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My left wrist feels naked without my ugly black hair elastic around it. My mom, who has always had short hair, used to say, “You always have that ‘schmatta’ (Yiddish for a tattered rag) around your wrist.” I’ve tried keeping hair elastics in my bag, in my pocket, etc., but nowhere is more convenient than my wrist. These bracelets make it so your hair elastic becomes a bracelet accessory. I think this is a pretty clever idea and something I wish I invented myself. It’s nice that it comes in three sizes and three different metal types, and I also see that it is offered in a one size fits all in aluminum that is less expensive. The pictured bracelet is $45 at Amazon (Prime eligible). Hair Tie Bracelet This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
favoring one parent says
I see lots of internet resources about this but was hoping to get advice from this group. My 18MO son has always somewhat favored me over my husband, but lately it’s been extreme. Hysteric, convulsing sobs unless I’m the one doing everything. If I walk across the room he screams in panic. My husband is attentive, present, home every evening for dinner, takes him to school most days, takes him out to dinner and on errands alone… We’ve tried everything we can think of – if I have to leave the house, we let him go outside to play with my husband before I leave, but he will sit outside just wailing with no end in sight. He’s starting to feel really helpless and honestly it’s no fun for me either. Help/advice welcome. Thanks.
Anonymous says
Wow, this is really timely for me. No solution, but my 12 mo daughter favors me and my dad (who lives with us) over my husband and it’s really a struggle for my husband. My dad is helpful but having my daughter’s favor is driving a wedge between my husband and him and I have no idea what to do.
Anon says
What do you do when he screams? Do you rush to calm him, or do you smile and keep going on your way? How is kiddo when he’s on a solo errand with Dad? Does he scream the whole time, or is he eventually fine?
I’m sorry, I know how tough it is to go through this, and how exhausting it is to be on both sides (you and DH). In calm moments, try playing “hide and seek” games with kiddo so he gets comfortable with you out of sight. Try giving him words to talk about how he feels, and try giving him something to do if he misses you (he can carry a small blanket/lovey that you’ve given him and squeeze it if you’re gone, he can boop Daddy on the nose, he can ask Daddy for a hug, he can look at a picture of you that’s taped to the wall at his level, etc.)
And if all else fails, Our Lord and Savior Daniel Tiger has the answer. There’s an episode called “Gro-000-oownups come back”. Like all DTs, it’s not really for the kid – you should sit and watch it with the kid. You’ll likely learn some tips on the right and wrong ways to parent through this phase.
OP says
Thanks for the Daniel Tiger advice. We’re just starting to watch shows with him, so I’ll look for this.
J says
We sing “Grownups come back” all the time in our house. It really helps. Sometimes when my husband or I come home, our 2.5 year old will say “Mommy came back!” or “Daddy came back!” It has really stuck with her.
We also sing “Diapers stay on” to that tune ;)
Anon in NYC says
lol. My 3 year old will occasionally take off her overnight diaper and tell us, “it just came off!” I may have to try “diapers stay on”!
anon says
This definitely happened to us. It got better, but it’s still not great. Our husbands are saints.
Having a second child helped. Not a good reason? I had surgery where I couldn’t pick her up for a week and that helped. And honestly, time. She’s now 3 1/2 and I’d say things have been better for a couple months. It took a long time, so I’d counsel you to be patient unfortunately!
anon says
Oh, and you are not alone!
ifiknew says
my daughter JUST started doing this the past few days. She turned 1 yesterday. So timely.. I didn’t know if it was because I was stopping nursing, but sounds like it’s a developmental thing that’s going to last awhile :( She cries when I leave the room and cries when dad does bedtime etc.
Sounds like she just has to outgrow it?
EB0220 says
Two things: Time and you going on trips. My youngest was like this when she was 1-2. She’s gotten steadily more into daddy as she’s gotten older (now almost 4). I also notice a big jump in daddy-love when I go away for a few days. So, maybe you need to take a solo trip somewhere….
Em says
+1 to trips. My son’s preferred parent fluctuates to whomever he has spent the most time with recently. Lately he tends to have a dad preference, but a 1-2 day business trip for my husband will tip him in my favor temporarily. If you can swing a 4-day vacation, you may see a huge improvement.
lala says
I would pay attention to how you are responding when this wailing happens (similar to the advice above). The more confidence you show in DH, the better (i.e not rescuing wailing kid, or looking over longingly like you could fix it, staying out of the room when you hear the wailing). Having a script helps too “I see you are upset that I am leaving. Daddy is here and I will be back later”
Per the advice of someone on here, we made the switching of certain things non negotiable. So on DHs bedtime night he does the bedtime routine and rocking/snuggling. If kid says he wants me, I say “it’s daddy’s night tonight” and then leave the room after kisses and hugs.
It is a phase, and does pass, but I found the above helped.
Good luck!
anon says
If the sneaking away isn’t working, you might try affirmatively asking Daddy to watch him with him listening. Depending on his language it might work. Make a big song and dance of it. See if you can get your son to buy in.
“Ok, Daddy. I have to go to the store now. I need you to watch XX. You will do a good job, right? XX, Daddy does a good job, right? You are going to remember to feed him a snack, right? You know his favorite snack? You will get him a glass of milk, right? XX, that sounds like a good snack, right? No ice cream, right Daddy? (Daddy winks and son and offers sneaky ice cream–I’m not beyond bribery) Ok Daddy, you know where his lovey is right? Good. Ok. While I’m gone, you should push him on swing lots and lots okay? He likes that. You should also play blocks with him. That’s lots of fun. XX, what else would you like Daddy to do with you while I’m gone? Ok. So I’ll be back once you’ve had your snack and played with Daddy. Do you want a lipstick kiss on your hand to remember me? Ok. Love you lots. See you after your snack and playtime.”
Knope says
No idea if you’re doing this or not, but my LO was like this around 11-13 months and I had originally tried to deal with it by sneaking away when he was distracted. That backfired spectacularly – he just became nervous that I’d disappear and became even more clingy. Instead, we developed a short ritual every time I had to leave, even if it was just for a second to get something from another room. I pick him up or get on his level and say “Ok, mommy has to leave. What do we do? We do a hug (give him a hug), a kiss (give him a kiss), then we go to daddy (hand him to DH or DH comes into view) and wave bye bye!” It took a few tries, but it really, really helped!
Anonymous says
Don’t sneak away. That always makes it worse because then they feel like you could disappear at anytime. Predictability and clear goodbyes are important.
Clear, calm, confident, quick good byes are best. The more you prolong the transition time from one situation (mom, dad, kid) to another situation (dad, kid), the harder it will be. Try kiss on head, ‘ I have to go now, I love you and I will see you again at supper time/after naptime/other short description of when kid will see you next’. Kiss for dad too, then leave calmly and confidentally without addressing any crying – dad should pick up and comfort then distract with activity.
Daniel Tiger episode recommended above is great.
NewMomAnon says
Hugs. I’m surprised nobody has mentioned this, but – have you tried leaning into it? I think it was about that age that I started putting kiddo in the Ergo the minute we got home so I could make dinner, set the table, etc without triggering her separation anxiety. It didn’t last long; maybe a month?
The other thing to try is letting your kiddo be the one who leaves, instead of having you be the one who leaves. My kiddo has generally been OK with going away from me on an adventure of her own, but is definitely not OK with me leaving her. So her dad and I try to frame our solo forays as “Kiddo gets to leave Mama behind to go do [super cool thing with super cool person]!” rather than “Mama is leaving to go to the grocery store/away on a trip/to work.”
Anonymous says
I have a 3 y/o who is very timid and scared. I think it’s just his personality, but now it’s gotten to a point where he ends up being left out of things he wants to do and I feel bad for him :(
When he was younger, I would take him to playdates and he would spend the entire time on my lap – literally would never leave to grab a toy or play with someone. He always watches other kids play but never feels comfortable enough to go up and start playing with them. I’ve tried to role play with him but that hasn’t seemed to help. He will only do anything if either his father or I come with him, otherwise he’ll just sit it out. We are usually game to play with him and never really force him to go off on his own because we figured he’d just grow out of it. Yesterday, he was too timid to play playdoh with the other kids (who are also 3 and who he has known since he was born) and I know he loves playdoh! If a little piece fell, he would grab that little piece and run away and play with it because he was scared and intimidated by the other kids. But they are all so nice – we have seen them pretty regularly and they aren’t at all mean or aggressive but he still has never felt confident enough to play with them. I felt bad for him because I could tell he really wanted to play with playdoh with the other kids. He’ll leave birthday parties without party favors because he is too timid to take one, even if offered by the host or even if the favors are sitting on a table and we offer to go with him to pick one up (and ofcourse if we leave without one then he later cries that he really wanted a favor).
He stays at home with a nanny but will start part time preschool in the fall. We’re very social people so he’s been around other kids and adults a decent amount. Is there anything we can or should do to help him be more confident and less timid? We just sort of assumed he would grow out of it, but he hasn’t and he’s starting to miss out on things he enjoys and it kind of breaks my heart a little!
GCA says
This was my exact personality as a kid; I even had trouble asking my parents for things I wanted. I started half-day preschool just after turning 3, but was otherwise home with family. I think (at least, my parents say) preschool helped a lot, because I was around the same group of kids and adults day after day and eventually got used to interacting with them. Are there activities he loves to do, and would regular exposure to the same group of new people (a swim class, an art class) help fill the gap before preschool begins?
lawsuited says
I think your kid is probably just more used to the company of adults, and will get used to being surrounded by kids once he’s going to preschool.
Mama Llama says
My 4 year old is similar, even though she has been in daycare since she was a newborn. We have met with a child psychiatrist and a developmental pediatrician in part because of this issue. The psychiatrist talked about some coping mechanisms but emphasized that this is also probably just her personality – she will likely always be the kind of person who hates walking into a party, so that’s something to keep in mind.
One tip he gave us was to affirm the child’s coping mechanisms. So if your kid likes to sit on your lap during social situations, you might talk to him about it by saying things like, “I noticed you were sitting in my lap at the party. Does sitting in my lap help you feel better about being around all the new people? If it helps you feel better, then it’s a good idea to come sit in my lap if you feel nervous.” This helps them feel more secure if they know they have a way to make themselves feel better, and they know you aren’t going to discourage them from using it.
AwayEmily says
Affirming your child’s coping mechanisms seems like great advice in general. I should try to do that more.
anon says
My kid is like this and we’ve considered both a psychiatrist and a developmental pediatrician – was either helpful? did you try play-based therapy? My daughter’s 3 1/2 and the annoying thing is her coping mechanisms could be better. I wonder if working with someone would be good. (Like, she hides and shut downs, but also will lick me?)
Mama Llama says
With the caveat that we also had other concerns, and we have only had one session so with the psych, I think it has been helpful. We went to the dev ped first to screen for certain issues. He was the one to recommend the child psych.
Anon in NYC says
Agreed. My 3 year old takes a while to warm up, and would probably still prefer me or DH over her friends. We get her to join by doing the activity with her + the friends. So after a warmup period, we play with the playdoh with her, or hover near the playground equipment, or hold her hand while she gets a favor from someone. People on the outside probably think we’re helicopter parenting, but really, I’m just trying to get my kid to have fun and she has more fun with us than others! So if right now I need to hold her hand or be physically close to her, well, so be it. I wish that she would be a little more confident, but I expect that that will happen at some point!
anon says
Does anyone have tips for avoiding the Sunday night blues or similar feeling on Monday (well, today, Tuesday) morning? I’ve talked to friends about this, but they all talk about how weekends with kids are so exhausting (and they are, I get it) and how they generally can’t wait to go back to work and start the week. I never feel this way. I always feel blue and feel like it takes a Monday or Tuesday to get over it because I miss my kids. I just feel like I spend a lot of energy trying to get back into work mode and it’s frustrating.
lawsuited says
I often remind myself not to let Monday morning steal my Sunday evening, and reframing Sunday evening as a fun part of your weekend will help. We always have a family dinner on Sunday evening which acts as a fun and relaxing end to the weekend. I have a standing lunch date with my husband on Mondays because I do find myself in a bit of family time withdrawal on Mondays. (A standing date with a friend or coworker would also work as a welcome distraction.) I have also made Mondays my day to pick up LO from daycare, so leaving work early to do that helps me ease into the week.
EB0220 says
Yep, I’m similar to you. What has helped me lately is sitting down and spending a few minutes either Sun evening or Monday morning to time-block my Monday. It helps me get moving on Monday. I also usually block first thing Monday to upload my Rocketbook Notes, comb my to-do list and make sure I’m ready for the week. Those are simple tasks that help me ease back into the week and feel like I know what I’m doing! I’ve written about my routines a few times on my blog because I definitely struggle coming out of the weekend…
Anonymous says
Sometimes I find working on a “to do” list first thing on Monday overwhelming. I’ll just pick the project I want to work on most (unless I must get something else done ASAP) and work on it for a few hours. Then mid-morning I start my week more of the “right” way with my to-do list and prioritizing and go from there. The Sunday blues are very real for me, too.
Poppin' says
I’m 10 weeks pregnant with my second, and only want to disclose my pregnancy at 14 weeks for a variety of reasons (timing of my annual review, neural tube testing). But my belly is already popping and my regular clothes are not fitting well. I’m worried that moving into my maternity clothes will highlight the bump rather than hide it. Ideas for hiding a bump for 4 more weeks? There should really be fashion blogs dedicated to this issue!
GCA says
What’s your existing regular style and can you work with it? (I feel like drastic style changes – like suddenly wearing baggy dresses when you were a sleek-buttondowns-and-pants person – are more of a dead giveaway than anything else!) What style changes could you get away with because of the weather? Unfortunately this might be easier in winter than summer!
Poppin' says
My usual work style is to wear a suit 1-3 times a week (pant suit with untucked blouse or sheath dress and matching blazer), and dress business casual (pants, untucked blouse, cardigan/blazer). My suit pants do not fit and my sheath dresses really emphasize the bump so I have been dressing business casual every day. It is now too hot for scarves and a lot of layers, so I’m looking for some kind of magic bump-hiding blouses or dresses.
AwayEmily says
Try Loft. They have a ton of affordable flowy-ish tops that you can wear with pants/blazer. The utility blouse was one of my go-to’s during early pregnancy.
shortperson says
if you really want to invest in this problem, the mm lafleur dresses that label themselves as “middle friendly” are pretty good at skimming over small bumps. you could also consider getting some betabrand dress pant yoga pants if you want to wear your regular shirts over pants that look like they could be suit pants. the mm lafleur foster pants will do that too, for more $$$.
Anon in NYC says
What about keeping your pants, but using a belly band (or the rubber band trick) and a looser blouse, with a cardigan/blazer? I also found that at that stage, going up a size in pants helped. You might be able to get away with a sheath dress in a larger size too, provided that it isn’t too big elsewhere.
Maybe I’m wrong, but I actually don’t think that maternity pants + a blouse in a larger side (or a maternity one that doesn’t have the obvious belly ruching) + a cardigan/blazer would scream “pregnant!” I found that Mother Maternity / A Pea in the Pod had some good blouses that were not obviously maternity.
Anonymous says
Thirding (fourthing?) all the recommendations for the belly band plus drapey Loft non-maternity tops; they tend to be reasonably priced and generously cut. My Loft tops and sweaters were sufficient to disguise a bump till 20 weeks when I told my bosses.
Anon says
Wear a bellaband (or knockoff) to keep your pants up and wear a looser/draped untucked blouse. Depending on the pants, you might get away with the hair band trick as well (loop it through the hole and then hook around the button).
You might get away with a slight A-line dress – it won’t be drastically different than a sheath but might be a bit more forgiving in the middle. A cardigan over the dress might also help hide the belly.
Avoid side ruching at all costs, since that’s the universal giveaway of a pregnant belly unless it’s on a swimsuit.
anon says
Dark patterned flowy top under an open blazer?
Anonymous says
+1, this was my strategy. I was shocked that nobody noticed.
Anon says
I did well with swingy dresses from Loft (non-maternity) in one size up to accommodate growth in my b—bs. I would layer with one of my normal blazers or suit jackets. Given the change in the season, I bet you could get away with a few summery dresses with a blazer. You might do well with their 40-60% off sales. I made several of their dresses work well into third tri. Look for something with no structure at all–tent shaped, high A-line or tulip skirts worked best. The blazer will make it look more structured.
anon says
Something like this with a navy blazer might work:
https://www.loft.com/ikat-short-sleeve-swing-dress/466419?skuId=25110050&defaultColor=0473&catid=catl000013
anon says
Or this https://www.loft.com/floral-paisley-ruffle-swing-dress/459874?skuId=25246308&defaultColor=5753&catid=catl000013
anon says
I think blazers are good for hiding this. And I mean this kindly but you may be worrying more than in necessary. I think we all see these changes much more dramatically than our coworkers actually notice. Of course at every office where I’ve worked the support staff likes to claim they knew so-and-so was pregnant before she told, but in my experience my colleagues (men and women but especially) really don’t notice the physical changes early on.
Anonymous says
I got through a similar situation this pregnancy with pants (with Lycra) a size up, and a rotation of long, loose blouses. Luckily I already owned several, unlike my first pregnancy — length is key for me as I have a long torso and carry low. If you also wear a blazer or waterfall style cardigan, plus eye catching necklaces, you can hide a lot. Belly band didn’t work for me but I was able to surreptitiously switch to maternity pants around 15 weeks with the same blouses working for another few weeks.
Anonymous says
I was about the same as you. My torso is basically nonexistent, so the baby had no where to go but out! I wore a lot of dresses, especially wrap dresses. A couple pairs of pants were okay with the Target Bella Band knock off. I had really bad nausea so ended up telling my boss at 8 weeks. I knew he’d be thrilled for us. It was so much easier for me and took so much pressure off. I had a lot of goodwill built up so a crappy 6-8 weeks while I made it through the worst of it wasn’t a big deal. Honestly, everyone at my office had it figured out well before 12-13 weeks. It’s not such a terrible thing depending on your coworkers.
AwayEmily says
We potty trained our 26-month-old over the long weekend, based partially on all your encouragement to go for it given her interest. THANK YOU– it went really well overall (we used the Oh Crap method). Some accidents, of course, and some resistance, but lots of successes/forward progress as well. But I’m actually posting to vent about our daycare — I told them several times in advance that we were potty training this weekend, but they neglected to tell me that we had to bring our own potty seat for the toilet in the classroom. So we showed up this morning, she’s all excited to show her teachers how she can use the potty and…there’s no place for her to go (I did let her try on the adult potty but she was understandably kinda freaked out).
Also: has potty training moved later? I had it in my head that 2.5 was the “average” time to potty train, but was surprised to learn this morning that she is the only one in her class so far. Now I’m second-guessing whether we should have waited longer…oh well.
Anon says
Ugh super annoyed about the bring-your-own toilet seat! I would be livid about that.
Congrats though! I feel like the common time for most kids is sometime while they’re 2. Most 3 year old programs and preschools in my area require the kids to be potty trained, and I feel like roughly half of the parents will talk about how they’re cutting it close. And I think most people do it over a long weekend or summer, so I bet you’ll start to get more classmates in the next few months.
And if she was generally successful, then you picked exactly the right time! My kids were on the “earlier” side too – 24 and 27 months – but they did really well so it was the right time for us. They got super stubborn right before turning 3, so there’s no way it would have worked if we waited much longer.
lala says
I do think later is becoming more common (in our area it is typically closer to 3-3.5 unless motivated by a preschool requirement, which most daycares do not have in our area). I think this is driven by parents being more aware of child development, and that you really can’t force kids if they are not ready. But also by lazy parents like me, who think that changing a diaper is way easier than worrying about a newly potty trained kid peeing everywhere. But that does not mean you did it too early, some kids are totally ready early!
When I was a nanny, one girl I watched completely trained herself at 22 months. Like, me and her moms literally did nothing and she wanted to start using it because her older brother was, and that was that. Never wore a diaper during the day again. Never had an accident. It was amazing!
So, you do you!
And I would have been so mad about not knowing to bring a toilet seat too!
J says
+1 on being a lazy parent. We have our child sit on the potty regularly at home (and they’ve been doing it at school for a long time). But we have some long car trips coming up in the next few months, and I just don’t feel like pushing it right before that happens. If it starts happening, great and we’ll go with it. But we won’t be active about it until the end of summer when she’s closer to 3.
In any event, that is really, really weird about your daycare, IMO. I’d be super annoyed.
CPA Lady says
I think about half the kids in my daughter’s 2 year old classroom were potty trained by the time they got to the 3 year old room. I think most of those kids were the more self-motivated ones (I did not potty train my kid. She saw the older kids in her 2 yo class doing it and was like “i’m doing it too”). Seems like the 3 yo class is much more focused on really potty training. FWIW, there are no tiny toilet seats at kiddo’s daycare– they all use regular toilets. This actually made transitioning to her using the toilet when we were out and about much easier.
AwayEmily says
thanks for listening/understanding! Day one went better than I expected (she crapped on the playground but hey, can’t win ’em all) so I’m feeling a little better about everything.
And I hear you on the lazy parents thing. If she hadn’t literally started crying when we wouldn’t let her sit on the toilet I would have waited until at least the end of the summer. I’m not looking forward to next month’s five-hour roadtrip with a newly potty trained toddler.
NewMomAnon says
FWIW, I asked kiddo to wear a pull up for travel for the first year? six months? of being potty trained. Cleaning a wet car seat = no fun.
Anon says
Yep any trip over 2 hours meant a pullup for the first 6 months or so.
Also get the potette plus travel potty (recommended on Lucie’s List) and keep it in your car. I’ve stopped on the side of a road during a traffic jam to let my kids pee on it in the trunk in an “emergency” before. Once you run out of the included bags, any plastic bag with a little paper towel folded in the bottom to prevent splash back will work. Also comes in super handy for parades and parks and other places without public restrooms.
Preggo says
Due in early November. I get a magical 20 weeks maternity. My husband will take a few days off work depending on the day of the week our baby girl (!) arrives, but will go back pretty much immediately. He’s paid hourly and this will be his crazy busy season.
The plan is for my mom to arrive when he goes back to work. This probably sounds crazy, but I feel like she is coming more for her than for me. She lives near my sister so was omnipresent when all of my sister’s kids were born. I’m a plane ride away. It was her expectation that she’d stay for like a month, at my house. I’ve asked it to be week, in a hotel. Her feelings are already hurt.
Again probably crazy, but what will my mom and I do all day when the baby is a week old? She tends to be kind of hyper-active, unable to sit still and constantly doing something (usually cleaning). She loves to brag about how she had “postpartum euphoria” and had fully recovered from her v-birth in 24 hour (c-section in 48). I expect to be just sleeping all day, bfing, and resting. Meanwhile I think she’ll expect me to be up and about, going on lots of walks, etc. For example, she finds the idea of watching TV all day totally appalling. Will I end up needing her more than I think I will?
Having her not come, or come later, is not an option. It will really harm my relationship with her and we are actually really close. What were your first few weeks with baby like? Did you have help?
Anon in NYC says
Can you ask your sister what your mom was like when her kids were born? She might have some good insight.
I know that for one friend, having her mom close by helped tremendously. Her mom stayed with them for ages and would wake up with the baby in the middle of the night, take care of putting the baby back to bed, etc, so that my friend could recover and get sleep. She cooked them meals, cleaned, and basically mothered my friend (and her husband by extension). My friend loved it.
My mom is not at all like that. She was surprised at the idea that she would bring me a meal after I had just had a child. She had no intention of cleaning my house. When I had to nurse she would just sit and stare there at me. My mother stopped mothering me when I was like 24. I would not have wanted my mom to stay with me for a week, let alone a month.
I think it can be a mixed bag. My husband was home for a month after we had our daughter, which was great and I didn’t need any extra help. I might have felt differently if he had to immediately return to work. I had a completely normal delivery, but didn’t really feel recovered for about 2-3 weeks. I don’t think I left the house for the first week. If your mom wants to clean your house, and cook you food, and take care of the baby while you sleep and shower, great! Maybe you can go on gentle slow walks too while she’s around if you’re up for it. And otherwise, send her off on her own to explore your city.
Anonymous says
+1 to asking your sister for insight. I don’t have any sister to have asked, but my mom came for a week when my first LO was a week old and it was amazing. By a week old, I felt more or less ok from the actual birth part (I had an uncomplicated V birth with some tearing), but was exhausted and my husband had returned to work. She cooked for me, did laundry, watched the baby so I could go get my nails done for an hour towards the end of the second week, and basically babied me. She was kind enough to stay well out of the way in the evenings when my H was home so we could have time as a family (she’d do stuff like have dinner ready to go for us and then leave to go to target for errands for an hour, or claim she was tired and retreat to the guest room to read for an hour). It all depends on your mom, but mine was fab.
Meg Murry says
Can you call your sister and ask her what your mom was like with her? Was she super energetic, and did she expect your sister to be the same? Or was she ok as long as she was kept busy and let your sister do her own thing?
If you think your mom will be ok as long as she is kept busy (and won’t expect you to help), can you make her a long “please do” list? Things like making freezer meals, making a run to Target/Cosco etc to stock up on toilet paper, paper towels and cleaning supplies, returning gifts from baby showers that aren’t useful or that you got duplicates of, etc? Could you ask her to come over right after your H heads off for work and either play with baby inside or take baby on a walk in the stroller so you can shower and eat breakfast (and/or catch a quick nap if you were up all night with baby).
Do you have a scheduled C-section or induction date? If not, what if baby is 1-2 weeks late? Will your mom come up for your last week or 2 of pregnancy, or is she waiting to get plane tickets until after baby arrives?
Mrs. Jones says
I took all the help I could get, with laundry, meals, dishes, and just general boredom (babies aren’t v interesting IMO), since I was so tired and depressed. My mom was great with all those things the first week. hopefully you can direct your mom’s energy toward helping you, running errands, etc. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Have her do non-baby things! I would have loved to have someone clean my bathroom/cook me all my meals in the PP period. My husband and I didn’t have my mom come until about six weeks after we brought our twins home and during that six weeks we were okay and didn’t have to entertain anyone (yay!) but also we were eating like one huge meal per day from Arby’s and surviving on cereal and bagged popcorn the rest of the time because we were sooooo tired. Maybe if you were “up” like… sitting in the kitchen with the baby while she cooks lunch, if you’re up for that, she would feel like you’re “up and about” but you won’t actually have to be DOING anything other than snuggling your little girl? What I’d try to avoid is her “helping with the baby” i.e. she gets a bunch of snuggle time to “give you time” to vacuum.
rosie says
+100000 on the last sentence. Avoid having someone “help” you with the baby so you can do chores. Let them do the chores while you rest with your baby.
Anon says
My mom originally planned to stay for a week after I got out of the hospital, and I begged her to stay for 2 (and she obliged). My husband went back to work 6 days after our baby was born (3 days after we left the hospital). Mom slept downstairs with me (so I could sleep in the recliner – easier on my c-section incision). She would bring the baby to me and do the diaper changes and burps so all I was doing was resting and nursing. She did laundry for us, kept track of my pills, took me and the baby to doctor’s appointments (I was not comfortable driving for a good 10 days). She watched the baby while I napped. She held the baby a lot (ours would pretty much not sleep unless held) so I could shower, nap, etc. She cooked extra freezer meals for us and fed us while she was there. My MIL would not have been (is not at all) helpful in the same regard, so know your mom.
KSM says
So, you don’t know what kind of labor you will have, and I think you need to be extremely clear about that with your mom. I ended up having 42 hrs of back labor and then an emergency c-section, followed by thrush for six weeks straight and two grueling bouts of mastitis. Between everything, I really didn’t leave my house for six weeks, which is NOT my normal style, and which I didn’t know would be the story in advance. My husband took the first month off with me, and then my mom was with me for the next couple weeks. My mom sounds a lot like yours, but she was actually quite helpful and I couldn’t have done those first six weeks without help. That said, I made it EXTREMELY clear to my mom just how incapacitated I was (it helped that I knew before she came though) and how boring the visit would likely be. I made it very clear that the way she could help most was to let me rest and get some semblance of decent food and self-care (i.e. a shower every couple days), but that should really be her expectation at that point, not that we would be going on outings together or such.
lawsuited says
After #1, she didn’t stay with me but she came over in the morning, made tea, tidied the kitchen, made breakfast/lunch for us, did laundry, burped and rocked baby some of the time, watched baby while I showered or took a nap (I was a very anxious mom so struggled to nap when I was alone with baby), and then usually did some dinner prep before leaving right as my husband arrived home. When we had to go to the doctor or run errands she would drive so I could sit in the back with baby. It was really, really amazing, and I cried a heck of a lot when she left after a week. I’m pregnant with #2 and now have a big enough home that my mum will be able to stay with me after the birth which I’m going to take advantage of, and I’d be thrilled if she’d stay as long as a month.
You know your mom best though. I already knew my mom would be helpful, although I didn’t quite know how because I didn’t know what caring for a newborn would look like. I second other suggestions to talk to your sister about her experience. You can also set some expectations with your mom now saying “mom, I’m concerned that you’ll be bored and want to go adventuring after a week which I don’t think I’ll be up for so soon after baby is born. If you’re happy to sit at home and do laundry and make dinner for 3 weeks, then you could certainly stay longer.”
Anonymous says
I’m due in November with a 20 week maternity leave too. My mom lives about an hour from me and I’m hoping she will stay with me for a few days after baby is born. She is the type of person to help out quite a bit and also knows what to say to calm me down/ help me feel better about difficult situations. That’s mainly why I’m looking forward to her being around. If I were in your shoes I would carefully set expectations with your mom about how you want her visit to look and let her know that you will be in the lead about what you feel up to doing (watching TV) or not doing (taking tons of walks).
HSAL says
My mom sounds a lot like yours, and my experience was like that of Anon in NYC’s friend. My mom stayed intermittently after my first (they live three hours away), and she was a huge help with cleaning, running errands, cooking, etc so all I had to do was hang out with the baby. She would keep the baby for long chunks at night so I could sleep, and just bring her to me when she needed to eat. It was amazing.
I’m due with twins sometime in the next couple weeks, and she’s basically planning to move in for most of the summer, and I couldn’t be more excited, despite living in a two bedroom house with a toddler. Space will be nuts, but having someone on “house duty” is absolutely worth it.
Anon says
+1 to everyone saying take all the help you can get, especially if you and your mom have a generally good relationship. Those first weeks of motherhood are a shock. You hear babies sleep all the time and picture a peaceful time of nursing, napping and watching TV, but babies also wake up a lot and need a lot of things from you, and not on your envisioned schedule. Having extra hands to hold the baby and keep up the house is so helpful. Babies also have a flurry of doctor appts right at the beginning (more if they fail the hearing test at the hospital, or the doctors want something specific followed up on); it’s nice to have an extra adult along to carry the stuff. And then all the unknowns about fussy newborns/trouble breastfeeding/longer than expected physical recovery…I would for sure want my mom around to help for as long as she could.
Pogo says
I gave my mom very specific tasks to do daily. I wrote them down so when she was itching for something to do, she could just check the list.
-wash dishes, empty dishwasher
-wash and fold laundry
-deal with the cat
-wash and sterilize bottles and pump parts
-empty trash cans
These were all low impact for her but pretty high impact for me – a bunch of things I didn’t need to worry about every day. I knew she wasn’t going to magically start cooking gourmet meals or scrubbing floors, so I picked a list of things I knew she could actually do.
Anonymous says
+1 – have a list of things for her to do. Let her spoil you. If she needs something to do, send her out to get you coffee, etc. etc. Start preparing ideas and projects for her.
EB says
Anyone have a recommendation for a pair of shorteralls? Overall shorts? IDK. But I want a pair. I see some madewell ones at Nordstrom, which I’ll probably go for if I can’t find something better, but they’re a little more than I wanted to spend on something trendy. Are overalls trendy though? Maybe I’ll have them forever.
Anonymous says
I haven’t specifically looked, but that’s the type of item I tend to buy from Old Navy. Usually relatively plain, cheap, but I don’t care if they only last a season or two.
In House Lobbyist says
I saw some at H&M awhile back. I took a pic and sent it to my friend because we had some when we were 15 and it made me feel old to see them in stores again.
anonnnnnnn says
Has anyone else’s toddler just started to reject the stroller? DD is 17 months but not walking due to delay. In the past week, she fights and tries to crawl out of her stroller whenever we use it (whether we’re walking or taking it somewhere where she’s more stationary).
J says
Ever since she learned to walk. She wants to be out and moving. We usually just let her walk and have learned to live with the idea that she’s not going to go on a long walk outside in the stroller. We did get a cheapo umbrella stroller for traveling a while back (wouldn’t spend more on it since she won’t sit in strollers), and she was fairly obsessed with it as her new toy for a few weeks. But she got past it…
Anonymous says
Got past wanting to sit in the new stroller I mean. She still prefers to walk whenever she can.
AwayEmily says
ours started resisting the stroller at this point and wanting to be carried and so we would give her a choice: “You can either walk or get in the stroller. Those are your only options.” There was a lot of crying the first week or so but she pretty quickly learned we were serious.
Since yours isn’t walking, could you do something like “You can either get in the stroller or we are staying here [wherever here happens to be]. That’s it. If you want to keep going you need to get in the stroller.” (note that for the first week you have to not actually need to be anywhere in a hurry because you have to just stay there until they capitulate).
Anonymous says
Mine can’t taste freedom or they won’t have whatever containment device (stroller/carrier) I am attempting.
Like, my little guy is totally happy to ride on my back indefinitely, but if I let him down for 5 minutes, NOPE – rabid octopus slash bucking bronco when I try to put him back in the carrier. My big guys will fight it if there’s even an option of walking. It has to be black and white – they are born negotiators.
Spirograph says
I feel like all my kids went through an anti-restraint phase around this point. It started to be a giant ordeal to get them into the stroller or the car seat, but ergo carrier (for example) was OK. I’m not saying I handled this the “right” way, but for me it was: “too bad, kid, we’re going somewhere in the car, I will wrestle you into the car seat. We’re going somewhere that it is most convenient for you to be in the stroller, I will wrestle you into the stroller. And then, beauty of 5-point-harness, you’re trapped!” Yes, there were tears. Yes, it was frustrating. But it only lasted a few weeks at most. Good luck!
Anon says
As a non-parent and then as a parent of a snuggly newborn, I thought why does my baby need more buckles than an astronaut in a rocket launch. As a new parent of a very strong, mobile and independent 10 month old, all I can say is thank goodness for the 5 point harness. My daughter laughs in the face of 3 point harnesses or, even worse, lap belts. FWIW, we take the same approach with our restraint hating kiddo.
JTM says
My 17mo tolerates the stroller in doses. She started walking at 10mos and is a great walker, so she doesn’t want to be confined. We only use it when we’re going places that are super busy – mall, airport, zoo – and try to give her chunks of time when she’s out of the stroller.
In House Lobbyist says
Re: Hair Bracelet – I loved mine but keep in mind they turn within in a year. I even took it to the my jeweler because I wore it all the time but he couldn’t fix it. He suggested an auto repair shop but of course I haven’t gotten around to that. I had the $100 original one but I might have to get the $45 amazon one.
Anon says
I don’t know what you mean by “turn” (as in turn colors? But what would an auto repair shop do?) but mine worked really well except it wouldn’t stay on my wrist without the hair tie. So if I actually used my hair tie, then I had to put the bracelet down somewhere, and I’d end up forgetting it at work or at home or in my car. It sort of defeated the purpose. I love the concept, but I need a bracelet that looks good and stays on even without the hair tie on it.
In House Lobbyist says
The finish all came off mine even thought it was supposed to be stainless steel. It literally rubbed off. I tried to have it coated like jewelers can do but it wouldn’t take the dip. He thought they could chrome it like they do for car parts I think. Yes, mine wouldn’t stay on without a hair band either.
Anon says
Anyone have tips for festivals/ parades/ outdoor events with preschool age kids? Mine are 5.5 and 3 this summer. Up to this point, I’ve always taken the double stroller (a Joovy Ultralight) with us and that’s where the kids could rest when they got too tired to walk on their own (or corral them at busy events). I also could stuff extra drinks and supplies in the basket so we wouldn’t have to pay $15 for a juice box.
They’re getting a little too big for the stroller now and it feels like overkill for bigger kids. But I also don’t know if they could last for several hours at a festival without having somewhere to sit and rest, and I don’t want to schlep around a giant backpack either because it gets so hot.
What do others do? Should I bring the stroller anyway, even if just for the storage? Bring just an umbrella stroller for the younger one? Or do I just hope there’s a shaded place we could sit for a while?
Anonymous says
Wagon, maybe? Not a festival, but these have become very popular options at the zoo we visit regularly (one of the largest in the nation). Otherwise, I’d bring and umbrella stroller for the little one and take your chances!
Marilla says
+1 to these options (although I’d rather push a double stroller than pull a wagon, a 5 year old would probably rather be in a wagon).
AwayEmily says
we just got one of those folding wagons at Costco and it’s actually less irritating to pull than I expected
Anon says
Could you do a single stroller and have them take turns?
Anonymous says
This. Get one with a basket to toss all your stuff in there.
And if they are both exhausted, someone rides on dad’s shoulders.
anon says
If you have a full sized single stroller, you can often recline the back all the way and fit two kids in it. Not ideal, but it will do to get to the car at the end of a long day.
Solo parenting says
Late in the day, and I’ll check the archives because I know it’s been discussed but… solo parenting tips?
I’m trying to think of things to do either by myself or with kiddo to get through the next two weeks. I have planned a play date kiddo for this weekend. I have planned brunch with an adult friend. I have scheduled my mom to give me an extra set of hands a few weeknights. I’m going to watch my shows that husband hates.
Anything else? I’m thinking Panera or Chipotle should happen for dinner at least once.
Anonymous says
How old is your LO? When my daughter was ~2.5 my husband had a travel heavy summer and several long trips (rather than the 2-3 day trips he usually takes). A few of the activities that kept her/busy longer than it took me to set up were baking (pre-scored sugar cookies + sprinkles, muffins), the water table, a few science experiments (baking soda + water + food coloring — freeze over night in ice cube trays and spray with vinegar; putting food coloring in water and mixing to make different colors), and the pool.
I took advantage of not having to compromise with another adult and watched my TV shows and ate the food I wanted.
Good luck!
Anon in NYC says
These are all great ideas. A few others, depending on your kids age:
– If you’re not adverse to screens, an at-home movie rental with movie snacks is a fun way to pass an afternoon. Quiet time at home with your kiddo where you don’t also have to entertain them!
— Make pizza with kiddo – buy prepared dough and toppings.
I don’t usually eat with my kid (she eats too early), so after washing dishes, entertaining her, bedtime, etc., dinners for myself have to be very very easy. I plan on things like scrambled eggs with toast or prepared foods that I can assemble into a coherent meal.
Anonymous says
-Trip to Costco and/or grocery before your partner leaves so you have stuff on hand.
-Not sure how old your kid is, but the baby pool is a big hit for us and allows me to relax/read while he splashes.
-Chipotle at least twice.
GCA says
Lots of good ideas already, but I’ll add:
– Food: Have husband batch-cook things you can freeze so you don’t have to do much cooking. Instacart your groceries if you need to. Summer is good for outdoor picnic dinners (sandwiches, crackers, cut up veggies and fruit, cheese, deli meat). ‘Dinner date’ with an older toddler or preschooler at Panera.
– Chores: if you don’t have a dishwasher, it’s fine to eat off paper plates. Housecleaning service if you can afford it.
– Exercise/ multitasking/ sanity: when one of us is traveling for work, the other runs with kiddo in the jogging stroller, maybe with a stop at the playground, splash pad or pool on the way.
KateMiddletown says
A little random and late, but what does your dish rack setup look like? We had a cheapo bamboo one that just bit the dust, but served our purposes for the most part. We’re expecting a baby in October, so I think the boon grass drying rack is in our future (not sure what size), but I can’t decide whether to go BIG or compact/simple with the traditional dish drying rack.
Anonymous says
Go big. Definitely.
EE says
I would go big if you have the space, for sure!! The bigger, the better!!! I also have two Oxo Tot Space Saving Drying Racks (these are a recent addition, and are awesome).
Anonymous says
We had a rack and honestly found one of those drying mats to work best. They’re machine washable and can be rolled up and put out of the way much easier. It was also much less of an eyesore sitting on the counter. Functionally, it seed to work better for us, too.
HSAL says
I wasn’t super impressed by the Boon drying rack, but we still use it along with a drying mat for our stuff (kid is 2 1/2 now, so mainly drying sippy parts). We don’t have a regular dish drainer or anything. BUT if you plan on using Dr. Brown’s bottles, the drying rack that’s specific for those bottles is a godsend. A hideous godsend, but a godsend nonetheless.