Family Friday: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone: The Illustrated Edition

Coming here to vent. I pulled into the 15 min parking spots in front of daycare for pickup. I happened to be talking on the phone so after turning off the car I spent a couple of minutes wrapping my call before heading in, 5 minutes tops, still in and out in well under 15 min. There is plenty of parking and never an issue getting a spot. I get out of car and another parent says “are you actually picking someone up?” I say yes, I was just finishing a call, I’m sorry if I caused any confusion (I think she was waiting for my spot thinking I was leaving – I looked while I was talking on the phone to see if anyone was waiting and it didn’t look like she was, but apparently I misunderstood). She proceeds to tell me something about how she guesses my work is more important than kid. Not working, actually talking to parent dealing with sick maybe dying relative, but not the point. I just reiterate my first apology and walk in, she follows me muttering things I don’t hear until she finally stops before opening the door to her kid’s room (it’s a large center and her kid must be older than mine, I’ve never seen her before) and says to me “I can’t believe you’re a mother. God help that kid.” WTF? In a daycare hallway? And because I didn’t jump out of my car the second I parked? It’s been a few days and I still can’t shake the emotions that elicited, basically a mix of anger, disbelief, a little laughter, and a bit of sympathy that she must have been having such a bad day that she had to take it out on me. I’m trying to let it go and move on and hoping that sharing with internet strangers will help with that process. Thanks for listening.

I’ve been back at work 3 weeks now after a 12 week maternity leave (so my son is 15 weeks). He didn’t sleep last night because of a cold/congestion so I didn’t sleep. I was basically a zombie this morning and proceeded to forget his milk when I took him to daycare this morning. After initially freaking out and arranging for my husband to come home and deal with everything so I could still make it to my first meeting of the day I realized I might need some tips. So I’m reaching out to ask for any tips from experienced moms on how to stay on top of things, not forget the essentials, etc.

So I’ve read the advice to have new baby ‘give’ older kid a present… how does one actually do this? Bring gift to the hospital? Have it at home? fwiw, my oldest is 2 so gifts are still a shaky concept even if they come from actual gift givers.

I really love Austin Kleon’s newsletter – it reminds me there are creative people out creating things – and today he linked to a post he’d written on work-life balance. It includes a great poem. Anyways, I thought it would resonate with many of you, as it did with me.

https://austinkleon.com/2018/01/23/the-best-thing-ever-written-about-work-life-balance/

We have the first couple of these, and they are great!

I made my daughter read the first HP when she was 8. I knew she would love it. Her favorite books were Mary Poppins and The Wizard of Oz. She did love it, and I let her read all the books at that point. She has since read them all probably dozens of times each and is a little obsessed, which is fun to watch. She’s even branched out into research and books about J.K. Rowling, about the United Kingdom, etc. I think this is totally a “know your kid” thing. My daughter gets scared at Disney movies, but she was fine with these books. She doesn’t love Chamber of Secrets because of the snake, so she doesn’t re-read it, which is fine. I let her figure it out and just made myself available to discuss, and we had no issues. My son (her twin) has also read all the books several times, but he has slightly less obsession with them. He loves the genre though, so he’s branched out into Percy Jackson and other similar series. Again, he started with these around 7-8.

I’ve posted here before about the admin assistant in my department making snarky comments about my work hours. I work 4-days in the office and am always the last one to leave, apart from my director (but his day starts later than mine). I am not in the office on Fridays, though I usually work about a half-day from home. (One of my earlier posts was about how this was supposed to be a day off, but instead has turned into a work from home day). I have left early precisely once in the last year, and the admin made some rude remark that really stuck with me. Anyway, yesterday, as she is leaving just before 5 we had this little exchange, with my annotations:

Me: Bye, have a good night! See you Monday.
Admin: Oh, right. Monday. Because you don’t work on Fridays.
–>Ok, she is the admin assistant, it is part of her job to know when I am in the office, there is so surprise factor here– she is not just remembering that I don’t come in on Fridays, so what is the point of this other than to provoke my defense?
Me: Well, I work, I just don’t work in the office.
Admin: It must be hard working with two little kids to watch.
—> So, you’re saying I’m lying that I work on Fridays?
Me: My kids go to daycare.
Admin: Oh, I thought you stayed home so you could be with your baby.
—> There is no good answer here.
Me: Well… there are several reasons for it.
Admin: I’m sure there are. Anyway, have a nice weekend.

I am really stewing about this and probably need to be talked down. I feel like each of her responses is a provocation, then a pivot to another one. It’s hard to convey tone, but believe me when I say it was snarky, though not aggressive. I felt really challenged.

My work schedule is very off-the-books as the official HR policy is no working from home (my manager, to whom the admin and I both report, ok’d it). The admin herself is on some sort of flex schedule that I do not know the details of because she takes classes during the day (we are at a university). I have no idea how she is working full-time and attending 3 classes, but it does not really affect my work and so I feel like it is none of my business. I have never asked her or the manager about it and don’t really want to unless there is some reason that I need her there when she is in class. But also, my general attitude is that flex scheduling is a positive thing and I support it, and have no intention of challenging it or knocking it down.

Should I have handled this interaction differently? Do I need to ask her about it? Do I tell our manager? We report to the same person but I am well above her in the chain of authority and responsibility, fwiw. If this were an isolated incident I would try to let it go, but it has happened enough times that it is now A Thing. She has a problem with me working from home on Fridays and I don’t know what it is, but it’s getting under my skin so I feel like I need to figure it out. Either a way of shutting it down or a way of addressing the underlying issue. Ugh, help.