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anon says
Where should we travel over spring break (early April)? We have about a week, are coming from the DC-area, and kids will be 4 and 6. Direct flights are ideal, but one connection is okay, too. Our general thought is Europe, but haven’t narrowed it down more than that, so what’s your favorite European city with young-ish kids to visit in the spring? Adults have spent a lot of time in Europe, but the kids have only been to Paris and Lisbon.
Cb says
Berlin! It could be a bit chilly but we went over easter one year and it was a delight.
Anonymous says
Side note, but maybe you can tell us more about taking little kids to Paris — I super want to go soon, but we have an angsty 3-year old. What were your strategies?
anon says
Our main strategy is to lean into the idea that it’s going to be a vacation full of bakeries and playgrounds, rather than the art museum trips we used to do pre-kids. It was easier when they were little and still napped in baby carriers, but my kids at 3 wouldn’t have been up for much in the way of museums. Things like Sacre Coeur are good since it’s free to get in (so not a waste if you bail because of 3yo feelings) and it’s fun to get up there and look out over the city. Ditto Notre Dame (not sure if it’s currently open). In the spring/summer wandering around the gardens in the city or taking the train to Giverny (Monet’s house). Train to Versaille can also be good value, though maybe not going inside depending on moods.
Anon says
Not OP, but Paris was our least successful family Euro vacation. I would recommend somewhere else. To be fair, we haven’t been anywhere else in France with kids and we haven’t been to other big cities like Rome and Madrid with kids either, so this is quite possibly a big city issue more than a France issue. Provence is on our list, and I think that would be more comparable to Tuscany. Paris and Florence are kind of apples and oranges. Although based on our family travels, I do feel like people in Italy, Spain and Portugal are more friendly and welcoming to kids than in France, at least in Paris.
I agree with the person above, that generally in Europe with little kids we lean into playgrounds and food, and away from art museums. We did manage some art museums in Florence with a 4 year old but it was brief and required bribing with gelato. But visiting playgrounds in Europe is actually pretty fun. Not only does it give your kids a chance to burn off steam, you often end up chatting with local parents and getting a better glimpse of local culture than you would as a tourist without kids. And I’ve actually found I enjoy the slower pace of travel that kids necessitate. I went to Europe with my husband recently sans kids and was frankly exhausted because we were trying to pack so much into each day. Our kid no longer naps but we still do a rest time when traveling (especially when traveling across timezones) and on our adults only trip, I found I really missed the rest time! haha
NYCer says
I think Rome would be nice at that time of year with kids. You could add in a few days in Florence or Venice to mix it up.
I would also consider Barcelona and Amsterdam.
Anonymous says
Before you commit to Rome, see if your vacation lines up with the Easter holiday. I would love to take my kid to Rome at Spring Break but have no interest in the extra crowds or additional costs as it would overlap with Holy Week
NYCer says
Agreed – it would be way too crowded. Very good point!!
Anonymous says
Spain! Wherever flights are best.
Anon says
Barcelona or Florence
Anon says
I’ve said this several times here but we went to Florence with a 4 year old in March and it was perfect. Unlike Paris, Rome, etc the city is quite small and compact. Our not particularly athletic 4 yo managed just fine without a stroller (unplanned – it was destroyed in transit). There are interesting museums but not so much to do that adults will be frustrated about having to take breaks to accomodate a kid’s schedule. My kid loved the carousel in the city center and chasing pigeons around the piazzas. Italian food is great for kids of course. If you’re there for a week, the Tuscan countryside is worth a daytrip or even a couple nights. I highly recommend agriturismo Al Gelso Bianco – they have kid-friendly pasta making classes that our daughter loved. I think we got somewhat lucky with weather but Florence is a pretty temperate climate. It was 65 and sunny most days of our trip.
This spring break we’re going to southern Spain and Portugal (Seville and the Algarve) which is another place that should be decently warm.
anon says
Oh, the idea of adding in a few nights in Tuscany is great!
Anon says
I suggested Tuscany, but backtracking a bit to say that little kids might be a bit bored there, especially in March when it won’t be swimming weather. We were only there for the day and really want to go back to that agriturismo for a full week (the ladies who run it are the sweetest and the food and wine are amaaazing), but we’d go in the summer so our kid can play in the pool all day. There was a small playground, some farm animals and there are excursions you can do like truffle hunting walks, but I don’t know how long that stuff would keep a 4 year old occupied.
Anonymous says
I would do Bregenz in Austria or anywhere on Lake Constance. Nice spring weather in the valley, Ravensburger Spieleland and Legoland are fun for littles and if you go into the higher alps for the day you can get in some great spring skiing. Ski school instructors for kids speak English.
Seafinch says
I found London really excellent for that age. We always read a few books in advance and so they had things they wanted to see, Trafalgar Square, Peter Pan Statue, etc etc. We took the six year old to Matilda. Double decker busses, Natural History museum, some ancient Egyptian stuff. The Eye and they loved the boat trip Greenwich (part of the Tube) and the museum.
Berlin is also a good destination but I would save it for later years, ideally.
I like small walkable cities and we also loved Seville for this age. Read the Usborne on Christopher Columbus and stuff on Bullfighting. Had lots of churros and hot chocolate, absolutely loved walking the moorish palaces.
Anon says
Ooh tell me more about Seville! We’re going in the spring with a 5 year old. Did you do any day trips?
Fallen says
Curious about everyone’s policy on junky snacks (eg candy, Cheetos, Pringles). Do you buy them regularly? Keep them in the house? Are ok with them when they happen to be available? We are ok with them when they happen to come up (eg halloween) but don’t buy them regularly. But I see others do it differently (send Pringles for school) so I question our approach.
Cb says
We always have chocolate in the house, ice cream in the freezer, and often cookies, but don’t typically have gummy sweets, cheetos, etc except for Halloween etc. I’m not overly fussed about sugar, but mentally I’d rather give my kid a cupcake than gummy bears? And I’d give a snickers before a lollipop.
My son self-regulates pretty naturally though, he’ll eat half a piece of cake and leave the rest, and I’m hoping not restricting and encouraging him to listen to his body will encourage him later. And I get his cake leftovers :)
Marshmallow says
Oh yes, forgot to mention in my comment below. I’m a big baker and my daughter’s absolute favorite thing is to bake with me. I’d always rather give her a homemade cookie or muffin than a packaged candy bar. Lately I’ve been trying to make breakfast things like corn muffins, fruit bars, etc. that can do double duty as meals or snacks throughout the week.
Anne-on says
We also do a lot of this kind of baking – I can add in more protein (hemp/peanut butter) and healthier options (some applesauce instead of all butter) plus muffins and breakfast bars freeze very well. I know it’s not always healthier (chocolate cake is chocolate cake) but I do tend to eat less of things I bake myself vs. buy – maybe it’s because the scent while baking and the process kind of satisfys that ‘sweet thing now!’ craving?
Anon says
We haven’t gotten there yet because our daughter is only 2 and we have a nanny, so not packing food for daycare. But she doesn’t eat packaged snacks (she did have puffs when she was younger) – snacks are cut up fruits, veggies, cheese, homemade muffins. When she’s older and we have additional kids, I plan on taking my mom’s approach – we got a limited amount of “junk” per month at the grocery store (ex: one box of sugar cereal such as Count Chocula, Fruit Loops, etc) and when it was gone, it was gone – rest of the month was normal breakfasts like oatmeal, muffins, eggs, fruit, etc. Same with bags of chips etc – she decided how much we could have per month, and then we could pace ourselves (or not) and when it was done, it was done. We didn’t get junk in our school lunchboxes.
She did zero policing of what we ate at other kids’ houses, bday parties, etc.
Anon at 8:51am says
Oh, and it’s a data point of one, but I’m definitely a moderator when it comes to junk – I can eat whatever portion of junky food I want and leave the rest and it’s fine. My husband grew up in a house full of junk (like huge boxes of Costco candy bars etc available at all times, including if you just didn’t like what was for dinner!) and he is 100% an abstainer. He can’t keep junk around because he’ll eat it all, even if it isn’t that good.
Marshmallow says
I usually have something a little “junky” in the house for myself: tortilla chips or Cheez Its, and my husband is a big gummy candy fan so we often have that around. I don’t offer it to our daughter (3.5) but every once in a while she asks for chips or sees me eating them for snack, so I let her have some. She usually only eats a few. I don’t send objectively junky snacks for school, but I often use the smallest portion of her bento for graham crackers or some other little carby treat.
Candy is a totally new thing for her as of this Halloween. We let her have a few pieces on Halloween night, she asked for candy for dessert for the next few days, and seems to have forgotten about it. I wouldn’t have a problem with a piece of candy a few nights a a week, it’s just not something I want to make a big deal of or have visibly around the house.
Basically, we are trying hard to make the fun foods not a big part of her diet but also nothing particularly special. So far, so good, but she’s not even 4 yet so we’ll see.
Anne-on says
This. We allow snacks/candy/ice cream but try not to make a huge deal out of them. I will encourage my kid to help me bake and he definitely prefers homemade stuff to packaged candy and seems to self regulate more so than kids who NEVER have it around. We had a friend over for a movie night and bought 4-5 different types of candy to let them make a ‘treat bowl’ which was maybe 4oz? (the playtex take and toss cups). My kid filled it up most of the way and then watched as his friend tried to strategically cram candy into every possible crevice of the cup and was just kind of flabbergasted, like, don’t you get candy at home? Apparently no, his family is a no juice and cake only on birthdays kind of house (oops, I didn’t know this, wasn’t trying to be ‘that’ mom). I was raised where homemade treats/ice cream on weekends was ok but not candy/chips and I definitely overdid it frequently in college (unlimited sugar cereal and froyo!!) until I figured out how to moderate.
Anon says
I could’ve been that kid cramming as much candy as would fit into a cup. The restrictive atmosphere I grew up in absolutely destroyed my ability to self-regulate until well into my 20s. It turned candy/Oreos/etc. into “forbidden fruit” and introduced a last-supper mentality that made me gorge when it was available at friends’ houses. Totally backfired for my parents – if they had been more moderate, I would have eaten probably half as much candy as I ultimately did.
Anonymous says
Not everyone reacts this way. See poster above whose husband had unlimited access to Costco portions of junk food as a kid and gorge himself to the point where he cannot be around it as an adult.
EDAnon says
I also had super restrictive parents and when I could finally buy my own food, I ate almost exclusively junk. My husband’s parents were neither super permissive or restrictive and he moderates well. That is our approach for our kids. We get treats and use the term “treats” but are fairly permissive (but don’t keep much in the house). So far, our kids (6 and 4) are excellent at moderating. They take no easily and don’t ever eat a ton.
AIMS says
We are same as you. I’m not going to deprive my kids of a juice box at a party or a friend’s house but I never buy that. It’s fine. My daughter sometimes complains that other kids get potato chips or candy for lunch/snack and I just explain that it wouldn’t be good for her to eat that every day and so we pack —-. I try to not make it some forbidden thing though and we still end up packing things like whole wheat pretzels and low sugar granola bars for snacks because it’s impossible to just send your kids with nothing but apples when they have a long school day.
anon says
OP, I share your approach. I don’t police junk food at friends’ houses or parties/holidays, but I don’t buy it. We always have chips and salsa in the house, and usually pretzels. We do not buy junky snacks than the aforementioned chips and pretzels, and I would never send my kids to school with junk food.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We don’t regularly buy cheetos, Lays or other types of snacks, but we do have more cracker type snacks around (Goldfish, cheese crisps, other crackers). Kids get fruit snacks for dessert usually, and the “special” candy is for Halloween or other holidays. Juice is reserved for Saturday nights usually. Kids have all the cake and juice for birthday parties. It’s tricky because I don’t want sweets and chips to be seen as forbidden, where they will sneak it in the future and gorge themselves. But we don’t just give it to them whenever they ask (which is often).
NYCer says
+1. We regularly have pretzels, goldfish, Ritz crackers, Triscuits and rice crackers at home. We occasionally buy the olive oil potato chips from TJs. We also buy the mini ice cream cones from TJs, and usually some form of chocolate candy. The kids on average probably have 1-2 ice cream cones per week. School provides lunch for my older daughter (and my younger daughter only goes to half-day preschool), but I would have zero issue sending any of those snack foods for lunch if we had to send lunch.
And I know this is an unpopular take, but my daughters both drink freshly squeezed apple or orange juice every day (we have a juicer). As do I.
Anonymous says
We don’t have them in the house. I bake probably biweekly with the kids but we talk about how to add things to the recipe to make it a balanced treat – like oatmeal or shredded zucchini in the chocolate muffins.
Walnut says
I was so good at not having junk food (because I cannot moderate) until we hit elementary age and suddenly snacks are needed for school, activities and also my kids are hungry alll the time.
I’m working on a slow scale back because there is so much packaging and a lot of money for almost zero nutritional benefit. Wish me luck.
Anon says
+1 This is me too. We were great until elementary age. Now I’m the person that sends pringles and fruit snacks to school and brings cheez-its and capri sun to games.
My kids are at school and care for about 9 hours each day, and they only get 20 minutes to stand in line, find a seat, and eat lunch. So I’m sending enough non-refrigerated peanut-free snacks for both morning and afternoon and by the second week of school any intentions to pack something healthy goes out the window. My rule is a carb, a fruit, and a protein, times two. So they usually take some sort of bagged cracker or chip, a peanut-free granola bar, a banana or cutie, a fruit snack, and a cheese stick and a beef stick.
I wish I could lovingly slice apples and sunbutter in cute bento containers and add carrots and hummus, but I need them to actually eat the food so they’re not hangry. Also I don’t have time for that.
Anonymous says
+1. I was a lot like OP when I had one kid. But now I have to pack three lunches and 3 snacks every day. I do pack apple slices and carrots but you can bet pringles and goldfish get eaten while apple slices are mostly ignored. But if I’m choosing between goldfish and my kids eating nothing I’ll choose goldfish.
Anonymous says
I don’t know why everyone categorizes goldfish as junk food. I buy the whole-wheat ones and don’t see how that’s much different from whole-grain bread. Or do people not give kids bread anymore either?
Anon says
+1, the goldfish in our snack drawer are considered our “healthy snack” option.
Anon says
Yeah I said below that we don’t buy packaged junk food and I wondered if I should qualify that by saying we buy goldfish, but whole wheat goldfish doesn’t seem that different than whole wheat bread. I guess probably more sodium?
anonyanon says
We have it all in our house. I have a lot of other things I’m concerned about with my kids, this just isn’t at the top of the list and I just don’t care. I know that sounds insane on this board of very involved parents, but it just is where we are right now.
Anonymous says
Nope doesn’t sound insane at all. We all have priorities and there’s no reason this needs to be yours!
anon says
Same here. Kid is constantly opening the pantry and yelling about fruit snacks or crackers. I typically tell him only 1 pack and he needs to eat some real food first, but this is not something I want to fight right now.
Kids about 2.5 I really am amazed some parents manage to keep their toddlers and young kids only eating fresh fruit and veg.
Anonymous says
Same. I asked myself recently if we give too many Teddy Grahams/etc. and should I be looking for healthier snack options, but I figure as long as we’re also offering plenty of vegetables and fiber it should all even out.
Anonymous says
I don’t have a policy. I develop policies for my job not my home. I have chips and things sometimes and sometimes I don’t. I don’t notice or care what other parents send to school, but if my kids are asking for something I buy it (just not always as frequently as they want).
AwayEmily says
Same. I feel like I have a much more passive relationship to my kids’ food consumption than most people here. If there’s an actual problem (like if lunchboxes were coming home full or if a kid was losing weight or insisting on eating only purple food) then I would intervene with a “policy” but otherwise they just get whatever is convenient/available, and often that includes potato chips or juice boxes if we happen to have some in the house.
Anon says
We don’t buy packaged junk food at the store very often. Maybe occasionally for trips. We eat plenty of dessert though. I bake a lot, and there’s an ice cream shop a mile away that we like to walk to. Sending food for school hasn’t come up yet; my daughter is still in preschool with food provided. I’m hoping she’ll buy school lunch next year just to save me the hassle of packing. We’ll see.
Cb says
I presented school lunch as not optional, which I felt ok about with my not-super-picky kid. He told me his bestie got packed lunch and I said “I’d rather play with you than pack your lunch!” It’s also nice from an equity perspective – all school lunches are free when we are but in more middle-class schools, it’s a class signifier.
Anon says
Mine is pretty picky, but our school lunches cater more to her tastes than her preschool lunches did, I’m pretty sure (there are always two options and the vegetarian option is usually spaghetti, mac and cheese or pizza – all of which she eats).
Anon says
We keep junky snacks for DD and she gets them in moderation. My hallway has pringles, dunkaroos, cheezeits, mini oreos, mini nilla wafers, veggie straws, teddy grahams, fruit snacks, pre-packaged nuts, etc. Kid is a super picky eater, so finding stuff that is easy to throw in the lunch box or snack time that there is a reasonable likelihood she will eat and is shelf stable (since some days the lunch box comes back empty and some days it comes back full) and (at least for snack) nut free is critical. She doesn’t really eat the junky stuff at home, it’s usually 1-2 junky items in the lunch and snack boxes along with her main, maybe yogurt and her fruit. I tend not to buy candy except for Halloween, Christmas and Easter and frankly throw out most of the candy that my (diabetic and should know better) MIL sends, particularly since DH is now diabetic. My approach for kiddo is no forbidden food, focus on making sure we’re getting enough protein given her pickiness (“protein helps us grow strong”) and at least two fruits a day. And if we have a lot of sugar we “reset” until the next day, hoping to teach moderation since my kid could eat her weight in candy, chocolate, ice cream, etc. For DH it’s a new diagnosis, so I am slowly learning how to revamp our meal plans to be low carb to keep his sugars in check, but fortunately the high carb junky stuff DD likes is not appealing to him.
Hmmm says
We do our best, but we definitely buy and serve packaged food (yes, even to our two year old). Goldfish, crackers, etc. We have to send snacks to daycare and it’s just really hard—we do a ton of fruit but need other options too. I’d love to send a bento with lots of pretty veggies but they wouldn’t eat them (I do serve lots of veggies with meals at home anyway just got exposure) and I don’t have the bandwidth right now to prepare and package foods that will be thrown away.
Anonymous says
My husband will eat up any available snack food in one sitting. This means that no one else gets any, so there’s no point in buying it. I do occasionally bring home a bag of chips as a treat to go with a weekend lunch.
I keep small individually wrapped chocolates in the pantry because no one in the house is apt to binge on them. Every other month or so I will buy special cookies or ice cream treats and dole them out in reasonable portions after dinner until it’s gone. I also bake a homemade dessert every few weeks. Desserts tend to last longer in our house because my husband doesn’t like sweets.
Pogo says
We mostly buy what we like, not what the kids like. My husband loves salty snacks so we do have chips, popcorn, etc pretty regularly. We don’t really like Cheetos, as an example, so we don’t have them; though 5yo got them at extended day and would not stop raving. “Mommy, have you had Cheetos? they are SO GOOD.” It cracked me up.
It’s definitely harder once you have 2 kids – my youngest knows all about candy from older brother and now toddles around going CANDY CANDY and pointing to his halloween bucket. Older kid at this age had no idea what candy even was.
Anne-on says
Oh yes. My then 4 yr old came home evangelizing oreos and sun chips after snack time at school and it cracked me up. Like yes my dude, oreos ARE in fact amazing.
Vicky Austin says
“Mommy, have you had Cheetos?” is absolutely hilarious and adorable.
Food says
This is a little off topic, but I’ve recently really changed my perspective on the term and concept of “junk food.” Access the fresh fruits and vegetables is a huge privilege that a lot of people don’t have. It’s one thing to not buy prepackaged foods, etc., if you have the time and money to avoid them. But I wish we could stop calling those things “junk food.”
Anon says
I also avoid that phrasing, but for different reasons – I believe all food has its role in fulfilling different needs. Instead of saying things like “it’s empty calories” or “it’s junk,” I say “this is really satisfying” or “this reminds me of childhood” or something else with a positive spin.
Food says
Yes, this is such a good point.
GCA says
I love this spin on it. In various discussions about snack food I’ve often felt like there’s a class undertone that is distinct from any discussion of nutrition. Like, are the organic cheddar bunnies really all that different from goldfish crackers and cheez-its?
In practice, we keep various packaged snacks in the house for kids and adults, and a not insignificant amount of leftover Halloween candy (eaten at the rate of one piece a night, it merges with the rest-of-the-year candy), and try to emphasize eating a wide range of different foods. But, the adults in the house are moderators in temperament, and we are in a financial position to buy and offer a wide range of foods without much impact if a picky kid rejects them.
Anonymous says
I think of “junk food” in two buckets: treats and garbage food. Treats are foods that are enjoyable to eat but have little nutritional value. Garbage food is food that makes me feel gross after I eat it, like McDonald’s or canned soup or Cheetos. I have no problem with a reasonable portion of a treat but I don’t buy garbage food.
Food says
I guess my point is that there is a time and place for McDonald’s in many families (not so much mine because I also don’t feel well after I eat it personally). But I love canned soup. So calling these things junk or garbage is just unnecessary.
Anon says
This is a you thing. I eat McDonald’s and feel fine afterwards.
EDAnon says
Same. Also true for canned soup. I don’t like Cheetos but not because I feel bad after eating them.
Anonymous says
I love McDonalds and canned soup!! Not a fan of Cheetos though.
Anon says
We buy treats, but usually the organic versions – I’d rather avoid the food dyes that are banned in Europe and I find my own stomach does better with less ultra-processed candies. I grew up in a house that severely restricted treats and it gave me a lot of complexes about them, so it’s important to me that my house now feels relaxed and chill about treats. We also bake and buy good ice cream a lot.
Anonymous says
You think getting up in arms about food dyes = chill? Um……
Anon says
Not that Anon, but it’s much better than counting calories as far as a kid’s relationship with food and body image is concerned…
SC says
I’ve mentioned this before, but Kiddo struggles with hunger signals and is medically underweight. So, our struggle is usually getting Kiddo (7 yo) to eat enough.
We don’t really keep junk food like chips or cheetos in the house. I would probably buy goldfish crackers, but Kiddo doesn’t like them. We do keep a snack drawer with a variety of snacks in it–granola bars, small bags of raisins, small bags of peanut butter pretzels, packaged tiny oat muffins, fruit snacks, etc. The rule for the snack drawer is that Kiddo can help himself to anything, and if he’s still hungry, he has to grab a different snack from the first one. In reality, Kiddo rarely helps himself to anything. (We also keep fruit out, and he can help himself to that.) We have to send a snack to school, and DH will grab from the snack drawer, but Kiddo never eats at school, so it doesn’t really matter.
Candy that comes into the house goes into a bin in the pantry, and Kiddo can choose candy for his dessert when we offer it (most nights). He’s still excited about the Halloween candy right now, but he’ll get bored with it soon. He usually chooses ice cream for dessert, which his doctor encourages because it’s higher in fat and calories.
Huh? says
Did this whole discussion really start because someone sent Pringles with their kid to school? I’m guessing they are doing the best they can to keep their kid fed and happy. Calling what someone else sends with their kid in their lunch junk/garbage etc seems really judgmental to me. You don’t have to buy those things, but sheesh.
Anonymous says
Agreed. This was just not on my radar at all as something to even think about. I personally send my kid with a bento that has at least one fruit, veggie, carb, and protein source, but I also add some sweet or crunchy/salty snack in it too (aka “junk”). Apparently other parents may be judging me because sometimes my kid has cheetos at school.
I actually think it’s kind of hilarious because my daughter has a super healthy relationship with food, is willing to try a wide variety of new foods, and genuinely enjoys vegetables. The fact that she also enjoys and partakes in what some people consider to be “junk” is a total non-issue.
Anon says
We do have these types of snacks in our house. Mostly because we like to eat them. I really try not to label any foods as bad or negative. I’ve seen those kids that never have certain foods at home become obsessed with them at school or parties, and I do not want mine to be like that. We try to offer a variety of foods, but they are mainly ones that we, as parents, also like to eat. If you don’t have Pringles in your home because you don’t eat them, then I wouldn’t proactively buy them. But I think to ban them would be counterproductive. I follow a few accounts on the Instagram that may be helpful dealing with these issues, they certainly were for me. yummytoddlerfood, kids.eat.in.color and feedinglittles
Lizard says
We don’t buy them regularly or keep them in the house. For “on the go” things needed for e.g. school we use string cheese, Gogo applesauce packs (so expensive!!), SkinnyPop popcorn, dried fruit, organic yogurt tubes. For treats we keep popsicles on hand.
There is no reason at all kids need regular access at home to things like candy, cookies, ice cream, etc IMO. Those things are engineered to be addictive and over-eaten. Keeping it around is setting them up for failure. They can have it as a treat, we regularly get ice cream as a family or get them candy from the gas station on road trips. But it’s not part of our regular grocery list.
Just saying says
“These things are engineering to be addictive…”. I take it your kids get zero screen time then and will never have a cell phone?
Ouch says
Your second paragraph is really harsh. I can think of a lot of reasons people might keep those kinds of foods in their home. Maybe they have good memories of that food from their childhood. Maybe they’re really struggling right now and ice cream is something “positive” they can provide to their kid.
Anon says
Not to mention that “junk food” is typically much cheaper per calorie than healthy food, so if someone is struggling at all financially (which many people are right now!) it’s much easier to get your kids feeling full on “bad” food.
Anonymous says
If your kid is struggling and you are feeding him ice cream to help him cope as a regular thing vs a one off treat, that is setting them up to learn to eat their feelings instead of addressing them.
Anonymous says
I think they meant like, if you, the parent, are struggling (financially, or emotionally, or whatever) you can still provide a small fun thing to your kid in the form of a fun treat, even if you can’t go to Disney or something.
Sheesh says
Setting them up for failure? You can’t be serious.
Anonymous says
Your second paragraph is not going to be popular but it’s true.
I can’t even with the number of times our kids have come home complaining that other kids have multiple cookies and chips in their lunches. Unsurprisingly the overweight kid who has both birthday cake bear paws and Oreos in his lunch everyday is the same one with the obese mom.
Apples, bananas, popcorn, pretzels, carrots, green peppers, cherry tomatoes, unsweetened applesauce, goldfish, triscuits, salsa, are all easy healthy kid friendly options.
Popcorn kernels are dirt cheap and a popper is like $10. Not more expensive than chips. And sure fruit/veg is pricey but that’s not an issue for many families that are sending basically all junk food for every meal. Our school has a pay what you can with an option to pay nothing (no one knows how much you pay), so people sending junk are sending it in addition to a healthy lunch.
Our lunches are generally a sandwich or leftovers like chili, piece of fruit or veg and a treat for dessert. Recess is a piece of fruit or veg.
No says
Wowwwwwww to calling out a child and their mom for their weight. I don’t even know where to begin with this.
Anon says
Soooo gross.
Anonymous says
I love this site because I’m constantly reminded how much some people hate me because I’m fat.
Anonymous says
I know. So rude of me to hold parents accountable for their parenting.
If she was a smoker and let him smoke it would be no different. Obesity is an epidemic in this country and we have totally normalized it.
Anonymous says
I don’t spend enough time thinking about you to hate you. I just think you lack personal responsibility like smokers.
Sometimes losing weight is hard. Lots of things are hard. And yes fat people can be fit and fit is important but so is not carrying around tons of extra weight. It’s science. It doesn’t care about you coping by eating your feelings and teaching your kid to do the same.
Anon says
It’s so sad that people still think rampant fat-bashing is socially acceptable. I’m cringing in secondhand embarrassment for you!
Anon says
You’re ignoring the financial piece of this. Junk foods are cheap. This may be what she can afford to provide, not what she wants to provide.
And I’ve said this before either here or the main s!te, but smoking and being overweight are not the same in terms of impact on health. The correlation between smoking and lung cancer is crystal clear. While being obese is linked to a variety of health conditions, it’s not nearly as clear cut as smoking and lung cancer. And being overweight but not obese is even less clearly correlated to bad health outcomes. In fact there’s substantial evidence that middle aged and older women who are overweight have better health outcomes than “healthy” weight women. No, I don’t think it’s ideal for a child to be obese or for a parent to ignore the fact that their child is obese, but I also think comparing it to giving her kids cigar3ttes is hyperbole.
Aunt Jamesina says
Hey Kat, could you please delete this unhinged comment?
Anon says
Ah yes, the sanctimonious thin people who have both no lived experience AND no knowledge of current research and up to date science and who definitely aren’t setting their kids up for a lifetime of body hatred and, in many cases, eating disorders.
Anonymous says
School lunches are not remotely healthy. Ours are chicken nuggets and canned vegetables.
Anon says
It’s not fair to say chicken nuggets and canned vegetables are “not remotely healthy.” Chicken is a lean meat, and canned vegetables are generally just as healthy as fresh or frozen vegetables (though not, imo, as tasty). I think a bigger issue in terms of nutrition is that many kids dump the fruit and veg and only eat the bread and dairy components.
Anon says
It’s a myth that canned vegetables aren’t nutritious.
https://fruitsandveggies.org/stories/canned-fruits-vegetables-good/ (“A recent analysis by researchers at Michigan State University, published in the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, found that canned fruits and vegetables are just as nutritious as fresh and frozen. For canned tomatoes in particular, canning improves the content of B vitamins, vitamin E and carotenoids compared to fresh. Fiber in beans becomes more soluble through the canning process, and thus more useful to the human body….Additionally, a nationally representative survey of American adults found that adults and children who frequently eat canned foods (6 or more items over 2 weeks) have healthier eating habits compared to those who eat 1-2 canned food items in the same time period.”)
Anonymous says
Depends on what the school serves. Ours provides water or milk but not juice to drink, two veggies and a fruit plus a healthy main. A kid doesn’t need anything in their lunch box in addition.
Anonymous says
School chicken nuggets are not lean meat. They are made from the least healthy parts of the chicken (fat, skin, etc.) and contain all sorts of preservatives. Canned vegetables are loaded with salt and are so nasty that no child will eat them.
Anon says
I mean, see the survey quoted above about how children and adults who eat more canned foods have overall healthier diets. I think this is a “don’t let perfect be the enemy of good” situation. Avoiding canned fruits and vegetables and holding out for fresh ones may work for some affluent families whose kids aren’t picky, but it’s going to result in overall lower vegetable and fruit consumption for lots of people, and that’s not as healthy as just eating the canned good.
“Not remotely healthy” is a very strong statement. I might have agreed with “not optimally healthy” or something like that, but virtually everything that isn’t dessert has *some* nutritional value, and any meal that includes 3-4 food groups and a fruit or vegetable is more than many, many kids get at home. The privilege on this thread is really astounding to me, and I’m by no means poor.
EDAnon says
Canned vegetables taste just fine (to me) and there are plenty of low salt options. I like a good fresh salad but when it’s cold, I am happy to eat some hot green beans from a can.
anon says
Stop this. FFS. Stop stop stop!
Aunt Jamesina says
Your comments about a child and his mother are deeply unkind and are unwelcome here.
Anon says
Yes, I agree. It’s just cruel.
anonM says
+1, said much better than my comment. Thanks Aunt Jamesina.
Anon says
+1.
Hmmmm says
This.
anonM says
+1 to these comments being really toxic and gross. I really hope you’ll do some research into creating healthy food relationships for your kids, because framing being thin as a “personal responsibility” can really backfire with kids (and yourself).
EDAnon says
How much does your kid play at recess? Mine would not be okay with just a piece of fruit but he is incredibly active.
SC says
My medically underweight kid eats ice cream for dessert most nights because his GI doctor recommended it. About 1.5 years ago, I was worried his GI doctor was going to insist on a feeding tube or report us to CPS for neglect because the kid would not eat enough calories. It turns out, he has a low appetite caused by a medical condition that is treatable, but the drugs to treat it cost roughly $50K/year, and insurance has denied coverage. He’s definitely not overeating ice cream, but it’s a decent way to get a few hundred calories and some fat in a small, dense portion.
Also, going out for ice cream is not a treat for every kid. Mine has sensory processing disorder, and he has repeatedly refused going out for ice cream at a shop with lines and noisy kids. Also, his appetite picks up around 4 pm, but then we’re trying to serve something that won’t spoil his appetite and then actual dinner, so it works best for us to serve dessert in our home after dinner.
I realize all of this is highly specific, but many families have highly specific situations, and you just never know.
Seafinch says
I am pretty militant about meeting nutritional goals but also not at all militant about banning sugar. We focus on what we do need to eat to be healthy, not banning things (and my kids don’t react to sugar at all). I hate processed food and we never have candy or chips in the house. I do buy one crinkly wrapped thing for my kids’ lunch per day. They feel left out with only whole foods so I am deliberate about what I buy but they do get it. (Usually a healthy-ish granola bar or yoghurt or apple sauce. I don’t love it but that is where we are.) Otherwise our treats and indulgences are deliberate and mindful (we also don’t snack). So I either bake from scratch or buy a special bakery treat or we make an excursion to get ice cream etc.
Anon says
Your kid is the one gorging themselves at parties and events.
Anonymous says
She said they have a treat every day and she bakes regularly. The fact that you think kids who get that amount of treats then ‘gorge themselves’ says more
FWIW – I have 3 kids and the only kids have have seen ‘gorge’ themselves at the many birthday parties I have hosted have been the kids that I know have lots of treats at home and school. The kid asking for the second piece of cake is almost always already overweight and I’m shocked at the number of parents that say yes to a second piece of pizza and a second piece of cake.
Anonymous says
Why is it weird to say yes to a second piece of pizza at mealtime? One piece of pizza – especially a typical birthday party sized piece- is definitely not enough food for one of my kids at a meal. I usually would say one piece of cake but they there are times I’ve said yes, for all kinds of reasons (ranging from it’s a super special wedding, to I’m distracted snd list count).
Anonymous says
One piece of pizza is a perfectly normal portion for a child. Maybe a teenager is going to eat a second piece but I can’t imagine letting a small child have a second piece of pizza in addition to cake and other party treats.
Anonymous says
Are we talking about 3-year-olds or 8-year-olds who play sports? An active elementary kid is not getting by on a single slice of pizza for lunch.
Anon says
Whoa. I agree it doesn’t sound like Seafinch is doing anything wrong, and there’s no reason to think her kids would “gorge” themselves at a party. But saying parents are doing something wrong by letting their kid have a second piece of pizza (at a birthday party no less!) is also bonkers. Pizza is a meal, not a treat. Especially when the alternative is cake!! One piece of pizza is nowhere near enough for most kids at mealtime (my healthy, active, tall for her age kid often eats 3-4 slices) and if they don’t fill up on pizza they’re just going to be whining about wanting more cake. Restricting pizza seems counterproductive in this situation (and also weirdly controlling in general unless your child has a specific health issue).
Anon says
This is just not a generalization you can make. Every body is different and some kids have bigger appetites. My child hasn’t eaten a single piece of pizza at mealtime since she was 1 (pre-walking). As soon as she was walking, she was running, and as soon as she was running she needed more fuel than that. We also don’t really do snacks, so she’s always eaten a lot at mealtimes. She is not remotely overweight, nor am I.
Yikes says
You are clearly the superior parent here since your kids (and you) are not overweight.
Is that what you want to hear?
Boston Legal Eagle says
My older kid will also have more than one slice of pizza. My younger kid doesn’t like pizza and at parties does often ask for more cake. I wish he would have the pizza!
I did respond above about what we do, but I think food is such a sensitive, tricky topic, especially when it devolves into judgment about a kid’s appearance. I’m self aware enough to know that I may verge a little controlling on food and I don’t want to put that on my kids.
Anon says
I don’t think I’m superior because I’m not overweight. I’m sorry if my comment read that way. Not my intent at all. I was pushing back on the Anonymous at 12:49 assumption that only people who are overweight want a second serving (“The kid asking for the second piece of cake is almost always already overweight”), which to me is SUCH a gross comment. Sorry if my comment came out wrong! I don’t think being overweight is something to be ashamed of, but I also think it’s important to push back against the assumption that only overweight people eat treats and like to eat more than one piece of pizza. Two pieces of pizza is a completely normal portion for healthy weight kids, from what I’ve seen, and restricting your kids to one piece of pizza at a party seems like eating disorder territory.
Yikes says
Sorry Anon at 1:10, I was responding to the same comment as you! Didn’t mean to direct that at you at all. Mine just happened to appear right after yours in the thread.
Anonymous says
wow this got really eating disordery and fatphobic real fast
Anon says
Have you… met children? I was at a birthday part of 4, 5 and 6 year olds this past weekend and every single kid asked for a second cupcake. To suggest that only fatties want seconds of good tasting foods is… really something.
Anonymous says
Two slices of pizza from a large pizza is like 600 calories (based on dominios), no preschool or elementary school age kid need that. It’s like half their calories for the entire day.
Y’all need to educate yourselves on nutrition. On here following AAP on slew recommendations like it’s the Bible but ignoring their nutritional advice:
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/nutrition/Pages/Childhood-Nutrition.aspx
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/nutrition/Pages/Are-Your-Kids-Hungry-or-Just-Bored-.aspx
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/nutrition/Pages/Portions-and-Serving-Sizes.aspx
Anonymous says
I find it crazy that kids ask for seconds on cake, not because of the calories but because of manners. When I was a kid you never asked for seconds of anything unless it was offered. I was shocked the first time we had a birthday party and kids complained about the party favors, demanded a second cupcake, asked where the soda was, etc. I would never have dreamed of saying much other than “thank you” to an adult as a child.
Spirograph says
@3:39 I don’t see the problem with asking for a second piece of cake (or anything at all), as long as it’s done politely? The host can always say no! At many, many kid birthday parties I’ve attended, the hosts were begging people to take extra cupcakes/other food home at the end.
and +1 to everyone saying a single piece of pizza at lunch is not going to tide over an active elementary school kid til dinner. At least not my sons, neither of whom is overweight
Anon says
Counting calories for kids is GROSS, but your calorie “limits” are way off.
“But there is a recommended range for most kids between 6 and 12 years old: 1,600 to 2,200 per day, depending on how active they are.” Much much higher than the 1,200 you implied.
Also:
1) there’s huge variability in how pizza places cut slices. Have you never seen the little squares? There’s no way “two slices is 600 calories” can always be true.
2) a child this age eating half their daily calories at one meal is actually not at all abnormal. Many kids this age are picky, and will have one meal of the day where they eat a ton and one or more meals where they just pick at their food.
3) If a child is a healthy BMI, what exactly is the issue with them exceeding the average calorie intake for their age? It’s not a one size fits all guideline. Some kids are taller, some are more active, etc. I’m fairly sure my child eats more calories than most kids her age, but she’s also very tall and active. Her pediatrician has never raised any concern about her weight or eating habits, beyond the generic “more veggies are always good.” Explain to me why exactly why “too many calories” is an issue if a child isn’t overweight?
Genuinely, you sound like you have an eating disorder and for your kids’ sake I hope you get help.
Anon says
And re:manners, yes, hosts are always begging people to take more food. And it’s usually kids asking their own parents if they can have more.
Anon says
Calorie counting for little kids is horrifying. You are setting your kids up for a lifetime of mental health problems. And the sad thing is you’ll never understand that or why they’re drawing away from you or worried about having your grandkids around you.
SC says
“Two slices of pizza from a large pizza is like 600 calories (based on dominios), no preschool or elementary school age kid need that. It’s like half their calories for the entire day.”
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, a moderately active 4-8 year old should get 1400-1600 calories per day, and a moderately active 9-13 year old should get 1600-2200 calories per day.
According to the Dominos website, an entire large Dominos pizza with hand-tossed crust, tomato sauce, regular cheese, and pepperoni is 2,370 calories. (A cheese-only pizza has more cheese, so it’s 2,310 calories.) By default, Dominos cuts their large pizzas into 10 slices, though I’ve seen people request smaller slices for parties. If we go with a 10-slice, large pizza, one slice has 237 calories, and 2 slices has 474 calories (slightly less if it’s cheese). That’s 1/3 of the recommended calories for an elementary-aged kid, which is entirely reasonable for lunch!
Anon says
Per this chart (https://www.webmd.com/diet/features/estimated-calorie-requirement), active children 4 and older need up to 2,000 calories per day and active children 9 and older need up to 2,600. It’s a myth that children have much lower calorie needs than adults. They’re smaller, but they’re growing and it takes a lot of energy to grow. Given that most people eat three meals a day, eating one third or one fourth of your daily calories in one sitting does not seem at all unusual. And yes, unless you have a child who has a diagnosed medical issue related to their weight or eating habits and is under the care of a doctor for that condition, tracking calorie consumption this closely in a child is totally horrifying.
Anon says
Ha, jinx SC. I didn’t see your comment before I posted mine.
Seafinch says
Ha! My kids don’t remotely gorge at parties. They aren’t deprived of anything so why would they? My biggest challenge is making sure my eight year old doesn’t worm his way into the grown up food. My neighbour still laughs about him saddling up to the smoker and saying how good the meat looked. But I clearly struck a nerve by not having processed snack food in my house. If it makes you feel better they all have gobs of Halloween candy right now! Better now?
Anon says
For you and those who don’t buy any junky snacks, I’m curious, what do you feed them as snacks? We’re pretty low junk and have homemade (lower sugar, whole wheat, etc.) snacks as often as possible. But now that my kids are in school and exposed to junk there, I find it harder to avoid it. We don’t buy everything they ask for all the time, but are trying to keep it from being a forbidden fruit.
Anon says
I think this is maybe weird but we don’t really do “snacks” except for road trips and plane flights. There are snacks at preschool (my kid is 5) but at home and when we’re traveling we just eat three meals a day. Caveat that my kid has always been extremely tall and above average for weight by height, so we’ve never been concerned about getting food into her.
Anonymous says
This. 3 meals and an after school snack is enough. My kids eat worse at meals when they have constant access to snacks. We cut off snacking an hour before meal time.
Seafinch says
Same. We don’t snack as a matter of course. It’s institutionalized at school and they get: pepperoni, cheese, grape tomatoes, pepper slices, apple sauce, yoghurt (usually homemade but I not infrequently will make this the treat and buy something flavoured), granola bar, homemade fruit or vegetable muffin, whole apples, bananas, and oranges etc.
If they are hungry off cycle for whatever reason they help themselves to the same thing plus almonds and peanut butter at home and toast. But it’s not very frequent.
Anonymous says
Until recently we didn’t even buy pretzels or crackers but that is ultimately not super sustainable 😂. Second grader has morning snack at school and we send yogurt w/jam or a hard boiled egg and a carb like Cheerios or crackers (often doesn’t eat much breakfast). At home snacks are: half a sandwich, fresh fruit or dried fruit, string cheese or a piece of cheese, sooooo much toast, cottage cheese, yogurt, homemade muffin etc. Try to make it a mini meal. But these days we do buy some “snack food” – rice cakes , crackers, sometimes bars (but it’s tricky to find bars that are not high sugar and that the kids will actually eat).
We have things like chips occasionally and eat dessert pretty regularly but I don’t keep them on hand for regular snacks.
Anonymous says
Our fridge always has apples, baby carrots, cherry tomatoes, hard boiled eggs (although my 8 year old prefers to scramble his own), olives, grapes. Kids can serve themselves any of these without help.
Counter/pantry snacks are nuts, banana, pretzels, popcorn, and cereals like cheerios and shreddies.
Pogo says
Not sure if this makes us a junk food family or healthy food family, but we do: applesauce, yogurt, string cheese, granola bars, fruit, crackers, cereal. My main ‘rule’ about snacks is I like to see some variety – like if you had yogurt for breakfast, let’s not also have yogurt for snack. But I’ve also read that you need to look kids’ diets on a weekly, not daily basis, so if they only eat yogurt for an entire day, but then only eat bananas the next day, it evens out more or less.
Anonymous says
This is what we do for snacks, with maybe more goldfish than I’d like. Our ped has gone as far as saying that it’s ok to look at a kid’s diet on a monthly basis – ex: if there’s a week in there where the only way to get food on the table is a lot of takeout because there are work deadlines, or the kid is sick and only wants to eat cheerios for a couple days, that’s fine if the rest of the month evens it out.
Spirograph says
Wowww I haven’t read all of this thread because 97 responses! but for me: Almost exactly the same as OP Fallen.
I do not buy these things regularly because I prefer to exercise my self-control once at the store than every day while I’m working from home with a carton of goldfish crackers calling to me from the pantry. I don’t care if my kids have candy at Halloween or treats at a friend’s house or a birthday party, we enjoy baking and eat the delicious outcome without guilt, and we get chips at the gas station on road trips or fast/fast-casual food when we’re out and about, I just don’t like it all to live in my house. School lunch snacks are things like trader joes fruit leathers and cheese sticks that I won’t mindlessly munch on when I’m having a tedious day at work.
Anon says
Wow, this is fun because I was pretty sure I was a healthy mom in real life, but am absolutely a junk food mom according to this board.
I really prioritize 3 healthy, well-balanced meals a day (everything has a grain or starch for a carb, a protein, fruit/veg, and some good fat) and give leeway on snacks and desserts. Breakfast almost always includes a side of fruit, packed lunches always include both fruit and a veg (and a “fun” snack), and our dinners always have a veg and a salad. I try to get a lot of colors on our plate too – for example tonight was a teriyaki chicken stir-fry with broccoli and carrots and red bell peppers over brown rice and a side salad.
Normal snacks (which I consider healthy) include fruit, veg with a dip, nuts, trail mix, dried fruit, string cheese, apple sauce, healthy popcorn, crackers like triscuts or wheat thins, goldfish, pretzels, peanut butter crackers, fruit leather. The fun lunch snack and the after school snack are usually something from this list. If my kids are hungry, I’m rarely going to deny them a snack (unless its shortly before a meal) but will put a limit on how many of a certain type of snack (“you’ve already had goldfish, if you’re still hungry you can have some carrots and hummus”).
Once or twice a week I pack something like cheezits or Smartfood or fruit snacks. We don’t often have chips or Cheetos in the house, just because they’re not my junk food of choice but I occasionally buy them for the kids (I usually try to buy things we all like). We definitely get a bag of Doritos or something delicious but unhealthy on occasion. I love Doritos, so I”m not going to be a hypocrite and deny them from my kids. Everything in moderation.
We have dessert many, but not every, nights. There’s not really rhyme or reason as to which nights we eat vs skip dessert. We have Oreos, ice cream, a pie from the grocery store bakery section in our regular dessert rotation. I don’t buy candy, but near Halloween, Christmas, and Easter leftover candy is a popular dessert. We don’t do juice super often, but we do have it in the house here and there. I am under no pretenses that it’s healthy, but if I were a kid I’d be super bored of only drinking water or milk so to avoid being a hypocrite we have the occasional juice or soda.
At parties, friend’s houses, or “special” occasion, there are no rules. They could have 3 sodas and 3 slices of cake for all I care. Same thing with when we go out to eat with the kids (probably 2 times a month) – they can order whatever they want. We often split an app but don’t do dessert at restaurants but if they want to order Mac n cheese or chicken nuggets off the kids menu, fine.
Overall, my approach is nothing is totally forbidden but most treats aren’t an every day treat. Everything in moderation. I’d say that 90% of our at-home meals are healthy, 80% of snacks are healthy, and the rest of the time treats are OK. Almost everything is healthy in the context of a balanced diet. Food is both fuel, but it’s also fun. I really don’t like considering foods good or bad, and definitely try to avoid that language with my kids.
We eat a wide variety of foods and our kids eat pretty much what we eat. In fact, that’s how I’d sum up my approach to eating: I feed my kids like I feed myself. Mostly healthy, but room for treats.
Cb says
A working mom win. I had my annual review (which in my academic world is more of a chat with a senior colleague ) and it was so positive. I’ve been in post for 13 months, with an absurd commute, but managed to get 3 articles out into the world, teaching is fine, I’ve done some good service. The book isn’t even started but it didn’t seem as big as deal as I was making it in my head. Everything seems set to come off probation next year (in the UK, we don’t have tenure, but we have 3 year probation periods).
And everyone is happy on the home side – I spoke with my son’s teacher about some concerns and she said T joins in, is always cheerful and kind, although he “is a bit dreamy”.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Woohoo! The best thing our older kid’s teacher said about him was that he was friendly with everyone and happy to be in class. It’s nice that he’s also reading well, but that first part is key for me.
avocado says
Well done!
Pogo says
CONGRATS, youre crushing it! My annual review also came in as “exceeds expectations” for the first time in my career, amidst a year of everyone returning to in person everything and the oldest starting K. I guess we must be doing something right?
I dropped Little Pogo off for his “multisport adventure day” at a local indoor sports place (no school for Election Day) and he just bounded off to play with the older kids. That was such a huge win.
Cb says
That’s fantastic, well done Little Pogo! I was so proud of T during October halfterm, we dropped him off at the local sealife centre where he was the youngest and he LOVED it!
Anne-on says
I’ll chime in to toot my horn as I hate doing so in real life but I think all us internet strangers appreciate the difficulty of working mom-hood. I’m in my first year at a new job at a VERY high expectations company. I just found out I got the second highest possible rating (very hard to do) and glowing partner feedback. I had a very rough week for other reasons so this was a nice self esteem boost!
Pogo says
yessss!!! get it!!
Cb says
Wow, well done Anne-on!!
Seafinch says
Bravo!!
Anon 4 This says
My sister’s son is almost certainly on the spectrum and desperately needs services, but at a minimum a diagnosis (will be 5 next month, going in to public school K next year). Sister is in total denial.. She gets very overwhelmed and anxious, and then angry. Her husband is the exact same. We have family and family friends in child medicine and one even works with autistic children as her day job, and there’s a general consensus that something has to be done.
Any ideas on how to engage with sister? I’m beyond worrying about our relationship. My nephew is suffering. We are so fortunate to live where we do (Boston), have the financial resources that our nuclear family does, and yet he’s getting nothing. I know that treatment sooner is better and the clock just ticks by.
Kindness, please. I want to help and just don’t know how or where to start. It must be so hard to admit your child needs help or is different in this way – I am sympathetic, very much so – but I’m very concerned. FWIW, those in medicine are not the right people to talk to her for a host of reasons.
anon says
The best way to approach it is to let your sister parent her own child.
Spirograph says
I hate to say it, but I agree. I’m not quite clear whether your sister is also in Boston; you can try to nudge her to talk to her pediatrician, you can offer logistical support or financial support if she says either of those are barrier, but unless your nephew is suffering from neglect or abuse, you can’t intervene directly.
This must be very difficult and stressful for your sister, since neurodivergent kids present unique parenting challenges and she may feel very judged and isolated. Maybe focus on supporting *her* rather than worrying about care for her child. It could free up mental space for her to make different choices regarding seeking a diagnosis or intervention.
OP says
Thanks. I like the take of supporting her. She has her own mental heath issues and just shuts down completely about most anything, let alone her son. She does also live in the area – we all live very close by, which is how we’re able to observe so much of this so frequently. I think finances are a part of the concern (my parents would write that check in an instant, fwiw, let alone me and other sister) but just overwhelm perhaps of where to go from here.
I’m a very long time reader here and know that I would be among the choral response of “do nothing” and “let your sister parent her own kid” – I know I have been over the years, but it definitely hits different when you’re the one asking and doubting on what’s the most appropriate next action.
Maybe a new question: how do I learn how to best engage with my nephew when he’s in these moments of self soothing that result in hitting/biting/pinching of others or himself? Sometimes it’s an intense gagging type reflex, which doesn’t hurt others, but man it looks and sounds like he’s hurting himself in some way. I’d love to have him over for playdates more frequently with my daughter to give my sister a break but it’s hard to know how to react appropriately when this is happening. To date, when this happens in front of my sister, she does not intervene or address so I can’t easily take cues from her.
Thanks for the input, all. Most appreciated.
Anon says
Maybe you can do 1:1 time with him while your partner is doing something else with your daughter? That way you’ll be less distracted and also not worried about him hurting your daughter.
Anonymous says
I’m not totally on board with the group train here. If you are close with your sister, I would definitely consider talking with her in a sensitive way. If it were me, I would probably do a little research on helpful coping techniques, especially for keeping your nephew safe from harming himself or others. In my own experience with autistic family members, we have tried to keep options available for when someone needs more or less stimulation. For example, if your nephew hits/bites when he is overstimulated, maybe talk to your sister about whether she has considered making a “calm down corner” or something similar where he can go to get some quiet and self-soothe with items that he finds comforting (in our case we had soft pillows, a weighted blanket, and noise reducing headphones). Based on your descriptions, I don’t even think you should frame it as an autism issue if she doesn’t seem to want to go down that path, but just as an emotional regulation issue. It is mainstream now to think of sensory processing and emotional regulation hand in hand for all kids, not just ones with official autism diagnoses. Of course you know your sister best, but I think in many sibling relationships this would be completely appropriate to discuss in a supportive way.
Anonymous says
I agree with anonymous at 10:51’s, but you have to tread very carefully with lest you come across as patronizing or tone-deaf (especially if your own child is neurotypical). A step-parent of two older neurotypical children was gave me insipid advice on getting my ADHD son to bed once and oooooh I still remember my cold fury.
Maybe show, don’t tell: research coping techniques and try them out on your own when nephew is visiting. You can take the lead if she doesn’t move to address it (If she tells you to stop or to ignore him, that’s different). Make a calm-down corner in your own house and invite the him to go there when he may need a break. If works, your sister will see it with her own eyes and can implement it in her own space if she chooses to.
Marshmallow says
I’m not sure you really can. It’s her kid and it sounds like you (and maybe others?) have already tried to talk to her about it. Believe me, she is aware of her kid’s challenges. If he’s starting K in the fall, hopefully the school will offer him services and she’ll feel like she has a path forward.
So Anon says
I agree with the others. It is not your place to step in here. Focus on supporting your sister. Also, rest assured that there is no “treatment” for autism. Autism is not a disease in search of a cure or treatment, and so your nephew is not wasting away and losing time. It is a different way of thinking. There are definitely resources that can help specific behavioral challenges – OT or speech therapy if need be. If you want to support your nephew, meet him where he is and engage with him in whatever way he wants. He wants to talk about buses for 30 minutes? Cool, ask all about the buses. He likes quiet and watching the leaves fall. Great, sit next to him and just watch the leaves fall.
OP says
Thanks. I’m aware re: “treatment” – poor choice of words on my part.
Anonymous says
You can’t.
Anon says
I would reassess what you think you know about this. Delayed diagnosis can protect children from harmful behavioral therapies that cause more suffering than they alleviate. And there’s no treatment for autism unless you mean for comorbid medical conditions.
Anon says
+1.
anonM says
It’s hard to be seeing a child you care about struggle and feel like not getting their needs met. I can relate to that for sure. Also, as you read this board I’m guessing you have kids, and I’m assuming based on your comments here they are neurotypical. Keep in mind that your sister might be feeling compared to you/your kids already. If you do intervene, try really really hard to avoid direct comparisons and be sensitive to that.
Anon says
If she’s overwhelmed and anxious, she needs support too. If you have a good relationship, can you have your partner watch her son while you take her out for dinner so she gets some time to breathe? And then just mention it seems like she’s having a hard time, and let her vent. Giving her a sympathetic, non-judgmental ear is probably the best way to help her start to overcome her feelings of overwhelm and anger.
If she seems like she wants to do something but doesn’t know the first step, then you can offer to help her. Sometimes anxiety can make simple things feel like 100 steps, so you could say something like “That sounds so hard! Would it help you if I researched and found a list of a few specialists who are on your insurance and taking new patients?” Or “That sounds awful, would it help you if I spent some time researching how people start talking to the school about resources or accommodations, and we can brainstorm together?” Keep your focus on helping HER and taking some of the likely very hard and isolating work off of her plate.
Anonymous says
Is he in PK now? I all but guarantee you his teachers have mentioned it. Even our middling daycare flagged a few kids for early intervention for autism (and these kids were not severe at all).
Teachers in K will flag the behavior as well.
Pogo says
+1 my comment was going to be to wait until school. They are the professionals and will know if he really needs supportive therapies or other accommodations.
OP says
PK teachers have mentioned it. A year ago almost to the day she called me aghast that a teacher suggested he get a diagnosis / further services. Her response was to switch schools because the teachers were out of line, which thankfully did not play out.
anon says
You are “beyond worrying about our relationship.” I think that’s a mistake. There is a very small chance that you can be a positive influence in your nephew’s life without also maintaining a loving and respectful relationship with your sister. Telling someone their child is autistic and needs treatment is just not appropriate unless you are their doctor or therapist. You don’t really know that for sure.
Anon says
We were in a similar boat for my cousin’s daughter/my niece. The family all knew something was amiss, but my cousin’s parents were more comfortable discussing it with other family than their child (my cousin).
I found out earlier this year that my niece is actually diagnosed with autism, which was no surprise to me and DH. Cousin’s wife confided that she took niece to the neuro early on and got a quick diagnosis. My cousin just didn’t want to share it with the family; he was afraid about getting too many questions/judgements from certain family members (there’s one person in particular I’m sensing he was worried about) that would unfairly impact his daughter. They already get a lot of not-helpful comments about my niece’s very limited diet.
She’s very low on the spectrum, and for all purposes it’ll seem like something she grows out of (in terms of how she presents, not like the actual wiring of her brain) as she ages. She’s in grade school, and her teachers work with her as needed; I presume she’s on a IEP but I’m not sure.
Putting this here because you never know what’s happening behind closed doors.
Anonymous says
I would talk with her, but not about treatment. I would focus on helping her get connected to other parents in a similar situation. Could you ask your pediatrician if there are any respected local groups, or check Facebook? I think there are some different factions in the autism world, so I would do a bit of homework first. But I think that talking to other parents who understand her situation would help her make the decisions that she needs to make and navigate the school dynamics.
Anne-on says
I know it’s early, but I’d love to get your ideas/thoughts on stockings/advent calendars. I think cup of Jo had some hilarious ideas last year and some I’ve come up with are below:
Stocking – a can of rediwhip, my 10-yr old’s wish is to be able to spray as much as he wants in his mouth a la home alone.
Advent calendar ideas (free – mom and dad coupon style) – stay up 15 minutes late, chose dinner tonight (including takeout), ask mom to make a dessert of your choice, use as many ‘bad’ words as you want for 5 minutes (I related this to a mom friend last year and she said it was hilarious and a big hit with her 7 yr old), trip for ice cream on a weeknight, pick the movie for family move night.
Any other thoughts or ideas that will surprised and delight your kiddos?
FP says
We are generally a healthy breakfast house but I do wrap a box of treat cereal (super sugary) for each kid under the tree. That way they definitely stop to eat breakfast on Christmas morning, and the box wraps up nicely and looks like a regular gift (ha!).
Anon says
Stocking stuffers are my love language I think, its my favorite thing to shop for. Some of my favorites: decks of cards (or new card games), keychain tape measure (or any kind of keychain), flashlights, stickers, watercolors and paintbrushes, toothbrushes (tradition!), Rubix cube, silicone or steel straws, fancy markers/pens, madlibs, Water Wow. This year I got a few things from June and January’s stocking stuffer section also.
anonM says
Both of these comments are great! Love it!
I’m buying boxes of overly-priced character band-aids for stocking stuffers. Go nuts, kids, band-aid yourselves all you want without nagging me hahahaha.
Cb says
That’s so fun! I bought the Star Wars Lego advent calendar and have a little inventory of things for T’s stocking. One of those parachute people, some fossils, etc.
Pogo says
I bought a Playmobil and a Lego advent calendar when I was in Europe last week. I explained to 5yo what they were and how they worked. I put the Lego one up high where he couldnt reach it because I was sure he would get curious, but left the Playmobil one for little brother in my suitcase.
While we were eating dinner, he unpacked everything, all 24 little baggies 🤦🏻♀️ and he was so proud of himself. It is getting funnier the further I get from it, but in the moment I was like WHAT are you doing!
Luckily, it was the one for the 2yo so we’ll just hand him a baggie to open each night and I think he’ll be fine with it. Will report back on how it goes lol.
Anon says
My aunt just filled our wooden advent calendar with leftover Halloween candy for me, along with a few small foam craft kits that DD (5) can do on her own and some small ornaments.
I also picked up a Lego Friends advent calendar since DD is super into Lego and it’s something she and DH can do together, I do not take any responsibility for assembling.
For stockings, I will do a few pieces of candy, couple cans of playdoh or silly putty, fresh pack of crayons, socks or underwear, sometimes glow sticks, character bandaids and usually an ornament for the tree.
Tea/Coffee says
OMG thank you! We have super cute advent calendars with little drawers for each day… not until we purchased did we realize just HOW SMALL those drawers are! Most days are just a small piece of candy but some coupons would be a great occasional thing!
Anne-on says
We had a few leftover tokens from a birthday party at a Dave and Busters type arcade and I stuck a few in there on Friday nights and told my kid each token was equal to 15 extra minutes of screen time (you could also use change 15 cents = 15 minutes!) before or after school, that was a HUGE hit.
Bette says
How do you all handle gifts & stockings for kiddos when traveling over the holidays? This is our son’s third Christmas, first two were ensconced at home due to COVID but now we are finally able to resume the tradition of 2 weeks visiting family in the Northeast. I am somewhat mourning the cozy easy Christmas routine we’ve enjoyed the past few years. We tend to keep things fairly small at home (want, need, wear, read + stocking stuffers); he will get plenty of gifts from family on our trip that we’ll have to ship home.
For those in similar situations, do you do gifts before your trip? After? Bring them with you? What about stockings? So interested to hear how others navigate this!
Anon says
We’re Jewish but in 2020 we celebrated Hanukkah on a trip. We were driving because of covid so we just packed the menorah, candles and all the presents. It was still a giant pain in the A, and I vowed never to do Hanukkah away from home again. In 2021 we rescheduled Hanukkah, moving it up a few days in order to celebrate with family who were here for Thanksgiving and to avoid having to celebrate on another road trip. Hanukkah moves around every year so won’t always conflict with Christmas break travel plans, but when it does I think we’ll just reschedule it like we did in 2021. Too much work to do it away from home.
Anonymous says
I bring gifts and stockings and keep them small.
Anon says
We’re always traveling over Christmas (except 2020) and 100% don’t bring gifts with us. We also have arrangements with our families that any gifts being given while traveling need to take up a reasonable amount of suitcase space, otherwise they should be shipped directly to our house to open when we get home.
As for stockings, kids will get them from Grandparent Set #1, if we’re at their house. If we’re traveling with Grandparent Set #2, we skip stockings that year.
Anonymous says
When we travel for Christmas, we do stockings at the destination. Santa leaves the rest of the gifts to be discovered when we return home.
Shipping gifts home is going to be extremely expensive. Postage and shipping rates have gone up dramatically within the past few months. It would be cheaper to take an extra suitcase and pay the baggage fee to bring the gifts home on the plane. I would make sure no one plans to give kiddo anything large or heavy.
anonM says
We don’t do this now, but growing up we always had Christmas at home early. It really helps Santa save some time on actual Christmas Eve! Then, we traveled to grandparents’ houses. I thought it was totally normal and common and knew no different until I was older. 3yo will probably love it. I don’t think my parents brought stockings or anything like that, but I’m guessing they let us take one of our fav new toys with us.
Bette says
Leaning toward something like this… have been thinking about doing St Nikolaustag as a nod to our German background (children put their shoes outside the door and St Nicholas leaves small gifts in them). It’s on December 6th so guaranteed to never conflict with Christmas travel! Maybe that becomes our special nuclear family tradition and I just… let the rest of it go (is that even allowed???)
Vicky Austin says
My mom did St. Nikolaus because we had German ancestry and my husband’s family observed it because they’re Catholic. St. Nick’s involves one regular (not BIG) gift per person and a cookie tin of treats in DH’s family. At the very least, you could do that to frontload a gift and reduce the 25th’s load!
Anon says
Not quite the same, but my husband is in essential services and often works over Christmas. We write a letter to Santa asking him to bring our presents on X day so Daddy can be with us too, and Santa always agrees. We do small Christmas Eve stockings, so we still open those even without him, and usually I get them a special present to open on actual Christmas Day so they have something to play with. (And he gives me a gift card to a local bookstore in my stocking so I can spend the day creating my book wishlist for Boxing Day.)
Maybe you could have a small gift or two to open just as your nuclear family at some point on the actual day, as a routine to take a few minutes to breathe and calm down from family commotion. But otherwise write to Santa and move your Christmas to before or after you leave, depending on what works better.
Vicky Austin says
Oh, the write to Santa idea is very clever.
Lizard says
Bring them with! We were on a cruise for Christmas last year, and you can bet pretty much an entire suitcase was full of gifts and, yes, our stockings from home. It was awesome :)
Anon says
This sounds so ghastly to me, especially on a cruise where cabins are small and space is at a premium.
Bette says
Sounds so charming, especially the thought of stockings hanging in a cruise cabin!
Cb says
We go to my parents in Portugal for Christmas, mostly b/c I have awful winter blues and 2 weeks off this wretched island helps. Last year, we did them after but we had a chunk of time where we had to self-isolate, so it brought some fun. This year, we leave on Thursday and will open gifts from us/my in-laws on the Sunday. School doesn’t let out til the 21st, so we’ll get a tree in early December, so we can enjoy it for longer.
My parents are getting the classic Lego medieval castle but it will live at their house, so we won’t have loads.
Will your family do smaller things to save you the shipping hassle?
Bette says
Gift that stays at grandparents’ house – BRILLIANT! My in-laws are known for huge, impractical, non-age-appropriate gifts with no concern about shippability but thankfully they take the burden of boxing it back up and shipping it home to us after the holidays. Something I totally took for granted until this thread but am now grateful for… I would lose my mind if we were expected to manage the shipping of all these gifts after the fact!
GCA says
Timely question! We are going literally halfway around the world for the holidays. I am having a few kid books shipped to our destination (my parents’ house) and the whole trip is basically one long experience gift (the zoo! the science museum! the beach! Legoland! a different splash pad every day!) — and we get to spend time with my extended family over Christmas and New Year’s, which is another gift. We’ll probably get the kids’ gifts from US family shipped to our house before we leave, and open them when we get back. I’m quite happy that it absolves me of hunting for six million stocking stuffers.
Bette says
I love this attitude… I could probably stand to let go of this notion that Christmas gifts need to be Things That Are Wrapped. Also excellent point about NOT having to hunt down a million stocking stuffers.
Pogo says
When we go to family we pack it all up, but we’re driving, not flying.
Anonymous says
I grew up traveling at Christmas and often do with my own family now – always just visiting relatives. We always do gift exchange and stockings at the destination. Usually we order a lot of stuff online and have it shipped directly to where we are going, then either bring it home ourselves if driving, or ship/fly a box back if flying and out of luggage space. 50% of the time we forget to pack our stockings and have to use socks or something else. Actually I think we left them at my parents’ house in 2019 and have yet to retrieve them due to COVID Christmas gathering cancellations. But my mom was always misplacing our stockings growing up–they were wool and would get stuck in various moth-repellant safe spots–so this is also normal to me.
Jelly Bean says
Reading yesterday’s posts about number of children and how to decide when you’re done was so fascinating! I wanted to share my perspective and see if anyone has experienced similar feelings.
I always imagined having 2 kids, but my daughter is now 2 and we’re considering being one and done. She has a genetic condition that causes her to be legally blind (for context, since blind can mean a lot of different things, she is in daycare and is expected to be in mainstream schools with an IEP, and adults with her condition generally have independent lives). There is a 25% chance that our future offspring would have the same condition. I’m not concerned about a second child having the same condition (although I think a lot people we know think this is the reason we might not have another and it makes me sad) because it’s relatively manageable and people with it (including my daughter) can have great lives.
Her ped first noticed something was wrong when she was 4 months, and from there on the next 4 months was a series of different doctors appointments to (thankfully) rule out a lot of really scary things that affect much more than vision. Going to all of those appointments gave me a very small taste for what having a child with a very severe disability or life changing disease would be like. And while I know we would love a second child no matter what and would find out peace with whatever hand our family were dealt, I can’t help but feel like we got so lucky that our daughter is just visually impaired and we are so lucky she is otherwise totally healthy, and therefore we should quit while we’re ahead or something like that.
When I think about what a second baby would be like, I don’t think about whether it would be an easy baby or how we would work out the family schedule. I think about what if the child is born with a medical issue that completely changes all of our lives. I also think the stress I experienced in that 4-8 month stage with my daughter keeps me from having baby fever because I still have some trauma looking back on that time.
So I wanted to see if anyone has had similar experiences as far as considering whether to expand their family. There are other things about one and done that appeal to me too like more time for me, more money for travel and other things, and we just really really love our trio. While what I described above is obviously very specific to us, I imagine the challenges existing kids have (or lack thereof) has factored into others’ decision of where to have more.
Anon says
Yes, my kid’s challenges were a factor in our decision. My situation is fairly different, in that I was always kind of leaning towards one and done and my child’s issues are not severe. But our child, while so far not being diagnosed with anything, is definitely at the more challenging end of the behavioral spectrum and has reached a number of significant milestones late. These challenges have helped cement our decision to be one and done.
I’m sorry you may not have the family you envisioned. I’m sure that can be hard. But as my child gets older I enjoy life with our little trio more and more. I’m an only child, as are most of my close friends (we seem to find each other) and we are all happy, well-adjusted adults with wonderful families of our own. You’re not dooming your child to a life of social isolation or anything like that.
Anonymous says
A big reason I did not want a second child was that I did not want the second child to take away from the first child, whether or not either one turned out to have special needs. Since I had hyperemesis for the entirety of my first pregnancy, I was looking at spending a minimum of a year bedridden (9 months) or nursing a newborn (at least 3 months)–time I didn’t want to lose with my existing child. I was worried about the risk of twins, which I didn’t think I could handle. And I grew up as the older sibling to a much-favored younger child. All of this made me certain that having a second child would overextend me in a way that would be incredibly unfair to the first.
Going anon says
We went through a similar, although less scary, experience with our daughter right around two years old. She has a mild physical disability that can be managed and will ultimately be totally fine, but similar to your daughter, the process of figuring it out was stressful in itself and made me so thankful it was “just” what we were dealing with. I had bad PPA, coupled with pandemic parenting, and for a while seriously considered stopping at one despite initially wanting two. I loved our trio, just like you do.
We decided to try for a second, and now we have a second kid on the way. Then I figured out during this pregnancy that I am neurodivergent and am working to confirm an (unofficial, but well-informed) autism diagnosis from my therapist. Almost simultaneously, my adult sibling was diagnosed with ADHD. So my nerves are running pretty high about what neurological “gifts” I may be passing on to my kiddos. On the bright side, looking back I clearly struggled as a kid because nobody realized I was ND, I was just weird/rigid/awkward, so I will be more attuned to whatever struggles my kiddos ultimately face. And so far, our first seems so neurotypical that it’s hilarious to me– now I’m worried about parenting this NT kid when I really have no idea how her brain is working.
I don’t know that there’s a clear bottom line here. I’m worried my kids will be ND like me! I’m worried they’ll be NT and I won’t relate to them! I’m worried they’ll be disabled in some other way that I haven’t even thought of! I’m worried I’ll get hit by a bus tomorrow! I will find something to worry about no matter what. What tipped the scales for us on trying for a second is that DH and I both get deep fulfillment out of caring for our daughter, we both have siblings and think our family will benefit from a sibling relationship, and we had a general sense of not being done.
Anon says
parenting is oh so pleasant when you go to bed with one kid screaming and wake up to a different one screaming. i’m hoping its a phase and i know 4 year olds are still working on emotional regulation, but they often go from 0 to 100 in ten seconds, and/or everything is a fight met with hysterics. i try to stay calm, hold the boundary, etc. and i know that them crying is normal, but it really is not pleasant to listen to so much screaming/crying! and it feels more frequent and more unpleasant than when they were babies. (this post really is just a vent)
NYCer says
I was just telling my mom the same thing about my 3.8 year old. I feel your pain.
Anon says
4 has been easier for me than 3, but I think this is one of the reasons I hated age 3 so much. They look and talk like kids, but they behave like babies. It really didn’t bother me at all to listen to a baby or young toddler cry, because I knew there was nothing to do except make sure their basic needs were met. But there was something about a 3 year old crying constantly that just really set me off.
OP says
4 started off easier for us than 3, but has taken a turn for the worst. though i have noticed with my kids who have May birthdays, that (so far) January – July tends to be easier for us than August – December. glad to know i’m not the only one with kids who still scream/cry. and yes, it sort of feels like they should have grown out of it by now, but at the same time i know that they are still little and trying to figure out how to regulate their emotions
Anon says
Interesting! I feel like my kid gets really difficult for a couple months around both her birthday and half birthday, but the months in between tend to be smoother.
Anon says
My 2.5 year old has an amazing vocabularly and grasp of language/grammar (“I want to get that umbrella to go outside” is a normal sentence for him), but I noticed that he’s recently started stammering when he’s overly excited or really wants something. He’ll repeat a letter sound (“b-b-b-book”) vs. part of a sentence/use a filler word.
Has anyone’s child gone through this? Google tells me not to worry about it until 3 but since this is a recent development and he has fairly advanced speech, I can’t help but be a little concerned.
Anon says
Completely normal, and has nothing to do with whether or not his vocabulary and grammar are advanced.
Anonymous says
I would not worry about it AT ALL. Tons of kids do this. For anecdata, my similarly super highly verbal older child stammered when excited from about 3-5 and still once in a while at 7, but his doctor, teachers, and early intervention have not been at all concerned (early intervention eval was for something else but it came up).
EDAnon says
Our kiddo is 6. Highly verbal and does that sometimes (though less recently).
Pogo says
Yup! I even sent a video to a friend who is a speech therapist, and she said it was very normal. If it continues for 6mos+, you could get him evaluated for speech therapy, but mine resolved in about 3-4mos all on its own.
Bette says
Are you me??? Literally this just started happening with my super verbal toddler (he’s two and some change). Really sophisticated vocab and sentence structure but started stammering. Just last night sat down with my husband to say “Does our son have a stutter??” It presents exactly as you’ve described. For what it’s worth, my husband is a neuroscientist and his opinion was “totally normal, we need to just give him time to get the thought out and not rush him or put pressure on him to find the word.” Kiddo went through a big verbal leap recently and it kind of feels like his brain is just running faster than his tongue. But I get why you’re concerned, for us it was very noticeable and sudden!!
Anon says
“it kind of feels like his brain is just running faster than his tongue”
That’s exactly what it is.
Anon says
I hear about situations like this and it makes me nervous for my nephew who is 26 months and only just now saying “hi” and “bye-bye”…
Anon says
Why? Kids do things in their own time. He’ll get there.
Anon says
This was my kid. Her pediatrician wasn’t concerned for various reasons and now she’s caught up. But i was certainly monitoring the situation and asking expert advice when needed and I can’t even tell you how mad I would have been if I found out my sibling felt like he had to worry about it. Kids develop at their own rates.
Anon says
Normal – and agreed, advanced or not, it’s just a speech thing that sometimes happens.
anon says
Geographically distant family just had a second baby. #1 is nearly 3. Care package ideas? I was thinking some waterwow for the toddler, maybe some coffee or tea for mom and dad.
I’m a mom of an only so can’t comprehend how much of a change kid 2 is.
Anonymous says
Have a bunch of cans of La Colombe lattes delivered. New parents are too tired to brew their own coffee.
Anon says
Following! Same exact situation, down to the older kid being only 3, and as a parent to an only I never feel like I know what to send for a second baby.
anon says
A friend snt us a zabars package with bagels and coffee from goldbelly when we had #2 and it was awesome. I’ve done the same and it was popular!
AwayEmily says
Zingermans new baby gift food basket!
Anon says
Not OP but in my case the recipient are in Ann Arbor! So this doesn’t really work.
Anonymous says
I was confused by this and per their website it is still an option:
Local delivery in the Ann Arbor, MI area is available in two ways:
1. Order online and use our standard delivery options. This is the cheapest method for most orders.
2. If you’d prefer to use our local courier we can arrange that by phone at 888.636.8162 or by text at 734.436.2006.