Washable Workwear Wednesday: Hutton Blazer

My first grader has been having kind of a tough time socially lately and I would appreciate any advice.

She has a solid friend group from kindergarten and aftercare and one kindergarten bestie is in her first grade class, so we didn’t make much effort to connect with her new first grade classmates, which I now regret. There are two girls in her class who were really horrible to her at the start of the year and still pick on her pretty consistently, but there are five other girls in the class (besides her, her best friend and the two who are mean) and she used to mention playing with most of those five, but lately she says the others are a tight group that doesn’t include her and she and her bestie only play with each other. At her recent birthday party, none of the girls in her class except her bestie attended, which she noticed and was really disappointed by, even though there were plenty of kids at the party. I know families can have conflicts that have nothing to do with how much a kid wants to go to a party, but this felt like more of a snub, especially since another girl in the class threw a party (not for her birthday, just because) the same weekend and most of the girls in the class went to that and were apparently talking in school about how that party was a more desirable invite than my daughter’s. We were addressing class Valentines last night and some of them said “bestie” on them and she said “I can’t give these to anyone except Bestie and the teachers, because if I give them to the other girls they’ll laugh at me and tell me we’re not friends.” That was really tough to hear. I know one good friend is a lot better than none, and she does have other friends we see outside of school, but it still doesn’t seem great to be so socially isolated in the class. Any thoughts or advice?

I’m looking into hiring a night doula for when my little one arrives. For those that had postpartum help, how soon did they come, how often did they come, and for how long? I’m thinking of maybe 5 nights/week for two weeks after birth then 2 nights/week for another two weeks. And when I go back to work, 4 nights/week for the first week. Does that sounds reasonable?

I’ll have 20 weeks of leave. DH is just starting a new job so he won’t have any paid leave but he’s trying to negotiate a week or two of unpaid leave. Should I have the soups start after he goes back to work?

I’m getting ready to spend a long weekend with my sister in law. I really, really, really like her, but I need to reframe our communication styles. We both have kids around the same age. I have 3 kids, and she has 2 kids. I’ve found over the years, that whenever I make a jokey remark about one of my kids or one of my kids doesn’t something Kid like, her instinct tends to be to respond with “oh wow, I don’t know how you do it” or something similar, and it sounds….like pity to me, especially if it’s just a random parenting vent or whatever.

As an example, I’ll say something like “Oh, there goes Kid A wanting waffles and Kid B wants pancakes and Kid C wants oatmeal,” and she’ll go, “yeah, wow, that sounds so hard. I don’t know how you do it.” I guess my reaction would be if someone said something similar to me is “I know, my kids do the same – feeding kids ain’t for the weak, amiright?!”

I’ve found I’ve stopped venting or making jokey remarks around her because I always feel like she is pitying? me when this happens? But — I want to assume good intentions because she is a funny, kind person, who — this is key — makes the same kind of jokey remarks about her own kids.

So, I guess help me muddle through this — AITA bc I’m not properly reading her own need to be sympathized with, and I should make more of an effort to empathize with her when she makes these remarks bc there is truth behind her statements? I do think in the past she’s struggled with having young babies and toddlers, and I have wondered if she legit doesn’t know how I managed having one more kid around? And it’s not pity towards me, but more of her own feelings about parenthood? But I want to drop my end of the rope when it comes to these remarks because my initial, internal reaction is always — Oh, we’re fine. This is honestly not a big deal? And the kind of thing that is frequently said by parents with young kids? It puts me on the defensive, when I know that is probably not the right response.

Not sure exactly what I’m looking for here, but just putting it out there. My kids are 10 and 12, and it feels like this Jan/Feb. have been just…phoning in our family time together. Both kids are doing wonderfully at school, and are doing great in their preferred extracurricular activities. But our downtime at home right now is mostly screens and movies and zoning out collectively. Most of the time, I feel like, hey, these are kids who are active, healthy, happy and engaged, but who need downtime and rest. They love being outside, but it is muddy, dark, and cold by the time they get home from school in the winter (we have a later starting district). So after dinners, we sort of default to watching something or just chilling until bedtime. In the spring/summer, they go outside to the trampoline or swing set after they get home from school or after dinner, so this is temporary and circumstantial.

But sometimes I get in my head, and think of all the articles yelling about how our youth is addicted to screens. Or that I should be making a better effort to do family game night. Or we should be at the library every day getting new books. Or or or….

But the reality is that I’m really tired right now too. I also don’t want to go anywhere right now. I zone out when I’m playing cards bc everything in the news is about “winning” and “owning” some vulnerable population, and I just … don’t want to engage in more competition, even if it is a friendly and fun game with my kids. The new administration has put a lot of stress on our family, and I’m honestly enjoying watching old sitcoms with the kids bc it is making me remember easier times. I also don’t really want to do anything heavy or hard or force being outside when it is miserable (I’ve historically been a pretty crunchy, go outside no matter what the weather kind of parent). I know this will be a season of our lives, and the bigger picture matters more than two months where I’m not being a pinterest perfect mom. but I guess I need permission from this group to let it go, and just use this as a season of rest.

Has anyone dealt with knee pain postpartum? I’ve never had knee pain in my life, but now both of my knees hurt daily. The pelvic floor PT said it might improve when I address the tightness in my hips and pelvic floor, but those have ALWAYS been tight and have never resulted in knee pain.

I’m in my late 30’s with one kid in preschool and another in early elementary. My job is fine and my salary is fine, but I was hoping to be further along on both fronts at this point in my career. My work/life balance is pretty good for the most part and I’m fully remote which makes working mom life manageable, but there’s limited opportunity for advancement. There’s a lot of freelancing potential in my industry, so I could pick up a couple jobs throughout the year to increase my take home pay. I was also looking into certificate programs to bolster my resume/skill set. But… I don’t feel like doing either. The current political climate isn’t helping anything and I think I still feel burnt out from what we had to deal with during COVID. I also don’t know how I would be able to fit in an extra thing into the day. Anyone else gone or are going through this?