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Kat G says
Test
Anonymous says
Trst
anon says
Is it doing that thing again where comments don’t show up until you post first?
Anon says
i think it wasn’t working earlier, but now is. quick question – my almost 6 year old is too tall for her Micro Mini Scooter with 3 wheels. Do we switch over to a 2 wheeled scooter? and if so do we stick with the Micro brand or switch to Razor? We are also working on learning to ride a 2 wheeler bike and I was thinking the 2 wheeled scooter would help with balance, but idk if kids strongly prefer the 3 wheels?
Anon says
Depends on the kid, I think. We just got my kids Micro Maxis (bigger 3-wheeled scooter) after trying their cousin’s 2-wheeled one and realizing that just wasn’t going to work (sensory input stuff means they have very poo balance/coordination for their age). Said cousin, however, was riding a bike at 4 and had no issue transferring toa 2-wheeled scooter at 5 or 6.
anon says
My kids also went to the Maxi scooter after trying and rejecting the 2 wheeled version.
OP says
one of my kiddos also has trouble with balance/coordination, but we were thinking the two wheels could help? or is that a recipe for disaster? this will be a bday gift for my twins from their grandfather
anon says
My kids are older (8 and 10) and are capable of using a 2 wheeled scooter, but have told me that it just isn’t as fun because they have to focus on scooting and not playing. I’d stick with the 3 wheeled type for a while longer.
Anon says
You know your kid best, but for mine it would absolutely be a recipe for disaster because she would get so frustrated about not yet having the skills to make it work that she would just never use it.
I’ve basically come around to accepting that my kids are behind for their age on these things and it’s better to meet them where they’re at than trying to push them.
NYCer says
I would go with the Micro Maxi.
Anon says
+1 my tall 6 year old still loves the micro maxi
Anonymous says
The Razor scooters are pretty flimsy and are not that fun even for older kids for whom coordination is not an issue. If you want to go with a two-wheeled scooter I’d find a better-constructed one. I miss the scooters we had when I was growing up that had little bicycle wheels with inflatable tires. Those went much faster, farther, and smoother than the Razor.
Anonymous says
I’m really surprised by these comments! My kids have 2 wheeled razors (4 and 7). They both ride bikes with training wheels. My in laws have a razor scooter that is 10yrs old now that is still functional!! I have daredevils who love to go fast though and the micro maxi would frustrate them. Razors are only like $25 -40 it’s not a huge investment.
anon says
Does anyone have good book recommendations for a 5th grader who is a prolific reader? She’s read through most of the book recommendation lists and everything I loved as a child that’s age appropriate. She really likes fantasy, action and historical fiction. She doesn’t like books that are heavy on dialog and relationships (e.g., Anne of Green Gables or Ramona) and isn’t really into books focused on boy-girl dynamics yet.
Her Favorite books:
Eragon (series)
Maze Runner (series)
Harry Potter
Everything by Alan Gratz (Ground Zero, Refugee, Allies, etc)
Hatchet
My Side of the Mountain
The Hobbit
So far she’s rejected Percy Jackson and How to Train your Dragon, despite trying the series several times. She had a big Warrior Cats and Wings of Fire phase in 3rd grade and has finished those, but was never in love with them.
Any other suggestions?
Anon says
what about the Judy Blume books? The Narnia books? Hunger Games?
Anon says
She read Narnia and liked it, but wasn’t in love.
Judy Blume is likely too relationship-y to hold her interest.
I was holding off a bit on Hunger Games, as it seems a bit mature. She did read Gregor the Overlander by Suzanne Collins and liked that.
Anonymous says
I agree with holding off on the Hunger Games. My 7th grader just read it and it’s on the 8th grade curriculum but it would have been too much for her thematically in fifth grade.
Spirograph says
Agreed. My 5th grader has heard of the series (or saw it on my bookshelf) and asked what it was about. I said something along the lines of , “kids being forced to hunt each other / fight to the death for other people’s entertainment” and he looked at me aghast and asked, WHY WOULD ANYONE WRITE THAT? OR READ IT?
Anonymous says
I have the same question about the Hunger Games. I can’t bring myself to read the books or watch the movies.
Anonymous says
The Redwall series? The Chronicles of Narnia?
anon says
She read Redwall about a year ago and liked it, but didn’t want to continue the series. I’ll see if she’ll try it again. Maybe she’ll get more into it now that she’s a bit older.
Anonymous says
The Inquisitor’s Tale
anon says
Thanks! On my list for her to consider.
DLC says
LOVE this book!
Anon says
The Abhorsen series by Garth Nix! I was a fantasy kid and they were my favorite.
anon says
Thanks! Added to the list.
Cb says
What about the Katherine Rundell books? Jacqueline Wilson for historical fiction?
Anonymous says
Thank you!
Lily says
If she likes historical fiction, try the Ann Rinaldi books. I loved those as a tween, and I’m pretty sure they inspired a lifelong love of history/led me to major in history in college.
anon says
Thank you! I’ll have to look these up.
Momofthree says
I loved, loved, loved ann rinaldi books. It started my life long passion for historical fiction.
anon says
Get her started on some doorstopper classics. The 3 Musketeers or The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas, Gone with the Wind. If she can get through the Hobbit she can get through those.
Other fantasy books she might like: Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan, Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet–IMHO these are borderline too violent and s_x_st, but they are still pretty fun reads.
anon says
We’ve tried Swiss Family Robinson as classic, but I think she gets turned off by all the religious stuff. I’ll try Dumas. That’s a great suggestion.
I think Pillars of the Earth is far too old for her (if I recall a 17 yo gets raped). The Wheel of Time series also sounds a little old for her based on what I’m seeing when I search, but maybe in a couple of years.
Anonymous says
Maybe Dune, though? I haven’t read it in decades (and I haven’t seen the new movies, yet), but my husband and 5th grader listened to it during travel hockey season, and he seemed to like it.
SC says
Pillars of the Earth is definitely too violent, and yes, there is a rape scene.
I just read Dune this year. The tone and mood are definitely a little older. Also, very little of the action happens on the page, and 90% of the book is interior thoughts of the characters, relationship-y stuff, political drama, and psychology. The two best action sequences describe hand-to-hand duels to the death, which, actually, might be a little too violent.
anon says
I don’t usually keep books from her for violence–we’ve already had to discuss genocide, ethnic cleansing, coups, assassinations, and concentration camps based on her picks this year–but I do try to keep back really good books until I feel like she’s ready to appreciate them. I might hold off on Dune for that reason. I recall really enjoying it, but I think she might appreciate it more in 8th or 9th grade than as a 5th grader.
I’ve been trying to decide if she’d enjoy Jurassic Park. There’s a bit of adult language, but the themes are pretty straightforward otherwise, if I recall. I don’t want her to read it too soon, but I think she will enjoy it.
Anonymous says
I read Jurassic Park in high school and remember its being pretty dense. Even though there is a lot of peril it still seems to move slowly. The underlying plot/message is very simple and identical to the plot of nearly every other Michael Crichton book, and it is just kind of boring. I don’t know whether a younger reader would want to bother with it.
Anonymous says
Pillars of the Earth etc is way too violent. Maybe for a high schooler.
GCA says
What about Ursula Vernon? My strong-reader 3rd grader is reading his way through the Danny Dragonbreath series, and *I* even enjoyed reading the Hamster Princess series out loud to my kindergartner recently. Plus Ursula Vernon has some slightly more mature YA (A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking).
Naomi Novik’s Temeraire series could be fun. What about Neil Gaiman’s children’s and YA books? (And if I’m being honest about my reading habits, middle school was when I took a deep dive into the Sandman comics, Tamora Pierce, Forgotten Realms, and George R R Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire series, aka Game of Thrones. I’ve been waiting for him to finish the series for 25 years, dagnabbit.)
GCA says
Also for more contemporary YA SFF that I’ve enjoyed: Tomi Adeyemi, Nnedi Okorafor, Akwaeke Emezi, Kelly Barnhill, and Neon Yang.
Anonymous says
I’m going to check these out. I picked up Binti by Nnedi Okorafor off the librarian recommendations shelf a few months ago and really enjoyed it!
Spirograph says
Now I’m curious about the YA Ursula Vernon, I didn’t know that existed. I secretly love Danny Dragonbreath; she has a fun sense of humor!
anon says
Thank you! I’d really like her to stay out of full on adult fantasy for a bit longer (e.g., Game of Thrones) as there’s plenty of time to read that later, but love the YA suggestions.
Spirograph says
I mentioned yesterday, Land of Roar (trilogy someone mentioned here) was a recent big hit with my 5th grader. He’s just gotten started on Fablehaven, and devoured the first book in a couple days.
I’m starting The White Giraffe series by Lauren St John as a read-aloud with my kids. *I* liked it, but tbd how it goes over with them.
Julie of the Wolves & Island of the Blue Dolphins are others that I liked in my My Side of the Mountain phase.
His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman
Weebly has a “March Book Madness” bracket that I love to check out and learn what’s new.
Spirograph says
and speaking of March Book Madness… the Scythe series that won the YA bracket this year is really good. 5th grade might be a smidge young for content, not reading level, but I’d recommend it for middle school and up! (The premise is that technology has advanced so much that people don’t die of natural causes anymore, so the “scythes” are specially selected people responsible for culling.)
anon says
This sounds right up her alley, but maybe I’ll read a bit first just to make sure it’s not too much.
SC says
I think His Dark Materials would be perfect!
anon says
Thanks!
Anon says
Karen Cushman– Catherine Called Birdie is the best, but they’re all readable.
Katherine Arden– Bear and the Nightengale is the first one in the series
If you are sensitive about age appropriate content, steer clear of the Valdemar series by Mercedes Lackey. They are mostly childish with a few very weird mature situations. Same with Marion Zimmer Bradley, but I think those are recognized as problematic these days.
Anonymous says
– Rick Riordan – Daughter of the Deep (like Harry Potter but a girls school underwater if I recall my daughter’s explanation)
-Warrior Cats book series
– Just as long as we’re together by Judy Blume
– School of Good and Evil
anon says
She rejected School of Good and Evil as being too much about relationship drama after reading about 2/3 of the first book.
anon says
My 4th grader has recently liked the False Prince series, and the War that Saved My Life and the sequel. She also liked the Book of Three series, but not as much as I did as a kid.
anon says
She loved the War that Saved My Life and the sequel. I’ll look the others up. Thanks!
Anon says
She might like the Chronicles of Prydain (Welsh-inspired fantasy) and the Westmark Trilogy by Lloyd Alexander. It might still be a little old for her, but Rosemary Sutcliffe’s historical fiction is also very good.
SBJ says
Both of these are older (as in, written a long while ago) but maybe Ursula K. Le Guin (she write tons; start with The Wizard of Earthsea) and Susan Cooper’s The Dark Is Rising series. I loved The Dark Is Rising as a kid and am rereading now & enjoying again-elements of Arthurian legends, fantasy, magic, but grounded in the real world.
SBJ says
Oh, and Joan Aiken’s Wolves of Willoughby Chase series. Kind of dark, an alternative British history timeline, adventurous and brave girls saving the day…
TheElms says
I loved the Dark is Rising series when I was in 5th/6th grade, too!
Anon says
Prince and the Pauper by Mark Twain
Books says
historical fiction
– da Vinci’s cat
– the war that saved my life ( just started her newest, Night War)
fantasy
– Aru Shah series (in Rick Riordan imprint)
I’ve also liked some great books about school relationships that are inclusive like:
good different
roll with it
insignificant events in the life of a cactus
SC says
My 6th grade teacher read Hatchet and The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle to us on Fridays. If she liked Hatchet, maybe Charlotte Doyle would work too?
Anonymous says
oooh I loved Charlotte Doyle. Avi wrote a couple other good books too, I remember liking Nothing But The Truth, but that is more character/relationship focused.
anon says
Ooo… I also loved Charlotte Doyle and have been trying to get her to read it. I’ll put that back on her list. I remember loving it. She also just finished Where the Red Fern Grows and liked that.
Tuck Everlasting has been on my list to recommend once she gets more into the boy/girl dynamic.
Vicky Austin says
Madeleine L’Engle? Obviously by my handle I love her, but I think the Time Quintet would be great. Or the O’Keefe trilogy sans House Like a Lotus, which is probably too relationshippy for her tastes at the moment.
Vicky Austin says
Also Kate DiCamillo, perhaps?
anon says
She’s read a couple of these, but they’re a bit slow in her opinion.
Vicky Austin says
Also, outside shot, but when I was that age I LOVED Agatha Christie. Mature themes, yes. Murder, yes. But because of their age they’re not so graphic or anything and they’re full of cool old-timey details, which is what I loved as a kid.
Anon says
And then there were none was great – my third grader loved it. Also check out the spy school books – it is a big series so that is a bonus. My third grader devours books and this set was a winner!
anon says
Spy School looks a little young for her, but I’m going to try it with my 8 yo. I bet she’ll love it and it will be a nice change from dragons and magic. Thanks!
Anonymous says
My 5th grader first got into Spy School a couple years ago, but still loves it. He was thrilled to meet the author earlier this year!
Anonymous says
Yes to Agatha Christie! Based on my experience and observation of my own kids and others, I have concluded that sixth grade is the peak time for interest in Agatha Christie, and OP’s daughter is about to be a sixth grader.
I also second the Madeline L’Engle recommendation, although the quality of the Wrinkle in Time quintet is a bit uneven. I loved some of the books in the series but found others dull.
She might enjoy the later Laura Ingalls Wilder books, starting with By the Shores of Silver Lake. Skip The First Four Years.
Other ideas: The Borrowers, Cheaper by the Dozen.
anon says
I’ve personally never been a mystery reader so I never would have suggested them, but I’ll see what she thinks of Agatha Christie.
She read the Borrowers a couple of years ago. She liked it, but not as much as I did as a kid. She just thought it was weird. She also liked Indian in the Cupboard, though we had to have several discussions about stereotypes and treatment of Native Americans.
She didn’t like the Little House on the Prairie books (too slow) so I hadn’t tried any other Wilder books. Do you think she’d like By the Shores of Silver Lake better?
Anonymous says
By the Shores of Silver Lake and the later books are different from the earlier books. Laura is an adventurous teenager and they are more plot-driven and less about stockpiling food and making hats.
anon says
She read A Wrinkle in Time, but I don’t recall her having a strong reaction. Are the other L’Engle’s good? I don’t think I’ve ever heard them discussed.
Anona says
Meet the Austins is wonderful, and I love A Ring of Endless Light – Adam Eddington was my first literary crush for sure. So gentle, they reminded me of my best friend’s family growing up.
Vicky Austin says
Adam was one of my first literary crushes as well! As you may be able to guess from my handle, ha!
Vicky Austin says
That sound you hear is me rubbing my hands together. Lifelong fan here, ready to talk!
For a reader of tastes like you’ve described, I think Dragons in the Waters would be great (kids solving a mystery aboard a research ship going around South America). Ditto for A Wind in the Door and A Swiftly Tilting Planet. Many Waters has a bit of romance at the end, as I remember, but not so much that the whole book is about it. I only read Acceptable Time once, and I think it also may be a bit more romantically-based. She might also like Arm of the Starfish, or possibly A Ring of Endless Light (although that one is definitely more romantic).
Anon says
Keeper of the Lost Cities and Nevermore are both popular at my house right now.
anon says
She read some of the first book in Keeper of Lost Cities, but then rejected the series. I’m not sure why.
I’ll suggest Nevermore and see what she thinks.
Anona says
What about Tamora Pierce? The Circle of Magic books are meant for younger readers, and when she’s a bit older the Lioness Rampant, Immortals, etc could be good – I read them at around her age, but maybe they would be better for a slightly older kid. Other books for when she’s older are I Capture the Castle and books by Sharon Shinn.
I also loved the series that starts with Dealing with Dragon by Patricia Wrede. Ella Enchanted could be good, along with other books by Gail Carson Levine. Also thinking about Artemis Fowl, So You Want to Be a Wizard, and Crown Duel and Court Duel by Sherwood Smith.
And Madeline L’Engle and Garth Nix are also great suggestions.
Can you tell this is exactly my taste as a middle-schooler, and my comfort reads now?
anon says
She enjoyed Ella Enchanted. Artemis Fowl has been sitting next to her bed for about 6 months, but she hasn’t picked it up yet. Thanks for the other suggestions. I’ll add them to her list!
Momofthree says
Was going to recommedn Tamora Pierce- they are an amazing series with strong female characters. There are relationships in the stories, but they are not the main part of the story- I also love how the different main characters have different relationships and place different importance on relationships.
Would also recommend Dealing with Dragons- it’s a great series. Gail Carson Levine has great books.
I’m surprised nobody else has mentioned these, but Eva Ibbotson writes fun books (like Which Witch). Diana Wynne Jones (she’s most well known for Howl’s Moving Castle now, but she was a very prolific fantasy/ sci-fi writer).
Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials could be great, and he also has a Sally Lockhart trilogy that I enjoyed a lot.
Sammy Keyes by Wendelin Van Draanen is a great female teen detective series from what I remember.
Finally, has she gotten into the “Dear America” series at all- is that still around? It definitely has some relationship stuff, but it’s also great historical fiction & imagining what it was like to live in different time period.
Anon says
Nation by Terry Pratchett (and then Discworld), A Series of Unfortunate Events, maybe Leviathan by Scott Westerfield and Mairelon the Magician by Patricia Wrede
anon says
Other Gary Paulson books? (The River, Brian’s Winter)
Nancy Drew (not the kiddie ones, the OG ones)
The Giver and the rest in the series? (Not sure recommended age, but I did love the series)
Little House on the Prarie books or Dear America?
I second Julie of the Wolves & Island of the Blue Dolphins! Great recs!
I also started liking biographies around then, and definitely was drawn to women I thought of as heroines at the time (Clara Barton, Eleanor Rosevelt, etc).
From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler
Tuck Everlasting
Holes
The Westing Game
Anonymous says
+1 for From the Mixed-Up Files… and The Westing Game. Along those lines, The Egypt Game.
Anon at 3:09 says
lol, hello, book twin!
Vicky Austin says
oh my God I forget about the Egypt Game sometimes, but I loved it so much I sat down with the library copy one day and tried to type the whole thing into my parents’ ancient computer word processor so I could have it forever…
Anonymous says
+a million to The Westing Game. Ellen Raskin wrote The Mysterious Disappearance of Leon I Mean Noel, too, which I remember enjoying, but I haven’t reread it recently. (I did reread The Westing Game, and it holds up. Also the movie Knives Out reminds me of this book in a good way.)
I also second the Dealing With Dragons recommendation above, I loved those books around 5th grade.
The Egypt Game popped into my head as I remembered the Mixed up Files…
I love this thread, I’m adding things to my own to-read list as I go
octagon says
Ooh I love all these suggestions!
A couple more:
The Mysterious Benedict Society
Magical Misfits
Alcatraz and the Evil Librarians
Lemony Snicket
The Penderwicks
Also, ask your local children’s librarian! Ours has a service where you can call or email a request like this and they will get books ready for you on a few days.
Vicky Austin says
Mysterious Benedict Society would be absolutely perfect.
An.On. says
I had a longer comment that got eaten, and now I see that most of my recs have already been suggested, so I will just add a couple that I don’t already see:
Wildwood (series) by Colin Meloy – fantasy
Dear America diaries – series (various authors) – historical
Running Out of Time – Margaret Peterson Haddix – action
Moccasin Trail – Eloise McGraw – historical
Calico Captive – historical
Number the Stars – Lois Lowry – historical
Where the Red Fern Grows – Wilson Rawls – call it historical but tbh I just recommend it to everyone but there are a couple of graphic deaths fyi (human and animal)
Holes – Louis Sachar – magical realism/historical
Search for Delicious – Natalie Babbit – fantasy
Mermaid Summer/A Stranger Came Ashore – Mollie Hunter – fantasy-ish (based on folk tales)
Quest for a Maid – Frances Mary Hendry – Historical/action
The Ear, the Eye, and the Arm – Nancy Farmer – futuristic action/historical fiction
DLC says
A few that come to mind:
Catherine, Called Birdy
The Midwife’s Apprentice
Nim’s Island (though this might skew a little more for younger audiences)
Where the Mountain Meets the Moon
The Last Mapmaker
The Wolves of Willoughby Chase
Echo
The Witch of Blackberry Pond
The Root Cellar
Turtlemanie says
Late replying, but check out the RedWall series! I loved those at that age.
Anon for this says
Anyone ever done the good inside subscription from dr Becky? My son fits the description of a deeply feeling kid to a t and I feel like my current parenting isn’t what he needs.
Namely he feels unfairness very deeply and gets frustrated and shuts down… which causes me to be like ‘just deal’ which is not helpful right now…
Anon says
A friend of mine subscribes to Dr Becky, and I really doubt it’s helping at all. They have major behavioral issues that continue to disrupt their lives in deep ways. I recommend talking to your pediatrician first about these issues and pursuing recommendations they give you. I think these online experts are trying to make money/fame and their advice may not work for some kids, and may even be detrimental because it overrides common sense and may only work in theory.
OP says
Thanks. We already did this and kiddo is on some medication (I was hesitant at first but it helps) and waiting lists for therapists who do parent coaching are 6+ months.
Anonymous says
I don’t currently follow any parenting experts, but my big feelings kid is in play therapy (he’s 3). It’s $165/session, so if her course costs less than ten sessions, I’d be tempted to try it. But I wanted to encourage you: my husband’s parenting style is a bit “just deal with it” and it’s fairly effective with Mr Big Feelings. I’m more of a “how can I help you” parent and while that can be useful, tbh sometimes leaning into the big feelings isn’t the right move. It’s a delicate balance and a lot of the time I feel like I’m missing the mark. I have to remind myself that it’s not my job to remove every discomfort and injustice from my kids’ lives (if that were even possible).
Anon says
I wonder if Dr. Becky will encourage too much rumination (in someone who may already be prone to it). I’ve heard that her approach can focus too much on naming, sharing, and reliving feelings instead of learning how to move on from them.
Anonymous says
This right here.
Anon says
I’ve never paid for Dr Becky but I have a really big problem with what I’ve seen of her free advice, specifically the advice that you have to stay with a tantruming child even if they tell you that they want to be alone (in her view, a child screaming “leave me alone” is expressing an inner fear of abandonment and always means “don’t leave me alone.”)
That just wasn’t my experience at all with my deeply feeling kid. Giving her time and space to calm down and then offering hugs and comfort afterwards was the best strategy for her, not it mention what was best for our own mental health. I think Becky – moreso than many other parenting experts – has one valid interpretation of potential child behavior but makes it unduly broad and asserts that every child behaving X way is doing that because they feel Y. It’s also ironic because she’s really into respecting what kids are telling you… unless they’re telling you they want to be alone, I guess.
Anony says
I agree with your take on this so strongly. I definitely don’t consider myself a particularly skilled parent, but one of the things I’m really proud of is that my 4-year old is great about letting us know when he wants privacy and when he wants our presence. I feel like I didn’t learn that about myself until I was much older, and I definitely didn’t feel comfortable asserting my needs around it as a kid, and I’m so happy that my child does. The idea of staying even if he was telling me he needed space seems like the opposite of respectful parenting to me, and it made me question her a lot in general.
Anonymous says
+2. I think Dr. Becky’s approach is generally wrong for kids with big feelings. Many of them need alone time to process and decompress, and chasing them around telling them how they feel is going to be counterproductive. I have a kid with big feelings and the most effective approach is usually just to briefly and sincerely acknowledge the feeling, point out that she doesn’t have to let whatever unjust thing happened wreck everything else about her day (or her entire life, as she often tends to claim), then let her decompress in her room for a while.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I would also be wary of a mass influencer being the right fit for your particular child. The best therapy is one that is tailored to the individual, which takes time in learning about your kid and seeing what might help that particular child. So I did the “Taking Cara Babies” class for my second kid (before all the controversy) but babies are relatively simple, and a one size fits all approach may “work” better here than when kids get older.
Anony says
This just cracked me up, because I also did that class, and then it didn’t work for my baby AT ALL. I can’t remember the specifics of it anymore, but he hated whatever that hold was that she recommended, he hated the room being pitch black, etc. etc. We were not very experienced with babies and we were just starting at each other all deer in the headlights like wtf do we do now? And in hindsight, I’m so glad I had that experience because it made me inherently skeptical of all the Instagram parenting “experts” I came across later.
Anon says
i think they can be ok as long as you take pieces of what they say, but don’t view it as gospel. unfortunately not everyone can afford access to good mental health care and at least she has credentials!
Anon says
The problem is that parenting experts can disparage parents from using discipline or other strategies that may actually help because they are trying to appear superior or more evolved.
Anonymous says
No advice on Dr Becky but all the empathy on the kid who has big feelings about perceived unfairness. It’s hard. I try to acknowledge that he finds it hard and ask if he wants a hug or some space but not necessarily change a decision (where that’s the issue). I try to also build in as many age appropriate explanations as I can about how we decided something when explaining a decision.
We talk a lot about different people being good at different things (he’s behind his brother in swimming levels but ahead in skating levels). And that nothing in life is perfectly fair and equal but we just try to make our actions and words as fair as they can be and realize it all balances out eventually.
Op says
Thanks. A big thing right now is that I get embarrassed (and this is a me issue and I understand why and I logically know that this is absurd but it is what it is) when kid storms off because of a ‘bad call’ in sports or tells his teacher ‘that’s not fair’ when he feels like he was skipped.
Part of this is that I was raised with very strict parents who basically taught me that my emotions and needs were inappropriate and unnecessary so I’m working on all that… but I feel some days like if I could somehow parent kiddo ‘right’ that it would help…
Anon says
There isn’t always a perfect answer. It’s up to you to decide how to teach good sportsmanship and dealing with setbacks. Speak from the heart to your child. I think people who are selling these parenting scripts and approaches just get in the way of genuine teachable moments. You know your child. Do some research, filter what makes sense, but trust yourself too.
Anonymous says
I think there is a difference between telling kids their emotions are wrong and teaching them to act appropriately. My refrain is “you are allowed to feel however you feel, and you still have to [be polite, do the homework, etc.].”
Anon says
Yup. We spend lots of time reminding that all feelings are valid but not all behavior is acceptable.
Op says
Op here. This is actually incredibly validating because this is exactly what I’m doing.
‘I get that you’re frustrated but you can’t x.’ We talk about what kid can do when emotions are calmer but… i feel like he should be grown out of it by now and he’s not… he’s not like hitting or punching but he is pouting or storming off to which I have zero tolerance. I just feel like I don’t know what to do – I have tried taking away things, offering rewards, giving tools… it doesn’t seem to change the behavior.
Anon 1:51 says
This is where we land. It’s okay to think a call is unfair but you need to continue to participate as a part of your team who are relying on you.
Or in the case of a teacher, we can talk about why you felt something is unfair (and maybe it is and then we address it with the teacher) but you need to be polite and respectful to your teacher. Most ‘unfairness’ at school has been perceived unfairness so we haven’t had to address anything with the teacher but leaving open that possibility encourages the discussion.
Hang in there. It’s exhausting sometimes.
Anonymous says
How old is he? I would expect that this will be varying degrees of challenging up to about age 10ish as which point they should ‘get it’ more. But not everyone gets it *waves vaguely in direction of sports associated riots*
Anonymous says
Is there a way to turn the “storming off” into “calmly walking away to cool off”? Like you can’t just storm out of soccer practice in a huff but you can wait until the coach is finished talking and then go get some water or go to the bathroom.
Anonymous says
Also–the decompression strategies can be built into a 504 if that’s where you’re headed.
Anon says
just wanted to share a nice little anecdote. last week i went to teach about Passover in my kids’ kindergarten classes. One of my daughter’s teachers told me that the day prior my daughter had been telling her friends about the passover story and one kid goes “wait – i know the baby moses story from church” and that it was such an aha moment for the kids, realizing that they can be both different and the same. gives me some hope for the future despite the current state of the world.
Anonymous says
Love this.
Anonymous says
This is sweet. Thanks for sharing!
Anon says
I miss the days when people used to share updates on Facebook and Instagram. A huge percentage of my friends have gone completely silent for years now! They basically stopped sharing after they got married or had a baby. I get that social media is shallow and not the best way to spend time, but now my feed is filled with posts from weird accounts I don’t even follow. It’s total garbage.
Anonymous says
You need to go into ‘feeds’ and then select ‘friends’. The front landing page in the app is garbage.
School accommodations says
We finally went through the eval process for my son and received some diagnoses, but I don’t know what to do next regarding sharing this with school. The basis of the eval was big issues at home that have persisted for years, but at school he’s mostly been doing fine. I think he’s smart enough that he gets by/masks, and it comes out at home. So, I want school to be aware of this information, but I don’t think we are really asking for accommodations, need a 504 plan, etc quite yet. But I also don’t want to say or do anything that precludes him getting support if he needs it in a month or a year. Any helpful advice?
For reference, he was diagnosed as having ADHD and also borderline gifted. I know giftedness is touchy around here lol, but four of his IQ components were very high and one was average, so his composite score is just a few points shy of the official gifted line. But the psych said it’s helpful to consider him as 2e, and his “zoning out” at school and inability to focus at home could be due to boredom. His focus is excellent when he’s interested in something.
anon says
You might find a time to chat with his teacher about the big picture, if you trust them to have common sense and compassion. Opening with something like, “Testing confirmed what you’ve probably noticed, kiddo is smart but sometimes struggles to pay attention. Do you have any advice for us parents, to help him navigate the school system?”
Anonymous says
If your school offers supports or enrichment for giftedness and that’s something you are interested in pursuing, I would consider asking the evaluator whether they feel the components where he scored high are most reflective of his ability (more so than the composite score) and whether the report can specifically state so. With 2E kids frequently processing speed issues can bring down the composite score.
Anon says
You nailed it — his processing speed was average, the rest was “very superior” or “superior”. This is a big surprise to us because the processing speed (he’s a slow talker, slow paced at…a lot of things) really hides a lot of his abilities. And it must be extra frustrating for him to have his brain move faster and be capable of more than he can perhaps execute. Thanks for the advice!
Anon says
we are shortly having an eval for our kiddo and i have never previously heard of this processing speed issue, but it sounds just like my daughter. we are also currently primarily having issues at home, but i a wondering if as school becomes more serious (we are currently in K) the issues will become more predominant/whether there are things that could be done during the day at school that would make home less of a sh*t show
Anon says
If you figure out something to do at school that makes home less of a disaster please share! We just met with my the teacher for one my of 1st graders who described her as “very calm”…suffice to say that no one who has seen her outside school would ever use calm as a descriptor, but she’s clearly masking hard at school and then has no cope for home.