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I hate bugs. Hate hate hate with a (borderline phobic) passion. However, I understand that a lot of kids really like them. I’m trying not to pass on my fear to my son, so if he shows an interest, I’d buy something like this for him. My mother-in-law bought this for a cousin, and he loves collecting bugs in the summer. Recently, my son pointed and said, “Ladybug! No like it!” so maybe this product is not in my future purchases, but it has many positive reviews in Amazon for others who have interest! It’s available for $9.99 at Amazon. Giddy Buggy Bug House This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Anonymous says
Need a minute bday gift for a 5 y/o boy. He doesn’t like legos. He has stomp rockets.
I have a learning express toy store and a tjmaxx at my disposal.
If it were a girl, I could go with the standby LOL doll or beanie boo or misc stuffed cute animal. Is there a boy equivalent of “just get another one”? Neither store has much in the way of books which is my other default.
Anonymous says
I’d get a game – either a classic like Trouble or Jenga or a newer one like Shark Bite.
Anything Playmobil is often good as well – recycling truck, tractor and airplane have been popular in our house with two 4.5 year old boys.
Mrs. Jones says
+1 for games. Uno is great.
DLC says
+1 for Jenga. It is our go to game to buy as a present and it’s usually pretty cheap.
AwayEmily says
An LOL doll, beanie boo, or misc stuffed cute animal all sound like perfectly fine gifts for a 5yo boy.
Memeit says
Hey everybody, this guy is open-minded!
See, nobody cares.
AwayEmily says
Guess you woke up on the wrong side of the bed — I was trying to reassure the OP that (based on my experience) the gifts she already had would be fine and she didn’t need to stress about it. Hope your day gets better!
Anonymous says
I’m not sure how you intended that comment- but at least most of my daughter’s 5 y/o boy friends have no interest in LOL dolls or stuffed animals. A few might like a beanie boo or cool stuffed animal but I think it’s fairly out of touch unless you know the kid wel to get an LOL doll (they are all the rage with the preschool set around here).
I should also add that he has an older brother so while I love the game idea, they are likely dupes. Unless something came out recently?
Anonymous says
The Shark Bite one is recent, like this year I think.
AwayEmily says
I intended it as helpful/stress-reducing — my 5yo nephew is obsessed with LOL dolls (I had to do a multi-Target hunt for one for his birthday, though personally I find them kinda creepy), and in my experience most kids like stuffed animals. But you know your audience better than I do!
Ash. says
I always like consumables for birthday gifts, that way it’s not something the family has to hold onto for eternity — coloring sets/books, activity books, craft sets, etc. Those little Melissa and Doug sets where they paint a wooden toy are cute.
rosie says
I always see those M&D little painting kits at TJ Maxxx.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, our TJ Maxx has a ton of M&D art stuff.
Anonymous says
any kind of vehicle is the just add another for my son
Anonymous says
A sports ball?
Anonymous says
Since it’s summer, you could get outdoor/water play toys. I also like the idea of games. The people at my local Learning Express store are always super helpful and have great suggestions and will wrap for you, so it’s my go-to place for last-minute gifts.
Ms B says
At Learning Express, Kinetic Sand, Floof, or Mad Mattr. At TJ Maxx, Hot Wheels.
ElisaR says
kinetic sand is a big hit with kids of all ages.
In House Lobbyist says
I would get a summer toy – cool water gun, diving toys, new swim goggles, camping hammock, new soccer ball, headlamp, new Nalgene bottle, beach towels. And the Dog Man books are a huge hit with kids that age – my kids have all 6 books and I don’t understand them at all but they have been favorites for years.
Anon says
My 5 yos favorite toy is an ultra low temp glue gun and a big box of popsicle sticks. She loves gluing them together to build structures and inventions. The ultra low temp glue guns ($3 on Amamzon) these days aren’t hot enough to cause burns.
shortperson says
ooh yes i am buying this thanks. i see they have a kind with sparkly glue.
GCA says
I’d go with summer toys and gear (a kite? Kid sunglasses? Picnic blanket?) or a card game (Uno, Blink, Swish).
Baby Gates says
Recommendations for certain baby gates for our small home? Part of the issue is the walls are made of concrete, so difficult to screw things into them.
Does anyone have experience with retract-a-gate? https://retract-a-gate.com/
Knope says
We have retract-a-gates and love them. You just need to make sure that as the baby gets older/more capable of ramming themselves into objects when they get mad, you remember to lock the gate, or else they will stretch the gate to its max capacity and make it snap off the hooks. #askmehowiknow
Anon says
Have it as well for our stairs and works great.
Anonymous says
We have the summer infant version from Amazon and love it!
Patty Mayonnaise says
Anyone having a rec for a baby hairbrush that’s vegan or humane? My newborn has a ton of hair and I’d like to get her a nice hairbrush that could also be kind of a keepsake. I’m having a really hard time finding something that isn’t boar’s hair, etc. Any recs?
Anonymous says
So, I don’t know about the “keepsake” aspect of it. But I use the Aveda paddle brush on my own hair, and it is truly the best ever. They have a mini travel one that (1) I didn’t know about until now when I was looking up the full size for you, and (2) I am absolutely buying my three year old daughter because they’re truly the best ever. And given Aveda’s stance on animal products and testing, I assume it is vegan or at least humane. Link to follow.
Anonymous says
https://www.aveda.com/product/17775/66963/styling/brush/aveda-wooden-mini-paddle-brush#/shade/brush
Lily says
Really hope that anyone buying this for their kid is not allowing their kid to keep bugs in it indefinitely. What is that teaching the kid? To be cruel and uncaring. My husband has memories of shutting lightening bugs up in a jar in the summer – obviously they would eventually die. Horrifying.
Anonymous says
You let them go afterward.
ElisaR says
or they escape in your house…..eek!
Anonymous says
Lordy — we have some Melissa & Doug plastic bugs that we have always kept in ours. It never dawned on me to put real bugs in it. It’s a beloved indoor toy year round.
Bday gift for 8 year old girl says
Another bday gift question — what are some ideas for an 8 year old girl? I have only a baby, and am so not in-the-know about what kiddos are into these day. Thanks in advance!
Pigpen's Mama says
I’d go with some sort of craft/science experiment consumable product — there is usually a good selection at Target, AC Moore etc. and can be either interest neutral or geared towards an interest.
Another idea is a Spirograph — I’ve been seeing them and missing the one I had as a kid!
lsw says
I got my stepdaughter a Spirograph a few years ago and she has really enjoyed it! Plus it’s fun for us to do together, so the 8yo’s parents might enjoy it too.
Ms B says
Spirograph is our go to for kids age 7-10 where we do not know about specific toy preferences. Many sets available on the River Site.
Anonymous says
Art or crafting supplies or kits.
Anonymous says
No, please no. Unless you know the kid. Mine are crafty kids, but they are particular and have what they like. Which is certain kids of art supplies. We have donated every single thing they’ve gotten for years (largely fiber arts, which they really don’t like).
I vote gift card to somewhere like Michael’s or Target.
I have an 8-year old and a 10-year-old, both girls. People gift them craft kids like we are Amish people who sit around and do ladies’ handiwork all day.
Anonanonanon says
I second this, because the craft kit quickly becomes an obligation for the parents.
Irish Midori says
8 might also be old enough for her to start understanding the value of a gift card and enjoy picking out her own thing. At least it was for my 8-y-o boy. He got a few cards with cash, and was able to combine with his own chore earnings to buy something big he’d been wanting. It was very exciting to him to go to the store, pick it out, take it to the cash register, and hand over his own money.
mascot says
Gift cards are in with our 8 year old cohort as well. If Target doesn’t appeal, I’ve also done ones for movie theaters and putt-putt.
Anonymous says
The washable hair color and nail art were a big hit with my 8-year-old niece. Last Christmas (when she was 9), I bought her a sequin pillow with a unicorn face and her name on it, and I heard later that it was one of her favorite gifts. A month or two after Christmas, her mom asked me where I bought it so they could buy one for my niece’s best friend’s birthday.
DLC says
My husband got my daughter a set of fashion plates for Christmas and she loves them. The kind where you mix and match the outfits and then make a crayon rubbing.
We get a lot of craft kits and I don’t love them- inevitably they involve stickers or beads or other tiny pieces that are annoying to keep track of. For art supplies, I prefer the open ended options: nice pencil crayons, markers, good quality drawing pad or journal.
OP says
How much is an appropriate amount for a gift card. Thank you again!
Anonymous says
Not more than $25. Lower is definitely fine — I don’t want my kid having $200 in gift cards that they will blow or I’ll have to monitor for balace-decreases due to inactivity.
Anonymous says
Did you bring slippers/sandals with you to the hospital for birth? I can’t decide what to get, plus my feet are huge and swollen right now so nothing fits. I am probably way overthinking this and should just bring flip flops, right?
Anonymous says
Honestly, I just wore socks.
JTM says
I gave birth in January, but I brought slipper socks which were perfect. The hospital also gave me a couple of pairs of slipper socks. the kind that have grip on the bottom.
Irish Midori says
Grippy socks. And a robe would have been nice.
AwayEmily says
I spent a ridiculously long time thinking about this before birth (I was one of those people who made obsessive spreadsheets to combat my anxiety) and ended up bringing slippers and grippy socks. I never wore the slippers, and soon before giving birth the nurse was like “ummm…you may want to take those socks off if you don’t want them ruined.” I took them off.
The next time I just wore the grippy socks they gave me — I think most hospitals hand them out. Not the sexiest footwear but very comfy!
Anon says
I wore flip flops because my feet sweat a lot and socks are too warm (but I also rarely wear socks in my daily life unless it’s dead of winter and actually snowing or under 20).
rosie says
I don’t 100% remember but I think I brought grippy socks & crocs. I like crocs because you can slip them on over socks but still clean them off easily.
Anonymous says
I brought a cheap pair of Old Navy slippers that I left at the hospital (not the most environmentally conscious I realize now). I really liked having slippers for walking down the halls. I felt a little weird in just socks, but plenty of people do that as well. Flip flops would also work, but I gave birth in December.
Anonymous says
Wear flip-flops to the hospital, wear those or the grippy socks provided by the hospital while you’re there, and wear the flip-flops back home.
Pogo says
lol, I just checked my hospital photos from labor because I couldn’t remember: I was barefoot.
I brought both grippy socks and flip-flops, but apparently ditched them both at some point. Once I was in my right mind again I probably just wore flip flops.
ElisaR says
i brought slippers and tossed them when I left. the germs on hospital floors as staff walk all over the hospital….. yes you want to cover your feet and no you do not want to bring that home.
I found easy slip on ones at Target. I needed slip on because I didn’t want to bring the germs into my bed so the slippers went on when I got out of bed each time. And i’m not even a germaphobe normally but hospitals…….
NYCer says
I just wore the grippy socks that were provided by the hospital.
Anonymous says
Grippy socks. I had on regular socks during labor (arrived in sneakers) and I stood for 2.5 out of 3hrs I was there before baby was born. Anyways I ended up slipping around a little trying to pee after birth, so the nurses brought me hospital grippy socks. Bring flip flops if u want to shower there (I did). If you want to labor in flip flops just make sure they’re not slippery in case your water breaks while walking or standing. Like old navy ones wouldn’t be the best choice
Anonymous says
I brought and wore my flip flops. I was HOT after both pregnancies. And I liked walking (ever so slowly!) around the Mom/Baby unit for a change in scenery.
Anonymous says
The Mom/baby unit was extremely hot for me as well! I think flip flops + the grippy socks they give you is the answer for OP :)
Anonanonanon says
I think I packed some big fuzzy socks but eventually wore the grippy socks they gave me.
anonanon says
How do you help build up a toddler’s outside confidence? My 3 yo is bright and funny and confident at home, but when we leave the house she is extremely anxious. Example – a playground near us has a really big slide. She asked for 2 days if we could go to the big slide. We talked about how fun it would be, she said she was excited to go down it. We get to the playground, she looks up at it, and says “hmm, maybe next time” and refuses to set foot on it.
This happens all the time. I’m not worried about the slide itself, but more how to help her feel strong and brave in the moment to do what she wants. In the past when we push her to do the thing, she just digs in and has a meltdown, and I don’t want to traumatize her. But just letting it go when she was so excited ahead of time feels unsatisfactory too. Suggestions?
SC says
This happens with my kid too. I’ve found that letting go for a while helps. After a while, I try to talk through it–“You seem really nervous about that slide. Is that right?… What’s scary about it?” Depending on what he says, I might be able to alleviate his fears (“I promise there are no monsters on top of the slide”) or I might not. I don’t think it helps to try to make him do the thing he’s scared of. And occasionally, once I tell him he doesn’t have to do something, he tells me he wants to.
Anonymous says
Just lots of time outside in different environments like visiting different playgrounds or outdoor trails. DH is really good about not telling the kids to ‘be careful’ unless something is truly dangerous, so they are pretty adventurous when he’s around because he encourages them to trust their own judgment which builds their confidence. They are markedly less adventurous when my mom is along and she’s constantly reminding them to ‘be careful’. Also, it’s okay to let her decide for herself what’s scary and what’s not. One of my twins is brave in lots of outdoor situations but clearly has a fear of heights that his brother doesn’t have. Did you offer to go down the slide with her? I’ll often go down the slide first or with them if they don’t want to do it alone. Not pressuring is also key to developing confidence in themselves and their own judgments. But like with food, if they see you enjoying something then they are more likely to want to try it.
Anon 2.0 says
My three year old was also like this (I spent a lot of time worrying about his anxiety!!), and then somewhere past age four it was like a switch flipped and he found his confidence and started trying a lot more things. We didn’t do anything in particular, he just seemed to gain confidence with age. There are some picture books about being brave that we got, but I’m not sure they made a difference. I totally agree with the comment above about not hovering and constantly reminding them to be careful unless its necessary. So hard to do!
Anonymous says
I’m not all-in on the Janet Lansbury RIE parenting bandwagon, but I really liked this episode about fostering a growth mindset in children and not worrying that something is wrong when a child expresses limitations. It’s not exactly what you describe, but I think there are parallels. https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/10/disturbed-my-boy-is-losing-self-confidence/
Anonymous says
My child is younger (27 months) so I’m not sure if it applies, but she also flipped a switch about a month ago with how adventurous she was on the playground. I always just accepted that she’s a cautious child even though DH and I were daredevil children. She literally JUST started going on swings (and barely swinging). It took us 18 months of saying “let’s try”, her screaming, and us responding ok maybe another time. I want her to be brave and crazy but we just let her take her time. Sometimes she climbs up a huge slide and changes her mind and we just say ok, maybe another time. Other times it just takes a ton of encouragement from us.
I think as long as she’s making the decision to say “not right now, maybe next time” then she’s actually displaying a lot of emotional intelligence. I mean how many kids are excited to go on a roller coaster and then once they see it change their mind?
She may just not be an outdoorsy/physical child?
Boston Legal Eagle says
For those of you who use social media for posting your kids’ and family photos – at what age does it become less about posting your life (like, here’s my cute baby!) and more of a posting of someone else’s life who has his/her own opinions? I know some may say that this starts as soon as the child is born, but for me, I like sharing my little kid photos with family and close friends, being mindful that these photos may live on forever and don’t post anything embarrassing. However, I’m thinking once they are in elementary school or so, I’ll only post major milestones like graduation or family trips, and generally much less frequently.
Also, I was just thinking that so many of us here have little kids at the moment. I truly hope that this community stays around and that one day we will be asking questions about our teens and even adult kids!
Anonymous says
Mine are 8 and 10 and it’s really just a first day of school picture (no chalkboard, no words, just outside waiting for the bus in uniforms). Maybe one at xmas and one on birthdays. I don’t ever mention their names or do captions — just a picture. It’s really for the distant relatives.
One friend is “OMG Wally is soooooo gifted and precocious” every other minute. That needs to stop.
Anon says
I switched from posting baby photos on FB, with a cast of hundreds, to a list of less than 20 family and family-like friends on Instagram. Grandparents, aunts and uncles can see day-to-day photos. I still don’t share anything embarrassing.
Pogo says
We have a photo share for family that gets updated as “here is what kiddo is doing today”.
I update my profile picture a couple times a year – Christmas photo, or similar – of me and kiddo, but otherwise don’t really post pictures on FB.
Artemis says
I have kids 9, 6, and 3. I have never had Facebook and started using Instagram 2 years ago, which I really enjoy. I post holiday pics, milestone pics, and fun activity pics–like a music recital or an exciting family day out at some event. I have a private account with limited followers and I do enjoy writing silly captions, but they never include my kids’ names and never hashtags. My older two are very aware that I have Instagram and know/see sometimes when I post things, and neither of them has objected yet, so I’m going to keep going with what I’ve got until/unless they say something.
anon says
I’ve cut way back on kids pictures in general (especially on Facebook), but I’m extra cautious about my 9-year-old. At this point, it’s easy to cross the line into violating his privacy. I’m sort of amazed by a few of my friends who post some really personal things about their kids around the same age. It makes me pause — I really don’t think it’s fair to the child at all to have his/her struggles (or even victories!) posted all over social media. It’s one thing to talk about your kids’ issues with friends in a one-on-one conversation, it’s quite another to broadcast it to your 500 friends.
Anon says
I never post struggles and rarely victories. My kids posts are more just day to day shots. I might comments that it’s hard to play soccer in the fog, or that ice cream is the perfect way to end a school year, or that dolphins at the aquarium are adorable. Nothing embarrassing. Nothing personal to the kids. Just kid pics and fluff.
Anonanonanon says
It kind of just started to seem natural to scale back with my son around first grade. On facebook, I usually post a small collage around his birthday of some milestones from his past year, and a collage at the end of the year of family milestones from the past year that he’s of course included in.
I primarily use instagram, and I include him in my “stories” (I always ask him if I can take the photo or video for instagram and show him and let him approve or not before posting) but I very rarely post him to my grid.
Paging SC says
I just wanted to say thanks for your comment in the “toughen up” thread yesterday, about validating feelings but still enforcing behavior expectations. My son often either overreacts or shuts down when things get tough, and he acts out in unacceptable ways at school. He’s a very sweet, sensitive, helpful kid as long as things are smooth, but he goes from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds flat when something frustrates him. It’s actually on my discussion list for his ped. appt today because DH and I recognize we need some help or new strategies to fix these patterns. I feel like I do everything you mentioned, but probably not as consistently as would be ideal. Do you think play therapy has helped?
Mrs. Jones says
I didn’t see yesterday’s thread. But our son acted similarly, and play therapy helped a LOT.
octagon says
I missed yesterday’s thread, but have been thinking a lot about the societal expectations on boys, especially really young boys. There’s a new book out on toxic masculinity that I have reserved at the library: The Man They Wanted Me to Be by Jared Yates Sexton.
Anon parent says
Very similar kid here. Play therapy might have helped–we probably didn’t try it long enough. My kid is 9 now, and talk therapy has been super. We were lucky to find an excellent therapist who is a young guy and found a way to connect with our son.
SC says
I hear you on your kid being sweet, sensitive, and helpful as long as things are going smooth! My kid has so many great qualities, but he also goes from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds and acts out inappropriately (hurting others, including biting, and self-harming) when he’s angry or frustrated.
I definitely recommend talking to your pediatrician and maybe getting an evaluation from a child psychologist. We started when Kiddo was 2.5 by seeing a psychologist, at our daycare director’s suggestion. The psychologist evaluated him and gave us a diagnosis code and referrals for OT and play therapy. She suggested some strategies we could use at home and that his teachers could use in the classroom. She also recommended the books Raising Your Spirited Child and The Out of Sync Child, and I found both helpful. (Raising Your Spirited Child was more helpful for specific, practical strategies, but The Out of Sync Child gave me information about sensory processing disorders, which led to greater empathy for my child and his struggles.)
Kiddo is 4 and has been in play therapy for about 9 months. He also does occupational therapy for some sensory issues, and his teachers work with both the play therapist and the OT on classroom strategies, so it’s hard to say that any one thing has helped by itself. We have seen a lot of improvement over the last year, and I can see Kiddo implementing the specific strategies he learns in play therapy when he interacts with other kids. He is using his words to describe feelings more often, and he’s using some calming techniques. (Last night, he walked into the kitchen taking deep breaths because he was mad that we had turned the TV off.) He is also sharing with other kids more, and he’s using words to stand up for himself. He still tends to act out aggressively, but he’s in a therapy-based camp this summer, and we’re working to identify specific situations and triggers. He also can do the 0 to 100 thing, although DH and I have become more sensitive to cues that frustration is building. (For example, he carries a lot of tension in his mouth, so if he’s clamping his jaw down or chewing on his clothes or his lovey or another toy, it’s a good sign that he’s struggling.)
anon says
two questions: at what age do kids stop being interested in/realize they aren’t supposed to pull down things like picture frames from a console? and the second question is, we live in an apartment with built ins and open shelves that are reachable by our almost walking twins – we have a gated area so that they don’t have direct access to them currently, but they love being outside of their gated area and so i’d like to put something on the bottom shelves that are child safe – we already have plenty of toy storage in their gated area – what do people store in places that are accessible by little kids that are not hazards?
Pogo says
1) I don’t know, mine is almost 2 and still does this
2) We baby-proofed anything toddler height with either safety latches (in the kitchen) or simple “rubber band around the door knobs” in our living room cabinets. We don’t have any open shelves at toddler height.
Anonymous says
I let my twins have free access to my baking cupboard (measuring cups, spoons, large metal bowls). In terms of accessible living room items, they used blankets that I left rolled on low shelves for peekaboo and later on, fort building.
They’ll probably be like 4-5 before you’re comfortable leaving breakables within reach (but maybe my kids are just klutzes?).
Anonymous says
A friend puts her kids books’ on the bottom shelves of built-ins like this, and they are displayed beautifully. Some standing up like library on shelves, others in artful looking stacks, etc. Some favorites standing up on display. I’d be inclined to do that and rotate the displayed ones seasonally.
Anonymous says
Adding that I think pictures are especially intriguing to kids – so they’re more likely to play with them. So I’d put them up high or lean into it with kidproof frames (no clue if this exists) or some printed photo books from Shutterfly that the kids can ruin and you can display.
rosie says
It would mean doing all new pictures, but you could get those photo plaques that are like sturdy cardboard/plastic with an attached flap to stand up. Can order from Costco photo. The kids could play with and look at the photos without risking damage or injury.
Walnut says
I make photo books and those are displayed on kid-level shelves. They love looking through them.
Anon. says
We put kid books and some nicer toys / cute stuffed animals on the lowest shelves of our living room book cases. And one shelf that kid can reach is regular books that I just don’t care if he destroy – not that he’s much for destruction.
Anonymous says
We wedged our books in so tight that our son could not pull them out. We also had toy boxes and his books on low shelves of course.
Anonymous says
Stopped ding interested in things we had on shelves somewhere between 2 and 3 (but would still throw when mad…). And… we just did not put items on surfaces reachable by toddler until after that point. I did not want to have to supervise that closely at all times.
Anonanonanon says
Toddler toys stored in baskets that match our aesthetic. That way, it’s no big deal if she pulls them down, and helps keep our home from looking like the baby toy aisle exploded in it
Anne says
For us – around 26 months. I’m dreading the pull everything down phase for our second.
ElisaR says
it’s funny I realized this weekend that I don’t know when that point is….. but one day you just notice “hey, I just gave my kid food on a normal plate and he just ate off of it and I didn’t worry about him throwing it on the floor for no reason!” I almost forgot that it was an issue (some point between ages 2 and 3 I would say). Except that i have an 18 month old and it’s still an issue for him.
as for what to put there…. baskets? coasters. My kids love to play with coasters. Magazines/books? they pull them out but i’m not worried about them breaking.
Aly says
Mommastrong workouts – has anyone done them? Liked them? I’m eyeballing the post-natal workouts. I’m two months postpartum and wanting to workout again, but constrained by time, childcare, etc. TIA!
Anonymous says
Really like them. Helped a lot with my diastasis recti and other postpartum issues. Also just really like Courtney’s personality — she feels much more “real” than most fitness instructors. And it’s only $5 per month!
Anon says
+1. Courtney is fantastic! FYI, if you join right now, she is taking a well-deserved maternity leave, so the workouts aren’t new every day. They’d still be new-to-you, so probably won’t make a difference. I’m loving going back through workouts I missed before I joined in December.
Anon says
Any advice on taming the toddler mullet? My 18 month old daughter was bald for so long and is finally growing some hair. She doesn’t have enough a ton of hair but what she does have looks really straggly and gets knotty and matted in the back, which then makes her cry when I comb it out. Her hair is too fine to keep a bow in and she rips headbands off after a few minutes. I’m currently hunting for really small elastics to hopefully make two teeny pigtails – any other ideas?
Anonymous says
You can buy the small elastics at CVS or similar. Headbands are a no-go for a lot of toddler girls. Do you use a detangling spray when you comb it?
CCLA says
Similar to detangler I suggest a wetbrush. The travel size works great for my fine-haired toddler and helps not rip the hair out when brushing. We leaned into the tiny spout pony with the tiny plastic elastics (don’t pull them straight out – unwind or cut out) for several months before we could do anything else with her hair.
anon says
I was very anti-mullet, so I got my kids hair cut into a bob at that age. Trimming the ends really helped with tangles and it grew out really well as they got bigger.
AwayEmily says
+1 it seems counterintuitive to cut hair when you want it to grow but it really does make it look a lot better/easier to deal with.
Anon says
My kiddo has a ton of super tight ringlets and very fine hair, but for a while we were still getting the knots and matting you described. After much polling of my curly-haired friends (and strangers) by this barely wavy-haired mama, we switched to a separate shampoo and separate conditioner (the J and J teal no more tangles ones) and also use a spray detangler and conditioner (cantu for kids) when combing out her hair after her bath.
how long do dishes take you? says
My husband is a truly wonderful co-parent and partner, but his job is waaaaay more demanding than mine. One way he contributes to the household is doing dishes every night. (tbh, I do pretty much everything else.) He is now complaining that doing the dishes takes too long. He has to work every night for over an hour and is getting less sleep because the dishes take him so long. This is for a couple of reasons – he’s legitimately overly thorough. We have a dishwasher but he loads the dishes in there almost entirely clean. He’s a little obsessive about grime. It took him 37 minutes last night. Usually takes him an hour plus when he also watches TV. You may be thinking, what are you cooking that it takes him that long?!! Last night, I made salmon in one pan, roast broccoli on a sheet pan, and mac and cheese in another pan. Add two plates for us and our daughter’s tray and high chair. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. It would take me 10 minutes max to do what he does. Do I need to give him a different job? He’s tried being faster at dishes and somehow can’t do it. He does it every night and has been for over a year. I’m baffled.
Anonymous says
Yes, give him a different job. How about unloading the dishes and packing lunch?
Or you could try coaching him – do a demo with filthy dishes to show they do not need to go in the dishwasher clean. But based on my experience with relatives, it is hard to retrain in this area.
Irish Midori says
We all get burned out on “our” job, so maybe the grass is just greener for him on another chore. Try trading with him, or ask him what he thinks he’d rather do. Don’t try to “fix” the way he does dishes. Trust me, that only leads to bad places. DH and I get this way sometimes about picking the kids up on the way home from work vs. making dinner. After a while I get burned out on one or the other and want to trade for a bit.
BTW, I get where other posters are coming from, but I think cut him a break. He’s tired. He’s contributing. Work gets hard sometimes and makes home chores more burdensome. Help him see if a different chore suits him better.
Anonymous says
PS – he sounds like he might be great at laundry
rosie says
Are you or is he putting the pans into soak after using them? That might help it be a faster task (or at least less active time). Also if he is watching TV while doing this (and maybe also responding to texts, checking email & getting sidetracked reading articles…) — it’s not just dishes time, it’s also his unwinding time and that’s fine, it can take longer.
I don’t see why it’s your responsibility to give him a new job. Is he asking you to do the dishes? If so, what is he proposing he does instead?
Anon says
I can unload and do a full sink into the dishwasher and probably hand wash a pan or two in about 10-15 minutes (plus 5-10 minutes if toddler “helps” me unload), but I do not rinse unless it’s super thick or tomato sauce. Like yours, my DH is a firm believer in thoroughly scrubbing before putting essentially clean plates into the dishwasher and he only loads it about a third of the way before it’s “full” – he believes there should be at least 3 rungs between each plate, for example. DH doesn’t load the dishwasher unless I am super sick or out of town because after arguing with him once, when we first started dating, he is now convinced that I don’t like the way he does it so therefore he doesn’t want to upset me by doing it. No amount of persuading has convinced him that I’d rather have wrongly loaded clean dishes than a sinkful of dirty dishes, but c’est la vie. I typically do it at night while I’m cooking my dinner (kiddo and DH eat hours before I get home) or in the morning while I’m waiting for my breakfast to toast. I too work long hours and for me it’s mentally very draining to do them at night before I then have to log on and work more. If you can handle letting the dishes sit in the sink overnight, would he be more amenable to doing them in the morning as he’s making coffee, getting breakfast, feeding the kiddo, etc.? For me I have more flexibility (and also more energy) in the morning. Also, those silicon liners for roasting pans are awesome – I typically don’t get anything on the pan (my pans are not dishwasher safe) and then I can just pop the liner in the dishwasher and put the pan away.
Anon says
lol someone who does ONE CHORE and complains about it is not a “truly wonderful co-parent and partner.” Why do you women put up with this BS??
Irish Midori says
His work is more demanding than hers. These are the trade-offs couples make to make the family work. If the roles were reversed, hopefully he’d be doing more of the lifting at home, but that’s not the fact pattern presented.
anonanon says
My husband takes way longer at the dishes too because he is a meticulous perfectionist, but he only helps sporadically. I think it’s pretty great that your husband has done the dishes every night for a year. I would just let him complain and nod sympathetically and say, “Yes, that is rough” and let him get on with the job. You don’t have to save him. We are used to fixing things for everyone, but let him struggle with this legitimate, reasonable task. Don’t offer another solution unless he comes to you and explicitly says something needs to change. If he does that, then you can think of a plan B.
GCA says
+1 to this. Don’t give him a different job, he is a grown person and can figure out what needs to give in the process. Does he want more unwinding time (we don’t have a dishwasher; my husband does the dishes every night and we pre-soak to get the caked-on stuff off and he listens to podcasts while he scrubs) or does he want more sleep? Does he want to soak things and wash them in the morning? He can figure this out himself. It is literally not rocket science.
Pigpen's Mama says
No real solution other than let him figure it out on his own, because my husband is the same darn way with dishes –at one point when we were visiting my parents and he was trying to be a helpful SIL, my mom, who is mild mannered and not use to husbands doing any house work, told him to stop and let her handle it.
Laundry takes him forever because he gets distracted just filling up the washer.
I’ve started taking the ‘hmm, that sucks’ approach when my husband complains about his share of housework (which is far less than what I do) taking him so long, mostly because I don’t have the emotional/mental bandwidth to take on his complaining and have a much higher tolerance for mess than he does!
If you are feeling nice, you could ask him if there’s something of equal ‘value’ that he’d rather do — but let him figure out what that is.
Emily S. says
It takes me a stupidly long time to do dishes because I’m watching TV and hate doing dishes, so like 25-30 minutes. If I focused on the task at at hand and just knuckled through it, it would take less time.
If it’s been a year and he’s not getting better, I think he’s not going to get better at it, and he’s probably not going to stop complaining about it, and you’re probably not going to stop head-scratching about it. It might be an unpopular opinion, but if you decide for your own sanity that you can’t take his complaining about dishes, trade jobs with him. Maybe garbage duty? My own DH excels at emptying all the trashcans and rolling the big trash can to the curb every week.
Anon says
Omg the trash takes 2 minutes a day. Don’t let him off the hook by giving him a really easy task just because he can’t handle a real chore.
Anonymous says
“My own DH excels at emptying all the trashcans and rolling the big trash can to the curb every week.”
This sounds like a Man Who Has it All post if I’ve ever heard one (with the genders reversed, of course).
City living says
my partner and I live in a hcol area with two small kids and are considering moving to the suburbs for the space and potentially the schools. The suburbs we are looking at are 90% white. We are a mixed family and I want my children to grow up with other diverse kids. Have any of you regretted your move to the suburbs after kids? Anybody send their kids to city public schools? I refuse to send them to private school.
Ash. says
I honestly think looking at what your friends and peers do is the best way to make this decision. We did the opposite, we moved from the suburbs back in closer to the city because we realized that all of our colleagues with young kids (we’re lawyers) lived in close to the city, for reasons of convenience, commute, walkable lifestyle, and fortunately the schools are also pretty good. Are there neighborhoods where people similarly-situated to yourselves tend to live, or is the answer to that “the suburbs”?
I’d also say don’t underestimate the impact that a longer commute will have on you and your family. Even 15-20 minutes a day can become a huge burden. It seriously cuts down on after-work events you can attend, and in-city activities you can do as a family or as a couple. Not to mention obviously just the extra time/stress it costs.
Are there decent school options within the city?
Knope says
My husband and I struggle with this quite a bit – we are white but I grew up in a very diverse place and diversity is important, but it’s hard to find a decent school with a lot of racial and (ideally) socioeconomic diversity in our current area. That said, I’m not sure it’s productive to ask about the wisdom of sending your kids to “city schools” in the abstract. It depends a ton on the city you live in. I know many people who send their kids to city public schools in NYC and DC. I know very few who do in Chicago. I would consult your local parents’ listservs/facebook groups to talk with people with more local, firsthand experience.
Anonymous says
There are no diverse suburbs near your city? I live in the DC area suburbs, outside the beltway but not far, and my DDs elementary school has a very small percentage of white students (were white FWIW) but it “evens out” more as they go to larger high schools. From what I hear from other parents they have only seen their kids benefit from diverse school experiences. We love having a single family home and a backyard for kids to run around in. Seriously, life would be a struggle for us without the yard. But then you have to consider the maintenance of a larger home and do no underestimate the yard maintenance (unless you can afford a yard company!). I think it all comes down to what you want your life to look like. I grew up in a semi-rural area in PA and my DH grew up in a mid-sized city, so suburban life suits us.
Anonymous says
Re: diverse suburbs, that totally depends on your area. In Philly, diversity decreases dramatically as soon as you are across the city line, so I can understand the OP’s concern. Agree with Ash that I would take with your similarly situated friends and colleagues about their choices. Also, it depends a whole lot on your kids and what you think they might need in a school once they get to that age.
My two cents is that I wouldn’t move to the suburbs just for more space, but I also hate driving and would rather go to a public park than have to take care of a lawn, so YMMV.
Anon says
I’d do a bit more scoping out of neighborhoods. In my city, if you asked a random group this question, most would recommend a particular area that is white, newer construction and would guarantee a murder of a commute. The rest would say “live in town”, which is a bit of a misnomer… they mean the innermost suburbs. You can get a yard, no HOA, good public schools – as good as the ones on the more recommended part of town, but with kids and families of all SES and houses that have a bit more personality than a new tract house.
tl;dr: keep looking… you’ll find the sweet spot.
Anonymous says
Anyone have any tips for dealing with phantom smells in pregnancy? I had them pretty bad around weeks 20-22, and then they went away, but now around week 33 they are back. Different smells, sometimes like food garbage, sometimes like paint/chemicals. Just now, I got a bad stale cigarette smell. Very unhappy about it.
Outdoors says
Get more outside air. Go on a walk, open windows, etc. The more trees around, the better, unless you can go to the beach (ocean air is the best). Hope it gets better!