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A while back, I posted gear ties to use for organizing small accessories and cords. These larger Gorilla Ties are a similar concept, and showed up in my garage recently.
My husband is finding them really useful for binding larger gardening tools together for storage, and organizing the various hoses and extension cords we have around the house. They’re helpful to have on hand to tackle a basement or garage organizing project. They’re also soft and flexible, so my son loves to play with them too.
A set of four is $8.72 at Walmart. Gorilla Ties
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Anon says
Does anyone used an ok to wake clock but as an alarm clock? Or any other preschooler alarm clock recs? 3.5 yo insists on getting herself out of bed in the morning but she stays in bed until pretty late even though I’m sure she’s awake. Thinking a light or some sort of prompt would help her get up.
Anonymous says
Yes and no. We have an Ok to Wake clock. Most days it keeps kiddo in bed, but there are also days where it wakes her up. On the weekends, if we can tell she is still asleep (and we’re awake enough to realize what’s going on), we’ll set it for later and let her sleep. On schooldays, she needs to get up, so it is an alarm. I bet your kiddo would really like it or some sort of alarm – it makes my daughter feel so grown up to have her own “clock”. She loves coming to “wake” us up after her alarm goes off. It turns green and birds chirp.
Lily says
at what age did you introduce it?
Anonymous says
4.5. We’d had it since about 3.75 but she was doing a good job staying in bed in the mornings, so we didn’t get it out. Then we needed it for naptime when daycare was closed due to Covid. She loved it, and I know she would have loved it sooner. Anytime during the three year old year I think would have been really good.
Anon says
I use the Hatch light for this. I like it because you can adjust it on your phone (so out of the kid’s room) when you need to. We have it set to turn green and switch noises every weekday at the same time, so it can either gently wake her up or give her the all-clear.
If we go in early (because she’s making noises so we know that she’s up) before the light turns she basically kicks us out because ‘wakeup sounds not on’
Anonymous says
+1, we use the Hatch because sometimes I want to let her up early. It also really helped during the transition because I could let her up after only being awake for a couple minutes while she got used to it. So she didn’t get too frustrated. Now she loves it and tells us “my light is green!” when she gets up.
We started using it around 2.5, definitely well before age 3.
Pogo says
Same. He even calls it his alarm clock.
Ashley says
Same! My almost 3yo has “gotten” it since about age 2+3months or so.
anon says
Haha yeah, same for my kids. Their grandmother went it to wake them up while we were visiting this summer and expected to see happy faces and instead got cries of “go away, the light’s not yellow yet!!1”
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
We have been using the UrbanHello Remi clock for the last 3+ years. Overall we really like it. The OK to wake clocks would often wake the kids up. The Remi doesn’t change the light, it just switches from a sleep face to a smiling face. Both kids understood it in preschool. You can set the schedule so it turns to “sleep” at bedtime. You can also set it to play a song at bedtime. We love that bc it’s an easy sign that it’s time for bed, without even having to look at the clock. It connects to your wifi. However – if you want it to wake her up then maybe the OK to wake would be good!
Anonymous says
We used one with a lot of success at that age. Then it was thrown and broken and we realized that at a certIn age, maybe 4-4.5, a regular digital clock works just fine.
Tweeter says
Yesterday there was talk about wearable blankets. Somehow my 23 month old is still fitting in the large burts bees, but I think it’s time to get a larger one. Definitely interested in staying the course here – Can anyone recommend a specific brand for the two year old crowd?
GCA says
What about the Halo Early Walker sleepsacks? They have a large size range and the early walker ones have feet so if kid escapes from bed it’s nbd.
Tweeter says
Thank you!
Anon says
I mentioned this yesterday, but Woolino has a 2-4 year old size. My very tall (40″) 2.5 year old has plenty of room to grow in them. We outgrew Halo sleepsacks (which is what we were using from birth) before she turned 2.
Tweeter says
Wow very pricy but has a large age range so probably worth it! Thank you!
Anon says
Yes, insanely expensive but they’re all season (vs other brands where you buy cotton for the summer and fleece for the winter) and they’re supposed to hold up very well. We’ve been using them for almost a year and I hope we get at least another year out of them.
DLC says
+1 for wool. I have the Merino Kids (same idea as Woolino) sleep sack and it’s great. They are pricy, but have such a long life span. And they are great for kids who sleep hot because they are more breathable than fleece. Also, the zipper runs in a way that you can leave the bottom open- good for walking around, I guess.
Anonymous says
Kyte Baby has big sizes, so I tried them recently for my 22MO. The quality isn’t as good as Hanna or Aden + Anais (after a couple months one of the sleep sacks I ordered developed a small hole at the seam on the side), but the material is nice and soft.
Marshmallow says
What’s the difference between the “basic” and “ultimate” versions? Just the shoulder snaps and car seat loop?
Anon says
I’ve been using the cotton Halo sleep sacks for my 20 month old and have been dreading when she outgrows the XL. Everything bigger than that by Halo is fleece/polyester. She sleeps hot and is in the cotton sleep sack and a short sleeve onesie year round. Any specific brands for cotton?
Anonymous says
I don’t know but my 36” 2 year old is still fine in the halo xl!
Anonn says
My daughter is tall and wore the largest Beekeeper until she was almost 3! way out of the range listed on the tag, but she loved that thing.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Normal 4 year old behavior or something more? My nearly 4.5 year old has been getting very very frustrated when he can’t do something perfectly (in his opinion) lately – i.e. drawing letters, hitting the ball at just the right angle, taking his clothes off or putting them on. He starts crying and yelling and sometimes gets physical with us (although less than when he was 2-3 for the physical). I myself have anxiety and am a recovering perfectionist so I don’t want to project too much on him but I also want to find coping mechanisms for him at this young age. We tell him that it’s ok to get frustrated, and that he should take a few minutes to calm down in his room after. I don’t want to avoid all triggering activities, I would rather he ends up a little less hard on himself. But I don’t know if that’s something he’ll grow into or if we should be doing something more now.
Mathy says
My now-5.5yo son was like this for sure. Try @biglittlefeelings on Instagram – they have some good language for this. It hasn’t completely resolved but we frequently do the “you tried hard, nice work! This is tricky, isn’t it? It’s okay to be mad that it didn’t work the way you want it to. I’m here for you. Do you want a hug?” dialogue.
I would put my foot down on the physical stuff — hurting himself, others, or expensive things (like throwing an ipad once — I have a story!) is not okay. That’s when I would say “you’re hurting [thing], I’m going to move [thing] away from you for now so it’s safe.” Otherwise, I went strong on the hugs.
He still gets very upset when things don’t go how he wants them to or things are too hard, but I think we’re making progress using the above strategies.
Clementine says
A couple tips:
– Praise effort, not outcomes “Wow. You were really focused when you were drawing those.”
– Teach a simple coping technique like deep breathing – my husband has kids as young as 2 specifically ‘brush it off’ (making a brushing motion across their chest) and then raise your arms up and take a deep breath, lowering them slowly as you breathe out.
– Yeah dude. We’re all frustrated. I GET IT. Like, on a visceral level. Express that you get frustrated too and when you’re frustrated tell the kids. “Wow. I’m really frustrated that this pancake isn’t coming out the way that I wanted. I’m going to take a deep breath now.”
This kid has a lot of strengths: they want to do good work! They set high standards for themselves! They know they are capable of greatness. I hope some of these coping strategies help.
Anonymous says
This is so helpful! Not OP but kindergarten student reallllllly struggles with this. Usually totally refuses to discuss feelings or try any calming strategies, but recently may be more open to trying so I’m going to try the brush it off!
Anon says
I vote normal, and it sounds like you’re doing the right things. If you’re not already, I would definitely focus on praising effort and hard work more than innate intelligence or talent. I read a book once that said part of why Americans are so anxious is that we’re constantly praised from a young age for being “smart” so when we finally run into something we struggle with – whether it’s writing letters in Pre-K or quantum mechanics in college – we melt down and can’t handle it, whereas people who’ve been praised for their work ethic know they can do it and they just have to work harder. That definitely resonated with me as someone who was identified as gifted at an early age and really struggled in college when schoolwork no longer came so easily.
Anon says
+1. I’ve been noticing how often parents, when talking about their kids, lead by saying “he’s smart/bright/gifted/clever” and I think these words and attitudes get absorbed by the child and contribute to their perfectionist tendencies. It’s understandable, since we are all so enamored by what our kids can do (especially the first!) but it’s a huge mindset shift to focus on effort, instead of the “great job, you’re so smart!” comments.
Anonymous says
It’s not always the result of parents’ overpraising their kids. Some kids really do learn everything, from tying their shoes to reading to arithmetic, quite easily for the first several years of their lives. The later they hit the point where they actually have to put in some effort to understand a concept or learn a skill, the less frustration tolerance they develop. Praising effort instead of results only goes so far with kids who never have to put in any genuine effort.
Anon says
If everything comes easy to them, that means they’re not challenging themselves enough. Praising kids for effort rather than intelligence or natural ability has been well-documented to lead to kids who are more interested in learning and taking on new challenges vs simply just getting the right answers. https://www.parentingscience.com/praise-and-intelligence.html
Also I don’t buy that some kids are just that good at everything. For the kids who are academically brilliant it might manifest as frustration that they can’t get themselves dressed or jump as high as they want, but there’s no 2 year old who can do everything they want to do with ease. That’s pretty much the defining characteristic of being 2 – wanting to do and learn things that are beyond your current ability.
Io says
If kids get something right the first time it was introduced too late. That’s one of the best things about Montessori is you always introduce things that are basically impossible but that a kid can do eventually — it teaches perseverance more than it teaches six month olds to drink from cup.
Anonymous says
All that may be great, but we never praise our child for outcome, being smart, etc, and have always focused very heavily on effort. He nevertheless has an extremely hard time with not being able to do something right the first time. Praising is one part but is definitely not the whole picture for some kids.
Mrs. Jones says
Normal. You are doing great.
Anonymous says
To lighten the mood I sometimes try to be silly and praise something they can do well that they take for granted now. Like ‘great walking. I really like how you walked from the bathroom to the table’. Then we talk about how they couldn’t walk even 3 years ago and how much stuff babies and kids have to learn – like ‘If you can walk this great now, just imagine how great you’ll be able to draw in 3 years if you keep practicing.’
Anonymommy says
Such a good idea! I love the similar humor approach from How to Talk where you indulge the fantasy but not the actual demand (Ie you want more ice cream?! I bet you would love 1,000 ice creams! What flavors?? But not actually giving them more ice cream). Stealing this idea too!
octagon says
We use the phrase “that was unexpected!” a lot in our house, for accidents as well as for frustrations. I’m also a recovering perfectionist and I’m making an effort to try to roll with it and name when things don’t go my way. Dropped an egg on the floor? That was unexpected! Kid writes letter S backwards for 2 lines? That was unexpected! I bet you thought it would look different! It seems to help, but I think also kids this age are still figuring out that they can’t always control the outcomes.
Children’s Place outerwear? says
Can anyone speak to the quality of winter gear from The Children’s Place? I picked up a set (3-in-1 coat, snowpants, mittens) for my older kid at a consignment sale last fall, new with tags. It was too big last winter but looks to be just right for this winter. Making sure she stays warm and dry is extra important this year – preschool will be doing lots of outside time in all weather (Philly) while they’re open, and we’ll be doing the same regardless. Durability is also a factor – this kid puts holes in Hanna Andersson leggings within a few months. I am willing to spend extra on better quality brands if needed given the circumstances and the fact that it can be handed down to second kid, but would like to use this set if we can. Any thoughts?
Anon says
Why wouldn’t you use it until it wears out? Even if wears out mid-winter, it was better than nothing, right?
SC says
+1. By mid-January, all the winter clothes go on sale. So if you need something new in January, buy then.
Anon says
We got a set last year and it was great. Granted, we didn’t get much snow last year, but it still looks new.
anon says
I think it’s worth a shot. I haven’t had any Children’s Place winter gear, but it’s been mentioned on this board numerous times for having good quality for the price. The 3-in-1s are supposed to be especially good.
Anonymous says
I’m in NYC and we used those 3-in-1 coats when my son was younger. And the ones I had were all pre-owned and made it through at least one winter before they were outgrown.
Anonymous says
Thank you to everyone that commented on my potty post from yesterday (about the 2 and 4 year old). I think we have two separate issues- constipation causing pain, and potty requests at bedtime being used to procrastinate. We are working on upping the pear puree, peach puree, and flax to address the one and setting a “you get one chance” limit at night to address the other. Really appreciate everyone’s perspectives, it helped a lot to clarify the problem and potential solutions for me. If anyone has other suggestions, particularly for the constipation, I would love to hear them! We don’t want to do miralax yet until we talk to the doctor, so focusing on foods that will help for now.
AnotherAnon says
This is going to sound harsh, but just do the Miralax. Call your dr’s office today and ask for their approval. Miralax is a smooth muscle stimulant: so while it’s good to encourage your kiddo to drink more water, it will not draw water into her bowels (further exacerbating the constipation) like some other methods. My kiddo was constipated from birth (drug exposure in utero) and Miralax was the only thing that helped him overcome his fear of pooping on the toilet. Good luck! It will get better. Well, the toilet stuff. I’m not sure on the bedtime delays, ha!
anon says
We tried to fix our daughter’s issues through diet, and it just didn’t happen. Use the Miralax. According to my doc, it is completely safe and non-habit forming. But do be aware that you have to be very consistent, otherwise you’ll be starting from scratch.
ifiknew says
+3 for use the miralax. It’s so not a big deal and we did half a capful or less for about two weeks and it just really eliminated the fear/pain of going. I could not recommend it highly enough. After about 2-3 weeks, we never needed it since. I think it’s worse to try these foods then they still hold then it hurts when they go and they are even more afraid etc.
Anon says
Piling on to say – put in a message to your pediatrician now, I bet they’ll tell you to just start the Miralax now. If constipation occurs regularly, it’s first line of defense. This isn’t like antibiotics or ear tubes or orajel where there is disagreement about how to weigh risks and benefits.
And…please (please please please) make sure to ask your dr before adding flax or any other fiber supplement. If you’ve got a constipated kid, the last thing you want to add is lots of additional bulk that can’t be properly hydrated. That is a recipe for disaster.
Anonymous says
hi all, thanks for this. Our ped is the one who suggested using flax, but I have a message in now asking about miralax.
AwayEmily says
And I posted yesterday, but glycerin suppositories are a very effective, faster alternative to Miralax. You may want to ask your doctor about that as well.
Anon says
Yes – when we got into a situation (like four or five days no poop while potty training at 2 1/4 years), we did a glycerin suppository to clean it out and then daily miralax for about a month to get back on track. We took a break for a few months and tried training again with no issues.
Molly says
Adding another vote for Miralax. Also, I agree with the responder who stated that glycerin suppositories are faster than Miralax, but they will cause the poop to come out quickly even if it is hard (and therefore it can be a somewhat painful process). Softening with Miralax can help to reduce the anxiety cycle of having hard poops, holding them in, having more hard poops. We also sing to the poop and make up silly songs to try to make the experience less stressful. Can’t believe I just typed that sentence.
anon says
I’ve come to realize that I’m not a “fun” parent. I spend plenty of time with my kids and if anyone’s going to plan a family outing, it’s me. I sometimes feel bummed, though, that I don’t really enjoy playing (even board games are torture, but I do it anyway), and I’m just not that fun/silly/outgoing personality. I’d rather read books and snuggle, or go on walks/bike rides. I guess there’s nothing wrong with that, but I sort of envy my mom friends who are more naturally kid-centered than I am. One of my closest friends plans amazing themed birthdays even for her big kids with lots of fun games and activities, awesome educational activities even during the summer months, and runs the type of household that everyone wants to be a part of because it’s relaxed and fun. It’s not in a Pinterest-perfect way at all; it’s clear that she gets a lot of enjoyment from these things. I feel inferior because I just don’t have the energy or personality to be a mom-slash-camp director. I don’t particularly enjoy having other kids over for playdates, even though I know I’m “supposed” to; it really disrupts my sense of peace and calm. Does anyone else feel this way — that they wish they were a different type of mom than they actually are?
Anonymous says
Walks bike rides snuggles and reading ARE FUN.
Anon says
+1 you’re overthinking this.
Anonymous says
To elaborate: you love your kids! You do fun things with them! That’s enough! You don’t have to enjoy chaos. Go for a bike ride to a new park. Play I spy on a walk. Go to the library and let your kids pick out fun books. Send them to the Pinterest parties to enjoy
Anonymous says
This. You;re a great mom. My kids would love it if I ever dug my bike out of the garage and went along for a bike ride.
Spirograph says
Yes. I do like board games (except Candyland), but otherwise you described me, and I don’t consider myself un-fun. You don’t need to love everything that kids want to do, you just need to find things that both you and your kids enjoy. That is what fun is!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, I feel like way sometimes. I’m not naturally inclined to be silly and do goofy things with my kids, or get super into planning elaborate birthday parties. I too prefer reading a book, going for a (quiet) hike, doing a puzzle, etc. Sometimes I wish I were more easy going and go with the flow like my husband or having the kind of house where 10 kids run around screaming with joy, but you know what? My organization and planning has allowed us to pay off debts, save up to buy a beautiful house, gets my kids to appointments and have appointments in the first place (I swear my husband is an equal partner! We just have different strengths). So I’m ok with it and have to accept who I am. And there’s a reason I’m not a SAHM/kindergarten teacher/birthday party clown – I need a village to provide my kids with other activities and other adult role models.
anon says
OP here. Thank you for this. I have to remember what my strengths do for our family.
Anon says
Thank you for saying this. You sound like a great mom, and made me feel like I am, too!
Anon says
How old are your kids? Because while board games for toddlers are torture, those for slightly older kids (5+) actually become fun! And I’m a person who generally doesn’t do “fun” or games, either. I have listened to a few podcasts recently that talked about how parents should *not* be their child’s playmate (for all sorts of reasons) and that has been comforting. Aim for moments of fun and connection throughout the day (a funny voice, a joke, a silly dance) instead of feeling pressure to do a Big Fun Thing everyday.
Redux says
Which podcasts?
Anon says
Most recently, The Simplicity Parenting Podcast #103 – Play Presence vs Play Partner, and Janet Lansbury Unruffled – Engaging in Your Child’s Play without Interrupting (she has many around this topic)
Anon says
Thank you!!
Cb says
I feel this. I’m the read books, work in the garden, bake something, go for bike rides parent, but find endless Duplo or Brio tedious. While my husband will happily play trains or watch cartoons. I think part of it is if I’m home, I find I pay attention to what need to be done. I’ve been trying to embrace it – kiddo and I will take a bag of books and sit in the park or the woods, or do a big garden project, or I’ll put him in the bike seat and we’ll run errands and buy a snack and eat it somewhere. He told my husband “I love mama the best because she’s so beautiful!” so I must be doing something right.
katy says
i TOTALLY feel you Cb. I like to get the kid out of the house so i can focus on him.
FVNC says
+2. I’m a much better (more patient, more present) parent outside the house.
Cb says
Totally agree! We spent 45 minutes watching the ducks at the pond the other day. I’d struggle to spend 45 minutes playing trains, without moving laundry over, tidying etc.
Anon says
i sometimes feel like this. i have toddler twins. i know some other twin moms who have additional kids and i can barely handle my two. i know someone who has 3 under 2 and another who has 3 under 3 and they manage to take them all to the park, etc. while i hate being alone with my kids. i also think it is boring after like 20 minutes when I don’t have DH there to talk to as well. and then i feel sad that my kids are growing up and i wish they could be babies again…
Anon says
Young kids are so fun. Don’t worry – toddler can be tough – you’ll find other ages you enjoy too! Every phase is short in retrospect.
Anonymous says
Spending time with each twin individually has been really valuable for developing my relationship with them. Next time DH can take one, and you take one to feed the ducks or whatever. I try to spend an hour alone with one twin on Saturday and the other on Sunday. It’s really helped with bonding.
I have three and while I think three is harder than two, the advantage of being a singleton mom first is you get to learn how to do the stuff like take kids to the park and manage logistics with just one kid. You’re learning mom logistics and strategies while managing two kids which is tough.
Anon says
i would love to spend more time with each one individually, except one currently has a MAJOR mommy preference and i genuinely think she would think she was being punished if i left her with dad to go to something with other twin. we try to do 20 minutes 1:1 where we each play in a different room with different kids.
Anon says
I don’t have twins but I do have multiple kids, and you know your family best, but if you think it’d be beneficial to do things with the kids separately, you should try it. I’m promoting all the podcasts today, but I listened to Janet Lansbury on a similar issue and she talked about how we need to let our kids have and express strong emotions, and not try to over-accommodate their preferences so they are rarely upset. (It was actually regarding promoting healthy sibling relationships). So if Twin A and you would really benefit from a walk together on your own, it’s okay for you as a parent to make that decision and it’s okay for Twin B to cry and express her anger. But, they are little, so maybe something to try in a few months!
Anonymous says
This. We talked to a child psychologist who emphasized that it’s really good for kids resilience to work through small disappointments and learn that sad or hard things can happy and they will still be okay like Mommy taking sister to the park today but I have to wait until tomorrow for special park time with mommy.
Anon says
I spent a morning installing a ceiling fan and felt kinda guilty about doing that instead of “playing” with my kid. I apologized to her later, and she said, “Why? I really like watching you do projects, it makes me want to build things.” Do what you love with your kids, they’ll pick up on your joy (even if they don’t always show it). We do crafts, take long walks, putter around in the garden, and do house projects. My daughter loves all of it and gets mad if I do it without her.
anon says
This! They will know if you’re not having fun with whatever you’re doing.
Anonymous says
Your daughter’s response made my day. Love this!
layered bob says
I don’t play with my kids. I don’t think it is a parent’s job to play, and I think parents who play with their kids too much do them a disservice by setting the agenda (sometimes on purpose, sometimes inadvertently merely because of the power differential) in a way that doesn’t permit children to make their own discoveries about playing. What moms planning birthday parties think would be fun and what the children would actually experience as fun are often not the same.
I have my interests and my children have theirs, and that is fine! Sometimes our interests overlap (like you – family outings, bike rides, reading books, making muffins, listening to music, doing yoga) and that’s nice!
Mary Moo Cow says
I hear you. I’m not always the fun parent and while it helps to hear others remind me that I man contributing and are a great mom, sometimes that doesn’t make me feel better. So if you’re in the same boat, I feel you. There are 2 approaches, I think, and each has its own value or time to deploy it: one is to ignore the guilt and keep doing what you’re doing, and the other is to push yourself to be the fun parent, to choose to do something that you would rather not or think you won’t be good at. Choosing a “fun parent“ activity and actually doing it with enthusiasm is hard but I believe it’s good for your kid to see that sometimes you choose the less pleasant option/face your fear and it’s good for you not to remain static.
I also second what others say, put the phone down, get out of the house, have a hard stop at 15 minutes, etc, to fake it till you make it.
Anon says
Just want to add another thought – your fun mom friend may be living her best life, but I just want to share another perspective. I had the chance to a do a full weekend trip with another family in our bubble this summer. That mom is the fun mom at all events, organizing the kids in activities, bringing the perfectly curated insta-worthy snacks, etc. Being with her 24/7 made me realize what a toll it takes on her. She snapped at her partner a lot and broke down a couple of times when something didn’t go as planned. I think she’s built up the facade really well, but all the fun in just extra work that she now feels compelled to continue. When comparing yourself to others, remember that you don’t always see the full picture.
Anon says
Too funny. I could be your friend, but I envy the outdoorsy/active moms. The ones who get the kids up and outside and can engage with them for hours at a time. It is SO BORING to me. I love to be outside by myself or with friends, but trying to plan and engage kids outdoors is awful. I don’t want to ride bikes at a glacier place and stop every two minutes to tie a shoe. I don’t want to push anyone on the swings for an hour. I don’t want to coach any sport ever, nor do I want to spend my precious weekend time cheering for a clump of kids around a ball.
I know it’s important to encourage physical activity, so I wish I could be that mom and teach them a lifetime of movement. But I hate it and I’m not wired that way.
Anon says
Any thoughts about taking a step back at work? Or really not a step back, but more like a pause at my current level.
I have some opportunities to get more recognition for some things at work but it involves joining a program that just seems like more work with pressure to do certain high visibility things. While it is a great opportunity, I also want a break and do not in any circumstances want to work more than 40 hours a week. I had a baby last year and I think I’m going to be trying for another soon and I’m planning to take extra time off on top of that, which I fear will complicate my participation because there’s no way some of my work will be waiting for me when I come back. There’s a strong push to get more women involved in leadership (in a company where the numbers are frankly pathetic) so there is support if I want to pursue it but also why can’t I just wait a year or two? I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to get me to advance more quickly than I maybe should, and I say that not because I have imposter syndrome but because I just don’t see a need to race to the top. My peers all have a good 5 years of experience on me. I’m looking at the application for this program now and I just don’t feel like filling it out. But at the same time, I’m worried that if I don’t do it now they’ll write me off and I won’t be able to do it later on.
Anonymous says
That last sentence is the whole issue
Pogo says
Do you have someone as a mentor or just someone in leadership you have a good relationship with who you could talk to? I had something similar come up earlier this year and with pandemic + new baby I was like…. thanks but no thanks. However I shared the same concern about being written off (esp bc at my company you can burn bridges if you say No to the wrong opportunity). So I talked to my VP about it and he was straight with me, and said he had zero concerns about my maternity leave if I was the right person, however i didn’t need to apply/take the role if I didn’t really want it. I felt SO much better and knew that I wasn’t getting a black mark for not applying. I also did not actually want this job so that was part of it haha.
Our companies sound similar re: women in leadership. It’s tough, I feel a bit of a responsibility to take on more as one of the few women at my level in my org but pandemic + new baby is already a lot!
Anonymous says
If you don’t want it, that’s one thing. But if you want it and are worried about the lifestyle, I’d go for it and then negotiate about lifestyle/balance as it comes up and is necessary.
katy says
Not actually knowing you it is hard to say. It kind of feels like you are asking for permission to not to apply for the program (even though you know it is a good opportunity). If you really don’t want to do it, you likely won’t do a good job and that could be more damaging than deferring; if you do this, you need to really commit.
My two cents on the opportunity:
– you don’t know how long it will take to have a second baby
– high visibility does NOT necessarily mean harder / more time consuming work
– if you are ALREADY in the program, it positions you be put back on “quality” projects after your leave. It might not be the project that you are on when you leave, but someone will have to find something for you in these high impact projects.
– if they are serious about encouraging women, they will have to deal with a pregnancy as it comes
– if you are concerned that pregnancy and leave will complicate your participation in the program, i would hazard to guess that extended leave might not be viewed the most favourably in terms of entering the program 2 years from now.
Conclusion: My advice would be to embrace to opportunity to get into the program now and commit to it. Don’t let the program change our plans re: leave.
Finally there is no right speed to advance. If you are capable you should advance. Your age is irrelevant.
GOOD LUCK.
Anon says
No advice but I hear you. I *could* be up for a promotion to director level this year, and taking on a big company-wide role with lots of exposure to senior leadership would greatly help with that. I just wonder if I’m going to hate myself six months from now for agreeing to this.
Two young kids, litigator husband who’s busier than ever, would love to work out and take care of myself and get more than six hours of sleep a night. This new role is totally in my wheelhouse and I honestly think I’d do a great job, but I don’t know… it’s one more thing to add to my plate and even when I’m at capacity nothing is shifted off my plate. Can’t I just ride things out with status quo right now before adding anything? Why do I get volun-told to do these things when my manager knows I bill 10% more than nearly anyone at my level or below each year? Blergh. I want to be more present with my family each day, I want to sleep, I want to get healthier. Outside of getting mommy-tracked, I don’t see how professional and personal goals will ever sync up.
Anon says
I was promoted when my first was less than 18 months and my second was conceived but too early to announce. I did not want the extra work. I wanted to keep my awesome, managable job and hang with my kids. I took it because my husband said not taking it would be a bad career move. He was right. The first year of my second kid’s life was harder than with my first, in large part due to my new responsibilities. But it has been great for my career and I actually love what I get to do now (this is almost 3 years post-promotion!). I would do it again, if offered.
However, I don’t think it’s a bad move to want less stress and more flexibility. I think you can be happy either way. You need to figure out what you want. And my career is really important to me. And the promotion made pay for a second kid in daycare much easier!
Anon says
At what age do kids in full time daycare need play dates? I had told myself that this would be the year I’d start reaching out to other families and arranging things, but Covid threw a wrench in that, both because I basically have no contact with other parents now and also because everyone has a different comfort level as far as Covid goes.
AnotherAnon says
So I don’t think kids in day care /need/ play dates, but I fully sympathize with your dilemma. This was going to be the year I started saying yes to the parties and play dates and inviting other day care moms out for coffee. SIGH. I wish I had some advice for you.
Anonymous says
We never did playdates during the daycare years. Evenings and weekends are family time. Being in daycare all day is like one big playdate. In kindergarten year, we started doing some meeting up at the park type playdates when requested by the kids and then grade 1/2 started with more playdates and moving to sleepovers.
With covid, I’d be pretty surprised if anyone is looking for playdates. Most people are limiting contact.
Anonymous says
+1 to all of this. The real benefit of play dates during the day care years is social time for the parents.
anon says
Same here. We just exited the a decade of being daycare parents and I can count the number of playdates we had during that time on one hand. Nothing wrong with having them, of course, but we did not make it a priority.
Anonymous says
My kiddo only plays with kids who live really close who happen to be outside at the same time as us and kids whose parents were friends first. No playdates that start at school. She is almost 5 and in pre-K. I know that will change as she gets older, but right now it works!
AnotherAnon says
My 3.5 y/o is so excited for Halloween and I’m becoming concerned that I might need to manage expectations around trick or treating (as in, it might not be happening this year). He really doesn’t care about the candy as much as he enjoys socializing around the neighborhood. Can you think of a good alternative activity that’s socially distant but still fun for littles? I suppose we could drive around and look at decorations. Trunk or treats at church are usually big but that seems worse almost (nothing against churches it’s just a lot of people).
Anonymous says
Someone here had the idea of hiding candy in the yard like an Easter egg hunt.
Anon says
so i do think Halloween will be happening, but the question is whether your are comfortable with it. in my area the threads have already started with one person saying it is totally safe and it will ruin their child’s childhood if they don’t have Halloween this year, and another saying that it isn’t safe and we’ll all live if we miss it this year. we will be staying home, but a few ideas depending on where you live and your comfort level:
– scavenger hunt/easter egg hunt around your yard/house with candy
– halloween gingerbread kit (trader joes sells one)
– if your kid really just likes seeing other kids in costume – does kiddo go to daycare? will they have halloween there? if not, are there one or two friends you could drive to their yard and let kiddo look at other kids in costume?
– if you don’t have a lot of local friends could you do a zoom with friends with people in costume
– if you don’t usually, you and DH could dress up with kiddo to engage in at home Halloween activities which kiddo might get a huge kick out of
– watch a Halloween movie, read a book, do a craft
– visit a pumpkin patch one weekend while dressed in costume
to me this is kind of like the pandemic birthdays, where yes some kids have been disappointed with not having a party, but a lot of the time, the parents seem to feel worse than the kids and kiddo seems to be totally happy with whatever kind of celebration the parent came up with as long as the parent had a good attitude and builds up whatever they are doing so kiddo is excited. especially at that age, a friend posted a hilarious video of telling her kiddo and nephew how exciting it would be to eat an orange (which they’ve eaten many times before) and the kids were so freakin excited to be eating an orange
OP says
Thanks! These are all helpful thoughts. I’m very comfortable with it; I just am not sure how many of our (aging) neighbors will be horrified (understandably) if I let my kiddo ring their doorbell. I suppose we could just do it and they can not answer, just like they do every year – it’s well within’s everyone’s rights to opt. TBH he could give a rip if no one gives him candy – going to other people’s houses in his costume will be the treat for him. Day care doesn’t…encourage costumes but I may ask if she would make an exception this year. A scavenger hunt is a fantastic idea though! He loves those. I might also ask the block captain if she will organize a little costume parade. Great ideas! Thanks again.
Anon says
Doesn’t your city follow the porchlight rule? People live their lights off if they don’t want trick-or-treaters and you should only ring doorbells with lights on.
anon says
Not the OP but we trick or treat well before it’s dark so the porchlight wouldn’t work for my block at least – later we do turn off our lights when we run out of candy, but for the young kids early on its broad daylight (and that’s when most of the neighborhood goes out)
OP says
They either don’t follow this rule, or the entire street doesn’t want trick or treaters. Maybe I committed an incredible faux pas last year, but most people had their porch lights off and answered the door. It was also 7PM, so not dark here at all.
Anon says
Oh wow. The sun sets pretty late in my area (6:45 at that time of year) but even the littlest kids don’t usually head out until 6 pm and by then it’s dusky enough that you can see the lights. Our neighborhood attracts a ton of trick or treaters but we’ve never had anyone ring the bell when the porchlight wasn’t on (and as soon as we turn the light on we get tons of them, so it’s not just that they’re avoiding us).
Eek says
Same in our area. Porch light or a lit jack-o-lantern on the porch.
Anon says
i’m the anon at 1:27. i do not think you should go around ringing the doorbell of people you don’t think want trick or treaters in normal times, let alone during a pandemic.
Anon says
Please don’t ring doorbells of people who don’t want to participate in Halloween! That’s incredibly rude even in non-pandemic times.
anon says
I have no clue what Halloween night will look like this year, but we’re still celebrating the season! A few things that we will do:
– I ordered the kids Halloween jammies for fun. It’s not something I usually do, but during pandemic times, anything goes. I should’ve done that earlier, because lots are sold out!
– We will watch all sorts of Halloween movies: Charlie Brown, Hocus Pocus, Toy Story of Terror, and a bunch of made-for-TV ones that are hokey but the kids like.
– We’ll wear costumes … somewhere? Even if only to visit the grandparents outdoors, or to go to the pumpkin patch. Or with our immediate neighbors in our “quaranteam.”
– I will still take the kids to the pumpkin patch, but we will wear masks. It seems fairly low risk.
– My mom grows pumpkins and gourds, so we’ll drive out to my parents’ farm to pick up some pumpkins to carve, decorate and paint.
– We love making holiday sugar cookies and decorating them. I have already stocked up on Halloween sprinkles. (I’m the not-mom fun from before, but this is one thing that I do all-out.)
– DS10 already has decorated his bedroom for Halloween. :)
HAPPY FALL YA’LL!
Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I really love fall.
Anon says
It’s hard. I’m glad my kiddo isn’t yet 3 and doesn’t know what trick or treating is (we opted out last year due to snow and illness but even if we did it last year I’m not sure she’d remember). I’m hyping up the “dressing up in costumes” since they will do that at daycare and “eating candy” parts, but not the “walking door to door” part since I’m not sure my husband is ok with ringing doorbells and coming face to face with people who might not be in masks, and it’s unclear if our area will encourage people to just leave out bowls of candy for the kids. We’re also contemplating our local Boo at the Zoo event (the zoo requires employees to wear masks, so unlike neighborhood trick-or-treating we would know for sure that people giving out candy will have masks on) but the crowds are making us hesitant – we won’t say anything to kiddo about it until a day or two before if we decide to go.
Anon says
My HOA just circulated a poll to gauge interest and level in lieu of the usual parties we do. Some options suggested included a scavenger hunt (with folks decorating houses with specific items for the hunt), a pumpkin carving contest (submitted to a central area where people can judge while being distant), and a costumed parade (adults, kids, dogs) with spacing between families both participating and observing.
EB0220 says
Anyone who has the Fully Jarvis standing desk want to share what configuration they have? (Monitor arms, grommets, drawer, etc.) I am looking at buying one and am curious! So many options.