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Nursing/Postpartum Tuesday: Hug and Tug Musical Bug
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Anon says
My husband and I are TTC next month. Should I enroll in my FSA? I haven’t up until this point. Enrollment deadline is at the end of the month. What would I use it for?
Cb says
I don’t think I had many expenses in the TTC and early pregnancy period, just multivitamins and a belly band.
Anon says
I didn’t, but I have an HSA I didn’t fully deplete so I saw no need for an FSA.
Atlien says
If your TTC went well and you had a baby in 2020, I’m sure you could find many uses for the FSA.
asdf says
I’d put $1000 in the FSA. $500 can roll over so you’re really only committed to spending $500. If you have a baby in 2020 you will definitely use the full $1k. If you don’t then you may begin to consult doctors to determine what’s happening, and you will spend at least $500. If either of you wears contacts of glasses you can also use the money for that.
Pogo says
Assuming it’s not limited use (that is, you don’t also have an HSA) definitely put some money into. You can use it for co-pays, office visits, dental, vision, and anything you have a prescription for. Even limited use is for dental and vision, which are the two heavy hitters. Unless you have perfect eyes and teeth, in which case, I’m jealous.
anonandon says
My son (9 years old, 4th grade) gets dropped off around the corner by the school bus and then walks to our house. We live in a very safe neighborhood. My mom is worried that he will be abducted by a stranger (especially because there was a case in the news this week, nowhere near our town), and she thinks I should wait at the bus stop. I totally disagree — he will be fine, and independence is important. I occasionally walked home from school at his age, and that was a much longer distance. Any suggestions on addressing this with her? She texted me about this — it wasn’t a face-to-face thing. If I don’t respond, she will probably follow up with an email going into more detail. (Yes, I know.)
Anonymous says
Thanks for your concern, mom. Son knows not to approach strangers in cars, and I think it’s important to build confidence and independence at his age. This is a low-risk way to do it, since it’s a short distance and our neighbors look out for each other.
anon says
I would ignore the text completely. If she follows up with an email, thank her for her concern, validate her fear that the abduction was a horrible, albeit isolated event, and tell her that you’re comfortable with the plan you have to keep DS safe. Don’t give specifics or anything she can argue with.
Anonymous says
I understand your concern Mom, but I’ve looked at the statistically likelihood he will be abducted by a stranger and it is so extraordinarily unlikely that I am comfortable with the level of risk. We’ve also helped him prepare for possible dangers by x, y, and z. So we’re going to keep doing this.
Anonymous says
Ignore her
Anon says
My mom hasn’t treated her anxiety, so I projecting my situation on you. But I flat out told her that parenting is hard enough without her trying to flag every possible risk, I can’t deal with her adding to the stress. I told her if she has concerns about my parenting, she needs to write them down. She gets one evening each year in the summer where she can tell me her top 2 concerns from the past year, and that’s it. She fought against this for years, to the point of severely damaging our relationship, but I am working through my own anxiety in therapy and cannot manage hers too.
Probably too nuclear of an option for you, but if this is a pattern like your last sentence suggests, maybe the idea of writing down her concerns and then curating her list before giving you just the top few would help?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, to me this sounded like mom has untreated anxiety. My dad is the same and it’s hard to hear his comments, especially when I too have my own anxiety (that I at least recognize and try to treat). I try to get him to express these as much as he can to himself or my mom (who doesn’t care and isn’t affected), so that he doesn’t express them to us.
Anon says
I’m not going to diagnose anyone based on this limited information, but yes, this is the mother projecting her own issues onto her daughter. Those “issues” might be anything from untreated anxiety to simple boredom or the need to be a busybody, but they are 100% her issues.
Don’t allow reasonable parenting decisions to be put up for debate. There is simply no end to how you can be a “better” parent – more time with kids, more tummy time, better stimulation, less stimulation so they learn to self-soothe, more sleep, better sleep training, better academics, a better school district, more time at work to make more money to pay for this, more time with the baby because the years are so precious – give me a freakin’ break.
RR says
My MIL is constantly posting on FB that people should not let their kids walk to to the bus stop (go anywhere ever) alone. My 11 year olds walk about a 1/4 mile from our house, and it’s dark in the morning when they leave. But they are together, and it’s a very safe neighborhood. I’m comfortable with this. And because I am apparently incapable of being the bigger person, I always respond to her passive aggressive FB posts with, “my kids walk to the bus stop without me all the time!”
anon says
Jeebus, and that generation calls US helicopter parents?!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I know times are different (aren’t they safer now?) but not only was I walking to the bus stop alone at 10/11, I was riding the city bus and subway alone then too.
OP says
Thanks to you all for the advice!! And yes, anxiety is definitely a factor here…
ALC says
My 4-month old Won’t really go to bed before 10 pm. He’s finally lengthening his night sleep, but on the back end (like today, he woke up at 10 am!). Is there any way we can get him to go to sleep earlier? We’ll be starting daycare in a few weeks and he’ll need to be up early. Maybe daycare will tire him out enough for an earlier bedtime?
Anonymous says
If you’re on mat leave and can enjoy it/sleep in then don’t bother with changing it. Daycare will be a huge adjustment and you can reset the schedule then. It may actually help him. If you walk him up earlier for daycare, he may have an easier time falling asleep for a nap because he will be tired and he’ll likely sleep in the evenings much earlier because daycare is so stimulating it wears them out.
Anonymous says
It probably has something to do with his nap schedule – if he has a schedule at 4 months – but daycare is going to change that, so I wouldn’t bother doing too much now. You could try waking him up a little earlier to see if that shifts everything earlier but I’m not sure it is worth the effort.
Anon says
+1 to his schedule will change completely when he starts daycare so don’t worry about fixing it before then. Congrats, 12 hours straight is amazing at that age!
Ashley says
+1 to not forcing the issue. I would try to start gradually pushing “morning” time back by 15 minutes every couple of days until you get to the time you’d need to wake baby on a daycare day. Once you get to that spot, I would keep morning time the same every day (within a ~30 min window). But I wouldn’t put any undue pressure on yourself to make this happen. I highly highly recommend following TakingCaraBabies for advice on things like this and wake windows by age.
Anon says
TTC starting this month and I’m just trying to be diligent about reading ingredients for all things I put on my body (makeup, lotion, face cleanser, shampoo/conditioner). The internet is starting to drive me crazy with what ingredient is fine and what will cause terrible things.
I’m looking to avoid parabens, SLS, retinoid, licorice root, chemical sunscreen, and salicylic acid. Does that seem right? Anything else I should look to avoid? Am I going crazy?
Anon says
I would ask your OB for a list. That seems excessive to me, other than retinoids (and maybe salicylic acid – I think my OB was OK some formulations and not others). I switched to a nonexfoliating face wash (even though my OB was fine with my current one) and stopped my retinols and that was it.
Ashley says
+1 to asking your OB for a list. For what it’s worth I didn’t do any of this except check prescription medications. At my first appointment with the OB, no one mentioned anything about skincare products.
KW says
There’s a blogger who is also a physician and a mom who has a couple posts about products that are approved during pregnancy and which ingredients to specifically avoid. She’s really responsive to comments also, if I recall. I can’t think of the blog name right now, but it came up in my g00gle search when I was pregnant last year. I initially made sure I wasn’t using any retinoids or SA products, but then as I used up my other products – face cleanser, face lotion, etc. – I checked her list and replaced them with approved products.
anonymous says
The blog is 15 min beauty
Anon says
I think KW’s description was vague enough that it fits a lot of bl*ggers. Another one I follow who meets that description is teawithmd
Anonymous says
That’s really excessive. You arent pregnant. Ask your doctor not the Internet.
Irish Midori says
I never heard to avoid any of that stuff. That sounds like internet scare pron. Try to avoid binge drinking and cocaine, and otherwise just follow your doc’s advice.
Anonymous says
You should avoid INGESTING licorice root while pregnant. But I don’t think it’s that common of a skincare ingredient unless you skew all natural so I wouldn’t worry too much. FWIW I avoided retinol and salicylic acid
Anonymous says
Some of my daughter’s friends (6) have gotten their ears pierced. DH and I agreed we are fine if Daughter wants to get her ears pierced, but we are not going to push it. She’s asked a bit about it, we went over it with her (yes, you are putting a hole in your body, yes it hurts but not for too long, you have to take care of it or it will REALLY hurt). We told her when she tells us she is ready, we would allow her to get it done.
HOWEVER. She plays sports that do not allow earrings (even taped). We are approaching one of the very few windows of time where she could get them pierced and keep them in for the required 6 weeks before her next no-earring sport. Do we remind her? Or wait until she is finally ready in Feb and then let her know that she either has to skip spring soccer or wait until May?
I don’t want to pressure her *at all* but I feel like reminding her of the closing window will do just that. i’m erring toward just letting it sit and if she decides she wants it done we can do it before/during the summer. IMO 6 is on the young-ish side, so it’s not as if she’ll be The Only Kid Without Pierced Ears in her class.
Thoughts?
SC says
I wouldn’t remind her. Worst case scenario is that she asks in Feb, and you say she can have them pierced in May when soccer is over. She waits, and that’s another good lesson at that age. Even if she were the only kid on the planet without pierced ears, a few months won’t make a difference long-term. I wouldn’t even present it as a choice between getting ears pierced and soccer, unless there’s some reason you want her to drop soccer.
Anonymous says
Luckily, her entire gaggle of BFFs all do spring soccer, so there is no chance (sadly) that she will drop it. And DH is coaching, which she loves.
anon says
I also think 6 is a little young, so I would wait. May is really not that far away. I probably won’t let her skip soccer just for this.
Anon says
Not sure why skipping soccer for ear-piercing is even an option, but you do you.
Don’t remind her. One hallmark of her being ready for pierced ears is her being mature enough to figure out when it can be done and then wait for that time.
Io says
Don’t do it now! Hats and cold air are terrible for new piercings. (That’s what happened to my super cool double piercings I got Freshman year of college.). Summer is the best time to get them. If she swims the chlorine will help keep them extra clean.
Milk questions says
Today daycare told me that we need a doctor’s note for our 2-year old to get whole milk instead of 1%, otherwise they won’t get reimbursed by the USDA food program for her meals. We’ve had her on whole milk because we think it is less processed and more nutritious. (our doctor agrees btw) But, the form requires us to state a disability in order to give an alternative that is not soy milk! So basically our options are soy milk, 1% milk, or lie and state that she has a disability that requires whole milk ( and ask her doctor to sign that, which probably won’t happen). Has anyone else dealt with this? My understanding is that this funding is a significant part of their budget, irregardless of how dumb their “nutrition” requirements are. I’d honestly rather she have water than 1% or soy, but I think that would require a “disability” as well. she gets plenty of milk at home and is not underweight.
Anon says
If it were me, I’d have her on 1% at school, whole milk at home and call it a day. My 2YO is also still on whole milk (because she eats almost nothing, so at least it’s something), but if we’re out of whole milk she gets 1 or 2% (what the adults drink) and she definitely gets whatever they’re serving at restaurants when we eat out. If I were in your shoes, this is not the battle I would wage, but I also have no objection to 1% milk.
Milk questions says
Thanks! I think this is what we’ll do. I really don’t want to be an extra burden on them. 1% kinda grosses me out, but she probably won’t care, or wont’ drink it.
anon says
I would have her drink the 1% at school and whole milk at home. I don’t think it’s reasonable to control every last thing about your child’s diet when part of her day is spent away from home.
op says
good point. I think i’m just more angry that artificial dyes and sweeteners are fine under the rules, but whole milk isn’t.
Anonymous says
We do whole at home and daycare just gives her what daycare gives her. I agree with you, but at the end of the day, I’m not going to fight over milk because it could be a lot worse.
FVNC says
Wait until you get to aftercare programs, where they introduce your child to cheetos, which somehow qualify as a healthy snack. Very rage inducing, but also…nothing to be done (as we learned, after a call to the district’s nutritionist…).
Anon Mama says
Cheetos and pop tarts. Seriously. I picked up my kids early a few weeks ago and caught snack time, and they were handing out pop tarts.
Like you say, some of the price you pay for having a village is you lose some control over relatively minor decisions. I try to keep a few pop tarts in perspective, as much as it irks me.
Pogo says
Can you send your own milk? That’s what we do. However our place is small/independent and doesn’t submit to the USDA for reimbursement. If you use a large chain/corporate daycare, it’s unlikely you’ll have many choices because they have this whole process in place so they don’t constantly have to deal w/ exceptions.
Anon says
We sent in goat milk – I think they just let us send in a jug at the beginning of the week.
Anonymous says
I also think 1% milk is stupid, but we’ve decided it’s not a battle worth fighting so our 2-year-olds get 1% milk at school and whole milk at home (which we all drink). Daycare-provided food is kind of a lesson in learning to let things go, in my opinion.
AwayEmily says
+1 to all this.
Anon says
1% milk isn’t really “processed” – they just remove fat, so it’s arguably less nutritious (for growing children anyway) but it’s not like they add sugar or anything else “bad” to it. TBH, I have no idea what % milk daycare serves and my not quite 2 yo drinks skim at home because that’s what DH and I drink (she’s big for her age and we told her ped, who was fine with it).
In a perfect world, she’d have organic milk at daycare since that’s what we drink at home, but our daycare charges $75/month for it and our kid doesn’t drink much milk (I did the math and I think what they charge is approx 10x the actual cost of buying the quantity of organic milk that our kid drinks) and I can’t bring myself to waste money that way.
Anonymous says
This is the second time I’ve seen a thread on this site about “processing” involved in less than whole milk. The first one also suggested that sugar is added to skim milk to make up for the day flavor lost. I am honestly baffled by this. Unless you’re drinking raw milk, your milk is pasteurized and homogenized. The “processing” is the same! If you want to have whole milk because you think fat is part of a healthy diet or you like the taste, you’re right, and enjoy. You do you, regardless. But skim or 1% milk is not a “processed food” the way things with artificial flavors and sweeteners and preservatives are, and suggesting otherwise is ridiculous.
Anonymous says
Sorry, this is not a response to 3:25 (who I agree with), just a threading fail.
Anonymous says
Not the OP, but I don’t think of skim milk as a “processed food” I just think it’s silly to feed toddlers low-fat milk when most of the time you’re intentionally adding fat to their diet because it’s important for brain development.
Anon says
“you’re intentionally adding fat to their diet” Are you though? My toddler is relatively chunky, but when she turned 1 our ped told us to avoid whole milk and whole yogurt because it’s too fattening. We certainly don’t have her on diet and we serve foods with healthy fats (nuts, avocados, dairy, etc.) but I have never intentionally added fat to her diet and the only person I know who had to put butter on everything she served her kid had a severely underweight child.
Many states have guidelines that say children past the age of 2 should be on 1% or 2% milk for health reasons. I assume this is daycare is following those guidelines.
Anonymous says
I never intentionally added fat to my toddler’s diet. I drink skim milk because I prefer the taste, and except for a month or two with kid #1, I didn’t/don’t buy separate milk for my kids because I’m lazy. We eat yogurt, cheese and butter, so plenty of milk fat from other products. My ped recommends low fat milk after age 2, and my kids are big, so weight gain wasn’t a concern. Of course if your child needs the fat/calories you should insist on whole milk, but if your child is eating a balanced ish diet and growing well, I wouldn’t give a second thought to non-whole milk at school.
Full disclosure, I have no idea what kind of milk our preschool serves because I could not care less. I don’t even look at the lunch menu some months. My kids get 16 out of 21 meals per week at home, so I still control the overwhelming majority of their nutrition intake.
Anonymous says
My ped said if they’re under 50th percentile for weight then we could keep drinking whole milk after 2. He drinks whatever they serve at school. But if your kid is really skinny, does that count for the form?
anon says
What kinds of activities are your kindergarten-aged kids involved in and when do you find the time?
My 5 year old is not involved in any activities outside of school (like scouts, martial arts, music). She is in aftercare and we get home around 6pm – I don’t know how we could squeeze in an afterschool activity. I also have a two year old – are there activities that both could participate in at the same time? Maybe its because its winter, but it feels like most kids in our area participate in an activity or two.