How to Stop Revenge Bedtime Procrastination

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You don’t even need to have heard of the term to benefit from our tips today on how to stop “revenge bedtime procrastination.” Revenge bedtime procrastination, or “sleep procrastination,” is the habit of putting off going to bed because nighttime is when you finally have the freedom to choose how you spend your time, i.e., “F*** bedtime; I do what I want!” There’s no reason to stay up; you just … do.

This is how we get “revenge” (or feel like we’re getting it) for not having enough control over our daytime schedules. We’re likely tired — or maybe don’t actually FEEL tired but need sleep anyway — and going to bed would be an excellent option, but it just feels kind of… wrong to do it right away. Often, the only thing we really feel like doing is scrolling through Facebook or Instagram or otherwise spending time on our phones. At this point, we don’t have the energy or motivation to convince ourselves to, say, relax in bed with a book, or write in a journal, or do some bedtime yoga. (No judgment here — I often end up on the couch, mindlessly scrolling — or doomscrolling. Then I fall asleep there.)

It wouldn’t be surprising to me if parents (and moms especially) are the biggest offenders regarding revenge bedtime procrastination. Not only do we face the daily demands from our jobs and those thrilling grown-up responsibilities that everyone has, but also all the emotional, mental, and physical demands that come with having kids (often more than our partners, if they happen to be men). Even when we’re not around our children during the day, they’re often on our minds anyway. (Are the kids doing OK at their new daycare? Will I be able to pump enough milk today at work? Oh right, I have to call ASAP to schedule an appointment with the pediatrician.)

{related: how to share emotional labor as parents}

Here are some tips on how to make your evenings a little healthier:

How to Stop Bedtime Revenge Procrastination

Make it harder to waste time on your phone

With iPhones, you can use the Screen Time settings — for example, whatever time period you specify for Downtime, you’ll only be able to access your chosen apps and receive/make phone calls. Android phones have Digital Wellbeing settings, which let you set daily app time limits and set Focus Mode to block specific apps at particular times.

Theoretically, these settings sound great, but personally, I’ve set limits for certain tempting apps on my iPhone, such as Twitter, but then when my time’s up I find myself tapping “Ask for more time” and then “Approve all day.” Sigh. It’s too easy to just enter your four-digit Screen Time passcode to do this — so if you’re really struggling with putting down your phone at night, consider setting up a random new passcode, telling your partner the number, and asking them NOT to tell you. Also, consider uninstalling social media apps and/or games and only letting yourself use them on your computer (or get rid of them entirely).

{related: how to take a partial social media break}

Get your evening chores out of the way when you’re still somewhat alert

I am an expert in NOT doing this. It’s a good idea to get your evening tasks out of the way before the day catches up with you and you’re exhausted — because then you’ll have less of a barrier to bedtime when the time comes. Otherwise, you’ll be putting off both bedtime AND the chores that should be done before the next day. Sometimes I try (key word “try) to do some of these things (e.g., brushing my teeth, cleaning the litter boxes) immediately after my son goes to bed, because if I sit down first, the evening gets derailed quickly.

Make bedtime something to look forward to

Create a pleasant environment for sleeping. Include comforting elements that you can reward yourself with if you go to bed at a healthy time AND put away your phone. No matter what the rest of your house looks like, try to keep your bedroom uncluttered and inviting. If you’re not satisfied with your bed, think about getting new pillows, or a super-comfortable mattress (if yours is 7–10 years old, you’re due for a new one), or high-end sheets (maybe not THIS high-end, but hey, you do you). Think about aromatherapy or scented candles, too.

{related: share your favorite mattresses, pillows, and more}

Think of what your future self would want

So it’s pretty late, and you’re still awake for no good reason. (Take it from me: Love Is Blind: After the Altar does not qualify as a good reason.) When your alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m. tomorrow, you’ll wish you’d just gone to bed at a reasonable time, sans phone. Try to focus on how grateful your future self would be if you simply put away your phone, turned off the light, and went to bed — and how much better that will feel than going, “Oh, crap, I did it again. UGHHH.” Research has shown that envisioning your future self and linking it to your present self can actually work! Nighttime You doesn’t feel like going to bed, but Morning You will be really glad if you do.

Readers, share your tips! Do you find it hard to make yourself go to bed? What are your strategies for how to stop revenge bedtime procrastination?

Stock photo via Deposit Photos / LeonidSorokin.