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11 Comments · by Kate Antoniades

How to Stop Revenge Bedtime Procrastination

Lifestyle· Working Mom | posts· self-care for working moms· sleep· sleep tips

You don’t even need to have heard of the term to benefit from our tips today on how to stop “revenge bedtime procrastination.” Revenge bedtime procrastination, or “sleep procrastination,” is the habit of putting off going to bed because nighttime is when you finally have the freedom to choose how you spend your time, i.e., “F*** bedtime; I do what I want!” There’s no reason to stay up; you just … do.

This is how we get “revenge” (or feel like we’re getting it) for not having enough control over our daytime schedules. We’re likely tired — or maybe don’t actually FEEL tired but need sleep anyway — and going to bed would be an excellent option, but it just feels kind of… wrong to do it right away. Often, the only thing we really feel like doing is scrolling through Facebook or Instagram or otherwise spending time on our phones. At this point, we don’t have the energy or motivation to convince ourselves to, say, relax in bed with a book, or write in a journal, or do some bedtime yoga. (No judgment here — I often end up on the couch, mindlessly scrolling — or doomscrolling. Then I fall asleep there.)

It wouldn’t be surprising to me if parents (and moms especially) are the biggest offenders regarding revenge bedtime procrastination. Not only do we face the daily demands from our jobs and those thrilling grown-up responsibilities that everyone has, but also all the emotional, mental, and physical demands that come with having kids (often more than our partners, if they happen to be men). Even when we’re not around our children during the day, they’re often on our minds anyway. (Are the kids doing OK at their new daycare? Will I be able to pump enough milk today at work? Oh right, I have to call ASAP to schedule an appointment with the pediatrician.)

{related: how to share emotional labor as parents}

Here are some tips on how to make your evenings a little healthier:

How to Stop Bedtime Revenge Procrastination

Make it harder to waste time on your phone

With iPhones, you can use the Screen Time settings — for example, whatever time period you specify for Downtime, you’ll only be able to access your chosen apps and receive/make phone calls. Android phones have Digital Wellbeing settings, which let you set daily app time limits and set Focus Mode to block specific apps at particular times.

Theoretically, these settings sound great, but personally, I’ve set limits for certain tempting apps on my iPhone, such as Twitter, but then when my time’s up I find myself tapping “Ask for more time” and then “Approve all day.” Sigh. It’s too easy to just enter your four-digit Screen Time passcode to do this — so if you’re really struggling with putting down your phone at night, consider setting up a random new passcode, telling your partner the number, and asking them NOT to tell you. Also, consider uninstalling social media apps and/or games and only letting yourself use them on your computer (or get rid of them entirely).

{related: how to take a partial social media break}

Get your evening chores out of the way when you’re still somewhat alert

I am an expert in NOT doing this. It’s a good idea to get your evening tasks out of the way before the day catches up with you and you’re exhausted — because then you’ll have less of a barrier to bedtime when the time comes. Otherwise, you’ll be putting off both bedtime AND the chores that should be done before the next day. Sometimes I try (key word “try) to do some of these things (e.g., brushing my teeth, cleaning the litter boxes) immediately after my son goes to bed, because if I sit down first, the evening gets derailed quickly.

Make bedtime something to look forward to

Create a pleasant environment for sleeping. Include comforting elements that you can reward yourself with if you go to bed at a healthy time AND put away your phone. No matter what the rest of your house looks like, try to keep your bedroom uncluttered and inviting. If you’re not satisfied with your bed, think about getting new pillows, or a super-comfortable mattress (if yours is 7–10 years old, you’re due for a new one), or high-end sheets (maybe not THIS high-end, but hey, you do you). Think about aromatherapy or scented candles, too.

{related: share your favorite mattresses, pillows, and more}

Think of what your future self would want

So it’s pretty late, and you’re still awake for no good reason. (Take it from me: Love Is Blind: After the Altar does not qualify as a good reason.) When your alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m. tomorrow, you’ll wish you’d just gone to bed at a reasonable time, sans phone. Try to focus on how grateful your future self would be if you simply put away your phone, turned off the light, and went to bed — and how much better that will feel than going, “Oh, crap, I did it again. UGHHH.” Research has shown that envisioning your future self and linking it to your present self can actually work! Nighttime You doesn’t feel like going to bed, but Morning You will be really glad if you do.

Readers, share your tips! Do you find it hard to make yourself go to bed? What are your strategies for how to stop revenge bedtime procrastination?

Stock photo via Deposit Photos / LeonidSorokin.

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About Kate Antoniades

Editor of Corporette/CorporetteMoms since 2014, Kate lives in Rochester, NY, and has one son (born June 2010). A cat person and Oxford comma loyalist, she loves Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food and her Vejas.

« Organizing Thursday: Soft-Sided Scrunchable Laundry Hamper
Family Friday: Organic Cotton Graphic Tee »

Comments

  1. Nan says

    08/26/2021 at 11:13 am

    No tips but I do this constantly.

    Reply
  2. Anonymous says

    08/26/2021 at 11:32 am

    I definitely engage in revenge bedtime procrastination, whether it’s staying up to read an entire novel, watching a show, or just scrolling social media pretending I am connecting with people. The judgment against revenge bedtime procrastination is another example of the unreasonable expectations society places on women, especially moms. We aren’t supposed to take any downtime to relax and turn off our brains. We’re supposed to optimize every second of the day and be productive 24×7. Instead of tips for cutting out revenge bedtime procrastination, how about tips to reclaim some time for ourselves so we don’t have to sacrifice sleep to get it?

    Reply
    • anon says

      08/26/2021 at 1:59 pm

      Agree with every word of this.

      Reply
    • GCA says

      08/26/2021 at 2:13 pm

      +1.

      Reply
    • IHeartBacon says

      08/26/2021 at 7:31 pm

      This is a very interesting perspective that I hadn’t considered. I don’t agree with the “judgment” perspective, but I’m glad you shared your thoughts. Definitely food for thought.

      Reply
  3. anon says

    08/26/2021 at 12:38 pm

    Thanks for this post! To me, it is not about unreasonable expectations as much as just letting those expectations go and actually go to bed — instead of playing on my phone telling myself I’ll get up to do more work soon (and not doing it!).

    I still do this, but a few things help. DH and I watch TV shows downstairs (only actual TV is in the basement), so we do sometimes get sucked into too many shows, but it is more of a deliberate choice to go and relax downstairs rather than just sitting on our phones which doesn’t feel relaxing. I also watch shows on my phone while I clean the kitchen or fold laundry. And, I just deactivated facebook because all the apps mentioned above didn’t help me. I just got sucked in still. It’s improved my mindless scrolling a lot.

    I also find myself procrastinating bedtime when I’m concerned I’ll just be rolling around in bed/waking up to stress nightmares. That’s a more involved issue, but trying to walk with the kids more so I relieve some of my anxieties.

    Reply
  4. anon says

    08/26/2021 at 1:59 pm

    I’ve developed a real problem with this. Having older kids has actually made this worse. Their bedtimes are later, which means I’m somehow getting LESS personal time on weeknights than I did when they were little. I have not yet figured out how to fix this. It’s a real problem, and I basically cope by going to sleep as soon as possible.

    Reply
    • GCA says

      08/26/2021 at 2:14 pm

      When I was a teen, my parents definitely used to deal with this by waking up around 5am, two hours before they had to haul me out of bed and see me off to school.

      Reply
    • Spirograph says

      08/26/2021 at 2:17 pm

      Yes, the later bedtimes have their own challenges! I have a lot of things that I usually do only when the kids are asleep, and most of them are self-care — declutter, go for long walks/exercise, take a bath, seriously practice piano, watch TV, read, etc.

      One thing that’s helped is claiming some time in the morning. We have a rule that kids aren’t allowed downstairs until 7:30, so if I get up early, I can have some time alone before I have to start dealing with them. It makes my day *much* better when I start it by accomplishing something for me rather than jumping straight into taking care of everyone else. Plus, then I’m not so desperate to do all the things after they go to bed, so I skimp on sleep less.

      Reply
  5. PLB says

    08/27/2021 at 1:43 pm

    I suffer from this. Not only do I procrastinate going to bed so I can have time to myself but I also wake up early under the guise of doing things for me (like the gym, journaling, etc.) and I *still* end up just reading the internet. I give up. I need down time to do nothing so I take it.

    Reply
  6. Kenedy says

    10/17/2021 at 9:53 pm

    Revenge bedtime procrastination is something I have been doing since the moment I became a mom. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until my friend mentioned it to me when I was telling her why I am so tired. Who would’ve known! Thank you for the info! I also learned some extra info and tip about it here, https://www.ez.insure/landing/2021/08/revenge-bedtime-procrastination/ and wanted to know what you think about it?

    Reply
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