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Leatty says
Anyone else feel like you are playing hot potato with your partner when your kids are home sick? Mine are home with the flu (fortunately their symptoms are now relatively mild), so DH and I are taking turns watching them. We’d take the day off, but it’s DH’s busy season and I have meetings that can’t be rescheduled. It’s going to be a long week.
Anonymous says
Were on day 9 of strep and/or flu at my house. I’m so tired.
Leatty says
I hear you. I just want to curl up in a quiet room and sleep.
Hope your family gets better soon.
Anonymous says
That is the worst! Fingers crossed that you and your husband don’t get sick too! It always seems to hit me right when I have to return to all the work that I let go while I was watching my sick kid.
Anon says
Living it right now. I’m having Covid quarantine flashbacks!!
Anonymous says
So much. We moved close to my parents and usually they are a huge help but my Dad has lung conditions that put him at risk for colds/flu complications so we are basically on our own for cold/flu illnesses and this whole fall has felt like a game of hot potato. It’s so tiring.
Anonymous says
It gets better as they get older. This is just a season. Hang in there!!
Anne-on says
Yup. Plus it seems like they regress when they’re sick. My older kiddo can mostly play video games/read/watch TV when he’s sick but still wants to be around us for cuddles/comfort. Which…is sweet but keep your germs to yourself kiddo!
Mary Moo Cow says
Yup. We passed around covid for two solid weeks, then had a week off, and then passed around flu for two weeks. Poor kids missed 9 days of school, which means DH and missed about that much work. DH was the last to get sick with flu, and now has bronchitis so he’s irritable that the work is piling up and he’s just well enough to only do the bare minimum. Solidarity.
Leatty says
That’s rough! I was sick for 3 weeks, and just as I was coming out of it, my oldest got the flu. She was on the mend (but still running a low grade fever) when my youngest got sick yesterday. So much whining because they don’t feel good, and I’m so over it all!
Boston Legal Eagle says
My younger one whines sooo much when he’s sick (which seems to be every month). I sympathize with feeling crummy, but it’s so so annoying to listen to.
anon says
No hot potato here. I’m always the one to care for sick kids because I work from home with a flexible job, and my husband loses significant pay if he doesn’t meet certain productivity levels.
AwayEmily says
YES. We have had between one and three kids home for ten days straight now. Combination of RSV and pinkeye. Today it’s just the baby, who at least naps. I took AM today, so I hand her off in a half hour.
Anon says
My kid is fine but I woke up sick this morning.
Anon says
So much commiseration. We’ve been passing around RSV and pinkeye for a month. As soon as I improve, DH declines. I’m very pregnant, and the RSV turned into bronchitis. I keep reminding myself that this is a just a season in life, although it feels like forever. . . and I guess I’m glad that we all got RSV before baby arrives, and hopefully it doesn’t come around again soon.
Boston Legal Eagle says
So yesterday’s food thread… I knew food would be a sensitive topic when I responded, but didn’t quite expect that much. FWIW I’ve never heard of canned soup being thought of as “unhealthy”? That and a piece of bread are my light lunch on the weekends! And my kids do occasionally get McDonald’s for lunch, and they (and we) enjoy it. I have fond memories of getting this on Friday nights as a kid, so I want to do the same for them. Everything in moderation, right?
anon says
I had to stop reading, honestly. It comes across as so shame-and-blame, and yet another area at which to fail. I am mostly fine with the compromises I’ve made (and I don’t even think compromises is quite the right word) but something about that thread was super unnerving. FWIW, I always have some canned soup on hand for quick work lunches when I don’t have time to prep anything.
Anonymous says
Food is basically the most personal topic of all. I learned when I was a vegetarian that it’s so easy and common to feel like others are making their food choices “at” you, so you feel personally attacked when people make different choices. I think it’s especially hard for parents because there is a lot of pressure to do the right things to set kids up for a healthy life, but it’s not always easy to do those things or even clear what the right things are.
Anon says
Food is such a hard topic to talk about! It’s so personal and individual food items are one tiny part of a very large picture. I eat canned soup as a quick healthy lunch, fwiw. I guess there is healthful canned soup like a low-sodium vegetable rich option and ones that aren’t as great, like maybe condensed cream of something soup that is high in sodium.
Anonymous says
I was really disappointed to see anons going after a named poster like SeaFinch saying her kids are going to ‘gorge ‘ themselves at parties as a result of her parenting when she was just posting how her own family finds moderation. Not cool. Not sure if it is the same poster who went after Diana Barry on the main site on a food thread. It’s really disappointing for that energy to be brought over here.
I’m just going to avoid in the future. Food threads never end well. Everything in moderation, including commenting hopefully.
Anonymous says
Totally agree. I have 3 kids and have hosted probably 15+ bday parties. I serve extra pizza and cupcakes to anyone that asks/ says yes when I offer and never once had any negative thoughts about it.
My daughter just turned 9. We had 15 girls and they at like 4 pizzas and two dozen cupcakes. The only thing I noted about food was how kind and fair they were about seconds since we had more girls than cupcakes! They took a vote for who wanted more, counted up what was left, and cut pieces so everyone that wanted another piece could have one. That’s what I care about.
FWIW some girls only ate the crust, some had two cupcakes and no pizza, some pulled all the cheese off and ate 3 pieces, some had 3 slices and only the frosting of a cupcake. Kids are weird.
Mary Moo Cow says
I am so glad to hear there are other kids in the world who pull the cheese off pizza! DD does this and she used to be incredibly sensitive about it. Now she and other kids are used to her doing it, but she always comments that she’s the only one (at home, DH doesn’t eat cheese either, so we order a no cheese pizza for them.)
anonM says
My childhood BFF STILL does this! We used to give her a hard time because, while only eating a part of the pizza, she still had strong feelings about which place to order pizza. To each their own!
Anon says
I did this as a tween/teen and it was 100% because of an eating disorder (/anxiety)
Anonymous says
Luckily the girls that did it do it because (1) did not like the cheese flavor )l(it had a weird flavor to it) (2) are oddly picky and don’t like pizza at all but felt like the bread or (3) have a mild milk allergy.
I know all the girls well and have never seen any other signs of eating disorders.
Clarification says
Only one anon responded to her to say that, and I agree that that gorging comment was rude and nonsensical.
The rest of that thread was responding to the commenter who responded to Seafinch by saying that the child who wants a second piece of pizza is always overweight, which is wrong on so many levels. (Not the least of which is that even kids in big bodies have a right to nourish those bodies with food.)
Anon says
Yes.
Anon says
“(Not the least of which is that even kids in big bodies have a right to nourish those bodies with food.)”
I couldn’t agree more. If there’s one thing I believe, it’s that kids of all sizes deserve to eat well to give their bodies the energy they need to live a good life. It absolutely breaks my heart to see well-meaning people hobble those kids with restrictive low-calorie diets that set them up for a lifetime of dieting failure.
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
Who posted about their kid on ‘restrictive low calorie diets’? That never happened. It’s like people here are getting mad if anyone dare suggest their kids don’t have unrestricted access to all foods whenever they want.
Anon says
Someone said that two slices of pizza is 600 calories (false) and kids only need 1,200 calories a day (more false).
Note that this was not in the context of a child who’s been medically diagnosed as underweight or overweight and is under the care of a doctor who recommends calorie monitoring. This was in the context of a group of kids at a birthday party asking to have a second slice of pizza. There is no reason to count calories in this situation, nor is it true that only obese kids would ever dare to eat more than a single slice of pizza.
I invite you to come to my house any time and watch my healthy BMI, very active kid eat 3-4 pieces of pizza for dinner. :)
Anonymous says
My fitness pal lists Dominios large pepperoni pizza at 290 cal a slice so I don’t see how that’s false. AAP recommends 1000 calories a day for toddlers and 1200-1400 for sedentary kids and 1400-1600 for moderately active kids. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/nutrition/Pages/Energy-In-Recommended-Food-Drink-Amounts-for-Children.aspx
So factually – two slices of pizza is about 600 calories and that’s ‘about’ half a day’s calories – especially if you include cake and chips and whatever else kids eat at parties.
I DGAF if my kid has a second slice at a party but I’m also not pretending it’s low calorie and nourishing.
Anon says
The idea that the AAP calorie recommendations for kids somehow dictate individual meals is beyond bizarre. Even if they’re roughly good for any given kid at any given time (doubtful given the way kids go through growth spurts and the way kids the same age can be very different sizes and have very different activity levels, and how that can vary for a given kid from day to day too), the idea of applying that to an individual meal is horrifying. The AAP definitely doesn’t recommend parents calorie counting pizza for their kids!!!!
This conversation and the one yesterday really just makes me feel like this next generation of women is going to be condemned to the same cycle of eating disorders and misery as mine was and that makes me feel really sad. I had hoped we were giving my daughter’s generation a better foundation than we had. My mom didn’t know better. Everyone here is choosing not to.
Anon says
Also “low-calorie” and “nourishing” aren’t synonyms. Pizza isn’t low calorie but that doesn’t mean it’s not nourishing. People actually need calories to live.
Anon says
Someone yesterday did the math from the Domino’s website, it was 474 calories for two pieces. The discussion yesterday was about elementary schoolers, not toddlers (the poster said a teenager “might” need a second piece, implying that anyone 12 and under does not). The chart you linked says that an active 4 year old needs up to 2,000 calories and an active 9 year old needs up to 2,600. Even a “sedentary” 4 year old (have you met a sedentary preschooler? I have not…) needs up to 1,400. It’s clear that insisting a child only needs 1,200 calories a day is wildly out of sync with these guidelines. Also no one has yet explained to me why eating more calories than recommended is bad if your weight is in the normal range.
This isn’t a productive back and forth, we’re never going to agree. I come from a family of healthy, active, very tall people with big appetites who have probably always been at the top or exceeding the recommended calorie range, but I stand by my statement that monitoring and restricting calories in a child is toxic and damaging, unless it’s done under the supervision of a doctor who’s treating the child for a weight-related issue. And even then, trying to count and restrict calories usually isn’t the best approach.
Anon says
Yeah, I feel like that person must be tiny, with tiny kids, if they only ever want one piece of pizza. Food is a nuanced topic but criticizing kids for wanting more than one piece of pizza sounds completely bananas.
Anonymous says
I’m a tiny person and have a tiny kid and my elementary school kid is definitely eating 2 slices of pizza and a cupcake. She’s 10th percentile for weight and 70th for height. Not all small people eat very little — some of us just have fast metabolisms.
I (thankfully) missed the threat yesterday but I’m of the opinion that teaching kids to listen to their bodies and eat because they are hungry (or want a fun dessert!) rather than emotional support/boredom produces healthy kids. Just like adults, kids come in different sizes and grow at different rates, and eat different quantities of food.
Anonymous says
The person sticking by this idea that 2 slices is 600 calories today is the person who originally posted it yesterday—they have made the same typo on the spelling of Domino’s.
Anon says
It was one person who made a snarky comment, and lots of people pushed back. It wasn’t “anons going after” her.
Anonymous says
There were a lot of nasty comments all over that thread. And on this one too with people freaking out if someone references ‘junk food’ and calling other posters ‘horrifying’.
Anon says
Sorry not sorry, it is horrifying to count calories for a healthy child and even more horrifying to restrict a child to 1,200 calories a day when the AAP says they may need double that amount. You have an eating disorder. Get help.
Anonymous says
So gross. I didn’t even bother replying. For anyone feeling shamed yesterday, my kids eat a total mix of healthy and unhealthy foods, processed and un processed. They know “junk” food is not particularly good for their bodies but they eat it. Sometimes my 9 year old eats 2-3 slices of pizza. Sometimes she only licks the frosting off a cupcake. Sometimes my 4 year old has muffins for breakfast and sometimes she has yogurt with berries.
I have 3 incredibly fit and healthy kids ages 4-10 who have a healthy relationship with food. They get what they need to power their bodies and are not hungry.
More important to us- and frankly probably more controversial- is that my kids don’t have much screen time and get tons of exercise (organized and otherwise). They are in much better shape than I am!
anonM says
+1, and hoping anyone else that felt triggered about their own eating can find a way to brush off the judgmental comments. It really struck a cord with me and I’m trying to let it go and remember that I want a healthy relationship with food. For these commenters that were being rude, judgmental, etc., please reevaluate making these types of comments in real life or online. It does not help anyone.
GCA says
Your characterization of kid eating habits rings so true. Children vary tremendously in their habits from day to day. (Did we all learn nothing from feeding babies?) I have seen my 4yo eat only the cheese off her pizza, and I have seen her eat only the bread. I have seen her eat two slices of cake, and I have seen her remove the frosting and eat only the cake innards. Sometimes she is going through a growth spurt and eats everything and then some. Sometimes she’s simply not hungry. She gets what she needs to be alert, focused and active. I had to nope out yesterday because I couldn’t deal with the judginess based on one hypothetical instance of a birthday party.
Anonymous says
Food is very personal! I think there were lots and lots of sensible kind and supportive posts.
anon says
Ugh, some people need to RELAX. We should all aim to be healthy overall, but being too restrictive or shame-oriented with food will only backfire, especially with kids. I have fond memories of going to dairy queen and taco bell with my dad as a kid.
Anne-on says
Food is super personal! I also don’t like raising it because my kid is underweight and I have conditions (POTS and migraines) where extra sodium is really helpful so ice cream/full fat muffins or breads for him and velveeta shells and cheese/mcdonald’s fries/tortilla chips along with hydration multipliers (salt and electrolytes basically) for me are used regularly. You just don’t know WHY someone might be making the food choices they are, so I try not to judge.
Anonymous says
What bothers me is that there are so few people for whom extra sodium is anything but harmful (POTS is a good example of where sodium is useful), and it’s so easy to add salt but impossible to remove it from processed foods. I have to cook everything from scratch, even bread and pizza dough, because of the massive amount of sodium hiding in processed foods.
Anon says
I’m not sure I agree with that… I have low blood pressure. Sodium often makes me feel better, not worse. From talking to friends and family, most people aren’t very worried about sodium, and I know several who were encouraged by doctors to eat more. I thought sodium was mainly a concern for people with high blood pressure. I don’t think that’s enough to get it labeled categorically “bad” for everyone.
Aunt Jamesina says
I’ve read info that sodium content actually isn’t something to worry very much about unless you have an underlying condition like hypertension where you need to monitor it. Take this with a grain of salt? Heh.
Anonymous says
Where did you read that? Everything I’ve read says sodium is a major issue in most diets and most people exceed the recommended amount daily.
https://www.fda.gov/food/nutrition-education-resources-materials/sodium-your-diet
Aunt Jamesina says
https://www.webmd.com/heart/news/20140814/studies-question-need-watch-salt-sodium
Anonymous says
That article says that people who are overweight do need to watch their sodium content, which is almost 70% of American adults.
Anonymous says
Anecdotally I feel much better overall if I eat 90% homecooked food, because I cook with less salt (the least amount needed for food to taste good). I love McDonald’s fries and happily have them when the time is right (like a road trip!) but day to day I need less salt rather than more.
I think the lesson here is less about salt itself and more about listening to your body
Anon says
Like others have said, food can be very personal, and for many of us, the way we were raised around food continues to be a source of pain and shame. I think most people in my position are really trying to do their best to avoid passing on disordered eating patterns to their kids. It can be really frustrating to hear other commenters come back with comments that sound exactly like the fat shaming I heard from my own parents (has nothing changed in 30 years?), but I ultimately know that it’s not about me and that I’m doing my best for my family. I think the vast majority of other commenters are doing the same.
Anonymous says
It wasn’t just nasty on the fat shaming side though. There was someone (or more than one) person going at anyone who said they didn’t let their kids have junk a lot. People aren’t feeding their kids healthy at anyone. It’s just their family.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Even calling food “junk” or “trash” is tough. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to start another debate. The thread really triggered me for various reasons, and I agree with everyone that food is so personal and it’s probably best not to discuss it here, at least not in this context.
anon says
One of my kids is on a medication that suppresses appetite and is very close to being underweight. You better believe that if he is eating a high-calorie food, even if it’s less than optimal, I let it happen. Would I love it if he ate avocados instead for healthy fat? Sure I would, but he’s not going to, and battling over food isn’t good for any of us. Been there, done that, stopped doing it, and mealtimes are much more peaceful as a result. I aim for moderation and do not do not do not want to be the food police.
SC says
Same. My kid takes an appetite suppressant and has a separate medical condition that decreases his appetite. If he will eat food and can avoid a feeding tube, it’s a win. (I realize that some children need feeding tubes, and they can be life-saving for some kids and can reduce stress for other families, but I really don’t want him to have a feeding tube.)
Anne-on says
Same to both the meds and decreased appetitie plus food sensitivities (yay). Any food is better than no food – he also takes a lot of vitamins and we always have fruit/veg but he eats a LOT of chocolate/sugar/peanut butter.
Anon says
I think it’s not just food, but core values and styles related to fun and control. I think every family is somewhere on the spectrum between too unstructured and too controlling (hopefully most find a happy medium) and that shows up in food choices. For me personally, I decided that I didn’t want to be like my father – hovering over the food table at every birthday party and event, telling us exactly which cookie (the tiniest, always) we could take as our one (1) treat for the day (and you better believe he’d remember that cookie when it came time to request another treat a few days later). Now, it’s not just about the calories or the sugar. It’s about the way I want to parent. I want my kid to feel free to grab an Otter Pop on a 100 degree day without asking me or worrying that I’m going to get mad. I want to bake a cake to celebrate my husband’s promotion, even if we already had breakfast pastries that day. I want to try every type of delicious treat available in the Christmas markets in Munich when we travel. I want to eat a meal and snack and then forget about it (unless it tasted amazing and changed my life!). Others may do it differently and that’s totally fine! If the way you eat is different but it brings you and your family fun and joy, more power to you.
Spirograph says
+ a million to your first sentence. Food can feel like such a reflection of overall lifestyle… and it’s influenced by so many factors like time, money, health & dietary needs, culture, religion, etc many of which may be invisible to the casual observer. Layer in societal body image issues and it’s a perfect storm.
Anon says
I’m a believer in everything in moderation too. The comments about how any kid that has two pieces of pizza is an obese fatty because that’s 600 calories and kids should only be eating 1,200 calories (basically none of that is true) were so horrifying to me.
This country does have an obesity epidemic. But restricting a poor kid to one slice of pizza (at a party, no less!) is not the solution that poster thinks it is. And the occasional McDonalds isn’t going to lead to obesity either.
Anon says
Yes, agreed. I’ll also add that should not be calling a child (or anyone) an “obese fatty.”
All kids have a right to enough food to nourish their bodies, especially at a party!
Anonymous says
I love a good party and we have take out pizza probably once a week but ain’t nobody ‘nourishing’ their body with takeout pizza at a birthday party. It’s a fun treat and it’s okay for treats to be treats and not try to pretend like they are healthy or necessary or beneficial.
Anon says
Ugh stoppppp
Anon says
Wrong – pizza has essential macronutrients (fat, protein, and carbs all in one package) as well as micronutrients (varying depending on the toppings). Plus, it’s satisfying, filling, and enjoyable. It’s one of the most nourishing meals in my repertoire!
Anon says
Veggie or meat pizza has 3 food groups. How is that not nourishing your body?
Eek says
Agreed. By the end of it, I concluded there were 1-2 trolls and/or 1-2 people with disordered eating /control issues who were posting repeatedly.
Pogo says
agree. but those trolls really went off.
anonM says
and are still going off! I think they want the A* for Knowing the Most About Healthy Foods or something. IT’s gross again here today, I’m taking a break from the site.
anonM says
…but can’t help one more snarky comment. These trolls are probably the same a**holes that complimented my physically sick, dying grandma on LOSING WEIGHT. This stuff is so insidious for women in particular. (Ex – weight discrimination disproportionately affects women).
Anon says
I agree, AnonM and I’m sorry. Our culture is so f*cked up, especially when it comes to how we view women’s weight. I had severe thyroid disease after the birth of my baby, and lost about 15-20 pounds from my already relatively thin pre-pregnancy weight. I have never in my life gotten so many compliments on my appearance. One of my co-workers took over an entire meeting to spend 15 minutes discussing how fabulous I looked and grilling me about my diet and exercise regime. Meanwhile, I had a life-threatening disease. Now I have the disease under control and am much heavier, much happier and MUCH healthier. People who think weight = health are so far off base.
Anon says
Oh, I can top that. I knew a woman who said that if she ever got sick with anything serious, she’d hope for something requiring chemo so she could lose weight.
Anon says
It’s very DC Urban Moms forum. I’m so glad I moved back to the West Coast before having kids.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Girl, same. This is why I stopped reading. Also there are so many cultural things with food – like eating with your hands (normal/acceptable in my background), the type of food eaten, how it’s eaten (e.g. cold pizza grosses me out, because I was taught everything must be at the “proper” temperature), etc.
I often read recipes suggested here and am…confused because it’s different than what is served in my home and how I cook – don’t get it twisted, my kids love nuggets and boxed mac-and-cheese – but different folks and all that. I was listening to BOBW when LVK was talking about eating canned chicken and mentally gagged, and majorly rolled my eyes at her “hot ham sandwich” (like…toasting bread? How revolutionary)…but also…her choices and folks on this board are theirs to make, not mine to judge.
FWIW I also love doctoring up maggi noodles for myself, and DH and I hit a drive through after a fun anniversary night out yesterday.
Cb says
The canned chicken…. definitely gagged.
GCA says
oh gosh, I am not a regular BOBW listener and did not hear about the canned chicken, but that would be very much a ‘good for her, not for me’ moment personally!
I also have deeply ingrained ‘if it’s not hot, it’s not lunch’ cultural biases. Sometimes lunch is reheated leftovers, sometimes it’s scrambled eggs on toast, and sometimes it’s a cup noodle with frozen veggies thrown in…
Anon says
I commented really late and mentioned that I thought we were a healthy eating household irl, but that according to that thread were a junk food household.
I really hate categorizing food as good or bad. I heartily believe that a balanced diet has room for everything (some things in moderation).
Some of the “junk” food mentioned yesterday (specifically pretzels, crackers, goldfish) is considered healthy/neutral in our house and part of a very regular rotation. We have plenty of fruit and veg snacks, but that often doesn’t sustain my kids who are active and play hard. If my own dietician encourages me to have protein, fats and carbs in a snack why would I limit my kids to just fruit?
Our meals are well balanced and pretty healthy so there’s plenty of leeway for snacks and dessert. When we’re at a party or eating out we have “party rules” which mean there are no rules. We get McDonalds on occasion because honestly, I love McDonalds. Ditto Oreos, ice cream, Coke, and Doritos. Why would I totally deny my kids something I also eat? We don’t eat those things often, but we do have them. Everything in moderation.
Anonymous says
Yes. To me, there’s anything UNhealthy about pretzels and goldfish. They’re not vegetables, but they’re “better” than lots of similarly convenient options. I won’t buy them in bulk because they are delicious and I have the self-awareness to know I won’t limit myself from snacking all day. For me, that is not great in combo with my 40 year old’s metabolism + desk job. My husband buys them sometimes if he does the grocery shopping and I don’t police my kids’ snacks except in time proximity to dinner. They much better than I do, and even if they don’t, they never stop moving and can use the fuel. My general approach is to serve nutritious, balanced meals at home most of the time, and let the snacks and meals away from home fall where they may.
My kids used to go to a private school with super-judgy guidelines about packed lunches. Candy was not allowed, sweets were strongly discouraged, at least one teacher wouldn’t let my child drink the caprisun that came in a Lunchable. Lunchables were strongly discouraged, as was anything else pre-packaged (for environmental reasons). I get the “virtuous” choices they were pushing us toward, but it really rubbed me wrong. not to mention it was so much work to pack beautiful, healthy bento lunches for multiple kids every day. Public school lunch option is such a relief.
Anonymous says
there’s *nothing UNhealthy
Anon says
The reason I don’t entirely think this way is because I’ve experienced how what I eat can alter what I enjoy.
If I’m not eating super salty or super sweet foods, I straight up don’t enjoy Oreos or Coke (too sweet) or McDonalds (too salty). I wish they tasted good the way I remember them because of nostalgia, but they don’t actually taste good to me. If I made myself keep eating them (say because I’m on vacation and getting a lot of fast food), then afterward I would find I’m salting my food more, and fruit and vegetables didn’t taste as sweet to me because my taste shifted. Shifting back could be unpleasant, but it was worth it because I could enjoy my usual diet more.
My understanding is that this is also the reason why prepared food manufactures have different recipes in different countries, where some countries have adapted to sweeter, saltier foods. I think it’s also possible to over flavor foods with this simple flavors in a way that masks signs of poor food quality (like rancidity; there are studies on this too).
Anonymous says
I find this true as well, although I’m more sensitive to sugar than salt. After eating Halloween candy regularly for the last couple weeks, I’ve noticed that the things I usually eat don’t taste as good. I think this is the premise of the jump-start weeks at the beginning of a lot of diet plans, and I want to say I heard about it on my kids’ Brains On! podcast. Fruit tastes amazing and even things like spinach and carrots are sweet when I haven’t been regularly eating a bunch of refined sugar — probably because evolutionarily speaking, it made sense for foods packed with essential vitamins to be delicious.
(None of that is intended to side-eye anyone else’s choices, I just found it interesting how my eating habits affect my enjoyment of food)
AwayEmily says
In this vein, I have learned so much from Virigina Sole-Smith’s substack newsletter, Burnt Toast. Such interesting and insightful commentary on fatphobia, feeding kids, and diet culture. And I think it helps to explain some of the intensity in yesterday’s thread.
Anon for this says
Thanks for this follow up. I found yesterday’s thread really triggering in ways I didn’t expect. I grew up in the 90s / early 2000s diet-obsessed culture and being thin often felt like the only thing that mattered. I’ve been through periods of intense calorie tracking, food restrictions, over-exercising, and obsessing about food and weight in a way that I can see now was very unhealthy (at the time I truly thought I was being “health conscious”). I weigh more now, but I’m much healthier and happier in pretty much every way.
But man, some of the comments yesterday really did take me back to that miserable teenager / young adult who thought constantly about calories, food, and weight.
anon says
Me too. And I consider myself to have a pretty healthy relationship with food, in spite of the conditioning I received in the 90s. And having a mom with an eating disorder herself. I cannot with the food topics if this is the tone they’re going to take here. I hope I’m showing my kids a well-balanced life, not a restrictive one.
Anon says
Same. I feel secure and happy about food now (thankfully – took long enough), but some of those comments took me back for a few moments. In the end, though, it only makes me more motivated to model joyful eating for my kids.
Anonymous says
99.9% of this comes down to performative parenting. If your kid has never tasted a Goldfish and eats only bell pepper and cucumber slices for snacks, you are a Good Bougie Mother. If your kid is picky or likes sweets, it’s because you are a terrible mother who didn’t expose her child to the right foods in the right way. The more insecure the parent, the more she will brag about the fact that Goldfish and juice aren’t allowed in her house and that her child only eats one slice of pizza at a time and only at parties, never at home.
anon says
Oh, I so agree with every word of this. Don’t even get me started on the unspoken privilege in all of this.
Clementine says
I know everything is a season; however…
The toddler is trying to break me. At dinner, she feeds most of her meal to the dog. Remove the dog, the dog barks and she STILL refuses to eat it. Okay, I offer preferred foods (yogurt), I offer to feed her, I sometimes even will allow her to sit on my lap (cater in an acceptable way). She will eat maybe two bites. I offer an after dinner snack (refused). I give a cup of milk before bed but historically don’t allow milk after teeth brushing. Spoonful of peanut butter gets spit out.
WELL. My adorable demon keeps waking me up in the middle of the night screeching in my face ‘I WAN SOMEFING MORE TO EAT.’ Over and OVER. I have tried to hold the boundary and the entire house gets woken up… So now I’m letting her sleep with a sippy of milk on her nightstand… because it’s the only way my sanity is going to survive right now.
I’ve done this before, but – I dunno. Commiseration? Soundproofing contractors?
Anonymous says
Commiseration from the mom of a kid who ate one bite of chicken and two granola bars for dinner last night. One idea might be a fuller fat milk? We accidentally bought whole (had been doing 2% for a while) and I found our kid slept better after having whole milk with dinner.
Clementine says
We’re already doing whole milk, but I’ll admit I considered adding a splash of the heavy cream I have in the fridge to her milk…
Anonymous says
You have just defined children perfectly. Adorable demons, all of them.
busybee says
I use canned soup sometimes but it does have a lot of sodium. We don’t have heart issues in the family but I find I get thirsty and bloated when I have a lot of sodium so I tend to avoid too many canned and frozen foods for that reason. I will do frozen dinners for myself sometimes though- as you said, everything in moderation. Something like “cream of (blank)” is probably a less healthy soup choice than something with vegetables and protein, but whatever. I really love tomato soup on a chilly day! I used to like Campbell’s clam chowder but no longer like it. If anyone has GF canned clam chowder recs I’m all ears!
Anonymous says
Same. I wish I could do canned soup but alas I’m one of the group where sodium actually is really bad for me. I don’t think it’s junk! Honestly as an adult I really struggle to feed myself lunch
Vicky Austin says
Lunch is the hardest! Even WFH doesn’t really make it easy – I have no interest in cooking a 20-minute meal at lunch, thank you.
busybee says
I WFH and my lunches are just dinner leftovers! I only cook on weekends and sometimes once during the week. The rest is all leftovers.
Anne-on says
My favorite lunch is what I call grown up lunchables. Raw chopped veggies (celery/grape tomatoes/peppers/carrot sticks), babybel (or a wedge of some other type of cheese), a sliced apple or handful of berries, handful of pretzels, and maybe some deli meat if I have it. Easy, nothing I need to heat, and almost always stuff we have on hand for kid lunches. That or a cheese quesadilla with salsa and veggies on the side is my lunch at least 60% of the time – otherwise it’s leftovers or frankly a bowl of cereal with fruit.
Spirograph says
me too! My grown-up lunchables are some wheat thins or triscuits, sliced cheese, deli meat, and whatever vegetables I have chopped up. Or snow peas – I like to keep those around because they scratch the same snack itch for me as crackers. I tend to “graze” on work days and save the fruit to get me through my 3pm slump.
My wfh hot lunch fave is spinach sauteed with garlic and TJs sliced rosemary ham, and a piece of butted toast on the side. (I have kept up my covid sourdough starter, it’s my favorite thing to come out of the pandemic.) It only takes 5 minutes, but hot food feels more like “real food” to me, and some days I need that.
Anonymous says
I do think high-sodium foods are junk precisely because there are so many people whose bodies can’t handle them, and tons of added sodium isn’t good for anyone else either. It’s simply not necessary to add tons of salt to processed foods, and that unnecessarily excessive sodium takes many foods that are otherwise healthy (e.g., tomato soup) off the table as an option for many people.
anonM says
Please stop calling food junk.
Anon says
+1. Also every grocery store I’ve ever been in has low/no sodium options for things like broths and soups. There are ways to eat these foods and watch your sodium intake.
Anon says
+1 million from someone who works with a safety-net population and has a niece on the spectrum who will only eat snacky food. Literally, niece’s ped has said “if she eats it, I’m good”
Anne-on says
Hi, person who needs high sodium foods in order to not pass out on a regular basis! Food is not junk just because it doesn’t suit your nutritional needs.
Aunt Jamesina says
Some current research actually says that sodium intake isn’t much of a concern for those who don’t have high blood pressure or other related conditions.
Pogo says
not that it matters, but I believe the high sodium content in many processed foods is partially a preservation method.
EDAnon says
Yeah, low sodium soup is super easy to find. I prefer it and have never had issues finding it (except at somewhere like Trader Joe’s where the offerings are more limited).
Yum says
My favorite lunch is a can of Progresso soup! I do get the low sodium kind most of the time.
Anon says
Same. Low sodium chicken and wild rice is my go to when I want something more than a salad. I usually add some black pepper to make up for the slightly blander flavor of the low sodium vs high sodium varieties.
Jelly Bean says
Anyone have a good solution for kid sleeping arrangements while traveling after their toddler outgrew a pack and play? My daughter is 2 and not a climber (so far) so will be in a crib at home for the foreseeable future; and is comfortable in the pack and play, but is starting to approach the weight limit. It would also be great to travel with something smaller than the PNP.
Anon says
Check out inflatable toddler beds. They’re like little air mattresses with a bumper around the side so that they don’t fall out. I think the brand we have is Hiccapop.
Boston Legal Eagle says
+1 This is what we used too.
anonM says
My 2.5 yo loves the Joovy Foocot Child Travel Cot, Portable Toddler Bed. Her daycare sleep mat fits it well. Just be careful — it is really not strong enough for an adult and I bent ours sitting on the edge of it to tuck her in without thinking once. It packs up pretty light/small – similar to a folding camping chair.
Anon says
Inflatable toddler bed, or just using a bed in the hotel/home.
Anonymous says
I just stick them in a bed.
Anon says
We haven’t had luck with our toddler in the inflatable bed. He doesn’t stay in it. Typically 1 parent takes kid in bed and other sleeps in other bed or on the futon at my in-laws.
We fit in a queen together but sleep much better when it’s just 1 parent instead of both.
DLC says
in a hotel – we do a king bed and co-sleep or a sleeper sofa, or just the couch if it looks wide enough.
When visiting friends/ family, if they don’t have a spare bed, we’ll do a sleeping bag on the floor or couch cushions on the floor.
Anonymous says
Nest on the floor for sure.
startup lawyer says
My son is 3.25 yo and still sleeps in a PnP. He’s technically over the weight limit by like 2 lbs but hasn’t really had an issue. Alternatively, the Guava or babybjorn PnPs don’t have limits because they’re flat on the ground. I definitely wish i bought one of those instead of our Graco.
anon says
If you’re in a hotel get a room with two bed and one parent shares with kiddo. If you only have one bed…kid in the middle?
CCLA says
If there’s a spare regular bed, I’d just use that (if you’re concerned about rolling, consider the hiccapop inflatable bumpers which we liked, but we also had luck just using a few rolled blankets or spare pillows placed strategically around). Otherwise I’d try the inflatable one at that age. I think there was a stokke one someone mentioned recently that compresses really small for travel, and I wish I had known about that one in the toddler years.
Anonymous says
We bought a travel cot; sort of like the ones that they’d use in a daycare, but it was easy to fold up and much smaller to travel with than a PNP.
Anon says
Inflatable bumpers on the hotel bed.
Passports or ID Cards for Infrequent Flyers? says
Kids are currently 7 and 5. We’re flying in mid-winter and maybe flying once or twice next year. Do I need to go through the rigmarole of getting them passports or state ID cards? What do occasional flyers with kids do for identification at the airport?
Anon says
You don’t need ID for children on domestic flights.
Spirograph says
This, we flew domestic with our similar-age kids recently. The TSA agent checking boarding passes ahead of security asked each how old they were on our flight out, but the one on the return flight didn’t. I’m not sure whether they were checking against birth dates or just making conversation, but in any event only my husband and I had to show ID
Anonymous says
Short answer: no. I have foster kids and I travel with their birth certificates, but no one has ever asked to see them.
Pogo says
not for domestic, no. In theory with a domestic lap infant you could be required to show proof of age, and at security if you had like a 14yo they could ask for proof (because I think the ID requirement starts at 15?) but in reality it is quite unlikely.
Anon says
The ID requirement starts at age 18. https://www.faa.gov/faq/do-minors-need-identification-travel
I agree if you have a lap toddler it’s good to have proof of age. Some airlines are more aggressive about asking for it than others.
Anon says
For domestic, ID doesn’t technically start until 18 unless they are traveling alone. I used to bring copies of the birth certificate (on my phone), especially if traveling without my husband, since my last name is different, but it’s never been an issue (it was an issue once at the border; bring a letter from the other parent if you are traveling internationally alone).
Anonymous says
They aren’t supposed to need ID even if traveling alone.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We brought copies of their birth certificates for our domestic flights but no one asked for them. So probably just have copies, but unlikely you’ll be questioned.
Anon says
It’s possible the TSA agent will ask your child to state their name and relationship to you.
I had a shy 5 yo who wouldn’t answer the TSA agent because she was feeling shy. We were pulled to the side and only allowed to proceed after showing her passport. I don’t know what would have happened if we didn’t have her passport on hand.
EDAnon says
My kids have been hit or miss on answering that and we have never been pulled aside. I am so surprised! That’s probably why it is good to have the birth certificates.
Anon says
Same. I’ve flown dozens of times with a 4 year old who sometimes clams up around new adults and we’ve never been pulled aside when she couldn’t respond to the TSA. We do always bring her passport with us, but I’ve never had anyone express interest in seeing it.
Are you not white, OP? I feel like that might be a big factor, unfortunately.
Anon says
We’re white. No idea what triggered it. Maybe just a grumpy TSA agent.
Anon says
I’m due in April. Is it worth buying baby stuff over the upcoming holiday sales or will it go back on sale again after the holidays? It feels too early as I’m still a while away from the 20 week anatomy scan but I don’t want to miss out if an expensive item will really be better priced right now. For context, this is my second but with a 7 year gap and I’ve forgotten how any of this works, and we don’t expect a baby shower or family contribution (our families just don’t really do gifts, for which I am thankful).
Marshmallow says
If you have the storage space and see a big-ticket item on sale, I would buy now. I bought our Stokke high chair during the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale and never saw it go on sale again (my due date was March, so not much different).
Anonymous says
How do you treat yourself, or cheer yourself up when you’re feeling down? My go-tos are: fresh flowers, coffee out, tea at home, getting my nails done (which I recently realized I don’t enjoy so I stopped) and getting a massage. I also take a lot of baths. I’ve gotten away from reading lately but I should find a good book to get into.
Anne-on says
Taking a walk outdoors (not ‘fun’ per se but always helps my mood), snuggles with pets, calling a good friend, watching a silly/light movie or TV show my husband doesn’t like, making a list of fun/light reads and buying them (or requesting them at the library), massages (both full body and those express foot places are good), going to CVS/Target and walking the aisles to pick out a new lipstick/face mask and a treat to enjoy.
Anon says
YMMV, but my town has a cat cafe. Even when I had my own cats at home, going in and playing with the kittens was a 10/10 mood lifter for me.
Anon says
This time of year… I do love a hallmark christmas movie!
Rest of the year, a light book – a new read or an old reread. If there’s something on my library wishlist I’ve been waiting for it feels super indulgent to purchase it for $9.99 on kindle and give my evening over to it after the kids are in bed!
Anonymous says
Long walk with the dog and no one else. Wandering the aisles of Target or Barnes & Noble alone. Getting in bed alone just after dinner and rewatching a show I’ve seen a thousand times. Spending a whole afternoon alone in my armchair reading a book.
There seems to be a theme here.
Anon says
Hard workout that combines elements of fun, adventure, nature, and fresh air. Mountain biking works best for me. If you mountain bike on a cold, blustery, damp day, you’re guaranteed an extremely satisfying hot shower and coffee after. The enjoyment of the latter is directly proportional to the discomfort of the former.
GCA says
If I have a full day off, this is my formula: a run, some other non-running outdoors time such as a long walk, something good to eat (a poke bowl, an acai bowl, fancy ramen, a beautiful slice of cake, etc), some reading, and a little dash of social time. I try to combine some of those things: walk or lunch/ coffee with a friend, or I sit in a cafe with coffee, cake and a book.
If I have less time to spare, I pick one or two. If I am feeling down because work is really stressful and time is short, I borrow a library ebook, either something really good or something really pulpy and escapist, and read in whatever tiny fragments of time are available.