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I worked with someone who has three kids. When his oldest dropped her pacifier, he sterilized it with boiling water. With the second, he rinsed it off in the sink. With the third, he kicked it back toward her.
Now, both my kids hated pacifiers (they felt cheated when food didn’t come out of them), but if your kid is like my coworker’s kids, perhaps this Fabric Pacifinder from Nuby would have eliminated some of the boiling/rinsing/kicking — it works with any pacifier that has a handle, comes in a variety of fun patterns, and keeps your baby’s pacifier in easy reach and off the ground.
Now, your baby can (hopefully) find their own pacifier while you do all the other things babies can’t do for themselves.
A two-pack of these Fabric Pacifinders is $4.99 at Target.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Mm says
Another division of duties question, because you all are so helpful on these. I work remotely, DH does not. I also have downtime most days, DH works fairly long hours. As a result, I am primarily responsible for home cleaning, food, and child care (we have daycare, whew, but I handle most of the non-daycare hours). Without getting too much into the weeds, the crux of my question is this: if one person works remotely with downtime, does it make sense for them to be more responsible for housework? Sometimes I feel like I have the responsibilities of a stay at home spouse while also working a full time job, and trying to prevent resentment.
Cb says
I work at home (for another month and then I’ll be travelling weekly) and my husband has been in the office 3-4 days a week since last summer, lockdowns excepted. I do the food shopping and prep, laundry, am in for tradespeople etc and I don’t generally mind it (moving the laundry over is at least more active and less infuriating than checking Twitter). my husband does the drop off and pick ups so that feels more balanced.
Anonymous says
In my marriage we both aim to give 100%. So I would use downtime productively but also I would prioritize work and we would be expect to be doing housework and childcare on nights and weekends. If I have time to do laundry I do but I am not responsible for it all.
Anon says
It makes sense that you would be more responsible, but you seem to be almost solely responsible, which is not OK.
I’d hire a cleaner to start and try to give entire topics of responsibility to DH as possible (hiring the cleaner, car, kid medical, taxes, whatever works for you both). I think the book Fair Play breaks this down.
Cb says
Oh yes, we have a weekly cleaner so I’m not doing any big cleaning tasks. I might tidy up a closet or fold laundry when I’m on a boring webinar but I’m not scrubbing toilets.
ALC says
No advice, but we’re in the same position. It’s no big deal for me to throw in a load of laundry or run the dishwasher during the day, but it is starting to feel like I’m doing a lot more than he does around the house. I’m going back to the office full time in October, so we’ll have to do some rebalancing then and I’m not too concerned in the meantime. But I definitely think it’s something to address if you’re feeling like it’s too much.
Anonymous says
Yes, to an extent. I’m saying this from the perspective of someone who currently works from home and previously was in the office while spouse worked from home. We’ve always had a division of labor where the WFH spouse does the laundry, because we can switch out loads while we work (recognizing that might not be possible for every situation). The WFH spouse has typically also switched out the dishwasher at some point in the day before dinner. I’ve always been our chef, but I rely on a lot of slow cooker meals now that I can throw in while I am at home. The WFH spouse also has typically also done a lot of our errands. True cleaning and most of our cooking has not been influenced by WFH vs being in the office. Kid care hasn’t been influenced by WFH status, but we’ve typically worked similar hours. DH has always dropped off regardless of WFH/office,and I have always picked up. This year she is taking the bus to and from school.
Anonymous says
I’m 100% WFH and DH is like 60%. We haven’t changed how we divide our chores. I may fold laundry at lunchtime or something and that makes me more available to lean in with the kid stuff that I enjoy in the evening (bath/bed). And dishes are DH’s domain so I make an effort to not use too many when making lunch. DH’s seems to use the time to get in a run at lunch vs after kids are in bed.
AwayEmily says
Maybe this is a cop-out but I don’t think there’s a “correct” answer here. If you feel like you’re doing too much, you’re doing too much, and you and he should try to figure out a way to offload some of that (be that to him, outsourcing, lowering standards, etc). I came to this realization from the other end of things — when I had my first academic job, my husband was still at home finishing his dissertation. I started relying on him for basically all the cooking/cleaning/shopping, and eventually he (very kindly) told me that even though he was home all day, he still needed to work, and that having all those responsibilities was both distracting and making him resentful. We rearranged and came up with a better system that divided things more evenly. And even though that system meant we both had less downtime on the weekends/evenings (because we were doing chores then), it was worth it.
Pogo says
I would agree with this. I hate housework generally so I outsource as much as possible, though laundry and tidying and organizing gives me satisfaction. So i’ll do those if I have time during the day. DH has been known to mow the lawn while listening to a call, or as he’s on a remote conference this week he’s been fixing the dryer (but, he’s very handy and likes doing this stuff – otherwise just outsource!). But I don’t think there is a magic division of responsibility unless you feel burnt out.
IHeartBacon says
I don’t think it is a cop-out at all to use the level of resentment as the barometer. I totally get the recommendations that things should always be split 50/50, but sometimes you just have to ask yourself what works best for your own family. Sometimes figuring out a way to make things work for your unique family dynamic is more important than keeping score.
Anon says
Exact same boat here. It was really rubbing me the wrong way for a long while – it felt like I was being “punished” for having the better job. (That pays the same as DH’s high stress job, I might add.)
We ended up deciding that DH was in charge of laundry because he doesn’t mind it, and I’m in charge of meal planning/grocery shopping/cooking because I don’t mind it. Those were the big ones that were causing friction in our household, and it felt good to fully shift one big category onto him and completely wash my hands of it.
So Anon says
If you were in the office, what would you do with that downtime? I WFH now until… well, someday, and I have no problem changing laundry over during my downtime, but I will also use that time to read the NYT, HBR or other more professional obligations. My advice would be to make sure that you are doing the things that you would in the office. Also, address this at the first hint of resentment. Don’t wait until you are ready to boil over.
Anonanonanon says
I use “downtime” on work-from-home days for small chores (putting laundry in while muted on a conference call, etc.) BUT I expect my husband to use any downtime at the office to help with administrative tasks. Scheduling repair people, scheduling the childrens’ well visits and dental visits, printing and filling out daycare forms, etc. There are things he can do at the office that contribute to the household. He also takes cars for oil changes on lunch breaks.
However, our dynamic may be a bit different, because my husband has no telework flexibility but does have more “downtime” than I do.
Anonymous says
Like others have said, it’s okay for you to do a bit more (like throwing in midday laundry or being there to handle package delivery), but it’s not okay for you to do cleaning, food, AND childcare. That isn’t balanced at all.
SC says
I like to consider total hours worked, inside and outside the house and including commuting, and divide that up evenly. That will mean that a spouse who works from home and has more downtime does more housework and childcare.
However, there are times when what’s fair has still been too much for our family, or at least for one of us. If your husband chooses to work crazy hours, leaving you to do everything else with no downtime, it may be “fair,” but not sustainable for you. I’ve been in that situation, and I was the breadwinner at a really hard job (regional law with a 2000 billable hour requirement), with an infant, while DH had a “passion” job with low pay, no benefits, and long hours. I was so resentful that I almost divorced DH. We had to recalibrate our whole lives.
Anonanonanon says
I think your second paragraph is so important. Right now I have a much heavier load than my spouse because I took on going to school, which was something I did just for myself. It would not be fair for me to argue that the extra 20 hours of week I have to commit to that should count toward my workload when dividing responsibilities, because it’s a selfish choice I made (albeit with his support). And I don’t say that negatively, we all get to be selfish sometimes. But I also have no leg to stand on in terms of asking him to take on my household chores on top of all of the evening responsibilities he has to take on because I’m in school five nights a week.
All of that to say, maybe OP should talk with her husband about if this job is really something that benefits the family more than it is a detriment?
DLC says
At some point the past year and a half, my husband and I have come to realize that it is more helpful for us to make sure we divide the free “me” time rather than split the house work meticulously. Because the housework/childcare/yardwork is infinite, but the free time is quite finite. I am COVID unemployed and home with the kids, so yes, I do do a lot more housework/childcare/ life planning than I used to, but at the same time we work really hard to make sure we both get time off from all that. Even if that means he works a long day and has to clean up after dinner and put the kids to bed three times a week so that I can sit with a book or binge something.
Carolyn Hax once wrote in a column that resentment and anger lies in the gap between expectation and reality. I think it is worth talking to your spouse to see if expectation and reality can be moved closer to each other.
Anon says
I love this idea (of splitting the free “me” time evenly)! It’s kinda vaguely what we try to do but I’ve never been able to state it eloquently!
AnonMo says
No real help, but some commiseration. I’m remote (going back soon) and my husband is in person working long hours. He works long hours because he is, by his own admission, inefficient and far too chatty with co-workers, not because his job is inherently intense and demanding.
Kid is in camp now, but that gets out at 4 and is 15 minutes away.
His expectation is that I can just “take an hour or so to do stuff around the house” and sometimes I can, other times, I can’t because of work and/or other non-housekeeping household matters. We also just moved, so in addition to having a house full of boxes, I’m burnt out from handling 75%+ of the home selling/buying/moving logistics.
I haven’t figure out a solution, I am looking forward to going back to the office soon, however, as that will remove his (incorrect) assumption that I have chunks of time in my day. If I have the mental energy, I’m going to try the “Fair Play” approach, where a couple decides what’s important, what are minimal acceptable standards for that task, and then fully assigns it to one person or another.
Based on that, I’ve realized it is really much easier if one party responsible for a task/item – e.g., he had to get lunch prepared for our kid last year. Once I started ‘helping’ by being efficient and putting leftovers directly in the bento box, he started assuming I’d just handle stuff.
Anon says
Looking for anecdata from anyone who had no pregnancy symptoms in first trimester but otherwise successful pregnancy and healthy child. We went through infertility treatment and I am finally pregnant, a little over 8 weeks. We saw a healthy heartbeat at 6.5 weeks but I have otherwise had zero pregnancy symptoms and find it quite stressful, especially since our struggles to conceive trained me to think that pregnancy just did not happen for me.
Google tells me other people have no symptoms at my current stage but that it is rather rare. I’d love some encouragement if anyone else has had the same thing (or sisters, friends, etc.). Please do not share stories that end badly since the goal here is to reduce my anxiety about this :-)
ALC says
I had basically no pregnancy symptoms in the first trimester. I felt pretty good! A little hungrier than usual, maybe, and maybe more tired than usual, but it was hard to distinguish from general life tiredness. I got more classic pregnancy symptoms in the 3rd trimester, such as being really itchy and uncomfortable, but the first 5 months or so were a breeze. And I went on to have a very healthy baby at 39 weeks.
Same says
Pretty much the same here, just a little more tired than usual.
Anon says
the first trimester of pregnancy is scary, especially for those who had trouble conceiving (which includes me), but this is the time to trust your doctor and not doctor google. i personally did have symptoms (nausea/vomiting), but I recall that the day after an ultrasound i had a blissful 24 hours where instead of feeling nauseous, i felt famished and ate like 4 slices of pizza in one sitting. i was so freaked out that i was hungry instead of vomiting that I emailed my doctor (who probably thought i was nuts) to see if this was a sign that i lost the pregnancy (which i did not). everyone’s body is different. everyone’s experience is different. if your ultrasound and your doc said you are doing well, i would try to trust that though i know it is hard
Anonymous says
Lots of people have no first trimester symptoms!!
Anon says
In my first pregnancy I had no symptoms. It was wonderful! Everything was like a dream and baby was perfectly healthy and born on the due date. Enjoy it, you are lucky. :)
busybee says
I’m 30 weeks and have had no symptoms at all. I wouldn’t know I was pregnant if not for an obvious belly and baby moving constantly. No morning sickness, no nausea, no cravings, no aversions, no aches and pains, absolutely nothing.
Curious says
I am sure this is sometimes totally freaky, but also… Teach me your magic.
anon says
I had basically no symptoms first trimester with kid 1. (Kid 2, all the symptoms!)
AnonATL says
I didn’t have a single symptom and now I have a healthy and rambunctious 1yo. I remember missing the reassurance of symptoms the first trimester as well. When is your next appointment? If you are especially anxious, you could go get a private ultrasound at the midpoint between appointments.
Anon says
I had zero morning sickness, ever. I was 100% convinced that I was miscarrying, had a molar pregnancy, or something awful until I saw him on the ultrasound at 9 weeks. Cue more total lack of morning sickness, more anxiety, more waiting on tenderhooks until the next OB-GYN appointment. It was so stressful.
My son is adorable, fun, loving, healthy, strong, and smart.
anon says
I did IVF, no symptoms other than a little tired during first tri, and I had spotting (which caused a LOT of worry but was nothing). Had a successful pregnancy. I did struggle with heartburn later on, but that was my main “symptom” throughout the whole pregnancy. Not a hint of nausea.
Anon. says
I didn’t get classic first trimester symptoms with either of my pregnancies until closer to 10-12 weeks and in both instances very mild. Two happy healthy kiddos now.
Anonanonanon says
With my first I was never nauseous until second trimester, when I had “evening sickness”
OP says
Thanks all. This was what I needed to hear! I know I’m lucky so shouldn’t be stressed, appreciate the reassurance.
Pogo says
It’s OK! It’s a very lonely time. I had first tri spotting with both, including while travelling for work in Europe with my male boss. I stayed up every night googling reassuring stories… It’s such a mindf*ck, do whatever you need to do!
Anon says
Adding to the choir – I had zero symptoms my first trimester for both of my full term pregnancies. My mom had told me she had no morning sickness with either of us either, and my OB had told me that propensity could be genetic, so I was not super worried, but I can see how it would be unnerving. Congrats on your pregnancy!
JTM says
In both of my pregnancies, my symptoms didn’t kick in until the later part of the first trimester, when the placenta takes over from the yolk sac. At 8wks I felt like my old self; at 12wks I was nauseous and also dealing with bloat. I’d bet you’ll start to have symptoms as you get closer to the end of the first trimester.
Anon says
This is totally possible. I had no symptoms at all until about 9.5 weeks. That’s when the nausea and food aversions kicked in. I felt pretty gross until around 14 weeks, and then great! (Food aversion to vegetables stuck around, though. The thought of eating a salad was incredibly off putting.)
Anon says
2 pregnancies, one was IVF when I was almost 43, didn’t have any symptoms with either. Other than challenges with secondary infertility, I feel like being pregnant was kind of like my superpower – I was very good at it. Big, healthy babies and easy recovery both times.
Aunt Jamesina says
Congrats! I went through IVF and have been lucky enough to have had basically zero symptoms so far (I’m at 24 weeks now, so it can’t yet be counted as “successful”, but stats are on my side and baby is measuring right around the 50th percentile and has had zero indicators of issues). Honestly, the first trimester aside from a very occasional, faint increased sense of smell and lack of a period, I never would have known I were pregnant.
Anon. says
I had healthy twins at 35 weeks and never had a single pregnancy symptom in my first trimester. No morning sickness, no cravings, no weird emotions. At the most I could say I was maybe a bit more sleepy. I was worried too but my Ob/gyn said some women are just lucky like that. Good luck!
Cb says
I went to a 4 year old birthday party on Saturday and wished there was a Cmoms WhatsApp because this thing was bananas and deserved sharing. We arrived, there was a magician, then fire dancers (doing the tale of Prometheus), an acrobat demo, and then an old timey magic and Punch and Judy show. It began at 11 and they did not serve pizza until 130 and the kids were just ragged. It was the most over the top thing, there seemed to be a party planner involved but she obviously didn’t think about the importance of feeding small children? The birthday boys parents and assorted aunts and uncles had been up until 4am and all seemed vaguely hungover. My husband picked us up at 3 to head camping for the weekend and my son looked at him and said “I think we just need some quiet in the car!”
Can’t wait til next year when we do cake and games for my kid’s birthday and he inquired about fire dancers.
Anon says
Our 4YO birthday party this past weekend had an inflatable pool, sprinkler, water table, backyard swing set we just replaced, lots of fruit and chips and juice boxes (2PM so snack time) and everyone had a great time! Team chill parties forever!
Anon says
my kids were invited to a bday party through a nanny our nanny met at the park. this was during covid so we did not go, but i later found the pictures on instagram. there were kids tables with tablecloths, personalized drinkware, napkins, etc. a signature cocktail for adults, horses with painted hair to look like unicorns/my little pony. i wonder what this little girl’s wedding will look like one day
Anonymous says
Right? I thought you give the kids sugar and they run around and you hang with the parents.
Anon Lawyer says
Those poor horses. I bet all the other horses made fun of them later.
anon says
Fire dancers?! My 3yo would definitely end up trying to imitate this so I’d definitely be a bit annoyed.
Related bananas thing. My friend had a petting zoo for her 1 yo. (Must have been a thing, my coworker also had one for her LO this year.) Even my DH, who is not the bleeding-heart liberal I am, left worried about the animals after seeing the bigger kids grabbing the animals all day. Can we just do pizza and maybe one game please, fellow parents? TY
Cb says
Haha! The kids were pretty entranced by the fire dancers, but they really loved the old school kind of cringey puppeteer. They were rolling on the floor laughing, while they didn’t even smirk at the more professional magician.
Eww, I wouldn’t do a petting zoo. But you can do these alpaca walks, where you get to take the alpaca for a walk through a field, and I may abandon my principles to get to pet an alpaca.
anon says
It sounded cute, but I think you just have to find a more education-based company. This was clearly some pre-teen kids sent by mom and dad to “watch” the animals. AKA the pre-teens “in charge” played on their phones while the 10 yo boys threw the chickens around. It was also 90 degrees out. Just felt bad for the animals. I don’t think all petting zoos are inherently horrible or anything. But just don’t let kids into the pens unsupervised, yikes!
Anon says
Holy…
Mm says
I’m just surprised they served pizza instead of truffle pasta or something.
Pogo says
bwahaha
Cb says
Haha! They had ordered a vegan pizza for us (dairy-free) and it was the best vegan pizza I’ve ever had though!
AwayEmily says
I missed the “funny things your kid says” thread yesterday but just remembered my favorite recent line. We were staying in a vacation rental last week and my 5yo found an old purple My Little Pony in one of the drawers. She had never seen one before and immediately exclaimed “LOOK! A broken unicorn!”
Anon says
?
katy says
haha.
On Sunday morning LO and DH had “treat cereal” for breakfast. I asked what fruit they wanted. 4 YO looks at me and says (deadpan): “Mom, they are FRUIT loops.” Alright then….
Anon says
last year i had some tensions with one of my best friends due to our different covid risk tolerances that finally fizzled over the summer, and now it is back with a vengeance. what she does has absolutely no impact on me (we don’t even live in the same state), and it is obviously totally her choice, but grr, this is hard. (she is flying next week with her kids to vacation in a covid hot spot)
Anon says
unless she is refusing to be vaccinated, I’d try to let this go. People have different risk tolerances, and so long as she’s following the “rules” (i.e. wearing masks where required, getting vaccinated when its her turn), I’d mostly just be jealous. I wish I could fly with my kids someplace fun right now.
anon says
It is hard, and I sympathize. I try to remember that everyone has different risk tolerances, but it’s really, really difficult at times.
OP says
yes, i know. they are taking this trip and then her kids start school the next day. my kids started school last week and a class is already shutdown for 2 weeks. i’d be pretty pissed if her kids were in my kids class. i know everyone has different priorities, but mine is keeping my kids in school as much as possible this year and kind of wish everyone else’s were the same, though obviously life doesn’t work that way
anon says
The pandemic has been hard on relationships, for sure. We’ve had a clear view of diverging priorities, and it’s hard to un-see that. There’s definitely a spectrum of behaviors, from blatantly reckless to questionable. For my own mental health, I’ve had to turn a blind eye to the questionable, otherwise, I’d hate too many people.
Anon says
I had a really good friendship end last year over Covid risk tolerances. We lived in different states, so it didn’t technically matter in terms of my personal exposure, but both found we had nothing to talk about when I was quarantining with a new baby and she was taking multiple cross-country vacations (and telling me that I was “making it harder on myself” by taking Covid with a new baby so seriously).
I do miss her sometimes but honestly, it was for the best. We have different value systems and weren’t compatible as friends any longer.
So Anon says
What parenting blogs and podcasts do you all recommend? I love What Fresh He$$ that was recommended by this board. I’m looking for those that are more grounded and realistic, especially for working moms (hard pass on fire dancers for birthday parties!). I love things that tend toward simple living, maybe because that approach feels so out of reach for my craziness?
anon says
The Mom Hour
Simple Families
Anon says
Em for Marvelous talks a lot about making choices to slow down time and simplify things in her home / family life. There’s other stuff mixed in (fashion) which doesn’t resonate as much with me, but she’s definitely one of my favorite people on the internet.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I only listen to the Mom Hour now for my parenting focused podcast. The hosts do a good job of recognizing the many many approaches to parenting and give some good tips and anecdotes. It may be a bit more SAHM-y or WFH in flex job mommy but they don’t beat you over the head with that. I used to listen to Best of Both Worlds, which is geared to working moms, but it just got to be too unrelatable (LVK) in the opposite direction of outsourcing everything. I don’t think there is a perfect podcast for me bc us moms with work, daycare, kids, some but not all outsourcing are just too busy to make one!
anon says
Yeah, it’s too bad that BBW is completely unsufferable because there is so little content for full-time working moms. I like Sarah and have continued following her blog, but I cannot with the Just Outsource Everything advice. I’m not even griping about the matter of affordability; it’s a lack of availability in many smaller cities! Also, throwing shade here to one of the BBW hosts, but some of us actually want to be around our kids a little more?
Anonymous says
For the lawyers on this board, I recommend In Loco Parent(i)s, by a law professor and a law firm partner who have two young kids. They discuss balancing their jobs with their family and interview interesting people about their law/family balance as well.
anon says
I went to law school with that professor! He’s an interesting guy.
Anonymous says
LOL I had him for Con Law!
Cb says
There seem to be one off series about working moms, but nothing sustained (perhaps because the moms who might start one are working…). I like the Lazy Genius which isn’t specifically parenting focused, but always has some good household management tips. I also like Mom and Dad Are Fighting b/c I think the hosts bring good perspectives.
DLC says
There are a couple podcasts out of Australia on the Mamamia podcast that i really enjoy. Something about the Australian accents makes everything just seem super low key even while admitting the absolute sh*tshow that is parenting. I find some of Edit Your Life and Friendlier inspiring too. I do appreciate Slate’s mom and dad are fighting too.
From a journalistic point of view I like listening to past episodes of The Double Shift and Longest Shortest Time.
Realist says
The Double Shift engages a lot with working and motherhood, but not in a lighthearted way.
Anon says
Recommendations for immunity boosters for kids? I’m sure this is all placebo but I’ve already got a cold and I don’t want the kids to get it. They’d been taking Zarbees elderberry gummies (which have zinc and vitamin c) but don’t like the taste. Thinking something similar.
As I’m typing this I’m remembering that maybe this isn’t recommended in a covid world?
Anonanonanon says
Vitamin D is usually not a bad idea. Outside of COVID, there are SO MANY respiratory viruses ripping through kids right now. I’d reach out to the pediatrician and see what supplements she recommends?
OP says
Right? I just want to pump them full of vitamins and do the best we can! Forgot to mention kids are 2.5, 5 and 6.
Anonymous says
You pump them full of vitamins by giving them good, nutritious food and fresh air and sunshine.
Anon says
Eh I don’t think that’s enough this year.
Tea/Coffee says
We have found that probiotics are really helpful and there are plenty of gummy options. Small dose (not even full big-kid dose) about half the time, but if it’s allergy season or one of us is starting to get sick we make sure to ramp up to a dose daily.
anon says
I’m a huge fan of an early bedtime to ensure enough sleep. Immunity booster, happier kids, more time for parents to chill.
AnonATL says
I have to agree with your kids on those zarbee elderberry chews. Gross. My husband loves them
Anonymous says
Good gifts for a 2 year old? My nephew’s birthday is coming up. Granddad is getting the scooter. Parents are laid back, in a city apartment so nothing huge, but it doesn’t need to be an organic silent toy either.
Anonymous says
Play food! Pottery barn has some really cute sets.
katy says
Books (like ones with an actual plot – grumpy monkey, Alfie, the paperbag princess, corduroy all hits at that age) or art supplies (markers, washable paint, stickers, construction paper, kid scissors, glue stick, sequins, googly eyes). Helmut to go with the scooter?
Anonymous says
Is an easel too big?
anon says
My go-to lately has been a fancy nap-mat if I know they don’t already have one and the kiddo goes to daycare. I just bought this one from Etsy (pillow, sheet, blanket all-in-one, with a pocket for a small stuffed animal). The kids seem to enjoy them, and I am hoping my littles use them even after daycare, for movie nights or whatever. I love that they’re personalized and all you have to do is unroll and throw the whole thing in the washing machine. (OK, so kind of a gift for the parents, too).
Personalized Tot Cot® Toddler Preschool | Daycare Nap Mat – Llamas
Anon says
melissa & doug birthday cake. my twins got it at age 2 and my kids still play with it at age 3.
Curious says
My two year old niece love love loves the interactive Leap Pad book on animals. You press it and it names the animal or makes the sound. Her 5 year old brother doesn’t mind it either.
Anonymous says
Could you get the helmet? At that age my kiddo found the helmet to be just as much fun as the scooter…
Realist says
NPR Morning Edition reported that the vaccine for ages 5+ will not likely be available in 2021 and the expletives flying out of my mouth….
EDAnon says
I heard this too. And for me, only 5+ is a bummer because I have a 3yo, too.
Realist says
Morning Edition reporting that the vaccine for ages 5+ will not likely be available in 2021 [insert expletives here]
anon says
Darn. That backs up what our pediatrician told us a few weeks ago. I’m so freaking sick of this.
TheElms says
It seems like there is still some disagreement on how long it will take. https://www.politico.com/news/2021/08/24/vaccine-approval-kids-506750
Realist says
Yeah, it is weird because Fauci was recently, I think even yesterday, saying fall or early winter. Although I’m not entirely sure what “early winter” even means, which is probably intentional for wiggle room.
Here is the page with segment with NIH director Collins, he talks about kids around the 5 minute mark on his segment: http://att.m.npr.org/programs/morning-edition/
I’m just sick of feeling that kids and moms are not a priority.
Realist says
Sorry, just read the politico piece and see it mention’s Fauci’s comments. We’re adults. Just give us the if/then scenarios of how this vaccine approval process could work and the timing of things.
Realist says
I wish they could get consistent messaging and do a weekly update even if they mostly have nothing new to report.
Anon says
honestly, in a sense this doesn’t bother me, only because maybe if they take longer maybe more people will be confident about vaccinating their kids. my kids are 3, so i guess they will be vaccinated like never and i will be continuing to depend on adults and everyone else to get vaccinated.
So Anon says
I’m just going to go scream into the void for a few….
Anyway, has anyone heard whether it is likely that kids will need two shots? In other words, will it be 6 weeks post first shot that protection is achieved?
Realist says
I haven’t seen anything that suggests the kids would get fewer shots than the adults, so I would guess the timing to fully vaccinated will be the same for kids. But I don’t really know.
anon. says
My kids are in the vaccine study for Pfizer and are having 2 shots 3 weeks apart.
Anonymous says
At least for the last month the timeline that Pfizer was talking about made it almost impossible for it to be 2021. We pushed our new year’s trip to see family out until late February but I wouldn’t be shocked if it gets pushed again to Easter. Will take a while to get everyone vaxxed in that age group in addition to possible adult boosters. With an estimated 8 months of protection, I’m just hoping we travel before DH and I need boosters in March/April.
anon says
I have a new middle schooler, and he is home alone after school for anywhere from 1.5-2 hours a day. I don’t love it, but it is what it is, and I was babysitting at his age, so a little independence isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However. We need to crack down on screen time (TV, mostly) because that’s literally all he’s doing when he gets home. He doesn’t have a problem doing homework in the evening, so I don’t feel strongly about requiring him to do it right away unless he has an evening activity. Any thoughts on how to have him occupy his time? He certainly should be doing a chore or two.
Anonymous says
I think assign him a daily chore and otherwise he can watch tv if he wants.
EDAnon says
That’s what my parents did and I turned out okay.
SC says
I’d focus on what you’d like him to be doing instead of restricting screen time–a chore or two, practice an instrument, read a book, etc. As long as he completes whatever reasonable expectations, there’s no “limit” on screen time. That said, I have a 6 year old, and he definitely spends 1.5-2 hours on a screen several times a week.
Anon says
Speaking from experience as a kid, there was absolutely nothing my (fairly strict, very engaged) parents could do at that age to control my unsupervised time. I followed the rules that always applied, it’s not like I was doing drugs and rock-‘n’-roll, but I indulged in frivolous leisure of choice no matter what consequences applied.
No Face says
Personally, if he spent all day at school and does his homework just fine in the evenings, I think you should let him watch tv.
Walnut says
My Mom left a chore list and I would scramble to get them done in the five minutes before she got home.
Salute Your Shorts, Saved by the Bell and Boy Meets World were first on my docket.
IHeartBacon says
I agree with everyone else. Give him a couple of chores to do, but otherwise, I would let him watch tv if that is how he chooses to spend his remaining free time. Think of it this way, if he goes to school every day, does his homework every night, and does some chores every afternoon, he has earned some downtime, and it sounds like tv is his preferred method of downtime.
Anonymous says
Just catching up here, but books? Get him hooked. As a type this from vacation, my 9 year old and I are the only ones up and we couldn’t figure out the tv. She grumbled and went back to her room to read a book until either dad the tech whiz gets up or whichever sister hid the missing remote gets up.
Haven’t seen her in an hour.
Aunt anon says
Accidentally posted this (in mod) on the other site, don’t let it through mods, meant for here:
I am in a very lucky position that I never expected to be in where I do not need to work full time anymore. I have an office that is very accommodating, and will let me go however part-time I want. I fully understand that with transactional work I should plan to work more I am paid for (which I am ok with). I don’t want to step out of my career entirely but I’m not sure how much part time to ask for though and when I start it? 20 hours a week? More? I have two kids, 1 and 3.5 (maybe a future third) and plan to continue full time care and just pick up early when I can. Does waiting until older one is in K make sense? I know this will put me on the very long path to partner or silo me as counsel and I am fine with it, I can either ramp up later or find something else (the pandemic has exhausted me and I need some time to heal).
Anon says
Are there any limitations on your benefits? At my job, we need to work at least 60% time to receive benefits. I’d also make sure future maternity leaves are covered at your planned hours (when I took mine there was a brief issue that I hadn’t worked enough hours to receive FMLA. It wound up being a miscalculation but I had no clue there was a minimum).
I currently work 82.5% time (so have 1.5 days off a week) and it’s great for now. In my job I feel like working less than 70%/3 days a week would be difficult in terms of missing out on opportunities.
I’d encourage you to create your ideal schedule and then calculate the hours from there (also keeping in mind what you’re going to want when your kids are in school, etc). If you want to tweak it later on (adding more or less hours), what would be the bigger ask? I can easily drop to 70% if I want to, but a coworker who was part time asked for more hours and was denied.
If you can afford it, I’d encourage you to do it ASAP. I don’t regret going part time at all (I actually did it pre-kids which seemed so extravagant but made my life so much better). You also never know what’s going to change with your firm in a couple of years and it’s harder for them to take the benefit away than to say no to begin with.
Anon says
i would say know your job in terms of whether it is easier to drop to less or ask for more. at my job it is actually easier to ask for more and harder to ask for less
anon says
I would do it now. FWIW, I went to 80% and I felt like that was 40 hours a week with not as much vacation stress (I usually travel 4 weeks a year). We also require 60% for benefits. I agree that it makes sense to think about your ideal schedule and back into it. For my practice (transactional support), I was definitely still on call, checking email after hours and working if needed.
anon says
Advice, please. My job lately has been stressful. We’ve been short-staffed after the loss of a crucial secretary. And, before and after a (very rare) week-long vacation (involving travel for my cousin/friend’s wedding) ended up meaning working a lot of nighttime and weekend hours before and after I don’t like and don’t usually have to do. On the home front, DH has had to travel for work a lot, meaning anything over 40 hours again means late-night work. (Kids are 1.5 and 3.5, so when DH is gone it’s hard to get them to bed on time, then clean, THEN work. Morning work doesn’t work for me– I swear they sense I’m up and just wake up early too. Ugh.) And, kids keep getting colds requiring them to stay home and us to juggle childcare, babysitters, etc etc.
Then, when things slow down a little bit, I lose all motivation. Tips? I know a lot of moms here routinely work evenings and weekends, but it burns me out.
anon says
No advice, just commiseration. Especially your last sentence; I’ve never been able to make that a sustainable strategy, and my kids are a lot older than yours.
SC says
I’ve never been good at working evenings, and I get burned out easily. And I hear you about early mornings–I swear, my son will wake up from feeling the vibrations of my feet hitting the floor all the way across the house. I can work weekends, but only if I’m allowed to focus on work between 9 and 5. In your situation, I would try to hire a weekend babysitter, say 9-1 on Saturdays, and plan to catch up on work then.
Pogo says
Same. Can you do anything AT work to outsource? For example, I hired an intern. It was easy to get approval because they are relatively cheap, and I found one coming off another rotation so she could hit the ground running. We are also able to outsource to contractors for certain tasks if we can justify the spend.
I also started creating boundaries for myself and sticking to them – like if I say to myself I won’t work in the evening, I shut my computer down and don’t do it. I have to prioritize what gets done in any given day or week. Also, do you have a light at the end of the tunnel? That helps me too. I know when we hire x person, I will have y off my plate so I can power through til then.
Anon says
honestly, idk how those of you who do solo parenting and then work evenings do it. I’m exhausted after getting my kiddos dinner and to bed and barely have enough energy to brush my teeth
Anonanonanon says
I go to law school in the evening 5 days a week on top of a full-time job, so some commiseration. THough I think it’s easier than logging back into work because at least it’s starting something different in the evening.
Anyway, some things that have helped for us:
-Evening sitter three nights a week just around as an extra set of hands
-About once every week, we get a sitter for half of a weekend day. We just have to. My husband will have work responsibilities that piled up because of the nights he had to rush home so I can go to class and I usually have schoolwork to catch up on.
-Very, very quick meals for the kids. There is such a thing as organic frozen chicken nuggets, steam in the bag veggies, pre-cut fruit, etc. Fast meals don’t have to be unhealthy if that’s a concern. And I don’t pack lunches. They get school lunch.
-Unfortunately, my “down” time and cleaning are often combined. However, I have good ireless headphones and will listen to a good podcast or turn on a show on my tablet and listen to the audio in my headphones while I clean. It’s not as sad as it sounds, I promise.
Anon says
I find it much easier to just keep workin then to stop and start again. Is that possible on days your husband is home? Like you work from 8-8 and he does dinner and bedtime?
Anon says
I need to start getting 3T clothes for my daughter. I’d like to lean into the whole capsule wardrobe thing and buy some good mix-and-match staples. I’m okay with it costing a smidge more if it helps simplify stuff. It seems like either Primary or Gap would be the best stores to do this. Any recs for either store, or some other store entirely? Any specific pieces? We tend to do pants over dresses because I think it’s easier but I’m not opposed to skirts. Thank you!!!
AwayEmily says
I have a very specific recommendation, which is “Toddler Girls Jeggings” from Target. They come in 3T – 5T, several washes/colors, and both my son and daughter LOVE them (they just look like skinny jeans so are pretty gender-neutral). They are soft and comfy, hold up super well (material is not real denim but is also not as thin as a regular legging), and when they do eventually get holes in the knees you can turn them into cute cutoffs. Everyone we’ve handed them down to has later gone out and bought their own.
Anonymous says
We’ve been doing Old Navy t-shirt packs and Target (Cat & Jack) shorts/pants for my 2.5-yr old.
TheElms says
Primary leggings run really slim, just FYI. Carters also has some good mix and match options this year. Hanna is another (albeit more expensive option).
Anonanonanon says
I have good luck with Zara for mix and match wardrobes for a little girl. They usually release things in coordinating colors/patterns so her dresses and leggings and blouses and sweaters can all be mixed.
Anonymous says
I had great luck at Old Navy in the toddler sizes for capsule wardrobes. Most of their stuff goes together from season to season. Not the same now that we’re in girls’ sizing, and it is disappointing.
Anon says
The Gap “Mix & Match” section is great for this. My 3-year pretty much lives in their organic leggings, bike shorts, dresses, and t-shirts. She has a drawer full of their stuff that mostly matches, and knows to pick out one top and one bottom. It’s eliminated many of our getting dressed battles.
Anonymous says
Around that age my kid started wanting to dress herself in the mornings, and she selected the most ridiculous anti-matching outfits ever. Perhaps it would not have played well if I was an Instagram influencer, but I look forward to showing off some of her creations in a slide show at a graduation party or something. So if you want it, I’m giving you permission to not worry about whether your 3 year old’s clothes go together at all.
ElisaR says
mine loved wearing a backwards polo shirt with the collar popped at that age. love seeing those pictures.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I DEF saw one of DS#1’s female classmates rocking a beanie, a chunky work necklace (likely her Mom’s from a few years ago), and some fun printed dress, and….RESPECT.
Mommasgottasleep says
I only have boys, but I like Garanimals because everything is designed to coordinate. That being said, this morning my four year old selected a tie dye T-shirt, Hawaiian print shorts and lime green socks. I was cringing as he walked out the door but he was proud of his choices and got dressed himself so who cares.
shortperson says
mini mioche for basics mixed with tea collection for prints.
Anonymous says
Tea Collection! Their pieces and colors coordinate well together. Their longer shirts and tunics are super cute when oversized like a dress and later as a shirt.
paper mask recs for kids (again) says
My searching abilities are failing me…has anyone found a kids (4yo) disposable mask where every mask comes with adjustable ear loops? The Costco ones work fine, but you only get 10 adjusters per 50 masks. My orally-fixated kid is chewing holes in cloth masks, so we need to stock up on disposables for the school year.
AwayEmily says
The teeny tiny little hair elastics (like the ones for toddler hair) work GREAT to adjust masks (and actually are slightly more comfy than the plastic adjusters IMO).
OP says
Ooh, so you just have masks with normal ear loops and then pregame with the little elastics to make them smaller? This is brilliant, thank you!
AwayEmily says
Yes exactly! And the elastics don’t even come off in the wash (not an issue for disposable obviously but nice when you’re using them for cloth).
Anonymous says
Genius. Thank you.