CorporetteMoms

Updated: Oct 2, 2016 86 Comments · by

Maternity Monday: Long Sleeve Dolman Dress

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A woman wearing a Long Sleeve Dolman Dress.I often forget how great the maternity selection is over at Gilt — but they have a ton of great stuff, including this pretty empire dress with dolman sleeves. Even better, it’s only $88, and available in sizes XS-XL. Nice! Ingrid & Isabel Long Sleeve Dolman Dress Psst: Boden has a huge sale going on — prices up to 70% off for women, men, babies, boys and girls! Also note — the big ShopBop sale has started, including a few maternity picks. Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines. (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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Comments

  1. RDC says

    Any suggestions for Bar Harbor and Arcadia, Maine? (Or can someone post the thread where this was discussed, since my googling has failed?) Looking for low-impact walks we can manage with a toddler in a backpack, toddler-friendly places to eat, and ideas of other fun things to do. Going this weekend!

    • RR says

      I loved our trip to Bar Harbor and Acadia. It’s been so long that I don’t remember the hikes we did (with then 4-year-olds), but a trip to the Acadia National Park website should get you a listing of good day hikes. We did the drive around Acadia, stopping at various sights along the way. You can stop at the visitor center and get a CD guide to play in the car as you go. We spent some time on the beach there and did a couple short hikes. We ate tons of lobster (go to one of the little lobster shacks right on the water; we never found a restaurant that wasn’t kid-friendly–there are a lot in downtown Bar Harbor and around), spent time in downtown Bar Harbor (which is adorable; there was a great ice cream shop that served flights of ice cream–no idea if it’s still there or name, but it was fabulous), did a day in Portland. It was one of my favorite family vacations.

  2. PhilanthropyGirl says

    Do my eyes deceive me or is this dress obnoxiously short? The way it looks on the model, there’s no way it’s suitable for my work environment.

  3. CPA Lady says

    Small victory in parenting over the weekend– kiddo only gets her pacifier for sleep now. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, except her screaming “paci” hysterically the entire way to church yesterday and then lying face-down on the church nursery floor for the better part of an hour in enraged protest. Other than that debacle, she was fine and easily distracted by her lovey or other toys the rest of the weekend.

    But seriously, having a pacifier-addicted 2 year old is what I get for thinking “why don’t you just _____ ” about so many parenting things I knew nothing about before I had a kid of my own.

    • Shayla says

      Way to go! My small victory is not completely losing my sh!t when my 2 year old broke the screen on our TV. Actually, both husband and I get credit here. The way things were going we both could have seriously blown a gasket but instead we had the where-with-all (and maybe were just completely shocked?) to understand that 2 year has no clue what he just did other than throw a toy which he did get a time out for. We both had shorter tempers the rest of the night, but that’s pretty good in my book.

      Sometimes it’s not what you do, but what you don’t do that counts!

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      We’re just down to the pacifier in her crib at home — stopped the car seat paci a month or so ago, but still get screaming and crying. I’ve run out of excuses to yank it — we’re not traveling soon, she transitioned to her new room, we haven’t started potty training in full..

      It will probably be harder on us than her, since none of us will be sleeping well for at least a few nights!

    • In House Lobbyist says

      Our dentist insisted we stop the pacifier this summer – immediately she said. We were down to naps and bedtime but it made her so happy. She just wanted to hold extras in her hand and cried for one when she was hurt. I was planning to get rid of it when she turned 3 a month later but we went cold turkey that night. I bought her a new book about how she was a big girl now and a new stuffed animal. The first night she cried for an hour. She never asked for a pacifier again. It was much less drama that I imagined and she is a drama queen. So good luck and it was much easier than I expected.

  4. Faye says

    This was buried in the weekend comments on the main s!te, but I’m now obsessed with rejectedprincesses.com. I want to somehow teach my kids (boys and girls) about all these awesome women. Any ideas on how to do that? Print it out or buy the book and read them as a bedtime story? Incorporate it into pretend play?

    I took my 3yo to a friend’s house this weekend, and the girls played with a castle – the princess was stuck at the top and the knight came to rescue her. The princess was saying things like “Oh no! Some boy come rescue me! I am pretty and I need help!” I know that doesn’t mean anything by itself, but I’ve tried so hard to give my kids the message that boys AND girls can rescue themselves. Yet this messaging of a damsel-in-distress has clearly sunken in. I didn’t say anything in the moment – should I have? And what? I don’t want them to think girl stuff is bad, but I also don’t want them to think being pretty matters, or that only boys do the adventuring.

    Argh. Parenting is hard.

    • Anonymous says

      Parenting is hard.

      We were watching ‘Sofia the First’ over the weekend and she rescued her friends by braiding moss into a rope. We emphasize princesses rescuing themselves/each other and it being silly to wait around for a boy. So it that situation I’d probably throw out “Why wait for a boy? I bet you can rescue yourself just like Anna rescued Elsa.”

      We try the Disney ‘princesses are superheros with dresses’ line a lot. We have a dress up box that has a lot of variety – Princess Train conductor is popular at the moment. Or Pirate firefighter (‘because they have wooden ships so they need to be good at firefighting – duh’ as my 5 year old said.)

      Also – amightygirl.com has basically saved my sanity. I loved princess stuff as a kid but I find it’s no longer one color in a rainbow of childhood experiences so we try to add to the rainbow as much as possible instead of minimizing the princess stuff.

        • Anonymous says

          Esp. since pirates smoke. Did you ever see a pirate vape? Didn’t think so. Pirates only do cool things.

    • CHJ says

      I have a son, but he really likes Frozen, Peppa Pig, and Madeline. The princess message in Frozen is pretty good – it’s all about the sisters and their relationship, even though Anna has her love stories. The other two are just strong/fun heroines, even though they are not princesses.

      • Anonymous says

        I don’t love the title ‘rejected’ though as some were actual princesses with remarkable achievements that have been misrepresented by history.

        • Closet Redux says

          I think the idea is that they were rejected by Disney. But, yes, agreed that it’s not the best title– what kid wants to be associated with rejection? I just finished reading Secret History of Wonder Woman by Jill Lepore (highly recommended!) and that comic used to have an insert called “Real Wonder Women of History.” Much more affirming.

    • hoola hoopa says

      Tinkerbell is a great series of movies for self-sufficiency that appeals to the princess types. (The merch is just the same lame stuff, but the movies are great). The Paperbag Princess book, too.

      I wouldn’t worry since they were playing the part of Helpless Princess. They’ve recognized it as an archetype, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ve internalized it. Encourage self-sufficiency in real life, and they’ll be okay.

      We also keep all dress up gear together, so it is fun to see the creative combinations. And when they are chillin’ in their princess dresses, you can help create story lines that vary.

    • Anonymous says

      I think you were right not to say anything in the moment. But if you wanted to try to redirect later, you could try playing with your daughter and a princess toy (and whatever else) and start with a question like, what powers does your princess have? Or by taking the more “masculine” toy and putting it into a situation where he needs to be rescued. If you introduce other ways to play with similar toys that may help. (Also DC just released a line of female action figures marketed for tweens. Super Girl, Bat Girl, Wonder Woman. May make for a good addition to playtime.)

      If she’s old enough to listen to a whole novel at bedtimes, try Dealing with Dragons– it’s about a princess who runs away to live with dragons. I’m not sure if Jane and the Dragon is streaming or on DVD but that may be closer to the right age. You won’t be able to ban princesses, so try to spin them instead.

      • Spirograph says

        omg I loooooved Dealing with Dragons when I was young. Cimorene was my hero. Also, I’m pretty sure every story I ever wrote in elementary school had a heroine based on me/her who was snarky, smart, and self-reliant. I watched all the Disney movies approximately a million times, so I agree with hoola hoopa that recognizing the archetype isn’t the same as internalizing it.

        Thanks, Faye, for pointing out rejected princesses. I just fell down a rabbit hole and read dozens of those…

  5. Stress Incontinence? says

    I recently started doing a bit more exercise — yay! But for vigorous exercise (in this case, single tennis, with lots of running and lunging and jumping), I am finding that I am a bit . . . leaky. I am not otherwise (although I make a point to squeeze before I sneeze). I had two v-deliveries (and for the first, I probably pushed for longer than I should have), but they were back to back and I attributed my having to go all the time with being pregnant (with #2), not the delivery with #1, but now I’m wondering if that’s not true and if I have a problem to warrant discussing with my OB (or b/c it’s just a strenuous exercise problem, if I should just wear a pad or something).

    Advice? Thoughts?

    • Anonymous says

      OBs aren’t great at this stuff. Pelvic floor phyiso is the way to go – your OB or family doctor can refer but I’d look up providers first in case they don’t know who does it.

      • RDC says

        Yep. Find a physical therapist focused on pelvic floor issues. Totally worth it!

        • Pelvic PT Qs? says

          Do you call PT places directly? Or do you get a referral? And is the term I should ask for “Pelvic floor PT”?

          [And what does that entail exactly — is it internal PT (not sure how that works, but not sure how you DX and train that area)?]

          • Anonymous says

            When you look up websites of physio clinics in your area, it’s usually listed under the different areas of practice/specialty that the different PTs have (or sometimes within the sub-description of the ‘women’s health’ list).

            Not sure on referral/insurance.

          • Katala says

            I read an article on this recently, I think linked from here (maybe a weekly news post?). It was from a magazine, possibly Cosmo. I’ll post a link if I can find it. From that description, yes it was internal at least for testing muscle weakness/progress. Very internal. But the author said it was similar to going to the doctor, not that weird and very worth it. I’m fairly sure I’ll have cause to try it after this pregnancy, and I think it’s helpful to know about that going in.

          • Sarabeth says

            That will depend on your insurance – some require a referral, some let you self-refer.

    • PEN says

      Your OB should be able to recomend a “Pelvic Floor PT” or a “Women’s Health PT”—I been through the PT after both births (with outstanding success) and one was called the former and one the latter. Internal and External work during the sessions, as well as exercises on your own.

    • anon says

      I went to a urogynecologist first, who referred me to PT as a potential treatment. Unfortunately it didn’t help me, and it doesn’t help everyone, but it is a logical first step. The actual PT was mostly doing kegels while doing other kids of exercises and activities. There was also doing kegels with electrodes attached around the area to measure how effective the kegels were. But it was mostly fully clothed, non invasive. The urogynecologist ran some tests that were more internal stuff.

      • Anonymous says

        I’ve had PT on my shoulder multiple times (swimmer), and PT quality varies greatly. If PT didn’t work for you, I’d be inclined to believe the fault was with the therapist. Bad PT is worse than no PT because you’re no better and you wasted time and money.

  6. Still deciding on a name says

    Lunchbox for mommy’s morning out dropoff: Our nanny is going to take our son to a drop off center at a local church once a week to help him have a chance to socialize. I’m trying to figure out backpack/lunchbox situation. Was going to get this lunch container and just stick it in his diaper bag but my hubby said he thinks it should be insulated: https://www.amazon.com/Skip-Hop-Zoo-Lunch-Darby/dp/B00LMV9LUQ/ref=sr_1_2_s_it?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1475502889&sr=1-2&keywords=skip+hop+lunch+boxes

    Should I get something insulated? Any suggestions?
    Should I send him with a diaper bag or a backpack filled with the same stuff (maybe a zippered back pack is easier to keep up with for the staff)? He’s a big 18 months.

    I’d wait and see what everyone else brings, but chances are I’ll never get to do that because of my work schedule, so I’m grateful for the hive on this!! Once I figure this out, I have to figure out what lunch foods he can feed himself (that’s what they’ve requested). I assume they wont put a bib on him…

    • CHJ says

      We have the Skip Hop “Lunchee” Insulated Lunch Bag (in Bumble Bee) and it works great. I also put anything that really needs to stay warm or cold in a Foogo thermos.

      And for carrying everything, I use a canvas reusable shopping bag from the grocery store. I think our daycare is half shopping bags, half backpacks.

      • Meg Murry says

        I think anything sturdy that can hold up to being tossed around is fine. I agree that a re-usable grocery bagm canvas bag or diaper bag is probably fine, you don’t need to go out and buy anything especially for this one day a week. One trick I saw a friend do that I thought was pretty clever was to put everything in the bag in large ziploc bags, and label the bags with kiddos name. So one ziploc with diapers and wipes, another one or two with spare outfits, etc.

        How long from dropoff to lunch? Insulated probably isn’t crucial if you are only talking about 2-3 hours and you can toss a cold pack in there. I’d be more worried about a sturdy lunchbox than anything else – can it handle being flipped upside down or dropped without the contents exploding everywhere?

    • HSAL says

      My favorite insulated bags (they have a variety of styles) are the Packits. They’re available on Amazon and probably other places. You put them in the freezer the night before and they stay cold at least 9-10 hours. Lots of cute patterns.

    • In House Lobbyist says

      We always did backpack for the 2 days a week mommy day out. It seems to hold everything and you have a place to put all the scribbles and art work home at the end of the day.

  7. CLMom says

    I received a very large gift card to JC Penney. I never shop there. However, I am in desperate need of new suiting separates, so perhaps I can revamp my wardrobe for free.
    Does anyone know if their Worthington line is worth (pardon the pun) buying? Other suggestions?
    I’m not a lawyer, just a professional looking for a one-suit-a-day type wardrobe regimen.

    • HSAL says

      With the disclaimer that I haven’t bought anything in the last couple of years, I’ve always been really happy with the stuff I’ve bought from Worthington.

    • Spirograph says

      I can’t speak to the suiting but I had a couple Worthington blouses that held up well for a couple years.

    • PhilanthropyGirl says

      I would agree with the assessment that Worthington items seem to have a decent wear life.

    • Katala says

      I had a Worthington suit jacket that held up well for a long time. I think I got rid of it during a move when I was changing sizes, not because it looked warn after years of use. Not the most fashionable/flattering cut, if I remember, but I also don’t get anything tailored so I’m sure that can be fixed.

    • CLMom says

      Thanks for the feedback. I think I’ll wait for a sale and then give it a go.

      • Meg Murry says

        I think Worthington suiting is comparable to other department store suiting in the same price range (under $200 for a full suit, can usually get it on sale in the $100-$150 range). Not trendy, but not over the top frumpy either as long as it fits your body type. Many of the suit jacket/blazers are sold as S-M-L-XL, so you may need to budget for some tailoring as well.

        Also, FYI, JCPenney has an in-house Sephora, so you may be able to order some of your favorite Sephora products through the JCP webs!te with the gift card if the suiting doesn’t work out for you.

        Other ways to spend the GC if you don’t wind up liking the suiting: linens (sheets, towels, bedding); kids clothes; blinds and curtains; kitchen gadgets.

    • Lurker says

      Some of my favorite sweaters are from JCP. I bought them during the brief time they were revamping their image to be hipper. Not sure if they still have great sweaters but I have had a few seasons of wear out of them and they are timeless chunky fall styles. If the suits don’t work out, you can probably find some other good wardrobe staples.

    • Momata says

      I also think I heard they are going to start carrying appliances, if you have a need.

    • Closet Redux says

      This is not on point (or maybe it is slightly– act now or risk losing forever!) but I thought JCP was on it’s way to bankruptcy. Didn’t they nearly become a penny stock last year?

      • PhilanthropyGirl says

        I believe there is some truth in this. A number of stores – including our local Penney’s – were closed due to financial troubles.

  8. Frozen Peach says

    I want to do a calendar of cute kid pics as a holiday gift this year. Does anyone recommend one of the online paper companies? Shutterfly? Snapfish? I get lost in all the many options. Quality matters a little more to me than price.

    • MDMom says

      I did one with shutterfly last year. It was pretty easy (though time consuming because I was compiling photos of 7 grandkids) and the final product was nice. I haven’t used any other services for calendars so can’t compare, but I have used a couple for photobooks over the years. Best advice I have for any of these things is to be mindful of the quality of the photos you put in. A low light photo from a phone (even a nice phone) will not enlarge well. But usually photos from outside/daylight look great.

    • EB0220 says

      I have used Shutterfly for the past two years and have been happy. I also have ordered prints from mpix since that was recommended by my photographer. The quality is great, but i checked the calendar temlates & UI last year and decided I liked Shutterfly better.

    • Momata says

      I order directly through my Mac’s iPhotos program and have been very pleased with the quality. Plus it saves the step of having to upload pictures.

    • In House Lobbyist says

      I do the snapfish calendars and books every year. You can download the app to your phone and upload your pictures that way. I find it really easy and grandparents go crazy for them. And if you aren’t in a hurry there will be tons of coupons between now and Christmas – I like the buy 1 get 2 free or 50% sales.

    • hoola hoopa says

      I’ve made shutterfly calendars for ~8 years. Aside from one year circa 2011, the quality has always been great. I keep the old ones with the photo albums and they still look good although I wouldn’t consider them archive quality.

      Their website set up is really easy, pretty customizable, and has a variety of styles with a few new ones each year. Every once in a while I explore other printers and get frustrated that I can’t pick and choose layouts and backgrounds as much, although it’s been a few years so that may have changed.

      Agree that it’s all about the quality of photo. I use photos from multiple families, and it really shows who primarily uses phone cameras vs dslrs, who never turns off their flash, etc. That would be true of any printer.

  9. AIMS says

    Home today and trying to put my daughter down for a nap for the last 58 minutes so I can shower and she is exhausted but just.f-ing.refuses. Honestly excited to go back o work tomorrow. I don’t have a question. Just needed to get that off my chest.

    • ChiLaw says

      This morning I was getting some teasing for not taking Rosh Hashana off. I finally told the truth — coming into work sounded more like a sweet start to the year than staying home with baby for another day. (We had her with us traveling all last week.)

    • GCA says

      No advice, just sympathy. I’m home today (my parents are in town, and I have to host). Husband at work. Kid fell asleep and took a 45min mini-nap on the way home from museum and is now refusing to go down. My parents are spending the afternoon (while kiddo is SUPPOSED to be napping) at back-to-back museum visits. And in complete accordance with Murphy’s law…work suddenly wants something urgently NOW. !%(&*#.

    • ChiLaw says

      Tried to post a sympathetic comment but it got eaten. Kids are HARD. Work can be a haven sometimes.

  10. ETex says

    Is Gilt still only final sale? I’m going to be in the market for maternity holiday party dresses – this seems like a good option (for this very short lady). Anywhere else I should look when the time comes??

    • CHJ says

      How pregnant will you be? I was able to get away with a regular cocktail dress from TJ Maxx when I was 6 months pregnant. It was an empire waist with a drapey skirt. I think I paid $35 for it. Rent The Runway might have similar styles that could work?

      • ETex says

        About 7 months. I’m really struggling with regular stuff in larger sizes because I am basically very petite but my b00bs (right now and in real life to a lesser degree) are MASSIVE. So pretty much all of my shirts that fit around my belly are bulging at my chest already and if I try to just go up to a medium or a large, it’s swimming on me everywhere else. I haven’t tried any dresses on yet, but I’d suspect I’d have the same problem – straps too long/falling off my shoulder and hemline falling past my knees..but maybe I need to go try some stuff on and just see.

  11. Babysitter comes early says

    We have a great babysitter whom we love. We pay her an hourly rate. We ask her to come to our house, first, do some chores, and then go to pick up the kids after school.

    She ends up coming to our home about 15 minutes early each time and she includes that time when she sends us her total hours for the week. Obviously we don’t know when she gets there because we aren’t home.

    This isn’t a huge deal but I was wondering how typical it is for a sitter to charge if she comes early?

    • HSAL says

      Is it as a result of public transportation schedule or does she just want to make sure she’s on time? I can’t really fault her for either. She probably starts working as soon as she gets there. I think it’s probably typical. Since you otherwise love her, I’d let it go (and it sounds like that’s where you’re leaning).

      • Babysitter comes early says

        I think it’s a result of both, honestly. She’s very conscientious. As I’m typing all this out I’m realizing that this is probably silly and I should just let this go. Thanks.

    • Anonymous says

      Like you agreed to pay her from 2:30 to 5:30 and she’s billing you 2:15- 5:30? Does she do it like that every single week?

      I’m mention it if you feel you’re not getting good value (like if she’s getting everything done that you asked) but you risk her saying that she can’t get it all done in the reduced time and asking you to take chores off her list.

      • Babysitter comes early says

        Right, exactly. It’s not every time, but it ends up being at least once or twice a week (she works 5 days a week). She gets everything done and I will admit that we have her doing a lot in a short amount of time, so I think it is coming from a perspective of trying to make sure she gets the work done on time.

        I’m tempted to let this go, but was curious how typical it was.

        • Anonymous says

          I’d let it go.

          If it was super consistent – like she asked for 20 hours a week, you offered 15 (5*3)and now she’s weekly billing you 3:15*5 for 16:15 every week, I’d be a bit annoyed.

        • Sarabeth says

          Yeah, I think if she’s doing work while she’s there, you just pay her for the time.

        • Meg Murry says

          I’d let it go so long as her end times also match up with what is actually happening or what you agreed to (she’s not billing you for staying until 6:30 on nights when she leaves by 6:15 or 6:00), I’d trust she’s being honest and not begrudge her the extra 1/2 hour of pay. The only reason not to drop it, IMO, is if it starts to creep a lot more, or if it’s messing up your accounting system somehow (it’s pushing her into 40+ hours and triggering overtime, it’s puts her into a threshold where you have to worry about ACA benefits in your state, or you hired a service to pay her on the books for X hours every week and can’t easily adjust it to be X+1 or X-1).

    • EB0220 says

      I pay babysitters that way. If they come 15 min early, that’s when I start the clock. If they come 15 minutes late, that’s also when I start the clock.

      • Katala says

        When we use a sitter from a service, they start the clock at the appointed time even if they’re a little early (or late, I think – there was a miscommunication about getting into our apartment and the last person started 15-20 minutes late) and end at the later of the appointed end time or when we get home. That said, we’re always there and it’s just watching kiddo, no chores, so I would probably just pay for 15 extra minutes of actual work in this situation.

    • H says

      If you can afford it, I’d let it go. In the grand scheme of things, she doesn’t make that much (even though it feels like a lot to you.) When I worked an hourly job back in the day, we all got there a little early and clocked in and began work right away.

    • Closet Redux says

      Relatedly, do you pay your sitter for time after you get home when you’re just chatting? We have a sweet sitter who loves to gab and often will hang out for an extra 20 minutes or so after we get home to relieve her. Some talk is kid talk (kid’s mood/ what she ate/ funny things she said/ what time she went to bed/ etc.) so does that count as part of her work benefitting us? I usually pay her for it but it also feels a little time-creep-y.

      • AnonMN says

        I do, because I consider it more of an investment in getting to know my caregiver, even if we aren’t talking about kid stuff. I also don’t want her rushing out the door right when I get home, I’ve had a nanny like that and it ended up making me feel bad that she was always in a rush to leave (like I was somehow late or something). I much prefer the chatter, but maybe it’s a personality thing?

  12. TK says

    Interesting thread on the main site re: Ivanka’s declaration that ‘being a mom is the most important job that any woman can have.’

    As a mom who considers her role as a parent more objectively important than her “job,”, I still find this statement very offensive.

    • CPA Lady says

      Yeah. It also really bothers me that motherhood is called a “job” not just by Ivanka, but by the current cultural narrative. It’s not a job, it’s a relationship. Calling it a job makes it into something that it isn’t, and feeds into the mommy wars thing, IMO.

      • Anonymous says

        I do think that it is a job in that it can be done well and done poorly. Many days, if I had a review, I’d probably be put on an improvement plan (keep your temper in check, don’t bring your frustrations past the door of your house, be more patient), in no part due to my other job (the one that keeps a roof over our heads). I do feel like my money job makes me worse at my mommy job (but that .75 of my $ job might balance things out better so that I don’t wind up quitting on a bad day).

        I can always quit BigLaw; I can’t resign the mommy thing without social services getting involved.

      • Closet Redux says

        Oh interesting. I always thought calling it a job brought legitimacy to its value and challenged the fact that it is a highly critical yet uncompensated responsibility that falls disproportionately on women.

        • GCA says

          ^ This! I’m also not objecting to calling it a job – but I am dismayed that that is what it takes to legitimise the value of care work.

        • Anons says

          Agree. Have you read “Unfinished Business” by Anne Marie Slaughter? She gets that caregiving is work, and until we recognize that and assign it the value it should have, many of our sexism problems are not going away.

    • GCA says

      I have plenty of SAHM friends – for them, that is how they frame what they do – it is a full-time (24/7!) ‘job’. I have no issue with them calling it a job, if it helps them hold on to a sense of identity. That’s because the current cultural narrative requires women to be superwomen – the perfect mothers and housewives of the 50s combined with the ambitious career focus of the 80s.

      I do object to sexist double standards – no one says fatherhood is the ‘most important job that any man can have’. I also object to a cultural narrative that so devalues caregiving roles, particularly for women, that calling motherhood a job is the only way that many women can cling on to a sense of identity.

      My two cents – while my son is one of the absolutely most important people in my life, I do not regard being A Mother as an essential part of my identity.

      • Jax says

        I agree that society has forced women to call motherhood a “job” and I also agree that we don’t value people working in caregiver roles (SAHM, nanny, daycare workers).

        I think the real root of the problem is that we all like to rank jobs. Doctors/Lawyers sit on the top tier, then engineers, then teachers, and so on until we finally hit the bottom rung of “People Who Babysit”. Until we realize that each job in society is important and worthy of respect, we’re going to hear from people who want to stress that their job is important and exhausting, too. Everyone who puts in a hard day, either paid or unpaid, wants some recognition that what they are doing is important and needed.

        I think the Mommy Wars are going to end soon because more and more mothers *have* to work. Divorce is still at 50%, more women are attending college/grad school than men, and more couples agree that it takes 2 incomes. Only the very poor and the very wealthy mothers will stay home before long. (Just my doom and gloom predictions…ignore this whole paragraph and carry on!)

    • SAHM1 says

      I am of many minds about these types of comments. I very much value and prioritize caregiving, such that I am now primarily a SAHM (with a few freelance projects on the side). Is it a “job”? I mean, there are a set of specific tasks that go along with parenting on a day-to-day basis, many of which are outsourced when a parent works outside the home.

      So, yes, perhaps parenting is my “job.” But I feel it’s kind of disingenuous for Ivanka (et al) to say it’s “the most important job” when she presumably spends most of her time at a conventional, outside the home “job.” Parenting isn’t her job — though it is her role. Working parents are VERY VERY much irreplaceable moms and dads, but they have other day “jobs.”

      I’m thinking out loud here — don’t mean to offend, just very interested in this discussion!

    • Suburban says

      I hate it. Hated it before I had a kid and even more now.

      I find that it’s both patronizing and damaging for everyone. For moms who don’t work (“you don’t need financial independence or career aspirations sweetie, you’re a mommy!”) and moms who do work (“don’t feel bad that you’ll never make partner, sweetie, you’re a mommy, that’s what counts!”) and childless women (“you have failed to procreate, fall short of a womanly ideal and, despite your career success are not important.” ), we’re all reduced biology by this sentiment.

      The anon on the main post killed it when she said the most important job a woman can have is president of the United States.

      *this is not to say that I don’t value childcare as work. I do, but our society doesn’t and these sentiments hurt rather than help that cause.

    • hoola hoopa says

      Honestly, that saying is so cliché now that I’m not even sure what people mean by it any more, and I rather doubt they do either. So it conjures up more an eye roll from me than any offense.

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