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This shoe has some really solid reviews over at Zappos (and, whoa, Amazon has a ton of colors) — and given that it’s from one of the readers’ favorite brands for comfortable heels, Franco Sarto, I’m not that surprised. I like the lowish heel (2.5″) combined with the straps (I find a good ankle strap so comfortable!) — I’ll bet it looks great with everything from tights, bare legs, pants, and more. There’s even a zipper for the flustered mom who can’t take the time with buckles anymore. It’s $99 at Zappos. Franco Sarto Davey
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Anonymous says
My two month old is starting to sleep long stretches at night (hallelujah!). However she does this thing where she’ll cry out once or twice, but then stick her hand in her mouth and start sucking and then fall back asleep. I know she’s too young to “cry it out” in the traditional sense, but it’s ok to let her cry for a moment to see if she settles herself right? Of course if she cries more than a few times we attend to her.
Anonymous says
Yes definitely!
Cb says
Lucky duck! I think that is great that she can self-soothe. If you tried to intervene, you’d probably wake her up further.
Anon says
Yes! Unless it sounds like an emergency, I would give her up to five minutes. It is hard to do, but helping her learn to sleep is actually a great gift to give her.
Pogo says
Yup. I think some kids just squawk randomly. Especially if eyes are still closed I definitely wouldn’t intervene.
Anonymous says
FWIW our pediatrician encouraged us to start letting my son work on falling asleep on his own around 2 months. Not CIO, not trying to eliminate night feedings, but if he was fed/burped/changed and it was time to go to sleep, she said we could put him down and let him fuss a bit. It was moderately successful, but he was also a pretty good sleeper on his own.
Either way, I think it is definitely okay to not IMMEDIATELY intervene at any age unless you know something is very wrong.
My son also would rouse and fuss a little when he was transitioning from one sleep cycle to the next during a nap, after about 45 minutes. If we went in and picked him up, if fully woke him. If we left him alone, he’d fall back asleep. It took me months to figure out why he would take long naps at daycare and not at home.
AwayEmily says
oh hell yes. She’s teaching herself to self-soothe — what a smart kid! I would give her all the time she needs as long as she’s not actively crying — there’s a big difference between squawks/minor fusses and straight-up crying. To my mind, the latter requires parental attention; the former does not. I also have a two-month-old. Two nights ago he woke up at 3am and fussed for a full 20 minutes without ever actually crying, then fell back asleep for three more hours.
Anon says
While I agree, I will comment that with my daughter (who wasn’t a big crier – so lucky), it wasn’t always easy at that age to distinguish fussing vs. cries vs. types of cries. It’s gotten much, much, much easier with age and time.
mascot says
For us, the video monitor was really helpful when learning to decipher my kid’s crying. We also had one of those kids who need to “fuss it out” as part of the settling. With the monitor, we could make sure nothing was actually bothering him.
Anonymous says
Oh yes, you are reminding me of what we called fussy grunting! Newborns are so weird.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Echoing everyone – this sounds fantastic that she is able to self soothe! The day my son discovered his thumb and was able to put himself back to sleep was one of the best days of my maternity leave. I started to let him cry a bit around 2 months for naps, knowing that he could self soothe with his thumb, and I think it really helped a lot in helping him learn how to fall asleep on his own.
lsw says
I agree completely. I would sometimes set a timer in the early days so I could tell the difference between self-soothing and actual need-based crying (five minutes or whatever).
Anon says
For me the timer tends to be the amount of time it takes to pee and put on sweats and my robe. With middle of the night shuffling and being slow, it amounts to about five minutes ;)
FirstTimeMama says
That sounds great! My two month old is still swaddled, and recently it’s been a struggle at nights. We put him to sleep and 30 minutes later he is up crying. And that happens from 8 to 10 and then falls asleep until 2-4 am. We tried the love to dream swaddle for a week to get him to self soothe, but he kept waking up. Sigh!
Tummies says
Any thoughts on discussing body image with a preschooler? My 4 year old told me that a child at daycare said her tummy was big and it hurt her feelings, and she wishes she had a “medium” tummy. I was a bit stymied on how to address this because there are so many nuances here: 1) That child had no right to comment on her body or try to insult her about it; 2) She has a perfectly regular size tummy; 3) There is nothing wrong with tummies of any size; 4) Who you are as a person is more important than what your tummy looks like. In my discussion with her, I emphasized point 3 – we talked about how bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and my own tummy is bigger than average, and that’s OK.
Frankly, I’m stunned and heart-broken that these issues are coming up so early. Does anyone have advice, or can you point me to any resources to guide these discussions? Should I just move to a feminist commune in the woods and cease all contact with the outside world so my perfect child will never have to feel sad about what her body looks like?
Cb says
Oh gosh, my heart just broke. I’ll join you at the feminist commune…
Anon says
Oh wow, hugs. I don’t have any advice, but thank you for bringing this issue here. I’m sure the amazing ladies on this site will have some great ideas. I can’t wait to read them. My daughter is 2.5, so we haven’t gotten to this issue yet. In the meantime, we try to focus on explaining healthy behavior (nutritious foods, sleep, activity) and focus on “healthy” and “strong” as positive outcomes from taking care of our bodies. I’m conscious of not letting others talk about body size in our home in front of her.
AIMS says
I don’t know if this is the right approach but my mom always made things like this about other people which was helpful to me growing up and serves me well as an adult. So in this case it would be a chance to discuss how some people may have notions about what our bodies should look like but there is no right answer and all different shapes are wonderful.
Unfortunately even feminist communes will impose their own judgments so you just have to learn to work through it. How sad that someone taught this little girl something so toxic at such a young age.
Anonymous says
Can you question her more on why she thinks it is bad to have a big tummy? I think it is really normal to notice differences between people at this age, and the other child may not have actually been trying to insult her. My son went through a phase where he would loudly announce to me how many people had brown skin on the bus we were riding. I had to tell him that it is fine to notice how people look different, but talking about how people look can make people feel uncomfortable or cause hurt feelings, so we don’t do that.
Tummies says
That’s a good point. I jumped to that because this class is going through a phase of saying “mean” things to each other right now* – “You can’t come to my birthday party” and “I’m going to knock down your house” being two favorites, but I don’t know if that was the case with the comment. My daughter definitely took it as a put-down though.
*Not to worry, we have discussed this with school teacher and director, and I think they are handling things appropriately.
NewMomAnon says
“I’m going to knock down your house” = my new favorite insult. Going to use that today.
Tummies says
It’s a totally brutal burn, tbh.
Frozen Peach says
LOVE THIS
Anon says
I don’t have any good advice, so I’ll be listening intently.
My 4 year old is obsessed with being “beautiful” and regularly asks me if she is, esp when she’s getting dressed in the morning. I struggle with what to say, so I alternate. Sometimes I talk about how beautiful comes in all different forms, and sometimes I reassure her that she is obviously beautiful and would look good in a garbage bag. I try to always emphasize that your heart and your brain are what are important in our house, no matter what you look like on the outside. I’m conscious that my little 2 year old son is listening to these conversations, so I try to make them neutral enough that he can absorb a little of the “lesson” too.
She’s bombarded with princess culture right now at preschool, so we have many talks about princesses. We talked about real life princesses who wear lots of pants (not just dresses) and who work hard to help people. I showed them pictures of “Princess Kate” in pants, Princess Angela, Princess Mako, and Princess Sirivannavari who won a gold medal. We talk about how they become queens who rule their country, like Queen Elizabeth. We pulled in Wonder Woman’s mom, Queen Hippolyta, and how they were great warriors. I don’t know what I’m trying to do with all of this, I guess just expand their ideas on what a real princess is and does and can do.
GCA says
On the princess thing – I was bouncing around ideas with friends whose daughters are encountering princess culture now. Perhaps it could be like – real princesses have really important jobs! They work hard to help lots of people! They need to learn a lot about world politics and economics so they can rule well! They take martial arts and fencing for self-defense! And most important of all…princesses are schooled in proper etiquette and don’t run away from the table mid-meal.
Anon says
Love this. Princess Diana comes to mind as being such a humanitarian. I love all of these ideas of other forms of princesses.
2 Cents says
LOL to “don’t run away from the table mid-meal.”
Pigpen's Mama says
My curly headed 3 year old was in tears because she didn’t have princess hair because it was shortish (because it’s curly). We talked a lot about Moana and Merida having curly hair and being brave. I love the idea of introducing real princesses/queens.
As for the big belly — my daughter has one too, and I’ve been telling her how awesome it is, and she’s been proud of it so far (and likes to show off her muscles), but I dread the day when someone comments on it in a negative way. I think it’s the bomb…
anon says
If you haven’t seen it, check out the Princess in Black series. It’s about a princess who fights monsters. It’s the first chapter book that my daughter would sit through (starting around 3 yo). Super cute.
Jeffiner says
+1. We just discovered the Princess in Black and my 3 yo loves it, too. I saw it recommended somewhere (probably here), to play princess and have the royal subjects come to the princess with problems. Mom or Dad can be the Royal Adviser, and you and your princess can discuss ways of solving issues and helping people.
Anon says
One of my friends got my DD the “Rejected Princesses” book by Jason Porath. Clearly too young for my infant, but I’m looking forward to reading her the stories as she gets older. Some of the stories are for more mature audiences, but they have a little rating scale so that you can have a sense for what you’re reading before picking a particular story.
LT says
My 4-year-old son has been talking about his belly and height a lot, too. He is a fraternal twin and his brother is significantly taller and skinnier. He can see for himself that he is shorter, but I also think that adults are making idiotic comments around him, “oh, no, you’re littler… you must not be 4 years old, too!” I’m struggling to send the message to both of them that they are perfect just the way they are even though they’re different, but this little guy in particular is clearly hyper-aware of these issues. We have also tried to focus on what their bodies can do (run, play)– but the belly one is a little tough because there’s not much to focus on that interests him. Know that it’s not just a girl issue!
Anon says
Yes, idiotic comments. My favorite thing to do when people do that is tell my child the lesson in front of the adult so they know what an idiot they are. “Yes, Johnny, you are shorter, but people come in all shapes and sizes, and that is okay.”
Anon says
It is really a body issue thing or was the other kid just making a comment like, “your shirt is green”? Like does that other child really understand western beauty “ideals” (ie hollywood beauty standards) or was he/she simply making an observation? Kids say all sorts of things and they don’t have a filter at that age so that’s why I’m posing my question.
I think you’re doing the right thing by explaining that everyone is different and there’s so much more to a person than how she looks on the outside.
Meiqi says
I don’t know where you’re from, but I think that this is the ideal time to teacher your daughter how to use “oh bless your heart.” :-)
TK says
In the last two weeks my 4-year-old has said the following:
Why are you so old?
Why is your tummy so squishy?
How come you don’t have princess hair?
I don’t think he’s being mean, just making observations. I’m trying not to take it personally. It helps that he says lots of completely ridiculous things (e.g., This booger is my best friend) so I just roll with it” 4-year-olds are observant and curious and also have no filter.
Tummies says
Thank you all for your thoughts and commiseration. I never thought I would in the land of tough social issues and throwing tantrums about the requirement to wear pants to school at the same time! Sigh.
Anon says
Ha! I’m the Anon above who showed pictures of Princess Kate in pants – I did that because school doesn’t allow pants either, but it caused a huge crisis over “then I can’t be a princess!!!”
Also Princess Elena of Avalor on Disney wears pants in certain episodes when she’s going to do active things like sports or fencing or whatever – I’ve saved those episodes to my DVR and played them once a week so I could be all “See! Princesses DO wear pants when they need to be able to move. Don’t you want to climb on the playground? You need to wear pants too, just like a princess would!!!”
Spirograph says
The point about bodies coming in all shapes and sizes is an important one. But the cause and effect of person commenting on body shape –> value judgement and feeling bad about it is tough! I would be tempted to handle it in a strictly “my friend said something mean to me” way, and leave the body image issue aside. Failing to acknowledge body shaming as A Thing doesn’t make it go away, but I feel like treating it with extra care it almost reinforces it as something she needs to worry about.
I like the suggestion above to put it on other people “some people think that looking a certain way is better, but we know that it’s how you act and how you treat other people that really counts.” I’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of, “bodies come in all shapes in sizes, just like people have different colors of hair and skin, because it would be boring and we couldn’t tell each other apart if we all looked the same! One isn’t better or worse, they’re just different.” There is definitely a more complex conversation to be had here, I just don’t want to put it on my preschoolers.
Recently my daughter (3) pulled up her shirt and bragged about her “SO BIG” belly, then patted my tummy and said “mommy you have a big tummy, too!” and she totally meant it as a compliment, but it was not great to hear. I am the first to admit that I’m vain and not in the best shape of my life at the moment, so I am trying REALLY HARD not to pass any body image issues on to my kids. I said something banal like “yup, my tummy is big because I’m a grownup! Someday you’ll be big and tall too.” And then she kept chattering about 5 million other things. Again, not sure avoidance is the best tactic, but that’s mine.
Redux says
Agreed. A couple of nights ago while reading a bedtime story to my 4yo, she started rubbing my belly and asked “are we going to have a third baby in the family?” I said no (our second baby is 1 yo). And she said, “well it LOOKs like we’re going to have a third baby…. because your belly is SO BIG.” It made me laugh/cry so hard. For starters, I was sitting propped in a weird position that made my belly stick out I guess, but come on, kid. I know she is mostly projecting because her friend’s mom is 8 months pregnant and all the kids at daycare so so excited for the new baby. but STILL, it made me self-conscious. It took everything in my power just to respond to the question she actually asked, and not get defensive about my body. I don’t want her to get the idea that it’s a bid deal. Because it will be.
@ Tummies says
I would say bodies are all different- some legs are long, some are short. Some tummies arenbig and some are not. Some kids have longer feet than others and everyone grows differently! And *all* tummies get bigger after food goes in!
We actually all (me, my 4 y/o and my 2 y/o) have a giggle at my 2 y/o’s Belly which turns into a giant pot belly after any meal. She is so tiny that there’s nowhere else for the food to go. And then in an hour she’s back to her regular self.
@ Tummies says
Oh, and I gotta say, I’ve had to shut that shit down before with parents. My 4 y/o daughter does dance. a couple of the kids are still in the pot-belly-toddler stage, and some of them are preschoolers with a little belly. My kid happens to not have those things. The moms of 2 of her friends *constantly* comment about the way their kids look and “hope they grow out of it and look more like .” It’s awful. And their kids are in no way shape or form pudgy (it would be fine if they were, but just to point out that these women are clearly projecting their own issues). One even said “I know she won’t keep dancing once she cares what she looks like in a leotard”. THEY ARE FOUR.
Tummies says
Omg *rage stroke* What is wrong with people?
Anon says
My MIL didn’t like my DD’s 6 month old pictures because “the dress is not flattering on her.” When I pressed (while flabbergasted), she explained that my baby had “broad shoulders and the dress just accentuates that”. At 6 months! My daughter 1) does not have broad shoulders, 2) even if she did, who cares and 3) she is a baby! I suspect there are going to be a lot of these types of conversations in my future.
Carine says
That is straight up crazy. Wow.
Tummies says
Wow, indeed. Honestly, I would like to think if a relative said something like that to my child who was old enough to understand, I would pack up and leave. Totally unacceptable.
Anon in NYC says
My dad is obsessed with physical fitness / attractiveness, and made several comments about my daughter’s “physique” when she was an infant. After a lifetime of hearing comments like that from him about my own body, I flipped out on him. He’s toned it down, but I expect it will pick back up as she gets older and I’ll have to shut it down again.
Spirograph says
Once when I was around 14, my aunt commented to my mom within earshot of me that I looked like a linebacker. It was winter, I was wearing a big puffer coat, and while I have always had broad shoulders, I was otherwise thin. My mom said something about the coat and aunt (her SIL) being out of line to make such a comment, but for family peace and all we couldn’t exactly leave. We were both pretty livid about it, obviously to the point that I remember 20 years later. Same aunt also routinely commented to anyone who would listen on her daughter’s “cute little butt” and how she needed to be a dancer so she could “keep that figure.” My cousin was probably 4-6 when I heard most of that. She’s now 20, and has a terrible relationship with her mother (but is a student athlete and in great shape!). Some people are just ridiculous.
Frozen Peach says
oh FFS. Unreal. I’ve had to shut down a (peer in age, profession, etc) friend who said “pretty girls don’t cry” to my toddler. I explained that auntie X wanted her to be happy, but that it’s okay to have all kinds of feelings and cry if you feel sad. My friend said the most heartbreaking thing that’s stuck with me. “I wish you were my mom.”
So now I try to be the mom my adult daughter in the future wishes she had.
I really recommend a Sesame Street book that has given us lots of good starting points to talk about race, bodies, etc.: “We’re Different, We’re The Same.” LOVE IT.
Mama Llama says
Aw, that really is heartbreaking.
AIMS says
Has anyone had their teeth professionally whitened while nursing? This is by no mean an urgent priority for me, but something I was going to do before I got pregnant and now I’m nursing and had a small bonded filling fall out during a cleaning. It’s not too noticeable but it’s in the front and my dentist said to do it at same time as the whitening so everything matches and I’m just wondering if i can do it now or need to wait. Dentist says it’s safe but just curious if anyone has any experience with this.
Anonymous says
I love the “week in the life” series, but it’s starting to make me feel like a disorganized mess! I’m not sure if it’s because most of the posters who are featured have older kids than I do, more childcare, or are just doing things better. ;)
OK, here’s my actual question. The key seems to be waking up and getting ready before the kids get up, but what do you do when kids have variable wake times? My 18 month olds wake anywhere between 4:45-6:30. :/
Cb says
Right? I get stuck sometimes when baby wakes up a few minutes before I leave and needs to be nursed. Luckily my start time is flexible but I grumble about having to get the bus rather than a ride in the car.
AwayEmily says
I know it’s been discussed on this board many times (including by me) but this seems like the ideal scenario for the OK to Wake clock. Start training them that they need to stay in bed until the clock turns green.
The tough part is that you have to be VERY consistent about it in order for it to work. So if you set the clock for 6, you cannot go in to get them until 6, even if they are fussing and crying starting at 4:30. It does work eventually, but can take awhile. It took our daughter about four months to fully get it. It has made our lives a million times easier to know that we just don’t ever have to deal with her until 6:30 (except, obviously, if she’s really screaming or upset, but this has happened maybe twice ever). She’s two now — most of the time she wakes a bit before the clock and hangs out with her animals in the crib until we come get her.
Anonymous says
+1 to the OK to Wake Clock, although we got the Hatch one so we could control when it turned green and go in earlier than originally planned if kiddo was really melting down (we’re softies!).
Frozen Peach says
The Okay to Wake owl (the stuffed toy version) has recently saved my marriage, job, and sanity.
Anonymous says
Aha – fellow disorganized mess here too! I get absolutely nothing done before my kid wakes up, because he wakes up at 6 if I’m lucky (and at 4.30 if I’m not). For the past two years (he is almost 3), when it’s been nice enough to run outside, I take him for a short run (like 2-4 miles), so I am that crazy person jogging with a stroller at 5am and he gets to chill out in the stroller. At 18 months he would actually fall back asleep – now he no longer does. The longer I run the less grouchy I get. Then I get home, hand him off, eat, shower, and dress, so at least I’ve started my day off on kind of the right foot with some exercise. When it’s *not* nice enough to run outside and if he wakes before 6, he comes into bed with us and rolls around chattering. Then we all get up at 6 and I make myself a very large cup of coffee…
Another thing that helped me in the demanding older-infant/ young-toddler days was checklists. Seriously, checklists. Every morning. I have little pocket notebooks filled with lists to just get us out the door, like:
– Breakfast
– Coffee for me
– Wash face
– Brush teeth
– Prep kid lunch for daycare
– Dress DS
– Dress self
– Pack my lunch
Etc. etc. (The kid-related tasks are on my list, but husband also takes an active hand in them; he just doesn’t make lists the way I do.)
5am Workouts says
This probably isn’t really adding value, but I feel compelled to add that some people, like myself, thoroughly enjoy the 5am workouts. I’m not a super hero and also don’t have a law degree, au pair or even a house cleaner. I can be a total mess. But I need my 5am workout to feel sane.
Anon says
We do OK to wake clock now, but before they were old enough, I had a pack n play with some “cool” toys in my bedroom. If the kid woke up early, he/she went in there while I was getting ready. My extroverts just want to be around people, so listening to me talk while I was showering or blow drying my hair was good enough interaction for them.
PinkKeyboard says
We have a hard and fast rule starting as a pretty small baby that you cannot wake up before 7 (substitute your own appropriate wake time here). If you wake early and cry we will go in and give you a pat but you won’t leave your crib before then. They eventually accept it and either sleep in or play quietly in their cribs/beds until we get them.
Anon says
Same. We treated everything before 7 as a night waking when my daughter didn’t sleep through the night. Then we shifted to 6:30 when she slept through the night because that seemed like an appropriate amount of sleep. During the first year, my husband would often go in and rock her back to sleep while I showered, etc. if she woke up early. He was working remotely while I worked in an office during that time, so he didn’t need mornings in the same way I did. It was also “my time” that I got back for dedicating so many hours to nursing and pumping during those days. I truly do think we “trained” her to sleep until 6:30-7:00. My daughter also has one of those crib aquariums. She likes to play with that if she is up and we aren’t ready to get her.
Anon says
My 8 month old goes down around 10, usually wakes at 11ish and 5ish and then is out until sometime between 7:30 and 8:30. If the 5am wakeup is actually after 6, I pull her in bed with us because if I sit up to feed and rock her to sleep, I will be up for the day vs. us both getting to sleep a little longer. If it is before 6, I put her back in her crib because it is still dark for the feeding and rocking. I get up between 7:45 and 8:00 to get in the shower. If she wakes up before I get in, then I nurse her and hand her to her father. If she is still sleeping when I get in the shower, then she stays in her crib and if she wakes she fusses until I get out and then I nurse her. Once I am out and she is fed, she just plays on the floor of the bedroom (with the door closed so she can’t get to the stairs) while I am getting ready. For super early wakeup mornings where she won’t go back down (rare for my late sleeper) she plays with toys in the middle of the bed while I close my eyes and pretend she might go back to sleep and maybe it isn’t morning.
Anon says
It doesn’t make me feel disorganized (although I am!), but I don’t find myself relating to very many of the posters, to be honest. Despite the fact that I am a working mom, I think many of the ladies in the series have leaned in a little more than me. I’ve leaned out since having a child – decreased my billable hour requirement and often work from home. I don’t have an au pair, nanny, mother’s helper, or combinations thereof. It’s not an emergency in our lives if our child is sick and we can’t both work all day long. I used to love the posts and still read them, but find them less and less interesting as they feature ladies who seem to rarely spend time with their children (harsh and unfair I know, but I’m feeling bold today).
Mamma Llama says
Oh dear. Can we not? Please? This board is such a lovely haven from the mommy wars.
Jane says
Thank you. There is no reason to talk about how unrelatable you find fellow posters. I genuinely don’t understand how that is constructive in the least. Your post was patronizing and mocking “it’s not n emergency in our lives if our child is sick and we can’t both work all day long.”
Glad you’re characterizing yourself as bold, but to me saying that the fellow women on here are “rarely spend time with their children” (wow) just reads as mean.
GCA says
+1 to Mamma Llama.
Is there absolutely nothing you can relate to? (You know – having children? Sometimes they’re demanding and/ or exhausting but also enjoyable and rewarding?) I mean – own your choices, don’t be insecure about the degree to which you’re leaning in or out. No au pairs, law degrees or 5am workouts here – just another working mom trying to do the best I can on multiple fronts – and I appreciate the level of detail that others share in these posts, and enjoy reading them.
yes says
I’m glad someone else said this. I find myself not relating much, but mostly because the posters tend to be extremely organized and work a lot! I have a very flexible schedule and most days don’t even wake up until 7:15 am, when many of these posters are already out the door with kids in tow. I’m tempted to submit my own response but feel like it may be judged for not leaning in enough. Also reading these posts while insightful have made me feel glad that I have taken on a job where I work a lot less than I used to. Waking up at 5 am to work out or go to work is not for me, but more power to those who do!
Mamma Llama says
You should submit! Getting diverse experiences would make the series even better! I’m definitely not “leaning in” as much as some, but perhaps more than others, and I like hearing how other working moms are managing even if their situations aren’t totally relatable. (No nannies or 5 am workouts for me either.)
Spirograph says
I don’t relate to every aspect on these posts, but I have yet to read one that I can’t take anything away from. I’ve said before that my favorite thing about the Week in the Life series is that there are so many ways to do parenting right. To “yes” and the poster above who has leaned out, I’d love to hear your perspective too. It’s cheesy, but I strongly feel that understanding different approaches to parenting makes me a better parent, a better employee, a better manager, and a better person in general.
I’m somewhere in the middle between very organized and “leaning out” enough that I have true flexibility. I think there’s a bit of selection bias that very organized people are the ones who manage to find/make time to write up their experiences! I know it’s been on my list for months, I just haven’t gotten to it. I’ll submit my own someday, too, I promise!
Anon for this says
As someone who leaned out a bit (big law, but reduced hours), with ‘just’ an excellent daycare and a husband who, frankly, doesn’t help out much at all, I’m in awe of how organized these women are and how they’ve smartly made use of a lot of resources to make it happen.
I’m a little disappointed in myself because I haven’t leaned in as much as I could, although I despise that term in some ways, and even then, I feel like I’m not spending as much time with my child as I should or could.
The posts give me guidance as to what I’d need to do to lean back in, which in a weird way, makes me feel better about not being as kick-ass in my career, because so many of the other pieces on amazing, kick-ass working moms leave out all the background on how it happens, so there’s often the impression that these women are doing it without a combination of an amazing amount of planning and other reliable people.
anon says
Totally agree with you. I find the series fascinating but also very different from those I know. And I’m in a medium size midwestern city with a lot of friends in biglaw. I’ve taken a step down, but I don’t know anyone with an au pair and maybe one person with a nanny. Not faulting or insulting the posters – I find their experiences really interesting but not representative of my neck of the woods.
Ranon says
I love the series and for those who have much different looking lives, I would love to see those too. I am currently pregnant and a FTM so I am looking for tips and tricks wherever I can get them. I hope more of you submit who might not be as leaned in. I love seeing all types of family dynamics. I know my dynamic wont look exactly like another family’s, but it comforts me to see so many thriving families here and to see how they juggle.
Pogo says
That’s so awesome to hear – it makes me want to submit because I only have one (an infant) and so far all the Week in the Life people have older kids and/or multiples. So I didn’t think anyone would care what I do in a week, but a FTM might!
anon says
Another Midwesterner, and I share your observation. If I wanted a nanny, I wouldn’t even know where to start. Heck, I JUST learned about a local service that matches families with after-school sitters (but they won’t watch kids under 5). Around here, I’d venture that 90% of working parents make it work with daycare or a family member who watches the kids full time. Perhaps we’re fortunate that the Midwest is generally family oriented. While people work hard, there isn’t as much pressure to achieve a certain type of lifestyle. That said, I’ve still enjoyed the series and have learned something from each post!
Anonymous says
Do you think this is a Midwest thing, or a major metro area thing? Genuinely curious. I grew up in the Midwest, in a suburb of a major city (not Chicago), and I totally agree that your description was the norm. I had this concept that nannies were something only for rich people; the type who send their kids to boarding school and go cruising on their yachts. They were simply not a thing that existed in my normal middle class life.
Now, I live in DC, where I still have a pretty normal middle class life, and nannies are pretty common because salaries are high, commutes are long, and daycare is so freaking expensive that a nanny is not that much more. Some people definitely have nannies to enable high-powered careers with demanding hours, but I know plenty of people who have a nanny just because they find it easier (especially if the nanny does light housekeeping), even with a 9-5. Plus, DC is a city of transplants, so a nanny takes the logistical place of local parents and siblings to just give people breathing room in their personal lives.
All that to say, I’m not sure it’s trying to achieve a lifestyle, it’s just that you have to run faster to stay in place, here. There is definitely a concentration of type-A career-driven people in the I-95 Corridor, for example, and that affects the norms for kid-related stuff (activities, childcare, etc) and culture in general in a way that I find kind of exhausting. Yes, I realize I could move. :) That is definitely the long-term plan.
anon+1 says
+1 I wouldn’t necessarily associate an au pair or nanny with a high powered lifestyle. It’s just a major metro area thing.
We have an au pair because it’s so affordable. Daycare for two kids would be more than twice as much as our au pair + part time preschool. Our au pair can also handle sick days, which is awesome for little kids who catch everything. At one point we started looking for a cheaper daycare, but they have 2-4 year waiting lists in our area. It’s insane.
We used to have a nanny before we moved to our current house because we didn’t have a spare room and hadn’t gotten off of daycare waitlists. At the time I thought I wanted a daycare slot, but that just wasn’t an option despite getting on waitlists the day the line turned pink. The nanny (actually a nanny share) ended up working out really well for us.
Anon says
Same Anon here.
First, to the extent this post was rude or hurt anyone’s feelings, I do sincerely apologize. It was not meant in that vain but obviously I could have been kinder. I take a lot away from this board and posts and appreciate the community of women here.
That said, I respectfully disagree that the Mommy Wars aren’t rampant on this site. If it feels like they aren’t, it is because the site is directed to women who have already chosen a side. It is perfectly acceptable, even “cool”, here to put down all sorts of things that correspond to a “Pinterest Mom” or SAHMs. It’s okay to bash Elf on the Shelf and the women who do that (many of whom are working moms) or valentines for daycare, etc., etc., but not have an opinion where work-life balance skews in favor of home. It’s okay to talk about how SAHMs are so critical of working moms, which is totally offensive and stereotypical to most SAHMs who work incredibly hard in their homes and are very kind to other moms.
I do find many of the Week in the Life posts to be more unrelatable than relatable. I don’t think that is a criticism. Just a comment. Some commenters above have mentioned the Midwest. And while I hate to stereotype the Midwest, I am here, too. Many, many issues that come up on this board are just not an issue for anyone I know – lawyers in my firm, lawyers in other firms in my city, classmates in other cities, etc. I think this site was initially directed to and maintains a very vocal niche audience that has problems and solutions that are unique to their areas of the country. I keep coming back so clearly it isn’t totally unrelatable. But I think those of us who aren’t in those areas of the country truly have a hard time understanding some things. And, in all fairness, I think it goes both ways.
Anonymous says
I strongly disagree with this. I’m not a doctor in NYC. I’m a lawyer in a small Canadian city with a 5 minute commute but I totally relate to many of the weekly posts.
I relate because I read these posts with empathy. I don’t judge women who work significant hours even though I don’t because I know that child development research clearly shows that it is the quality of time that a child spends with their parents not the quantity of time that matters. And I look for what it is in their posts about lives that I can take away to improve my own life or to try and understand the different experiences of womanhood and mothering in other places and ways. For example, one post inspired me to carve out individual time each week with each of my three kids. Many women have husbands who shoulder a lot of the load as well and I strongly believe that on many other ‘mommy’ sites, fathers are all too often left out of the question of work-life balance. There are many, many ways to be a good mother and learning about how other women do it differently is important. None of us are better or worse parents for taking a different path.
Good for her, not for me goes a lot way. Whether it’s Elf on the Shelf or working long hours or a long commute or CIO. And there’s a difference between assuring someone that they are not a bad mom if they don’t do Elf on the Shelf vs. speaking negatively of those that chose to do it. Posters rarely do the later.
Anon for this says
As someone who is more in the lean-out group, rather than the lean-in group, I disagree with this assessment of the site:
It’s okay to bash Elf on the Shelf and the women who do that (many of whom are working moms) or valentines for daycare, etc., etc., but not have an opinion where work-life balance skews in favor of home. It’s okay to talk about how SAHMs are so critical of working moms, which is totally offensive and stereotypical to most SAHMs who work incredibly hard in their homes and are very kind to other moms.
I’m (sometimes…) one of the moms who does the little gift bags for my daughter’s class for random holidays — I don’t see anyone here bashing the moms or dads who choose to do that, or those who stay at home (in fact, usually the comments are in awe of parents who can spend all day with little kids day after day). What is bashed and criticized is the assumptions that some schools make that all parents have the time, willingness, energy and/or money to undertake these extras, or be able to accommodate a last minute request from school/daycare/PTA for some random item.
Anon says
As a former high earner turned SAHM, I agree with this. I stick around because I generally like the community and advice here, but these sorts of characterizations/generalizations often jump out at me. I don’t get offended, since I realize this is a site for working moms, but I agree this community tends to reinforce a certain niche worldview. For the record I am a huge Pinterest failure and elf on the shelf seems like torture to me,, but I don’t think it’s wrong or laughable to put a lot of time and (some may say over the top) effort into your family life and traditions, just as working moms do at paid jobs.
Anonymous says
I agree both that there’s a niche here, and that in general most posters show a lot of compassion toward choices that are different from their own. The Anon who self-identified her comment as harsh and unfair, and I think that was spot on, but also (thankfully) atypical of most comments here.
I’m not sure if you’re the same Anon, but I want to thank you for comparing SAHM who put a lot of time and effort into home life and traditions to putting a lot into one’s paid work, that really resonated with me. My mom was one of those SAHMs, and I am thankful she made my childhood so great. On the flip side, I have to constantly remind myself that she could do that because she wasn’t working 40+ hours/week outside the home. I want to do all that stuff for my kids, but there aren’t enough hours in the day. It’s really not helpful to hear anyone snark that I don’t spend enough time with my kids because my husband divide and conquer sometimes when a kid is sick because we both “need” to work on the same day. This isn’t even a problem specific to people who choose demanding careers. What about the parents on the other end who literally can’t afford to miss a day of work because they need every dollar and/or might lose their hourly wage job? You’re showing an incredible lack of empathy from an incredibly privileged position.
Please says
You have to be an astoundingly self-absorbed and entitled person to come on this free s i t e and complain that the people who have taken the time to post their experiences, advice, or a day-in-the week are simply not enough like you. I can’t believe that you actually think forms the basis of a reasonable complaint, that because you, random person in internet land, are not adequately relating to these people, that their experiences don’t adequately approximate yours, that that is some sort of an injustice.
And your apology is empty. You straight up made fun of people earlier for regarding staying home all day with a sick kid as an emergency, and worse yet, suggested a lot of moms here rarely spend time with their kids. Give me a break.
biglawanon says
I also don’t find most of the posts relatable. I seem to work more than most of the posters, have a less set schedule, exercise 4-6 days a week, and I do less family tasks on a daily basis. At first it made me feel guilty, but once I got over that I keep wishing to see someone more similar to myself.
Coach Laura says
I would love to see a biglaw mom’s week-in-the-life.
TK says
Dude. I can go to literally any other mom blog in the universe for someone to shame me for having a job and contributing to my family, and I can go to the main site to hear about how horrible I am for having kids. This is my community – if you don’t like it here, you are not obligated to stay.
Anonymous says
It definitely gets easier as they get older – wake time gets more predictable. I had to be super flexible when my son was young. Our “routine” was always in flux.
Anonymous says
For the waking up question – so my 1 year old had this glorious stretch where she would sleep until 6:45 or 7am so I got ready before she woke up. That stopped at 9 months and now she’s variable. What I do is nurse her when she wakes up (or you could do a cup of milk), change her diaper, and then put her in her crib with toys. Then I get ready (I.e. Hair and makeup) while watching her on the video monitor. Since this is our routine she’s perfectly content to play quietly for 10-15 mins. Then we have breakfast, I change her into clothes, and lastly I put on my work clothes. I put her in my room while I get dressed which doesn’t take much time.
For HSAL says
I meant to chime in on the discussion about twin carriers awhile back and not sure I ever did. FWIW, I loved the Weego twin carrier. Sure, it has a short life span — just 3-4 months. But that coincided with the time I was on maternity leave and needed it, and I was able to resell for a good price when I was done. I would go on a short walk, let them fall asleep in the carrier, then go back home and sit in the recliner and doze or play on my phone while they napped for 3-4 hours at a stretch. It was also magic around the house during the witching hour when both wanted to be held at the same time.
Anyway, just wanted to give an alternate view. If you want to hear from more Weego enthusiasts, check out the “Tandem Babywearing” group on FB.
HSAL says
Thanks, and thanks for the group recommendation!
Anonymous says
+1 to the Weego – they are not common so it has a solid resale value in my area too.
A says
Has anyone experienced sleep apnea with their children? Our 3-year-old daughter’s teacher noticed that she stops breathing while she sleeps and got it on video to show us (convenient for sending to the pediatrician!). We had no idea this was happening and now the internet is getting me all worried. Any words of wisdom?
Cb says
The Ferber sleep book has a chapter on this, including info on sleep studies and guidance on how to address it with pediatricians who might be less familiar with the issue in children.
A says
Thanks! I haven’t referenced that book in years, but I will track down a copy if this is the route we end up needing to take.
Leatty says
For those of you who do not share the same religious beliefs as your parents/in-laws, how do you address the sharing of those beliefs with your children? DH and I are not religious at all, but my parents are strong Christians (southern Methodists) and very in-your-face about it (especially my mom). As an example, my mom got mad on Sunday because their local newspaper had a regular news article on the front page instead saying “Happy Easter, He is risen.” I have explained to them that we want our children to develop their own beliefs when they are older, rather than imposing beliefs on them. However, my mom is not exactly understanding, and has given my daughter many religious books, said that she will take my daughter to church with them when my daughter visits, and told my daughter that she will believe in Jesus like them. I’m not opposed to my children learning about my parents’ religious beliefs when they are in their teens, but I’m not comfortable with them trying to impose their religious beliefs on my children in the same way they did with me. Any suggestions would be welcome, because I know this will be a bone of contention with my parents in the coming years.
anne-on says
Are you asking how to handle this with your parents or with your children? If its with your parents treat this like any other boundary you are serious about enforcing. If they try to give evangelize to your child when you don’t want them to, or take them to church remind them that you are not religious, will teach your daughter about all religions and allow her to chose and then set an appropriate boundary (ie – if you cannot respect that I’m sorry but we won’t allow you overnight visits/visits at your home with daughter/we will throw out religious books/I will end this conversation and get off the phone/if you keep discussing religion after I’ve asked you not to we will leave/etc. etc.).
Anonymous says
+1 i am religious but this type of behavior would really bother me. It says more about your mom’s lack of respect for you as the parent than about their religious convictions IMO.
anon says
For little kids, I’d just tell your children that they get to choose what they believe when they are grown up. I’d even repeat this to your parents and in front of your parents whenever it comes up. Beyond that I wouldn’t fuss about your parents exposing your kids to their religion. It’s easy enough for even a little kid to understand that Grammie and Grampy go to church and believe X. As long as they stick to the simple bible stories, I’d just consider it exposure to a major world religion and part of their cultural heritage.
When the kids are elementary age or bigger I would draw a line if the conversation tends to hot button political/social issues like abortion, evolution, or sexuality. Those are better topics for teens or young adults–hopefully your parents know better than to go there.
NewMomAnon says
I defy anyone to impose a belief on my daughter…it might be that the best protection is raising your kids to be critical thinkers. And if you raise them to be great critical thinkers and they decide to become devoutly religious, isn’t that OK? I am not devoutly religious, but I don’t intend to impose my lack of religion on my kiddo any more than I want another adult to impose devout beliefs on her.
anne-on says
7-minute workout PSA – the day in the life series the other week reminded me to crack open my 7-minute workout app for a ‘good enough’ during the week workout when I know I’m not getting to the gym or my rowing in. Today’s is “silent” and can all be done quietly in your office/bedroom if need be. Highly recommend!
lsw says
Dumb q, do you change into a sports bra for something like this if you’re doing it at the office?
anne-on says
Not a dumb q! I won’t normally do them at the office (it is my go to hotel exercise while traveling because I ONLY need to pack a sports bra and don’t need sneakers) but today’s exercises were mostly core/ab work, not very sweaty at all!
Betty says
Any recommendations on wooden, outdoor playsets? My kids are 4 and 7, and the small plastic one has outlived its usefulness. We spend a lot of time outdoors (we have a small farm), so having a designated spot for the kids to play would be great. I looked on Wayfair last night and the feedback on many was that the wood was flimsy or that they were impossible to put together. I’m not opposed to spending a decent amount on a playset (1-2K), but I’m not up for the huge ones or the very expensive (there are some for 6k).
anon says
We bought a hardware set and plans online and then purchased bulk lumber from a lumber supply co. We made all the cuts and drilled the holes ourselves. It turned out beautifully. If you are a bit handy, it’s a good way to get a good deal on a quality playset. Not rocket science, but took us a couple of weeks doing most of the work in the evenings. The kids *loved* to help.
Anonymous says
I have such, such fond memories of helping my dad design and build a playset when I was a kid. Adventure to the lumber yard! Handprints in the cement! Hammering! It turned out great. I can’t speak to how much of an ordeal it was for the grownups, but my siblings and I loved it.
Anon says
No direct experience, but I’ve heard good things about the Costco ones. You’ll need to figure out assembly, though. I’ve heard (no clue whether it is true), that with many of the pricier stores that specialize in this stuff, you’re mostly paying for assembly and not necessarily higher quality materials.
Mamma Llama says
I’ve heard this about Costco too, although I don’t have any firsthand experience.
anon says
I found that many of the models at Costco are identical to what is being sold on Wayfair. Don’t be afraid to comparison shop.
BC says
I have heard that Creative Playthings will disassemble, move, and reassemble their equipment (obviously for a charge). On my Facebook moms group, there is a decent secondhand market for outgrown sets.
Gorilla says
I picked out which Gorilla one I wanted from the Home Depot website and then found a crazy sale on Black Friday from a rando website; we saved $800. Put the savings towards hiring a contractor to come build the thing for us (Gorilla’s website lists them by state).
Depressed about student loans says
I’m in an income-based repayment program for my huge student loan balance. While in forbearance and as my IBR was recertifying, I made a significant payment to bring down the balance, figuring this would also impact my monthly payment. Now I got my recertification results, which are based on a Revised Pay as You Earn – which is based on my income, and not on my loan amount. Basically, the amount I just paid had no impact on my monthly payment.
I feel so foolish and depressed, and embarrassed that I didn’t know that this Revised PAYE was even an option. I’d looked into the non-revised one a few years ago but it wasn’t applicable to me. I’m so angry at myself, and dreading describing this to my poor DH who’s also drowning under my law school debt.
Any perspective, words of comfort? This RPAYE appears ultimately to be the better option for me, but selfishly, I wish I hadn’t made that big payment. With daycare, etc, we just can’t afford all this. And I hate that I’ll be making these payment for the next 15 years. What used to comfort me – that I validly borrowed this money, that it is absolutely reasonable and correct that I pay it all back, that it enabled me to pursue an education that I loved – is falling flat. I’m very much wishing I never went back to school, which makes me sad, because I really did love it, and yet now I just feel awful that I’m depriving my family.
NewMomAnon says
Hugs. Sorry you’re feeling regret.
Small comfort: the cancellation at the end of most of these repayment plans creates a cancellation of debt event for income tax purposes. If that’s the case for you, your big payment will save you income tax in the future. And if unpaid, accrued interest capitalizes, you may have saved yourself even more.
Anon in NYC says
Hugs. I’m sorry. Having a huge student loan balance is really demoralizing. First, I agree with the poster below – can you refinance your loans? Or switch to a non-IBR payment? For me, the flat 30-year repayment plan was a lower monthly cost than IBR. I know that you don’t want this hanging over your head for 30 years, but if you can reduce your monthly payments now and pay more in a few years once you’re done with daycare, it could make a meaningful difference in your budget.
OP says
Thank you so much to you both, NewMom and AnoninNYC. Your suggestions and commiseration are really comforting – much appreciated.
anon says
If you ever leave the RPAYE program, unpaid interest will be capitalized. Your big payment now may be a great savings later if you or your husband’s incomes go up. (Both incomes are counted, regardless of how you file your taxes.) That payment may have just bought you flexibility to switch to a different payment scheme in order to lower your payments if your incomes increase (as there is no cap on RPAYE payments).
OP says
Thank you for this!!
NewMomAnon says
Just to say – if you look long-term, there is almost always an upside to making an early payment on a loan. Whether it’s the ability to refinance at a lower interest rate in the future, or avoiding capitalizing interest, or avoiding cancellation of debt income, Future You will probably be grateful!
OP says
That’s a good point, thank you!
Walnut says
I’m looking for advise on a toddler carrier to use on a daily bus commute. I’m moving to a city and bought a house that will enable a possible bus commute. I have a nine month old and 2.5 year old and am trying to figure out logistics/gear.
Does anyone have advice on a 40 minute bus commute with two little kids? Am I crazy? Stop and go traffic and the exorbitant parking costs really make me want to give transit a go. I have a great double stroller, but it seems like that could be a real pain getting on and off the bus. A carrier for the 9 month old and walking with the toddler seems much more realistic. Any carrier recommendations?
Anon in NYC says
I most likely wouldn’t bring your stroller. I’d wear your infant in a carrier and walk with the 2.5 year old.
NYC buses requires you to fold up your stroller so it’s a really pain in the butt to bring anything but the most easily collapsible stroller on a bus, and it might be a challenge to even do that during rush hour. The bus rules might be different where you live, but I still don’t think it would be my preferred method. One option, if it’s just easier to do the stroller is to get one that has a foot board for your toddler. Push your 9 month old in the stroller, have the 2.5 year old stand on the foot board, get to the bus stop, and fold up the stroller / hold the 9 month old. You will be juggling a lot on the bus, but at least getting to/from the bus would be relatively easy.
Personally, I liked the Ergo 360 when my daughter was smaller/lighter, and the Beco toddler carrier when she got a bit heavier.
NewMomAnon says
A carrier for the tiny one and a scooter for the toddler might be a good option too! Especially one of the fold-up scooters. I found that at 2.5, kiddo often required a lot of corralling when walking, and would sometimes just give up and require carrying. I would not bring the double stroller, but a very small, lightweight umbrella stroller for the toddler may be helpful as backup.
Anonymous says
I would do a Mountain Buggy nano stroller (folds super tiny) and an ergo carrier. This way you can either do toddler in the nano and baby in the carrier or vice versa or toddler can walk. You’ll probably need to move to a toddler carrier in 3-6 months but by then the baby will likely be big enough for the toddler size. I had an ergo to start and moved to the tula toddler at age 3.
Pogo says
When I commuted by bus I saw a few families who did it with toddlers. No strollers, for sure. In my city the rule was you needed to fold it up if there wasn’t space, and there would not have been space during rush hour. I will say that other commuters tended to be really nice and helpful to people commuting with their kids. I often saw the same kids every day because I caught the same bus and it was kinda fun seeing them, tbh!
Echo above to use an Ergo for the baby and hold the toddler’s hand.
Do you have to do any transfers? If not, I think it’s super doable. Transfers would make me nervous just because if you miss the next bus you could end up standing in the rain (or whatever) with two kids which … ugh.
Walnut says
No transfers, fortunately, which is why I’m optimistic that this could work.
I’m going to try a bunch of carriers over the next couple of weeks and find something that works. Thanks everyone!
EB0220 says
Definitely walk with toddler and carry 9 month old. We love our Kinderpack. When I’m walking around and sweating, the mesh is awesome.
Anonynous says
If you do want a stroller to go to the bus, see if you can find a Yoyo Zen or similar briefcase fold style strollers. I saw a mom fold one up after dropping off her one year old at my kid’s school, stash it in a tote bag and get on the subway.
Anon says
Awe man, that is so heartbreaking. I wonder about looking at refinancing options? Now that you’ve made a big payment to bring down your balance, refinancing with a different company could change your monthly payment.
I, too, have big law school loans, and I feel like they’ll be there forever. My loans are categorized into “groups” based on the particular loan type for the particular semester. Each of those groups is its own mini-loan. So the only way to make a payment that affects my monthly payment is to pay off a “group” or mini-loan. That’s the best way to do it for me anyway because it is the only way for me to pay principal versus interest if I pay extra. Otherwise they put extra payments towards interest. Not cool.
Anon says
This was for the student loan thread. Grr.
OP says
This is so nice, thank you. I will look into it. Ugh, that’s so annoying about the interest! I think, because I’m so dumb when it comes to this stuff. Good luck to you too, and thanks again :)
Anon in NYC says
Random question, but favorite swim goggles for a toddler? I’m hoping it may make swimming during an upcoming vacation a lot more enjoyable for my almost 3 year old! She hates getting water on her face / in her eyes.
EP-er says
Frogglez https://www.madebymydad.com/
They were recommended when my toddler started swim lessons. They look… special, but they really are easy to adjust, comfortable, and stay on in the right place. Which all mean no leaks or water in the eyes. Highly recommend!
mascot says
I’ve seen several kids at our pool with those. AquaSphere also makes good kid goggles.
OP- we found that diving rings/sticks were good practice for getting our kid to put his face in the water. We’d slowly move down the steps as he got more comfortable.
Anon in NYC says
Thanks! Those look hilarious but also amazing and exactly what I need!
shortperson says
babiators goggles
anon says
Skoogles by Speedo
Anonynous says
You are in NYC — take your kid to Paragon. They have a bunch of goggles out of the package, with no straps on. Your kid can try them on and make sure the eye pieces fit around their nose, don’t squish eyelashes, and seal beneath the eye, are not too wide or too narrow for your kid’s face. Get down on eye level and look at all places the goggle should seal around the eye.
And just because a brand fits at one age doesn’t mean it will fit as your kid grows older. (And the froggelz get moldy if you don’t treat them like you would a swimsuit — hang them to try and never pack wet.)
Anon says
I bought some speedo kid goggles and they seem to work great. I have no idea if they are the skoogles. Just don’t get the super cheap ones from the grocery store.
Pogo says
Tangential to the morning routine/waking up before kiddo to get stuff done question. For nursing moms: when did morning fullness subside to the point that you COULD do something before kiddo wakes up (and eats and drains the b00bs)? 8mo, nursing in the morning, evening, and pumping 2x a day. I wake up crazy full, borderline painful. Even thinking about the baby or my b00bs or anything causes letdown, which for me is pretty uncomfortable if I’m not actively nursing/pumping.
Working out is for sure out of the question until after I totally wean, I think? But at what point was it comfortable to at least shower before feeding in the morning? He’s only been STTN for a few weeks but the morning fullness has always been an issue. I have not started my day with anything but nursing (or pumping) for the last 8 months!
Anonymous says
Can you pump and then go do something? When I’m feeling energetic, I wake up before baby, pump a 5-6 oz bottle, and go to the gym. If she wakes up before I’m back and is starving, DH can feed baby the pumped bottle. If she doesn’t wake up til I’m back, the pumped milk goes in the freezer and I just nurse her when she does wake up.
Anon says
TBH, for me it was around 5 months. My daughter is also 8 months old. I pump 3x at work most days, and that has made a difference in how full I am at night (still nursing night, mornings, WFH day and weekends). I wonder if you pumped once after the last night feeding whether that would empty you out enough for the morning, or are you pretty empty then already? Also maybe consider one of those little silicone suction things to release just enough to get the pressure off so you could shower?
Anon says
Not what you want to hear, but it was probably close to 14-16 months for me. I would wake up so full. I could have pumped to take the edge off, but it was so watery when I did that in the AM that the pumped milk was basically worthless unless I totally drained myself. I wasn’t willing to do that because it was too close to when baby actually did need to nurse.
AwayEmily says
I honestly don’t remember. I have lots of memories of my milk leaking everywhere while making coffee, but don’t remember when it stopped. But commiseration — it is just really uncomfortable, and also super annoying to have to change your shirt like six times because your milk lets down every time you hear the baby cough on the monitor.
My second is now nine weeks and while he’s not STTN yet, he usually wakes up at 3 to nurse (only on one side, though) and then not again until 6:30 or so. I generally get up at 5:30 and by that time am super full — usually I pump one side to near-empty and then the other one just a little to take the edge off. By the time he wakes up, I still have plenty of milk. Maybe you can try something like that?
Anonymous says
I don’t remember waking feeling uncomfortably full but could not get it together to exercise regularly in the a.m. until my son was 2.5
Anon says
It’s a little late in the day but I would love to get some advice on the following two completely unrelated and rather trivial matters:
1) pregnancy acne- ugh, I was hopeful that with this second pregnancy, I might not get it again but I have very obvious acne which is driving me crazy. When not pregnant, I take a super effective prescription medication that helps my hormonal acne. My skin is actually sort of dry and sensitive, which means that some options are actually too harsh. Currently, I use the Belli acne spot treatment, wash with Cetaphil and get semi-regular facials. Nothing seems to help! Anyone out there with the miraculous cure?
2) Does anyone have fake grass? We have this backyard that is very shady and it ends up getting very muddy because we have no luck growing grass and some very persistent rodents (maybe chipmunks?) are constantly creating holes. I’m thinking about getting fake grass so we can have fun with our toddler out there without constantly stepping in holes or getting muddy. Has anyone done this?
TIA!
Mama Llama says
Pregnancy acne is the worst! I’ve been experimenting with azelaic acid from The Ordinary and acne patches from CosRx. I like the patches a lot, but the jury’s still out on the AA.
biglawanon says
Our condo building has fake grass, and it is very popular in our neighborhood. We live in a dry climate, so I am not sure how it does in wet climates.
NewMomAnon says
Ooo, artificial turf is a thing in my area and some of my friends have the softest, nicest artificial turf in their yards. It feels like super lush grass, nothing at all like the horrible stuff my grandparents used to carpet their basement when I was kid. And it doesn’t require weeding or watering or fertilizing. I have no idea about the long-term upkeep (how often to replace it for instance), but it’s weathered at least one Midwestern winter without any deterioration.
No thoughts on pregnancy acne, but – hugs and hope you find a solution. Can you talk to your OB about it?
Anon says
I used the mario badescu drying lotion occasionally on particularly bad breakouts after the first trimester (since it does have salicylic acid in it). I also picked up a few sulphur treatments at the time but I can’t remember what they were. I was going to try tea tree oil based treatments but never got that far.
JD says
You could try spearmint tea for the acne…
Anonymous says
You might ask a landscape architect if there is a shade-loving ground cover that would do well instead of grass. Grass is relatively hard to grow in some areas.
Redux says
yes, like a clover! we had terrible soil and lots of shade but a lovely, soft expanse of clover (and bonus, it’s really cute when your kids hunt for 4-leaf clovers).
Katala says
My neighbor recently redid their (small) grass area with artificial turf. Our yards are super sunny and HOT much of the year but also prone to flooding. So grass doesn’t really grow at all. They apparently tried everything and gave up. It looks great! We’re seriously considering doing the same, but I don’t have any details on cost etc. Neighbor said all they have to do is blow it off which sounds fantastic.
night terrors says
My two year old is having night terrors. He’s had them before for a couple nights at a time, but then we had a couple months without, and now they’re back! It’s every night now and they are killing us. It’s really wrecking havoc on my sleep and my husbands. We just have to kind of half-hold kid on couch to keep him safe for 10 minutes of hysteria and then he falls back to sleep and it takes us quite a while.
Kid is incredibly happy almost all the time and doesn’t remember these, so I’m not concerned they are stress/trauma induced. Ped says they’re common at this age bc they are associated with developmental leaps and kids just grow out of this.
Is there anything else I can do here for my own sleep/sanity? THANKS!
Anon in NYC says
I’m sorry. That sucks! Can you alternate nights? Husband deals with him one night, you deal with him the next.
My daughter had a several month stretch of really bad sleep with multiple wake ups every single night and one of the only ways we survived was to have one person take a night. It seemed to be a separation anxiety thing, so after the first or second wake up, one person would go and sleep in the glider in her room. It helped. Usually that person didn’t get a great night of sleep, but the other person had a several hour stretch.
night terrors says
We’ve tried but it’s so loud and kind of disturbing so everyone wakes up, including his twin who shares a room….
RDC says
Late reply, so I’ll post again tomorrow, but we had great success with the Lully for our sons terrors. It’s on Amaz0n.
MdwestNP says
Re: spearmint tea for acne- just because something is natural doesn’t make it safe! Spearmint has some antiandrogen effects and thats why it helps acne, if a tea had a strong enough herb to help acne it likely will have effects on the baby. Re: acne, OP: talk to your doc- salicyllic acid is ok in later trimesters. Also there are other prescriptions creams. I used sulfur which is a little helpful. I am also a fan a full coverage makeup unfortunately when all else failed for pregnancy acne.