throwing out. Kid has basically 2 sets of outfit options- one NB and one 0-3 months plus socks, hat, blanket. My toiletry bag has all the basics I would take on a long weekend away.
No boppy, no pillow from home. No special outfits for kid or us because there won’t be a photographer or visitors.
And I’m bringing a big ole bag of shelf stable snacks since we will pretty much be locked down once we are in. I imagine we could order food in, and the hospital food is of course an option, but it’s not like my husband can just pop down the corner and grab a sandwich from Panera for us.
Anonymous says
The snacks are smart, even in non-COFID times. I delivered at 10:00 p.m. and couldn’t get anything to eat until breakfast the next day.
CCLA says
With the caveat that COVID adds a whole new layer in that you may want to pack snacks and the like if you can’t as easily access things like food, these were my must-haves:
-extra long charging cord for me and separate one for DH, something to entertain if long easy labor…I mostly slept after epidural but we liked having a deck of cards and a nice wireless speaker
-chapstick/lipbalm, dry shampoo, face wipes, lotion…hospital supplied toothpaste and toothbrush; i could not shower after my first b/c i had to get a transfusion, so these were helpful to feel clean again
-always version of depends
-pumping bra unless you plan to mostly formula feed (as a FTM, I planned to BF, but had to pump in hospital, and was v upset to find out i had to hold the flanges in place for the incessant pumping sessions…10/10 do not recommend, get the pumping bra if you remotely may pump and toss that sucker in the hospital bag)
-2oz premixed bottles of formula if you plan to use formula and the hospital doesn’t provide it (eg if they are “baby friendly”)
-sleepsack/swaddle for baby, which was way easier than trying to wrap the receiving blanket
-1-2 changes of clothes for baby and you (and DH should do his own bag, but don’t forget he needs stuff too like change of clothes), agree with above on maternity leggings being a good option
-flip flops for walking around hospital room
That was it. First kid I rolled up with a zillion things I didn’t need, second kid I had a small gym bag. Also hearty second to the note on having carseat installed ahead of time.
Quail says
#1 tip is have it packed early. Do not be me and spouse with our first, where he had no bag packed and I had half a bag packed when I went into labor 2 weeks early and we had to rush to the hospital without basically any stuff. Otherwise, I second the advice for long charging cords for devices, your fave toiletries, and comfy, dark colored clothes (including nursing tanks if you plan to breastfeed). (Dark colors because there is so. much. blood. Sorry, but I wish someone had told me!) My hospital provided basically everything else I needed postpartum and they know exactly what you need (ice packs, binders, mesh panties, etc). Since I labored at home, can’t speak to what to bring for that part. Your support person might want to bring layers in case you want the room cooler.
Anonymous says
For you: Pack your own bag of toiletries for showering at the hospital, and if you have room, your own towel/washcloth. Socks (my feet are always cold and I didn’t like hospital socks) and sandals (slippers if winter). A comfy nursing bra/tank or your own pjs (i was bf-ing, so I chose button front pjs). If you wear contacts, pack glasses as a backup. I also brought my own pillow.
For baby: their coming home outfit and maybe a second onesie. If you’re nursing, I also recommend bringing a nursing pillow (I prefer the my brst friend one – get the waterproof cover).
Long phone charging cord (also put this in your nursery/wherever you plan on feeding baby when you get home).
Anon says
Nursing pillow (my brest friend) is a plus if you’re nursing, though not necessary. Other key items are chargers and hair ties. I packed clothes and makeup which I was glad to have, but since no one will be visiting you I’d just wear pajamas.
If I were giving birth now I’d pack food. The hospital meals were not good and by the time I got back to the delivery room, the hospital kitchen was closed and my husband had to go out to get food. I think they had turkey sandwiches if you wanted to eat them, but they looked really gross and I was a vegetarian. It seems like most hospitals don’t let you run out anymore so you’d have to bring it with you – even small things like protein bars, canned soup, cereal, etc is nice to have. It’s important to eat if you’re breastfeeding and if you labor in the hospital for awhile you’ll have gone a long time without eating.
katy says
Easy afternoon question (late in the day I know).
There was a great list of book suggestions a few weeks ago (including some new to me!), that I swear I bookmarked, but alas did not. Looking for people’s favourites for 3+ year olds. We are looking for real stories for an upcoming third birthday.
My recommendations of books that we have read to death in the last 6 months (and I don’t want to throw out): Alfie series (Shirly Hughes), Oliver Jeffers (Stuck, in particular), Grumpy Monkey (Lang), Buffalo boys series. We still love Mighty Mighty Construction Site and Robert Munsch and the Hairy McClary (spelling?) series.
Also… Richard Scarry obsession over here. (“Busy Busy World” is horrible national / racial stereotypes… we unfortunately took it home from the library 2 days before lock down….)
GCA says
Household favorites at 3ish:
Robert McCloskey: Pros: Classic, beautifully illustrated. Cons: So darn long (One Morning in Maine clocks in at like 64 pages), plots ramble, not super diverse.
Julia Donaldson: Pros: Cheeky, sweet, not didactic, also entertaining for adults. Cons: none really?
This series by Hong-Shin Quek: https://shop.epigrambooks.sg/collections/picture-books/quek-hong-shin. Pros: engaging plots, not didactic; international, culturally and racially diverse. Cons: international shipping
Virginia Lee Burton: Pros: classic, vehicle protagonists are female. Cons: about as diverse as you’d expect from books published in the 1940s
Oge Mora: Pros: recent publications, young, talented POC author/ illustrator, relatable stories
Anonymous says
Thanks!