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I wore a lot of headbands as a kid — I had probably two dozen in every color and material you can imagine. My favorite was a crown of faux pearls I’d wear for fancy occasions like weddings.
Amanda Gorman’s look at the inauguration has me convinced that headbands can work for adults too! I’ve always admired Eugenia Kim’s headwear, and her headbands are exceptional.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Mm says
Our small daycare gives the option to buy or bring toddler lunch. It sounds like the lunches they provide are fine but nothing special (Mac n cheese, dollar sandwiches, and the like). We should just buy and not think twice about it, right?
Anon says
I would. The convenience of not packing food is great. In addition, our daycare’s menu is not especially healthy but they’ve gotten our kid to try a lot of food she wouldn’t otherwise eat. I think that more than balances out that the fact that our food at home is slightly healthier.
Cb says
Yep!! Serve an extra vegetable with dinner, and call it a day!
Anon says
yup. this makes me think of one of my bffs, whose daycare cost included food for the kids. for her first kid, she made her own purees to send in which lasted for about 6 months. for her second kid, no homemade purees. as long as what they serve fits any dietary restrictions your child might have, i say go for it. anything to make your life easier. i mean even at home i sometimes feed my kid mac n cheese. also- what’s a dollar sandwich?
Anon says
I had to look it up too – a sandwich on a small roll that looks like a silver dollar. Like this: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B8EC0VWIAAAxiZP.png
Redux says
Where are you from? I have never heard this term– wondering if it’s regional!
Mm says
I think it is regional! I’m in STL, and come to think of it, had never heard of dollar sandwiches before coming here!
St. Louisan says
I’m from St. Louis and I immediately knew what you were talking about!
Pogo says
Is it the same as a slider?
No Face says
Absolutely!
anonymommy says
At my old daycare we packed lunches. I didn’t mind it and took pride in making healthy lunches. BUT our new daycare makes the lunches and I must say — it’s so nice! Especially now with two kids, I save a lot of prep time.
CPA Lady says
Absolutely take the option to buy lunch. I will also say that my child will eat a massive variety of foods and I chalk it up to her going to a daycare where she has been served a huge variety of foods since she was old enough to eat solids. There is a level of positive peer pressure to this too. When I make her food, it is the same handful of things over and over and over. At this point, I specifically choose childcare options that have food provided.
Anon. says
Buy the lunch! My picky eater reportedly eats things at daycare that he will not even look at in my kitchen. Peer pressure is your friend here.
Yum says
We do, even though the menu is often questionable in my opinion. (Nachos for toddler lunches, really?!). I want to be one of those moms who saves the money and sends fresher, healthier food instead, but that just isn’t where we are at the moment.
Anonymous says
In my house nachos with organic chips are considered a healthy food. Cheese + whole grains, topped with veggies in the salsa and guac.
Yum says
Those sound delicious and I will try to tell myself that’s what they are serving. (Though I suspect basic chips and American cheese is more like it.)
I have nothing against nachos as they are one of my favorite foods! But I still think it’s a weird daycare menu item.
Anonymous says
Even basic tortilla chips are whole-grain!
Anonymous says
Even chips and plain American cheese with no veggies doesn’t seem less healthy than pizza, mac n cheese or grilled cheese, which are all kid food staples. They’re all carb + cheese.
Yum says
Aside from the nachos, take my word for it when I say the menu for this center is just not impressive. (As compared to our previous daycare anyway.) But we’ve stuck with it (and feel good about that decision) because I just don’t have the time at the moment to take a different approach.
Ifiknew says
I’d like to hire some weekend help for my 4 and 2 year Olds. How many hours and how would you structure a few hours of help on the weekend if you could?
AnonATL says
I would probably do Saturday morning. That’s when I like to get my errands done or husband and I try to get some exercise. Or if I have to get caught up on work, I try to knock it out on Saturday morning.
NYCer says
What are you looking to do with your “free” time when the babysitter is there? If you want to use the time to workout or do errands, I think Saturday morning would be best. If you want to use it for more day-date type activities or general relaxing, I would probably pick an afternoon through bath time.
anne-on says
We used to schedule our au pairs on Sunday afternoons, roughly 2-6 (they’d eat dinner with us during that time) which meant both my husband and I could use a few hours to prep for our work week, have time to meal plan/prep lunches or an extra dinner, and generally start the week off smoothly – I love it. But we’ve always ‘switched off’ weekend mornings so one of us always had time for a workout/shower/errands so that wasn’t as important to me. If your partner is already working weekends and this time is to give you the freedom of exercise/grocery shopping without kids in tow I’d go for 8-12 on a Saturday. I’d also strongly suggest asking the sitter to do a few loads of kid laundry (wash and dry cycles, folding if there is time).
Anonanonanon says
Opposite of others, I would do Sundays. I like to try to do weekend activities (farmers market, etc) on Saturdays while I maybe still have energy. Sundays I’m worn out and the reality of the week ahead means I have things I need to do. That is when I’d like someone to take the kids outside for an hour so I can clean alone or do meal prep, or just be here so I could switch out winter and summer clothes, or I can go run errands etc.
When I’ve hired a Sunday sitter to get stuff done, 10 am- 3pm usually works. I feel like it’s late enough that I’m not scrambling to have kids dressed and the house decent and breakfast cleaned up, gives a solid 5 hours, and ends early enough to have some low-key family time left in the day.
Walnut says
+1 My favorite time for a weekend sitter is 1-4PM and I decamp somewhere to prep for my upcoming work week.
Leatty says
We have a sitter on Sundays from 3-7 pm. Sitter is responsible for running around with our daughter outside, feeding her, giving her a bath, and getting her ready for bed. We also have her watch the baby for a bit (but not the whole time because he is so easy and we need the sitter to wear our daughter out). When the sitter leaves, we hang out with DD for a bit before putting her to bed. We usually tackle some chores while the sitter is here, exercise, work, or rest. We’ve really benefited from this arrangement – DD is A Lot, DH and I have high stress jobs, and we are both introverts who need some quiet time to recharge. DD also loves having a sitter come and happily shoos us away when the sitter gets here, so we don’t feel guilty about the arrangement.
put the baby in a dress! says
Hopefully fun topic – help me imagine what my baby bump will look like on my wedding day in July, so I can decide on dress options!:-) If all goes well, I’ll be 19 weeks at the (long awaited, covid-delayed, I can’t wait to see my family again) wedding! I know everyone is different, but I’m hoping I can find my body double who can give me an idea. I’m 5’6″, long waisted, and small boned (normally 27″ waist, 37″ hips). When I say long waisted, I mean that waist seams on dresses are usually about 1 inch too high, I’m soooo grateful that 11″ rise pants are back, and that my 5’6″ comes with short legs. I’m wondering if being long waisted will mean things aren’t as visible for a while? How should I expect my body to change? Thank you! The dress I currently have has a full skirt and waist seam (which could be let out a bit).
Anon says
do you want a new dress or do you want to wear the one you already have? if you want to wear the one you already have, find a seamstress who can work quickly, since your body changes a lot each week in pregnancy. congratulations on both the baby and wedding!
TheElms says
I think a little more information might help folks — First kid? Are you thinking you’ll want to show off the bump or downplay the bump? My step-sister is built like you and she had a gradual curve at 19 weeks but it still wasn’t super noticeable unless she was in something form fitting. I don’t think a natural waist dress would have worked because the seam will hit in a weird spot. I think something with no defined waist or an empire waist would be more flattering if you want to show off the bump or a shift shape if you want to downplay the bump.
anon says
Agreed with empire to show it off or shift to downplay – I like that way of thinking. One thing I’d warn you about 19 weeks is exactly what everyone’s saying here – you might just look kind of bloated? So potentially showing off the bump could be cute. Really depends on whether you want to use existing dress.
Everyone’s also assuming this is your first. For a later baby, you’ll show earlier!
GCA says
I am similarly shaped with a long torso, and with my first baby, early to mid 2nd trimester just looked like I’d eaten too many bean burritos: small bump, nothing popping out. I wore loose dresses and elastic waists – just looked at a photo of myself at 5 months from the front, and you wouldn’t notice unless you knew what you were looking for! If this is your first baby, you might expect your midsection to do something like that. (But also: is your dress very fitted in the bust? Because everything expanded up top from the beginning…)
Anon says
I think the conventional wisdom is that long-waisted people show later, but it honestly depends so much on your individual body, how much weight you gain, how you carry, etc. I agree with advice to have a seamstress on call who can make alterations quickly. Good news is dresses are generally a lot more forgiving than pants. I’m very tall (most of my height is in my legs though) and relatively slender and was out of my jeans by about 8 weeks, but I wore many of my dresses into the third trimester. I didn’t really have a well-defined “bump” until probably 26 weeks or so. I gained most of the pregnancy weight in the first half of my pregnancy, which I gather is somewhat unusual, but I looked more chubby than pregnant for a long time.
Anon says
Congrats! I‘m a little further along now, but the wedding dress I wore would definitely have worked with my bump (google Rembo Styling Grace a Toi). My friend actually wore a similar dress when she was 20ish weeks along, and it looked great. I can’t really picture your dress from what you described, but I found really early on that restrictive clothing and scratchy clothing was way more uncomfortable than before my pregnancy, so might be nice to have something that’s designed to be flowy and open.
OP says
ooooh, that’s a beautiful dress!! Thanks!
Spirograph says
Congratulations!
I’m a little taller than you, but also long waisted and was the thin side of average and fairly active before my first pregnancy. I remember I didn’t get maternity pants until after my 20 week ultrasound, so I wouldn’t anticipate huge changes by 19 weeks. I am normally small-of-bosom, but my chest was a little bigger, and I had a burrito babyish bump below my natural waist. If the waist seam on your dress is high on your waist, you may be ok without any changes due to the full skirt. Definitely keep an eye on the fit across the chest, though.
This is *so* individual, and also depends a lot on your starting weight and what kind of food intake and exercise you’re able to maintain in the first tri. I agree that you should shop for a seamstress soon, and visit about a week before to have any adjustments made. Make sure you bring the dress with you now, so the seamstress can make sure there’s either enough seam allowance to make potential changes, or share a more creative plan and give you plenty of time to agree before it’s a last-minute stressor.
OP says
Thanks for the helpful comments! Seamstress has been located, and is aware of the situation. So we can definitely do a final fitting the week of the wedding. Good point about the bust – that could get tricky with the dress… This is a first baby:-) LOL about the bean burritos. We are overjoyed about the pregnancy, so I’m leaning more toward accentuating and letting it be obvious that I’m clearly pregnant. (Ha, and I’m old enough that even my very conservative mom is now to the “please just have a baby! don’t worry about getting married first!” stage:-P)
AnonATL says
I looked like I had a beer gut until a little after 20 weeks when I finally popped, but every body is different. I wore a super stretchy Tadashi Shoji (BHLDN doesn’t carry it anymore, but it was similar to the Vista) to my wedding years ago and I think it would be comfortable with a bump. They have a great return policy if you want to order a few to try out. Congrats on the baby and wedding!
AnonATL says
Oh forgot to add I carried pretty low and I was in maternity pants by 14 weeks because buttons and waistbands were not comfortable.
No Face says
Accentuate away, and congratulations!
For another data point, in my pregnancies, my bump and chest become suddenly gigantic early in the second trimester.
Anonymous says
FIRST, CONGRATS!!!
Recap of my experience: I was ~20 weeks pregnant at my wedding, first kid, 5,8″ slightly less slim than you but with a long waist (28″ jeans, but what i like to call my swimmers shoulders). I did lose some weight in the first trimester when all I could eat was soup.
i was BARELY showing until the couple weeks before the wedding. I wore maternity jeans for the first time that week, although I had been wearing some maternity dresses to work.
I had a fantastic local seamstress make the dress. Originally i was thinking that I was going to copy the dress from LaLa land (ankle length white one), but switched to a straight skirt with slit instead at the last minute because i figured a little more form fitting would actually be more flattering. The top was a deep vee front and back. It worked really well because she put the waist slightly above my natural waist right at the bottom of my ribcage (even a little higher than where off the rack dresses normally hit). She left the skirt and top unattached until 4 days before the wedding. I was OK with showing my bump at the wedding (and actually thought /hoped it would be larger). In the end, the bump was a lot smaller than I thought it might be and letting out am off the rack dress would likely have been fine. As you note above, people show at different times, when I got back from my honeymoon 2 weeks later it was quite obvious that I was preggo.
My advice: it is highly likely that you can wear your dress (esp if you love it, which presumably you do). Plan for the last fitting as close as possible to the day. BUT plan ahead: Make sure that it can get let out by at least an inch or 2 (It is highly likely that it will be barely let out). I abandoned off the rack when it because apparent that “letting out” was only 1/2 an inch. Would the dress still work if you had to add a sash / belt at the seam? Natural waist is probably one of hardest areas to predict….
OP says
This is really really helpful! Thank you! And, it seems we have similar taste in dresses:-) Mine looks a lot like the LaLa land one:-)
Anonymous says
So pretty and could easily have a sash type belt. I am glad I switched to the narrower skirt
Anonymous says
I am your height, long-waisted, and about one pant size smaller than you, and by 19 weeks I looked like I’d swallowed a basketball. I would never have been able to wear a non-maternity dress at that point. Even if you let out the waist, the belly makes the front of the dress too short.
Anonymous says
P.S. I had hyperemesis and was pretty skinny during my pregnancy, so it’s possible I popped earlier than might have happened otherwise.
OP says
Very good to know…I will have a backup option in mind, then. (And I hope you and your baby are doing great now!).
Katala says
It’s so hard to know. I started showing early with all my pregnancies. With my first it was pretty obvious by 13 weeks. I also gain a ton of weight with each baby, regardless of my diet/exercise habits. I couldn’t wear any pre-preggo clothes by 19 weeks. But, my build is different than yours – i’m not sure that had much to do with how much weight my body puts on but who knows. I’d have a forgiving backup available just in case. Congratulations!
Anon says
Anyone have the Clek Foonf convertible carseat? Do you like it? We’re going to have to move away from our current infant seat (Uppababy Mesa) sooner than anticipated due to baby girl’s size (100th percentile for height at 6 mos and has always been >97), and I’m drawn in by the longevity of rear-facing.
Anon says
Love our Cleks and they’ve held up great. I especially like that they’re pretty narrow.
TheElms says
The Clek Foonf rear faces through 43 inches and 50 lbs. Other seats rear face longer. Some that you might consider are the Nuna Rava, Graco Extend2fit, BritaxOne4Life (all of these rear face to 49 inches and 50 lbs). The big advantage of the Clek is that it is narrow side to side so you are more likely to be able to fit 3 seats across if you need that. It is not especially compact front to back, however, and so can be hard to fit in small cars or cars where the front seat needs to be pushed back to accommodate a tall driver or passenger.
Anon says
I don’t think this is accurate. The seats you listed may allow forward facing up to 49″ but rear-facing is always defined by how the kid’s head sits in relation to the top of the carseat (normally has to be 1″ below the top of the seat) so there’s no overall height limit, and when your kid outgrows the seat depends on how long their torso is in relation to their legs. A long-torsoed kid will outgrow a rear-facing seat by height WAY before a short-torsoed kid of the same height.
Anon says
There are typically height limits for RF, but you are correct that you also need to take into account the kid’s torso height and they may outgrow the seat sooner than the stated limit (however, once they hit the limit, even if they still have 1” above their head, they’ve outgrown the seat).
TheElms says
Yes, you are right. The seat will be outgrown when any one of the following criteria is hit: the weight limit, the RFing height limit, or the requirement that there be 1 inch above the kid’s head to the top of the specified part of the car seat (for some seats its to the adjustment handle, some seats its the top of the headrest, basically – check your seat’s manual).
Anon says
we have the Fllo. also moved from the Mesa. i wanted to get the Foonf for the safety features, but make sure you try it in your car. when we put it rear facing in our car, we kept banging our kids heads on the roof of our car, so we got the fllo instead.
Anon says
I’d check your car’s latch weight ratings, that’s a pretty heavy car seat. You can grow out of rear-facing because of total weight. Most latch attachments are only rated for up to 65 pounds total weight, and with a 38 pound Foonf you’ll hit that pretty early.
I’m in a Graco Extend2fit and it’s only 19 pounds.
Anon says
I’m pretty sure all cars have the same LATCH limits. The manual for any seat will do the math for you and tell you what the maximum weight your kid can be and still install the carseat with the LATCH anchors (I think the Foonf is up to 25 lbs compared to 45 lbs for the E2F). BUT that doesn’t mean you can’t rear-face past 25 lbs, you just need to install it with the seatbelt with is 100% as safe as using LATCH, the anchors are just meant to increase convenience.
CCLA says
Yes the foonf is low at 25 lbs kid weight for latch; the fllo goes up to 35 (just checked b/c our 30lb 2.5 yo is in a fllo)! We have nuna ravas in our other car and those have an easy seatbelt install so you don’t ever bother with latch, also highly recommend those.
We love the fllo, have two of them, one RF 2.5 yo and one FF 4.5yo. The foonf looked nice too but the fllo fit better for us since it was going behind a front seat. For reference we have a Q7, so not a tiny car, and the RF fllo behind the passenger seat makes the passenger seat a little cramped. DH and I are both under 6′ and don’t have a problem sitting there but it would be snug for a taller person.
TheElms says
You can install with a seat belt once you surpass the latch limit. A seat belt installation is just as safe as latch, but on some seats it might be trickier to get right. Britax avoids that with the clicktight install and the Nuna Rava has something similar.
Anon says
What’s the weight limit? My 99th percentile kid outgrew her Britax car seat by weight before she outgrew it by height. Weight limit was only 40 lbs though, I know some have 50 lb limits.
Anon says
*She’s 99th percentile height, I mean. We fully expected her to outgrow rear-facing by height given how tall she is (she has a very long torso, too) but she hit the weight limit first, to our surprise.
Anonymous says
We had the fllo for our kids and loved it. Make sure the foonf will fit in your car. The rearfacing seat pitch is much shorter than the diono so it fit great in our small suzuki. We like them so much we had two in each car. Only got to about 2.5 rearfacing though but that was because we only drove short distances and snowsuit/winter boots pick up after daycare made it hard to buckle in my huge kids. It lasted until age 4 forward facing and then we switched to Graco Tranzitions car seats which they are still in at age 6.5.
oil in houston says
yes and we loooove it! left my DD in there until she was almost 5, and now being used by her little bro. still looks like new
Anon says
I’m feeling disheartened at work right now and could use some encouragement. My old boss was very hands off, and she left and was replaced by a new person who seems smart and well-meaning, but is skeptical of everything we do without fully understanding it yet. On top of that, there is an outside consulting firm auditing our work, and they take up a lot of our time without providing us with actionable advice. Some of their work has been subpar and they didn’t fix it when we gave them specific feedback, so it’s hard to be excited about working with them. I feel like my mind space is being taken over by work, and I find myself trying to sort through stressful meetings and conversations outside of work hours when I should be focused on my baby and toddler. Have you been through similar difficult transition times at work? How did you keep your spirits up?
EdAnon says
I have probably been your new manager, and I can say that I have gotten better at these transitions with more experience. I recommend protecting your personal time as much as possible so that you have some time to de-stress. And know that your manager will be a lot better in a few months, especially is she’s smart and well-meaning.
Anon says
As a person who now really wants to understand what my subordinates are doing so I can advocate for them and support them, but also a person who in the past has hated being micromanaged, my best advice is to be open and curious about the partnership with your new boss instead of seeing this as a burden. I’ve (unfortunately) misread helpful bosses as controlling, resulting in unnecessary friction. Once I accepted that they meant well, even when they sometimes came off as intrusive, things became fun and they sometimes advanced me in ways that I hadn’t expected. On the consultant…bah. Sorry about that.
Redux says
How do you help a carefree kid learn safety boundaries? My boisterous and cheerful 4-year old is a freaking wrecking ball. He runs right up to the edge of ponds, races his bike just over the edge of the sidewalk at a stop sign, and tosses potentially dangerous things (sticks, lately) over his shoulder without looking. We have had many conversations with him every which way including time outs, leaving the park/pond early, turning around and going home, and even explaining to him in detail what would happen if he were hit by a car. Short of putting a leash on him (or should we put a leash on him?) how can I teach him better safety boundaries?
My older kid was not like this at all– total rule follower and completely trustworthy/reliable. So, I know what you’re SUPPOSED to do and have done it with both kids– i.e., set clear boundaries, let children go up to the edge of the boundary/ test limits, let them get hurt (within reason) to understand the boundary, promote independence/ self-regulation, etc. None of this is working. Anyone have a wrecking ball kid that you managed to get through to?
For reference, he does not have any developmental or intellectual difference– just a wild child.
Anonymous says
I have a 3-year-old nephew like this. His parents have taught him “FREEZE!”
I am pro-leash, but don’t know how well it would work with a kid that old and large. I used one from around 12 months to 18 months when my daughter insisted on walking everywhere but refused to hold hands.
Spirograph says
Yes, this is a good one. We did “Red Light!” but the spirited 4 year old was not as responsive to it as my older, more cautious kids. We have a full spectrum of colors, and some of the other ones tend to be more effective — redirecting rather than stopping. eg, Blue = skip, Yellow = slow motion, Purple = hop and flap your arms etc etc
Anonymous says
I like the FREEZE idea! Going to try this with my toddler, who sounds just like yours.
Spirograph says
I dunno, my 4 year old is also like this, and I feel like it’s just a personality trait. You don’t need to change anything you’re doing, just change your expectations of how vigilant you need to be, and how often you’ll need to do some hands-on enforcement. FWIW, other than throwing things over his shoulder, it sounds to me like he IS stopping at the limit… it’s just that he gets there at full speed. :) If that’s too close for comfort for you, maybe change the messaging to reflect approaching a potentially- dangerous thing slowly? It’s totally fine to run in a big grassy field, or ride fast on a sparsely-populated biketrail, but when there’s a hazard, we need to be more careful. And then also make sure he has plenty of time in places where he can go at full speed.
Redux says
Ha, yeah, I guess I should also say there are many times he doesn’t stop in time. E.g., a couple weeks ago when he was riding his bike full-speed in the culdesac, tried to stop, and flew over his handlebars and landed on his face, scraped, bleeding, and bruised, though luckily did not break his cheekbone. Or last summer when he fell in the neighbor’s pool (!!! wearing a life jacket, and we were in the pool, but still), and the fact that we live off of a busy street, so stopping just over the edge of the sidewalk at the stop sign is extremely dangerous as cars are driving by at 45 mph.
Momofthree says
We changed the boundary. If it wasn’t the edge of the sidewalk, it was the edge of the bricks before the sidewalk.
We also were consistent on the consequences- you don’t stop at a break in the road, you lose your bike.
You could also take away the dangerous thing until they can prove they can be safe i.e. until you show us you can be safe with the bike, you can’t have it.
Otherwise if it’s just the kid getting hurt, I’ve had to accept that cuts and bruises will happen and I’ve done what I can to prevent issues. I want to foster a certain level of independence in my kids. I question myself a lot about it, but this is where I land on most days.
Anonymous says
That sounds like normal childhood accidents, though. Kids crash their bikes in cul-de-sacs or fall into pools while their parents are there. I agree that stopping right by the busy road is more concerning, but that seems different from the accidents you described.
Anonymous says
Yes about the pool. You were there and he was wearing a life vest, which shows that you are taking the proper precautions. The real worry would be if he’d somehow managed to get access to the pool unsupervised, or if he refused to keep his life vest on.
Anonymous says
Exactly – huge difference between falling in a pool when it wasn’t swimming time (e.g., after everyone was supposed to be in the house) and falling in during swimming time with active precautions and supervision. I’m not even sure how the latter is an issue at all unless he was running on the pool deck against the house rules or something.
Anonymous says
Has your kid actually gotten hurt from any of that stuff? I guess I’m not sure what’s so bad about running up to the edge of the boundary (the pond, the edge of the sidewalk). Seems like he’s already stopping? Throwing sticks (if others are around) could be a bigger issue.
How much unsupervised time is he getting? Do you have a fenced yard where he can run wild and test his limits without you there, but without obvious, extreme hazards?
Anon says
+1 Maybe my 3 year old is crazy but this doesn’t sound that wild to me!
Pogo says
My 3 year old is like this too. Curious to hear the other thoughts! I like the FREEZE idea. We do everything you say, but it rarely works. I grab his shirt when we are in a parking lot or on the sidewalk, or keep a hand on his head – he prefers that over hand-holding.
From what I’ve heard, my husband was like this as a child so I think it is a natural trait. It does worry me, because I hear stories about what my husband did as a kid. We try to channel his wild into mountain biking and skiing, which are two things my husband is really good at as well – I think because of this lack of fear. I like mountain biking better because I don’t worry about the woods running him over and he does wear his helmet.
Anon says
I don’t know the answer but I had a cousin growing up that managed to get himself injured all of the freaking time. The hospital knew my cousin by name . . . “hi Kevin, who do you have bringing you in today?” So, sometimes no matter what you do, you can’t 100% prevent things. In Kevin’s case, I think if he were born in the last 20 years he may have been diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder. So, where your kid just seems to like pushing boundaries, Kevin wanted to do the opposite of what anyone told him. Literally. Once he could read, he would drink things that said “do not drink” just to see what would happen.
Redux says
We have had a couple trips to the ER in rapid succession lately– one for swallowing something that luckily did not require a stomach pump, and one for dislocating his shoulder doing something on our backyard playset. He is so cheerful when he does these things that I don’t think it is ODD, though I do not know how that is diagnosed (nor am I trying to pathologize what sounds like normal behavior for many kids). It’s one thing when he paints on the walls (which he did last weekend)– behavioral– and quite another when he comes screeching to a skid on his bike inches from entering a busy road– safety. I never felt like my older kid was unsafe when she pushed boundaries, so this is a new and scary feeling for me.
Anonymous says
Nothing to offer but solidarity. My middle, a 5 year old girl, is like this. Her behavior is flirting with ODD but her preschool teacher told us she thought it was more about anxiety/control over situations. What sometimes works for us is putting her in a place where she can have control. Not “put on socks,” but “yellow socks or red socks today? Oh, you want purple? Ok.” It works 75-80%of the time and has been getting better as she’s gotten older. She was h*ll as a toddler. I swear I used to make people spend time with my other two kids just so they knew I wasn’t bad parent :-(.
Anonymous says
Seriously, putting him into a position where he will get hurt safely. (Gymnastics or a martial art are good.). Tree climbing is pretty good.
I draw the line at anything with cars or where other kids get hurt. (Wouldn’t be thrilled about ponds either, but we don’t have those.) Other kids; apologies and time outs/leaving.
Real safety issue (stopping on the bike before the corner), on multiple occasions screamed at my kid until she cried. As I proud of that? No. Does my kid stop where I want her to on her bike? Yes.
Anon says
Can any accountants help me out? This year we’ll be able to claim the Dependent Care Tax Credit on up to $8k of childcare expenses for our one child and given our income level (AGI ~$110k) this translates to a $4k tax credit, which is significantly more lucrative than the Dependent Care FSA we were previously using. We already funded the FSA with $5k for this year. My understanding is that the $5k will count against the credit, so we’d only be able to put $3k of eligible expenses towards the credit and get a credit of $1,500. Is there a way to pay tax on the pre-tax FSA contributions at tax time, so we can claim the full credit? Or should I contact my employer to see if they can stop our FSA contributions now? They normally don’t allow mid-year changes absent a qualifying event, but they’ve announced they’re allowing changes right now.
Sono pics says
What did/do you do with the pictures from your sonograms? Do they need to be protected to prevent fading over time?
I have so many – My middle child was considered high risk so I had a sono every two weeks- and they’ve been tacked to our kitchen bulletin board for the past nine years. They are starting to get that veneer of kitchen grease on them, so I’m thinking I should do some kind of purge or put away? I can’t bring myself to toss them- anyone have similar hang ups or creative ideas?
Anon says
We also have many many ultrasound photos (high risk twins) and just keep them in a file cabinet.
Anon says
I taped one sonogram picture in her baby book and threw out the rest. I’m not sentimental though.
Pogo says
haha same! I think I just shoved them in the baby book. I did keep both of their IVF transfer photos though from when they were just a little clump of cells because I think that is so cool.
Anon Lawyer says
Hahah, yeah, I put the cell picture in the baby book too. It’s super cool.
Anonymous says
I only had two ultrasounds. I was afraid they’d fade over time so I scanned them and put them in the baby photo album I made on Shutterfly.
Anon says
i did this too. though also twins, so i had a million. and i have a CD of our anatomy scan
GS says
Was anyone here a part of the Facebook group Law Mamas? What happened to it? It just disappeared one day. Is there another group now? I was a lurker, mostly, but want to be a part of whatever happened next too.
CPA Lady says
You know that conversation we had a few days ago about whether or not dads would be able to handle all the pre-planning tasks of parenting if we suddenly dropped dead? And I made a comment about signing up for summer camp at the last minute?
Well, funny story (only funny bc all’s well that ends well), kiddo has been going to her old daycare, which started a kindergarten class that has helped the kids do their online school through the local public school. I assumed she was going to be able to be there all summer long because they let the pre-k kids stay all summer long after pre-k is over, which is why I had made zero plans for summer childcare. Then I got an email from the daycare director on Friday afternoon saying the kindergarten class was closing the day after the last day of online public school. So I got to scramble and sign her up for summer camps at the last minute. And it was totally fine. Did I get to pick what would be her first choice of activities each week? Nope. But there were still a lot of fun activities available. So truly, I think dads would be okay even if they wait ’til the end of April to sign up for a camp that starts in June. I will not be waiting this long next year, but it turns out that it was still okay. Phew. I just had to laugh at the situation after the hysterical panicking wore off, because we had JUST had this conversation.
Anoon says
I am glad this all worked out for you, but (respectfully) I think this misses the point of the conversation. If this story had been about how your kids’ DAD had made it all work out ok in the end… But this is just more of moms doing the work– either planning ahead or responding to last minute changes. No one doubts YOU would make it happen, the question is would your kids’ dad have made it happen.
CPA Lady says
The point I was trying to make in the original conversation and I hope I’m making now, is that sometimes parenting tasks aren’t as complicated, difficult, or time consuming as we, as mothers, either assume they are going to be or actually make them. Which is why I think most men, including my husband, would actually be totally fine taking care of their children by themselves, even if they didn’t do things the exact way we tend to do.
I’m also wondering if there’s some level of satisficing vs maximizing that is culturally gendered. Like moms are “supposed” to spend hours and hours researching and maximizing every decision. I’m much more of a satisficer naturally (and not very type A — clearly, haha), so my entire process of picking this camp was “what is close to my house that I’ve heard of before, do they have aftercare, and do they provide food? okay, they do? sign up, pay, boom, done.” The whole process of summer camp sign up from googling the name of the camp, glancing over the website, to payment took maybe 20 minutes? And 10 of those minutes were me agonizing over whether or not I wanted to pay extra for both swim and tennis lessons or just swim lessons. Having to sign up at the last minute was actually a great experience because it showed me that I actually don’t have to spend a ton of time on this task like I’ve seen so many moms do.
I’ve always heard from my local mom friends that picking summer camps for your kids is a time consuming nightmare involving hours of research, signing up months in advance, hiring part time nannies to drop off and pick your kid up at odd hours, and working off of complicated spreadsheets to keep track of which hours which camps have etc.
So if that’s ^ my frame of reference for what is involved in this parenting task, I could understand thinking “my newly widowed husband couldn’t figure that out on his own.” But then I did the whole process super fast with almost no effort at the last minute. And I think literally anyone could do that. Will I make it more complicated for myself in future summers? That remains to be seen.
I texted my husband to ask how he would handle the summer camp thing if he had to do it entirely on his own. He mentioned a local magazine all residents of our city get that has an annual issue with a big article about local summer camps. He said he would look at that, check which camps have full days, and cover most of the summer, aim for something appealing for kiddo, and sign up. Which is basically the same process I used. So I think he would do just fine.
Anon says
I got what you were trying to say and agree. I couldn’t believe how many people seemed to think their DH would be completely helpless if they died. Unless your DH has serious mental illness or something like that, he’s perfectly capable of doing what needs to get done to keep your kids well cared for. So maybe they don’t go to their dream camp the first year. Either the kids will whine and he’ll figure it out for the next year, or they’ll be satisfied with whatever he found. My husband has never shopped for clothes online so I’m pretty sure if I died he’d just take the kids to Target or Walmart and buy them whatever fit. It’s not what I would do, but the kids would have clean clothes that fit them. I guess I’m lucky to have a husband who does his share but I know there’s a lot I’d do “wrong” if he died too. I just learned yesterday he has a special way of making grilled cheese that I didn’t even know about.
Anon Lawyer says
I’m a single mom so I don’t have any personal frame of reference here but I was also surprised by how many posters thought their husbands would need their mom or a nanny to buy clothes. It actually spurred me to text my brother and ask about their household division of labor since they seem to handle things more equitably than most straight couples they know – at it turns out, his (female) partner does buy their kid’s clothes, but he handles things like doctor’s appointments and school registration since bureaucracies drive her crazy and we agreed he could probably manage to buy some pants that fit if it came to it.
Anonymous says
My husband can’t, or won’t, even buy his own clothes. He refuses to shop on line because it frustrates him, despite the fact that he works in software development. He also hates shopping in stores. Before we were married, there were a couple of times where his stepmother was so horrified by the state of some of his clothes that she went shopping for him. I am sure that he could figure out how to shop if he had no other choice, but he’d probably do anything possible to avoid it. He would also wait to buy seasonal clothes when they were actually needed, and the correct sizes would all be sold out.
Anonymous says
Are there really men out there who don’t feign helplessness? All the men I work with, including the ones who are supposed to be administrative assistants, act completely useless so that the women have to do pretty much everything except take the credit. After a while they forget how to figure things out and become genuinely helpless.
Anon says
So he would learn a lesson when he tried to buy clothes and they were all sold out. Men aren’t incapable of doing stuff when they want to, and if they don’t have a wife doing it for them they’ll figure out quickly that they have to do it. Divorced men do it all the time.
Anonanonanon says
I don’t think my children would be literally unclothed, but I do think my kids could end up in clothes that don’t fit, aren’t exactly weather-appropriate, etc. However, we’ve discussed already who will be responsible for buying my kids’ clothes if I die suddenly and that person has agreed to buy them, lay them out in acceptable outfits and snap pictures, and provide those to my husband. BUT I’m pickier than most about what my kids wear and it’s a parenting legacy I’d like to continue if I were gone, if that makes sense.
Anon says
“However, we’ve discussed already who will be responsible for buying my kids’ clothes if I die suddenly and that person has agreed to buy them, lay them out in acceptable outfits and snap pictures, and provide those to my husband.”
Wait…what?!?! If this is not a joke, it’s bananas! Either you’re married to a manchild or you’re way too controlling. I don’t love the outfits my husband picks out either but I think if her mother were dead my kid would have much bigger problems than mismatched clothing.
Anoon says
Wow, Anonanonanon, you sound… intense. I am impressed that you have found someone willing to entertain this idea for you, but I would be shocked if in the wake of your death this was at all prioritized.
anon says
My daughter had a friend with parents going through a divorce. After a night with her dad she showed up a school in tights and a t shirt, but no skirt and had to be sent home. Apparently he didn’t know the difference and thought they were like leggings. It was pretty mortifying for a 6 yo.
Anonymous says
My mom sent me to school in tights and a shirt a few times as a kid until I was old enough to explain to her that tights are not pants. Not all people who are clueless about clothing are men! The gender stereotyping in this thread (and this s1te in general, tbqh) is really something else.
I am confident that if I died my husband would send our child to school in clothes that fit well enough, are seasonally appropriate and cover the appropriate body parts (and if he didn’t it would be because his grief was overpowering his ability to function, not because he’s normally a non-functional human). They might not be to my taste or what I consider stylish, but I think that comes back to no one is going to do things exactly like you do. My best friend has a totally different style of dressing her kid than I do. I think her kid wears some hideous outfits and I’m sure she thinks the same about mine. If you can’t trust your husband to dress your kid in minimally appropriate clothes, I think you should admit that you have a husband problem instead of throwing up your hands and saying “oh men are so helpless about clothes!”
anon says
I think the difference is that the person responsible for dressing a kid would typically figure out that tights aren’t pants when the kid is still in diapers. It’s very delayed for the realization to happen when called out by an elementary school teacher.
My husband is a co-equal parent and he learned when my kids were toddlers how to determine the front/back of a dress and that tights aren’t pants. By contrast, my dad with a 1950s mindset never participated in child rearing and still would have no idea. I’m so grateful nothing ever happened to my mom when I was a kid.
Anonymous says
4:39, it’s not stereotyping if it’s based on experience.
Anonymous says
Uhhhh….making a generalization about an entire group of people based on your inherently limited personal experience is the literal definition of stereotyping. What do you think stereotyping is if not that?!
Anonymous says
This is 100% true. I didn’t die, but I once went on what we now call the “Gilligan’s Island” business trip. It was one overnight that turned into being gone Monday-Monday due to snow and a work crisis. DH had a nursing 4 month old, a not quite 3 year old potty training and a 5 year old preschooler. He managed. A lot of corners were cut and some things were skipped but all the kids remembered was the fun they had.
anon says
It’s great this worked for you, but this is really location dependent. I’ve had to take weeks off of work because I can’t find open camps when I sign up the moment camps open in January. It’s like trying to get tickets to a popular concert–you click the instance registration opens and are 254th on the wait list for 10 slots. This summer I couldn’t click fast enough to get both kids into the same camp, so I’m going to have to do two separate drop offs most weeks. I also coordinated with another parent so our kids could go to camp together–we didn’t get into any of the same camps.
I similarly signed up for all daycares within 10 miles of my house the day I found out I was pregnant, paying hundreds in fees. My daughter didn’t get off a single waitlist before she started K.
Access to childcare in this country is terrible.
Anonymous says
Yeah, where I live the only option at this point would be to try and hire a summer nanny who would then flake after the first week.
SC says
+1. There’s an assumption in my area that one parent is a SAHP. Even when you get into camp, it’s not full-time care. It’s part of the reason why my husband is a SAHD (though not the only reason).
The national park near us announced a new summer camp on their Facebook page the other day. We go hiking there a few times a year, so I was excited to check it out. Their camp is . . . one day.
Anonymous says
Our local parks and rec department camp runs something like 9:00 to 2:00, and the brochure specifically states that the camp is not supposed to substitute for full-time child care. Read: This low-cost high-quality camp is only for kids of SAHMs, and you fancy working moms should take all your money and pay for an expensive camp.
Anonanonanon says
This. I’ve literally had to pull over to the side of the road with a hotspot on my way to a meeting to register my kid for summer camp (not a fancy one, just one of VERY few options that actually covers a whole working day) and it was still a close call. And it DID take mental labor and a spreadsheet, because I had to register one week at a time, and they were different camp themes/titles and had different registration codes etc.
Anonymous says
If I’m not mistaken, I think some people here worked remotely before the pandemic? Any tips for managing the social isolation and out-of-the-loop-ness that comes with being a remote employee? There was an article in the WSJ recently that hit on how remote employees can miss out on a lot of the “soft” connections that are important to success in the workplace and I’m really struggling with that right now. It doesn’t help that I think a lot of the people I work with see each other socially, even though none of us are in the office anymore, I’m more isolated than most. I’m not sad about this on a personal level (I’m pretty busy with my family and to the extent I socialize, I prefer it to be with moms of same age kids) but I can’t help but feel like I’m getting penalized for not having the kind of small talk conversations people would have at the watercooler or at a socially distanced outdoor happy hour. To complicate matters, for Life Reasons I really wanted to find a fully remote position in two years, so leaving my job and finding a job with in-person work isn’t a good solution.
FVNC says
Congrats on finding a remote job! I’ve been fully remote for 7 years, and have experienced some of the isolation you’re feeling. It’s hard, especially when your office seems to be fairly socialization-heavy or concentrated in one location where everyone is located except you. I work for a large multinational, so no one works only with the people in their office location so take my comment for what it’s worth.
What I’ve found helps is being open to, or initiating, small talk at the beginning of meetings. Sometimes I’ll even book 45 min rather than 30 min with someone I know will be chatty, so that I don’t have to cut short the conversation. Being a little more open about my personal life than I might otherwise be has helped me build remote relationships — I don’t try to hide challenges or good things that have happened. If you have an instant messaging services and it’s consistent with company culture, send a personal message every now and then. Basically, do what you can to stay on peoples’ radar, even if you’re not physically present. I personally feel that the year of WFH will really normalize remote work, even if the rest of your company is in the office, and you won’t be seen as an outlier or slacker since everyone now knows WFH is actual work.
Anonymous says
It’s not a new job, we just went remote in the pandemic and most of us aren’t going back. Thanks for the tips!
Spirograph says
I think a lot of this has to do with company culture. My company was moving toward agile workspaces and a lot of remote work even before the pandemic, and global ops mean it has really leaned into virtual collaboration tools. Let me be clear that I really miss working in the corporate HQ building, co-located with lots of people I may or may not have a valid work reason to interact with regularly. But, now that that is no longer possible because the real estate strategy is changing significantly post-pandemic… With your peers, Slack or whatever IM service you use, chit chat time before diving into the agenda on Zoom meetings, and catch-up phone dates without a specific agenda (no video, 1:1) can make up for some water cooler / happy hour time.
What this misses is the people you don’t know you don’t know (but an intermediary might have introduced you to), and the higher-ups it’s unnatural to schedule time with. For example, lots of senior leaders (boss’s peers, grand boss’s peers) know my name and face, and we’d chat in the elevator or kitchen. I can’t schedule chit chat time with them, but I can ask my manager to be included in some zoom meetings with them where appropriate so I at least get some face time and can engage in a couple minutes of small talk. You also could consider establishing some mentoring relationships to make inroads. Talk to your manager about this, too, they should be helping you establish relationships to advance your career.
After all that…I know you said you’d rather not socialize with coworkers, but if you are in the same metro area as a happy hour crew, I’d try to show up occasionally.
Anonymous says
Thanks! I’m not invited to any social stuff. The people I was thinking of who get together outside work (I think) are in a business unit I support but since I’m not in their unit I’m kind of an outsider. This was true pre-pandemic but remote work is really exacerbating it. Pre-pandemic I was not “in” with the group, but I chatted on on one with quite a few people on a regular basis and that’s disappeared.
Anonymous says
I worked in the office for about 4 years before I went remote (due to a move for DH’s job). That helps. Pre-pandemic I went into the office monthly for one day. In the pandemic, it is quarterly. Going forward, it’ll probably be every other month, but may vary based on the time of year. When I go back all I do is keep up connections – meet with people, drop by offices, etc. I also make sure I go back for social events. Otherwise, I check in with the folks I miss/like. Email, text, phone call, whatever.
GCA says
I’ve been fully remote for 5 years, working on the US East Coast for a small company based in London, but pre-pandemic I would go to London or meet somewhere else for our client events once or twice a year. For those ‘small talk’ conversations, I did a few things pre-pandemic: I worked 1-2 days a week out of a local coworking space and would attend a number of live and virtual networking events. It’s not internal, but it scratched the small talk itch and enabled me to meet new people and pick up new ideas in a way that helped my work. Internally, I regularly ping colleagues on Slack, which we use for internal messaging, and sometimes we have a strange sort of happy hour that occurs at 2pm on Friday for me and 7pm for them…
Also, how remote are you? Are the rest of your colleagues within a couple hours’ drive, or across the country, or in another country altogether? Say you live and work in the far suburbs of CT and your team is in NYC — after the pandemic subsides it might not be out of the question to come and hang out in the city for a day on the weekend, see an art installation or new play, and get dinner and drinks before heading back.
Anonymous says
I’ve been fully remote since 2012 and DH has half his team fully remote. When it becomes okay again, try and work in once or twice a year a trip to your home office or client sites.
Also, put time blocks to connect with colleagues by phone (not slack/IM/text).
Anonymous says
Sorry – I should have been clearer in my OP. My long-time office job (I’ve been there for 7 years) went remote during the pandemic and is staying that way forever. My colleagues and I are almost all in the same city, but there’s no office to go into any more. My problem is that I’ve never been part of the office ‘gang’ and always felt a bit out of the loop on gossip and stuff like that, and these feelings have really been amplified by us all working remotely, if that makes sense. Now that I no longer have casual workplace interactions like watercooler conversations and elevator rides with people, I feel very disconnected and incredibly out of the loop. Lately I feel like it’s impacting how people view my performance because they don’t seem to have the same patience with me that they do with people they’re more friendly with. I wasn’t besties with anyone at the office before, but at least people knew a little bit about me as a human being because we’d ride an elevator together and they’d ask me about my kid or whatever. And vice versa. Now I feel like I’m just like a robot to them and they treat me with less empathy. I don’t know if I’m explaining it well, but I read an article in the WSJ recently about how remote employees can get very disconnected from office culture and social life and it can negatively affect their work performance because their colleagues feel like they don’t know them anymore and I was like YES THIS IS ME.
GCA says
If everyone is ‘equally’ remote because there’s no physical office space, perhaps others are feeling the same way as you. I would imagine that if someone started remotely and there is no physical office space or way to meet, it’s much harder for them to integrate and pick up office gossip and chitchat as well. Could you help support new colleagues in some way? And, could you just have some casual 1:1 conversations with the people you work with? I would not assume that you are imposing on them if you pinged them to ask about their kids or their weekend plans.
Anon says
the new CDC guidance about masks outdoors that you don’t need to wear them if you’re vaccinated unless in a crowded group…but what about kids? i know the risk to them is lower anyway, but it seems strange that i’m going to walk around without a mask while my kid wears one? also, and maybe this is me being too cynical – but is the cdc partially saying this to encourage people to get vaccinated? or at this point most of the unvaccinated adults are likely in the anti-mask camp too and so it is not like they are even wearing masks anyway.
Anon says
Yeah I had the same reaction, especially that the anti-vaxxers are also anti-mask so I’m not sure who this is reaching. I’m not going to take off my mask while I’m still making my kid wear one. We live in a red state and almost never see anyone with masks on outdoors, but I plan for us all to keep wearing them in public until our kid is vaxxed. She’s only 3 so hopefully teasing from other kids won’t be a big issue, although someone at her soccer class did call her weird (she’s the only kid who wears one).
Anon says
can we be friends. i am also in a red state and one of the few people having my 3 year old wear a mask and DH thinks i’m slightly nuts.
Anon says
Yes please! It’s so frustrating being in an anti-mask place. Masks are thankfully required at our university-run daycare and I found a progressive mom’s group where most kids and almost all adults wear them, even for outside meet-ups, but beyond these two activities there’s no one here in masks.
Anonymous says
We are from MA and were in a deeply red state over spring break. In MA, masks are mandatory for everyone over 2, at all times. My kids were a little confused to see unmasked kids (outside) but honestly it was nbd for them or the other kids. Nobody teased them. My youngest is 2.5 and she rocked her mask just fine. I got a couple of solidarity nods from other parents who I could tell were used to their child being the only one in a mask.
My kids would wear bubble boy suits if it meant they could go to the playground.
Anonymous says
Where we live, kids have never worn masks outdoors so it’s not an issue.
Anon says
sounds like you live in a state like me that just never followed CDC guidelines to begin with. for us, while we no longer have a statewide mask mandate, a lot of places even outdoors until now, like the zoo, kept them in place, which is what made me comfortable going there. maybe i’m overly risk averse, but i know someone else made this point recently – the risk analysis and decision fatigue is almost worse now than it was a year ago when we were all locked up at home (no i am not suggesting that we should continue in full lockdown mode and trust me, i’d love to see this pandemic end asap), but especially living in a state with so many covidiots it’s been hard for me to weigh everything. i think i’d find it much easier if i was in a place like NY or MA
1:38 anon says
Officially, masks are mandated for ages 5 and over if you cannot stay 6 feet apart outdoors. In practice, the handful of people who wear masks outdoors appear to be people who are supposed to be quarantining and shouldn’t be in public spaces at all.
Anonymous says
I think it’s to encourage people to get vaccinated. The discussion was why are vaccine-hesitant people going to be motivated to get vaccinated if getting vaccinated doesn’t afford you any more “freedoms”. But yeh the kid thing is weird. My kids are 21 months and 4. They’re clearly not going to be vaccinated for a while. And we’re in MoCo in MD so masks are required 2 and up (frankly I think 4 and up would be more reasonable).
Anon says
Seriously though, will this convince even one person to get vaccinated?! If I thought a vaccine was poison or a microchip or whatever, I wouldn’t be like “oh well if I won’t have to wear a mask outdoors when I’m not near anyone then I’ll *definitely* get it!” Especially because many red states never required masks outdoors in the first place and most anti-vaxxer feel comfortable ignoring mask mandates even where they exist.
Anonanonanon says
Especially when there are exactly zero consequences for NOT wearing a mask outdoors
Anon says
Or indoors, in the case of my red state. Blergh.
Anon says
I agree that 2 is young. my twins turned 2 at the beginning of the pandemic, but where we live it was 10+ (which is ridiculous, if you can be potty trained, you can wear a mask, and if you can read/write, you can definitely wear a mask, so i don’t know where this 10+ thing came from since it wasn’t based on anything science related) and now at 3 they’ve gotten the hang of the mask wearing, but at 2 it was very hard to get them to keep them on. probably made harder by the fact that most other small children do not wear masks.
Anonymous says
Yeh my 4yo started wearing one at like 3 and 3 months, a little scared the first time but she’s been fine since. 2 is just so young to me. There’s a huge difference between 2-3
Anon says
Mine has worn one since 26 months with zero problems. She saw us wearing them and asked to wear one, actually. 2 year olds are so into copying their parents and are (generally) less defiant than 3 year olds that I feel like starting them younger is actually easier. DD is 3 now and has accepted that wearing a mask is part of getting dressed, but I can see it causing more problems now if we were introducing it for the first time. They’re required in her school for kids 2 and up and I don’t know of any kid who has been unable to wear one within a month of turning 2 (they give parents some grace, it’s not like your kid has to start wearing one on their second birthday).
anon says
Kids are just different, we’ve been practicing with my almost 2 year old for a couple months and she does not like it and mostly chews on it/ takes it off. My state requires masks for 2+. She has to wear one to start pre-school in the fall or to go back to daycare or any other type of group childcare so we have to figure it out before September. Wishing the age was 3 or 4, at least then I could attempt to reason with her.
Anon says
Don’t stress, she’ll figure it out fast with the peer pressure of school. My kid refused to wear a hat until she went to daycare. It’s just so much easier to get them to do something when they’re surrounded by other kids doing whatever it is they’re supposed to be doing.
Anonymous says
I think maybe it might encourage the 18-30 set who aren’t getting vaxxed because they “won’t get that sick from it anyways”. But really…I’m actually encouraged these last few weeks. I’m in MD where 50% have at least had their first shot. So let’s say we get to 60% fully vaxxed plus 20-30% actually had COVID at some point, and then 10-15% are children…we’re about there on herd immunity.
Anon says
yes, hopefully! it’s like a race against the variants. the number of people who’ve been skipping their second shot is alarming and levels of immunity after having covid seems to vary substantially. i have a friend who had it the same time as her husband, and his antibody levels were enough to donate plasma, hers were not.
Anon says
The blue/purple states will easily reach 60% or more vaccinated. The problem is the red states. In mine, we’re only at 33% of the population vaccinated and all the mass vaccination locations are closing because they can’t fill appointments. Our local university has a clinic with 5,000 first dose appointments every week and last week they vaccinated 475 people. I think we’ll probably get to 40% or more vaccinated, but that’s so far off herd immunity. Even 60% is a long way off. Some of the people who’ve had Covid overlap with the vaccinated people so you can’t just add the percent of people vaccinated to the percent of people infected. And children spread the disease too (especially the newer variants) so they don’t get removed from the equation for herd immunity. Covid isn’t going anywhere, but hopefully from now on it will be extremely rare for vaccinated people to get seriously ill from it. Unfortunately I fear that as long as the virus is with us in some form that there will be continued precautions, especially at schools, and travel restrictions.
Anonymous says
My neighborhood in NYC is 14%.
We’re wearing masks forever outside.
Anonymous says
I think we need to wear them when we want our kids to wear them, and so I don’t think this guidance is going to change things for us until our son is vaccinated. I’m in NYC. My son is getting more resistant to wearing masks outside, but i make him wear one when we are near other people, and for entering and exiting our apartment building. So….most of the time.
Anonymous says
And yeah, our state hasn’t changed the rules – they are still required anywhere distancing can’t be ensured, inside or out.
Anon says
while i’m not surprised, on some level i think its ridiculous that this mask thing is still such a big deal to so many a year later. yes, wearing a mask is not my favorite thing in the world by any means, especially outdoors when it is hot – but people in other countries already wore them all the time, immunocompromised people already wear them (whose lives are already so much harder than most of us), one of my former colleagues – her 6 year old had cancer and so kiddo + siblings all wore masks to school during that time (yes that wasn’t foolproof of keeping them healthy, but it helped). some people wear glasses, some people need foot braces, some people have to inject themselves daily with medications, or have machines attached to their bodies, it’s a small piece of fabric, not a hazmat suit.
Anonymous says
The difference is that masks benefit others as well as the wearer, and Americans don’t like doing anything to help others.
Anon says
People are horrifyingly selfish. They’re not just refusing to wear a mask (which I agree, is a trivial sacrifice) they’re also harassing people who do wear them, even though they have no idea what health conditions that person has. Tucker Carlson told people on his show last night to call CPS if they see kids in masks because it’s child abuse. This is why this virus will be with us forever.
SC says
Eh. For a different perspective, my son has sensory issues and won’t wear a mask for longer than an hour, and he complains the last half hour. It’s actually gotten worse, not better, since last spring. We haven’t been able to go to the zoo since it opened. We’ve stayed away from the playgrounds for the most part. We can’t fly to see my parents (it’s a 12 hour drive, which we have made once in the past year). I’d like to point out to my son that it’s just a small piece of fabric, not a hazmat suit, but the feeling of the mask really overwhelms him and makes it difficult to control himself and his emotions. I’m looking forward to masks no longer being necessary.
Anonymous says
There is a difference between a small child with sensory issues and the remaining 99.9% or so of the population for whom a mask should truly be no big deal. If a handful of kids with severe sensory issues truly can’t wear masks while everyone else is wearing them, no big deal. If a large percentage of grown-a$$ adults and their brainwashed children refuse to wear them, then we get the situation we’re currently in.
Anon says
This. You’re being willfully obtuse if you think the majority of anti-mask people have sensory issues.
SC says
Of course I don’t think that everyone who refuses to wear a mask has sensory or other health issues. I also think that people who can’t or won’t wear masks should avoid the zoo and playgrounds planes as long as masks are needed to keep people safe. We drove to visit my parents, and we’ve gone hiking instead of going to the zoo, instead of barging up to a private company and making a scene like we had a right to be an exception. But I also want there to be a science-based approach to loosening mask restrictions, instead of assuming that masks are no big deal for everyone.
Also, my son isn’t that little anymore, and you can’t tell he has sensory issues from the outside, so we’re indistinguishable from the plain old anti-maskers.
Anonymous says
And the science says that we need to keep mask requirements in place until community transmission is much, much lower than it is today. As Linsey Marr puts it, two out of three: masked, distanced, outdoors. You don’t need masks if you are distanced and outdoors, but kids are not usually distancing at the playground or the zoo.
Anonymous says
Yes, exactly. We’re big proponents of the two out of three rule and follow that unless we know everybody in the group is vaccinated.
Anon says
i’m the anon at 12:10 and SC I apologize – i most certainly was not referring to children with sensory issues. of course i understand in that case if your child cannot keep on a mask and i recognize that there are legitimate issues for some people with mask wearing. i have a close friend whose 2 year old son has a genetic disorder, but about a year behind his peers and he also cannot wear a mask. but that is not who i was referencing. i was referring to all the other people who refuse to wear them, begrudgingly wear them around their mouths, but not their nose, wear them around their neck, etc. we also live very far from our parents (21+ hour drive) and if it was 12 hours i’d drive. i am sure that having a child with those challenges is already complicated and i am sorry that the mask wearing is making it harder for him. again, apologies, i did not mean to offend anyone or imply that there are some people for whom wearing a mask is a real challenge
SC says
Thanks, and no apologies necessary. I understand the need for masks, and we’ve just avoided situations where Kiddo would need them for an extended period of time. But I’d like to see mask restrictions loosened when it is safe because mask laws/policies don’t have exceptions (since “sensory processing disorder” would just become the new “emotional support peacock”).
Anon says
I’m not sure why that is “new”. CDC has already said that you only need to wear masks outdoors if you can’t keep your distance. And that vaccinated adults don’t need to wear masks even indoors when with other vaccinated people or unvaccinated people from a single household in small groups. So the only meaningful difference to the recommendation is that you can have unvaccinated people in multiple households in small groups outside and the vaccinated people don’t need to wear masks? a) this is not motivating to anyone and b) not really a big step forward. Our state has followed the CDC guidance and only requires masks outdoors if you can’t keep your distance; other states with all masks outdoors all the time have imposed a (IMHO) silly rule but one that is easier to enforce.
Anon says
Yeah… I’m very confused. CDC had previously said vaccinated people can gather together without masks (even indoors) and no one needs masks outdoors when you can maintain distance from other people. So this new advice about vaccinated people not needing masks outdoors except at crowded gatherings seems like such a trivial change from previous guidance (if it’s a change at all, which I’m not convinced it is) that I don’t see how it would possibly motivate anyone to get vaccinated. I’m really disappointed in Biden’s CDC, I feel like their messaging is not much of an improvement over the Trump CDC. (Obligatory disclaimer that I voted for Biden, and Trump was a disaster in a million different ways, including his handling of the pandemic.)
Anon says
i am disappointed too, but i also think they were dealt a bad hand. The previous messaging was so all over the place “it’s a little flu,” “drink Clorox,” “wearing a mask infringes on your rights,” etc. i know it’s pointless to think about but i wonder if we’d still have so many anti maskers if the messages had been different from day one
Anon says
True, although Fauci himself was very negative about masks in the beginning, saying they didn’t do anything. I understand where he was coming from, because he didn’t want people to think they could just pop on a cloth mask and go back to normal life, but I think his anti-mask statements in the beginning did more to harm the pro-mask movement long term than any of Trump’s lunacy about drinking bleach. I blame the WHO too. The whole thing is just a mess.
Anon says
Your kids don’t need to wear a mask outdoors and never did. If you have small children, you’re not going to force them to wear a mask anytime their away from home for the next ever-how-many years it takes to get them vaccinated. You’re just not.
Anon says
what do you mean they never did?the CDC guidance was for everyone to wear masks when social distancing was not possible and in many states everyone 2+ was supposed to wear a mask when not on their own property, so like on a playground, etc. and
Anon says
+1 Many states mandated masks for everyone 2+, even outdoors. I also don’t think it’s that weird to want your kid to stay masked until they can get vaccinated. We’re not going to be hermits, we’ve been dining out and seeing vaccinated friends and we have plans travel and host vaccinated family members this summer, but you can bet that with an unvaccinated kid in tow we’ll all be wearing masks. Kids should be vaccinated by late fall or early 2022 at the latest. Trials are well under way now, it’s not like this is some benchmark that’s decades in the future. I don’t understand this comment at all.
Pogo says
We (whole family except the baby) wear masks outdoors if there are people around. If there is one other family on the playground we where them. I bring them with us on neighborhood walks just in case. We’re in the majority, for sure, in our area.
Anon says
It was never scientifically supported.
People who are still requiring their five year olds to wear masks outdoors, at all times, a year from now are going to be right up there with people who never let their kids eat a single piece of candy, or insist that they wear religiously-mandated clothing at all times, or forbid any contact with televisions. They might exist, but they’re going to be very far outside of the norm. They’re not the norm now. And they’re not any worse off for it. The idea that this is somehow protecting anyone is magical thinking.
Anon says
Kids will almost certainly be vaccinated within a year, and yes my child will always wear a mask around potentially unvaccinated people until she herself can be vaccinated. You can do what you want, but I know lots of people planning to continue masking in public until their kids are vaxxed so I don’t know what “you’re just not” means. Wearing a piece of cloth on your face (which my kid does willingly) is a very small price to pay to lower the risk of getting a virus that may have serious long-term complications. We’re not willing to stay home and avoid contact with people forever, because that comes with its own serious risks, but wearing a piece of cloth is just NBD to everyone in our family. If for some strange reason they never authorize a vaccine for kids, we’ll likely continue wearing masks indefinitely, especially during cold/flu/covid season. Again, you can make a different choice but it seems like a weird flex to assert that NO ONE will be masking until there’s a vax for kids. The majority of people I know will be.
Anonymous says
“If you have small children, you’re not going to force them to wear a mask anytime their away from home for the next ever-how-many years it takes to get them vaccinated. You’re just not.”
Um…yes? We are. We’ve been masking for over a year now anytime we leave our house (unless it’s a walk or hike where we know we won’t get close to anyone else). It’s really not that much of a hardship to keep it up for another year or so until there’s a vaccine for kids. In addition to protecting my own family, it protects high risk kids and adults who can’t get the vaccine for valid medical reasons. Not every unvaccinated adult is an evil anti-vaxxer.
Child Tax Credit Monthly Payments? says
I understand that the new child tax credit payments are to be starting sometime soon. Will these be paid in the same way as stimulus checks, i.e. via direct deposit? And approximately when will they start? Thanks!
Anon says
It’s supposed to start in July and yes, they will go via direct deposit if you have that on file with the IRS
Anonymous says
I really wish you could opt out of the monthly deposits. After reading how it works, I’m certain I’ll just have to give it back to the IRS next April.
Anon says
Why? Is your income going way up this year? If so, is there a way to redirect more of it to retirement savings or something like that to lower your AGI?
Anonymous says
My income is high enough that I only get the old $2,000 credit per child, not the expanded credit. My withholding is set up so that I owe a few dollars at the end of the year, taking the credit into account. If the IRS sends me checks for half of the credit, I’ll owe an additional $1,000 at the end of the year or have to increase my withholding to offset the payments. It’s silly and annoying. They should only send accelerated payments to people who would get a refund under the updated statute based on the 2020 return. If that’s too complicated, the accelerated payments should be limited to people who qualify for the expanded credit, because their withholding is likely set up for the old smaller credit.
Anon says
“They should only send accelerated payments to people who would get a refund under the updated statute based on the 2020 return.
I’m confused because I thought this was exactly what they’re doing.
Anonymous says
The information I’ve seen is that everyone who is eligible for the credit gets accelerated payments, regardless of whether they would get a refund in the absence of accelerated payments. I am eligible for the credit, but I’ve set up my withholding to reflect that so I don’t get a refund. If you are eligible for the expanded credit and don’t adjust your withholding, you’d expect a refund.
EDAnon says
This article says you can opt out: https://www.cnet.com/personal-finance/should-you-opt-out-of-the-child-tax-credit-payments-heres-how-and-why-youd-want-to/#ftag=CAD-00-10aag7d