This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Yes, yes: the top looks super low cut. I stayed away from a lot of these tops when I was nursing because, heLLO, my bust was way too ample for this kind of top. But I think they design these things with the intention that you are wearing/living in a nursing camisole, and after I got on that train it really opened up the possibilities. As I’ve mentioned before: nursing tops aren’t going to be that helpful for you at work. But they’re great for maternity leave, or when the baby is older and you need to take him or her to the doctor, to a playdate, or if you’re traveling by plane — because easy access is the name of the game. Gap has this pretty, soft top in five colors, sizes XS-XL, for $29.95 full price. Gap Crossover Nursing Top (L-2)Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Pigpen's Mama says
Immediate thread jack —
What’s your favorite car seat for flying with a 1-3 year old?
Little one is about to outgrow her Keyfit and we have a 5 hour flight in about a month — we got her a seat since the fight is so long and she’s much more comfortable in her car seat than in our laps. We need two convertibles — one for each car — and I’d like one of them (at least) to be good for airplanes — lightweight, easy to install.
I’ve done some online searching, but it’s pretty overwhelming. Cost is somewhat of a consideration, but since it’ll also be one of her regular car seats, it won’t be the deciding factor.
Suggestions for how to haul it through the airport are also welcome.
Thanks!
TBK says
No suggestions but just beware that some seats are FAA approved but don’t fit in coach. We have the Britax Boulevards, which, granted, are beasts but we were surprised when an airline said that they wouldn’t fit in the coach seats.
Meg Murry says
as for hauling it through the airport, my friend’s DIY’d a sturdy piece of rope and key rings into the shape like this device, which you attach the latch straps to
http://www.amazon.com/Traveling-Toddler-Seat-Travel-Accessory/dp/B000JHN3AS
I wouldn’t haul the kid in the carseat like shown, but that is because my luggage isn’t that great and I wouldn’t trust the handle to be able to hold that much.
If you are flying an airline that lets you gate check a stroller, the other option is to wear the kid in a carrier like an Ergo and push the carseat in the stroller.
As for carseats, we have always used the Cosco Scenara as our cheap lightweight seat – it’s around $50 and nothing amazing, but it gets the job done, and is one of the lightest seats available – it’s only 7 lbs, according to this sheet I found, which you can sort by weight – link to follow
As for ease to install, you’ll have to use the seatbelt, not Latch, on a plane, so my advice is to go to the store and actually try to stick your hand through the beltpath – some are pretty wide and easy, and others are narrow and a pain or require removing the latch straps to get them out of the way. My mother needs to install with a seatbelt, not Latch in her car (because she doesn’t have the manual dexterity for the basic Latch connectors, and they are in a super awkward place in her car, and we didn’t want to pay $$$$ for a very occasional use seat with the fancier latch connecters), and the only way to really tell was to put your arm through it. We wound up getting an Evenflo seat for her car, I think, but even that varied from model to model as to ease of installing with a seatbelt.
For something not too heavy, I would plan on only getting a convertible (RF and FF) seat, not one that goes RF to FF to booster, as those tend to be much larger – then you can get a FF or booster, or just booster when she gets to be older.
Meg Murry says
Link to spreadsheets (because I love data!). FYI, you have to save the Google Doc as your own copy before you can sort the columns.
https://sites.google.com/site/carseatmeasurements/
ANP says
We also use a Cosco Scenera for our travel seat — inexpensive, lightweight and fairly easy to install.
D says
why not use a CARE harness and check the car seat?
anon says
CARE harness doesn’t necessarily work for all kids (especially little ones, who aren’t used to sitting on their own for long periods).
Anon says
Just did this with a 14 month old. The Combi Coccoro was awesome! It’s super small and actually fits in a plane seat. Because it’s so small, it won’t last rear-facing as long as some other seats, but should still be good for my tall kid until about age 2.
Jdubs says
Not necessarily light weight, but maybe look into a Diono Radian. It folds and you can buy a carrying strap for lugging through the airport. Also would be long lasting and work great as a main seat in a car. You might want to buy the angle adjuster especially for traveling so make sure it doesn’t take up tons of room back to front.
MSJ says
While I agree with you that the Radian is an excellent primary seat, it is not something I would ever want to travel with. they are sneaky and make it look easy to lug around (the fact that it folds flat and the optional backpack straps), but it is so much heavier than other seats and fairly difficult to install. I have the Cosco Scenera for travel, and while I haven’t used it on the plane, I do find it to be a wonderful travel/secondary seat and my kids haven’t complained about the comfort
Anonymous says
Another vote for the Cosco Scenara Next. $46 shipped from Wal-Mart. The front tether strap that comes with the seat can be rigged up as a shoulder strap. It was easy to install and remove and fit in coach seats. My husband carried the seat slung crosswise behind his back, and I wheeled baby in an umbrella stroller that we gate checked. He also boarded first to install, and I waited until the last minute to get on the plane.
I will say that the buckle of the airplane seatbelt makes a big lump the baby has to sit against, so we added some foam padding (cut from a kitchen floor mat).
NewMomAnon says
Sleep question….my daughter sleeps like a rock usually. Last night, she woke up for three and a half hours. I suspect she is either teething or has an ear infection, so I gave her Advil. I climbed in bed with her and she wanted to slap me, tickle me, pinch me, pull my hair, grind her head into my chest, and play with my b**bs. After about an hour of that, I tucked her back in, told her I wasn’t coming back until morning, and that I loved her very much. She yelled for forty five minutes and finally went to sleep for a couple hours, and woke up at her normal time (happy, hungry, normal).
What do you do when your kiddo is sick and can’t sleep? I would have been OK bringing her to bed with me, but she wasn’t settling even when I was with her. Do you just call the night a loss and stay up all night? I’m feeling guilty because all the books say you shouldn’t let them cry if they are sick or teething, but they don’t say what you SHOULD do.
Philanthropy Girl says
Have you tried Hyland’s calming tablets? They have many of the same soothing ingredients the teething tablets have, and can help babes sleep.
When my little guy is antsy like you described, he’s usually not teething or sick. Teething/sick typically makes him pretty lethargic. So when he starts the slapping, pinching, hair pulling, etc… he goes in bed. He may wail for a while (like he did this morning at five when I changed his diaper and told he it wasn’t morning yet), but I know my guy needs it reinforced that we don’t play at night time. So – that’s my little guy, and all kids are different. But that annoyingly wiggly, and he goes back to bed.
Was she feverish? Does Advil ever crank her up like that? Anything else that could be going on – like not napping well during the day, or being outside her regular routine?
NewMomAnon says
She has had a cold and has been needing more sleep than usual the last week. She shouldn’t have any teeth coming through for a while. In the past, the late-night wakeups without being able to fall back asleep have been the only indication that she has an ear infection – she’ll play and interact like nothing is wrong, but won’t sleep. Without an ear infection or other disruption (there haven’t been any that I know of) she usually sleeps 11 hours without interruption, and can sleep through anything. So this is strange and worrisome.
Philanthropy Girl says
Is she learning a new skill or going through a developmental leap? My LO’s sleep patterns when out the window when he was learning to crawl, and now again that he’s learning to walk.
I remember reading in the Health Sleep Habits book that if the baby cries for an hour, and then sleeps for an hour, it is better for everyone than being up and playful for two hours. If she has an ear infection, she’ll need her rest to heal anyway. I guess in your shoes I’d give meds, change diaper, get her settled down and put her back in bed. Even if she’s unhappy for a while, she’ll hopefully fall asleep and get some rest.
That’s so hard, mama. Good luck!
NewMomAnon says
Thank you. This was exactly what I wanted to hear today. Poor kiddo…..but some sleep is better than nothing, as you say.
LSC says
I just read Marisa Mayer is having twins! I am so curious about how this will pan out…I would love to see some executive women talk more about realistic expectations following the birth of a child. On the one hand I think it is great that women want to do it all, but on the other hand it feels deceptive to tell women to lean in and get back to work ASAP when most don’t have the resources that these high powered individuals do. I wonder if she will change her views at all with twins at home. Thoughts?
Lyssa says
I’m not clear on what her husband does. (I looked it up, but I’m still not clear on what he actually does.) But given her position, I would think/hope that he can step away for at least a while. There’s no reason that childcare needs to fall on the mom, after pregnancy and recovery from that, but I always feel like that’s the implied assumption in discussions like this.
Has she told other people that they should get back to work ASAP after childbirth, or just said that that was her choice? While I wouldn’t go back as early as she did after her first (though I don’t know, maybe I would if I had an opportunity like she did at the time), I feel uncomfortable if we’re saying that no one should if they want to, just because not everyone could.
LSC says
You’re right, I doubt she has told people to go back ASAP. I just feel like if the top exec in your company is doing it, she is encouraging others to do the same by example. That probably isn’t fair to attribute to her, but it’s the message I would receive if I were on her staff. And honestly, good on her if she is able to do it and be happy. I would just love to hear SOME top female exec voices talking about other, less high pressure options. I feel like the ones who get most of the press are the ones who are all-lean-in-all-the-time. But that’s likely because that’s what attracts attention, which is not the fault of the Marisa Mayers of the world.
Lulu says
I used to think the same way re leading by example and still do in relatively flat organizations such as law firms. But for companies with many layers of management (incl. I imagine Yahoo) I’m much more concerned with what a VP who is ~2 levels removed from the CEO does than I am with the CEO. The VP is still somewhat relatable.
pockets says
I doubt she’ll change her views. She seems like a woman who wants to work and who prioritizes working over family (no judgment, just observation*). And she makes much more money than most people make and can afford the help and support she’ll need to keep focusing on her career. I doubt she’s the one getting up at night to do the feedings. If her son didn’t change her priorities, I can’t imagine that these children will.
*I really do say all these things without judgment. I think it’s important to be honest though and realize that the situation Marisa Mayer has going on is not, and will never be, the situation for us.
Lyssa says
I just want to agree with your asterisk. Whenever we have a minority-sort of person in a very visible job, we tend to try to make them a stand-in for all members of that minority. (I’m going to call women a minority for these purposes; I know that we’re not in terms of population in general.) But the fact is, the only thing that we know that Ms. Mayer has in common with us is her reproductive organs – on the whole, she likely has a lot more in common with the Mark Zuckerbergs and Jeff Bezos of the world than with you or me.
I hope that I’m not sounding argumentative on this – I clearly have a lot of opinions on this sort of topic, but I do only mean them to be discussion, not argument. :)
LSC says
Agreed! I am genuinely interested in the discussion and different view points. Don’t want to flame anyone’s choices, just talk about the dialogue when it comes to return to work after childbirth.
pockets says
I don’t think that’s argumentative and it’s a great point. Aside from both being women with kids, I’m sure that Marisa Mayer and I have nothing in common. Her entire situation is so different from my situation, it’s meaningless for me to try and compare them. I’m not going to gain any insight from how she handles her career, and she’s not going to gain any insight from how I handle mine.
LSC says
She could gain some insight from you–what do the women under her in different roles need/want when it comes to these issues?
But yes, she clearly lives in a different world.
LSC says
In the same vein, here would be my very non-Lean In advice about motherhood: Make your life as easy as possible following the birth of your child. Take the longest maternity leave you can. Don’t accept a new job within the first six months of having a child. Don’t feel like you need to be at work at all hours. Set boundaries and stick to them. Take naps. Coast as much as you can for the first few months after you return to work. Don’t go to lunch with coworkers if you don’t feel like it. Visit your baby at home or at daycare if you can. Don’t be ashamed of having to pump or store your breastmilk at work. Minimize work-related travel to the extent possible with teleconferences or video calls. Basically don’t be a martyr. There will be other times to advance your career…don’t kill yourself just because popular books tell you that you should never let up. You can still be a great employee while dialing back to make your life manageable. But no one will pay me to write a book about that, in all likelihood. Ok, rant over.
Anonx says
+1000000
Anonx says
To her credit, I heard this morning that she increased the parental leave at yahoo (16 weeks fully paid for women and 8 weeks fully paid for men). So she is not expecting every one in the company to follow her.
Lulu says
Counterpoint is that that is not very generous for a large tech company. Good by most standards, but not for the industry.
MSJ says
As a twin mom, I will be interested in following this. While there are many things that she has the budget to outsource, carrying twins can be extremely physically demanding. I was in excellent shape beforehand and didn’t expect to have nearly as may problems as I did by the third trimester. Of course, there are many women who have no problems with twins and she may be part of that lucky group.
Amazon says
What’s the difference between Amazon Prime and Amazon Mom? Also, is it really worth it to pay $100/yr for free shipping? I keep thinking I don’t order nearly enough stuff to justify the cost.
NewMomAnon says
I don’t know what Amazon Mom includes, because I have Prime; Mom comes with Prime, so I use both. I do know there are discounts on regular subscription items through Amazon Mom (like, 15% off if you have enough items in the subscription).
And Prime is free TWO DAY shipping, which is a miracle. Free two day shipping on DIAPERS. And paper towels, and wipes, and teething rings, and go-go squeeze, and books about sleep, and body wash, and holiday gifts (pre-wrapped!), and little shoes when they outgrow their old ones overnight, and new sweaters when they spread peanut butter all over yours and it doesn’t come out in the wash, and all the other things. You also get their free TV shows, movies, and music, and they have pretty good kids tv and movies. Also, free photo storage. I am sure that I’ve gotten my $100 worth.
pockets says
Amazon Mom is a separate thing you can sign up for once you have Prime. It’s free for caregivers who have Prime and sign up (I’m sure Amazon is making a mint off knowing who has kids and how old those kids are).
Yes, Prime is absolutely worth it if you do Amazon Mom and then do subscribe & save. Subscribe & Save lets you sign up for monthly deliveries of things (you don’t have to get all the things every month, you can choose how frequently to get things and you can cancel up to 10 days in advance), and if you order 5 things that month you can get 20% off diapers and 15% off everything else. A month’s supply box of diapers on Amazon is $45; that’s a $9 discount, x 12 months = $108 in diaper savings. So the savings on diapers alone is worth it. You can also subscribe to basics like toilet paper, paper towels, soap, body wash, razors, toothbrushes, toothpaste, the list goes on and on. Prices are great, the extra 15% off is nice, and the stuff just comes to your door. They also have pretty good deals on those baby food pouches sometimes, and with the extra 15% off if you subscribe you can get pouches for less than $1/pouch.
As for ordering enough, I order so much more on Amazon now that I have a kid than I did before. The year before I had a kid, I placed 23 orders. The year I had a kid, 168 orders. This year I’m already at 187 orders.
HSAL says
I second the comments above, but I’ll also add that Amazon Now is pretty spectacular. It gives Prime members free two hour shipping (one hour delivery for a fee) in certain areas.
pockets says
Yes. I used it recently when I had a vacation rental that I needed to bring everything to (toilet paper, paper towels, soap, salt, pepper, etc.). I ordered all the things I needed via Prime Now the night before. It was outside my door the morning I left, and instead of being stressed out at Target the day before, I just loaded the bags into my car.
TBK says
I order things and ship them to my parents’ in another state when we’re going to visit.
In House Lobbyist says
Amazon Prime has changed my life. I honestly don’t think I have been to Target all summer. I order everything there – diapers, wipes, anything baby plus all those household items like shampoo and cleaning suplies . Subscribe and save is my best friend. Just this week I have ordered – travel toy games for upcoming 9 hour car ride with kids, sunscreen, swim googles, nail polish, shorts for my husband, a new keychain, and a new toddler bed mattress. I also made a prime pantry order this week too.
I don’t think you will regret it. My 5 year old thinks the UPS man is the Amazon Man.
Lulu says
That’s cute.
TBK says
We live by Amazon Prime. With the boys, I limit the number of actual stores I visit for things that I need to touch before buying. Replacement iced tea maker? Snack catchers? 24 mo size onesies because one of the boys outgrew the 18 mo ones overnight? Books? Baby gates? Night lights? Swim diapers? Shower curtain liner? None of these things need to be touched before buying. All were bought on Amazon. So, so, so worth it.
Anonymous says
Will someone who uses this service make a list of what you get on Subscribe and Save? I have no idea what to add besides toilet paper and paper towels.
pockets says
deoderant, toothbrushes, razor refills, sponges, mr. clean magic eraser, puffs, dove body wash, ziploc bags, trash bags, soap for the baby, rogaine, baby food pouches, oxyclean stain stick
JJ says
Here are some things we get on subscribe and save:
Diapers
Wipes
Toilet Paper
Paper Towels
Baking Soda
Razor refills
Deodorant
Protein Powder (for protein shakes)
Supplements (pre-workout stuff)
Shampoo/Conditioner
Admittedly, I don’t use it as much as I could based on how often we use Amazon (it’s literally a rare day that we don’t have an Amazon box in front of the house). But we live close to a distribution center and usually get same-day shipping.
Meg Murry says
Our main subscribe and save is Charlie’s Soap laundry detergent and their oxygen bleach. We also did it for diapers and wipes when we needed them. Considering it for dish soap and dishwasher detergent.
I know someone in the past recommended putting toothbrushes on 3 or 6 month S&S, so that when one showed up you knew to pitch the old one. I thought that was pretty clever.
FYI, Target also has a subscription option now: target.com/subscriptions
I used to use S&S for Luvs diapers, but I preferred the Target Up & Up brand as my go-to cheap diaper for daycare, so I would have used that if they offered it.
In the pre S&S days when Diapers.com was the new big thing, 3 other parents and I got together and chipped in to have a case of diapers sent to daycare. Daycare didn’t have enough room for us each to do a whole case, but they were cool with having 1 case of all the same for 3 or 4 kids. You’d have to do the math, but if daycare is cool with it it might be worth the extra $ to have small-medium packs of diapers sent directly there.
pockets says
Re: toothbrushes, I had the same idea a few weeks ago, and I felt like a genius when I thought of it.
We also get dishwasher detergent via S&S.
Amazon says
Thanks, y’all. With the cleaning supplies though, don’t you run into the Pantry problem of the box never being full and then having to pay $5 for shipping anyway? Or is that not an issue if you do subscribe and save?
pockets says
Not an issue with subscribe & save, and the shipping is free. and the S&S prices are usually better. However, I think Pantry has a more extensive assortment of eligible stuff.
In House Lobbyist says
Here is my list: toilet paper, laundry, dishwashing, hand soap, shampoo, toothpaste, mouthwasth, conditioner, hair spray, lotion, shaving cream, kids snacks – applesauce packs, fruit snacks, beef sticks, mac and cheese cups – pasta, coconut oil, tampons, panty liners, diapers, wipes, swim diapers, lysol wipes, and my favorite essential oils that I use often. It is super easy to add or delete or change things so my list is sometimes a work in progress.
I mostly use prime pantry when amazon has the $5 credit.
Check out jungledealblog for up to date amazon deals.
Philanthropy Girl says
It’s the time of year I start looking for a new calendar. I haven’t had a calendar I liked since grad school, and life has only become more complex since then! I’ve tried switching to an electronic calendar with my phone, but it just doesn’t work for me -I really need something visual that can just be open on my desk all the time, and I need the physical act of writing things down to help me remember. I put my regularly scheduled things on an Outlook calendar, but that’s about it.
What calendar/planner do you use to keep track of work, volunteer, kid, husband, and all that good stuff? Do you have a wall calendar at home, and a desk calendar and a day planner? Do you keep separate work/home planners? TIA!
B says
I have a Moleskine dashboard diary that I really, really love. It is big enough for lots of notes but small enough (8×5″) to fit in my purse. The main part is 1 page per week with a column per day, 1 hour per line, plus a to-do list at the bottom. Also, there is an overview section (4 months across, 1 line per day down) which I probably use more than anything, and a removable address book. There are blank pages in the back that I use for goals, dreams, reading lists, etc.
I still prefer a paper planner for all the reasons you mention :)
Philanthropy Girl says
Thanks – I’ll check it out!
Maddie Ross says
I use my outlook calendar that gets updated by my assistant for setting hearings and for work related appointments (i.e., lunches were someone sends an outlook invite), but do my personal scheduling on a “my agenda” notebook. They have a “mom agenda” too and though I have a kid, I can’t bring myself to get that. It sounds similar to B’s Moleskine and has some blank pages in the back, too. But mine is purple and sparkley and that makes me happy. Still haven’t figured out how to track my husband’s stuff – that would require him telling me about it!
shayla says
No one product offers the solution I need. I like to have electronic versions, I like having separate work/personal calendars, and I am better at referring to paper calendars for scheduling. It’s a tragic overlapping system. After trying several apps, or different paper versions, this is what has worked best for me:
1. I have a family gmail calendar: Essentially keeps track of *everything* personal. My husband struggles with life, so I “invite” him to every even on this calendar, which provides a nice passive aggressive timely reminder about the event (“Wife bar function until 10pm”). This may seem like overkill, but I do it for his things too “Husband candidate dinner” and it really helps. We’re both busy and generally forget to remind each other about events after sharing. I use different colors for different things–blue is husband, pink is daughter, green is the whole family…etc.
2. For work I religiously use outlook:I flag things for follow-ups, with custom reminders to alarm myself. I’m a Fed, so I have to keep track of my credit hours, AWS, etc in a separate calendar I created. These entries also remind me to log this time officially.
3. I try to keep a paper version that has deadlines and events from both of those (Day Designer). This one is more high level and tries to provide me an easier to see view of what’s to come. The iPhone’s calendar, except for just being located on my phone as the default calendar, is not helpful at all. Though, google did release a new version of its Calendar app (at least since I last looked at it) and generally is leaps ahead of what it was and what iCal was. But, there’s just something about paper… This calendar is most likely to not be updated by me, so I usually confirm dates on the other two.
4. A wall calendar at home. We are fortunate to have family around a lot to help with the kids so it’s a great reference of what’s happening. I only put family-important high level things on it. But, sometimes I don’t update it for 4 months. So there that.
Philanthropy Girl says
“But, sometimes I don’t update it for 4 months.”
Sounds like my wall calendar -which is still proudly displaying July.
Thanks for the tips!
TBK says
Has anyone chosen their neighborhood based on schools? We’re starting to think about moving out of our townhouse to a bigger house where we can hopefully stay the next 20 yrs or so until the boys are grown and we’re ready to downsize. We’re not opposed to private school, but don’t really make the money right now for that to be feasible and don’t want to be committed to working the kinds of jobs that would make it feasible down the road. I just can’t tell how to evaluate public schools.
I think I’m biased because I went to public school for just two years, in 1st and 2nd grade, and it was kind of a disaster for me. They cut the gifted program halfway through my first grade year, which meant I had to go back about 2 levels in reading and math (since they didn’t teach the level I’d been working at in first grade). I had trouble socializing with kids my own age and was one of those weird nerdy kids and wound up bullied by mean girls. The teachers were very dismissive of my mother and her concerns both about my academics and social issues. After that my mother worked hard to get me into private schools on very heavy financial aid and my life was immeasurably better.
I picked out some of the top school districts in our area to dig in a little and see if those would be good options for us, but online reviewers complain about cliquishness at the wealthy schools, and drugs at the middle of the road schools. My husband went to public school and was fine, for the most part. Academically he was fine, but I do think some of the social dynamics were bad for his self perception. I know I’m probably blowing this all out of proportion and most kids are totally fine in public schools. It’s just so far from my experience and what you see on TV or in movies tends to be so negative. And my kids are only 18 mo now so obviously this is both very far out and also it’s impossible to tell right now what kind of school they’ll need down the road. Will they be gifted kids who need lots of academic rigor? Kids who need a little help? Kids who thrive in a big diverse school, or kids who do better with a smaller, more intimate environment? Will they want good arts programs? Sports? I have absolutely no idea.
Has anyone tried to figure this out? And I realize this all sounds so privileged and sheltered. I admit my experience was pretty unusual (my schools were kind of hippy, non-traditional schools, too — my husband often says it’s like I went to school in another country). But I’d love some perspective.
Lorelai Gilmore says
We moved to a neighborhood for the schools. We live in a teeny house, which was what we could afford that gave us a semi-reasonable commute (still not reasonable, but oh well), and great schools. Having said that, it’s so hard to figure out schools. I think that websites like greatschools.org are helpful as a starting place, but they are definitely not the only resource you should look at. Also, don’t focus too much on the reviews – they are mostly meaningless. It’s either people with an axe to grind, or people recruited by the PTA to write about the school. They are principally useful for testing and demographic information. (And on that front, keep in mind that in many places, demographics dictate testing results, so a bunch of educated families will produce high test results even if the teaching is just average.) You also have to:
1) Talk to everyone you know about schools – where do their kids go? do they like it? what is it like?
2) Tour schools. It’s easy to tour private schools, and much harder to tour public schools, at least near us. But there is no substitute for being physically present and looking at the place.
3) Research charter school and other lottery school options. In Arlington, for example, you can send your kids to “lottery schools.” I don’t fully understand what that means – but they are some combo of magnet schools or charter schools. In our CA district, there are charter schools and magnet schools. Every district has its own unique blend. Research your options early. It’s also often easier to visit those schools because they rely on active recruitment instead of a neighborhood catchment.
4) Think hard about whether you want a neighborhood school. For us, it was essential to have a neighborhood school – we wanted our kids to walk to school, to play with the neighbor kids, and to have that Mayberry feeling. But great neighborhood schools command premium real estate prices (which is why we live in a teeny house!). For us, it was worth it. For friends, it was not – they’d rather live in bigger houses and take their chances with lottery schools or charters or private.
5) Special needs are a whole separate ballgame. But don’t assume that private will be better than public for special needs kids.
6) One thing that my mom told me many times is that school is only a starting place. You don’t know what your kids will be like. They may want sports, or arts. They may be gifted or have special needs. But you can’t count on school – whether public or private! – to meet all of your child’s needs. So for us, that means that we are in a district where we feel totally comfortable with public schools. We’ll supplement as needed, and make changes if we have to.
anonymama says
Yes, definitely talk to actual people who have children in the schools, and take online reviews with a grain of salt. Just ask around of everyone you know who has kids (or recently had kids, or is a teacher, or knows lots of teachers), and what they think of the schools in their area.
It;s interesting because I also went to private school, but kind of had the opposite experience of the OP – I felt like I missed out a lot by not being in a neighborhood school, and that the greater diversity and opportunities in public school may have been better for me, particularly in elementary school. But of course that depends on what the schools are like around there, both private and public.
Famouscait says
In regards to touring public schools: is it possible to call up the principle (or whomever) and ask for a meeting and/or a tour? I always imagined it as kinda like touring a daycare, but it sounds like maybe that’s not accurate…
mascot says
Quality of schools is a factor, but it isn’t our only factor. We try to buy in a good school district, but are realistic about the fact that school districts can change. We also factor in commutes, house size and general quality of life where we live. I think it also helps to think in smaller periods of time, make the best decision you can with the information you have, and stay flexible. You don’t know what they will need and you will drive yourself crazy trying to play crystal ball.
CHJ says
We chose our town based on both schools and the community. We are fortunate in that there are many, many excellent school districts in our area (Metro Boston), so once you get above a certain threshold of “good,” you’re really just picking and choosing among more minor variables that can change from year-to-year. Beyond that, I didn’t want to live in a status-driven, wealth-driven community, so we picked a town that is more low-key and green/crunchy than some of the more posh and exclusive areas.
I think that’s all you can really do. DS is still just a toddler, so who knows what he’ll like and not like about school, or who his friends will be, or how his teachers will be. You can’t control any of that.
It sounds to me like you have more of a philosophical inclination towards private school based on your own experiences. And that’s ok too! I went to public school and I see a lot of benefits in them (particularly the connection to your town and feeling like a part of the community). But I wouldn’t hesitate to send my son to private school if I felt like he needed something different.
JJ says
We just moved earlier this summer primarily to a better school district and to a bigger house. Both my husband and I were in private schools for most of our education, but the prices for private schools are so high here that it would have been a huge hit financially. I tend to have a philosophical inclination towards private schools (considering my past), but everything I’ve read and what I’ve been told from teachers is that academics are determined less by the school and much more so by the emphasis on learning/schoolwork at home.
Clementine says
Yes, we did and are very happy with that choice (it was actually our #1 factor). My main thought is that schools are important, but having a strong parent advocate is just as important.
We searched for houses specifically based on school district. We identified 3 school districts within our area that would work for us and then searched for a house in only those districts. This was before we were even expecting.
I grew up in a small, very poor, rural town where the school was absolutely rotten. My family had previously lived in NYC and I had been in a gifted program and all that jazz, but there was nothing like that where we moved (no AP classes, no real push for advanced anything). I was horribly bored all through school and sometimes dream of what I could have/would have done if I had a more supportive formal education. My parents encouraged lots of reading, learning foreign languages, etc., but basically my high school was a disaster.
I did well enough grades-wise and if nothing else, learned that whole ‘grit and resilience’ thing that they’re now telling us is so important. I went to college on a full scholarship and grad school after that and loved it. For the first time in my life, I was truly challenged and truly embraced all the opportunities I had. My big takeaway as an adult is that what you are raised with at home is just as important as the quality of your school.
We are now in a large, but excellent, public school district. To me, it was so important to give future-child the opportunities that I feel like I missed out on. I have considered the private school option, but both financially and life-wise (ferrying child to school as bus transport may not be an option), I am so thankful and happy that we made the choice to move to a place with great public schools.
Anonymous says
When I was pregnant, we moved to our neighborhood for the public school. We love lots of things about the neighborhood besides the school, but we were very clear with our agent that we wanted to buy in this particular school district. I don’t know that we’ll for sure send my kid to that school (she’s only 18 months now, I have no idea if she is gifted or will develop special needs), but I breathe easier knowing that we have the option. I used to be in BigLaw, and now work for the government so we can’t afford most of the marquee private schools in our major metro area. If I end up moving back to the private sector at some point in the next several years, our finances — and school options — may change. But my husband and I felt strongly that we should put ourselves in a position where sending our kid to public school was a viable option. I have a lot of friends who moved around the same time that we did, with kids a little bit older than ours, and who prioritized a bigger house or a “cooler” neighborhood than ours. And they’re already stressing about what to do about school because they moved to neighborhoods where the public school is not up-to-snuff. Most of them will go the private school route as a result, but I know that in at least a few of those cases, that means sticking with a well-paying, but soul-sucking, job the parents would rather quit.
TBK says
This is pretty much our thinking, too. Luckily our area has plenty of good schools — lots of affluent families who only have the income they have because of the parents’ intellect/education — so I guess if we just pick a highly rated district, we’ll probably be okay. And, yes, philosophically I probably have a more private school mindset just because it’s what I’m used to, but like anonymama, I did feel isolated from my neighbors growing up because I was in private school. Everything is a trade-off.
Anonymous says
We moved specifically for public schools. We loved our hip inner city neighborhood, but it was “zoned for public school” and with three kids we simply couldn’t afford to stay with the neighborhood public school (although we loved it while my oldest attended). So now we’re in a rather boring and unattractive suburb and have to commute (ugh!) but the schools have been great and I love that the community is so focused on supporting the schools. (We also really like our house with its big yard and extra space).
I identified school boundaries that we wanted and could afford and only looked there. We wanted good schools but specifically avoided the “top ranking” schools because I have personal experience with the drug use, entitlement, etc that comes with those school (which, btw, I feel aren’t that much better than a good school – the parents just have a higher income). We also wanted diversity (economics and racial). My kids are at a diverse Title1 school with an active PTA, solid funding, and excellent performance. It’s worth the commute.
Anonymous says
Oh, and I identified boundaries by first picking a high school, then drilling down to middle school, and looking at feeding elementary schools last. The reason is that (in our area, at least) the larger variance is in the upper grades. So even though my kids were much younger, I was looking ahead at the upper grades.
Asking parents in the area (work your network) is extremely informative. I also hung around schools of particularly promising homes/areas around pick up time to get a feel for them.
In addition to schools, also consider extracurriculars (ie, parks and rec department vs private clubs, access to specific activities such as pools). That comes down to personal preference and cost, but don’t be so focused on schools that you forget the other aspects that will dominate your life in the next few years.
CPA Lady says
Ad definitely talk to some public school teachers. It has been interesting to me to see how many of my public school teacher friends pick their neighborhoods, and where they send their kids to school. I have one teacher friend who lives in the same school district I do, and she told me she’d rather sell an organ than send her kid to the public elementary school we’re zoned for.
It’s a big financial toss up for us in our town. If I moved 2 miles to the faaancy school district, I’d pay $100,000+ more for an equivalent house. Which is about equal to the cost of elementary and middle school tuition for one kid. If we were having more than one kid, we’d move. But for one, we’ll just do private school.
Lorelai Gilmore says
Question: For those of you who work in the evenings, after the kids go to bed, what kind of tasks are you best at accomplishing during those hours? I am struggling with being productive during the “third shift” (usually 8:30-10) and would like to figure out a way to use that time more effectively. Any suggestions?
Anonymous says
I think this answer probably depends on what you do for a living, but as a lawyer, I use the third shift to do things like read and respond to non-urgent emails, draft correspondence, review discovery, and get a head-start on legal research (i.e., run some initial searches to get a feel for the case law, but maybe not tackle the most novel issue of the day). Basically, I try to limit my daylight time to work that needs to get to done in the office (meetings, etc.), or work that requires my brain to be fully functioning. Everything else can wait until after bedtime.
lkl says
I’m also just trying to figure this out; pre-baby, I’d just stay at work until 8 or later, but now have to leave before 6 and then work again after 8. I’m learning not good at writing, really, at that time of night (at least not letters, briefs, etc.). But I can research, ad can usually write memoranda or summaries to use in actual writing the next day. It’s also a great time for me to read client files for new client meetings the next day.
TBK says
Reading.
Anonymous says
I’m a programmer so I just keep on writing code. I’ve felt out the types of programs that work better for me when working remotely and tired (not a lot of cross-referencing, for example).
CPA Lady says
The thing that requires the least brainpower. I’m exhausted after a long day and all I want to do is lay on the couch drinking wine and watching sitcoms. But if I need to work, I do all the hard parts of the tax return (the journal entries, the work papers, the referencing, the documentation, etc) at the office and then just do the data entry of the end numbers into the software from home. I cant really do anything complicated without three screens (wah! first world problems!) so I save the easiest stuff for night time when I’m just working on my laptop.
pockets says
For the past few months we’ve been letting our 18 month old watch Sesame Street (by “letting” I mean, OMG it is 630 in the morning on a Saturday just watch this so we can go back to sleep) and recently she started recognizing/saying “Elmo” and “Abby.” And she starts singing the theme song whenever she sees the iPad (her main method of watching). It’s really cute and now I want to buy all the Elmo and Abby stuff for her.
NewMomAnon says
My kiddo recognizes Elmo and says calls him (it?) “nelmo.” It is adorable. I struggle with the character themed EVERYTHING for kids, but I am really tempted to buy her all the Elmo stuff just to hear her say that over and over.
Famouscait says
I had a former boss whose rule for her son was that underpants and PJ’s could be character themed. Basically, anything that didn’t show in public… I filed this away as in interesting way to approach the subject.
pockets says
what about toys?
Maddie Ross says
I’m totally down with that. We love PBS kids at our house and I think have every Sesame Street character in plush toys (except Abby – she bugs me… can’t put my finger on it though). I totally had Ernie and Bert dolls as a little kid and loved me some Sesame Street. But also read early, did not grow up to be a burnout or a serial murderer, and think I’m pretty socialized. So I say all things (including TV) in moderation!
Clementine says
Haha- also a kid who was allowed to watch the occasional episode of Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood and managed to become a functioning member of society.
Anonymous says
I really dig this top! Nice pick.
meme says
I like the looks of this top generally, but I am wondering what is the point of wearing a nursing top if I need to wear a nursing tank underneath (which basically turns any top into a nursing top IMO).
anne-on says
Agreed. I found that button front shirts (worn open or not) plus a nursing bra with a regular tank was perfectly fine for all of my nursing needs.