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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Pigpen's Mama says
So I did a search for old posts about potty training and found some useful tips about timing and readiness, but not about how people actually went about DOING it. I’ve read about the bootcamp/3-day/Oh Crap! method(s), but I really can’t see how we can hole up at home and watch her like a hawk for 3-4 days to do this — we’ll go stir crazy and actually have non-optional things to do (work, grocery shopping, etc).
So, how do you do it when both parents work full time and kiddo is in daycare? Daycare’s procedure is to put them on the toilet every two hours to see if they have to go, but they can work with us on timing.
Also, I’, not sure if were there yet with our just under 2-yr old, she’s very interested in the process in general, is excited about her new potty, wants to assist ME when I go (thanks, but no thanks) and informs other people what mommy or daddy is doing in the bathroom. She HATES diapers (and pants and shirts), and will try to take off her diaper, but doesn’t reliably give us notice either before or after she pees.
Also, after reading about this yesterday and having a few failed attempts at peeing in the potty, all I dreamed about last night was my kid peeing on fancy Oriental carpets.
Anonymous says
So I’ve just started “potty training” my 2.5-year-old daughter, by declaring that we are now starting to potty train. Both of us go to the bathroom every 20 minutes on the weekends when we’re home. If she doesn’t want to wear a diaper, that’s fine (we stay in the kitchen on the tile floor and play there). I tell her that diapers are for sleeping and car rides. I tried a boot-camp-ish weekend over the holiday and it failed, partly because we had to spend so much time in the car going places, and partly because by the end of the weekend, she was EXHAUSTED and asked for a diaper. My daughter definitely doesn’t know the feeling right before she pees, but she has begun announcing when she is in the process of going, if she’s not wearing a diaper. I spoke with her daycare teachers and they advised pull-ups for the slow/gradual potty training. My daughter may need another weekend of “boot camp” in a few months, but for now, I’m going to put her in pull-ups and try to convince her that she CAN get to the bathroom before she wets her diaper. Good luck — I’ll be following this with interest!
EB0220 says
I waited until my oldest (girl) was good and ready – around 2 yr and 8 mo. She had been using the potty off and on forever, but we hadn’t pushed potty training because of a new baby. We practiced diaper-free in the evenings at home for a week or two. Then we did the “boot camp” method starting on a Fri night. We stayed home all day Saturday, with one outing (walking) to the park. She did great and by Sunday, we were tentatively ready to venture forth. I did get a bunch of food, etc. so we could stay in and do nothing and picked a weekend when we didn’t have plans.
FVNC says
Since I just recently went through this, I’ll share. I read the Oh Crap book (well, a few chapters) the night before we started training. We decided to dedicate Memorial Day weekend to it, and more or less followed the advice from the book. Saturday, kiddo was nekkid all day. Sunday and Monday we put her in a dress w/o underwear, and went on a few outings (grocery shopping, restaurant for lunch); we brought a towel and a potty with us, but due to camel-ness (see below) we didn’t have to use them. Tuesday we took her to daycare in loose underwear and announced she was done with diapers except at naptime.
Here’s what happened: our daughter was very anxious around the potty (like, genuinely upset to sit on it) and turned into a camel — would not pee except at nap time in her diaper. From Saturday through Monday, she peed maybe 4 times total in the potty (which we did carry around the house to sit her on at first signs of having to go), and pooped once. I very much believed daycare would be a disaster and they’d put her back in diapers. However. Tuesday and Wednesday she had two accidents, Thursday one accident, and none on Friday. Six weeks later, she is fully potty trained for daytime and goes some nights without peeing in her diaper.
For various reasons, Memorial day weekend was the only weekend that would work for us for the foreseeable future (and I wanted her trained before her new preschool class), so we decided to go for it and stick to it, despite her anxiety. Our daughter is older than your child — she was 2 yrs 8 mos, and physically clearly ready. For us, the best advice from the book was to keep all “parts” unobstructed and stick to it. My daughter attends daycare at a large chain and I was a little nervous they wouldn’t be able to be flexible with her, but they were great. So, we left the really hard work to them although we had to initiate training (i.e., they didn’t train her, as I’ve heard of some daycares doing).
Good luck!
Anon says
I potty trained mine by 2. We started over a Lin weekend the month before her 2nd birthday. We did stay home 4 days. We did not go out of the house with her. DH and I switched off running errands etc but we dedicated the entire time block to training.
We loaded her up with liquids when she first woke up, rolled up all rugs (and put down towels were this wasn’t possible) and took her to sit on the toilet every 15 min. We praised her like heck when she peed. Day 1 was a disaster. Day 2 was WAY better. Day 3 she only peed on the floor once and day 4 she was going 30 min at a time and running herself to the toilet when she had to pee.
We brought her to daycare and told them to take her every 30-45 min, which they did. Next week it was every hour. Then every 2 hours which is their standard for diaper changes anyway. They used a sticker chart for added reward and fun.
She had a random regression about 4 months after that, but we got back on track. I delayed nighttime training until just after 2.5 because I thought she wasn’t ready but I think I a could have done it earlier. Turns out we had her pee before bed and once I took the diaper off at night it only took a week or 2 of accidents (not every night, maybe 4/7 nights) before she was rock solid. Then she just started getting up to pee and waking up dry and we were done by the time she was 2 years 6 months. It was magical.
Anon says
Oh and fwiw we had baby #2 when this one was 2 years 10 mos. we wanted her out of diapers for a good long time before #2 arrived to prevent any regression.
Navy Attorney says
From my anecdata, it seems to be the rare child that is ready at 2; usually 2 plus a few months. Every 2 hours seems like an incredibly long time. We took a weekend of drinking water and sitting her on the potty every 30 minutes. After that we go no matter where we were, and for car rides no longer than 30 minutes, even (bleh) public restrooms. It took an enormous bribe at the end to get her over the hump. It was a dinosaur that roars; it was only $7 at CVS, but bribing with a toy is not something we typically do. But worth it!!!!
To night potty train I realized she couldn’t take water to bed. Once we quit that she began to wake up dry.
Meg Murry says
The “every 2 hours” part at daycare is really just because right now they are doing more of what I call “potty readiness” or “potty awareness” than true training, which is a good first step – here’s a potty, keep sitting on it, and eventually if you actually go in it we’ll make a huge deal out of it.
One thing that a lot of the books don’t mention is that for a lot of kids under 2.5 (or even 3) it isn’t so much that the kid is trained to tell you when they have to go – it’s more that the kid can be relied on to hold it for around 2 hours once they get the hang of it, but the parents/caregivers have to be disciplined about making sure the kid is put on the potty every 2 hours to avoid them peeing in their pants. Then you can eventually go to every 3-ish hours plus before nap and bed, etc – but even with that, accidents will still happen, and poop and night training can still take a while longer.
That said, if your daughter is currently taking off her pants and diaper, you could go ahead and do a pantless weekend of putting her on the potty every 30 minutes – because my oldest started taking off his diaper and pooping on the floor at naptime, and let me tell you, shampooing the carpet every d@mn weekend got old really fast, we really should have pushed harder to potty train him. But just be aware that at her young age, even if you do achieve a result of her being “trained” – you may still wind up with a fair amount of accidents if you aren’t vigilant about making her take bathroom breaks.
Acid Reflux? says
Anyone else here who’s kid still had acid reflux beyond one year? My kid is still throwing up milk once or twice a day (and large quantities of it) at 15 months old. Pediatrician is not concerned even though he dropped off the chart slightly in weight (used to be 1-3%) and GI was not able to figure it out and does not think it is allergies (thought we have X-Rays and bloodwork coming up). Anyone have any experience with this while I play the waiting game? Really worried it may be something serious.
Anonymous says
My daughter has a cow’s milk protein allergy and I wouldn’t be so quick to rule out allergy. If not allergy, it could be intolerance. Is it only milk that’s being thrown up? Raw milk is the most potent form of the protein – kids can often tolerate yoghurt or cheese or dairy in baked goods (muffins) but not milk direct from the carton. If it’s only milk that’s being spit up, I think that’s probably your culprit. If you try stopping the liquid milk you can replace with yoghurt/cheese to get enough nutrition. If kid really likes drinking milk, try soy. Don’t use rice/almond as they are not sufficiently fortified.
This is a great resource that explains the difference between allergy and intolerance.
www (dot)caringforkids (dot)cps (dot)ca/handouts/food_allergies_and_intolerances
Cdn anon says
How was your daughter’s milk protein allergy diagnosed? We tried switching my 12 month old to bottles of cow’s milk instead of formula and it resulted in a lot of loose bowels. We saw an allergist who did some skin tests and immediately said it’s not an allergy, just try introducing it slower. That’s what we are doing right now- about 6 oz of formula and 1 oz milk, plus some milk in her smoothie. Yogurt and cheese have never been an issue.
Anonymous says
She was diagnosed when she had full body hives and swelling at 9 months in response to yoghurt. She’s on the super sensitive end of the scale though. Cow’s milk protein in the whole form (liquid milk) can be a source of tummy upset for many
For your 12 month old, it definitely sounds like an intolerance not a full on allergy because of tolerating cheese and yoghurt. I would avoid eliminating dairy as that can make an intolerance worse. I would continue with the very slow intro of milk or just stick with formula for a bit longer then do a slow intro on cow’s milk. I would also avoid greek yoghurt as that often contains cow’s milk protein concentrate and has a very high protein level so it could irritate a bit. Try a non-greek probiotic yoghurt instead (like activia).
I’m very pro-dairy (love my cheese, chocolate milk and yogurt) but I do think liquid cow’s milk is underestimated as a source of tummy irritation for little ones. The difference between liquid milk and cheese/yoghurt is that the proteins are more whole in the liquid milk so they can irritate more easily. Baked or processed proteins are a bit more broken down. Baby formula also has the proteins broken down which explains why your baby tolerates formula but has issues with milk. They don’t really ‘need’ liquid milk as long as they get sufficient dairy or dairy substitutes elsewhere.
Anonymous says
Thanks!
MDMom says
My kid outgrew reflux at about 9-10 months, but he has a strong gag-vomit reflex and would not infrequently vomit when eating solids, though not 1-2x/day- more like 1-2/week (even less now at 13 months, just occasionally). Except it might be closer to 1x day when he has bad congestion and is coughing up phlegm (which he then gags on). Could it be something like this? It sounds like your kid is vomiting up liquids every day though, which sends different. I don’t know. I think it’s good to get it checked out by doctor just to make sure Good luck.
Meg Murry says
Was he always a “happy spitter” (spit up/vomited a lot, but it didn’t seem to bother him)? Or did it start after you switched to cow’s milk or after he had a bug? Does he vomit shortly after finishing his milk, or a while later? Is he eating much other solid food too, or is milk his primary intake?
Depending on the results of your testing, the doctor may ask you to start keeping a food diary, so it would probably be a good idea to just go ahead and start one now – record what he eats/drinks, when and approximately how much, when he vomits, and possibly dirty diapers as well (especially if he has loose stools, etc). I feel like every time I take a doctor a log like that (food diary, headache diary, other symptoms log) I get taken a lot more seriously, whereas otherwise I think many doctors assume we are exaggerating, or the doctor may see a pattern that you hadn’t otherwise seen (like he always throws up after he hasn’t eaten for more than 4 hours, or he only throws up after he’s had X food, or after he’s eaten more than Y volume).
Edna Mazured says
I need sleep help! Both my kiddos have been horrible sleepers, just truly awful. We ended up co-sleeping with both because I am weak and just needed some sleep. The older kid usually slept pretty well when we co-slept and was always pretty easy to soothe back to sleep if he did wake up, I just had to put his pacifier in. A little Before he turned two, he transitioned over to his crib pretty seamlessly, he was just ready for more space.
Younger kiddo has brought be to my wits end. Also co-sleeping, he is 14 months old and cannot self soothe at all. He also resists me soothing him. He wakes up about a dozen times a night screaming and fighting me. I am perpetually exhausted. I don’t think I could just put him in a crib and shut the door, I don’t think I can handle the crying. Anyone go through anything similar? Tips? Help?
Anonymous says
Where and how does he nap?
Edna Mazur says
A little better than he sleeps at night. He takes one nap, falls asleep cuddling, you can get up and he sleeps on his own for about an hour and then he does the same thing he does at night when he starts waking up. So naps in a bed, falls asleep with a caregiver. He is not in daycare.
Anonymous says
First, can you give more info on timing? When you say he wakes a dozen times a night — is that between 10pm and 6am? Or is it more like 7-7? Does he nap? When/where does he nap? What are you doing regarding childcare — does he nap for others? Honestly, I think you should get a hotel for 1-2 nights and let your partner or a grandparent have the children. You need some sleep in order to think clearly about how to tackle this problem.
I would consider transitioning both kids to toddler beds, or just mattresses on the floor. If they’re used to being with you, they might be upset at being in crib “jail.”
As far as resources, I would consider: (1) sleep consultant. Throw money at the problem, fix it in 3-5 days. (2) read as much as you can on your own, including How To Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems (book) and scouring the AlphaMom website for toddler sleep help. Or, (3), pick one or 2 people who are going to help you fix this — you may need an outsider’s perspective since you’re so sleep deprived — and just pick something and stick with it for a month.
Your child WILL sleep. You will too. Getting there will be tough, but the only way out is through. Big hugs!
Anonymous says
One more note — get your kiddo checked for ear infections. Then do CIO.
Anonymous says
Have you tried a lovie?
Edna Mazur says
Thanks all. More info- he usually does OK until about 1:00 AM, sometimes as early as 11:00PM (he goes to bed at nine and wakes at 8 or nine usually). He HATES blankies and will fight one tooth and nail unless he is in a really deep sleep and is not into stuffed animals. Kids are home with Dad during the day, sometimes a different relative if he has something up. He naps and sleeps the same for everyone, slept with my husband earlier this week and the pattern was the same.
My older son LOVES his crib now. Toddler bed might work for the younger, but older kiddo is staying in his crib for awhile yet.
I will definitely check out the book suggestions ASAP.
Anons says
Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child gets all my credit for my fabulous sleeper. Like your son, my daughter liked to wake up every 90 minutes and resisted my soothing. She needed to learn to sleep, but none of the gentle methods work. Not even Ferber. Yes, the crying is awful, but much less awful than perpetual exhaustion. She is happier with sleep, and I am too. If you can’t handle the crying, then can you outsource to your SO? It may take 3 or 4 days (and watch out for that “burst” where things seem to be going well but then go awful for a day or so–don’t give in to it). Two weeks, tops. No one wants to end up in the awful cry it out solution, but it is a solution and it is worth it. Every night, I do bedtime routine, shut the door, and my daughter happily babbles to herself and then drifts off to sleep. I’m sure we would have gone years with poor sleep if we hadn’t read Healthy Sleep Habits and adapted the program to our family.
Edna Mazur says
I’m afraid it will come to that, I’ve failed miserably at cry it out in the past. I keep hoping he will figure it out like the older one did, but he seems to be getting worse. I’ve reserved the book at the library, thanks for the suggestions and support.
CPA Lady says
If I were you, I would go stay at a hotel for a few nights to get some rest and let someone else (spouse? sleep consultant?) teach your child to self soothe if you can’t bear to do it. If you do CIO it should only take a few days. It took 3 days for us. I cant say it was fun, but my daughter is now an amazing sleeper (11-12 hours a night, no wake ups– just keep repeating that to yourself when you feel yourself getting weak). Do you have any hard-ass mom friends who would come sit with you during CIO if you’re afraid you’re too weak? I would totally do that for a friend.
You need to get some rest, too. Not sure where you live, but if you have to drive anywhere, you are endangering yourself and others every time you get behind the wheel of a car in a severely sleep deprived state. It’s just as dangerous as drunk driving.
anne-on says
If it helps strengthen your resolve, I backed my car into my garage door one day when seriously sleep deprived (sick kiddo, up for nights in a row). It really clarified for me just how tired I was, and that yes, sleep deprivation is dangerous.
Frozen Peach says
Yep. Totaled two cars in a week. And then did CIO.
Anonymous says
Dr. Jay Gordon has a sleep training method for co-sleeping babies over 1 year old. Might work for you. He’s also an anti-vaxx guy so ignore that but I think the non- CIO sleep training is good advice.
http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html
Pantley’s No Cry Sleep Solution also has a toddler version book that came out and might help. Harvey Karp who wrote happiest baby on the block wrote the foreword.
https://www.amazon.ca/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Toddlers-Preschoolers/dp/0071444912
RDC says
Do you have a basement? We sat in the basement while doing CIO so we couldn’t hear the screaming. Checked the video monitor (sound off) every now and then to make sure he looked safe (hadn’t managed to climb out of the crib or whatever). Not sure which “method” it is, but we went in to check at 5/7/10/15 minute increments while he was awake.
As others have said, it’s so worth it in the end. You can do it!!
AIMS says
I would do this also. Easier said than done but maybe the reason he can’t self soothe is because you aren’t giving him a chance to learn how to do it. Our pediatrician basically framed it for us giving the kid the gift of sleep. So perhaps reframe how you think about it?
layered bob says
This idea that parents who co-sleep are “weaker” than parents who do CIO is false and insulting.
If you are disturbed by the crying, I think it means that you are attuned to the needs of your child and understand that so much crying is not the best thing for you/them at this point. Farming out “teaching” them to “self-soothe” on a sleep consultant is not going to make you feel any better about this.
I found some helpful ideas in Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and The No Cry Sleep Solution. And by observing that kids who didn’t sleep well did eventually end up sleeping well as they got older.
Anonymous says
Agree 100%
CIO or CC are not the only options for sleep training. If that works for your family, fine. But don’t imply other parents are ‘not strong enough’ because they chose a no cry method.
I posted about Jay Gordon’s co-sleeping no cry training method and a link to No Cry sleep solution for toddlers by Pantley on Amazon. Seems to be stuck in moderation.
Edna Mazur says
I appreciate your comment. I didn’t phrase that well. I should have said “we ended up co-sleeping so I could get some sleep but co-sleeping was not something we had planned and is not currently desirable to anyone but the kiddo in our house.” In short, co-sleeping is great for people that want to co-sleep. I didn’t’ want to and currently don’t want to continue.
Anonymous says
How long has your 14 month only been waking and screaming at night? If it’s recent, could it be teething? Teething totally throws off my normally good sleeper. Try a dose of advil at bedtime maybe?
You could also try sidecaring a crib for each to either side of your bed and enforce that they sleep in there. Once they are used to the cribs, you can move the cribs out to another room.
Try music or white noise at bedtime or overnight so that when you move them out, the sound association will help them sleep.
layered bob says
I don’t think it’s just you; there is a pervasive sense (here and in a lot of other mothering forums) that parents don’t do CIO because they are “weak,” and that is just so much bu l l$h! t.
To add some more constructive ideas to my comment, we’ve found Jay Gordon helpful as well.
I also really like Janet Lansbury. One very helpful idea that I took away from Janet Lansbury is that I don’t have to *work* to get my child to sleep – my calm presence can be enough. When she wakes up at night crying and resists sleep (which now is seldom but used to be frequent), we carefully observe her needs (is she wet? feverish? cold? are her PJs twisted?) and then calmly put a hand on her back while she lays kicking and yelling safely between us in bed. We have found at her age this is quicker than bouncing/rocking/singing/shushing, which she resists when she is in these moods.
I think the key is not to transfer any anxiety about her sleep – you have to really believe that it is your job to provide opportunities for sleep – dark, cool, quiet room, warm pjs, soothing routine and calm, predictable presence – and your child’s job to sleep as much as they need to sleep.
Edna Mazured says
I get it, the Mom judgment.
Thank you for your advice this may actually work really well for us. Right now when he wakes up I snuggle him, put his paci back in, hold him, etc. It might be less jarring for all of us if I assure him that Mommy is here and let him fuss and put himself back to sleep while still co-sleeping for awhile. Then maybe transition to a pack and play next to me once he has figured out how to put himself back to sleep so hopefully I can spend the night in bed with my husband again.
Anonymous says
If he has a pacifier – try putting bumper pads all the way around his crib plus put in extra pacifiers – like 5 extra. Plus if they come in different colors buy the brighter ones. My son can never find the blue and green ones at night but the orange ones are easier to see somehow.
layered bob says
yeah, right now we are in the process of transitioning to a twin mattress on the floor beside our bed (it is perpendicular to our bed with half under the bed and half sticking out). I can still reach down at night and put my hand on her if she is a little unsettled, or pull her up into bed with us if she’s really upset, but I get to spend most of the night *not* being randomly kicked by a sweaty baby, which is great.
Frozen Peach says
I have found the advice from Moms on Call’s resources to be tremendously helpful. We’ve got a great sleeper and I credit following their advice.
The white noise machine is a particular game changer. LOUD. Now our 14-month old turns it on for us when she’s ready for bed.
anon says
I would 100 % throw money at the problem if you can. You leave the house, hire a sleep consultant, and it will be so worth it a million times over. Gentle sleep methods are a lot harder to be successful with at 14 months.
Anonymous says
This is totally inaccurate information about using non-CIO methods with older babies.
The Jay Gordon method doesn’t recommend starting until after 12 months. The new Pantley No Cry book is specifically aimed at toddlers and is endorsed by Harvey Karp who wrote the Happiest Baby on the Block book.
JB, JD says
I am right there with you. I have a 13 month old who is also co-sleeping (her choice, not ours). We used Dr. Jay Gordon to night wean her right around her first birthday. That helped immensely in terms of getting her to do longer sleep stretches, even if they were while co-sleeping. After that was resolved, we started pushing her crib more. We’ve had luck putting her down completely asleep (totally against the drowsy but awake teachings and definitely not how we did Kiddo #1) and then turning on a a mini vibration soother from Summer Infant and put that’s under her mattress. Last week she stayed in her crib ALL NIGHT LONG for two nights and it was the most glorious event of my life. She has yet to repeat this phenomenon but is at least going in her crib for the first half of the night most nights.
I ended up doing a consultation with Science Mommy sleep consultants which was helpful but more than anything I think she just needed to get to a point where she was ready to go in her crib, like your older one. Prior to all this we had tried everything – CIO, Pantley, Healthy Sleep, etc. Hugs to you – it’s so, so, so hard particularly when they pass a year and you think you are out of the baby phase and yet they still sleep like one.
CPA Lady says
I know this has been discussed here before, but I cant find the threads… Can someone tell me it’s okay that my kid still has a pacifier and that I haven’t ruined her for life? She is addicted to her paci. Obsessed with it. She’s almost 2, and I’m trying to figure out what I need to do. She doesn’t use it at daycare other than during nap time, but I let her use one any time she wants at home or in the car. I was thinking that I would start limiting her use at home to just nap time and bedtime? And she can have one in the car too? And then when she’s old enough to get the conept I can do the paci-fairy thing? I just feel like I’ve waited too long to take it away and now it’s going to be an issue. I just really dont want to take it away at the wrong time and have her suck her thumb til she’s 12. What should I do?
mascot says
You haven’t ruined her. I’d start by limiting the paci to sleep use only and make it consistent with the daycare. The car is tough. Can you limit it to when she actually asks for it? It may be an out of sight, out of mind thing.
Once we got paci usage to sleep use only, it was pretty easy to phase it out around age 2.5. And, it wasn’t replaced by thumb sucking. We had a lot of major life changes going on at 2 so we waited until things calmed down a bit before taking the paci.
Jen says
Replace it with a fun toy in the car. My kid likes those coloring books with magic ink. Or a puzzle or whatever.
H says
For my 19 month old it is definitely an out of site out of mind thing. He doesn’t use it at all at daycare (even for naps which I find amazing). At home, he doesn’t ask for it but if he sees it, he wants it. And he totally expects it for bed and naps. We try to hide them as soon as he wakes up.
Goosebumpy says
It’s okay! My daughter is three and a half, and we just got rid of her pacifier. We tried to steer her toward only using it at naptime and bedtime, but she would sometimes still use it around the house. (Her school wouldn’t allow her to have one, though.) I recently read that the drop-dead age for getting rid of pacifiers is four (I’ll look for a link to the article–it was from a publication for nurses), so we’ve been talking about it with her for a couple months (big girls don’t use pacifiers, etc.), and we told her we would “pack them up” for her baby brother to use later. My husband decided to tie getting rid of the pacifier to a Father’s Day event at her school, which she was really looking forward to, so we just talked up both things for about a week beforehand (“remember, on Friday your dad’s going to come to school for ____, AND we’re going to put all your pacifiers away for your baby brother to use when he’s older”). Worked like a charm–she’s only mentioned them in passing once or twice. And for what it’s worth, I used a pacifier until I was about six, and I’m (mostly) totally well-adjusted!
Jen says
Get rid of it. We never had a paci but my 2.5 year old was still drinking a bottle of milk to put herself to sleep. She didn’t need it at daycare but would howl at home without it. I was weak.
Then one day we just declared we were done. The “milk cups” were washed and packed up and she left them downstairs “for babies.” She cried and howled but we made it two nights without the cups (I admittedly laid with her til she fell asleep…) and then….cups disappeared and a Big Girl Bike came!
All she could talk about was how those cups were for babies and she’s a big girl with a bike and blah blah blah. She’s 3.5 and still rings it up!
So- yes, it’s ok and she’s not ruined but as someone on the other side of it just tackle it and get rid of them. The world is simpler over here :-)
(was) due in June says
I had a paci until I was 2.5, I think. Maybe 3. I was apparently addicted to it. My mom arranged with a local toy store that I was going to come into the store and “buy” something with my paci, up to a certain dollar value. I had to hand it over at the cash register. I’m sure she talked it up for a while in advance. One of my earliest memories is the little stuffed animal that I chose and handing over the paci. I had that toy for more than a dozen years.
(was) due in June says
And clearly, having a paci until 3 ruined me for life, ya know with the stable marriage and successful career and all :)
H says
What a great idea! Smart mom.
Maddie Ross says
We got rid of it around 3, and honestly it went WAY better than expected. For us and with our LO, what worked better than springing it on her was to talk it up for a bit – we did the “paci fairy” thing and told her the fairy was coming since she was turning 3 and becoming a big girl, yada yada, for about 2 weeks or so. For her 3rd birthday, we got her a swingset that wasn’t installed for about a week. The day the swingset was installed, we got home and announced “wow, paci fairy was her.” She (amazingly) handed over the paci she’d had in the car that afternoon. The rest disappeared, except for one that “mysteriously” (i.e., we left it purposefully) remained in her bed. She’s allowed that one that’s in her bed at bedtime only. We’re about 2 months in and she only uses it when she’s really really exhausted at bedtime. So I consider it a success.
hoola hoopa says
Putting aside the social stigma that some people put on a pacifier, there’s absolutely nothing to worry about until their baby teeth start to wiggle.
Rather than limiting to bed/nap time, I recommend limiting use TO THE BED. It’s available whenever they need it – and the idea of a limit in and of itself doesn’t cause anxiety that requires a binky – but since beds are boring they will self-limit their time.
Car is up to you. It’s a pretty small amount of time and a very specific location, so if it keeps the peace then go for it. That said, it’s probably the next to drop.
Meg Murry says
Yup, this is what we did. And bonus, for a little while there, it meant my kid voluntarily would go up for a nap, or even ask if he could go to his bed at 10 am on a random Sunday when he hadn’t slept well the night before – he wouldn’t nap, but he’s lay in the bed with his pacifier and play with his blankets or stuffed animals. We also started pushing his lovey much harder around the same time. We used the phrase “Binkies are for bed” and had him toss his binky in the crib whenever we went to get him out and “Say byebye to binky, it will be there for you at naptime”
Then we did a lot of talking about how he could give his binkies to his new baby cousin, and then started talking up the binky fairy (not long after my oldest had a few tooth fairy visits). I think it was around 2.5, and he asked for “a yellow ball” from the binky fairy. He’s 4.5 now, and he still points out the yellow ball the binky fairy brought him.
OTOH, we took away my oldest’s pacifiers cold turkey around 14 months, and he switched to sucking his thumb, which took until he was 6 to break. So you are right to worry that she could switch to thumb sucking, but I think if she doesn’t already now when tired and no pacifier is available, she probably won’t start.
And along the same lines as yesterday’s “all parents have one crazy over the top thing” like elaborate birthday parties or hairbows, I feel like all parents/kids have one thing that sticks around way longer than it “should” like a pacifier or bottle after 1 or 2, thumb sucking, diapers, blankie, etc – and in my opinion, if it’s just that one thing, and it’s not actively causing tooth decay or something, it’s probably not worth going crazy over, and you totally aren’t the only one.
Bath seats says
So I’ve been very excited to move my 7 month olds to bath seats so that they can bathe at the same time (and hang out for a while because they love the tub). I think they are sitting well enough for them now, but I can’t find one where I normally buy baby stuff — which is mostly Amazon. I’ve seen that some have been recalled due to drowning risk, which I’m assuming is because people leave babies unattended.
What do you use for a baby who is just starting to sit?Where did you buy it?
Thanks!
Katala says
We had a seat from summer infant: https://www.amazon.com/Summer-3-Stage-Infant-Positioner-Activity/dp/B00H4E9WLI/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1467989514&sr=8-3&keywords=summer+infant+seat
Not a bath seat, but it’s plastic so would probably work with a towel or mat underneath. We liked it a lot and the toy tray helped him learn to sit up and reach (although you wouldn’t use that in the bath, it works without). He liked it too – it was in storage for months and when we unpacked it after moving, he went right over and tried to sit in it. So we may use it as a booster sometime.
POSITA says
We used the Munchkin inflatable duck tub. It was a big hit. It’s on Amazon.
Goosebumpy says
Recommendations for a birthday present for a four-year-old who loves fire trucks?
AIMS says
Fireman uniform.
Anonymous says
I think you mean ‘firefighter’ because there is nothing in OP’s post to indicate it’s a boy who love fire trucks.
Agree that a costume is a great idea.
mascot says
Firefighter costume, this helmet (with apologies to parents-kids love it) https://www.amazon.com/Fighter-Helmet-Lights-Siren-Costume/dp/B016CIVYZ8
Backback water tank fire extinguisher toy.
Also, the fire stations near us are very welcoming to kids. They encourage them to stop by for a visit at any time and will let them crawl all over the equipment, explain everything on the trucks, give them fire badge stickers, etc. So maybe a visit to a real firehouse would be fun.
Frozen Peach says
I just need to note that the fact that Melissa and Doug calls all their toy costumes “Role Play” costumes makes me snort every time I see it. I am a twelve year old boy.
anne-on says
One of the Bruder fire trucks? They’re incredibly detailed and very sturdy. The huge Mack one was my son’s bribe for potty training ;)
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=bruder+fire+truck
anon says
Playmobile makes a great starter fire fighter set. Lego, too, but they’re a little smaller. My son is 4 and loves them anyway.
AIMS says
So my kid suddenly hates baths. Never an issue before and then she went thru a period where she’d be upset getting in but then fine and now it’s just screaming the entire time, no matter what I do – toys, songs, patticake… So far I’ve just been rushing thru it. Anyone have better suggestions? Will this pass eventually?
anne-on says
Its a phase. My son went through it briefly at about 7 months? Do the usual (make sure the water isn’t too warm or cold, try to avoid dumping water over her head/getting soap in her eyes). Otherwise, just grin and bear it and it should pass.
AIMS says
This started at 7 months. Thanks!!!
MomAnon4This says
What age? Old enough to pretend?
We watched a few movies around age 18 months-2 years, and my son would say NO to baths. But then we’d say, well, what about a MUDbath (like Shrek) or a JEDI bath (like Star Wars) and he would say YES and happily jump into the (exact same as previous) bath. The difference was WE were excited, too! Also maybe try showers?
Showers says
This is going to sound weird, but showers. My daughter decided she hates baths too. They have become a screaming fighting nightmare. Last weekend I took a shower and asked if she wanted to get in with me. She did and was perfectly happy and content to walk around in the shower. I even washed her hair with no hysteria. I was shocked.
anon says
We are VERY pro-shower. Have been doing them since infancy. Faster than baths and also more efficient because you both get clean at the same time!
AIMS says
How do you shower with a baby? I’d have to hold her and it seems like doing that and getting her soaped up would be impossible. We’ve done it on vacation but it always felt precarious.
POSITA says
Get a non-slip mat and she can sit at the far end and play with toys while you get clean. Then you can soap her while she sits.
anon from 11:28 says
We just use our hands and baby wash, and we also don’t worry about scrubbing him really thoroughly. You can hold the baby with one arm and wash with the other. The more complicated part is doing your own washing up. Before he could sit, we would most often just do it while both parents were home and have the non-showering parent pass the baby to the showering parent and retrieve the baby after. Our baby sat really really early, though, so after that we would just have him sit on the floor of the tub. I bet you could also use a bumbo seat or similar. Even now at 16 months we still sometimes do the pass-the-baby method, though, because then one of us can get him dressed while the other one finishes showering – saves time in the morning.
MDMom says
How old? Approx 1? Very normal at that age. My kid started randomly hating baths right after he turned 1. Would scream when we emerged the bathroom. I basically didn’t force it except a maybe 2x/week when he really needed his hair washed. I got in with him. He was very clingy and teary at first but after 2 weeks was back to bathing on his own except he cries and is done with the bath as soon as his face gets wet. Ive ordered a bunch of solutions for this on Amazon and am in process of trying them.
AIMS says
7 + months. I normally don’t force baths too often but it’s been really hot so she’s needing her hair washed more often plus I prefer to get sunblock off her before bed if she was outside that day.
Anonymous says
It will pass. I’ve survived a particular rough period like this by filling a plastic tote with warm water, setting it out on the deck and telling my daughter it was a pool. Pool outside was acceptable, exact same tote in the bathroom inside was not. Sigh, toddlers. Doesn’t work unless it’s warm outside and you have a deck/patio.
AEK says
One thing to check– does she have a diaper rash? If my little one gets it, he screams when it’s time to sit in the tub (and resists getting in— he knows what’s coming). Using cooler water helps. And the fuss stops once the rash clears.
AB says
My kid has gone through a couple of these phases, and I have addressed them largely with bubble bath, but sometimes getting in the tub with her helps too.
Autoplay ad says
Right on top of the comment section, I just got an autoplay video with loud, annoying music, for Visa Signature featuring Cirque du Soleil. It then cycled to an ad Magic Kingdom. No link when I right click, just the video.
MomAnon4This says
Everyone is asking for advice today! What a Friday, huh?
Would love to simplify my wardrobe to dresses — preferably pumping-friendly with pockets. Any season (I live in the Southeast, I can easily add cardigan or camisole or leggings or whatever).
Any suggestions on brands, where to look, etc.? Dresses that would go the distance — that I might want to wear post-pumping — would be preferred, too, if anybody has any experience with that?
Goosebumpy says
Yeah, I’m camping out here because work is slow and I don’t want to face the news or social media today. What a devastating week.
No brand recommendations, but I’d like to see the suggestions!
layered bob says
can’t help you with the pockets.
but on the advice of this forum, I have three Lands End Fit and Flare dresses that I wear with a half-cami from Second Base, and they are pretty much all I plan on wearing forever. Probably would only work in a truly casual business casual office though.
MomAnon4This says
I love the one I have so far — mine has pockets! Doesn’t seem pumping-friendly, though? I guess I could sit half-naked in the wellness lounge?
layered bob says
hmmm I find the wrap top stretchy enough to push aside/under? And then the cami I pull up. I have a lot of trouble pumping (long story) so usually I can only do one side at a time, so maybe that makes a difference. When I do double-pump, I pull my arms out of the sleeves so the straps fall down , but the cami keeps me covered in the back/sides/top still.
Jealous that yours has pockets…
MomAnon4This says
Maybe mine is similar dress from LL Bean instead? Honestly I get LE and LLB confused…
AltaLitGirl says
Depending on how casual your work environment is you may want to check out Boob Design. Their a company in Norway (I think? Some Scandinavian country) and all of their clothing is designed for breast feeding/pumping with discreet, easy access to the chest area (think hidden pocket/flap). They have a wide variety of dresses. I can’t speak to whether or not they have pockets on their dresses (I’m in the process of purchasing some from them, but it wasn’t evident from the info online), but the fabric is organic and looks super comfortable. I’m not at the point where I need any BF specifics right now, but I’m stocking up because the design is really neat and it would suit my business casual work environment.
Good luck!
AltaLitGirl says
Ugh, Friday brain…*they’re a company*
AltaLitGirl says
*they’re
Painful pumping says
Hey, this is a weird question, but either something is going on with my Medela PIS or my n*pples are getting ultra sensitive…I used to turn the pump up to a low-medium level to pump, but now I just barely turn it on and it is kind of painful.
Is it crazy to think that the pump is getting stronger, not weaker, due to wearing out? Anyone else experience this? Been using it pretty regularly for half a year.
Anon in NYC says
It could be thrush.
ChiLaw says
Are you sure the shields you’re using are the right size?
Katarina says
My n*pples suddenly became more sensitive to pumping. This happened with two different pumps, but nursing was fine. I turned the suction way down (I had been using a high suction), which worked okay, and sometimes I need lanolin. I have no idea what caused this, so I am no help there.
anon says
you could be getting your period.
Anon says
Our daycare takes the infants out to play in baby pools. They told us we didn’t need to send sunscreen because they keep them in the shade. Well his daycare sent us an update today with a photo of him in the sun. It’s super hot and sunny and the middle of the day. Any advice on how to handle this?
Maddie Ross says
Honestly? If you otherwise like the daycare, just proactive sunscreen application in the a.m. all summer. My LO’s infant daycare seriously never went outside – they had a covered screened-in patio for infants – so I didn’t do it. Once she moved up to the toddler room, the minute spring came, we just apply to her arms and face every morning. Also, rash guard shirts for water play days so there’s less exposure.
Anon says
That’s part of the issue. They just put the babies in their diapers (I’m guessing to make clean up easier) so he has basically zero coverage. I sent his rash guard initially and they sent it home and told us it wasn’t necessary because the babies are never in the sun. My husband does pick up so he is going to ask them to let us know if he is going to be in the sun so we can send his rash guard. And reiterate that it is really important to us that he not be in the sun without it.
MomAnon4This says
I send the kid in with sunscreen.
We have to sign a permission slip for the teachers to be able to put sunscreen on the kid, and also send in the sunscreen so the teachers keep it in a locked cabinet (not in the kids’ cubbies that they can get in and out of).
I also send in a hat for my son, that ties around his chin. That looks cute, of course.
I would do all of these if I were you, and also feel free to ask the lead teacher/director, “I thought they’d be in the shade?!” like that. But be careful — the teachers might “retaliate” by not sending pictures of your sweet babe! (ask me how I know)
Anon says
Retaliation is my concern :/
RDC says
I would be concerned. Do they have cubbies where you could leave the rash guard and a hat and emphasize she needs them anytime they’re outside? Our daycare also has a form we sign and then the teachers apply sunscreen. They do it with diaper changes before they go outside and it’s just part of the routine. The kid is absolutely covered when I pick him up (hair included) but I prefer that to the alternative.
3L mama says
you guys. my daughter has never had a lovey. We’ve tried giving her pacifiers of various kinds, encouraged lovies of every description. Nothing every ‘took.’ In the last day or so, she has decided a small, nearly-empty bottle of hand sanitizer from her diaper bag MUST go with her to bed. She clutches it next to her face all night. WHAT. WHY. but it is so cute.
AEK says
Ha, this is adorable.
My toddler has never taken to a lovey either. But I think we are on the cusp of having his toy rake become one…he does not like being separated from it. Tried to take it into the bath last night.
3L mama says
that is so funny. dear, sweet, cuddly… rake.
lsw says
I lol’d. Love both of these.
Anon in NYC says
Haha. Very cute. My daughter doesn’t care about loveys either and recently (about 2 months ago) started demanding to have books in her crib. She alternately gnaws on them (poor Goodnight Moon) or sits in her crib and “reads” them. We put in a few of those Indestructibles books in there too.
Jen says
I just spit coffee on my desk and shirt reading this. Cannot stop laughing at the image.
Spirograph says
My daughter has recently started doing this with one of her brother’s Darth Vader figurines. Of all things. Hand sanitizer is even better, though!
Goosebumpy says
Oh my goodness, that is PRECIOUS.