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I’m not sure if an ice cream machine makes my life easier, but it does make it more joyful!
I got this machine from Cuisinart for my birthday, and I’m never buying another pint of ice cream again. I’ve never made my own ice cream before, and it’s absolutely magical — just some chilled milk, cream, sugar, salt, and flavoring (I haven’t tried a recipe with eggs yet), and in about 20 minutes, you have fresh ice cream!
This model from Cuisinart makes up to one-and-a-half quarts of ice cream, and the wide spout makes adding mix-ins easy. It also comes in seven colors so you can easily match your kitchen decor.
This ice cream maker is $69.99 for most colors and is available at Amazon.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
SSJD says
Any recommendations about where to find clothing for a 10 year old (probably size 12 based on her height) with a booty? The hand-me-downs we have are all cut for skinny little people, and this daughter has more meat on her bones. What does not fit is mostly Athleta and Old Navy leggings. I would like to find pants that are not leggings and are not jeans. Does that just leave sweatpants? Trackpants? I am not sure where to look next.
Anon says
if Athleta and Old Navy work, did you look at Gap? I find Zara to be cut larger, though mine are still little and not in the same size group you are mentioning. Other than leggings and jeans, there are corduroys, joggers,
RR says
Gap has “plus” sizing in some options. My daughters are completely different shapes–both gorgeous and healthy. My older daughter had no booty until puberty, so she had tons of slim cut Gap pants. Those don’t fit her younger sister at all. She’s always been tall and had a booty. So, we end up with Gap “plus” (I don’t love “plus” for kids, but it’s just more room) or we size up. Honestly, she wears a LOT of leggings, but joggers and yoga pants are great options too. We also do a lot of skirts over tights/leggings.
Anonymous says
What does she want to wear? Idk this kinda sounds like you think she’s too fat for nice clothes and are putting her in sweatpants. Meat on the bones is a gross thing to say.
Anonymous says
No, she’s is limited to sweatpants and other stretchy pants right now because she’s having trouble finding “nice clothes” that fit! The whole point of this question is to try to give her daughter more options that fit her unique shape!
Anon says
You might want to look toward “adult” brands with cuts that work for younger folks. Thinking J.Crew or the like. I was like this – 5′ at age 9 and had hips well before the rest of my age cohort. The “plus” size kids stuff didn’t work – too much room in the wrong places. My kid is too young to have this issue yet. but sympathy – it’s really hard to find the right clothes at that age.
Anon says
I often will get pants from the boys section for my daughter. I also find they are more durable than girls. I will splurge every year and buy one or two pairs of pants from Mini Boden because they come in colours other than blue, grey, and khaki.
Other than that, Uniqlo has some high waisted legging pants that might work.
Anon says
At that age, my mom generally would take me to stores like Target, Goody’s, or Kohl’s and let me shop in the Juniors section. She is probably growing out of kids clothes but not quit into adult clothes size or stylewise. That is what the Juniors section is for. I think Macy’s and other stores like that have Juniors sections.
Anonymous says
Fewer stores have juniors’ sections now, but Hollister is very “juniors” in shape and size.
Anon says
Venting. Due to our daycare’s strict policies, we had the kids home for 9 days due to a mild mild cold. (Policy- both kids home for ANY symptom, including runny nose or cough, no matter if it’s a persistent cough or not, plus 24 hrs symptom free). They went back 3 days, and now DD has hand foot and mouth. She’s miserable. I’m miserable. And I see no end in sight to the larger issue of child illness during covid. At 1 and 3, vaccines are still far off. Ready to quit my job but I’ve made it this far. Ugh.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Ugh, I’m sorry. That’s a really frustrating policy. Ours has kids stay home if they have two of those symptoms, but they can be let back in with a negative Covid test (assuming no fever or other major symptom). Keeping kids out for a runny nose, in the winter, is just madness. Unfortunately, I think a lot of areas have major staff shortages at daycares, so it’s not so easy to just switch to another one. You could maybe look into a nanny? I don’t think there is a good solution to this now though.
Anon says
yes, our preschool which has pretty strict protocols in place, also has a way to be let back in with a negative covid test (PCR) and a form from a doctor confirming an alternate diagnosis. the symptoms don’t have to be totally gone, but you have to have improvement, meaning if kiddo coughs occasionally it is fine, but if you cough all day long you’ll be sent home. For us this meant 2 days out of school for a recent cold. and we got lucky that they were the sickest on a Thursday/Friday so also had the weekend to recover.
Ugh says
What an annoying policy. Kids get colds. I’m sorry this is happening. If they get a negative PCR test and don’t have a fever, what is the big deal?!! So frustrating. Just take it day by day, mama.
Pogo says
+1 agree, this just… sucks. Vent all you want. We are so lucky that runny nose does not disqualify us, with two kids and staggered symptoms we’d be SOL for like 3 weeks every time someone has a runny nose for WHATEVER reason.
Can you go back w/ a doctor’s note? We’ve done that with allergies and Lyme Disease (caused a fever, so we had to prove he didn’t have COVID even 72h fever free, and we already had the Lyme confirmation so we opted to do that rather than COVID test… given that I had run back and forth to doctor and pharmacy several times already I appreciated that!)
Anon says
Commiseration. Our daycare also won’t accept kids back with any symptoms of illness, no matter how mild, even if they have a negative covid test. They also don’t require a covid test to go back to school no matter what the child’s symptoms were. It makes no sense to me and I’m so frustrated too (I also missed all last week).
Anon says
Can anyone who works remotely with a nanny comment on how that is going? I love daycare in theory, but with short staffing and recent changes am scared that we won’t get through the next year, so exploring alternatives for our toddler. The biggest problem with a nanny is we don’t have a huge house and I’m afraid I’d be distracted by LO/LO would want me throughout the day.
Anon says
I don’t have a nanny anymore, but when we did I would have to stay out of sight. If you’re working from a common area like the living room or kitchen it seems like it would logistically be very difficult.
Anon says
we have a wonderful nanny and live in a 2 bedroom apartment. somehow when covid first hit and our twins were just about 2, DH managed to work from the living room of our apartment. our nanny is amazing and would typically take the kids outside for 3+ hours in the morning (even though it was really hot where we live), bring them home for lunch, then they would take a 2 hour nap. On the other hand, if I work from home, which I am doing right now, I kind of have to hide out in the bedroom/master closet (which is very large). now it is harder bc our kids are older and have stopped napping. it is hard hearing my kids crying/screaming sometimes, but i’m also glad that i have someone else to deal with it at that moment :-)
RR says
We’ve had our nanny coming with work at home since May. My kids are a bit older, but there are still interruptions sometimes. For the most part, I put on noise cancelling headphones and just try to ignore them because my “office” is in our kitchen. The nanny is great at keeping them busy, taking them outside, etc. They think she’s a lot more fun that me, so they generally want to hang out with her. It’s not perfect, but it works.
govtattymom says
It worked fairly well for us, although our house isn’t super small. My biggest piece of advice is to create a work area and make it “off limits” for the kids. Our nanny was fantastic about enforcing this as the number one rule. Sometimes I wanted to see the kiddos and I wouldn’t because the nanny and I really wanted to emphasize that it is not ok to interrupt mommy while she is working. Unfortunately (or fortunately) our nanny decided to finish her degree.
NYCer says
I work from home with our nanny here, and it has been totally fine. Do I get distracted by my kids at some point every day? Yes. Do I take more breaks to hang out with them for a little bit? Yes. Maybe I just don’t care about my job enough, but it really doesn’t bother me. I have my desk in our (large) bedroom, so I do have my own space. I occasionally will take my laptop into the living room if my daughter wants to “see mama.” That being said, they are out of the apartment A LOT, and I don’t think I would be able to do it if that weren’t the case. They go to a museum or a class or meet up with friends at the playground or the most mornings and afternoons, so they are never here for more than an hour or two at a time.
My husband goes to his office 3 days a week though. If we were both here all the time plus the nanny, it might be too much.
TheElms says
My husband and I have done this since pretty much the start of the pandemic. We were in daycare, daycare closed and didn’t reopen for ages and in the interim we hired a nanny. LO was 10 months old when we hired the nanny and is now a little over 2. We do have a pretty big house but I still don’t have a door on my office. My office is in a loft space in the house, so at least I am on a different floor and out of sight. Early on we set a routine that the nanny took LO in the room we use as our playroom so I could finish unloading the dishwasher and get my breakfast. I do hide during the day and only come down to the kitchen when LO is either out or asleep. That was tricky but after this long I’m used to basically “commuting” to my home office. I bring my breakfast if I didn’t finish it, water, lunch, and snacks so I am basically self contained. I do hear a decent amount of ambient noise, but if LO is in the playroom its mostly fine. Meltdowns that happen now are a bit trickier to handle because they are really loud. If I had a super important call I might kick DH out of his office so that I could close the door. LO now goes to part time preschool so I get peace and quiet for those hours, which I’ve found helpful. DH has a similar set up except he got the room with the door in the loft space. Its not fair, but he’s more sensitive to noise in general and this wasn’t a battle worth fighting for me. We also tried sharing the office with the door, but that was worse!). LO is less upset by his coming and going so he can go down to the kitchen but he still tries not to because she does get very upset on occasion and he knows that is disruptive to me.
TLDR; think through a routine and your workspace but its likely doable. You’ll need to set firm expectations in the beginning and stick to them with basically no deviation until everyone is in a solid routine.
Spirograph says
I would hate this. I really, really dislike working from home if anyone else is in the house with me, but I know some people feel differently. Know yourself.
My kids are old enough to know better, but still come into my office all the time in the afternoon once they’re home from school. When they were home with a nanny over the summer I got nothing done unless she took them somewhere — if I can hear them, even if they’re not directly trying to engage me, the “mom” part of my brain turns on, and constantly switching from mom to work is a huge productivity and energy drain. Plus, the whole appeal of working from home, for me, is that I have my own space I can move around at will: get a snack, use the bathroom, throw in a load of laundry, play the piano or go for a quick walk as a brain break… I could not do that with kids and a nanny. Every time I walked out of my office, someone would ambush me, or I felt guilty that I was doing a solitary break rather than engaging the kids even though they were *right there.* Thus I ended up just hiding in my office all day, which wasn’t good for my mental health either.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – I’m in this camp. This is why we’ve never hired a nanny, because even pre-pandemic, we lived in an apartment and I worked from home 1-2x/week. My favorite days are when the kids are at school, and DH is in the office or on work travel and it’s just me and the dog :)
Anon says
+1 We had a nanny for one semester between my husbands paternity leave and getting into daycare. My husband and I both routinely worked from home (different days usually). It was awful for me and I could tell it made our nanny extremely uncomfortable even though we told her during the interview process that we worked from home regularly. But we are a daycare family and didn’t enjoy the nanny experience in general.
Pogo says
+1 I would not like it, but it would be doable. I overlap with the nanny for about 1.5 hours each day, and it definitely distracts me to hear them downstairs even with the door shut. Like I want to jump in an answer questions sometimes (nanny might ask something of the 4yo, and he doesn’t know the answer, but I do), but if I spoke up that would be the end of my workday.
WFH with nanny says
I am full time remote (pre-pandemic) and we have one child, turning 1 next week. Our nanny started when she was 4 months old. We live in a small house (excluding the basement, which is not baby-safe so she is never down there, it’s about 1400sq ft). My office is right next door to the nursery.
Honestly, I love it. I love being able to see my daughter all throughout the day and hearing about what she’s up to. Sometimes the nanny will let her walk into my office to come get a hug during the day (when she can see that I’m not on a call), and seeing her walk across the room to my desk with her arms outstretched and a huge grin is THE BEST. I actually don’t know how I could ever transition to not seeing her all day during the day (note – I totally get that other people do this all the time and that it is normal! I just love that it isn’t my normal).
Things that probably help:
– I’m REALLY good at working through distraction so hearing them play or hearing her fuss is no issue for me.
– Our daughter is super chill and has yet to fuss about the nanny being the caregiver instead of mom or dad (my husband works from home around 1x per week). I’m nursing but pump so nanny can give the daytime bottles, and my daughter has no issue taking a bottle over the breast. If I’m holding her while she is fussing, and nanny is heating up the bottle, she will reach out her arms for nanny once the bottle is ready because she knows that’s who is giving her milk this time!
– We really took our time finding the right nanny and hit the jackpot. We get along very well and made it clear when we interviewed that I am home every day, took her on a tour of the house so that she could see that my office (I work with the door open) is literally next to the nursery and thin walls, and that we’d be seeing each other multiple times throughout the day. It’s been a non-issue.
However – we’re only 8 months into the arrangement, and so far only have one child. So who knows what could change in the future.
anon says
I’m so happy this is working so well for you. This is the golden age to work from home I think and ams o glad youre able to do it. It is so special to get those little breaks to see them. Just a quick note though that in my experience, it does get harder to see them and wfh after 18+ months if they have a strong mom preference or are crying for you ebcause they know you are home. It hit my daufhter around 15 months and for my son not till about 2, but fortunately he started a part time preschool program then.
Anon says
We have two small children, the world’s greatest nanny, and I work remotely at least 3 days/week (did remote work full time during the pandemic). We don’t have a huge house either (about 2,000 square feet – which is I realize is large in respects but not for our suburb/area). I work out of our bedroom because it has a door that I can close/lock (bless the blurred background option on Teams!). My kids adore our nanny and generally do fine at saying bye to me and transitioning to her most of the time. I can also hear them well enough to know if they truly need me (they’re hurt) or they’re just whining for me (which I mostly ignore so I don’t encourage the behavior). I will use noise cancelling headphones when I need to do or take super serious calls from our walk-in closet for extra noise prevention. It was a little chaotic to get used to at first but now I love it.
anon says
I work from my closet. Two doors between me and the chaos. They still pop in 2-3X/week.
Sharing is not Caring? says
Any tips on dealing with a 3.5 year old who is awful at sharing? We thought he caught onto it this summer, but he’s so possessive of his toys (and parents)! Any advice/strategies? Does this sound typical? Even if we show up to a birthday party (rare these days) with a gift for the bday kid, my 3.5 year old freaks out. Anything to do besides continually reinforce how we share with him and sharing is good?
AwayEmily says
The rule that has worked well in our house is “can I have it when you’re done?” A kid gets to play with a toy as long as they want, but if a sibling (or parent, or friend) asks “can I have it when you’re done?” they need to say yes, and give it to them when they are done. This is what they used in preschool and it has really been magic. It’s more specific than just “share” and doesn’t force kids to give things up when they’re in the middle of using them. And honestly, it’s never that long for the other kid to wait since most children have the attention span of a gnat.
That doesn’t quite work with your birthday example…though I don’t think that’s sharing, exactly. I’d deal with that by talking about him with it beforehand, and maybe practicing the gift-giving process with silly things (like a can of beans, or a glass of water).
Good luck — and yes, this is totally typical.
octagon says
There is a Daniel Tiger episode that is great for this. We still sing the song “you can take a turn, and then I get it back.”
The birthday gift is separate — that’s not sharing, that’s giving. Maybe with the upcoming holidays there’s a way to help him understand the distinction?
EDAnon says
My five year old hasn’t given a ton of gifts (due to covid and people’s requests for no gifts). He freaked out the otero day because we were giving some a birthday gift. We told him at home (so he freaked out there), we were super firm about it, and then by the time we gave the gift, he handed it over himself!
Anon says
for those of you where one spouse has a “big” job and the other has a more regular job or is a stay at home parent, how do you balance out childcare stuff? DH works in finance and earns much more money that I do, while I work part-time. I obviously realize that his job allows us to live the life we live, but it is also really hard for me to stay patient with the kids and be a good parent, when i do solo dinner/bedtime 4-5 nights a week and then when he is home, if the kids are crying for us at bedtime, etc. i want him to deal with it since i so often do it on my own. usually on sundays we do it together, on saturdays DH feeds them dinner and puts them to bed while I go to the grocery store, and fridays DH is often home in time to read them a story, but not for dinner/bedtime. I often read on here about people who manage to ‘break’ from work from 5-7 for family dinner/bedtime and then log back on and DH can do this, in theory, but doesn’t that often. any tips for how to make that work? i don’t need him home every night, but it would be nice if like on Tuesdays and Thursdays he could make that work consistently.
Anonymous says
My husband and I both have full time jobs although he works far more than I— I am strict 40 hours a week and he is 50-60. He vastly outearns me. However, spending time with our family is his top priority and he makes daycare/school pickup through bedtime work 95% of the time, then logs back on after the kids are asleep. Because he’s high up in seniority, he has the flexibility to work on his timeline, and that’s how he structures his days.
I think you need an explicit conversation about this (or several). Have you tried that? Or is it more one-offs when you are tired at the end of the day?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yeah, I think it comes down to priorities and values. OP’s husband’s actions say that he values paid work more than caregiving work. And I get that this is widely reinforced by society for men, but if it doesn’t work for you (it doesn’t for me), then you need to make that clear. Unfortunately I think this is a very common situation when one partner (usually man) works and earns more than a SAH/part time partner (usually woman).
Anon4This says
This sounds great. But not everyone is as lucky, and then there are jobs where you always have to be “on call”.
Anonymous says
On Saturdays you go to the grocery store? That screams out as a thing you could instead have delivered so Saturday’s you enjoy a relaxing glass of wine.
Anonymous says
I’d take a solo trip the grocery store where I can poke around and check out new foods and meal ideas over trying to relax with wine while DH does a struggle bus bedtime routine because the kids know I am in the house.
Anonymous says
I go to the grocery store to get time to myself.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hi! So DH and I both have “big” jobs – but he’s Counsel in BigLaw and makes about 3x my salary, and has billables, etc, and mine is a leadership role in a different type of organization. Our kids are 9 months and almost 4. DH does try to “break” but sometimes client stuff rolls in, and it is what it is. He also is taking the rest of his parental leave (8 weeks!) the last 2 months of the year and will be handling a lot more of the primary parent stuff.
It sounds like your DH is doing what he can when he can. If you feel like it’s an issue of stepping up, perhaps the conversation can be of him taking 1 or 2 weeknights over. I also think you should “give” him the weekends (unless you like doing it together, which I get).
What has helped is……help. We’re fortunate we have a local grandparent who is willing and able to be around a LOT, like basically splitting time between their house and hours. This is also pretty typical culturally; no one raises kids in a nuclear family without community! I was working a ton until just recently where things have slowed down so this help was critical.
If it wasn’t for that, I’d recommend a PT nanny, mother’s helper, whatever you’re comfortable with and is in the realm of affordability for a chunk of the evenings. He’s in a job (as is my DH) where even families with a SAH parent hire out. Also, any thoughts on getting groceries delivered or curbside? Things like that also help a ton.
I hope you’re getting some self-care in there – maybe something fun before or after the grocery store. Sending good vibes.
Anon says
Money is irrelevant IMO. Hours worked is a better pricy but even then I think a lot of men who work long hours wouldn’t want to miss bedtime every night. DH earns 3x what I do and works more hours (not crazy hours though) and we divide childcare and house stuff pretty 50-50.
Anon says
*proxy
OP says
DH tries. like he does sometime come home for bedtime and then goes back to the office if crazy busy. He does work more hours than I do, even once you add in each of our home responsibilities (like my work hours + childcare/home responsibilities is fewer hours than his work hours + childcare/home responsibilities). we have a nanny and i do get some alone time during the week. maybe there is something wrong with me in that i have less energy than other people? just the mealtime/bedtime is such a fussy time for kids. they each want individual attention and there is only one of me, and i know this will only get harder as they get older and have homework, etc.
Anonymous says
There’s nothing wrong with you. It is hard.
AwayEmily says
There is NOTHING wrong with you. Mealtime and bedtime with two little kids IS really hard, and it is very difficult to find the joy in it. I parented on my own 3 days/week for a year and it was a substantially worse year for me. For many people (I’m sure not all), parenting is just way more fun and less draining when you do it with your partner. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting more of that. I don’t have a solution other than “talk to him and try and solve the problem together,” but you are absolutely normal. The one thing I’ll say is that it has gotten easier, not harder, as the kids have gotten older — doing meals and bedtime on my own when the kids were 1 and 3 was unbelievably draining. Now that they are 3 and 5 it’s tiring but nowhere near as intense.
Boston Legal Eagle says
100%. Dinner and bedtime with little kids is hard. Doing it yourself is even harder.
AnonATL says
Dinnertime through bedtime are the least favorite parts of my day. It only lasts like 2 hours, but it is complete chaos with a grumpy tired gremlin child.
Pogo says
No, nothing wrong with you!! It’s hard to work even “just” 8-9 hrs/day and then put in 2-3 hours of caregiving.
Anonymous says
What is your ideal here— what are you aiming for? More energy at night to deal with bedtime or for DH to step up more? I’m the 950 poster and I can’t tell if your DH could be home and chooses not to or if you’re looking for advice to make it work without him.
I am a morning person. I am fantastic with the kids before school. Around 6 pm, I start crashing and it’s all downhill for me from there. I’m impatient and cranky with the kids far more than I’d like to be. Luckily, as I noted above, Dh is largely in charge at this time.
Some people need more down time and alone time than others. That’s ok! It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Not an ideal solution but I do handle bedtime better when I have a little caffeine in the afternoon (not a lot but enough so that I’m not completely exhausted). And watching out for the same triggers I do for my kids helps— if dinner is running late and I’m hungry, I have a quick snack. I take deep breaths when I feel frustrated, switch to a t-shirt if I’m not (makes me very cranky very fast!) and sometimes make a kid or all of them go on a quick walk outside to reset if we’re all struggling.
But the best thing for your family may be to have your husband home more during a tough time of day and it’s ok to push him on that.
Anonymous says
There is nothing wrong with you! And be clear on what you are looking for – do you want him to be in charge of dinner/bath or just hold one kid and read to them or watch a video while you deal with other kid? If you want him to be present but not running the show, that may be a big help to you and less overwhelming for him so make it more doable.
Yesterday I literally asked DH to just sit in the twins room and read to one twin while I handled a meltdown with other twin and showered older kid. Having one less kid to focus on was huge. And dinner/bedtime does get easier as they get older.
rakma says
Yes, it’s hard, but don’t sweat the homework yet (that’s hard in different ways)
Can your nanny shift hours to sometimes be there for the dinner to bedtime pipeline?
Can you do pre-prepped meals or take out or have your nanny cook dinner so you’re just feeding people not cooking too?
Can your husband commit to one regular day a week where he’s home for bedtime?
I have zero energy when I get home from work, so I try to do what I can in the morning before work to make the dinner/bedtime routine easier. It’s so hard and I have to reserve what little patience I have for my kids, which sometimes means I leave the dishes for morning-me.
Anonymous says
We have a schedule even with two mid level jobs vs one big job and one part time. I have a lesson on Tuesday nights so I make supper and then DH cleans up and puts them to bed. Your ask is pretty reasonable. Can he set aside one- two weeknights to be present from 5-7pm or 6-8pm or whatever? With the idea that he avoids missing it if possible and makes it up later in the week if possible. Be clear if you are expecting him to cook dinner vs. just be present for shared bedtime. I actually find it most efficient when I do bedtime vs him or shared, so I do relatively more bedtimes and he handles ‘cooking’ more. Sometimes cooking is literally boiling pasta and opening the jar of sauce or picking up pizza but it’s still one less thing that I am ‘managing’.
Anon4this says
I’m in this situation, sort of. I’m Counsel in Biglaw, DH is a Partner in Biglaw. We have a toddler and one on the way. DH earns about double my salary and has more job stability than I do, but his practice area and firm are generally seen as fairly family friendly. My practice area is somewhat family friendly, but my office is not. Obviously, we are both working long hours, but also both of us are reasonably senior and I think that helps. We both do everything we can to not work crazy hours, but who is busier or whose schedule is less flexible varies tremendously based on our client/project mix at any given time. On average we work between 50 and 60 hours a week each. We both try really hard to never work more than 60 hours now that we have a kid. And even pre-kid we both tend to need 1 day a week where we don’t do work (I’ll check email and send non-substantive responses but I don’t want to be sitting down to do hours of work on my “day off”) for general sanity reasons.
For us the only thing that has worked has been to be as flexible as possible with each other. We never have a 50-50 split but I’d say it varies between 80-20 and 60-40 depending on who is busier. More often than not I am doing more childcare/housework than DH but DH does bedtime 95% of the time. We do have a more than full-time nanny and we do have a cleaning service but there is stuff to do between when they come and general toy pick up/ laundry/etc. and cooking. So it is just hard and something is always being “dropped” for later. Sometimes I’m busier at work and still am doing 60% of the home work and it feels unfair. But I do think we are each doing our best and I try to focus on that rather than the exact balance. I get most irritated when I think DH is giving more effort to work than home because I think home comes first and work gets your “leftover” effort rather than the other way around (which is DH’s default).
I think we’ve also spent more time trying to figure out the best ways we can each contribute to the family to leverage our strengths. And that helps a lot with the fact that its not an equal split all the time. So for me, not doing bedtime was really helpful because it meant I could log on quicker to finish any work that had arisen and needed to be addressed while I was getting dinner on the table. Also, I find bedtime incredibly draining so I was often too exhausted to log back on after dinner/bedtime. Instead, I do dishes and pick up toys while DH does bedtime or after I finish work. I do mornings because DH hates morning. It is slightly silly but getting up early puts him in a bad mood/ less productive mindset for the whole day, whereas I find it easier to have a cup of coffee and reset. Of course sometimes we have to trade and you just deal with those days, but they are rare because we are both invested in the division we set up, and as a result we try harder (I think) to make our schedules fit around the division.
Of course I should say we only have 1 kid and I think its going to be a lot harder with 2 kids. I expect we are headed to a live in nanny situation or two nannies or au pair/nanny combo or something similar to make it all work if we stay in our current jobs.
Pogo says
I think we need to normalize having multiple caregivers at the same time for dual working families. We realized that ‘full time’ daycare for our two kids was not enough and needed a regular PT nanny in the mix too. We also have a bench of backup sitters. I guess it feels indulgent but the flexibility makes me feel like I have my own SAHP – which is what I’m up against with all my male colleagues.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Yup. THIS. The whole construct of a “nuclear family”/1-2 parents raising kids is crap and just puts a lot of pressure on everyone. It takes a community, whether you have 1 kid or 4 kids.
This includes other blood/chosen family, teachers, babysitters, nannies, activity instructors, coaches, etc. We need to start framing it like this!
GCA says
100%.
Anonymous says
Nope to this. I have enough on my plate without being responsible for my extended family’s kids as well.
Anonymous says
You do realize that most dual-earner couples, even those in the $250K combined income range, cannot afford this, right?
Anon says
Yeah, I’m sure it depends on where you live, but I’m in a LCOL part of the Midwest, most of the couples we know have two people with big jobs and clear $200k in household income easily and have daycare OR a nanny, not both. I will say that I think working >50 hours per week on a regular basis is pretty rare here, even among doctors, lawyers, executives and other high earners. The Midwest just seems more family-centered in general, which is one of the things I like about living here.
Please no says
Please don’t normalize this as the expectation. I have enough problems without employers/coworkers expecting me to have a post-daycare nanny on call.
Anonymous says
Yup. What we should normalize is the 40-hour workweek with no after-hours availability. If that means some people get paid oodles of money for 40 hours a week instead of oodles and oodles of money for 60 hours a week, so be it.
Anon says
Totally agree. We have a nanny 9-5, and I have zero problems telling people who try and schedule me outside those times that I can’t do a call then. And if it is absolutely unavoidable (very senior people) I just warn them “You’ll probably hear my 11 month old in the background, but I’m happy to join”. Sets the expectation that if you want my full attention, then you need to schedule during my workday.
Anon says
Yes, please. I have a “lifestyle” job and still get pushback when I say I can’t do calls before 8:30 or after 5:30. Uhhh those are my daycare hours! You do not pay me anywhere near enough money to employ daycare AND a part time nanny or a nanny who works 50+ hours per week.
FWIW the pandemic and the shift to remote work has greatly worsened this expectation of 24-7 availability, at least in my job. I suspect that’s a factor in why so many moms are dropping out of the workforce, along with virtual school and the unreliability of daycare these days.
anon says
Yup, this. Jobs will take, take, take. If I need a third caregiver to help me handle life with kids, then the work part has gotten way out of balance.
Anonymous says
Uh, it actually is indulgent to have more than FT child care OR a SAH spouse.
Anon says
My spouse is away 50% of the time, so I’m going to suggest some of the strategies I use when he is away. First, I’d get your spouse to do bedtime solo on Sat/Sun. You deserve a break too, so take Sunday evening off. Second, if money isn’t an object, can you hire a nanny/babysitter every Wednesday to do dinner/bed with the kids? One day a week consistently is often enough to alleviate some of the burden. What you are doing is hard and absolutely trying to your patience. When my spouse is home, I also take Sunday morning off. I don’t necessarily sleep in, but I get to just be, unbothered, until about noon.
Anon says
I agree with those that say see if you can set up a schedule that gives you regular evenings off duty. Set that expectation rather than relying on whether it might be a good day on any given night for Husband to be home for dinner/bedtime duty. Or hire evening help. My husband and I have a rotating “off duty” schedule and I find it really helpful when one night is absolutely going bonkers to know that i have a free evening coming up.
OP says
so here is my question, is that fair to DH? it is not like when he isn’t home for bedtime he is off galavanting around town – he is working. so how do i make sure he gets breaks too without me feeling like i’m always parenting by myself. granted, sometimes working feels more like a ‘break’ than parenting
AwayEmily says
It’s his call whether it’s “fair” to him. I’d recommend going into this not by saying “Here is what I need from you,” but rather “here is how I am feeling” (eg overwhelmed, exhausted), and then working *together* to figure out a solution that feels good to both of you. Not quite the same, but I am trying to finish a big project right now that requires some extra time, so I sat down with my husband and we hammered out the time for me to do it. It’s not one single thing — I’m going to go to work early once a week and stay late once a week, do a weekend away to work in a month, and have booked a couple of Saturday afternoons while he’ll take the kids to my mom’s. I don’t think there’s a simple solution to any of these issues; it requires open conversation.
Anon 11:34 says
Fair is a tricky concept, I find. I think there is this reasoning with women (especially) where we think, “Spouse works 12 hour day and I work an 8 hour day so they need more time to relax than I do.” But really, particularly with young kids, both partners are working 12 hour days- it’s just that one person is working 4 hours doing unpaid, undervalued work. I mean in a way, you can argue that it’s not fair that you are busting your balls keeping your kids alive and aren’t getting paid….
That’s a larger societal mind shift, though, and I know many people don’t do the math that way.
I agree with AwayEmily, though- fair is not about slicing the pie exactly down the middle- fair in a marriage is about both people communicating about needs and problem solving together.
Anonymous says
We think of it not as comparing how much time we have ‘off’ from work and parent responsibilities – not one or the other. Like how much unencumbered time with have. Currently it’s one weekend morning each. I work part time so I do more child care and DH does more paid work but we have the same amount of free time. Childcare is work too.
Anon says
My SO and I are kind of in this situation with the roles reversed. I will say I HATE taking a “break” from 5-7 and then logging back in after LO goes to bed. It makes me feel like I didn’t get a single second to relax all day, which is bad for my mental health and my relationship with SO. In my case, I’m actually searching for an employment arrangement that will make it easier for SO and I split childcare responsibilities (and so I can see my LO more at the end of the day), but that will almost certainly mean a big pay cut and may not be the right solution for you.
One thing that helps us is that we don’t really worry about having a big family dinner. We feed LO and then we eat after he goes to bed, and sometimes that means we just have a bowl of cereal or leftovers. We tend to all eat breakfast together instead. We also don’t bathe LO every night, maybe like 3x per week. Maybe that would help take some of the pressure off?
Anon says
We have this. DH earns about 8X as much as I do – we both work full time, but he works much longer hours. We also have four kids, so some of this solves itself. He sent an email today to his direct boss saying he can’t do 8 am meetings anymore. He just really can’t – we have to get three kids to three schools and we have a newborn. Those meetings don’t have to be at 8, and the other people in the office don’t like them either. He’s also senior enough he can push back. He tries to come home to help with bath and bed every evening – we don’t do family dinner because he can’t generally make that although I see that as an issue we’ll have to address in a couple years.
Where I have problems is that he travels regularly. I’m the poster who posted recently because he had a work trip when I was just two weeks post c section. I ended up hiring a night nanny (thanks for the suggestion from this board!) So sometimes you just need to throw money at the problem. I also often hire someone to help in the evening for two hours right now, although I’m hoping we don’t need to do that forever once this baby is a little older.
I do have some resentment about handling so much on the home front, especially when he hasn’t cut back his travel schedule (he had around 8 months where he didn’t travel at hte beginning of the pandemic and that was amazing for our family life!) But he doesn’t really have hobbies, doesn’t have much of a social life beyond chatting with other parents at kids’ sports events, etc. Neither do I! So I appreciate that his priorities are in the right place – he’s just in an industry with a lot of travel and meetings!
OP says
thanks to all for the replies. i will definitely talk with DH. I also think he sometimes forgets that he is a bit more senior now and has been at his company for 3 years and has a good reputation. and while i am by no means suggesting he slack off or anything like that (in fact he is not wired to do so, he works at 150% and does not know how to work at 85%), he probably set some more boundaries. one challenge is we are in the central time zone, but he has a lot of colleagues in Europe (many very early mornings) and some people on mountain time/on the west coast who are behind us, which extends his day in both directions. i want him to be a good manager and i don’t want his colleagues who are behind us to be stuck sitting at their desks waiting for him to log back on, but i have to think that at least once a week there is a way for him to manage his workflow to make this possible. the people he manages locally also have young kids (we just had kids a bit ‘late’ and they had kids a bit ‘early’), so even though they have different seniority i think he feels badly
Anon says
It sounds like you are both in a tough exhausting stage! Do not be afraid to hire a local teen to do dinner and bedtime with your kids a few nights a week.
Anonymous says
I think the people he manages locally would greatly appreciate it if he set the precedent that it’s okay to commit to being home with your family for a couple hours at dinner/bedtime once a week. Maybe they can cover for each other, or all be off on the same evening depending on the nature of their job/work.
Boston Legal Eagle says
A good way to be a great manager who values his employees’ work life balance is to model it himself. It’s not a coincidence that reports who have bosses who work all the time also feel pressured to work all the time. I know it’s hard, especially in the U.S., to go against the cultural norms of working all the time, but change has to start from somewhere. And I’d argue that it’s even more important for senior dads (vs. moms, who’ve been doing it forever) to model this.
Anon says
This x1000. The idea that being home for dinner a few nights a week is a huge “ask” says a lot about our culture.
Anon says
Yep. Very important for men to model balancing family obligations against work.
anon says
I’m slow clapping. Sorry, but senior dads need to start setting a better example. They’re men, so they actually have a fighting chance of changing things. I hate it, but realistically, that’s what it’s going to take for work culture to change.
So Anon says
I’m late to the party but I wanted to add that doing dinner and bedtime solo is just hard with little kids. Yes, older kids also have homework but it is so much easier to do dinner and bedtime solo once they are elementary aged. I’m a single parent and my kids are 8 and 10. The oldest does his homework at school and plays in his room or talks with a friend over facetime while I make dinner. The youngest either does her homework at the counter while I cook, helps with dinner or just chats with me while I cook. It is a world of a difference from when they were littler. I’ve been doing this on my own since they were 5 and 7, which was totally fine too.
Anon says
I think what you’re asking for is totally reasonable. It sounds like he barely sees his kids and while that works for some families, it wouldn’t work for me.
Anon says
+1 I think it’s an unpopular opinion around here but I wouldn’t want either my spouse or myself to have a job that involved that little time with the kids, especially when the kids are little.
Anonymous says
My DH has a big job and I’m currently a SAHM. He’s also gone 1 weekend/month at least for the reserves. Thankfully his industry starts at 5am so he’s home by 5. So he’s there for dinner and bedtime. I don’t know what I’d do if he wasn’t! It’s hard enough when he goes away for training for the reserves. I think it’s totally reasonable for him to set boundaries and block out his calendar for a few evenings a week if he’s more senior. Different time zones doesn’t mean he needs to be available 24hrs/day. It means his team can be aware of his time zone so they can address issues before he leaves for the day. This is not abnormal for men in my husbands industry. And when I worked DH told work he had a hard stop at 4:30 because of daycare pickup. I do encourage him to go out with friends when possible, and I find alone time with walks after bedtime and the occasional wine night with friends. It’s a busy season of life! P
SC says
I work full time, and my husband is a SAHD. I work 40-50 hours per week and have an extremely short commute. DH handles most weekday childcare, including drop-offs, pick-ups, doctors’ appointments, therapy appointments, etc. In the mornings, DH makes breakfast and gets started on packing lunch. I eat breakfast with the family and then finish packing lunch while DH gets dressed. In the evenings, I eat dinner with the family, DH handles pajamas and brushing teeth, and then I read to Kiddo for 30-40 minutes. On the weekends, I get up and handle breakfast for Kiddo and let DH sleep in or just lie in bed at least one morning. The rest of the weekend, we pretty evenly divide childcare.
Book recommendation says
Hi All! I’m looking for a children’s book recommendation that explains/accepts/loves all family types. Last night my 5 year old (6 next week) asked all types of questions about families (why some kids have two daddies and two mommies), how two boys who marry each other have kids, follow up questions about adoption, whether families have to look alike, etc. I’m not an expert at explaining these concepts in the best way for a child to understand (although I try my best), and I don’t know what the typical language/definitions/explanations used in schools are. I just want to raise a kid who accepts everyone and knows that all kinds of familes are awesome. Any recommendations? Thanks in advance!
Anon says
A Family Is a Family Is a Family by Sara O’Leary. It’s about a kids in a class sharing all the things that make their family special and covers basically every family type: single parents, gay parents, grandparents as parents, adopted parents, foster parents, step parents, etc.
Anon says
Also my suggestion!
And as a foster parent, I have frequently used a line from this book. When asked ‘which ones are your real children’, the mother laughs and says, ‘None of my children are imaginary!’
Anon says
There’s a current PBS kids Daniel tiger episode all about how families are different. There’s a “dad” camping trip that the grownups change to “family camping trip” and a cute jingle about families being different. Really great. Aside from it being a good idea in general, I liked that it gave me some good lines as a parent to use if kids say something blunt/rude.
Anonymous says
I don’t have any book recommendations, but funny story about that, from when I attempted to explain adoption to my kids (they have a good friend who is adopted).
“So Joe is not really part of Bob’s family?”
“Being adopted makes you part of that family. Bob’s family adopted Joe when he was a baby, so he is Bob’s brother and part of his family. Families aren’t about who grew a baby inside their body, they’re about the people who love you and take care of you.”
“But he might go back to his other family?”
“No, adoption means that’s your family forever! Just like we adopted [cat] and now [cat] is part of our family forever, you wouldn’t send [cat] away, right?”
“WAIT, WHAT?! [cat] is ADOPTED?! HE WASN’T BORN?!”
Nope. No, I did not give birth to a cat.
Pogo says
lol I love kid logic
Anonymous says
LOL. A friend’s kid told her that she hopes her baby brother (due in a couple months) will be a cat, so apparently this is a common belief!
Anon Lawyer says
When I was pregnant, I joked that my clingy dog would be shocked to learn that he was not my biological dog, which I thought was kind of funny but people just gave me a weird stare.
EDAnon says
I think that’s funny!
Anon says
The book “One Family” by George Shannon is a cute picture book with lots of family setups.
Look for lists of books to encourage inclusion. I really like the booklists at A Mighty Girl – you can filter by age and topic to find books that will address all sorts of issues. Try this one for a few books on standing up for others. https://www.amightygirl.com/blog?p=13481
But I think the most impactful way to encourage inclusion is to model it yourself. Look at your community, your friends, your activities. It’s hard work and takes big changes but look for ways to authentically expand your life. Do you go to an actually inclusive religious center? Do you have neighbors who look different than you? Do you have friends who speak other languages? Do you practice hobbies that include all types of people?
I tend to think that if you’re not actually living inclusively, reading a few books or watching a few videos isn’t really going to instill that value in your kids.
Stacey says
I like a Mighty Girl’s booklist. I also like the blogger What We Do All Day. She has a list of picture books about diverse families. She also has a LGBTQIA-focused lis, and many other topics (200+ lists). https://www.whatdowedoallday.com/childrens-books-about-families/
anon says
Also, I’d say the best thing to do is just answer questions when they come up to the best of your ability. There’s no one way to explain these things!
My kids have two mothers (Mama and Mommy) and while they’ve occasionally met other kids with two moms, all of their friends that they see regularly have hetero parents, as do their cousins. This does not at all stop them from sometimes getting confused and asking things like “Wait, [cousin]’s Mama is Aunt R, but who is her Mommy?” because they just forget that other families are different from theirs.
Anon says
+1 just answer questions as they come up. A book isn’t harmful, but I don’t think it’s necessary. We have a one mom, one dad family, but I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when my 3 year old informed me that some kids have two mommies and some kids have two daddies. I’m guessing this came from school.
Anonymous says
I also am unsure how necessary or useful a book or a big talk is. In my experience, kids who are exposed to all types of families seem to take it in stride and can actually be confused when adults make a big deal out of it. Just answer questions as they come up (no, mom did not give birth to the cat).
Anonymous says
This is my approach. Fortunately, my kids have had friends with two moms/two dads, who live with grandparents, who are adopted, etc since before they can remember. They rarely even comment on it anymore, unless I make a mistake and reference “mom and dad” and get corrected with “he has two moms, he’s adopted.”
I did die a little on the inside when somehow a two-mom family came up, and my 8 year old piped up with “I wish I had two moms!” Of course I asked why, and his response was that he wished he had two moms AND two dads, because then there would always be a mom and dad to play with the kids while we were working. :(
octagon says
Check out Todd Parr’s books. They veer on the simplistic, but the pictures are so colorful that my 6 yo still enjoys them. The Family Book in particular will do what you want — shows representations of lots of different ways to make a family, including interracial and adoption and same-sex. We rely a lot on “all shapes and sizes” language in our house to cover a variety of things — families come in all shapes and sizes, bodies come in all shapes and sizes, etc.
Anonymous says
Not a book, but I have “PBS Kids Talk About Relationships and Families” saved to watch later with my little one. I’m hoping it covers this topic and I trust PBS to have good content.
Anonymous says
WWYD? My 3.5 year old has never used the potty successfully except a couple times when someone got her onto it mid-accident. At daycare’s urging, we sent underwear and they “trained” her to not go in her underwear and just use her diaper or pull-up at nap. But I’m not sure this is forward progress because she is still not using the potty at all. I’m also a little concerned about the physical implications of a 3 year old holding it for 5+ hours. Taking away the nap diaper just results in accidents – she’s plenty verbal and doesn’t like soiling herself, she’s fully aware pee and poop are supposed to go in the potty, but her fear of using the potty is apparently greater than her fear of accidents. I feel like at this point maybe we should just back off and try again in a few months (although that’s been our strategy for the better part of a year without much success) but daycare is happy that she’s in underwear and accident-free as long as she gets a pull-up for nap.
Anonymous says
How often do they make them try the toilet/potty? Our daycare had all kid sit on the potty or toilet 1) before morning walk, 2) 15-30 mins after morning snack, 3)15-30 minutes after lunch, 4) after naptime, 5) before afternoon outside time. Even if they don’t go each time or at all, the routine makes going to the toilet less scary. Is she refusing to even sit on the toilet or are they not proactive about taking her?
Anon says
Every 30 minutes or so. She’ll sit but nothing ever comes out. It’s the same story at home. She wants to stay dry and it will hold it as long as she possibly can if she’s in underwear but when she can’t hold it anymore she’ll soil herself rather than using the potty.
Anonymous says
How long does she sit when she tries? The sweet spot for our kids was two – three times of singing the Daniel Tiger potty song. One time was too short and longer times had them overthinking it. Having control over how long they sat (they sang), helped as well.
Anon says
We’ve tried everything from a minute or so to 15+ minutes. We’ve tried signing, laughing, blowing bubbles, all the things you see online. It really seems to be an anxiety issue although she can’t articulate what is so scary about it, which is probably not surprising considering she’s 3.
Anonymous says
That is rough. My kiddo was terrified to poop in a toilet. And her first time she peed in the potty, she was also scared what it would be like. With pee it was way easier. She knew she had to go, and I sat there encouraging her and holding her hands through the tears. And after that, she was pretty much trained. I think she had like 3 accidents ever after that. She was also older, so that helped. With poop, it took a long time. We let her go in a diaper for a long time because we didn’t want her to get sick from not going. Eventually when she turned 4 we just said no more diapers. Finally, one night a few days later, she truly just couldn’t hold it in. We let her use the kid potty that first time and it went pretty much the same way. She cried and cried while we sat by her encouraging her. And after that she realized it was no big deal, and it hasn’t been an issue since.
Anon says
Yeah poop is a whole other thing. Fortunately (?) shes a first thing in the morning pooper and we expect she’ll be in a night diaper for a while yet. Just focusing on pee now so she can wear underwear during the day to daycare (and play dates, activities, etc. post-Covid).
Pogo says
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I had a similar experience initially at 3.5 with our son. His first day back at daycare potty trained he held it for 7 hours. It was very stressful. Bribery did ultimately help and just time. So we did 1 M&M for sitting on the potty and 2 for producing. Also added a sticker chart. Daycare was very supportive, which helped – he had 3 accidents in a day once, and they were just very chill about it. I think once he realized it wasn’t “bad” to have an accident, he was more willing to try on the potty rather than hold out for a pullup.
Is there any chance you can talk with the director about some other strategies or options? The holding it til pull-up does not seem like a good long term strategy. I can’t imagine she’s the first child who has had this problem!
Anon says
I have 2 kids too young to be vaxxed and my husband and I have been super careful through the whole pandemic, waiting for our kids to be vaxed. We’ve both been WFH, but he started going in one day a week a few weeks ago. Yesterday he said, btw, I’m going in to the office tomorrow for a work dinner that he thinks will be indoors. Its in NYC, which requires indoor diners to be vaxxed, so I know it isn’t the worst, but its totally unnecessary (this isn’t a dinner he needs to do to advance at work, he just doesn’t know how to say no). We haven’t eaten indoors since March 2020, so I feel like he should have discussed this with me, even if the end result would have been that he would go. Am I wrong to expect that?
Anon says
So from a communication standpoint, yes, he should have discussed this with you. My husband and I run all our “I’m going to be with a group doing X” things past each other to make sure we’re both comfortable, Covid-wise.
Leaving aside the lack of communication, in your scenario, my husband would go and wear his mask unless he was actively eating/drinking. We are also very Covid-cautious, I WFH and he has been back in-person for a year now (academia) but he continues to mask even when he is the only one. We have a 1 year old.
Anon says
No, I don’t think you’re wrong to expect that. My husband and I are traveling next week for a work conference of his, and we agreed he would take food carry out or only eat outdoors even if it means missing time with colleagues, and the city we’re traveling to also has a vax mandate for indoor dining. Indoor dining seemed riskier to both of us than the plane flight and hotel stay.
Anonymous says
+1
Pogo says
Yeah we always discuss first. Husband has done 1 indoor dining thing w/ work that I was not crazy about, but it is his team that he’s around all day (masked, vaxed) anyway.
I refuse to do any indoor dining w/ work. To me it feels unnecessary. My VP with grown children out of the house wants to meet with customers for drinks? sure, go ahead. Not this moi, above my pay grade and risk profile.
Anon says
I think this is going to be life going forward so I’d let it slide. I also don’t know how you ever get more comfortable. At this point i just try to trust DH will make good choices.
Anon says
Kids being vaccinated will be a huge turning point for our family, and it’s likely only 1-6 months away (depending on the ages of the kids) so I don’t think being extra cautious until then is unreasonable at all. After kids are vaccinated, I agree there’s nothing left to wait for.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 this is the attitude I’ve taken and it’s been great for my mental health.
Anonymous says
How you get more comfortable is by waiting until conditions improve. I am opposed to indoor dining now because of the prevalence of the Delta variant and the danger of breakthrough infections. When the current surge subsides and the chances of an infected person’s being inside a restaurant is lower, I might feel safe with indoor dining. Until the next surge.
Anonymous says
“I also don’t know how you ever get more comfortable.”
I will be about a million times more comfortable with everything once my kids are vaccinated, so this comment doesn’t really make sense to me.
Anonymous says
+1. I am so sick of the people who have given up and thrown in the towel and expect everyone else to do the same. It’s completely realistic and worthwhile to hold out for a few more months for vaccinations for kids.
Anonymous says
Right? It’s not like we’re saying we’re never going to do indoor dining again. Choosing to abstain from high risk activities until children can be vaccinated is a relatively small sacrifice that is worth it to many people.
OP says
I’ll get more comfortable when my kids are vaccinated in a few months (I hope!). Unfortunately, I’ve known several kids who’ve gotten covid, including long covid.
Toddler straw cup? says
Best easy-to-clean straw cup for milk for a 14 mo who likes to throw her cup on the floor when she’s done? (We’re working on that…) We’ve been using the Munchkin one, but I feel like it’s hard to get the straw really clean around the valve. Maybe I need something with a wider straw?
Pogo says
I find the good ol take n toss to be the easier to clean and when the spout gets really chewed on, you just chuck it.
Anonymous says
Does the lid stay on when tossed? That’s been my concern with that one.
Anonymous says
In my experience, yes. If they don’t work, you’ll use them down the road when kiddo is older. So I wouldn’t hesitate to buy and try them. Especially for the low cost.
Anonymous says
Thanks!
Anon says
Take+Toss straw cups. You can run them through the dishwasher and the straws are short enough that the $2 straw cleaners can easily get through the entire thing. They’re probably not 100% leak proof, but we never had the tops come off even when thrown on the floor (or across the room at daycare because kiddo was mad he wasn’t offered a bottle like the babies).
Anonymous says
OMG, yes the bottle jealousy! Thanks!
anon says
Family photo help! We’re getting our photos taken outdoors in November. It could be freezing, or it could be fairly nice. I’m going for a muted fall look. My daughter is wearing a plum/fig-colored sweater from Oshkosh with a floral dress (charcoal dress with lighter floral print). The rest of us (DS11, plus DH and I) are mostly blank slates. I have a light gray sweater dress that MIGHT work, but I worry that it might clash with the warmer tones in DD’s outfit. Both DS and DH have khaki pants and jeans.
I’ll put a link to the sweater in another post since it’ll go to mod.
Mary Moo Cow says
With plum/fig as your starter, I would look for navy shirts or sweaters, spruce green, and mustard as options for the rest of you. Boden and J.Crew might have options. Nic and Zoe make comfortable pull on slim leg pants in navy that I own, and I was thinking of those with a spruce/pine green long sleeve shirt for family photos. Boden used to make a lovely wrap dress in plum. You could look for a scarf that has plum or a floral print. Since the boys are in khakis and DD is in a dress, I would pick a dress or trousers instead of jeans.
Anon says
Hmm… honestly, are you 100% on your daughter’s outfit? The floral colors just seem kind of hard to pull into your son and husbands’ outfits. But maybe one could do a charcoal sweater and the other could do an olive polo?
anon says
No, I wouldn’t have to go this route, but I already own it, so …
I have to keep reminding myself that I love the outcome of family photos even though I do not enjoy putting it all together. Maybe we should all wear neutrals and call it a day.
Curious says
Longer comment in mod, but I actually think you can make this work by leaning into purples, blues, and grays. Choose colors within that group that suit each of you to put the focus on the faces and it should be lovely!
And solidarity on the stress of prepping for family photos. Seriously. So hard.
Curious says
Actually, looking at the sweater, it’s more of a rusty red, so probably reds, fig, and gray. Unless you are very strong Michigan fans/ have a problem with The Ohio State University, it should be fine :):)
Curious says
I actually like your base colors. I think you can lean into the richness of the plum and extend it to navy or red, and then extend your charcoal to all grays. So you have a purple/ blue and gray or purple/rich red and gray theme.
For what it’s worth, I often find we look our best when we just choose colors in our color families (e.g., cool green for Cool Summer me, warm for Autumn DH), even if they might theoretically clash, because it puts the focus on our faces.
Curious says
My goodness what mod rule do I not know about that landed this one there?!
anon says
Ha, I appreciate the help! I’ve done some photo mix-and-matching with a burgundy sweater for DH (which he owns) and a gray sweater dress for me (also own), and on paper, it looks good. Finding charcoal for DS shouldn’t be a problem. Now for trying everything together and hoping the fig and burgundy don’t clash.
Curious says
It sounds lovely! Best of luck!
anon says
The sweater: https://www.oshkosh.com/oshkosh-shop-kid-girl-clothes/V_3M047010.html
The print on the dress: https://www.oshkosh.com/oshkosh-shop-kid-girl-clothes/V_3M060613.html?oshkosh-xsellPDPYMAL1#zone=pdp-rr-2
So Anon says
My kids have a half-day today and no school tomorrow or Monday. Yay? Anyway, I just walked into my 10 year old son’s room, and it stinks. Not like a slight odor of something, but fully smells like I remember the boys dorms smelling in the freshman dorm kind of strong. He wears deodorant and showers everyday. What am I missing?
Anonymous says
My first guesses would be rotting food, mildewed towels, or sweaty clothes stuffed somewhere to fester.
Anonymous says
… or wet/grassy shoes.
Anonymous says
What food does he have shoved somewhere? Maybe also laundry, but when it’s my 7 YO, it’s always food/wrappers.
Anon says
Yeah, clothes would be my guess. My husband’s home office smells like this. He wears deodorant and doesn’t smell bad himself but he runs several times a day and generates a lot of extremely sweaty clothes. He hangs them up to dry (and then washes them) but the stink is still awful. We just keep the door to that room closed.
Anonymous says
I remember my brother’s room smelling like this and it was definitely clothes + shoes. He would just kick them under his bed instead of putting in the laundry, and there they festered.
Anonymous says
towels, clothes, shoes. all stinky.
Anonymous says
In addition to finding the stinky laundry and/or food wrappers, I highly recommend the Hamilton Beach TrueAir plug-in charcoal air filter. It works for dog smells, baby smells, and husband smells, so I would imagine it also works on tween boy smells.
DLC says
No real helpful input, but reminded me how one time growing up, my brother’s room developed a smell. At first we all just passed it off as “boys smell”, but a couple weeks later it got really bad so my mom started digging around. Turned out a bird had somehow gotten into his room a died behind a storage trunk. It was a little horrific.
Curious says
Oh my god.
Anonymous says
How often is ALL the bedding washed? My husband can sweat through the sheets and stink up the mattress and the blanket.