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Dresses were my go-to when I was pregnant with both my kids.
I have Universal Standard’s Geneva Dress and cannot recommend it enough. They now have a version just for moms-to-be — it features the same flattering V-neck, asymmetrical hem, and supersoft cotton blend.
This dress is the perfect weekend and work-from-home staple, and with the right accessories may work for a more casual office. It’s also eligible for Universal Standard’s Fit Liberty Program: Any item in the program is eligible for a one-year size exchange if you go up or down in size. This program was designed with moms-to-be in mind!
The dress is $120 and available in sizes 00-0 (4XS) to 38-40 (4XL). It comes in navy and black. Want long sleeves? The Long-Sleeve Geneva V-Neck Mom is $130.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
I need to make a will (probably with a revocable trust, and also including general estate planning/POA/Etc documents). Not a complicated ‘estate’ – only debt is a mortgage, one house, standard variety of tax-advantaged retirement/college savings accounts.
What should I expect this to cost in Northern Virginia? Any lawyer recs?
Anonymous says
2-3k
Anon says
It cost me $2100 in the Bay Area so I would guess a bit less than that?
TheElms says
I’m in MD, but we had a similar situation and quotes were $2500-5000. The revocable trust made it more expensive.
Anon says
Check with your employer’s insurance. Ours has a relatively low-cost legal option that you can sign up for during open enrollment. Several people I know signed up for a year, got all their legal documents in a row, then dropped the coverage the following year.
OP says
Alas, I have tried to do it with my work’s, and I’ve had nothing but problems. It’s the dregs of the dregs of lawyers who are affiliated with it in my area.
Sara says
We used Don Marlais at Lincoln Park Associates. 2 or 3K max and he is very client-oriented and thorough.
Ifiknew says
Any recs for slippers to wear in the warmer months at home? I have the LL bean wicked good slippers for winter but it’s too warm for house shoes in warmer months.. Tia!
Anonymous says
Not exactly what you’re asking for, but I swear by the Bombas grippy socks instead of house shoes in the summer.
Anon says
They’re so ugly, but Crocs are great for your feet and not too hot.
Anonymous says
+1.
Anonymous says
EVA birkenstocks work great for me for this purpose.
Anonamama says
I just discovered Oofos. Not attractive in the least, but they are so wonderfully comfortable. They are billed as a recovery shoe for athletes but also good for plantar fasciitis. Great for our hardwood floors.
Monday says
What is one thing you do that you think makes you a good parent? I’m looking for ideas and also a fun, positive Monday topic. Have a great week!
Anon says
I apologize to my kid when I’ve lost my cool or when I think I’ve been too harsh on her. My parents were great parents in general, but I don’t recall them ever apologizing to me for their behavior and I think it can be really meaningful for a kid to hear that.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My husband and I treat each other with kindness and respect and model what a good relationship should be for the kids (at least I hope we do!) This is something that I saw in my parents that I want to emulate.
I also try really hard to do the Landsbury acknowledge and accept all feelings, even negative ones, which is something my parents didn’t really do for various reasons.
Anonymous says
We encourage age-appropriate independence as much as possible. My parents were controlling and fearful and limited me in so many ways. For example, my parents assumed that because they were too scared to navigate an airport, I wouldn’t be able to do it either. My daughter was flying solo as soon as she was old enough to travel as an unaccompanied minor. Etc.
Cb says
I say yes whenever I can, kid wants to eat outside? Go to playpark? Cycle to the bakery? We spend so much time saying no so whenever I can, I like to say why not.
I also really delight in my kid, and I think he feels confident that mom and dad will listen to him.
Anon says
I always answer their questions honestly. From a young age, they’ve known they can ask me anything and I won’t get mad or lie. I may start the conversation with “what do you think?” or “what have you heard?” to try and get a sense of the real question, but I will always answer.
That means in kindergarten they knew babies grew in mom’s stomachs and came out of a v. (Avoiding mod). They knew the Easter Bunny wasn’t real, but that their friends believed in it so they should not spoil it for others. Etc. In early elementary, they’re now asking questions like “Who is George Floyd” and “What does m-er f-er mean?” and “Why do you say you wouldn’t want to be famous?”. I hope I’m raising them to be thoughtful, caring, intelligent kids who trust themselves to figure things out or know they can ask me if they need some help. And selfishly, I hope it means that even more delicate issues will come through me so I can make sure they’re getting accurate info.
Anon says
We’ve fostered really close sibling relationships. My kids are sort of known for it. I hope it lasts because that’s a gift that will last a long time!
Anon says
tips for this?!? please share more about your kids ages, genders and your/DH’s role in this
Earlier Poster says
Hmm good question. Kids are 6 (girl), 4 (boy), and 2 (girl). When they’re really little, we were pretty purposefully lax on letting big kid(s) help – like they could put a paci back in the mouth, they could hold the baby, etc. Poor DS got absolutely every cold from ODD as an infant, but she’s been involved and adored him from the get-go, and that feeling’s mutual. And of course telling baby (or other kids) “not now, older kid needs me” like you read about. ODD still like to have big sibling jobs. At bedtime, she reads to 2 year old. It’s for sure less efficient, but they like doing things together. My 4 year old doesn’t like having jobs related to the little, so we don’t do it much unless he asks, and we let him have a bit more personal space.
We tend to make them work it out when they’re fighting but model apologizing. We do try to tell the older the limits of what a 2 year old can understand (so we’ll tell the four and the six year old that she really isn’t going to understand “let’s share tomorrow” and they seem to get that – I think they like being treated as adults). If there’s a family thing they like to do, we run with it (loud parades, underwear on the head dance parties when they should be in bed, the DRUMSET, etc.) We have a ton of inside jokes. I read the same books to 6 and 4 year old and we just alternate picking, which means they have crossover in what they’re interested in at the moment and have found common favorites. Same with family movie night – we just alternate – which helps with pretend play because they’re drawing from the same universe. Nothing is boy-exclusive or girl-exclusive obviously.
I’m currently pregnant and we’re letting them make up a list of potential baby names. We show them the app with the baby size and everything and they’re feeling very invested. I’m hoping to pick a name off their list (which we’re adding to too), which I think will be very popular!
Um, trying to think about anything else. I think we’ve also just gotten lucky! The best book for multiple kids was Siblings Without Rivalry I thought.
Earlier P says
I realized I didn’t say DH’s role. I actually don’t think he’s as good at this! He kind of wants to do things fast versus do them together, if that makes sense. He does not love putting a baby in the two year old’s lap! He’s had to really step back and let the kids take the lead more!
A lot of our friends live elsewhere so we do A LOT as just our family. Actually DH has totally contributed to sibling closeness because he wanted the fourth.
Anonymous says
Be present when I’m with my kid (no checking my phone). When I need space or to do things on my phone, I leave the room and let her play independently.
Anon says
Oh this is so good. I’m constantly failing on this one.
Anonymous says
I think my husband and I have a really good, equal parenting/domestic work relationship and I hope that modeling that for my daughters will help them choose good partners as well. My dad did NOTHING around the house, and not much as a parent either, and while my first few serious boyfriends definitely would have fallen into that mold I’m glad my husband does not.
Anon says
+1. If anything my husband does more than me (especially if you’re taking about visible labor) and I hope our daughter will expect the same in a partner.
GCA says
+1, DH is an amazing role model for our kids, especially DS who is nearly 6. Not just in terms of equal parenting and care labor, but in terms of being emotionally aware and helping them work through their feelings. (I am less patient with feelings, but I am better at involving the kids around the house in cooking and day-to-day chores.)
Anonymous says
We are really good at getting our kids outside, like for hours a day every day. And I’m good at finding fun outdoor activities and fun family activities, even during the past year. I think I’m good at encouraging difficult physical activities with them (without pressuring them).
Anonymous says
Tips on this? What does a typical day look like?
Mary Moo Cow says
Not the OP, but for us, on a weekend, after breakfast, we go to a park or playground for about an hour or hour and a half or, have an early snack, then go to the park mid-morning, play for an hour and a half, stop for lunch on the way home. In the afternoons, we play in the yard for another hour or hour and a half and only have TV in the last hour before dinner (so a parent can make dinner in relative peace.) During the week, especially in daylight savings time, we do snack and homework outside when they get home from school, then play until 5 or 5:30, then come inside for TV while dinner is cooking. After dinner, we might take a walk (sometimes dragging them out, but letting the older child walk the dog by herself seems to help), or just play in the yard again. DH and I do a workout in our garage, so if we’re outside working out (usually Sunday morning or late weekday afternoon), the kids are outside, too. We open the garage door and back the cars down to the end of the driveway to create a zone where they can play and we can see/hear them. We have a mini trampoline for them out in the garage, and balls, pogo stick things, and toys for the yard. An ulterior motive of making them come outside while we’re exercising is that we hope they see that exercise is essential and worth making time for.
Anonymous says
Yes! I’m OP, but yes to all of this. We can also trust our 4 yo to only ride her scooter or bike on the (big) corner of sidewalk by our house. So she’ll do this for a full hour if DH and I do yard work while it’s toddlers naptime. Or she likes to help DH with yard work as much as possible. I try to do activities with her outside as much as possible even just reading books or taking the sensory bin or kinetic sand outside. She only gets screen time during toddlers nap, or as poster above said, on the weekend we put them both in front of TV right before dinner so we can cook/talk. We also do the full on things like hikes in the back carriers and camping. Vacations are to beaches or national parks, not cities. I do recognize my privilege with the time and resources we have, and the benefit of having our own yard.
Anonymous says
I work PT so that really plays into it…my usual set up is morning playground/or hike, home in middle of day for nap/quiet time, backyard and neighborhood playground (5 min walk) in late afternoon. Then in spring and summer they’re outside again after dinner or we go on a family walk. During summer they can eat breakfast outside and lunch outside. I aim for at least 3hrs outside every day. But you can balance out weekday busyness with extra time outdoors on the weekend. Basically me and my husband are committed to being outside every time it’s nice out, and suffering through it even when it’s not. One of our best family hikes this winter was a mile in the slush/mud/ice. The 19 month old walked the whole way!
CPA Lady says
1. I’m a fun and positive mom and joke around a lot with kiddo — my mom was very strict and authoritarian “I’m not my kid’s friend!” and I just wanted a warmer, more positive relationship with my kid, and think I’ve done pretty well with that.
2. When I do lose my temper, I apologize
3. I validate kiddo’s feelings rather than calling her dramatic or telling her to get a grip.
4. Husband and I have a very equal housework and parenting division of labor, which I think is a good thing for her to see.
5. I live my own life and enjoy my own hobbies and take time for myself frequently. I don’t want her to think only kids and dads get to do this.
AIMS says
Hi! I have no idea if this makes me a good parent, and TBH I don’t feel like a good parent all that often these days, but my parents really stressed teaching me empathy and I try to do the same for my kids (even if it’s empathy for the fact that their mom is tired and stressed out and will sometimes loose her cool). I don’t mean just feeling sympathy for people/their circumstances or just being aware of the stuff you do have, which is certainly part of it, but really trying to understand where people are coming from. I think it has really helped me be a relatively happy person and to not take things personally and I hope I can pass that on. I always assumed it was a given but I see so many people struggle with this. To that end, I also try to really pass on a love for reading and learning – I think literature of all kinds makes a huge difference in being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
Anon says
I just read an article that said reading books makes people more empathetic. So you’re right. It’s science!
Sarabeth says
I’m really good at working through big feelings with my kids. Which includes getting them therapy when appropriate, but also lots of ongoing conversations and sitting and breathing with them while they feel their (many, many) emotions.
Clementine says
That’s amazing. This is my husband.
Anon says
I really lean into my child’s independence. She’s 3.5. She uses knives (butter knives with dinner and nylon ones for chopping). She unloads the dishwasher (with help for the tall and sharp things). This week we practiced cooking on the stove for the first time. We keep cups at her level so she can get her own ice water. She plays in the backyard alone with one of us watching from a window. She climbs tall big kid structures at parks. Generally, if she says “I do it” and the probable outcome is not likely to involve an ER visit or result in permanent damage to our home (messes are fine), I encourage it. DH says I was “raised by wolves” but my sisters and I are all strong independent women today so I have a healthy appreciation for freedom and independence in my parenting approach (i.e., it’s something my parents generally got right).
Anon says
i need to do more of this with my almost 3 year old twins. i’m so often solo parenting and find it hard to make sure neither one is chopping off a finger and dealing with the messes when i’m solo is a huge stressor for me, though in some ways it is worse with DH bc he cannot handle the mess. perhaps i should get some butter knives as a start to let them spread peanut butter on their toast
Anonymous says
I love this! Good for you.
Clementine says
I think I’m good at setting my kids up for success in terms of how we structure our days/activities/plans.
Anon says
I love this one. “Setting up my kids for success” great viewpoint!
Anonymous says
I do all the meal planning and grocery shopping and 95% of the cooking. My husband does 100% of the dishes. Over time he’s been crowding the dishwasher more and more to avoid running it as often or hand-washing anything that can possibly be crammed in. As a result, within the past two years he’s chipped a dinner plate, a cereal bowl, two drinking glasses, four mugs, a measuring cup, and now a dessert plate from a matching set that cannot be replaced. His attitude is that the damage is unavoidable and we should keep using the chipped items, even though most of the chips are in dangerous places. I am sick of having irreplaceable things destroyed and of getting grief for spending money to replace what can be replaced. I do not have the energy to start doing the dishes myself, and I don’t want to swap mealtime tasks with him either because I am a much better cook. Whenever I try to explain that when the dishes touch each other they will get chipped, or when I point out a chipped dish, he tells me I’m wrong. It’s gotten to the point where I refuse to use any “special” dishes like dessert plates or my favorite mugs unless I am planning to hand-wash them myself. WWYD?
Anonymous says
Totally unhealthy, but at this point, if I’d talked about it with him calmly multiple times with no progress, I’d fly off the handle about it.
Anonymous says
I tried that already. I swear it just made him cram the dishes in even tighter.
Anonymous says
So your husband is incompetent at his job, rages at you for fixing his mistakes, doesn’t respect you, and is actively trying to destroy your belongings.
I’d call a divorce lawyer tbh. There is no respect left.
anne-on says
I mean, I’d try therapy before the divorce lawyer, but yea, this is not JUST about the dishes.
The petty reaction would be to find a thing HE cares about (car? sports equipment? memorabilia?) damage it, and then tell him, oh nope, not damaged, and if it is, that’s just the cost of having things. The LESS petty reaction would be to clearly draw that link – these things are important to me, you are damaging them in ways that goes above and beyond normal wear and tear after I’ve asked you not to. There is no grey area – a crack or chip is not Santa Claus, it does exist whether or not you believe in it. This behavior is telling me very clearly you do not care about my feelings, which is the bigger issue for me than the damage. I would like to address this with a therapist.
If he does NOT agree, go yourself, and then yea, maybe contemplate your future and whether or not you want to live with a man who acts like a toddler.
Anonymous says
I’d buy replacements, refuse to listen to any complaints on it, and stop lying to myself that this is about the dishes and honestly assess the state of my marriage.
Anonymous says
Dishes are an everyday thing, just like you are probably cooking almost everyday. My husband does the dishes as well and complained once that I use too many dishes when I cook. I told him the simple solution to that is to not cook anymore or that if I do the dishes myself, he is not entitled to eat anything I make. I would probably say the same thing if he can’t handle doing the dishes properly without chipping them. I would also probably let him use only the chipped dishes, since he’s so convinced that they’re fine. But I can be petty…
Anonymous says
And this is why I vote therapy or divorce. Who wants to spend a life engaged in petty nonsense? Who wants their kids to grow up seeing them disrespected?
Anon says
I firmly believe in a fully loaded dishwasher (and DH has made the same commentary about an overstuffed dishwasher you make), but I also run it nightly. My solution is to buy plates that aren’t prone to chipping (fiestaware) and if something is delicate I handwash it. Are the things that are chipping old or not sturdy? I ask because after having almost no chips for most of my adult life despite taking your husband’s approach to dishwasher loading (as does my mother (who has correlle plates)), I would say in the last two years I have cracked at least three glasses in the dishwasher (all of which were 10 years old or so), DH dropped and chipped at least 2 mugs unloading the dishwasher, and I dropped at least one or two glasses myself or by a guest, and definitely had 3-4 pyrex (again 10 years old or so) chip in the dishwasher (no plates chipping in the dishwasher, but they are only 5 years old). My aunt went through three different sets of plates before finding ones she liked that didn’t chip. I think my glassware and stoneware is just getting to the age where if I don’t baby it, it is more prone to chipping (and don’t ask me about the 15 year old ceramic dish full of beautifully roasted brussel sprouts that shattered in my (thankfully covered) hands coming out of the oven at Thanksgiving last year).
That all being said, I do not continue using chipped items because they are dangerous. And the fuss about replacing things that are chipped makes no sense to me. So I would let him load the dishwasher the way he wants, not put irreplaceable things in the dishwasher in the first place, and continue disposing of and replacing (or doing without if you have enough extras until you are down enough items that it makes sense to replace the whole set with something less chip prone) the chipped items and ignoring the complaining about it.
anon says
I second Fiestaware. So sturdy! Also, they’re easy to replace one at a time, especially if you do just white.
Anon says
Agreed, we overload our dishwasher but rarely have problems with stuff chipping. If he’s not running it every night I can see why you’re annoyed. But if you want him to run it more than once a day just so it can be less full… I dunno, I kind of agree with him. If I had a dish I considered “irreplaceable” I wouldn’t put it in the dishwasher because even when loaded properly dishwashers are hard on dishes and it’s pretty easy for them to get damaged or stained.
Cb says
Yeah, I feel like we went years without a broken plate and have broken loads in the last six months? I let my toddler use ceramic dishes and glass cups though, so I clearly live dangerously.
anon says
I’d do what you’re doing. It’s annoying, but just don’t use, or immediately wash, favorite things. Whatever chips, I’d replace without feeling bad. I see a lot of couples where the (usually) wife ends up doing way more tasks because the (usually) husband does it “wrong.” When my husband washed and dried my nice suit on regular settings, I showed him the replacement cost and he has not washed my suits since. Does he do laundry “my” way? No. But, if us sharing laundry responsibilities means I have to have a separate “do not touch” special care bin, it’s worth it. Don’t take on more work. Another example — I hate the clothes he picks out for the kids, so if I know it’s his morning, I set out clothes the night before. It’s not hurting the kids, but it would just bug me, and he’s not a mind reader. Do what works for you to save work and arguments.
Signed,
Women Aren’t Naturally Better at Changing Diapers
Anon says
This. I have an incredibly egalitarian marriage and while I do think my husband is a great guy, I think one big reason I have so much less of an issue with our division of labor than my friends do is because I don’t micromanage how my husband does things. Unless it’s a safety issue (e.g., I insisted he not serve our 1 year old whole grapes), I let him do things how he wants even if it’s not how I would do it.
Anonymous says
But isn’t breaking dishes and shrinking clothing evidence that the husband is doing those chores in a way that’s objectively wrong? I shouldn’t have to have my stuff ruined just so my husband doesn’t think I’m controlling. He shouldn’t be ruining our stuff on purpose.
Anon says
Broken dishes happen occasionally, and as someone who overloads the dishwasher I’m not convinced the husband is doing anything objectively wrong here. If a dish is truly irreplaceable, it needs to be hand washed. I don’t own irreplaceable dishes for that reason. Other than cooking/dishes which is a family event, you can largely divide labor so each person is responsible for their own stuff. My husband and I each do our own laundry for the most part and I don’t care how his clothes look.
Anon says
I’m super surprised about the broken dishes! I think maybe buy other dishes, like people have suggested. Corolle is really hard to break. We overstuff our dishwasher and have not run into this issue.
Anonymous says
The dishes are W-S Brasserie and the glasses are Duralex Picardie. They shouldn’t be breaking this often.
Anon says
Expensive or fancy doesn’t equal durable. Can you invest in something like Fiestaware or Corelle that is famously hard to chip? If you feel like your husband is disrespecting your feelings or not pulling his weight in other areas, then I agree with advice for therapy. But if this really just a battle about dishes, the solution seems to be more durable dishes and/or buying cheaper dishes that you don’t care about and will replace often. My husband breaks our dishes much more often than I do, but I honestly don’t care – they’re from Target and they’re not meant to last forever, so when they chip we throw them out and when enough of them have chipped that we’re feeling like we don’t have enough dishes we just buy more.
Anonanonanon says
Yes, you have a right to not have things that are important to you ruined.
Anonymous says
The fact that he “doubled down” makes me think therapy is in order. It’s possible he’s struggling (pandemic) and has decided to take it out in this way and he thinks you shouldn’t care. But you do care and he’s stomping on your feelings.
Men in America don’t have great ways to deal with their emotions and it’s not your responsibility to “fix” him. But you’re also not required to live with someone who’s acting out. So couple’s therapy, probably with the goal of him starting therapy on his own to learn some coping skills. Especially if this seems out of character for him/is new behavior.
Anonanonanon says
Yes! It’s the doubling down! If someone says “Some of these dishes are really important to me, they’re sentimental or I spent a lot of time and effort picking them out to coordinate with others. Some can’t be replaced. I know that might seem silly to you, but it’s important to me, and it hurts my feelings when you don’t care about breaking things I care about” and someone DOUBLES DOWN in response? That’s just plain mean!
Anonymous says
Right? Like, yes sometimes things break. But at least be apologetic?
Anon says
This does not seem like that many things chipped over two years. TBH, my husband had broken more things hand washing! (They slip or clank against each other in the sink.) I understand why you’re frustrated, though – it is annoying to have favorite things broken. I’m trying to adopt a “people are more important than things” mindset, and in this case, I would try to let go of my anger for the sake of my relationship with my husband. Is he dismissive in other areas of life? If this is the big/only sticking point, I think you need to let him handle his chore as he wants. Or, if you notice it filling up, you can run it before he has a chance to cram more in.
SC says
+1. Things break. If you got a lot of new stuff when you got married, and you’ve been married a while, you may be on your first round of things purchased at the same time getting old and more brittle and breaking. We received an earthenware dish set as wedding gifts 11 years ago. They’ve survived 3 moves and houses with and without dishwashers, with few problems. Within the past year, about a quarter of them have chipped, and as far as I know, we’re not handling them any differently. I blame the dishes, not the dishwasher or anyone who loads it. I’m picking out my next set.
When we use things that are fragile and sentimental, we hand wash them, dry them immediately, and put them away.
CPA Lady says
It sounds like things have escalated past the point of reason for both of you on this issue at this point. When my husband and I get to this place– which is thankfully rare at this point– what gets us out of it is humor, calm de-escalation, and an apology that involves an acknowledgment of how disproportionate an argument has become. A solutions-oriented conversation is always a part of this.
If your marriage is generally good and happy, then I would really really try to back down from assuming the worst over this, despite your valid level of annoyance. But we are talking about DISHES. Even the most careful person breaks or chips dishes from time to time I’m extremely klutzy and have smashed so many dishes and glasses in my life. A handful of chipped dishes over the course of multiple years is not something worth blowing up a generally solid marriage over. Are your dishes or your husband more irreplaceable to you? If it’s truly your dishes, then yeah, I agree with everyone who is jumping to “divorce him”, because something is badly wrong in your relationship.
If I were you, I’d sit my husband down and say something along the lines of the following: I know the situation with the dishes has really escalated unnecessarily. I am sorry I have been nitpicking and micromanaging you and the way you do your chores. I am not going to do that going forward. I don’t want to eat off chipped dishes but even more than that, I don’t want to fight about this anymore. I have ordered a set of Corelle dishes, because they are much sturdier than the ones we have now, and I hope that will solve the problem for both of us.
Then stop talking. Don’t rehash your argument over and over. I am guessing that at this point, if you have a generally healthy relationship, he will apologize as well. Or he’ll think it over and apologize later. I would not be surprised to see his behavior change too. If it doesn’t, then hey, at least you have Corelle, and they wont break even if you pack ’em into the dishwasher like sardines. Either way the problem is solved. Try your best to forgive him for chipping the dishes, and make like Elsa and let it go.
[FWIW, the Corelle pattern “classic cafe” is quite similar to the dishes you currently have if I googled the right WS pattern].
Anon says
Your dishes aren’t actually dishwasher safe if they’re not strong enough for jostling around in the dishwasher without chipping and breaking. That doesn’t mean your husband should be a jerk about it though.
Anonymous says
Have we discussed the minivan / similar (?) kid and family hauler vehicles recently? My van was totaled over the weekend and I am looking for a replacement. I know the Sienna, which I didn’t like previously was redesigned this year (and only comes in a hybrid; spouse says to be wary of big changes and maybe consider this if it were a couple of years into the redesign). Not loving the Pacifica I’m renting. Friends have things like the Chevy Traverse. I’m leaning towards another Odyssey, but am annoyed it doesn’t have AWD. Family of 5 + giant dog and post-pandemic imagine that we’ll be riding with friends / family members (now, in my city, you only ride with family members or people in your bubble or have to wear masks when sharing a car).
No Face says
With that family size, I would stick to a van. The existing vans have all been redesigned and Kia has a brand new one coming out, so I would just test drive a bunch and pick your favorite.
Anonymous says
This. I’m in a similar boat and leaning towards the Kia Carnival, Honda Odyssey or an entry level Land Rover.
Anon says
If AWD is important, maybe an suv with a third row (like an Ascent) would be worth considering.
Anonymous says
OP: it would be a nice-to-have vs a need-to-have; we didn’t get snow this year, but family 2 hours away are at a different elevation and frequently have snow days and shady mountain roads that can be yucky for at least 4 months/year. But other car is a smaller SUV with 4WD so we could cram in that.
Yes says
I love my Ascent but the third row isn’t easily accessible if you have car seats. Check out The Car Mom on Instagram, she does video tours of different vehicles that I found helpful.
Scilday says
Would it be cheaper to just get snow tires with the Odyssey? Generally they work better than all wheel drive, and you could leave them on all winter.
Snow tires says
Yes! We love our snow tires! They make a huge difference
Anon says
+1 We just got an Odyssey and this is what we were told by friends and the dealer. We live in the Northeast, so lots of snow.
anonamama says
Check out The Car Mom on Insta/YouTube. She does car tours for families and has covered a wide range of 3 row & vans. She raves about the Volkswagen Atlas which does seem to be pretty popular with families of 5 I know. Parents Magazine & Kelly Blue Book have done good family friendly car roundups.
Spirograph says
We have both an Atlas and an Odyssey. The Atlas is comfy to ride in, but tight on trunk space. We almost always take the Odyssey on full-family excursions unless 1. we are bringing bikes/need to tow something (Odyssey does not have a trailer hitch), or 2. we are going “to the snow,” as they say, for vacation. If we’re going to the snow, we have to use a rear cargo rack (in addition to the roof rack for snowboards), because there’s no way to fit 5 of us plus all our stuff for a multi-day trip inside the vehicle.
If you already have an AWD SUV that you can cram into in a pinch, and this will mostly be an around-town vehicle, I’d definitely just get another Odyssey. Minivan>SUV for hauling lots of kids, imho.
PS. Sorry about your totaled van, I hope everyone is OK!
Anon says
Yeah, I loooove our Atlas, but we also have a suburban. We were early Atlas adopters though and have been really pleased!
Anonanonanon says
No advice but jealous. I rented a minivan for a road trip alone with my kids last year and omg it was HEAVEN! I totally get why people buy them now!
Anonymous says
What is it like to drive a minivan if you are used to driving a small car? I’m terrified to drive anything bigger than a compact SUV.
Anon says
I have found that minivans drive more car-like than most compact SUVs.
OP, I have a 2018 Odyssey and am happy with it. There is lots of great safety tech (if you upgrade to a certain level) and the ‘magic seats’ are great too.
No Face says
My progression was tiny car to compact SUV to minivan. My van is easier and nicer to drive than the compact suv.
Walnut says
I’m a family of five with a giant breed dog and we have a post re-deisgn Traverse. It’s an extremely effective vehicle for our family.
Anonymous says
We just bought a used 2019 Honda Pilot. I am so in love with it. Ours has AWD, although I don’t know if all trim levels do. We’re only a family of 3, so it is hard for me to predict if it would be enough space for you. But if you’re already going to be looking at the Odyssey, I really recommend checking out the Pilot, too! If you’re buying used, an FYI that there was a minor redesign and some new features in 2019. And tons of new stuff in 2017. I’d try to get a 2019 or newer. But definitely not older than 2017.
daycare after (regular) shots says
Quick question from a first-time daycare mom: LO has fifteen-month shots tomorrow morning. Am I good to send her to daycare following her appointment, assuming no bad reactions, or should I plan on keeping her home? Shots haven’t been a problem in prior appointments, but she’s new to daycare. TIA.
Cb says
I’d send but flag up that she might spike a fever. Our nursery doesn’t have the same 24 hours/testing requirements after vaccination, which I appreciate.
Anonymous says
There’s a good chance she’ll be grumpy/clingy/sleepy that day. It’ll probably be a crap day for her wherever she is. So yeah you can send her (and she’ll probably be completely distracted by all the awesome school stuff!) but just sort of plan on feeding her her favorite dinner and lots of extra snuggles if you do.
Anon says
In normal times, for sure it’s fine. Now with the paranoia about fever I might keep her home for a day just to avoid running a fever at school and being excluded for days, having to get a Covid test, etc. Fwiw MMR was the only vaccine that made my kid get a fever, so if she’s getting that one I’d be extra cautious.
AnonATL says
I send my kid and just warn daycare.
ElisaR says
yup
Pogo says
same. last time mine slept 3 hours but had no other reaction; some kids spike a fever. Even in non-covid times I would also keep daycare in the loop about this.
Anonymous says
+3 to this. With all of the COVID precautions, I warn daycare if there is even the smallest reason my LO might be feeling off
anon says
Depending on daycare, you might want to send a copy of the updated vaccination chart to prove this is real just in case of a fever. Our daycare is erroring on the side of being a bit paranoid because of covid. It might save you from them telling you to pick LO up asap be/c of fever or something.
Anon says
Any favorite maternity buys recently going into summer? Am pregnant with our fourth and realized the shirt I was wearing last night had multiple holes!
Not necessarily looking for office – my office is kind of jeans and polos for the men sort of dresscode (which I’m constantly trying to interpret for me, but that’s another story!)
Anon says
I had this in 3 colors when I was pregnant last summer. I’ve since bought two more, since it is breastfeeding-friendly. It works with and without a bump, FWIW. Super flattering, super lightweight (which was important for me b/c I wore ankle length compression tights throughout my pregnancy and so having a lightweight outer layer was key to comfort!).
https://www.buybuybaby.com/store/product/motherhood-maternity-reg-surplice-wrap-maternity-maxi-dress/5384382?skuId=46259851&mrkgcl=611&mrkgadid=&mcid=PS_googlepla_nonbrand_homedecor_online&product_id=46259851&product_channel=online&adtype=pla&enginename=google&adpos=&creative=263203197341&device=c&matchtype=&network=g&utm_campaignid=71700000040071064&utm_adgroupid=58700004311865890&targetid=92700036057907924&product_id=46259851&product_channel=online&adtype=pla&enginename=google&adpos=&creative=263203197341&device=c&matchtype=&network=g&gclid=Cj0KCQjw1PSDBhDbARIsAPeTqre9yd5F2EHnsai_6WP7xnofOyUb88tCP117nSuhaS5tZLMGeS5zkaEaAnkYEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds&wmSkipPwa=1
https://www.motherhood.com/collections/maternity-maxi-dresses/products/maternity-maxi-dress-006-96056-000-001
Anonymous says
Cute, but what about bras? none of my nursing bras can be adjusted to make this dress work.
Anon says
I use these little converters to temporarily convert my regular-strap nursing bras with cups into racerback nursing bras on the days I wear these dresses.
https://www.amazon.com/Strap-Clips-Straps-Holder-Womens/dp/B07B4VZ9DV/ref=asc_df_B07B4VZ9DV/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=242040131209&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12748416187906114711&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=2840&hvtargid=pla-446956434224&psc=1
My other nursing bras are Kindred Bravely sports bras (which I love – although I hated the Kindred Bravely combo nursing/pumping bra), and those are racerback so would also work. But I did not like the weird uniboob shelf effect that they gave when worn with this dress.
Pogo says
PSA: Boden seems to be having a swimwear sale, I’ve been stalking a few things and snagged something cute for $54! I’ve been hunting for postpartum-body + nursing friendly suits and FINALLY got something that seems to fit the bill, hallelujah. Now to buy a long Trina Turk caftan to fill out my vacation wardrove!
Grief for Kids says
My mom was moved into hospice care over the weekend and I’m struggling with how to talk about this with my tender-hearted six year old. She has been ill for a while, so this is both not surprising and completely gutting, and we also have no clue how long we have (could be weeks or months). Have any of you found helpful books or other ways to frame this in talking with kids? I don’t want to alarm my daughter by saying her grandma is dying imminently, but I also want to be honest with her. I will also gladly take any grief resources you have for adults. I feel like curling up in the fetal position for the foreseeable future.
Anon says
No advice, but I’m so so sorry.
Anonymous says
I’m really sorry. Remember to take care of yourself, too! I don’t know that you need to change any messaging to your six year old at this point. Where had your mom been living before? I have not had a close relative in hospice care, but just from having tender-hearted kids, I don’t know if talking about potentially-imminent death would help. (My kids get very upset if anyone mentions that people die. Just as a fact of life, not as a something that is likely in the near term.)
Your daughter will know *you* are sad, and that may be the more important thing to address. It’s ok to say you are sad because your mom is sick and you are not sure how much longer she will be alive, and you know that you will miss her a lot when she dies. To me, the only salient points about hospice for a 6 year old are that it is a place where they take very good care of people who are very sick, so that they can be comfortable and happy as long as possible.
octagon says
First, I am so sorry. Hospice is amazing, but also so hard. Start with your hospice team — they probably have resources for kids, or for you, or for you to best talk to your kid. We’ve had good luck with the Daniel Tiger episode about dying (Daniel’s Fish Dies). Even though it’s maybe a little young for your kid, it explains it on a very basic level which may help the message sink in better.
Anon says
I’m so sorry. My kids were younger when we had this talk about a grandparent, so death is now very matter of fact for them. Obviously, I’d rather have my dad around, but I think it’s a gift to talk about death openly and not have it be taboo. It’s ok for your kids to see you sad or cry sometimes and for you to explain why. That said, it’s helpful to have your partner take over if you have to totally fall apart.
I found it helpful to give a basic explanation of how the disease was working to kill my dad, explain that death would happen and there was nothing we could do to reverse it. It’s not a one time conversation, though—questions kept on coming up that I thought I’d covered.
For me, I wish I had started grief counseling before the death. It would have been better to start earlier.
Anonymous says
Has anyone started with a daycare that has a contract? We’re considering one that has a one year contract for the first year and then 90 day notice thereafter. It gives me pause as a FTM! Esp since the infant room is 12 kids under 24 months, I’m just not sure how that will work out and if it doesn’t, we’re stuck. This is the best one for other reasons – 1 mile from our home, etc.
Anon says
Ours makes you sign a year long contract that says you’re liable for tuition until they find a replacement for you, but in practice demand is so high (especially for kids under 2) that if you want to get out of your contract you won’t have to pay any extra. 12 kids seems like a lot for an infant-toddler room to me, but ymmv. Ours was 8 and only half the kids were infants.
EDAnon says
Ours has an annual contract but only a 30 day notice period. I am not sure I would sign up for a 90 day notice period. We switched daycares when our oldest was 1 and gave a months’ notice (which worked great for both centers), but 90 days would have been hard.
Anon says
My husband works inbiglaw and since January 1 of this year, he’s worked in some capacity all but 10 days. This has been very trying. This is not unusual and he will get somewhere between 2100-2200 hours annually. We have two small kids and I do so so much solo parenting and I am tired. How do I make it so that I can feel like I have more help? I have childcare for 20 hours a week when I work but there’s no time for me to recharge it feels like. Is this just how these jobs are?
Anon says
Yes, that’s a normal amount of hours for Big Law. I would say it’s even on the lower side if his goal is making partner. A first solution seems to be getting full time childcare. If I’m reading this correctly, you only work 20 hours/week? You should have 40 hours of care per week, so you have time to run errands and recharge during the times you’re not working.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think yes, that’s how biglaw jobs are, but you should get more childcare! Beyond just when you’re working. If you’re solo parenting every night and weekend, that is A LOT. Of course people do this, but isn’t biglaw money supposed to give you enough funds to hire extra nannies/sitters?
Katala says
I agree, this is normal for big law, and you can expect certain times to be even busier. Potentially some less busy times too, but that is very practice-dependent. You make it feel like you have more help by hiring more help. Unfortunately with that type of job, you’re not going to be able to rely on your husband for that help. It sounds like he may be new-ish/junior? If so, he will likely eventually have more control over when he works but the hours won’t be less unless he goes part-time. I completely agree with getting 40 hours/week of childcare, plus you will also want to have a few sitters available for some evening and weekend hours. I’d also think about how you can get a weekend away on your own to recharge. But definitely plan on hiring or relying on family for childcare help, not your husband. Even if he agrees to cover a certain time, the nature of big law is such that he very well may have to cancel for work.
OP says
Thank you. That’s helpful. Not really new, he’s a 5th year and it’s always been like this, but it’s just catching up to me and I am so tired. It seems so obvious to get more help but i never thought about in this way. I always though I only needed 20 hours of care for when I’m working, but it would make a lot more sense to get 40 to make up for what he cant do.
Anon says
Yes, definitely. I would say 40 is the minimum number of hours you should have with a spouse in Big Law even with a part time job (I know plenty of Big Law wives who don’t work and still have full-tine nannies). And I agree with the advice to try to get away for a weekend to a destination spa or something like that. We all need it after the pandemic, and you especially so!
Anon says
that’s the way i thought too. i work part-time, 25ish hours a week, and we have care 35 hours a week. some days the care is just enough to cover my commute, but I would say that there are 3-4 hours a week for me to do what i need to do, whether it is a doctors appointment, an errand or sitting and reading a book so i can get into the headspace to solo parent toddler twins. DH is not in big law, but a big finance job and works a lot and we have no local family. I used to also think it was ridiculous that I should get “me” time each week bc DH doesn’t really, and who do I think I am that I should have childcare when I’m not working…but honestly, and I think DH would agree with this too – sometimes parenting is more exhausting than working!
Anon says
I’m the big-law spouse, DH is a SAHD, and we still have 10-15 hours of care a week because Biglaw requires more than full-time childcare.
Katala says
I should have added that context too. I’m also the big-law spouse, DH has been a SAHD since last March and we still do daycare for the younger and elementary for the older, older will also be at daycare “camp” this summer. DH has to cover all holidays, sick days, etc. which has been a lot this year, on top of feeding everyone, doing bedtime alone often, and covering weekends when I have to work. We still get sitters for date nights or if the kids are home several days in a row and I’ve been busy. Totally agree with the point that many big law wives have full time nannies, because they’re on basically 100% of the time not covered by the nanny. I laughed when a partner I worked for taking his 3 kids, wife, mother AND nanny on a cruise, but honestly it’s the only way for both parents to have something like a break on a family trip and he of course was working some so it makes sense.
SC says
Most people I know in Biglaw has about 60 hours of childcare per week, in some combination–nannies, SAHPs, part-time parents, daycare, grandparents, etc. Typically, that’s in addition to the other spouse having a “primary parent” role–being more available for pickups/dropoffs, morning/evening routines, weekend activities, staying home when the nanny is out or the kid is sick, etc. Right now, you’re doing 20 hours of paid work + the equivalent of 40 hours of paid childcare + the typical “primary parent” role. Don’t feel bad that it’s overhwelming!
SC says
*have. Sigh.
POOPCUP says
In lieu of writing in to Seventeen magazine for an OMG moment, I thought you all would appreciate this one. Having read the thread last week about the acronym POOPCUP (Parent of One Perfect Child Under Preschool age) I had to tell my friend this weekend on our long-anticipated, incredibly normal, post-vax, girls’ night out. She got a huge kick out of it and when we drunkenly took an Uber home, the driver asked us what we did professionally. She said “Oh, I’m a mom to three.” And I said, “And I’m a POOPCUP” and then.. had to explain that one. Still rusty on the social skills!
Anon says
Hahaha love this. Although I think if you have the awareness to describe yourself as a poopcup you probably aren’t. :)
Road trip newbie says
Going on a 5 hr road trip with our 4 month old for the first time! Any tips or must have items for this FTM? (EBF, longest car ride has been 1 hr). Thanks!
DLC says
When I took a car trip at with a nursing child that age, I brought at manual pump with me so I could pump in the car (I wasn’t driving) if stopping to nurse wasn’t going to happen. Then I could sit in the back and give a bottle and also not get painfully engorged.
Anon says
It’s a good age for road trips. Baby will likely sleep a lot. Our general strategy for car trips is to stop as infrequently as possible so you get there faster and spend less time in transit. I know not everyone shares that strategy, but I would do a trip this length without stopping, or if you have to pump (I could get away with not nursing for four hours at that age) stop just once for that.
Anonymous says
My experience was we had to stop for feeding or IMMEDIATELY thereafter to burp the baby. The time we tried to feed him and then got stuck in traffic and couldn’t exit the highway to burp him still haunts my dreams six years later. But ymmv; I also couldn’t do 5 hours without using the restroom myself and am just laughing at the idea of babies sleeping a lot in the car (did not ever happen with our babies but others are luckier).
Anon says
My kid did not sleep in the car past six months. It was only as a young infant (in the bucket seat) that she would sleep, but at that age she slept a lot and car travel was easy. We avoided car travel at all costs from 6-18 months because she wouldn’t sleep and screamed non-stop. Flying across the world with multiple layovers was easier than a 2 hour road trip once she was older than six months.
We combo fed but had no problem giving bottles of formula or pumped milk in transit. She was never much for burping anyway though.