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This dress only has a few reviews so far, but it’s highly rated — customers say it’s quite comfortable and very easy to nurse in, and that they’re ordering multiples. I like the high, very modest neckline and the stretchy fabric, as well as the cost and the great color options. It looks great for either nursing or maternity, so I think if I were looking for a dress for the end of pregnancy and/or the beginning of the postpartum period I would give this one a try. It’s $23-$31 at Amazon in sizes 4/6 to 14/16 (with Prime shipping). Happy Mama Maternity Nursing Layered Pencil Dress
Here’s a plus-size option on clearance.
(L-all)
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Pogo says
I’m struggling to think of a time when I would need to be wearing a dress this formal AND be nursing…. unless this would work for pumping too?
I’m planning to spend my entire maternity leave in yoga pants, nursing cami + big open cardigan. I really don’t see myself wearing this dress – maybe if I had a wedding at 2 months PP or something?? But wouldn’t the extra fabric meant to accommodate your bump just accentuate a PP belly?
I don’t get this dress.
avocado says
I had one combination nursing/maternity top, and it just didn’t work for me. When I was pregnant I was always afraid the nursing flaps would slip out of position, and when I was nursing there was too much fabric in the tummy. A nursing/maternity dress would be even worse.
Theoretically a non-maternity nursing dress would be useful for pumping at work or midday nursing breaks, but I found that a regular wrap dress worked fine and was less obvious.
This dress doesn’t look super dressy to me–it strikes me as falling on the border between business casual and business dress.
Cb says
Yeah, I’m confused by these hybrid dresses. Surely maternity + nursing clothing would be two separate things? Not in maternity clothes yet but the dress I ordered and tried on was quite large in the belly. I stuffed my teddy bear under my shirt for effect. (Our poor bears: My husband proposed practicing putting diapers on his childhood bear. Apparently these would be timed competitions with squirt guns and screaming baby tracks to simulate real world conditions)
shortperson says
maybe your belly will magically disappear when your baby is born but i was still wearing maternity clothes for over two months. and then i had to buy non-maternity clothes in a larger size. i had gotten so sick of all my clothes by pregnancy month 8 and refused to buy any more because i thought i was almost done with them, but no. then again, i’m short, had a huge baby and gained about 50 pounds. i lost it all by baby’s 10th month or so, long after maternity leave ended.
i had one nice nursing dress (isabella olivier “bella”) and i wore it to death. baby naming, random family parties for baby, rehearsal dinner, any nice dinner or event for months, the same black dress because it was the only one that fit.
Pogo says
Your last paragraph makes sense – I can see now where you would want at least one dress like this for occasions during baby’s entire first year. I think I was assuming after maternity leave I would be out of maternity clothes, but you’re right, I have no way of knowing if I will be able to lose the weight that fast.
Though I tend to agree with POSITA that a good maternity dress should highlight the belly and a good PP dress would hide it…. I’d be impressed if one dress could do both (maybe the right ruching or shirring?)
Cb says
Yeah, that does make sense, as does having one dress for all occasions. I’m already grumpy about the prospect of spending money on (ugly! expensive!) maternity clothes.
avocado says
My belly went from round basketball to weirdly deflated floppy thing. The weirdly deflated floppy thing did not fit into maternity clothes; it fit better into stretchy non-maternity clothes or low-rise non-maternity pants covered up by a flowy top.
lsw says
I’m wearing maternity pants right now 7 months pp
MomAnon4This says
That actually sounds like a great baby shower activity. Well, “great” for a baby shower, you know how that goes… (I am referring to diapering stuffed animals and simulating real-world conditions).
POSITA says
I’ve posted before on this. I think hybrid maternity/PP clothes are almost always a bad idea. When I’m pregnant, I want it to be obvious that it’s a baby and not a burrito in there. When I’m postpartum, I don’t want anyone guessing that I might be pregnant. (Hide the belly!) Totally different silhouette goals.
HSAL says
Yep, this exactly.
anne-on says
I’d agree. I found maternity clothes super dowdy on me after giving birth, and the ‘flap options’ for nursing never seemed to work out in practice (I was always dripping milk on my lap after detaching pump parts or finding random spots from my son’s drool/bubbles/stray milk drips on my chest). Full button down shirts, or camisoles that could be shimmied down seemed to work better for me, as did wrap dresses for the 1 or 2 times I needed to be ‘dressy’ but also to nurse (not pump, HATED wrap dresses for pumping, I felt so naked when i tried that).
layered bob says
I hate maternity/nursing clothes, and it annoys me to no end that so many manufacturers only put out these “hybrid” items rather than maternity AND nursing clothes. ugh ugh ugh.
That said, I’m still nursing an 18 month old so there are plenty of times I want to be formal and nurse – church every week, as well as holiday/family events, parties where kids are welcome. I wish there were more just nursing dresses – Isabella Oliver used to be good at this but their selection is really hit-or-miss.
lsw says
I agree. Nursing dresses are really tough to find and wrap dresses are way too revealing with my giant nursing b00bs. I did just get one from Milk that I like all right.
H says
It also just looks like a nice maternity dress and isn’t too pricey. Might just be good for that and not the nursing aspect.
I actually liked the combo clothes; it meant I didn’t have to buy more nursing clothes. Most of mine were empire waist casual dresses and a couple of long sleeved shirts.
Anononymous says
Make sure the cardigan has pockets. Just spent the weekend in a robe, because none of my cardigans have pockets (and kiddo either loves to play with or hates the touch of a hoodie zipper).
AnonMN says
As we were addressing Valentines last night my 3yo declared he “didn’t like X” so didn’t want to give her a Valentine. I explained that we give everyone valentines, and that we are nice to everyone even if they aren’t our best friend. I feel like these concepts (not bullying, kind to everyone) are hard to explain to a very literal 3 year old. Has anyone else had this come up? What was your approach? I just want to make sure we aren’t raising a little bully.
AnonMN says
He also stated “she is not my friend”. Which she is not, they fight like cats and dogs (they are two very strong willed persaonalities that just butt heads quite a bit)
Anonymous says
Maybe draw a distinction between politeness (must be polite to everybody) and friendship (don’t need to spend time with people who make you upset)? I think it’s important to teach the littles to walk away, instead of fight.
avocado says
This. Politeness v. friendship.
Meg Murry says
FYI, be careful you aren’t contridicting the school/teacher’s rules and phrasing. Our schools have started to use “friend” in the way you would use “student” or “classmate”. So, the teacher will say “I need all my blue room friends to come here please” or “2 friends may play at the building station”, etc. Even when they got older, my oldest had the class rule “We’re all friends in 1st grade”.
I think it’s BS, and confusing the kids, but it’s not a hill I want to die on. But that means I had to rephrase things because I couldn’t say “you don’t have to be friends with Sam” since his teacher is saying “everyone is friends”. Instead I try to stick to more like what others have said “we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings” or “even if you don’t like someone you still have to be polite to them”.
But it has definitely caused confusion. My preschool has decided that kids he goes to daycare/school with are “friends” and his brother’s classmates are “big bro’s friends” – but any kid that he plays with at our house or his grandmother’s must be a “cousin”. I tried explaining a few times but just gave up, because it’s kinda cute when he asks when he can play with “my cousins” when referring to family friends or my parent’s neighbors, etc.
jlg says
our school does this too, and i was initially annoyed but now i don’t mind it. at 4 he will tell us that so-and-so is mean all the time, or that on this day one or the other kid didn’t share with him or teased him. and he also recognizes when he is not so nice to his friends. he designates the ones he enjoys spending time with as his “best friends” (at this point that still includes us, which is adorable). so i actually think he has figured out that “friends” doesn’t equal always getting along, nor does it equal being forced to spend time with that person. it does equal having to be respectful, polite, and fair to the extent you can (and saying sorry when you don’t/can’t).
NewMomAnon says
To piggyback off all these great comments – I’ve been using “respect” instead of “polite.” Maybe it’s just me, but “polite” seems so shallow; “respect” means truly believing in another person’s worth and value. That seems worth teaching, especially now. I would frame the Valentine’s issue as “respect” means including someone in the group activity even if we don’t like them.
Other ways of respecting someone include listening to their ideas, cheering for them when it’s their turn, celebrating their accomplishments, and using words to share our feelings when they make us mad or sad. All things that mama is working on too….
avocado says
This is so interesting. A book I recently read (I think it was “Untangled: Guiding Teenaged Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood,” although I could be mixing up the source of this particular tidbit) advocated using the term “polite” instead of “respect” because politeness refers to a way of acting and respect refers to a feeling, and we should be telling our children how to act, not dictating how they should feel. It also has to do with the fact that respect is earned. This argument made a lot of sense to me, and ever since then I’ve made an effort to focus on being polite and have also bugged my husband to stop telling our daughter she has to respect him and instead tell her she has to be polite.
On the other hand, I agree that it’s important to emphasize that we need to respect each person’s individual worth as a human being, and to do all the things you enumerate in your second paragraph. My kid is older, so we talk specifically about this.
I guess I am talking about several different versions of “respect” here–one being the sort of deference one gives to a person whose character and judgment one admires (the earned kind the book is arguing for), one being the sort of deference children traditionally gave adults which might or might not have been genuine or earned (the kind of respect my husband is looking for, and the kind of respect the book is arguing against), and the basic type of respect for the intrinsic worth of all human beings. It is complicated.
NewMomAnon says
That is complicated. I think I lean toward “respect” as something everyone intrinsically deserves, in part because bias plays such a huge role in how we determine whether someone has “earned” something. Trust, deference, honor, awe – those are all earned. I want my kid to respect someone’s humanity and right to be included even if she doesn’t trust them or defer to their judgment.
Pigpen's Mama says
I’ve had this happen with my 2yr old. This morning in fact when we were talking about Valentines for her classmates. I told her, no, if we’re giving them to one classmate, we have to give them to all your classmates and that you have to be nice.
Her insistance on not liking some of her classmates flumoxed me at first, since it seemed to me that the kids she complained about were always very friendly to her. Then I realized they get up in her business too much and she doesn’t like them being in her face. So I now tell her to say “No, thank you” and “I need some space”.
On a positive note, she’s gotten better about it lately.
MomAnon4This says
This. Setting boundaries. Whether with words — it’s ok to say “classmate” or “Friend at school” — or with bodies, or anything.
anon says
We frame it as giving everyone one so that no one has left out feelings, which is big thing at my son’s school. Like, we don’t talk about playdates at school as that could cause left out feelings. We don’t talk about parties unless everyone is invited. He doesn’t have to like people, he has to avoid causing left out feelings.
CHJ says
My 3 year old does this a lot, even with kids he plays with all the time. He’ll just suddenly declare “I don’t like Sam. He’s not my friend.” I talked to his teachers about it, and they said that it’s a common thing for kids that age because they don’t have the language / emotional skills to describe the complexities of interacting with other kids. Like in the case of Sam, apparently he takes too long to put on his snowsuit and my son gets impatient and wants to go outside. But once they are outside, he loves playing with Sam.
All that said, this came up when he were doing Valentines this weekend, and I tried to work on building empathy with him. So for example, when he said he didn’t like Sam, I said, “well, I bet Sam would still like a Valentine. Which one do you think he would like?” And he picked out one for Sam and we moved on.
Anon in NYC says
I just love this. Sam’s not his friend because he takes too long to put on his snowsuit! Lol.
anon says
I think Sam is my son, and I’ve had it with his snowsuit inertia too.
lsw says
ha!
Anon says
Did any of you have trouble bonding with your baby? The pervasive narrative is that you instantly become obsessed with your baby as soon as he or she is born and I’m feeling so much guilt over not feeling that.
I never felt very connected during pregnancy but assumed this was due to my history of loss. Then baby was taken to the nicu for several weeks immediately after a c section. We’re home now but I still don’t feel “bonded.” I don’t feel the need to take 1 month pictures with some cheesy chalkboard that I was given or the need to post endless pictures to facebook. And now baby has terrible reflux (zantac isn’t helping) and is rejecting bottles. Every day feels harder than the last and I can’t help but think it’d be easier if I felt more than just a grudging responsibility.
shortperson says
i took good care of my baby but didnt truly feel like her mom until about 14 months. and she was an easy baby. babies are not for everyone, but babyhood is a short phase. but still, fake it and take the photos, you’ll want them later. facebook doesnt need them.
anonymous says
This was me as well. I’m just not a baby person. I did not really bond with my daughter until she started to show more of her personality as she got older. I’d say things started to get better around 6 months or so, but that we didn’t really click until closer to a year. I miss her more now at age 3.5 when I’m away from her than I did when she was a baby.
I’m currently pregnant with #2 and I’m already sad that I’ll have to devote so much time to #2 doing the baby stuff I’m not all that into that I’ll miss out on getting to spend time doing more fun things with #1, who will be about 4 – I love that age! (My husband is incredibly supportive and does a lot of the baby stuff too, but, well, he can’t produce milk and nursing was the one thing I actually felt I was good at as a new mom.)
MomAnon4This says
It helped me to “act like a mom”. Literally. Like my sister and I used to pull Little Brother in to our laps and we called it “Mommy and Baby”. And I remember pulling my baby into my lap and thinking, well, I guess I’ll play “Mommy and Baby” now… oh, sh–. It’s real.
That being said, talk to people about this in real life. Anyone. Everyone. Pediatrician. Your ob/gyne. Your Mommy and Me group (JOIN ONE. ANY ONE.) Your clergy. ANY ONE. Literally. Keep talking. You’ll probably be ok, but you may need more adjustment time and/or support than the median or mean. you’re ok. You’ll still be a great mom!
PPD says
i don’t want to be alarmist or jump to conclusions, but please talk to your healthcare provider about postpartum depression. that’s a classic symptom of PPD, and you and your baby both deserve for you to feel differently. this is from someone who suffered PPD herself, albeit with different symptoms.
Anon in NYC says
Yes, please talk to your doctor.
FWIW, as someone who did not experience PPD, it still took me 6 weeks to really “love” my baby. Before that point, I just felt an overwhelming amount of responsibility and I really would have been happy for anyone else to take care of her..
Anonymous says
I second the mention to talk to your doc about PPD. But also, babies for the first couple months don’t show gratitude or love, I don’t care what you say. So, when you are sleep deprived, sore all over, and not feeling yourself, it can get tough. I never did any of the baby pictures month-by-month (although I would posit that this bears no correlation to how bonded you are with your baby), and must say I was often frustrated with the little infants who saw me as purely a milk vehicle, but I feel very nicely bonded with my 2- and 4-year-olds, and have been for a long while. Much of the first month or two for me was less about deep love and more about feeling a fear of screwing up, a need to protect and feed the kid, and a need to make sure I was taking care of myself and not losing my mind. I would imagine each of these would be compounded had I had a C-section and a baby in the NICU. Which is all to say, this sounds fairly typical to me. It’s a shame people pretend it’s all magic and rainbows, because it makes you feel abnormal when you feel the opposite.
Em says
I would second all of this. The first three months were primarily driven by a duty to take care of my baby, but I did not feel devoted or attached to him. I read several articles when I was pregnant that said this is super common (even without NICU stays). For me, I started to become gradually more attached around 3 months, but many of the accounts I read said they didn’t feel attachment until much later (like around a year or later). I did not have PPD, but have a history of anxiety and mild depression, so was on the lookout for symptoms, and I definitely think you should talk to your doctor about PPD.
avocado says
The pervasive narrative is a dangerous fallacy that puts undue pressure on new moms. If you don’t feel a magical connection to your infant the second she is laid on your chest, then you must not be a good mother. That is just not the way it works in real life. I never had that magic moment. I was glad to have a healthy baby and loved her and wanted to protect her, but it took a long time to develop any sort of “bond.” Those early days and long, long nights were so incredibly difficult. My body no longer belonged to me, I wasn’t allowed to sleep, and I was solely responsible for the life of this little squirming creature that screamed whenever I set it down and demanded to be fed from my body literally dozens of times a day. My husband told me just to get over it, the lactation consultants told me I would cause irreparable harm if I gave the baby formula, and the pediatrician told me I would damage the baby’s brain if I set her down and let her cry for a few minutes so I could take a shower. It took several months, until the baby was starting to move around, say a few words, and interact, for me to feel like I was truly a mother and not just a slave. By the time she was a toddler she was my little mini-me, and we still have a special bond even though she is now a sometimes-prickly tween with her own opinions and priorities.
All of this goes to say, hang in there and don’t buy into the false narrative. Your journey as a mother will be unique and that is okay–you are still a great mom even if you don’t feel the way society says you “should” feel. I will say, however, that I am now very glad I consciously forced myself to take the photos even though it was a lot of effort in the moment. Shortperson is right that you don’t need to share them, but you do want to give yourself the option of looking back at them later on.
avocado says
…but I don’t mean pinterest-worthy photos posed in front of a chalkboard, just any old kind of photos.
Anon says
Oh man avacado I feel for you and thank you for sharing your story. I agree with you. I relate. I didn’t breastfeed and, even though it made life logistically and physically easier, it’s incredibly isolating. Most of my friends are new moms too and I don’t really talk to anyone anymore. I was very publicly shamed by a family member for formula and I’ve totally just shut down.
Anyway I just really resent that every time someone is brave enough to say, even anonymously, that their version of motherhood doesn’t look like the Pinterest/Facebook narrative everyone jumps on the ppd train. Maybe we’re not all psyched about the baby stage and it doesn’t make us psychologically disturbed.
Em says
Sorry you had to deal with that from your family member – that is not ok! I got judgey comments for months from both my mother and MIL for BF-ing (got one from my Mom just last week as we are coming up on one year!), which goes to show that no matter what choice a mom makes they will steal deal with ridiculous BS.
Anon says
Thanks -sorry you have to deal with it too.
Meg Murry says
+1 to”‘any old kind of photos”, because it is nice to look back on them, and then don’t have to be pinterest worthy, just something that shows your baby in her normal life.
If you are feeling overwhelmed with the reflux, etc, this is also a good task to give to your partner, or anyone else that says “what can I do to help?” Again, nothing pinterest-crazy with tons of props, just ask them to snap some photos with their phone for you. My husband is a way better photographer than I am (or maybe just more patient or more willing to take a million snaps to get one decent one), so I let him handle most of the photography.
My kids have no cheesy chalkboard or sticker with the month on it photos, but I did snap a photo sometimes when they were on the scale at the pediatrician’s office, which is my lazy way of capturing the weight and look at a certain age (and since the photo files are automatically date stamped by your phone when you take them you don’t have to worry about that either).
Anon says
+1000. I suck at babies. I hate feeling like a slave to a slug. They ask everything of you, and give nothing back. I don’t tolerate that from anyone else in my life.
I am okay at 1 year olds. They sort of have a personality and they don’t need to touch you all the time.
I am amazing at 3 year olds. They definitely have a personality and can tell you what they’re thinking and they can put the spoon in their own mouth. I can sit for HOURS and listen to my 3yo tell me some random rambling story, because I love listening to the way her brain thinks and watching her process life.
That still makes me an awesome mother. Just because I didn’t bond for a year or so didn’t make me depressed, it made me a person. It was consistent with every facet of my personality for the other 30 years of my life. I’m sure I will go through more phases where I don’t love that stage of their life, but I love them. I provide for them. I attend to their needs and wants, and maybe spoil them a little too much. I don’t need a Pinterest-worthy house, life, or photo album to prove that.
Anonymous says
1.) Thirding the rec to talk to your doctor about PPD; I had it, and one of my symptoms was not liking my baby very much. I took good care of her, but she was a very difficult baby.
2.) I didn’t understanding why people (grandparents, relatives) kept wanting to kiss the baby (on her head/forehead/cheeks) until 2 weeks after I started zoloft. Then I *wanted* to snuggle my baby for the first time. It was magical.
bluefield says
I felt very similarly when my child was a newborn. I remember thinking that the only reason we keep newborns alive is to get them to the next stage, because having a newborn is not an inherently rewarding experience (having an infant is OK, having a toddler is really fun). I also remember thinking that I had no idea what to do with this baby, other than feeding her and getting her to sleep. I asked other moms what they did with their newborns/infants; they told me they played, sang songs, made funny faces. I was like, I am not doing that. That sounds boring and annoying. I am going to spend the day trying to ignore her and getting her to ignore me. I am also not gushy or sentimental, so I never took those month photos with blocks or anything like that.
But I love my daughter and we are very bonded (she’s 3). I don’t think I’m any better or any worse of a mother because I was darkly pragmatic about the newborn stage or didn’t sing silly songs to her when she was 9 weeks old. It’s really hard to bond with an entity that gives you nothing back in return and in fact makes your life way more difficult. Some people can do it, some people can’t, and it has no bearing on what you’ll eventually be like as a parent. If anything, your guilt over your perceived failure to bond shows that you’re going to be a great parent – a truly uncaring/negligent parent wouldn’t even think about this.
anonymous says
+1000 to your last sentence. This sentiment has gotten me through some rough patches (usually tied to utter lack of sleep and/or being overwhelmed by work).
H says
Agree with everything that has been said so far. Also, the first few weeks are definitely the hardest (at least they were for me). You are adjusting to a whole new life and added responsibility. Both you and your baby are figuring each other out. It’s a lot to take in. Plus your hormones are all over the place. It gets better, I promise.
Oh, and agree with shortperson – you’ll want the baby photos later.
Anon for this says
Ditto on it takes time and the PPD.
I had a relatively easy baby, a long maternity leave, and I actually adore little babies, and still felt like the whole thing was an out of body experience and I was just playing at being a mom. It really took until she was about 10-12 months, maybe even longer, and I felt I had control over my body back. I had stopped nursing, was as back into the groove as I was going to get at work, and had started to do some things for me.
I took a good number of pictures, but never did the pinterest style photoshoots. When I tried, they were FAILS. I’m not overly sentimental, and I didn’t do any of that during my pregnancy, because of what I now realize was anxiety.
You’ll get there, think about seeing someone for PPD, and if you are worried about something like photos, why not schedule a mini-photo shoot — the pressure is off you for creating that perfect picture.
Kim says
Oh, it’s so so normal to not feel bonded. I felt like a cow…a sleep deprived, lumpy one. And a bit isolated, with no time to myself. Definitely acknowledge those feelings. DH really took to baby and they bonded instantly…which made me feel less bonded. She’s now 4 and we have a great bond. Grudging responsibility is is worth a conversation about PPD with a professional. But also, fairly common, not a failure thing. This stuff is hard, no doubt.
And as always, stay off Pinterest! It does nothing for anyone’s self esteem, especially mothers.
anon says
Anon, I felt somewhere in between what you describe and the pervasive narrative. It is such a huge adjustment to suddenly have to put this ungrateful creature’s needs first at all times. They don’t even smile at you!
I also had a 1 week NICU stay, and in some ways I think that made things harder – I had less confidence in my ability to take care of my son since someone else had been doing it, and more part time parenting, which made it harder to get used to my new reality. I was also worried about his long term health. And then he had reflux too. He wasn’t particularly fussy but it led to an acute life threatening event (ALTE) so I was worried he might randomly stop breathing. Fun times! He grew out of it by 9 months or so.
One tip: particularly if you are not nursing (which involves lots of skin to skin), try to get some skin to skin contact in with your baby on your chest. It can help with the hormonal bonding, even weeks later. As my son went straight to the NICU my husband never did this with him until he was about 2 months old and we took him to the beach. My husband said he started getting choked up when he held him against his bare chest. I’m not sure that it is was due to oxytocin, but it can’t hurt.
And please do talk to your doctor about PPD – it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. I felt I had made a huge mistake in becoming a parent for most of my son’s first year, after which I finally got back on SSRIs. (I have a history of depression and anxiety). My therapist had been discouraging me taking meds while breastfeeding, and in hindsight I really wish I had pushed harder to go back on them sooner.
In general I enjoyed him more and more as he got older. Once he started crawling and could crawl over to me, i remember thinking, oh, you really do like me best. I think we really turned a corner around 6 months, when he could sit up and started sleeping a bit more predictably. Hang in there!
anon says
PS – I have terrible newborn photos of my son, no professional photos whatsoever (he’s 4.5), and I didn’t do the once a month themed shoots. Just take some random phone pictures periodically and call it a day.
anon says
+1000 to “they don’t even smile at you!” Once my now three-month old started smiling, it became easier. But even so, sometimes she just feels like a wild animal I have to feed and soothe. And I feel like no one warns you how tied down you’ll feel by breastfeeding.
Wow says
+ 1 on skin to skin if you’re not bfeeding. I wasn’t able to nurse my first, he just never latched. And I didn’t feel like I bonded with him in the beginning at all. With my second, I nursed fine and felt this incredible deep bond from the very beginning. I can’t prove it’s because of bfeeding but it would make sense that the more skin to skin, the better for everyone. Good luck, mama.
Anonymous says
I’ll echo everyone else who said please talk to your doctor or some medical professional who will listen.
I have two kids and I have never taken “month” photos. I have never had PPD, I’m just not into those month stickers or blocks or whatever. That’s okay. I did (and do) take pictures, candids usually and have professional ones occasionally.
I also don’t like babies. I mean, I loved mine but what I really would have preferred if they popped out an 18-24 month olds.
As for the not taking a bottle, this may take some effort. If your partner has not had success, my suggestion is to get a really good and flexible LC who will support you in pushing the bottle OR a very experienced grandmother type (can be someone who has tons of experience with babies, works at a daycare, or just call a service that provides night nurses) to kick you out of the house (super important that you’re not there) and work with your partner and your baby to take a bottle. At first my second kid would only while being held by someone who was standing and bouncing her while she faced out. It took a college age sitter who was the oldest of 6 kids to figure that one out. I know another baby who only took bottles in a similar fashion but in a bouncy seat.
SC says
I tried to do the month stickers. I have one for 1 month, 2 months, and then one photo with the 3, 4, and 5 stickers on him at the same time. Then a 6-month photo, and I stopped. I did not dress my baby or stage the photo in any particular way–just put the sticker on wherever he happened to be when (if) I thought about it. And clearly that was too hard for me.
Em says
I laughed out loud at your one photo with the 3, 4, and 5 photo on him at the same time. That is a really great metaphor for what the infant years can feel like!
SC says
It’s one of my favorite photos because (a) he was cute and chunky at 5 months and had on really cute pajamas, and (b) I remember laughing and embracing my mom-identity as someone who doesn’t stage Pinterest-worthy photos and doesn’t own a hot glue gun and will never make a hand-crafted Valentine’s card. (I love baking though, so there’s that.)
Anon in NOVA says
Yes. I did. I second so much of what others have said here.
It turns out, I’m just not a baby person. AND THAT IS OK! Someone above said something that resonated with me: I miss my son more every day now than I did when I was away from him when he was a baby. He’s 6.5
If children were born 10 or 11 months old I’d probably have 3 by now. But, they’re not.
Quitting BFing helped. It hurt. I had too much milk, I constantly leaked. I wasn’t comfortable doing it in public or at anyone else’s home so I was homebound. I wasn’t bonding, it was an unpleasant thing that hurt and that I dreaded. I found I bonded much better holding my baby and feeding him a bottle. I also felt less like a vessel-turned-cow.
In retrospect, I’m sure PPD had something to do with it. It wouldn’t hurt to talk to your doctor. But, you may also just not be a baby person. I didn’t have that immediate rush you hear people describe. I bonded more and more every day as I got to know him, as we simply made it through the day together, etc. I take solace in the fact this means I love HIM, as a person. Not just him as something that I made.
Good luck, hang in there. The days are long and the years are short. But they feel SO LONG at this stage.
Onlyworkingmomintulsa says
Agree with so much stated above on this thread. I’ve accepted the fact that I am not a newborn person and was just looking at my son the other day and thinking how I am so much more bonded with him now (he will be 2 next week) than when he was a newborn.
PhilanthropyGirl says
As another loss mom, I will concur that I also struggled with feelings of bonding. I do think NICU stays can complicate things as well.
Being a loss mom comes with all manner of complex grief issues. I think when you have history of loss there is a lingering fear of future loss, which makes it hard for us to bond because we are afraid of getting too close. I didn’t bond well during pregnancy, and it took a few months before I really started to feel attached. It does get better.
lucy stone says
I’m a day late. I had a miscarriage and an emergency C that ended up in a NICU baby and it took me about 3 months to feel bonded. Now I LOVE my baby but I was faking it the first few months.
Betty says
My son head-butted me in the chest two weeks ago. The brea$t tissue underneath became inflamed. I struggle with anxiety and have managed so well over these last few weeks. However, you can still feel something lumpish in that spot. I’m going to get it checked out today. Ugh.
Pogo says
Hugs. If you can, demand an ultrasound right then and there. That should clear it up.
Betty says
I’m now waiting for a call to schedule the ultrasound. Hoping that the ultrasound will clear it up! (My provider doesn’t have ultrasound in office, which is the one annoying thing about that practice.)
Lurker says
If I’m keeping the names straight here, you also have had a lot of family medical issues over the last year. It makes every doctor’s visit that much more anxiety inducing when you’ve been on the receiving end of news other than “it’s fine” before. You a smart and strong for getting it checked out!
rosie says
This is so, so true.
Betty says
Yes, this is definitely part of it. And part of me just wants to scream that my little family should get a pass from health issues for a little while. But I know it doesn’t work that way.
Midwest Mama says
GAH, just need to vent. DH and I have been TTC #2 for 17 months (after conceiving #1 the first month trying a few years ago). He had 2 SAs done and was referred to a urologist by my OB. He called before Christmas to schedule an appointment and today was the earliest they could get him in. He gets there this morning…and they do not have an appointment for him. GRRRRRR. And tell him they can’t get him in until mid-March. I’m so frustrated and tired of TTC and everything (appointments, follow ups, testing, etc) taking so long. In the meantime, two more Facebook friends announced their third pregnancies this week alone. ::sigh:: Thanks for listening.
Pogo says
Oh man, hugs. 17 months is a loooong time.
So were the SAs not good? If that’s the case I would go straight to IVF personally. What exactly can the urologist do?
Midwest Mama says
Apparently his sperm count looked “a little low” the first time, and likewise on the follow-up although he lost some of the sample during the, um, collection process. So my OB suggested a visit to a urologist to see if there were any physical problems. I questioned that suggestion because if his numbers are normal (or at least close to normal) what difference does it make if there are physical problems?? I’ve had all kinds of testing done – blood work, HSG, internal and external ultrasounds, plus my own temping, tracking, and OPKs – and everything seems normal on my end. I think I will call an RE thanks to all of your encouragement and get the ball rolling from this end. I never thought it would be this hard or take this long, especially after it happened so quickly the first time around. Thanks everyone for your comments.
rosie says
Sorry. Obviously I don’t know what his particular issue is, if anything, but if you want to feel like you are doing *something*, would he consider diet/lifestyle changes, vitamins/supplements, maybe acupuncture with someone who specializes in fertility? I found things like that helpful to maintain some illusion of control and/or progress in a process in which you can easily feel powerless. Not that any of those things mean guaranteed success, but if something is in the “can’t hurt, could help” and will make you feel better, why not try it (IME)?
anonish says
ditto this. took us 15+ months both times. taking some control by changing diet and doing fertility-focused acupuncture (both of us) really helped. and both times we actually got pregnant shortly thereafter (though also both times were within a few months of me getting an HSG done). SA results can be very subjective, esp if overall count is not the issue. lab tech who called with DH’s initial results had him in tears and expecting he’d never be able to father a child. RE had a very different reading of the results. also (TMI) results were substantially different when i … assisted … in producing sample at home (we live close enough to doctor that he could get it there before it cooled off too much). urologist will only help if issue is structural, which an OB can’t really determine based on SA results. I second the recommendation below to have an RE look at the results. they may still want him to get checked by a urologist to rule out structural issues, but they will also start the process of doing other testing for you (and possibly for him). it is frustrating enough how much RE’s don’t know, but an OB shouldn’t really be handling this at over a year of TTC.
i understand the frustration and wish you all the best luck!
RR says
Lots of hugs. TTC sucks. FWIW from our own experience with male factor infertility, there is little the urologist can do. They told us they could fix a varicocele, and my husband had painful surgery, and it did nothing. I second the recommendation to just make an appointment with a reproductive endochrinologist. Depending upon counts, they may recommend IUI before IVF. But, with our very bad counts, they recommended IVF with ICSI. The silver lining is that I feel like it worked more easily because there was nothing wrong on my end, but of course it’s still a sucky process.
Obviously, take all internet stories with a grain of salt and your own medical advice. We just spent years trying to “fix” my husband that never did anything except cause us lots more angst than we had to experience.
rosie says
Also, just noticed you said your OB referred your husband to a urologist. I would go to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) if you are not already. S/he specializes in fertility issues, and while I’m sure some OBs know what they’re doing and can troubleshoot effectively, it’s not their specialty.
Not His Secretary says
Just (internally) flipped out on the pediatrician’s office. My husband called earlier this morning to schedule the appointment but who did they call to confirm the appt time? ME. I politely told them to please contact kiddo’s father who was the one who made the appointment. WTF.
RR says
I was just having this conversation with my husband. The kids could be with him, with me out of town, and somehow their bad behavior is still my fault. Plus, poor husband that he has to parent! The default to mom for everything is insulting to both moms and dads.
SC says
Ha! One of my male co-workers stormed into the office this morning complaining that he had to take care of his daughter until 10:30 this morning. Poor thing, having to parent.
Anon says
We fill out every child-related paperwork with DH’s data in the “mom” slot. They’re under his insurance so his name is on all of that paperwork too. Yet every single office calls ME first. And when I say that they’ll need to contact him, just like is indicated on all the forms, they act like they can’t find his information and ask ME for his number. The number all over the paperwork. The number you overlooked, and went to the “emergency contact” section just to find the one tied to a female name.
It’s infuriating. Apparently our progressive yet conservative Midwestern city cannot handle the idea of calling a non-mother. I need to ask some of my gay/ lesbian parent friends who gets called in their lives, I wonder if the dr offices just keel over in confusion.
BabyBoom says
Lesbian chiming in to answer your question, at least from my perspective! I’ve actually had this conversation with other same-sex couple parents. People tend to pick one of the parents to be the “mom”and that parent gets the call/ gets asked to bring cookies to class/ gets asked to volunteer. In the couples that I have talked to, the Dr offices of the world tend to pick the same person as the “mom” and that tends to be the person who either presents a more feminine appearance or has characteristics that are considered more traditionally feminine (like engaging in small talk).
I get almost every call, Drs offices, daycare, etc. I think this is because although we are both women, I dress slightly more feminine than my wife. When my wife does daycare pick-up or drop-off, the teachers will give messages to my wife to pass on to me. Like my wife can’t possibly remember to bring in diapers or wipes because she happens to prefer pants to dresses…
Anon in NOVA says
Wow, that’s a really interesting perspective! And how odd, to bypass the person you’re LITERALLY SPEAKING TO by asking them to “pass along” a message!
P says
Thanks for sharing. It makes this phenomenon seem even more insidious, in my view….
Cate says
Piggybacking on the discussion of nursing versus maternity clothes, all of my clothes from pre-pregnancy don’t fit even though I am below my previous weight! My butt has migrated into a lovely stomach pooch. I’m actually totally okay with my new nonexistent butt, poochy tummy look (whatever, I’m a mom) but I don’t want to go out and buy new clothes! And my pants do not fit. This didn’t happen after my first. Only my second. Babies really do a number on your body.
That was just a vent.
Anonymous says
Haha yeah I want to go back and punch my flat-tummied smug and superior self post baby #1. The second-baby pooch is real!
Anon says
Thank you for saying this. My #2 is well past 1 year old and I’m still in poochy mode. I think it might be here to stay.
I need to invest in figuring out the best way to deal with this pooch and buy some actually flattering clothes instead of just trying to camouflage it with my existing wardrobe.
NewMomAnon says
Welp, I was that mom who forgot the Valentine’s cards today. And when preschool sent the reminder (the first and only reminder, this morning at 7 am), I called him to see if he would do it, and he said he couldn’t. And then said kiddo might be mad at *me* but she would get over it. I’m sure he meant to be reassuring but it was so frustrating…..
RDC says
Yeah – it didn’t even occur to me to buy valentines for my 2yo to take to daycare. I’m hoping some of the other kids won’t have them either, but no idea (and no info from daycare either way…). Felt terribly guilty about it when I did remember later this morning.
Anonymous says
I didn’t have my 2-year-old bring Valentines even though his older brother did, because (even though I have obviously done this once before!) it just did not occur to me that others in his class might do it. So, if I didn’t do it, I’d say y’all have a pass.
NewMomAnon says
Last year I cut up a bunch of kiddo’s artwork into hearts and sent those in as Valentines cards. About half the toddler class participated last year, but the teachers had also sent home a list of all the kids’ names. This year they didn’t send a list, so I just assumed they either weren’t doing it or preschool was helping the kids make cards or something. Nope.
It probably would have been OK, except that one of kiddo’s friends had a box of Frozen cards in her cubby, and kiddo was immediately like, what’s that? And then was so mad. At me, of course, not at dad, who also could have remembered.
anne-on says
My son’s school requested *homemade* valentines cards. I get that he has a small class and this stuff is good for fine motor skills, but REALLY? You’re lucky I remembered to go to target buy the darn things in the first place!
avocado says
Are you effing kidding me? In preschool it was enough of an ordeal just getting the kid to write each kid’s name on the envelope and sign the cards with her own name. (Before she was old enough to do that it didn’t even occur to me that toddlers would exchange valentines.)
anne-on says
Oh yeah, plus the child HAD to address them and sign their own name. There were tears. Over valentines cards. Gah.
Kim says
OMG! And now you know what to do next year – cards from the store and you write them yourself. Unless of course kid is good at writing by then!! Seriously the school demands just annoy me. And mine is only in preschool.
H says
WTF? If the kid is in daycare and both parents work, who has time for that???? I think I would ignore that request and get the dumbest ones I could find at the store.
Betty says
Our preschool pulled this too. It infuriates me. The request was: “Homemade are best! Use newspapers, magazines, construction paper or anything you have on hand!” Who has time for that?! I sent in Frozen themed valentines from a box.
Anon says
Ours did the same. I actually asked WHY and they said they’re trying to not exclude the lower income families who feel pressure to spend lots of money for a store bought. Great, I said, but it also takes time to do this. If you’re going to go with stereotypes, lower income parents usually have even less time than higher income parents. The only way to really not exclude anyone is to use class time to do it.
So they switched to letting people bring in cards or treats “for the class” and then they distribute them equally regardless of who brought them in. I like this way better, and everyone can benefit from our 2 boxes of Mickey Mouse Temporary Tattoo valentines that were the only ones left on the Target shelf this weekend.
Betty says
HA! The Mickey Mouse Temporary Tattoo valentines is what my older son took to K this morning! And we spent forever last night writing his name and the name of each of his classmates on the cards.
I completely understand not wanting to exclude lower income families, and I think using classtime would be best for everyone. However, I do not believe there are many lower income families at my daughter’s preschool. Most families have one stay at home parent who drives a luxury automobile to drop-off, and the prevailing aesthetic seems to be patagonia/lulu lemon/athleta/horny toad while grabbing an organic smoothie after hot yoga (that conveniently begins 30 minutes after drop off).
avocado says
Making valentines is way more expensive than buying them. I think the standard box o’ valentines is $3 or $4. It costs that much for a package of construction paper.
Anon in NYC says
It didn’t occur to me to bring in valentines for my 20 month old either. Nothing from daycare either.
SC says
It didn’t occur to me to send Valentine’s cards for my 22-month-old. In fact, it took us 3-4 days to remember to restock his supply of diapers at daycare. I have no idea if others in his class sent cards. It did occur to me to dress Kiddo in red or pink, but then I forgot–I’m also not sure if we had anything red or pink clean, so maybe that was moot anyways.
Anon says
Glad I’m not the only one who takes forever to restock diapers. I make up for it by bringing in a sh!t-ton so they can replenish all the others they borrowed for my kid, but ugh. I get mine on Amazon Subscription but they keep lowering the number of diapers so they don’t last as long each month. So frustrating to ALSO have to run to the store to buy a pack, or get two boxes on Amazon and then have an extra giant box sitting in my house.
EBMom says
I actually remembered the cards on Saturday, but I feel enormously accomplished for this. It would have been so like me to forget the cards. And yesterday I asked Siri to remind me to pick up cards on Feb. 1 2018. We’ll see if that works.
Closet Redux says
Our daycare sent a list of kids names so it’s not fair to say I forgot; I guess I refused. While I like this particular tradition of acknowledging each of your classmates, I am not about to take on homework for daycare. This mess can catch me in preschool (or better yet, kindergarten).
CPA Lady says
I’m that a-hole who got all pinteresty (remedial pinterest, but still). But only because the teacher gave us a three week warning that we could bring in valentines if we wanted to. I got valentine themed mini rubber duckies from amazon, put them in plastic bags, and tied them with little tags saying “I’m a lucky duck to have a friend like you!” I thought they turned out well and it only took about 10 minutes…. I surprised myself with this, honestly. But then I felt kinda bad about it too. Like am I that jerk parent that is setting the bar too high?
Anon in NOVA says
Don’t feel like a jerk, take the win. We all- especially us working mothers- need a crafty win once in a while :)
Anonymous says
Nice work. I, for one, surprise myself and everyone around me every time I pull something like this off. Like, my kids made something very simple but still homemade (like, at home!) for the grandparents and uncles and aunts for Christmas, and everyone was like, how nice, they made something at school for us! And I was like, nope, all credit to mama, thank you!
ChiLaw says
Aw that’s cute. My girl and I did a good amount of work (because I am a huge pinterest dork, and she loves arts and crafts) on hers — I drew with watercolor resist on heart-shaped cards, she put watercolor on them, and then I wrote her name on them in glitterglue. Stuffed ’em in envelopes with themed stickers. And I was so proud of myself for getting it all done in advance.
But then at pickup yesterday the teacher said, “make sure to bring treats for everyone tomorrow.” …sigh. No, I did not add *treats* — stickers can be a treat!
lucy stone says
I highly doubt we are in the same place but if your kid got a shark valentine, my kid got a duck valentine from you! ;)
Running Numbers says
16.5 month old has been on somewhat of a hunger strike over the last week. He’s typically a great eater but will now mostly eat only when held, and he’s extra partial to Cheerios and ice cream. He’s been extremely moody. He’s rubbing his cheeks a lot so I think it’s because his molars are coming in, but he’s also had a runny nose (clear!) for quite awhile. No fever, slept through the night last night.
Is a hunger strike common with molars? How long does this last?
Anon in NYC says
Oh molars were the worst. I think my daughter either wouldn’t eat or would only eat pouches for a while because her mouth hurt. I think I tried to push a lot of milk for the calories. But my pediatrician says kids can be erratic with eating, especially when teething or when they have a cold, so as long as he has wet diapers, he’s probably fine. I wouldn’t worry about a day or two, but if you’re concerned, call your pediatrician!
Em says
RSV is going around in our area. My son is normally a great eater and when he had it last week he quit eating entirely for 4 days, other than an occasional banana.
Anonymous says
Yep mine got his at 18 months and we were using a lot of pouches to get through the food strikes. And yogurt.
JTX says
My younger son is 18 months and we just went through this last week when his canines came in. Have you tried ibuprofen? +1 to (cold) pouches and yogurt.
Edna Mazur says
My kids randomly hunger strike. I can’t pick out a rhyme or reason. Just when I begin to wonder how they are still alive, they start wolfing down larger portions than I can and grow and inch or two.
My pediatrician’s philosophy is that if you put fairly nutritious meals in front of your otherwise health kid, with at least one thing that they at some point liked, they won’t starve themselves to death and just let them do their thing. We tend to roll with this.
Anon says
Can anyone share some insight, perspective, or advice on the TTC struggle and how to handle it emotionally? DH and I are on our 5th month of trying for our first baby, and it’s much more emotionally trying than I thought it would be (especially because DH basically had to talk me into going off of BC six months ago – I went from “Eh, a baby would be okay, I guess” to crying over a negative pregnancy test a few months later. I guess I wanted it more than I realized).
I have a pre-existing condition that may make it harder for us to conceive (some women with my condition have no issues getting pregnant naturally, though), so I just made an appointment for us to see an RE in April. I thought that would make me feel better, but it’s actually made me sad to acknowledge that it’s not happening for us and that we might need some intervention.
anonish says
going to an RE doesn’t mean giving up or needing an intervention. the first part of meeting with an RE should be about getting more information — identifying what, if anything, may be causing an issue. before any intervention is suggested, the RE should be running blood tests, probably an SA and HSG, and taking a history to try to figure out what is going on. while 5 months isn’t that long in the grand scheme of TTC, it sounds like given your medical history it makes sense to work with an RE sooner rather than later. i wish i could say that TTC even with RE assistance is happier and easier. it isn’t, and the pressure seems to build the longer it isn’t successful. that said, you may not need any intervention at all, so don’t beat yourself up for taking steps toward getting more information.
good luck!
Anononymous says
It took us 14 months (and we couldn’t even get in to see an RE until we’d been trying for a year — they wouldn’t make an appointment with us). I was in the process of making appointments when I got pregnant. I think I was off with my ovulation dates (I could never get a consistent basal body temp and just went by date). Next time would use test strips.
Also, everyone around here recommends Taking Charge of Your Fertility. So maybe try reading that?
Anon in NYC says
I also struggled with ovulation dates too – I will be using test strips when we TTC #2.
anon says
Test strips are so much easier and more conducive to sleep than trying to take your temp every morning at the same time. DO IT. They are super cheap on Amazon.
Leatty says
+1 on Taking Charge of Your Fertility
I tried test strips, cervical mucus tracking, and just having s*x every other day during days 10-20 of my 28-day cycle. Even with all of that, it still took 15 months to conceive a viable pregnancy (had a MC five months in). We went to an RE and had just finished all of the test when I became pregnant naturally.
I had a hard time emotionally with it. Every pregnancy announcement, every question from friends/family about starting a family, every negative test, every period – it was hard. I found it somewhat helpful to reframe things in my mind – Plan A was getting pregnant and Plan B was spending more quality time with my husband, going to happy hours with friends/DH, traveling for fun, etc.
Anon in NYC says
I agree with anonish that it sounds like a really smart, proactive step in going to see the RE. Don’t beat yourself up about it!
FWIW, we don’t have any pre-existing conditions and it took us 8 months to conceive. It was harder than I expected emotionally because I had always been a little ambivalent about kids. I tried to live my life as normally as possible but also tried to say yes to things that I otherwise might not have done if I were pregnant (like, yes to more happy hours or that really intense bootcamp class at the gym). I tried to date my husband more (more adventures like hiking, or trekking to parts of the city that we normally never go to).
Anon for this says
I’m TTC my second, but with a different partner than my first. We’re on month 4 and it has been really.rough. I got pregnant with my first by accident while on the pill, so I figured this would happen immediately! well here we are.
I was doing the strips, and then once I ovulated a week later I was compulsively pregnancy testing. I thought it wasn’t stressing me out, and that it was HELPING because I felt in control, but this month I decided to forego that (and the appx $200/month i was spending on all these sticks to pee on) and honestly? It has been so much better. I’m very controlling/type A so this surprised me. It sounds like you have some medical complications, so obviously do whatever your doctor suggests, but try to scale back any obsessing you may be doing as much as possible.
In terms of dealing with the emotional roller coaster, I asked this group a similar question a few weeks ago and got some great advice I’m using starting this month. Every month that I’m NOT pregnant, I’m going to put aside $100 until I have enough to fly and visit one of my college friends for a few days. I’ll still be disappointed when I get a negative, but at least here’s a silver lining! And, if I do end up pregnant before then, I’ll have a few extra hundred dollars for some cute maternity clothes ;)
Edna Mazur says
We needed intervention and it took 3+ years. I wish I would have sought mental help during that process, during pregnancy, and post-partum. I was depressed while TTC and insanely anxious throughout pregnancy and post-partum. After I snapped out of it, everyone said how worried they were about me. Second time around, I gave certain people, (my mom, husband, a good friend) instructions to say, out loud, Edna, make an appointment with your OB, I think you need to get screened rather than just asking “so how are you?”
TLDR; this is an emotionally fought process. I didn’t seek emotional and mental help and wish like crazy I would have. Don’t be me.
OP says
Considering travel to Barcelona & Malta from the midwest US at 27/28 weeks pregnant in May. Yay or nay? I’d probably fly premium class so I’d have room on the plane but would it be horrible getting around those cities at 6+months pregnant?
Ann says
Edema is a concern as well as clots for a long flight, more so than sight-seeing when you can head back to the hotel and put your feet up if you need to. I suggest talking to your OB about what risks and concerns there are (and maybe getting some travel socks and remembering to get up and walk around the cabin).
CPA Lady says
Do y’all think the “fewer, high quality items in your work wardrobe” concept is something that can apply to parents of toddlers? For some reason I always assume these “high quality” items are going to be fragile so I get freaked out about the idea of buying them. Maybe I don’t know what high quality is anymore. But I’m imagining really nice things that need to be dry cleaned. Perhaps this is something I can re-explore when my kid is four or five? And I won’t have to peel a tantruming snot monster off the ground or daycare parking lot?
anon says
That doesn’t end by age 4, I’m sorry to say.
SC says
It works for me. My dry cleaning bill has gone up, but nothing has been permanently ruined. My boss has essentially told me that image/suits are important to him (by telling me during my interview that he won’t introduce another attorney to his clients and was hiring me instead because that attorney is a “slob,” which is true). I get dressed last and leave my blazer off until I get to work. I’d say I have a medium-sized work wardrobe, but it’s not huge either–6 suits, 5 dresses, 1 skirt and 2 pairs of pants that aren’t part of a suit, 5 blazers, and 11 pairs of shoes. About 1/3 of it is at the dry cleaners at any given time.
NewMomAnon says
I’m starting to be more selective in my clothing purchases, largely because I’m unhappy with how a lot of low-quality pieces are fitting me now. I found relatively inexpensive pants that fit, and bought a bunch of them then had them tailored – I would have happily spent a lot more to have a couple pairs that fit nicely. Now that kiddo is taller, she doesn’t wipe snot on my thighs anymore, so pants can often make it several wears between cleanings. I’m also looking for higher end skirts and dresses; wool instead of ponte would be my preference.
I don’t think I’m going to swap out my tops for higher quality, because dry cleaning isn’t happening and I don’t always get to my own laundry in a reasonable amount of time. Peanut butter, spilled milk, snot, paint, crayon stains, dried-in sweat….they all destroy shirts.
I have been investing in higher quality cardigans, blazers, scarves and shoes. I’m also finally replacing my outerwear. For me, that means Boden or high-end consignment store quality instead of Lands End. I also started buying nicer bras and would love to find nicer undies, but haven’t found any I like yet.
EBMom says
I’m really struggling with my wardrobe. I want things that are easy to clean, easy and comfortable to wear, look good, and hold up well over time. Basically, the impossible. I love the idea of finding these mystical, high-quality items that fit my criteria, but have not yet lucked into putting together a whole wardrobe that I feel comfortable with. So now my goal is to buy one nice outfit a quarter and hope that some of the pieces hold up over time and mix and match well together. It is going . . . OK.
jlg says
I try to limit the # of things that need dry cleaning. I’ll buy one indulgent piece a year — last winter it was a (for me) pricey wool donna karan moto-style sweater blazer that can be hand washed (i use the hand wash cycle on my washer). this year i skipped the splurge b/c i’m pregnant and had to get maternity work clothes. i’ve just tried to cut down overall on the # of things, even if they aren’t fancy brands/materials. i’m focusing on keeping the stuff that fits best and gets worn the most. my theory at the moment is even if i wear it out in one season, if i love it that’s fine and i can donate and replace with something else (which fulfills the shopping bug). i will admit it was much easier to purge stuff knowing that i wouldn’t wear any of it for over a year anyhow. i think its too overwhelming as a mom of young kids to worry about replacing/maintaining fancy clothes. plus i think that fit and styling are often more important to looking polished than brand or fabric content, so i’m focusing on getting rid of stuff that looks old or that doesn’t mix well with the rest of my closet and trying to be realistic about what i will actually wear frequently. the maternity wardrobe has been pretty helpful with that, as has getting MUCH smaller laundry bins! that’s all a rambling way of saying that i’m sure some ladies can pull this off, but i don’t find that it fits my lifestyle. what does seem realistic is slimming down the wardrobe to the stuff i love best and replacing that when it gets worn out.
lsw says
I read this twice before understanding that you didn’t mean should you buy dry clean only clothes for your kids. Thanks, sleep deprivation. Off to Starbucks!
ChiLaw says
I’ve focused on machine washability, so perhaps the opposite? But I have also decided that dresses are the only way to go. I don’t have the mental energy to put together an *outfit* every morning.